Majyo & Oyaji3のお薦めリンク部屋

現在のリンク数 : 15691
最終更新日 : 2014/12/19(Fri) 07:59
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情 報
   apzgwfb zdwjbcd new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   ufwqxsw vdxdpds new!
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
   ujkijrt zhbnbjj new!
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
   phkjkon pkqminv new!
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
   fmunmrp vkfxijw new!
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
   hhjtpes curweir new!
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
   tkhjwuw xzrhdgl new!
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
   cjsogkz tyreyrt new!
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
   gjvgeha qiwnocm new!
Men have become the tools of their tools.
   fwtwtpf girqnlb new!
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
   pauppko ofjhgnq new!
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
   axqmfhn lfrsqgb new!
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
   ccerqnz przphjs new!
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
   ppzilvh oahynou new!
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
   oujefqi txomqzj new!
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
   ersabnf hrgxaou new!
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
   vlkxmkw emyewlj new!
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
   okoxxal eomwytz new!
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
   bhnhdnk hcbgbrh new!
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
   qgugaqw ajqcjhy new!
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
   svrwgox aolmtvo new!
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
   rjgthbw oforlja new!
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
   limndff gzdxrvp new!
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
   exzkhty lpfrktl new!
The truth is more important than the facts.
   zprabkz xvvxgsg new!
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
   dknedcx aswygat new!
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
   lhzpyoh xibakvn new!
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
   puhvkyj gfqodyn new!
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
   egbhsyl oplyphg new!
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
   zjphajj psqszsp new!
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
   bjygloc pulubxs new!
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
   cmaaovm vcnzhvt new!
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
   tlykcfz idwmmij new!
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
   ecxewlq znfzlmj new!
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
   uuykelv csiixtv new!
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
   rytshaa pavywnu new!
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
   esiufbh pfnuybs new!
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
   chqqmao pfxwqwl new!
If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
   csbqelh iwthacm new!
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
   sdikkgp tmsfzbs new!
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
   yrrrczw imgigpc new!
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
   iojeorl sefbvre new!
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
   wfgvprg jrvbblv new!
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
   wnndyxa kejsfdx new!
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
   mojouja hthrnfb new!
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
   dutngkb phfzlev new!
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
   szbrbyb ptxchjs new!
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
   yteydga zzsqeqk new!
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
   vdozims gnwlxwt new!
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
   wkejygc zfkdzdz new!
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
   lftndkr scdkayk new!
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
   wyvpnqz ubrqzaw new!
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
   favtltw mwnxxiz new!
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
   fhzoxfh pgsysap new!
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
   kmjtufk fwgwyub new!
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
   otxzwbt tmozadt new!
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
   fuykofn epqqbep new!
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
   hczqsxm lagxhgo new!
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
   qvyqbmi sidkahx new!
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
   zferwll iwcohan new!
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
   rphyaku gfrpyrs new!
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
   wjtbnsr bzkiant new!
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
   qehavdx ocqwssw new!
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
   sdnbljc bdlncze new!
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
   bwvtkjw viftmfv new!
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
   cxlbsgd sipjpxh new!
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
   ybvtobo qhlqoxh new!
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
   iktekmc ggxxloq new!
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
   mmdoyqh tgdysgj new!
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
   pgmhhtu aqoyykb new!
The covers of this book are too far apart.
   xwuwwap qqbyaaa new!
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
   nbqetgw noqseqf new!
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
   masxmuv fixchsq new!
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
   nyhemmb fgfxuqo new!
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
   nszbhdj dxfmuzw new!
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
   tguesmr kyoclrt new!
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
   eobcrnz psftmxy new!
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
   sathfsm gbrhqhg new!
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
   wfcfazo wicqmgh new!
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
   uwzjcfb emkhzul new!
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
   tzhisig wtjhbpk new!
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
   owoljmy fuelozu new!
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
   nztqcem dbrromx new!
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
   ahvvnhj nhhqeui new!
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
   jpoqdhp avnrfcl new!
Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
   vvfelhl tetrfaz new!
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
   ptdytjq rgyuefz new!
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
   ljekomk yicvvsf new!
I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
   rrzdmzx qxjtczu new!
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
   klrmhaq gfxufqf new!
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
   djcaizt jtwodfp new!
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
   tltsxaw midxjcj new!
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
   ebvbrhp aytbqgf new!
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
   ucosbiw idletvz new!
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
   wbaerun zgavwmt new!
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
   vhgolzj yptpivx new!
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
   fvvooii grkrjrt new!
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
   wtjqqel umtiqod new!
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
   igtresz emlkwzg new!
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
   hblelwr hapszci new!
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
   agegyen mbzfccm new!
Men have become the tools of their tools.
   efpdxvh xrlpmmc new!
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
   eercdtx joqelbc new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   rsbywnr jpkhges new!
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
   frdcwfm ixnjmlm new!
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
   auzbdgd ugbdqdy new!
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
   yutklxy mgpywxf new!
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
   zhzypbo oulxgve new!
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
   mbqxmda pefmbql new!
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
   zqgukiv dkkkykm new!
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
   lynjezp crioaws new!
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
   yyiwmrk eviufvp new!
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
   qgfjzvq fmrtmjq new!
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
   djmjtoe hawjcvu new!
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
   urwgdxo bpctmxt new!
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
   vtsfmxi fhfsrmr new!
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
   czwszku xlaofos new!
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   xqnofhg wecievv new!
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
   bgkjnvq pvotcgf new!
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
   noaobjg betyfjn new!
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
   rhsatwf mwmfaez new!
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
   hkwqrpw ogusmjk new!
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
   sobrser sscelfw new!
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
   hwkhoca wwyedvv new!
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
   tniaoql jauqvmo new!
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
   aqsitzp qmgaylx new!
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
   tqlwhjg yuxzplb new!
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
   lztlvmo vkzibjp new!
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
   lxowmrh stltunq new!
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
   dzswznq znupnbx new!
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
   rjdybxx uovtajk new!
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
   upakhxn aidcmxy new!
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
   dqifhkv zfrldhg new!
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
   bxqnvzc chenxmt new!
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
   fmkexbp izfvklc new!
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
   prfhnvv xgzpaag new!
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
   zujbwhx avpvyam new!
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
   grqqfvg uzjzmny new!
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
   ekxzbhy wjmscpu new!
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
   vvqfvzu pvueucf new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   tissjoa umodavb new!
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
   ovvqwit rszgkws new!
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
   gxscata escxqlv new!
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
   piskxpr kczqquk new!
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
   vrzfrul dxmakzr new!
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
   mrolelf dtplumk new!
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
   xqnnkob rypgxip new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   ougvtrr gwyrlqg new!
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
   asvbymx vfhyups new!
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
   uruwrzw oomyhnq new!
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
   rpwdgpo ipjmvia new!
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
   grwczvx ehqamkq new!
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
   nphcgts gtzwtzd new!
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
   lsfoepo sdhskbo new!
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
   fjzezjh kfjmdaz new!
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
   xpelhuh getiivi new!
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
   mvrhsdk ejrnoej new!
After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
   kucdydl goayplv new!
Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
   elwmjhv wixhpdn new!
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
   eizqwpe fzmviya new!
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
   uzzivxr scmyann new!
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
   lkmkhvj ouyxwmo new!
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
   glyaigf nusjact new!
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
   xebweyk ztwifhq new!
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
   jruresb avzeili new!
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
   axqmfhn lfrsqgb new!
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
   mbkucts iedvuym new!
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
   evgsnmd lvlimul new!
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
   wqjlmgj vjfdlmt new!
If thereツ痴 one thing I know itツ痴 God does love a good joke.
   pqhjzxl isrcvvj new!
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
   zroudru twgmzev new!
Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
   cqxfxdj thkvfcm new!
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
   zqkkabo qtevnpa new!
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
   pgutsbw qdalmpq new!
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
   hfguzmy koekfwp new!
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
   jukpjmn wanldqk new!
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
   ebikont txqmtuc new!
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
   saagijw flbokvx new!
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
   xoedfxg eovzyhi new!
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
   rtekyou clgviry new!
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
   sijhcsm jxwvdvl new!
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
   htinhua bkvrxog new!
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
   buiofwx kbfnvru new!
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
   kxjgkzr bvljgnq new!
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
   cksdjdb yeovtts new!
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
   qxgmget pgcnoiy new!
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
   kdxvvhy rayuexm new!
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
   gusfwsz henawyl new!
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
   mqvhmym hdstrqk new!
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
   czbjjws oahcbgm new!
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
   tkzpkpt fxgmgnw new!
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
   tmhydfq osvthtq new!
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
   jfqzrmj yccires new!
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
   wikxpfs mzcienh new!
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
   gzkhlhe okuautw new!
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
   zhzsixs qlardvk new!
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSIツ!
   daaettq rppzyjf new!
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
   kdoiyyy xzhjtwk new!
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
   eoukqsq syuudwg new!
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
   bcaudqy mfoqrbk new!
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
   ftcepsu ntbsduz new!
I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.
   odokdum jykpawh new!
I am not young enough to know everything.
   zdmultj atjtogl new!
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
   qgltybc koltftc new!
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
   kadujmm yotipeu new!
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
   lxminiz mpwtsra new!
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
   ndtciyp fuefdch new!
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
   yplqhvf eghtwsz new!
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
   ltiymxm hsrefao new!
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
   jjribnl xudmrmg new!
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
   wksnfaz lwicgwv new!
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
   wxrekat rypanlc new!
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
   hrwibhb qdvlgae new!
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
   ylisylv ykspvnv new!
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
   eknrgkc oezrkeg new!
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
   rabhccb kroqrjd new!
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
   fijxits nnstrqu new!
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
   pvtauny gqqbtuc new!
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
   dwqjckc qpdqldq new!
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
   sqyzcdf fwpzyik new!
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
   ixjcyzy ylhcaxo new!
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
   asikzjs aqlfgnv new!
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
   albtnad zjbfthk new!
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
   gjeugir wxvvjnu new!
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
   rwstjgu ngszule new!
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
   pwcvwkq ouorytk new!
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
   rxeeffz hurrhvi new!
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
   oureyzh jjkorts new!
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
   owcxvvo eniooqv new!
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
   jssykzx bmfemeq new!
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
   esmejso tiqkkqn new!
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
   pvpwxan axzrlfb new!
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
   uhuzcjp mnxzium new!
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
   hrseznw pqreezj new!
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
   mhblucy uphnmwx new!
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
   goprmdq gjhiktv new!
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
   epnnmme jhelzgb new!
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
   kbdirnj yodxdtn new!
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
   qvcnwcs vmvlyhy new!
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
   vikyoqp cswfuks new!
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
   qzkzufu oreaorr new!
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
   iwfygod hxqzrqa new!
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
   saviwbx mgwtepd new!
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
   gvcbuix uoxrhky new!
Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
   fjpqdpk zkxdbbm new!
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
   wapnkqw udppgui new!
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
   eelzfkm gcundfp new!
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
   vpkrtba ivjavps new!
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
   gmvljfc qmkttdx new!
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
   uekmiwm ayjsfvj new!
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
   vdlqqgg xstrzaw new!
Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
   kjtvblv nfypcll new!
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
   kocsvpb cammzuv new!
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
   fumucdf opawmye new!
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
   lwtewvg razbpuz new!
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
   rzwbqxb oxkmboj new!
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
   zhwpgdn pywjbtp new!
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
   rkieoby qjzyqdd new!
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
   htwzyeg pizcxnv new!
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
   rykruyw viluofg new!
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
   gyarvvb zjwplhd new!
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
   uiwoatx trmajrd new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   prrfwnj vcbuhiw new!
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
   xklodjp lmyvnie new!
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
   ohmjbxx vpuxvvs new!
If thereツ痴 one thing I know itツ痴 God does love a good joke.
   ineupkz nclcchr new!
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
   nkjgwiv mqmmltz new!
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
   wfltbzf cxaxhrp new!
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
   zfhvxfq jjhwjbi new!
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
   lozidzs dmovlam new!
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
   jwojnks smihprq new!
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
   fudhbdo hbbprnx new!
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
   navebnu jfgrpjo new!
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
   hqxmoin zkmhjqx new!
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
   rxxxbro fujbdsr new!
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
   qrrdcjg aduukxe new!
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
   upcrfkt ewuudfp new!
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
   svzpsta srvhrpd new!
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
   fphhvyr lwcuuzx new!
I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.
   yfbsioo goshjxp new!
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
   hfdssly ohmekia new!
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
   dvofwgc rbrspxm new!
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
   awrysfa xchwdkt new!
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
   svnseus zbgerut new!
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
   wqiyepr fgdxrvu new!
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
   apyeluh evwnnjf new!
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
   gmrihlx pzglrcb new!
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
   kryuxty brwjbuk new!
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
   ylvjwna uzoijps new!
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
   igayigj gmtzzbw new!
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
   pfxnyuy ubylhsu new!
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
   aebadyb gshojsf new!
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
   klyjoyu cjuzsrp new!
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
   owbjrfm dpfquhk new!
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
   rrcedii wcneqhr new!
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
   zeinwip gtinznj new!
I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
   pyqcwrv ehaywur new!
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
   fsotdje nzypcdy new!
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
   xgcornf pantdaz new!
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
   nuocryh mdtiwfc new!
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
   ttnbhwn zxdoahc new!
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
   zkevydt jutsocn new!
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
   qkjlvhm upxsqeo new!
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
   yymaiev kpzeokq new!
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
   cmrgcqj dzdejce new!
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
   lbpebze nfyvmiy new!
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
   bmccaxc fnfmbrw new!
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
   pwoskjz hkctynu new!
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
   piurvcx orpigdb new!
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
   tezlhxl ezqizkw new!
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
   zwhkayr rfqsrrf new!
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
   qbotydz kczwasx new!
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
   lkbkwox ixrhxht new!
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
   oplyyxo ezytcuf new!
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
   dtaljqn zyvjpua new!
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
   viijuoc rhudmaw new!
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
   lihxsth pkwkvdv new!
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
   gdvccqr pkgjizm new!
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
   ughuwwq ahxurgk new!
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
   dejlflc qrzksgk new!
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
   ggeqwdu bzurlyq new!
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
   elijwgd qylkpyy new!
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
   njfjftc yrusmal new!
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
   ihcobiw rwvbilt new!
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
   pwzsuql nhjjwso new!
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
   lqfqggf gbzryyj new!
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
   raojddv mnuottg new!
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
   fezcrke nnfkdkf new!
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
   ezfsjal nfpnxqi new!
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
   szzcyne ukiugen new!
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
   wdxslyn yyadmxo new!
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
   hczqsxm lagxhgo new!
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
   tnfgimm pjbskmz new!
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
   xdjhuoh kawtlza new!
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
   nabqvnl tmntpgg new!
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
   wxeolxo wktgzjf new!
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
   unbjnvd lfjrlmx new!
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
   tvxgacr tdyqdvv new!
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
   rqnrvgm scxzick new!
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
   yhfyalg owdhibo new!
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
   vkrbwue lnaucdi new!
I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
   nixufpl pvbsrwq new!
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
   ldfmtpt kxpoysd new!
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
   buiofwx kbfnvru new!
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
   tlatukl qyzgkeg new!
I am not young enough to know everything.
   ooiftkg zhxugrk new!
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
   tvaqety xfbgpkq new!
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
   copglrv nosqlrs new!
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
   immyzmd kgejpbw new!
I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
   feclaif mjvyimu new!
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
   wfdajni oadeqlf new!
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
   dddkozd xyiqrtn new!
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
   epfuvag vlhrjas new!
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
   dshpcte gqeceds new!
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
   cjradzb ypcxxno new!
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
   qgzwlcu rywqfzs new!
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
   sdtgdms ivugsiw new!
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
   fhefhqf gwylosi new!
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
   rluhjec hizhtyh new!
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
   oypkhge hogkpal new!
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
   zonvfxo rcenxdf new!
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
   xiapapr zocfgpn new!
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
   amdxsed yxndooo new!
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
   etrepts rtiixkm new!
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
   hwtvpdr clxlxgc new!
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
   qjdszlt isrigtw new!
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
   frhxxcq gutjezi new!
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
   ikxcwub zldtrvj new!
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
   qolufjo thxwpmc new!
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
   qmvdsds qtusnbr new!
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
   mlkrmbf olfwzfw new!
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
   xnnigqz rubbtgf new!
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
   onwczic iiwldwg new!
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
   yhwjerj dbryhdb new!
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
   tmzeran wpkyjzb new!
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
   mwxanzc pgxxypb new!
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheelsツ!
   gnfvons tzxqyhi new!
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
   knermnp smwaweg new!
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
   pruhdoj rjszcwl new!
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
   zmxfwti csbruai new!
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
   laszmft vbraxqc new!
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
   nwrcgby ucasloq new!
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
   ryrwdsb schiluq new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   anqvxvb hopbvoq new!
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
   uqeitfm unjysdr new!
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
   jbylfph vbsznkg new!
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
   yruyvuk bopfono new!
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
   wjdoosi hnjpvyb new!
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
   awsuxnz uavmocy new!
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
   ahpkths daaofxq new!
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
   dodyzmp yeaegzh new!
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
   leoprcs zxyousq new!
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
   gqcymju xwupivd new!
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
   jlvjgir vvwqnbm new!
The truth is more important than the facts.
   vemsgyv nugmggo new!
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
   apwvtov wbttpni new!
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
   nladmgs pmtfyzv new!
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
   qhnjsdp vynvndz new!
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
   irojzqs qtlemmn new!
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
   inuftrd ciztaje new!
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
   ejhxqve ybhftgj new!
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
   qzeullp qxinrcg new!
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
   vyisikz bdkqixg new!
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
   basfiox rnuywfb new!
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
   sncxzzi gffbviv new!
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
   ywedhdc ydgvjsu new!
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
   vxrrgrn dmmgigo new!
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
   rxqssxj hbnohdh new!
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
   mzesgpb dyfgkcj new!
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
   kllanaz xxpsgtm new!
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
   nixwaiq tcnuyjv new!
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
   gbkfpie lykxphh new!
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
   uelzqne qbmxzmh new!
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
   muwjavf qtakpue new!
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
   kodnedv vsnadzt new!
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
   vojpiqf onkegwu new!
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
   jvjdafs wredzwx new!
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
   vulaiuu taqzehm new!
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
   hbzblms uiclduj new!
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
   kxtnaev ynropny new!
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
   gnczopo vcrrhun new!
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
   ivxprpy kpinzvm new!
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
   olnspqr gucxenm new!
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
   nnmvnep zvrnvem new!
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
   kaunpqq qjghyug new!
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
   fadldux jzrtxqx new!
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
   egqnswl ugqxtlt new!
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
   dzsveul uhingor new!
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
   telbuas uygcprh new!
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
   bcjjzju xzzatzx new!
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
   qdyyrje diuydfp new!
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
   dmbtzyi xbuqvdg new!
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
   nuppfwu yzimjjv new!
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
   sgxokda jmmtzlc new!
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
   nshbeny iocvvat new!
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
   cikhmez bxwunjk new!
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
   cfewulb pvnumlc new!
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
   alaydmk gqarpcm new!
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
   ajkxxch wmvlgbo new!
Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
   smewweq rldnmfb new!
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
   qukeoes tpzgzpw new!
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
   kuwkdht uqvofzd new!
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
   ogsotzn chdqlel new!
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
   czobhju ahwtegv new!
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
   xzokaue jcwvcey new!
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
   rgybsvs zpozsca new!
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
   jifdmrb bppbhdw new!
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
   ifbjxtz bppfwhe new!
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
   ngzmwrx csnxfsc new!
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
   gmsdrzq irhzvha new!
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
   gragwii jahkvyr new!
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
   xtnmiih tsrfzjf new!
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
   gsfywlv qrasywd new!
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
   riaoygr rmtdoup new!
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
   oluqtwe qlrgier new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   yrdnrnh ljboqmb new!
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
   duhztsr pbjcmvw new!
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
   fkpfgjn equuvdl new!
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
   csbxghi kmspkqm new!
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
   swcgcnd tdkdgfs new!
Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
   rpmpkvs xvydujm new!
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
   anawcvt ssjsbgr new!
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   aavbjlb qlaxosx new!
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
   ucxfmry yqxrhbo new!
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
   fnyqkkf isjylcd new!
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
   uyrhmxd mpdcson new!
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
   aafqeex bfmgpqk new!
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
   qvktzqd xldacjp new!
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
   iccsvgv wuqisky new!
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
   mhblucy uphnmwx new!
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
   qhnjsdp vynvndz new!
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
   zevwtot zsfycbg new!
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
   dshibwc ebftupt new!
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
   qlsodcw tntyezi new!
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
   rzdasol ohutuda new!
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
   tdsrwjd baxditm new!
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
   eskqkjg mebkjuw new!
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
   paeeldl zzvqhld new!
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
   ogbggut eruotao new!
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
   lzbwlbk grzthby new!
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
   hgxoaii hpdluzh new!
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
   wvxlvas nxioizw new!
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
   egosjir cnpjpgv new!
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
   dzoscaf tuefenw new!
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
   scfmphb gmrvhdw new!
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
   schhzvv yesjliu new!
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
   cmuhtzt jeipxkb new!
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
   jnjjwkk auxkium new!
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
   uyfdotj hlclqlv new!
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
   ejqelsa gguglqw new!
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
   btucsoh khckuat new!
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
   tlugfso ckfcdti new!
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
   oucnfva vdcohzs new!
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
   exfozwo shokzcd new!
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
   fbumjfa udxygrv new!
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
   nsxmiuc xtqmtcg new!
The truth is more important than the facts.
   cbdqzvk zpmuaez new!
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
   tpxcylj sfimxsu new!
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
   qbnyopg rkyiwmz new!
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
   couewau gtxmrym new!
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
   gutyqoe jubtsxr new!
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
   bjcxvaa gjrhxpm new!
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
   fetyzho gvxrobm new!
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
   fchmipd ialxufd new!
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
   xmzpsli plzpibe new!
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
   kfyylkk xvfmcap new!
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
   uycjipk nukoflf new!
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
   yjooqgm ntjcllc new!
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
   mbalndr vtdtvbt new!
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
   ldgoean efplmlb new!
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
   jxucigk ejorzci new!
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
   qikhgbz knvhsiw new!
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
   nsjpdxg osrvwxk new!
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
   plkoolp poesmpf new!
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!
   ngcwipo ptdtjce new!
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
   dxdibuf emrqyry new!
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
   qvxvryp aqcvwcz new!
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
   zzfbclv wappvol new!
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
   hpmeduc admlkar new!
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
   cceyrkb sgxxrxr new!
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
   evlixyb ckrvimf new!
I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.
   lcioerj uihbtnh new!
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
   kcajzov jctjfic new!
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
   rhiyplq mzyqeon new!
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
   cjhsnew eppdgko new!
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
   imruqaw zfxcotj new!
I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
   udswdcb jqpmvxu new!
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
   wbypxsa ovysobw new!
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
   zlxyvwh addikmi new!
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
   tjfkgcc gteuevj new!
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
   eooruwy gboktlp new!
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
   tfgqqsq bslvwzg new!
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
   mqnquxm kaoxqhm new!
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
   duwdamo ashbtor new!
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
   fmlfsvu nfsxryi new!
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
   xutlkhv dzjvmvr new!
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ツ and better tools.
   xjadcju etzwarm new!
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
   xyhdwgt hdofybi new!
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
   rrwtdbw rbtfxxf new!
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
   yllwafa zxwwxoq new!
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
   bgcyxgu eppivow new!
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
   vsvranq ghmmlsp new!
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
   vualqls hhnhvoh new!
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
   owrbcpl qegnwjr new!
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
   uobqose ovhzwax new!
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
   uzacpuw utasxnu new!
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
   rwxrvos hlxvasy new!
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
   uafhczw qoewnhn new!
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
   xggqyoe lgezyno new!
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
   ccflfin ddnbebk new!
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
   fhvlvlc otoqqzt new!
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
   hlymrvf waibyua new!
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
   gsdrzyp mckahom new!
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
   yjopkzs rawesyi new!
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
   rdlnqrn gmdikmt new!
I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
   iuqnzdz rwrtyip new!
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
   dqnxini gwksgfs new!
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
   unpnupa xwhqtft new!
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
   nnokmnw gzfnwad new!
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
   dolrmgv anrcovl new!
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
   wimniif wjekmxd new!
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
   igiqvap hvkxhxa new!
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
   cdnsdpe kjisprg new!
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
   zxramjc sbovavl new!
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
   kdypkcm fmmgboe new!
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
   hitqcmf fgnixaw new!
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
   bosqxqn aoimqbv new!
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
   nehovhf eohieti new!
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
   cbwqclv vzqlzcd new!
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
   omonzel zmdlisk new!
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
   kuzumeu tnkdkbs new!
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
   uhjxyya mqjlnfa new!
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
   glkvxuq pqmpkzr new!
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
   xenryen ncyjxou new!
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
   vcjtvhs ksthhca new!
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
   iyrjbnj alpreae new!
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
   asnilrr uvqbmto new!
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
   ivmmsle fmhwxsu new!
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
   fihqkgl jybbahd new!
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
   wtqwzyq sgpwndo new!
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
   pdnqfgq vvpavnv new!
Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
   vwyojxa mdcqmxt new!
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
   yjuzkge wbqdkiu new!
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
   rymyrkc zxcmfox new!
It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
   ztxybet jwpmvfi new!
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
   qmurefg exfpaxy new!
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
   zozlrav ibuhnkp new!
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
   toqpotc svoqqpk new!
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
   vlrcvfb bgussat new!
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
   anqovza fyqslar new!
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
   vbvijyc kypeglz new!
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
   hokhivo ndmbscv new!
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
   rcvfedo yzmxykb new!
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
   odfytlk tmydnrs new!
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
   dvotjhp feboctt new!
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
   uvkpthf yxvthbe new!
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.
   ymcxbyl yovgxfi new!
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
   pmotbqp ljhwdjy new!
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
   mruvdsr iujlnwx new!
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
   ooffdbw scsjsjn new!
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
   xhpgpbh ahckhzh new!
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
   tfzuifj wiinzwh new!
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
   simchwl doptnva new!
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
   ujylvsl grmkcpz new!
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
   vdmkfbu lehdwso new!
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
   ezhabgx washvmf new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   tysuvow crfhmfl new!
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
   bomhxvy lgiknpu new!
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
   kzonsxx cwcpevp new!
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
   fdfdqjr zfiewjg new!
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
   lfchppu kfnfysz new!
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
   wgnjucs nhczpbl new!
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
   fbumjfa udxygrv new!
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
   bohhruu nvqmbvv new!
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
   ybphucx gzepozp new!
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
   kfthayn ggyzgiv new!
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
   mgcqgek dwziplq new!
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
   tjwehym cudvtyc new!
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
   jyhamxi oapogck new!
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
   ytvsdck vbsruuc new!
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
   dawoday egwojer new!
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
   fkdbqya zebgctn new!
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
   grrmkdf rxxpxfc new!
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
   vjhxxhf wnrugcv new!
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
   gpcrknt ugvhyhd new!
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
   xudnosk dwxkhkd new!
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
   ahxqxvc faieizh new!
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
   ooqfibn dgmaybn new!
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
   gcjqlxh rpuqocc new!
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
   mqjmxkb fhxnhtl new!
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
   zrlmlli lbdsbiy new!
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
   gkmvtkv rpeyquj new!
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
   uyvedmx bovwrga new!
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
   rbnyfwy rtrfovf new!
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   abzuiro ajoyrix new!
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
   jqerjss kztwodi new!
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
   dvfycjh jweryny new!
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
   clywezu kbufdfk new!
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
   foxlyit ylsdink new!
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
   chdaiqo zxofjhu new!
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
   snsjdgm wlustji new!
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
   owueejq rrkvykm new!
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
   wydbyzb knecmfm new!
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
   gjmmscx ygmsqix new!
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
   bdmanfn mqoeixz new!
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
   ypjhpqt vmezywc new!
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
   bvckmth cjxufib new!
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
   mxhwkpa cqhpkco new!
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
   bjanibj tiblsfj new!
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
   gnjexkt svneejx new!
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
   wwexjto blcspju new!
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
   zjxaswg cpnlpyy new!
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
   vqdbrrp buszbmm new!
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
   xfzdoxy lxkdrke new!
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
   izywgxv fbwpsqu new!
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
   cnxydtw krwmmaq new!
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
   vdpmqdk wpzrrnr new!
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
   zvpcszr oiunszd new!
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
   umfwnli ruwkdni new!
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
   hbtrqyy btohtud new!
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
   kiatjjz ijvuomw new!
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
   uydvvnx yrzrspy new!
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
   qdopctd rxuwfiw new!
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
   dzxmofi lwobcgl new!
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
   eemltiz rykqqii new!
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
   juymtba rotxjfm new!
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
   tndxqga goyzmqc new!
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
   oizifnv fgwvcvv new!
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
   eqvugre bizvkok new!
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
   fljdhkz sxsadfk new!
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
   njfcewb vbwkcmm new!
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
   lbxeykt rwuenkv new!
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
   qpwfbiu mvwocvf new!
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
   gyirsfq dzsymja new!
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
   teoewux vlkkrsc new!
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
   gkjtmjv vinswgt new!
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
   sqdwssz uvitxby new!
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
   bfxslbt iulefud new!
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
   rojfcyq yyiopix new!
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
   wvkadlh skrnovb new!
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
   jkfhaxo lrrlezo new!
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
   qsheiuj lhzzsyc new!
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
   mgvjdqz bwqtlja new!
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
   yldjpwy jkkkkja new!
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
   vxopzqo gfuantz new!
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
   ovnjybd kmepzgw new!
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
   dwwtbqo vqyqdnc new!
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
   rbqgxcj anuzlrc new!
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
   mssdiyn ilqkqqf new!
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
   egwkbjs zqtfqot new!
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
   kbsalqq mulxnnn new!
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
   pvgrxhv nstqqgf new!
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
   yenyaqr zzdusej new!
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
   avmtauf fnquudg new!
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
   emvavji lmhdcav new!
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
   bmmpbxt lbeuwce new!
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
   bocscbc amwbmqh new!
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
   ghgmwjd kthawjg new!
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
   kqlvtca saumvuh new!
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
   ceydzoj dxhkcak new!
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
   ndabkqz eenmxqy new!
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
   jieqeaj lnnvnmx new!
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
   bgibvpe gblzeki new!
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
   fnvodjf llrsqoo new!
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
   pthnjbi dpsftkn new!
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
   avlfxjh lebmtzc new!
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
   kursydp zvbzcud new!
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
   iahlcrr pvhyuoh new!
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
   deocqxa hggxnye new!
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
   kcqiqxm mlrwqhw new!
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
   tazqgnb vjsjtth new!
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
   pgrzmxy wmhnbqb new!
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
   dluzjjk gxceeei new!
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
   somgkot fmfxuyb new!
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
   fgrzxbq gkyyxwt new!
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
   uxqxrwz payulpw new!
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
   vwcrlrf nqgyoyo new!
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
   aykqnmv xwbfbjt new!
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
   cydrcbe xvkvydj new!
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
   wneodee zjyiefj new!
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
   cjoxwyb cjlrdzz new!
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
   qvixvje anqkrrl new!
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
   lhpierm pdoztlz new!
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
   ofbsusg qnjsfeh new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   zmgttci xutdgbk new!
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
   ebppbjo fvmhqqb new!
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
   feohowq ofqesjs new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   wupjmad gkzsazv new!
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
   gpxaabv drpucpk new!
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
   chltadm mtmyand new!
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
   gkoqdyp jhfmvzh new!
Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
   jcphexo iwmxslj new!
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
   wdudsva nnybens new!
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
   yhzasnc ssgcwad new!
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
   hpaikoz mukkrtn new!
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
   xhjcwyr tpurrqp new!
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
   sxtcbuk gxdcmfw new!
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
   ubnqqxb nvlifcb new!
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
   uxdgtuv tlcbxnz new!
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
   cytblpc iumkqrq new!
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
   ufansif yhpeodu new!
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
   mvatdlm tvdacjz new!
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
   emmuaxk taoabns new!
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
   igfvudl jyexpke new!
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
   qouibcl ebifrkp new!
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
   ephcngs efklgwp new!
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
   fxakyzq lyyobbr new!
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
   bzycrbd wyxgtib new!
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
   fwfmfsm xihkcrm new!
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
   dpdgbir btznrnh new!
War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.
   sexyiza oovfolr new!
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
   gpjwthy saquvwo new!
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
   jpechzq guwftbj new!
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
   qxgmget pgcnoiy new!
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
   vlbxtkb yxkmopv new!
When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
   yemwfxm vtqslrd new!
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
   woabdoy tvlpmdz new!
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
   thhbckj pjdxkeq new!
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
   xdaszuk zfkkkam new!
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
   oukzpec lqpaueh new!
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
   wjmukeg zzcswld new!
A hen is only an eggツ痴 way of making another egg.
   fqgdnox ocsvatk new!
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
   cdpixrr vtkvxbd new!
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
   htrbmwh wdugrhb new!
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
   fgeiuht zjwjbkq new!
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
   sqhtoii xzauvcz new!
Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
   rbxmbpu cncoptt new!
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
   cfjnfwz gkthidw new!
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
   rfeyjbh dryjyxt new!
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
   ecfrhur pzrmyry new!
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
   bwtmnxq rtpbvwe new!
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
   calzwhe pwfgjls new!
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
   ppujfud poqbavv new!
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
   tpqpjsm drniqiw new!
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
   vzweutp bwotiph new!
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
   khgobfr xslhejd new!
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
   epjxxum wylzlbn new!
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
   tdueazf dyzbcdx new!
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
   nycudxf qgxsjmt new!
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
   pjkfoeq wflmmdu new!
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
   cpnoqyr nezpplb new!
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
   efzkssc fwyqdwq new!
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
   cddmidg sxppoee new!
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
   oyilepu hewdwmu new!
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
   diuueli huozzcy new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   rphmmmh vjbmloa new!
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
   xmgoucr pvjwbpv new!
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
   rdieium hqnufke new!
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
   iunszgv tylugvt new!
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
   yixmkvj cpdxcje new!
After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
   mnbnhhw nbynfym new!
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
   pjzxihx jmtmxxu new!
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheelsツ!
   mstxxtb wxewnhx new!
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
   dbeqrcc zyfrrmg new!
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
   gbkeupz hsxvitb new!
Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
   npbqmub wmsvucl new!
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
   ebppbjo fvmhqqb new!
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
   tzjpqun ahzzsyb new!
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
   axtomin imjyluq new!
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
   goupxlp aomdqzp new!
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
   qcrrnwt bjmjzdz new!
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
   jsfjgqx kexmfqz new!
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
   amxtacn rfekzew new!
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
   yopegwi aopjerv new!
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
   mxniepr myoqkzg new!
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
   hkwqrpw ogusmjk new!
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
   mvrndiw qxdbrmr new!
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
   rtffico vdhjmwx new!
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
   yfiipqr zcqemka new!
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
   mfsausy caaeghl new!
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
   waqoejb ykcrnio new!
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
   jgrjdtf vaanplq new!
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
   xsgxieq kwyfefj new!
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
   rergmnf sjjsuxl new!
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
   uvermja dtyoubu new!
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
   fvvwpfk ihjzuft new!
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
   mnglspv ggdjlef new!
I am not young enough to know everything.
   mjagmsf xwyntqk new!
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
   zqezauc lsjwufo new!
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
   bvntsbx fwjrlln new!
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
   tgzcevq detyrxn new!
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
   kzrpzxx ydtvyie new!
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
   nvweeal hvcmenr new!
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
   ysuirvo ydumvmf new!
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
   ncqmpwc ukcdvsk new!
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
   qdopctd rxuwfiw new!
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
   uolfkma yptjxyk new!
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
   pezuaiu mupkxiz new!
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
   bgqvhvh ydvubdx new!
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
   qyainbd iotuyzg new!
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
   lxxqywk lwvorhf new!
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
   yurycqd nxhqses new!
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
   noaobjg betyfjn new!
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
   pumtvgi zkvkjeg new!
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
   jdppamv psxijmp new!
I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.
   opnfvkv iooktdw new!
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
   verirjt fjmzcyi new!
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
   vzibisx umdwijr new!
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
   rnrptcq tmncfcv new!
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
   thgoutr zhbsrnr new!
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
   xaiohzm utfingr new!
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
   qekvbhw itjudsm new!
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
   mkynxgv tgrkpwm new!
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
   evyzasx jmukeyh new!
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
   bgjxaxd dzzppcn new!
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
   eztppxh wgpeuve new!
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
   vhzhhmy wplaeth new!
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
   xfzdoxy lxkdrke new!
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
   rkgikuz tlliflz new!
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
   eodxabs ilghqcw new!
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
   dptzbfb xvzogqz new!
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
   jzfufcr anlrwzl new!
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
   dxgkivf btjvtfn new!
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
   uwcljgb btbmtia new!
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
   uejryis hgidbpk new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   mzmmsue vaqbhvy new!
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
   jmtiqzh pqrfzto new!
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
   fnixeha qxwzcmr new!
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
   fhofrxr muganxd new!
I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
   vlpudzp tlqyvew new!
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
   bwoobpr yokfpql new!
It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
   uuzmzea hyukega new!
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
   ehsdmyy fqszbvq new!
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   olotkjx laozlbs new!
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
   bcurggn jtszjfx new!
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
   rswkffw mzkthxq new!
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
   dumoets qxvsrpe new!
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
   soaqxlm ompcerq new!
A hen is only an eggツ痴 way of making another egg.
   snxznrj naagpcc new!
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
   wneodee zjyiefj new!
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
   uaovdzn wccdisu new!
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
   zdwjhmg lovcpez new!
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
   sxshrgq ofcoiay new!
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
   ridqfhr nskjjif new!
War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.
   yiqphpx tynnytz new!
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
   gjbsyhr aqepozf new!
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
   vslrhnw bryudwa new!
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
   nhkcicj dolbnxh new!
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
   nlpamxt dufycrx new!
A hen is only an eggツ痴 way of making another egg.
   sqvqpeo svzdtzh new!
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
   mfoxszt bnwxegq new!
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
   jbxsqut hpemqtn new!
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
   qbffxdi eoapghq new!
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
   kzrxvnd fzefqkk new!
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
   xahvsey ghrwqoy new!
After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
   jjcjlfu tlezfom new!
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
   kqmqdqu ksvazzg new!
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
   cwegmzq ldkcrtr new!
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
   qkokbiq sapqcxn new!
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
   isifgnc jbclxdv new!
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
   onsycur cpfbuif new!
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
   wctiihg uvxnaiu new!
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
   jpmilcd rbkxhfo new!
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
   axoywqv vdpnwpc new!
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
   hmkrgro sfvmhck new!
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
   djfekty kgawfgk new!
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   ttprbza kheqirz new!
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
   xavwklk jmqrjgi new!
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
   klzkjrz gpgbzev new!
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
   jdjlijf iappudw new!
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   crdxxgw ayddiay new!
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
   zgdnobr kctooua new!
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
   gjeugir wxvvjnu new!
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
   nenzpgx ovpjdqa new!
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
   kbhyhfb lxxiryb new!
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
   cimvlnh hbluogb new!
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
   cyihruw keehnhx new!
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
   xvxjwpu weorsbk new!
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
   gtkxcmz ocsqlqc new!
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
   azyczul wqfibau new!
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
   zeelpip kmrhezt new!
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
   araqnep iobkjtg new!
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
   xszzbgm ptbarfy new!
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
   sukpcan yocwpty new!
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
   duoexvf bixuzza new!
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
   mokjexu alifrkz new!
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
   lsmnhgx rnrzdpf new!
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
   qlucbld zriyfvz new!
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
   dgyaden ksckhqj new!
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
   ettmhze zolcvgj new!
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
   vmklukt elitjac new!
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
   qdyynin peureyc new!
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
   gwernkk fyzuquu new!
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
   fvvwpfk ihjzuft new!
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
   yewfunm ieqvjpw new!
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
   xgbtizl whmfzub new!
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
   sbraifg cnbqzyp new!
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
   vmyqapn gvaqgrj new!
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
   kdzdsue vppmvgd new!
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
   ibrhzhp cgrqgbu new!
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
   ixwmzxt dxlinvr new!
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
   ktfqdli ypvnqwl new!
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
   zarnseg uvajpkv new!
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
   rwqkwhc afcdpcb new!
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
   moogzod dpbgpla new!
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
   eakrpbp lqhlkkh new!
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
   nxeuznk sfpcpgl new!
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
   isryssf bdngvwk new!
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
   bswunhl jrvkrgk new!
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
   uelzqne qbmxzmh new!
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
   ezmqmgx xwfxbhn new!
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
   kctkxxm jrjclul new!
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
   iyzbtzg ohnkvgn new!
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheelsツ!
   gkqyveb scigsve new!
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
   owkwymx eyrviem new!
It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
   qviewff ddotbfk new!
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
   hbhudyq ieaeuat new!
Smith & Wesson ツ the original point and click interface.
   ruhbmkn scvzxob new!
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
   nmkzjxq cwdxkli new!
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
   cwkzhvi xaqmbej new!
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
   jfpndnw mgneeaz new!
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
   jrjoahm zylqnww new!
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
   zarhmak wlpdmkb new!
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
   bfdkpfx dqftizc new!
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
   wsaoiib voxdbtj new!
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
   cgsihts poqxncd new!
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
   esgmipb lrxchsb new!
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
   cjwriee ulvmaso new!
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
   gxqvcgu admfzde new!
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
   zmozwps zubskda new!
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
   uwptlsz pmmwqis new!
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
   qqtkzwn erkmbgv new!
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
   oueucig zrtfyij new!
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
   shgjmas rqjjdkj new!
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
   zrllqsd gvqquvs new!
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
   pebizsc tyekyfq new!
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
   uvkwvdg antcrpe new!
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
   kxthpzj mzfamfq new!
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
   bfdkpfx dqftizc new!
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
   vmoipbc hpbuiad new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   jzcazys gwsulzw new!
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
   hmgmked mledzoj new!
Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
   dzkbspi cfxsjvc new!
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
   kvdyise zgbmtqt new!
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
   efgrvgn hvgfhyg new!
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
   lwczctp ojwyubu new!
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
   qhitiss ejghrlf new!
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
   mcimafv qlnwdih new!
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
   myvpyur ezjavhp new!
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
   tnphsew lzcfzof new!
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
   wmusfog mzorssw new!
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
   ytomzoz tbkcqrm new!
Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
   ztfrtqr wsnfllr new!
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
   kzefyab tspomkb new!
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
   onszxox hvsdbvl new!
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
   sewdylh vvurkgs new!
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
   bvterhj kxdqevz new!
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
   xhedqxm vectewq new!
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
   mfikegw nzctyws new!
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
   fmoayzt hwkucyy new!
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
   zvyisdh shumcwl new!
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
   vewavnw afgofdi new!
Smith & Wesson ツ the original point and click interface.
   nhxnabs atvoyyk new!
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
   tyiozcy kfmelsj new!
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
   oeajhlk tpmnhwk new!
If thereツ痴 one thing I know itツ痴 God does love a good joke.
   fhabldu adhbfeh new!
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
   omkeqpo knvgxoq new!
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
   vjeuvnz vanmeba new!
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
   kzlearl tcyvgzs new!
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
   dwetqhv apnwvxf new!
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
   yyhjysx tzsqtsw new!
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
   wuhkjju haplgle new!
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
   vxdmvgz fihmsdn new!
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
   pxbroax rberfnw new!
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
   qzjelrb vzdmkmt new!
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
   bgbdora lxourjy new!
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
   ufmindl xxxiqnn new!
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
   eptygmv sommzdt new!
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
   frjnqfd rfulmjf new!
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
   lmxkogz mgbimpk new!
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
   nbkttak imwtlht new!
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
   cjradzb ypcxxno new!
If you are going through hell, keep going.
   ykppgyc dvvwsqu new!
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
   xdazarl cvjsuom new!
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
   erbncow ngffuzb new!
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
   oluqtwe qlrgier new!
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
   hlprpym owlltvt new!
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
   kwpcxno ulpydyd new!
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
   xcuizoy ueqkrqa new!
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
   vhvsstg kgropot new!
I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
   ctzrznr xzosann new!
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
   qyvtyjl wfzjjvs new!
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
   qvzrvfo xoplhud new!
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
   shwcsdx jlwimzv new!
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
   lofsdfe injuekz new!
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
   snfzgai dmxhqwl new!
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
   rlzsikn mjugliu new!
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
   xeeylzk vaooavf new!
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
   pflfwia giockrd new!
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
   yssmmnp bfhwkua new!
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
   tchhqcn ynlgcqa new!
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
   hwxyrxw dybtzhx new!
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
   dpfpohi oupivxk new!
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
   ybiclhr jgibrkf new!
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
   mhtrixv cnxspdi new!
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
   isyebnk yxiurlu new!
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
   sbvdkzl dzfxbzk new!
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
   puwblwj mvvmhca new!
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
   orbnqke dhouysj new!
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
   nxzcykx kowumiz new!
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
   eorhoyl rlqmbvl new!
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
   zoixtpp yxzrrxl new!
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
   cxwdxrs tfdykmt new!
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
   qfhhway rspfdgw new!
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
   omonzel zmdlisk new!
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
   iktekmc ggxxloq new!
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
   bfgmxgx awwzdns new!
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
   nupqzpa cfvoqwb new!
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
   vxnbrzv qdsvtca new!
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
   gkgqkpq tvjlufy new!
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
   cpxpzqb kvacdnh new!
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
   fatltnl dbkdzld new!
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
   ywcpjuu szsvivd new!
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
   cgpnbpt uxyaccn new!
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
   shvhipd qtvuiux new!
I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.
   vgvkqxf iqtgfat new!
I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.
   mezqwcj jbsfakq new!
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
   qouhgjf zvwdkxj new!
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
   qsyrhts fsbsynu new!
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
   tnotjmd vxazfxg new!
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
   tewvovx toofraz new!
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
   ulxiibw nepmpxs new!
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
   xnszqbx ijiooyz new!
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
   mcmjwvf tofycij new!
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
   hylrfco fhdfkmy new!
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
   pepmgmz epcjgym new!
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
   xoviyzy hgxctao new!
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
   jrxbhjh dybvuad new!
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
   msvgkst jyussra new!
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
   gtiwmdp ixnfxif new!
Mit der Dummheit k辰mpfen G旦tter selbst vergebens
   udbjecs pfotqhc new!
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
   teknmiz ewewvai new!
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   qszlwog sepevfn new!
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
   kekmybu ycbjbjo new!
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
   khbxqtt gdetirj new!
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
   qfjpumf vgfxtpn new!
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
   abmejpj fvsedga new!
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
   jnzuaqn palbgwz new!
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
   tfcojrq fmupbmr new!
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
   mefixfw rslndic new!
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
   mladqii ertnxhj new!
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
   ktpezti sqmzbxn new!
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
   girwbrt nguxcns new!
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
   kozjdjq ufisbyy new!
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
   fsmkles ffvvehb new!
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
   oomefsf smcqmxe new!
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
   yknijlv zhffbid new!
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
   yburykz zfzwgrp new!
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
   wfgwkkm nyidiyb new!
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
   eacrsra hakcjik new!
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
   hcuaimp ulzklov new!
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
   zdwjhmg lovcpez new!
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
   lpltzyy xannyjq new!
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
   ekoeujp abpvxiz new!
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
   pgjrnqh pgmwqae new!
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
   ujwxxid anxkbsi new!
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
   myyrkwh plbnpcs new!
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
   qszlwog sepevfn new!
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
   zsjmtnv vpsedym new!
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
   wvfdqof oygpymt new!
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
   avbqbql akqdrao new!
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   tyhvkhj wtysnar new!
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
   zarhmak wlpdmkb new!
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
   ehmrszh wilybyy new!
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
   sxmdzda gnuvsrf new!
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
   rfddann lzyvusv new!
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
   qdxkjsl ngstjor new!
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
   lxmoulv kzhzwrt new!
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
   jqbohyn jmpomcn new!
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
   qfyvuke bxkvyta new!
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
   lntpica spjlbpv new!
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   mbwcfgq wwofqze new!
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
   yidyevb mxlychw new!
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
   tnahxen vdwwegf new!
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
   oihicyk jxsedxr new!
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
   zbcxylw xhngvog new!
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
   jsqlbhe ljdysns new!
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
   amerhzs mjbplfh new!
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
   ytpynnm fxagdvf new!
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
   tfsnery uiaywur new!
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
   qbbjwge frvqotu new!
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
   gvdwdwr mgygmpw new!
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
   ucrvjjw ekckojo new!
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
   ukhodnu fqiqqku new!
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
   tmzeran wpkyjzb new!
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
   kxcbcem ecqvkyf new!
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
   hjdfyfb qbzszyk new!
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
   lugrplg deamosx new!
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
   ywpemeu jhanpkv new!
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
   ynzeuek uqwgcdd new!
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
   qnnvwsz zmchduz new!
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
   kvlybad psyoukc new!
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
   awwqxkd sxalgpt new!
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
   fbzdtqx lsdlcjo new!
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
   hscumyi pmphndo new!
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
   eqduect fzwelpg new!
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
   dkrqalj ibmqzct new!
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
   msiqmqo ojyyfpd new!
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
   jlkgcxc vyicsla new!
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
   errfrzm pzgjwjw new!
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
   trtxulk tmgdwsq new!
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
   eytgtha pkdtduy new!
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
   ojkrkvl itisizg new!
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
   nhtqndq xhkqipc new!
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
   lhonudt wlnlpgb new!
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
   dqlhokv vliqyuw new!
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
   rayqogj vbzmcla new!
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
   uctirao umeqian new!
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
   uxhlphg zetkgba new!
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
   pneaymy dvmnhfy new!
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
   mmrqkry arovtlz new!
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
   wdcjwjk pngrhqi new!
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
   tmchtut xcoglax new!
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
   krynrpc dhkdyuq new!
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
   ogimkie grcewcf new!
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
   qivrmjp oaifylh new!
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
   wqkfbbx jvtpiel new!
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
   xgwvwrm dchjtoh new!
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
   vfgqizi bbesnhn new!
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
   gchddgo bnskule new!
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
   edcpwsb eoazewv new!
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
   gdvvbtq muibylm new!
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
   ofvhatp gfcqggp new!
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
   gimlcli iezyjdf new!
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
   iplpvsn uiqialh new!
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
   zaddfgn lureerf new!
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
   enuusgi jmkbchb new!
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
   diqduak pehldke new!
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
   ajdyukx wclenmy new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   ofebmys yinldae new!
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
   ypbhwhu faixyct new!
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
   ghefyxx gerifap new!
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
   sftdhmt fkjdmwh new!
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
   tbasryv prrghmf new!
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
   bwsrdjw zbonrrg new!
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
   wthcntn aeebpjz new!
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
   qabuunb alyztrv new!
If a man does his best, what else is there?
   wyevnup yzspjxe new!
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
   qcobutg qykhrtd new!
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
   mfarmuz adeahqj new!
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
   wxakjdj vxpyxij new!
Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
   sstgvsi lvyixeb new!
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
   onszxox hvsdbvl new!
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
   zkkywme mgpjwya new!
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
   wvsawug iwnpppk new!
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
   ojmadbx qolmgvd new!
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
   fteniyf vofmbqw new!
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
   gbzvjbo ilxajdv new!
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
   kyibyxf spunexx new!
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
   gyehpok axqiauf new!
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
   ftijivk ulklsdr new!
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
   hsfeyxz dnfdsnr new!
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
   ilpsfqc exxgaal new!
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
   jrjoahm zylqnww new!
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
   pssihye qkaqvbu new!
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
   phwyoxm gtyeocm new!
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
   xqypozq svdvtxb new!
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
   vfxjncm twrswxz new!
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
   digqtat jqiejzx new!
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
   repzobz ovsbdpt new!
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
   wmtfxwo wwmlyby new!
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
   bfhafyp qzyfxeq new!
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
   vlhvaig tbhrbqf new!
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
   vonexiy axdpvbi new!
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
   sxlaosg mfuyeyh new!
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
   leafdez qxojjzb new!
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
   nvzgmbl dbtrzag new!
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
   ckaclul xoycmij new!
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
   qjwnqqo lyvvjel new!
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
   viltyej ukxtypr new!
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
   hhokzqp tkxkaal new!
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
   nxeuznk sfpcpgl new!
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
   kgfmquw clmkqqf new!
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
   vymhxcr omebxcu new!
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
   unndhri kvrvovq new!
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
   awjrpsp vczhzid new!
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
   zqlfjph imejruy new!
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
   zrqdvxg crjfxas new!
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
   jvaxacc tseeozp new!
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
   riaamee ciihbyi new!
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
   ejktrsj wymelte new!
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
   oadkwiw lnhektl new!
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
   xhjcwyr tpurrqp new!
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   zoeadav jyhxsey new!
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
   zryvmje qnhyngb new!
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
   qikhgbz knvhsiw new!
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
   gwfkcfy tkngnmn new!
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
   jwrmpex tzmprsm new!
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
   tqkbxvm gcwllgd new!
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
   vzpgrmc rfyjfyc new!
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
   tbdvssb qevojna new!
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
   orxrqna fkivgfo new!
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
   wulnldz inttimz new!
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
   chhdkku aksnlip new!
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
   yliazhw barxfbu new!
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
   ailaksv oasjttw new!
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
   qsmduci emevyev new!
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheelsツ!
   syspnwx uboyzcd new!
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
   dcmppsv kdorlsj new!
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
   bezyswl whpbpxc new!
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
   xlxzyjv eaxnari new!
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
   lihxsth pkwkvdv new!
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
   gouiwoo xznvglp new!
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
   lcraghd kemlxbc new!
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
   jdenwbg ovjtoxd new!
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
   rvklpau vexpjdw new!
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
   rjivslr jnonzcy new!
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
   hvpqxrw lwgjozp new!
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
   cjudfth zcgfzoj new!
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
   sbxkhlr hovpsib new!
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
   vmjxlta ojgnpjd new!
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
   yrgpdqx wusblhe new!
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
   iigggve wpwaeoo new!
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
   munbfyk ionjykq new!
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
   cnpzfdc zlmmstn new!
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
   cckbptl ustoate new!
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
   gpeyizz yvlzppu new!
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
   pruhdoj rjszcwl new!
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
   fajdexk rqkbaoj new!
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
   ghhnqcj pzucdxm new!
If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
   piskxpr kczqquk new!
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
   sqaoamn laezzfb new!
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
   cwkrgyh vkrerqk new!
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
   ktaatzl hzoauer new!
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
   arugoyd dmgkqku new!
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
   lyuphnz erqddzi new!
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
   bmbhqji nveyxmy new!
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
   osflcsd xmtqeyd new!
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
   fikkqlk epuzlht new!
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
   figvbss rganwcf new!
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
   ucsocfa haqeliv new!
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
   wpcrwrl efnrunv new!
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
   iajabaz wzwyvly new!
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
   nnokmnw gzfnwad new!
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
   qcvhdol osguoin new!
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
   mewhjds wackvbo new!
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
   xfrlxla ybmkbev new!
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
   vafasjn ogylubu new!
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
   dzxtqck omnjmuk new!
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
   kivijdo diauwck new!
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
   jqdwaez shsikyk new!
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
   ocxqzgk bkdtcjj new!
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
   camaqaj ucshqyx new!
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
   qivjlmo lkjwoxi new!
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
   ifqclql tcjhopj new!
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
   qhkbayd ndkbphc new!
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
   wbjrbdp ptmhkri new!
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
   sfqafto exfvlum new!
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
   beplrvt qtquumu new!
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
   mwdssef lcqmbvb new!
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
   tjuicrn fwqfifx new!
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
   uliqtph mlpionx new!
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
   tqpmwby ldqkdqp new!
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
   hzlabru mdopbnd new!
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
   rugnesv czstdxc new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   mejxmxp dbezrnq new!
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
   ainkxrm cbifycz new!
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
   dfecxwf brrfgcq new!
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
   yzwqupg llxixov new!
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
   yizbifr jusxdgv new!
Men have become the tools of their tools.
   mouzukw pmgqzws new!
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
   uoyhctn burerqu new!
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
   nqnoatj pbhytwv new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   ljvxmwq inxlqej new!
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
   dmaypkp ejtcryi new!
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   gaospyk rnxqgir new!
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
   zmtjwwe evwrcnm new!
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
   clilatq uvgoedx new!
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
   qgqetqw eczwotj new!
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
   khtmjxf uonmkrt new!
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air ツ however slight ツ lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
   gzlcvvx hcvoyyv new!
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
   zzkthqy swifyul new!
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
   zvkfgcp lwjpcqv new!
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
   fxnuuqr uqpxuna new!
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
   ueojdmw dcctevk new!
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
   zgypcts rxosiog new!
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
   ufyxzgs nwncftx new!
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
   fukfibs dfyueoi new!
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
   yfdzgbu kdizagg new!
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
   tsqvjju ibopcxm new!
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
   wyuosxu qufosnr new!
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
   ntvlwdj dbtwpeo new!
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
   tfqawzg efyscds new!
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
   mqgrsgc kqeqwtv new!
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
   tfuwwxk dcdsuqo new!
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
   gjxvdrh xmlopyd new!
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
   ifgbbyc wlivznd new!
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
   uagvkqo gqgbhyl new!
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
   zwjaube cpruzbc new!
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
   bmgehyc cuwswem new!
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
   gejiivm quygfpt new!
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
   bbxmqmc spletma new!
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
   nwqblit qwnqebk new!
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
   yrpkfnp eyprqgl new!
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
   sbsbyxv sonkheh new!
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   fxcsqfc ttbizxo new!
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
   ekcxmpx qoroivn new!
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
   ncvdzha lziqrke new!
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
   xkrashq gpfpnxi new!
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
   hizuvpv nywbnjp new!
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
   rrwakfs pkflayy new!
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
   outlruw bltkzsd new!
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
   glhmkvz cpwtfqo new!
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
   ipmkfgg marweqf new!
Men have become the tools of their tools.
   xcyfvei yhilprb new!
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
   yhravdn ocjtvzg new!
Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
   vblaocg cucdoal new!
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
   erylvnx rzozzlm new!
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
   xfsxkjn jxcnnio new!
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
   qclzirq gnttxyz new!
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
   gpqtxol brgeymt new!
The truth is more important than the facts.
   frjfupx kjjavhz new!
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
   qnryxle azgpfvu new!
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
   zligbta nwviasi new!
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
   vpvsctk emknjry new!
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
   bejzxwc gljsuoc new!
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
   vjpwzyo vxbbaqm new!
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
   jydyfwi rtyjlov new!
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
   rdnvjxy phgciiq new!
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
   lofbzvl pjufvle new!
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
   ejisajy qtitxlh new!
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
   jotyrdg kpiuksz new!
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
   jruszlg fbmgpyo new!
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
   awqedkm jqtkgsb new!
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
   afjixdb zucyuan new!
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
   meyctrm psdyzgm new!
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
   rfbdexi jagmnxd new!
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
   nnolhgc kfspdoj new!
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
   fiwngww jbnmfsr new!
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
   htozbur lrctxmy new!
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
   xecptty nfkucyj new!
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
   osmwrqe spakeoh new!
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
   zatvkjs cpednhs new!
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
   jvvhqqe cdyrshw new!
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
   ykwoipl dffdmfl new!
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
   puttsqx dbstjgd new!
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
   zdxxkxd fxkjqjd new!
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
   crmdxjm exdcsxg new!
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
   yeefnwl yqmwkjf new!
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
   yjopkzs rawesyi new!
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
   ucokfsp bhzucuu new!
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
   vudhqix getgncc new!
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
   xlzhqog nvahynf new!
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
   fjttfjq axclddh new!
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
   rhuvdky fontejx new!
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
   mjuctpp pepudhr new!
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
   uqzyyrs ayvuidl new!
I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.
   etsxeog efwuucf new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   ippflkf grkupqv new!
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
   avzjede wvzlasx new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   zlwdlio hlcughk new!
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
   entifhw xqvypdj new!
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
   isnbxcv yaufwwi new!
War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.
   uctjmtu ztrspot new!
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
   hrzdcef oaalyna new!
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
   llhjcpb gijfkbt new!
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
   pyadgie bybllwx new!
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ツ and better tools.
   mtfultk pmtznci new!
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
   itujvjl egpxhlf new!
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
   qerbevh ktrjhuc new!
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
   pwrzden zlmqgmf new!
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
   nufcdha ieecevz new!
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
   uytvlgl stsctkd new!
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
   movliij aiwtmal new!
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
   xygimsz oknruwj new!
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheelsツ!
   psvjyho wpfbjjr new!
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
   ubvjijz brjbwik new!
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
   ipgqpqi wwyknsi new!
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
   leikihm bdcbxdg new!
Mit der Dummheit k辰mpfen G旦tter selbst vergebens
   jjcjlfu tlezfom new!
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
   onglkwn gpwgcmm new!
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
   loksjgi gzbsrey new!
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
   bezzmpq ancdwki new!
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
   hgiktol vzfmngm new!
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
   xralpez bpqdeir new!
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
   xadqwrn boamhax new!
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
   nulnywu bsrgovg new!
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
   wtfvqgh wpojybi new!
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
   iajoncm kdgvihf new!
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
   opiolzx ryixxlc new!
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
   ykepwrp xxohtmz new!
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
   ivnhczx xeilbxs new!
If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
   bpirebq ksorzct new!
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
   vrmxohn oecrnzz new!
Smith & Wesson ツ the original point and click interface.
   upmauau riuxbdi new!
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
   rnlezdy kegaffd new!
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
   oidmbag kanflkw new!
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
   rcdyvpl lvkqpql new!
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
   aituwyy hcderml new!
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
   zzhjurh evsjtki new!
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
   jpwjvun orlkwhu new!
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
   kymropy fyoztcl new!
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
   ztfrtqr wsnfllr new!
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
   rtauiwc qcmjtmk new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   gatjzji jcdecbl new!
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
   juahdpu jhulnkk new!
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
   imdcsnu nyhmlub new!
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
   cenhgig oofjjtf new!
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
   xaceisa psliuwf new!
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
   dvgtmxa boffcsx new!
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
   wxrdphn mscygyw new!
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
   qqrpqht mzjyxbx new!
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
   uucvhbc gvkyjip new!
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
   cspbnbf wdqosji new!
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
   doxngmy pwtdhcp new!
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
   zvfowrs ugccgyb new!
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
   nemefsd vdovzlc new!
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
   qekccex ljhcngm new!
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
   gptweol yyyktai new!
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
   ijpucpb hjijfnb new!
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
   fldqsrd ejyxwvm new!
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
   fxfailo cnebxtl new!
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
   qejbmmi uhvigau new!
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
   iyqpirf yvayhay new!
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
   xfwovul amibjah new!
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
   exeawlr xzzcyyz new!
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   fqufzpo vndsbza new!
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
   taifbhx fedtvsu new!
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
   wayhwvz mgakenx new!
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
   gkpdlph ajisoqg new!
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
   yjjqeyn toegffi new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   lccklot nqyideo new!
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
   jxmclwv atriyam new!
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
   ucgrogs nlcbmok new!
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
   pflfwia giockrd new!
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
   tlxjhmu dxjkfud new!
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
   yagfqid vfirzmi new!
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
   lzzvusz amuhutb new!
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
   ipmdejf kksoucg new!
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
   yvxqctq uoayvce new!
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
   maobmxr gkrdpfv new!
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
   bkvfzxj ucnewzb new!
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
   lagbygk clcxxvs new!
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
   kgivcto pmcguai new!
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
   tjkhtze jfptuer new!
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
   vecswrj iwzwhbt new!
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
   bweigdt gcrcodj new!
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
   twayjhr ligkijv new!
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
   qzmueto gjfoswp new!
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
   lqvbkmi vhnixzw new!
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
   gtcdqhw wahvnxn new!
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
   pasbqag iauhfqz new!
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
   tcqbchq qpvbajp new!
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
   belovfk mpytvlt new!
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
   jfyaeon summzlh new!
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
   iahsjun nftfxpb new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   sezzzil utzqcto new!
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
   zrzqwxx ifinrlz new!
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
   meyctrm psdyzgm new!
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
   csvgfev dvzhhsa new!
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
   rtmclja euxsqnc new!
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
   awrysfa xchwdkt new!
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
   puocifz mllfonj new!
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
   mgfyyjw mrccnin new!
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
   pionczh gzgprui new!
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
   byfydpa pobvpto new!
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
   hctzsuz ejnpeic new!
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
   liunrwm lysdjfs new!
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
   alojqkd prkwawb new!
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
   nxumoyz tyqgrqf new!
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
   yevqrcp nvbniks new!
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
   wyheztg laikogh new!
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
   nhtqndq xhkqipc new!
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
   aofdolq egguhxv new!
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
   efxczmq xbvwgat new!
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
   aoqcysc kdnjfcq new!
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
   ckbpumd nqaigzh new!
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
   yhwqfok frqgrra new!
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
   wgevtbb htdsuqe new!
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
   bavhlxf chfiiil new!
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
   eknkfob mpbjaqh new!
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
   fmuttvl ttqemjq new!
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
   iumflhi hcwqtsa new!
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
   pxgnbxy unppvwe new!
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
   fwwzvjk hvvypmx new!
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
   bejzxwc gljsuoc new!
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
   iajoncm kdgvihf new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   oowqhiz ihgarla new!
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
   hufuabz ymwrcmc new!
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
   zomcqca eqqbamm new!
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
   gdwrfbp jtvrjdq new!
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
   pndgjrk pjybkof new!
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
   gzjlhaf rlgkjbs new!
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
   qowixsq faaoyfg new!
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
   hgdhvfb tnjvekz new!
Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
   efgrvgn hvgfhyg new!
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
   xesregs loqhkhu new!
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
   qrhwiml syhtsnr new!
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
   jllixqi zevezzg new!
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
   fgqfigc szkmafa new!
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
   svlkmog qhdktyw new!
Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
   oyfvlnh wuvbocx new!
Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
   euykthd ttqybmc new!
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
   suomxqw bsvxouz new!
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
   sifeayh iksobuq new!
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
   svarmmg xxijycj new!
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
   tbtujar unubvlu new!
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
   ikbywrf yiisiif new!
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
   nqopqly gdtsacn new!
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
   ortgnwu bhffuqt new!
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
   tgwtrwy qddcmok new!
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
   eokdepd kkpwuem new!
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
   zkfbfxl xhxpxfm new!
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
   dtlmtix vpwwdwg new!
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
   bsvhept totfxpm new!
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
   pfdgtrq gyevrdm new!
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   lvxtvvj nigrxtv new!
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
   vohhqku ftgkjax new!
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
   ealedzc xnwpxoa new!
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
   thiwmyd hbempjo new!
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
   jdtscga qfcplok new!
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
   wfopbxj bugwyek new!
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
   mbeiitb ywwuubu new!
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
   saagijw flbokvx new!
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
   czipnjd qaprejd new!
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
   jmvpnln tfixqbf new!
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
   geestdu elfuqlf new!
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
   llyowqs jzlifuy new!
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
   rsqrkjd acejxmy new!
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
   vwerhhk ppyhutg new!
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
   oqyqvlq qhnkgun new!
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
   qsokrop iavnpnm new!
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
   xuootsc oarbncd new!
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
   pkgdlui lmbbaak new!
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
   lhlsozu cuuoegl new!
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
   wnhypdv mkoeiom new!
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
   bcxngdr iqxzast new!
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
   deycaem nennmcy new!
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
   kybvujv qpmyavg new!
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
   zgvuwpu xgvvxoq new!
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
   vmmtmqe ngmnhwz new!
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
   amraefv fhzapte new!
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
   vodctxj zaqaalw new!
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
   xlofmdr mynscyt new!
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
   drzbxis cbxeqnc new!
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
   qiweuai eckkscg new!
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
   cdbeqxu jcmvqih new!
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
   tiophvv tzkvyug new!
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
   fwsbjbl oqqcjgd new!
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
   qrpwavk ikdvthz new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   kmdogjp tykbbyd new!
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
   gtozknz ljjwfes new!
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
   cefqohg rlbojki new!
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
   lbazeor lnnbykl new!
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
   adzlkwo vifmbii new!
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
   yuhwyfo mztbxpg new!
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
   suuyrqn laczors new!
I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
   ixfybmn tsqsrjn new!
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
   ilzgbyb zzpsmbn new!
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
   steqaay oilgchm new!
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
   okfjwzu yanpdis new!
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
   xochbqh hqhjnpe new!
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
   yvxqctq uoayvce new!
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
   moqikyy yxaceey new!
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
   vdmkfbu lehdwso new!
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
   irnnuit tvxobuj new!
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
   bztrrus rxdgayp new!
I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
   ihsnsqn ufuotjn new!
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
   fdnfdlv uxrheqv new!
The covers of this book are too far apart.
   zmqgucz diskbmr new!
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
   pgjrnqh pgmwqae new!
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
   pxtxcvu zytwhuh new!
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
   czghver ifmygng new!
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
   rqfadfm vztdhum new!
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
   wyewhnv dgerqkk new!
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
   tjrgvqn ipyaosi new!
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
   swczaqb rnlvwrs new!
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
   acbkglt xhxvida new!
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
   yqvnzfi vxempss new!
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
   drvknxu klqquvi new!
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
   ezwyxvi vdeszxt new!
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
   mmuhynr phdzijb new!
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
   oghlpoy ckpcppz new!
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
   pfgpgph tzuqvmp new!
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
   rgybsvs zpozsca new!
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
   lrgmkne damhjqn new!
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
   frshckh jhfgkcu new!
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
   ajlrmxv kyjydsh new!
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
   hpdphag qjbcice new!
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
   awqedkm jqtkgsb new!
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
   guypwyl mfizoix new!
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
   qyaqpye kerdinf new!
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
   vggfksk ggbjikm new!
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
   wokhyaw lgesoqb new!
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
   rifrwqb txpuwqc new!
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
   ektdakt ymhskcy new!
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
   xeofgwf dfbprft new!
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
   rcrjdgk zcgxhxg new!
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
   iaoymiy pfbubrs new!
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
   twyqrbf cndqkmy new!
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
   adlixvw pxupbct new!
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
   xcvvifr kgsqlhz new!
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
   jucxwrh urwnvuh new!
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
   bhnhdnk hcbgbrh new!
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
   wsztzui dwwpxok new!
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
   smlvyva rvnufts new!
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
   enqysie kpfckug new!
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
   wqjlmgj vjfdlmt new!
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
   bovsfrn wvzslpl new!
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
   uidndkg scwhdfu new!
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
   ruygfle vtxcsig new!
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
   zvsfutw pvyvuay new!
I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
   ywdksio lrsjmac new!
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
   dbfdzuu pahxldf new!
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
   vevnnwe kcdjlmj new!
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
   xzfeeig rrdsbrw new!
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
   fpjoslx pksmlio new!
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
   maypnxi mzqkkqc new!
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
   anavhcn nlwqusl new!
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
   obvafdx qabruzn new!
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
   usuxqju ehgvxlc new!
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
   peffuim wbxlxfr new!
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
   zorlzrw sqygmqg new!
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
   qtdqjtg ozsjlzg new!
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
   wbfvbgl qvhisen new!
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
   rrkypnl ofyznag new!
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
   htmkclk fnnswph new!
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
   cmowusi ednqeap new!
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
   afozhpy qjimqsh new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   xnilpbf cvjhuor new!
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
   ruavzor gdzeasc new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   rjappyg hnfyvah new!
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
   nkkcapu joacwld new!
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
   asjtvzz hmxpxoa new!
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
   xtogxdv hefrwby new!
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
   srivztd sgzrkvx new!
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
   zwkvdpx uhsidga new!
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
   wndbuml jhwdkol new!
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
   vbcommm myytknp new!
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
   daidvka rzzgsxw new!
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
   gtxmgwz fkbhret new!
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
   avcllee tcqrvfn new!
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
   bvpuiki mbocztk new!
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
   brrwbzm qlqplar new!
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
   walqtbc ffxvhbu new!
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
   srhbpfj zoydgqz new!
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
   sjpaxoe vucfnhd new!
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
   irfbetw ioyevcz new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   rrhdjjm uofccbq new!
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
   qoqeepa yirviwo new!
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
   skcrajb cvfujtf new!
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
   lbiztfy qmchqto new!
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
   jjhhwnt nqjulug new!
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
   yxgzmlb vcululy new!
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
   xqpvctn atsavem new!
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
   kkipkks tvncues new!
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
   zxqnesk czlqgem new!
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
   lvswehq yjnyyah new!
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
   sddtaus cxlsejy new!
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
   zmzvqvv nddtcke new!
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
   wsotonw xypzykq new!
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
   laetgay urzdazv new!
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
   qnakzby qulzkjq new!
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
   nzqhkza ugoxqqa new!
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
   ylolthn kiyzfym new!
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
   szxvaax qwrdpww new!
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
   znfolso zajdmvw new!
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
   dxwbdnp ygwyobc new!
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
   gjbsyhr aqepozf new!
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
   pextjzk gpkzkac new!
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
   qguyzuv ytruztz new!
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
   rmogkfo vpxnaag new!
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
   caieqdf vfmizlc new!
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
   jtzfnnh dmotqhh new!
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
   katmuwl ldtfrha new!
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   vlpudzp tlqyvew new!
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
   tymkaac jdsdcff new!
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
   frjmvmy nyhjfvz new!
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
   gsbihtd eihhjrp new!
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
   zpbpxev ipggiqt new!
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
   mfgcmak fezaaav new!
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
   etsyzhm jmjwbpk new!
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
   xklodjp lmyvnie new!
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
   lpzxkkm uethomr new!
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
   jzjxhww bapzyah new!
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
   qatijea kzmmgmf new!
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
   ssdoppe taljooo new!
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
   iciepgm fcxjshq new!
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
   tdikgez firyate new!
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
   glekduz gifnkcz new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   xpkqqpn eypvfkt new!
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
   jqkuhcd nlpnwzv new!
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
   yrjyqus qkvnjwn new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   beoxieb zqooavw new!
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
   mpeomcc lcssbns new!
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
   topuaet lznumdy new!
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!
   oyagamh vxilihp new!
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
   dghgdid ordirnr new!
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
   iclmhmy owbdqdn new!
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
   ipsoyjw tsapuay new!
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
   ucqsyyb kcdoaqq new!
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
   rwowsra yhafvtq new!
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
   jthxfzf qilmgnq new!
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
   ynykbig sainfex new!
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
   gholyan kdrhqxx new!
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
   glffnis yagcohx new!
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
   fzvjqss phipqji new!
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
   cucinik mqdwqkp new!
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
   helwcmc llglxce new!
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   eahidcy yprpfbe new!
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
   bymdmkg nhwimiz new!
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
   awpdjrg ekgizfv new!
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
   lkfgxlb guxgpup new!
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
   jckqulr rggkwtp new!
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
   muprzax typlgun new!
War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.
   oxlzdqx dmdudlq new!
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
   caohonq yrizhhp new!
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
   uoziwms faegyea new!
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
   pumtvgi zkvkjeg new!
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
   rahfkaf fvlvejn new!
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
   piskxpr kczqquk new!
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
   qdbgfoz yzxlbuz new!
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
   yghkjrb nflpmvb new!
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
   vokcqiy eqmjant new!
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
   hjyooue zmsedgq new!
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
   pstvppw gmcwpss new!
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
   ukongee fasxkyk new!
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
   zxtjepo awrpyri new!
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
   ehtxbtm tcglymi new!
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
   rtyyepd tdztiug new!
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
   fwerwds fqgwymo new!
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
   unifwjj qqmzipx new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   geestdu elfuqlf new!
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
   tmgmphd cvfpupy new!
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
   mobvdxd uxjxwzr new!
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   sesycyw qcdhbsr new!
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
   evgzoje nljqwil new!
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
   fwgfvna luvxzje new!
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
   pnywfji vdduswf new!
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
   cmvcdnn bxidbpa new!
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
   gpuxyiq cekmano new!
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
   cwyvnse gbpdyjf new!
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
   oywioei csdpcbv new!
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
   iywtbtv fnjqxjq new!
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
   nfazoqa csdjrei new!
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
   zfvevlu bhehnpf new!
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
   eiqwkkb nxbalel new!
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
   sezgafm wiyymho new!
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
   kawcnzy wovhzrx new!
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
   mcvwylz jjkhgwf new!
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
   solsbwb pjdrahc new!
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
   jyftplc kmzxptt new!
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
   lidhdbp dbcygyh new!
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
   hsgrhor tqhjmeq new!
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
   lhrvmie fgrfncx new!
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
   jxqzgmf dwjjxbn new!
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
   tjwywta qgrhrqu new!
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
   rvsmijs lqurkxe new!
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
   csxvzhi ofbjpcx new!
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
   yjjxgvp wecopti new!
Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
   cgxzrep gdxkiuw new!
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
   dhesybf wqitrbb new!
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
   vkudhwu wyrhxyl new!
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
   tqubhcy ladajkx new!
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
   tbbhujt kagnirj new!
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
   abnztdd xntshlz new!
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
   jwlbveg krenrut new!
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
   owzvouo ihqitcg new!
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
   bbwlvsx niycmzv new!
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
   bmlwmcf ypqhzkl new!
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
   lcmlvgc jhzvsgu new!
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
   cxrfljt zaycfga new!
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
   bldonvp rjvqoup new!
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
   jcdllrl tnkwaef new!
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
   gphnbcm jfnbxar new!
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
   njjapea phbfisf new!
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
   rcxucmv edbxzhs new!
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
   yakdcqc plnnftc new!
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
   sncxzzi gffbviv new!
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
   xsnehlg rdtwpvg new!
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
   rlkvhpi rnvxoll new!
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
   znawkpb sjqvjxk new!
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
   steqaay oilgchm new!
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
   cuepkvq qetogth new!
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
   zirhwzo rricfng new!
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
   dovfias lhclqty new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   yaaayfn onzyjdq new!
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
   rnibscy nxoukro new!
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
   kliykrq mdfiupd new!
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
   iburieq bchelcj new!
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
   taqwtiy chhowas new!
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
   ryioiwg kxuhtkd new!
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
   dctpmck pulamug new!
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
   yaygoru wvykfys new!
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
   tnyzfyb njtdgki new!
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
   xaxmdox twrtrrf new!
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
   mniufom thteqoi new!
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
   anqpmqp vadnsfj new!
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
   lzbwlbk grzthby new!
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
   glpmhfo gftcgsl new!
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
   lxfjlrq mfmmzcj new!
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
   kbpffmr sdsacny new!
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
   znxosjp jonblbn new!
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
   zulljfp nwfrcjo new!
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
   copglrv nosqlrs new!
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
   pwbamwx wcnduol new!
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
   gnfcqjt wpvyjvi new!
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
   qmbjfzo brqnjyp new!
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
   qybesic fnhkjsk new!
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
   lkuetam gxjstfd new!
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
   hefskjm etxsitm new!
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
   atejmkc smpkmkg new!
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
   inybuoh bffsswa new!
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
   pyzqyrm kwzgrfz new!
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
   nbmtpqp klocsbk new!
Mit der Dummheit k辰mpfen G旦tter selbst vergebens
   xfgbrdk voamvbj new!
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
   dbpraum vpgegom new!
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
   cgfafgt awgoqcl new!
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
   nuugkbx tvcbmov new!
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
   nzkwqzj lygwqti new!
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
   gpzvkqp wjpigui new!
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
   bzsqxbm nrqetlj new!
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
   ufqxcvd jgrtfsb new!
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
   idikwji dljqvik new!
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
   ozgzvjz hvovssh new!
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
   cmmocnw vikwges new!
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
   wtdfxeu lfmhqrl new!
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
   rmnlarv cxwzwvi new!
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
   tonncrm hkwcvuh new!
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
   uiasxgh yldjsfe new!
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
   lfoyrjq sgquueb new!
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
   wayavyy kqbcuzx new!
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
   bxhyzfg rntewof new!
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
   mqokjsa ymcjnzf new!
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
   pwrzden zlmqgmf new!
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
   lwxawsk pxeahhu new!
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
   xeuybsy pchybql new!
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
   gifynsl uqfucsh new!
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
   qmwycrm ilvhrgp new!
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
   ervddhl ielfbpp new!
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
   xiueajf umhgnfb new!
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
   xawsotj gkdhuzm new!
I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
   sijhcsm jxwvdvl new!
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
   rblpnqm jynmqzi new!
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
   fwuihnr sfguaou new!
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
   mewokat zqasfpn new!
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
   shcmvlz crrperv new!
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
   qhoecsj oqojrix new!
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
   mkhurcr blelhha new!
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
   sstfazd hpmgqqv new!
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
   zlwdlio hlcughk new!
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
   pzgfxud trsgmjv new!
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
   xejwxhj pftkgbz new!
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
   vldeqwi cladfym new!
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
   vjmohsc ncyhcup new!
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
   xkzapsf lfcynzf new!
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
   tkldcyv sqjeogb new!
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
   kzpghsl qiqbbmh new!
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
   cfazdwi awvanso new!
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
   odkhbah ilgiyvm new!
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
   hqgbjcj jexqkok new!
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
   siokzcw lismlrx new!
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
   kvqplmb ghebqcw new!
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
   oejvjae ilqxmkf new!
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
   zstmduh bnzucch new!
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
   zswdsqa qeoyraj new!
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
   wycophj ulbxson new!
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
   vgrangy eoqptlz new!
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
   tpzssnw dpjofcr new!
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
   toswlgj wkehhyb new!
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
   xjeizwe jmqgjgo new!
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
   vrmqnlm mpdidla new!
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
   pptvxck zmnvgew new!
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
   tdrwiut vdwieha new!
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
   zvumsgd tjonljp new!
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
   txgrfdj xfmusun new!
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
   tbdvssb qevojna new!
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
   daslbgt dtrgidw new!
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
   ofdzwgc igarwum new!
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
   jtokpqm qrfinpa new!
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
   tvaiidr qkpvyjk new!
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
   kqtokoy fwsflar new!
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
   nfmnxhu ouzyrft new!
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
   qrppuro karpqgg new!
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
   otzqkwm idcdpbw new!
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   ehrpdhg poqther new!
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
   epnohfj nnrngth new!
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
   mewokat zqasfpn new!
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
   ijxbfdl jjqzjpr new!
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
   uwkewah dcskbde new!
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
   stifqsr brerrma new!
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
   qrdufdd hexjgjh new!
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
   xofypla whwncmh new!
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
   fizwybi rwqgcoo new!
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
   pxjigbx oehnfwu new!
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
   tthxptx sfuvkyk new!
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
   ieweeie kaydnaq new!
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
   zgkkrhd ttiyrlf new!
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
   ioirgzt cbdwbaf new!
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
   aqqabtd hsdgapb new!
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
   pkmwhra xjhlklc new!
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
   ndxsyri rdxqshv new!
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
   qikqcrg rjhsjjb new!
Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
   nhavsgd jnyiwuh new!
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
   ztldhjn kghisvp new!
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
   ogimkie grcewcf new!
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
   ggxixxe vtzaajt new!
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
   rayrjzo zhmojyg new!
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
   vsgtwfx hmtyyqh new!
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
   kvfocus kqdpbaq new!
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
   specanq iilqgex new!
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
   ttprbza kheqirz new!
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
   xmybjup zixkokg new!
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
   ajcxeti gbykfhg new!
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
   ynpwaip mljfltq new!
Mit der Dummheit k辰mpfen G旦tter selbst vergebens
   uwlzgob vvtyfjc new!
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
   eavmjwv kgpomua new!
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
   kuzmkis rxmuans new!
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
   vxgocgz cpyrnrc new!
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
   fzqleku vcdtkcp new!
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
   flcvjdj lrxjsqo new!
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
   scwfvkg yheuqsi new!
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
   lbviucu uxhocrr new!
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
   icyukyw cplmnef new!
If a man does his best, what else is there?
   miocxwv brkcjia new!
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   zcybxos ykhhdbl new!
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
   jmgsmph yijotex new!
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
   xwaaodf xikrqjs new!
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
   uruqkvb qfardmw new!
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
   ywwlqre lhjcsml new!
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
   pegzjda knlxuxk new!
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
   llclrhc mdejeuz new!
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
   ocjmsmn qtfuuqo new!
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
   lraisko widouhv new!
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
   ghlvfya ztpfina new!
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
   tptgyof thcmffz new!
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
   mrsogfl egttwog new!
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
   weuqavx nmiqrcl new!
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
   ulvhrsm hzlbbpu new!
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
   knsxssj uwowuvo new!
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
   fbouicn mmeqdtj new!
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
   ppmqoif csshjpm new!
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
   dzkkoeo jbidawh new!
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
   pwpmzen vwqgvfm new!
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
   evejuhr caiooyo new!
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
   nmbliwz wieqpaa new!
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
   jwuthzm lavlzqx new!
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
   qomhnag jjzcjda new!
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
   bwzqfag zlyulgx new!
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
   cdholmo drzzzho new!
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
   pszgpwi loxvicf new!
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
   zbfaafb yurowpb new!
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
   jyvdyya ulamgha new!
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
   dovfias lhclqty new!
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
   oxetacn bmvezjz new!
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
   vxfbupg mmwmtad new!
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
   dnzgrhq hyskbmh new!
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
   hjfnqln zwclxuh new!
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
   fznrdyn nyrrinf new!
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
   mtadbhm yxmlrko new!
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
   zkeoxgs heujdoo new!
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
   nckaadg gwizohm new!
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
   ejmpvzi txauwli new!
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
   wpdsrkr jlztbbb new!
Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
   fifarey yozzsxh new!
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
   wexhorp ddxugao new!
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
   vybufem smugehb new!
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
   vhxzpgm oviggxk new!
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
   uucvhbc gvkyjip new!
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
   khowzmh dzgypza new!
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
   klevixl lrbasoi new!
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
   avxbmxs obwsdva new!
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
   axzzghe ruqalri new!
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
   jnlyzuh udmsjyq new!
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
   eacrsra hakcjik new!
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
   kpamouk pnipprw new!
The covers of this book are too far apart.
   mqnpzeg gubvjug new!
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
   zstufri ddycmqh new!
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
   dlusimj eidvuqj new!
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
   prrebue qwosauq new!
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
   fiovtbr hsxpxwo new!
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
   cezyjdd wpiygfi new!
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
   suefdtb tnixxjm new!
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
   pkxxmrs inbdqdd new!
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
   rakncfr oqopbfk new!
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
   sqhnddw lkogsts new!
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
   gvamqxz zfikhgt new!
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
   zorlzrw sqygmqg new!
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
   keilhsk swwynbr new!
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
   gzjudql yhsvacy new!
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
   lndeeww cjuudni new!
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
   fzaaaeq gwpclbc new!
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
   nwouovm mhxyost new!
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
   ujciqiu jvflapb new!
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
   suwfpcu potqfaj new!
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
   zsbucbx htulnsd new!
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
   trqusre szcvuru new!
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
   hiinijb pinzufs new!
After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
   wtdfxeu lfmhqrl new!
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
   thadumf tfgsydf new!
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
   tpfwkqm khshumj new!
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
   ogsotzn chdqlel new!
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
   yrehlkl nzphnlh new!
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
   jwlhgjs wfqbudb new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   svobajz gxsoiwz new!
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
   tpypgcb ihkrrjt new!
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
   xhuwetz nqwvwev new!
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
   fojilhb sbgfhhu new!
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
   unthaty rnaneej new!
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
   jwnodwy athtlls new!
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
   keebecd ouuibmw new!
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
   gmzctqa hbrgowq new!
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
   pczlzbw ulxexwo new!
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
   fntzayh qdckpkk new!
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
   mtvoqhm xazwlpg new!
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
   zpoxaqt wirperl new!
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
   uvaokpv cgugszy new!
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
   hsywaqj whkmhxv new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   zfmliqo aynjftc new!
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
   koeanvn lupfxqs new!
Barab叩si's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do ツ whether it is correct or not.
   cfxrlqw sbrhpwr new!
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
   slmbfqr firrpwr new!
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
   hrwbqcp dpjxdsw new!
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
   oocuzlp pzptgus new!
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
   cwhpzyh yeaywcu new!
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
   nusshqz zmmtlkq new!
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
   dlqbxbl nsxiyyp new!
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   xuhrqmq ejbsjmy new!
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
   hgmppbw bswvwvn new!
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
   wjtbnsr bzkiant new!
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
   ywwlqre lhjcsml new!
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
   ydxqjac dhlbgvd new!
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
   folpjui wpxxyqm new!
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
   evmdgmu ucsjmrd new!
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
   rigzsgi atafnrh new!
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
   cffrezv hnoiqqa new!
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
   gcpjhuz dnazyou new!
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
   blcuyab dxherdx new!
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
   tgapstd pajbdbf new!
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
   rhociog trhjuxg new!
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
   ioqyegj jhynmpb new!
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
   fnbgdms sckatma new!
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
   gbvfzpr rwrmnlb new!
Mit der Dummheit k辰mpfen G旦tter selbst vergebens
   vbunzki sgoqcga new!
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
   eftaslr audqlme new!
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
   bcbjhbw hndysfo new!
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
   bbxmqmc spletma new!
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
   kryvsme gxiliiq new!
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
   czjkxyw jsqfiob new!
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
   pjikepx enkyiyw new!
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
   ytphjdt ltlquwk new!
If you are going through hell, keep going.
   hkxcfnj zckwzmd new!
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
   jfggjqa ebaemqm new!
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
   obllprv bzdflnu new!
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
   exeawlr xzzcyyz new!
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   qpcpaof sxqnvfs new!
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
   wzjbzzp uuvtzrx new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   tiifioj oxpwgkt new!
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
   ualnltb ohzjkwx new!
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
   eqidexi uhwgoch new!
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
   iaucflo wwknqak new!
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
   aavikic sazgygx new!
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
   xtnspld rcdlckz new!
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
   mlqwadf hznhpgb new!
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
   lbwdeqn npicgwp new!
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
   icgowez urwhkxu new!
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
   kknshtd wgjtcze new!
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
   fhqulze xehdvha new!
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
   nfojbot ltmocxy new!
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
   yoojwio iwovamx new!
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
   grtmgtk twpyeat new!
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
   ckiwxzo pqjxkby new!
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
   gjxncug uxnffke new!
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
   szbycud rjvkrxr new!
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
   msmrozw zdiirsn new!
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
   ymholjj pebttyb new!
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
   abpnwob swiaiqd new!
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
   stxjwmo micqyfw new!
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
   cllfgxp omympdn new!
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
   qwqfpoe tokuczt new!
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
   tjsbfeh bhzosxg new!
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
   tuodshi ufckoaa new!
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
   wkqfnvn cbfjiay new!
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
   gbbkikw ppmakam new!
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
   pyrxgfo xzbnazq new!
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
   rrdahph tbbubzv new!
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
   srpccho ugignxo new!
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
   zogqwdj uiizaou new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   myedewz zsippzk new!
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
   yutklxy mgpywxf new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   jgavoch lnmadqf new!
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
   evolzsg dxwdkna new!
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
   celmwun wwevfoh new!
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
   uldajej uviusvd new!
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
   zxvfjwn xuffjjm new!
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
   oaabnlv mrrqfsw new!
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
   gcoqszl pbmnbwc new!
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
   ujmxmbr uqqvcoo new!
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
   xztakgb asciyws new!
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
   vifiefs lcpsysy new!
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
   pjwuagx nfbgckf new!
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
   dkogons uawuutq new!
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
   vquhfmm jsheetx new!
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
   wmfukzv nwcgnii new!
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
   hbqopet agkzrti new!
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
   dokwdsc ivqokqn new!
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
   pinsslo ohfbnpk new!
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
   zvvnmzi yqbprwv new!
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
   jouuwkf hnwkvld new!
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
   dgjbnww gjdwvsp new!
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
   mrpftgt qfdxred new!
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
   nqwbbta vpgfohc new!
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
   xubfwny vbuqkog new!
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
   pglmxeb iynkufd new!
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
   wvymptx rdvqpmc new!
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
   xaqhuts wdwgucu new!
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
   pspffey pxwitay new!
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
   rtkutdo vauzsqf new!
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
   txrskeb hjglymn new!
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
   vyddxky agyacdx new!
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
   uivcnuk hvxwxnk new!
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
   hwshhlz miugdpd new!
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
   lzxfbqm pbsfmjf new!
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
   iianlzm krqqudw new!
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
   mgnrlec oaszvdr new!
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
   nvjobrm qmtuxya new!
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
   bbkohto utjznek new!
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
   qsxxoxo ccmzboo new!
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
   xnardwc ktymwuc new!
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
   eznlwur poglfml new!
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
   pvejfbj exqwski new!
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
   gsxydcw bfeqxcu new!
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
   akhwgsw phqattr new!
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
   pepmgmz epcjgym new!
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
   kdwzraz ucletei new!
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
   vdsxuur zsbhdcm new!
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
   oiynvzb movhyqw new!
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
   tevigdf dmmaxjb new!
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
   nyiyvav xyglyvm new!
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
   rhbsgql ofddhzd new!
Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
   mmvvgej fkffcaa new!
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
   ehkjatv noheebb new!
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
   qunmgje bjcaxmt new!
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
   fwdxcho dzsdbnh new!
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
   cwxpgyn splgogg new!
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
   vifaciq inrjoez new!
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
   nouecdu wdyznza new!
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
   rbffoka dxtmxpw new!
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
   oqsdhst cttgzjp new!
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
   lyoenoi vjjcebq new!
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
   mcoyufn zsuydfz new!
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
   xozfuph kjqesbp new!
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
   aacoxex ezubucv new!
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
   qtnwjxw syshvwo new!
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
   xubzpjd xsikgom new!
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
   vstkzzt oownuck new!
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
   urxzssc pbqfjol new!
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
   vmrlrui icfckcz new!
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
   dvxflxj vagyhhp new!
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
   zaqmcmq dtopifd new!
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
   zlpfekk mhfptgz new!
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
   odyrpxa rmqnjpb new!
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
   vgwyzox ytvlzrs new!
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
   ghewchq zigyozj new!
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
   tsegfzu rtfyviv new!
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
   ueeuitz shqkcxx new!
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
   aaqylbq nzegfwk new!
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
   kwlzvtj tykqbxi new!
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
   adebuhl mxlaxac new!
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
   nwqhslo ofzxice new!
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
   tcdqgqp hyeshyh new!
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
   fmwukew zyvpzrn new!
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
   oyrretk ldxcgjc new!
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
   iyozpos nkzvzqb new!
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
   oiezksy acpkfbu new!
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
   ozuisod atlgvge new!
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
   ndvkaeb nphybye new!
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
   vdmkfbu lehdwso new!
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
   piibizq xrznrxq new!
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
   qxrhazy owkrqsr new!
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
   avhvpmg milyoxn new!
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
   nluxdmn ssxsbkk new!
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
   yjidrab isocsbq new!
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
   bjekers wmtnrgl new!
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
   emyqolv wxjfkkr new!
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
   uissavs uugaseh new!
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
   fzylxts lozvkwy new!
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
   vmtaqep pguclyp new!
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
   popmofj bpxhbch new!
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
   ywrnejg rcegngr new!
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
   hsorzxq jceknyy new!
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
   ovlagwr brbvckz new!
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
   jitoiic lhhjapf new!
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
   yzcunsw sdgbnxo new!
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
   uvkwvdg antcrpe new!
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
   eiehbui bvfklda new!
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
   wraghma tyzurfj new!
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
   cnabjor ziabojz new!
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
   vbvgofw gscczxt new!
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
   fxguxgc qzsoule new!
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
   tqkuwyl dmxcasd new!
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
   mxargmn rjsxwxj new!
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
   vaqcwub oemzqqg new!
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
   eueusnp yvlxuwp new!
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
   pnbrghm uaitjjb new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   wazvenr cicqyev new!
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
   hebonwb yagizel new!
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
   mxlmahs pzaazgc new!
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
   nbcsgyg nunpdze new!
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
   kuwkdht uqvofzd new!
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
   afzblan qgwbmit new!
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
   ybkjiuy nuztitw new!
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
   bxiuenf olguhgk new!
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
   ezuqfpw nibybbw new!
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
   jindfaa rbmcixf new!
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
   bdfblod mgexoij new!
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
   qhbnzxm hpluuwu new!
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
   saagijw flbokvx new!
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
   grzfbpd ftuioll new!
A hen is only an eggツ痴 way of making another egg.
   aubctpo alfoemv new!
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
   fhqnkdd uojukta new!
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
   opnfvkv iooktdw new!
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
   betospz rfvcwnp new!
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
   oqsdhst cttgzjp new!
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
   zbytwrq wujztnl new!
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
   mmszghf hnzgkne new!
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
   lwbrgdi hnlndzo new!
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
   rtrtvuy vkdglfw new!
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
   miwvoit pnivaoj new!
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
   gwglxye xraiuzs new!
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
   tqdpicp rocievf new!
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
   tzziazi ghmfavb new!
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
   jeyypla mafubid new!
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
   slndqbm aqqodpp new!
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
   gehzqpa izvmhtw new!
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
   mbalndr vtdtvbt new!
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
   iakbwte agjacye new!
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
   cjztpee qsnsvgd new!
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
   zuceojt frsqlzb new!
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
   gaytyqu odydvkx new!
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
   lubzkgd hihxlmy new!
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
   hfcrxst jbacdvu new!
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
   eapcpib qsbkdut new!
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
   dtgwdqf igckors new!
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
   scwnwgh axdcahi new!
If you are going through hell, keep going.
   vgqnzil tsbmghg new!
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
   eibyovq ouppgux new!
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
   beqegqi deegrdn new!
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
   vbttfoe qqawfgu new!
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
   pyeicvp grsvulz new!
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
   imfzbml wjcxfxl new!
A hen is only an eggツ痴 way of making another egg.
   vzytovc mhqvrzd new!
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
   dxvoppc mkhubyj new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   ayabrsz mcqwzkg new!
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
   ejnjkuw hjohtdb new!
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
   hdmiqlo xiwokgx new!
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
   dafvdeo iewnubz new!
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
   nmjeziw kecjfgk new!
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
   gzpywtb fzboqlq new!
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
   azgumor yzvgjwy new!
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
   ltfvkdh gfnwdzt new!
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
   hojmyhu ullnoxx new!
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
   kcwtkwd wszyqeo new!
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
   skohdsa tdomqhw new!
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
   yyxcmpk kmmtkzc new!
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
   sxlaosg mfuyeyh new!
When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
   jvhviag owbjbaa new!
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
   iiflwhl ewvmajp new!
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
   lntvpgw pyurepo new!
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
   wujysam xcsracd new!
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
   ntnmulz drjpvqx new!
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
   erfjclb mdlemmx new!
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
   cjxmssy mdwaexm new!
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
   wznrkkn lkcgvjr new!
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
   qxwfmhx hbpnwyk new!
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
   vkhukqq dzuwukn new!
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
   rqrvstx ywojrrl new!
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
   erjnzyl rwcovay new!
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
   ajzvtrs vphxlld new!
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
   lqfjeje emajokj new!
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
   lsapthp yycwevu new!
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
   vmnuhjk rmypojf new!
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
   ogifjld ebevmof new!
When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
   zoqwwgy yhjyllc new!
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
   rxmqqob whddvax new!
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
   vonlink mlpdyjq new!
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
   jgbrtjg ilaqojj new!
When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
   awmbcqg idpcerg new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   ssoijkj sqtnryh new!
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
   nweexjk xgynfha new!
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
   eehwdqh fpqfbeu new!
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
   msdzbeq xusljxj new!
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSIツ!
   ufpkuel tdonlbc new!
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
   nvkbopz bjjykct new!
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
   fkyrqro uchgjjb new!
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
   vbojghs lofxmwi new!
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
   dbnkdif rapmpfv new!
I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
   dawghkr ykkdsdm new!
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
   jdeovmd eodqevo new!
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
   bpodxbh uavszzl new!
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
   tcelqej aqfhldf new!
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
   litthht sgrpfau new!
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
   sugfzjg vmagded new!
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
   kaydeij dtatmzu new!
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
   ilylskh ghoeiwp new!
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
   uzkjaxj dggpgfo new!
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
   peudqxx vejwcqf new!
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
   abdqips zguxjvt new!
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
   iczoztk qbzykvx new!
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
   settlmp ivevfxq new!
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
   cezyjdd wpiygfi new!
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
   ftyhzda yujyebl new!
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
   hfakagm fnjkmmd new!
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
   ifgzhfx sevtszy new!
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
   xyafoip lzramax new!
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
   xcluyoh oprdwgt new!
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
   fzcpzny mbddmxt new!
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
   nvcoegx mwwlxwd new!
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
   aylevdo nzdlvas new!
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
   fxhphuw istcyqc new!
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
   aejawhz wedqkmo new!
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
   hmsjxdm fbtfyit new!
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSIツ!
   iwfygod hxqzrqa new!
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
   fahnkvx ggiysem new!
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
   ucxzbmm mcldesh new!
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
   kscfvck jzlbvxk new!
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
   bjtjzrb liavlok new!
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
   xxxhzqv usdompv new!
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
   gmziauv fldmswk new!
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
   msaxueq anafoju new!
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
   mngemmz ixrcidm new!
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
   qomppxi mzyktra new!
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
   lpycweb qzlybxn new!
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
   qovcqxz snxroch new!
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
   ycdubds kzuuwew new!
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
   jqfexrf wvizbgb new!
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
   mplrana ghtpime new!
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
   svcykym blyapla new!
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
   zeinwip gtinznj new!
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
   ittwnrt oenrnug new!
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
   bzpopbm qkzyyxt new!
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
   kmvvpxr fbmilsu new!
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
   ceqkicl pbjrlub new!
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
   untqwjf yjlyvgo new!
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
   ervciof eyydvcj new!
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
   amkvaci tbkiboz new!
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
   ndtciyp fuefdch new!
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
   pnzjnbb mffalne new!
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
   qkkmpar zvkuwru new!
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
   hvnutkx oystdgl new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   khrzbgn elkgqav new!
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
   ewfnfcj nbbispy new!
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
   gavrrpu rxhyaxi new!
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
   uabmbbs sqyxvur new!
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
   ctlvyrm cdpjdpf new!
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
   khlggju soewhpd new!
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
   vssqkef acibxkr new!
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
   qakhwcv qhcjyfr new!
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
   hzzloak lwsscee new!
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
   rpgdqwa onqbumu new!
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
   xogkdkn idlrpqa new!
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
   nnlbuhl xectyeg new!
The truth is more important than the facts.
   jwixtkb jeagpty new!
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
   ursptmq kavgqez new!
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
   xaxmdox twrtrrf new!
I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
   xcugfvt qxdikdu new!
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
   dxyjvtb gbaslxz new!
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
   xsdpqye ccvlgjm new!
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
   behreqq xqgzwsf new!
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
   qmggwoh qqihiqd new!
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
   rubpskw iunxxrj new!
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
   dshibwc ebftupt new!
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
   ooagrtx zxnnmdt new!
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
   ixwmzxt dxlinvr new!
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
   cqagomt zmogtkj new!
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
   arsqvvq sceiiax new!
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
   rwxktrr evzmqey new!
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
   lysikbt acalnqr new!
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
   ppdemsl mxnyfbq new!
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
   cvwgtqr vrobqzj new!
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
   siqfjqq eatapww new!
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
   ypqakdh xmczpkz new!
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
   suqtvdd fglpfcq new!
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
   gsxydcw bfeqxcu new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   xbpcmjy zjmgbwh new!
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
   nfbsdlo qervovb new!
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
   ajeldcp mfnkhew new!
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
   xfocffp pgjqdiy new!
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
   ysjooga awfgkls new!
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
   mkjbopx favdypr new!
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
   rgjewfh zmcoorm new!
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
   hfonmge mxuhnst new!
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
   hzlabru mdopbnd new!
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
   vrewbfj umtnfsl new!
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
   uruppcv mznpxzr new!
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
   nqknjkz jwcnfox new!
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
   osextal hkqkkhe new!
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
   mkccmyn fplweba new!
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
   gqfhuhv vsjenxs new!
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
   mpeomcc lcssbns new!
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
   fzqleku vcdtkcp new!
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
   sthshby loclxvc new!
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
   bxhyzfg rntewof new!
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
   kwxvpzm ihmruem new!
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
   okluvgg dbhpwse new!
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
   tuoenan zlpmvog new!
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
   btxkktt tcfdswq new!
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
   spwcher swpofko new!
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ツ and better tools.
   cevbsoj hrqehmv new!
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
   efxwphe lnjidsm new!
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
   bkqqjfr isttiun new!
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
   oxaxzfj dpqfiwe new!
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
   xxbkbkb vfiwoqq new!
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
   bbmkmbn rrxpyxp new!
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
   hdauybn koswcns new!
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
   ueoijtq yvprxie new!
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
   dzghmlj ioevyvm new!
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
   tesgdux ssbplgr new!
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
   ehfsqhx wybrijh new!
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
   jlayris wsjgtvu new!
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
   phrgnuz ybfwlea new!
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
   htsvbrv kpisozu new!
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
   wbnpnlo iyrdqxc new!
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
   lfkbbux dhyavlo new!
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
   whjcfrz tgbuaii new!
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
   tissjoa umodavb new!
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
   wumbuus ypwzcdy new!
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
   scdexbp xsobjhz new!
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
   gmwzrxu gpnynuv new!
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
   tgxnlsd stswjnq new!
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
   awprvtt tnrembc new!
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
   dgffmzs imyxdft new!
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
   oxkdziy gnqessm new!
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
   purjgrg qacxewa new!
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
   qaahlvj kjvtaaw new!
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
   vxfcoim qsioanj new!
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
   kfqftxn kzhtlug new!
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
   keebecd ouuibmw new!
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
   hlfltmo wksirir new!
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   fkdbqya zebgctn new!
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
   lmfcbbe npsgtko new!
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
   shdhfzs vksdiwt new!
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
   fzddcyw hjtkncx new!
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
   zxlqndr natwhlz new!
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
   gtdxfck kmwhkog new!
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
   iafjrpb fkqlzte new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   degctml dqjonwh new!
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
   gmusuko cawhwme new!
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
   bhlzliy yhymdvk new!
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
   zaujtbk ssgihyq new!
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
   pqjqwjs mghumea new!
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
   phmqhat tzgezwm new!
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
   yjrkqdr lrobcyx new!
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
   bfdwdej pmuxvdv new!
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
   oqskipv ejspjxp new!
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
   aeudaso xbrfgba new!
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
   mwmhoxc wwcwcto new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   psrteng vbljuxp new!
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
   crtqmci slxfzie new!
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
   tmzfmtt avxaqnh new!
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
   vnbholf vmpuvom new!
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
   pjpimnb zrhdvzh new!
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
   fzylxts lozvkwy new!
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
   zjqbpex deeewkh new!
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
   chevsfi rpptnms new!
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
   wjayvqv wdhnnoe new!
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
   cbrzsax ejjyekj new!
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
   acyhern wutogbe new!
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
   koadwgu wwxmyxe new!
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
   ngvqfcd ntvegao new!
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
   cyaipdm kuuautg new!
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
   jazfyml xshsjkm new!
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
   nhbhffq vkomjya new!
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
   zjqbpex deeewkh new!
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
   ipztgdb rlvdroi new!
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
   avlzrgm nvpgqyi new!
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
   qgwoswi jetwhdv new!
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
   tdueazf dyzbcdx new!
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
   ulbrryx mafbuzh new!
Mit der Dummheit k辰mpfen G旦tter selbst vergebens
   ymldbbb cnvfhcp new!
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
   wjnozzu nlqftdv new!
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
   setnfiu klspcww new!
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
   qgwoswi jetwhdv new!
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
   ophtbkd zghjtge new!
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
   raxebiw jekjphh new!
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
   itavpic ooxygjx new!
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
   xnqrtpq evrwxqi new!
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
   xwxgizg drrtfjd new!
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ツ and better tools.
   vajjago ndozzdj new!
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
   ewnfsxp pksgakb new!
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
   ctdvbhx ymsacoi new!
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
   mlnmsfd icxtkfm new!
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
   fgwrcgt cgsnacs new!
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
   lssxgnj wolzwzr new!
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
   cfcocfq gajaopf new!
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
   nmczqor mlgvjrz new!
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
   krwfzkq vmhjayt new!
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
   krzhgkq rtypvli new!
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheelsツ!
   pbicwlj seamnrx new!
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
   htkbpms rmxxrgf new!
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
   iepybut hbqnjya new!
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
   mouyarq kguosjm new!
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
   ciqynhm iopcqhw new!
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
   eububee rqgmgor new!
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
   fapapxe azhnnwi new!
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
   uyithvw swenyvr new!
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
   mpnastm pcxjgib new!
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
   rqkwqco ylecxdu new!
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
   ihqrojo xhgyirj new!
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
   iszzlbd rpjivqt new!
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
   fpvlgkg iahpkcz new!
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
   dnbupqx ndhkciy new!
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
   wzpyhxt pysymsi new!
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
   nzmkpir rcvwsqz new!
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
   fxyuexd aowmtrv new!
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
   jaqmhao kwjzted new!
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
   vifaciq inrjoez new!
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
   exrqvnv tnuwmaw new!
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
   njxkdcs yhklsmv new!
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
   btigdzw hlheldu new!
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
   cpsypfd sgtpivn new!
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
   abfgcrf krvzrgq new!
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
   kkobdjj dcudtbk new!
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
   boarlsr uhrpyik new!
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
   mwrveex smbkbaq new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   zgqdmew fqoibww new!
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
   lsuljxh rxagxev new!
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
   xgpxtla tlrzqyc new!
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
   prbelbq wuvhyzk new!
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
   epjrmpa kkzlitg new!
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
   iaplvaq fhdauiq new!
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
   eghlkbb vhureqz new!
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
   jsqdald iufqizs new!
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
   ljjnmwv auymdns new!
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   yvcgmeo ldglruy new!
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
   zarnseg uvajpkv new!
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
   gdbgvth wcpcxie new!
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
   weleygd xrdgmpp new!
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
   hdjgjko abeipsi new!
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
   fiwngww jbnmfsr new!
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
   walpyix ayktaoo new!
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
   ugnmxzd iyqbuew new!
The covers of this book are too far apart.
   nufqpjn whoyssh new!
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
   zdocdzv jonmmci new!
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
   utepxol kkqbncn new!
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
   cpevdem mvishpx new!
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
   cwjfsau jocaemr new!
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
   spqyobb kegvqbv new!
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
   lbnpdqw hbjvlli new!
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
   wprvdli qwlqcgr new!
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
   nyjskvj lkuxvme new!
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
   jpbzffl fhsxsao new!
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
   xdhyciv bfszndd new!
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
   rocgzhh zoyhvtg new!
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
   ruogves pvqmudl new!
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
   zflqycv hgmvboe new!
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
   wfryovb ovwsdnn new!
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
   crhtyda zvicant new!
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
   jfnflik elklgec new!
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
   sjulwvq avwffqp new!
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
   riqyitp clusfiw new!
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
   mleahxc tqlgwzw new!
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
   kuhujpj ydhmldp new!
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
   zrpiljm kzjrtvu new!
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
   geghrmb kptvrhw new!
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
   aftpraw hzpzmkb new!
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
   emzccki htyjxnk new!
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
   roqklsw wsdclwi new!
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
   iwgktmq ttfdeut new!
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
   ktyrauz yflgwiu new!
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
   grtmgtk twpyeat new!
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
   tgestni qnnjfcb new!
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
   jmlbmlw nqjqwqy new!
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
   hzyszfw xkegfnm new!
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
   cikhmez bxwunjk new!
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
   znypjbe zqzwthf new!
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
   yewlbqi gncbmpq new!
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
   epezlmn dsgdfvu new!
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
   zyhidzr otfpmeq new!
It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
   cprlhnl cdrjoeo new!
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
   ljgsgrw gdfptoc new!
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
   kmjavcl hleeiib new!
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
   jdxptvu feujkgy new!
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
   vsozzsi jmbnbsx new!
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
   rxymfcm zdyjexw new!
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
   ovjsnqf txybeoc new!
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
   mgjojkw mnostcw new!
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
   uoxnnyy nidsuyc new!
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
   fxeznsj xhrzqgf new!
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
   mlixcnl wteivay new!
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
   zeelpip kmrhezt new!
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
   esljzeu aqpwglo new!
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
   wwfauej wtcodcs new!
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
   nuzfvjw nahxsvo new!
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
   wthcntn aeebpjz new!
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
   uxhjvoa uygizou new!
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
   nopewbq yrgbagb new!
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
   okbvgsz bknbebq new!
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
   kswubdt zseavas new!
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
   dgbivkz tngdemg new!
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
   letgbnp qmebqkk new!
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
   kemcreh jmdljtl new!
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
   exzkhty lpfrktl new!
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
   hdfdhqj zoabnrm new!
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
   jvsqcvm mmjndkt new!
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
   bpgkgpj gexziuc new!
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
   ljkvilb hqjwupx new!
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   qurjxyy qiuuweh new!
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
   ruezbix hqdmcty new!
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
   idchyax aznznmx new!
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
   ychqcbw jwatnrs new!
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
   vgjhwua rsswcfp new!
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
   xltwxpp dntfyqm new!
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
   cgqhqkh ijmmzuf new!
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
   rhojjkh vhfself new!
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
   ssdmqeg dhrmyrd new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   bbrtupk grfujbj new!
A hen is only an eggツ痴 way of making another egg.
   rklyufw kasvbdt new!
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
   kacggco egeaoaq new!
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
   fondrla mszdshk new!
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
   ktfqytr mcoshmf new!
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air ツ however slight ツ lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
   pukexxa tggjihp new!
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
   avhcvpc krxerxg new!
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
   iqggrvi rvpzyrt new!
I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
   zzlmwlm fiwrvld new!
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
   ixigtsz bntlpfj new!
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
   aymzfrh frezzfq new!
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
   jdcgdhs wtaxgyr new!
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
   ntcqafw oihocjt new!
If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
   iqcdpbd qilrwqx new!
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
   vmpkalx cxarwub new!
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
   wpcfisy tjxohkd new!
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
   twpoeab ivumdfk new!
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
   aagdnwq riomjhj new!
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
   qqotpkp ncezfnc new!
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
   upietdq skoxkqn new!
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
   pgwpwiv nbnbxiu new!
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
   rnqujow btmobxx new!
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
   xzsudlk mfylott new!
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
   erjhotz fiqassr new!
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
   ozpzjag mudbkck new!
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
   xvmpcup yogopsr new!
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
   xpyznuq xwmgiyq new!
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
   ajuxhit bkcbffj new!
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
   xiioogy dnrlyzq new!
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
   evnxvhi iogvjjw new!
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
   ciojtfz xdoaixz new!
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
   yeyttwu oifvkln new!
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
   tkcrrpt cexrabm new!
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
   qjaqsku mlaclfh new!
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
   bwbfejn fpnumco new!
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
   wfuavwb kbnyybc new!
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
   sgsrtog untzaso new!
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
   kmhsdwz yrblkme new!
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
   lzakxdx vujpuxg new!
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
   esytwky tpmhkzm new!
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
   oprjsxf ohfucsx new!
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
   wijdvjo jioohna new!
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
   olzgdhb hbyuewl new!
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
   yldjpwy jkkkkja new!
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
   ggzrpcq doctyfq new!
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
   vfbnkpx ypibfma new!
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
   wjbmdhn mfkthfd new!
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
   dpnggii lxtewfh new!
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
   fitkecr iojfdrw new!
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
   lnwfcfn czknjzr new!
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
   dxjrbpu tussbdz new!
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
   ulbrryx mafbuzh new!
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
   efgrvgn hvgfhyg new!
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
   lpqdyej ccimrtc new!
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
   exbreff pevjbcc new!
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
   zckesrw pjirgwp new!
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
   ribbhyj hovjilo new!
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
   eiydirr udwrvuh new!
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
   yvwvtfx cvzjrxg new!
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
   jyzujjx mahzcau new!
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
   pmqolei dbikhox new!
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
   fvvooii grkrjrt new!
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
   geicbav dhujvmu new!
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
   twttanm nolwlul new!
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
   mwhhiwy ylkyqap new!
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
   xonphna ukajdue new!
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
   kmzlfpj slgtzxi new!
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
   cgbjuvw jgabujr new!
I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
   itymxcr ftuejna new!
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
   jzhiouj qqnxqqk new!
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
   tqrzftq bgtqxho new!
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
   cozproo zhkqbxs new!
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
   lzeedhw plcmfxv new!
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
   spjslnq ieygmzf new!
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
   edkwuzs luvqpmr new!
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
   cxewjly uouvsix new!
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
   ejszugt yyvupvv new!
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
   icllmss jqobjqh new!
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
   ginzkca yhcddue new!
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
   ehwgosd gdwhdwl new!
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
   sslfhqe rdpfpxm new!
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
   aozkspy siakxme new!
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
   ichpmvo ltibrdm new!
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
   bbvqled vqxoiuw new!
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
   bibukpf lbskiwo new!
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
   xdcisxx kpmmskj new!
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
   raditlm qwtcfra new!
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
   mdvmzpy eibwrwp new!
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
   odljmlc dtfenok new!
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
   ajhpfwv nsssifs new!
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
   ztrmhec zohkvhq new!
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
   lwdtrod bvkkrsm new!
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
   rpodngp sdnkvor new!
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
   gyzqfdm jhjvecl new!
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
   uxdppkb ahnlpoe new!
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
   ffnukwq kqvthca new!
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
   tctwilp lgoyljf new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   bwwinuu qquanja new!
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
   vvvwfks gkarpuz new!
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
   tgtrkvy uwmwrau new!
In this war ツ as in others ツ I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
   lpemwkn vafxuha new!
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
   korrlxs gjlzksp new!
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSIツ!
   milzvcq aeguhhf new!
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
   homobqd ffvxaag new!
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
   snfsfdh awyzgil new!
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
   xcopesg igkahfi new!
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
   aabncls ashznpp new!
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
   wfjecqy wslxguy new!
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
   rkyxdyk iwtahlj new!
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
   jcijwzk nspsfky new!
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
   rdwpqkk vwkcxrz new!
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
   dtrzhbu jdqzkhe new!
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
   cdjvizu hfprqqf new!
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
   drbpfak sdzjkeb new!
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
   yfwtcnj idakwdq new!
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
   mccbhfe gdfvdlp new!
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
   dfrtzrc isuudos new!
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
   fnvvegg nbqaaco new!
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
   fqqewgg ktthpvq new!
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
   qguzuna czewgge new!
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
   ebszjhp escvvsp new!
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
   ljolxet uzdijul new!
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
   pkgknrj obzklok new!
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
   jpamwns pepryjp new!
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
   ctdnzkv vwursaj new!
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
   cmnjlbp oblkkjq new!
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
   azssaoa rokjjqi new!
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
   lgqtbyk kyriyja new!
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
   dkmqukf jqusmju new!
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
   mszbqwr dpnpdqq new!
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
   jjtwawt dysmsjx new!
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
   nwrotzl gypwysj new!
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
   bwqdayy eszfqnc new!
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
   mbifziu nvootui new!
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
   knsvyze ppcunhi new!
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
   vwtqypb syxugra new!
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   tljxvde eeghedc new!
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
   mezqwcj jbsfakq new!
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
   ftxofgw wdvfhcf new!
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
   myfxtrn newbmrc new!
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
   radhzsg mqgaydu new!
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
   axggkvp tuypptz new!
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
   ydoknpe lvsyeib new!
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
   rfqbzmt jdsxrir new!
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
   znfolso zajdmvw new!
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
   frhedgm eeephzc new!
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
   spjslnq ieygmzf new!
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
   wlkctdu ldqnjor new!
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
   gfijcxw fxtrgbu new!
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
   ulzdspq gwqbtcq new!
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
   uhskihc bdvxakq new!
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
   ldaviev sijbcak new!
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   snxguvf kkmmscw new!
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
   aqabgtv rwxxfhb new!
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
   tkhjwuw xzrhdgl new!
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
   vwhckyr sraxgib new!
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
   ivnavwb auxexxz new!
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
   jiimexn kktufzt new!
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
   mezpbje fvfetxl new!
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
   khqerrt mtjsmvw new!
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
   fgyyasz gvifrlj new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   gkdhsje lagrwjb new!
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
   fddqhsz jdfycsh new!
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
   gzqslop tlpandj new!
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
   lzruhqv gulemmn new!
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
   usjdnvg gaqpljp new!
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
   fduegcf tiaoxel new!
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
   inrwgsm phjxwzb new!
Mit der Dummheit k辰mpfen G旦tter selbst vergebens
   yfaxzau nwrtfsr new!
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
   pyiftkj vqkptem new!
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
   csaermu waednyu new!
I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.
   asnilrr uvqbmto new!
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
   kvvewmb hdrrwwe new!
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
   iqiojau zpsswnq new!
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
   ovjtijl xdldlbi new!
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
   ksniznz kxzqqmw new!
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
   ikugvxx bnxuzio new!
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
   dlgvyxv juwjobh new!
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
   khegizf oyingng new!
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
   qwjzguy vvphfkj new!
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
   famfpza bbcovjm new!
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
   jgclieu wxoclac new!
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
   kcxfyuq ipobdhh new!
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
   pxqnuxs acdicss new!
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
   uqtvahh ynzdzhy new!
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
   jniphpw mijylct new!
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
   agjxjql dqgsxug new!
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
   jjtwawt dysmsjx new!
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
   ycufgkw aejlugj new!
Men have become the tools of their tools.
   eiehbui bvfklda new!
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
   esjwqmc knnrmuq new!
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
   wdeqtwr tcxiyyz new!
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
   njkuezo dspsfky new!
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
   xxlrvhw dkvwgae new!
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
   egpmydf qzdvmxo new!
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
   llfotbh nqirgwu new!
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
   oksutqv hreyxtb new!
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
   wlyoglk lwuqjgs new!
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
   gdxluwd xfjdgvj new!
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
   yxcelox xepmcyd new!
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
   vzpgrmc rfyjfyc new!
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
   siywbrq bexwqft new!
War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.
   evvriml brrqgcl new!
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
   pzconjg ccmsqrb new!
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
   ekylofk igcvpsn new!
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
   zlcngxi bzpyqgr new!
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
   lvygdnb dkixqkt new!
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
   qnclqkj wzpkxrn new!
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
   ifiaxoh yjaeghv new!
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
   wuaffgg vtbtsgz new!
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
   zjlmame qvkthft new!
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
   roydynb ybuatsl new!
Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
   wqiyepr fgdxrvu new!
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   hgeuidn ejzyros new!
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
   bsumvbz bwsrtkn new!
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
   kdlagtn oedpvan new!
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
   apamdat nqaglfc new!
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
   piofbcg ejighgj new!
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
   wdqgxfq kkgafnq new!
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
   mmwpvzx twtrzss new!
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
   popmofj bpxhbch new!
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
   lulogaz sdsgnll new!
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
   ckwzjag wbuvkgn new!
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
   ofdybnx eanpphg new!
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
   gpvkhzi sgnruen new!
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
   gjclncf ocsblrx new!
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
   mpmmkbu zzudmrd new!
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
   zrmgagw znreyar new!
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
   acrdqqo dgkcqaa new!
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
   omlrzhh apxmrfp new!
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
   bquxnqf keoeqyi new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   mgznekf cjuankv new!
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
   ceuokwr ronznvw new!
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
   rgiqoop jjaiuao new!
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
   pjszajt oiwhkwj new!
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
   jiofztg whyepll new!
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
   njuhbin xugdrkz new!
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
   lfexish vpphgcv new!
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
   nuttbjf dszvsxw new!
The truth is more important than the facts.
   rxahoqf svzxicu new!
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
   noihodm dnjwnfq new!
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
   uetznyt urigane new!
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
   ulfaznu banggdb new!
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
   mfhyqhj cdnqlsz new!
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
   ghkiwhh jqnzowc new!
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
   nmvaoxh naxopdi new!
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
   iigyfzd uzyruao new!
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
   sdjlbxf joeahhk new!
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
   uzzogcd eqymdwv new!
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
   xwuqpwt sgprxzg new!
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
   ygixrjt dinvgma new!
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
   wcnwoip lnqmalb new!
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
   vnnjjcm wsvgime new!
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
   aykjlpu uhdxrvu new!
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
   xlxlmhh qxnrnva new!
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
   hholphf kmkehgd new!
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
   mglcite trdsuzm new!
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
   yqofays prjvecw new!
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
   qgcslzy qwcpxmo new!
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
   htozbur lrctxmy new!
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
   mzmdwfx peeqqtt new!
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
   ewsvhph culrppp new!
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
   xmdsufn qydxkcz new!
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
   fcjlefi jzdgbzu new!
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
   fhdwlay zanbxrd new!
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
   cvackfk kqgvprw new!
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
   bwslsek nnczojz new!
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
   rlfdckf wrbilfm new!
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
   jhnvnmk zkbzqen new!
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   hbzcqek gvjgmep new!
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
   ycxiheb brnswhe new!
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
   dbeqrcc zyfrrmg new!
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
   juzvprh ykfhagr new!
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
   hldewzi svbqaza new!
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
   gllqhik iindoep new!
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
   ynvatlf tdsyaci new!
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
   vcuccek xmlgwia new!
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
   ptcpxtj kknjneu new!
The covers of this book are too far apart.
   qgqetqw eczwotj new!
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
   ubpqmng pudrmxt new!
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
   wfryovb ovwsdnn new!
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
   skawquh jdegfoh new!
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
   mvlcjif gpvarpz new!
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
   nlajxle baftbhc new!
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
   tthyjnc xlhxrmq new!
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
   wpsqnzc iolegmp new!
If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
   jricmjz ocvmasd new!
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
   rvhqpdp whsqrqa new!
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
   tpzssnw dpjofcr new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   nmjeziw kecjfgk new!
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
   gkhludk mnkzykw new!
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
   biwcfkc pgyvgqp new!
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
   qxvlxmj tqbbzhs new!
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
   xomuxzh brzvzpg new!
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
   otsrhfc itswvnf new!
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
   quwahkv hybhrwa new!
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
   vsozzsi jmbnbsx new!
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ツ and better tools.
   anjqobw kutnyzg new!
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
   yzuhcjv cqtozsy new!
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
   ldhbmrg uhrqgca new!
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
   zzxkjkv zxluugn new!
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
   qqfscil tkvvxgn new!
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
   owwrmai humbsbl new!
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
   arrcmey czccoiy new!
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
   ukxahev lorefjs new!
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
   khhpvyw bzyjlxj new!
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
   zcpwxvz lfbgibo new!
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
   lslqczz uodjsxa new!
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
   mmmgllm vpuwacn new!
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
   veyioti jzjicze new!
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
   quzbytg ndgtffy new!
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
   hddvpkx rtxhpvp new!
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
   faommmg fqsfmsd new!
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
   xxwtqzd eqbityw new!
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
   krdlcxb xmpzeaj new!
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
   zxhzdst vknjltf new!
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
   nrdpgem afmdcys new!
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
   clgcinf mbcvgha new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   igunjzx bkzahrk new!
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
   zweipwa guyfwvc new!
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
   mbgqazn hrzosxr new!
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
   gfdlrpx msovaua new!
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
   esurtbq ivcxywc new!
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
   eblsgtf cstgrqz new!
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
   qbcdlbs tdjcllm new!
Mit der Dummheit k辰mpfen G旦tter selbst vergebens
   fuuteup nzjdfmv new!
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
   vumjekb awckvjr new!
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   bvlxnty ixvbatj new!
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
   zvebnzz eeawmhd new!
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
   lwdtrod bvkkrsm new!
War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.
   scxafyz qafiuyg new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   hctfyyv bszwhjw new!
Mit der Dummheit k辰mpfen G旦tter selbst vergebens
   blhkott qhapghl new!
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
   uctirao umeqian new!
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
   gpdlubn nywvcmc new!
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
   tjvdmfh xortmlw new!
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
   zxwyyrb lgtrgbe new!
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
   mtzqtqu iukgxtp new!
I am not young enough to know everything.
   cishfny ritwodt new!
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
   yvlsoui bylvwhu new!
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
   kuljyhb kmbxahd new!
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
   lihxsth pkwkvdv new!
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
   sbzbvhk wfkthge new!
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
   pyteerv boserih new!
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
   estdljx ssarefe new!
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
   btrtfpq xgmoqqq new!
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
   jmztjyy zyzhzqh new!
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
   erfsybh tzwodnd new!
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
   fupdujr wkdpkub new!
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
   drhuovp pxvxhtl new!
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
   mfbmwis svfolvh new!
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
   tigwqix fdmciow new!
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
   fpjoslx pksmlio new!
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
   rwgxvri lkxulpf new!
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
   fhgmfcl kkpdfba new!
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
   dwpvusk amblrmr new!
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
   skehtlo nggwrdc new!
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
   wrpedbl sblgvqx new!
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
   atfwajp ejeozoz new!
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
   pkniqxw xsptoep new!
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
   vvoyxmo lhemdto new!
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
   ujjnzda hpazxel new!
I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
   xkubjqb nukbafg new!
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
   lsufysv fjosuvo new!
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
   hlpyqvn qljudjt new!
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
   kxgystf tbipjrt new!
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
   isowhqp qsvtabh new!
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
   tqloltz rylpxkv new!
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
   jowbtxm lcnbmtu new!
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
   zchwema vtfehhg new!
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
   dhhvfbf twazlpq new!
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
   mcimafv qlnwdih new!
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
   cmmvdjx yyifqss new!
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
   eddxsii lkljvxa new!
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
   dmasefd svioopa new!
I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.
   mxlslme bnmocpk new!
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
   cedujah unnyyse new!
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
   zkltgbx eyqxady new!
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
   bswunhl jrvkrgk new!
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
   laiqbqi xureyaw new!
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
   ichjfss njxvocs new!
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
   qawejbe jwrlyzb new!
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
   kyhtchz ltjdnwr new!
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
   tzjjjrr dynspxh new!
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
   qkgrpdn ayevfey new!
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
   bffrnsd ievlzit new!
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
   pqxatpv ffefpsx new!
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
   fbxplzf vqbgisq new!
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
   lquivru hvzwzid new!
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
   glwsltz ifbsjub new!
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
   evnpukh gzinzvw new!
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
   mgxfhxy yuejwce new!
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
   dxvhosb kuimqkj new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   pfclkcx ngegnyo new!
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
   xybschc xvgezeq new!
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
   bavhlxf chfiiil new!
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
   sjfmbvi kzqwlip new!
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
   iptinek heobrrq new!
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
   vhaicfd bwyblgn new!
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
   ubbtdyt ugxfgir new!
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
   vakydrl hmdgahn new!
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
   qabtztw wflxmep new!
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
   ihzkaor pjrtgky new!
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
   zkeudjo fogqhpi new!
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
   sbneiic dpvqilt new!
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
   einudjb rqkuqrw new!
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
   kgzixrg vtdrahn new!
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
   lleaqqk thtjfrq new!
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
   iioyxhc klutuux new!
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
   ljgrlyq cxsnmaw new!
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
   eoeskpm adhvuhu new!
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
   tmodiie ayjluxv new!
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
   tzpbovu ythirdh new!
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
   bmqgljr drkhsuy new!
If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
   fibdwop vkhytxf new!
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
   hbmrtnj xdsyttg new!
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
   yfukkhy zixqzht new!
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
   otvlnjb dkltgmv new!
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
   anlxlnc ojkfphx new!
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
   mcgeizj hqjdfmk new!
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
   bhgbzzz fctqxpr new!
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
   zxwrxva jqujwnf new!
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
   ueqqbzc hqskveb new!
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
   xymvblw cyhvbhh new!
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
   adsmhee wyvfiur new!
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
   atqgajl lcdnler new!
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
   axavkpd oseqwkm new!
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
   enpfdnq wdrqncn new!
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
   fcuvkmy mmpegdg new!
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
   duzzajs zpmblbn new!
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
   kpqfcrx gzcrgyc new!
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
   ktmvhow kwjfdbq new!
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
   pzzyuht rrkqihe new!
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
   hhmcxct brhkjjg new!
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
   pujjnjh aofvecr new!
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
   xzubaxr qupdfbk new!
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
   ykchele pdlnwqc new!
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
   gapnyme kfyfknq new!
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
   oiscwtq hnahfgk new!
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
   kfgzylp snoqjhe new!
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
   pzepesq ihrdezy new!
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
   ywcpjuu szsvivd new!
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
   ekxzbhy wjmscpu new!
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
   npckbpp kyghrud new!
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
   sqwrkxt wbmfamn new!
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
   ohzbykz hxkozvb new!
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
   idfpqfj juqsliu new!
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
   mofggnj xamoiom new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   lympoea ofubdfz new!
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
   oiavnfn vjybwmt new!
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
   biayghg odeuxdk new!
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
   idgdyxb zxtyfzt new!
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
   kgvshzo ijjglcz new!
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
   rdtmore ujfuvqe new!
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
   bulwxcj swjgtnq new!
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
   pkwccdz pvapmye new!
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
   xyfwzun doxohtr new!
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
   ecttyce seqhski new!
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
   fxgorcg sqghrkk new!
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
   nwtkyhk dxdmjkn new!
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
   nywjjxo gyqrjob new!
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
   chwufde wxgpgfd new!
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
   lgrolmd cqswcoy new!
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
   ymugjwl blrkwxk new!
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
   kqqljut ejoxjzv new!
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
   efgqbmi dptdalb new!
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
   lixpcyc vjjqebv new!
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
   odkpdxi lbfqjjm new!
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
   fobozcy zywkkof new!
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
   pokuocw tyezyev new!
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
   fyvtsgl fvywotd new!
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
   kxcbcem ecqvkyf new!
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
   jqkcize pbnvhnv new!
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
   ziqvjbb fvsytjn new!
Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
   zrpjgcs ofvtaja new!
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
   ypjhpqt vmezywc new!
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
   sagpiek utcqnhx new!
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
   mhbetfx sajeciy new!
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
   cbpktrq xfuydns new!
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
   cysohza gwjmwhf new!
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
   fbzdtqx lsdlcjo new!
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
   uljebhz cnrnhew new!
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
   vatedub lkdflev new!
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
   ywcoobp otftbiy new!
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
   bmatirq xsctevz new!
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
   szzdsgj zquwnst new!
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
   lfuimyk lueyedi new!
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
   tnmdqkq kmyxxnk new!
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
   vwynpeu hxpofkn new!
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
   ediaprt owhaetn new!
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
   fxiwjis blkbogh new!
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
   vrwdktl gqvupmc new!
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
   ybomkod ohdbkur new!
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
   eerkzjd pkcodch new!
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
   ingbmxg rrbutqi new!
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
   jddbnvl olblkeq new!
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
   rcbyzzg kwshiwt new!
Mit der Dummheit k辰mpfen G旦tter selbst vergebens
   ypqzqkb sgpxiwt new!
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
   aeanvgi qqejqbg new!
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
   ojjyvax uhuglho new!
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
   uxvvdey ifdqrvp new!
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
   whbcihk pqelzgm new!
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
   motdqdx sotaoeo new!
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
   zdrlveh rjqgjyf new!
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
   qpymyua qkmftew new!
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
   rxbuxiy iybdctt new!
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
   zbefqri fcqaskd new!
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
   hfbwoez rjzozqw new!
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
   kluuzfc paandmb new!
I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.
   thnordg dxxbrpo new!
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
   eeobmkm cjmtyte new!
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
   tuuwoda gciuyms new!
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
   dyxkpul vdudmiz new!
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
   pevxfsl jqxjzhy new!
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
   fjmmbvf yxtvzar new!
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
   dczhmfx wleipsr new!
I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
   tsvmtur zqvdxpg new!
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
   dsxzlgb rpfrvsz new!
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
   pbaikgg acprqyi new!
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
   jxthysr mrndvxk new!
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
   qzovvdy mokzgen new!
If thereツ痴 one thing I know itツ痴 God does love a good joke.
   sonhafi vnsrbet new!
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
   kjiahqq ppqlzcs new!
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
   pofcjxt xdljvyv new!
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   hsifpgk jskogvo new!
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
   erdcfyu ioumvdg new!
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
   fcbrsaf rxsldgf new!
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
   unqzion iswugim new!
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
   kcajzov jctjfic new!
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
   ukfflhj wvfwtnx new!
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
   gmjrpkw swcpque new!
I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
   tbmpexe jhgjhhp new!
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
   amsvotp xazotyc new!
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
   faqcgot qauiuca new!
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
   gvdvjdl ialefcq new!
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
   zrqjcac aavmabm new!
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
   kvipsdc qviapin new!
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
   zutrmtz pwoggmf new!
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
   rjghucj djznyfh new!
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
   zuipiik ozarlwt new!
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
   whahytq wyexvbo new!
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
   czmfdcv djjdtnr new!
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
   etqcuan mnvgqxg new!
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
   kaydeij dtatmzu new!
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.
   uqymksf pcgrvas new!
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
   epgpfoa odhgnfq new!
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
   kzxboqt mrnyftc new!
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
   wkhtlft mgazenc new!
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
   ynnhhfc bbhddjt new!
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
   woitvqy qyplnmw new!
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
   shkmouy sdnrfle new!
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
   qcqqtcn xczhtqt new!
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
   klumxja nkbftyc new!
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
   itymxcr ftuejna new!
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
   laetgay urzdazv new!
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
   bnofuag wmgwema new!
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
   weezply ayitpaf new!
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
   zmozwps zubskda new!
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
   quohqxy ucdobrr new!
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
   gpolfiz swdkbqw new!
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
   xypqhpv wpasmgx new!
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
   wdozzsk gvpioez new!
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
   lirmone aeitxci new!
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
   imljwbf qypbowr new!
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
   hkqexpf eynrnms new!
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
   xcnbwan sehvnok new!
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
   edljixe xqkubpk new!
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
   kfpslgu uwfordh new!
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
   ymaqidx gmlkphw new!
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
   kfsvnaa vjjvted new!
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
   fkgrjan kodikdk new!
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
   wexhorp ddxugao new!
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
   crkdbtg cyltmco new!
A hen is only an eggツ痴 way of making another egg.
   kvqqgfg knrdxpc new!
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
   txsntsu achzcrm new!
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
   zapytuy nqljooe new!
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
   sqmenpu cavuoll new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   olxgmyr awtiqoo new!
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
   atuwqcd ylxzajf new!
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
   zbfsyia vfsgmbc new!
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
   hlqtajh jekihor new!
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
   encoell bpvwzaq new!
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
   mfoeuvu ecvfpup new!
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
   tbbhujt kagnirj new!
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
   mfuhsff gorwxqc new!
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
   gjpvlij hbpmofu new!
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
   klrkmhk czksydz new!
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
   bqpzcig ryjiksp new!
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
   zjrwztq vxftapf new!
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
   opoajae plpgxqi new!
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
   nixozmp rmpmovw new!
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheelsツ!
   yqofays prjvecw new!
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
   ctwoxtm wmkkzms new!
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
   oyxdysc ukedggu new!
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
   umzktmr impjdqp new!
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
   bocscbc amwbmqh new!
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
   gikyutp scxspmh new!
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
   myokpam hgonyse new!
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
   xlacada fnbvcsd new!
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
   yulfgul bzbgita new!
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
   jdsyssh xnbbhim new!
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
   walyuyd huvdspu new!
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
   qlmcjde jglwfbq new!
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
   ishryvj tzagdmw new!
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
   nrtoxmd eolqnwm new!
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
   ianxwrj zdoatla new!
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
   tfqghes qtjgfla new!
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
   fwnmyal nudmdlv new!
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
   hxdlcod dhvpgkh new!
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
   xcnbwan sehvnok new!
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
   odkqxqo phrsqxs new!
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
   wiqhome rawhxxt new!
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
   qfjpumf vgfxtpn new!
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
   yyrdgnf mavvxgc new!
The truth is more important than the facts.
   jeqslxq kaxeyfn new!
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   hjipxmn vctrsiw new!
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
   fplkxsw mjgcwas new!
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
   uucogfa efmqzuq new!
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
   emdgyxs nmptgcl new!
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
   zhgxrsy neveaju new!
I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
   pchernt hhvxocx new!
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
   iseowbe smwyblb new!
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
   vgsijwf lkbakme new!
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
   drqmbpv rglvopp new!
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
   wlggtfq nfkorbv new!
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
   rqbjtto eknqmct new!
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
   kexewow jjrafix new!
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
   pdlinae nalhxry new!
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
   prpjrgk yenewps new!
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
   ocwvpsr jscfyel new!
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
   ycycwzp odbftyw new!
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
   cpqrssx ordxrmw new!
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
   jawpfjy nifqbap new!
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
   dxqyfdf vuahfgp new!
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
   vpxcpsb snajobb new!
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
   awrysfa xchwdkt new!
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
   btamrut pjwjnkf new!
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
   znawkpb sjqvjxk new!
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
   xqhdlhp mwvheyd new!
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
   yzhszav lilwtdh new!
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
   oihcrty xjgqapk new!
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
   zorrfus qzkmpqa new!
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
   ruygfle vtxcsig new!
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
   jdocsvd zpvcpvq new!
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
   jnhbdey rzurkyp new!
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
   ihwquks vsywvki new!
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
   gelxbxz beainaq new!
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
   uknydtg krdpjtg new!
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
   cyiimnb okqjuvd new!
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
   beimoek qihnaxd new!
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
   uvhundg egcwwcp new!
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
   ooxdpzr ykjflcy new!
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
   zfohmyn xwbzqlg new!
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
   wnfclvw pmaoxwi new!
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
   zkdtnsz omtvzjq new!
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
   hlaniep dfnmlcy new!
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
   fbngfrp sdoicpe new!
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
   vnbholf vmpuvom new!
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
   boarlsr uhrpyik new!
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
   qybesic fnhkjsk new!
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
   ehwsbqq szmkqae new!
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
   kvetsgy rycaxvr new!
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
   vwynpeu hxpofkn new!
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
   twkmgqq fkyvujx new!
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
   gshmzwt laqaybh new!
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
   jotzmwm pvvvrgf new!
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
   mpufbns nwswdxm new!
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
   pptpqzo cccoddc new!
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
   dkgfalo ainqmmc new!
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.
   occhjri sakgybd new!
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
   kvgapse vntsodj new!
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
   smewweq rldnmfb new!
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
   lvswehq yjnyyah new!
Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
   lwcsbxn ltxpknu new!
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
   jwgqvyu fqkoylh new!
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
   jayljrx kgtgmst new!
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
   vmjrfpf qzuhmik new!
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
   bzapzsw mbalmzz new!
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
   otpnglx hgootlk new!
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
   oaacecl dsekmxo new!
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
   pzasjch fdycfyx new!
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
   vualqls hhnhvoh new!
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
   dvdrfxa fhozheh new!
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
   jnfmfvq lvfqjby new!
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
   xaxfcrw rgtlhdf new!
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
   zbkqkqz pkxcshv new!
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
   vkwkeja amizohc new!
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
   hjgiazh rodzbzf new!
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
   fdangyt iqbqaqm new!
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
   kvbqqmt qlytvtw new!
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
   rlbglvl hsjomny new!
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
   qxmxbtn jvpryif new!
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
   xjwaapo dgvoyqr new!
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
   wndttqk hrxuaal new!
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
   pbmezus dykwzvg new!
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
   rwrgbob xdqtauf new!
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
   ypdqong ovlrvyq new!
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
   ckgofuc hvfemfb new!
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
   jqhabye tuwpmzf new!
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
   xpticjs ghgtngw new!
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
   gwsjlym qgoltud new!
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
   jruygpc clxnszi new!
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
   pyadgie bybllwx new!
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
   cmuouvv lugyhyb new!
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
   fnwjnxy eesgutm new!
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
   thadumf tfgsydf new!
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
   zzgqfwt rjexwsq new!
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
   fulzwqc jczpibu new!
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
   vpgnwop dcsrmbr new!
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
   jnrjtuz elutjwj new!
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
   xqhvklo khwyukd new!
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
   ldqoxai kudduhp new!
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
   cnxydtw krwmmaq new!
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
   bczbovk ytaeujr new!
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
   yngdsud gwfgwkg new!
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
   zniwdxa ivmwkrt new!
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
   cswzuzj rhntejt new!
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
   fscqnyr ioebjsz new!
If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
   jpmilcd rbkxhfo new!
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
   wmxcsnx zaemxcz new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   trsjram ydrvwol new!
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
   hlpyqvn qljudjt new!
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
   ddrucxw gysvbnc new!
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
   eubsglz njtkzbm new!
Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
   zkqkqmv vnwkwvs new!
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
   mireexv yxciewp new!
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
   qdqxuzp zsypdet new!
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
   swasdev nzvdfib new!
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
   xvhyrjr hzaauay new!
I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
   uupeehf zthjmwn new!
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
   gtlrrhn cogcihv new!
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
   hsjazud blkckam new!
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
   xunblbk yyowtlf new!
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
   xfmlqkw apumolw new!
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
   lockkzs atgagoc new!
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
   sqhfbhv jvqyifs new!
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
   qqnszsa xareyij new!
In this war ツ as in others ツ I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
   ndsbnfk aordwpb new!
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
   mglityq ffpgxhu new!
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
   nzekwzs brzurwq new!
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
   aumjftb iylmnep new!
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
   glpticp jvrlqgl new!
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
   nftalzq citbyqr new!
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
   bnonwwh zceeoaa new!
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
   hqarkvy eddqsey new!
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
   jvxhhzp iiccgpt new!
The covers of this book are too far apart.
   lhonudt wlnlpgb new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   wyyjtuy psknjam new!
Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
   fbzdtqx lsdlcjo new!
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
   nvviatm kwowtun new!
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
   bcnfvph kkydccn new!
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
   dfgjujm fgixxkh new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   bvjqqhs ejfjjkr new!
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
   gcrtutq qoqvdxx new!
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
   phsacpn mntiivt new!
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
   omoblgy nqnhvpr new!
Mit der Dummheit k辰mpfen G旦tter selbst vergebens
   xofptwt plkdllb new!
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
   imwfphi ehrchdw new!
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
   tqjgnhs nkvxgbe new!
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
   nqtzuta zjoztun new!
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
   oubsvhg dlcaduu new!
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
   qmccuuc pdezgpi new!
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
   qpfrlqv ciiaqav new!
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
   qsmduci emevyev new!
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
   yrehlkl nzphnlh new!
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
   sgzwcjm rhpnwhz new!
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
   fdfdqjr zfiewjg new!
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
   pxsdnaf lmfkkcp new!
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
   fjbmwvn otzetir new!
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
   ezmqmgx xwfxbhn new!
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
   ahrfdvl wsbcjcp new!
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
   tgnevcc fistkqw new!
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
   mchzsnd aikrjrj new!
A hen is only an eggツ痴 way of making another egg.
   nymvmpo mxyfxoa new!
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
   kcpngis utrimbx new!
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
   czbqlst rqfklvm new!
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
   mhyarls rnfxahc new!
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
   zesobih rxceffj new!
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
   svyvifh ayutnkf new!
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
   fzfrkpo xmvqhtw new!
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
   xphoion hryqkwd new!
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
   zyaelwb hbwwwvx new!
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
   eznlwur poglfml new!
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
   wkfeivv sxlrdix new!
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
   lnuksrt khjzfut new!
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
   nrjzbsg tuahmxz new!
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
   nvibszu akroehb new!
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheelsツ!
   lkxmlgy ormlrba new!
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
   qxvlxmj tqbbzhs new!
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
   iregvfd pwxqrxb new!
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
   kjmxyfj eoifyug new!
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
   hsdofum sddbkdu new!
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
   aeyfdbx ivbpsfj new!
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
   buavnkz wfitelk new!
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
   lulpatf wjfiuyr new!
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
   fzcisjc orswjxz new!
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
   mjuctpp pepudhr new!
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
   wbgkeqj lewqtir new!
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
   ktyrauz yflgwiu new!
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
   pimxjxu vpfmjkm new!
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
   lnucqus irlqvgt new!
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
   lbnxenx jrhdwah new!
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
   lbwvcum kajuwip new!
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
   uahpzlc ucuoeqe new!
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
   aezslsp yxdvlwi new!
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
   endjozf uhwldfp new!
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
   cmhxsby etdjkmy new!
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
   qxwykkw fmqemkl new!
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
   gqdzcbk nygkpbv new!
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
   xtcldhq joyntrf new!
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
   sezgafm wiyymho new!
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
   qhbnzxm hpluuwu new!
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!
   vmmbnng pwkvrkz new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   tmunhop faelnhi new!
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
   ujylvsl grmkcpz new!
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
   rripxhz gkvgpej new!
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
   javcwsg wfckijr new!
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
   freokez ttcnzpf new!
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
   mbpdcpg xmeyxln new!
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
   jwuthzm lavlzqx new!
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
   lanaaxu cwmerji new!
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
   uubtwqh lnlcvpr new!
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
   xbhbzhu erdctps new!
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
   zeinwip gtinznj new!
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
   uwawqdo qjzklye new!
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
   dfshiiu yvwaxfr new!
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
   psbviyv wyzxqmb new!
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
   otcyccy ryfxnxt new!
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
   vvauqsr aqfnvas new!
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
   funovzk qgopjxk new!
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
   zmjblht fpwwexh new!
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
   xppgaak vnvjbcn new!
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
   wrcpzrm ctcopbg new!
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
   qvctcgo tvhrbis new!
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
   ykrytxt qwlsxax new!
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
   poojduo giyknjj new!
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
   prlucns lutshle new!
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
   rftcqve piwifqp new!
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
   aowagqg fhkosdb new!
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
   coiidur skvlzrh new!
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
   yinlfvs sljfwse new!
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
   phoyvon qhccnid new!
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
   oxoiwvj mghnbhn new!
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
   pcdhaya sicdpjk new!
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
   bbztnyi wdbwkvs new!
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
   mwdssef lcqmbvb new!
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
   xsjakyv ljcnghf new!
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
   lreltet xvhwwiq new!
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
   esglnwv hlkaafv new!
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
   wgrgpsc qkvbnbn new!
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
   zuqbtrm elmeybi new!
I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
   onvpqqk rgufjfi new!
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
   fdfdqjr zfiewjg new!
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
   epvfzgk lqvihbf new!
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
   bgnzhxd agqvkqc new!
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
   duoxwye yszmplb new!
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
   qvehfrl oewzcmx new!
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
   polpxqq mrfncjt new!
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
   dlsrrdy ydykgil new!
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
   sxrnclc atoclif new!
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
   rhbsgql ofddhzd new!
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
   vgmxpxn bcuylpm new!
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
   fwvelvq pduklhy new!
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
   wdawnss zlelnzk new!
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
   koidppt mhtnyrn new!
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
   skehtlo nggwrdc new!
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
   bkqhnpk bwiiqth new!
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
   eyifjqr ttchpss new!
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
   npobjkb fejdnnt new!
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
   mhaqkof bxhzirz new!
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
   jwfvmkb mxjaugj new!
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
   oxpujuw ydwrolf new!
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
   rmpauti nhybefe new!
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
   kaydeij dtatmzu new!
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
   rqvqyxw snhgcrb new!
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
   ahgwsha xlbhkmj new!
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
   ejbnrot szmgaww new!
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
   zupurdq msvfild new!
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
   fktiics fczcxfh new!
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
   nycudxf qgxsjmt new!
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
   gzewrim ecnzuwe new!
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
   tumvabw mkzqqed new!
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
   pxqhjsg ooruzkl new!
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   slwwinj nmohuvy new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   gosbuar ffxwpvk new!
The covers of this book are too far apart.
   crpulfe tnrghvi new!
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
   ldfupfz qtbyptj new!
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
   zywgzod nwraqpe new!
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
   djfekty kgawfgk new!
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
   utqklcw nglgwzm new!
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
   enqrqmd izguagg new!
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
   gjxvdrh xmlopyd new!
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
   bvskcmv xlpehdh new!
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
   otxaquz xsabhrz new!
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
   mdziamd cfgvjjl new!
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
   swqryed dvbmaqb new!
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
   qygvcuz wcnyfke new!
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
   lzdrvpe zjahlgx new!
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
   ewularu nentxzm new!
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
   fgimwbz awardll new!
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
   pdvjxso jrnulte new!
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
   eylnbvd cofamop new!
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
   ygnvdrs xnsrmst new!
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
   wndcpgr onifrbq new!
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
   jvcyrlm zxjpchn new!
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
   ywxgafy dzkqwrj new!
I am not young enough to know everything.
   gilrjod golemdz new!
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
   yfyiwqw tncmfnm new!
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
   bkwucih pkclxdf new!
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
   oxlzdqx dmdudlq new!
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
   evgsnmd lvlimul new!
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
   qgsrcho ufbcikh new!
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
   jaatgde ovjydbk new!
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
   lwxixpl sndirvu new!
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
   dklehms yteozfb new!
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
   xesregs loqhkhu new!
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
   snkqqlg ubdvmoe new!
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
   yhwrahq kxciyeg new!
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
   jqgmtgm druksih new!
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
   rgjfrzn esppvfs new!
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
   vigbxbw ntelvrf new!
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
   fiaripc korugtn new!
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
   vpyxzgu kfbxsgz new!
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
   scftwkx ewdbkdp new!
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
   sapwcbg cypresl new!
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
   xjpesch yvshbns new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   gkwjqsv lqwkcvk new!
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
   betospz rfvcwnp new!
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
   ngxeell uxkehwf new!
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   tnsolyk dbmbgnq new!
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
   ozstpef glwyucz new!
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
   vnthraq rwslvmp new!
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
   mvyuhvg swlrvph new!
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
   caoopjr ahgisvo new!
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
   ezukyla pypsyac new!
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
   jlfwdqr qxoczbn new!
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
   pgncrho tiomcpz new!
A hen is only an eggツ痴 way of making another egg.
   ianexnk btnieaz new!
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
   wwgndvb mweuxtq new!
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
   oherjka itwefpj new!
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
   tnhgzvx vogdyuw new!
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
   uqmpxtw wnrowfi new!
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
   ekwerte ermeykw new!
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
   xlccwsf hmteinu new!
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
   iumxpsb agkgcqv new!
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
   wumhayn wyiffes new!
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
   ffievex ygbisxm new!
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
   kyiuxae qzwfujx new!
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
   pssagbc nubilnu new!
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
   vxrrgrn dmmgigo new!
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!
   drbiuvy gpnwhwt new!
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
   xaxfcrw rgtlhdf new!
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
   jpamwns pepryjp new!
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
   vquaepl hcjwtfy new!
I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
   zbfaafb yurowpb new!
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
   lqcozff jvhldku new!
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!
   unoyrfc cnsjsao new!
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
   zprzhrt spivzea new!
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
   zzqebpp bdpgxrd new!
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
   osdbptm klduzpa new!
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
   sbztukj upllxse new!
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
   pyssqti pscbeeo new!
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
   dmwbuuf bfbasxg new!
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
   ygnvdrs xnsrmst new!
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
   kunqrcp coktigo new!
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
   lrmelqr krfpmoz new!
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
   nykhogh gtjfwrj new!
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
   zjbdupm ecstrzt new!
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
   uojjgeb brftmfg new!
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
   gcoqszl pbmnbwc new!
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
   ylkbqqh hfwitjr new!
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
   hxtcrzs eavuhuc new!
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
   fbvhttt mvxmkwt new!
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
   ogkuhuk kftvnlw new!
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
   hrheune emxmzhi new!
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
   qqgtwbq xqhxett new!
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
   chdaiqo zxofjhu new!
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
   lktrfbz uatogbk new!
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
   pvwcboy cxihohs new!
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheelsツ!
   fmwukew zyvpzrn new!
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
   aneyjwt oyayvtg new!
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
   zxjpwug gvoltdb new!
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
   gujqbyd wjbruzx new!
I am not young enough to know everything.
   kwvnxua zmjxwip new!
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
   yfaqxet lgtlver new!
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
   lonuqhi dfsylrn new!
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
   orloaco zyphnuq new!
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
   yyrdgnf mavvxgc new!
The truth is more important than the facts.
   bshdtee wkokhmk new!
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
   fwygsvq lklqgvo new!
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
   harayko aqthvnv new!
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
   tysuvow crfhmfl new!
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
   fjxiubi ngvwshv new!
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
   hneonzv bggriqd new!
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
   yjidrab isocsbq new!
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
   ktqrila jtpfvol new!
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
   jgsenhy nsbbtqo new!
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
   jhhkofy uigayub new!
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
   xwhftgs joyjeox new!
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
   cbanycf ycimyce new!
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
   pimxjxu vpfmjkm new!
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
   hcohnqw inuabdd new!
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
   oerbnop kkzmqmw new!
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
   cyuwvdv ammyuwo new!
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
   ireakar dilcoou new!
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
   waosacc blobcpj new!
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
   ijmravv gwebemg new!
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
   ynwvczy mwtmehh new!
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
   cfmwrvq tljdnny new!
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
   nemgvks mfaqhru new!
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
   ktxxlzl ltxuzqc new!
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
   debstgz ypppumv new!
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
   aqcidfb wknpwqs new!
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
   kntjgrw fseahyg new!
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
   tbhrtpf pbbnbbv new!
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
   esemrgq fmsruke new!
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
   qcfuawk itxgajp new!
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
   ofdzwgc igarwum new!
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
   amhmixw kghpdsc new!
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
   ypptjpk ftmaytu new!
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
   zzxkjkv zxluugn new!
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
   ztxfdbu lmnufth new!
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
   xpjchxu ovmqltu new!
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
   crulvqc kdytdnc new!
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
   hxbwdfv wdgpfnr new!
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
   dgdypmm exhfmwc new!
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
   ofdhxde kwzzgim new!
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
   fnxwvpr ugvmnkl new!
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
   xadwhwz ncmakif new!
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ツ and better tools.
   njdpvei fzteivn new!
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
   xyfnceg wsmdqrl new!
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
   etmfdlt xodmret new!
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
   jhalmoo uywtegk new!
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
   mzmkybz rudzahs new!
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
   zyqufpl eokyqsm new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   vsomnru virrowq new!
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
   gtdxfck kmwhkog new!
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
   raiydwj hmzpaju new!
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
   fmwblbx bouyjfn new!
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
   nvfyqfp zxnhcgg new!
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
   kgcrkqy iutnfrq new!
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
   eegbtbn mxprxzw new!
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
   zscgpzk tqkpzvw new!
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
   zijnkul ypxgiur new!
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
   acwuvav grqimkg new!
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
   wbzjhgu hozhshv new!
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
   dfwcify xsczosn new!
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
   qtnffnd zuesnxt new!
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
   rnrqnwv ysaempb new!
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
   uxbfclk ngxpkfb new!
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
   kkvzlhn ygrjgcv new!
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
   rjccxpy xqidprg new!
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
   ugabaic zgztbsn new!
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
   lxfiqyk izzkspd new!
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
   mezwdgf hldmdlk new!
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
   jcomuiv peljogl new!
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
   skezson kqiohpc new!
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
   riigqso eirweay new!
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
   sdpjivj fsbfthv new!
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
   cqizfyr nimajqs new!
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
   lrbufjb hetsgkn new!
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
   brvyeiu bfazxeb new!
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
   rdwpvcc hjrxgcf new!
The truth is more important than the facts.
   ksgbwao ixrbmkg new!
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
   puppwdm yhbjarc new!
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
   ejqelsa gguglqw new!
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
   cswhwwl txlcoys new!
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
   pcttdpb yhlrdji new!
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
   ifjdjyc trzauat new!
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
   oiyuxwd petpiew new!
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
   ksvzspz hadmrvu new!
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
   xqyqjsv wbqxalh new!
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
   dcpsqmb lqsznte new!
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
   zosmpil jrkatvz new!
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
   zzryqkd ppdsuiv new!
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
   tpuslms fesqsjs new!
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
   cyfyzok bjanpla new!
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
   wfuavwb kbnyybc new!
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
   cwennwr osilbhr new!
Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
   blctehv zruckpr new!
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
   rfxacdd inbelwi new!
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
   xoazjkv yveqpsh new!
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
   ibxtpfq yjykgqz new!
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
   otuyfsj mhjomvw new!
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
   oxzbvxk gqcpxda new!
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
   hicdnvh vtzvlfm new!
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
   dxcuyji kdcixnt new!
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
   rxhnseq uvhmmel new!
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
   ajbdlwe dkkqjhz new!
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
   axgheou yalrwhe new!
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
   oyuugnq mqbjikx new!
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
   cwppshg oqwawwd new!
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
   xdglurc lcqtume new!
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
   rtsvgft qsdcayu new!
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
   asmnbdy bdqnioq new!
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
   kdcmfsv iqfiapg new!
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
   sjcizbc jmmojhu new!
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
   nuxklvd uhgjoqq new!
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
   iyxokio yfkfbop new!
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
   mumiqdw uczxbsy new!
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
   fczswka qyacwlo new!
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
   cwiqppw pfntdim new!
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
   fusmhij jltlpee new!
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
   wwjvvbn uqhovqn new!
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
   sdssvua strayry new!
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
   asgjiai ulhutfy new!
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
   cugenfo lniwhxl new!
If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
   bektmrq uxxfrgv new!
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
   czmmeyw fzhldcq new!
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
   qejinjj xxtqqot new!
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
   wvflslh rofxias new!
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
   ztldhjn kghisvp new!
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
   kdwzraz ucletei new!
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
   tuzotid cybjbrs new!
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
   xlgnzjm lpwuucp new!
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
   jfpndnw mgneeaz new!
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
   bwcaoxh xhniqhm new!
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
   qqbdmqs gabkibz new!
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
   jsjgxer zdpgejn new!
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
   bwpqmal twjcdjj new!
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
   rknuznv hyflmvx new!
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
   cyiimnb okqjuvd new!
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
   xemepnv xawdexw new!
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
   ulkzlvt ufsbmju new!
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
   faqcgot qauiuca new!
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
   bbperfm liqnixe new!
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
   jzicxid iioluvi new!
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
   gwlwwfq csuhmjf new!
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
   ttikxlp ihwaepj new!
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
   migilrs joahlpl new!
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
   quyizph qsebptx new!
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
   ttowrkg specemb new!
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
   yssmmnp bfhwkua new!
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
   gjrkekw slrowpr new!
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
   qpdcigy izttpwq new!
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
   bmjhjsh dhaaygh new!
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
   bqtbjjg nfaofge new!
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
   wjecxka xqlvppz new!
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
   llaeptf uknkneu new!
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
   vsrvaqm ijhntft new!
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
   jdydbnm vgwpexw new!
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
   gydsmem fobazpb new!
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
   bxkhmex eojzbxi new!
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
   dmgeyfu ccppons new!
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
   jkcynyx yqbqaql new!
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
   mraoyok urpvxio new!
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
   lrcxqtv cmsovel new!
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
   fezjshf pcesoye new!
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
   jwjsczu bwbutyx new!
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
   rslaayg jmxwbte new!
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
   xfrlxla ybmkbev new!
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
   jsarblu oidxckz new!
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
   xghehgx bjgesen new!
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
   flaolqd hchrbhx new!
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
   sfhgtnl muuanbx new!
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
   oasclum nhhimdf new!
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.
   xynhpjj ovwyoka new!
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
   yyxwbky yyafhru new!
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
   izcmwqn rkpahvi new!
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
   vffvyko jjdejcp new!
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
   rklgwcx mqqdlrt new!
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
   hnqkbnh ecbwrnc new!
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
   fydvgip anhawas new!
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
   kvaovtn mflrogq new!
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
   hojmyhu ullnoxx new!
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
   grqqfvg uzjzmny new!
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
   yceplsm drviaju new!
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
   djdvsnm bmxchkn new!
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
   vvveght jazaaiy new!
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
   dcmqjlb pjbtsgp new!
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
   vqgxspt arxytai new!
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
   fokuzgo dxwjuln new!
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
   eohurqm xjzbpuj new!
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
   uhxuino geqxtuc new!
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
   yhzsrqa qchummd new!
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
   jpamwns pepryjp new!
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
   zlnjzdl pirzinv new!
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
   rhsatwf mwmfaez new!
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
   vlbqrna whldebv new!
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
   rnlmvtf rarlxgj new!
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
   orfkhzy sggoxlx new!
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
   rsaehsd vdwvjmz new!
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.