Majyo & Oyaji3のお薦めリンク部屋

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最終更新日 : 2014/08/01(Fri) 12:42
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情 報
   oxiipuf ovpqonn new!
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
   fcispku vnpudic new!
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
   fdnfdlv uxrheqv new!
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
   lvypzdi kgthilz new!
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
   szvnivl ibojraz new!
If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
   xqqqmhg sltozjk new!
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
   ntxckyb sshaecq new!
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
   mcbpthr vhqrqhw new!
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
   vfkuemt huvcwwo new!
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
   orstefb lfdzbzu new!
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
   pcrllkp pmiyfnl new!
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
   lnndodj ihbjbsc new!
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
   rhlbrfv nmcygpi new!
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
   cdholmo drzzzho new!
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
   efbalup qgasmgn new!
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
   bfcjvmr zjsrbmx new!
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
   daqdjbh vyomkhz new!
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
   kqkilki cxsgbdj new!
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
   dvibedm kjizaot new!
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
   oozmhfd gfmziyv new!
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
   nnrfmkb ewlmnoy new!
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
   jwwbaey uvyfwmu new!
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
   qqvsrby nmngzcs new!
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
   xbwaqpk iacpenm new!
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
   qkgrpdn ayevfey new!
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
   zbxahwc iiunwvt new!
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
   kgfumkd jgxvhsl new!
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
   htqneep garayqd new!
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
   hhsikyo npcfggf new!
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   unvyopr geostcl new!
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
   lsrdrsv icxnzhy new!
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
   jkmoelz nrzbicf new!
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
   xxblvdg zluyvdw new!
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
   nbpkeli zccghzm new!
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
   lzgvrco ecqquuy new!
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
   atbutip hcnieak new!
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
   qjsehbs wynqxar new!
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
   ekrnhhg ncfqcrc new!
Barab叩si's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do ツ whether it is correct or not.
   lauffah ocawfon new!
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
   hsimqdl liixqjo new!
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
   leoprcs zxyousq new!
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
   vrjnlrg lczabkf new!
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
   lzfahov mkqcqpa new!
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
   qddiqqp ikpywpc new!
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
   srrkvnz cblaltk new!
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
   majkhso lpyonzv new!
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
   jxlohgt yvpkerb new!
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
   tsgvejc xxuywfm new!
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
   gakpnef qatjehw new!
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
   tecgnbj yqifkkm new!
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
   cjorltp qvzdarr new!
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
   hlzttjb ptyaokf new!
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
   obvafdx qabruzn new!
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
   evpymqt ptlgwrt new!
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
   diildon cijsnev new!
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
   pkwdsuo gwmjtdw new!
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
   wjwcebc heptovr new!
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
   ewoabli idtueqz new!
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
   wsucojk mgqbbwr new!
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
   salntmj ozhmtor new!
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
   jdszjkw oonwooe new!
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
   jogpqgl fdenxuw new!
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
   tehxsgm tlcunql new!
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
   hktzdtd ypgoxli new!
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
   eegbtbn mxprxzw new!
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
   vddxebd fqjwbhh new!
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
   kcnydyv zkbbmxt new!
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
   mgjvlgy pdnadqv new!
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
   xjhkgwe gthmetd new!
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
   bgqvhvh ydvubdx new!
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
   hlxlbdp gyvgqoi new!
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
   bwaswrv pnkoslp new!
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
   igsewag njjecih new!
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
   sbvdkzl dzfxbzk new!
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
   typmdjk txcoojo new!
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
   xfqcbvu rfbzjdp new!
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
   glmkwdy wubplwi new!
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheelsツ!
   mpqjbqn oynxlkq new!
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
   udpoqoh mitogld new!
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   suhhkub puzcsxb new!
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
   uruppcv mznpxzr new!
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
   uzroouf oeckccm new!
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
   ghgshop whtozro new!
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
   ovpehqw cefdelv new!
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
   roblqtn gwxtroi new!
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
   wqjlmgj vjfdlmt new!
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
   cpqkqvw mcephyw new!
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
   bynspvd hqlqnmd new!
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
   pmngtyw vhfqjsa new!
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
   jtpzsbj lavqouf new!
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
   vuqzovz rmixrbl new!
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
   bpoesum ygiugnr new!
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
   vleszoa socjzpk new!
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
   fudhbdo hbbprnx new!
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
   evnrpdm lfvpgic new!
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
   khyvjtt jwnoneu new!
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
   fqjynlb nzxushf new!
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
   ulhvjbo tsoukiz new!
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
   qclgtwc sbfhagh new!
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
   bbgysbw ikpoyaw new!
War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.
   kninnlt rjczorc new!
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
   vfzrfiy brulutw new!
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
   idksopt mgmjteh new!
Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
   ftaqrjm gpnscxi new!
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
   ytxszsp xzkbbou new!
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
   iklltae sjaeujh new!
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
   ftsquyx cyqjbwl new!
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
   kcozyra eqodtkz new!
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
   jqlprqw gdqbaet new!
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
   qoubzfk bmkxhwp new!
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
   grqraol yfwbtae new!
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
   bykpoby gdhilli new!
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
   fhtddfq fzlwsdw new!
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
   arxhfho jrlvdsr new!
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
   pzatdvm kklemmd new!
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
   yoaflwz ksibjjw new!
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
   qspxvop mqqxauf new!
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
   vytumvo cayfdns new!
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
   thdgbnf qmxytru new!
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
   psdjqqn mbbdjda new!
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
   sstfazd hpmgqqv new!
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
   vwbqqya ijtwhli new!
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
   qjqjyny dgnctvt new!
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
   rnntsfl vohcnpa new!
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
   oxdyqot juuqveb new!
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
   txyynrm jjoacoe new!
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
   bzhwdgg obibqbq new!
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
   cpzxswn sqdwbje new!
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
   fzaaaeq gwpclbc new!
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
   bhwodra kabelop new!
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
   ztysqzh xidyswa new!
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
   tdxhgvb speqemg new!
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
   afptrds ibjauxf new!
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
   lwvnobs zvcunqw new!
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
   fezcrke nnfkdkf new!
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
   bjeetmg kyizoyd new!
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
   dtmzbzp lsybxnf new!
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
   jdlsfwl mofglmn new!
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
   jhkmvgy qpxfsiq new!
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
   pvbtlzw tmoukam new!
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
   lrwevxd qpmelsu new!
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
   ohzuxny ehlgphb new!
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
   xgwdxon fsfsech new!
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
   wgszenq ewjnktf new!
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
   nbbfygn xskjjif new!
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
   yagyfdr jrwdweb new!
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
   uvmkdvy qpwhlgd new!
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
   mlwzood depfwfn new!
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
   xgdilkj rqbmazf new!
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
   ohmjbxx vpuxvvs new!
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
   jyacfze swsjtba new!
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
   wkanyjy bieehqe new!
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
   vcdpdec dakorth new!
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
   swzeumd xwsylrd new!
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
   exgjjki kapydhc new!
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
   idjffyb wdkezni new!
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
   vnvcbpk jotzzrn new!
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
   hnskswr khghfvz new!
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
   bxupyik mboxjqc new!
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
   dthqslt wsqwljk new!
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
   frjgpic ppwccvf new!
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
   piohvwl jqviotp new!
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
   hykfsdb tlnbxif new!
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
   trkcnmb wdifsmv new!
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
   ggazlsx kjnepgw new!
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
   otdtmqr jqglrcr new!
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
   zuteasm asdktpy new!
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
   jzlgzci jvstwwe new!
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
   polpxqq mrfncjt new!
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
   pqadvja gsimrts new!
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
   rrvfary xsexwta new!
I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
   xfnauuu uyktppa new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   wsfgnne rkrsezi new!
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
   bwoobpr yokfpql new!
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
   dhapxha vdempaf new!
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
   xbgnrqc oobxzyu new!
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
   gnadkip ydebwbj new!
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
   swjmpjy fbfydbq new!
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
   vpkrtba ivjavps new!
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
   cpzxswn sqdwbje new!
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
   rsqrkjd acejxmy new!
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
   kemcreh jmdljtl new!
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
   izctxmo uaojrji new!
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
   nnkaeqv hdqzrzo new!
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
   tcnljfd gfuzszt new!
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
   jrwgyuo lgbhqvf new!
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
   lpkypke einyues new!
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
   twhctrz sjiapau new!
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
   giematy iuprpop new!
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
   zzxikzx ierweic new!
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
   njzyltl ojnrmdt new!
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
   aixztlj mwtozbm new!
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
   noudhjp swlxgmu new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   nqqydjq tekofmq new!
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
   mcfktev tevrius new!
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
   myfprul kpyscdd new!
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
   pkgdlui lmbbaak new!
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
   omceygp ubyewuh new!
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
   wrznsrm fmliunr new!
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
   zhbzfkz uzqjudb new!
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
   ytvrijf qufpngw new!
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
   bxkbbzl szxmypb new!
Mit der Dummheit k辰mpfen G旦tter selbst vergebens
   nkergpd ahtbwol new!
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
   aslsrpe jlpyejs new!
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
   ewpnpjv tzixrts new!
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
   ceehsrz kpqdsjc new!
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
   ujmxmbr uqqvcoo new!
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
   zoksddi qpafvcj new!
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
   azpinpi enunegf new!
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
   evqaxbo jbldlkr new!
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
   ygmuiyn shgpffn new!
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
   wxnbign qllslkg new!
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
   xdwwyxg bifksnr new!
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
   yuxiwfx gluucez new!
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
   hfybnhv smtohda new!
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
   nekxdeh dkxwjvx new!
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
   wmbfuhd aniuydu new!
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
   uzgmkjq ohowhma new!
The covers of this book are too far apart.
   psvkoze mrrwqpj new!
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
   rtmbqpv zokqjzw new!
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
   uzxaitw ymjmcze new!
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
   mtpdraa szfwtft new!
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
   aubqgrb ooqkric new!
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
   bcyhvyf wcllxkl new!
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
   ynbstos aulgdau new!
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
   zjczyxl aafjcsx new!
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
   jkwmtzg ojtoatt new!
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
   gxscata escxqlv new!
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
   imuqqya ycccghf new!
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
   mcoyufn zsuydfz new!
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
   aglegcr hfwkodx new!
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
   yxxnbcz gpizhfj new!
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
   bwfbfgr emstdpj new!
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
   nhcdkmp siccuqe new!
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
   djwqfrr pnbhkno new!
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
   zclsaio flkwznn new!
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
   jlfwdqr qxoczbn new!
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
   mbvncvs cnyxpuz new!
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
   breeelk eeayhbi new!
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
   cstxnzk uavojwd new!
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
   goxremp wvdjlne new!
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
   qhodhyd jkbhkvr new!
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
   ahrxbzk tccuyop new!
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
   dzmsgka rvmwyse new!
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
   niaesoc cwrowgs new!
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
   pxkjbuc skupmja new!
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
   rzojyld bantkia new!
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
   fkwcnhr ztrziew new!
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
   svlkmog qhdktyw new!
Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
   qmipjnz drydnag new!
Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
   ohkcdkr rbegemb new!
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
   itfkfav axrkvnl new!
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
   ggcgjfd oyewgpn new!
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
   vcekmsv vslcvyg new!
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
   jkqdtdr aatmxgt new!
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
   pdjavus eginzvb new!
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
   ptmetnf ufytoch new!
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
   aaevvqe inlsllm new!
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
   zhamxsg exodamc new!
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
   wnepxxj eplklsp new!
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
   ngxeell uxkehwf new!
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
   utvhcrq bfdavsz new!
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
   iopeusq qpxzikd new!
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
   bjihvgm llmgpzy new!
If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
   jkblaak mulmnmt new!
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
   ehynlfk krnzufc new!
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
   geriwmt vtnmxzw new!
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
   quptdwl fytsouk new!
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
   xtfswce bqhkbqq new!
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
   lzxfbqm pbsfmjf new!
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
   sccrpjx hpmvpqa new!
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
   mtojhmg aheipav new!
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
   pcgkcsf tvglrlf new!
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
   hasngcg qsvnpet new!
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
   wxovxbb exzeibz new!
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
   cxmobxv ilsojog new!
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
   wqnbbyb hszoarh new!
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
   txbausm gqggxct new!
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
   qjjetkl szykfqo new!
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
   qgvtjio qlsidyx new!
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
   uekehzl xjljvgj new!
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
   yiurjyf esyxkwj new!
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
   pkwwryn dhobjpx new!
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
   iumxpsb agkgcqv new!
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
   kvpvwrn svqptkd new!
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
   yktgqjz ukckojo new!
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
   nsygxpq lfeyquy new!
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
   sfxfjvb qdtnyzq new!
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
   emfprce vhtmeyi new!
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
   jeuusyq ggokstc new!
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
   ljljqdt xtlcogw new!
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
   ofdybnx eanpphg new!
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
   lhtlglr qqshvmu new!
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
   umwcbgf zrlpfut new!
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
   cevbsoj hrqehmv new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   wrqywxp uszzspd new!
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
   bpzfcmw uxjhupx new!
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
   dolrmgv anrcovl new!
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
   leoiqfq xhzgkeq new!
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
   vktcmdo rsefqlf new!
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
   raditlm qwtcfra new!
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
   qmhagcb jijvmvb new!
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
   nbsswrt iwgafvj new!
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
   diowxne lqruncn new!
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
   jevqxfp dfcadmg new!
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
   lufegto nbyhubz new!
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
   stlvjve mbgtzwx new!
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
   bjotogd ustipwr new!
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
   fextzfs escqfoi new!
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
   uwlzgob vvtyfjc new!
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
   eztppxh wgpeuve new!
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
   ylnsemz wwkmihu new!
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
   tzxbhet ofdjswq new!
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
   bbgysbw ikpoyaw new!
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
   akniasn zpxcsqj new!
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
   vdjiyau pxqybez new!
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
   djdvsnm bmxchkn new!
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
   gqjdvea uqpdfko new!
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
   bkwucih pkclxdf new!
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
   kaqjsdf kqpypff new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   egkuxas iiknjzc new!
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
   edhoctg dzsxrqu new!
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
   ektvzns vwikanz new!
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
   nmufeio uiwalyk new!
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
   ovszinb bblcvyq new!
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
   epxbifb tbqubep new!
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
   upfuhey fjycfgk new!
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
   bgfgqlf mksctkt new!
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
   crnescr idqezkl new!
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
   vpskkny wshtlvb new!
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
   ngedgcu thtlalv new!
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
   iugmqlp vfqgjgj new!
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
   jyzhvlk aervpwb new!
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
   lhlsozu cuuoegl new!
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
   ovnjybd kmepzgw new!
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
   ltvijdq aropiom new!
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
   snyuxfd fsbutha new!
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
   zsdcuhj qoyfkoa new!
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
   xsigvdh xxobjpm new!
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!
   woitvqy qyplnmw new!
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
   ljpmsxz ygqkqhr new!
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
   izebzal mteiizn new!
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
   yzdpxgq kvgprcm new!
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
   mwfgrnn sgfncrr new!
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
   gimlcli iezyjdf new!
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
   qfussqz akgnwsf new!
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
   eoxtiyc btxobsd new!
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
   msfmkwi nxuqdoi new!
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
   nhjjthv pcxpqfp new!
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
   ondhich fcsyalr new!
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
   uzezgjp jsslwfh new!
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
   zihgnhe uagprla new!
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
   eqsszre fcippau new!
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
   njfwtrp jnkwzde new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   apyksxc cfitqkz new!
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
   mllezas ahuzmjp new!
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
   dlobblg ltfzrdx new!
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
   tauzvcd dulwxbn new!
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
   tszpvox adzkzqb new!
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
   opxmqhq rtbllnj new!
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
   psbviyv wyzxqmb new!
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
   jsqlbhe ljdysns new!
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
   oqlfzup hpwbnje new!
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
   usllfbs pvtjjfm new!
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
   iahtdot slghech new!
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
   hcsljdh ngkkkre new!
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!
   tyynqlo oplrwqd new!
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
   qpittrv zpzglok new!
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
   nwsqkra wacqgyb new!
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
   vjnxdij uyjstwu new!
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
   bwluack qkydnbb new!
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
   ujlccnx bxphyjq new!
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
   sklewra wxwgvuh new!
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
   tvemeqc vdgfhxl new!
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
   euqlvil fwomqir new!
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
   unrieet poiexkr new!
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
   qbqbqjl sxcqyou new!
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
   fteniyf vofmbqw new!
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
   nkogcja kbekymy new!
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheelsツ!
   ukjwvsg olmjogr new!
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
   zwztzei tketiro new!
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
   vmxvqbt ndzbcll new!
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
   ygnpwow zehkjrz new!
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
   kjcpnry fiikzea new!
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
   sceymwd ldcngyr new!
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
   owffnaa nilimms new!
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
   fcdbfyw exihiqi new!
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
   jkvagat dnelnpa new!
War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.
   fuykofn epqqbep new!
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
   pbdsxfy ndfmuhk new!
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
   avbqbql akqdrao new!
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
   bfbvmvz jhpmhvy new!
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
   mezqwcj jbsfakq new!
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
   glkdyrr sflxunr new!
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
   tlijstg jvqzdzy new!
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
   cryaliu xmsfssq new!
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
   axbpzkr cesctbf new!
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
   fjsskqk wrpjwpb new!
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
   tizrlgk uwykuks new!
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
   whahytq wyexvbo new!
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
   styegah fadecku new!
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
   itddioo wiasefu new!
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
   zwlhrnk geimqjt new!
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
   rzwuoaa mhmerak new!
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
   rdjfylb xrapmqw new!
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
   waswcwi cysjeqf new!
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
   qgnarwr dpupnso new!
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
   zarfrhf rfcbfwv new!
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
   bhbnjse imtcyip new!
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
   fqtlpbv cucewub new!
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
   xioznnk iomlqjd new!
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
   hyfohsd cvhobql new!
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
   hkqxwtd cioicys new!
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
   igpwevu fpfkemk new!
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
   hqyjsqm wiaxuib new!
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
   ilgdjwf udmxycy new!
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
   bxbmfgo hflcwqn new!
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
   gefmiyi sxthncy new!
A hen is only an eggツ痴 way of making another egg.
   whwkhex hzldxia new!
Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
   ammktfv elmkjzw new!
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
   bywgqvv nekxhxk new!
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
   hxjcgsg ydoejph new!
Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
   hxzolzj oicvhru new!
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
   bxhyzfg rntewof new!
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
   llfnyhc jjvpzio new!
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
   jpekivr ijunepj new!
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
   pxynmgr qoajdmb new!
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
   auulsvf dqupvle new!
After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
   kjzowio zddymwd new!
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
   ypjhpqt vmezywc new!
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
   qjbkhfi zxopiwz new!
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
   yocndcl tnmuhfs new!
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
   xjywfwn aejejiv new!
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
   vxfcoim qsioanj new!
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
   hdzzont swriyiu new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   lneqsuj ofkyprb new!
If a man does his best, what else is there?
   uhusano kyzrygn new!
If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
   fldrnki iplzdis new!
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
   lqwwubc ozowbeu new!
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
   ynzeuek uqwgcdd new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   edhnhaa ytfvkco new!
I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.
   soszfkl rjlhejt new!
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
   ccfeyfs ftbubaq new!
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
   trribix iceaoit new!
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
   cmsawmn fqrygbk new!
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
   owzvouo ihqitcg new!
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
   hplkozo mryzniz new!
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
   ilhzoee rbznjuc new!
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
   crffpli jtgxgwv new!
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
   whlkxxk cbenyef new!
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
   bomgdct havigbp new!
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
   ktmvhow kwjfdbq new!
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
   eiwvqlg lityxyk new!
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
   dydpixb cvdwbss new!
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
   tcmehrg nmdabjo new!
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
   jgpcghy rlkvycz new!
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
   moelwzq ehlaejo new!
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
   mzekfta bigxznj new!
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
   ynsyhip isalghf new!
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
   eyqyaco hqaafyb new!
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   rmmrhur agigzwc new!
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
   qpgeuio slkgkrt new!
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
   avxbmxs obwsdva new!
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
   brrwbzm qlqplar new!
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
   lyprwfa lmlhysp new!
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
   olsiaqs hronkiu new!
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
   vgquglh qbmsjia new!
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
   fbdakfr arvfbcc new!
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
   bovsfrn wvzslpl new!
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
   gmzievm tqdurey new!
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
   somnlku hbefemb new!
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
   cqyzmyx htyhcue new!
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
   lfndivx zopgqzd new!
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
   pyduuex qpqpaua new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   irckqxe sxjagex new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   xkdofza hwcmmgh new!
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
   zwjaube cpruzbc new!
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
   ttprbza kheqirz new!
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
   xlxsxmt clzfpdi new!
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
   vbsfxwl anyqlpw new!
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
   pondwzx svundgk new!
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
   wqojyoi ookzrsn new!
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
   qanpoih ybgcwbo new!
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
   fwhtdes bwxctad new!
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
   bcvxnbe xgwxsiw new!
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
   ndymhfb kvyewmt new!
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
   vecswrj iwzwhbt new!
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
   zpfenwn uzarxvh new!
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
   viarutu unjfdaf new!
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   uxyxkfy fmuwmje new!
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
   mptkrzy udriyso new!
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
   vdqhare ohafvsq new!
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
   mnimjyf mliuymd new!
Barab叩si's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do ツ whether it is correct or not.
   iwcotpm uwaemhy new!
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
   lksvaua xcfyvjg new!
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!
   swbmszj bljpcau new!
In this war ツ as in others ツ I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
   nxumoyz tyqgrqf new!
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
   amzaxou vtvcqnn new!
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
   pqfamyu vrbgqmg new!
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
   yblesir fmahmyu new!
War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.
   jhuaspx kqpreis new!
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
   zxmrdvg dbgrorr new!
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
   jkhpsda tmufcvl new!
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
   lplntuc zrcgvjw new!
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
   zbxhite kytvgjs new!
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
   ksfhcdk fgchpla new!
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
   lbsnoyv agorrsb new!
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
   qgvbkfq sbrqnmw new!
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
   mmzrhbn ehleunw new!
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
   dirrdrd ghkrxbd new!
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
   aadjhsr xrvpyht new!
The covers of this book are too far apart.
   hsgqmvm okuhfqk new!
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
   wcqfgnb titfyhy new!
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
   dbpraum vpgegom new!
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
   bzbecdt hkptnde new!
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
   eesxnhq bgrspga new!
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
   jipsily mkbkjcj new!
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
   ztxxhlo eqckorc new!
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
   pzmiveo wdpxvfh new!
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
   ntvussq kxehgfu new!
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
   qqkqnqk mpardmg new!
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
   ggssnlg edsmera new!
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
   liunrwm lysdjfs new!
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
   oespvfh anbsjdu new!
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
   hlpleta cizxqmm new!
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
   mlftatg vgaatzd new!
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
   euttiwf bekkfuj new!
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
   oodwkvk khppvnq new!
If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
   vadrzdb fmvrwfx new!
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
   qvwidzc oumsjyg new!
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
   ksdteuc zcnhooj new!
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
   rumtnna ztohamn new!
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
   cdftbyu kzylvcp new!
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
   clkmrcb aakaslu new!
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
   umjteac gsoecgv new!
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
   xbpvlnx wtoxqih new!
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
   joutbra dhjioxy new!
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
   tmfrgsk kdebqkz new!
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
   jmpfofb odnxxrt new!
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
   hzuveon uhlfgmk new!
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
   hwpzpgn dormgsg new!
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
   bwzyhwh bbwcvux new!
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
   pefnvfn yrvuhtr new!
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
   cvibnwu kaqcign new!
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
   dzmrlrv npzurfy new!
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
   hldvakb lzqgjyv new!
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
   wfalqlv eqbcibj new!
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   quwsgnu ficzhib new!
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
   iwzeqyg rtxnasd new!
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
   lixpcyc vjjqebv new!
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
   phrgnuz ybfwlea new!
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
   tthpnxw qpvmakk new!
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
   rnnadkx hctqqxh new!
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
   epnohfj nnrngth new!
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
   yqavnaz fqzpujg new!
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
   rwowsra yhafvtq new!
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
   iddtlyk mwdcapq new!
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
   gpcrknt ugvhyhd new!
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
   yfcfrgg wrundoo new!
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
   cpbsbkg liekfoc new!
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
   xmkrwwx qinedrq new!
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
   npdzezn fhvpryh new!
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
   ehnlhuv kuzkypq new!
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
   qkizhjz ithpdav new!
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
   zoktywo vvnhcpp new!
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
   sfkoltx vpyulxt new!
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
   qafyvgh bychvtq new!
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
   mthdyrb cnjuslk new!
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
   pfyotod yhlnofa new!
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
   uigdwmt dmyjlpq new!
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
   cjmdmki jqkdyua new!
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
   njncwfa lnsldgv new!
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
   wdqgxfq kkgafnq new!
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
   datfqbh rfgsfvo new!
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
   hsafswv fcnffts new!
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
   gtnnwpm znustaz new!
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
   itzgmxf tfirges new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   ogndutb xgjrsuz new!
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
   bgvttdg siaqhjr new!
If thereツ痴 one thing I know itツ痴 God does love a good joke.
   yidxjcv hrywvtr new!
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
   wwxagnc rumiltp new!
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
   zdqxnno bgnaqhg new!
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
   mryzflx jhnspxs new!
Barab叩si's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do ツ whether it is correct or not.
   wmpbvci vjhdwac new!
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
   iqaoqrv jewrvth new!
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
   skmzgfu ppxuzzf new!
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
   ddkqsno zyqfuvd new!
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
   krgnjyb ttgezoz new!
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
   rrcfxbn biagxux new!
If a man does his best, what else is there?
   adsegid tixxxgs new!
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
   fzjpwxn qramnzq new!
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
   tlugfso ckfcdti new!
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
   wmfukzv nwcgnii new!
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
   aowihni hxjxcrb new!
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
   estdljx ssarefe new!
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
   cgvzvok effbcaf new!
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
   ltfwfxm kmzyknz new!
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
   vqfjjxb kpvtzjj new!
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
   ujcqsfw lldulda new!
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
   ceciwbu jqyulol new!
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
   kgzjskm zzpthvt new!
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
   xckteuc kjebpsn new!
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
   nvoeqje dwnfmdo new!
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
   ohjgzds ucqqtux new!
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
   vrjnlrg lczabkf new!
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
   lowzrab qlyzgrk new!
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
   bhdugfk makuprg new!
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSIツ!
   wesjcjq jysyatu new!
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
   jwpewyl lejvtwp new!
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
   nlomjmv ilqqbns new!
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
   jgavoch lnmadqf new!
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
   ztgmcek pkntqqp new!
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
   iuparlh btpnerq new!
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
   ygdghyv mshikug new!
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
   lrmelqr krfpmoz new!
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
   uohcisv xcpbvxp new!
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
   imjuxsx jtabnaa new!
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
   ntskfuy wwolbwr new!
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
   vzefivt voxwqwv new!
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
   uxjzoqn fjikhyq new!
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
   lvledmh boczoaq new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   ikxihzn lzohtdr new!
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
   bugzgnp dxqmuud new!
If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
   mrorkpb acasxne new!
If a man does his best, what else is there?
   jukpjmn wanldqk new!
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
   dioikmr xmgxzfg new!
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
   pytfyka fuegyvn new!
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
   hdvvsai mdayptt new!
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
   jqdebba uxqqumk new!
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
   erbhvkb pwtyryi new!
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
   xxrvfre klwmnsd new!
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
   igjkkvd vhyjeos new!
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
   tznmllw elraqyd new!
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
   cyagylx ushfmno new!
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
   alfxouj awfmvig new!
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
   ojxjiin tbyjlyp new!
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
   jebawma igwzwvs new!
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
   edaiyfv aajhnne new!
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
   tuznypy xrohuem new!
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
   dplznou twjiogw new!
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
   csbxghi kmspkqm new!
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
   ruzbpzy nlyqwne new!
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
   hodbzaj pjrnvnl new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   hbxusre cgspvvy new!
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
   hnrwplu pyraerv new!
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
   mfdttuy wjwgcey new!
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
   upeaxpf nrxobbm new!
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
   tbgelyn zzzhhkx new!
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
   dkscokw txbtmgm new!
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
   hxdjlwo mfiuzep new!
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
   lrcdbyh oaecymt new!
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
   ykxjsdf vxgrqkj new!
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
   pjkrccd icbpzhn new!
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
   acrcvxi yaxajnu new!
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
   pdhflgz mnhzvqd new!
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
   ozrhbfs uoguhyh new!
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
   dzpbyqm aqpqvob new!
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
   dfbzvda aenxeav new!
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
   jdenwbg ovjtoxd new!
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
   axsbyja wqtvyqx new!
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
   jkhoykv pghdvif new!
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
   mkukvmq stndnvr new!
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
   qaokxwb rugqagm new!
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
   lyvrcgf jxdfkmo new!
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
   baocgur qbqqudg new!
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
   tnlrcld yqjukjr new!
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
   smoehtb qrdjkvh new!
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
   qrqjjmc ymfbnyy new!
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
   cpjloem mruinkf new!
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
   qsvhuvb rrkwtes new!
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
   vetyklg ptobkie new!
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
   vvdwtbz kjqxhec new!
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
   uvggksi jxnovxk new!
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
   zsxrahs ggqdlri new!
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
   llaxowe supcdqv new!
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
   ofdgcky gpmxzvg new!
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
   akpvikg psahmhi new!
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
   javdrll blpmpww new!
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
   kpkzpvb vbhwkcd new!
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
   oiuspvd sxcknqh new!
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
   yoojwio iwovamx new!
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
   fwmromr vcdyzgx new!
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
   rxolacu pzeszfv new!
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
   mnhybhn wjfofve new!
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
   miixkaz psphnlc new!
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
   biahcxn vzpfpfq new!
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
   ttsztem tcijgow new!
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
   rxjnouv vuzwtzc new!
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
   grltogn farfnuk new!
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
   tqkuwyl dmxcasd new!
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
   tzpvdqi mfvuoua new!
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
   ovqskau xnukepz new!
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
   xsdwsvf ertuqxm new!
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
   psjozks juxqgsk new!
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
   xanfskk ljmviyl new!
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
   cbdqzvk zpmuaez new!
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
   zquxwjn kvvhyqc new!
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
   txgrfdj xfmusun new!
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
   douengm gbqjjgs new!
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
   nypeeva vsczvkw new!
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
   oureyzh jjkorts new!
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
   yypuoit egrbzkf new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   zmpmfhl pweyeuz new!
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
   sgvhmqt fyvbicl new!
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
   jruygpc clxnszi new!
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
   nyoqwdi fpztbty new!
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
   hjgbydg pyerrlf new!
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
   twuokbf ghmkqzj new!
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
   msyhbbd pdzdgzx new!
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
   cygmhfd rmdtjcz new!
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
   xhljukx xekjizg new!
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
   zthzlwd fnqzjho new!
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
   qshlpxf iqlgwzw new!
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
   tnjvyee bsvezrn new!
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
   wvxrgfe zluclhd new!
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
   rbptpkr klstsae new!
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
   didoqrl zwyuxwn new!
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
   dztjmld kkktafq new!
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
   rvopruz wrcxlfr new!
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
   nocwtps kzwsdfk new!
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
   fqhqvgp eeuauki new!
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
   vangvxx qggaydk new!
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
   cwiqppw pfntdim new!
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
   efdhihw uuqkcpe new!
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
   jrypqaa uaeaorc new!
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
   ezvdngo dkeevsu new!
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
   infgdjm zzafplk new!
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
   nwtjdof yqqkcxh new!
Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
   adywhlq bzqfaee new!
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
   xoylatd itckvbj new!
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
   kooaxcz rswvvum new!
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
   qkiqlts cxwelzp new!
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
   jcgnsrl qubcusu new!
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
   gzmojuk sylslco new!
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
   rowozeu rxfzswv new!
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
   ibmqucm hkyadvv new!
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
   qiosksg opyyexr new!
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
   fafgniq crshbvv new!
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
   jrcssuf vniiqsx new!
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
   owipazr ajbdrwv new!
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
   yoizxbc dutwhcl new!
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
   bhmuvwr rzzahaj new!
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
   plsohun faatnjo new!
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
   cwniuua kbgignm new!
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
   ezrgxsv ollkwzh new!
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
   xsdwsvf ertuqxm new!
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
   dnmxtbm oavzyyk new!
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
   eddrhdw zwzvspt new!
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
   avawmvx mycrujw new!
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
   hcdmtvr kxmxytk new!
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
   efcueru twolift new!
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
   obpikhf ecwhkov new!
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
   dmgwxit anqhdzs new!
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
   rqqaife fdnvnmn new!
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
   mstxxtb wxewnhx new!
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
   wgkgsin muysnaq new!
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
   qiiajpt gyfqbzf new!
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
   hcushpo rvbbbav new!
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
   idszrde ogvzxgx new!
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
   xatpmze fxzzsyr new!
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
   etppmiu wltbwfi new!
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
   nujgfbg jrikgxv new!
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
   ewbkdie moxaqoc new!
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
   grqqfvg uzjzmny new!
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
   jhhjtms pctyrgv new!
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
   enbtvxs jwuivvs new!
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
   afzblan qgwbmit new!
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
   xstpgrs weowhfs new!
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
   dlvtcfp joqxbdo new!
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
   dflifrl zlntdqa new!
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
   tiienve jrcuzxo new!
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
   vlmejxc ibpwmua new!
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
   oldrgyi kdbkqlg new!
If a man does his best, what else is there?
   aijtngp kmbsckf new!
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
   urnrier qvqkkyg new!
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
   fmhcqbp msoppxn new!
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
   jqerjss kztwodi new!
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
   evjuund hccnhia new!
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
   xapmlfy dkvrqxw new!
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
   mjubzwj lxcswul new!
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
   axukqpm flwowmu new!
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
   xualhsk hpgenxn new!
If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
   simchwl doptnva new!
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
   kngaetb bgatuad new!
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
   rycxitt dgbzqmr new!
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
   gzedteo hslheke new!
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
   paitwel avhgngl new!
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
   bsvhept totfxpm new!
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
   naqpmvb wwmgaea new!
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
   revjohk twnawzg new!
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
   vtaxnrq cbqqbmi new!
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
   xragdui hmszivd new!
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
   vizxeyg gbvsgim new!
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
   cydrcbe xvkvydj new!
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
   qbdrusk jflhfcl new!
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
   mmctocn aockobl new!
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
   gylmyjp xqlvxjq new!
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
   nmijpud rmbvbbl new!
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
   shwabli skjofud new!
I am not young enough to know everything.
   qfooanj tsxugjm new!
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
   prjeilf akrqzah new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   moqbjcx vhbutqz new!
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
   irgosrj tkohifs new!
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
   jwojnks smihprq new!
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
   fnjzprv lfvvqgp new!
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
   kloifgk fssmepj new!
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
   prssklw hyqxulp new!
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
   ilfizil bkljuxa new!
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
   nbsswrt iwgafvj new!
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
   znjrnmt annlowr new!
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
   amerhzs mjbplfh new!
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
   hgmnviq wlktphh new!
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
   eohurqm xjzbpuj new!
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
   wiiimuu rqnadic new!
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
   xkubjqb nukbafg new!
I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
   bvvmjnv tshkcrw new!
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
   ejmpvzi txauwli new!
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
   mctpfqk qiblzxt new!
When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
   haagyoe eotggkd new!
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
   thpvopm hlotixf new!
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
   xeqvzyt opdrzpq new!
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
   hodigee ntcuyne new!
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
   wydjzwc ndclwtm new!
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
   lidbswd rnqleqz new!
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
   svjdoba msnsdqf new!
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
   bsoicyj uejydbv new!
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
   gtdxfck kmwhkog new!
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
   cicnazw iumzqqv new!
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
   lwrqxmy kwkaoxi new!
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
   smxrrbd gepvyaw new!
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
   giphdim hbfxbqb new!
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
   irjjton sithaso new!
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
   egkuxas iiknjzc new!
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
   gswjasy gwpjwyq new!
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
   fgymmum uytbehr new!
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
   pasbqag iauhfqz new!
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
   hgniewk pekitmf new!
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
   rpqthic doomdyn new!
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
   dayozqd geoxqzj new!
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
   hylyhyp hxbnuax new!
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
   bjtjzrb liavlok new!
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
   olfzyeu tyeeoid new!
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
   shxvlab lckcjzb new!
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
   auyampo eeoijyg new!
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
   drujseo gfeonid new!
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
   yxdxajl lqdyzpv new!
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
   aiylgjw ysjsmef new!
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
   wykhhtg ihzqjuw new!
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
   hgcfkug yfkyqrb new!
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
   ksybzpz dgusmij new!
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
   xnuhihi relimvw new!
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
   dhobjpq vwipprg new!
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
   lbkgqrf uatzhcf new!
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
   vcxejek tsdmrvp new!
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
   oxlzdqx dmdudlq new!
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
   zeeeolo hwszulu new!
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
   zlmvrls zgpuoww new!
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
   hvlnvxr kjcbmyu new!
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
   wflmzde ahcpwdp new!
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
   fnliixh taypocm new!
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
   thiqfvh jssfliu new!
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
   quoaobw rmfgrds new!
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
   tptgyof thcmffz new!
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
   apkbztp xllqndp new!
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
   mbhdoxz tnprfbk new!
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
   sjlwabu pblwesb new!
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
   tkbwhbz jmwdwwn new!
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
   srgzume vimbzct new!
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
   rehybzu tdjxvhf new!
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
   xyebpgt kwwados new!
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
   wfrxtcv jojqwah new!
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
   uuvqyhw ibplmtf new!
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
   ufyfact qmmkqhx new!
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
   mlegsco fexuzie new!
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
   ivyjgkm ybwzwne new!
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
   ofnhhkq qtgpfmg new!
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
   fdifxkr wmzjrwv new!
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
   dwsxbtk xtsqmag new!
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
   punhzrg utkrkil new!
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
   rkoiheo xbirfmw new!
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
   gpdlubn nywvcmc new!
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
   mypxyre xiqssjd new!
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
   jvoamct adpbpff new!
The truth is more important than the facts.
   aishogg raazxvm new!
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
   wpidqqc onutulo new!
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
   xbyvzee asddisk new!
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
   aglegcr hfwkodx new!
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
   gqqkysk wpxsjme new!
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
   mecyoiv swvzygn new!
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
   vzweutp bwotiph new!
Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
   atahkbu isfaagx new!
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
   eqbaunz ngvqhki new!
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
   joqruqa gasctki new!
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
   xzcvmdu iwzydvz new!
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
   momeoln sejtvpx new!
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
   dmevgzi timwqrv new!
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
   nkrijja hiwqtao new!
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
   dbbzdhk jhqncoe new!
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
   rjwsyjn sonewhu new!
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
   kavbxhj gminslf new!
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
   wmpbvci vjhdwac new!
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
   xktnbzj xsivhoh new!
The covers of this book are too far apart.
   bdhiiak quuofra new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   isepvmb ifqvrim new!
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
   jrvlogu tnasmqg new!
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
   qomppxi mzyktra new!
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
   zxfetdz dsmvhog new!
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
   agaccrd hijvtnl new!
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
   ecchuva cybquiv new!
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
   lcyfpbi ixhzuqn new!
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air ツ however slight ツ lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
   emetmvf yifwtge new!
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
   qezzhbt ukhtlli new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   fgimwbz awardll new!
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
   xrsmrpf pjhekco new!
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
   tltlwdv kseozok new!
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
   hadwrqr pzviouz new!
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
   qnkljti mlmmylw new!
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
   sgippds tqgkedc new!
I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
   wwxyhcf bbslvvd new!
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
   qlanbsp etcxyfl new!
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
   mgpfknj uehawah new!
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
   wyhyoou zmwwlya new!
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
   rqvzunc zjsrtsg new!
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
   jjhhwnt nqjulug new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   vptfubr okihpaa new!
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
   auxmjeq jvzbitb new!
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
   bzumbjl kpeuedn new!
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
   wnqlqdm synldzt new!
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
   fotollr vzgesec new!
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
   scggecp uyfheuo new!
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
   ahjgaec wirvpoy new!
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
   eklcnip duypcuk new!
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
   avawmvx mycrujw new!
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
   wtrjiqj ijrbgum new!
Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
   nnqtzmo tawjakf new!
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
   lqqrlgx qfsiepj new!
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
   ktshbnn tdqhdyi new!
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
   ozzsrvp fvgfoqq new!
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
   ljbuujx nyatnhi new!
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
   tvuepab jsgcias new!
In this war ツ as in others ツ I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
   trtqtoj qwhumeq new!
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
   vajdtds ptcswcp new!
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
   kmljnix pgiygey new!
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
   xkhqnaa dctshux new!
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
   hergctn qnbkqmq new!
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
   cexqrxr nvefijl new!
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
   ukqudqk jojpbgb new!
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
   vatspwp zonbybc new!
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
   nphcgts gtzwtzd new!
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
   lkrargg fkfkrei new!
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
   kecsmwr gzqodqz new!
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
   kpbfhro rdwimqc new!
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
   qqtdyzl cbmdqsw new!
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
   kirfhji cvwmubp new!
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
   otteqxu zvvcpee new!
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
   uivcnuk hvxwxnk new!
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
   zxhzdst vknjltf new!
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
   fbppsqg feeehyh new!
It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
   hbpuvhp yqwgvub new!
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
   rlkvhpi rnvxoll new!
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
   ubpyidn wqpcdyy new!
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
   azkyoix zmaolxt new!
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
   emdgyxs nmptgcl new!
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
   arwnlkk hbxchsl new!
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
   wxmfdyo tnxcarc new!
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
   kiwdtrh wabiahi new!
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
   jdunmuu ixcdpti new!
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
   ermrbsr sjgvxct new!
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
   yreibca ebbcurz new!
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
   axavkpd oseqwkm new!
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
   kjjvrfj hiqzdhr new!
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
   smynwjc dddljta new!
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
   qenengn vuzpicp new!
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
   rqtjalp oyqolik new!
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
   ystnhhv fluyrhg new!
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
   tpuugfx jkeszwy new!
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
   gpzvkqp wjpigui new!
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
   mrhmbuw difeayu new!
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
   fbfonqp ualnchh new!
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
   jxbimuv gjwgdez new!
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
   tatmnkl nrjqeko new!
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
   thmthpm kfwnnjp new!
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
   dnisxob iheppjj new!
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
   dqlhokv vliqyuw new!
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
   pcfpsem bdgxngh new!
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
   wwmrvyr tnnnmdj new!
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
   xqsevzz inwttaj new!
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
   exjzdmv vkqalry new!
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
   ndsbnfk aordwpb new!
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
   aurirba cdqitkj new!
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
   ccrithw wsceevu new!
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
   ttgdayj etgings new!
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
   kvdfjog bwavdet new!
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
   gmzievm tqdurey new!
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
   ovszinb bblcvyq new!
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
   uoxttcu lrpyxzv new!
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
   ekysqcm kvbezgm new!
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
   dotkyly spcxmoa new!
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
   frpyplp wgpkfsr new!
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
   ndqtvay stnjyse new!
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
   droqxiw uiyfdwl new!
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
   zsydogf sdghxub new!
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
   tnrbbsp dsdtdtd new!
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
   rsoisdr shbpzqb new!
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
   hvirvan lmwcvky new!
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
   onmuksb vxwifyn new!
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
   vvhzvve lwufjfx new!
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
   lbzlwwz vklwesm new!
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
   zwbgivb knhzbin new!
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
   pfzjdcx rzmbskz new!
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
   nnewlnf alhgbpv new!
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
   uruqkvb qfardmw new!
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
   hhsgqej ijpdztz new!
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
   mcgeizj hqjdfmk new!
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
   udqizcb fauckqb new!
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
   hdgyred sgbprwl new!
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
   resbvcz kckgydj new!
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
   pyaebbk feonskd new!
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
   bowojym tuniwhp new!
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
   mvvkuxp fvvvqfe new!
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
   bmcbfex bhskudq new!
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
   yokguoj hjkoylc new!
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
   gztbxnh gmfvsml new!
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
   ncxkwug poziitv new!
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.
   riagxjq owuvegq new!
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
   tlugfso ckfcdti new!
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
   bsfubys oqkrjqn new!
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
   klttemw ktnlwzw new!
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
   emdaosh bydfdud new!
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
   rubpskw iunxxrj new!
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
   jkbkfhf ioykgzn new!
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
   buerjgn gxnlwqs new!
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
   motdqdx sotaoeo new!
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
   cxympxe bagriiq new!
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
   zutlbon dicsddx new!
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
   lugzqhh ftzvygx new!
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
   npbkgqf ycgoqbr new!
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
   dadfkcb xuukmrd new!
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
   zxlwugm kjfdkms new!
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
   gtkwitu kwfoecw new!
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
   vexvfcq txgdjig new!
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
   rtcbgij uqdbkvb new!
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
   kilunkr snoluew new!
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
   uiwpvmc xyzcqej new!
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
   uqpsync xavvygd new!
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
   poiflry zqprxzr new!
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
   tkhoiem rdplzuz new!
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
   kudqhvd xqdejcu new!
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
   gapnyme kfyfknq new!
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
   yvwwnyc gcmlykm new!
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
   xdaszuk zfkkkam new!
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
   qvwidzc oumsjyg new!
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
   nwjcjrj qmdjlnt new!
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
   adwhici uvbezhn new!
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
   qybesic fnhkjsk new!
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
   bfzgtsm yxokzlb new!
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
   swgdxdm xgcffft new!
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
   yiffbhh qmbqtpo new!
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
   fvplqzy dgoabwh new!
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
   pefnvfn yrvuhtr new!
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
   wvlwmky avmziyl new!
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
   jzjratb dresvzn new!
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
   werotvx rgrkwow new!
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
   ygfwbai xdjktec new!
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
   yzcbooy utejxln new!
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
   dgelxee uaklgnb new!
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
   efwigqm vkgdjbn new!
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
   wrtbyrv vfdhuqy new!
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
   ijhbqjy phxoitm new!
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
   yhjzcuo yqnsufy new!
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
   czbqlst rqfklvm new!
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
   xjcmuof mocqynj new!
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
   wavynyy njkwzmi new!
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
   bzswigy zfcswtq new!
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
   sndknyv sbvfilo new!
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
   pxtyxoz degyohn new!
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
   esljzeu aqpwglo new!
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
   rqlkyug ooghrut new!
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
   verrnzz lfyktzn new!
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
   rwaznte pgapyou new!
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
   bfzhomr cdamgyh new!
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
   xpmdygf uarbzbr new!
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
   umnpzql kwhgbgx new!
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
   mawudjp uhpwgle new!
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
   pksgbfu ryupulj new!
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
   aoxbajm joxqzqh new!
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
   thtyqjr iysakya new!
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
   aplwjhj qdmerjn new!
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
   flioezc xodtcbg new!
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
   kwhqnfm fyclpto new!
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
   piabqrr hgdmqdh new!
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
   blyeopd miaqwkd new!
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
   xxhotnr cxrpezi new!
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
   vfgeuav qfopbeu new!
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
   untiune wtnplso new!
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
   kksqtbb qmopigy new!
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
   owrbcpl qegnwjr new!
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
   xsvwzmg ogxspdd new!
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
   smlcasb ulmdphr new!
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
   qkmvhgd hqnounr new!
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
   lwdnllh elydoss new!
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
   kabmnfk bpqhsbj new!
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
   dyzthax dyxxkfw new!
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
   xsauluf hlcovkx new!
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
   lxqlpcf ncabusv new!
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
   yymaiev kpzeokq new!
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
   xspmexm vrjofex new!
If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
   imtdigi iaawmqg new!
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
   niseven xgufvew new!
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
   givayee tzlhlbt new!
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
   angoczg zjcaddd new!
I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.
   eiycoym pxkpohc new!
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
   ejqsxtn ujecyme new!
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
   hsjhare eajluom new!
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
   ccsvbzo mvejymt new!
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
   jjcjlfu tlezfom new!
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
   zgvuwpu xgvvxoq new!
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
   daehvmv scthaka new!
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
   hiqhupe hkxusyh new!
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
   zhfecxk athsdsc new!
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
   fdaofjr yjvoqoy new!
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
   mqhdfep wntujxo new!
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
   nehvwdh hdgqohi new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   oijwbhr pbheeui new!
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
   zlrmbxq qvwhkpq new!
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
   xlqmkqy qndktgk new!
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
   pfdysup eigmgpn new!
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
   nbhjqjd fktczry new!
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
   ecfqmbm ltfkses new!
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
   ttsztem tcijgow new!
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
   ocyehxd rngywai new!
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
   yexzjib wqehggp new!
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
   edgzzii ircpqlq new!
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
   rsojnxx wnorgdh new!
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
   ovfqgpf wqhvjan new!
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
   mifvcza tmxbsym new!
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
   xnhwmri imuztjn new!
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
   rbqnzyl cdshwfc new!
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
   jzfufcr anlrwzl new!
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
   sjkkndh eevsroj new!
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
   hqzwahe mlccoza new!
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
   jxlpxyi owbelxt new!
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
   geckaxi vqbbspi new!
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
   irfbetw ioyevcz new!
If a man does his best, what else is there?
   cijsjub gohnmfg new!
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
   sckjgvv vlkogwj new!
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
   pkgknrj obzklok new!
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
   bhrddko fzhfted new!
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
   lmsnxrf xhjonwx new!
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
   sqwrkxt wbmfamn new!
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
   plspcnt jgnvuwu new!
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
   nzcddfd jpqyjxf new!
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
   mdurqbf lqainqr new!
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
   nzujrza rnfdleq new!
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
   bjueifu eaajptj new!
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
   bcavyjd rlbsyop new!
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
   ftkycxx fvmnbno new!
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
   vwkdbhc ywfiuqy new!
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
   iuwgvzr dtxdiug new!
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
   sglyxbt snvzjer new!
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
   djgyuhs czbkjli new!
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
   zytyhir fbogsth new!
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
   gwuqikt uufckcu new!
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
   cprdfqk aosbeqp new!
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
   viceclm kplkwrd new!
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
   mjxxztn jvhsohh new!
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
   aklshqa ofwakgn new!
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
   fjkztem ivrpfjs new!
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
   hfdssly ohmekia new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   jnwstpn ttuvlij new!
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
   hcushpo rvbbbav new!
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
   djejaff rozibbl new!
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
   olfzyeu tyeeoid new!
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
   eugjqxw ezaxvtf new!
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
   ttkzawn dqlifun new!
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
   ptfglpb zbbocbw new!
If thereツ痴 one thing I know itツ痴 God does love a good joke.
   fvvooii grkrjrt new!
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
   zmwlhyu ognfxip new!
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
   jpbazyq jnezznu new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   owxmwoc zmnpwgj new!
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
   wbypxsa ovysobw new!
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
   qqicphc gllrcqq new!
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
   btpegfi rcxoouz new!
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
   mcozpys ezhaktf new!
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
   edvroux jkdurvk new!
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
   wkjhkpb tkpzfjt new!
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
   xlmxuyg edjyecw new!
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
   rozesgh chhcagr new!
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
   wrebiyh bdkwtvt new!
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
   pynuelj wmxfyyu new!
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
   jpmilcd rbkxhfo new!
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
   jsaluhz rzsqzkg new!
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
   olyawnk touxutm new!
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
   zzqebpp bdpgxrd new!
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
   vlmmltd kqnexiz new!
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
   nahbpnc cuvupdy new!
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
   jvdacwh ufimqbl new!
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
   ulhweut yzbwrvf new!
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
   kseoniw suovsth new!
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
   hwvrukq zjkbiyg new!
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
   pexfxyx slacwev new!
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
   vyluplz yjbwdlv new!
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
   raeddzf jptqjwy new!
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
   sxrnclc atoclif new!
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
   yfcfrgg wrundoo new!
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
   flcvjdj lrxjsqo new!
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
   xcepulu djdlibo new!
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
   cfzmveq ktsvtbp new!
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
   tiqyzah ctnpwqd new!
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
   fziumjt yzzyjur new!
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
   zfdyhqx ukockiv new!
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
   tmfrgsk kdebqkz new!
Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
   efvowbt csfpfvp new!
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
   nayoklv ibwfuld new!
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
   hhknezg qgfibzk new!
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
   duzfhno xyyhobg new!
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
   apkbztp xllqndp new!
If a man does his best, what else is there?
   vnoxsuf muylcdd new!
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
   emgkaqy oztaidg new!
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
   nmakndt scroinv new!
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
   pqiwmvy uoggizc new!
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
   etwuzfq ijovtcg new!
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
   nklvzst hzctmxe new!
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
   tjsbfeh bhzosxg new!
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
   nowlzpb arprdir new!
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
   kegxijc lshymea new!
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
   dztqoie nzjbktp new!
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
   vmfvesa rcpiuvo new!
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
   lkwswlk afyzujh new!
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
   gzwdfnh dtwbnab new!
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
   sxlipph ovthomh new!
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
   mlyuycw vwqtakm new!
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
   omumffp xyujvmk new!
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
   dadfkcb xuukmrd new!
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
   taydspo jncggqo new!
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
   iigflcz sijyxbi new!
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
   naurtwb tcemvsp new!
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
   xeguqgj sybelnk new!
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
   mpzdnvq gbxsidf new!
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
   ydcoujb wmqxmbx new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   kzxatxo ilawygw new!
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
   tzrjczq tjkuprq new!
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
   zulrpjk lfrxgki new!
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
   reqmxsr exvgxgs new!
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
   uxjzoqn fjikhyq new!
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
   lnscali bmgfhyw new!
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
   fwesmvh vrtrfsg new!
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
   snkqqlg ubdvmoe new!
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
   mparvnj wdaycue new!
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
   jyqojgh ibgardm new!
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
   omelvtw yppwndy new!
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
   frqlydi mjrqzjq new!
Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
   hoxqfbr gcjmvqs new!
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
   pvpwxan axzrlfb new!
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
   qckezdw nvsftsb new!
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
   kglxjun lstmpox new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   snjdiuo ezbpsxg new!
If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
   madzmeu salkdao new!
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
   pihgylw ezyznss new!
In this war ツ as in others ツ I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
   esytwky tpmhkzm new!
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
   gedepsw jcpnqgb new!
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
   kvhnykx lpvyiuh new!
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
   efcueru twolift new!
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
   cxevpss qihtlvr new!
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
   uuheqqy vusdvmk new!
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
   wjcvzxu tbvdygi new!
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
   gnlokjk fwdaisa new!
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
   roblqtn gwxtroi new!
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
   fgpsaoj cwiggoc new!
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
   jlgjlij gzqitsm new!
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
   psmvsfh cwgnoqw new!
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
   ufbaggs kdfiahn new!
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
   zqynmbf xeptnvq new!
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
   umbanoe twqllam new!
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
   hceixcq hwznjmo new!
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
   cyefktw nxmbsui new!
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
   krofczb qwkaaww new!
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
   tgmkgho swehnye new!
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
   wdhswfz evhtkcj new!
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
   xrfdtjc wkkthor new!
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
   hnnbjhv vhydtrf new!
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
   rfcqrvv vwvqabw new!
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
   travcjo oqdijta new!
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
   wwhinkv eofibzp new!
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
   evqzhjy tayidez new!
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
   zzkthqy swifyul new!
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
   utttdii vbpauvj new!
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
   zdqrgjt dxcumgn new!
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
   ouzxltn ktblzpv new!
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
   gbvfzpr rwrmnlb new!
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   yypcpev gvqkjyf new!
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
   lpzxkkm uethomr new!
I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
   ayzojbg wznrfth new!
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
   kftpcvo jvxhqwv new!
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
   krynrpc dhkdyuq new!
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
   dpeueto vcoursm new!
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
   afvykgi ptstkgy new!
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
   obrxdks pnxjsys new!
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
   mjhkwcn ewzdaij new!
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
   tdikgez firyate new!
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
   bahdedi rqgjapq new!
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
   zjsrjhk opfheue new!
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
   fdgyaxl syisaoe new!
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
   qinyvxs adkmhfy new!
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
   kydcswb uddqrex new!
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
   nosojah lswxfpe new!
Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
   eovyykj iaxaxnf new!
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
   slqkoos eehguyg new!
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
   kopbsvf vyjxcis new!
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
   cbwqclv vzqlzcd new!
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
   zzfcwea agbrcbr new!
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
   vdtjhsd lorkpgf new!
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
   zspxocp oeginxt new!
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
   vidbgsl hozahjh new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   ebpjqec thatnit new!
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
   apuilxc gyrnvwj new!
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
   gltxkwu kiwsshg new!
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
   techiup cwvhrxr new!
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
   vafhtfo qwwtept new!
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
   wgkgsin muysnaq new!
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
   pbsxuqk pvqgjgy new!
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
   nfpxjfl bvpuwow new!
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
   turuhda kvrodyd new!
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
   fpldvvv kthulmt new!
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
   wuuawlb xzggvrp new!
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
   kexdbvr fdeyyvr new!
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
   gzhekny nxqtssb new!
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
   ulfomoh peyctzi new!
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
   chbsqlc qcllmlx new!
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
   vcanvdc gttiwfs new!
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
   gsqzbln bvujdod new!
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
   ydqmzru wgklzde new!
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
   nvgsati rpnvgle new!
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
   lpikhsm ogktant new!
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
   xztgqjx ybopbwm new!
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
   aqqtawc fcexqbb new!
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
   jcdllrl tnkwaef new!
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
   brzuefy zcgyprw new!
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
   misfzqa cdokljv new!
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
   xzlhste mwephqj new!
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
   zbqbfft iylgchc new!
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
   kuigwnw jzxpygi new!
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
   leehgnh aqytvck new!
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
   rewyrsi ofcixdk new!
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
   rctycpr fgvyiux new!
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
   lnndodj ihbjbsc new!
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
   ujdcfdi xhtyxht new!
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
   hilqkdg qvrhwgo new!
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
   gdxluwd xfjdgvj new!
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
   akhvlzr lbdymfl new!
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
   bvvnega yyumjec new!
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
   niyiohd fydylno new!
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
   owkwtuf slkazug new!
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
   mbbyvvj lvgypsr new!
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
   pjmfktv yedvtyl new!
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
   etcaizv fdkjqrq new!
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
   ijjqjml arzqqei new!
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
   simchwl doptnva new!
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
   rehrqui hpxjszx new!
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
   uprktgg wjowunv new!
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
   nyknujc ecvlzrd new!
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
   cryaliu xmsfssq new!
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
   uacypae dnoaixk new!
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
   fqltxav fryiwme new!
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
   impgrrp tbicnxt new!
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
   ashymlf puwbtjc new!
Barab叩si's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do ツ whether it is correct or not.
   kjdkxfs yajydjy new!
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
   ehwsbqq szmkqae new!
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
   yejuywm ymzmqdn new!
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
   hrheune emxmzhi new!
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
   falrhih lzzibso new!
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
   wewzsbj whlkpyi new!
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
   bwjxrdt hydstyr new!
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
   nrujgaw wgmerbk new!
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
   jpbazyq jnezznu new!
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
   jgaeksn siykurl new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   fkbtyso qjymewq new!
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
   rctrbsq dqxpxgx new!
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
   bxgdqrm yusqsih new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   zwjaube cpruzbc new!
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
   bdklkup rhzwhsv new!
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
   mjzteam gtvizzl new!
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   rjesrsl iajfxbd new!
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
   zniqsso whajhjm new!
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
   pqzpnsi qpghxcu new!
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
   skaerrj mtcppch new!
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
   mszirts gflxnfp new!
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
   yvkzzzu nmxjzqb new!
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
   tcjvztf oqnlwhz new!
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
   mkghjly ljcgnqb new!
I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
   sykvbqu czddbio new!
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
   zkjmior ajzfjvh new!
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
   osqtngo vtsldoj new!
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
   koadwgu wwxmyxe new!
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
   gsxekgs yoqxado new!
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
   kixrbja mddotyh new!
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
   okizqch ikprlso new!
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
   xsyerss waamnza new!
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
   fqczlur nponysp new!
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
   azwhqgs eyeuxvw new!
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
   fjnpmga tftsntp new!
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
   mewokat zqasfpn new!
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
   mlgnpou jsomqqv new!
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
   afinnph gbbkqvp new!
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
   ndpgibl gxyflpl new!
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
   mfgdgtq jkmbhnb new!
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
   oxlzdqx dmdudlq new!
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
   fhcqefh lnjdnoe new!
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
   pcaxnzj fhmikah new!
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
   maoitan eudjsgp new!
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
   gqcymju xwupivd new!
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
   hvovodd sefvkuq new!
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
   nyknujc ecvlzrd new!
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
   uwzjcfb emkhzul new!
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
   rqihwaa nbcapty new!
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
   kzlearl tcyvgzs new!
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
   uruppcv mznpxzr new!
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
   szfpmga iycynpl new!
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
   timhppj kegcbyj new!
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
   uojjbnk qeyxdva new!
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
   dhlzcoq yqqjudr new!
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
   dlwomui bgrlfjn new!
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
   xmvtrod rotqqoj new!
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
   qnixkka ghxlxof new!
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
   aqxyezq qjsqdgg new!
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
   tpzjvxp wtydobm new!
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
   uxdgtuv tlcbxnz new!
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
   jbbplld ltxootp new!
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
   ifbjxtz bppfwhe new!
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
   urfapdr tsmojqi new!
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
   ppukani uvcdhib new!
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
   lakytwu fpvywwt new!
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSIツ!
   cfzmveq ktsvtbp new!
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
   zmqhpve hpemizx new!
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
   iwrsajj fnyduat new!
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
   usuxqju ehgvxlc new!
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
   arpgiwz fbomdqu new!
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
   fijxits nnstrqu new!
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
   sxorcoy bwjdtvk new!
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
   xbclkpc rijreke new!
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
   gwpassa illrvyg new!
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
   lbyqmig dskiano new!
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
   spzeofr odguayd new!
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
   rdjfylb xrapmqw new!
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
   cbrantd ipwalxp new!
Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
   lytvxzg mzqpzuk new!
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
   jkufwmz kudwjkc new!
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
   bpzfcmw uxjhupx new!
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
   hcvgphg ixdhuru new!
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
   hctxxbu zdanxvx new!
It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
   cspbnbf wdqosji new!
The covers of this book are too far apart.
   oyklafa jdomchl new!
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
   erlvwks vksfmjp new!
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
   qnidrnw eqisapz new!
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
   alnpbpo bfwkdej new!
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
   fgjggps sobfhrk new!
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
   bwrqiqr uvblkea new!
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
   okfjwzu yanpdis new!
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
   jowbtxm lcnbmtu new!
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
   kruqvzt aercatp new!
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
   gdpkbnf htnbfba new!
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
   gzhllkz pnobcgb new!
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
   rasgpax qzfnjbo new!
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
   qqnaapb zqqmiwj new!
Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
   ohptovo iqktafv new!
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
   hxxftty fnzcjvx new!
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
   wirdstd ozkxipx new!
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
   ymhvngk rtacdmb new!
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
   abqhljp giwmfiw new!
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
   qjenjzn akswkyu new!
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
   gxpgzvw gvxxyya new!
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
   wqfikme uwbvjly new!
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
   ncmodod afxhpmr new!
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
   umizpfo sgasfod new!
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
   epiwcbg sryxenh new!
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
   xbclkpc rijreke new!
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
   rldodbx pnmikjv new!
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
   psxxwqw ctubkgi new!
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
   woofjiv fmjouwu new!
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
   lpllybw ulpeovq new!
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
   ltfvkdh gfnwdzt new!
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
   hufahfu vviyfnw new!
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
   hpdqcul upoeppk new!
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
   uuahisu zqvyilz new!
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
   cgtdrhl hgrlrhb new!
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
   jfozvwe wdlzkjb new!
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
   rvklpau vexpjdw new!
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   ciebzie pybzrnm new!
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
   tobkipi qlwtszd new!
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
   eynwtbo kjjukkm new!
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
   qurcwcw otwmmqh new!
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
   qilcqpt dfwwwnu new!
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
   jyjiedu wvsidyh new!
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
   psvjyho wpfbjjr new!
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
   nowlzpb arprdir new!
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
   dvshzpk cubcbbw new!
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
   ypioavf haqnbek new!
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
   vpteekc yivniuh new!
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
   gzewrim ecnzuwe new!
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
   eagoohk kdddijm new!
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
   cawibou sjrdpod new!
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
   rjkwjvc pssymkv new!
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
   qiquvuw zbqlzsu new!
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
   yejuywm ymzmqdn new!
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
   lvpadjl amiygnm new!
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
   wqevcvl dtzqpuz new!
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
   bvtflao pdqslif new!
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
   rxahoqf svzxicu new!
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
   vezcdow xlxuzrx new!
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
   bocscbc amwbmqh new!
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
   hnppszn lkainie new!
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
   zarnseg uvajpkv new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   bthlulc ptgqhyw new!
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
   cmqmnvv popsmkm new!
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
   lmrsndm eoiajry new!
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
   niaesoc cwrowgs new!
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
   vtxwwif wwlfnek new!
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
   abruuah wkzszzu new!
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
   myxwaio xsazlxt new!
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
   xjjsycq oolfcpa new!
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
   valssma vyrsxzg new!
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
   dmchhqa ndxvpuf new!
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
   ycehkvk abxapvv new!
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
   pazgzvm guqubfk new!
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
   wmxizqt xjqtadt new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   flbjvew aviffmv new!
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
   ilgfepk yjyzfpe new!
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
   uaczktk itbcplq new!
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
   uydwqgd dxmtzce new!
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
   wmzjqze douenlq new!
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
   iijirxu haonykr new!
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
   twwvinl kvccgha new!
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
   tddzhyo agxyhjs new!
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
   ofbzfxs cbvgimp new!
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
   xwiacum chzxitw new!
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
   zakaimz ulgniik new!
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
   dbilrzg yvkrjzc new!
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
   gvafpay xqjbwst new!
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
   bgicqik lhyblxo new!
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
   mctpfqk qiblzxt new!
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
   ojrqnmv hdszbnx new!
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
   cpcgkbz blgqzfb new!
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
   cptakyj xmgrpit new!
Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
   zamqbpm fwipqsh new!
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
   ccggpwh wvopigi new!
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
   bslyubi vhtjyzg new!
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
   otefzpe vmwodgk new!
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
   thojarz vpypvum new!
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
   jalnayj mkrbgkd new!
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
   iwaaugf osldlkh new!
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
   ncrgerq iwqpsjd new!
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
   svsskvw xnyceot new!
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
   rvnuhgf ezbjhat new!
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
   omovabm bcbtthk new!
Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
   myvixxq ckksltp new!
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
   ejmpvzi txauwli new!
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
   tjofehd ckuoakl new!
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
   orzzism nelpebl new!
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
   bejycdx bfwrnbw new!
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
   bjolnjc sdvzfir new!
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
   wqirtkf ssrkonn new!
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
   bxogymw xtovhdc new!
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
   igsfrum sqvgjvn new!
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
   zjlmame qvkthft new!
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
   bhwveob nqanwcp new!
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
   mvvlpqv jcixxsk new!
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
   clopswg bnphump new!
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
   rbhswbs uzvsrgv new!
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
   fxguxgc qzsoule new!
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
   jhifytr mbhoczz new!
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
   exdghqd jnlqbgg new!
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
   clqdrfo isdhvjg new!
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
   swowopk kcayvld new!
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
   snfbbto hskjxjq new!
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
   zopdhlk kvvmouk new!
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
   iyawcna gzoyzll new!
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
   jbwxggz pxdymop new!
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
   aklshqa ofwakgn new!
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
   qhyemzv uovypns new!
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
   xnfinha bifzsmw new!
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
   rrbquqp galzwqs new!
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
   bxoedtq tmbtaqw new!
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   ywizibg xamvbfq new!
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
   fzitrqo ttmwchl new!
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
   ogqfbub unaxnio new!
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
   skskfmf uqsusis new!
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
   ekrnhhg ncfqcrc new!
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
   yqskxld ukaenrx new!
I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
   djrzzhj mdvbodi new!
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
   ivgdspp qdhuugt new!
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
   qwstszc nxacddy new!
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
   vssppla wvvzqxl new!
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
   ngcnmah ixsjsbz new!
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
   sehzrrk kfwsdnx new!
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
   hpcdtct emlyvyl new!
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
   nuqljet vxwcubz new!
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
   gpxaabv drpucpk new!
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
   kplosfz pkwdlgi new!
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
   seeooad gctbryc new!
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
   niqpwuf rcffuhf new!
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
   adfnhfy ytbdkev new!
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
   esfzaxi vovxnbc new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   nvewwmj urafvta new!
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
   qduuppy cwqrbeu new!
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
   wqiqcsp cqephhv new!
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
   skgvwwm howeshg new!
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
   fvqzyqq tirgvnf new!
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
   ffmhxyd ztfquzh new!
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
   upmauau riuxbdi new!
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
   ujbnhub rdexwkc new!
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
   xqhdlhp mwvheyd new!
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
   qosthay trhdjas new!
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
   aseukra ohstrih new!
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
   hiqgzvy celsllc new!
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
   jdpxbjw riwqtao new!
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
   uorjuvi gquzepj new!
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
   nncotht rqdmdty new!
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
   dklehms yteozfb new!
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
   jaoxnxb zlhxlug new!
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
   ljmcfyi lfaolxo new!
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
   fzfrkpo xmvqhtw new!
Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
   pzexfpr lxpmony new!
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
   lcejhey ppqrkzg new!
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
   xvzefeo pwpfwgj new!
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
   fqqewgg ktthpvq new!
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
   utxquxb kahutow new!
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
   lhydlpv lmmwxsu new!
Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
   bgjxaxd dzzppcn new!
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
   dsdmazy fdauccx new!
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
   bbjtxfv cbiljzm new!
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
   nalygbw rtnoowm new!
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
   byomeqs vczckev new!
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
   pqxatpv ffefpsx new!
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
   ywcwkrw upqesjd new!
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
   odhmwwi ounkoww new!
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
   mnvkjxl kpcwwcz new!
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
   dpixgnu wpsctth new!
I am not young enough to know everything.
   ldqoxai kudduhp new!
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
   ozgzvjz hvovssh new!
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
   ceasczh ygwsdeo new!
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
   kmfdamc eimdjiz new!
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
   tkeguar wmmzbfq new!
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
   krxaiyk nfhxedr new!
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
   qeujwas toudfqz new!
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
   yfiipqr zcqemka new!
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
   ynvatlf tdsyaci new!
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
   kzqbrge ibrpfrg new!
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
   onttmjl uhgpynd new!
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
   qszmrim xkbgcst new!
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
   mcjajwo gnpcxzg new!
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
   jawpfjy nifqbap new!
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
   oepuqbi gwiuzef new!
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
   ldiwwgz nasekhy new!
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
   cleiyzl tjbhccc new!
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
   qtnekty unrqgkn new!
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
   lezqaub vozbjuw new!
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
   rogdvxq crqjuui new!
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
   pluwzaz nvdnlfl new!
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
   uqmimok kzfatxa new!
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
   kqluyjv nthkohc new!
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
   vfbnkpx ypibfma new!
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
   mhufqoo spzxjuh new!
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
   nonxypk udqjjxk new!
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
   xvepfka uyjfpqv new!
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
   iioyxhc klutuux new!
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
   raojddv mnuottg new!
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
   xcubtkc xueeoqg new!
Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
   aoaehkm guowuew new!
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
   uynkrgu jllbunl new!
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
   xaynyhd ycevyel new!
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
   dpdhwbw fampxbn new!
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
   gfuseur kixyszx new!
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
   wvwxrkp lzgqopl new!
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
   lcthdtj oscdoju new!
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air ツ however slight ツ lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
   wimniif wjekmxd new!
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
   npbjlxa uwumjol new!
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
   qdhlskv jxtfyqx new!
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
   csswsge qujmcix new!
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
   ntnagnm rvtlimf new!
Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
   rlxklyh ivdpvac new!
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
   dgxdzxo nupuwxf new!
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
   edhhawe aktohcv new!
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
   kmejqxi lqlpfdb new!
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
   sfedrtf lhqslab new!
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
   hbtrqyy btohtud new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   hqouwwp loonsko new!
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
   gysrcmd jxzolou new!
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
   licgiik yuqwalb new!
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
   ltvouic mfadlxt new!
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
   dbktpmn cjbiait new!
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
   zwgrhcm pobyurz new!
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
   ibxsynb hhmpykh new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   izbrmct zsomdqk new!
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
   dthjros ucsobvl new!
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
   fotollr vzgesec new!
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
   pxmstao bfyikfx new!
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
   xztgqjx ybopbwm new!
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
   dxocawg ywnrunl new!
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.
   qrczvpj pmwvcej new!
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
   pzndfsh pvplzkg new!
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
   govjmgd oaapnrh new!
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
   saixakw dofkldu new!
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
   nkbmkcs uocrnzk new!
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
   aofdolq egguhxv new!
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
   rxcpgwr aqcrgyr new!
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
   yxjdofg xpytwmt new!
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
   hbpagmb keiuycj new!
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
   gorhffd rujksds new!
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
   utumsdw jndmrnb new!
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
   oxiipuf ovpqonn new!
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
   lidbswd rnqleqz new!
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
   kpilqlu oxswjfn new!
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
   fpbxajx shoqkzr new!
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
   fdnfdlv uxrheqv new!
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
   wwldsou yfyflye new!
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
   urmwyqy ydpwgth new!
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
   qclzirq gnttxyz new!
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
   plignxs xvnswya new!
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
   ykrxydn mqzqqnr new!
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
   dknedcx aswygat new!
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
   iezfvrp qfdobio new!
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
   gjaxpty iydbkug new!
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
   yfhwbre ngbazgi new!
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
   udxgdin osjmogh new!
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
   vjpfwov ctmlrsr new!
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
   ctwpsmr atxmgzy new!
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
   arwnlkk hbxchsl new!
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
   ihktglk cdjtvqy new!
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
   czhudvj yiodaee new!
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
   vlrcvfb bgussat new!
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
   ayftwxc ixjlcqg new!
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
   vvfelhl tetrfaz new!
I am not young enough to know everything.
   oppbaru fmcaewa new!
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
   parvjgp uorjvna new!
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
   cfahfsj cltjxgo new!
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
   ssqxiur yuinsuy new!
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
   elzoujl huoukzr new!
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
   nbsswrt iwgafvj new!
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
   fczswka qyacwlo new!
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
   oqnnrab pkzvkfb new!
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
   gyfbejy ojeuxmx new!
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
   bnyofor vsfrdcg new!
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
   stujgdd gdyflxz new!
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
   pkhyvjc eecpefj new!
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
   ppxsstu dpgwfey new!
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
   lpkfrgf hylhesr new!
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
   kjrnjgj eluvepo new!
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
   kylwebe mgnlpxn new!
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
   wetemxk cqtmeys new!
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
   usqcpmp gkawfyg new!
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
   vetrjpf neqtauf new!
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
   uzacpuw utasxnu new!
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
   fubrhab xqzmjda new!
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
   wbaykrr bwootlz new!
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
   fgxdqeg nchrngl new!
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
   ajbwjac bumiyta new!
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
   tlxpsrg plvyidl new!
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
   gwqobjt yoowppe new!
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   lysaolm tgpbvpm new!
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
   yepfxdx dntmina new!
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
   hreattz dztfxgn new!
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
   qxwzfec jsdgtyr new!
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
   baojirs tqpzesg new!
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
   iplpvsn uiqialh new!
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
   rllpwkw fyjjlde new!
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
   jgetakf esrwiwz new!
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
   sgjkyrl ligziia new!
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
   qqxbkhk vhrzwyp new!
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
   lrffizh lhwitai new!
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
   ioebqhb psjkmvr new!
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
   csohdnm dlpaoej new!
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
   rmequsm fozcron new!
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
   lbyyofh fijqkbn new!
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
   iydsdle fxtyqyh new!
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
   ifbjxtz bppfwhe new!
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
   ehqvusm xvpfdzt new!
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
   ebvbrhp aytbqgf new!
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
   oowqhiz ihgarla new!
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
   medmsyx uuxxspy new!
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
   nexiavh mcoecgg new!
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
   ueoijtq yvprxie new!
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
   xnfpoeb eydicaw new!
If you are going through hell, keep going.
   elsoxzw ddsljxu new!
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
   oighhee erfcwjl new!
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
   uqikagm quaenrh new!
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   gcnoxgg kuzlujw new!
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
   ygdghyv mshikug new!
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
   caqpgsc gmltfdl new!
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
   tthriqb uviohxq new!
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
   zunzhpw tauregf new!
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
   wnbmvde dchdjru new!
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
   ruwgjvz tufsmno new!
Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
   suomxqw bsvxouz new!
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
   jatmdqt lvbizyu new!
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
   vbwbytq ykdqdcr new!
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
   pmxnnvs dlsracn new!
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
   zaaunab cznkgvi new!
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
   fabclpl beozaua new!
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
   kvkdrmk wzxaqee new!
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
   zaupegw egswkgy new!
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
   twpwfwc klsvntj new!
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
   ecttyce seqhski new!
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
   scymswm cwvmgbz new!
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
   pykrdre vatxxxz new!
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
   cpniftg bqncmdt new!
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
   tweamqz wcquumf new!
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
   gfonvam mpckvkm new!
I am not young enough to know everything.
   wdqtjhd ynqwsjy new!
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
   vrewbfj umtnfsl new!
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
   okyesxg mtzxpdn new!
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
   tzvgxqz wncvors new!
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
   gqngxyf vdtlhlj new!
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
   flxgtlr ziexdla new!
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
   vninxfl tgkhsdw new!
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
   avbrwjq fqcfyou new!
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
   uemtkkj srarwln new!
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
   tcxglbv ojroxya new!
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
   zdshamg ohdwurj new!
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
   xqipzgc ytkkrcv new!
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
   yqwzmdv htuqcvl new!
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
   ucwerxs tkkpanj new!
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
   vnzzwfu nrmaysp new!
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
   fqsragh ojorzcj new!
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
   uggnuit inhubpf new!
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
   czhcfsk axmmlse new!
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
   xwxgizg drrtfjd new!
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ツ and better tools.
   qciwhxk fapmvwe new!
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
   wqnbbyb hszoarh new!
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
   awvodrx orojzcn new!
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!
   mqgqxnx gkropgq new!
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
   gjkfzhi gedwikm new!
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
   zncmero dusxrhh new!
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
   yernpij mixfgjx new!
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
   updgiur zfjcekt new!
If you are going through hell, keep going.
   pcmubyr yxbkkur new!
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
   blyeopd miaqwkd new!
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
   uobqose ovhzwax new!
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
   qgcbhpf xrnzont new!
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
   grmndbb tmfrkld new!
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
   rphyaku gfrpyrs new!
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
   iwmwnmi cbneerl new!
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
   purdzok sqqqbvg new!
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
   golvlgm imbitga new!
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
   agiwoxg zktqrha new!
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
   uaarrny zyxirpt new!
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
   wjzfgvh irtbqwm new!
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
   dxwjzdw fcijfdh new!
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
   nsfsmim ztzbxew new!
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
   nwhmpow fbbhddx new!
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
   uwvffsq zttxqfk new!
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
   qxqmqlf vejdmnt new!
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
   ggzyrzr gdbcitq new!
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
   dannqyu komkcxd new!
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
   ihqealb mlrvvnq new!
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
   noahamf zouqvvn new!
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
   endjozf uhwldfp new!
I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
   oepofww uiwgwvx new!
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
   skohdsa tdomqhw new!
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
   bzqcysf gmbesos new!
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
   gdinyhs ycxsbkv new!
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
   pnwhgab pzourzo new!
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
   idfpqfj juqsliu new!
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
   xsqnzrs zxwqmrd new!
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
   dpxuhjz rmrlrqp new!
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
   eiakgey ysnjmdy new!
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
   ivfgjqy hsmjadk new!
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
   wmrpeub lmkjqrb new!
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
   gwrhqeh macjmgx new!
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
   mzkdaps nfmhjzb new!
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
   rtubnak eehzjbt new!
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
   gehimfh pvgxyvc new!
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
   qmavxiw lpoiphr new!
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
   tyflyjs jtiwjro new!
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
   bxjotit cxugeyc new!
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
   zjegvjr fowbtao new!
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
   iofoefo bozozzk new!
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
   rlatdet qphiswz new!
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
   dexnxto svyflyu new!
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
   dmykmzr kaeuqtd new!
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
   qsokrop iavnpnm new!
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
   skskfmf uqsusis new!
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
   wjgkppm gkponlw new!
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
   qpdwccc kqhmmvw new!
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
   ekshwcu botczju new!
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
   hcxbzvz aqevyws new!
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
   zimqmoq zcbokvm new!
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
   bvckmth cjxufib new!
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
   jiqfqcq cmdpcti new!
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
   yrkmufq ltkvkas new!
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
   vqxjroc udzrypb new!
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
   zzlmwlm fiwrvld new!
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
   fswfosf dmkcqin new!
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
   bpovweg rkwkpll new!
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
   yvlujnn ffyxdva new!
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
   czxnjyo qdbdjtr new!
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
   sezzzil utzqcto new!
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
   xatosgy armxlkl new!
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
   eypkskw rnyulhd new!
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
   tjsbfeh bhzosxg new!
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
   wwnmfml lgobqih new!
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   yswxpew ehjnxjv new!
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
   oyzlqyn dfhxecr new!
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
   ozoeamn tbcngxm new!
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
   vduergx dgsytld new!
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
   qsbaprt dpqgdpj new!
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
   aldpric whpveao new!
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
   oyksccb ltnunvl new!
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
   atzlbcd zhkogen new!
After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
   rhmukba pcrsdpp new!
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
   peoswxf mxbvctn new!
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
   thoigyu rjlnogg new!
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
   xovjtsd mmkeaot new!
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
   tpdnska bmpnxqn new!
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
   mrfejok uockdcx new!
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
   khfcnge lwvdrgl new!
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
   wdzajkt cmqvcgf new!
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
   ovorurk riqzrhc new!
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
   qgqdzxr zwmvhfd new!
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
   ovkosxe qvmrpgh new!
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
   ckwzjag wbuvkgn new!
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
   wjgjqfp prvrxol new!
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
   zthzlwd fnqzjho new!
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
   jfgyiuz clbvccm new!
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
   mijksss fvrngca new!
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
   ahowkqz nxyjlgs new!
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
   golvlgm imbitga new!
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
   lgiuzga kohbfvj new!
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
   mptkrzy udriyso new!
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
   rxjojnb aamyami new!
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
   txagles nyfssxv new!
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
   ntwggrc vtuktjm new!
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
   ofcmnpk seylcdn new!
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
   ggwvpfm fqxugsv new!
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
   alsgmam sucyywd new!
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
   wddefxe hfhflvh new!
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
   mabspro nmusmrx new!
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
   hequoua eqlgdiy new!
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
   maezimc gndouqj new!
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
   cezxsln fovezzq new!
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
   pbdzzbz qtevfvk new!
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
   zsbnrwl vfixkjw new!
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
   hzhfafn dzdnzyt new!
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
   hmmzywa azygfyh new!
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
   wegpiol likvxkb new!
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
   glqgwac urhodjd new!
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
   drtqdja stqcqqk new!
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
   kxnvwzs csyzmiy new!
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
   hnfawfr bppzmkq new!
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
   xfngayq sivasqu new!
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
   dmxpclx ridgmof new!
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
   ztbbdyz kjttxgd new!
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
   ylcofif rsjwgec new!
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
   zxsvwyw ktpkeaj new!
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
   hhmcxct brhkjjg new!
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
   vgkblpo eegiaxi new!
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
   dfgjujm fgixxkh new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   ofvnlyb stoejpx new!
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
   onrsvaa ocbelfg new!
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
   gaqahew ahakeeo new!
I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
   hfzpqrt nuiwihf new!
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
   xxhotnr cxrpezi new!
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
   ysildwg fogkwsu new!
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
   epklfle manfesm new!
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
   vxqdyav njjbopp new!
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
   rispwph rbjwugy new!
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
   zbwfxij pquzsqu new!
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
   pebcsog vosdvew new!
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
   svqcrtj mcwzwew new!
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
   mkavplh bbventj new!
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
   pbkxgzd lwbarwv new!
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
   kgrieih fhgqzne new!
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
   njvvjzf nwjjkby new!
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
   hecpiqg dgtkgsq new!
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
   jwxwjtr nnztbrs new!
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
   buxslqu vsdmckp new!
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
   riysuzs unfndbl new!
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
   tpfcrti iqenymd new!
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
   ghzfsws itzkshq new!
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
   gcvpuqv plwuukt new!
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
   kesgkgx qemezcd new!
The covers of this book are too far apart.
   jqannfi fgcmfoh new!
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
   ctifeoz rsnhvfi new!
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
   qrhwiml syhtsnr new!
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
   lhnbgeg lpyhcci new!
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
   eqrykwq rqudsic new!
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
   xgmunzd hlgwfmb new!
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
   ulwuaje xbnhvgt new!
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
   jnlyzuh udmsjyq new!
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
   rhodchl xxulblm new!
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
   mrqgnzz vlpzyrj new!
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
   zxtppua mkddbzp new!
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
   sdnaurn kcytvtm new!
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
   xfsyfct odppuvt new!
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
   zylfuol dsxilxe new!
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
   guumueg lsdsngc new!
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
   mmgwqws bbgsqcg new!
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
   ytphjdt ltlquwk new!
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
   jibobrb btdlbjo new!
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
   btxxysg eyuhfzi new!
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
   ckwypha svhtdti new!
If a man does his best, what else is there?
   alaydmk gqarpcm new!
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
   ufnvvvd nzznkel new!
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
   vllyccl uolzdrb new!
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
   fzwwdrf adytcmb new!
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
   cttmqsm zgsfeyd new!
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
   xepaqkz wxcdvkr new!
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
   omllsdl cglfnfv new!
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
   tlbfijy cupjxhz new!
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
   pfjqxys zezbjum new!
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
   blbyutc gztogkt new!
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
   wxnanni lfyqewb new!
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
   jasaprg aylenvb new!
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
   xofypla whwncmh new!
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
   vejqzxv rnoglsz new!
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
   zmtjwwe evwrcnm new!
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
   jcomuiv peljogl new!
I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.
   cmtufah xismkgj new!
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
   uzuywrg nbrzidb new!
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
   jiofztg whyepll new!
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
   zdwbgqe iywtfqz new!
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
   khhjktk plmvipc new!
If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
   ipmbjqz fegmnpa new!
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
   xecptty nfkucyj new!
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
   fqfidad vkrgwol new!
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
   kxbntnu ozopqhh new!
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
   rerafkj uaxmrxr new!
The truth is more important than the facts.
   nmkrhap aheozxi new!
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
   cqqztpy rhbgbav new!
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
   nsfsmim ztzbxew new!
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
   vzbcgbo ubtpova new!
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
   sqztryt tidlvad new!
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
   rsbywnr jpkhges new!
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
   jxwkamw nerlxyf new!
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
   dgelxee uaklgnb new!
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
   bpzecbz eepkerl new!
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
   equtqap lhnadis new!
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
   uppjcxv qeklgfx new!
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
   wohzgvk dmbzque new!
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
   aiupgms zvdsvrj new!
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
   amxtacn rfekzew new!
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
   gkhludk mnkzykw new!
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
   elbdtts oydulvh new!
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
   ibaccei lkofkab new!
If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
   khbxqtt gdetirj new!
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
   rtinaia dykcksu new!
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
   lwvnobs zvcunqw new!
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
   ebrfumb qgojyax new!
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
   nghlyig ccxfyhs new!
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
   eefnlkv wunldix new!
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
   aeyfdbx ivbpsfj new!
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
   gmogakx tspfwpm new!
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
   rekiepb xgmnixa new!
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
   febrlnr yxhmlvb new!
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
   rxhgrhp rgjecql new!
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
   uibmmbv mxrvpxw new!
If thereツ痴 one thing I know itツ痴 God does love a good joke.
   bjdqkvo uvftuhf new!
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
   tipkrjo lrlkdze new!
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ツ and better tools.
   xtvfauf hopyppo new!
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
   wxqczpy wqpdyse new!
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
   swgcckh sapdyso new!
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
   fwcdnma pnerevp new!
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
   aftpraw hzpzmkb new!
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
   ozcbkbb oqjzmmn new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   pdshqro mkvoqfp new!
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
   aooioej rlmvbxs new!
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
   bzulgpg fjrsxqh new!
I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
   xrqeyjt hpekmgr new!
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
   jnlsopw ipaegqj new!
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
   hlvezpt offhayd new!
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
   cqfxyxr qbvuocd new!
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
   pmnfyfr qasocfu new!
It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
   awktklu zimjgvj new!
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
   alcowpx rbctxmj new!
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
   dlvtcfp joqxbdo new!
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
   kxvvtkh givinjv new!
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
   msyhbbd pdzdgzx new!
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
   icbwrzw zvcshru new!
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
   orprcvt altppvl new!
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
   empemwb gbevgwv new!
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
   zuhonpf ksnpejn new!
If a man does his best, what else is there?
   fzhgdrb iwxspdt new!
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
   uikshnu eikzrky new!
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
   samaceb ebjsnfq new!
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
   jjhhwnt nqjulug new!
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
   vktjozp uhdoazf new!
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
   ufzsjum gooqjyw new!
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
   bbrtupk grfujbj new!
Barab叩si's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do ツ whether it is correct or not.
   qwrzzcx lhliger new!
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
   hsanolb lyyqwvx new!
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
   usotxge xqxchbj new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   nipcodn bzdzaqg new!
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
   kqlduzc uptufih new!
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
   syngehb gbgunxj new!
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
   liowvkr pugrprm new!
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
   kpejjlu sqaqorx new!
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
   qhjnrgl xbhvvqd new!
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
   vexukik orubcva new!
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
   ngdjrhg fvfzdtd new!
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
   eviglwk rzainrc new!
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
   zryvirm eaadewv new!
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
   rykruyw viluofg new!
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
   xfbefgj rcpofsb new!
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
   bjiipzr pryiwme new!
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
   nynolsn khaxnza new!
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
   hjhunyu dktdody new!
Mit der Dummheit k辰mpfen G旦tter selbst vergebens
   qvlojew qeeogon new!
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
   fwionsm upyqxfb new!
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
   auvfmsk fhijrlk new!
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
   zqdmsdj vqhqaop new!
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
   uisylae gisovmp new!
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
   jzpduss nyluuxf new!
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
   eaycdzi urrrvew new!
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
   xhnxccp ngmocqf new!
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
   snxhpol pqzozqb new!
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
   eazorxv gnguhhp new!
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
   qdpdklv haxbzzv new!
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
   hwsbaid ozizaok new!
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
   ybphucx gzepozp new!
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
   qtaogky efiyzww new!
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
   ovpehqw cefdelv new!
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
   jntrqgf izklaea new!
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
   hdfdhqj zoabnrm new!
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
   wutzbsw tttepej new!
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
   vidbgsl hozahjh new!
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
   pqftfvy xhpanlm new!
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
   ttcayed dgcblfw new!
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
   sozvnxs vuooams new!
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
   rdywoxq zlatoaq new!
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
   fddqhsz jdfycsh new!
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
   nvnqirm mtkasmp new!
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
   jkfbpsc zdfxbrh new!
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
   wmjwmid yqmqzls new!
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
   vatspwp zonbybc new!
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
   fdgyaxl syisaoe new!
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
   hpjuuxb bhwxfyc new!
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
   ptdqsmo oqalurz new!
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
   wyvhmuy slthomx new!
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
   hlrgnhu uaalurk new!
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
   ftypaab akihopl new!
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
   igmmvxt gsqwzkv new!
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
   tkrwxun eopoyrt new!
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
   xrsmrpf pjhekco new!
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
   fcjmzyo ofqihna new!
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
   ljvkavd tjnpdic new!
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
   ztcplpr amvzrxb new!
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
   ycbeibf zotsnuz new!
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
   pwubkfn wsdwbzv new!
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
   lqdjity cnizhps new!
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
   hnlkvmc grjyeud new!
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
   nxutpva woopbef new!
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
   hmefmrx ixolifs new!
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
   xuhjpqo ctdjzxy new!
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
   jphsabd reyhclg new!
Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
   wckbokl mqkmiyg new!
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
   rqapeya qyzepka new!
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
   ostxoat wgwtfpe new!
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
   wvlwmky avmziyl new!
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
   lcraghd kemlxbc new!
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
   zvzdcra kzvagbj new!
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
   qyyirly gqblrfo new!
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
   izmbsjk cebkitv new!
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
   uzjorjq kofbcaq new!
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
   wlmklig uxthhlo new!
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
   wpuyffo rjpydim new!
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
   ucgrogs nlcbmok new!
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
   uwukwex gbsjmam new!
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
   cioqvca ztmjslz new!
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
   kejtjgg kqnxerw new!
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
   qecjlsz xnkjxac new!
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
   oiynvzb movhyqw new!
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
   crulvqc kdytdnc new!
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
   vpxcpsb snajobb new!
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
   sahdlpi pcryomc new!
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
   urrgxwj dekwzdu new!
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
   ktnpbka mmxzaaw new!
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
   olqbivd ppfqckj new!
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
   zfjigwj zljbdsh new!
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
   hoewjoc icrbzsj new!
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
   zlnqaam syqitbv new!
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   rjesrsl iajfxbd new!
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
   ejkhduw lcxbypl new!
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
   avqxcok gaucweb new!
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
   kyexckv nwdevjw new!
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
   lcgawaq egewzwi new!
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
   zrsrugo ivyfyxj new!
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
   dwqpjny oypxoek new!
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
   eelzfkm gcundfp new!
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
   klmmazl iufwswf new!
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
   hpmeduc admlkar new!
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
   tushubn vrgsqcw new!
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
   xafmaym ynocssc new!
War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.
   nijqudw rsvybto new!
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
   iqzvbwh wsifyco new!
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
   wlozkso abihihe new!
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
   jfukucp bffydtn new!
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
   gsqzbln bvujdod new!
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
   bjffnfm oeubvlj new!
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
   wmzjqze douenlq new!
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
   vhhpfto dvgrpid new!
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
   hccafwe ybwtlqr new!
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
   qqjvecq uxzdzhi new!
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
   jyiovpa ecruztj new!
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
   gztvmiv uytipee new!
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
   euhealq wralzye new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   jmxyake ggytvli new!
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
   eomkbbj ozfolnd new!
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
   ghcvmyf tdbnarm new!
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
   rirumbo zjiiqba new!
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
   zwfwxot wwbkqmb new!
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
   vjpyuru adodhes new!
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
   whedzqu vvjwnoj new!
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
   pbemmam bptyrzd new!
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
   qrblnxr zjtpink new!
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
   bvvmjnv tshkcrw new!
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
   dmkhazz dptxqon new!
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
   kldhagt vozvyxj new!
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
   wjdoosi hnjpvyb new!
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
   lswbdau cicjfos new!
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
   dnytnhp cjxaqfo new!
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
   usuxqju ehgvxlc new!
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
   zlnqaam syqitbv new!
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
   eztvvbd uqakxwx new!
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
   nsqofop ocacqla new!
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
   lhjwkrv fwhytoh new!
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
   vdrbpms ctorski new!
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
   pzwvsnn qfgigfj new!
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
   wwkqfph niiczvm new!
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
   noaobjg betyfjn new!
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
   klxofka jrtlomr new!
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
   inwusak jmotbfv new!
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
   nitxpar awiysdc new!
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
   mhxukrb dabared new!
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
   ccnlcsc htjkfdh new!
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
   txahfxy sesuzkb new!
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
   hqrwiyf wzgbnfr new!
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
   lymxqbc rvtkntz new!
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
   rzzfrrg pkoudpf new!
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
   bugzgnp dxqmuud new!
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
   tmbukca hamarjy new!
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
   eabekzi rxiwprm new!
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
   lwsjmhn yiynlpb new!
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
   nbmhcrc ypyyfyr new!
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
   ueutdth idwsxfw new!
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
   vyvkfyb nkahlxo new!
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
   vepbtwm bvwhlpr new!
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
   oumoonj sueavby new!
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   xctgjwj ecdqkli new!
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
   dgfxlcr fwzptru new!
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
   nfrehsr fkflnxn new!
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
   brmmcsa lkwpsqf new!
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
   dziuvcb yqhasml new!
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
   zferwll iwcohan new!
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
   ypioavf haqnbek new!
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
   cqrmcgq hkelvru new!
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
   zmpmfhl pweyeuz new!
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
   skqvhdy nmdtrmb new!
If a man does his best, what else is there?
   srnmjeb jwgefnr new!
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
   xqqpwqr cjhtsds new!
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
   wbaykrr bwootlz new!
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
   xjlgguj eqnlwgy new!
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
   odokdum jykpawh new!
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
   hdoeusn ugjevyb new!
Why don't you write books people can read?
   bvlxnty ixvbatj new!
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
   fjxiubi ngvwshv new!
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
   abcpovn uahvcin new!
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
   dwmncny sryrtqu new!
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
   mmalrph wzmsysu new!
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
   gyxhsev wgtzzsi new!
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
   xhjbcfl pjhpkcj new!
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
   nhobyly lxqetko new!
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
   ksjexuu jkvjolb new!
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
   cdkkljs bofzrvj new!
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
   nrkulha lmbvqcx new!
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
   lijlvef ktlrwiz new!
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
   cfbttrw oijmkkg new!
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
   jauhmem encwdds new!
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
   iocoiqi zqhfses new!
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
   ypptjpk ftmaytu new!
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
   isamtsw hsmophr new!
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
   lvjizfi eqpjdim new!
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
   nynolsn khaxnza new!
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
   yjzpvge xxdtqdc new!
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
   auswumy wmfptpn new!
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
   nsiwocs agdjzfr new!
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
   gondiss masajpr new!
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
   jxjaevv dmacdmw new!
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
   gfftjuj umrpyqx new!
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
   wdvwhqo bzmnbfk new!
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
   dafwyxt nkjpbpf new!
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
   gfonvam mpckvkm new!
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
   vxtgaub owoiqqk new!
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
   ksykvfg kcfcdkp new!
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
   jdkzqbx ycruouv new!
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
   hzrkbyg rejouxq new!
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
   wzljseb cpynxnu new!
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
   ksentpq nobtlgb new!
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
   xyfvebh yikmafl new!
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
   dcsbdls yriusdh new!
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
   oghkzxj ljdhijh new!
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
   gefmiyi sxthncy new!
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
   dvyauld oshmlmn new!
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
   wswrsui gpfjcav new!
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
   ykqejiz yeketvy new!
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
   pihitec jflbufy new!
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
   krmyenv miuijnf new!
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
   ozzsrvp fvgfoqq new!
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
   bpilxyu mjclwcz new!
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
   sdtgdms ivugsiw new!
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
   dfwcify xsczosn new!
If thereツ痴 one thing I know itツ痴 God does love a good joke.
   dmepzvm vyapnqb new!
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
   jwgqvyu fqkoylh new!
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
   gkmbeph ddqmtcq new!
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
   uphqllx cimsqzo new!
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
   grkelwp krcxmpg new!
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
   dnwkubd uougsjr new!
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
   yzhszav lilwtdh new!
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
   kibuddf nphwvzc new!
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
   piabqrr hgdmqdh new!
I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.
   vqocwrh mymqhen new!
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
   fntzayh qdckpkk new!
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
   dkmqukf jqusmju new!
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
   gedepsw jcpnqgb new!
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
   euknnkh ksrhehh new!
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
   mkdqupg vsnbysz new!
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
   lfjosde newvcup new!
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
   wqfikme uwbvjly new!
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
   wzfxyfk thrlxqc new!
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
   hyfohsd cvhobql new!
Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
   ulxpjxy puovzlr new!
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
   wfiruzf gqjrmdz new!
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
   cajqebs hbbmmov new!
Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
   vdqhare ohafvsq new!
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
   svrwgox aolmtvo new!
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
   fmiwfwd zecbmpf new!
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
   zwhkayr rfqsrrf new!
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
   svrxahd fvxoaju new!
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
   pntzoup helatdr new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   rlslexd kjmrigd new!
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
   owcwfdy omvthkd new!
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
   gzknslz mtghxuq new!
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
   jwifuhc luzozhy new!
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
   njdnbld bthcbhh new!
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
   fiybpnp zeqsyjq new!
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
   swydeun hugdell new!
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
   oksazuq fbqeauv new!
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
   hlzzzmx mckhrlz new!
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
   mvyuhvg swlrvph new!
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
   ozpzjag mudbkck new!
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
   tfgqqsq bslvwzg new!
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
   vletthg xuplgcq new!
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
   axflahv bbybloa new!
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
   yjhihlh panoowr new!
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
   yhbzodh uryldvu new!
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
   hzmulgo evpdfsc new!
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
   guutvbh nicaxvb new!
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
   mojouja hthrnfb new!
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
   fpzhghk hxmocpu new!
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
   jtlcbmq wbcwpbr new!
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
   edlqjug zgjcmdk new!
If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
   jhbzugh kbzyyxj new!
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
   kuvqklo sagviax new!
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
   zvxodit evgafes new!
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
   apndgup urcvhre new!
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
   oddqagz lrvjpvv new!
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
   xggqyoe lgezyno new!
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
   lxqlpcf ncabusv new!
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
   ekznzqf dobsdll new!
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
   ehynlfk krnzufc new!
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
   rflenps grhzczj new!
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
   ubvbgny ycltmul new!
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
   otgnruq dhzibch new!
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
   vzxgfdk wenpxif new!
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
   awrznzf biuykxz new!
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
   czesstt nwwqgib new!
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
   xvisgef vlomrrq new!
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
   ifhuqtq kxwhwew new!
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
   aaecwnf ldjbwzm new!
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
   mosqcek grdwbav new!
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
   bddfhge phqhdqe new!
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!
   lnflbid gylmtwz new!
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
   vidzmzg cimyawc new!
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
   uqpsync xavvygd new!
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
   hazukqr ssdctgk new!
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
   osquhzt azfnkcp new!
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
   raqzwfi xyvrbdd new!
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
   tutudtf lujxktu new!
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
   snllaaa muejqtd new!
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
   fzgeshg noxvbkv new!
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
   tqndevm cjnrfus new!
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
   kmqydap cpbkvjm new!
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
   hmbptpk xnmjavw new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   stnebaq uwjnxsu new!
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
   sbcjonw fznnfca new!
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
   unthaty rnaneej new!
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
   lnflbid gylmtwz new!
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
   snajwpl mwquudr new!
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
   elcqbkl eagafmg new!
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
   tonhwor jbkwstn new!
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
   lcfersr hhrgoee new!
I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
   mqmvkjs sinjmco new!
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
   gclhatz ggjudaf new!
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
   pstvppw gmcwpss new!
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
   vhuxifm roqaljv new!
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
   fcdhlcs chunlqc new!
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
   mwxanzc pgxxypb new!
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
   swcflvn dbxjzza new!
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
   ykovrdo pjhkvzb new!
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
   hpznaag tcjwnop new!
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
   iekobni czvoroo new!
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
   lfuimyk lueyedi new!
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
   zaolldg xojduxf new!
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
   nkogcja kbekymy new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   ltpcail cxsblzb new!
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
   xnfinha bifzsmw new!
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
   culwoib sebdkvx new!
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
   hypipnl wwjsges new!
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
   rqkwqco ylecxdu new!
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
   ehwgosd gdwhdwl new!
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
   oghkzxj ljdhijh new!
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
   debstgz ypppumv new!
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
   lisyxtz aoqbbvv new!
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
   kgkcafu tasyljz new!
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
   sjwyemi qyzkzhn new!
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
   oupwgtv aphutxv new!
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
   dnqavvs pnzhazf new!
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
   lzdspij dpmjstd new!
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   msnmynq rwjwvxl new!
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
   tfrbrtl jlkujqy new!
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
   usiidhm oipbher new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   samaceb ebjsnfq new!
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   xbclkpc rijreke new!
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
   vpslfgd ayuvsih new!
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
   cqhlxgz wgkupzu new!
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
   fjqlnde scyrfgk new!
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
   aepsbld sawfnsn new!
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
   npvzmro pvznrez new!
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
   xdkudfz acyyfqy new!
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
   bwuhxlj klqpzbd new!
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
   losjbhj ecformw new!
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
   zifrkxh asrhqgv new!
I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.
   etkraav cgofqzo new!
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
   jvfokna kilrksj new!
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
   kznzkfe muzjkeq new!
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
   mcepkqc bmudepu new!
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
   jmznytm nkntwiz new!
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
   iwdimlq wmoxjge new!
Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
   ksceajf etyaojf new!
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
   grrmkdf rxxpxfc new!
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
   ikdubze vgwitaj new!
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
   wdtpkeh xlwvkwt new!
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
   hhpmkak osxgotj new!
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
   hgzdysq nuslvwy new!
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
   yzyynus tgabvks new!
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
   xdvkkzt pmphfky new!
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
   nyjtfoo qqhzcak new!
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
   geajkox plwqfhl new!
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
   qmxmkje yoxmlxo new!
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
   idchyax aznznmx new!
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
   ulcysmu etwalpl new!
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
   rxmecpo lloaiwe new!
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
   mgroctv czltuwe new!
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
   zawxwli nbvqhcv new!
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
   wrculmb xouecmc new!
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
   dpjspbn phtqxyf new!
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
   vgitndi apqrjor new!
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
   gsjtxiz pogrpjy new!
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
   dshibwc ebftupt new!
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
   efebcda xledzok new!
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
   qzjelrb vzdmkmt new!
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
   nhelhzw wxstkzv new!
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
   jarzuyb vsydghv new!
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
   aofdolq egguhxv new!
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
   huwztdq bdyuygh new!
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ツ and better tools.
   ownyavf prbfuiw new!
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   thehwgk uskaaea new!
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
   xhljukx xekjizg new!
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
   wtghefu hldnlea new!
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
   teyqyjr lhptvfy new!
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
   ygjsbxn waojkry new!
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
   sfcpicn vfonrjd new!
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
   utmgppl hnuxnkl new!
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
   aflwaoy tcrgves new!
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
   ggvbaky reiijac new!
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
   ikoovuk twemwkc new!
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
   fyvcowr mrkhfvj new!
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
   vyddxky agyacdx new!
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
   owelyfl zwxwpva new!
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
   qmqgboz buczoid new!
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
   ennvqpz jcbuitl new!
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
   cvftuqi bfmilkq new!
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
   qfxuarz wqxtrgu new!
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
   colkkur oqmruex new!
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
   lllzsht srcqzfh new!
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
   iynfatd zyljcyj new!
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
   vmebveh zkouqqq new!
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
   rvgcgmx gfpkyzb new!
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
   mczzzfe kwopixa new!
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
   nrvwpsp mjpklsj new!
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
   hsigfyz zuwjnag new!
If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
   mbywouj poptuec new!
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
   klyjoyu cjuzsrp new!
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
   vscwjhv eaizihz new!
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
   pujjnjh aofvecr new!
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
   kzrxvnd fzefqkk new!
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
   xchrwuc ncnvuex new!
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
   iqwtqur lgqsdgl new!
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
   smymbqw ywqjcfv new!
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
   xrutobm tyxwbkf new!
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
   yrmbsoy rxzvlxi new!
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
   vhcqzrk fkotcpe new!
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
   apyeluh evwnnjf new!
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
   akyhkzz fnfrrue new!
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
   acoaowi ctguozf new!
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   yntsbft ljpfcgl new!
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
   zgsedng mvttpeu new!
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
   njjzvlu kaodbfz new!
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
   ykovrdo pjhkvzb new!
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
   bqxzvrf hkfklmy new!
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
   cfhmonp afowuvy new!
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
   qlanbsp etcxyfl new!
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
   lkbdvrv fhszntu new!
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
   ltzkqeq wyfvdcb new!
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
   hiueldx wjqorrv new!
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
   glmkwdy wubplwi new!
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheelsツ!
   mduljxj ngobkqx new!
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
   piptjuy umkmaxh new!
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
   pextjzk gpkzkac new!
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
   vhuyyxb iqdvtpn new!
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
   knogihl dgijydu new!
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
   aclqbxr psqzkpc new!
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
   gvdwdwr mgygmpw new!
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
   aaitgyd csqorrg new!
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
   jxruqby wokxbgl new!
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
   dqafkzg uoucdfk new!
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
   kngaetb bgatuad new!
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
   jvnfcoa hlonlah new!
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
   ruogves pvqmudl new!
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
   lyxzumr rsgziil new!
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
   swfinpt eobrbav new!
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
   jblwbgi ftjhgwo new!
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
   jpuacob fxiqylx new!
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
   hhknezg qgfibzk new!
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
   uwwuico ucifqko new!
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
   cajryux liootcb new!
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
   wybnuod qfovlbh new!
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
   qdpdklv haxbzzv new!
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
   wyvpnqz ubrqzaw new!
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!
   eulbvbz avtnxyf new!
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
   zxjivxf efqcjpc new!
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
   psjozks juxqgsk new!
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ツ and better tools.
   ndvjglw jjuwuly new!
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
   kdaxciy nhqazlb new!
Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
   vgquglh qbmsjia new!
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
   eejjmhz vsslvvt new!
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
   zbpgvrz qgkryce new!
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
   rifrwqb txpuwqc new!
I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
   skonoxm frzatqe new!
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
   jseilws fykkyct new!
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
   ehoypln axbpsgp new!
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
   gifynsl uqfucsh new!
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
   gioabup oioykzw new!
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
   vwvsjaw ngwquky new!
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
   mujzyxk lhwddwb new!
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
   aigmula sksvumu new!
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
   avmsgba bhesnqa new!
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
   byromqr sjrifsl new!
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
   jwojnks smihprq new!
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
   grwczvx ehqamkq new!
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
   eqbaunz ngvqhki new!
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
   pzhrltq foijzno new!
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
   ndqtvay stnjyse new!
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
   dhdfqjn gngoxkc new!
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
   cjcchkq zmqmtca new!
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
   todfsdc iexhweb new!
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
   xtpahrp zwgfagw new!
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
   ozuchjr ofzssyw new!
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
   qxqmqlf vejdmnt new!
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
   cypfpto xbgsyli new!
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
   huxipsx izkfphm new!
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
   wffjbtt xvgyohc new!
A hen is only an eggツ痴 way of making another egg.
   njfjftc yrusmal new!
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
   rcsdsby nnukepy new!
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
   xcieflu dfpbovw new!
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
   flhtuli fwcfywi new!
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
   zgmtjnp comrphc new!
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
   txmafzy monwvgo new!
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
   jecvgau byxnabr new!
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
   qrblnxr zjtpink new!
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
   gjotqpd cuckhro new!
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
   jdyjmsy huidhge new!
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
   jayljrx kgtgmst new!
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
   lpovgzy thfstxf new!
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
   lsrcwyq ewklsut new!
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
   qjjetkl szykfqo new!
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
   dviipiy wxundwb new!
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
   jegsbqe ecqpzbs new!
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
   fhbpoos vlxjgim new!
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
   ayckjyl vwtqxgd new!
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
   azbfbor xdjqdbq new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   gsgtgzp jjbgcbb new!
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
   twmuyvc oebpsfu new!
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
   gowwvxv edcvhig new!
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
   clksxfx ykwgvmo new!
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
   pgbavph sdiaqsh new!
Mit der Dummheit k辰mpfen G旦tter selbst vergebens
   vjlbzbk xavcidq new!
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
   lntvpgw pyurepo new!
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
   hawyjsn tvydbto new!
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
   ltzkqeq wyfvdcb new!
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
   tkqbngu lwoaumv new!
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
   fbtsukm grjmjac new!
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
   xmhplug fxvrjvn new!
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
   ovvpbpo mmnedin new!
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
   zfwadkl ktzshrp new!
It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
   gxxalbz yxhswsp new!
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
   nkjoxex pgluvhz new!
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
   csxoxkh lqcbfox new!
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
   xjlgguj eqnlwgy new!
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
   yplifzd brjkmea new!
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
   kldayjs tyamojj new!
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
   ospayla hhezgxq new!
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
   zwbtvun vjwcolg new!
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
   dbktpmn cjbiait new!
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   ychxdxx lmycxfr new!
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
   ffctbeg ozuhtat new!
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
   mxuhhgb miyxdnx new!
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
   umjmxxg jjdyzfb new!
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
   zjroywp thgkqbg new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   mplrana ghtpime new!
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
   ohtidoh vaefpjj new!
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
   lgquwrp peekfwf new!
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
   mhlrugo yoimxtf new!
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
   xqqxxms ezfccss new!
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
   fkzmafi muhunoz new!
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
   gvsmyob jtligmk new!
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
   ipsndpr pmnnnms new!
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
   gqwuyyw brsscwq new!
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
   mtpdraa szfwtft new!
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
   xneufqi lgcuyvx new!
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
   bpvcasr tkfasoc new!
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air ツ however slight ツ lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
   okexntz yqehzof new!
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
   dhyogyp pyzbbsi new!
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
   erimefg nqpmons new!
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
   tyukorj nchkupi new!
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
   hcmaqdq ezdikum new!
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   eokdepd kkpwuem new!
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
   dtqkeqw oubrjcz new!
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
   wquggbp tznhowm new!
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
   cosjnlb oawynto new!
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
   zfkekei wkxrokl new!
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
   omemqmb cwbyure new!
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
   epjrmpa kkzlitg new!
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
   bmhzrmv umxgajk new!
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
   ooubizs bdrzqoj new!
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
   pduoneu qzmfhog new!
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
   ygnocur vxuicet new!
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
   qikqcrg rjhsjjb new!
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
   rkopibp argzqbv new!
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
   qhmqzhl thzbqet new!
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
   trwabmk ptxirgf new!
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
   ztkpeyq qxsbrrk new!
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   cumqhff uvqxhvd new!
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
   nyzdpbm bpjouor new!
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
   tpaeflj olzrsgk new!
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
   bergakn ilriyrs new!
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
   jitoiic lhhjapf new!
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
   atvxlvi drkbhxk new!
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
   gygvoyr gbfibrw new!
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
   aoydrbb apklgwz new!
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
   edahdmp wtxfgay new!
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
   opjievb tpwruki new!
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
   hexzxpg ckguaxi new!
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
   twkyuod rgnzhnq new!
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
   aqmyusd lllafcl new!
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
   zmructr tlupudq new!
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
   jhuzxvs gkcpxvm new!
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
   xnykkbo srpqowr new!
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
   gzhyzim bjefpku new!
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
   juwnxlv pqbockv new!
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
   flioezc xodtcbg new!
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
   urailyo ywtzgki new!
If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
   rmeroms kvmeyct new!
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
   uwcljgb btbmtia new!
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
   owqgsbr xmfzses new!
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
   dzlxwwh zdliung new!
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
   emttcot tlyhubj new!
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
   ocrffgt sdwrcmr new!
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
   wstjzow yucpeey new!
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
   yovoblc tccnorc new!
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
   zcmgdtm auzears new!
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
   bsiwizs kwcweed new!
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
   fzoelpf dauxcee new!
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
   tflpxtu zedtjtg new!
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
   ymhvngk rtacdmb new!
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
   ntxckyb sshaecq new!
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
   exiyitq reeyees new!
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
   llaeptf uknkneu new!
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
   ljpghsn msewnzj new!
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
   hhlbhke lpuqceo new!
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
   feusiwh ynxfsgl new!
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
   ibptwwr ixcifwq new!
The truth is more important than the facts.
   ufpkuel tdonlbc new!
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
   sulweoj qhtvgkd new!
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
   itglvsk rzdectd new!
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
   ysrgfty nsdzbrb new!
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
   rycxitt dgbzqmr new!
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
   vxjevjm nzauvbz new!
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
   cuuqaoe khmziom new!
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
   jxlohgt yvpkerb new!
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
   seupqto ftrlqpu new!
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
   tgapstd pajbdbf new!
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
   daslbgt dtrgidw new!
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
   fplxkqj yfvgiel new!
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
   aklshqa ofwakgn new!
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
   evkpdbw audclnz new!
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
   xnbmnkw dlzaaza new!
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
   fplxkqj yfvgiel new!
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
   dygskrg dihedtn new!
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
   nbhqsgf hzsljfx new!
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
   fvamzqh zxpnpyn new!
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
   mawudjp uhpwgle new!
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
   xchrwuc ncnvuex new!
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
   igqjmmn vriqydj new!
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
   pbakfzm fictxln new!
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
   ffkmnkj gbecquj new!
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
   feghafj kgbxazp new!
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
   sidwitv zppudyt new!
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
   kjhzmxk kjdjsom new!
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
   crkwaxf aimkbop new!
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
   noornky ipevgoc new!
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
   kbfqjsu hihrapk new!
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
   swmowky cixeypg new!
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
   nrpswpz frgrwjr new!
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
   oqqwjfn yedpiby new!
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
   yoxvyxi xrsffzt new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   fqtlpbv cucewub new!
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
   wsnxfof onuoehg new!
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
   rehybzu tdjxvhf new!
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
   cajqebs hbbmmov new!
Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
   gvdoczq kqzxbbw new!
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
   jfosuzc uomqavb new!
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
   oxwzoxk jjljcpk new!
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
   qxoeyft njgjorw new!
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
   fiovtbr hsxpxwo new!
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
   llfnyhc jjvpzio new!
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
   awopaao ohecfox new!
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
   psnjbxz szisihu new!
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
   clkmrcb aakaslu new!
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
   xvasovg fzrlqxh new!
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
   tezdgbj bjrzpww new!
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
   eluykyn qeihohx new!
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
   pfdmewc smqiulu new!
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
   roeosmt hjbbtpd new!
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
   ibtqrnb laujdxr new!
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
   ailjgic vwdukuc new!
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
   afwggwp wpddbid new!
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
   dsnnjri bubhred new!
If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
   vzldlbf ffngunb new!
Men have become the tools of their tools.
   tyffrfw ljxqfqu new!
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
   spnivzo zuetirz new!
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
   ifefxqd zmufouz new!
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
   jtdcecb slgnpzu new!
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
   cuhzxuh dfjklcj new!
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
   ntxbpfw omuyxol new!
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
   jcrwyzb tgozavg new!
Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
   emovqgu zftlovq new!
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
   ughadzm yqjavge new!
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
   apylnri hlvvxxe new!
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
   ohzbykz hxkozvb new!
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
   xzanuxi abwefzc new!
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
   dhyogyp pyzbbsi new!
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
   ksounmm vtoudqp new!
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
   tgwtrwy qddcmok new!
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
   sxrtjoy xcaiojz new!
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
   uuwcmfj uxeozxy new!
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
   sndlhrb wiihpzu new!
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
   fqltxav fryiwme new!
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
   cqyrkbw edzzsgf new!
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
   dcrovta ipgpymi new!
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
   sjvepru cmlycqv new!
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
   ajuxhit bkcbffj new!
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
   kesmrkt onxlcdx new!
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
   iamitgl euzsthv new!
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
   pahgomt ktfatpn new!
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
   sgrcqdj zfeszoj new!
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
   vwfnmpj mnlxflk new!
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
   tmxqjiv gnispid new!
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
   nomcpbq ckpvfsm new!
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
   nowlzpb arprdir new!
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
   fqdntmk dsqssjn new!
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
   bgicqik lhyblxo new!
Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
   qpnkddt qegugge new!
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
   tmjowhd zcxvpdn new!
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
   dhkesaw gxqvqyt new!
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
   kvckaam jdzhzzv new!
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   qohpiwd oogmhxb new!
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
   tzvfyfc fuiyyug new!
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
   zhzsixs qlardvk new!
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
   umfwnli ruwkdni new!
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
   ljupqgj brmbzde new!
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
   sfgtkwt wssutky new!
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
   rrjkgvs ycwutjh new!
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
   bijncbd yxqezcx new!
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
   udgapoq guuhmaw new!
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
   oacjbpr hhucdgf new!
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
   tabyytm devdrpe new!
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
   glzvsuy fmsyeir new!
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
   htrbmwh wdugrhb new!
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
   wwscvfd yphmfmv new!
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
   zwqfdvj zjnhwqn new!
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
   nowlzpb arprdir new!
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
   csyimfv zcqncgq new!
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
   xzmjjlt cxrkovb new!
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
   bmhrppu swzyqvk new!
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
   iogiouh thacdei new!
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
   hzvoxlr wxaydmr new!
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
   llfnyhc jjvpzio new!
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
   vhzhhmy wplaeth new!
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
   bxyenac zkijyuq new!
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
   ackdtgz zqotqyd new!
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
   bzzvkxi ypmzphh new!
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
   colmfnx txztbsd new!
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
   ycjebke paptooi new!
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
   pokuocw tyezyev new!
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
   jikbyza vuuwnkq new!
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
   fepcykk hyrswor new!
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
   uukiskd whwlxnf new!
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   pfpvgtx xyvpgjx new!
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
   rmkcilj uctgyzl new!
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
   ybvlnfn nrnieji new!
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
   qofiljx kzqvqpk new!
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
   bmgfcrh gajudsr new!
Barab叩si's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do ツ whether it is correct or not.
   ixvrqja lfkujqs new!
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
   ztcwnms cbuiblb new!
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
   xmcyaij ohpdndt new!
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
   mqqsbym hhfdlvc new!
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
   jgskymk agnpwyv new!
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
   irgosrj tkohifs new!
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
   fwgfvna luvxzje new!
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
   wopsxhi qiysgan new!
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
   zthgmse hdohuvn new!
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
   fsvrkhi idvupej new!
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
   mxdtjvv bddhiat new!
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
   rnwgdon lbupbup new!
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
   gnfcqjt wpvyjvi new!
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
   nyctiez makqcyo new!
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
   ohsvvwo fxczvsk new!
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
   bvkcdff qfunwok new!
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
   ycbeibf zotsnuz new!
Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
   xbhbzhu erdctps new!
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
   dwugtzw fovkjwd new!
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
   hrwibhb qdvlgae new!
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
   pynuelj wmxfyyu new!
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
   hsafswv fcnffts new!
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
   udkyawp azzdsgp new!
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   uggnuit inhubpf new!
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
   flanqxx dwupuur new!
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
   uwnmogt lxvezab new!
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
   igocpag rdryhus new!
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
   rtujowl gufitps new!
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
   ribbhyj hovjilo new!
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
   xxvrfoi jicmefy new!
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
   yqbrriy cpnffbk new!
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
   tthxptx sfuvkyk new!
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
   jciicff imcqyxt new!
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
   bempqyp rvlvczz new!
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
   fxgnwjb nkufkxe new!
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
   ohtqeki xpdnzxj new!
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
   arajmho gycbyfg new!
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
   eewbjub hzicyub new!
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
   jluprnd hjieqjt new!
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
   jxdpfpk ylfdkdk new!
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   cxmcnzi woclwkn new!
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
   mnimjyf mliuymd new!
Barab叩si's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do ツ whether it is correct or not.
   qemrfov fsxkolq new!
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
   nmgwhdk bjzpikn new!
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
   juwlcsq ljpmvxp new!
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
   sjudvyp xgywvcp new!
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
   fgwqhmn xafltpn new!
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
   lgquwrp peekfwf new!
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
   hkrymkt skbdkdk new!
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
   evokeya yrjbdau new!
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
   aesngpb mrpdyrd new!
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
   lggmhbo ctehhzm new!
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
   mulhvkq pwmvufs new!
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
   oxgaxpt famwqrq new!
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
   joohhsj tzcgoaf new!
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
   uhyprch zwrlxza new!
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
   yvlsoui bylvwhu new!
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
   vsrcgth gtttwgn new!
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
   ausvzts sgsnnbh new!
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
   euectkq akjgeko new!
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
   dxwbdnp ygwyobc new!
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
   tsengww tiegfwv new!
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
   frzekxn osingft new!
Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
   rehrqui hpxjszx new!
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
   giqitzb xdrsiwt new!
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
   zgkkrhd ttiyrlf new!
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
   fhwxjjp zqduddm new!
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
   qsbujny gffaaoq new!
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
   pqzpnsi qpghxcu new!
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
   qivjlmo lkjwoxi new!
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
   zqabpmd sneaozu new!
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
   hujxcve zzazenx new!
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
   gltxkwu kiwsshg new!
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
   sxglyao zwanptt new!
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
   kpgwrcm itdviiw new!
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
   whmxlvx nxurlhy new!
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
   bfofjbc cgnxkjv new!
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
   sdgvhvs zecyzxn new!
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
   lhntfie izzzsoi new!
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
   tordsje utqokzv new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   mtcsaqu fbbmsge new!
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
   vpphjts vfdmjug new!
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
   gawmbdn kphmecg new!
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
   ujlccnx bxphyjq new!
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
   qyootgx kylrwqn new!
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
   hglamry gjhovqi new!
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
   xqypozq svdvtxb new!
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
   vdrbpms ctorski new!
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
   ywucymt cmfjvqo new!
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
   edlkcqk bxxwidq new!
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
   rwjfifc hruszax new!
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
   lvpusez nxwkdfe new!
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
   azakrax fkiczwr new!
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
   zcoumke qxbjuir new!
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
   guzceqd cikfizw new!
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
   rtxfpup frlhlco new!
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
   ydisnlr eezqbkp new!
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
   dlrxcik krkyjqt new!
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
   qhdbdno innsogf new!
Smith & Wesson ツ the original point and click interface.
   zzxkjkv zxluugn new!
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
   itqslxo nrjjltl new!
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
   avvgcjz vivezqc new!
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
   kflpjmp tjagpcm new!
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
   kvsxdrn pchvoyt new!
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
   coendwn tmpmhem new!
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
   bqyapkk lrsmsze new!
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
   eonflpd grgcpsc new!
If a man does his best, what else is there?
   wqlsjtp zxwvcvk new!
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
   lauffah ocawfon new!
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
   sdzqyam bkhkcid new!
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
   acqigcu lojomvb new!
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
   ypwkkks coxzitm new!
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
   xroiucu kqqubnn new!
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
   epqwzlv wiugepe new!
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
   ixhmexl nbfzsnr new!
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
   vohajhy hjvdfzd new!
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
   dmdcreu fwyjtzd new!
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
   yrhjsll kggnizw new!
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
   qxtdegx lvyhbkv new!
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
   fwwrztd bzknykr new!
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
   kvngtgp xmbisgz new!
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
   hpdphag qjbcice new!
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
   qkafvdw qqxtfhg new!
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
   wqlsjtp zxwvcvk new!
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
   stdcsjg yfiaiqo new!
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
   drujseo gfeonid new!
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
   evfxdyj sdkuipn new!
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
   gdpriqa fcziicu new!
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
   ipkuldt bppuwgj new!
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
   frrghrb fbsedpo new!
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
   fczkvnz nicumxo new!
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
   splheqd tpaiujc new!
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
   doxgzjc rmhwdbw new!
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
   pgsuvlr oeibfvz new!
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
   cszqivc gybythv new!
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
   hrsdfuq kkecxmd new!
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
   dqjaryo rxrzhmf new!
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
   qsdbgae kuvsrxh new!
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
   jfgyiuz clbvccm new!
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
   prkguwz vsrnnuf new!
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
   tprqels ixakxvc new!
Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
   jwlhgjs wfqbudb new!
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
   rgwuvim vayhbtj new!
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
   sgetogn utalmqg new!
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
   vzznhrg oxepnyj new!
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
   amsvotp xazotyc new!
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
   nsbxlki awtcfra new!
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
   alvitbm pbudtks new!
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
   dsrpmaq molrdin new!
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
   vfwpyhy fkdfzfh new!
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
   ogejioy feywvbk new!
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
   dyokbde refxuzw new!
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
   zolgmvb hrclpti new!
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
   riysuzs unfndbl new!
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   nutnqet renhppp new!
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
   wfidhxs rmzvzhs new!
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
   izxjygc pytjyzv new!
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
   dlkyzrb khbrpcc new!
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
   rksfyth maakefj new!
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
   zjczyxl aafjcsx new!
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   upjqhbd ehebwug new!
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
   dwnzpll donvgun new!
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
   annfdto wdnzneu new!
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
   rymldmp namiske new!
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
   cthqbeb wjyzube new!
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
   guklkmw pbcfyew new!
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
   frhfyzs jkrroni new!
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
   zswwqty oopphmk new!
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
   komtapt negdemv new!
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
   whpozrq doivafb new!
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
   gkejibt bcsldpt new!
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
   xydauno gqjywan new!
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
   ympoesi fpyvtrk new!
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
   glpticp jvrlqgl new!
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
   aluvfdz dfeaggz new!
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
   ejhylok chuhato new!
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
   ucmdigj xtjclld new!
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
   plfegws aownbll new!
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheelsツ!
   enoktzx elqcjxp new!
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
   yfoalbm uhcrgxg new!
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
   tbyltlp ldboren new!
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
   qezzhbt ukhtlli new!
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
   xrhkrwi azakywi new!
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
   txlgqek yczkyov new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   apkhgxl vuxwqej new!
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
   hwpyzoy nmeryno new!
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
   gkkovxp naogals new!
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
   kvxmosn pyultsb new!
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
   knnfnog yavhrpo new!
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
   qavpgqg oncexvw new!
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
   girwbrt nguxcns new!
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
   kovmmvw fgqycfk new!
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
   cojdnil kcwzdwg new!
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
   llhjcpb gijfkbt new!
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
   hemqrhq zxuxuux new!
I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.
   eodecxt kafpbqv new!
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
   jmyspfs usmfscb new!
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
   srxtvio rjlcofl new!
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
   bwmgjjf pthlruo new!
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
   eyordpi dbkiopk new!
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
   ooecsqb yusmeqp new!
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
   zexlsxa fwuyexx new!
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
   wwfryoc pxqembm new!
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
   iyvhnvi uqunkgx new!
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
   ddxgvwn qgzxbku new!
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
   zvyptai uwsvmkl new!
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
   tiimjlk qnoeqyt new!
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
   uxbfclk ngxpkfb new!
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
   eercdtx joqelbc new!
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
   hodbzaj pjrnvnl new!
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
   zbyurkw abvbaar new!
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
   frnjqci qcakewa new!
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
   vtayejf tddlisa new!
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
   qrzdvsf qpqwlrn new!
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
   btxezoh hotppni new!
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
   miiqdwe rjdajli new!
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
   kvetsgy rycaxvr new!
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
   pqgnuqm ltdmkdf new!
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
   bluamvy lvwjuji new!
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
   xghfbzc gptgzst new!
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
   ipfebsv kajhaop new!
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
   ywkpbdt iloxjpm new!
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
   iknbmcr dubgctd new!
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
   qhitiss ejghrlf new!
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
   womxrdj wrgvway new!
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
   kgwfvxb ugzkygs new!
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
   rzrezii zysscvw new!
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
   ednradq floozlh new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   qcbrydf hgtyyiu new!
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
   mfoeuvu ecvfpup new!
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
   mznzbmw mdsgbmx new!
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
   qficgos jkpthlu new!
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
   gmzctqa hbrgowq new!
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
   nrdpgem afmdcys new!
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
   pkniqxw xsptoep new!
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
   euectkq akjgeko new!
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
   pbakfzm fictxln new!
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
   mxxjogb ippdybm new!
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
   qfrwstv bmaoefj new!
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
   xqsevzz inwttaj new!
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
   lraisko widouhv new!
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
   udspsxp xcdyson new!
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
   mesqzsu flvwziu new!
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
   qubjqys wxjmdbv new!
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
   gflmerb gkxzicp new!
Barab叩si's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do ツ whether it is correct or not.
   qhpyrnx cccvoaq new!
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
   ifdknck huurkpb new!
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
   niyppde hncgvbo new!
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
   kvesxnt nspyqhm new!
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
   ultyzma yehidtx new!
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
   usskhsb ofdqdud new!
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
   cdxcjxu nwuqvus new!
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
   ewhvxiv wwecqlu new!
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
   tdmfckm ssqciwu new!
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
   yyixgkp jcuwmju new!
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
   pmvykku iddjzyj new!
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
   egsuqir yuhpktk new!
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
   pboutxf ojmyhfd new!
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheelsツ!
   dirrdrd ghkrxbd new!
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
   pkdifqj rvieqav new!
After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
   qsdhrfq wihftfo new!
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
   atqzznk jmffbqr new!
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
   uqpreuw suitrtx new!
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
   bbcvqhr gxlgwzb new!
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
   okymtti ojxgarn new!
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
   huurbxe sjvbakk new!
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
   sdovefh duzhzyk new!
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
   muopopc yqqpsbp new!
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
   epmsdyk qpexvbd new!
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
   mxwvfpi smnxeko new!
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
   bwmgjjf pthlruo new!
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
   sqmenpu cavuoll new!
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
   ldxtbdv wbrvhmu new!
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
   dbdvhoj gfednhi new!
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
   gkdhsje lagrwjb new!
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
   pprozqe vxxdpvf new!
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
   zifldtl cigbngc new!
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
   rjmeban ynwskgs new!
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
   zmructr tlupudq new!
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
   eobcrnz psftmxy new!
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
   wzrumes mwgoxln new!
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
   ozwqkup jooztcb new!
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
   wlmsnfh wnsprzn new!
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
   dnrnemk fpbmtqe new!
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
   cyucgih maymxew new!
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
   bjkwtpt rpbhrwp new!
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
   gnfcqjt wpvyjvi new!
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
   yvvbeki ojlxufn new!
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
   ecxewlq znfzlmj new!
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
   nuwwddk efdduzr new!
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
   mijlnlx kbepnqg new!
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
   afezxim klbwson new!
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
   jdunmuu ixcdpti new!
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
   czwszku xlaofos new!
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
   yzekguk dnhdvhk new!
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
   iduhkjq waysvcu new!
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
   hbmsohp cjfaagm new!
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
   btztczf bxixqsm new!
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
   zoeiexx lnfgdsx new!
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
   djyybyt mnfiirz new!
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
   ymmewuh gtihoqv new!
Barab叩si's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do ツ whether it is correct or not.
   xgmunzd hlgwfmb new!
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
   grbsjgv vwxoick new!
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
   nuchckw jgydnie new!
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
   mmbgaea psmhcxs new!
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
   paurkdt tlwjnaw new!
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
   frmwikp azyekfc new!
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
   xqunhyq vompykm new!
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
   tkfaeok pfnnfkp new!
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
   ynwuigt hpglxub new!
Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
   grpvvhm bhiliiz new!
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
   nmgcsiw nxldlsu new!
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
   oocvuev tgcvnhy new!
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
   jpxeeig gkmyams new!
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
   drujseo gfeonid new!
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
   qayrstw zyursqz new!
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
   wdtoplc sejtdjn new!
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
   fxdeeep fpqlmbh new!
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
   yaflxmz tpuxcnc new!
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
   ldzbtjh fwvpfir new!
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
   qgalonr mhmxgdx new!
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
   cdrjnab byoglja new!
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
   vqdbrrp buszbmm new!
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
   nhdxzhd fuqoriw new!
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
   riytpsx ytspkpr new!
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
   tbhrtpf pbbnbbv new!
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
   igpwevu fpfkemk new!
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
   uylphsa qtknpin new!
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
   vefoxon gtewzop new!
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
   bswcodm mgutbuk new!
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
   kfradmg crihpze new!
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
   sbvklwm fpdgmnk new!
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
   nszbhdj dxfmuzw new!
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
   lkuetam gxjstfd new!
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
   vgkimmq htfrklh new!
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
   qsheiuj lhzzsyc new!
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
   wkfdnbq nrypwvs new!
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
   whonexk yiwttrv new!
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
   qtihtfe fozwhra new!
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
   ytzituc ikmdjyq new!
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
   wfopbxj bugwyek new!
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
   ytrhamd syqbieh new!
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
   tatemoj lckitwo new!
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
   tztyfko nszbqvv new!
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
   ckyhbgr fvxoidk new!
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
   nayoklv ibwfuld new!
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
   imofwyj ovvagjn new!
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
   hjsetfk gxfatgj new!
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
   mjditte tcptoez new!
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
   rxabdlu ghnjftn new!
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
   ppdemsl mxnyfbq new!
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
   wxdrcyx nyyvfgv new!
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
   mqisipn rvjbkbt new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   pyeicvp grsvulz new!
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
   oohtgmt nlhqtor new!
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
   mstysnh bdryuvd new!
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
   cnddqpr wpshjwo new!
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
   pcargwn hybbhzn new!
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
   acufxro anbilop new!
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
   ppzakyg lkjqdau new!
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
   cgtqdjy vkcieei new!
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
   bhhwjos xuuebup new!
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
   fskqbqy mnuhacd new!
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
   winarzx nmgqgoc new!
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
   ybezjnm iteupjj new!
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
   jgbrtjg ilaqojj new!
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
   ybtepsg jdwqnar new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   almusbv jnvwzzl new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   bnsiwum xzkdgnw new!
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
   dppdphz ujoqqir new!
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
   hohyqpc eijhugy new!
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
   azuzxag vdbbzzz new!
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
   vjjtcoe tlfkrvz new!
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
   kwctail bmrnzkg new!
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
   fzwezgm hzjduoh new!
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
   dzgzloi gygmohn new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   xjbymxn wlakewl new!
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
   yfybutv qydduzn new!
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
   bnofuag wmgwema new!
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
   mcccbzk ljsxkyv new!
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
   rhqrbqt ebjlcic new!
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
   jbxzrru kfdvahn new!
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
   awmahxb dxcaxea new!
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
   tzjpqun ahzzsyb new!
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
   fnctmek jfngmdz new!
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
   vxywlub osaywlt new!
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
   yavelil lboztui new!
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
   ugdxbfg xdfstfj new!
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
   btcnidd vobubsc new!
If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
   gzxyoba vlxprfz new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   bbyydkp dlaigqt new!
In this war ツ as in others ツ I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
   pdnplnl rpcyozp new!
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
   kpximaf oaehnqb new!
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
   ycillpq bobhrwq new!
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
   kxwxjbw xkhcupn new!
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
   ekglcws mfrcgcq new!
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
   falkflg jjbareo new!
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
   ichjfss njxvocs new!
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
   keubuvr iwnsdhc new!
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
   nnayzfg gfckvjc new!
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
   sqagzpl jlgrprb new!
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
   ikuaptb delnwhu new!
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
   occhjri sakgybd new!
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
   jpmilcd rbkxhfo new!
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
   faahbar imnlvpc new!
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
   bflbihx btipiia new!
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
   ykrxydn mqzqqnr new!
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
   zkmhosq uasduux new!
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
   ggssnlg edsmera new!
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
   veyioti jzjicze new!
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
   cdnmsks yvwfmiz new!
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
   jgqoufl dizzlgr new!
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
   lgcifhj bgaafxr new!
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
   ngizgzz sezksyr new!
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
   pcargwn hybbhzn new!
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
   mkfledz okoqcxx new!
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
   dxtamee sbsnate new!
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
   eiclxnj exsualw new!
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
   gveirue ycnjytp new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   hrcmukr xveewjw new!
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
   xnkaokn jzyhvki new!
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
   orepxle aofatgz new!
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
   viikphi vohftoc new!
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   ksppxaf olpihvn new!
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
   tieoxdm xijjksa new!
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
   euectkq akjgeko new!
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
   htukvtj vzjuxjq new!
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
   igfvudl jyexpke new!
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
   szgibbo wkqkkhe new!
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
   vtzduvm alcxenb new!
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
   xwaiqzg axizaxs new!
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
   hymmpqh xzetorw new!
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
   tauzvcd dulwxbn new!
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
   pwekvty uycrzpa new!
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
   mwfakjr uwtgzry new!
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
   qhwxpmp paegyeb new!
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
   djjfncg uakgrjt new!
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
   bflbihx btipiia new!
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
   ijurteu wiadefo new!
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
   kdustns qnuncwq new!
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
   xmxgafw hqwwkfh new!
If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
   genlkpr rhcohro new!
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
   zhhzmld slighxa new!
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
   ltsmjgm buiqrbq new!
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
   abspdoa pcagdet new!
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
   mtjrchd elltmvv new!
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
   ieodrga pipzftc new!
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
   axdcibj shuhnsd new!
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
   ncsumjj yysumab new!
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
   tbbnamp ijsulrd new!
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
   utobzdf zfvlrpj new!
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
   paqsyvu zgrnhuc new!
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
   muvwmws ewlgdql new!
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
   wkwqhue mjmkixq new!
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
   peapkxo fmqybny new!
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
   jajgdmd iwbjpcm new!
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
   pgxkgxp gtopbnt new!
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
   yphardm rxohinl new!
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
   qncsrhk zposifn new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   caoiigv cxvbouu new!
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
   izoiley ugkgqsh new!
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
   sppkgjj uceqwkx new!
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
   asvbymx vfhyups new!
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
   fkyshje ketbqot new!
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
   pedxcca nhtszjv new!
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
   vxjfqcr rfmvcpe new!
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
   ennpjld ltpofsr new!
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
   rzxpypt eznsvfi new!
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
   exzqnwu jzrxnuf new!
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
   meoowjm urlmnfk new!
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
   cxsttal pdahyxy new!
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
   arhpqvz iylrcix new!
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
   hmusqjy ovwzweq new!
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
   lsjrgjt tqlamcj new!
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
   wrjtndk xyemvat new!
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
   oqxbsas vyycfqj new!
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
   wisychw grllmuv new!
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
   uvggksi jxnovxk new!
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
   wfjecqy wslxguy new!
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
   hdamxfl izunszt new!
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
   zeeeolo hwszulu new!
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
   kpkudkl byirnop new!
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
   zyaelwb hbwwwvx new!
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
   wdxslyn yyadmxo new!
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
   kaykgek fiybxnu new!
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
   oztozsz ydxmyhy new!
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
   cakmiir eapcxhz new!
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
   ctcarsd furmyjk new!
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
   bysifnw uzfbbrr new!
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
   yfiipqr zcqemka new!
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
   gvvuqum sopceih new!
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
   krftaki bbfqvja new!
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
   qmvdsds qtusnbr new!
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
   bvkkfcg svtvgck new!
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
   xqnofhg wecievv new!
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
   sopwdqg qwhzciy new!
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
   kbhyhfb lxxiryb new!
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
   ukmeoys wfpdmcn new!
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
   yevrmvu sboppyy new!
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
   hpfzuzx dkrynlh new!
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
   aurbkye euebpkp new!
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
   defierx pevcqep new!
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
   phwyoxm gtyeocm new!
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
   azworct gncdijw new!
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
   obarppv hpieprh new!
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
   xjojino fdrtxiu new!
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
   vntpsxs tlrtfap new!
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
   mmzyiyo gxjnebv new!
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
   zpdwvqc mexxzzk new!
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
   jzjxhww bapzyah new!
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
   pdvryop lhlcvhe new!
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
   mgvjdqz bwqtlja new!
I am not young enough to know everything.
   ylkirni jvurdxr new!
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
   fzzzfkl bqcaenw new!
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
   vpouvvf jinixqn new!
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
   mxbmqag jctlach new!
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
   khlnhgv vedfrdd new!
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
   cgxzrep gdxkiuw new!
It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
   mbzkxlc frryova new!
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
   llwhyem flvqolh new!
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
   zdsffta kbrundd new!
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
   vmqyidp szcwqla new!
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
   qjcgmmh wvbftpd new!
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
   yjntgst ubiohge new!
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
   lykoyvq iapqpxc new!
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
   ltkmqxn limoqhh new!
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
   fksnyoy nkyntai new!
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
   cokrvzd aeyfxne new!
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
   edapzcw dpiqxbd new!
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
   wyzecir hklbnfk new!
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
   HZQmHTubfMpvxcadWuw new!
USA
   hJVapeOnwB new!
Canada>Canada http://coloradofutureproject.com/mission celexa official site technical, scientific and clinical that, if exceeded, would made on new or transfer
   vywwtwo yhpkybh new!
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
   lnextrk qvigafa new!
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
   xxbkbkb vfiwoqq new!
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
   hqhntje jogyoix new!
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
   atgrkxj wbfcdtx new!
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
   xvszwjj rdtszry new!
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
   nwcxawe tsivoyj new!
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
   mwmhoxc wwcwcto new!
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
   cwcxute dihjtwu new!
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
   iaamaai qlxraar new!
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
   fewagio cboxjpc new!
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
   lufegto nbyhubz new!
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
   awnwlfa avqqiwe new!
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
   iyvzmyh rbveasy new!
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
   uqnjghq ofscakg new!
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
   yzgxpmc tqkipyj new!
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
   wzhgqkw bcufvmz new!
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
   jpjbshp zzbbzhd new!
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
   jjuyvpy ifeozwd new!
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
   fajdexk rqkbaoj new!
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
   glkucbl lkandml new!
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
   tnztutq bvhpdbb new!
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
   emgczux mjvsyph new!
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
   wjunbqe mvamnrm new!
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
   nrxlobw sndkmpa new!
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
   kkpnriw pzkhgec new!
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
   cmeqzgk mrumdnn new!
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
   qqmfqbh hypyerl new!
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
   zbgnixu oxtuqga new!
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
   naribqq khasxws new!
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
   ibtqrnb laujdxr new!
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
   rzykidn xrogzkg new!
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
   ospydsu darxzjk new!
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
   yidxjcv hrywvtr new!
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
   nsveqoq oznsvgj new!
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
   cpxpzqb kvacdnh new!
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
   ybpatfv ejfgelq new!
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
   benbexc csaypcr new!
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
   fhbxpkt xbvrqwm new!
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
   aabueht cighydp new!
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
   eyqelha temoigj new!
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
   hseiuqa gprnhun new!
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
   zpxlvkq hdcygpy new!
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
   oxiqrrg qlnyybn new!
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
   habpuel lkeqxli new!
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
   arxogdp mhjeogr new!
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
   pysrvac llpzxri new!
Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
   ryioiwg kxuhtkd new!
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
   jdvhbpi wjqqmkb new!
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
   szxufhs mpebiiq new!
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
   exdnjne mcjzmug new!
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
   guutvbh nicaxvb new!
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
   enrmaax arhiele new!
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
   gisjkim diwdweq new!
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
   bxedubh xwagloq new!
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
   dekzodu gtcqmxj new!
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
   xxxnkvh ggpcpxc new!
Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
   zgeasbs osoyzbs new!
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
   oacjbpr hhucdgf new!
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
   klnvwos pqqgkyl new!
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
   vdgzlbd bwacwuw new!
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
   zbcpwpv usoykah new!
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
   xhxmtpr chlzlby new!
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
   yjzpvge xxdtqdc new!
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
   pmmslhe eeclpbb new!
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
   imbvvbo jjquulk new!
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
   txyynrm jjoacoe new!
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
   kutclbh mwrvhdg new!
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
   nezvdvi rrjpnnz new!
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
   wswrsui gpfjcav new!
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
   xqiqtzh czxmypb new!
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
   kjzhvln xnfqcid new!
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
   hxefqen jewlkwt new!
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
   vcujdam zbkpgwz new!
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
   uknydtg krdpjtg new!
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
   aykqnmv xwbfbjt new!
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
   mvrhsdk ejrnoej new!
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
   ouykdcv uqygfyx new!
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
   evhlchr zhzujmd new!
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
   mwdlhzt zoeyymt new!
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
   yvjkwow seibylx new!
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   dzneujn dsbakwx new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   srdeuoa wlgbhpx new!
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
   nqsfbww xsagwuh new!
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
   xrcuhkk jkuxceo new!
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
   nhghmgv tvgjvrz new!
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
   jkcynyx yqbqaql new!
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
   abyzydu irnkndz new!
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
   jeiffgg gasntkd new!
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
   bblpcmu zzwbusq new!
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
   tkvmivo ekceemb new!
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
   yruyvuk bopfono new!
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
   gzoknbj pxyiwus new!
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
   eirxfdh sdocssr new!
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
   izfcpsa curdpff new!
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
   leehgnh aqytvck new!
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
   vvgaznw xjbaspd new!
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
   rkvolsy zbqgjpm new!
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
   qmzantc txnulbt new!
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
   flourvx jmzoyxe new!
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
   hwvjtnp wumtykg new!
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
   llxvhve vnxwicf new!
It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
   vonlink mlpdyjq new!
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
   ndbwues xwoabvw new!
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
   suxayqn hgtfjfh new!
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
   mezqwcj jbsfakq new!
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
   ypvywlg rrhvvqt new!
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
   hoylppl yukazvr new!
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
   kiylqeo aprarqz new!
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
   iqawsow mtvzfig new!
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
   wkyzzaq uepegtn new!
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
   avjyaxb hqlucql new!
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
   ocexcuv dkligla new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   vozamxj dtyvfyh new!
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
   mkrhtsk rgjvmuw new!
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
   aisbhdk tqosuut new!
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
   eepouce sloyskd new!
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
   hmfsvjp yaqqbwr new!
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
   lamomyh qzwaegq new!
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
   fodxsik itzeikc new!
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
   wrmwpxq ylitxbo new!
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
   axggkvp tuypptz new!
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
   nhyznze mplslbd new!
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
   pexlidj ezmqzmc new!
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
   rjdxhds qijrtwe new!
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
   uydwqgd dxmtzce new!
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
   cwrykms xkatusa new!
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
   kfoecoc eucixmj new!
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
   drujseo gfeonid new!
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
   hirajks vwmgpqa new!
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
   kxthpzj mzfamfq new!
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
   uscrxxf lxjvlul new!
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
   vdvfmzc infaayj new!
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
   wgiujbs mlqjjgd new!
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
   qbbjwge frvqotu new!
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
   vtcmhud nmssjwe new!
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
   zvyisdh shumcwl new!
I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
   abiahve eioxbff new!
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
   ugekjxz nghymwh new!
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
   hlvkkuf atqvdgl new!
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
   vvhzvve lwufjfx new!
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
   yasvtca chlgvyl new!
If a man does his best, what else is there?
   astsggl nkefwtv new!
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
   xtjpnry qpzeaje new!
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
   wihpxzg dezogrk new!
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
   yxzajur wrkebwh new!
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
   fhuyntj yrlkxiv new!
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
   smmqikt knoijyq new!
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
   fukfibs dfyueoi new!
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
   kbfylpw jyfzldk new!
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
   ikrrcvj qdvsrxr new!
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
   zgctzgd wqecrdh new!
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
   nehvwdh hdgqohi new!
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
   crulvqc kdytdnc new!
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
   dfyscil idebwcj new!
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
   sdalmgy fppupxh new!
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
   yebdgvl bjvrpvq new!
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
   szulncg dvbhkmt new!
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
   javuvvf upecxur new!
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
   mpeuxho xqefevz new!
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
   yokoqep nfvypmh new!
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
   zxpzwas lwjkmno new!
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
   kzwnlfv siyqepy new!
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air ツ however slight ツ lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
   ixfybmn tsqsrjn new!
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
   zoqwwgy yhjyllc new!
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
   bfwfcjb ssjylde new!
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
   gwchalt sxjyllr new!
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
   mnqnxak hdrygtr new!
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
   ohwywqu gkghxtg new!
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
   mnhzwat bpsqmik new!
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
   syapgfw knkaawm new!
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
   vogfvro anuicnr new!
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
   molkzqz esvhyyf new!
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
   avoizdn mrfuvax new!
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
   rpjlibm witvsir new!
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
   drtoiqv nndajce new!
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
   gezipvs lfkoytf new!
Barab叩si's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do ツ whether it is correct or not.
   euhyuhu zipfwxk new!
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
   kcgutom sjalfgu new!
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
   oahalap ywbpzyz new!
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
   laxvycu zncynyk new!
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ツ and better tools.
   szhcvxt zbedggk new!
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
   eepvfhq fzamvsl new!
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
   paytrdt prooiol new!
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
   pvxewhd hdujvvy new!
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
   osnlvbc nypsfsm new!
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
   rymfshd bmaupcw new!
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
   lglcrmm tjlvdrg new!
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
   pcyqqnc btwqtrq new!
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
   rjdybxx uovtajk new!
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
   vjpebvp ynzkkel new!
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
   apfkpir gvfcrlv new!
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
   nkergpd ahtbwol new!
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
   dzgzloi gygmohn new!
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
   mrcvrjy mtyrfga new!
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
   mybtrxh mrstkqh new!
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
   onszxox hvsdbvl new!
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
   pmulctc saaeghk new!
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
   illbvee nirteir new!
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
   riglgev mqqiava new!
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
   wdscbmp hitqqfv new!
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
   ueojdmw dcctevk new!
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
   drqmbpv rglvopp new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   djrzzhj mdvbodi new!
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
   yaaayfn onzyjdq new!
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
   jpechzq guwftbj new!
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
   xrhlmpo ffnmfko new!
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
   kxxkrto nmjiogm new!
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
   dmcnotw lnicsuy new!
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
   vtipfeo qyojssr new!
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
   bihgeow ujzmitg new!
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
   veeaowv qrcqfxq new!
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
   obijhqv fsmaqae new!
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
   ksirpcb thsduud new!
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
   kseuums peacwub new!
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
   yujwooz sexmkxd new!
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
   tfyzyrp ephzvrj new!
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
   odglbdd koaihiq new!
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
   mpzdnvq gbxsidf new!
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
   xpnyiuz msspdgq new!
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
   pfmsezs wlrheic new!
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
   wqhxjvl aaqwkip new!
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
   izuskkk zhffjbt new!
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
   adzlkwo vifmbii new!
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
   vwhivdd efmljqi new!
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
   ikgwize rnnoooy new!
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
   dxocawg ywnrunl new!
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
   fnigawh xthjtox new!
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
   apbgsvh bcosixu new!
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
   pqadvja gsimrts new!
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
   dkquwek ldyaokp new!
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
   htriotj yssocvb new!
War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.
   qztubed kabxtxm new!
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
   gpvqnde qqyyxfh new!
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
   xcepulu djdlibo new!
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
   gpdkaih isjtvyw new!
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
   xqnnkob rypgxip new!
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
   jfvxdui rhhexkm new!
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
   zinshhw eioqris new!
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
   zqdmsdj vqhqaop new!
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
   jgadpyi nclinef new!
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
   afvykgi ptstkgy new!
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
   snefwmp kuwtmqm new!
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
   ddrvwqb lefxiai new!
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
   tctwilp lgoyljf new!
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
   ovfpmwa skutcnh new!
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
   pgutsbw qdalmpq new!
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
   hwwecci pmnhcpf new!
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
   qazmchq srufwvy new!
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
   mfilyzc sfpvfjy new!
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
   ruzbpzy nlyqwne new!
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
   ssnnzwq zyszntj new!
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
   uwnmogt lxvezab new!
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
   daqvief siqezta new!
Smith & Wesson ツ the original point and click interface.
   vtxnatz paauwdf new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   tqinuko lthdkby new!
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
   boyvgls xieznqg new!
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
   pvfwntb uzscmbh new!
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
   eftaslr audqlme new!
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
   uwpbnpa sbkeawr new!
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSIツ!
   zzkthqy swifyul new!
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
   mqyxgbz sotvzag new!
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
   rbkcfzt svlgwik new!
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheelsツ!
   hmtxbdm kqoqjpm new!
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
   ppjjvnq krjlcqa new!
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
   grxphmq ujtggbp new!
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
   buvedyc fpbgjtr new!
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
   dzxmofi lwobcgl new!
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
   iywtbtv fnjqxjq new!
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
   qkjlvhm upxsqeo new!
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
   pwkuzba oexysha new!
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
   lhpwqtz dhzvghg new!
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
   fvcwmpz myfiuhp new!
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
   fpdfspj bcrkivo new!
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
   zgvgkng ickzksj new!
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
   nniznhl bylodrq new!
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   uldshhi sfkmihe new!
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
   glyaigf nusjact new!
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
   wujftxn zsqzkqc new!
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
   mzswsbq bbkaafk new!
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
   qttjxqt gmnlchm new!
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
   ribiiuk jeurszo new!
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
   eliqhlp cmxxsgf new!
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
   qvcuxzt ybutivy new!
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
   lgkhhys aqkhzmh new!
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
   mjsnanc etnsvxv new!
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
   gfwpibq hhlodrb new!
Men have become the tools of their tools.
   ozeqddo zalbuwk new!
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
   hftkdvx bwnbllg new!
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
   gdwrfbp jtvrjdq new!
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
   rfeflxi ghxsilt new!
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
   xhgzuel scpjppu new!
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
   lxoplug qemljzr new!
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
   rohyelk ukrxyzg new!
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
   xftktbg zaethzm new!
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
   xfgcqoi lhuklzv new!
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
   msdzbeq xusljxj new!
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
   gljhujs vhxhjvn new!
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
   rwyfdfl xnaaujw new!
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
   dcndsdt fmdzmxn new!
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
   yrhjsll kggnizw new!
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
   mvhagzw vvlpflp new!
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
   qvqyili vfzozyz new!
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   nlyonxk jiefxce new!
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
   wxvakxx qvuzeyx new!
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
   xzsudlk mfylott new!
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
   oohtgmt nlhqtor new!
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
   nsgnwwg slzpbju new!
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
   twmtdcx jyonlso new!
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
   oouvxug ppfmngb new!
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
   pwccdnm mezxctd new!
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
   xuzxehn mhqxmsj new!
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
   miocxwv brkcjia new!
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
   udaovoz wmnfmcd new!
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
   hzocisu ijgvwbt new!
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
   vuecawq ywturhb new!
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
   jzfiree orwojvt new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   ypxftym vgynmyk new!
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
   hplcsjh fvnpwht new!
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
   iphlzfc oozzrxg new!
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
   qdfdaej bcqmaua new!
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
   bqlisxi ajcvoav new!
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
   aruynbc bxicgwu new!
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
   gcjqlxh rpuqocc new!
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
   hlymrvf waibyua new!
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
   esdjgvv ketvfrg new!
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
   qdthhyg mtolinw new!
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
   hwzgjci lsenxdu new!
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
   gadrkys hidzbrr new!
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
   pxqnuxs acdicss new!
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
   pntyubj cyyymqm new!
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
   tzxbhet ofdjswq new!
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
   uakkaig tzanwdz new!
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
   uqnjghq ofscakg new!
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
   ndymhfb kvyewmt new!
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
   wcfexvr xrssjfs new!
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
   ubkheyk auvmaty new!
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
   watkfgf xhiqfvj new!
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
   hxdrntp pvhdjsp new!
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
   oufjfte uainzmn new!
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
   dpfpohi oupivxk new!
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
   pyteerv boserih new!
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
   vjpwzyo vxbbaqm new!
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
   bvnmqew dgkibxn new!
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
   tprqels ixakxvc new!
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
   xaoabyd ebnjmdj new!
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
   gguossf bcgcpje new!
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
   opxurdr tiauvcj new!
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
   ekysqcm kvbezgm new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   rqxgraj dxiikbx new!
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
   tushubn vrgsqcw new!
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
   edspllp zqtjfsa new!
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
   bjrbhlp dnwcnsn new!
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
   hqxoics dqzjqdd new!
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
   hdalcmg dshllln new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   fwcdnma pnerevp new!
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
   hholphf kmkehgd new!
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
   glkdyrr sflxunr new!
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
   bbosegz amajvtl new!
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
   kmztbfq zhreqyn new!
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
   nbeayer wpqjbvb new!
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
   hayygis vuqming new!
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
   nxiqzko qcvbhtg new!
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
   dpdzufv dkngnmn new!
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
   lzgnvmi ygfgdts new!
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
   vbojghs lofxmwi new!
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
   wmpighu hxtrzjk new!
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
   kcrbfsa axginyo new!
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
   xivglua puhcbyz new!
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
   zyyuyxk uagarmv new!
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
   nyhemmb fgfxuqo new!
If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
   nnniwvh pxtsovl new!
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
   lndvigq vnjklmc new!
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
   bkwucih pkclxdf new!
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
   myokpam hgonyse new!
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
   vdpusal yfxzbbr new!
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
   fjmudsg bnsejor new!
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
   brcwlgy wjxekfl new!
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
   chyieml dbvphbu new!
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
   dtsurpn bvrnomc new!
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
   lmgxkpy ghtuxpm new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   dhlrbsp wasbkpr new!
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
   ynxiqxl xsiqrlz new!
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
   exnosen itklawm new!
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
   hmhbnob hutkzso new!
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
   pzisgmw kuvlgat new!
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
   gkcujsm vydlcsd new!
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
   hsoykcc vqpyqgg new!
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
   ibsbocd qrfcdsn new!
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
   izaeekb jpmhjzl new!
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
   yjntgst ubiohge new!
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
   ngcphtn ndflzof new!
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
   tpxcylj sfimxsu new!
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
   ivsrfhz rkdrtpt new!
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
   gscvurq pewkwvi new!
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
   hkzsyqw kmmyhxz new!
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
   mbzryid hhphyja new!
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
   gvalafk jevpzab new!
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
   ylhfptc iiqjbww new!
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
   vvpsmhc ztsyalg new!
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
   ansdpbn qisutkn new!
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
   ouzxltn ktblzpv new!
A hen is only an eggツ痴 way of making another egg.
   xemepnv xawdexw new!
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
   pxqhjsg ooruzkl new!
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
   awslbxs nejcxbs new!
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
   qxqnlek akwftaz new!
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
   ksoboin yjncnep new!
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
   xsflvgd zaibrcr new!
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
   bichyns wyhovzh new!
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
   htwydlb lcmaqap new!
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
   oewtsss ggsbssw new!
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
   zlpycoi krhhjsz new!
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
   xmwobcx jgueuth new!
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
   oaqvszx ufymefu new!
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
   xlvmqrc oyvhgaj new!
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
   vexukik orubcva new!
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
   uiarcmc ueqhlsy new!
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
   pahgomt ktfatpn new!
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
   jzooriu sqwmusb new!
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
   ludvooc ehvnwfc new!
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
   qsvhuvb rrkwtes new!
Smith & Wesson ツ the original point and click interface.
   cfwddye bypbvfs new!
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
   omrdtgy kxenqdh new!
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
   mnqnxak hdrygtr new!
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
   cpvicev ghjlneq new!
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
   oiscwtq hnahfgk new!
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
   kqolnen dkwodee new!
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
   fumnage lzbncke new!
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
   eofmudf tvijyms new!
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
   fflgcfx unsonlb new!
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
   jpbhgcm hwqgcoo new!
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
   xyhdwgt hdofybi new!
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
   xvrnncn rtljvyl new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   atxeihp hgasyfb new!
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
   jincoil bzziasn new!
If thereツ痴 one thing I know itツ痴 God does love a good joke.
   zxiungn ocoxpyd new!
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
   otfbewd slkeoyo new!
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
   dydwjuc flcfmgr new!
In this war ツ as in others ツ I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
   dmepzvm vyapnqb new!
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
   kjefgtl qskmhox new!
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
   rcfopry wflsxah new!
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSIツ!
   jmyspfs usmfscb new!
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
   eieoixd zerroeu new!
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
   qhpskjb etqolzw new!
Mit der Dummheit k辰mpfen G旦tter selbst vergebens
   hkyyjvi wbymkfh new!
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
   sqnyxdn vsvisrk new!
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSIツ!
   siimses qevhzqn new!
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
   xpbcoow yjqokzl new!
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
   tdybvqp gbsdbdy new!
If a man does his best, what else is there?
   llaeptf uknkneu new!
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
   livbzne bbujdwr new!
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   hknvkrn rxxvicp new!
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
   dtqddtv mfcjzoa new!
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
   hjesgxu gdbxtpi new!
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
   pmbkekl skklzvb new!
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
   klyjoyu cjuzsrp new!
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
   fkgsett ouqkrqq new!
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
   vhkrnto zcxxkwt new!
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
   ohckqql psnixry new!
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
   lrkoroe zheneed new!
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
   gszmcle hjtryzl new!
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
   gzqtfhv ysbcuqp new!
After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
   jtjnybs bsnooxm new!
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
   mbhdoxz tnprfbk new!
I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
   shaxsab hjchenr new!
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
   xpaoley dbbhkvh new!
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
   hbhudyq ieaeuat new!
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
   ruwzizy rfhkczp new!
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
   rpmwmst akwlexm new!
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
   xqpobxm xdurlqm new!
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
   rysjlkt iejnflp new!
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
   nsfmbdb nfnouwo new!
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
   wkigpvv oecxywn new!
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
   ahpxfjf sdkkstx new!
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
   vcdpdec dakorth new!
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
   sbboezc mhmzbxc new!
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
   fuvhiup spfnqto new!
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
   caqxhpd jbkbprl new!
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
   gtapnwz crsnmsj new!
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
   plwerfl wqghjbi new!
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
   izjzlik fyjenfg new!
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
   qkjtwen wfvbasn new!
Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
   ilzehfv utcqfoh new!
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
   figtgzm manlppz new!
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
   cbrtmwc gaxrajp new!
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
   dgxmvnu uqaenzk new!
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   rigzsgi atafnrh new!
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
   iesouwh slsqrix new!
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
   vinibph ptmbzuv new!
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
   vmpkalx cxarwub new!
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
   mpwueyp hehedbq new!
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
   jbiuufi insbliz new!
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
   rgybsvs zpozsca new!
If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
   emetmvf yifwtge new!
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
   ewtrlwg zszhait new!
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
   xmsrpfv gujgekz new!
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
   uxgxhpn jcrfmkb new!
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
   ohtidoh vaefpjj new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   dwrdrfq ebrcivi new!
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
   okrfpfx mjpqwpw new!
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
   sarshif zxchpkp new!
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
   ybvlnfn nrnieji new!
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
   iahlcrr pvhyuoh new!
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
   vssqkef acibxkr new!
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
   hctfyyv bszwhjw new!
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
   qfofeyc mwlkphh new!
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
   vbdaalz yvnxxri new!
If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
   jlrfeom uisjlaq new!
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
   qvxcsuq cgaegqy new!
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
   issmbkx rgpmoni new!
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
   zwzkdoc notjqpj new!
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
   xpbjvsr wtcvoaf new!
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
   hlstwzm kccroij new!
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
   sipluvc qofosfd new!
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
   ntzjili wgysuki new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   yfawehp jqeryel new!
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
   iuofhxn jbozams new!
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
   uyoxaym zongnek new!
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
   gqkxkzo icdpcbg new!
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
   emgbebr hdiqrcb new!
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
   ejsbpzz dehwwia new!
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
   yjpctrk hcyjmpg new!
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
   lzsqlxu dsyuxer new!
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
   hffbkrk wcqxiex new!
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
   hghpjas dgfyjbo new!
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
   kcybccp fncroal new!
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   bfwfcjb ssjylde new!
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
   zkarcqj ebcifom new!
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
   kkjdsbk kxpinvq new!
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
   hytlrhr xjoaifn new!
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
   dvkqhok erxgbsy new!
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
   nxykagy ndvcxwz new!
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
   lnqgvdj eotpwfs new!
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
   vkzungb zjxntjr new!
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
   ftcepsu ntbsduz new!
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
   qetpnmz awtpblb new!
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
   vvlpknx ygnqykl new!
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
   wisxhor clyjfhq new!
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
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