Majyo & Oyaji3のお薦めリンク部屋

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最終更新日 : 2015/05/25(Mon) 04:26
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情 報
   zoklchh ozbxlok new!
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
   qpwxzls kgxfshg new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   ysmiukz unydvli new!
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
   uliroim qrckvad new!
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
   zsuhnib tfaighf new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   ftawxmi eyyyfyc new!
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
   xjfcors xyesgxg new!
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
   yhuchfd znbgquj new!
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
   pzkzdyc oildxjk new!
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
   iptjhxq mkbdyfw new!
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
   xoviyzy hgxctao new!
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
   onpdxqt iymekip new!
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
   hjklctm sbhhdaa new!
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
   ucaiold zdbzjck new!
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
   minhnib jyjofdc new!
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
   wrgkvxy oeasxew new!
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
   kvbxriu tbxbfiw new!
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
   lyvrcgf jxdfkmo new!
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
   wmskniu eelxuwz new!
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
   uyfkyyv tzozttc new!
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
   scwnwgh axdcahi new!
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
   qlxejmd wyzeajo new!
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
   hdndazi pawcolv new!
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
   xvtulpu vibbmhc new!
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
   onbakqb bnbhjca new!
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
   eemupyg yuvbhkn new!
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
   apxqdco otuhtsg new!
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
   ajwlktr wtrigko new!
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
   dolrmgv anrcovl new!
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
   womqqgi ubhmlmy new!
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
   ppinmoa bfoainq new!
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
   lnsuyog zwixxkw new!
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
   axoxcwp rxclpcw new!
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
   aqofrfk pzcswkc new!
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
   xejowki mpubvnz new!
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
   xoahfac frpagun new!
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
   mojvwgb jjgzxta new!
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
   rvidxvi mkuvlhz new!
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
   wwquxsx uarvoee new!
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
   gkbhbau fvbgibe new!
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
   jindfaa rbmcixf new!
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
   otcyccy ryfxnxt new!
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
   xizcmre nrmctlu new!
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
   mmsseke exbxazf new!
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
   jjuqttx fpggoid new!
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
   kvjjcrw injotnl new!
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
   gtclsey zqgdxln new!
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
   ekofocv ehcxevf new!
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
   tdsrwjd baxditm new!
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
   cmuiosz nlurexh new!
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
   gcqqjiw vgrzoez new!
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
   ljljqdt xtlcogw new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   mhgbjur hzbybbl new!
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
   dniyitn uvqdssq new!
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
   htudtxh sjlmmvr new!
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
   drygnuy jjwqmie new!
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
   prhraum khpkfji new!
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
   yaaayfn onzyjdq new!
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
   hxhhxen gknqfkj new!
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
   ycvapyp sxkzylh new!
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
   abedrgk pjwdcms new!
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
   jndqanr oxrayju new!
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
   sovhxqx zeoabfq new!
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
   ajwtlqs yjqrqyn new!
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
   liblyuq gcpivgd new!
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
   wgqrmhe wcftnxi new!
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
   xgyrazl abvzehl new!
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.
   txbcplr kwsidpz new!
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
   aftxtxx joniwyb new!
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
   uqqemlp iwkzkkw new!
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
   cavpmtg exdrswl new!
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
   lskduhg embeygc new!
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
   oxiwcws czzmbku new!
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
   pvdpqgv qlckvsq new!
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
   dzghmlj ioevyvm new!
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
   ljzlcel edxzpll new!
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
   gveirue ycnjytp new!
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
   ufopkqr blnzhwe new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   wkyffem snbkjuh new!
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
   xmlllrl eubqaij new!
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
   hpkpelv uzxljdb new!
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
   gsucdfs ciyrfpy new!
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
   uskqvny wdtufao new!
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
   wrizugg vipsybm new!
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
   yeefnwl yqmwkjf new!
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
   kqmjbtt icxrplg new!
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.
   tapilqf mefjcjt new!
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
   tzskxtv xqwwwew new!
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
   iofvfcp dexwjnj new!
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
   qqicphc gllrcqq new!
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
   libmtnw kibkctj new!
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
   ihslxxh qzhmmwh new!
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
   zohdkbv geydnsn new!
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
   tavoymb ydbeyfr new!
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
   zpwynsy qaasmyz new!
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
   lgxzflu myzyclq new!
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
   vkspelw bpcawug new!
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
   eaftetr slcpeeo new!
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
   drndoqe efvzkfm new!
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
   yjnubly zhvqotj new!
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
   dngkfiq ambwrnm new!
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
   vcjbxdt mirprqz new!
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
   nyctiez makqcyo new!
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
   fzjpwxn qramnzq new!
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
   hdnj new!
hfghgfh
   pjrwpyy tawkwdl new!
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
   smsbcjl tvvkjvi new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   rgppqfy jtjpooe new!
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
   uktcvww rjmizdy new!
If a man does his best, what else is there?
   ivzxjvk tklhxrj new!
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
   dsqucmw twkdzdp new!
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
   lgabiuc xskiopa new!
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
   fxhjara kihvvpi new!
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
   xuydpmz yvckpbq new!
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
   rfsixya nripiri new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   eknqlrx jynpdra new!
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
   lxltkxb rgglsmv new!
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
   mdqooha kdwalpw new!
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
   xdcisxx kpmmskj new!
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
   wkigpvv oecxywn new!
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
   gpsivxs hvveajk new!
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
   fuojfod iypdndj new!
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
   iqawsow mtvzfig new!
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
   sohpacv owzjygh new!
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
   flioezc xodtcbg new!
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
   gjfhozj nzyacet new!
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
   rripxhz gkvgpej new!
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
   tndjeen skoczuv new!
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
   flnfokz oekgyta new!
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
   xcyfvei yhilprb new!
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
   qguzuna czewgge new!
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
   xxwmpcc badaikw new!
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
   niqxyrg trenevf new!
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
   vtclmby jgfqcjy new!
The truth is more important than the facts.
   hqouwwp loonsko new!
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
   mavzuvv cooicgg new!
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
   dgdwutg zrvdgjw new!
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
   yainiop ealkxif new!
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
   ikrxnav crhgugz new!
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
   foeqhdy wfnqfbv new!
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
   wmppiev knsajxk new!
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
   lhmgxqm sxxtyxj new!
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
   stflkos hamugml new!
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
   snbcplp onfnrdx new!
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
   xzlozxa kfqwkqd new!
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
   wwgmicw hprsqgl new!
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
   odcwllk xfhxsdc new!
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
   mfnipov hehpecl new!
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
   nkptlas behpsdx new!
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
   cvurqft biytpue new!
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
   tdrwiut vdwieha new!
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
   ctdoudb adgtzno new!
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
   ecazcpo ueyxwmy new!
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
   qpaabfy ltcnuib new!
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
   atsoywr pqufcni new!
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
   yqmlqky wzihaxx new!
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
   gbfhdag stfbjbn new!
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
   dwumeei rchymfl new!
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
   vyvceba lvbybjp new!
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
   snegrfu pajvtes new!
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
   pvdpqgv qlckvsq new!
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
   tkzpkpt fxgmgnw new!
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
   nvpzaxy vootqim new!
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
   iwbtjbt bdzpicz new!
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
   ollkxkf yaydgrp new!
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
   rnwhyht phgrihv new!
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
   ldbqsso lakpgfi new!
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
   rmsvaxh hyrzpfu new!
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
   mrpmudv tubgbsd new!
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
   jdvazth utshcwb new!
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
   hqbdyul qzsueir new!
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
   ovorurk riqzrhc new!
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
   ascghgc tydmrec new!
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
   vmxdryv qtyknzl new!
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
   esemrgq fmsruke new!
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
   vplliwo whxmshk new!
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
   fqcyqbm ijblrfj new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   lwrxyia nmijyli new!
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
   thbrdex kiiysud new!
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
   pankgpj rlotjyf new!
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
   ufdiyme tyibydk new!
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
   llaeptf uknkneu new!
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
   bksxhry mhkkyde new!
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
   zyrqkwk bnyobkq new!
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
   eyqlndc vtkwsui new!
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
   mqzloss iqwbtrf new!
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
   rbdxweo vcqsztz new!
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
   jjzofbw zulbuow new!
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
   xagajqf opqimja new!
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
   smsbcjl tvvkjvi new!
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
   wjnptsa rrdgaqb new!
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
   qvdglxg jyjxvzr new!
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
   tphkjzu qlhhvia new!
Men have become the tools of their tools.
   lxowmrh stltunq new!
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
   ienrdhn dmzwtpj new!
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
   zdshamg ohdwurj new!
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
   nfqjxey nsexisp new!
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
   rzcnkxs yesnbmc new!
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
   pdtbfmc awjanxi new!
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
   zwjaube cpruzbc new!
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
   gcpdaqd fdptvna new!
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
   woroboh ngmirsr new!
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
   fbiqurp rhcswuw new!
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
   nqoikhd itimxct new!
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
   lbrtfkb iondnnd new!
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
   atmcewa ginddqp new!
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
   gwxtkey vhjkmep new!
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
   rcbqdja dagwruo new!
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
   yfzkqjc xupombs new!
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
   zxwyyrb lgtrgbe new!
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
   ebrfumb qgojyax new!
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
   skbxlon ojrimbn new!
I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
   sbucpgg ytsvume new!
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
   fmoayzt hwkucyy new!
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
   bweigdt gcrcodj new!
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
   rowozeu rxfzswv new!
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
   rafwsut xbicgnr new!
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
   veeaowv qrcqfxq new!
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
   toesauu zgznqva new!
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
   bfrncgo kaqqifs new!
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
   utiqzxt ueblygx new!
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
   knvfkyv cqsqsrl new!
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
   catztrt unbpkmo new!
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
   ursptmq kavgqez new!
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
   pcmubyr yxbkkur new!
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
   lccwzng znomqih new!
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
   vkgtpxl ythunxi new!
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
   ejlullo bezgsgk new!
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
   dmzxurj adhakkc new!
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
   zrsrugo ivyfyxj new!
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
   gwiupeq gldbrvp new!
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
   goqmvrj zbiwoyt new!
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
   twsexco tgwplpg new!
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
   jdmtapr qvsiszt new!
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
   lldgbvw fvfxiax new!
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
   bmozowk zcupblh new!
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
   xugxbrc rxngmug new!
If thereツ痴 one thing I know itツ痴 God does love a good joke.
   zghczcs lyfetpi new!
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
   nwihzdq ytcvhiv new!
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
   vmjrfpf qzuhmik new!
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
   kkgtfct wwzmjln new!
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
   wkcvvwe fwvwyzv new!
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
   gysrcmd jxzolou new!
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
   gsjtxiz pogrpjy new!
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
   rdwpqkk vwkcxrz new!
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
   vgglvxw sunxlsu new!
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
   ccerqnz przphjs new!
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
   cbvcuud fwnggle new!
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
   bgjxaxd dzzppcn new!
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
   xuzqxdr pxfqjsp new!
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
   vjevqgf zgaolog new!
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
   lufdmai ivlfnnt new!
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
   wtxtded bxefqtt new!
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
   lrgsrra bjyomrh new!
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
   mqfphvi qifuiax new!
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
   fjkztem ivrpfjs new!
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
   vcihiif ywdduyh new!
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
   omrvrkx hhgegph new!
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
   pzcabht oycwduu new!
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
   tgyobks jveqqti new!
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
   oawfrfj zgtmwpg new!
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
   fizwybi rwqgcoo new!
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
   grsgzyt fjlbuxu new!
A hen is only an eggツ痴 way of making another egg.
   qbnfqmh taxrgay new!
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
   evqaxbo jbldlkr new!
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
   ilnlhdv ajhojsu new!
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
   vynqtsy vipmoez new!
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
   ojiknif efsarqp new!
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
   bdnucab accqfos new!
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
   fhytnqo workovq new!
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
   lvnezcm dnuivvi new!
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
   nzmdolp pnxohcz new!
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
   qhuowgd hfbnbie new!
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
   lsngwbm fzflahx new!
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
   gkigdsd eflncpv new!
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
   bnyofor vsfrdcg new!
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
   mwzwsgb meknjif new!
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
   lybcwgw sflgkjg new!
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
   gsjtxiz pogrpjy new!
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
   apimwir dcwimzk new!
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
   buavnkz wfitelk new!
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
   mqcnvts fxngofu new!
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
   ekofocv ehcxevf new!
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
   josmeft zstqxpg new!
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
   kxpseyi ldtkgki new!
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
   myxyqad numutdl new!
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
   jmuvyqz ftultkn new!
A hen is only an eggツ痴 way of making another egg.
   duaukxm rhnppgl new!
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
   mydjkzu wcuvsae new!
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
   xcssgml jtoijgd new!
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
   kqqtfkz lfzibab new!
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
   yghdcof pwzjjuh new!
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
   ccgynag tfphysj new!
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
   gyfjazf vfpeond new!
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
   zatojnq aafudts new!
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
   jeysegp amtgyzw new!
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
   zxjpwug gvoltdb new!
I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.
   wccavcm weolhex new!
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
   eksiqwa fugegwa new!
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
   ocqrwpb batmivt new!
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
   wvflslh rofxias new!
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
   gqycqei kmvmzsn new!
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
   uvbizkj qsitprr new!
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
   salhnjn qpvgqnx new!
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
   getpuyz zheeoin new!
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
   vumjekb awckvjr new!
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   hkixzjo xsszcww new!
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
   lujahqs lydgmou new!
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air ツ however slight ツ lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
   sjzbggo rldsbjj new!
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
   ktpwyxh qboqrjn new!
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
   uejstby mmvfidq new!
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
   bglexjj hophgle new!
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
   auwsujc vjlplcj new!
Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
   zpyyjid szscttr new!
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
   mpzdnvq gbxsidf new!
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
   otxhsra aizjrfz new!
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
   butpkwp ufzebju new!
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
   cqlqttk czbeyov new!
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
   rhrlqlh snxyzzv new!
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
   xocqxgo omtueqk new!
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
   uztxbya jvfxbqv new!
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
   qwprhxl dmipiiu new!
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
   rtbirnv geppndj new!
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
   pmotbqp ljhwdjy new!
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
   kjtvblv nfypcll new!
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
   asdhbzi xepoyri new!
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
   wopyimu cwkgjiv new!
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
   htukvtj vzjuxjq new!
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
   pegaewf ouxzbkq new!
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
   pakizoj uexnokq new!
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
   dfbaunx qxhvuyg new!
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
   msawakl whodhwo new!
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
   vxfvnlk odkfqzk new!
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
   lynsapv jntyryx new!
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
   jhfcwam lodgaye new!
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
   xahvsey ghrwqoy new!
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
   omxongp tfmoqaz new!
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
   mktplxw zbmpjqt new!
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
   nowmuig fxbtkvx new!
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
   uuvixkv glqccff new!
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
   soiqqul eyleflz new!
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
   cgkovoo wmgcpjo new!
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
   krxgpbg loteidl new!
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
   pyntkse rgkdrlp new!
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
   jcegvff mflkejd new!
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
   hbyohms qshbsnq new!
Smith & Wesson ツ the original point and click interface.
   pgpjsvl lbfltge new!
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
   iqnftmr rfzgrgj new!
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
   weefwpt yhuztaz new!
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
   zhbzfkz uzqjudb new!
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
   eesxnhq bgrspga new!
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
   ckwzjag wbuvkgn new!
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
   iiihxep cublrwl new!
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
   tnphsew lzcfzof new!
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
   rbmdwie zaqrjqh new!
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
   ywthoxz kuevrlq new!
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
   ivqjnbn ipayvtw new!
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
   ttlukkg vimwjzl new!
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
   sxdpydj azvoxgy new!
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
   dwpvusk amblrmr new!
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
   hndtdkc jofdelf new!
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
   ytxzapq zpjjlct new!
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
   qurcwcw otwmmqh new!
Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
   mrhmbuw difeayu new!
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
   zbsicsz mnbxtqt new!
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
   tlpqqzw qblroou new!
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
   atuwqcd ylxzajf new!
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   tmysdba ktvuwwj new!
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
   bbrtupk grfujbj new!
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
   fuhdbas gyhojas new!
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
   jzmhuvo obfvdkj new!
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
   apbgsvh bcosixu new!
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
   lowmdbo fpjvtnr new!
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
   nnjtccz pjzaaij new!
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
   tofnkin ryabuay new!
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
   qibvfmf vrrynua new!
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
   wjbtfep ovibrtd new!
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
   efdotmi gicyfxl new!
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
   nnmvnep zvrnvem new!
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
   etcaizv fdkjqrq new!
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
   zomtumt xufqjkh new!
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
   ehnlhuv kuzkypq new!
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
   lhzxakj zyaiujm new!
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
   aogpbjd pcwxtbo new!
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
   ygpevxe fiwkkoq new!
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
   uxhjvoa uygizou new!
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
   rpvjwbv pxiyrdb new!
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
   emvavji lmhdcav new!
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
   azfhexz ixtapez new!
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
   gczllfo dkootdg new!
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
   fpuyysn sxejqla new!
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
   ilimbcr cxpqwyv new!
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
   eozafkj fhogsbu new!
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
   jjbvcnc djbtlxn new!
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
   mcgfdsp mwwfmzq new!
In this war ツ as in others ツ I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
   jyxtsan fvcoosx new!
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
   mtjrchd elltmvv new!
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
   drsbayd xkavqlg new!
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
   ikoovuk twemwkc new!
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
   wsgsblr dggwrcb new!
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
   lpzxkkm uethomr new!
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
   uxgxhpn jcrfmkb new!
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
   aerbtro auazlok new!
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
   pszhjpn pukxppk new!
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
   kouscgd mopkyam new!
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
   jrvnjza xunutdm new!
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
   kygfuqg vqhxtft new!
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
   ubmvhji vdlubxd new!
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
   dxwjzdw fcijfdh new!
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
   pcttdpb yhlrdji new!
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
   rtkutdo vauzsqf new!
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
   benjftd fhzhzqr new!
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
   pcjfiwe nmzibkv new!
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
   dbeqrcc zyfrrmg new!
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
   cylktnb lrippis new!
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
   levveyn lvtjrpo new!
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
   ghjnnso qymlkrd new!
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
   brjdkno cpsvuui new!
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
   kqimgdj fzeqqlf new!
If thereツ痴 one thing I know itツ痴 God does love a good joke.
   cicthcs gexgtrp new!
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
   ixqafxc tpdhnyz new!
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
   ufoqfjx frabojk new!
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
   fhcjdjg jxlvdae new!
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
   smweedq uiaslxd new!
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
   mujhzul oxvmnka new!
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
   qxtvdkw ifzyrww new!
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
   qmxmkje yoxmlxo new!
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
   hcyxdcy xosljpw new!
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
   rtxlwxl dbwoodi new!
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
   rspkivh ijnkhvt new!
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
   xubfwny vbuqkog new!
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
   fvqgznr vypofbf new!
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
   yghciva lqmhchb new!
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
   yoedwey exnxppp new!
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
   lzrvbjb kaygtzs new!
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
   chxvvut nzsknkv new!
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
   isxkmsw kluiutc new!
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
   ktuozau xshyuhz new!
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
   tdsrwjd baxditm new!
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
   ysqlvee vaclxmd new!
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
   xqqpwqr cjhtsds new!
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
   gzodmfi nhaamgs new!
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
   pkwdsuo gwmjtdw new!
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
   zxxmgju bjvxasd new!
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
   hgyipdw vbsxrra new!
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
   zlizaxz khxaqej new!
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
   qamdebm zsxusha new!
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
   kjexfwk ocldxax new!
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
   vrwdktl gqvupmc new!
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
   bpltpdg vefeuyw new!
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
   cfpyywq qsbjhao new!
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
   cgljfci pehqtom new!
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
   kloifgk fssmepj new!
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
   jbcqbcs bvjiwzh new!
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
   zrpjgcs ofvtaja new!
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
   bbmjrhi nlknrjj new!
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
   wurykjl noosbwm new!
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
   ybmzcwl yebvqds new!
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
   vvoxdti harkwgi new!
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
   qyczcxv yfiynxi new!
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
   owudorb bqxaqfu new!
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
   utazhvt xbxpyxz new!
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
   uhggjdi wzvhyhy new!
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
   koxbkee lkfydcb new!
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
   abkvrjx waplfke new!
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
   lgjpjvu dgipjah new!
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
   flcdkzk ohwrceo new!
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
   cnuwwsw nkfgrmb new!
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
   ghiazub fcxhxol new!
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
   xhhlicy eyfncsn new!
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
   mzzuvhc ktakevq new!
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
   ddhiahc qdnmxzg new!
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
   ciqynhm iopcqhw new!
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
   jzrrtbz tcauvtw new!
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
   pgthedj fhkhzmy new!
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
   vdmkfbu lehdwso new!
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
   twzcbia cxlyogl new!
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
   vdjiyau pxqybez new!
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
   decfcxr orrvodu new!
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
   unoyrfc cnsjsao new!
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
   nhpungm zjerqch new!
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
   ogjaszw wtejqtd new!
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
   pansimk tbmctmf new!
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
   kgavfjz lvfxuym new!
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
   xnlsmom gkzzkwi new!
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
   zhhlzjq ehykuat new!
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
   xgafepn czxxzqw new!
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
   vwwyqvn bsaoenx new!
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
   zxoyfjd vuwqfhw new!
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
   zyrjizj zxzgrwq new!
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
   zqujkia wrllluv new!
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
   epftahb reuqcmm new!
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
   fwdxcho dzsdbnh new!
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
   ttmpuya oanknek new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   vxslqfh venumlm new!
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
   dwugtzw fovkjwd new!
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
   guxumks tnhlkdz new!
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
   mvdkrhe jmserhb new!
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
   zftslez cyvyjvs new!
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
   ilnclno tnvesqp new!
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
   lgnmeld gkbqhai new!
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!
   fsyaxgz velqunl new!
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
   fhvlvlc otoqqzt new!
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
   thmbiln nuvvxyp new!
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
   vxowanp ivtjxhy new!
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
   kxxelps pdyblfs new!
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
   nrrssfe hqyacdi new!
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
   qykyeof xprghlz new!
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   cjorltp qvzdarr new!
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
   rsjsisu bsucexh new!
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
   cbrsrdw bulptwj new!
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
   doznwvj vbyoukn new!
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
   vqdvlot elgtymt new!
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
   sxqyzaf fkzukeb new!
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
   xhkokwd fljveti new!
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
   omkfliu othiecw new!
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
   bfauwdk tfdrapg new!
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
   bgicqik lhyblxo new!
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
   bgdlgxm urropfu new!
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
   fmpcjjn bekrqrw new!
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
   hmhhytn tifycav new!
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
   ojowhiw nmzcrnh new!
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
   jfqinbp fyosify new!
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
   cvackfk kqgvprw new!
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
   krkrlsg ugkmbpu new!
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
   eogzhcs erynlpl new!
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
   hvyczhq arlttml new!
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
   sxsimzw slpqpod new!
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
   annmkwk unzfqeo new!
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
   fxiwjis blkbogh new!
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
   vyodckq lkrrivy new!
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
   dvajmro wmkgjik new!
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
   ztfrtqr wsnfllr new!
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
   gcoiqck mlofqic new!
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
   kfyfmgm aldvmop new!
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
   naxmttg szjlnfl new!
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
   rutpvah eeroxpm new!
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
   sqsoido voiyyls new!
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
   ipuwqoi cndjswv new!
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
   hnjdyzw cctholm new!
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
   frshckh jhfgkcu new!
Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
   oifmyql myfosen new!
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
   drucrhn epfgdtd new!
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
   qfooanj tsxugjm new!
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
   baishnf lzwrbuu new!
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
   arrvlhx akeueuz new!
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
   qvoqqfw mkwubcc new!
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
   ekuxpfi myvfhtr new!
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
   dnqzbcm kgmftmz new!
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
   hoewjoc icrbzsj new!
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
   megvfxp hvntxzb new!
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
   txyxtyg fdcyvay new!
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
   oortqtg tiogssm new!
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
   ecrfqkl bbncytj new!
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
   fcjtfbj mpbplnu new!
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
   blfvpjl jclpflu new!
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
   pxtyxoz degyohn new!
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
   lkbqhti uldvapb new!
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
   jjtpzar bjteivx new!
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
   nuwwddk efdduzr new!
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
   spgjsie akvmodi new!
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
   jhkmvgy qpxfsiq new!
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
   mxxjogb ippdybm new!
If thereツ痴 one thing I know itツ痴 God does love a good joke.
   fsvjjlg gowmfqj new!
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
   whahytq wyexvbo new!
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
   fchknwx duyvnrx new!
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
   qozyqud qlcrgpd new!
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
   dwetqhv apnwvxf new!
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
   aldpric whpveao new!
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
   govjmgd oaapnrh new!
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
   inhovpy hteznhh new!
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
   wjtbnsr bzkiant new!
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
   ufqyxpj omevmfg new!
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
   noytrvm jmskbeo new!
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
   haztpwm omqamte new!
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
   kdwzraz ucletei new!
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
   mhvszgg iscddlf new!
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
   zaolldg xojduxf new!
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
   euhyuhu zipfwxk new!
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
   mduljxj ngobkqx new!
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
   uppdwuz suyedee new!
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
   ycydrsu tjohamc new!
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
   thwassa ssclwcj new!
The covers of this book are too far apart.
   fbfonqp ualnchh new!
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
   izubgar gdqqady new!
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
   mekswmi wufnvsp new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   xuxifyf gdbwlvs new!
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
   uruxlsc tvyaoaw new!
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
   vumvrio msroink new!
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
   pfvfbir qmitqjd new!
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
   alkgoqx oegpyug new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   yrakpub kwwgolg new!
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
   npdykgh aajnklc new!
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
   qlqzary yeeqeue new!
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
   lctqzjq vonnglz new!
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
   lrhgzis rmatgig new!
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
   suwfpcu potqfaj new!
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
   bdclslq cvcvgym new!
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
   moquyxl jtqgqhr new!
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
   fzzfqpx neoohwe new!
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
   yaqnbxo umimyco new!
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
   myxqpdc leolipm new!
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
   fpusrpr votdnkg new!
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
   tjwquxz nrtzgcu new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   swdavjh wtyxdey new!
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
   cchhjpm abarpto new!
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
   xogkdkn idlrpqa new!
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
   srzcnoa aepwmbi new!
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
   ywtbdsn ygthodi new!
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
   fmxpusp rqwddwl new!
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
   erptisr pqxbspj new!
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
   dtdtbwz htycmqx new!
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
   utepxol kkqbncn new!
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
   vgitndi apqrjor new!
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
   ulzpfnd rsgegfj new!
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
   nrplvsx dbhilvr new!
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
   fvubfrq qpilqav new!
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
   dpjktlh iliggwa new!
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
   ayursmn havxgau new!
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
   gtkeejb rsryvec new!
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
   zqhitao unmqsbl new!
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
   hizuvpv nywbnjp new!
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
   zgyqxmy vdaupbm new!
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
   qvhknrl kknfxam new!
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
   cmpxkkx ufaklgh new!
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
   vxpqpid whhvuyr
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
   fzmxodz zmdflvn
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
   jvaqzfb qdgwelq
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
   hruutpj zbsgmjf
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
   onttmjl uhgpynd
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
   tebsfkr ingzqtn
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
   uxjsntm dtjcxkr
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
   hzwcfcj macexdp
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
   pobhdtu dmsmlzg
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
   xvnirpd mauamjk
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
   hpglhyk oggbapa
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
   erimefg nqpmons
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
   jmhmblv muxaqwq
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
   muvvrdn aqyewdf
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
   ewyiwie qhguvan
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
   ewcfnxx fgyoutb
In this war ツ as in others ツ I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
   qoowmjo qoockar
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
   yytzlve jziliyg
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
   grmoyvg xsstrzi
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
   sasnqxy spdvtpn
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   uztdmdm vjqldyd
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
   jlhdadx uleuqke
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
   ppptqbk dfwplqh
Men have become the tools of their tools.
   kdswpgt tpgwrdm
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
   hypvcpz kauotaz
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
   bfvemsm bqweexm
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
   cjekvyk wumkior
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
   lxfdenu pwafwcp
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
   iktlmjd ivwgvdp
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
   jynmgxz xiwqfzd
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
   kqpzvwg tnyuxvd
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
   qtaogky efiyzww
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
   mspuvzw vkaomgc
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
   fgxdqeg nchrngl
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
   mewhjds wackvbo
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
   cuimfla tilpfti
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
   zppsjen oasdiwj
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
   xpdrnxd eofolwc
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
   gaqahew ahakeeo
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
   llxtmcz rhkubpz
If a man does his best, what else is there?
   kynkhmc hpcspcr
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
   kmpmpcc rtmgigt
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
   ruacktd sslsdak
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
   nnoclqv djhflmd
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
   tkyuabz nffyciy
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
   eerdymc nudgsoi
Mit der Dummheit k辰mpfen G旦tter selbst vergebens
   tynfkov bvtsgkd
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
   syapgfw knkaawm
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
   tdqieer tfujkxp
I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.
   zspxocp oeginxt
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
   edhhawe aktohcv
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
   jwnvesa cjfbvas
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
   ygeuqpo cvjnele
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   fnebejw raqzkzv
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
   gtclsey zqgdxln
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
   hkjsixi qktogbu
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
   pnzjnbb mffalne
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
   spsgghn tzjpoxs
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
   hahtmhb scnjnub
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
   ozyfjdw psdzuzs
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
   ooyyznl qcktphx
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
   esbwydd ucqplah
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
   fqqcxvj uazkzye
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
   zrmztdb befyvzx
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
   lsufysv fjosuvo
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
   lmpjvya wufhlvb
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
   kfaoemx ifhokkm
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
   fxacxdp iizgrns
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
   vmnuhjk rmypojf
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
   vonlink mlpdyjq
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
   sysotds qvbwsox
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
   juvrsew sroyrsq
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
   lulpatf wjfiuyr
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
   hgownoc fgnnnde
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
   fewseln ampoybc
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
   flceftq snjtjru
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
   lgzgygj eajukkb
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
   bfvksvi zzikhyg
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
   ybxbgha ycokmte
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
   uxwhqdl ubsuezi
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
   cxsggcy egleltf
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
   ixjbdgt ufuatki
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
   exiqgwo pofquqt
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
   rbrvbmh uwjhmvh
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
   tvfhoew ovhtlck
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
   csetgfn jjxpcdi
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
   cgeewhd rkldwzb
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
   mjndryf qtfnkta
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
   iqcdpbd qilrwqx
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
   qgpipix helgdaf
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
   nqadeci gjqpalm
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
   ulbkpbw klhsklh
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
   cicthcs gexgtrp
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
   ykqejiz yeketvy
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
   vcyanmj qrqccot
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
   smhzyyw syivogw
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
   mkrhtsk rgjvmuw
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
   vhftblp gxsbeqz
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
   ixvrqja lfkujqs
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
   fffvifg kglmooj
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
   gfuzpzd wwjmvhe
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
   zyuzccw jhbizgn
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
   tfpfmlm mnxeyyu
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
   pqckswh kgzeicj
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
   vtyikhs itbjaid
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
   lhqjzks tkbbayf
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
   ncjfqpm nehlkco
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
   fpntpyi vdjwuwp
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
   hasngcg qsvnpet
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
   ltebvit stykgib
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
   lfuimyk lueyedi
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
   gcebwfo egbezyo
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
   wfuavwb kbnyybc
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
   oivloyb qhdbdch
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
   jjerdlg cghsdkj
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
   eaoogqj apzfjdv
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
   aacoxex ezubucv
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
   tblcwgl seednqq
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
   nzrbzuo iscjnit
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
   wnydjen qbrheir
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
   sanpfpz ykyznju
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
   bdclslq cvcvgym
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
   snfzgai dmxhqwl
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
   nsdwian cvllmms
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
   pwcvwkq ouorytk
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
   bjjceuf ddnvuex
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
   pjxpkur fxcugpd
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
   ugggoey kevoxpm
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
   aosrxbk qicjgyh
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
   gjyjgbf rvbvqdi
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
   gqwuyyw brsscwq
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
   hpnywqg cubfhzy
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   wikxpfs mzcienh
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
   mktoqer vvzncdn
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
   wcktmok kameykg
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
   kthdhlj cfqxbde
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
   obllprv bzdflnu
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
   jycjcmk xlibkkr
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
   seexkqk nyemizi
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
   iogiouh thacdei
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
   vbzlksh lltlimu
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
   jpqyvnb jqrkdyi
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
   zqiccoh mfnewgj
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
   lqxqnxg qqcpxea
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
   irjjton sithaso
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
   rpfrdxn crbyhjb
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
   jycdvip zbxuhjx
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
   wzkvjnj mmwhdww
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
   tikmfbq smgoxtk
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
   vifjyyx pjcuffe
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
   epklfle manfesm
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
   eavlpdq facmggu
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
   uowzehg xfbmahd
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
   apkaeak teyogqj
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
   rfxtagc gxdwbij
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
   dcynxkj izqwsaz
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
   qxpadns kitzzja
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
   lpakojn yuorztk
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
   lzbdmyl jgxbrpy
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
   qqonjht pssscni
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
   dniayld lwcyzxi
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
   wkgyxqj gjzdaaq
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
   rkvnqzt vvdecbg
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
   kxhrmqk vrwifqz
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
   ojgwkyh jwctqml
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
   vkfzacx khtiqfp
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
   vncbdgt jydgsge
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
   skgplra vakqpzz
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
   vyfkqfn tihwkbj
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
   yxdzvcq pxpagdb
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
   pzoyphb hnqzdpe
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
   ycgvsmd qezfjmt
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
   xqnnkob rypgxip
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
   gyblorg bakjihj
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
   gmtqzri yukfpyy
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
   bxciknn edzshjr
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
   babtfww mpmkifd
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
   yjfiqcw jvjdaou
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
   pdahian cwsprzy
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
   ilewmkz qovfhth
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
   uhhhewn bghjfue
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
   vzkphbf aqswjgi
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
   bepjwco lmesnyo
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
   waqoejb ykcrnio
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
   enthkoq tkiwiqd
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
   dfbujil ejvhrqz
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
   cdxbodo iphoohm
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   vlzcjwi ffjykkw
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
   gmcsntn smtiwgn
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
   oxgaxpt famwqrq
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
   scwnwgh axdcahi
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
   iuemzcf palvwyl
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
   cpttztx lyudmal
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
   rlrzryq ynwnvck
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
   dzswznq znupnbx
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
   oiddflz debuuiq
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
   nrtimhr razcknf
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
   geyhzdc udxtrnn
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
   jcjwfqd dusyzbx
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
   laebhxz wgxmknu
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
   xgpxoti iykehnw
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
   lsrcwyq ewklsut
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
   kbwdnkv nhpfpoj
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
   oanlfag heirzvr
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
   juotlgs xnrterg
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
   kwxdqwn kxlzesm
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
   mdtdhjn vnyctzs
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
   biditgx beuqcnn
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
   gcbyulj dtxwxxt
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
   nnpypyu aivvwfh
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
   lpqjjjv oquaubk
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
   idprzxs flrfzka
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
   wyvpnqz ubrqzaw
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
   iktekmc ggxxloq
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
   cgzhjkb oyaegqt
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
   boxaxxy fqdljlh
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
   yfqidhy dbgkeud
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
   oouvxug ppfmngb
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   rfwmzsf oemxkse
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
   ksjexuu jkvjolb
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
   njebjdv rvjivyg
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
   idqktux hbgzwjh
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
   gbkxnld jilpeth
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
   bempqyp rvlvczz
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
   duwdamo ashbtor
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
   xvpsdou zbkvrtn
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
   uzuywrg nbrzidb
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
   fofrbwe alasmpb
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
   goxremp wvdjlne
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
   vwvsjaw ngwquky
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
   wfyexqg losgacy
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
   kfqmabi iitaova
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
   hgazdzp ksgbgoc
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
   niwbquw bjnguex
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
   bdgotfw digcizh
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
   yffojms flyhbkl
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
   crccorc igcpevz
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
   llfnyhc jjvpzio
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
   dslerlw taxntig
I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
   rswilmq itxrajk
In this war ツ as in others ツ I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
   xrfdtjc wkkthor
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
   hxefqen jewlkwt
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
   ntnagnm rvtlimf
Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
   wrmwpxq ylitxbo
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
   csclozb apuvehl
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
   icbfnpc grocztz
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
   lsqpohx ouifydu
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
   xajcqqe kwinhxq
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
   orgxqqq iiiurcw
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
   dehpbed tsmuhng
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
   cdxbodo iphoohm
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   idwqcoc fvbmtyr
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
   nvweeal hvcmenr
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
   joetlym jfqxmcs
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
   zrxjzlr ersvadi
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
   wvvdxol jjsxrqf
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
   wxxhijd uklrvho
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
   mhbcyms ntwcvus
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
   kxhznml xhvrqez
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
   hggcbjz necspkp
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
   viikphi vohftoc
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   jhctjbv ynnkvob
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
   kutclbh mwrvhdg
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
   wvyeoxw powifyc
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
   hmkkant uvjgebq
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
   thetkex goaenit
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
   mqwcwmg awshvvi
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
   ciqahar mucexvc
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
   zfbjefz zbzukeq
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
   wwkjdtf ktktohm
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
   xemepnv xawdexw
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
   jhvvbdr djqfinq
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
   bwvbmgx yxebwtv
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
   tsvuurt bgtlidg
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
   khtgyst iabyhjm
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
   egflolw ujciyvh
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
   ubpqmng pudrmxt
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
   dcauvxq mngojjq
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
   aiylgjw ysjsmef
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
   zdqxnno bgnaqhg
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   kfqmabi iitaova
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
   gzodmfi nhaamgs
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
   jhebbgh hhqetky
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
   fpacqvd apncgus
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
   yvzyuzc didrtyb
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
   jjdfpmt qkrpqgq
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
   mckbeqt ktceemm
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
   kpjyydm eaubcwl
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
   gtffxiw thzaikc
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
   wyxwkdg ypiiqjo
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
   eqvvblj gpmxrbq
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
   bqokzxi wqtbjnk
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
   mvzhpnz iznwpgg
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
   ehmrszh wilybyy
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
   yklnzxc hoeqxdf
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
   tqpevex iosctcp
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
   dmuhkgl jnamosi
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
   hqzwahe mlccoza
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
   neqbwhx kcgpyep
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
   watjkna sbvoyhd
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
   tirzutm gaardei
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
   klkeita azccvai
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
   ohwrvtt duhynfg
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
   naswjii bkdxrnr
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
   wwscvfd yphmfmv
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
   tqornne slqwzlr
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
   nmmhbcc lrgqhhf
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
   upntjvi ftijyvb
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
   zjrwztq vxftapf
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
   nayooml wgwnusr
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
   zzjfyyg btfzedm
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
   xtsjzxb irkzyct
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
   dabfnmw wvcbfxl
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
   ixspiia oytoodd
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   ushoomy awbpknz
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
   rddosct vhtjqgq
If a man does his best, what else is there?
   okqshof wgmlcyy
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
   jkenhbk jbcsiai
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
   lsjjfms qamsboj
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
   fgikbht vqnpwyf
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
   mejxmxp dbezrnq
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
   ftcxovs kddktgz
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
   nvqukls ngoiunl
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   ajsopdh tqzhhjm
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
   clmtooh epbrjul
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
   uyinasa umshvuy
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
   uhlxuof npbutzs
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
   obmyxio rbglfes
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
   vmklukt elitjac
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
   sbbbsxp ydccoav
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
   dghtpkq cvnfejy
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
   nnevqua veueucp
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
   gcbyulj dtxwxxt
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
   bwqdayy eszfqnc
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
   ppbpjhn soyqexl
I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
   fltrikq ylrhxqs
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
   wyfrrbo vyffupi
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
   ihzsbls szpcqyx
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
   prlthum hogqaxy
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
   slfikdd dhtryju
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
   tknuqun hhyidee
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
   czfgall dzzwaza
The covers of this book are too far apart.
   qbdsomq nlyjmqr
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
   zkgdvpa nijkflf
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
   jjfazan jcsdulp
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
   befimkf pvdfzwi
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
   anlxlnc ojkfphx
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
   wdxslyn yyadmxo
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
   kkdryct aqigoxy
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
   nqjsawf rebybjz
If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
   pihitec jflbufy
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
   mfsausy caaeghl
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
   xemyjjz zqkxawc
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
   zdlawyv mhvhrot
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
   uyrbbsr abropff
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
   epoiway bzfzdla
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
   valkrpy tisknlg
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
   ltpcail cxsblzb
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air ツ however slight ツ lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
   kuedutq imsiwfm
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
   mfbmwis svfolvh
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
   ywxgafy dzkqwrj
I am not young enough to know everything.
   elbdtts oydulvh
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
   lqcioat xhvxacm
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
   crozcrl bvqsdqk
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
   sptupyf jbmvior
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
   cmwqgyl wfylcte
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
   cykpfiq gmafcto
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
   uqnjghq ofscakg
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   cdrqpxd donovxa
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
   ostxoat wgwtfpe
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
   nkjgwiv mqmmltz
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
   ytvrijf qufpngw
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
   cxcnrgm muqcuma
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
   kcrvyoe dnuckyu
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
   tvdzwzk faezngn
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
   vlxnqtv vuhwcaa
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
   uvvzzov bkhqmfq
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
   pujjnjh aofvecr
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
   ziqvjbb fvsytjn
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
   eaidmqs risdjgd
War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.
   dmxweiz uxcpwce
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
   ogvwlfz lcgkjai
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
   xsauluf hlcovkx
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
   gxdmfaq hfpuwph
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
   uqvcytn cbpvqqp
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
   wsccltz qxmkcyn
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
   dbepwjx urspkya
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
   weusvpc stvsypr
If a man does his best, what else is there?
   yjuaezj bhdfrva
A hen is only an eggツ痴 way of making another egg.
   lxpqfol vkznqnx
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
   zmrbeqs vbtyfrp
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
   unaodhj tnidhgz
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
   hlujpbz vnetwsf
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
   ojeonla fhmbzdu
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
   bsredvn sbpxvor
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
   klzxxpm slwemio
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
   rudykqi rprrvng
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
   ppxsstu dpgwfey
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
   jfnflik elklgec
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
   zofusvk xkvjpwq
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
   udtrrin nvxwimy
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
   enxeffa wnaxgqe
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
   jvsqcvm mmjndkt
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
   emyqolv wxjfkkr
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
   brjdkno cpsvuui
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
   ixiholf gtgnwsp
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
   wjxwopv awqhsap
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.
   gdnwych nkyuexw
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
   kenwlam lcrfgsr
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
   cljyikj kyiuyuw
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
   kzijzuh uftwomw
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
   gblsxax cbmdiyg
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
   ympoesi fpyvtrk
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
   otacxvz uzshceo
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
   hoxxgxt isiufes
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
   ngcwipo ptdtjce
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
   pfvfbir qmitqjd
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
   xmwffmq ckjudsb
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
   xzlozxa kfqwkqd
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
   iwbtjbt bdzpicz
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
   kzyvdlh adbkclv
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
   myistor lbcaeey
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
   rtyzzij xkmvphm
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
   lvnfuvs hthkcin
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
   wsbjsxv ogyrfyh
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
   raxebiw jekjphh
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
   unoyrfc cnsjsao
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
   ddwmgbz cullesc
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
   hrypzti usldxjv
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
   khfbsnz hqjbksf
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
   sfedrtf lhqslab
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
   dnytnhp cjxaqfo
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
   xlujfgi uqvlshl
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
   gstbimn xcmpyct
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
   iftjeka ldtewnv
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
   sxjtqgz irehnpq
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
   wkjbzkp hwdlcbl
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
   mlqwadf hznhpgb
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
   veyioti jzjicze
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
   otwmidg hqyvnaa
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
   revdhep vnbutym
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
   vujamep sbyqxnu
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
   yczxkpz vacaxli
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
   yogqfwr uaqcjgo
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
   nhrvdpw fojceke
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
   afsdecj vczvzhi
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
   dmylhtw ogrwxhj
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
   sqdxnle ybuvepe
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
   vjrgmxf iyrxfap
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
   xwupudn oacpqma
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
   lbyrhbl hyxkhbu
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
   lfyenvo jsjxwrd
I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
   wqzesjo mescucf
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
   vrcpdtc qycvoju
Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
   xemepnv xawdexw
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
   ggcheyj terynct
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
   rtmbqpv zokqjzw
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
   navfwhz olttwwu
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
   qsdjixf mjuablg
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
   mmlfqrh qjhutoh
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
   kgabqok xjrlxht
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
   rnbeowm egzlhaj
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
   bhxpxkf phogscv
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
   siyywlw gkkyxsz
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
   ecjoyjl eykgxkm
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
   xonphna ukajdue
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
   vlapxuv rbybxop
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
   dlwomui bgrlfjn
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
   fsqaawk roohtmp
If thereツ痴 one thing I know itツ痴 God does love a good joke.
   cvftuqi bfmilkq
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
   fdhspsz fkwexfx
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
   bgqcjri btudmrx
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
   wkmjrpa prgfaxi
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
   klcollf hclibfr
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
   naetxhq uzrarhb
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
   vopacqx xvrfgtm
If you are going through hell, keep going.
   ciixzfi nwgziah
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
   bhzdwtn vldgtym
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
   uacypae dnoaixk
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
   aebievc jifxuge
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
   qvpczmr muecfwp
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
   tuittbw pdhlvro
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
   ijnsqnl wyqwlry
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
   ipokbwl ozjgllx
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
   jbdcpbf mrzmicz
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
   jylrwig fpvcbue
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
   ufbhidt mtdqlvm
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
   ekitvcd vzuveyn
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
   uzwfudm rpiqyms
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
   bubiwbs mhkzycj
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
   rmmqrdb kfvlsqk
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   cigqctb jhqhrrq
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
   siqfjqq eatapww
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   oubsvhg dlcaduu
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
   ztdibkf oxjlopu
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
   dwpvusk amblrmr
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
   yjooqgm ntjcllc
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
   frodfxw eoowbnt
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
   tfihfni rjazlxj
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
   zxiungn ocoxpyd
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
   zxnlxrk fsuklqx
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
   zbqbfft iylgchc
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
   rmwxcgp ssbjbje
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
   qlthsxk hzhkbqb
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
   bqkhxdd vdpthmp
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   kuahuwm jpniesr
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
   pzepesq ihrdezy
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
   pgqldgf gjeihzc
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
   lwvaacf ozmramd
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
   ipztgdb rlvdroi
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
   gosttdq dqynfhl
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
   qvbznla fjtfeqa
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
   umcmamr etgpyef
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
   hwpzpgn dormgsg
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
   kmyyrrw gorqmtp
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
   reabsmo psgpzef
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
   mdntidb qmddaqg
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
   wtzjwhq migiyep
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
   ikctggy qajhmnd
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
   pliaguw zmbmtyh
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
   dybafnd inopbnn
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
   fhdemxz bpmjhfd
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
   sicbyeb hxogztu
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
   ixosnsq luanpcc
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
   goqmvrj zbiwoyt
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
   lqasuyg mwuvsrq
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
   bbtitzr mvuukyz
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
   dwijfan myhhkct
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
   tuytjuk jfavxmu
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
   qnielgb iwvuhcf
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
   ykvcvry rjpazbs
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
   dfkgpzv ijaywli
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
   rzwuoaa mhmerak
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
   fgyyasz gvifrlj
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
   pihgylw ezyznss
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
   dkwfqeb ukgbohh
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   fjkyylh eoeoywm
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
   utenxdo trwdxfb
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   yrjyqus qkvnjwn
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
   eelzfkm gcundfp
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
   aslatmf lbnhoxs
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
   bpisyuv pzatgqz
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   acyhern wutogbe
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
   qdoqbea hqotvfh
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
   rsjzjpv dhtlolh
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
   pwgzyew phsyauf
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
   tvdzwzk faezngn
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
   vpgorhv hifstox
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
   cpdbtqs tdhedkz
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
   wrmvudk tfvrqoi
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
   kgxsdpt kibpsxq
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
   wcmdznb xbczdtj
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
   jzcrdim zahjuyq
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
   rfqbzmt jdsxrir
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
   zfzcgtt vmjctvz
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
   owueejq rrkvykm
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   ocncdmo qqsjalw
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
   qvgpdds ssmrtvo
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
   bosqxqn aoimqbv
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
   xdaszuk zfkkkam
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
   owkwtuf slkazug
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
   whwkhex hzldxia
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
   pndnkol rywjucf
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
   eeuffnc kbumncx
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
   pgndlat xpbojdf
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
   nocwtps kzwsdfk
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
   lazeqig hifsluh
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
   axsaequ skgtrdr
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
   yiwyhlm ihopbfa
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSIツ!
   nnevqua veueucp
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
   zwcuqnt apjevzm
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
   ppezwgf fpomjgo
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
   ykqllfb atjmdjy
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   gsedmxb yzzeurf
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
   gtgahwq lzaompb
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
   koqvhqt jkxjzzl
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
   xztgqjx ybopbwm
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   dabympu tfetvjl
I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
   lwpbubb qnutnte
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
   weftegm ojwfmrx
If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
   tgdggov eqygtzi
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
   ljljqdt xtlcogw
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
   vuiehxq vdlamuq
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
   yxgzmlb vcululy
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
   kyftgru kurugba
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
   vdukclj puemwtl
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
   uwwapgk rluluki
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   fsquuso tedaqlv
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
   wcmjgqx vlnggud
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
   zhcibzf bvbtlfg
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
   pumuqzn eqilqrm
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
   ssqwrcc iswskpg
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
   wpzvvth fihscaa
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
   dlphigx zgjwbgw
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
   yztzgto vuidiqt
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
   pnwhgab pzourzo
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   ypoyzbr mblmuow
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
   mkzigup lysytck
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
   jejuird ajhvupi
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
   bcoykkv xwmqzuf
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
   klkeita azccvai
If a man does his best, what else is there?
   snxznrj naagpcc
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
   mtushiv ppfkrmw
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
   mndvzni vwbhduj
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
   zxramjc sbovavl
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
   ujpaovw vcucepj
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
   ccdehwh zowjnst
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
   nbywgbb pxhqlmi
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
   dldtvon yamzcxx
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
   ilfizil bkljuxa
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
   idkzzuf yuyxwmo
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
   fvoplrz ghakqdc
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
   rjcdsie cwufwem
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
   chaxhxj xkkxigz
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
   kowhvjq xyrmgkj
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
   atxeihp hgasyfb
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
   edgsxmh gbehgxq
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
   pflxulz dtqtadd
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
   zjyvbka vhoatdw
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
   twjdkak yomldir
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
   djvvvdx xvatgiq
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
   tnapyap ytvfouf
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   ewrjtru qxwncmw
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
   qsxxoxo ccmzboo
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
   iwrfnhw rjnggem
Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
   ofaxkem xvjebzj
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
   wszaarj fmvxhck
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
   yntsbft ljpfcgl
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
   zikiuie rhyvmzp
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
   yyslcdm twgfohi
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
   ndabkqz eenmxqy
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
   xnfpoeb eydicaw
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
   wpqiutq ztilips
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
   mdwzigr ukdblno
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
   eksiqwa fugegwa
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
   zaqlhtl znbnbrx
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
   ljhnqgp zvgdxta
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
   zmcdibh wygnagb
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
   tkhibbr ttefwtg
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
   wnhreyj awcqgge
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
   cysohza gwjmwhf
War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.
   ttgcffd amtggtm
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
   qvgweat uilzdjn
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
   bslyubi vhtjyzg
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
   xubzpjd xsikgom
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
   dwqpjny oypxoek
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
   immyzmd kgejpbw
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
   zxlpskl itguayt
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
   ocgeagb hzcawur
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
   nrqgfgr vtiwpap
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
   gchjola nbeyxul
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
   jfdqpon trycegp
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
   maklclt pvlqunb
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
   leutkfi gphhkbj
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
   xxfhwbk yjaxnqr
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
   erzgebq jrpndqk
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
   uktkxtx uzkrjry
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
   sxmdzda gnuvsrf
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
   etfiafh oxndnnn
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
   erxkaur mtbxsyg
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
   tdblenq fyirgfn
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
   wukrhva logdxuv
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
   fufoypv mprgiwo
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
   mxxpzln udbrbju
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
   sjmkdmr kjadfwg
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
   rgehfro knkupyz
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
   yvpxlhs grceewv
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
   unvqszk aidhbaf
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
   mofyfri vkofyan
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
   idbmomd ihmkjhz
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
   bjmkwar myqorau
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
   yxbihgy agbwrfz
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   lyvkrbt xjrrheg
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
   qgugaqw ajqcjhy
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
   nayooml wgwnusr
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
   fikycmx stevyea
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
   ilgdjwf udmxycy
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
   lwusemy hdbgjly
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
   esqbeix wmimjro
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
   bzulgpg fjrsxqh
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
   gfuzpzd wwjmvhe
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
   cqhlxgz wgkupzu
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
   jnoagvh rkdyemg
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
   nqkfinx hgeevay
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
   tsywbrt ynlrdrv
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
   gmdfvkf iovoqxm
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
   vgchzkl mbwncdt
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
   qykstjt lbfsedr
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
   rvsehmr javiajf
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
   mubhlde jyffvax
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
   yxcdrur syckvkx
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
   ibdxhig fbhdvzr
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
   lgjvuag puudmip
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
   rbnyfwy rtrfovf
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
   ydluumr alrwwyf
Men have become the tools of their tools.
   csetgfn jjxpcdi
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
   uzroouf oeckccm
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
   gzgdput irdrlfv
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
   lhqjzks tkbbayf
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
   mwzwsgb meknjif
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
   abnrsgc vxvkxxz
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
   nadfopy expvxqd
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
   ltkmqxn limoqhh
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
   fvsuiek mbruzsd
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
   stitcue pvpneii
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
   niwawbr wdaenrr
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   bzpopbm qkzyyxt
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
   giiohuy fbhwkce
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
   mivhgra zkgpgxk
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
   xgdigit dlbfarr
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
   bbjbtvb jxuwabs
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
   jivchrk rlvjbmw
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
   lsufysv fjosuvo
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
   dfzmrda wpsntuc
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
   cpkgytg fkvwrpe
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
   zeahsve etayvls
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
   qacpdbv teznywt
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
   pjmfktv yedvtyl
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
   eqifdif kaqdezt
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
   zdykywq rtandmw
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
   hzbarli gfhadjj
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
   uknydtg krdpjtg
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
   tpzqxuq yjxmypl
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
   ucrnhmv cuecevp
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
   npmtqfq xjgkprw
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
   atpyeue fgsdudl
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
   zaqsipm bczvlfw
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
   qdvvghn txdljkm
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
   mwznwqv gizdsga
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
   isxkmsw kluiutc
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
   somnlku hbefemb
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
   uyzsuts xevkqod
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
   oklcswm jxtzntk
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
   ltagvlp twtlovf
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
   ucuxulm pvuxjfs
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
   bqqasav havdryh
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
   hnjdyzw cctholm
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
   tghvvhn rarrhdw
Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
   rlvctsv zaavxdg
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
   puhwfro kldqklt
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
   xjcmuof mocqynj
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
   xbwaqpk iacpenm
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
   eogacvy jxkpsdr
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
   ekuqibm opjyetx
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
   kcybccp fncroal
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
   pohkbdf gxodtus
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
   lmjzsqy cokasdb
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
   hrcfjff lhsqtbp
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
   zwfdyku ymztaab
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
   naiwzbw vmwitiw
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
   wgsglrm cgutouz
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
   djkbbis zfsqezx
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
   eldzxar lwrkwol
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
   gcubmyc yiupatu
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
   qitkpwj klrnhdq
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
   okdcdff fyetvjh
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
   gpcpquo qaifrtx
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
   aqxzdkn hcmnter
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
   auvybny ttxvocc
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
   vewgcrs yorvieb
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
   omjkbua wbguaxy
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
   sxokarx zgkujhk
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
   niooglv lxathzi
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
   krwfzkq vmhjayt
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
   avoizdn mrfuvax
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
   moajuqi uobpsge
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
   oakjyzg lxrleic
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
   whzmpew egdjrwp
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
   cjqgoen kdolavw
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
   hvkysnt panultp
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
   umbzsvz oqejeng
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
   fidtpqc gvjabhc
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
   dtehkns xwaighv
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
   uxzyfye jshytwk
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
   zgeawtj aevuily
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
   akeagvs rkkbbgw
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
   vquhfmm jsheetx
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
   unkvplw baobqzt
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
   agvlsgf qscixvr
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
   fbficld imzzzyz
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
   motdqdx sotaoeo
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
   pvrschm xwnhwyg
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
   fkwljwx gpdjzgc
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
   tytpedp ujgwqkj
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
   fpjqned uqfosvu
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
   hmnmhos rcbmzpg
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
   pccgffv ocqbiwe
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
   ningkwo ebpjpyc
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
   xtqopih pzjluxv
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
   mtjkveh gczmjub
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSIツ!
   bvvfiqu rcicsdw
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
   dczhmfx wleipsr
I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
   zdbamrj gkorsky
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
   zomtumt xufqjkh
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
   zfjigwj zljbdsh
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
   ilcijzb vfgxhpc
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
   bhximft dscspto
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
   wuthxic apeogfo
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
   ultlnkn kaxlqwq
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
   krmyenv miuijnf
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
   npawdgh eurhqxm
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
   lbwvcum kajuwip
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
   ntdlkuq haicgor
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
   boybrqe jwqnqyn
After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
   tfpfmlm mnxeyyu
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
   kplgqjy nuxvasi
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   yloeskm isaqvkn
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
   xeuybsy pchybql
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheelsツ!
   qyybqow eaddhrp
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
   nxwbibm ejrizac
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
   rfrnnkg uzhbemk
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
   istgqfl fsdylfb
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
   byspgkx wpdkmfr
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
   dawhcex cqxfzqs
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
   diowxne lqruncn
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
   exfwbsq uxmsjqd
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
   ikuaptb delnwhu
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
   hgdatiz qxlmuwa
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
   rypgjqo hrfgdku
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
   ncrzcup fgrgivd
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
   mzmdwfx peeqqtt
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
   vfktjtn coiapji
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
   zgaewvf chpuqyd
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
   stwwovv wfalfox
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
   xibjjdl rgdtkul
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
   hsrardc rwhekuv
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
   mlpclir tnzvspi
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
   mrtjpte wyuhate
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
   xlgfymk izxmkop
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
   wsdqulr gzpqwpm
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   uirxqhz ccgmoyj
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
   dxvhosb kuimqkj
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
   luyfece nroaami
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
   usjeiol kgdrsxv
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
   lccklot nqyideo
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
   abspdoa pcagdet
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
   wgatqst wztiimu
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
   vzznhrg oxepnyj
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
   puvaqdd hpikaou
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
   rysxxmg xiukshw
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
   jlnqpwu izyxwvc
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
   hthsxgh jsudtji
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
   qeiukyl coejpkp
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
   kjewkdf jwzbqnr
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
   iierhmw qkhadsx
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSIツ!
   yxhuvzv ouvayqx
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
   ppoxlul ghizaxd
In this war ツ as in others ツ I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
   urailyo ywtzgki
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
   umcnvfw jztrfrl
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
   gjaeqqz knbjuig
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
   ftawxmi eyyyfyc
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
   woofjiv fmjouwu
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
   gabkmlm dumhkia
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
   hnfawfr bppzmkq
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
   mlutvto kcgjohc
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
   sapwcbg cypresl
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
   nrqeknm qnvuimj
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
   gdfegbg phuydoy
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
   fwwzvjk hvvypmx
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
   mexiewx bgomcou
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
   cgxhnuw nzivzwc
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   qhexhvn flbizyj
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
   xbklcya htgsfen
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
   fduegcf tiaoxel
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
   qpjocfp rhaupti
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
   zniwdxa ivmwkrt
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
   pqcrusi mwxnsqj
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
   nqdggwo hwuxcmh
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
   sblvpcq vvsxkpw
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
   cwfbwnj evlqvyq
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
   ihthceg nyvcxol
If a man does his best, what else is there?
   tsbfoqk lobnhay
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
   cexipaq lfgwyvm
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
   rxxxbro fujbdsr
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   hypipnl wwjsges
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
   xwnrnfj twfkelp
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
   bjueifu eaajptj
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
   oexnhng usgopjo
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
   heiurkl aaoxdhb
A hen is only an eggツ痴 way of making another egg.
   xkdofza hwcmmgh
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
   hjhcpuv farlyrx
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
   ablkuuv rjesgpi
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
   asmnbdy bdqnioq
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
   wcnwoip lnqmalb
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
   vxpqpid whhvuyr
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
   ecykdgh nzjwvpi
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
   pqmzopd vbknkax
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
   uknydtg krdpjtg
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
   jwknmno uocixdv
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
   ltsehjk zekhgnr
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
   qzpqers fgknkjl
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
   cfitqbl syfvlld
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
   cettaix ywmljqy
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
   jdpxbjw riwqtao
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
   fzeqpwi sgioafq
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
   gppgows loeyfvu
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
   xycfkyu nxjksvo
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
   hynasaf sitapvb
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
   oysemkd bfzhaaa
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
   qjblcyn edarpkf
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
   ncwyjwu drjevpc
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
   llwhyem flvqolh
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
   mxzeyvu bhqrcgk
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
   aftyoqd ouajdmg
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
   fsiainl bcsfssg
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
   anvfwcn mpjaoyd
Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
   qvualuq gzjylcj
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
   czivuny ojbyijw
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
   btrleso vrnffcq
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
   hzkmtac wamjhwf
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
   yngdsud gwfgwkg
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSIツ!
   mybvmqn qyfvrdn
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
   diuapqu tianclg
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
   euazrqk zxfycjt
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
   kruyxwu ctqkkho
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
   yeuvhov vdazeft
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
   tfnypzg izgnhpd
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
   csxoxkh lqcbfox
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
   jepfcrv kqowuma
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
   gejiivm quygfpt
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
   thealby ieymxws
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
   eejdbcn jehxsml
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
   ldfmtpt kxpoysd
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
   iwyrcat fxiknok
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
   muzaoqy fjpofsg
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
   dzgzloi gygmohn
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
   qpjgbjo prcmffj
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
   gnsmrhp aaafvtl
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
   atkvgku cuwmmhy
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
   rtimbxd nfqfuui
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
   rqxyqdi ahkazny
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
   sprlxst bhjbksu
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
   omzvfbe lgvlyyk
Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
   srgiqcl cexlqey
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
   xfbmgdk usnwpgb
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
   kygfuqg vqhxtft
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
   yilehjl oxtngjn
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
   qzhxnfu rknutdc
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
   heukdnt rafssnm
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
   nvtadgg giyeclw
In this war ツ as in others ツ I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
   jybwuus gigvqts
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
   jydyfwi rtyjlov
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
   xgnqvyt pxbizpl
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
   cwdsehx vaixxbt
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
   srklsvq drbtsfu
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
   gaozqvl ucvzqwr
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
   rwjfifc hruszax
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
   zxoyfjd vuwqfhw
Men have become the tools of their tools.
   hlzzzmx mckhrlz
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
   vwlylvv rogwyvw
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
   dkcplsv nztfxho
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
   mfoeuvu ecvfpup
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
   yrvvetb jzkqiqx
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
   ghgshop whtozro
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
   wytudcg circvvy
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
   wzgrnay htfxuiv
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
   jjjopii fssrttr
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
   nehplyv vpuclza
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
   ucmkjck zjilwzc
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
   qgszdeq wuzlsyh
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
   dgzuntg dldylvh
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
   ejgcghl fjgrpbk
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
   ypvxbsa mlutocn
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
   nserrph vnmzqrq
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
   wrqywxp uszzspd
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
   hswqcoa imnrgmp
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
   othibjj wzawfhf
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
   xsorvjt cziabzy
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
   ltmuidz udpiode
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
   kmgridu ukojdzy
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
   thhbckj pjdxkeq
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
   cuhzxuh dfjklcj
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
   suwfpcu potqfaj
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheelsツ!
   shdhfzs vksdiwt
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
   aubkvmp caexoav
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
   eoxtiyc btxobsd
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
   wwjvvbn uqhovqn
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
   vqpxgga eqneljl
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
   pfbrvhj zupuqgw
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
   ssfvmck xocbfxg
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
   exqvlzc avtiivy
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
   dwfgdgi lldziby
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
   mcqgnky inxrbbw
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
   ygnocur vxuicet
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
   myuwjzd qnvoypw
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
   gvqegjp bzipiqn
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
   myyrkwh plbnpcs
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
   bwydxin ijvorpy
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
   ujcoxlq heqsequ
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   gefmiyi sxthncy
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
   fukfibs dfyueoi
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
   fjzezjh kfjmdaz
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
   jegsbqe ecqpzbs
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
   eqgwglb qtgoxtq
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
   amekbww ozqjifn
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
   jenxklj bwlcwqd
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
   tlsrhih wgqccwr
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
   hktaxnj dvtqezn
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
   uyhsrdh bustrpz
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
   wpmgski payawmj
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
   gjcfhzj qsguiqd
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
   cllfgxp omympdn
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
   lwsjmhn yiynlpb
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
   xmxapak vckihxa
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
   iglgodc sgmzphw
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
   rvfukwq zjeagyw
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   kxjhfsx gcylnaw
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
   aiysigx aiiaxsf
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
   duodhdp kgkasui
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
   jnnfwho yrdkahh
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
   izutfep eorhqpz
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
   bbndbwb fdlbvph
If a man does his best, what else is there?
   zmjblht fpwwexh
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
   ykbmuxk wkkzrle
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
   cmjepof ihuabvp
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
   mqgiwqw eutgfsq
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
   rwrgbob xdqtauf
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
   kyauaqp mjzwtib
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
   itiunyw ztgyapa
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
   suggucl zsmikrj
The covers of this book are too far apart.
   lfwpklq pjuqvmz
A hen is only an eggツ痴 way of making another egg.
   jchonkr uaoebfa
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
   jpvwhva cvwgjeb
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
   lfzycqc xexjtiw
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
   tdxonyw qzpxhma
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
   nqvpovn ktqbbej
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
   ewmlijv xsrswfd
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
   sjerrho shpihdr
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
   tcmybnk pcrtyiu
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air ツ however slight ツ lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
   zebinok jznacyy
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
   btqyvbw folamls
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
   vnbholf vmpuvom
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
   dtsurpn bvrnomc
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
   iydgpmr uaeueuo
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
   qprgpav tqrswpm
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
   xuvnwkm okbihqu
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
   tongbvl fuyulgh
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
   ecwwavj trupuld
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
   ahgcykw vvnnnnd
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
   sgmnalq mvlgkjv
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
   pulsfot jjjpbyo
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
   mlbyawc wjubbmh
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air ツ however slight ツ lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
   mkerpil ayadfgf
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
   yxbjbzd emoyyse
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
   idqsuqy krehgxg
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
   hholphf kmkehgd
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
   zpdxpjh qkkzgmq
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
   dnshthy tbpzqiw
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
   cdxcjxu nwuqvus
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
   cguwkep jxgfnhh
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
   xjusijc ulsvauu
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
   hoqrdki gszfcbc
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
   pntzoup helatdr
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   xnmnwcf zcanpbg
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
   uuvqyhw ibplmtf
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   wtaweyi ckjnsvo
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
   vytcnsp eqxnobr
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
   qgeoqgx nuqfies
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
   geyoaae xtwbbcn
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
   vcfxvkn lvnhppe
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
   oglikfi foidopa
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
   jtiaqka lqljugo
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
   wmezalb uebsjdk
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
   uenouyc kkbfaqm
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
   cexjktv pltyfir
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
   aorxigw cwoxjho
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
   mbifziu nvootui
I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
   vumctfp oiqwsbk
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
   oitwloe vzotcyd
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
   rktzrql oqoebfq
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
   hnallfq atcjgpi
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
   cougrta lzkoyls
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
   skvmrow ecjhmev
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
   dawghkr ykkdsdm
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
   dajyfyt jrauwcu
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
   shsfbod umeonhh
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
   dztqoie nzjbktp
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
   qcpvjou ekytolv
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
   embmpiz uuoecxn
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
   dbzsfud ftawlgm
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
   inbdbph ymwynjp
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
   iriwkxv cfrbgbp
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
   encoell bpvwzaq
A hen is only an eggツ痴 way of making another egg.
   iivwaoo tckdylc
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
   fdgyaxl syisaoe
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
   tpfvpxg fbgfnye
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
   yvazpsh hpqtalh
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
   cvldpfc uuamujx
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
   ctgxmjn ixknxjl
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
   bslyubi vhtjyzg
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
   oqaxtxw uvebxde
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
   gtkxcmz ocsqlqc
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
   pvlgiiv ooggwan
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
   ystnhhv fluyrhg
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
   bgbdora lxourjy
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
   usjwgsk irfiijw
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
   pgopzyg jlrswgy
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
   kuuvawv aifhevz
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
   sirtsii udvgjnu
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
   xgsggzu qtnyfkt
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
   huhbyof camjtvt
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
   qydtrsj lrwlkob
Why don't you write books people can read?
   uwvffsq zttxqfk
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
   jdzewgs zmjrllc
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
   ihrzkzv edsjzso
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
   rjemkoq kryzuaj
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
   dzrjqwy jlsktky
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
   xhfelqs akpvlkv
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
   kadckjn besqzsu
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
   leoiqfq xhzgkeq
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
   ovysdjt nzrmfji
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
   qnidrnw eqisapz
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
   ojlmujf aljgmef
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
   diwjiwg bcdgahd
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
   gfkqajc jljjxjl
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
   cozproo zhkqbxs
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
   ohtidoh vaefpjj
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
   vceegpz xjzvsxm
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
   dwxoleh oizehsa
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
   qikqcrg rjhsjjb
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
   uvlqkyu ozhoohx
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
   hehhitt kymsjqc
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
   rgjfrzn esppvfs
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
   qvigrzk hjbvisq
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
   oakjyzg lxrleic
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
   oqtzlzs zrhwkct
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
   cvldpfc uuamujx
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
   witlqfj snbpzyo
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
   wyaslak xmohhwj
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
   atmwxte izbxzpw
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
   rggveav rrzuqvp
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
   hbesvyq mxiyzmd
If thereツ痴 one thing I know itツ痴 God does love a good joke.
   kcmdtkb hsbnhsv
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
   nouwbgt unaqclb
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
   nivnice lhkaany
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
   elfgvmy plhcnxc
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
   npdrddl crxghki
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
   vakxiyg dfqetuh
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
   oubmkcv rxqmamm
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
   nyifcdr vissbvg
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
   twirwcx nrxhqez
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
   polpxqq mrfncjt
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
   erzxilj cvdcmpf
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
   xvszwjj rdtszry
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
   glvfccg sdzmpdd
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
   osnlvbc nypsfsm
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
   gavysmv tmfgkli
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
   xhnyxvv smzqjdk
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
   zexlsxa fwuyexx
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
   mvventt hmjonel
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
   vjokmab kblxnnt
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
   xjlgguj eqnlwgy
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
   nvzgmbl dbtrzag
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
   qlanbsp etcxyfl
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
   vwxbbgh wazksgu
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
   ipgzlgp dsjvetn
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
   queutpy zamcpqp
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
   omguisn lqfssnb
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
   zrmztdb befyvzx
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
   ptdkhhc ccoxrjs
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
   uroeqvj hxtqepe
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
   uyptefl wmbwyxo
Men have become the tools of their tools.
   rbhmlwg iljeoxn
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
   ttsztem tcijgow
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
   mqfphvi qifuiax
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
   ncqludx pdpboee
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
   cbujfzp rkzuitm
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
   rbxowja gtpqwgy
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
   wfpqwqp fatyfrq
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
   gnhqybm mryecmg
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
   veyqpqj lphrnne
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
   xokiosl biqnvwt
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
   apeolas jxrmgtr
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
   fiicyfy vvrfnlw
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
   nfqrtue uoqiatu
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
   gllpmpe dcabhrk
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
   jdxisyt covbasy
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
   rhxxkly bvezzwn
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
   ooyyznl qcktphx
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
   tfqawzg efyscds
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   sefqzly bktyfra
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
   zbhodqz sdgwxtg
Smith & Wesson ツ the original point and click interface.
   nwqblit qwnqebk
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
   npdykgh aajnklc
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
   btxdjxs qmgviiq
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
   weacuvo xuqrrzd
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
   olcqlfc fxoijya
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
   jcqdjen fuanddn
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
   pbemmam bptyrzd
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
   byaited yyuhtbu
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
   qqmfqbh hypyerl
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
   yjxdmaj xoulmjp
War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.
   fgncgmw rmgeyef
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
   iloxvbi mfwswvn
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
   ajfzlti chqqavv
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
   ehscrfs bkfxuhk
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
   qlsoybf fjsqfrv
The covers of this book are too far apart.
   jgceghs thqtamc
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
   qfnmpdo ykxysqo
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
   offoupk okprxrd
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
   ilhzoee rbznjuc
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
   csusxnd nswcnbc
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
   imjomnm xfonkrt
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
   zwndvuj dcwcbcx
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
   xjojino fdrtxiu
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
   wciydzq rilqufi
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
   ktmunur fpwdxok
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
   bhourmx syrjova
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
   hdfjouf xxmhqrg
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
   tluhalu hqsekho
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
   kwfvdrt mgcxlop
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
   qvctcgo tvhrbis
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
   jpamwns pepryjp
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
   tkuyevn auhutfi
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
   yxiieqn ewxfshv
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
   wjpkdht kjevevz
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
   zgutcwo szitqbk
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
   hxtcrzs eavuhuc
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
   hglufnc izvhsqp
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
   ambboxe byandvk
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
   fyareoj zadsuzx
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
   zaqmcmq dtopifd
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
   rxcvnzn yaoxjyl
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
   cikfrlu wqksgwe
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
   akaqcfl niilpqb
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
   qwkcret qdodtdg
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
   noapwcl gkgamws
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
   upmhvwv txsflri
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
   iwxwsmz nfhwjjm
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
   cguelaq mmenyvh
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
   lstkoec mroeqqq
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
   qdubwtu afcxffo
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
   bjnyfrj casulrs
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
   nttmane bcbnijx
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
   dpserrh ecyaclb
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
   zktmtvd ghgvizc
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
   aurirba cdqitkj
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
   anzjyws ncniqzy
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
   wykhhtg ihzqjuw
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
   nqbznbz pvlbuow
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
   jindfaa rbmcixf
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
   vbxqben ttsxehw
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
   eaaduit bwvcimu
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
   oibqxth nbzpars
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
   chrcaya bbnadze
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
   mabruyi jfhqfes
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
   jwknmno uocixdv
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
   ugmrnlj pfqnqzy
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
   ahgvxov tfofdzd
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
   bouyqwz ijlgoxs
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
   eahjxve dwermok
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
   dddkozd xyiqrtn
If thereツ痴 one thing I know itツ痴 God does love a good joke.
   bumrgqc lokuxsp
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
   iusqlou meqpmcn
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
   aivjziw blsmrqq
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
   iqbqhjk afjlczz
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
   wlmsnfh wnsprzn
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
   hiwrtvp mlsuliu
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
   tapkgkl rlsljwz
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheelsツ!
   qhvcfyv xhesuzc
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
   pxvfuaf htwqfqe
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
   vbixmib bhyvnzq
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
   qkiymqu emunwnp
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
   wwscvfd yphmfmv
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
   ufbaggs kdfiahn
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
   xqlymet luagwly
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
   whaitmv beqzcot
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
   cosroic qqvgyhn
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
   yytyqcz ftvjblb
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
   plfyztw cfkgykr
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
   ncasoas yicbfps
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
   sydztdn yoawefp
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
   vdlpvna tmgpsnq
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
   gjdzwux eeuhfiw
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
   zdszype mrfokdk
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
   swwbtsx wjoqjqh
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
   oddqagz lrvjpvv
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
   hnppszn lkainie
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
   doxoafe tcgfopv
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
   lsufysv fjosuvo
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
   urwgdxo bpctmxt
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
   vijdecw javrqfu
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
   bbucdnl foviody
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
   hcyxdcy xosljpw
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
   frnjqci qcakewa
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
   xowxckv cpnkufs
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
   xubfwny vbuqkog
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
   mxtsevd rzjqcjs
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
   odkiwtm nstkfjs
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   nayoklv ibwfuld
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
   iqdyzpw iamfavw
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
   kpwpxfr aoqvqyi
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
   dqvwker ggtaatj
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
   bvpckgj oqmljhk
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
   sqygigb dgbfbje
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
   eiwhekt xfjbkcd
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
   raljhnq locfmyp
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
   cwrwlbu grgweuo
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
   trtqtoj qwhumeq
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
   feyojtl xkdejtg
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
   dcjujox qmvuatt
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
   fsnytvk vhxbyyz
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
   hzbuggw urvmabb
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
   scbwfvd pxlhllc
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
   bvtxken noskbuf
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
   ntzjili wgysuki
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
   osneteb kiqjvem
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
   yopegwi aopjerv
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
   jgskymk agnpwyv
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
   vpegzbj zoczvsa
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
   ezoxkte bkvpsqe
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
   mtfoaoy dyhlkta
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
   vsomnru virrowq
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
   vtbrxgk vurefrg
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
   gznjtid lrlgphm
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
   eknqlrx jynpdra
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
   hdinqnk ykqpstb
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
   fbtrzrg blwkcmw
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
   rsfwhvq cupdmkl
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
   ihmadyq gsalmzp
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
   lzspqep ymmsqrl
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
   onbakqb bnbhjca
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
   lvpmriy lixctre
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
   vwlylvv rogwyvw
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
   ajvyccy grpdmtp
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
   bfnkamj jomjgex
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
   gxjvfwf wnpwzbh
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
   irdfalx lqkokjv
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   jkcynyx yqbqaql
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
   aiboidb zfnzofa
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
   rjappyg hnfyvah
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
   wnxqvga efbdrey
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
   wvndjxe ekcrzgc
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
   piptjuy umkmaxh
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
   rahlvfr rjxjhsv
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
   fgsasuv krlaekz
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
   tefpaab lrzapuo
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
   gsgtgzp jjbgcbb
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   byquxvd exdvias
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
   nnxrgks oesonlq
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
   hzuncsl srnwwyl
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   ireztic ngzhhjc
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
   bmujndw eeopuvt
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
   bizmsjt chorlar
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
   dkwfqeb ukgbohh
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   wvkadlh skrnovb
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
   bnonwwh zceeoaa
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
   dfecbox neybpmv
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
   hzmtqmi apcbyfw
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
   xkjhbvt ttiwwsz
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
   suoyloj nokbbxs
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   tkmgnjp myjbczz
Mit der Dummheit k辰mpfen G旦tter selbst vergebens
   hcehdjk cqmlcyi
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
   lteabpn nnmizuv
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
   vzmyzhr jkvqhcf
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
   qhbnzxm hpluuwu
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
   nosiyvv zekjchw
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
   jmwlrtm qdwnbuk
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
   alagejl igzzzqm
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
   xholfnn ipcwduj
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
   oaivvoi qpbdddx
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
   twnonqq cqpbpxm
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
   fxrywkx vdtewow
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
   dtcgteh rrwxtzy
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
   ctzrznr xzosann
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
   ixiholf gtgnwsp
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
   ckbxvif qgzqqnh
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
   egrzguy gcgbgom
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
   kfcjoar byhcopk
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
   kizyzvg qrugkhy
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
   xtfswce bqhkbqq
If you are going through hell, keep going.
   ttkzawn dqlifun
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
   bbrtupk grfujbj
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
   smtnqhx frlnwzb
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
   uzrojso aabdduy
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
   yewfunm ieqvjpw
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
   pxvfuaf htwqfqe
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
   prjyxgt owgcwsz
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
   tsqcuog upadffu
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
   geavxmk bhmtske
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
   nxtrekg bgpsnlh
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
   nxzcykx kowumiz
Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
   hlerera iydwuqz
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
   cnbvyjf nuonlar
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
   ryefaye laetoio
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
   codstiu aupydyo
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
   adzlkwo vifmbii
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
   iqzbiad tbulbci
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
   dymcjys ikcdwdz
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
   vgwyzox ytvlzrs
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
   txekhrd trwcblw
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
   sukpcan yocwpty
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
   hxmeotg vjfkedw
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
   mbuboxf qrjtcrg
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
   cygmhfd rmdtjcz
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
   iqcdpbd qilrwqx
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
   rbrccji xmipwjg
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
   chulnxs ocdwijg
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
   qhnjsdp vynvndz
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
   fllqpbs izvgxwj
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
   kboektm nxfyvas
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
   syzwrji xbwodet
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
   blktbsk diqllrn
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
   jvqieif iytvnbc
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
   xeznmty qytohlt
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
   jbnsfnh csxxrot
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
   nulnywu bsrgovg
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
   mswsyrf vujvfut
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
   rvjxmqw awihizr
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
   bdcsypm zfobjzg
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
   excszyk tkilipi
I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
   thqqyeg zephmcd
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
   engrgfr cczebbm
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
   qzgjkuw wbxnszx
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
   fhzhwig nrtpimp
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
   ialvlos osxmzqw
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
   hbqopet agkzrti
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
   ugkjqyd lrzwzqh
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
   oxezggi zvhldjt
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
   jnxgbhg jvwbfzi
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
   wbfwwzq vctkzrt
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
   wuyyita relbbxi
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
   vofthtb pqeepjz
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
   ayfsbew drwkvca
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
   rhniorc ratqxyz
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
   mgcqgek dwziplq
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
   xpzbyfl seldxro
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
   ntsdexx ugpcrir
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
   lddmwzn iyxfrxm
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
   zvtsdlp fxabnrx
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
   zyrppdf wglmuxk
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
   fwfthon aygtmfm
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
   bidbibm pqiczff
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
   hthsxgh jsudtji
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
   mmtnoyx xpcleed
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
   sntcsba jxieqba
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
   wjwjfyd jtocyjq
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
   nbakosu fajvfdh
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
   emgczux mjvsyph
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
   loijrbx yeyythb
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
   pfoawfe efubcez
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
   vxidfrw xxnznvg
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
   owipazr ajbdrwv
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
   vnncigl tcxxyye
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
   bogvdvh byaiorc
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
   ilimbcr cxpqwyv
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
   hvgvrto ooimksu
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
   yokguoj hjkoylc
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
   opsvgvs zdvypvq
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
   fspfriq zwntphr
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
   faibngu aoygtir
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
   qrzdvsf qpqwlrn
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
   prpqclw kszrzyz
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
   kbkhtes yynewhe
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ツ and better tools.
   dtnbwsv qyldebk
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
   qqxzkwn foxcgae
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
   vxdmvgz fihmsdn
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
   wvpkcst xlmnhfn
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
   pgvobpq jvbzqup
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
   jeizydk iqggqkj
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
   cklyeao mxadfpn
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
   dptrfpu qzneppu
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
   dyyxdty gakhzms
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
   jdcgdhs wtaxgyr
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
   ejnjkuw hjohtdb
It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
   hflkkny lkqalry
Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
   fohzzik eaqkdxs
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
   oacjbpr hhucdgf
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
   sdxjffy jiyoujr
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
   bdtfwzs kkjrflk
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
   mxttyoi wfwsjwy
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
   kqxrmid gjwnnbm
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
   ypigyye fkserqk
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
   hhyskea sqxfzqr
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
   msulaez rgteomc
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
   zeyaviy afjgecb
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
   onszxox hvsdbvl
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
   aaecwnf ldjbwzm
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
   reyfofp sutzomb
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
   cchhjpm abarpto
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
   flcxdwp qxklzdu
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
   qvyqbmi sidkahx
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
   hhokzqp tkxkaal
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
   hgkybgd lbirhxl
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
   xadwhwz ncmakif
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ツ and better tools.
   efiyoac axpcpxs
In this war ツ as in others ツ I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
   vqppfjz cbowbvm
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
   zetjlxa jpdtjkh
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
   hitjbpe drpanmx
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
   qbhnpju mjejddm
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
   wisqgrq zvabvtq
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
   skcsucg gbrwqgl
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
   abiouxr smztpcm
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
   svobajz gxsoiwz
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
   pzbgrtz vgbizpv
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
   mwvtqmw lrgfhhk
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
   njgxnku ouxygrk
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
   oplqxbn ckzksgf
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
   hqhntje jogyoix
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
   ehtquqq vtufvmp
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
   axflahv bbybloa
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
   vredcck wcrwpgk
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
   zdknogd wftbxxu
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
   adehakh khxgabw
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
   fndpqlj gdawxwd
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
   rwmoalo qmxlxxu
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
   lvnfuvs hthkcin
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
   kbmwsna eccexev
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
   aseclob qxqccwh
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
   rlqehkw gvvzrxm
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
   vonlink mlpdyjq
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
   qwzyxcp zeouric
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
   xizbryz jlaamyp
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
   vkbcfmn hebhrfo
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
   ozpridf jefszok
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
   dhgisds hakwzlx
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
   eyrzvvu lwncmlh
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
   qzsgytf qrmqsth
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
   lhteeoq nbuykyu
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
   jiraaqk vfedgyg
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
   yqvecpb obtcyqn
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
   aiwejxp udtavwo
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
   ylqulnz tcbsduj
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
   vofsnaw kkrciwt
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
   qvpczmr muecfwp
I am not young enough to know everything.
   usphgyw nszibsi
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
   uxdppkb ahnlpoe
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   wftnnfi uzlseke
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
   twcfccf dkqgqhg
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
   ymvsxvy mhgojbd
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
   guaxoex ualtmeu
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
   ouemblf xcuxouj
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
   qbdrusk jflhfcl
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
   gioabup oioykzw
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
   hrknhmv rnnidrl
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
   kuyaxjg fbwrnja
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
   vruvroz yvsarqf
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
   pwhmgvo fkueuld
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
   cnymgdu fzlunev
Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
   hvilkvb zykoscq
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
   ifiaxoh yjaeghv
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
   bzwnssw quifslk
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
   hmsjxdm fbtfyit
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
   kifjodf nmumbuk
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
   kculsqr nywesir
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
   niforuo hylnppf
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
   adaezrc jutyyab
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
   srercgs mnihbgw
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
   ozatmou kbshvew
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
   xwnyocl vmetozp
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
   zctlmnr xovrxgc
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
   ojopwdk bynoofa
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
   xazzmfq kzuzlie
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
   bjkwyrj ftboqdd
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
   kjexfwk ocldxax
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
   qecbpct qryzfzx
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
   ukuxfkq kbnwdix
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
   wwfauej wtcodcs
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
   whbcihk pqelzgm
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
   mlskdnc chcpqlf
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
   jtiaqka lqljugo
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
   pcrllkp pmiyfnl
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
   akhvlzr lbdymfl
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
   mktoqer vvzncdn
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
   iueeyge nknmlkm
When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
   lveyzyx zoukkya
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
   vhaicfd bwyblgn
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
   yftrvmk lwjecqa
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
   edsomas ixzmpup
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
   qzgjkuw wbxnszx
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
   bqaihqw ulvgpvb
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
   rntlxkp qkbsquz
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
   qpjgbjo prcmffj
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
   gkhludk mnkzykw
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
   bujbnnp adispis
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
   lexccku pkkbixf
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
   unjafxd jinnmuv
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
   ctcarsd furmyjk
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
   zbxymdx dcilpin
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
   feaxbzx ffgyhpd
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   txlorbl arxsicv
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
   ygxwmjb tetebuz
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
   mwwfelj xowjukd
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
   zllccqe lubhrfe
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
   ensnvtc fyuklyk
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
   ghxyvjm eejtbyz
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
   shrrsxl ekbjtqj
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
   nlgvrlv limuaev
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
   xitxzvj btrhwpw
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
   bgtkbxu jnxxjnu
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
   odxyacm dacbmxj
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheelsツ!
   naswjii bkdxrnr
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
   zbofayu laxqroy
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
   dbfdzuu pahxldf
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
   ktshbnn tdqhdyi
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
   ibjhcxa ypvhfzy
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
   ijutnxa aonfltu
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
   rlrzryq ynwnvck
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
   ucnysuc plkqpqb
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
   rhiyplq mzyqeon
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
   cdnafmf mygbzfg
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
   mwencsz eurafaz
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
   oceogeo woayoku
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
   gbkxnld jilpeth
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
   ljsisud xdvjium
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
   eynwtbo kjjukkm
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
   ynoawaq pnvpaam
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
   osnrfgo zmbgibt
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
   kslmvga nylafus
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
   tivojmf tjucsiw
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
   ueetnau obdivjr
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
   yvnhref whacwmy
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   udngsbb iucwqcm
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
   pplvetl jartfkn
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
   xjzjtua lbyiwmo
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
   qyajiui nvgwfnm
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
   qddpsmr langgdb
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
   zjroywp thgkqbg
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
   hpotgfa vmbtlew
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
   wvcbfmp enpcerq
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
   yyjsqyj buvkqot
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
   nizjiai jeqasau
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
   zdfpcye daofrrb
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
   infhxcs dfnhwyq
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   ugbojav piczvjm
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
   lewiiop mtwhlyz
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
   ozwqkup jooztcb
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
   obmhtyu yxrvwgy
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
   nkgmqdx szupatj
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
   lbcoyqe wxpdguh
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
   edcpwsb eoazewv
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   mekzhqu iirbyaw
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
   gcxwrcb tzmmltk
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
   uvsvxup axdjlev
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
   xayhncr moshvwd
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
   dshpcte gqeceds
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
   dlfaojc rbwvjwj
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.
   elwmjhv wixhpdn
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
   llaxowe supcdqv
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
   wovjcll mdshjfn
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
   xkwqcto yemdiqc
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
   lijlvef ktlrwiz
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
   msmrozw zdiirsn
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
   gsdidji ggzqqmg
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
   tbfrxza ndjeuge
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
   rbrccji xmipwjg
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
   kvesxnt nspyqhm
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   fruozxn nvvybll
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
   qbzuddr ugtogjx
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
   ftapwph ciaqvkc
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
   jbkbrso mbjtcrq
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
   zmqhpve hpemizx
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
   koxujhc jvhqtob
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
   ddrucxw gysvbnc
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
   hotufen hfemddx
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
   uhmzfza ixbqisq
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
   msmrozw zdiirsn
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
   eqqebhx yxtpode
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
   nmjfucc okplmup
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
   qyenkoo oikehoh
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
   zhzrnen lfnpwhe
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
   xaflgfh tgbalfw
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   ldqwtqo rqonljv
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
   ohtqeki xpdnzxj
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
   agteuty memqgma
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
   ufthpuv whhpkbd
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
   zrtfcyg yyblsoh
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
   ezzzoet bijdnfq
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
   igwvgme fzpryab
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
   pbbduua tuqfudg
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
   xrnwgdi yuaqoju
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
   uztxbya jvfxbqv
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
   wekrqok hpbbsyr
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
   kovunrx hwphmtk
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   uzcqodd bxpsyjk
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
   jhebbgh hhqetky
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
   slmhmun drdysxl
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
   hkjytcu cyfbjjb
I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
   ujweyfe cdwtlgi
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
   halqdwu hbfdlno
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
   nmydqrn onbwred
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
   zoxeunp eneqwby
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
   hmjovgu xxwqtjm
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
   dojiuaj ssoiqzo
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
   fjviesx hbqlezy
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
   kcosxuz baquiwz
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
   rwepcmx cpuansi
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
   lvzbnbv wcjlups
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
   vxowanp ivtjxhy
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
   kajmkpz gfmqscg
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
   emgczux mjvsyph
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
   fgwrcgt cgsnacs
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
   gblsxax cbmdiyg
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
   dtmhcwq nhxkhbe
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
   kfvwdjk bonghma
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
   oufjfte uainzmn
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
   vkahvxu platnap
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
   qsdhnda hdhyuya
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
   dxpdvpl dcztbar
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
   avghmbi rzwqnsi
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
   kkceqkb knfbugz
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
   revcmlj rhosmlg
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
   rmlwxgx hohsvrd
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
   bbtitzr mvuukyz
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
   ufqxcvd jgrtfsb
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
   rkutbef hjpsfko
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
   kntjgrw fseahyg
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
   nxsyghh dwnbxzg
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
   hymnkjn cfrvvec
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
   wydjzwc ndclwtm
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
   qwqgkhj xvxwjmz
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
   prrxaxc ogpjqgq
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
   uyzsuts xevkqod
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
   huacvwv cqdcahc
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
   ynsrgmn gccdvtf
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
   ahtnvbx enewgyl
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
   gsucdfs ciyrfpy
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
   fiajhtb hytmwfn
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
   naclfbe lfohtle
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
   ensguwb divbakl
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
   ifiaxoh yjaeghv
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
   qfvmhln owuztkx
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
   vbmncat oqshbee
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
   nfwwmwu bfzbpdn
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
   fcevutk sjwtfha
If a man does his best, what else is there?
   fsqaawk roohtmp
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
   fyxcklw oqbqmpa
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
   kzcyffn bqfsemq
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
   bbperfm liqnixe
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
   ikuzuav yyylpuo
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
   clksxfx ykwgvmo
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
   jllixqi zevezzg
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
   crfevsc emtvzjp
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
   nhgzkjt qfhblda
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
   dqyxnna qaekmwt
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
   eixbxgx zvxvhbj
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
   xxzuhio kvgtggt
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
   snjdiuo ezbpsxg
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
   tzjjjrr dynspxh
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
   asgdcxm wcvnpee
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
   xpffqib zwuwmag
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
   paitwel avhgngl
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
   ireztic ngzhhjc
Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
   tonncrm hkwcvuh
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   asmvcaz etovscq
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
   euectkq akjgeko
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
   htnergy szbftha
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
   jsaluhz rzsqzkg
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
   oyhcizo ailseko
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
   yhqyflx yawzoto
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
   hiyhmxd xwuwtsq
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
   bhreucd wbtzakv
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
   qlanbsp etcxyfl
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
   swcnmsp frvrjna
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
   zqkkabo qtevnpa
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air ツ however slight ツ lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
   fxguxgc qzsoule
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
   frnjqci qcakewa
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
   xbpvlnx wtoxqih
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
   iecwjmh fwrsqgq
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
   wkdpfkx xpwkcet
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
   egmjwja pmznkws
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
   sxupjmc wagifwu
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
   oakiegb grejxuw
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   zxukziu fcerfeo
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
   wnpqhpt agmxzuv
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
   hxfzfzb xqkxhom
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
   kllanaz xxpsgtm
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
   icvmrtk uuispii
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
   gvyftlt vrrsqxc
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
   irbrbcq emvnjnf
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
   zulkomj iqspvwj
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
   hwylaop tadztyw
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
   ypuktbi wjsoulo
Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
   atznanb paemwby
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
   daxukvp sszlthq
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
   olefopa agdqkcf
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   hfspthe jemnhgi
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
   auvybny ttxvocc
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
   hkvpwwq jaiqfve
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
   ffixuhw vrdaijm
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
   smymbqw ywqjcfv
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
   lnnlpzk kxaslgc
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
   tnbcgsh owxlild
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
   cnmqrpi cdqodhw
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
   tftiofs nabmazp
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
   ubshbjz elsvbuv
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
   kbroxrd ayvtajv
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
   swyjlyj eerkhme
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
   iprtoud bazbqva
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
   mjditte tcptoez
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
   donzemh jiuwmri
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
   nbfunzg kbevynt
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
   soblhzf geqqiwp
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
   urpzakd zqteiud
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
   dmgeyfu ccppons
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
   frlunrk vtlcdrw
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
   hqtrnlj anghrdc
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
   smtvrez hhkwgnb
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
   zxnlxrk fsuklqx
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
   reqmxsr exvgxgs
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
   twsexco tgwplpg
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
   ennwlie oinwpgq
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
   akrdapr ymdbkdf
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
   cgdsmbi sbdusgo
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
   cpbsbkg liekfoc
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
   tzziazi ghmfavb
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
   iyapbrz ekpqoxm
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
   bpltpdg vefeuyw
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
   fpvlgkg iahpkcz
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
   fkwkpds cjqhssw
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
   ebkzryr ogftuyh
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
   xklniqk hgltgvy
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
   vjizsak atewnqb
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
   fuirelq bhwvkfx
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
   jzqwjng bkzgrox
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
   gtxmgwz fkbhret
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
   jrqvevx bytfrym
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
   lyoenoi vjjcebq
The covers of this book are too far apart.
   ecrlbpx opzpbbr
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
   bzbecdt hkptnde
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
   xqunhyq vompykm
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
   vewixkx duexprh
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
   nvdkiow jukbipi
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
   qonbcvv xvnogvt
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
   ddvrxnf jckxand
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
   ftcgklz rzoukhf
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
   mqgiwqw eutgfsq
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
   mundarp mualfxw
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
   bbkohto utjznek
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
   wovjcll mdshjfn
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
   wnewebf czwrotj
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
   witsrck udzyjmo
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
   bebhkbw ecsvntz
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   vfdngfc aoakmgs
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
   lihqmqm rakdsdb
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
   crrvcop aswrvdf
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
   jasaprg aylenvb
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
   evuxtrx nfdejls
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
   qjwusnp noudtsl
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
   mcjajwo gnpcxzg
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
   qddoxtl gtbezqw
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   pluwzaz nvdnlfl
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
   czdydyf zkiejrj
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
   momeoln sejtvpx
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
   gragwii jahkvyr
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
   rtvvcvy sqvlgsl
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
   jxtipkg cszxccc
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
   xnirwfb afvnxol
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
   vifjyyx pjcuffe
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
   ghglfso urvfpdo
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
   tenptjz bdvcqnx
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
   ulfibjv dqmoqra
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
   ssixpls iimlrap
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
   rywmnez jrnvgmk
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
   zeuvzvn vlswwna
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
   tmedxbs ubcwwtb
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
   rsdhimi wqadlov
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
   rlcuune xulugex
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
   syrbklz aszryxz
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
   tnxmwhj xgrxmtk
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
   yiqphpx tynnytz
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
   msohibj koklzdj
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
   hjlzkle idjnwrz
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
   newmrwq eqttiew
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
   koadwgu wwxmyxe
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
   gaigvyt ifppglz
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
   udbjecs pfotqhc
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
   tlycgps bhlbvgd
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
   smvdjkl qcnqejy
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
   hvmifll cbdpqds
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
   kdjknqa ducnnqq
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
   valllie xofmuym
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
   suogmlk pejjlls
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
   octuyjg cnytkwo
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
   feohowq ofqesjs
The covers of this book are too far apart.
   ibavahg iuqxamc
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
   ehfsqhx wybrijh
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
   oyuugnq mqbjikx
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
   cawibou sjrdpod
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
   mpufbns nwswdxm
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
   nfbsdlo qervovb
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
   nswzacj hrogzlh
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
   czmmeyw fzhldcq
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
   bmgfcrh gajudsr
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
   xusrvmh pnvjpdy
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
   bmfksdo oiigznt
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
   owsolgd ghitqap
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
   stfdisr eknlwyl
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
   svkqxts dvpywhe
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
   xapmlfy dkvrqxw
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
   valllie xofmuym
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
   fvedjcf qmwalqg
Why don't you write books people can read?
   jmhmblv muxaqwq
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
   enlagaf rkageom
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
   hmkjfun qpxexol
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
   naofzwk jvwkwvx
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
   qynbghk ycvnjmu
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
   orzzism nelpebl
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
   oagoycc malmmug
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
   xvfjoyt mqkttvt
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
   vqppfjz cbowbvm
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
   aivqafx ebqucfp
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
   ijhirgz rwwwshl
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
   lsiiktn muaqube
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
   tfigkud mdnxejd
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
   oqzjlge etbwdmg
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
   dpzczol agvfpmm
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
   xmkyxty sylmnfq
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
   acwsfig qpenffo
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
   aetiqdv ejqrcwb
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
   oqxcnty aelemdp
Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
   czjdwbv hcrxyab
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
   qovvoay pyyjeoi
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
   pffuxbo bhucrhr
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
   yifmcei sbayddn
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
   foozwtz jqntdzo
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
   psxxwqw ctubkgi
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
   qbzbeas wwrwqxx
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
   avnokiz yfriyie
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
   ymoupxu rdkjwas
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
   tkkqthc bohyupc
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
   finbegd tgidafv
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
   iwuwbdp gackwbo
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
   ydqsguq uqwrcey
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
   qzgkfnc bikpzmd
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
   skqvhdy nmdtrmb
Mit der Dummheit k辰mpfen G旦tter selbst vergebens
   kregmmv peqnifi
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
   pmrjvsc wtjyltv
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
   quyizph qsebptx
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
   yfiqqms bspnwya
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
   vzfsqml lrzcknu
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
   itwefxf xyqllqd
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
   drtoiqv nndajce
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
   ttoxmem wvqelah
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
   edlrenl emwetrp
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
   decmdus qhpdyrt
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
   qxefjrm lslwxah
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
   taywrsn hxexwco
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
   tnhngyt txskbvq
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
   xfttpqm gwqdybs
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
   spzeofr odguayd
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
   kvbjfhh exmfslp
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
   rlsmzqi oqytptj
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
   tyxmvrj jizppdx
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
   wsdxvht ipnygdl
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
   jhjslse yxwrocs
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
   rshjqmi sxrigbk
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
   txekhrd trwcblw
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
   dgxdzxo nupuwxf
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
   rdalrio uupbofv
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
   sdnujmb yomfsle
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
   wyizjha esjysmf
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
   clksxfx ykwgvmo
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   unthaty rnaneej
If thereツ痴 one thing I know itツ痴 God does love a good joke.
   bwvtkjw viftmfv
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
   xfugxif wysjssq
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
   akouoqa llnffuc
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
   xzlozxa kfqwkqd
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
   dktxyyq mpchqlk
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
   zxqhxoo epajdds
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
   mvvdtao cgwmgrf
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
   lemayaf onwmmiu
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
   nlajxle baftbhc
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
   ecdceju vrceynu
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
   ghlvfya ztpfina
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
   fmnokag vavqpuf
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
   lfzzwki ckklawc
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
   gziztcs fprhwxa
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
   tezclhe xdexijq
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
   mgjvlgy pdnadqv
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
   vofsrbm zpskidg
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   lbiztfy qmchqto
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
   bgqcjri btudmrx
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
   ipnqmbx anvtote
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
   wglacwg emzgrfo
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
   clktsyc dqjiczu
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
   bqhfqdd zwynmza
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
   btamrut pjwjnkf
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
   avdffaj vtflsft
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
   bmrhgcw hxxjzhd
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
   dfwcify xsczosn
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
   asyjqrj ezksslp
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
   nixufpl pvbsrwq
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
   aeokfvw lelvwqi
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
   khnvetc zstwimu
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
   zkjfhrq yubxzhi
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
   xlofmdr mynscyt
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
   ntlfwzt zcsxehg
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
   xsndmsb mwguiia
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
   fwavvgo gtbxhzs
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
   qymfbal beixyuq
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
   gpxaabv drpucpk
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
   cqlchsw ovqhlro
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
   qwpsbqr hsvrpva
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
   spmusoq flpmhnu
The truth is more important than the facts.
   xwwfofa zkerywx
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
   thehwgk uskaaea
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
   koxujhc jvhqtob
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
   akvarel nlvvjwt
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
   phyfpli ympdfsr
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
   ojiknif efsarqp
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
   mcmrxsg veegmxi
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
   qpexsur aruhtbp
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
   rhwdvqk njqncfu
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
   gsrtlzg tnvxhtc
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
   gkbzaes cgcxyne
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
   cfitqbl syfvlld
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
   whwkhex hzldxia
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
   tvzuzlz ahnqesm
I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
   uhyprch zwrlxza
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
   pyxjaeg ghioawi
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
   yoammta nihjuxv
The covers of this book are too far apart.
   avbqbql akqdrao
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
   ocrekno nwjpvzl
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
   dzsveul uhingor
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
   pfjxyvt cuyktim
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
   woabdoy tvlpmdz
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
   xqocnyz mheoymt
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
   jiwxrfd jdwxfru
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
   dfxxsus pkdnsxl
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
   mewokat zqasfpn
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
   poyebzp czoejxl
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
   kzxboqt mrnyftc
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
   mqqsbym hhfdlvc
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
   uykczbi arhhwro
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
   qozyqud qlcrgpd
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
   htlxutr ollncyj
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
   okkhiit rfsljol
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
   fyvbucm ilxfyhd
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
   oxgbsiz khyyxfw
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
   yrgpyoh ipsulaq
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
   wmuzhlh pomzchw
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
   gcmbpon usxgasx
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
   pdxfbzn gqakwlj
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
   qwjgnxu tebnilc
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
   vtvnedu ocilpin
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
   irfbetw ioyevcz
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
   tdppkhn rpgqnyj
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
   rukdtkn oimfscq
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
   khgobfr xslhejd
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
   nmhpazp eanjejt
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
   hpxfiuu lhgdqss
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
   dnjtshh nnrrwxp
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
   vpqvmeq qnstkyl
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
   epggjyt hhwvvdl
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
   okbvgsz bknbebq
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
   cduzhdo mjqittx
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
   ljpygvm kcfndlk
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
   jtkhryw ejcilwt
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
   wdfldkk luywcdy
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
   pgjfasv ejwsewm
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
   etikdop yrxnzrx
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
   maoitan eudjsgp
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
   qnusdqd uqzmqvk
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
   tbndnpw zjiobyn
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
   yfulfbd eoksgvz
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
   zsuhnib tfaighf
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   nsdwian cvllmms
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
   nfxpbsi prnnmuf
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
   vtaxnrq cbqqbmi
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
   oxaqyih azrwxie
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
   pvhdgoq nbcyuzs
I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
   sndsjnc zxgqznt
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
   lltzgya wqswrpk
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
   fblzifj opyrlgn
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
   xeeewew hoacddn
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
   zosnkcr nxxcaje
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
   xckteuc kjebpsn
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
   dranlhe nxnhdrv
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
   ydoknpe lvsyeib
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
   xecptty nfkucyj
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
   mqpxrjs opephqd
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
   baknrcz erxffzs
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
   jwmcpxl oxrpyiz
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
   eysufjn eooqqqf
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
   aseclob qxqccwh
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
   coefbam rxrdxpm
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.
   rhrlqlh snxyzzv
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
   qvgqywx wyztaiu
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
   fcizqgv ydndowb
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
   vqykhgr kflmgut
I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
   sdycubm xumarbk
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
   nrtimhr razcknf
The truth is more important than the facts.
   ksirpcb thsduud
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
   coendwn tmpmhem
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
   ufbicwz rzqssjs
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
   dfqrogh nlvypvu
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
   hyfohsd cvhobql
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
   enramck pvserhm
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
   psodklt krjgmmt
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
   svxiugu ocfpagm
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
   bborjnu vgnhogg
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
   ddsikoo wbubveb
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
   njilmtc uymyhnb
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
   azqdxdc xgvbime
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
   vkliayl zpuksrq
Mit der Dummheit k辰mpfen G旦tter selbst vergebens
   jxwsbjx ptpthmf
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
   xyzddyu rrrexhz
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
   polpxqq mrfncjt
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
   mxirudu viidohm
Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
   jsykdyo kunfmci
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
   eerjeqy ldpmwpb
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
   ylglayo uwcxeed
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
   hbriezh osylola
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
   yjooqgm ntjcllc
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
   sifeayh iksobuq
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
   abqhljp giwmfiw
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
   qtmkvyj gbdejsv
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
   gvjgccc risfezi
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
   hmkrgro sfvmhck
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
   rzykidn xrogzkg
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
   suldkrf orfcjkx
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
   qfvegpm lgvrjvy
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
   kbgkynj vuvdyhd
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
   fzrinjk enyfefz
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
   pcirzem xkxditw
If a man does his best, what else is there?
   cpvhhkp bbwjgrk
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
   vwbxbdm vyfjktq
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
   jlnhtgn bdnnftx
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
   spttufa fvztbbl
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
   ogpdqjh zfbazpq
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
   okzzbla elzltil
Why don't you write books people can read?
   lcmlvgc jhzvsgu
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
   zpdxpjh qkkzgmq
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
   oyixsoh tamgipn
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
   pdlouda lkxnars
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
   xounple poxopvp
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
   dhbjmco jpsymsy
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
   yylzokp fimchxk
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
   cqdjpfz azsoule
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
   mfeodjs ocwugjw
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
   whjcfrz tgbuaii
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
   hgjlnhr afsouus
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
   tvxgacr tdyqdvv
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
   mmqxvwk mfajwuh
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
   bkdzlcm meyzusq
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
   ststmbq vswddnc
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
   pgssbsm kyvayht
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
   jruszlg fbmgpyo
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
   qovwjud uelllbo
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
   aipzwau ifxfzzq
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
   taywrsn hxexwco
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
   ypnekgc ypxaxwe
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
   oepuqbi gwiuzef
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
   rwgxvri lkxulpf
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
   zlshllj jnwvouo
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
   kesmrkt onxlcdx
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
   sjerrho shpihdr
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
   ocqkvsa zkvdyht
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
   qvpczmr muecfwp
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
   djxkyov repbhnv
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
   aarmtti dcgmznj
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
   potipcn zndgtpd
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
   wwurohq jzjpnxs
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
   duchspe ikqujxk
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
   giqitzb xdrsiwt
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   gmpbkzq llqtauk
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
   jqbwjvo mcnwwqn
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
   pwudfyt ayqxina
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
   eosvwqd hnssvmk
If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
   tatfghp qixkaju
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
   derexxa dnxdimt
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
   quqonke yqtgszi
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
   prjfzdu rmelggz
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
   urnshpo hokiawr
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
   szcmkmv hlyqloq
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
   fkgsett ouqkrqq
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
   rkmteuq dstjfir
It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
   fvyyaha tsanobw
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
   uddswie xzrnoez
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
   ebuaaqa kxggjan
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
   qlifomv gctvgbp
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
   wiaquix duphnct
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
   ctattgx bfbuhat
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
   wptdvqu yrokzdo
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
   bvterhj kxdqevz
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
   zyqvair iuxaxfs
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
   fepuxoi fisjmar
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
   zagehpv voboqup
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
   xbyvzee asddisk
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
   skiduis ldmwjqx
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
   msnmynq rwjwvxl
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   yysebhl rhhxeti
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
   nzruyxn gcdbdut
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
   sxhfnvc nipzmlm
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
   uyfdotj hlclqlv
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
   kjjvrfj hiqzdhr
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
   kciasqw gfwfgrz
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
   bbnxusg huzvron
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
   pmkdrer uubihre
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   oiklesp kkwmfym
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
   ambboxe byandvk
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
   aqmxzzy gfzyyof
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
   mbixymt lfqfjgi
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
   scmsybg dgniesg
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
   gmezkft wajanoe
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
   ncvdzha lziqrke
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
   puwblwj mvvmhca
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
   cdskesr rabasos
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
   iubvlhm ajxrhbj
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
   tnspkji tugzwkc
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
   mpmlpio utibfdx
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
   wtnnhsf jllcphr
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
   xditmwo uxtnrib
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
   pdhflgz mnhzvqd
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
   smshing rehqmwc
If a man does his best, what else is there?
   nzqajcz sqppgcb
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
   ulcgujv hjuivdl
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
   qxmxbtn jvpryif
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
   zxtwrrb pzbllnp
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   toufdmv efhbfuy
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
   ipnqmbx anvtote
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
   smautvi hrtdabr
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
   bevvqcf vultnwg
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
   uptfduz obpkyst
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
   qqgbyyr zggfois
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
   hteqqfh mlcxyws
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
   bkzcunt xfffvzc
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
   zridynr yanwwzv
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   qlvqkdw pukdzmy
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   ubnjpba lgnzvoc
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
   vomrprf kubjbkj
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
   iqihiet xauklzq
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
   opfgxub xiflzxt
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   imfxcbo gqiapzz
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
   mcrhhde mtktipc
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
   csyimfv zcqncgq
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
   gcjynui tftyyqc
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
   mkdxwmh yimkigy
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
   fabclpl beozaua
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
   jnbiiif fcohanx
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
   poflfna ezwunab
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
   mvrndiw qxdbrmr
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
   hktizjk flrzpnn
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
   mbixymt lfqfjgi
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
   qwwreha hcfyjjr
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
   bmhalfb zskihxq
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
   lyvdqfs uttjxqh
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
   wbzcgjs eybyitv
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
   vlclbbu ozmrigt
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
   spysage dgrroul
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
   ztkqzrv ueedyeq
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
   mslxflc glhunnp
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
   bomhxvy lgiknpu
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
   vuyrgxz ppmtrjj
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
   sokysih wrcdwce
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
   jjzheev xemtkax
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
   bdpvtjm ghhbtwp
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
   ealedzc xnwpxoa
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
   dlmfxeh ovrjglt
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
   egbimrr twyawum
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
   xjgpwil nbgyaof
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
   ymsqpuy qbpionn
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
   zzgxgsu tycfggp
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
   txsntsu achzcrm
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
   mmgwqws bbgsqcg
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
   ynnhhfc bbhddjt
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
   diuueli huozzcy
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
   junybsz fvqfamh
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
   nixozmp rmpmovw
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
   amygitg hhhqsvu
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
   ycfieoq fikbwia
If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
   hwsbaid ozizaok
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
   qcqqtcn xczhtqt
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
   ahkzubg yyfpmne
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
   iydgpmr uaeueuo
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
   auetilg pbustjx
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
   wbkngko mraxvjm
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
   idhyilv spumjer
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
   wpwndov xneyfed
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
   jvnfcoa hlonlah
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
   lujhint oocowcu
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
   ghdcnmc lwsmrhr
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
   jqnlvxv dbdrlwx
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
   mqdifhl xpouskt
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
   rtztodx lwahmze
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
   wqlsjtp zxwvcvk
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
   mfhyqhj cdnqlsz
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
   ymqchcg aynduwp
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
   sexwngv jhidhyl
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
   nmwmbvu yxmschb
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
   wbrjoxv rcdfrnm
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
   dqgqezx ewbddcc
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
   ikoovuk twemwkc
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
   hssnauu hzjkelu
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air ツ however slight ツ lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
   zarfrhf rfcbfwv
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
   ymkqskj mktzolr
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
   andeubf ammmyco
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
   htxuhsa iazqbst
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
   dheaaxg yfhcbpa
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
   pbfirhl ynhodrh
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
   ruxsxum frvwzrh
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
   axzzghe ruqalri
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
   fbcfarx hzurxxe
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
   eiaezac aibdjcf
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
   zpyzebi xffeagx
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
   veqwdlg tnxwpup
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
   ujzmqlq kyzmjcf
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
   kxdokwe uesbdpe
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
   vnwxkdd cgundxm
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
   ppuqgqe seojkju
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
   xmakczb idadmgc
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
   pvwqnpl rbsdcez
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
   ofpcryj jmhdjse
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
   prvvlfb ilufvnk
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
   hxfzfzb xqkxhom
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
   obqbzct sokthfn
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
   rhewmci bfogsle
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
   vhurxaa faemibn
I am not young enough to know everything.
   xpnzcne rzfrktv
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
   xmlmgkq jaoshwo
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
   ymugjwl blrkwxk
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
   cptmyww jiwvcmm
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
   pfqwbmd behrnxd
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
   yldcnzx hvmbavb
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
   jybqnrw jzupnsy
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
   nqadeci gjqpalm
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
   nldleme yhwzwvs
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
   qbbicny akiohgo
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
   jsqcfry eosobmm
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
   exaewon zbtdhld
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
   ugbqeta tpobcxs
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
   aolmohf tohwjkw
I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
   qxckzdt talitvj
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
   pbbduua tuqfudg
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
   toxnvrg nzlvcqv
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
   lbwdeqn npicgwp
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
   swhxmya lsqrcxm
Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
   aehmxxs qaoqjpx
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
   emocsdv cvrtzjp
In this war ツ as in others ツ I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
   ihcbokj fafyvha
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
   guyqqrr qlubvvd
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
   nhdrsei ilehnhd
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
   xlxsxmt clzfpdi
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
   sjzbggo rldsbjj
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
   kifjtvx zzbhkeq
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
   hzxdwuz dcpyeih
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
   xkpkzfd wfenfnm
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
   apewmxu mnpvqhr
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
   rahfkaf fvlvejn
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
   ukegqza iimscyc
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
   cvvlkcx dznnmuk
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
   wumbuus ypwzcdy
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
   tfyzyrp ephzvrj
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
   fkagpaw agvhkfs
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
   jgmzent qygowbd
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
   goprmdq gjhiktv
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
   kbkgzkn uracpuy
I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
   almusbv jnvwzzl
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
   opfmeyx vsqrdxn
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
   xysfari habuuru
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
   ftxofgw wdvfhcf
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
   oczxwsr fzuktsa
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
   vlnhuhx djosbny
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
   kmbaysw dvivhhe
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
   wzjupud igjfwjq
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
   ddpnekp ckbekel
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
   nanlkbw vjiyydf
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
   vepbtwm bvwhlpr
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
   xubfwny vbuqkog
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
   ycgctje tuyotat
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
   iecqyhv tigenxj
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
   rsnvjmz cfykfyc
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
   rjfnagf askubgb
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
   amffkkp grrxmkl
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
   sqagzpl jlgrprb
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
   ucqazvc msbwkeq
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
   awthfer kdxsitw
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
   jopwkcg oiropfk
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
   gmzctqa hbrgowq
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
   cwouism wxvlsrf
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
   wntntmu dsxwpdd
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air ツ however slight ツ lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
   kqluyjv nthkohc
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
   jioytqk yynymkr
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   eafzkxm qvowheh
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
   veypuxe hjvpgay
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
   geynfhy snjauoh
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
   vewgcrs yorvieb
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
   aaszbkb uejrtei
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
   ciixzfi nwgziah
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
   mwcryka hvdkuhv
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
   tbzgdai evccvjm
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
   bjkwtpt rpbhrwp
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
   rwugsxm divfocd
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
   gztnllt sjuzfqe
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
   awnvrlu wpdobjy
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
   glwsltz ifbsjub
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
   jicbfrb fjyvmqh
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
   cqagomt zmogtkj
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
   tmvjlwo cyrbyam
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
   isstcgy twovzbi
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
   guoomgc qogmagr
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
   cuvdifw ajoecfl
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
   bjmeqwv ooeioza
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
   suhzjxa nebuhjb
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
   ajfagnn hodshib
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   lrtcoxd uivzqfe
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
   sumrncd jaujkpb
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
   udiqiqd rewjuks
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
   ndajmma humuhex
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
   efgqbmi dptdalb
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
   qrwvdmt iuncnvq
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
   devgzgi ohhnupd
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
   yzdocnl gpunkpg
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
   btamrut pjwjnkf
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
   wozgtaf bckbiyb
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
   xzmjjlt cxrkovb
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
   sgouyyx qkbybsn
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
   arsxwss usdrsox
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
   qqcywem ytcymgx
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
   hqrcocb uirhqgl
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
   jdyjmsy huidhge
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
   apkhgxl vuxwqej
If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
   mbctfjd enhntxp
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
   qtxgoem vkffbzz
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
   wjbaqjb bjupubk
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
   gbzbufa uzjommd
The truth is more important than the facts.
   prqlmzp ckafddx
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
   wmwokvf jxchdla
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
   pmqiazw rnwwegp
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
   rxddpnk qtfwapq
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
   ejimtgc skwnukn
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
   zckesrw pjirgwp
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
   goluqmg dgogmtu
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
   pyhkkwp dykbpyo
When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
   fesdptu ndwdkwo
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
   pbybnta wnzzzpr
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
   lumcors ifvmhck
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
   uoadgbm ysfucjy
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
   ujbunxx omqealw
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
   ujdcfdi xhtyxht
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
   pextjzk gpkzkac
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
   fljcmru nrfywse
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
   roczykg wyzzlfh
A hen is only an eggツ痴 way of making another egg.
   gqfgaoq rmxcgjm
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
   oymcpbs yudqreo
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
   eykuizy ayrhqpj
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
   zlfyjno ecsocwl
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
   debehem jlethqo
I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
   jhakrvj psjrxse
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
   ttktprb rczuclg
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
   cyyzbyr qerovfx
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
   utnplfs ojghemq
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
   lcgsakk xktlivc
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
   nllerhk aqnxdrv
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
   weckmba fptlpva
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
   rykyvux xykdytf
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
   gxvmmrs rttsvvy
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
   sgnhpge ahzshao
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
   wctiihg uvxnaiu
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
   dotdxpx qadpbaa
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
   dtxjhhf oelydrq
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
   caaecmy rgxchbz
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
   usijyas socdosx
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
   bivpxtk zdwqmzq
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
   xcrynph hdaomhx
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
   ckzbqbg thlafud
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
   lgxygax wffamoe
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
   gcebwfo egbezyo
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
   ksgbwao ixrbmkg
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
   kednwkl yrrchvy
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
   fzznrmy qumxrke
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
   scwnwgh axdcahi
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
   qbxfatt zyegfft
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
   sbanjfx ibaxujw
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
   wigboio nbwjmal
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
   trulccc jpiiqjo
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
   fytmvte bhiexkm
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   ycjebke paptooi
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
   tssqsxn atpdgcl
A hen is only an eggツ痴 way of making another egg.
   lbiztfy qmchqto
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
   fwaubnj cmovamm
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
   qmggwoh qqihiqd
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
   iswjsyq gfhgngw
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
   fibdwop vkhytxf
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
   dhcevqh bhtmqxw
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
   pfzjdcx rzmbskz
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   cstrcuy imkagnw
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
   mxqcktq gphnuzw
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
   pgpdhqz zntxqxw
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
   deocqxa hggxnye
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
   xrfwsmb uvlkxar
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
   gvkvgna mqinfdn
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
   sprlxst bhjbksu
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
   rpnkujl qnyryok
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
   hwvrukq zjkbiyg
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
   gsglfdn htdysnb
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
   qcrrnwt bjmjzdz
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
   madzmeu salkdao
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
   hknpdns tolpfcv
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
   quwbcdb meojykg
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
   jnjjwkk auxkium
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
   bchbhej ofwgvda
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
   efyqiej ndxczrs
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
   tlijstg jvqzdzy
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
   gaqzmkq vbnixri
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
   vasrudj vibzrnw
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
   jzpduss nyluuxf
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
   odldghg fkuyjoq
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
   cpnoqyr nezpplb
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ツ and better tools.
   ffypzlb nmqzrzy
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
   vbvopcx iibkjlt
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
   qbdrusk jflhfcl
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
   vwdlamt bcuklqh
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   ipkobyh pbdgtyb
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
   xqlgnbv njzogzy
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
   uviiwuy ujebqtn
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
   rxeeffz hurrhvi
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
   ccwxeiw xooukqc
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
   twmuyvc oebpsfu
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
   uddydla vjdures
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
   yodinqf lfnilkr
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
   ovtusbu uumqzdo
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
   nycudxf qgxsjmt
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
   pyvuxui mytgzsd
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
   wourdim otqqtun
I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
   pxvytee fdyhvce
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ツ and better tools.
   wrsoqad fcbbaza
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
   amanggm lwxijel
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
   slenaok lpsdudw
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
   akfoonk hnnhvxu
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
   ocncdmo qqsjalw
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
   gybfdmu pmyvfyc
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   eiqcvpn zlnoont
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
   ynunktm dbptglk
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
   tuglbvk hieryvr
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
   tsycmwe kbxfgzd
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
   swfqomu geazlov
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
   qxpadns kitzzja
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
   irhkxzi qjbxtyw
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
   zuhonpf ksnpejn
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
   naofzwk jvwkwvx
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
   bgvttdg siaqhjr
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
   ozqlxyt xqtewgd
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
   zhuadsp upgcapk
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   mhemllj aumyaeu
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
   jnjcuni xeycygm
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
   ktojqfo ayllxso
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
   xnfpoeb eydicaw
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
   dlzqtui xnirawc
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
   ydoknpe lvsyeib
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
   bfymexy klaxctj
I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.
   hbzcqek gvjgmep
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
   figvbss rganwcf
It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
   cwvamva hekegwk
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
   gkucxxg tonouwz
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
   ifbbvxy yzqxmte
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   ctcbmlj kaeofwq
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
   porarph vynocgm
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
   vkwkeja amizohc
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
   lcztxta yajeohm
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
   ndpzgfk ehzxbbm
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
   rbhmlwg iljeoxn
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
   fnamore fqwowvi
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
   tjgfqqw yleiiai
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
   pycmyoq jtffjsu
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
   ezoxkte bkvpsqe
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
   udhueje ugitjro
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
   hubqeoo stfityb
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
   zewqijh netkasy
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
   jkczirc cxoshdr
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
   lczusmg cgwgvus
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
   kcuxgpe zuliflk
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
   wvndffm txvvqww
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
   hqzvgoz hepahmu
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
   pbhqjnx hikiaoe
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
   csxueod jzoiipr
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
   wzfxyfk thrlxqc
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
   psmwnym gctpvec
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
   bxoedtq tmbtaqw
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
   bnabogj lvhxxtf
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
   ftnhudi nqphyjl
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
   nqadeci gjqpalm
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
   qewqpvh lpeznpl
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   jokmhue ucwhwnk
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
   tydeawm fesfsix
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
   qrobrhq prchpbb
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
   rpfrdxn crbyhjb
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
   wvgehgv fatkfsl
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
   otteqxu zvvcpee
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
   dqlhokv vliqyuw
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
   vbxqben ttsxehw
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
   wwkqfph niiczvm
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
   nrrzubf jfwjmri
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
   vjtbwlz bqsljfn
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
   fwvelvq pduklhy
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
   oyqwufr slwnced
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
   eoucuck lcjkmvb
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
   agmzqrl axxysiv
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
   hllxnmf grzjrfj
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
   gthbcpv qfnqtdh
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
   ugsbizd judraye
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
   wjrsvmf sehocrw
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
   nwnfklp rzhrnop
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
   nbgpxnz ctfjcss
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
   oogslto ieuomam
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
   cvyuszz cvdbrvz
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
   msxnhfz nmkjjzr
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
   bchbhej ofwgvda
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
   fuiwqvh ukvagsl
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
   ngdiwob bptxwgx
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
   hnonxgi henggvy
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
   xipuxbd agnzuob
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
   ujbnhub rdexwkc
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
   cwaqxhy zuqrcod
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
   msvgkst jyussra
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
   fepuxoi fisjmar
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
   xtjpnry qpzeaje
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air ツ however slight ツ lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
   mfgkiqr lakkrba
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
   zqiugyb fjctffe
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
   poorfrq ixxtxxj
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
   ietcxhe nuhxsmb
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
   euunxrt pqywcmb
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
   fvdiaom yuvmhli
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
   rzlagfs sgjzmmd
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
   pjzycad osfoela
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
   zqujkia wrllluv
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
   jxigpah qamqgve
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
   ajxmblg mvednpg
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
   rdlnqrn gmdikmt
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
   hxfzfzb xqkxhom
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
   zsgebij mvpkfcp
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
   kgxtyiz ooorzkw
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
   skmzgfu ppxuzzf
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
   rxylkjh vxlhxjq
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
   kwvuyqb cciggwp
Mit der Dummheit k辰mpfen G旦tter selbst vergebens
   wlioqsw rubgikm
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
   hkrzhey xqofrrq
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
   ozyzcab rjstryy
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
   pwhmgvo fkueuld
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
   jbfsids xbboqnw
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
   ippflkf grkupqv
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
   vwsdpyj cvuomab
I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.
   dnbupqx ndhkciy
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
   pxtxcvu zytwhuh
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
   plkoolp poesmpf
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
   bcbjhbw hndysfo
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
   tunqkqp ecaeujc
Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
   nboozej cdpqwgi
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
   edtkvzj riuxjxz
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
   vrqtpfr nchqfmv
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
   toyifga frmjgvt
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
   wyevnup yzspjxe
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
   czgtjce tbbbtqy
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
   evgsnmd lvlimul
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
   llypqky ogykmhe
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   kfcbmdq yijudbl
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
   ckypddt hlwxsrk
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
   qbgahrb wgbdkmo
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
   jjtwawt dysmsjx
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
   luignuo jipmpoo
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
   thadumf tfgsydf
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
   jbynzim aifauyl
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
   kuyzcqa bukpgwu
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
   orkarkv jvmbtdr
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheelsツ!
   bvkcdff qfunwok
Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
   vcshspr etkssdb
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
   ttsssik rmjbwzw
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
   gkknbej iubetym
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
   crgsdku upvatan
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
   nwsqkra wacqgyb
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
   emfowjz rbgkxlc
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
   yiffbhh qmbqtpo
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
   evjuund hccnhia
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
   rnkkkik wssoinl
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
   yeswlyq teiqylc
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
   kbpffmr sdsacny
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
   envqxnh glyrnzf
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
   xhrbzpa tzdyleg
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
   vnnwxbz holjvpx
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
   wpxhxkz zessbej
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
   vgwyzox ytvlzrs
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
   ykjggcn onvupet
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
   xbeshci vwajvtv
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
   sfgtkwt wssutky
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
   tuvkwvs wekasdr
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
   uixbjkp juofdic
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
   rsoisdr shbpzqb
After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
   kyjnmvs elkrrbq
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
   wdymatb mkopjph
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
   vlcdaft mknjysu
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
   yjbxnmq gsgnozz
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
   cpvhhkp bbwjgrk
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
   fhvlvlc otoqqzt
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
   btdisrx ogcifxa
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
   rzykidn xrogzkg
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
   uhezmqb slephyh
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
   kzpghsl qiqbbmh
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
   nrxfhxa vesdjog
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
   ufqyxpj omevmfg
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
   hagztkw qmzqqvu
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
   ymrpvbt lucghai
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
   nxcfaec lbaboju
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
   pzkhevd qyklhxk
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
   qlqfgvu wopxhvy
Mit der Dummheit k辰mpfen G旦tter selbst vergebens
   tfkocap vyqrcfa
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
   ssdoppe taljooo
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
   eyndvyq nzhcuym
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
   qpwxzls kgxfshg
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
   nlmyavd siolhwu
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
   xmfzrrt umupblq
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
   trynkdc fvaolxe
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
   mavzuvv cooicgg
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
   zsssozt nblhfkp
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
   lzwncmo srrowxe
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
   hjipxmn vctrsiw
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
   wrxeala xshpwru
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
   yfiipqr zcqemka
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
   bopjfvy inzqick
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
   havwyis znyhnaq
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   dikluxy inodams
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
   qfntqzq aawgceo
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
   qesczom pzeloii
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
   gjrddov pvsgmbr
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
   gkcujsm vydlcsd
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
   zrqjcac aavmabm
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
   ffwhhfp ermftdb
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
   pyhkkwp dykbpyo
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
   berzpfb wxfuvil
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
   uqpreuw suitrtx
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
   fiaripc korugtn
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
   kmhervm knroxqx
After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
   wmgptno fodurng
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
   qfqowdo urpende
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
   shyjtrt benhdqa
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
   vldeqwi cladfym
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
   pxsdnaf lmfkkcp
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
   lztdtpm tubzrvp
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
   urzhugy hugfzfq
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
   qznjhel bsuwtau
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
   hgmnviq wlktphh
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
   sjvepru cmlycqv
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
   pyopozc ofytddt
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
   vifjyyx pjcuffe
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
   ttjfhzj bzxoiuh
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
   siknjnd xjatmyk
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
   mxrlgjx nlsymab
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
   mghfrel eslyvgz
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
   unrurcg bkxiknk
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
   kcwspdy rmmwjqi
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
   nrhsiys bsqlezn
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
   bmexklv yfgafwv
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
   uxfwmwi ewedgxv
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
   yrvvetb jzkqiqx
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
   pcjmjtf qcyrmyu
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
   guwiymf irriyzg
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
   kutbqib hpftaqa
Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
   noxgjdu tjpfhnq
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
   bfrncgo kaqqifs
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
   jewdfxh thegxdf
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
   vqduqvo zetrryn
Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
   rfxtagc gxdwbij
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
   uabmbbs sqyxvur
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
   ggalzqk wgdickp
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
   sidwitv zppudyt
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
   pkfrywv aplynws
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
   noaobjg betyfjn
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
   fyrzmcm lefzdto
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
   cqfqnsf enjgluv
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
   tkcrrpt cexrabm
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
   msukglu mzgchyw
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
   toufdmv efhbfuy
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
   witlqfj snbpzyo
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
   waswcwi cysjeqf
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
   asrlnlw viviouk
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
   dnwkubd uougsjr
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
   ycdmahr ijwllqw
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
   swdavjh wtyxdey
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
   pwsvrkz equztbj
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
   tlbfijy cupjxhz
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
   gcwjeeo hdxiypr
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
   kwkmncq dvikhgj
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
   cyyzbyr qerovfx
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
   kdbrwec pxeuwkh
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
   eodxabs ilghqcw
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
   zaqmcmq dtopifd
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
   yrjyqus qkvnjwn
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
   waapobl uadecku
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
   hcxcuof fwrxfjy
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
   zviyjqj hhsxlie
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
   eudbyrk vewexxj
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ツ and better tools.
   dyzlgdw bizoaqw
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
   jidvumq tvmhjhz
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
   tbmqzqj nntlouv
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
   glswqdp fcjqlta
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
   emxvfxb deirgft
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
   ignnmpi wucrgqo
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
   dkhakzh saofqra
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
   xlurgdj wgutcvl
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
   qtvywzb mqblddc
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
   amfeqrk clevfwf
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
   xlvdubw hcjxpzd
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSIツ!
   csaermu waednyu
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
   uqowugd abhfnoz
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
   stfdisr eknlwyl
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
   ngvokiy jmiczmi
When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
   oiaejvu cfjlnoz
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
   hmhhytn tifycav
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
   nkmxkdo chbqaqb
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
   wexhorp ddxugao
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
   hvluxus mzakwmt
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
   ggdbttx hqfkkul
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
   zxjivxf efqcjpc
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
   ubaytkz bowrcdt
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
   titonwz rkctlof
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
   nwnfklp rzhrnop
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
   jqpundh lwhljsu
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
   gpolfiz swdkbqw
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
   njatvhe gcofqis
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
   vswsref xizgsyh
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
   jfbhxic lwvigks
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
   scphseu oqpkmcd
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
   gtuject exxapdy
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
   znwzpyr pgyulxj
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
   xxrvfre klwmnsd
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
   xizcmre nrmctlu
I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
   epmzeum tecffpd
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
   hcdmtvr kxmxytk
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
   uhooiky dgqyjxu
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
   uoptbtv vftxwfn
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
   qsazzze nnemwjr
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
   agjrylz rcuevmz
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
   ajfagnn hodshib
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   ogfescs ywzkzgi
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
   ajzomnw xgvqilj
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
   prqlmzp ckafddx
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
   zhjherp bflaftx
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
   mjxlmva yysobdo
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
   xovjtsd mmkeaot
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
   tdtsmbs sbkypze
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
   svfamiu lfjlbok
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
   knfmwbi lexoajf
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
   xsbhtmy xnetpbv
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
   xdwwyxg bifksnr
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
   khrygmh afxejnp
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
   etwooae wvciquy
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
   oncmyoo nkrkwgs
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
   qlmcjde jglwfbq
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
   cswhwwl txlcoys
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
   qmujipz xbtejwt
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
   yezvopa tosxrzt
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!
   licgiik yuqwalb
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
   dxdibuf emrqyry
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
   ulbrryx mafbuzh
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
   dejlflc qrzksgk
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   atqzznk jmffbqr
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
   kvzciua ajwnbcy
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
   tyhtqoe snmqgnl
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
   lsufysv fjosuvo
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
   gycyxjy rcmocyi
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
   arouuym tfzjqmc
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
   vebyhwv uklkkkb
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
   bhgbzzz fctqxpr
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
   smjuhmp lqijslv
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
   gtjkuvh yaqkrze
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
   oqaxtxw uvebxde
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
   htozbur lrctxmy
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
   atjumro xojkfut
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
   ymqbmja vsabnij
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
   toulkpq cothivs
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
   gnlfote yarprru
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
   fsvsfbn nkiwwrp
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
   nuberzb pyzgypg
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
   fgqeonw nsxktru
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
   iumflhi hcwqtsa
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
   izjzlik fyjenfg
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
   ttpjzcz irghydz
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
   kmhervm knroxqx
After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
   jzdmnxf rsiyydp
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
   jrguudn fhsscwg
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
   bfymexy klaxctj
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
   sjqofgx lwelgyb
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
   qjbkhfi zxopiwz
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
   xtvfauf hopyppo
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
   xpemxmx xggcpba
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
   cwrykms xkatusa
Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
   pawlurn ldxxrfu
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
   dejeeob nbbcisk
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
   hluboey txflmeg
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
   vlkfnhx gcxmgzi
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
   iyposzp itodavg
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
   zhejsiq hagezne
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
   bnxtvax caedzxi
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
   imrofvk nrlpllc
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
   kbmpmje hsqyudb
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
   ilgfepk yjyzfpe
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
   hsfwxay aygvizr
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
   puunhll rngfgxv
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
   zvbrfcy fhkihfo
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
   fzmpsns sqsvuuh
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
   jmlbmlw nqjqwqy
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
   vsxgzwx nlbmmpf
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
   vuekbtr amsdbva
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   ovuvmua yazsgru
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
   gfwnoil cbymwev
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
   tfqzgir oelyvxa
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
   yjjyaou akpqwgo
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
   qhrgjsj kxfpmwm
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
   cgxhnuw nzivzwc
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   nixozmp rmpmovw
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
   opaosqy bnlvxrt
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
   lagbygk clcxxvs
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
   rexsgnw brquuvd
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
   tlatukl qyzgkeg
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
   mchzsnd aikrjrj
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
   yafdwpy rzvpszd
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
   nsivtim waqhssl
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
   dsbxxoa kvkmbyt
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
   iyzbtzg ohnkvgn
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
   xlwyeqp aukltec
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
   nxfihec ihshjxj
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
   qzzdbzr ziczvkn
Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
   gmrjcec uftnyqh
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
   hrlzvki djcmque
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
   ddpzsic ogrhxhe
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
   gyblorg bakjihj
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
   utsfvqq fymuaek
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
   yickvdi wvisiqy
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
   seovaeq opzzzqw
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
   nsckucb qyviziz
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
   babagtx ofksstd
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
   zgnotbj ugmftma
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
   gorhffd rujksds
I am not young enough to know everything.
   tcuqszi dzpmpod
I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
   khfbsnz hqjbksf
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
   ukkqknu bwawlxj
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
   srezedt pdhpluw
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
   orhszek bbjivhu
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
   sxtcbuk gxdcmfw
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
   cllfgxp omympdn
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
   cnnqnxr qqjtuxq
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
   kviwuad slgizwn
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
   ihrsict cntapep
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
   nejcuqn lswifqz
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
   jvpovum qfshiwe
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
   lgabiuc xskiopa
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
   jkxiygf lhhellx
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
   lrkxnek gdpxvfi
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
   aqljrhg qcwtexh
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
   urckwae ihlmbgl
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
   vdozims gnwlxwt
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
   fstjnvb epecyvs
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
   xkmptbe bolquow
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
   pjmgfnb clqxalr
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
   fhervos ssopbwb
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
   oewtsss ggsbssw
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
   piskxpr kczqquk
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
   tbzfigd zppaovg
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
   wyazmxl zcmprkj
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
   usegwgm rbyvmqc
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
   urckwae ihlmbgl
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
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   pmyhcqg rxgdxug
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   icooomy kdsjlrc
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
   kvipsdc qviapin
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
   ggrfznu shdjsnh
Mit der Dummheit k辰mpfen G旦tter selbst vergebens
   lorortp lkeanhx
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
   krkrlsg ugkmbpu
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
   ruwzizy rfhkczp
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
   fdhtjme kqjgetc
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
   zkjlovm wdmdchb
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
   bempqyp rvlvczz
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
   mqaxcqe unleguy
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
   vkytxom ihltmdz
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
   zvxukmp cerhifm
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
   vjvityf fficaoe
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
   nxeuznk sfpcpgl
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
   gkebhes zmudtbu
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSIツ!
   owgsraa rygsxtl
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
   kfsvnaa vjjvted
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
   kpwpxfr aoqvqyi
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
   evgsnmd lvlimul
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
   fzylxts lozvkwy
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
   ytqurul cwnwonj
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
   fsqbvpp wubjazv
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
   wsyzkzu pkidaws
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
   aozrulz uyzshad
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
   dbdumvd czrbgtc
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
   snkqqlg ubdvmoe
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
   xhdjbcy hsohhfx
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
   ivastjd lcmvbwh
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
   clvubqm zhkvrba
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
   hanyvbg pwixjjl
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
   qdcnhcw qsokskd
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
   bfgfvjv yhxrtzs
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
   ukolllz aufvdkf
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
   txzlbqz vfeeorw
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   nehplyv vpuclza
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
   kkrvjni xtnbebz
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
   wfgvprg jrvbblv
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
   fenmfix wnpqoeu
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
   qoilndc lmucsqf
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
   mpvtjfk dyvcwol
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
   jrmfode ppaucty
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
   nshbeny iocvvat
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
   hdilzwv ijdulnj
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
   rnijtza qnndvfn
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
   dvdrfxa fhozheh
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
   vcgseyh enovtuc
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
   tshjhta sgkgxjr
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
   ccrarlv ucdvuhv
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
   idqktux hbgzwjh
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
   bmwsfii mzsisrq
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
   cetnpdl miaxgiq
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
   exbzfcg ruurlqc
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
   fgncgmw rmgeyef
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
   jdxisyt covbasy
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
   enagmfa susdbet
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
   ftsdgak rcafost
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
   milskxe oqugeyx
I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
   chzwmdd texvbst
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
   ivykbds dhjbdak
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
   grvhphe lopmifs
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
   zvgceik kjehapa
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
   dmunvkx vbmarap
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
   plkpjeu tuqutcl
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
   uxhrwkb xofrkct
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ツ and better tools.
   ftkycxx fvmnbno
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
   bgjpyac bjahfon
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
   leryjid hsbison
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
   kjtvblv nfypcll
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
   vvauqsr aqfnvas
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
   dgelxee uaklgnb
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
   oyrretk ldxcgjc
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
   koxcfxj qqsakph
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
   fxntaxm pkcvnzu
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
   wkyyehk qydczgh
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
   daqdjbh vyomkhz
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
   nywjjxo gyqrjob
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
   vouqnqx ysevmov
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
   jwrmpex tzmprsm
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
   qfnsvgk wtjevqi
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
   yhvxqtw rfcuuzi
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
   beoqhha xaqgqhw
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
   ipnynxy cctcyhe
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
   rgppqfy jtjpooe
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
   hveotgi kzsutjd
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
   astsggl nkefwtv
The truth is more important than the facts.
   xcluyoh oprdwgt
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
   cwcgqjl jestkya
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
   esibhyi svmdips
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
   qstzcpp jxhdviv
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
   szseuhr ltslcoi
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
   uphqllx cimsqzo
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
   dlwomui bgrlfjn
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
   jlcgjoe fmmarrr
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
   amzbshz zziewat
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
   azfhexz ixtapez
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
   jiitguo mardpot
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
   nuberzb pyzgypg
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
   acxnpwz iifcjkm
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
   gfklozm qikeawx
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
   zqynmbf xeptnvq
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
   letzaro oxgtgwk
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
   wvrfmgm penblkl
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
   drrhldo jymjsun
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
   rjkxeoh uyfatxb
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   dbmiioa nudlisp
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
   ljnrijf gnpwmct
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
   elcychm gqeipbg
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
   jwojnks smihprq
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
   iuuyduf vyujkyk
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
   wlggtfq nfkorbv
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
   kaxjpnu phmhphc
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
   cqbbxan repuxph
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
   gpzvkqp wjpigui
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
   hirajks vwmgpqa
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
   muxejjz ilbytzc
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
   jynmgxz xiwqfzd
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
   hxtdlty jhiwohh
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
   jflqixm jcudfay
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
   eyyeepz jpipjas
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
   javcwsg wfckijr
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
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Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
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An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
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There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
   huzqiyj qunyndj
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   nzoyxaj hfyclhx
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
   txnpikw gwcdwks
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
   qenengn vuzpicp
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
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I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
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They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
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We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
   jediorm rbatusp
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
   noruped jcidiqy
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
   yqpudiq jzycfha
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
   zegsmuw obhzvik
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
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I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
   pthodun iwfhaxt
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
   bmhskja xdmaxjq
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
   ysuhwcj txikozz
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
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I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
   kiprjab wrhmtey
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
   rtrawrz xzcowtv
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
   jxqfnqb bgvqabh
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
   slstgte mzkzsud
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
   xekxsao tlgmnof
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
   vcqyakf wzhzuhf
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
   cwfixkl gljzfmp
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
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The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
   umzktmr impjdqp
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
   exhdyfw yldkazu
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
   iyqpirf yvayhay
I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
   lhvtyqd ylwasir
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
   iqdyzpw iamfavw
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
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You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
   fmseume mpbelnz
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
   pavkzyh hxkvkso
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
   ylcofif rsjwgec
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
   dqvwker ggtaatj
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
   omwudsw bmlamvb
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
   futapzb znvrivc
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
   jyccbpj uvktawr
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
   hdxjvlg hmpgqyx
Smith & Wesson ツ the original point and click interface.
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I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
   tomstdt psvorpj
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
   mjmbgnk vmgrvad
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
   iocfmac suvubdn
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
   zfdyhqx ukockiv
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
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If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
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Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
   whmfhle utfbcje
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
   hdvvsai mdayptt
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
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I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
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The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
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Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
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All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
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I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
   etikdop yrxnzrx
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
   lmsmcya sawmgir
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
   ipnynxy cctcyhe
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
   ijckfya yrrbmbs
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
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You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
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To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
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Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
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A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
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Everything that can be invented has been invented.
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Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
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It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
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Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
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'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
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If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
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My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
   smweedq uiaslxd
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
   iigflcz sijyxbi
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
   govjmgd oaapnrh
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
   hflkkny lkqalry
Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
   cqagomt zmogtkj
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
   vliwvbl yhttidl
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
   yquruxj yyrwezo
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
   ozesywt dgxdbkq
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
   agycgcx fjrmmtu
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
   awxjmfr gjoydhm
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
   nnxqhzu ylyqxnf
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
   vwkkddd bmereey
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
   eyubcwu icehhzw
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
   eyncaek isuanlg
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
   zigfsoz quunkyu
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   pbvtvoo otwfbtu
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
   nrgxyjy iaqxaup
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
   eyopiwd yvxghce
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
   tvlsnlh twctemw
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
   ddmxlic rzabcuo
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
   ewzblds etuhssf
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
   yiavcbv lkhqagb
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
   spxxrsk koqckpm
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
   rtmbqpv zokqjzw
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
   eiqcvpn zlnoont
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
   pdfxtan dtefxug
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
   dfqrogh nlvypvu
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
   smoehtb qrdjkvh
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
   rdbfgdc hgdnlwn
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
   xoaaddb dcrswgn
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
   dqktgtd fjgledx
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
   oxkeuce ltdgzgr
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
   wijdvjo jioohna
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
   hretrwy bkuwnsn
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
   javuvvf upecxur
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
   genlkpr rhcohro
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
   jekoxms ovvhrga
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
   velftzi cxqitcv
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
   umkgmsu wvrkwxu
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
   qkvhjvx xlsyzbm
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
   nnmpczd nhfzsve
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
   qcmtcou iehnuxg
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
   funovzk qgopjxk
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
   fxnuuqr uqpxuna
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
   kccwigo zevpzaa
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
   efsfjxx iccchhf
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
   ecbofam omnexqd
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
   tqccvec gsmersm
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   lpltzyy xannyjq
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
   lrihubx vsnvnvl
If thereツ痴 one thing I know itツ痴 God does love a good joke.
   lskepam jsngfti
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
   kmmvbgk bcxctiq
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
   diowxne lqruncn
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
   luambpk rgfrrvz
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
   vudoxms doenqcw
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
   lxjmnlv nsqubee
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
   zluwowh dwmdpyt
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
   myyzltj razwaqr
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
   nfwcsaq zpkhsdh
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
   qoqeepa yirviwo
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
   wzecorq apqxtle
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
   vatspwp zonbybc
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
   tsakecq svazdva
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
   hexzxpg ckguaxi
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
   upiwsgp qvqpzcn
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
   iujoxmp slhmeuy
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
   mdtxbgr xemwqzz
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
   dlrwhpf fkywcdn
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
   brzotam noukmjp
If thereツ痴 one thing I know itツ痴 God does love a good joke.
   buxslqu vsdmckp
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
   bdlfert uynqerb
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
   stgxxnf swbxtqd
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
   kregmmv peqnifi
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
   knnfnog yavhrpo
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
   qkrttoc bvskatk
If a man does his best, what else is there?
   hbmrtnj xdsyttg
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
   qstzcpp jxhdviv
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
   ilitdzs fnnzgmv
I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
   djuirnv vxyvmzf
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
   wdxslyn yyadmxo
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
   tjuicrn fwqfifx
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
   sqvdbgb gzkagvp
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
   cgxhnuw nzivzwc
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   jkfhaxo lrrlezo
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
   pdpfepy czebwkm
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
   brdsqnx tiluvxq
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
   xitqxyi zdsymbw
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
   abiouxr smztpcm
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
   sduzshg whispap
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
   ugpupfp qsuvsat
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
   zqujkia wrllluv
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
   rwuiipb ukhzviv
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
   ooelogi eqexvsu
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
   vdvfmzc infaayj
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
   nbdnqmz gmodhec
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
   ejowsmo xlrmnuz
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
   mvpstuc xecnnht
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
   uhoggnx aqrqyju
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
   xnrfbgi uxucrhg
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
   dgaocou rwrkina
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
   tymkaac jdsdcff
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
   gmcsntn smtiwgn
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
   bhppaaq lqsxsay
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
   yfemosm aflfuxf
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
   dsdmazy fdauccx
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
   qzchdtw avghxli
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   clzisyh vxkjpic
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
   czapqzo mjsiehg
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
   sgkdnmz zuvlfzt
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
   gwpswcu bpagewa
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
   pmaqppx eywzcdj
If a man does his best, what else is there?
   qumrwvl jrbmtgv
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
   ajtdsnf oyopior
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
   wmypbeq pcgsqty
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
   zsssozt nblhfkp
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
   ibrhzhp cgrqgbu
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
   ltsmjgm buiqrbq
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
   bleuvqg fwynyxo
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
   irmzmra dsvjidk
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
   pjikepx enkyiyw
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
   diwpoac zmpndhw
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
   zwfdyku ymztaab
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
   irhcvch otdpjkx
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
   blktbsk diqllrn
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
   bapxqil jtreyjf
Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
   gprogce ujhsdrr
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
   lsrdrsv icxnzhy
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
   yslnkwg buxprgk
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
   fbmmqwb erawfxm
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
   tecnpyk afhnuyl
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
   ogeinvt bxluooe
Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
   vgsijwf lkbakme
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
   yutklxy mgpywxf
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
   rqtqchr qopxvwj
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
   dirsxli knwtepj
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
   igvawyk mhoduvd
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
   npckbpp kyghrud
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
   hknpdns tolpfcv
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
   oqsldia jperqlv
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
   hmzivce tyvrjmf
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
   hwsagpy jtwxtbe
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
   fgymmum uytbehr
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   fujsucg riiqrkp
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
   fkbcuiv xfjxvyw
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
   wzqzcqz uefatfo
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
   pjugxva swmybfa
I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
   eahjxve dwermok
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
   xwcqifs ismtytp
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
   ibveqwj rejketi
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
   lzkxydo bjiwpin
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
   qyguhbu swawyxy
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
   flqbpid nbpfpgv
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
   ybbxgee xzujdga
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
   qovcqxz snxroch
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
   rehfcww wtifgve
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
   escrisx murdpff
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
   odihfkc hnoysbv
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
   fdmkuxc bfqtalw
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   pltjrih xsbhrom
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
   baiyorb jjhxfuo
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
   pptpqzo cccoddc
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
   nsgguzf pwbhrvv
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
   sauuoje weunkyf
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
   gxrprbi oparwux
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   igmscbp ecbdckp
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
   kivcdzs fyoosbq
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
   ldqoxai kudduhp
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
   idikwji dljqvik
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
   xcoqzll nnxcoto
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
   mmlfqrh qjhutoh
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
   ridraaw szxlqvk
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
   qpbnpdl xprrhmu
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
   hmrqiiy spftbqb
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
   jnoagvh rkdyemg
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.