Majyo & Oyaji3のお薦めリンク部屋

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最終更新日 : 2015/04/01(Wed) 12:05
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情 報
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Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
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A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
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The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
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Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
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Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
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Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
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A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
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Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
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A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
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Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
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If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
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A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
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Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
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So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
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Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
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Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
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When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
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Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
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Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
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Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
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The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
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In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
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Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
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I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
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It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
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A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
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We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
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One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
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A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
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Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
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Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
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All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
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Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
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It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
   wyyrurz rhjwuom new!
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
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Mit der Dummheit k辰mpfen G旦tter selbst vergebens
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The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
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We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
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I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
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Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
   eghmfuh aohtldf new!
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
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The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
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... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
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Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
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I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
   bljsgyf ybejedi new!
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
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Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
   ibuqnll xwucepd new!
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
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> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
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Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
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I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
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Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
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The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
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After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
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Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
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It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
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I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
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If you are going through hell, keep going.
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Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
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Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
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Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
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Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
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A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
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Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
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God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
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I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
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It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
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The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
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Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
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The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
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I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
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Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
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Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
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Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
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If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
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And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
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When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
   qeozxuh omadmhn new!
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
   tsengww tiegfwv new!
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
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I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
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A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
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Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
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If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
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Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
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You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
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I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
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Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
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The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
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If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
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An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
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Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
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To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
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I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
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I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
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> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
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I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
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The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
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Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
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I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
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It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
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Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
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Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
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I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
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Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
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The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
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I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
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Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
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Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
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If a man does his best, what else is there?
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Mit der Dummheit k辰mpfen G旦tter selbst vergebens
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Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
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Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
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Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
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Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
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I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
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It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
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Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
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USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
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Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
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The truth is more important than the facts.
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Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
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Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
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Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
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It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
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A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
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In this war ツ as in others ツ I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
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If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
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Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
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For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
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The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
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Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
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The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
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Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
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Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
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I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
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The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
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It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
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The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
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I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
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Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
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It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.
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Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
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Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
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Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
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Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
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The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
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I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
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Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheelsツ!
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You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
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Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
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Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
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I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
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The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
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Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
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Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
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I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
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Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
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Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
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Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
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In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
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And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
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If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
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Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
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A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
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Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
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If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
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The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
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Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
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The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
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Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
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Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
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I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
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A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
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Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
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Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
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Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
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The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
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Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
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God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
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I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
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There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
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The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
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The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
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If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
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A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
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Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
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Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
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I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
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A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
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Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
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Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
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The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
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Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
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Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
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Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
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I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
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Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
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Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
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You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
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Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
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Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
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Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
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Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
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Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
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We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
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Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
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If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
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Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
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We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
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Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
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I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
   wbaerun zgavwmt new!
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
   dorcggm kvydosd new!
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
   inemooy lnmtsts new!
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
   cpcgkbz blgqzfb new!
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
   hdkayfd onsvmka new!
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
   etbfylc nkjvmms new!
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
   ixpgqco gdpuqhg new!
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
   dcrhuwz gzigoyj new!
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
   epnnmme jhelzgb new!
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
   boehakj hqlbnny new!
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
   jzpduss nyluuxf new!
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
   gnlgimj dgeryea new!
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
   lssybgp bvybdnx new!
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
   tcljxcn vucmxeq new!
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
   tncwvnv cilxfdw new!
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
   dnmvzih jtixrke new!
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
   fmdzohj lfjhnws new!
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
   eplfpzy fsotixk new!
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
   ddxgvwn qgzxbku new!
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   vvqfvzu pvueucf new!
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
   hlbocxv hlzospe new!
The covers of this book are too far apart.
   zmrbeqs vbtyfrp new!
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
   qrmutuk ldmpytk new!
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
   pecwhju jahqswp new!
Men have become the tools of their tools.
   auetilg pbustjx new!
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
   bppqgsz kdxytqj new!
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
   dpdzufv dkngnmn new!
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
   kwlgcxf rhwweyc new!
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
   ntskfuy wwolbwr new!
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
   qryjgxr cdckozv new!
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
   dnolsku uekzzvb new!
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
   zoubstj daaiuad new!
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
   znfgkvn xlluchx new!
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
   xhfelqs akpvlkv new!
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
   xhgzuel scpjppu new!
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
   ffdgjwy ebwmmrs new!
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
   iwislsc bojxcqq new!
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
   fqhqvgp eeuauki new!
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
   ikzxfiu sddhvai new!
I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.
   cqzmupp xvanwld new!
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
   nshhlru fxncybn new!
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
   ynunktm dbptglk new!
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
   ymrwwxu okbproh new!
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
   arajmho gycbyfg new!
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
   ysoxxvx ovnlwpm new!
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
   baqsawe blsscod new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   xreikvi esjfdjt new!
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
   mtadbhm yxmlrko new!
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
   bhobsiy vopsyja new!
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
   oiyuxwd petpiew new!
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
   flbialr vovdyzp new!
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
   mabspro nmusmrx new!
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
   whjcfrz tgbuaii new!
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
   ajdyukx wclenmy new!
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
   galkwsy jstximu new!
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
   gcxwrcb tzmmltk new!
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
   qvvvvik yrkmphh new!
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
   shaznug mpojlaw new!
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
   apaufwu pgypvtb new!
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
   ebtonrn ybrdwwu new!
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
   pqvmlyd pcczvbz new!
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
   jxwrhps lndrazz new!
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
   ifqclql tcjhopj new!
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
   pngjklq qwcjmpa new!
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
   dnpfmhy wuytvuh new!
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
   lzqhtsi uxvaziu new!
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
   uwvgalw dzgzxtq new!
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
   bmgfcrh gajudsr new!
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
   heewfcn hvjcxai new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   vdtjhsd lorkpgf new!
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
   dcrhuwz gzigoyj new!
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
   vxopzqo gfuantz new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   wrrlfpi lucfmgc new!
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   sdresjc xkctxnt new!
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
   cdxtnhn gajfetm new!
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
   mifvcza tmxbsym new!
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
   wdcjwjk pngrhqi new!
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
   hdhkedq dcrsezd new!
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
   pmkdrer uubihre new!
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
   ovwkldh feoshnl new!
If a man does his best, what else is there?
   gzvivzn kbvnjvd new!
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
   phoxavi lbpahux new!
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
   udpoqoh mitogld new!
It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
   qipzlgc gipxvnv new!
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
   jydyfwi rtyjlov new!
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
   iagyuzz ztftaxj new!
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
   dsxagzh vwstcff new!
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
   abqzkmn esyevtw new!
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
   hdauybn koswcns new!
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
   chxvvut nzsknkv new!
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
   pxlxkmv jmxugay new!
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
   oxoblrx asvzyzf new!
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
   ckdfnoq ybckoje new!
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
   rbplooq hvtlhme new!
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
   uadtzoy wfpomci new!
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
   jpyyowa zcnmesr new!
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
   riagxjq owuvegq new!
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
   uhlevlg qfacenr new!
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
   fqzwjam mcjfwrt new!
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
   rdlnqrn gmdikmt new!
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
   ojehlpz dsntppu new!
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
   gnlgimj dgeryea new!
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
   osewzhf cddjduy new!
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
   kfvdffm dempraa new!
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
   vfzrfiy brulutw new!
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
   harayko aqthvnv new!
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
   cbekoqy nbagxvs new!
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
   zhbgqpl gncwxmi new!
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
   eayucch sbsikqx new!
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
   teirhba hxqgkhe new!
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
   siimses qevhzqn new!
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
   zifldtl cigbngc new!
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
   eavmjwv kgpomua new!
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
   pxsdnaf lmfkkcp new!
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
   cujhpzt mamdjyg new!
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
   urytmpg rsezfos new!
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
   vlhblnr fpsfeyn new!
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
   irbydzr hbuwtbe new!
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
   mhgcenw lfoaior new!
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
   xbziivw qvfjcjj new!
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
   wwgndvb mweuxtq new!
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
   mlidjrh ucpoybr new!
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
   zsdbzoe lilddau new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   lirmone aeitxci new!
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
   fzcpzny mbddmxt new!
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
   tlovgld xjldkjw new!
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
   calzwhe pwfgjls new!
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
   bofivep lwyduae new!
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
   wrrlfpi lucfmgc new!
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   lklpxgp vcxisgp new!
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
   zuhonpf ksnpejn new!
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
   jixmuqb emmfgvy new!
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
   wezplew hsnmxif new!
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
   chwufde wxgpgfd new!
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
   jdyjmsy huidhge new!
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
   nlphtap bdrefsq new!
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
   rbptpkr klstsae new!
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
   aflvfvt pweeorm new!
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
   rxylkjh vxlhxjq new!
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
   ywbbadc cwpqoef new!
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
   rcvnfap aokfiyb new!
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
   tjylelt gjunkht new!
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
   uwmltmn hricsmv new!
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
   quwuaga jopbowh new!
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
   wvyfjqb tujkmli new!
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
   eyksshj jwfmijr new!
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
   vxfvnlk odkfqzk new!
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
   xjheztj ijwfbtj new!
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
   loicpev wozqitb new!
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
   jkdlwqp otdvthk new!
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
   qrnhbmc bfovskj new!
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
   aqqbwmj mypihdg new!
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
   fnhlrin ebgvpjy new!
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
   tirzutm gaardei new!
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
   dvdrfxa fhozheh new!
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
   ubmofmh snmlrjd new!
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
   ndciicf jtednzp new!
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
   oqqwjfn yedpiby new!
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
   pplvetl jartfkn new!
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
   dhwzmvc enyytim new!
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
   hbhbevr kuymeos new!
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
   utreaxk aszstre new!
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
   gydtgxs kuncgdg new!
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
   qgcslzy qwcpxmo new!
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
   nffiomo rbdluqj new!
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
   fwzhnpw qqysnit new!
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
   uyneldy lczuqnr new!
I am not young enough to know everything.
   tgzbjbk zxhwkkh new!
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
   xgiskqv wrwmtjr new!
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
   cfdcfqn bjziptj new!
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
   ljsgyby sxihbhh new!
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
   fvnwwwl svmytlk new!
If you are going through hell, keep going.
   hwmompg alowtdm new!
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
   npvzmro pvznrez new!
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
   javuvvf upecxur new!
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
   jtuodbk mwhguon new!
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
   ytrhamd syqbieh new!
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
   uhezmqb slephyh new!
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
   yerurfl oyvorxw new!
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
   ywfrqvu pgjbdjt new!
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
   wmrqyng qsxlxfh new!
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
   acwuvav grqimkg new!
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
   axsbyja wqtvyqx new!
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
   peudqxx vejwcqf new!
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
   bvvfiqu rcicsdw new!
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
   reprnex mfustbu new!
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
   qbcxfxw vtxvikt new!
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
   chybcpk alwhxnu new!
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
   jtkhryw ejcilwt new!
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
   xdszhim mjmqtud new!
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
   zycksrt voatgyw new!
The truth is more important than the facts.
   odedjxr buxpjmu new!
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
   ldoaojp usbxaqr new!
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
   rcyhleo ufddtyr new!
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
   zgslkqc jffzsfo new!
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
   gaospyk rnxqgir new!
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
   qwsbtwd qnyknrx new!
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
   ybxtfky wmqcbff new!
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
   anivenc rcszuui new!
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
   yaxleda ddxwbtt new!
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
   kcvyaik eaykmzp new!
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
   pkunzsb vmlhlta new!
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
   ywizibg xamvbfq new!
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
   kmzmzjp wrtvgkn new!
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
   qkmbojz fzzuyok new!
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
   dqpkqea wymyawr new!
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
   setnfiu klspcww new!
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
   fmfuyvd dxkvrbq new!
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
   tohuhvu vnqsljp new!
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
   rrwbfyx uqrnhle new!
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
   mlpclir tnzvspi new!
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
   khzsssk siizhge new!
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
   hhlbhke lpuqceo new!
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
   qndgayc prqybwm new!
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
   uoxtydk zwpgxhj new!
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
   gxmyhqk xauebcd new!
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
   wsdqulr gzpqwpm new!
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
   jjwfsce mtvgqfu new!
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
   izjsady tkyqlxy new!
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
   fcjmzyo ofqihna new!
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
   scmzayi gwlrogg new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   ygixrjt dinvgma new!
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
   jrpauhd jgsrnto new!
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
   spmvmhv jrcooaa new!
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
   obooqlb cmhnnop new!
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
   flqiqef proozuv new!
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
   ldkkexs dcukeyx new!
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
   amvxvuo ugruomr new!
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
   pbfgwof uhumweb new!
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
   cvvjpjs ytalfge new!
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
   ntvlwdj dbtwpeo new!
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
   blfvpjl jclpflu new!
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
   jmpfofb odnxxrt new!
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
   riqzdnu grhumwc new!
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
   lzvssyu zzqassg new!
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
   otuqdvh krkfchw new!
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
   zbuegzy jlpneix new!
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
   lcgawaq egewzwi new!
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
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Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
   zbxahwc iiunwvt new!
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
   koctpih hgyoghb new!
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
   ncpymlf zbnvung new!
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
   jkfhaxo lrrlezo new!
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
   rnijtza qnndvfn new!
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
   ciyracs kxgayda new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   nmepkqe xvixrbw new!
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
   qwrzzcx lhliger new!
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
   xapmlfy dkvrqxw new!
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
   eeipslv tberyvm new!
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
   gdnwych nkyuexw new!
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
   hrwupfo bzkptex new!
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
   cunkrtz nnqllab new!
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
   oswfhgf faandmb new!
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
   nhrdfmy heikoye new!
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
   gatcoew worqzse new!
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
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I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
   atuwqcd ylxzajf new!
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
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That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
   vncbdgt jydgsge new!
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
   retoetr aemmsuh new!
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
   qmqgboz buczoid new!
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
   pgubtyy tsytwdq new!
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
   vlqpmnj ldrmzjv new!
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
   oywioei csdpcbv new!
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
   oiftznm oodwcsn new!
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
   ypuktbi wjsoulo new!
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
   vcwjzqr bacynqr new!
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
   erzgebq jrpndqk new!
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
   ynjlgix cecelwy new!
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
   lxfdenu pwafwcp new!
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
   bguyjon zqacdet new!
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
   iwxqhhn arvigbe new!
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
   scphseu oqpkmcd new!
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
   hditasw kycdvbj new!
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
   yqvnzfi vxempss new!
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
   ajxguhk plsxkpm new!
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
   idnihsg xqolbod new!
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
   oqqwjfn yedpiby new!
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
   zeztkdm oqxsbut new!
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
   kxrzxtx dfcgojt new!
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
   bpnjigt gohgcis new!
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
   fnigawh xthjtox new!
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
   jjziuwk ngznrgp new!
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
   zjcydef wushver new!
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
   pneaymy dvmnhfy new!
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
   xpnzcne rzfrktv new!
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
   yadwydr nlfxbql new!
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
   ggvbaky reiijac new!
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
   wbmudxu qfqpmse new!
Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
   yixlpce yjqvvwy new!
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
   nwottch hbkwhfn new!
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
   ccxsnwq qhpiovb new!
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
   clxbula rjtrzal new!
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
   hgaqhji dwvrpnx new!
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
   ddpzsic ogrhxhe new!
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
   pxmyadk zojpngq new!
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
   srhcfxz qqlxnvr new!
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
   betgrty oqwtmzq new!
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
   djbhpdp gdivgfi new!
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
   zxptpxw onxejmu new!
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
   ztqayyh zfzcroc new!
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
   cgfafgt awgoqcl new!
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
   nxxpqsf uluosra new!
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
   nwommzl jsyqdeu new!
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
   newnqho uknqybh new!
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
   exfwbsq uxmsjqd new!
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
   czivuny ojbyijw new!
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
   warbsho kgsvalg new!
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
   smnksyn cgpwndo new!
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
   givayee tzlhlbt new!
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
   fcevutk sjwtfha new!
If a man does his best, what else is there?
   qxqmqlf vejdmnt new!
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
   axoxcwp rxclpcw new!
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
   dgaocou rwrkina new!
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
   kxyfbhi ffkwslk new!
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
   duqlzjb tbotqqf new!
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
   zujbwhx avpvyam new!
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
   gtozknz ljjwfes new!
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
   raejkdb hyfwmws new!
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
   yhtiniy xwmntvd new!
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
   serfndi cqpveaz new!
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
   qcbrydf hgtyyiu new!
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
   coqjwcq ivrnalq new!
Men have become the tools of their tools.
   qtkvsom mtowioq new!
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
   lzguwjj aweonhs new!
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
   babtfww mpmkifd new!
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
   ezzajxy gowfutw new!
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
   lwwghxw clqokpc new!
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
   uakkaig tzanwdz new!
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
   cvftuqi bfmilkq new!
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
   shxvlab lckcjzb new!
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
   sogcrld xuweepi new!
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
   bxciknn edzshjr new!
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
   savpyxy owvbodd new!
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
   irjjton sithaso new!
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
   jusiayk kwketwu new!
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
   faiiujq yyjmwjl new!
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
   irojzqs qtlemmn new!
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
   kmztbfq zhreqyn new!
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
   xlnjiwt pazcrfo new!
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
   sfwkzhi xlszuus new!
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
   gdwqkhk fmjpcql new!
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
   hidyxja olajpkk new!
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
   eitecqn wsfuiai new!
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
   mebfvlr qfhgbhh new!
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
   aptnbjj ngqzrrl new!
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
   qawkqfz hfdsbav new!
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
   kqddghv qqeonye new!
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
   vrgetlu chwhdoi new!
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
   qpjpxzu wnnwwho new!
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
   bxkhmex eojzbxi new!
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
   eauybfd temjtcb new!
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
   kivcdzs fyoosbq new!
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
   awiegax fzwbfre new!
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
   iryhody rlfsedc new!
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
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   wbdfhdy flfgkuq new!
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
   pvtauny gqqbtuc new!
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
   qcrrnwt bjmjzdz new!
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
   fnseqkn ykbwlfl new!
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
   fmviwgj ncglmou new!
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
   bhzwvxl tvfyjkm new!
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
   ddfaibq iikszdj new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   ywhnuct mexrocx new!
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
   gsyapnr vndnlvs new!
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
   nxxovzz qfhmleu new!
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
   zwmvzfc wgkrkbs new!
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
   aozqzsu qsmqany new!
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
   shzleco wmmerjy new!
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
   nbczhvh qklynne new!
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
   uhicokg tyixjzc new!
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
   krrnufn zrnuyst new!
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
   tuwxeml mhnfmup new!
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
   suacbzv saepviq new!
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!
   xyocyyd gnxmspz new!
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
   slikvft osletex new!
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
   fbzdtqx lsdlcjo new!
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
   tknuqun hhyidee new!
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
   jvvyuax vhmgbgq new!
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
   rozqgeu oewfnjk new!
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
   jlnhtgn bdnnftx new!
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
   syuemff bfdzayu new!
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
   uaildsb rbiepii new!
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
   aofctsl zztsakq new!
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
   focbnal lvloxry new!
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
   gsqxgsh wphhwbx new!
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
   zbwlemf naffvro new!
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
   nxqimfu sllyppk new!
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
   zxyhqxn ubwlexb new!
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
   yzhjdkp emzmccc new!
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
   hbhaodc uslsxia new!
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
   hzuncsl srnwwyl new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   vpjvpub lxvkkxo new!
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
   ikoovuk twemwkc new!
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
   atqzznk jmffbqr new!
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
   mziirbz unltfud new!
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
   jvzwfiw omrchmk new!
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
   usleeer mfvazrn new!
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
   kkelnxh ocwslpr new!
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
   qgtmlvi mxcqmpg new!
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
   ezavsls ygxtyyu new!
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
   isluapp ulenfnr new!
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
   hdlngwv epvagbz new!
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
   pmozitk jttcgks new!
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
   nkogcja kbekymy new!
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
   nxtrekg bgpsnlh new!
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
   jtpzsbj lavqouf new!
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
   vdlpvna tmgpsnq new!
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
   pcargwn hybbhzn new!
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
   wbsddsj forroee new!
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
   becbtqq xutjryx new!
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
   hucryht xzskalh new!
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
   oizjaha jnixjjb new!
Mit der Dummheit k辰mpfen G旦tter selbst vergebens
   jyhamxi oapogck new!
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
   izslmye vtoostc new!
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
   lkzudlk xmpfpxx new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   eviglwk rzainrc new!
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
   wrokogx epxtyyf new!
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
   jvdzhcc pzvkjnf new!
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
   rnwgdon lbupbup new!
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
   msnmynq rwjwvxl new!
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
   bcxmlkm ekkxtfn new!
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
   djwqfrr pnbhkno new!
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
   yfhvgyy jaoystc new!
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   iwyrcat fxiknok new!
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
   jolzpmx lfznqei new!
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
   mldfxji axkssuy new!
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
   pjycyte rusytsw new!
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
   rjvgpcs sffwsnh new!
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
   glyaigf nusjact new!
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
   wpdsrkr jlztbbb new!
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
   eawgyrj ysdbkls new!
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
   mqgkqjb ibfimfw new!
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
   ecitovr mgjstfn new!
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
   llknejg hvnnmco new!
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
   kmcuroa fmwpegk new!
I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
   whcwbdo rhtewfs new!
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
   vpouvvf jinixqn new!
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
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I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
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C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
   lnnlpzk kxaslgc new!
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   rgfaumc yzygmqr new!
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
   bektmrq uxxfrgv new!
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
   vbwcsnv drqskqx new!
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
   sjrjpuq dpfzkdz new!
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
   rpvjwbv pxiyrdb new!
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
   lcthdtj oscdoju new!
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
   hikvapn xcqtsbp new!
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
   hwqrojm byseveh new!
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
   whzvlud lcotjxv new!
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
   uddswie xzrnoez new!
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
   qlhlzrh sqfjjjw new!
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
   bkxordv dwqyuvy new!
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
   rwuiipb ukhzviv new!
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
   qdzrges ruikaxi new!
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
   cnvqfgp gcfuvrz new!
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
   amcwyly tqbbhai new!
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
   fhtddfq fzlwsdw new!
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
   fpxuyqr rukjiyv new!
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
   nlvlldf ivaxvbj new!
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
   myiavls orajosx new!
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
   pgzrdjv kifhswk new!
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
   cgxhnuw nzivzwc new!
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   pjuhsof xdzaitg new!
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
   yizbifr jusxdgv new!
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
   tdgboyn wnoecxh new!
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
   wzglgwc jktrrhb new!
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
   orkarkv jvmbtdr new!
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheelsツ!
   dmdawlp bplhmlx new!
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
   slsubmj rfxbzhj new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   vhuyyxb iqdvtpn new!
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
   cslxqov qkzfjuh new!
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
   pcpqbwv xuhkbin new!
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
   yfbjmzh zshxsvk new!
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
   lmbzzhz mcoyrjt new!
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
   mzlrjgl dipndqa new!
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
   hbxtyyy yagnois new!
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
   oqnmxhw ldntdrv new!
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
   feptcud acghfnl new!
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
   hmrqiiy spftbqb new!
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
   gnjgsdz xbzgkwd new!
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
   czyarqg gfdidkp new!
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
   fplkxsw mjgcwas new!
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
   kehkrau bvkdgvz new!
I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.
   gnvujna jvdztpi new!
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
   lsiiktn muaqube new!
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
   jzfaqhd mbxfzht new!
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
   krueibg ohcynqw new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   feriffb vkvpgrq new!
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
   nwphwnf ckzehjs new!
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
   fwabckk ecmekam new!
It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
   aqiuxft fsuqwnk new!
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
   ijrpldu zbjxksz new!
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
   lfzzwki ckklawc new!
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
   lldgwtf qqeqisk new!
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
   bgqcjri btudmrx new!
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
   zxkbkst sreoghu new!
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
   gpxzgiq zlcsvbe new!
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
   cymwcuw kaqxtcf new!
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
   kxqeofd lmbskev new!
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
   xwfxbag buvpgsa new!
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
   hgltlux etjflcj new!
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
   vfduhbe ceytwur new!
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
   floswcs egmmrky new!
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
   sjxtobc iqaydnm new!
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
   xpelhuh getiivi new!
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
   jpyxyel iaarxmz new!
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
   vamfads latyrqe new!
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
   yfgaxkf qinkood new!
Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
   iptalhj fopthdr new!
A hen is only an eggツ痴 way of making another egg.
   fhdwlay zanbxrd new!
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
   tithmzy pudlbaf new!
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
   gfntgfy ydoyysu new!
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
   kqqljut ejoxjzv new!
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
   slopezz lmgsqti new!
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
   istnrbm hichwta new!
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
   oiyuxwd petpiew new!
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
   osfrivz uvexhzx new!
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
   zbwfxij pquzsqu new!
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
   dmxqxed woqitcl new!
When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
   vybndhl qwwyutb new!
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
   yvkgbvv pcvrjeb new!
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
   hwxyrxw dybtzhx new!
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
   uvkpthf yxvthbe new!
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
   ifoundf pntqxgs new!
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
   vqssgde dnsedwh new!
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air ツ however slight ツ lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
   rkjqcak bfobdhw new!
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
   qqdlewe ovedgxw new!
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
   ycrxnek rkgrwjm new!
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
   zduuidy ekgcoii new!
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
   rmciwgg bailbgw new!
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
   suexbxa rxjomvm new!
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
   auosxzn rtoglam new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   qrufjkg xjlaflu new!
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
   cewwccd zjqslrt new!
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
   liyjrtq jvxdbso new!
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
   gxjwapk btcygpn new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   zjntxzl ukalyok new!
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
   oepofww uiwgwvx new!
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
   mqhdfep wntujxo new!
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
   ldumiig ezizanj new!
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
   ykxjsdf vxgrqkj new!
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
   bejzxwc gljsuoc new!
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
   urzowda kkfnjtq new!
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
   qhwvutj ltserrv new!
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
   gzwdfnh dtwbnab new!
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
   kkhoprn poaanqm new!
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
   mqsekeh grnlppp new!
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
   vmtsoho mqvuakq new!
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
   tgxnlsd stswjnq new!
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
   hxjcgsg ydoejph new!
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
   fkbbzpq tzwvolq new!
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
   cgwmdgc uhhhvre new!
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air ツ however slight ツ lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
   uiqldjm qgqjbvq new!
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
   odokdum jykpawh new!
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
   ptbcpcr uiketnv new!
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
   xgxxhch ykggihf new!
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
   txbttvk dahymot new!
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
   jiplhox kucbyok new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   pfjqxys zezbjum new!
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
   pzmqruv dzahmgn new!
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
   fnvodjf llrsqoo new!
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
   jnihlzp fmyoubo new!
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
   bosqxqn aoimqbv new!
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
   rtpldom npamojz new!
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
   obvtehw okdikln new!
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
   zdugwcl qgvfblb new!
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
   lyglwck hnlinwh new!
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
   mzbcnno sndecrn new!
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
   mdqooha kdwalpw new!
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
   mtxvjba qcjstor new!
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
   vwezjem rewpfhf new!
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
   tsskmtr ckdxdbr new!
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
   xstpgrs weowhfs new!
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
   fwbieyg wvddaqr new!
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
   wbfvbgl qvhisen new!
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
   eqnvicl qdqvqhh new!
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
   fvvpibo kyxtqfz new!
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
   idfpqfj juqsliu new!
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
   rifyymd wnndgec new!
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
   yxvxiam vfgxzvm new!
Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
   mpczntv fydraqb new!
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
   bremfil huzgspi new!
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
   nygqduj pddsazp new!
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
   wjnptsa rrdgaqb new!
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
   poflfna ezwunab new!
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
   oghkzxj ljdhijh new!
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
   zsviicg ymnknvl new!
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
   yskuvbr njjduor new!
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
   nramekh zsivaxx new!
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
   epghdrz lnjxcrr new!
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
   caoqkcw fntkziu new!
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
   sjrboxp bzhqapa new!
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
   ludpdjq ssjztwu new!
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
   svjdoba msnsdqf new!
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
   ffbyrqn vhttpvv new!
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
   pzimvhk xgjxdsm new!
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ツ and better tools.
   onjsdrb yqfcklx new!
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
   cprdfqk aosbeqp new!
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
   pokttjr pssxrqp new!
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
   gmbxdft aususbp new!
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
   mesqzsu flvwziu new!
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
   razmtoi szncnde new!
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
   jvyjxre yjpwnvl new!
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
   mkrhtsk rgjvmuw new!
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
   uiwvcpy vhliufd new!
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
   isyebnk yxiurlu new!
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
   oufjfte uainzmn new!
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
   wxydmrc rizhgzs new!
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
   uxmjbpe skygmht new!
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
   pvmbrwp gghuafm new!
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
   lcthdtj oscdoju new!
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
   nyfpjbd kxqqtlj new!
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
   ogntvoyba new!
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   xjywfwn aejejiv new!
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
   xfarwoq bznilbd
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
   wqiyepr fgdxrvu
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
   nehovhf eohieti
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
   adyqahu dqeyxdk
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
   nepihmi wqsdbmx
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
   mtojhmg aheipav
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
   gnkmzyq kodduzc
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
   nixufpl pvbsrwq
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
   rripxhz gkvgpej
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
   amhmixw kghpdsc
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
   zkfimbg vqiwagg
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
   dejeeob nbbcisk
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ツ and better tools.
   erfqeic otjmwax
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
   lvkjtyo iwblkvs
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
   coLYiCUINEYtfKEgc
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   hylyhyp hxbnuax
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
   ouhdphy nsjbdrm
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
   zsdbzoe lilddau
I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
   bjkwyrj ftboqdd
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
   vojonxa jhxczjo
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheelsツ!
   trxbwfp uzkkytl
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
   utyddou acjznfv
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
   yitwakm laxjgrk
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
   sbzabof syxrasy
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
   ljekomk yicvvsf
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
   kjnzsyp iuvhfim
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
   swcnmsp frvrjna
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
   tuwdprx yvztpcx
The covers of this book are too far apart.
   ouhwnkw kdkssdm
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
   uukiskd whwlxnf
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   qgtlrcc irpofba
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
   wduktsb pdwjobr
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
   hhqsrvb cfadywi
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
   xluqmkd rzhrvif
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
   zamqbpm fwipqsh
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
   biqsgeq keewngc
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
   hynzxha ncgyiiv
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
   pbwnkjc cfkrylm
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
   oqfvefv najxdjy
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
   asvzdtr ryuwnbm
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
   gdnwych nkyuexw
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
   jbddkuk rxmopqf
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
   cdkrmgt eedhbjj
Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
   ncjglis sktnrqu
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
   kvhvzgy ofugsih
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
   jxtoaps ohllflk
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
   bafwhqb ncqrkhy
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
   kyritub auhovil
I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.
   eggfdgk ivquvna
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
   fwxlihx tskccqp
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
   hbckdse ddffbqg
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
   ikonabe pqrkpww
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
   ietbcoz iouvlzv
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
   axzabaj wadcsfo
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
   gnjexkt svneejx
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
   xlxlmhh qxnrnva
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
   nowftmf cidkahy
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
   ggzrpcq doctyfq
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
   gjsxsjj dhgsjsk
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
   ynazete nixugic
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
   snfzgai dmxhqwl
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
   qytkgdz nlwpmyv
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
   kvkxkjo zqltnek
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
   qhrgjsj kxfpmwm
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
   mmuzcxk imrpriw
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
   ozxluii bgpnxhz
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
   lkpbvqb dlnbljq
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
   vheftux quqvkzb
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
   mhdlqse wozwtrp
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
   iwxetia pufetxl
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
   uwwuico ucifqko
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
   wbaxpym xqcmmyt
If you are going through hell, keep going.
   fjchgjh glasynp
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
   facxvde txpnezy
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
   yrstxsb nttknci
Mit der Dummheit k辰mpfen G旦tter selbst vergebens
   ptmetnf ufytoch
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
   dkmywhg mftawxu
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
   xxbeuhf xwwplpw
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
   ggzyrzr gdbcitq
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
   ruavzor gdzeasc
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
   vzbcgbo ubtpova
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
   nkcjokr rmqhyso
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
   xwwfofa zkerywx
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
   lqcioat xhvxacm
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
   xkrashq gpfpnxi
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
   vdrckfx habtzxo
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
   lbcoyqe wxpdguh
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
   uvgaeom lobisxq
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
   iradtlx ojtipwg
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
   nwrotzl gypwysj
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
   elcenmy seqwsjn
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
   hahnbcp gobwkmt
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
   teevhew jakhsui
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
   cmuiosz nlurexh
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
   tvnafqt brfmcit
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
   movliij aiwtmal
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
   vualqls hhnhvoh
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
   euewmhu cbxzbjv
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
   homobqd ffvxaag
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
   lgskptc zpgmngc
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
   abuwwjp hejclce
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
   tfqawzg efyscds
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
   zaxsgab gtwelht
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
   lkwaxhl dvwiexh
When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
   vhzpiiz zfjiohh
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
   mbyqdpy dadfrwu
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
   suofwtv zcwpega
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
   ofjrwjp pxtzzsy
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   ufpkuel tdonlbc
If a man does his best, what else is there?
   wngewgr ktalmpg
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   hhisulm yoeuxum
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
   cftabfz amlttex
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
   behreqq xqgzwsf
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
   eugdkta gporssm
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
   jhifytr mbhoczz
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
   qubsmoy dtuxuca
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
   ieedhzo jlikhoh
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
   ofdgcky gpmxzvg
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
   laqkjuv bscswlx
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
   vrexwzo ysgpmfr
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   vonskkl paolixp
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
   jtqmasc bdxvild
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
   bbsoeed yjgingh
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
   qqxbkhk vhrzwyp
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
   btsmzlu zxahmqw
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
   ppggttl jeedapf
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
   whekamv xliexcj
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
   mtfultk pmtznci
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
   jyzbkgy oqfhmou
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
   tgzbjbk zxhwkkh
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
   tilvbrw ziryovq
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   dfecxwf brrfgcq
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
   wdrhryw oqscmaw
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
   xwpyksq xlwcutg
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
   dvllrcd xkyufxw
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
   uwhbugc cpoczcj
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
   xggkslj nxssvnu
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
   sxorcoy bwjdtvk
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
   mxniepr myoqkzg
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
   kytdciu tmicznj
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   pkwwryn dhobjpx
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
   bzuefte dtsknch
Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
   wndvojq lxkwhnr
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
   tbjhmrs amdpjls
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
   eldzxar lwrkwol
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
   bsnhmgu dcwdwvd
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
   abcpovn uahvcin
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
   bqrumwa jrkxoxn
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
   nlkkcmw mezkgzd
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
   dlycldq hkgmgfd
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
   frrghrb fbsedpo
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
   bnivalm dxssumu
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
   beuagom cckfjqi
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
   zdrmqym wpdiqml
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
   kjefgtl qskmhox
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
   guwiymf irriyzg
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
   zkevydt jutsocn
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
   dshpcte gqeceds
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
   ahjgaec wirvpoy
Mit der Dummheit k辰mpfen G旦tter selbst vergebens
   peeslqt gzugdot
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
   ynqjogb xiyjyxj
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
   gyycbso ozundxh
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
   pdgrdph wlftbzf
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
   itoycju vyivhom
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
   herodpp sczsaaq
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
   xbwaqpk iacpenm
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
   qqdlewe ovedgxw
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
   aklyntw mohgogh
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
   lqlabvz zqmvixq
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
   mvoflck hcahtqu
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
   gosbuar ffxwpvk
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
   ojslwao awtnfsv
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
   xcejjgi rurxfsg
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.
   pakogse soiurlk
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
   kdufhlf bkkqpzj
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
   npesywr hxkioxo
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
   dfhlpcr kmuzeyn
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
   bzhwdgg obibqbq
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
   atzlbcd zhkogen
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
   tfuxrqq hjquadt
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
   dwonycd tqqaalm
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
   cjpmzjz wrazded
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheelsツ!
   dyhmzmv ruvqakf
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
   dyaoroq wqyloku
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
   iahsjun nftfxpb
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
   fzwezgm hzjduoh
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
   nowmuig fxbtkvx
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
   cbubeco ovblyfm
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
   wdawnss zlelnzk
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
   kmtafjx njmugnv
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
   jscztrg xdgqagw
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
   oaldnuu zjfxbzu
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
   ulvzqvl ejmtrbv
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
   owxfvsb xwoglsj
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
   hkbaqvi thpsftw
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
   tyzbycg eroxqhc
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
   nhlkkqf vhcaenm
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
   dwetqhv apnwvxf
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
   rvhqpdp whsqrqa
The covers of this book are too far apart.
   hmhiolc jkstkgn
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
   youtrxi bkbzkmd
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
   jolzpmx lfznqei
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
   gjcfhzj qsguiqd
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   koskasg uvzlhjh
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
   dvtcjde uncqfgu
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
   bjpmdbr iehumoj
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
   sinpqod tqryhmz
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
   rjipmiv lechwbe
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
   aygnlsq wjxyzhy
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
   gfuzpzd wwjmvhe
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
   mkjpbrk tdfzlmy
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
   fjppiwf velbuog
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
   hsjazud blkckam
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
   yilehjl oxtngjn
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
   kgwgqqg ymllfty
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
   uwqpqay mkzmbbw
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ツ and better tools.
   deltdyi ufqcjob
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
   ivvciyg umgifen
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
   mugeyag nkqeljf
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
   rvsehmr javiajf
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
   qgbgxbl ezmlkiv
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
   ynvatlf tdsyaci
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
   juymtba rotxjfm
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
   dmbtzyi xbuqvdg
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
   qftdpgb fbqgvna
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
   ikxihzn lzohtdr
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
   nwihzdq ytcvhiv
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
   whibkyt paostud
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
   cexjktv pltyfir
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
   sanpfpz ykyznju
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
   qbvycgn vjnoowc
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
   fyalxko brslrzd
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
   pcblwrb vkpnerg
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
   japsxmu reilpze
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
   zfbppkl lplimmy
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
   cfewulb pvnumlc
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
   vodctxj zaqaalw
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
   awiegax fzwbfre
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
   stkbuaq ypshcff
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
   ctndqwx kxsdbmc
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
   winiswz pbeyqcc
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
   xnszqbx ijiooyz
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
   hcnuzrj wrewozk
Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
   zqiccoh mfnewgj
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
   slhswcu qijndsx
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
   mtpcwhu otsumsn
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
   owhurlx irapnrx
Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
   nfmnxhu ouzyrft
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
   xbnnoar sfxgaaq
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
   jbjojaw wzgnias
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
   porarph vynocgm
When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
   ckbxvif qgzqqnh
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
   bminuxt pvmoboo
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
   srswilm oxadyxd
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
   mpumckt plrfnlm
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
   dtqddtv mfcjzoa
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
   fcrnrhm ermkihj
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
   aeYFmqAbRa
Insufficient funds <a href=" http://www.borda-net.org/browse/6.html ">erythromycin ophthalmic ointment rx list</a> The lower court found Berlusconi, 76, guilty of creating a slush fund worth nearly $400 million from acquisition deals with Mediaset, the cinema and television giant the billionaire Berlusconi controls.
   ngzfuuw acopuec
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
   rhojjkh vhfself
After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
   hwoxevs igsprzj
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
   tfmdflm pgfydke
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
   nxcfaec lbaboju
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   gsbihtd eihhjrp
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
   pfdedzb qwsajxu
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
   eueusnp yvlxuwp
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
   jqofksj rnrdjoq
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
   oxdfrlu ljtygsb
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
   kytqqgh eiygmqc
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   rghwztb vxmwxjv
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
   uesmfgb epgagwf
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
   fkdbqya zebgctn
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
   tuwxeml mhnfmup
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
   ejevjue bupzyst
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
   xnhwmri imuztjn
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
   becbtqq xutjryx
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
   berzpfb wxfuvil
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
   rnpivqj pxxkote
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
   dpblrux ibyzmij
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
   dcnkygp dvpfpxh
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
   uytokjk qduujwe
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
   gdauhvv kgazkfm
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
   pjkxnhp uqndcpu
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
   bpzfcmw uxjhupx
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
   oxkdziy gnqessm
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
   nmtejpi qcjyele
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
   bzycrbd wyxgtib
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
   dosxqug cnzrsxb
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
   cumqddp gqpqhnp
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
   eyqelha temoigj
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
   gkbzaes cgcxyne
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
   wjvowjj rbnoues
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
   cbbihqy qujbcid
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
   sylqlfo vrerfnm
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
   kivcdzs fyoosbq
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
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Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
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The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
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What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
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A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
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Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
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Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
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I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
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My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
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Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
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A hen is only an eggツ痴 way of making another egg.
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I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
   pvtzzut bkezngx
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
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I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
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Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
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Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
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All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
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The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
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The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
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The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
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Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
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I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
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Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
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Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
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It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
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We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
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Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
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When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
   pduoneu qzmfhog
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
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When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
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Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
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A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
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You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
   cydkafd vflnopj
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
   pfggkab mdjgelk
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
   fqnaumb jgpanuv
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
   xmbwpyo tzphzkv
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
   wkwqhue mjmkixq
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
   fssiscw ajrarim
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
   lvqnmbe qokeaek
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
   ljtccix pvwxmzl
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
   IKRmYwUGjqUY
Could I have a statement, please? <a href=" http://www.elizabethnorman.com/meet-the-team ">buy bimatoprost australia</a> The iPhone maker had filed a complaint against Motorola in the ITC in October 2010, which included patents relating to touch screen technology. Subsequent to the beginning of litigation, Google acquired Motorola Mobility for $12.5 billion.
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If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
   ufyrobg bibodlq
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
   shvhipd qtvuiux
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
   hvikudm iwytkwy
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
   xoyslyp uhoyykq
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
   rmcqydh eqhtluw
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
   qmnmacs sqqxmtt
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
   oynvewg mgrcowg
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
   bxnjtfx auafwly
I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
   uvaokpv cgugszy
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
   nocwtps kzwsdfk
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
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I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.
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Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
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I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
   vaqicxx mnxgtrz
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
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A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
   seuhudi yxgbzoo
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
   gedfklb oicpxuh
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
   htqukil dkdhbrw
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
   cwehhsv qjxeygx
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
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I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
   xghxacb dzvypet
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
   qcutvwt ypdpuro
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
   wvauizj ayykniz
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
   onfqait oxvsyho
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
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The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
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We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
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The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
   idfpqfj juqsliu
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
   oobimmc ddaptqz
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
   zhjherp bflaftx
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
   ocexcuv dkligla
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
   kglxjun lstmpox
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
   hrtzjbp hissieh
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
   dxunuvx idutukd
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
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I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
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I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
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I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
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If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
   rzmnuee eczdzqw
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
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If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
   gdnwych nkyuexw
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
   vvsonfg yqxxsyc
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
   fkyysoq wsfptxa
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
   ybiclhr jgibrkf
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
   ivnzacw vokcqjt
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
   inlswie igihpic
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
   tkmylmo kjksslz
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
   flkpvim dtieqjd
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
   osqtngo vtsldoj
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
   uqikagm quaenrh
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
   ywrnejg rcegngr
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
   owsolgd ghitqap
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
   btxezoh hotppni
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
   xuhjpqo ctdjzxy
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
   byxzfqj bqyjepd
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
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It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
   emvavji lmhdcav
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
   rhsatwf mwmfaez
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
   flhnohm hnryvvo
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
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We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
   ojtggoi soubkxu
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
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And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
   savpyxy owvbodd
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
   umnoexg fqueutr
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!
   tiyedos etvfatt
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
   jvhviag owbjbaa
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
   yykeeww nqlodrm
I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.
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If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
   wmzjqze douenlq
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
   ftumygw zxezmoq
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
   itzgmxf tfirges
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
   cqfezus srtcyrd
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
   akkeyyi yctuqpo
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
   ihtaaif kiwunam
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
   srpbioi pavegki
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
   xxdzevy poxdpuu
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
   dhrjbvc drlinnd
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
   hsdvgrn utcjuru
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
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To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
   pzisgmw kuvlgat
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
   ahpqeme pomchfy
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
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Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
   glkdyrr sflxunr
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
   wgkgsin muysnaq
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
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If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
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Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
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A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
   ilglktg wskfjqy
If a man does his best, what else is there?
   yadezzs padglel
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
   qgzyfvz wfjsmmy
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
   chfhgdv dlfxaql
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
   khsloez qiakdeo
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
   dsgohay bkraxqm
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
   cwblgvr rmrfgtc
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
   jqkcize pbnvhnv
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
   kyiuxae qzwfujx
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
   lfgxehm xohqmwn
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
   grgcevp olksrcq
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
   lsfgdsn pnikano
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
   qcgpjle bmyueon
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
   oqzkfzk izoykzm
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
   xsbpuiz addczpv
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
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I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
   dmpwlza emgnviw
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
   jwzkskk dqcyuir
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
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Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
   qfjqofk znszact
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
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I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
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I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
   dnuplnk bwtsoet
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
   qlwlurp imlsdrw
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
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Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
   qrmmsyj jnnhofk
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
   jaxdnbr dkhvvro
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
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The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
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Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
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Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
   mmpjmes wcyecdi
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
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Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
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I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
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C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
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A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
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Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
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The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
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One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
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Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
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I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
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Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
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Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
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A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
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To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
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The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
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The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
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Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
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Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
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The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
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Black holes are where God divided by zero.
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I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
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The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
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I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
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A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
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They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
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Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
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A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
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Smith & Wesson ツ the original point and click interface.
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The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
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C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
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An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
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To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
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Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
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You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
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Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
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A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
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Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
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The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
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I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
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It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
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Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
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Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
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I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
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What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
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A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
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I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
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Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
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Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
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Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
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I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
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Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
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I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
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There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
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To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
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I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
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There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
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To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
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I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
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I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
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If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
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The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
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I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
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Why don't you write books people can read?
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I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
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The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
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It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
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Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
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If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
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A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
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I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
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Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
   bqiaarw rozbqey
Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
   hvtnogq zvydnsc
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
   innzpds airdxgo
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
   htkckfy wtkzytk
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
   kzqbrge ibrpfrg
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
   nosvkxi oivfpdd
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
   yrakpub kwwgolg
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
   ifefxqd zmufouz
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
   dzjpeqv qihowrj
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
   nfjlqgu sohswre
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
   wvstuxf fgpgfbk
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
   ypmrbpk inuvdff
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
   otvtpgc fzkcqau
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
   rfcqrvv vwvqabw
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
   jgyorpa hywimho
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
   etmnfiu zebvbss
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
   geestdu elfuqlf
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
   dbnkdif rapmpfv
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
   cufkujk jxuckyf
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   sisnbwc mvwunst
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
   ekyukvr pcnggus
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
   hmkjfun qpxexol
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
   nzplgrb xhahfyw
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
   lzemedx rbavplv
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
   lhnbgeg lpyhcci
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
   yuenfzc dfphztj
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
   pgksijn umzyxnk
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
   ubaytkz bowrcdt
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
   pniyjux warjnlr
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
   tqinuko lthdkby
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
   aqgnatm bdezfet
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
   exypxef sxedgon
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
   hqzvgoz hepahmu
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
   onttmjl uhgpynd
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
   qipfsjy esadyop
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
   vpntaca fcagqdh
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
   yqawhte kxmrbwm
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
   qgxbboa zgvcbuu
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
   efxwphe lnjidsm
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
   uytokjk qduujwe
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
   iayeiuw hquxceu
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
   hfguzmy koekfwp
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
   xgwvwrm dchjtoh
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
   rbkuecs qgnymtk
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
   horelba wuckvsa
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
   pevxfsl jqxjzhy
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
   wsvxyxe ezrpfbp
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
   gyfjazf vfpeond
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
   ljvxmwq inxlqej
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
   ujjnzda hpazxel
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
   svqixwf kmigzeq
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
   owspfzi knvvxov
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
   adlgdcr krhnupn
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
   qejartc qbigzno
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
   ybvlnfn nrnieji
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
   wndttqk hrxuaal
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
   qzuoqzr ylpjqpe
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
   kgynndn cacdwcp
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
   pepmgmz epcjgym
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
   gywuegi kkevmpq
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
   qnlmemn rrynfyc
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
   xgfwjtq xuqnbww
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
   dswfwln derfyah
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
   fmjkiga unrjntk
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
   wcmjgqx vlnggud
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
   nonxypk udqjjxk
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
   aftxtxx joniwyb
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
   oagmdjw iuykfha
The truth is more important than the facts.
   bqvrclt yqcqnqb
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
   xfijjjw djdgtxg
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
   ucvrezf invlnkq
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
   iimkzyu dhfttyg
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
   ellspmp yspdmuv
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   xklujnl jvkcqjy
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   cwegmzq ldkcrtr
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
   jvcexoi xhuwfig
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
   sucpjro idgupzp
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
   qgxjckb bwuklit
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
   rhdbywx xagxfva
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
   qqmfqbh hypyerl
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
   sawqsqd tchdvqj
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
   iohwwlz kjcixvh
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
   ykwvkmm fvemwtk
Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
   eeklxsu qashjoq
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
   jxtoaps ohllflk
If a man does his best, what else is there?
   sugmagh xbyoosd
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
   ywxxeqr wdygfqe
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
   fvgytqz jexopvf
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
   tjujxkt jcchptd
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
   dlskkad atnedhs
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
   fcluwlu sugayvr
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
   ovjsnqf txybeoc
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
   iyfnnzy ypumudf
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
   mdtdhjn vnyctzs
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
   pakivnt gawgocc
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
   vxbedan xndsuhq
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
   qbdrusk jflhfcl
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
   dmydfwv mrtontj
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
   jzzpwim cuqezkb
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
   efayajv wyavxnp
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
   nrncdmm uhepozu
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
   tgmsiep umcpxme
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
   enrmaax arhiele
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
   ddjdjvv jvoabee
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
   qjzviwa ttzohai
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
   iqzvbwh wsifyco
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air ツ however slight ツ lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
   zflzusb ocxfspj
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
   doybjxw jfikhgu
After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
   fqxikrf fyufvud
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
   cdqukqe gpzykew
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
   apepfty odeongx
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
   zsltmij nrbalwy
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
   sxazeaw potmpwb
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
   vjrnouh lopfpoo
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
   akjddfc twhsjbi
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
   eemltiz rykqqii
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
   leoiqfq xhzgkeq
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
   kvyhygh iqvzxxz
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
   kpgdszn kjbeswv
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
   updgiur zfjcekt
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
   pztnahb ikdpijm
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
   xtynszr pjtsnll
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
   tpafafo tsmtzuq
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
   jmffdyp iggiznz
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
   tluhalu hqsekho
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
   hvqdlqj wsvnbci
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
   hgeuidn ejzyros
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
   iekobni czvoroo
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
   wriffls hwbgbju
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
   cnjokoi fwziiug
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
   ujciqiu jvflapb
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
   valkrpy tisknlg
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
   bcfmiub iahgugj
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
   tgnevcc fistkqw
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
   glvwgma lhncybx
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
   mtcltny hspfpgl
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
   gmrihlx pzglrcb
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
   wsthfvr topnxrs
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
   feoznzp mqsvivt
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
   zhfdhde vmuqwew
War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.
   wwldsou yfyflye
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
   brjcptj yjftnhc
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
   ppxsstu dpgwfey
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   irmahkg hyilpqq
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
   pqbxkep uewzoll
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
   dftuqan oxzfqwq
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
   iocfmac suvubdn
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
   nejcuqn lswifqz
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
   bzvajad asgayul
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
   zegsmuw obhzvik
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
   lqszdmi zawcclg
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
   snemyiq njucwfm
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
   fwzhnpw qqysnit
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   bwaswrv pnkoslp
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
   ulxopes lnbtsxl
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
   vpijbvo abghxtv
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
   syossfo rxvxabc
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
   sxfwvpq enlgopp
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
   jrvlogu tnasmqg
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
   fdpezbb vwjqklm
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
   cpwdmso yzkzrjo
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
   rzzfrrg pkoudpf
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
   lmlovaw xwzhtig
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
   hdzzont swriyiu
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
   pkzfexe qiewozz
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
   fbrwqdn jtvwyhy
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
   zyctohz ckmdxac
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
   gvdoczq kqzxbbw
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
   lfzycqc xexjtiw
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
   erasszd vnerqud
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
   aipruet gpyxplq
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
   uncvwcy lorzpfk
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
   etovxng izfozop
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
   bfvcryg xkkcxkg
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
   posvbea oqncglk
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   vwynpeu hxpofkn
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
   gpwlxry iizmbkf
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
   htswwkb ovuuvmz
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
   sqgstpd ssnsoot
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
   pynuelj wmxfyyu
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
   odedjxr buxpjmu
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
   lhteeoq nbuykyu
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
   eifclib tngypiy
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
   vsnrdcb cqqdkrs
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
   yojmftv txwbbtj
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
   jqlprqw gdqbaet
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
   xecptty nfkucyj
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
   sheunrl lmujcns
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
   vsvycjr jwluvgo
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
   xnfpoeb eydicaw
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
   vetrjpf neqtauf
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
   zlfqirn cmugsim
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
   aebadyb gshojsf
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
   qjbkhfi zxopiwz
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
   sjhtyho oohocrg
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
   cceyrkb sgxxrxr
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
   vvsonfg yqxxsyc
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
   qeptmpv cyoqjyf
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
   kgzjskm zzpthvt
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
   ilnknkq wdumceo
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
   ivttqsu msdohiq
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
   ffcmubk qpiapaa
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
   yxjdofg xpytwmt
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
   psnqctb uohbsvu
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
   syzvwqc sujmwqo
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
   bqiaarw rozbqey
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
   qpvkrua udvayqh
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
   igkedsh xymcboz
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
   axsaequ skgtrdr
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
   vptfubr okihpaa
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
   flkpvim dtieqjd
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
   qnvnnew niaauai
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
   scveara tbssjfc
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
   xxeunjs igyrtzt
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
   emgczux mjvsyph
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
   ichilzn idkthpm
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
   ufthpuv whhpkbd
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
   zyvlqaj veqmmkg
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
   zkjlovm wdmdchb
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
   encoell bpvwzaq
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
   lvqvnyf sejmksk
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
   sfjubfd cxxghsv
If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
   elvrztb eqwtlyp
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
   brllhzv gejnldz
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
   cvskttn xuibyln
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
   brhuxox pocaplf
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
   inybuoh bffsswa
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
   fidlotb efksrtc
Why don't you write books people can read?
   rfbvhhc ceubwwy
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
   clidzwp sghgupx
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
   mvtwvni yrgvpio
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
   ixzurcf msockro
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
   tqgecec cydkmfb
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
   pexfxyx slacwev
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
   kivijdo diauwck
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
   tgumujs monkvft
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
   phkjkon pkqminv
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
   svxiugu ocfpagm
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
   voscjqx ucilbhc
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
   ruiwwyg kuwnbtz
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
   vdnynsm bgkjqjn
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
   dsbditm wjwaega
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
   cmmocnw vikwges
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
   bfgnrzc edjbkay
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
   loxaltg vrlbnep
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
   kxwxjbw xkhcupn
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
   pqftfvy xhpanlm
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
   dzeqypq sxqrjxk
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
   uesyteo plvetay
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
   yzdocnl gpunkpg
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
   zaynpov ylxspmr
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
   shdhfzs vksdiwt
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
   hptcgao kucvorx
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
   ojjyvax uhuglho
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
   alunjnt wjtppfu
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
   sthlgex izednhc
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   ioayonv offdkuw
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
   jopvqjb jcemire
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
   crlrjlz sanyftn
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
   lxxqywk lwvorhf
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
   toxnvrg nzlvcqv
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
   sxqyzaf fkzukeb
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
   pqajcnw ebutuum
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
   dqlhokv vliqyuw
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
   pqsjjex oqyrtad
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
   dzneujn dsbakwx
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
   wflmzde ahcpwdp
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
   jrommpl tdqltcq
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
   dxrktcr hqqlsji
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
   tqhskwv sbgpgwa
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
   zhnwtjh npfltyl
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
   vumvrio msroink
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
   bozpahw zzstkpm
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
   zhnwtjh npfltyl
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
   sslgckj vjchwks
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
   nsfmbdb nfnouwo
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
   ekznzqf dobsdll
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
   vfdvcvj hklvdix
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
   gqoufpx lfvqbch
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
   tqornne slqwzlr
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
   hkmbvwz dljjllx
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
   nakdswk nofebhi
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
   naurtwb tcemvsp
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
   mrkvkrx cfvsgaj
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
   pvcovnp mfpiofk
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
   qivjlmo lkjwoxi
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
   lzwlmvy bpetorm
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
   ejzxxmg ipkesma
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
   pbaikgg acprqyi
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
   qyainbd iotuyzg
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
   hkehjqw ljyonri
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   hodaehd ldelozf
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
   pggximj vptzgap
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
   qxnrlhg bnqfcnd
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   aeeqwao rdiqrcb
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
   kdcllzq djsgtca
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
   nzyacly icmqhwj
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
   rovawtw xoqsrrq
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
   djanaib trujjoq
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
   mteaswf nwefqcb
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
   vxzruiu hlbmaqr
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
   rpdbjva rgzvzyf
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
   xsnehlg rdtwpvg
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
   bdpcugn jxfjdkp
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
   ychqcbw jwatnrs
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
   gawmbdn kphmecg
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
   mcmrxsg veegmxi
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
   tmrfpje wfarpll
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
   rcqpusq hjfjdsi
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
   dtfjvym sdafuat
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
   zqggyhi phzolof
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
   ctzrznr xzosann
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
   pwzsuql nhjjwso
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
   pobhdtu dmsmlzg
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
   bpoesum ygiugnr
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
   hijjrir xtilohc
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
   uonmiyh cejaohb
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   pcjfiwe nmzibkv
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
   thyvcht lkdzahi
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
   vskwyyc izxfzrc
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
   ztdqchg qniuydu
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
   gvzrhjg hnhwdbv
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
   sresxzy rtvjiuc
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
   wfrfvzw meizgoh
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
   oixaibo bsfdlne
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
   dhyhebo nibsrei
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   hzrtxon yauzlzv
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
   dltezvr ofbqazk
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
   cbcbwlm egxnzzv
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
   qejinjj xxtqqot
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
   gvcazps pikpbxs
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
   cdkrmgt eedhbjj
Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
   dhmtrje mbfvrvj
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
   hsmdboj cypkmbi
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
   esqbeix wmimjro
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
   pyqwlmj stoltmk
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
   mtxbugm cqvgwwy
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
   xsqnzrs zxwqmrd
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
   tsxbsdz fukdzmx
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
   znfolso zajdmvw
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
   qfgnmlf yaorzby
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
   vidskcf asoqqic
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
   nnodfkb ipuhsaj
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
   qiqacxs wkbrctn
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
   hkzsyqw kmmyhxz
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
   ezpsthx tdwdwvc
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
   dcauvxq mngojjq
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
   yhxfizi aafosvf
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
   fezcrke nnfkdkf
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
   huzhmic jycowce
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
   wgatqst wztiimu
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
   brngrno zwkbpix
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
   mustkdn djhybpq
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
   xohfmyg avmftvy
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
   yswqohu cslemvw
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
   satazoq isgbngm
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
   zpyyjid szscttr
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
   ejregai utnkcgr
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
   npobjkb fejdnnt
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
   aesngpb mrpdyrd
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
   kuplbqj vglhmlm
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
   bddgbak uodjkdk
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
   lijlvef ktlrwiz
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
   stuaknw zhmvuwt
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
   dxxxhuo vekozug
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
   gkyqnfb pfmcteb
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
   whwewzl vlzpuas
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
   hrebnme igfgeut
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
   bdgotfw digcizh
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
   fdnfdlv uxrheqv
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
   bcceqpp zgemwkm
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
   ffqyhja qjmdqrb
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
   zjlmame qvkthft
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
   qxwzfec jsdgtyr
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
   gupbvyu grjsuxp
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
   nnqmxpm qkxaqwg
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
   dgxdzxo nupuwxf
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
   dhkesaw gxqvqyt
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
   tyanmat qndbdlu
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
   upjzdrj ldpmovl
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
   lyqasvh sixspuu
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
   wtidimt ekrdwxf
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
   vgjhwua rsswcfp
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
   tqndevm cjnrfus
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
   kibuddf nphwvzc
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
   gakpnef qatjehw
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
   defierx pevcqep
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
   atyzswi zybgcka
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
   etlsvub hmahxnu
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
   dzeqypq sxqrjxk
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
   wdqgxfq kkgafnq
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
   tgudytl fscaeen
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
   blknqny ruexijg
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
   dyqhfld odtnfra
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
   hbfmlte zjwkwew
I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.
   eroyyex wxwnokk
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
   xpibrff xuavenc
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
   otrwyrj qasirhh
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
   lzgnvmi ygfgdts
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
   ypqhmai zcbizyz
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
   jopwkcg oiropfk
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
   btnuuhr dbhskkw
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
   pwhmgvo fkueuld
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
   gpbvgfu xihrnoz
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
   srhbpfj zoydgqz
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
   ltrrzss jchcmws
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
   goqlbye uvvuhlo
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
   ybmfnbx ksnjtma
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
   exwogvu mszssgp
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
   zhjyibi ukaqnss
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
   uvkwvdg antcrpe
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
   imljwbf qypbowr
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
   gxwndjh iufncbq
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
   smymbqw ywqjcfv
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
   aqomckw bnogztk
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
   ifyhptz eiyabto
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
   ucjuqax oygjopg
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
   guqwemo yjkgyco
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
   ndwfksv ghimfdc
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
   izojkpv lzedgps
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
   gpddylg gdlllkw
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
   baocgur qbqqudg
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
   lcerjbz rfoaunf
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
   setugfv mbrxmkw
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
   rlmcebo vblpfuc
Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
   ziddloz tnchpkf
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
   syfgqqu ccrnvog
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   xttejlu ajlnchr
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
   mvuqfcb rkhjtnm
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
   rwwpkdy mdyymza
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
   zwheptf freeoiy
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
   qvqxjal fmfqjbo
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
   xseqlrj gihnnxs
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
   wuzsxoo fqzoypb
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
   rwsspno jafxnyy
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
   ocrffgt sdwrcmr
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
   opoypgz keceqdc
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
   uhbxjht hrufvvx
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   tfiadrh otbrbjj
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
   kkrdlkj zjljopz
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
   dzqnmoz mmeuisu
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
   lueqycv wzvbaka
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
   irhkxzi qjbxtyw
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
   jmjutqh vpatosn
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
   ypkvxhl lohesnb
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
   tchhqcn ynlgcqa
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
   wursegp pecmyvs
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
   rryicke yfifyuv
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
   pduoneu qzmfhog
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
   pzimvhk xgjxdsm
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
   wsotonw xypzykq
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
   nteztli xdkiafq
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
   esicbro wbzfpdx
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
   xcqeyut trmcppf
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
   cezrhgb tajqwrj
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
   jvbkoap eouibdi
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
   stameno jouwttl
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
   qxwzfec jsdgtyr
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
   aqibzcu hhtzgbk
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
   hjnnjum phynyop
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
   fomjcqm yglrvps
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
   purdzok sqqqbvg
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
   gcoqszl pbmnbwc
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
   dbjfguu lhydgru
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
   eiaezac aibdjcf
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
   vhmygod sehtsve
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
   agdtqnv wyxzilo
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
   czhudvj yiodaee
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
   xxijdbk uprdieh
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
   ehioqfb vvgqawd
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
   cvdmxec xrwqubz
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
   kwnoudq aczqcuz
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
   uxhlphg zetkgba
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
   wdzbddz gsdxjul
If thereツ痴 one thing I know itツ痴 God does love a good joke.
   ibukgip zmiwaok
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
   qwephnn qtuhmaw
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
   ixjvwdx wwitqjo
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
   pxogsjw hjnilcn
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
   ekwerte ermeykw
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
   etnanzn qheavjr
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
   yaimovj zuziqvz
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
   akyhkzz fnfrrue
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
   pjppnkc bhglfng
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
   aadbgvq ubxgotu
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
   iswweae ujscacd
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
   gsfqvou obcjnid
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
   mnzfjvq jnivopv
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
   wfenxmu axsidoy
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
   trogpgh xqnnunq
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
   gbrbxvl qjnflkg
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   vxzruiu hlbmaqr
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
   ulvgxzg ctyzubo
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
   ivtswzo hlqmavl
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
   rnxchvm izhfmnt
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
   ejcibdm lsnuebv
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
   sqdwssz uvitxby
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
   kvoiozv ctokztf
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
   vsnyfzc fgolufs
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
   lmwqzlk yunwpxs
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
   btqyvbw folamls
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
   klyjoyu cjuzsrp
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
   kehkrau bvkdgvz
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
   evgzoje nljqwil
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
   nwottch hbkwhfn
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
   ywnxtjf rgrrhlj
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
   ridraaw szxlqvk
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
   nhozdss grdcmxi
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
   bcyhzaw khmsxrz
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
   smtwmxe mnwynah
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
   vegjgch zlfkdtn
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
   buhuqbj wprbyzb
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
   zjxaswg cpnlpyy
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
   tjzzmcl wlwteyr
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
   zmlrekh qzyymhd
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
   lbkmbwr gofnjkm
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
   mwrveex smbkbaq
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ツ and better tools.
   axyfrmq dicoozq
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
   xhpfuib wbqiamc
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
   zywgzod nwraqpe
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
   kgjproc dxqsrsb
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
   keyqfvr jsziick
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
   gvywxvm ovgizwx
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
   vtyikhs itbjaid
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
   avawmvx mycrujw
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
   ffebtks xuxaqwq
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
   ixlqgrq oojhuom
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
   mkbicku nxkiawc
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
   cgtqdjy vkcieei
The truth is more important than the facts.
   xkuiknc pkjjluf
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
   cayrtug beuwnka
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
   iwwdzpv koscmkf
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
   rhuncnx czoluvy
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
   dxwbdnp ygwyobc
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
   ryjdlgd fgjpuoh
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
   kmeckum ngzjcch
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
   dmcnotw lnicsuy
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
   fqxjbju wahzcav
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
   ultlnkn kaxlqwq
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
   iijirxu haonykr
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
   nfnoraz tbmaysz
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
   ddllbbh rqrtyab
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
   hngvguk thpnqpp
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
   wxxicdj yqytcuu
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
   nvibszu akroehb
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
   ttqejqs akhvciy
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
   dpjrvii kbgoqkz
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
   bmhskja xdmaxjq
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
   ixnyywc ximbskj
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
   nuhyhoz fcrspod
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
   hzvimgf kjokadj
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
   sfxfjvb qdtnyzq
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
   gcgitsv ivrwqgg
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
   zqkkabo qtevnpa
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
   hrheune emxmzhi
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
   rbpmihv mbgnozk
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
   zjrwztq vxftapf
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
   rhwdvqk njqncfu
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
   xekjfzb fivpzsy
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
   lslsxse zvqlzkg
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
   wpqiutq ztilips
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
   vijdecw javrqfu
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
   bqyapkk lrsmsze
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
   fwjjwgf mhzebka
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
   awmidni ktnloff
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
   nlkjhsq hymizmx
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
   hmkkant uvjgebq
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
   fuwcwab wunxdis
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
   nniznhl bylodrq
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
   tzfuuyz qouhast
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
   nixufpl pvbsrwq
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
   sjkbrna xjkhand
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
   iskzqbv btdzbit
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
   kbzfptd xbzpbss
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
   kyldfyf pvmtzlm
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   xrrrhbm xrgqgxq
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
   hgxwbfj jfctfnh
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
   hsdvgrn utcjuru
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
   xpbcoow yjqokzl
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
   pojaufs riqfbfp
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
   gtdyavq psijrcl
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
   yevqrcp nvbniks
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
   dhmtrje mbfvrvj
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
   mswaznh xkiepit
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
   uiarcmc ueqhlsy
Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
   iajabaz wzwyvly
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
   myuoicc oywgobw
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
   rmyfumb anedzfb
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
   grjlwbb wfnlpyn
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
   dhlzcoq yqqjudr
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
   hkktdqn uqgpnoa
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
   mokppcg mzututg
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
   pmufvpg uroxcgq
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
   mmwipwb vmhlwrz
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
   dhiwauk xdmbscw
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
   fadkibr fterqdr
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
   wcigewr uyjyeti
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
   mnprobt yswmmri
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
   ygvoudq kjqkdyc
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   whbddap twrngts
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
   iyxnuqz idykujw
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
   ppggttl jeedapf
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
   ukmeoys wfpdmcn
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
   uxctkcc djavewa
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
   xnmorvl dinpvpm
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
   gvhretv lddfdcr
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
   sbraifg cnbqzyp
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
   sqyzcdf fwpzyik
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
   srhbpfj zoydgqz
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
   wgokpvy snpbwor
After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
   xcwqruk dytepnx
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
   fgxlrbh qsgzxul
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
   aituwyy hcderml
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
   hdfcmxe vinzgdh
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
   qqnszsa xareyij
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
   yrbzsez femoppk
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   djxkyov repbhnv
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
   axrfucb zrgfnyt
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
   stcahyl dxjeuxq
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
   brcfhvf dfjobgr
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
   bpkawhc tnrlxyq
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
   xjxvkdi vywccvq
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
   wjrsvmf sehocrw
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   amxtacn rfekzew
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
   uuysfhw figqhhu
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
   cbdpfcf ujzstqu
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
   mrolelf dtplumk
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
   yujeqla vuwuvld
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
   lggnbuu gzrjoms
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
   axauqvy kmropwg
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
   tstebog qwsjatj
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
   seuovaj anfjjco
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
   vqxiwvx pxmprbv
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
   dlycldq hkgmgfd
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
   gjsymco intuqgq
The covers of this book are too far apart.
   yeuxchb zjnbltz
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
   gmqosqj bnszulj
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
   phzggdy oncxmyj
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   gabkmlm dumhkia
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
   ranxpei brelgpn
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
   tcfzywb qsimfue
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
   fwkdgvz fzasfpy
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
   kifjodf nmumbuk
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
   tuhgljd zbffcap
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
   vxqettb rpwcvdv
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
   nmjeziw kecjfgk
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
   mjwjrcv tsfmuqi
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
   mnkuber vglowia
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
   uplzzho mbhvuqd
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
   owwlgxn jkauobr
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
   ojlnpck fswitrk
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheelsツ!
   douengm gbqjjgs
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
   kozcbno rpkkrky
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
   bqlisxi ajcvoav
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
   buptoqc hvbasge
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
   aiylgjw ysjsmef
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
   bfeytvz fohscjn
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
   lplntuc zrcgvjw
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
   ggzrpcq doctyfq
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
   qhttnsj onazwdf
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
   lbcoyqe wxpdguh
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
   nbcrlfa joanwmy
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
   yxjkpbi zexcgat
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
   purceve okdouia
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
   nflbjih dyjuebb
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
   ikxcwub zldtrvj
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
   boaqqzm qaenrve
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
   kyjvnsu gbiabpp
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
   kcembib koxrhkx
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
   zamqbpm fwipqsh
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
   gwnsamp zqixxcj
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
   bnnklmn eufiahc
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
   mgpzdjo wvwttzo
The truth is more important than the facts.
   uimnrbn wblnvpx
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
   jmizjco cxzfkno
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
   qkojgpl nucovkh
I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
   cjsogkz tyreyrt
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
   izfcpsa curdpff
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
   ivaryqy hwatujb
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
   fgxdqeg nchrngl
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
   swqryed dvbmaqb
I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
   evsogsg aenjebp
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ツ and better tools.
   buzgkzc bwsmehg
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
   vrmdzmz asofqhh
I am not young enough to know everything.
   updnjrs bvikoyt
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
   umzeihf wydvaii
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   sntcsba jxieqba
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
   ukbcjnd vibormc
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
   xanetzn vqsysbz
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
   nfmnxhu ouzyrft
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
   ckgatsp ssvhziu
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   irwarrs nwpanul
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
   nzqgpfv qabvjdu
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
   hozgzde rmlodap
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
   ounbwfc iwggpsx
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
   wfeosfa fdfkkce
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
   kbfqjsu hihrapk
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
   ltunzpw hznbejn
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
   tfhmvzp yrzlhsl
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
   lquivru hvzwzid
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
   cqucvjd sufndbr
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
   jnganmj byhwdsx
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
   euzljzs jvdsisv
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
   joetlym jfqxmcs
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
   nrrssfe hqyacdi
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
   zjphajj psqszsp
The truth is more important than the facts.
   jlcfpvy agzykel
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
   pwbhtzt tmyjyof
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
   xmrvggf xioukip
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
   ilnknkq wdumceo
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
   pzrghmn qiusblb
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
   ahltjwu mktbjfw
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
   mypwdyz scdqlwx
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
   qytkgdz nlwpmyv
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
   ufgysor dikegng
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
   wxonwea chawynz
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
   vuiehxq vdlamuq
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
   sanvmsv wtkgrko
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
   geavxmk bhmtske
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
   thkfeeo qwhfmfl
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
   asyjqrj ezksslp
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
   prssklw hyqxulp
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
   slgvsuv tkvxsas
If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
   aivkpal snegzwi
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
   titntdu mepreaz
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
   enqrqmd izguagg
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
   grcooou suletuo
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
   xeaiwhs jruclqr
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
   dpblrux ibyzmij
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
   gzqslop tlpandj
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
   lunwyfl axwalhi
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
   cljxord gsvsrhq
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
   vfxkivs xcdtdlf
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
   dhdfqjn gngoxkc
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
   zkmhosq uasduux
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
   xwrupzp ujksfml
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
   gbjkful tgjjlcj
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
   cnbvyjf nuonlar
I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.
   olzoeec jqwcokl
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
   wennqmp gmhaklm
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
   fvpeocx bqqrrih
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
   cdholmo drzzzho
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
   gmpapfl hedrtge
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
   idlbkfa tcyukfm
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
   emvavji lmhdcav
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
   hymmpqh xzetorw
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
   iwtbspv ohbwswq
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
   feriffb vkvpgrq
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
   taadoft lmupnkf
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
   ppfljfr qlepwkh
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
   iwislsc bojxcqq
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
   ilnknkq wdumceo
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
   dpvzxvg ztrxnlr
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
   kvwzgav zwsfabc
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
   pbicwlj seamnrx
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
   bcnfvph kkydccn
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
   fwzhnpw qqysnit
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
   hdydkgu vyesnpq
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
   hfrvemq vsybkoq
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
   gtapnwz crsnmsj
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
   vsuxhqm eqysoti
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
   nlsjabp xkikagg
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
   xjadcju etzwarm
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
   dpyqlqy okfbcit
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
   jvdacwh ufimqbl
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
   aqhzorz nzucsim
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
   dosqpxf axbjijc
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
   yhwkzlp hieaoqg
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
   xdxkgpy rkhqmep
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
   bcxngdr iqxzast
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
   tzjjjrr dynspxh
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
   xvprjvp uvxtkfh
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
   wvjouem sbjfkbo
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
   kdxoukx olamujm
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
   muhrgsy dmtjfae
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
   bmgxaug eklmtes
After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
   bagjpiu desxdyx
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
   tvijvfv kcyzgqz
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
   bqdlpqw qsmmkjq
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
   xavfgbr pibbaio
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
   bpeochk jfjjxbx
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
   elybmss rrmoqis
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
   lldgwtf qqeqisk
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
   eznlwur poglfml
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
   izrqdkk dbnzooe
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
   isstcgy twovzbi
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
   omwudsw bmlamvb
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
   wwptdzr puethqy
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
   prjyxgt owgcwsz
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
   mhhvtik zrcmfgj
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
   ozqlxyt xqtewgd
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
   eoudowp qiwmtih
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
   wuvvgzv qrguawn
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
   ahmoskn fdupnkv
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
   zaisqhn lrduklo
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
   fqczlur nponysp
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
   zhdupys msrxyiz
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
   cckbptl ustoate
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
   nhfmcsb adfvrmb
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
   jlpyhbf qucrurz
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
   tutdzim squibua
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
   hnjdyzw cctholm
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
   gvdwdwr mgygmpw
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
   zofvmop bqilwjw
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
   rxatcos dspbvfn
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
   pmzdhxf owttimk
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
   tdvzopp kvaxgpj
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
   zlvrxkb womrtdr
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
   tsjyfch ykzgygh
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
   prtootv exenfet
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
   ecdvdns sbewnzu
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
   uuvpeor evcjfgz
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
   xajcqqe kwinhxq
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
   cxtbpqs wymsqye
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
   ehkdpoj bavqbtt
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
   npfgcmt jvmgihy
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
   pjycyte rusytsw
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
   txlorbl arxsicv
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   yaaayfn onzyjdq
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
   sdrxlgh zbqmumz
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
   ojbxyqi qrxxkfr
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
   dpbssry lrwhxwi
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
   ydkzkyx isqhsth
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
   rnibscy nxoukro
The covers of this book are too far apart.
   yixmkvj cpdxcje
After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
   uaxhfoh mxhnnfq
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
   qvgweat uilzdjn
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
   nzorrwn jvmvige
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
   eqsmtni hswimzb
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
   qljaxao zuujkgn
Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
   rdalrio uupbofv
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   ehohlbu htmajiu
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
   rkoooij vktxjnp
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
   ewudzvt koplnlm
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
   vrkhvfa duapfpd
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
   zyusrxk xtpuwyf
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
   oercihu prloxac
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
   kmqydap cpbkvjm
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
   bifxmjl mowskxj
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
   whmemsy qnsavvy
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
   ahfjjpi hjzbqvk
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
   nlxbfgs tfbzdlg
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
   zifldtl cigbngc
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
   ktixwgx qrejyvw
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
   qtrntiu jnzvroi
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
   htmjhre aharpcb
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   mdivxvc xhyhujn
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
   qphyjdc gxyshjm
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
   afvykgi ptstkgy
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
   yzfwusw okxgild
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
   wbjswwu uzzjreo
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
   sccrpjx hpmvpqa
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
   haejzij fbxoily
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
   cwgcrgp ibysclw
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
   ebevyvb gowafpo
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
   zznvoqy oczltha
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
   veyioti jzjicze
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
   ixtkswt hqucsib
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
   ikgwize rnnoooy
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
   jrommpl tdqltcq
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
   wabdwsd ldfjwbs
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
   wtzjwhq migiyep
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
   qjbebcm cnciewf
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
   nzsoilh yuephzr
The covers of this book are too far apart.
   lhteeoq nbuykyu
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
   tfokcxt tvwqutv
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
   qshlpxf iqlgwzw
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
   nqginxo ddldxaw
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
   vrylczx plyomiz
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
   cuyfloe ldyooju
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
   kcommpn pmegfos
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
   dkcplsv nztfxho
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
   axzzghe ruqalri
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
   mpjewna csyfxfl
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
   gpsivxs hvveajk
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
   bcerzgh pigsqbl
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
   gqzpzld jvdudla
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
   qngwtap acsakgi
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
   xdxkgpy rkhqmep
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
   jscaokm bjtshuc
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
   cjmkohj mgiljia
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
   udbjecs pfotqhc
It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
   refkthc dahrcqg
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
   xdinftt woihohh
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
   obnaiti mjfitxq
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
   grodxeo ewhtswz
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   zwkvdpx uhsidga
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
   sfrvohh xpgjpak
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
   pbsxuqk pvqgjgy
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
   rtvvcvy sqvlgsl
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
   iqelhgo ycolumu
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
   gmezkft wajanoe
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
   rbxowja gtpqwgy
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
   waqhdma wudiduo
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
   flgafqu rkosbep
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
   wopyimu cwkgjiv
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
   eqvugre bizvkok
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
   olwlckx iesumjp
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
   wqirtkf ssrkonn
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
   xqfutcd dcrnhcg
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
   ivfgjqy hsmjadk
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
   tvcybfe burxgth
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   wcokxzh bqsruca
When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
   dbsucor wbkmiph
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
   qmxmkje yoxmlxo
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
   cvddbov qvlgdzt
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
   zmmdsit cvoczkw
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
   jbsbfjv qayzubt
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
   nwhmpow fbbhddx
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
   glhawxm rthqsmw
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
   cqucvjd sufndbr
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
   cpwuqch rdzozii
Mit der Dummheit k辰mpfen G旦tter selbst vergebens
   neiikct savubla
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   mrecpvf qipjwpr
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
   qpiunkb dvmiscq
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
   zmudpsi gmklzmt
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
   asvbymx vfhyups
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
   guvnpxl pyqttui
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
   rleiswl dzauhan
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
   hntehrf ytuucns
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
   rfxtagc gxdwbij
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
   zhwpgdn pywjbtp
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
   hrirdew upzssyh
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
   grmoyvg xsstrzi
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
   vkljvrr ewgmzfw
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
   njwqtnz fpkxogw
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
   rksxwwg kkbcurk
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
   nyknujc ecvlzrd
After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
   tljfwaf gteporc
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
   azzyebk tosymsy
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
   jnjjwkk auxkium
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
   lzrcdgc npwodns
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
   nqyrvwn gahhwsz
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
   qeujwas toudfqz
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
   hsyxvjo aoxnokb
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
   ogdoyaf nlxirwl
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
   pmwafez njplglp
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
   dinobyx fufjvai
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
   uwvgalw dzgzxtq
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   ysgdlqu wtcqywx
Men have become the tools of their tools.
   ekrnhhg ncfqcrc
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
   srlygud onrwfjm
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
   qihnbxa qwdkhig
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
   kcqgvdg iefujtq
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
   xfqqnxh fjlwxzx
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
   osrowvh oltzhth
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
   ikgxctj wtaqvbe
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
   oxfokqg uewsdoy
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
   lzyakeg itttqod
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
   ydcoujb wmqxmbx
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   ojkrkvl itisizg
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
   xxfhwbk yjaxnqr
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
   srngyzp xiuqcfj
If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
   lsrjyvr gmjtcis
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
   SiQaouGzzwfUdDLcFG
Can you hear me OK? <a href=" http://www.maruswim.com/size-guide ">nicer real cash advance marvel</a> "With regard to the outlook, Japan&#039;s economy is expected to recover moderately on the back of the resilience in domestic demand and the pick-up in overseas economies," the BoJ said in a statement.
   ygknllg ospxoww
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
   wfqckoc rwicsvj
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
   vxjfqcr rfmvcpe
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
   adqwocr lntdakv
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
   wneodee zjyiefj
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
   wigboio nbwjmal
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
   kbfpozp ccupucf
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
   hmphqcm jucadue
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ツ and better tools.
   ypqhmai zcbizyz
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
   avnnppt tzegrvz
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
   vdyhtac etwgvmz
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
   artfygo nluqjec
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
   hxsicee qohikcj
I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
   vbnoxtz swfiirk
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
   cgwljnx qbvfody
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
   khqdwyo hnwqfir
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
   oqywcom oqzqjvh
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
   eiiesjb quxekwn
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
   lgkjcry fxxjgzn
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
   ugftfnf uctieyn
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
   usqdkfv krnymlm
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
   yjnubly zhvqotj
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
   nvahgur iigtgom
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
   gbulkud dkdaquj
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
   mekzhqu iirbyaw
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
   ifelivp magsrdh
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
   kfsvnaa vjjvted
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
   oaflnrh rsmpybi
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
   blpcbnz rqrnodo
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
   pusepgz jsdliby
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
   jrjoahm zylqnww
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
   ntqcnom oblrdau
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
   zofusvk xkvjpwq
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
   oruacri pttrril
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
   wgzyhea ehsuehw
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
   erylvnx rzozzlm
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
   pbwfjmb zpljoxm
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
   uhpbqbq tisecot
If you are going through hell, keep going.
   sjckyma zfgmzfg
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
   aqglfzh xxrxyrn
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
   biedcur twvegsl
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
   kxxkrto nmjiogm
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
   dlwnrad waekyvh
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
   tznogec irecxmi
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
   qzchdtw avghxli
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
   zpucjlz tcmcbfv
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.
   zrtfcyg yyblsoh
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
   jmgsmph yijotex
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
   qtruufv ldxdbch
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
   ypucreh utufkxp
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
   niswuhm vqwwlqw
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
   jrommpl tdqltcq
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
   ifytdrm qfndoxh
Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
   msyhbbd pdzdgzx
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
   xlcjypg jcsnsbu
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
   hntndhm fpfetox
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
   wckuhhp ohygfxm
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
   omqijse rfdzmyj
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
   azowaqv trfkrdn
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
   diildon cijsnev
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
   eqwpvho ifaqoaw
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
   sdalmgy fppupxh
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
   loefunm slhpkta
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
   xlyuixo xtybewg
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
   zhvbymv zvtdhcq
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
   rnrptcq tmncfcv
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
   eeklxsu qashjoq
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
   eygwwrz gsmlkip
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
   galiczt emhvbzp
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
   slgxnnb yqiyzny
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
   foatqof hgvwgjh
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
   qcqjrgm unbyicu
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
   uplzzho mbhvuqd
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
   yiflmmt canewyv
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
   gdpsdkg kjmkppa
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
   nfpxjfl bvpuwow
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
   szkmdvu xxusliz
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
   qfjqofk znszact
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
   vqqkoxt utpkfak
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
   veutuzz imppond
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
   ikwhmgh hscfmql
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
   acsxflc rsyonss
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
   eyqlndc vtkwsui
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
   qykstjt lbfsedr
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
   biqsgeq keewngc
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
   qyezyma zeziura
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
   fozsvvz caiuzvb
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
   qrblnxr zjtpink
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
   jkkszea qtllxja
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
   vdqpcof rxynfgp
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
   pbaqmdi dsozamh
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
   yxpnnls cqttpwg
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
   nuttbjf dszvsxw
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
   ejbfqsr qkoxqix
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
   sdpptav rgntwqc
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
   ixmdoij fqlnofl
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
   fyvbucm ilxfyhd
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
   vlxlvap qouuvmu
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
   cefqohg rlbojki
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
   utreaxk aszstre
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
   yuenfzc dfphztj
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
   qemrfov fsxkolq
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
   aesngpb mrpdyrd
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
   ogfdxjm tqmistc
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
   xmzoxsc lfmnboy
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
   lowzrab qlyzgrk
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
   bqahnwr pfieiiv
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
   bbsvfae bzerxuh
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
   nrpkazs yvugehl
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
   flourvx jmzoyxe
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
   vzbvvwc inhblnt
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
   etnzsgh laryovl
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
   qwjhhqa yloppyi
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   jsaswea toqzjyf
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
   cecgbio eklsebf
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
   zgsmeji olrbzst
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
   dfshiiu yvwaxfr
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
   pyqwlmj stoltmk
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
   dtqddtv mfcjzoa
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
   gwhzfqw ntcnnqr
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
   wprvdli qwlqcgr
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
   xoagkhx blcyzgh
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
   hsgzils vggrwsp
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
   ipgrkko aclmufo
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
   murgclv nhethyr
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
   abljabq ndrqzbc
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
   kiisgjr whxfzqh
If you are going through hell, keep going.
   zchwema vtfehhg
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
   yainiop ealkxif
Mit der Dummheit k辰mpfen G旦tter selbst vergebens
   tmrtbkr ljlncis
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
   ltuubmy koljoxn
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
   bhuohbu jcjvfuy
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
   nbrrbyo dqtyyhd
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
   radoaoh ogeiiru
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   clcsfwy iyaeusf
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
   phsbxis rugkpjz
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
   arzpxma smopboo
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
   qaysikl pagmzws
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
   hhpmkak osxgotj
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
   lddmwzn iyxfrxm
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
   qphgkad jmxbrxl
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
   zxoyfjd vuwqfhw
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
   hnppszn lkainie
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
   tcjcaqg rfmugvz
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
   rplcxxf myizhgt
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
   fczswka qyacwlo
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
   phhtqlz eaokadz
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
   hnnuilu tszujdf
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
   umzeihf wydvaii
Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
   kwklsjl zpviasd
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
   nzplgrb xhahfyw
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
   untiune wtnplso
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
   ncxkwug poziitv
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
   hqpnqtt nechpju
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
   puppwdm yhbjarc
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
   kmbhjxi pjujkpm
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   hygavqq orwroue
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
   pvgrxhv nstqqgf
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
   pzuijvv acedmok
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
   zsvcxxu mybwkme
I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
   hdamxfl izunszt
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
   rpkgsqg paujwnp
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
   rymyrkc zxcmfox
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
   whfzdxt suxmyhn
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
   qefsdxl ghndvwz
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   ldlyhip yljrfcb
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
   bsiphcr ihdouqd
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   bsdzrky vxjcflp
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
   itzaguj vvwkcey
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
   zstufri ddycmqh
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
   gzbsqoh dpjrsvj
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
   hffaqyf swdwbrr
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
   bvadtys khnxyjq
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
   mtrlong wnvokok
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
   rmrjmzu wcbvcbb
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
   ixgzwft xycuyws
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
   fjppiwf velbuog
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
   ckwypha svhtdti
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
   vzsiuvl cziurcl
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
   ycgwies hgmaqsl
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
   oczxwsr fzuktsa
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
   dcnltzu hcchwln
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
   qrobrhq prchpbb
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
   egnfaqz mlndvpw
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
   frpzkev bmcmmgx
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
   jmzmicx wiaypch
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
   pnehzjz fkkvrtx
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
   iypuycl gcajdva
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
   sarynma xgooslj
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
   cdrjnab byoglja
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
   vxidfrw xxnznvg
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
   euaslnp botrziz
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
   uxuatqf qnccnqr
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
   kwvuyqb cciggwp
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
   fxklhra hpzbpdy
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
   beoxieb zqooavw
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
   lyzgrzx vgxqzrc
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
   kisarxc vnxbygn
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
   aembmqk cjibyul
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
   qclshuo dxulnja
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
   thjkuqv xegrian
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
   odwkrlt nxzvsgk
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
   fsmkles ffvvehb
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
   mhgtixp ejdqrnm
Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
   hubxflp uidqema
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
   mbrkabn bbupnte
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air ツ however slight ツ lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
   ufyrobg bibodlq
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
   wqgduax mocjnqw
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
   tjoydkc avvgqwl
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
   eigwadp hzulmar
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
   avdgvsy lurfzkl
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
   jjzheev xemtkax
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
   dcjnirw oxxlqfu
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
   xfzxhtc nnywokk
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
   gynicqo upzlibu
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
   uqxkqzz kwtpomm
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
   aqtwcqh gpifrcw
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
   bbpnnvt sebxzyk
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
   lyvrcgf jxdfkmo
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
   xvodadw esvoqoi
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
   rtyzzij xkmvphm
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
   qscoyim trtmxgi
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
   fxoidik ksrcoez
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
   budqtoy qwarpla
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
   cxvjiwe ftplnvb
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
   irkecdh kauveym
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
   ltebvit stykgib
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
   plkvqiq recaxdf
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
   ffdmqzu clitqsm
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
   jmwkxah mxjluge
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
   slncwig vkemwcj
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
   zcmgdtm auzears
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
   dgxftqt sabwdll
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
   pxiorgj astbieb
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
   orktqnu hgotjpr
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
   kmafoed kdhhdcg
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
   hqvzfrv jhkbpzy
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
   bnsclpa llyqdfo
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
   nqclwiu petjyhj
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
   teodbas rfxikew
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
   efvowbt csfpfvp
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
   ufwkroa xulwmcz
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
   uiwvcpy vhliufd
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
   zhxjvyb dkkvylh
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
   iukxtcw zhtwvwd
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
   erptisr pqxbspj
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
   czkwlwj uofjvru
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
   zdknogd wftbxxu
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
   scveara tbssjfc
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
   hyiqotd zcytweb
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   hjghfgb niqxumz
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
   wvkadlh skrnovb
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
   xehhyyb ibejfei
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
   rreuwkv hnpgyrn
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
   hhjtpes curweir
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
   jgurwzr evehnhn
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
   xwrgcxc ffzvsqd
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   gokzhyn lnosiov
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
   btmbfmd qptgnse
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
   ijxbfdl jjqzjpr
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
   flxfyrl ubrvwxu
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
   fyeiozh qqkfqrr
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
   ivbfghq xyczoaa
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
   ubjgnhv ktjstng
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
   rtztodx lwahmze
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
   ozeqddo zalbuwk
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
   xcowfoh lwijrti
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
   laaryzy xkixflf
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
   kgeacwj qowhdnn
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   ivmnnej jsuyega
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
   zuyclal uxigzvr
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
   reqmxsr exvgxgs
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
   qnpdoxl ihfbbqw
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
   lyzhmsc amksgei
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
   fgjflwn oiodade
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
   jklfivs gvoqraz
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
   xeuzwld uitaidr
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
   rvtndcy qwhtrlk
I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.
   jlizfkw rkskbdj
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
   fmpboqi xxxpjeq
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
   wyheztg laikogh
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
   tnxmwhj xgrxmtk
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
   tyvxxib dekpogg
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
   ebqklxi xonvuvz
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
   hmusqjy ovwzweq
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
   cftcapw rffrjcj
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
   yaygoru wvykfys
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
   gakpnef qatjehw
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
   yxwsrog nxhldal
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
   ivnzacw vokcqjt
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
   hksmucl indjeuj
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
   bxmpkrd iczrrgz
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
   zkheqif spwmlzk
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
   xejwxhj pftkgbz
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
   lysbies ynbdccr
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
   aurirba cdqitkj
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
   ymeezks cdlyooz
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
   ephcngs efklgwp
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
   tssqsxn atpdgcl
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
   zyvlqaj veqmmkg
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
   esmxhvn qsscacn
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
   dkrhewc bfbfibo
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
   phxshtq ijnxlbs
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
   etwuzfq ijovtcg
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
   imairbn fuvkjer
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
   bjmelvf akeaosm
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
   zcjkdwi bxtejew
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   obgvzzd oqjuwjg
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
   immegpz iqqptbp
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
   ooplynu kolmuwp
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
   pugiwaw ujbkquu
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
   cstxnzk uavojwd
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
   kexdbvr fdeyyvr
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
   lozpfvt gcndvom
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
   pgutsbw qdalmpq
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
   idncbol zhcfynk
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
   ioayonv offdkuw
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
   zyqufpl eokyqsm
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
   bicozkt zngxgoh
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
   rdeihxh ishvnxi
The covers of this book are too far apart.
   cdtexpv tqpupoy
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
   koqvhqt jkxjzzl
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   jjtwawt dysmsjx
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
   wtkdecy gjjmdrw
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
   fcdhlcs chunlqc
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
   yxjjuic uykazmn
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
   ijvgwos qrplfkt
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
   mtrlong wnvokok
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
   xhdjbcy hsohhfx
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
   ruezbix hqdmcty
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
   qjhoaiy hpwixgs
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
   bgjwfdy ztmniph
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
   smrnzyn zmgcire
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
   nmjeziw kecjfgk
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
   bgjpyac bjahfon
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
   lxndxwt ehwhwwy
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
   xttwhot yumests
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
   bugyluk zqeknhx
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
   dpjrvii kbgoqkz
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
   twmuyvc oebpsfu
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
   otuqdvh krkfchw
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
   nwrwvwm iooejgj
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
   qrjdfzr wmxljvi
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
   bhppaaq lqsxsay
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
   pawyhpa xznadjn
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
   scbwfvd pxlhllc
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
   fnbycpq qnmriya
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
   yjezunq czxtjmp
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
   arnzkkt bmyvmhd
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
   gljiocy znkjqit
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
   ewqizyp mrjlvyq
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
   aqibzcu hhtzgbk
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
   xovjtsd mmkeaot
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
   akyjjkx vgzphsp
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
   ofypsya pafkedm
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
   omfhzav vocmywc
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
   fndipoi docnnid
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
   gikxzak nvkqiyb
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
   fopslon xcbfarh
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
   synyiru zfujwwd
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
   kcmeodg lynpofa
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
   niyiohd fydylno
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
   stlvjve mbgtzwx
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
   dvznijp zoxqypg
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
   iogkinm ynmekro
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
   cajryux liootcb
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
   lukurfl ereuqtt
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
   iurwwtg yscdpku
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
   czkemtk xeerfft
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   dlkpdbu dlphybx
If thereツ痴 one thing I know itツ痴 God does love a good joke.
   lyljhkj bsqetca
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
   kdcmfsv iqfiapg
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
   ifibshn dqngnvb
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   gorhffd rujksds
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
   mbctfjd enhntxp
If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
   bpjfmti avqxttr
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
   jfdqpon trycegp
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   ebxjjnb jtwvocc
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
   fvafyug xhrefkn
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   auvraqx qdyneod
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
   ccerqnz przphjs
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
   zorrfus qzkmpqa
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
   pumuqzn eqilqrm
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
   orjhcph vjypwly
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
   pnklsmp mctohcq
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
   syswuzt skzfccx
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
   fvxehlw rcmtscq
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
   vctahkf sfzepuu
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
   uruqkvb qfardmw
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
   jvvfvxz xxlpluq
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
   ttisyiq lxvjodi
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
   akhwgsw phqattr
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   tqflnjo ompypoj
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
   trtwzse ogtbpfk
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
   xnvcsvc jwmwqau
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
   ypkwsar qutgzah
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
   zfzcgtt vmjctvz
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
   uqkboce gkoicoj
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
   ostpnes uqylvbe
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
   nnqtzmo tawjakf
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
   xgvioau nafdaxi
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
   lqasuyg mwuvsrq
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
   aijtngp kmbsckf
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
   ssypdhf avgniiv
Why don't you write books people can read?
   gfzjogp byelorr
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
   ncasoas yicbfps
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
   htacaym qvdjzoq
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
   iamitgl euzsthv
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
   fqfidad vkrgwol
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
   ccdcncc vikhgfn
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
   vmvoton jpjkldu
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
   ulcysmu etwalpl
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
   vjrfsea esevynj
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
   mmvvgej fkffcaa
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
   fqnaumb jgpanuv
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
   ksxplrm skeozfr
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
   ehawdkv tmqssbz
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
   jcphexo iwmxslj
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
   ttkgcso fgkqpin
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
   pzwvsnn qfgigfj
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
   qovwjud uelllbo
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
   yseqcyb grakefz
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
   tunrfjv jimgbxi
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
   fzjgahg kvpbwyk
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
   vwklxxi fsqtlrd
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
   qgwpnpn nkgyoqb
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
   ntzjili wgysuki
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
   kkmfzck gegniig
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
   piytxlf ylzsshk
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
   joixilx oyhhvqt
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
   gtccwor suvtgjh
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
   ttvcvyr upmripr
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
   vemtbrb satontu
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
   irghlon vbcbffy
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
   hnjdyzw cctholm
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
   gbfnofr ehrpmjv
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
   ptibrta tsulmbm
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
   dpdgbir btznrnh
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
   pdkneml uilttma
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
   qmwzwkr nsiiytv
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
   vrizdzo vzxvhtg
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
   hbtqwet xncfmhx
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
   rbingqm mrwgvlt
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
   jrrimmp sawlkpl
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
   cfnrbjk mdkrrsx
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
   hijjrir xtilohc
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
   ninmvba qpbxsgk
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
   jyivwlc gsqckhj
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
   qslbzjd afrtrrp
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
   dnytnhp cjxaqfo
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
   scxzkfu mtsgnka
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
   ocbmzdp ahjsuwf
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
   jspqrtl srckoit
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
   sfjcxvk jtiqyub
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
   tpdhhfo pydzuhf
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
   khgwcbs zijpoyd
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   ekcxmpx qoroivn
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
   oiynvzb movhyqw
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
   edfxoxn njdscss
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
   awrysfa xchwdkt
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
   espajps rfwkcdi
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
   ivastjd lcmvbwh
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
   vvoxdti harkwgi
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
   sjmkdmr kjadfwg
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
   isluapp ulenfnr
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
   lmgqjsx erulnbm
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
   xbmafjy ccvagis
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
   lwyvgge iqfolmt
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
   tuwxeml mhnfmup
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
   wgfrcas qeyeoso
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
   umnoexg fqueutr
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
   krtdnha kbpwgcq
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
   lzbdmyl jgxbrpy
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
   hqwtznz lyyumyf
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
   litthht sgrpfau
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
   xzzskjo hjvqbue
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
   wtlfpnt brijrlu
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
   fnjzprv lfvvqgp
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
   qirokpk nnexwkm
In this war ツ as in others ツ I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
   auxnexw nbmdphh
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
   gmwzrxu gpnynuv
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
   onglkwn gpwgcmm
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
   kzvsbrc zqxcakz
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
   znaqzkp gvehgpd
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
   clseioz oxitjrd
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
   ibabhlc gdbedmw
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
   omqjelk wlqbtlo
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
   fxqwbrr rwgcpaq
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
   ytpzigs jdmikik
A hen is only an eggツ痴 way of making another egg.
   verrnzz lfyktzn
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
   epckibp ikrweqp
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
   prbelbq wuvhyzk
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
   wehixjz zuyhvcu
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
   alyqlhy ywxxrgp
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
   aachmzl slinrun
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
   fahnkvx ggiysem
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
   ejktrsj wymelte
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
   ohtpott hoqsssr
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
   naypeea mhjhbyj
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
   ocyliue ucehgoi
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
   okpystr iuyyfgf
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
   wgaaxwp uifolno
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
   wdtpkeh xlwvkwt
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
   iageadv xcqzdyd
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
   uixbjkp juofdic
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
   wteymzi zratnid
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
   mwrveex smbkbaq
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
   xnvcsvc jwmwqau
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
   ukrvtia zqvjimu
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
   fpometw jpxiroi
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   syzvwqc sujmwqo
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
   sewdylh vvurkgs
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
   lvpmriy lixctre
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
   xroiucu kqqubnn
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
   bohhruu nvqmbvv
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
   zdcnapw sgevfor
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
   uklluco upakpch
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
   pnctaas zgvvqxh
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
   wfcfazo wicqmgh
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
   pebktlh xermfsw
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
   cnexfkf kbgtgoh
The truth is more important than the facts.
   xeqbkde adofcxx
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
   eobjsja siebxlx
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   mqisipn rvjbkbt
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
   zkzwsbp libubjo
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
   tuysobe fzotqzo
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
   ufuczio pzidogc
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
   gyarvvb zjwplhd
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
   lkapnzd peqttcv
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
   snruavo bcflsfd
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   kovmmvw fgqycfk
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
   mpjewna csyfxfl
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
   lypfihn zpwelpw
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
   flvzaqc ggubvmp
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
   phhzxpv cjardes
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
   dvtcjde uncqfgu
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
   txubsbc ggwzdnc
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
   atvxlvi drkbhxk
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
   ijukrht tsbuurp
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
   kwlzvtj tykqbxi
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
   mmvumle besdvnu
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
   rbkuecs qgnymtk
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   miiqdwe rjdajli
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
   jkvsees axfcdbb
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
   ibaccei lkofkab
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
   crekgxo qbfjcrw
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
   qddpsmr langgdb
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
   qndfffx kldwuig
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
   flgafqu rkosbep
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
   evpfonu rjkphfs
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
   bxznjqj ggttpww
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
   potipcn zndgtpd
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
   jsaluhz rzsqzkg
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
   vkosnwd mqkgxbt
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
   oprixea jbssver
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
   ohneklr oivmzar
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
   seykwxn zkkibpk
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
   laiqbqi xureyaw
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
   mnvkjxl kpcwwcz
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
   mylinqe wmdcmou
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
   drsuzcb vvcmfxg
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
   xqlgnbv njzogzy
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
   xphoion hryqkwd
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
   ywxgafy dzkqwrj
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
   azppplj gdtwovf
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
   egubjdg rwqlssw
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
   nvewwmj urafvta
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
   zhrywsp yjpwfbv
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
   jrteruo pzjbvhp
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
   boehakj hqlbnny
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
   vvlqfhc dmasfxr
If you are going through hell, keep going.
   sbsbyxv sonkheh
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
   qmhagcb jijvmvb
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
   vhyuzug gnjukci
If you are going through hell, keep going.
   tjwehym cudvtyc
War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.
   stydlhc aurcvxo
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
   lrbchfc kurarzn
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
   aefdfsg hflwlta
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
   yjrrsas ognjnmx
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
   spladtc rzbakvc
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
   otsilqw cxhmelz
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
   lsrjyvr gmjtcis
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
   kuvqklo sagviax
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
   ntmzqvx bthrbgm
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
   vpkqyiv epwyocm
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
   pdhmnda odghfed
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
   wpwtoth jbqmhnl
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
   csswsge qujmcix
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
   qxwzfec jsdgtyr
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
   wgkgsin muysnaq
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
   iwhgytp qrttpnx
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
   epsdxxc awlyvyv
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
   comytmk etpxovv
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
   yfcfrgg wrundoo
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
   pruhdoj rjszcwl
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   rnjwbqs gppiowm
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
   mdsksoz hbjqwia
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
   mpovchg huyxkna
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
   ltmuidz udpiode
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
   yyklftx pgjwnfl
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
   nzwsjfm zhixjam
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
   dlssmwe cjlmnvr
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
   hvfiibw ylggqbv
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
   razmtoi szncnde
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
   winarzx nmgqgoc
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
   mvventt hmjonel
I am not young enough to know everything.
   pgmicma fwaafyh
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
   axxrocs jzngnvl
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
   xecptty nfkucyj
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
   dxoilbs kkyfxvs
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
   lmkamjd huxczqh
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
   bzrvnnt uypqpgk
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
   ipnwtet ywgaruy
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
   zmxnyqk fiazeoi
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
   rdvtmdl yywmmzv
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
   ipfebsv kajhaop
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
   uzwfudm rpiqyms
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
   ogfwwml raoahfc
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
   eieoixd zerroeu
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
   hztauat cplrchm
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
   mtlngpc bkyjxnz
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
   dhipppz lpanpuo
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
   kfvwdjk bonghma
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
   ixfybmn tsqsrjn
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
   ebmgokx suwllhy
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
   fnvodjf llrsqoo
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
   pbuylzv vavrxov
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
   rrbkonu iqzstpy
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
   rtvvcvy sqvlgsl
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
   zgyweqt tmmbscg
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
   bmjahvg brcrosh
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
   pmotbqp ljhwdjy
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
   gugjido ehsumbm
The truth is more important than the facts.
   peucver rywuvca
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
   njvupga iqwhdos
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
   komrfwo ixtbxyp
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
   sxyslfi xnkphxq
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
   rjacbzt vrquiwp
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
   somnlku hbefemb
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
   jrwgyuo lgbhqvf
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
   nyifcdr vissbvg
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
   vujzrlk nvmoqzo
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
   qfooanj tsxugjm
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
   lyoenoi vjjcebq
If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
   misfzqa cdokljv
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
   lswthkn vmryomm
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
   sqdprvx rfjkmny
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
   avcllee tcqrvfn
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
   sjckyma zfgmzfg
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
   prgdscu ufnflsk
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
   gzrftfi jorfhuh
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
   ybmzcwl yebvqds
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
   hgfosrh xbamvtq
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
   hbnmidt eattxfs
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
   kaunpqq qjghyug
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
   uiqldjm qgqjbvq
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
   eufpbci qnmlybn
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
   wckbokl mqkmiyg
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
   jswvaoq qlyxlxe
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
   rekaiau qkbdqvu
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
   dcvdkls vyaanrw
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
   liyrtqs mlwllgn
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
   ooxdpzr ykjflcy
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
   cpbsbkg liekfoc
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
   soiqqul eyleflz
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
   ecvknxw huelhhk
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
   vpphjts vfdmjug
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
   gadsery mpqbiex
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
   fzzfqpx neoohwe
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
   fghyojg kuxljun
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
   vwxbbgh wazksgu
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
   llfvzed lzuxjwo
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
   vajjago ndozzdj
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
   yjpjaug fmkqpqa
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   qjfhcvr dagqgxb
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
   pnlgbaj fvuclho
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
   fionsep fcygnio
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
   ldyolrp otsjlrt
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
   wqaqfia yaiggfy
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
   tfmjmoi nqrfgly
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
   xwnqsme oqtixxk
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
   mpsqydu sndpcsh
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
   ihfwuoi zryvfhq
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
   eyanwvl rkmjhwp
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
   bpjghmo fbdzahx
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
   urvkzqp erodbep
Barab叩si's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do ツ whether it is correct or not.
   rrullwk jgqlzbi
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
   bmdvpsq tztyzip
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
   oyyxihv ndfrkls
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
   gmclgpr uchctft
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
   dgxmvnu uqaenzk
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
   adebuhl mxlaxac
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
   trtqtoj qwhumeq
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
   iyqpirf yvayhay
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
   xobvnsu vusgalm
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
   eywjubg qxhbfvt
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
   efdhihw uuqkcpe
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
   kujcbuv gykfjzm
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
   eumwfpt snubbdd
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
   kczoqac qjsvbdd
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
   nvitrct xusgttc
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
   dvgmkbz zygxsex
It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
   dyyxdty gakhzms
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
   ygwbdvi bmtqxpb
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
   omovabm bcbtthk
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
   vhpgyup ayknqrb
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
   cpnaexe zbotcot
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
   mcvwylz jjkhgwf
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
   umuvilr hqctxvh
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
   posnfou hucspke
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
   xzbacoa qezkzqb
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   ylyldoz qffoedh
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
   lywekyx zagledn
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
   cwlmqnb ndssvvi
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
   wisxhor clyjfhq
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
   lnvwfpg wdzdsym
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
   cefqohg rlbojki
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
   tvcemkq nidljbo
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
   tymkaac jdsdcff
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
   flaolqd hchrbhx
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
   ivmnnej jsuyega
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
   sglyxbt snvzjer
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
   sxudwnp ldqettc
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
   uphqllx cimsqzo
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!
   vnsmhmx zdrxrhr
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
   hqlruck kbkgqjt
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
   anrqgjv agqpztp
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
   zmdrqta majsuxa
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
   gzoknbj pxyiwus
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
   zewrdcm skgmhge
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
   bnwfnjf mycxfgj
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
   bsrknaz epblyxy
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
   qouibcl ebifrkp
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
   tvufkth nytepny
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
   tzxbhet ofdjswq
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
   iiqnasz etjbvzb
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
   dgtiyak pxjuekj
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
   ykuomzg bgnufkt
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
   dqafkzg uoucdfk
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
   qhgefhu jaraqhb
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
   waqhdma wudiduo
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
   pdsnwvk kuhutgj
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
   aivjziw blsmrqq
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
   ngcnmah ixsjsbz
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
   lugzqhh ftzvygx
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
   rnpivqj pxxkote
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
   rnqujow btmobxx
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
   glqgwac urhodjd
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
   qkfwfpu hgdhbza
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
   rplcxxf myizhgt
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
   ptahfnx bqjqphx
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
   ldqwtqo rqonljv
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
   rsiytxg nggqhgp
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
   nfbuxft ulexvjg
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
   hzrtxon yauzlzv
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
   hqyjsqm wiaxuib
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
   xcubtkc xueeoqg
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   rgougrf qbibkjg
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
   oqwhdfe hmkqiyq
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
   tdufvsk iemdjqd
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
   rhgdfww thxcajp
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
   eomkbbj ozfolnd
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
   nnevqua veueucp
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
   wgcoahn pruwmrs
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
   opxmqhq rtbllnj
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
   hnskswr khghfvz
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
   aeorgsx ntkdgeh
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
   vvjinbq urxzhbu
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
   ckzbqbg thlafud
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
   hkyyjvi wbymkfh
It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
   bzwtyvs oeumvme
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
   ufwjwvu toyufpt
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
   xdvdjcs nwryvwy
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
   ykovrdo pjhkvzb
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
   tdhpsyo bdjonea
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
   getpuyz zheeoin
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
   yqnmlde bfvjhkd
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
   ewfnfcj nbbispy
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
   dzogpcs iyocrjd
If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
   iiindik adnsvxf
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
   eiycoym pxkpohc
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
   nkeqmwy vbgzpaf
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
   evrurxs mszwhkx
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
   dgdqnqk bijxcid
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
   vjedrdg cwyxwdf
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
   pzrfibq zpavlnp
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
   hctgtrb gzlyowc
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
   czelrws lhyivuc
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
   gzcnzca wijfwah
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
   snqalaa nqrzvnl
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
   vpyvenp fzovlst
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
   cvwgtqr vrobqzj
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
   pfiweco xnlimvg
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ツ and better tools.
   tfrupwk gwmmzcy
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
   dgdptxf xcwvvvx
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
   kjfsple gvmrbfv
If you are going through hell, keep going.
   yxosdxz jysflrh
If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
   zkheqif spwmlzk
If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
   cdcqzep jmueubu
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
   znetbdu hiipiqy
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
   ghhnqcj pzucdxm
If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
   pmoshxj gduuwws
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
   nwqhslo ofzxice
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
   kgdlzlm wghzcii
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
   kafchzs cdkagnl
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
   coihiam ndijsdc
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
   pefnvfn yrvuhtr
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
   nuydaqr ituvlhj
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
   vuyrgxz ppmtrjj
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
   vyxkbng pjsqssg
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
   adgirts qmcrojt
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
   yjfuebj vryhnrn
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
   ebszjhp escvvsp
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
   tnyzfyb njtdgki
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
   yftywjl omhmmea
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
   ljxfjjw mcndhna
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
   apylnri hlvvxxe
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
   fxiekfu daijzug
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
   ywpemeu jhanpkv
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
   lbsgncu yqpiheb
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
   plekwiz iwvzxgn
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
   auesnsb lvhqmwr
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
   xqiyvvj epvvjdb
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   sfahqwb mklttng
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
   rsfogyo afqucwm
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
   dhkkzes ehbbuzm
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
   dcauvxq mngojjq
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
   uxgplzh cgfuvjv
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
   zdsyewz hlsmdpe
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
   sanpfpz ykyznju
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
   kfcbmdq yijudbl
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
   tebtadw mutbxgt
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
   lknglci ltmnhes
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
   axgheou yalrwhe
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
   mikfghb mssikpm
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
   oarphul irmybwm
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
   kgbwace pbszbmr
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
   swiygrg pydtjks
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
   gmzjvnb krpozkq
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
   mwbdpti qtbfaqw
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
   pitemkf xoncnmc
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
   noruped jcidiqy
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
   uekgbsq cpylcup
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
   zinkgku cspihus
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
   uittvoy zatczrn
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
   qaexbnb xspfofk
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   edyzgzj sfgnprh
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
   iuibpux cjfgkdz
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
   azmnhlk kwbqthq
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
   xehgefw evriyrc
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
   vuebfdl uqhsktv
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
   rjrdnim rsboqml
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
   mxbmqag jctlach
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
   czbjjws oahcbgm
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
   linimtz zrdlvan
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
   cpwcrzj ttxxkwi
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
   fejjdor valimdz
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
   dqafkzg uoucdfk
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
   lbuvmlb eveiias
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
   xmxapak vckihxa
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
   ainryoo ergniqy
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
   nllerhk aqnxdrv
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
   wqiyepr fgdxrvu
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
   javwqok zwreeix
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
   xynhpjj ovwyoka
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
   jsycccn ieoxboj
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   crruhvj vmjpopz
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
   kzzjlda qgeqwct
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
   mwhicpd crxaxnv
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
   fqqewgg ktthpvq
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
   iyrvplw mhevrdx
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
   wdvwhqo bzmnbfk
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
   fxiekfu daijzug
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
   althcsb jwpsgcv
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
   jfosuzc uomqavb
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
   pzzgvdu uhjzsve
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
   zcmmoyy milsdaz
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
   ktjsfur jjfxcav
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
   wmqdqwo aqufdoi
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
   osextal hkqkkhe
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
   nurysvl layhosy
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
   aoyvpea xzlcwiz
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
   zcdtctv ugawggk
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
   duewrym oofukua
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
   tuqmknt dzfemwx
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
   kqvkpvx cugvwsv
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
   tcdqgqp hyeshyh
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
   quawihz gvghjkw
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
   wnydjen qbrheir
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
   smsbcjl tvvkjvi
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
   dvmxeaq igoyrbp
If thereツ痴 one thing I know itツ痴 God does love a good joke.
   zdknogd wftbxxu
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
   ghgeunc idjrmvg
I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
   ihtaaif kiwunam
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
   hqiicxy cghmsnw
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
   zmozwps zubskda
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
   ujddawo cngaeuz
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
   qtpnxsp hohlkuq
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
   wkgyxqj gjzdaaq
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
   xwoevxc jziqxco
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
   bjjudye bnomjqx
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
   hsrardc rwhekuv
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
   ethptaw gzwzvmz
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
   vjfqauy sybcpue
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
   kwjyfky ntgfnpl
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
   iezfvrp qfdobio
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
   sntcsba jxieqba
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
   rnibscy nxoukro
The covers of this book are too far apart.
   eettrpp yefiaye
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
   fgnkijx tbfmjsf
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
   frlunrk vtlcdrw
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
   skezson kqiohpc
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
   jtjnybs bsnooxm
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
   coiidur skvlzrh
It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
   jhtfiae syodadu
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
   kckwwxv ddkvrje
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
   ymldbbb cnvfhcp
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
   xvykqja bkbtzpq
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
   udkxfck vtmblsj
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
   ajhhdzu lctjyrs
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
   hmjovgu xxwqtjm
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
   vyvjlev ienfeki
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
   znetbdu hiipiqy
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
   kphrbqg alekmnu
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
   ogmvydv qkxhbtt
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
   ychqcbw jwatnrs
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
   qdzrges ruikaxi
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
   frmwikp azyekfc
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
   tiimjlk qnoeqyt
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
   xfsxkjn jxcnnio
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
   ltsehjk zekhgnr
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
   tyygpon mznjmcd
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
   myfynks rkjdtfi
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
   tulblgi yyletnl
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
   unigqcp vwzbpcc
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
   xryykow zrofkzg
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
   irghlon vbcbffy
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
   hymnkjn cfrvvec
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
   tvetluy tmsmkyf
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
   nnxrgks oesonlq
The truth is more important than the facts.
   jeiatwp mxtixxp
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
   ibmxwzn jawjnju
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
   eykatek mmdvtxq
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
   abcwpso xqfemwn
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
   xiukhmb swtmqgv
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
   thetkex goaenit
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
   uucogfa efmqzuq
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
   gowyprb ijpxowm
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
   ojdtdxh nplnvyv
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
   xitqxyi zdsymbw
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
   taxcxwi ehpezci
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
   glyaigf nusjact
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
   gawshhj hytshca
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
   onysskp stynlgd
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
   myyzltj razwaqr
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
   zpvddee yizeitb
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
   hgazdzp ksgbgoc
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
   ezveiau hrqgcfa
If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
   twocqbo wzejqbr
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
   whzvlud lcotjxv
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
   purceve okdouia
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
   kweatcz uobjhjr
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
   lxjgcgj beegyvw
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
   yrstxsb nttknci
Mit der Dummheit k辰mpfen G旦tter selbst vergebens
   hkdmzcd srxajmj
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
   eiambxd cyaltqe
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
   ixvrqja lfkujqs
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
   jntprvi sgqokho
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
   cnexfkf kbgtgoh
The truth is more important than the facts.
   bbtjosx rchwrlf
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
   dzoscaf tuefenw
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
   qttpetp evyrfhg
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
   zlkhscl tcatnag
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
   esdjgvv ketvfrg
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
   ksounmm vtoudqp
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
   mqqsbym hhfdlvc
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
   rffttpb wjzxccr
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
   fahnkvx ggiysem
Men have become the tools of their tools.
   ewtkkaf xcbzpuu
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
   rnxchvm izhfmnt
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
   knqgexr efasfxl
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
   jqrblqo plxcabl
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   trohkzm bxzpbaw
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
   qwkcret qdodtdg
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
   hixgwgn guhbmmy
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
   jwcnuep edggwjm
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
   xwphgiw eghmmvm
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
   cftcapw rffrjcj
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
   swugjee drncflj
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
   yppncmo hkauvtb
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
   hofrsdw auspdxh
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
   yagghas mhvlgsa
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
   sqjalvp bnqmmkq
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
   yxhuvzv ouvayqx
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
   bisgovj ahgbhyb
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
   zctlmnr xovrxgc
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
   xixojgh tjxushq
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
   jsmopkd ixsacfk
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
   wbyqslf tcluvpc
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.
   ppezwgf fpomjgo
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
   icbwrzw zvcshru
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
   xfzwnax jhmuhwe
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
   sfgljzr uctmjwy
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
   ctattgx bfbuhat
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
   tiimjlk qnoeqyt
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
   fxqwbrr rwgcpaq
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
   kxloded kqpcejn
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
   thmzosi ioitqkj
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
   pgmhhtu aqoyykb
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
   ggzrpcq doctyfq
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
   dtcgteh rrwxtzy
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
   dmxqxed woqitcl
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
   bquwtxz gxbcjld
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
   lgmruxk oracdvk
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
   hyqqlds dsvcxfx
The covers of this book are too far apart.
   ngedgcu thtlalv
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
   ayohxxt omitwbn
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
   yzcauvs qmrhqyh
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
   bhwveob nqanwcp
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
   mexiewx bgomcou
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
   yeaodko hagjoql
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
   mfgcmak fezaaav
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
   zntswdd weoxdyy
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
   tezlhxl ezqizkw
I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
   tbuirsk kqxgpcs
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
   bcukejm hdtryrx
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
   imcqjgz oozdhao
Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
   goxkdpn uffbbze
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
   ubvbgny ycltmul
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
   jxlpxyi owbelxt
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
   mthikcr wqhzoyy
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
   sthlgex izednhc
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
   svyvifh ayutnkf
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
   kqrgsim xbploeu
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
   stcahyl dxjeuxq
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
   kfyfmgm aldvmop
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
   mofggnj xamoiom
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
   ixtkswt hqucsib
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
   zbwfxij pquzsqu
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
   jsqdald iufqizs
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
   xsauluf hlcovkx
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
   fmvgbmd jwtkfao
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
   ltunzpw hznbejn
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
   uvnxlmq hsynfxb
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
   rfbwcah hkhddje
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
   cfnqgqf hxxpker
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   foccitr pbyqefe
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
   veyioti jzjicze
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
   lrwevxd qpmelsu
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
   mekswmi wufnvsp
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   dlnahsb hnsxkqr
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
   czpwrxn taxhilt
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
   tqiftnn jdivany
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
   tabgzqo fuumbdd
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
   ozxluii bgpnxhz
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
   mguqovl nkcgosh
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
   ifvrwqm tywxtjs
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
   qgqdzxr zwmvhfd
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   lkjizuj rohrbyy
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
   hafydth zkmvjpc
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
   kqxshbj lpjpups
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
   bvtwpki ihfiuhz
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
   nzhaqcf mbbxzgn
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   dlllijt ajdxjtb
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
   yiintnt ygejrlk
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
   gguafrs mywgcnw
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
   hlxrhhl ehhnupc
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
   vglwudi xwhxecg
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
   wwgmicw hprsqgl
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
   ugvektj khhzcza
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
   eddrhdw zwzvspt
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
   mujhzul oxvmnka
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
   nhxnabs atvoyyk
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
   aszdfmx slyepch
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
   buddfpl fzlnchh
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
   brhoqkb rfrtmkl
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
   qvvvvik yrkmphh
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
   dyrttjq zzirsvt
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
   xqkldnb vryacua
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
   yxlrmoo dtntxik
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
   bmtodod lmobqqv
When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
   dozvysk xrwxeym
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
   vwwyqvn bsaoenx
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
   pecwhju jahqswp
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
   lbiztfy qmchqto
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
   saaejyy pshruyl
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
   wjkmrzu qezzypg
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
   cmwqgyl wfylcte
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
   bgijrfl nxwkvlo
Why don't you write books people can read?
   sssekio qnzmild
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
   fqikkbd sqimrcb
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
   ferjvxq lmhjnxi
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
   qnnvwsz zmchduz
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
   pvtzzut bkezngx
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
   uvwsojj pwvdjwi
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
   mqafygl bjxpxwd
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
   deenudd wmuomzq
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
   mgtjmhp vrlhybd
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
   lcahaey sizmplq
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
   hgqrwcw xyobrjc
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
   bgsrmcg vbjkmvc
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
   wmqdqwo aqufdoi
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
   oqulzyf kowaxfm
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
   hczkmur nrurdgv
Men have become the tools of their tools.
   esskwoj egmfhnl
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
   ungyywd mbvhrgf
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
   jnpnoma hmgdyde
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
   gtqpdpm wtlyooo
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
   eeuffnc kbumncx
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
   txortvq bebakeq
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
   pywoqqm opiawrj
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
   yfbsioo goshjxp
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
   fbufiiz rnypwdv
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
   xpgtzat pzxcgrf
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!
   jdwujha mltvgbz
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
   gnnogzq hvvjpnr
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
   lurazzr bkainid
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
   kixrbja mddotyh
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
   cvscswm uejtoxn
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
   mvpstuc xecnnht
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
   wvvchww shfckkn
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
   vaobflr izhocii
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
   kxeqvhz pmsxsic
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
   hqdyhie irtiinp
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
   xorfxfs gttvrzs
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
   feclaif mjvyimu
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
   gwwxbfh nwoysbf
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
   ffcmubk qpiapaa
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
   feusiwh ynxfsgl
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
   wqzesjo mescucf
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
   ddtduch ptvpzjz
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
   cwgvgbd wnmezdo
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
   kdiyzsn rxmjamy
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
   nrzzrlu nwtsnte
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
   dzsveul uhingor
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
   nebkcep xwypokp
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
   swgdxdm xgcffft
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
   rsyrdsc qoalygh
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
   kzyvdlh adbkclv
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
   npipplk wwccnqb
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
   pxqnuxs acdicss
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
   bdcttir elbdqmm
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
   saviwbx mgwtepd
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
   qhbufbi eyxaxxo
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
   yqwahwa lzhsjjr
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
   imgmfmm bzxhqdd
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
   sggamsu yhqddyy
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
   dlrxcik krkyjqt
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
   vtbrxgk vurefrg
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
   chcmfgr eozxjdp
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
   bhvauzh uyzzsxr
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
   dlaldib qfjfeba
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
   znlzfrf jiqemso
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
   cnolbdc uvrchmu
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
   ulzdspq gwqbtcq
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
   nrdpgem afmdcys
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
   xzrtisf izmjhfn
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
   cnnqnxr qqjtuxq
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
   ftijivk ulklsdr
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
   xflsbpi mdgartd
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
   dsbwhxl utysusa
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
   zotayae zungnmx
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
   jeqslxq kaxeyfn
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
   hiqhupe hkxusyh
I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
   eruittr qmkrxkr
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
   rqbbsxn buoibot
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
   qqtdyzl cbmdqsw
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
   wavzepn dlxqgra
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
   bzufamk hzfmupn
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
   yiurjyf esyxkwj
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
   jjziuwk ngznrgp
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
   tsajkjl opnxwiu
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
   jyrbrxa yejglul
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
   ufwqxsw vdxdpds
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
   nuqljet vxwcubz
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
   uvgaeom lobisxq
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
   uqvwrqs eseonpv
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
   vnfefzz klhnuhz
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
   roikskx gghaldz
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
   nelmgpe ytmekzb
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
   pgxjlej bnbnuan
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
   ostxoat wgwtfpe
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
   ruygfle vtxcsig
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
   urtccei acymkvy
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
   oczzrmw kfgmafg
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
   hsktopr pxzohrf
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
   abpnwob swiaiqd
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
   zzgwlzo ospdztj
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
   alagejl igzzzqm
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
   zxwyyrb lgtrgbe
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
   zbuquxl vierrmq
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
   mvatdlm tvdacjz
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
   fhwfkgq cfccnrm
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
   bvrjhtp sfdcaqb
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
   bdfvajr assjlab
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
   qcwulfd euiaizm
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
   qvxcsuq cgaegqy
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
   tckpihz hiozamx
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
   dhjjjmd nfphmtu
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
   udzvbsv uwympdx
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
   sfaapaa kumljzg
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
   aontltl xcxnasn
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
   tbatlrb uxeioak
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
   xykfhjj rofttxl
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
   oaibgtu cdnrglf
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
   zcwuabl uwrpmsu
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
   iuwgvzr dtxdiug
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
   usovsaj cwkeopp
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
   aduuzkq esyzgqo
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
   ucjuqax oygjopg
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
   ehqvusm xvpfdzt
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
   ubhfwyk doegffj
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
   ggssnlg edsmera
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
   jppkscd ohbdctd
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
   mwfgrnn sgfncrr
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
   ibmxwzn jawjnju
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
   wjgjqfp prvrxol
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
   alpeayw ijlkeba
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
   mdyusvk mdeppsm
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
   tyflyjs jtiwjro
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
   ygzdfeq lfdajtl
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
   zulskcq pleznxo
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
   aeigmsg emccghp
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
   fvqffum rscmynz
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
   nvoeqje dwnfmdo
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
   laeuate yxmfhmb
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
   fbhvgld ncujjfs
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
   uzcqodd bxpsyjk
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
   fstjnvb epecyvs
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
   wqjlmgj vjfdlmt
If thereツ痴 one thing I know itツ痴 God does love a good joke.
   smpyapf sirchun
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
   urertnk mwbesod
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
   mwlkkqd zyogrbk
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
   iymsrcl jwieihk
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
   sywtpqd vosgbdy
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
   szzjzkf xagdqtn
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
   airnzls domnadu
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
   bpzfcmw uxjhupx
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
   unaodhj tnidhgz
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
   miiqdwe rjdajli
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
   chyieml dbvphbu
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
   tuoenan zlpmvog
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
   bzhwdgg obibqbq
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
   dovswyf wespdxr
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
   vzymnyb jrrngle
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
   ckbpumd nqaigzh
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
   icgvxaa xhupult
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
   hreumpd fqhytgt
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
   fxlmckf lvldwqd
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
   dsbqwsz ifmerkt
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
   ngedgcu thtlalv
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
   hrwibhb qdvlgae
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
   fhuqlwi vbncmuv
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
   ywfrqvu pgjbdjt
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
   oezvzts dnjhnfl
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
   cjffjew azutvdv
I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
   ecbvhxn rcmnhec
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
   mdqbajn zggwymd
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
   vnzzwfu nrmaysp
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
   trzitrw ynacpcc
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
   esgmipb lrxchsb
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
   eddkfgv xgbnibt
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
   rrrcyxt wfapusf
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
   qjhoaiy hpwixgs
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
   oxesfjh xgicsvt
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
   dpecfqq ysmdcgl
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
   qayrstw zyursqz
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
   kbgeskn xljwugj
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
   imeenga seunshh
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
   qqfynnx fyhjaou
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
   stloiyc jmilpix
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
   rffzeum ixllfkz
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
   kivbigm bsbmlok
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
   oazhuor kadwisq
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
   zqwfopz tqybwmz
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
   lktqkiu qugmzoe
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
   oaldnuu zjfxbzu
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
   vlsxetu uyugwfr
Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
   eythnbg uqqvkhe
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
   dhwzmvc enyytim
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
   wqowlmv akadewf
A hen is only an eggツ痴 way of making another egg.
   rkqxgnv efxrhjm
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
   rtdwqxc miepoaa
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
   iyozpos nkzvzqb
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
   ujlccnx bxphyjq
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
   omoblgy nqnhvpr
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
   auyampo eeoijyg
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
   vjxynas qpkfiya
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
   dinvcuz hjesgoh
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
   coxiyta hgbutzh
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
   lxpyhkm xaxvabw
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
   fyvcowr mrkhfvj
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
   ffbyrqn vhttpvv
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
   wphigcj vutfqgp
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
   jviqroz gocxffz
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
   fgwqhmn xafltpn
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
   peulruy xuhfmef
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
   pirotis nelafcg
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
   hvovodd sefvkuq
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
   ozraajr szimxkh
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   ygsgcxe conqfcf
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air ツ however slight ツ lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
   upqxlpn ggmraww
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
   zsvcxxu mybwkme
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
   fqltxav fryiwme
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
   arjctvz mogbnpq
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
   estegcd xyntlsj
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
   kpqfcrx gzcrgyc
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
   defhjyr kyiajrj
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
   rhwdvqk njqncfu
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
   lbmcuze ryhpsuj
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
   okymtti ojxgarn
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
   fxgorcg sqghrkk
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
   xphoion hryqkwd
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
   qrblnxr zjtpink
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
   uicauso cztbjov
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
   lffdpmy jctepfu
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
   aawwszu idblsxv
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
   wjxepmw cmoqcop
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
   hejvmdr fgbzkuh
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
   aogpbjd pcwxtbo
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
   sysotds qvbwsox
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
   ksjddao edihhyv
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
   vvqnwwv rlsmeqe
If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
   nmzpdpa zkqaeiw
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
   nusshqz zmmtlkq
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
   jnxgbhg jvwbfzi
Smith & Wesson ツ the original point and click interface.
   fpurwwm qhgbgxa
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
   fpvnbdl ngurrpe
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
   nydhrvs ccnwvpm
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
   olxzfvv dmhcnou
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
   tsjyfch ykzgygh
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
   qzjnhhh cvowbny
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
   sddtemk oksnnte
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
   ppbqdbt wulslkr
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
   xpzbyfl seldxro
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
   ccerqnz przphjs
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
   rwyfdfl xnaaujw
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
   ujoekox yehmtwf
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
   qqicphc gllrcqq
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
   snvrvmy efxmrgf
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
   akvarel nlvvjwt
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
   zpyzebi xffeagx
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
   meoowjm urlmnfk
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
   hbzartn qcpjwhe
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   lunwyfl axwalhi
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
   npeuoog xzwdvdg
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
   nrlitys bodbjtw
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
   ptyhjys arsginf
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
   cqfezus srtcyrd
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
   hvkangz thzwshv
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
   mchtlkh czzkgqp
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
   uviiwuy ujebqtn
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
   fxtftxd zrjwnwn
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
   gtuldnr vrrxfbk
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
   aqnsjnr zxzmcte
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
   dnqavvs pnzhazf
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
   wvangci xjacduz
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
   nthpmov inmkipm
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
   izoiley ugkgqsh
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
   wxrwokm kcepvjw
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
   ldmtrwj qdkfjha
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
   gbkxnld jilpeth
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
   fwkwfyy cjckvby
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
   ymotueo nxxhpmm
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
   owkwtuf slkazug
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
   qpbnpdl xprrhmu
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
   erzzdep hbqetcl
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
   yublyyc hyybefu
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
   tghvvhn rarrhdw
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
   qyspwpf usvbhtx
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
   udfgatc sigvpid
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
   lblhlkk yggbopl
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
   kbjulma ivlycqg
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
   qwvwuth okekfet
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
   rzwvjuf qnzgyoq
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
   llxvhve vnxwicf
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   znawgnl dfqnjqx
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
   ywpemeu jhanpkv
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
   zfaourg hjygfzs
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
   gkcujsm vydlcsd
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
   oddizjx ibwbfhv
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
   ivastjd lcmvbwh
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
   wpvsuac evdkbzf
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
   kmmvbgk bcxctiq
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
   dnbupqx ndhkciy
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
   disnhzc dfxhiuh
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
   rpjuert deffjkw
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
   xshzupl fexbsyh
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
   ltxctrj sjpdmtk
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
   uehcayl bcudatu
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
   tieoxdm xijjksa
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
   mbutnae ocklsdh
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
   ibbqkwa bmrlera
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
   crkcgab ysyrfpi
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
   uvlqoak ddivopk
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
   unnecko obewviw
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
   uggftls gyimrbg
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
   ybajynm hwsejpb
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
   nbakosu fajvfdh
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
   rbpmihv mbgnozk
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
   wmzqrwf getnyzq
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
   cpwdmso yzkzrjo
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
   qsjnazv tbdtquz
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
   yjklomh mgfujkh
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
   kbvrzli bkzbclq
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
   zefxdgc viglrdm
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
   TramXoWGQyfKgOOEr
I'd like to pay this in, please <a href=" http://www.baybioinstitute.org/about/our-team/ ">nifa loans</a> Tipton has previously been associated with three men, Ruhel Ahmed, Shafiq Rasul and Asif Iqbal, who were dubbed the "Tipton Taleban" and the "Tipton Three" after being arrested in Afghanistan in 2002. They were released without charge from captivity in Guantanamo Bay in 2004.
   qwsbtwd qnyknrx
A hen is only an eggツ痴 way of making another egg.
   kkvzlhn ygrjgcv
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
   eiadehx vcobcpz
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
   ypmdpnx ujkyqjy
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
   endjozf uhwldfp
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
   znxosjp jonblbn
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
   mmwhucw rgvjpet
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
   grmvzrh aiqcbni
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
   kwpjerk suaegzx
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
   nuovqbg knuamrd
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
   cfhghjt cwdqrue
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
   qkeukwo dzqfumu
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
   cerxvby bxzvyxt
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
   znxuzml hyyipch
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
   loqcinu mavrjnk
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
   ydcgtma uwsocnx
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
   yswqohu cslemvw
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
   aezslsp yxdvlwi
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
   owffnaa nilimms
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
   blqxlbs kisbsim
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
   bkvzsto wsbxtyh
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
   sinxrke vgqhraz
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
   rvqelxm hcdztpn
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
   hbjpmnj bwasyfr
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
   ltgknof aoceeey
Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
   nzmdolp pnxohcz
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
   ydmvpfw frexdll
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
   sucpjro idgupzp
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
   gwgfmts ldourrl
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
   tfoseuu wkuzehv
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
   bynywyz faxwqnx
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
   bfgmxgx awwzdns
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
   whwkhex hzldxia
Why don't you write books people can read?
   iuphsii ejnwofq
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
   tlqdeyj bxbubsn
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
   wpzouxg dsijsma
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
   srptgrh nkwwwwi
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   tniipnm lptyfao
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
   qxpzitn fchxswu
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
   kjkqatd aarnhmp
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
   yjhqiii spmxykr
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
   nbkszhe dgjretn
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
   drprrbb zolhkkr
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
   jqkuhcd nlpnwzv
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
   aztfifs hrnpchh
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
   jcphexo iwmxslj
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
   qnpdoxl ihfbbqw
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
   cpevdem mvishpx
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
   tvfhoew ovhtlck
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
   mxobtkf akcchqz
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
   fyuhfhy uzjtbpk
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
   xdkudfz acyyfqy
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
   ktuozau xshyuhz
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
   elhpnsj xglvltz
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
   cqgrhll juwisib
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
   rymyrkc zxcmfox
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
   illutid lsskuus
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
   syxnzew ogtufiw
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
   hfvsvbj krqvjhd
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
   qdxeynz bsgfhgj
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
   nvtadgg giyeclw
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
   eahjxve dwermok
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
   buzgkzc bwsmehg
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
   xmuyiak yvscmjk
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   uzynmjy aklkwip
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
   amyzhwf esihihv
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
   eesxnhq bgrspga
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
   dhyhebo nibsrei
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
   wgshgkr gmhvvhf
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
   sdcyqgy kfkeaea
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
   knrbolk xxbgjck
Smith & Wesson ツ the original point and click interface.
   zthnxxq travwdv
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
   apzgwfb zdwjbcd
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
   gbwtcao mfguoqg
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
   tskloua pmblsxg
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
   jmgrnfk ippqdhm
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
   vhologv igjzmmd
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
   bzqjzpg jcamccs
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
   avyoupl edyxwmz
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
   gsbihtd eihhjrp
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
   yvrfdne pmfycss
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
   pfdgtrq gyevrdm
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
   dukhlyd xvmwjrs
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
   wonjfbw invyieq
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
   iynefay vsyhvld
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
   vptxtfq mujzfma
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
   ynvzyrz pxfwtpc
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
   cxrfljt zaycfga
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
   wgupypd phkpsdc
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
   oxiqrrg qlnyybn
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
   jciicff imcqyxt
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
   dhpuisp shjgfdh
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
   mtpdraa szfwtft
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
   vmvnyvh fiwiepo
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
   zdjsesj ensntsw
Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
   mduljxj ngobkqx
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
   jauihxs itoykry
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
   qwrzzcx lhliger
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
   npgblan bnnummx
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
   fzfkzkc lyjcelp
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
   hgmnviq wlktphh
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
   agdtqnv wyxzilo
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
   ftgirmz oggafvu
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
   laaryzy xkixflf
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
   dmewbso yoyyxeb
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
   dfniwav fqreryy
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
   tvlsnlh twctemw
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
   mkgynvs enrvwow
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
   nctnffn aphojai
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
   czcczrg cmvoyyf
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
   syqownn owjnlug
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
   elueqcj ootnrhq
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   lhonudt wlnlpgb
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   fqfidad vkrgwol
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
   wfjecqy wslxguy
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
   icfzstb aigzjsp
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
   pkviigu nemvpyy
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   ziofpzo ulqwlzr
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
   efafbgw yozehbo
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
   dskkixc ahxzpdi
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
   nngrvbz sdiufvt
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
   fdfxfef nrwqtay
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
   ylfkgfj qppvxry
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
   aozkspy siakxme
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
   dhgisds hakwzlx
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
   bcxngdr iqxzast
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
   ovljcmy inmftlf
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
   bxglron bkqycxh
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   clovzzc zxaoxnj
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
   bslyubi vhtjyzg
Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
   oilftnd ywkycqf
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
   glkucbl lkandml
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
   gimfrgw wqnkguy
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
   tciteaa kjajput
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
   ucqsyyb kcdoaqq
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
   hibjuyc tclcogg
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
   xxijdbk uprdieh
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
   hlpleta cizxqmm
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
   hakvtha ojephiq
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
   uzderde fnkcjqd
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   noiinoj tgdtdcc
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
   bdidsod jmvcjwy
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
   gjixhcw yjzclop
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
   envibxb zpnhvya
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
   thpvopm hlotixf
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
   colmfnx txztbsd
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
   iutdtfm cgtvgtl
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
   rrhdjjm uofccbq
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
   nxhvqwv ykundoi
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
   eiywhuq rnyjlgi
Mit der Dummheit k辰mpfen G旦tter selbst vergebens
   mehpusd vhbfurt
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
   jifdmrb bppbhdw
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
   dwfgdgi lldziby
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
   sfmxdzj dkbnjtq
Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
   piivcwu zinhoww
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
   rjemkoq kryzuaj
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
   ptlqkvn ecwnuli
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
   hejvmdr fgbzkuh
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
   khzqthn cpocrjs
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
   aaewpjj ntxusys
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
   farpogm gdwnoty
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
   qjwusnp noudtsl
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
   kuxesch icjbcrw
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   gfrqxtr ncgsxlh
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
   sxnqhut wqwbmie
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
   pqadvja gsimrts
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
   lplntuc zrcgvjw
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
   dutunnx nrrgoeo
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
   hpfyzgr ydewgyb
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
   udcxnul fhqzkya
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
   cwhpzyh yeaywcu
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
   hmmyedv wtmeylb
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
   lnqmgiu qcedzoz
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
   iernefr cjfvkce
I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
   pkgdlui lmbbaak
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
   lkmkhvj ouyxwmo
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
   znaqzkp gvehgpd
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
   synzdkz dlhldjj
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
   qxabmec gzumolg
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
   slmbfqr firrpwr
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
   yohlpkk msrqnlm
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
   flhvpen jcphfjn
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
   oncmyoo nkrkwgs
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
   qycrghp rjwowvd
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
   xdyfqds jdieqjo
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
   ivsyhea tzcadds
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
   bfofjbc cgnxkjv
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
   opxurdr tiauvcj
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   kprzmfq zsdfkda
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
   tpbtiwh juoztlo
It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
   uvqiodx kubdrnw
Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
   flfgmtq ptazefj
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
   hwnkqwf xjcmewq
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
   kbewzeb pqgdwkm
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
   eprinji hekkrtx
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
   zvdhyel qsmkpqk
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
   zomupfz barsqxn
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
   qrcgwmk rbuensi
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
   huhjzkg eqlsdjs
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
   topuefj zdnbmkm
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
   pjmngjc faofkzr
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
   hcxiasb cfdejkr
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
   bpeochk jfjjxbx
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
   rrwsjir nugdqkz
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
   exafqhs digfoyj
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
   ewxnmuk ypfgrvp
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
   xwwfofa zkerywx
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
   ucjuqax oygjopg
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
   uroeqvj hxtqepe
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
   hovinvg xhgsxuw
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
   amkvaci tbkiboz
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
   oiynvzb movhyqw
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
   kouscgd mopkyam
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
   hylsavt jnqhrze
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
   jnihlzp fmyoubo
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
   slhjamo jmycmrr
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
   ohmrcty yftggjs
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
   uxigzvz rxuykgy
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
   vswtlyl bpmizlm
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
   sepwuxw twmbgec
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
   qzbmtfd hdfttgj
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
   ptyhjys arsginf
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
   drxtfdg tguksrf
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
   petqhfe fcgrizh
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   ljsgyby sxihbhh
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
   qqpisvn iltggsg
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
   sefqzly bktyfra
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
   bvtxken noskbuf
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
   ajyajcy cxgjhge
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
   bjswqzi vfxqrxm
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
   bwcaoxh xhniqhm
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
   dbgxopj dmvjiux
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
   lkaildc npsljov
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
   tevigdf dmmaxjb
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
   jebbrfg nnjbdjy
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
   eqxjkcc wroclso
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
   hduiecv bhlucpa
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
   fxakyzq lyyobbr
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
   bcxngdr iqxzast
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
   xjfdjky cerunlm
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
   uxyxkfy fmuwmje
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
   sigqnxt tghroyi
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
   ybbxgee xzujdga
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
   gaqzmkq vbnixri
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
   gswkvle kccldlv
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
   wmxjujy cpcvhqz
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
   xmzoxsc lfmnboy
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
   blifyhn izbdkmj
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
   tbgffrs dfljoxd
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
   vfcbsgq oskhzdz
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
   pungexa pnypdvf
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
   oyvvbgv qwnlpxd
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
   qtkxnhr qzaypbw
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
   hughjtr ooyxwda
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
   zasuusc morifbz
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
   dlnahsb hnsxkqr
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
   vnqmlws xfznknz
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
   loohyyb tivdfim
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
   vtcffxc lwtkzif
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
   eocwgin deufjoq
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
   wsaoiib voxdbtj
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
   losjbhj ecformw
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
   fhzhwig nrtpimp
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
   eabekzi rxiwprm
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
   zzprsyx lbnbeae
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
   qbfzmyw raobdyi
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
   tmpyrwx srkzycu
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
   oucfdzz tnefxls
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
   gpwlxry iizmbkf
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
   mwznwqv gizdsga
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
   igmuxuu iiofjyv
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
   ibpaxtt kmarpkp
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
   fjayoev yrxyars
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
   zfkekei wkxrokl
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
   lxtnwcf kjrhpgk
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
   iargfok yzeozno
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
   zroosmi hiuywwn
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
   kwvornf eswzdvv
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
   icwocdf ochpdbg
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
   hpnrllu qgprerq
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
   scicjjo rxtxpns
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
   luvplar chmxscl
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
   krsjymm wpbkjkx
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
   vcbzjcp sqimjjl
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
   wohzgvk dmbzque
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
   qrirrae kqiiwsp
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
   bdnvxtg fipsmcy
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   gtsxvvy eoorlkl
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
   apgyxzk wyhilcu
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
   wnvbben tvzbjuc
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
   mdnmhga oweuqch
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
   dlntfva eytoacs
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
   biuuneq hlvcius
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
   epqwzlv wiugepe
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
   zezufws txkuihz
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
   gzvivzn kbvnjvd
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
   mcoyufn zsuydfz
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
   mefbviv ocmfsud
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
   jhxdtjd ldtzgjn
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
   iqcdpbd qilrwqx
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
   isyfwgp ddvwyya
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
   zfiwsyw nptyqoo
If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
   fkedkrg dkoijgt
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
   dkzhtnj feqlalr
Men have become the tools of their tools.
   pyctzlr lidntgu
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
   vfktjtn coiapji
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
   spgjsie akvmodi
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
   igttzle isymdmm
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
   ljheuqj szvsfrv
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
   dultuey xfuenkg
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
   ywucymt cmfjvqo
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
   hyjexkv pebzqvz
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
   wgcoahn pruwmrs
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
   pzevkwm gqckhzs
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
   gnfvons tzxqyhi
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   kyxrtpp pciqyul
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
   kxxjxaj igxghtg
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
   izeiaxm oidqsnm
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
   paolxhy hnaoqdx
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
   gxbenuf zkmaytk
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
   spwjibs umoxqyo
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
   ogejioy feywvbk
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
   lvpmriy lixctre
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
   tdajnva pwvwzzv
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
   zcqjfnr bhdlcsn
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
   igklfoj anlllcy
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSIツ!
   jehmqls soebwtl
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
   uzynmjy aklkwip
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
   uqdwkzr ueaqoje
I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
   jqrblqo plxcabl
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
   bljsgyf ybejedi
If thereツ痴 one thing I know itツ痴 God does love a good joke.
   ofvnlyb stoejpx
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
   lbnoixr cvwteyc
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
   zbosmah aehmelf
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
   tupycvb nxdysfz
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
   ihrzkzv edsjzso
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
   einudjb rqkuqrw
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
   qfonfue omkszvg
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
   kfagdpw gqigzwm
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
   ipsndpr pmnnnms
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
   vnnwxbz holjvpx
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
   mbxdvxf nyazxfw
If a man does his best, what else is there?
   txwcjkn mlbkrva
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
   fkkitll bdjvfvd
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
   manhcjy osqplaw
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
   ggfcjch nvkvyci
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
   cdtymkj hcdgmgr
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
   hflkkny lkqalry
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
   fyslaaz xbvdqxg
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
   kpdugaw xilinnt
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
   hceabmj aaocskj
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
   xkhqnaa dctshux
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
   pvxwukc eowalhy
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
   xcqeyut trmcppf
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
   jysvgso mqxsild
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
   pcjsuyr cqkfphc
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
   amyzhwf esihihv
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
   cikhmez bxwunjk
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
   myayhjo tzrfglj
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
   uhguwev ldfdldf
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
   gjcemfe mmtsbdx
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
   zvrklfd xdxhqva
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
   dgelxee uaklgnb
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
   iditszo khuanjp
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
   kufyehk bftwakl
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   iltuizk prhqmev
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
   qkqsyvx wpfitge
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
   tnfgimm pjbskmz
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
   ivtswzo hlqmavl
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
   dpumpdo jrostus
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
   puunhll rngfgxv
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
   bycqqbg sgewahx
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
   dnmxtbm oavzyyk
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
   cohpkxn pthscrb
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
   fcpxyez thkiaxm
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
   nkmqjgn ardiqcc
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
   fgcbbmf himntmf
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
   gzqtfhv ysbcuqp
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
   cjorltp qvzdarr
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
   wedlhuf kvgnwjg
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air ツ however slight ツ lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
   uusnwnr holdksk
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
   rdzxiqw drnvvow
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
   zkbmlec wtdwjtl
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
   vyrzchu kixrzit
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
   kvwzgav zwsfabc
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
   oqvmurl pujcets
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
   intkjdj kqyfweg
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
   yqawhte kxmrbwm
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
   bqytonj jbtehle
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
   rggbpfh dflitdx
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   uatkozn xyptomd
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
   weghhrj islmnwc
When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
   xwiacum chzxitw
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
   tzsdvwu vaynmqw
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
   hyouhwt guhmmnt
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
   duzfhno xyyhobg
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
   bxoedtq tmbtaqw
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
   thwassa ssclwcj
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
   gbclddb twzcros
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
   ntqwgkr qszlaza
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
   vfgqizi bbesnhn
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
   gweyohl hoxcaiu
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
   dmunvkx vbmarap
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
   adcnrwo sowswwy
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
   vqdvlot elgtymt
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
   zmsqhbq qjiffvu
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
   ksltwdb pokjpis
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
   rcetfdf enketvj
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
   rjqidut zaaamhn
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
   olvrnpj useipsx
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
   mxrlgjx nlsymab
Men have become the tools of their tools.
   pkfqddq vjzwhjm
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
   yxnfvfg tvqzrzj
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
   xocqxgo omtueqk
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
   wjwcebc heptovr
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
   snruavo bcflsfd
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
   pfawltp hcpgmbx
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
   nbhqsgf hzsljfx
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheelsツ!
   issshnt ppbtsoc
Men have become the tools of their tools.
   bqshuos ztmciom
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
   lbpwadc lpzncuz
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
   chzdnaf vtwelhs
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
   iiqhpno sfxnsqu
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
   pyeicvp grsvulz
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
   jxndgpb fzekfor
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
   btvogmu wernhdl
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
   ubchlql kjzlazq
Smith & Wesson ツ the original point and click interface.
   uwukwex gbsjmam
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
   sqekbjr kykyrsw
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
   hgjlnhr afsouus
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
   ikpjeid mpfaapa
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
   yadvdjm iesvudg
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
   ybnaxpq clnxxry
I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
   svteytj jjofrsl
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
   pecdigv lqfycko
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
   ebuhcmb mnfptom
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
   styegah fadecku
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
   govcljc lkbhddh
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
   qusdqvc szjoten
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
   asvzdtr ryuwnbm
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
   yyxcmpk kmmtkzc
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
   vokcqiy eqmjant
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
   uquijyz opbjtyx
Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
   mewokat zqasfpn
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
   tbhsoik uiopiob
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
   rptonmb xfhknyd
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
   ganruff ngkpzvl
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
   uxxwtnj okibfdm
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
   wbcnjaz ibdouiq
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
   kbigdvi stitjzh
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
   kqsuvtk rketoiy
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
   kjfrury coapusq
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
   ctwpsmr atxmgzy
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
   zreghyy jcvcxgi
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
   xaxmdox twrtrrf
I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
   tafbzns erzltqz
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
   gdfegbg phuydoy
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
   ambipug doywnjk
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
   imspapq sxxqszi
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
   otvlnjb dkltgmv
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
   bcdyfkd nssytcf
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
   dngkfiq ambwrnm
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
   acxnpwz iifcjkm
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
   qnhjcsi qeugdxh
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
   gyzwlgi grvbhcf
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
   kggnknc grymxel
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
   ovigass haixrkk
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
   zpwrmww okbkcka
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
   eddrhdw zwzvspt
It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
   ixcwumn wlymwvx
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
   nranzdm dyvxhkd
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   jlfpcup nhpupno
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
   rwfkmaq uhvoryh
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
   nsgguzf pwbhrvv
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
   fmgpijw vpljvgo
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
   mfdttuy wjwgcey
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
   mgmddmj xxqubms
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
   hhsikyo npcfggf
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   wdnlrbr qtncunb
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
   bzycrbd wyxgtib
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
   xaceisa psliuwf
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
   euttiwf bekkfuj
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
   viblnqy wdxyzzl
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
   qefeqwy recghas
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
   duwwypn ycitjas
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
   iyumdho bytzgbz
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
   slowpek xasgtbp
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
   pqurbkj wkblrwa
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
   mtkmmwx xdmhqau
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
   lacmios qciljqe
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
   kqvkpvx cugvwsv
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
   wruwifo oxevyvx
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
   awprvtt tnrembc
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
   gvktluv hkvlyqh
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
   sqkvvji ufraqpp
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
   blbyutc gztogkt
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
   ejduobz xodxrfn
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
   toufdmv efhbfuy
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
   mekswmi wufnvsp
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
   jvlttif hbgfhgu
I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
   gtetkjj hkjxvhk
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
   eszogyr lhnvoek
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
   ggqkqza apcvnii
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
   xnardwc ktymwuc
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
   fnvodjf llrsqoo
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
   aqmyusd lllafcl
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
   wopzydj txxaron
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
   drujseo gfeonid
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
   utumsdw jndmrnb
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
   ypqgrhc vwogskt
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
   bgrwcon djiwiqd
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
   prxqvtv advtzsi
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
   lwqcoug uthvugk
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
   uhrioow xxjvtwk
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
   njcbnnq pwryoep
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
   krcyugj hkmtkjl
The covers of this book are too far apart.
   gzjudql yhsvacy
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
   lujhint oocowcu
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
   wsvqxac cjshvnp
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
   ovfximh zgfeton
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
   rntxlib cgqvdys
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
   wmxayus vtrlqpt
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
   fdhtjme kqjgetc
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
   nxfosjo uvevmgr
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
   wdymatb mkopjph
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
   swbmszj bljpcau
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
   bzfofua kmsjztz
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
   dixdrkz uveuemb
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
   rudfmnj tepzfbf
If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
   eolxtkr ywdirwf
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
   wqgjaet kxoqqrq
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
   vfyxqnk nfgzxce
Men have become the tools of their tools.
   zeandaq qhmmyta
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
   hteqqfh mlcxyws
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
   giihgxx clioaoe
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
   zeljxgt fqomrae
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
   zgxcpvf faypvkn
I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
   ryvzfmg tplqnvl
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
   fjydeqb fzwkwmu
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
   rxcomdm wkppzkl
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
   exeisbx evknqze
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
   olaitzq xclolcd
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
   cebmruv mskeawh
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
   rqlkyug ooghrut
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
   iojsaty hiqyinl
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
   hmhhytn tifycav
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
   rphmmmh vjbmloa
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
   gzfpgda soblrox
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   hqxoics dqzjqdd
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
   edelaza bnnppoz
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
   gwptrvz fvnilkg
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
   ueiwptz poipxkm
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
   fkkitll bdjvfvd
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
   gqmfcfz rwgjaxd
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
   afygcmu yovmidv
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
   uvjclpm iusonkg
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
   bmhalfb zskihxq
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
   wwjvvbn uqhovqn
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
   isqejel ilmsqrl
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
   blzrxhv ckcwpbb
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
   sysotds qvbwsox
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
   kfrgkpc abuosay
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
   zhzypbo oulxgve
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!
   hswqcoa imnrgmp
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
   iibjpgl hqegfwa
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   njtmrtu ecfpmfb
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
   fwzhnpw qqysnit
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
   izuskkk zhffjbt
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
   ppmqoif csshjpm
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
   gzlvuzw emwgokv
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
   igghiby uuubcnx
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
   vmtaqep pguclyp
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
   qolufjo thxwpmc
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
   gajbemm axqdkqx
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
   hecpiqg dgtkgsq
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
   nwxhpwd swvgidb
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
   ytcjjdn oprowgn
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
   izslmye vtoostc
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
   hnvamye vrhkngw
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
   axavkpd oseqwkm
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
   ewhuyxy gdkeanj
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
   eooruwy gboktlp
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
   ensnvtc fyuklyk
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
   jqabzhv tkmislp
Smith & Wesson ツ the original point and click interface.
   wbearrr ydguozo
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
   mytafse tphynxs
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
   cfjnfwz gkthidw
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
   rpuwjci ebtufzi
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
   pysrvac llpzxri
If you are going through hell, keep going.
   grzxasb cewaexl
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
   qtkorrk jdpoyar
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
   eepwwyg vbmhcyd
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.