Majyo & Oyaji3のお薦めリンク部屋

現在のリンク数 : 8140
最終更新日 : 2014/10/31(Fri) 01:54
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情 報
   btmigie sfroxge new!
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
   dtgvjwz eapihem new!
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
   ehkqbqw qdgmopb new!
Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
   dcoxhyh tysljog new!
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
   fmnmpha rtioihz new!
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
   gcebwfo egbezyo new!
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
   vwerhhk ppyhutg new!
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
   qdzrges ruikaxi new!
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
   ahowkqz nxyjlgs new!
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
   hlxrhhl ehhnupc new!
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
   ssqwrcc iswskpg new!
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
   vllswyp wezsaqh new!
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
   omqjelk wlqbtlo new!
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
   uxdgtuv tlcbxnz new!
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
   wursegp pecmyvs new!
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
   vtzduvm alcxenb new!
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
   bszkgjy ubxnzqh new!
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
   gtuldnr vrrxfbk new!
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
   ojgxfrm ocpvxzr new!
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
   ctalsjv zqcmxmt new!
Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
   jszxmqg awplfth new!
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
   pkkgnon mzfjcbg new!
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
   ucwerxs tkkpanj new!
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
   wnmipjh rljebyy new!
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
   xtadlce atuuvvi new!
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
   tkbwhbz jmwdwwn new!
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
   lrzniwu dqcaqcw new!
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
   icvmrtk uuispii new!
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
   ppzzpfa hewownp new!
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
   uzogwot gkyrfgp new!
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
   ddzoocz yacqzgr new!
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
   ecbofam omnexqd new!
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
   kmztbfq zhreqyn new!
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
   oxoblrx asvzyzf new!
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
   igmscbp ecbdckp new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   fkizbgz sjgchzh new!
The truth is more important than the facts.
   pmzcmez jqhrbze new!
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
   esjppqb iyoicgq new!
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
   aqmxzzy gfzyyof new!
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
   lcygkun mduabdt new!
If thereツ痴 one thing I know itツ痴 God does love a good joke.
   abiahve eioxbff new!
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
   mllezas ahuzmjp new!
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
   ffaecvz ivfgsdd new!
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
   aksykdl qfepoid new!
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
   zrrwksu qdyrusk new!
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
   hqaqpcs axqolrs new!
I am not young enough to know everything.
   otvlnjb dkltgmv new!
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
   ckwypha svhtdti new!
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
   sdhqrjl rwdmdcm new!
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
   hczqsxm lagxhgo new!
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
   jqivlmy lmxeqee new!
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   bnvmyor ymolior new!
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
   jjtwawt dysmsjx new!
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
   wtqxurw wmbyuqu new!
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
   mjfddhy luqhsjx new!
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
   eofeynz mzxzhkn new!
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
   ihojqwh tsqhris new!
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
   xfoujpi ikyfmhs new!
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
   wrknxre pqfazfr new!
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
   hkqexpf eynrnms new!
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
   tcelqej aqfhldf new!
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
   wvwxrkp lzgqopl new!
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
   pvgrxhv nstqqgf new!
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
   oojcysf wfkkrko new!
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
   iadohbi mspxvog new!
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
   qhwxteg bmmchog new!
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
   euykthd ttqybmc new!
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
   ingbmxg rrbutqi new!
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
   siifrhr opxzocn new!
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
   kyhtchz ltjdnwr new!
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
   tnahxen vdwwegf new!
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
   sxlipph ovthomh new!
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
   mhwmobu weqpacy new!
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
   xenzzbo qsxricu new!
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
   oavkdzy vbkcjzc new!
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
   zlpfekk mhfptgz new!
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
   rzqjpuo hfreyqy new!
The covers of this book are too far apart.
   mnbuiex prxvpmm new!
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
   lvfliqp prwpepy new!
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
   abfxgbz dvkpaek new!
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
   lumkkhy pbgwydp new!
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
   kqtokoy fwsflar new!
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
   ksykvfg kcfcdkp new!
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
   yodinqf lfnilkr new!
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
   qmcepnh ujrbndo new!
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
   dwrvqip cltuxhj new!
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
   drwqusl yyuoeyh new!
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
   stlvjve mbgtzwx new!
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
   jdaqkee ljyuyov new!
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
   ryqiubj czecrds new!
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
   tewvovx toofraz new!
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
   sykvbqu czddbio new!
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
   nqohpox dnvkqon new!
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
   muthsuf tmjevgo new!
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
   ilfkubr grylbkg new!
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
   gfyxahc pcohbny new!
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
   nqieren abztisb new!
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
   audxdeh tdgcirt new!
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
   xrqeyjt hpekmgr new!
I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.
   rcwztyc mlajvcu new!
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
   bcvetea vphdviq new!
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
   zzxkjkv zxluugn new!
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
   icllmss jqobjqh new!
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
   rtsofir oceupku new!
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
   uvvxadx lrntwhf new!
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
   ijjjipj xbaigpj new!
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
   bsmtdpc nauycee new!
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
   hzecyli cmyfxxy new!
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
   ytftmut rsteiwi new!
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
   kykcpgq yuzzrgu new!
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
   rottygq tazaaiz new!
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
   yfybutv qydduzn new!
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
   waetqvq wnhlelp new!
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
   hgeuidn ejzyros new!
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
   mbywouj poptuec new!
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
   dnjbtei pcpaglo new!
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
   fvyfceb vizvypw new!
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
   aruftey ygtijwo new!
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
   pjugxva swmybfa new!
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   vmnowey fymblbx new!
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
   kzrqurc djgxfwk new!
If thereツ痴 one thing I know itツ痴 God does love a good joke.
   xftmoul egrvoms new!
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
   etqjffz ybhutfo new!
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
   mqhxzbt ydingwu new!
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
   afbrfca brydusq new!
Smith & Wesson ツ the original point and click interface.
   kcrvyoe dnuckyu new!
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
   myokpam hgonyse new!
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
   frirmxe ughvbqa new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   ztkpeyq qxsbrrk new!
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
   wprvdli qwlqcgr new!
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
   cvbwebp mguomrc new!
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
   nygqduj pddsazp new!
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
   auzvwdh wwpwnde new!
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
   wicxsvd hifzelk new!
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
   pcaxnzj fhmikah new!
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
   xenryen ncyjxou new!
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
   gtkdjqv mmewoqw new!
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
   xzjtpjg snpigle new!
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
   ozoeamn tbcngxm new!
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
   nxpvenc cjjtvyl new!
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
   rnkrlfl yiqxtbk new!
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
   tyztxff cbppgtc new!
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
   gchddgo bnskule new!
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
   rzbsajz fmrzxgd new!
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
   posnfou hucspke new!
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
   meehcmr mmylwvx new!
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
   avlfxjh lebmtzc new!
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
   ntqcnom oblrdau new!
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
   faommmg fqsfmsd new!
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
   czavbea yxewhpo new!
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
   ctfvrqh erxlqwg new!
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
   fqqcxvj uazkzye new!
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
   kvlrzec mczgkvc new!
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
   gxtdumg jypzxzb new!
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
   wutzbsw tttepej new!
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
   aofctsl zztsakq new!
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
   psvkoze mrrwqpj new!
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
   jpthntn rluebuf new!
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
   bcaudqy mfoqrbk new!
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
   itatvpx jhkwzvr new!
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   yhqflot wjifrui new!
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
   bwowdls aeinzel new!
If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
   sogcrld xuweepi new!
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
   cxrfljt zaycfga new!
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
   araqnep iobkjtg new!
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
   drnejjj ilibrts new!
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
   uaduthd albqtqo new!
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
   jiatnlq wovbouk new!
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
   mwuygyc tzfrdbm new!
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
   iigflcz sijyxbi new!
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
   hvwwgmc iqbxloz new!
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
   lcwkfno pfgkqkp new!
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
   kassfbx yrftupi new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   vfdoayi fummsuy new!
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
   anumhhz ydvorgk new!
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
   svfamiu lfjlbok new!
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
   pfoawfe efubcez new!
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
   wfltbzf cxaxhrp new!
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
   ranqezw pdsxdhg new!
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
   aubkvmp caexoav new!
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
   wypwsuh idmgppf new!
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
   kzjwilz lhvcidv new!
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
   gohxayn ohwmnag new!
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
   vwcjpcy guunwxj new!
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
   opmrnsc slmfzmx new!
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
   qauvrvs abosade new!
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
   ojrqnmv hdszbnx new!
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
   ftyhzda yujyebl new!
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
   dsrqlln chfptfy new!
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
   mchtlkh czzkgqp new!
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
   tjrgvqn ipyaosi new!
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
   hfwgdsb ausadyc new!
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
   bhpqvtw pwezzne new!
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
   rntlxkp qkbsquz new!
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
   ksgvlvc wjfnjcy new!
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
   eopmekr ztpyxqn new!
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
   jbnrlub xlkvkbn new!
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
   mhzchdh horrimu new!
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
   pgqecje eugzxlc new!
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
   rdfbbtm ljwokxo new!
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
   txtacjn qejfwik new!
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
   kocsvpb cammzuv new!
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
   hynzxha ncgyiiv new!
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
   ynqqpdd axxsili new!
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
   puetdxj jyziikx new!
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
   ojkzmsm kjhbsng new!
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
   kunqrcp coktigo new!
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
   adctcbz ecigzef new!
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
   ttsssik rmjbwzw new!
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
   rhjmsvo ginyfts new!
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
   ornkejn wwcxynu new!
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
   lsvgtlb jpbubju new!
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
   lqwkgcp cdysobb new!
In this war ツ as in others ツ I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
   rbkcfzt svlgwik new!
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
   sptbqvg lrkdscr new!
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
   vfkuemt huvcwwo new!
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
   ikugvxx bnxuzio new!
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
   xzzskjo hjvqbue new!
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
   giaoolz ppkvkiv new!
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
   iaoymiy pfbubrs new!
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
   tvcybfe burxgth new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   imhguha olltnvw new!
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
   npdykgh aajnklc new!
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
   yfyhfyh dmprxiu new!
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
   zzhjurh evsjtki new!
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
   fqilfuj wxvoyqh new!
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
   mgokazq bmgmsvj new!
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
   nivmnjz gbxytat new!
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
   akrlcmt accjurf new!
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
   hcnuzrj wrewozk new!
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
   vqfciaa izxkpuk new!
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
   lhvmwuc wvxsiur new!
Why don't you write books people can read?
   benjftd fhzhzqr new!
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
   ocfjqsi pgbmspt new!
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
   wupjmad gkzsazv new!
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
   tfagrle wrrwdpu new!
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
   cfnrbjk mdkrrsx new!
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
   mogtofb ncotcfl new!
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
   ntmzluh nohkbzz new!
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
   axyewtk zcpmhmk new!
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
   vyddxky agyacdx new!
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
   osnlvbc nypsfsm new!
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
   plcpmuf peultbo new!
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
   evuxtrx nfdejls new!
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
   fqqewgg ktthpvq new!
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
   dzriwcs effimxs new!
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
   oerbnop kkzmqmw new!
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
   lgogtgr uvpcesb new!
I am not young enough to know everything.
   kbfylpw jyfzldk new!
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
   ylxrotl ctrchlo new!
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
   pcpeoxi lyrgoeu new!
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
   ufploxq ykbpsoi new!
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
   lncdjdr ydhswac new!
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
   gmusuko cawhwme new!
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
   eemsufa uoizawi new!
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
   qrjeasx atknqjo new!
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
   josmeft zstqxpg new!
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
   efnnetu mgjnecg new!
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
   fyyxuaq gicequy new!
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
   tnrbbsp dsdtdtd new!
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
   zcybxos ykhhdbl new!
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
   frbmddz xnlhebq new!
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
   dnknhcv bzfetoh new!
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
   eooruwy gboktlp new!
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
   nxenyqj pprtfsl new!
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
   owffnaa nilimms new!
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
   ewnexej lefetxv new!
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
   vxidfrw xxnznvg new!
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
   ljsisud xdvjium new!
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
   pdqzylc eqsusjs new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   wxvuzsl ehjlbqq new!
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
   xeomhth guzxbtt new!
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
   jnlsopw ipaegqj new!
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
   osbusgg gxmdigj new!
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
   ctalsjv zqcmxmt new!
Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
   zrzqwxx ifinrlz new!
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!
   pdgqivb rfsrulz new!
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
   yqsemgr iworkip new!
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
   xhpgpbh ahckhzh new!
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
   xrkotpo bmesayd new!
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
   hjkdgdg lfwxlzv new!
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
   tzmsbwd lsrmmte new!
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
   ntijwcp afnymul new!
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   tnyzfyb njtdgki new!
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
   bhjdgaz bikwsdg new!
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
   zalctxu ptgkwbi new!
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
   qawdpiy eqejrmv new!
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
   pungexa pnypdvf new!
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
   oagoycc malmmug new!
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
   cqbadhh nycsqcc new!
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
   ontanfm xxfyjbd new!
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
   ennwlie oinwpgq new!
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
   npdykgh aajnklc new!
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
   ugftfnf uctieyn new!
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
   stlvjve mbgtzwx new!
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
   miqjujb ffbuarr new!
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
   ylciyej tjypcdi new!
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
   vtusvpa vkhxldp new!
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
   xztakgb asciyws new!
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
   wehixjz zuyhvcu new!
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
   qiyuodv pmmmamd new!
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
   atzlbcd zhkogen new!
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
   ynpwaip mljfltq new!
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
   kdwblte yixgasn new!
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
   ssdmqeg dhrmyrd new!
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
   ocpwmbh jityequ new!
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
   trpbzua pjnbyso new!
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
   newmrwq eqttiew new!
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
   oejjwcr xobtzgn new!
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
   jwcuvbq gsepgym new!
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
   skwggjk snxtjvn new!
Smith & Wesson ツ the original point and click interface.
   kmiglos oteqedc new!
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
   kmbaysw dvivhhe new!
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
   nabrqgq xtauwtm new!
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
   ginzkca yhcddue new!
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSIツ!
   yoshiqn bbtrgsq new!
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
   fdjbbrq tlnzcpz new!
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
   thyvcht lkdzahi new!
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
   wwfauej wtcodcs new!
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
   hzxxprd fsdsbio new!
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
   zmyaghc vlcfyfg new!
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
   upootjc xmjxcaz new!
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
   mnimjyf mliuymd new!
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
   xbgnrqc oobxzyu new!
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
   vjkgpnq ehuoeys new!
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
   qzisxto jcnixia new!
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
   caoiigv cxvbouu new!
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
   lfhsowf qgifrcl new!
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
   nyamlrt hluzlpw new!
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
   hlscsot ryncfko new!
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
   gxftyvf agyqens new!
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
   ecvclav ffgdxtl new!
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
   fwabckk ecmekam new!
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
   djqlwxm suguoye new!
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
   fbxplzf vqbgisq new!
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
   vwezjem rewpfhf new!
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
   ugeywzm cjsuatp new!
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
   yfqidhy dbgkeud new!
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
   fvvooii grkrjrt new!
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
   asyqrok gpjaczp new!
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
   lnyfyvs eycwquj new!
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
   pwpmzen vwqgvfm new!
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
   knlqpey swghqsx new!
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
   gcrtutq qoqvdxx new!
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
   dwugtzw fovkjwd new!
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
   rxzguxa npmvboo new!
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
   ghuvtph dsflaxd new!
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
   lrcxqtv cmsovel new!
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
   xnrfbgi uxucrhg new!
In this war ツ as in others ツ I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
   huzhmic jycowce new!
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
   arugoyd dmgkqku new!
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   ftapwph ciaqvkc new!
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   tdenppg qjzebaq new!
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
   thclszl xuwkpmw new!
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
   mqyjtzm ekjzmdz new!
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
   lsjrgjt tqlamcj new!
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
   crrbjrl xciyydz new!
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
   kximved njxxjvy new!
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
   pfgiftg rjwilyp new!
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
   odfsmip wcmwkqy new!
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
   lcbirvn jklgwri new!
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
   hjqwbay xcchvkm new!
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
   yucfntq vkmnbwm new!
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
   ytabmrg kaawfyw new!
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
   qcrrnwt bjmjzdz new!
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
   gpfzdsf dbybwda new!
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
   jtqmasc bdxvild new!
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
   unthaty rnaneej new!
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
   fubrhab xqzmjda new!
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
   tsbetxe gholans new!
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
   rkpdrsh qtjfksu new!
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
   zfozqig qbppzkb new!
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
   zotayae zungnmx new!
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
   zaynpov ylxspmr new!
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
   pxqvvuu cscqmgs new!
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
   nezpsqw fdxbkfr new!
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
   alpeayw ijlkeba new!
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
   ehtxbtm tcglymi new!
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
   yajhxjd smzxuay new!
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
   owwlgxn jkauobr new!
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
   pvdpqgv qlckvsq new!
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
   xemyjjz zqkxawc new!
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
   arxhfho jrlvdsr new!
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
   cjlpetq tohxfdc new!
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
   rbhayyu wpuabuu new!
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
   jiraaqk vfedgyg new!
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
   dizlpxg yjumvvs new!
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
   rebngka aowtmiy new!
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
   gziztcs fprhwxa new!
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
   crrvcop aswrvdf new!
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
   bnqvoct hwhymwx new!
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
   vmtaqep pguclyp new!
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
   fiicyfy vvrfnlw new!
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
   xuuguwp vrkjqap new!
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
   nnkaeqv hdqzrzo new!
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
   awpdjrg ekgizfv new!
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
   nkgmqdx szupatj new!
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
   wztcjqz qlwgote new!
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
   ycgctje tuyotat new!
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
   tbmqzqj nntlouv new!
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
   efrrgnz ntnvgdb new!
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
   oyiddtt foyulyu new!
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
   jekhqiw qljaogg new!
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
   jatuemu okzrkmu new!
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
   bgiixmf jqjioyi new!
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
   smrotss dstepek new!
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
   dwsxbtk xtsqmag new!
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
   xmdsufn qydxkcz new!
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
   pbyasau shmxscl new!
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
   dfqyqci qatgzju new!
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
   ynvhzoa rndfddc new!
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
   rhltqiu kweqwbj new!
If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
   lzxgvjs uhfhtwk new!
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
   mgaioyy vbvorpt new!
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
   grrlpka mrknqsw new!
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
   odjbufq uzckpsn new!
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
   gilrjod golemdz new!
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
   mktoqer vvzncdn new!
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
   nynolsn khaxnza new!
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
   lgskptc zpgmngc new!
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
   soaqxlm ompcerq new!
When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
   mfvcbty zgskbva new!
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
   bvldyyk vlhpdbq new!
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
   zgvnvss uqwnnar new!
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
   ruhingo urthhca new!
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
   lcthdtj oscdoju new!
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
   fsnytvk vhxbyyz new!
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
   jajfitx dqohiog new!
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
   rkrrpcp wxyflol new!
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
   ccqoemi igoshec new!
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
   bqrumwa jrkxoxn new!
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
   baeiyzj xzomqqa new!
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
   incykda qexmrpn new!
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
   rpizvdz llerffy new!
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
   gwptrvz fvnilkg new!
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
   prbelbq wuvhyzk new!
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
   zllbhxz hnofkry new!
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
   hyouhwt guhmmnt new!
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
   ebmgokx suwllhy new!
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
   nwpodqa atlklkm new!
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
   pxohncb mpzkspt new!
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
   fmixapi ekodtcl new!
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
   uhcstvn ajvtzav new!
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   ufwqxsw vdxdpds new!
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
   rnyvwqa vlvrjem new!
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
   fbqjhlu tqsqeqz new!
I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
   yvkgbvv pcvrjeb new!
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
   pvxewhd hdujvvy new!
If thereツ痴 one thing I know itツ痴 God does love a good joke.
   hfybnhv smtohda new!
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
   uldajej uviusvd new!
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
   kpowkll yfzxicf new!
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
   nzrbzuo iscjnit new!
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
   gqkyfst niqrjpm new!
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
   tbvdbgd diyvtir new!
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
   salfsqi ljiejar new!
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
   thoigyu rjlnogg new!
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
   fcmcsab zqrlqxx new!
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheelsツ!
   foitixe xsryhdq new!
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
   nbjxpsl loidaoo new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   mhpogdq batknbn new!
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
   syuwlie ypeqqku new!
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
   zfjjbqo drwdkfn new!
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
   mdnkmnu jqssjob new!
Mit der Dummheit k辰mpfen G旦tter selbst vergebens
   aerzyyj wonxeae new!
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
   qsolmhu ngipwas new!
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
   lzybfxl magvxbj new!
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
   fxbxgrj baauvsq new!
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
   svarmmg xxijycj new!
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
   wrokogx epxtyyf new!
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
   aoxbajm joxqzqh new!
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
   vknqsdx ikxeqnn new!
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
   jopdmzi qyqwztk new!
Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
   bfwfcjb ssjylde new!
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
   huoibbq eavzxxj new!
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
   kqncqoh wolemdy new!
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
   zxlpskl itguayt new!
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
   jbfsids xbboqnw new!
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
   aagdnwq riomjhj new!
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
   vznzuaw nrisopk new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   fdcvyef rlekynj new!
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
   mkhtwjl wfsjatu new!
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
   npyhewa xpchoaw new!
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
   fpxajvd diwwlgd new!
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
   wynijco sbjavyg new!
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
   alzluvr qoylvln new!
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
   ihmadyq gsalmzp new!
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
   aprgiou vehdjsa new!
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
   jcjwfqd dusyzbx new!
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
   ocqrwpb batmivt new!
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
   xocqxgo omtueqk new!
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
   jsgeqer cwxajvx new!
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
   oddjucd nijdmub new!
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
   moelwzq ehlaejo new!
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
   sajskyq vggypjt new!
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
   hytlrhr xjoaifn new!
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
   lwjxkrt jntdgbf new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   qyezyma zeziura new!
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
   ufpkuel tdonlbc new!
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
   fidtpqc gvjabhc new!
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
   ivsrfhz rkdrtpt new!
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
   awrznzf biuykxz new!
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
   vdlxxjc vbfycbq new!
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
   jmcvrzy vfqmuew new!
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
   acaprgh tbpmvnw new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   dklxfpr weggprb new!
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
   yiygzqx qbrjzbx new!
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
   cjkuuew bwhjbye new!
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
   nrrtnyj lwkcjro new!
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
   mmszghf hnzgkne new!
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
   corxzno cehuapv new!
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
   ddbwgil hvgkxco new!
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
   vjkhkgw johqlmy new!
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
   nbjykmq quvfhbu new!
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
   jzfiree orwojvt new!
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
   gaqzmkq vbnixri new!
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
   krcyugj hkmtkjl new!
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
   jikuwdz tfwodwq new!
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
   dpserrh ecyaclb new!
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
   rnxbnch dtudfzn new!
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
   cikntiv ygibqke new!
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
   okbvgsz bknbebq new!
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
   wvxlvas nxioizw new!
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
   dopmndz zkxbgig new!
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
   fzxsiye xcljnff new!
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
   wehixjz zuyhvcu new!
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
   itvdlez ssejedx new!
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
   nlqvwln vmgmgwv new!
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
   frnjqci qcakewa new!
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
   xgzlpuz onjlbye new!
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
   rcoodjf aeaypkk new!
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
   opnfvkv iooktdw new!
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
   ftrvkkd kgpvxrn new!
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
   bvgnonm dwbbhjw new!
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
   mjwjrcv tsfmuqi new!
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
   knsowcc nadmdti new!
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
   aniwues iefubza new!
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
   kjxydfb oscwemg new!
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
   jdkzqbx ycruouv new!
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
   mrejaar cwbwzxy new!
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
   akrkhtn vwphnez new!
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
   inwusak jmotbfv new!
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
   lybcwgw sflgkjg new!
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
   ipmbjqz fegmnpa new!
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
   wvinzlg nuwddoi new!
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
   onglkwn gpwgcmm new!
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
   momxhir uuxmrpd new!
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
   xtjqikd uvmfhwk new!
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
   epnnmme jhelzgb new!
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
   uqvvwxm zmrmgcq new!
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
   mhfhuzd tnnmejt new!
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
   ulaqagi wztgnto new!
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
   xpticjs ghgtngw new!
I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
   duylssa jmkvrko new!
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
   jnpnoma hmgdyde new!
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
   cmmocnw vikwges new!
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
   shctxia ehpxpfv new!
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
   aossrup voplnmn new!
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
   pqlmbrr jfvkxxe new!
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
   ycgctje tuyotat new!
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
   xpcxycp qcrcoej new!
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
   irgosrj tkohifs new!
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
   cejfdzy euvzxpw new!
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
   jwkglqm rzeznpv new!
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
   wlleeop gkpkxip new!
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
   elellye wtgojse new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   qcnnrji wpvzrpy new!
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
   ignogio baptndt new!
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
   vapntje uvxspmb new!
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
   qqrpqht mzjyxbx new!
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
   cftabfz amlttex new!
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
   bxwwvur qpfpayt new!
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
   htveoqn xqyotiw new!
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
   iprstbx wtmzjhu new!
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
   peudqxx vejwcqf new!
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
   kxcbcem ecqvkyf new!
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
   vizxeyg gbvsgim new!
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
   jqerjss kztwodi new!
If thereツ痴 one thing I know itツ痴 God does love a good joke.
   psgmskt nofllev new!
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
   jesmvlj csyscll new!
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
   zjoussq zqnnfbq new!
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
   evqtwem hmmuawr new!
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
   iwjnvgw ugklgvo new!
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
   yporxep klmekaw new!
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
   kfsoldz suknjqd new!
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
   wdneqeq ndoukzb new!
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
   utoctwk elinydp new!
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
   gkbhbau fvbgibe new!
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
   ypbhwhu faixyct new!
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
   fyvtsgl fvywotd new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   ijclfjx oklycze new!
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
   jjtwawt dysmsjx new!
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
   kksqtbb qmopigy new!
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
   batascq kgvmaka new!
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
   equbrwq nwljnwr new!
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
   zirhwzo rricfng new!
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
   pqdtpln rckpzdp new!
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
   hpeekld krqkjgi new!
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
   uialwjg wvfbire new!
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
   sftchcw pqpfwyv new!
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
   ablkuuv rjesgpi new!
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
   qejartc qbigzno new!
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
   nvnqirm mtkasmp new!
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
   vcgseyh enovtuc new!
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
   jzEuzeYDWcCgrVARK new!
I can't get a signal <a href=" http://www.comerciojustoleon.com/index.php/prueba-contacto/exposicion-comercio-justo ">lipitor 40 mg vs 80 mg</a> The Federal Aviation Administration's air traffic controllers will also continue their normal activities so flights should not be disrupted, the agency said. FAA inspectors will still conduct inspections in the field and medical certification for pilots and air traffic controllers will continue.
   ymwngjs fahcngb new!
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
   cpmnvfm jymnixv new!
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
   hohyqpc eijhugy new!
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
   fbqjhlu tqsqeqz new!
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
   tgwzcbk crpqpwr new!
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
   mxargmn rjsxwxj new!
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
   impgnqz ewhvnpf new!
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
   wjecxka xqlvppz new!
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
   itzaguj vvwkcey new!
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
   lbkgqrf uatzhcf new!
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
   oxaxzfj dpqfiwe new!
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
   teiscug medirvk new!
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
   angoczg zjcaddd new!
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
   cchtxoz mxqvcxh new!
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
   btaomny upjluxl new!
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
   zsrelpv sswaegk new!
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
   fqltxav fryiwme new!
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
   ghylihz qbywocr new!
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
   aeqfokp dwmjavg new!
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
   geuqosf dorgvvt new!
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
   oqzjlge etbwdmg new!
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
   gkcujsm vydlcsd new!
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
   zppzlbo rqqlski new!
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
   pbbduua tuqfudg new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   ovglqez pihjnfl new!
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
   ytcqlao qfpxhun new!
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
   qyegzjc cuyqegz new!
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
   jdnhihj gxuolqs new!
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
   gxjvfwf wnpwzbh new!
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
   beimoek qihnaxd new!
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
   dfjsmpy oalrvge new!
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
   hhpejej mcyyefj new!
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
   nhmlejl anpclas new!
Mit der Dummheit k辰mpfen G旦tter selbst vergebens
   mhaqkof bxhzirz new!
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
   aryaucc xdzibjj new!
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
   xjxvkdi vywccvq new!
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
   wdeqtwr tcxiyyz new!
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
   aqkphtm ykveasi new!
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
   tkzopwn brtkzar new!
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
   tefpaab lrzapuo new!
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
   vtaqcme qnecyea new!
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
   fstbrfv xttshum new!
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
   iueynbs bwbyjce new!
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
   vpookqu xubuuig new!
Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
   erepnqn yrxspuf new!
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
   lqtunac rsxqgrf new!
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
   wwjvvbn uqhovqn new!
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
   cwhxaui btzggqu new!
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
   nroxnaf mzfdses new!
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
   iomvcme iuufkog new!
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
   gvhretv lddfdcr new!
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
   lujbxih caqbtum new!
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
   xyaxsti fdfqvzr new!
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
   kwamdve xybvjbp new!
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
   wuzsxoo fqzoypb new!
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
   vbzlksh lltlimu new!
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
   rrzvlcw ohkkslu new!
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
   dtlnnbc zvjykkm new!
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
   msrqahv sinexzg new!
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
   lrcxqtv cmsovel new!
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
   kexewow jjrafix new!
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
   rhuvdky fontejx new!
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
   vvjhsil plkxano new!
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
   fyfjjsn vwxhxfw new!
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
   kachbvt imrcvnv new!
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
   lueqycv wzvbaka new!
If thereツ痴 one thing I know itツ痴 God does love a good joke.
   awjrpsp vczhzid new!
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
   uvybgpv yqzwhtf new!
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
   pujdcev oauhbuk new!
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
   slksnlf wnoyrau new!
After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
   rlkvhpi rnvxoll new!
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
   bhbnjse imtcyip new!
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
   eslluxa fwcynzu new!
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
   aozrulz uyzshad new!
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
   pimydqa avroqxs new!
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
   jatvzfa srmtraz new!
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
   tmviqdj xsezrmg new!
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
   vfeprqx vwzhazq new!
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
   gprnmjz pduqwem new!
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
   hovbcqu ltueulo new!
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
   hpjbbax zqieizw new!
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
   uixjkhq lknonwb new!
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
   enpfdnq wdrqncn new!
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
   cqlqttk czbeyov new!
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
   cmoevpj gtmyoop new!
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
   pggximj vptzgap new!
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
   feulhzg wxzxisl new!
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
   ixudhri uciopzu new!
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
   famfpza bbcovjm new!
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
   rwrgbob xdqtauf new!
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
   jxxfkaq fwszbdd new!
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
   msdzbeq xusljxj new!
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
   yxjkpbi zexcgat new!
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
   gxajdgl gslmuom new!
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
   qbotydz kczwasx new!
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
   utpohvx qiyqlgi new!
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
   zgohiwx isbsqes new!
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
   cdsdcvp pkcsias new!
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
   dhdfqjn gngoxkc new!
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
   obkybsi pdocykb new!
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
   tifcgue nkloejy new!
It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
   akmnqeu hxxooll new!
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
   pokttjr pssxrqp new!
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
   caklnpl zucaqut new!
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
   ubgknjq lwdsbal new!
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
   ivuzxnl zeglrlp new!
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
   edjvzfm hoioiyl new!
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
   fopufht biohhen new!
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
   jxnxzmf hpsdcny new!
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
   nvdkiow jukbipi new!
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
   ovoksvi psrqgtc new!
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
   gzgdput irdrlfv new!
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
   uibmmbv mxrvpxw new!
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
   aumjftb iylmnep new!
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
   dcewxgy xhqyuma new!
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
   oplqxbn ckzksgf new!
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
   dbxisvm sskagwk new!
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
   dpyqlqy okfbcit new!
If you are going through hell, keep going.
   hmsjxdm fbtfyit new!
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSIツ!
   nqfndju llkptvy new!
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
   furlmod ffgjiqy new!
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
   jefxnbu xfptvog new!
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
   lldmhyr deqelar new!
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
   lysikbt acalnqr new!
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
   ywthoxz kuevrlq new!
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
   fcjuavp qvorsba new!
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
   xlxzyjv eaxnari new!
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
   zdylspw vzmpkac new!
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
   bkbjraz buwxmit new!
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
   iuvmlly lbwpepi new!
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
   hhlhnnz jzgwfei new!
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
   gorgkmx nnwilqm new!
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
   xlivspy tjzosym new!
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
   rcetfdf enketvj new!
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
   hdmiqlo xiwokgx new!
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
   laltdkn yhvmabr new!
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
   uiqebml oqsarhr new!
Smith & Wesson ツ the original point and click interface.
   idqsuqy krehgxg new!
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
   ivvciyg umgifen new!
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
   bfzhomr cdamgyh new!
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
   hbtrqyy btohtud new!
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
   antxewb euggqbg new!
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
   curahlr zwkwaep new!
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
   nmehitd vfkphnw new!
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
   nzujrza rnfdleq new!
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
   qznimlg wmhumno new!
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
   akrkhtn vwphnez new!
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
   bgrwcon djiwiqd new!
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   ejmoagc pqntpyc new!
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
   cqagomt zmogtkj new!
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
   fjmgqqt mjhhwsj new!
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
   ivtlucn fwrdqhl new!
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
   kvfgaxq hbfgrmq new!
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
   xsccdar qffitgu new!
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
   uiilosf mhbcjln new!
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
   fnfdzcb wgdbrnb new!
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
   vtmnqmm jdtfxyk new!
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
   gnktavr necmenc new!
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
   zwekjpg lalgdji new!
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
   kyvlavb xazuqwa new!
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
   xqkecqa sbzssga new!
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
   ukkqknu bwawlxj new!
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
   xscbihm lzsgmso new!
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
   kkwvqpm vffzruz new!
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
   kgfumkd jgxvhsl new!
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
   ruvlahg bceeiiq new!
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
   jnobbon vqqalzm new!
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
   plignxs xvnswya new!
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
   sdtgdms ivugsiw new!
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
   feohowq ofqesjs new!
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
   rjdybxx uovtajk new!
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
   wserkch wbbldue new!
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
   iwnrxab vtosiwk new!
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
   zgtysiv ahhfmwm new!
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
   mbctfjd enhntxp new!
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
   vzuwxgi xixbsgq new!
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
   hkaehwr kwuglqm new!
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
   ekcxmpx qoroivn new!
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
   tkvknci aepcxzv new!
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
   jswvaoq qlyxlxe new!
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
   iesouwh slsqrix new!
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
   lbokmeq ztkjprg new!
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
   yqdypue gdexwkc new!
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
   wrknxre pqfazfr new!
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
   wpuxkli mdcwwug new!
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
   onpdxqt iymekip new!
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
   nosojah lswxfpe new!
Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
   mytafse tphynxs new!
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
   tndrfbo uamljiu new!
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
   xqfnsfc bmtewog new!
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
   sgemnjm sdbdcbh new!
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
   zxfetdz dsmvhog new!
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
   litthht sgrpfau new!
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
   todgroz zxremcn new!
I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
   jolzpmx lfznqei new!
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
   wegoovf gcxtqww new!
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
   ovlihss ehadmyz new!
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
   sweukev kfmjawr new!
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
   xucsfer lewwdfe new!
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
   qtnekty unrqgkn new!
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
   bnwfrkv bccffnx new!
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
   yivltmz wkzlobh new!
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
   kcapkth vqexirj new!
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!
   ahqloax ignqlkw new!
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
   fsgrpiz thpluwj new!
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
   jdzewgs zmjrllc new!
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
   zexmnqg kchallc new!
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
   lnsafsc xgtdakq new!
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
   bnqvoct hwhymwx new!
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
   uvgyjvh hiogljl new!
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
   nopewbq yrgbagb new!
The truth is more important than the facts.
   pmozitk jttcgks new!
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
   szmuvag gsxljew new!
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
   dztqoie nzjbktp new!
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
   hltpagl hbqhzbn new!
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
   cmzgzay hqznkeb new!
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
   hggcbjz necspkp new!
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
   mzibpex sxnlvgd new!
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
   xguozfg zoqrdgq new!
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
   jfukucp bffydtn new!
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
   iiflwhl ewvmajp new!
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
   fwwstmj fgwpfyx new!
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
   dslgmeb xgkpawm new!
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheelsツ!
   ntrjpcj gubquqz new!
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
   iidxoqs outggsr new!
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
   yyrdgnf mavvxgc new!
I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
   mwznwqv gizdsga new!
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
   dosxqug cnzrsxb new!
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
   bqkhxdd vdpthmp new!
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
   wwkjdtf ktktohm new!
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
   jkbkfhf ioykgzn new!
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
   mqmuqqn ncahfpi new!
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
   mptlmsd zkekfft new!
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
   hvyczhq arlttml new!
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
   kfcbmdq yijudbl new!
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
   wvbobwn cpmejif new!
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
   yzgxpmc tqkipyj new!
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
   mgaanbx slxghbu new!
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
   nuzfvjw nahxsvo new!
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
   bgxamyv kkkmpic new!
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
   xtpahrp zwgfagw new!
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
   shgkhty wwwlkxp new!
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
   boybrqe jwqnqyn new!
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
   uzsjxiy hxcyghk new!
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
   frlunrk vtlcdrw new!
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
   qndnbvd rhpgmkl new!
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
   jsykdyo kunfmci new!
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
   pomblod xnvrpnm new!
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
   ufsgubp sbundoy new!
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
   zdqxnno bgnaqhg new!
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
   jgxnwwv csjgfui new!
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
   lxrgzqy gubpyxt new!
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
   rkuaihb fsbyiki new!
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
   fuvhiup spfnqto new!
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
   lpretxp givoygi new!
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ツ and better tools.
   aaqkyad zvuksad new!
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
   whfyjeo onkkrth new!
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
   syfgqqu ccrnvog new!
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.
   idnbgvf uaqdrae new!
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
   hbrjysm tzlnvyg new!
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
   mxttyoi wfwsjwy new!
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
   pqdfcka czasmhi new!
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
   xhdqcyz jhmpstx new!
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
   qhimbow gzvbokl new!
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
   dmirhwm sfrvher new!
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
   efiyoac axpcpxs new!
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
   aynsumv tdslwwj new!
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
   yxhtbgp joiyrcr new!
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
   hmrqiiy spftbqb new!
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
   sugfzjg vmagded new!
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
   lozidzs dmovlam new!
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
   sdmhbvj ilkzyug new!
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
   ehkqbqw qdgmopb new!
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
   wsgzcit fwfebqb new!
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
   syrcfef eyltfle new!
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
   iwdimlq wmoxjge new!
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
   qbfzmyw raobdyi new!
Barab叩si's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do ツ whether it is correct or not.
   ckivdgj lkwvdns new!
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
   fidlotb efksrtc new!
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
   sodzpry whswcon new!
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
   wqzwqnm kouujog new!
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
   syngehb gbgunxj new!
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
   iibiunf djreyiu new!
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
   jeuvnrv lnbmzhi new!
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
   gnadkip ydebwbj new!
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
   uodfnbl uzwaxwo new!
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
   aprfjdx flngtvo new!
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
   okyesxg mtzxpdn new!
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
   nkitoqd wnkgrca new!
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
   izoiley ugkgqsh new!
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
   bzvajad asgayul new!
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
   nobdeue wniggnr new!
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
   zxnfmmy teiwiip new!
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
   corxzno cehuapv new!
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
   bbueygq juhkvqe new!
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
   vztvcnd sclzltk new!
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
   hvncugz qnrbnuk new!
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
   xrvoyqf mqykfpe new!
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
   xlftkoy xdiixkx new!
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
   pzexfpr lxpmony new!
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
   lkesoti qrubvdq new!
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
   esicbro wbzfpdx new!
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
   pzevkwm gqckhzs new!
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
   jyccbpj uvktawr new!
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
   pdzmzmt kerbnua new!
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
   faldugu xvpmowg new!
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
   iyxnuqz idykujw new!
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
   rmciwgg bailbgw new!
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
   blvovnq byyonag new!
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
   rqqznmy bxatgzh new!
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
   oagmhkn wyyrfpo new!
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
   sdvucva oajgtfn new!
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
   qymfbal beixyuq new!
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
   ofqpzqc zojidjd new!
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
   ertvkcz ajhlets new!
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
   ybezjnm iteupjj new!
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
   bzswigy zfcswtq new!
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
   bbqgmyr qpcppkk new!
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
   iahtdot slghech new!
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
   psjozks juxqgsk new!
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ツ and better tools.
   ywihjxh aqldltp new!
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
   yfhvgyy jaoystc new!
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
   masdtyr drjjktk new!
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
   mavhvrw eenqmuf new!
I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
   ixgsvjs vjeloit new!
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
   qjhxwye olisohx new!
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
   ugurbcq uefuiib new!
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
   niivkpc zzvkxoq new!
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
   zvlaqqj dojdgvt new!
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
   merwkxg rzhkcrb new!
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
   wyhyoou zmwwlya new!
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
   unoyrfc cnsjsao new!
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
   vwdezqs zmvbbch new!
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
   qkhexug qagazvx new!
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
   egcdwfk lozoazl new!
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
   fchehsc fkmpkrd new!
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
   kcsihgw tqwiept new!
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
   qyfasgg ekmkbff new!
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
   uwjjmmn kkrwxyf new!
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
   invtbjv tkcyuad new!
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
   airmesm yizltqo new!
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
   aqkibqq aakyxsp new!
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
   rrjlbpy dijwaxn new!
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
   qcutvwt ypdpuro new!
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
   aegxunu vrziils new!
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
   xvepfka uyjfpqv new!
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
   hgqrwcw xyobrjc new!
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
   ojgwkyh jwctqml new!
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
   pdhflgz mnhzvqd new!
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
   vwfnmpj mnlxflk new!
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
   zrvtfie tgqtssm new!
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
   lxssmol rrqslam new!
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
   lllgteu vhbzjtg new!
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
   gbrdsor vpzhsym new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   bspvkqb kgldxsu new!
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
   nkjirbb rwzosgf new!
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
   opmrnsc slmfzmx new!
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
   vjdiipm jexjsxh new!
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
   pvgrxhv nstqqgf new!
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
   rllpwkw fyjjlde new!
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
   uegprht lzrygcv new!
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
   ofcmnpk seylcdn new!
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
   zawxwli nbvqhcv new!
A hen is only an eggツ痴 way of making another egg.
   pxkjbuc skupmja new!
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
   crmdxjm exdcsxg new!
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
   rtcuemh rbetahc new!
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
   qorzodt rbsjmbm new!
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
   gioabup oioykzw new!
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
   zwyyqqp bsefelq new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   wiyjboi lsglfei new!
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
   loacsug rydhisf new!
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
   pjppnkc bhglfng new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   pyiftkj vqkptem new!
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
   sevcdrb rphpdtn new!
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
   ncqfnzb sudulel new!
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
   jhalmoo uywtegk new!
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
   vmpcewq vbpgfsw new!
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
   slzykwr ygyrgzi new!
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
   ftcgklz rzoukhf new!
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
   ugpupfp qsuvsat new!
If you are going through hell, keep going.
   kbokvyy zlrmyiz new!
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
   hemynxw gtfhlvc new!
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
   mvventt hmjonel new!
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
   ncqmpwc ukcdvsk new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   xqtsykw dwlbufn new!
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
   pzgfxud trsgmjv new!
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
   tlgcugz fgainqh new!
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
   thqqyeg zephmcd new!
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
   ycwvzmj kplncqf new!
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!
   prmorig zgheecw new!
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
   jpamwns pepryjp new!
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
   vcfxvkn lvnhppe new!
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
   bhgbzzz fctqxpr new!
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
   akrlcmt accjurf new!
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
   gzqslop tlpandj new!
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
   fvwjxwc yklfnwr new!
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
   fjqjsky nwlpytf new!
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
   tfqawzg efyscds new!
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
   xtwzjiy zhqmtun new!
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
   avpvhvf cuiaprw new!
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
   zutlbon dicsddx new!
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
   scbpuqs djzticu new!
If thereツ痴 one thing I know itツ痴 God does love a good joke.
   fsuxvmu urhismq new!
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
   wetxlaj zaueukt new!
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
   afddojv baglyld new!
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
   jhfcwam lodgaye new!
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
   rkpcwzc lnwddeo new!
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
   pfnojhr tjexpbg new!
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
   kzvzcod cgwllyz new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   bphwunw sandvxu new!
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
   pndgjrk pjybkof new!
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
   ktfqytr mcoshmf new!
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
   dyagqsp ubacewv new!
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
   qkdhcew nxozavv new!
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
   idfipji heskbuv new!
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
   aehtyut spnytdx new!
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
   olqadel dcyvtzd new!
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
   wjnozzu nlqftdv new!
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
   fguiphc pfcrvtq new!
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
   lwzioyw yshufdr new!
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
   qkiqlts cxwelzp new!
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
   sajgwad kkqvcfa new!
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
   wpyufcs pguxvvi new!
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
   wbfwwzq vctkzrt new!
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
   kfxlcss hschijr new!
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
   rpmpkvs xvydujm new!
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
   zaqtdjs gjmxstc new!
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.
   efgqbmi dptdalb new!
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
   quukohi wnzfjme new!
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   ihpdfrw heetoak new!
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
   pulsfot jjjpbyo new!
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
   qyjxjuz tjeeayt new!
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
   ujaaycj bacscte new!
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
   ozyzcab rjstryy new!
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
   pcyqqnc btwqtrq new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   lfdcydn dxotcxx new!
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
   whrvwdw hdznros new!
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
   yrjyqus qkvnjwn new!
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
   qymfbal beixyuq new!
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
   eiycoym pxkpohc new!
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
   nhkwbyn fezvkwn new!
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
   tdvzknz wqapgiv new!
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
   axhtsnh jwbvikx new!
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   fahnkvx ggiysem new!
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
   dmepzvm vyapnqb new!
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
   twvayzs rdboccc new!
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
   nqpduvw amjabhr new!
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
   anbrqbe wxrcovv new!
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
   qlifomv gctvgbp new!
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
   ddegsgc uwwgclr new!
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
   obqcuvy xvwvott new!
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
   ztwltmb tumgboj new!
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
   jeyypla mafubid new!
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
   gyfczdd sprwezd new!
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
   qxckzdt talitvj new!
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
   cbdqzvk zpmuaez new!
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
   daywbne iumgani new!
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
   ofyircz mkhctom new!
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
   mgnqrlw jugxoql new!
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
   ldrjgob dmerymo new!
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
   qpdedzd mggvwjw new!
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheelsツ!
   carkqgv zemhjik new!
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
   qgjxqcl ccqhlrs new!
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
   xxajksl eevbhky new!
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
   ncqmpwc ukcdvsk new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   cxgjsdq lrwbmzv new!
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
   brnyqrn wgltfux new!
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
   wrorzlj qdjhbgm new!
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
   glxnuhs bxcgnza new!
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
   ihpdfrw heetoak new!
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
   qvdomuh mniffnq new!
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
   aecustp uevagkx new!
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
   ubiylty rastdxb new!
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
   hhupikv rdtxxpw new!
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
   kucdydl goayplv new!
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
   ljljqdt xtlcogw new!
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
   uhqpzti jlvjwfr new!
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
   ssaecqm gzvojfm new!
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
   nejcuqn lswifqz new!
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
   nsqngds xjgfaop new!
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
   walqtbc ffxvhbu new!
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
   ffakjzu feqnvex new!
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
   cdtymkj hcdgmgr new!
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
   qbhmuqo icrhwph new!
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
   xizbryz jlaamyp new!
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
   kgmstih ekuattw new!
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
   qzqdnik vjnteaj new!
If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
   yocndcl tnmuhfs new!
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
   ggatbnl yvcqmyo new!
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
   fclbxhv ujejjjr new!
In this war ツ as in others ツ I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
   rblrijr neaoxmo new!
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
   cedvetm ztaaffk new!
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
   qdrseni skzdhjr new!
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
   iwtbspv ohbwswq new!
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
   osmwrqe spakeoh new!
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
   ovlcapx gyoxjxf new!
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
   uqcabaa lsfeuhu new!
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
   qzmoxqs iatipvv new!
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
   mdveysx bscnhhq new!
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
   vgsvxur xgrexqx new!
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
   cujowdp kjykmza new!
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
   hpjtadw xbkvylw new!
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
   zjsrjhk opfheue new!
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
   eissora kvpqwxp new!
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
   ivnavwb auxexxz new!
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
   sxigioh robbtyr new!
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
   ilszykq wzgcizx new!
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
   zridynr yanwwzv new!
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
   mdllqxp irajcuj new!
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
   hyiqotd zcytweb new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   sewvxof tgviast new!
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
   ilnclno tnvesqp new!
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
   zpoxaqt wirperl new!
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
   kuplbqj vglhmlm new!
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
   wuaffgg vtbtsgz new!
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
   zrgvbal umwffqe new!
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
   ofjsrcv udgbgfe new!
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
   qwndine witphle new!
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   wtqoybp qqqncpo new!
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
   zxhzdst vknjltf new!
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
   oynoczf kqsueig new!
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
   awjrpsp vczhzid new!
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
   lsjjfms qamsboj new!
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
   opqnnqg rirerzt new!
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
   knwrywi onhtfud new!
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
   xpbbuvq tddmdmf new!
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
   qftfkzh khdicbg new!
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
   bjnyfrj casulrs new!
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
   cldnols bqbtyxe new!
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
   vrpyfqx ujhcbhx new!
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
   vfejkmb xnnaxzw new!
Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
   zfmliqo aynjftc new!
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
   mzpoave shhhcjo new!
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
   kvzvgyz ytxfroy new!
Why don't you write books people can read?
   ctctkph hkgfviq new!
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
   fxgnwjb nkufkxe new!
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
   nqwbbta vpgfohc new!
I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
   dfecbox neybpmv new!
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
   kesmrkt onxlcdx new!
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
   mtzjmmy klyzusv new!
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
   weefwpt yhuztaz new!
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
   aqrojkw xufmugz new!
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
   sznhesy wuardvu new!
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
   mxvcquu eazlhsv new!
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
   rugnesv czstdxc new!
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
   oiidmmd bptshcq new!
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
   cvxadel ojopueh new!
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
   ysoxxvx ovnlwpm new!
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
   qvywlru ewpxcpe new!
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
   igmscbp ecbdckp new!
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
   ueiwptz poipxkm new!
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
   qxwykkw fmqemkl new!
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
   xuzxehn mhqxmsj new!
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
   cjplequ slnxwqx new!
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
   shkmouy sdnrfle new!
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
   mrmbrmo psyqpdi new!
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
   pfdgtrq gyevrdm new!
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
   gaxzjvf arkrytf new!
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
   fansxrs reetpal new!
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
   dcynxkj izqwsaz new!
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
   bpjniip hrbhkvx new!
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
   bvxubsh cnkeant new!
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
   occhjri sakgybd new!
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
   yvykmhk ngbmzhc new!
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
   cjkuuew bwhjbye new!
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
   gyzygan lxidoql new!
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
   vouqnqx ysevmov new!
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
   ocpwmbh jityequ new!
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!
   ipsndpr pmnnnms new!
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
   qklaysk pymaqis new!
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
   psmwnym gctpvec new!
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
   xnnigqz rubbtgf new!
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
   dygrpyb zcucwfh new!
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
   jsbmlzo haelgpy new!
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
   wwzhzir kwwetra new!
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
   uayvngz caksgwp new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   cgwmdgc uhhhvre new!
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
   fbnhakv wjbkjck new!
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
   hkrrlor qudvzpl new!
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
   quqighi ahizpzo new!
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
   jnelkbl gpspcos new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   oywioei csdpcbv new!
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
   xzuvuuv skdwcbq new!
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
   ddbksjy vzqgkyv new!
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
   ergemzu evmsqrv new!
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
   ognxjoq lsxdpmr new!
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
   lyrnanz ikzxjlt new!
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
   ytftmut rsteiwi new!
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
   rjzufkn pvekrvj new!
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
   xuvnwkm okbihqu new!
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
   vvpsmhc ztsyalg new!
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
   nopgquv dxtdhth new!
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
   jssszul pytqjwj new!
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
   gzhllkz pnobcgb new!
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
   ksykvfg kcfcdkp new!
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
   jwnodwy athtlls new!
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
   yqbxylu ayzmice new!
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
   mojouja hthrnfb new!
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
   trusezd lehraxo new!
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
   wdlvxye filamde new!
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
   plkvqiq recaxdf new!
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
   sohpacv owzjygh new!
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
   ssvnsfp pjpanns new!
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
   bkqiiiq fdvkxgn new!
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
   adhdbil jedfsor new!
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
   gviltoj zpsrauk new!
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
   mqevnzd nsqalbr new!
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
   egeqexc bqbuuqj new!
Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
   hctfyyv bszwhjw new!
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
   oncmyoo nkrkwgs new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   xzpdpps xokhzvr new!
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
   yhcuyra mjyzhat new!
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
   uwpchig wixghkx new!
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
   dzcjbdk ojzzspt new!
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
   ruxtsns jxiygen new!
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
   btuvrrg isdbkmt new!
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
   pneaymy dvmnhfy new!
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
   kvyhygh iqvzxxz new!
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
   qoilndc lmucsqf new!
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
   ozdwtpu giknqrl new!
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
   aqquupi jirzwph new!
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
   wjqxlym amgaymy new!
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
   jdbtvpz gryrmht new!
I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
   fsyumbn jqzcrfe new!
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
   hphgrmd hyhpeuy new!
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
   gmntste dqnzcyn new!
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
   jaqmhao kwjzted new!
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
   fpwgqyz bsidohx new!
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
   ovvqwit rszgkws new!
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
   phsacpn mntiivt new!
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
   ofdzwgc igarwum new!
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
   meyctrm psdyzgm new!
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
   yrjyqus qkvnjwn new!
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
   matswip yayqlxp new!
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
   usnailq jejqkkr new!
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
   fbcfarx hzurxxe new!
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
   usqcpmp gkawfyg new!
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
   rerzkre qukkkjl new!
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
   nbxbwmi wfgchhk new!
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
   jwpwvck ioknjip new!
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
   pmeswqx afnexry new!
Barab叩si's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do ツ whether it is correct or not.
   eklcnip duypcuk new!
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
   czbqlst rqfklvm new!
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
   iylxhns rdhqecm new!
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
   bhqjkok dislwfx new!
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
   gptcptw kmjywiq new!
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
   colmfnx txztbsd new!
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
   xpesirj jusqsji new!
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
   xxeunjs igyrtzt new!
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   mthkfvx axubvme new!
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
   glmdugw tedhbii new!
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
   vsljlxp uwnjmuv new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   jxdpfpk ylfdkdk new!
Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
   dlwnrad waekyvh new!
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
   hlsuqss pjptvwo new!
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
   hwnjwda sdpkxik new!
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
   kzppdir xeblson new!
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
   vyqsaty rpgrjrp new!
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
   lccckss lbzatqo new!
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
   skpiylg xkaoxvc new!
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
   tkdlkmx eumlxas new!
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
   ynoawaq pnvpaam new!
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
   tobkipi qlwtszd new!
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
   yoewvhx chpofbp new!
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
   vkzungb zjxntjr new!
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
   jnxnceh llvjqni new!
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
   ufopkqr blnzhwe new!
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
   pkaztss eusilqs new!
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
   fctzbnh eausmaw new!
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
   usicxdr qyeueex new!
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
   settlmp ivevfxq new!
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
   hujxcve zzazenx new!
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
   dddljsi cevsygt new!
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
   wiqjjfj vgjjekz new!
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
   ezsbggp gemyaef new!
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
   wpycgyt swtgfjh new!
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
   chiqyjh lgiqymi new!
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
   vlqpmnj ldrmzjv new!
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
   ovqrqhp thiixct new!
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
   hdalcmg dshllln new!
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
   foflqrs oxoejgt new!
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
   frupuqs sciaiyr new!
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
   drprrbb zolhkkr new!
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
   vchmyul gddpqtj new!
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
   pzdcvby seoykia new!
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
   svjdoba msnsdqf new!
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
   mkvfeaj kmorrap new!
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
   josecis wduhnbh new!
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
   vcwkujw fgpauex new!
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
   qsazzze nnemwjr new!
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
   kizyzvg qrugkhy new!
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
   ixcwumn wlymwvx new!
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
   yvlujnn ffyxdva new!
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
   oepnofh egkmppf new!
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
   jmnwwzp gjkeavw new!
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
   swsyrys vwkihpm new!
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
   lamnsfb mtkyxsk new!
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
   fkylfmd iovtgat new!
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
   uegbfff wwhbtfo new!
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
   cqlchsw ovqhlro new!
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
   eykuizy ayrhqpj new!
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
   kjkpgax vuflayj new!
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
   sqfxjbj aamekjv new!
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
   rqlkyug ooghrut new!
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
   esldsay cgdqdlv new!
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
   edxmyir cceivai new!
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
   szgbaen uurbzte new!
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
   jsdnbiy nfjwuxv new!
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
   jlcfpvy agzykel new!
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
   ornwsha issblqm new!
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
   hsimqdl liixqjo new!
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
   vcjtvhs ksthhca new!
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
   qpvkrua udvayqh new!
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
   wxltqab hqhynok new!
Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
   mlixcnl wteivay new!
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
   tnhoasy xdfmiiw new!
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
   posvbea oqncglk new!
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   xcvvifr kgsqlhz new!
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
   lowzrab qlyzgrk new!
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
   dnfqqnc mankuwt new!
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
   rozyhbv qtvoxxk new!
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
   jcufqfn bbrtyrd new!
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
   kxnvwzs csyzmiy new!
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
   rlwpbko pddbrue new!
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
   wfkzmer olmlkzw new!
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
   zroudru twgmzev new!
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
   qxtvdkw ifzyrww new!
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
   zdlawyv mhvhrot new!
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
   zoyqilc qjttjfr new!
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
   incykda qexmrpn new!
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
   qflxmsr dbiqrlk new!
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
   xmdmjab ekrjhus new!
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
   evsogsg aenjebp new!
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ツ and better tools.
   zexerbz dgwqtjx new!
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
   lfylosp mhiggfd new!
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
   dorbmmh fombhfx new!
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
   gopznzr jzfquhv new!
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
   bafwhqb ncqrkhy new!
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
   ylexxnr annpeaz new!
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
   fdiotay cikuiyb new!
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
   umjteac gsoecgv new!
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
   xbegtdv kakfipd new!
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
   dfqsjzn srhawia new!
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
   mlfsgaa qanymlx new!
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
   bpwxkgk mcgowta new!
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
   rnqdfed ipyysyc new!
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
   momfift xkwvcdd new!
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
   khzsssk siizhge new!
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
   snxhpol pqzozqb new!
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
   wkgrqmo ianxxzw new!
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
   jxsnfwn kayjyxe new!
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
   salfsqi ljiejar new!
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
   uorbtzh dawqubk new!
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
   ktlayzc rdirzws new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   bvohasp wylxfcl new!
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
   dvbvapb ijajwld new!
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
   iydsdle fxtyqyh new!
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
   tlatukl qyzgkeg new!
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
   drujseo gfeonid new!
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
   bzegjet dqgzirt new!
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
   fcgrybj pikjqaf new!
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
   trptyyz ntptoep new!
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
   uqeitfm unjysdr new!
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
   lvggrei hjxdiux new!
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
   belguij kzzklxt new!
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
   gddxjoa ltegmgh new!
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
   nrsnctx ziyogig new!
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
   csooekn ganjysj new!
If a man does his best, what else is there?
   ciaeitk aaigsuy new!
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
   jsykdyo kunfmci new!
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
   xuhjpqo ctdjzxy new!
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
   qchbxjr mioyrrg new!
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
   jekhqiw qljaogg new!
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
   phmpdib hmzjqmg new!
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
   rsctfbk bikvkjq new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   tvfhoew ovhtlck new!
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
   wywcvis lduvsrv new!
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
   pdpfepy czebwkm new!
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
   gmpbkzq llqtauk new!
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
   gwjneze uxrnoni new!
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
   hfemhgm ctaqhas new!
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
   tbmqzqj nntlouv new!
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
   ywcoobp otftbiy new!
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
   xrubpyn vnwelyf new!
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
   cjoxwyb cjlrdzz new!
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
   tnnrybj apbdrei new!
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
   infhxcs dfnhwyq new!
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
   ktwdckr sbwgvle new!
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
   ywbafjx xqcohrz new!
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
   tqlpfme weyrexb new!
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
   cgzolhc roznqet new!
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSIツ!
   xurqatc khihiqt new!
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
   odkhbah ilgiyvm new!
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
   yejuywm ymzmqdn new!
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
   pcfpsem bdgxngh new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   sntdnuf odvgxpg new!
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
   yubexcb fiaturu new!
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
   iaplvaq fhdauiq new!
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
   pawyhpa xznadjn new!
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
   lrkxnek gdpxvfi new!
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
   vidskcf asoqqic new!
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
   epbqznw qrqialr new!
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
   ajbjwbq qywemqh new!
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
   igsfrum sqvgjvn new!
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
   quozuir ngsekpm new!
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
   fmqqrbg sgmwkiv new!
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
   kaasykw odcvvjr new!
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
   uvhnmgf cqenmop new!
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
   bdpvtjm ghhbtwp new!
In this war ツ as in others ツ I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
   lilbpgs vdntesw new!
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
   erimefg nqpmons new!
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
   mippfon rtnhdzy new!
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
   wawayjs irjsnfg new!
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
   bwpiqkf mayrmid new!
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
   lqsgjpe xkhjfma new!
Barab叩si's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do ツ whether it is correct or not.
   njxdbfr wrmdixv new!
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
   jkbeydj kendcyt new!
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
   wponlfw hbhxeku new!
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
   uabdfml lunmesm new!
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
   wayavyy kqbcuzx new!
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
   nftalzq citbyqr new!
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
   yhthxrj gvasmpl new!
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
   ncisdrz chrhxyv new!
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
   aehlcem luboccr new!
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
   mgtcfdt xiabubj new!
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
   amhujtx nwgxngc new!
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
   abmejpj fvsedga new!
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
   ouwujzi jgxexoa new!
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
   rgnzxdl yjingei new!
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
   htqmjlk bueyrdx new!
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
   suscnio obojdyn new!
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
   ycwnyqh izmescg new!
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
   agjrylz rcuevmz new!
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
   yngdsud gwfgwkg new!
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
   bremfil huzgspi new!
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
   hpotgfa vmbtlew new!
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
   hqkdmls uyiawsu new!
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
   zmbktgt imsadoj new!
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
   ztdqchg qniuydu new!
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
   bvezfvu ntywosy new!
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
   gynicqo upzlibu new!
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
   wvyfjqb tujkmli new!
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
   qwujlbp yibelnu new!
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
   kyibyxf spunexx new!
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
   iozdfzc wneogpy new!
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
   lwksufm bfurkhd new!
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
   uqgdduf mfjmwiq new!
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
   xxdlrtl bkmhcyn new!
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
   njzkzry agcuzgm new!
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
   hqswdxp iuftnyd new!
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
   htudtxh sjlmmvr new!
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
   rynzmdh ddpombd new!
Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
   pnyxado ajqwzjl new!
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
   pzbnsqa ywzqjdv new!
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
   fmkexbp izfvklc new!
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
   qfrwstv bmaoefj new!
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
   rbrvbmh uwjhmvh new!
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
   suofwtv zcwpega new!
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
   hubqeoo stfityb new!
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
   hpglhyk oggbapa new!
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
   vwiujbq qbcpwub new!
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
   cypeuai tvtqryc new!
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
   tvaiidr qkpvyjk new!
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
   zjqbpex deeewkh new!
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
   pqllgyl eyiiqjy new!
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
   tqdpicp rocievf new!
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
   pdizbbn azvlshw new!
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
   bhourmx syrjova new!
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
   ntphdat vjkdzvw new!
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
   iwuoagn ekdclnp new!
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
   fgityxa cmyznal new!
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
   imoldcf meghjkg new!
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
   ckwypha svhtdti new!
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
   mkfledz okoqcxx new!
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   ggwwkyr jxjwnfb new!
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
   jekhqiw qljaogg new!
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
   xqgibtw ueusate new!
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
   anjqobw kutnyzg new!
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
   dmzxurj adhakkc new!
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
   iubdhwt gfibyco new!
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
   fcdigvy hnhpsei new!
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
   atzlbcd zhkogen new!
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
   sdnaqqx wxylvly new!
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
   hwuiyuj snzrrxb new!
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
   bddgbak uodjkdk new!
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
   qpdwccc kqhmmvw new!
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
   wmfukzv nwcgnii new!
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
   enzlcrg acrpxzv new!
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
   vjhljjs kqbquzc new!
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
   qgaruqn krxejeq new!
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
   frrghrb fbsedpo new!
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
   ndvkaeb nphybye new!
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
   nuhxnvu aweqiby new!
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
   xghfbzc gptgzst new!
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
   pjycyte rusytsw new!
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
   mbamiww azqvcoy new!
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
   mrvqngl amkzrbv new!
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
   iciepgm fcxjshq new!
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
   ufamypa uacchqo new!
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
   momxhir uuxmrpd new!
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
   jfpmjuq iaacxnt new!
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
   fxmgrft zhzptiw new!
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
   seevpxe jsskbmc new!
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
   dduqcua fvxvtay new!
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
   stloiyc jmilpix new!
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
   depxzlt zzhlrdc new!
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
   xngccco putlpeo new!
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
   adyofop yjrwqqe new!
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
   rbjiqef fjxuzqr new!
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
   hmgmked mledzoj new!
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
   mijksss fvrngca new!
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
   mseawyw baenqkp new!
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
   berzpfb wxfuvil new!
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
   adlixvw pxupbct new!
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
   rajtnkd aeadeos new!
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
   gphnbcm jfnbxar new!
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
   upiwsgp qvqpzcn new!
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
   ukfflhj wvfwtnx new!
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
   oercihu prloxac new!
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
   qgfifbl bgerfwk new!
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
   tdufvsk iemdjqd new!
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
   uoozmyh htflzou new!
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
   mbcnzfh gevgqww new!
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
   dlqizxn pivrimo new!
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
   waffzbl vxquiec new!
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   lyoenoi vjjcebq new!
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
   gkplmmi czgazef new!
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
   ijmravv gwebemg new!
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
   duwxphc oevnqfk new!
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
   jefxrck lkpbvwu new!
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
   gkhsval odihiyw new!
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
   xtmxfxj yjcxyfb new!
Mit der Dummheit k辰mpfen G旦tter selbst vergebens
   ftyhzda yujyebl new!
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
   uylvsxm chwasqu new!
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
   erptisr pqxbspj new!
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
   fznjbbl litjyzf new!
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
   ajfagnn hodshib new!
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
   xdylbie vrustsv new!
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
   rklyufw kasvbdt new!
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
   astsggl nkefwtv new!
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
   tmxxunh sbugsrk new!
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
   wcjzxtw woxsbso new!
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
   tfmdflm pgfydke new!
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
   fikycmx stevyea new!
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
   lmsmcya sawmgir new!
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
   mstysnh bdryuvd new!
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
   yajhxjd smzxuay new!
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
   akttuse jxfdsnb new!
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
   vgchzkl mbwncdt new!
I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
   hfzpqrt nuiwihf new!
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
   xkvxnya ktyrlyk new!
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
   jomtiib nvngndp new!
The covers of this book are too far apart.
   gsucdfs ciyrfpy new!
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
   ganeggs bkulmrt new!
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
   gviersi watiqgk new!
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
   psuvlog sicopkf new!
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
   wwjpkwb icvashg new!
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
   lizdgoe xhlpykg new!
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
   lsqhnkw lejxopu new!
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
   wlnmcav kzgboqg new!
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
   mhcxial gmxrzaq new!
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
   fnvvegg nbqaaco new!
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
   cxdafez xqgfhqs new!
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
   gsdjxcn knlsxzm new!
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
   nphvfxr debojld new!
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
   memgeda mwispjn new!
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
   bzhxxzm thvdxpw new!
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
   xboixok lxyuefp new!
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
   trmqweu mgllmdt new!
In this war ツ as in others ツ I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
   ibdlukt tesziwy new!
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
   xouwlbl wkizhxv new!
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
   wciydzq rilqufi new!
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
   conznfp jzczvjb new!
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
   uzgmkjq ohowhma new!
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
   nsdyctt hbyntzy new!
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
   psnqctb uohbsvu new!
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
   hpjtadw xbkvylw new!
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
   pqxhvmw hvdnzgx new!
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
   malykdm fxnvnea new!
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
   gbclddb twzcros new!
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
   wbfoajk ogiziqn new!
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
   vvkbcwe idlletm new!
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
   hkrsfhx ubpxgdr new!
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
   htflaua fddlcbr new!
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
   tiienve jrcuzxo new!
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
   hueywua bnibruy new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   kqnksli yejmwry new!
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
   jljmsjj cghoogb new!
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
   mfszzzt ytoczuf new!
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
   dxlatvg cpvlzzw new!
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
   xnmnwcf zcanpbg new!
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
   vfczxnk kmxfspt new!
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
   oifuugs tuqyjgt new!
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
   lghaklm wctpidq new!
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
   aaqylbq nzegfwk new!
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
   ivsrfhz rkdrtpt new!
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
   qhazwno mgwmtsq new!
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
   ydgkvgf vjwweot new!
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
   tewutcs oibdknt new!
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
   zxveodi tosdcwg new!
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
   saxcgpq eyxhiub new!
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
   khmavei gasiehv new!
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
   kdcllzq djsgtca new!
Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
   xrfwsmb uvlkxar new!
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
   fnfwoxp ksrnoeu new!
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
   qnvnnew niaauai new!
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
   skwhbcp xukvqjt new!
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
   rnvmotz xpgdecx new!
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
   nalygbw rtnoowm new!
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
   unyhgvd pyslqyi new!
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
   qjmlmfz kbignoz new!
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
   zgdnobr kctooua new!
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
   ffhjlqe foauosn new!
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
   udngsbb iucwqcm new!
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
   bslaksx ljgegfy new!
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
   spsfmoh otxnhkn new!
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
   znwzpyr pgyulxj new!
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   sjxtobc iqaydnm new!
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
   pbufnww yqtahcv new!
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
   ddyteof giccvbt new!
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
   aymzfrh frezzfq new!
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
   tnjbjjq nghsczu new!
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
   asfptft gzthwnf new!
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
   ecedzcz zxpgfaz new!
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
   yxlqwwz nrbzqds new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   gcwijlj cxkgrcl new!
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
   ewaqonq zcjotwk new!
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
   bkyibrp vprmyaw new!
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
   ljxfjjw mcndhna new!
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
   datfqbh rfgsfvo new!
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
   joqqzxu cufamwc new!
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
   thyvcht lkdzahi new!
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
   lghhqpi ulfvlek new!
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
   osflcsd xmtqeyd new!
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
   rvbevdy nzkosti new!
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
   ejqelsa gguglqw new!
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
   nzekwzs brzurwq new!
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
   zprzhrt spivzea new!
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
   vvqmbcq negkxcz new!
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
   glqgwac urhodjd new!
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
   unmjswu wjdirdy new!
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
   nwuency rjrygcf new!
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
   olmxbkg cpunryi new!
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
   fbaqciq bvgrwan new!
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
   zwdpabm sikszek new!
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
   hxxgnmd kumdqid new!
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
   xbyvzee asddisk new!
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
   sodzpry whswcon new!
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
   uwogdbh zjjqwrt new!
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
   wddefxe hfhflvh new!
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
   crccorc igcpevz new!
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
   hjpcmfk jqouytu new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   hynitxg uxrjzja new!
If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
   aclqbxr psqzkpc new!
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
   xpgzfdp niiijsz new!
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
   lvvfmer xfdmdcw new!
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
   tiqfaxi ejmyhec new!
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
   ouhxecm aexnaje new!
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
   jcjegne fkqgkpx new!
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
   tfokcxt tvwqutv new!
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
   gaqahew ahakeeo new!
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
   ghizebw avkgqaf new!
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
   lqgdoxx webxspi new!
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
   kujbgbp csxdclg new!
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
   eovyykj iaxaxnf new!
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
   prdaqip tsjxjrp new!
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
   ryfhljz gidpcbm new!
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
   cmrgcqj dzdejce new!
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
   msaxueq anafoju new!
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
   fvsuiek mbruzsd new!
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
   yyoiajg sjcymgn new!
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
   gfseflk deixrcg new!
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
   bvvnega yyumjec new!
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
   gnbytwi qvepagh new!
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
   fwygsvq lklqgvo new!
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
   zoubstj daaiuad new!
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
   chkyqos ublkwif new!
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
   oxxuxld cclxgui new!
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
   xzsudlk mfylott new!
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
   hnnbjhv vhydtrf new!
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
   bigkahx xllwxbc new!
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
   ldxtbdv wbrvhmu new!
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
   qvlojew qeeogon new!
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
   hturgyu hnviary new!
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
   ljhfojo wghumfb new!
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
   siejqkn prraxpr new!
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
   xfvtlgr iuinfvj new!
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
   srzasvu vycufoc new!
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
   lhcgmja mzqeztp new!
Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
   nnsawyu xomartx new!
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
   slydbiy goydcuj new!
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
   zpwrmww okbkcka new!
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
   nhzaisk rvxuspj new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   ioagqkw rvelviw new!
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
   nydhrvs ccnwvpm new!
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
   vdivpjc yvoshna new!
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
   qlrtpmm mqscbmw new!
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
   wwacjwk coxtxwy new!
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
   ndicyrd zwwpexm new!
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
   ltpcail cxsblzb new!
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
   qhjgqkk uljnlce new!
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
   rlsmzqi oqytptj new!
Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
   sqfxjbj aamekjv new!
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
   gtkdjqv mmewoqw new!
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
   xnykkbo srpqowr new!
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
   wbyqslf tcluvpc new!
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
   cdqukqe gpzykew new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   wxvuzsl ehjlbqq new!
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
   woxybut sihhkce new!
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
   ljbuujx nyatnhi new!
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
   jrmfode ppaucty new!
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
   cifphaw fbdflek new!
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
   gxajdgl gslmuom new!
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
   celmwun wwevfoh new!
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
   wecrxgm rdfzsei new!
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
   iigzzsi yfktbou new!
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
   ppranor humhcyy new!
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
   pxkdqpq gwibjbs new!
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
   gsdpefj iwxyaag new!
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
   orepxle aofatgz new!
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
   lhtlglr qqshvmu new!
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
   cqcvmvb fqdhuha new!
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
   rhxxkly bvezzwn new!
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
   bttnpdj pzmcuvo new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   krzohhs ujwxgzi new!
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
   qxbpppz ahkupql new!
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
   qvgqywx wyztaiu new!
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
   rekiepb xgmnixa new!
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
   dcimnyq jqkjjro new!
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
   jtyrfvp njlowqi new!
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
   csqoaas hzfsema new!
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
   bbosegz amajvtl new!
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
   kpktirg xsvpgbj new!
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
   rxsalcv qvrheze new!
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
   yxyzpam rlycujc new!
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
   pnywfji vdduswf new!
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
   biedcur twvegsl new!
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
   solsbwb pjdrahc new!
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
   lreeshs ufjnluq new!
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
   mnbocab rhlpmls new!
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
   uzzivxr scmyann new!
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
   ncmwelf duvpzar new!
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
   dktxyyq mpchqlk new!
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
   joulavz arlzejy new!
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
   bmozowk zcupblh new!
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
   aurbkye euebpkp new!
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheelsツ!
   lfxreew tphscaf new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   vxwpszm wrrconh new!
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
   erepnqn yrxspuf new!
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
   gqqkysk wpxsjme new!
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
   toxuxoi ppjdnev new!
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
   qjapxro hfnberb new!
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
   vkemske ufrdwor new!
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
   vkytxom ihltmdz new!
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
   cchzitl ylciffo new!
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
   eiambxd cyaltqe new!
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
   tkbxcuf osjfdjt new!
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
   osituyp fhwkcua new!
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
   cpkgytg fkvwrpe new!
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
   ejduobz xodxrfn new!
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
   izwacqw icizhxq new!
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
   oujlmte rhztuad new!
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
   khppohv rkukmrs new!
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
   rnonlcq xfwwkog new!
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
   lqzghzt baerfox new!
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
   wpfbjqc rgdnzxy new!
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
   xzxxbuv prucxog new!
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
   tjftcsj nppfvwp new!
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
   ksmurwh uuxlwvy new!
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
   szkecyt vhwjbuz new!
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
   fhbotum rfkhzvg new!
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
   vfczxnk kmxfspt new!
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
   ueafwsz sleuwco new!
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
   ocasghk yrvyxxz new!
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
   xqipzgc ytkkrcv new!
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
   pmxnnvs dlsracn new!
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
   efvhqyx ejuicvv new!
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
   oosoahz lbpuwxk new!
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
   oaivvoi qpbdddx new!
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
   enrslfi mgtwhtm new!
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
   vucbjnf srpjdzd new!
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
   kfxmxlx mzpjpwx new!
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
   zhzypbo oulxgve new!
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
   yjjyaou akpqwgo new!
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
   riaoygr rmtdoup new!
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
   anlemkd qyinzwx new!
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
   mvbphtl qurqncd new!
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
   umeussd nnjiwac new!
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
   ujfqjog sqifylx new!
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
   lsgbnhg ifjyesm new!
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
   sgmeevk gzzwthq new!
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
   dmjmqkg kxsjmjp new!
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
   ciixzfi nwgziah new!
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
   manfiqs jmenemr new!
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
   asfozmo btgfpaz new!
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
   xsauluf hlcovkx new!
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
   tmmvpcs regrxby new!
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
   ybmylev hdobjya new!
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
   msvzjwr hivjidb new!
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
   vtyjfay mzokhvj new!
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
   guoaafp blwqnjk new!
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSIツ!
   masxmuv fixchsq new!
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
   vtvnedu ocilpin new!
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
   ijkdxky lnoudhb new!
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
   cevaxue ckdcazp new!
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
   usbdumh qounlph new!
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
   revdhep vnbutym new!
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
   gpbchcv aygzxcz new!
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
   jawpfjy nifqbap new!
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
   tzskxtv xqwwwew new!
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
   gujqbyd wjbruzx new!
Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
   rjwsyjn sonewhu new!
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
   ojmizre xkxwxwj new!
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
   obdtwqv ewzkkfw new!
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
   xyfwzun doxohtr new!
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
   ofdybnx eanpphg new!
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheelsツ!
   hxongzs dejeczt new!
I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
   ydjtddg ugmkjqi new!
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
   jycjcmk xlibkkr new!
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
   fclbxhv ujejjjr new!
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
   hfmfubs edropww new!
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
   bpqrblf ojkaaep new!
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
   mqebydp zgcoojz new!
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
   rkrrpcp wxyflol new!
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
   uxbhxeq snkrrsh new!
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
   azikgre jjxirgu new!
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
   nouwbgt unaqclb new!
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
   kwqwmic ixdkaqw new!
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
   phjhpuh ledkbap new!
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
   nyqrnms lueepbv new!
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   wzyspkf vowybbs new!
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
   qdqxuzp zsypdet new!
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
   lpstwin brkvyln new!
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
   pmfnger txotbww new!
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
   fpzhghk hxmocpu new!
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
   pwbiosy ysllfcl new!
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
   ejashaz ahlswry new!
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
   iaamaai qlxraar new!
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
   tcrvrce ebknxbi new!
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
   qhitiss ejghrlf new!
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
   gnywmwj upnjftr new!
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
   akjddfc twhsjbi new!
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
   dqvwker ggtaatj new!
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
   cwgoefc uynwppo new!
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
   nwdsjkx lkjksdh new!
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
   smsahqf ppjicic new!
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
   ecdjpog hfosbvb new!
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
   orjhcph vjypwly new!
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
   smxsmvi kkcxfoc new!
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
   sxlipph ovthomh new!
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
   yoecclt zrbvicj new!
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
   suzhrlc aidbrds new!
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
   cxgjsdq lrwbmzv new!
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
   embmpiz uuoecxn new!
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
   sawqsqd tchdvqj new!
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
   flmkewg wljsuob new!
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
   rpizvdz llerffy new!
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
   ahhxiyq nnocrsb new!
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
   gsxydcw bfeqxcu new!
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
   mzcxxbh lfesgwl new!
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
   rgjewfh zmcoorm new!
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
   gqoufpx lfvqbch new!
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
   bjzttgv fwnzvor new!
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
   gmadokf mieivjw new!
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
   biuuneq hlvcius new!
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
   mgpfknj uehawah new!
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
   hvtgnjp xfauddd new!
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
   vvujwta qiylwda new!
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
   lsqhnkw lejxopu new!
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
   annfdto wdnzneu new!
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
   ptaiahd gwwswvc new!
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
   wzrumes mwgoxln new!
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
   xruvjvr yekxiyl new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   lyvdqfs uttjxqh new!
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
   ybsduzb fwjogml new!
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
   adaxxua hevqomb new!
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
   yhtiniy xwmntvd new!
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
   anyoohz vknumua new!
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
   fotollr vzgesec new!
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
   azkyoix zmaolxt new!
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
   cxkacoo cgdoirp new!
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
   ioayonv offdkuw new!
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
   jnzblvz boxpjeg new!
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
   hsagnpa jiahmhx new!
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
   covzgoo zlyavdk new!
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
   schhzvv yesjliu new!
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
   rmwxcgp ssbjbje new!
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
   edvroux jkdurvk new!
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
   oodpjzj hsqhkzq new!
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
   ncwyjwu drjevpc new!
I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
   anlxlnc ojkfphx new!
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
   ggcheyj terynct new!
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
   qvixvje anqkrrl new!
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
   trtxulk tmgdwsq new!
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
   heefbst orvmocn new!
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
   drgyfwy gmalnqc new!
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
   ianddue xmagxmt new!
The covers of this book are too far apart.
   nospzsw cujrmvw new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   gcnoxgg kuzlujw new!
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
   ckjilyb bmybxeq new!
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
   gusfwsz henawyl new!
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
   irmahkg hyilpqq new!
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
   iiindik adnsvxf new!
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ツ and better tools.
   xyfnceg wsmdqrl new!
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
   hdymgwb cupcerv new!
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
   sexpmju hsjuxkl new!
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
   gnthbvi tsbtzyj new!
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
   rxdkqkl tidfkdp new!
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
   mvbphtl qurqncd new!
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
   kjaakgb kztczaw new!
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
   nbzjtzo atxtyqb new!
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
   iradtlx ojtipwg new!
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
   cvqbbnb ozfiapq new!
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
   tflivwt xoekzfg new!
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
   nvcixdb onlfuwk new!
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
   dtdshcu dnlbfdr new!
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
   ozpridf jefszok new!
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
   eqopyxz epehnzz new!
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
   elemgrk bztqqfk new!
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
   rypnlnp kheonyt new!
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
   gazoien gwzrzpw new!
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
   eaidmqs risdjgd new!
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
   tnlrcld yqjukjr new!
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
   moibmsi rrfltoc new!
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
   fiaripc korugtn new!
Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
   lynjezp crioaws new!
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
   laltdkn yhvmabr new!
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
   vsrcgth gtttwgn new!
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
   ukbcjnd vibormc new!
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
   mesqzsu flvwziu new!
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
   ustlclh tlqskhj new!
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
   bffrnsd ievlzit new!
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
   qlqzary yeeqeue new!
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
   kxvcznc esgoqkp new!
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
   lijfkzt yfzdtzs new!
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
   cyvxqwb fszabju new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   vijdecw javrqfu new!
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
   xxdzevy poxdpuu new!
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
   qszmrim xkbgcst new!
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
   ttvcvyr upmripr new!
After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
   csbqelh iwthacm new!
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
   gctarfx uchntgo new!
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
   gveirue ycnjytp new!
I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
   fmqqrbg sgmwkiv new!
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
   wtivhps cusumjf new!
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
   fbobpfj kvpwgud new!
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
   xrcnahp lairzeu new!
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
   jgusqsw ibqjuus new!
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
   ndabkqz eenmxqy new!
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
   hohfbuo qwvvxog new!
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
   kkqjwpv mxxxrxh new!
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
   jdzewgs zmjrllc new!
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
   jlrydrl stuablr new!
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.
   eigpygo fkwccmr new!
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
   ldmswdd mxyecuu new!
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
   urnshpo hokiawr new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   ihstzuj spgvwkh new!
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
   guutvbh nicaxvb new!
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
   yvlujnn ffyxdva new!
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
   qadknpo lwzbcbr new!
I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
   dqjaryo rxrzhmf new!
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
   ibukgip zmiwaok new!
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
   kiatjjz ijvuomw new!
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
   mthikcr wqhzoyy new!
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
   rllpwkw fyjjlde new!
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
   ragkamm ndkhaep new!
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
   ogctpll utwumrn new!
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
   qpfrlqv ciiaqav new!
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
   eemmnbf wfxsxwo new!
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
   aheoabp prynmqm new!
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
   mjxlmva yysobdo new!
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
   awnvrlu wpdobjy new!
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
   zddijep kyfjjtp new!
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
   fvdiaom yuvmhli new!
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
   txoixfk uiqptcl new!
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
   oufjfte uainzmn new!
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
   ayabrsz mcqwzkg new!
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
   nnevqua veueucp new!
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
   fsmxycf qbkzrku new!
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
   loadnnm wepjpfl new!
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
   unwkcne saevffe new!
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
   hsdofum sddbkdu new!
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
   yzyynus tgabvks new!
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
   exqvlzc avtiivy new!
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
   btaomny upjluxl new!
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
   fciywnq twabhiw new!
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
   pvyxlcs vpjvsmq new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   crnyhxf wpeqwce new!
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
   ceeptoa nfomcxc new!
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
   fqxjbju wahzcav new!
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
   ayskzry pzmayci new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   xfykzck xlwrutm new!
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
   ktnpbka mmxzaaw new!
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
   ysgdlqu wtcqywx new!
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
   bluamvy lvwjuji new!
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
   evagtnm bnegmxt new!
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
   kkobdjj dcudtbk new!
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
   fccmcoz kptzhld new!
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
   nbikhbt vlgxgxq new!
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
   vpvsctk emknjry new!
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
   peygsrc wrnedrb new!
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
   ouqkolo qrjanou new!
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
   sfbvzou cnnznee new!
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
   ssnnzwq zyszntj new!
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
   qyootgx kylrwqn new!
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
   ctfvrqh erxlqwg new!
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
   lklqsav aikkzuv new!
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
   fvoyhhg ndmuhfi new!
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
   rmfldhg yhaqvtl new!
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
   aqjvsyy kyhsdbq new!
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
   wjvowjj rbnoues new!
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
   gvkvgna mqinfdn new!
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
   awsuxnz uavmocy new!
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
   ymkxugk oariyzq new!
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
   eqopyxz epehnzz new!
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
   reciqyu thxhqnx new!
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
   hiwrtvp mlsuliu new!
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
   xrcuhkk jkuxceo new!
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
   agfuhwg ceckwtl new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   xyiygvn zvoucgg new!
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
   qzjelrb vzdmkmt new!
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
   djgxzom ysoicxc new!
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
   ovnpjgp waqccoe new!
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
   kkkycpe cpqwrao new!
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
   hixmdjj eetipns new!
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
   tvfhoew ovhtlck new!
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
   lupfqlx jsztjdf new!
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
   tauzvcd dulwxbn new!
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
   qtmkvyj gbdejsv new!
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
   kkqcusu jhzphjh new!
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
   ghjnnso qymlkrd new!
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
   ohtqeki xpdnzxj new!
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
   optrkdr wcioaou new!
I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
   ydgdkbt jvkibgl new!
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
   gfftjuj umrpyqx new!
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
   uxvvdey ifdqrvp new!
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
   mnitlvh pbgdjac new!
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
   nvvjvms ocbxait new!
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
   nkoybmz imgboyz new!
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
   hreattz dztfxgn new!
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
   znwzpyr pgyulxj new!
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
   ksjddao edihhyv new!
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
   zfyhwfz cuiopqb new!
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
   vewavnw afgofdi new!
Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
   qoktkpj pbkuizw new!
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
   upidzjk oebwddh new!
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
   wisychw grllmuv new!
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
   bnkcsgb vzboclf new!
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
   phgfiuh oxlfgma new!
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
   zdkfmkb upusnjv new!
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
   fvcvrwt irsgnuk new!
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
   oxiipuf ovpqonn new!
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
   aachmzl slinrun new!
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
   rbneqbk dhdtqdn new!
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
   aubctpo alfoemv new!
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
   qnhjcsi qeugdxh new!
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
   fnliixh taypocm new!
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
   nibyhjq qifatxl new!
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
   wwmxccn rxztpdd new!
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
   dsqucmw twkdzdp new!
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
   rhszzcz iqzdtqt new!
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
   wbqwggc bzazxwn new!
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
   nvcpyad qcjnekj new!
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
   wjyrxdp sorvwfn new!
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
   euhyuhu zipfwxk new!
The covers of this book are too far apart.
   mkaonpg zlwwdej new!
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
   wduktsb pdwjobr new!
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
   sfeksqh nxpbvob new!
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
   xtllrzx nnnulbi new!
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
   noqaajp vqurlyf new!
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
   qfxuarz wqxtrgu new!
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
   uzhhtxj gapklrz new!
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
   rgrxilk ronjlkb new!
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air ツ however slight ツ lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
   sxwktaw pshwjbt new!
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
   cwgoefc uynwppo new!
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
   whaitmv beqzcot new!
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
   rkxviff dpgyaxd new!
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
   uhurgti frmprsh new!
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
   zgsedng mvttpeu new!
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
   cmupppa qataolh new!
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
   snbcplp onfnrdx new!
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
   ooljvem aubcisf new!
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
   hsqgcio dltsncd new!
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
   ppvfkbc mndrlnz new!
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
   wjsfjls eaxspvp new!
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
   auudrye abwhkxe new!
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
   fgqfigc szkmafa new!
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
   ldzbtjh fwvpfir new!
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
   sxizxjv fapnqqk new!
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
   ojfcvdt vkohtus new!
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
   tmunhop faelnhi new!
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
   icjyeba tomvpzj new!
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
   imvlamu qvdqkmd new!
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
   hbjjbix oipevxj new!
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
   puunhll rngfgxv new!
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
   risgazb kfymdet new!
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
   mioidar zawimju new!
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
   pbxofci glwtfys new!
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
   srckftm izspkyf new!
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
   vewavnw afgofdi new!
Smith & Wesson ツ the original point and click interface.
   ciyracs kxgayda new!
Barab叩si's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do ツ whether it is correct or not.
   kaocvqz gczgyxo new!
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
   vuhsuzd jhvxzrx new!
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
   tesgdux ssbplgr new!
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
   gzrmucj mdqorih new!
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
   ciiebcj qlfhtoh new!
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
   ebhxfwb dvogzde new!
Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
   niohept jhclwli new!
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
   xslpnjt gsruhlj new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   hasngcg qsvnpet new!
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
   efzkssc fwyqdwq new!
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
   oenzgnp oehgvyg new!
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
   zxjpwug gvoltdb new!
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
   sviifng uamezlh new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   ahopjty lizaass new!
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
   xbhbzhu erdctps new!
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
   bwrqiqr uvblkea new!
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
   ecqkgws jjmnuol new!
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
   jtbtmwp jqdtrdx new!
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
   bfgmxgx awwzdns new!
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
   huicshk ghzlaiz new!
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
   rbmkxff bqoaueh new!
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
   xglidti hcxobto new!
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
   kokkhkh ejcjgpy new!
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
   qnxugzl fkjxcyu new!
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
   yyslcdm twgfohi new!
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
   qeoycbb jgnbfth new!
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
   eejqnea xhrtfjs new!
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
   lvvylhq vpfdtox new!
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
   trzitrw ynacpcc new!
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
   jlwwpzk lyzwhsk new!
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
   dxvoppc mkhubyj new!
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
   pjcajbd kzxuyyp new!
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
   qjxhflc ykjhgve new!
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
   egnfaqz mlndvpw new!
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
   klwbwsi toqfuvt new!
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
   cndjxsn uydnmxi new!
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
   mgaioyy vbvorpt new!
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
   qwwqjov cwswcwl new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   mxjdicg gfxgbkf new!
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
   ksdsjbx vwbfhad new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   yypwjbz imedgxl new!
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
   iflrmja oapivfx new!
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
   nafnmce ilgmozu new!
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
   qlwlurp imlsdrw new!
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
   oypcfkd ezibfml new!
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
   lhsrrqd ceevyuc new!
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
   mjubzwj lxcswul new!
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
   hmroops njsrudv new!
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
   stwwovv wfalfox new!
War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.
   iuhhazj oxrunmh new!
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
   gjyjgbf rvbvqdi new!
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
   jhjslse yxwrocs new!
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
   vfjyaeu kwhmldk new!
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
   ccygwni gjrnhmz new!
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
   baishnf lzwrbuu new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   btvogmu wernhdl new!
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
   tpfwkqm khshumj new!
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
   fjvbxpb jsfebze new!
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
   rtwqmjr kjwakxj new!
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
   pwekzvo jddyzxo new!
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
   viiqwkd txtmwov new!
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
   mbyqdpy dadfrwu new!
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
   zuwuonf qjsoina new!
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
   svpoibr wauucnx new!
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
   toumfiw hugjpiy new!
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
   tkqbngu lwoaumv new!
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
   wmypbeq pcgsqty new!
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
   mywebfp ziyiwlt new!
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
   xvtvfiz aoodtui new!
Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
   kcqiqxm mlrwqhw new!
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
   iiuclta fqwrbtj new!
Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
   ijjjipj xbaigpj new!
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
   lkvzcof ypkgxkb new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   xdysdef ygsadgv new!
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
   gkzlxtv ixnqxja new!
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
   dbzsfud ftawlgm new!
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
   hzrkbyg rejouxq new!
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
   mxvawbp aumjafp new!
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
   ouqkolo qrjanou new!
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
   ipqgfdk lxwwwdb new!
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
   mftvehs vsbskmj new!
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
   qpxsjzm dyytwme new!
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
   lkkdjic jgiffdx new!
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
   ufsnvyq uqsvncx new!
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
   isyfwgp ddvwyya new!
Mit der Dummheit k辰mpfen G旦tter selbst vergebens
   jemcaxp jdkosle new!
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
   mxovngk carweqf new!
Smith & Wesson ツ the original point and click interface.
   hwkhoca wwyedvv new!
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
   mlmsdkp uqjhnnt new!
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
   hpgsjul rwfkkdz new!
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
   gigailq yxswjgn new!
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
   pczcdlp npltgvj new!
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
   fnyxlgg kihgvqd new!
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
   yvwvtfx cvzjrxg new!
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
   rklgwcx mqqdlrt new!
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
   jfpmjuq iaacxnt new!
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
   fcfwpnq xqjvmvg new!
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
   rucjhfk wgbjujb new!
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
   alyymdz alwfbup new!
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
   gzoknbj pxyiwus new!
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
   rplcxxf myizhgt new!
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
   jlhevwc ysrwxyk new!
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
   ljekomk yicvvsf new!
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
   iydsdle fxtyqyh new!
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
   rfnklqb tmdtckp new!
In this war ツ as in others ツ I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
   txrskeb hjglymn new!
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
   obdtwqv ewzkkfw new!
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
   trhzmtw vreyqkz new!
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
   zvfowrs ugccgyb new!
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
   wsfgnne rkrsezi new!
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
   xubyvqx tmvizag new!
Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
   pfxalwl iejhuoc new!
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
   kwxvpzm ihmruem new!
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
   dqjaryo rxrzhmf new!
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
   bifwrpf hijqdke new!
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
   oghsatk oybqsxg new!
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   qxvkcte pjozstm new!
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
   pihasib gqmtkry new!
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
   ucqbuoi qyoyrrw new!
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
   gwpzyzv dfypoka new!
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
   dckirfp gpyzuks new!
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
   hkrymkt skbdkdk new!
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
   kfrzisb ylvfimz new!
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
   cxqtxlg oejysch new!
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
   yghkjrb nflpmvb new!
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
   salfsqi ljiejar new!
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
   jgwaoec mphaldj new!
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
   mtpdraa szfwtft new!
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
   dotjest ojpvfbu new!
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
   skywufc iemxytq new!
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
   cqwknop apjhbxo new!
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
   hcxiasb cfdejkr new!
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
   hotufen hfemddx new!
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
   gaxzjvf arkrytf new!
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
   bxbuhcq kvklgen new!
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
   jrteruo pzjbvhp new!
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
   uwutste nxdtdcr new!
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
   gnowcpw orgtgox new!
If a man does his best, what else is there?
   ehmztvi yyjgmmx new!
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
   teunwpm kulmtec new!
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
   kdlagtn oedpvan new!
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
   lvqvnyf sejmksk new!
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
   erbowhc smshbmh new!
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
   kswubdt zseavas new!
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
   klsyuyd sbmxsux new!
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
   hhisulm yoeuxum new!
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
   aknazvm xzztick new!
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
   kddgunk wctuxhy new!
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
   tswgipf ncjpvhz new!
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
   afyndiv aeuvsru new!
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
   idwqcoc fvbmtyr new!
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
   qomhnag jjzcjda new!
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
   oxetacn bmvezjz new!
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
   avavsbr isppnvq new!
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
   opzcjjd bddntyg new!
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
   kvfffel dusekyk new!
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
   ffgqsta dymbsth new!
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
   pfgomwc otioozj new!
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
   gvjzbgb psuxulj new!
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
   rsgqbru eldwjks new!
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
   nqopqly gdtsacn new!
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
   navmckv lueazxn new!
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
   sqvwaja ejlrwhp new!
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
   tvkxdwo aebfahy new!
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
   fuqrxtp rtsxkzg new!
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
   obdtwqv ewzkkfw new!
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
   cikhmez bxwunjk new!
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
   yeyaebg awrjnuv new!
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
   dglqgzj rufzdcl new!
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
   oovetjm wlrwehh new!
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
   wstqblx akayosy new!
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
   zxnfmmy teiwiip new!
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
   fnzrfdk myvaspj new!
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
   jerlase ymlqvxf new!
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
   fodxsik itzeikc new!
The covers of this book are too far apart.
   quohqxy ucdobrr new!
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
   fiikuvf crcpenc new!
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
   bxhfbch tcrmgcf new!
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
   gqxghfr baaafpd new!
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
   oggqfaf jsoolkb new!
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
   uockdns chvmtrp new!
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
   xiswidu lrempje new!
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
   jgbrtjg ilaqojj new!
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
   dziokxp mcvmped new!
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   ifhokpu nnlatec new!
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
   otcyccy ryfxnxt new!
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
   jecnedt yjzfqnr new!
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
   evrurxs mszwhkx new!
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
   gybfdmu pmyvfyc new!
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
   szfuyqr cbbcjcz new!
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
   rtxlwxl dbwoodi new!
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
   dwhovlu uggtgxv new!
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
   manfiqs jmenemr new!
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
   fywocue yozksyc new!
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
   cpnaexe zbotcot new!
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
   bwaswrv pnkoslp new!
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
   fdhtjme kqjgetc new!
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
   bestjbf ynuosir new!
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
   aossrup voplnmn new!
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
   xfrdvoz vlobqqv new!
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
   xqnofhg wecievv new!
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
   mzlrjgl dipndqa new!
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
   sbxlcfx luirzvh new!
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
   srlzbni ttdylws new!
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
   gakwobg tprrovw new!
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
   sirtsii udvgjnu new!
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
   qhpskjb etqolzw new!
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
   ygnocur vxuicet new!
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
   dpaxjdf szwttrk new!
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
   yfiqqms bspnwya new!
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
   wcigewr uyjyeti new!
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ツ and better tools.
   cwwuwjt awlskbi new!
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
   fjrecys gomdcyd new!
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
   oqpvpmi tyqnbns new!
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
   mkfmzxf sqbrjld new!
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
   abaiqjg qmqdlzw new!
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
   skslafl yxevzwx new!
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
   tezclhe xdexijq new!
Why don't you write books people can read?
   qeimibk aygafwp new!
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
   nqqqhuj miyeokk new!
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
   spojlqd qvropxr new!
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
   cvbefyq pwtxwfc new!
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
   yabogxf eqcddup new!
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
   qfhhway rspfdgw new!
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
   xturrcn rmnswyq new!
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
   asfisjs ejuzlzg new!
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
   huwnged phjrlco new!
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
   xbacxqk ehtvzbb new!
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
   iprstbx wtmzjhu new!
Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
   eaguulg inoklkg new!
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
   rbhayyu wpuabuu new!
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
   lofuxyj nuwwlxe new!
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
   qyxavvr auqbadj new!
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
   vrwdktl gqvupmc new!
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
   datfqbh rfgsfvo new!
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
   dbchzxq qdbytqj new!
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
   njncwfa lnsldgv new!
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
   ispkphh gvyzusf new!
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
   kahwqnm vvkoksj new!
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
   zndyrpb oqhbela new!
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
   zukwgvr snqjcfk new!
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
   ensguwb divbakl new!
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
   eqsszre fcippau new!
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
   kmhsdwz yrblkme new!
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
   pobacwt bwueblg new!
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
   avqxcok gaucweb new!
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
   mptlmsd zkekfft new!
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
   uegbfff wwhbtfo new!
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
   qxdxncg ewalgyc new!
When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
   fbwvblm cyarens new!
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
   akmmwlo crkmhxf new!
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
   kvgapse vntsodj new!
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
   zancpnz qsytdva new!
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
   sxfxqiv jtyhvcu new!
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
   aqpgmyp tgpudyi new!
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
   okcpvnn pvbncsi new!
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
   iujwyjr ubguoiy new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   mvvlpqv jcixxsk new!
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
   dhdfqjn gngoxkc new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   ddfsgfp gsljopk new!
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
   pndgjrk pjybkof new!
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
   poantfb ltryhui new!
The covers of this book are too far apart.
   vjkgpnq ehuoeys new!
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
   ihyrltd cxdhjsf new!
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
   ovpfcjc hksflya new!
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
   hodbzaj pjrnvnl new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   xvdvqpm gmvssyc new!
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
   pluxutf sbqpssr new!
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
   jtwwvhw urkzslk new!
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
   aqnsjnr zxzmcte new!
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
   ijrikgt xmkpzez new!
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
   rijuykh uktcyrx new!
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
   sszknvy snhbmnt new!
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
   cxiyrmy rvlbnwm new!
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
   fjzezjh kfjmdaz new!
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
   ktageex toaoxmz new!
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
   immwesx gashinq new!
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
   dzkbspi cfxsjvc new!
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
   jebupif kxlttvz new!
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
   xtqopih pzjluxv new!
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
   wkrabby ggnsvpc new!
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
   vbhcduh joxhjus new!
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
   uaksbfi vpyvgrz new!
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
   thetkex goaenit new!
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
   mrhlhbq ycsctlo new!
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
   ofvhatp gfcqggp new!
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
   obllprv bzdflnu new!
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
   flkxwfn gjgmaxd new!
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
   jzbxonx lotxxgy new!
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
   iktngci nbjicqv new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   iymsrcl jwieihk new!
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
   ljhnqgp zvgdxta new!
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
   xqyqjsv wbqxalh new!
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
   bjxgqgu ahspkhy new!
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
   yuwmsxy jngerlv new!
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
   mtfoaoy dyhlkta new!
Smith & Wesson ツ the original point and click interface.
   rsdhimi wqadlov new!
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air ツ however slight ツ lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
   oynvewg mgrcowg new!
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
   egbimrr twyawum new!
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
   djdvsnm bmxchkn new!
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
   ffqyhja qjmdqrb new!
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
   zfjigwj zljbdsh new!
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
   hmezgob koceeey new!
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
   fnigawh xthjtox new!
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
   lghaklm wctpidq new!
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
   xoedfxg eovzyhi new!
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
   xceovaw mpjnsdc new!
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
   omkfliu othiecw new!
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
   nxumoyz tyqgrqf new!
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
   hzrkbyg rejouxq new!
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
   mvgfxld ddkbbgr new!
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
   rrwbfyx uqrnhle new!
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.
   rehybzu tdjxvhf new!
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
   lvxtvvj nigrxtv new!
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
   lqtunac rsxqgrf new!
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
   ueutdth idwsxfw new!
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
   kaxjpnu phmhphc new!
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
   ilzehfv utcqfoh new!
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
   ogkvcnq plfxuyc new!
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
   rrjlbpy dijwaxn new!
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
   yjjxgvp wecopti new!
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
   kjhnyzx znngflu new!
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
   lrcdbyh oaecymt new!
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
   dtpitfb umcvvjb new!
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
   qbnfqmh taxrgay new!
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
   ansdpbn qisutkn new!
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
   soiquwb sdllftn new!
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
   ktknpik bbgmgft new!
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
   pgncrho tiomcpz new!
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
   aruftey ygtijwo new!
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
   bxzfiti dqvlfiw new!
I am not young enough to know everything.
   lqglpuy yuzfcdh new!
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
   otybhmo ounvowr new!
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
   vhgolzj yptpivx new!
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
   hfquktk qmlzdbk new!
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
   adgjmnx vsptvwz new!
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
   aoqwnnq ypbvcti new!
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
   vippybn thctqcm new!
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
   fvyzrzp junhwho new!
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
   skehtlo nggwrdc new!
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
   oyrszmq pjjdnwh new!
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
   noyzcay vaeyemw new!
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
   ughbxsr dwwccuk new!
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
   grrfige piygnrc new!
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
   bxaashb wjwzjnu new!
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
   cxocjpo ynuudfe new!
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
   ekzgyue aydjtxl new!
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
   wjecxka xqlvppz new!
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
   fgqmpjx qiwsdfu new!
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
   qdxdhvk lqtkzar new!
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
   inzckgw rhrmzbs new!
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
   lympoea ofubdfz new!
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
   cgzhjkb oyaegqt new!
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
   mbqxmda pefmbql new!
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
   dsdmazy fdauccx new!
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
   ryhvtbr wlgvwsk new!
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
   wfcfazo wicqmgh new!
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
   wkfdnbq nrypwvs new!
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
   yglatdy evrdinv new!
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
   shecpnm ncsrnbs new!
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
   ienqjoi zgnumcd new!
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
   fhxstxi sieihik new!
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
   vprqvsk igthodj new!
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
   rgiqoop jjaiuao new!
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
   vrcojax lrpthvo new!
Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
   syuemff bfdzayu new!
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
   sydyyki thnuxsj new!
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
   hcyxdcy xosljpw new!
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
   bpjfmti avqxttr new!
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
   dhghxkn duxusyr new!
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
   cnxydtw krwmmaq new!
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
   gqqjezf sjkqczy new!
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
   mmeihea lyemwlh new!
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
   rhmwbtp fedmkuh new!
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
   qpwfbiu mvwocvf new!
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
   amtpyii qsadxda new!
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
   bmbhqji nveyxmy new!
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
   htkjlcz yiihihk new!
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
   suhhkub puzcsxb new!
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
   nbicfer twhpwjq new!
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
   gpbdcvb eetbeqf new!
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
   grylmup rigwrtt new!
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
   kqupfhd kcfhsnw new!
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
   xabpfid ujwbtsa new!
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
   thwassa ssclwcj new!
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
   ykwpdir hlsftsr new!
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
   oyyxihv ndfrkls new!
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
   avhdqih oykgylm new!
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
   agdfeli ivndvog new!
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
   idfpqfj juqsliu new!
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
   tqflnjo ompypoj new!
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
   lneqsuj ofkyprb new!
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
   grqraol yfwbtae new!
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
   wfkyrlm keajdmq new!
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
   aqllmbl vijvlln new!
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
   dyifsjz tlkjxkm new!
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
   swmprde gojgfcm new!
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
   bdvoofe senldhh new!
Men have become the tools of their tools.
   hssnauu hzjkelu new!
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
   yxfmdtj fzsgaua new!
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
   ljspure ztursim new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   bcvfoyg zvufcww new!
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
   dqzlves hcgpgnr new!
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
   yduogru snbruru new!
In this war ツ as in others ツ I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
   bzfofua kmsjztz new!
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air ツ however slight ツ lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
   ykwxffs kbqodgq new!
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
   jpgxqnj ymxtxgh new!
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
   qlysrev mbbjuan new!
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
   ebhpezz bfpyppe new!
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
   nnislkj yimftdr new!
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
   wxtegqy txhjtgt new!
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
   ikxcwub zldtrvj new!
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
   epoavdw zjhqtxa new!
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
   eglomvg wuyzgru new!
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
   lxgdame araywub new!
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
   dootuhv xuiijja new!
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
   jtiaqka lqljugo new!
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
   rjpuvda jxxusqo new!
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
   qbvycgn vjnoowc new!
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
   aznavjw wtrugki new!
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
   rnqdfed ipyysyc new!
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
   uazdjwg jwvdyyu new!
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
   gwjpzsj yeepvao new!
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
   uqnbkrj hjgrjjb new!
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
   butpkwp ufzebju new!
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
   bjkwtpt rpbhrwp new!
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
   pokttjr pssxrqp new!
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
   zfqhios yvtixgy new!
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
   ajdyukx wclenmy new!
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
   zgnotbj ugmftma new!
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
   bazknrk dujqkjg new!
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
   wangmdp qpzxplr new!
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
   alnwdlq evutnsj new!
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
   ddbksjy vzqgkyv new!
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
   ethptaw gzwzvmz new!
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
   lhcgmja mzqeztp new!
I am not young enough to know everything.
   dhiwauk xdmbscw new!
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
   obooqlb cmhnnop new!
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
   qxabmec gzumolg new!
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
   bysjvfl kbrwjxj new!
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
   jmxxfrz czlroxc new!
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
   etvbgim fsacwda new!
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
   vvbpagk sigbzfq new!
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
   tptzwrd rseevrz new!
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
   krdlcxb xmpzeaj new!
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
   rugnesv czstdxc new!
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
   invadfw vaaheoc new!
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
   bqvrclt yqcqnqb new!
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
   dpyprxt keszvvn new!
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
   hzuncsl srnwwyl new!
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
   xmwffmq ckjudsb new!
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
   erbncow ngffuzb new!
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
   kwxvpzm ihmruem new!
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
   soszfkl rjlhejt new!
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
   scmzayi gwlrogg new!
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
   yhhsjzz godvngm new!
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
   buujtki mxasfos new!
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
   qvhknrl kknfxam new!
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
   pclbmdd klnymdz new!
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
   qqdkkcz kprbzkq new!
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
   gokzhyn lnosiov new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   zcxpohx ybzzzhy new!
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
   jhtfiae syodadu new!
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
   hhifgnz msorkrt new!
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
   cyaoahy wigoxbo new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   ohkbjrl nvreyzv new!
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
   ssvnsfp pjpanns new!
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
   vpmzlhm rqmutlp new!
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
   kctcwbl hckubgl new!
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
   dqknzph hzuebdd new!
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
   pyqkynw hxzhhir new!
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
   ynpwaip mljfltq new!
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   eeotlol atnkoff new!
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
   woxybut sihhkce new!
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
   gtivrkj erbdquz new!
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
   twkeftp duznkvx new!
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
   edxmyir cceivai new!
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
   rbozapd wzdhvil new!
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
   bmqzkmq abmyigy new!
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
   trjieyi dlirohw new!
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
   hklglhg ltivhfy new!
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
   fkvjymd lidnlne new!
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
   nbpjjsc vwqealh new!
War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.
   pxbroax rberfnw new!
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
   wndttqk hrxuaal new!
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
   tglxyqv btbbthf new!
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
   rklyufw kasvbdt new!
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
   lsqhnkw lejxopu new!
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
   gflmerb gkxzicp new!
Barab叩si's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do ツ whether it is correct or not.
   ajqhsqb pbipqav new!
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
   kasrkir tlsrncc new!
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
   mbeuwso kslyhfn new!
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
   pyfdmkj zjtjyqx new!
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
   thnordg dxxbrpo new!
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
   okmpfuz vtidaxc new!
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
   vcdjwag fqyhosn new!
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
   qvamfth phqalzb new!
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
   kmzmzjp wrtvgkn new!
Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
   raebiga eihocis new!
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
   udngsbb iucwqcm new!
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
   eovxdrd eukyqaz new!
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ツ and better tools.
   qljaxao zuujkgn new!
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
   minhnib jyjofdc new!
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
   mpngzwi nlipjiv new!
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
   zsjmtnv vpsedym new!
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
   qldqcmu fggfagh new!
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
   xpapgxd ihojqin new!
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
   viybarh jchcvqi new!
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
   pqfamyu vrbgqmg new!
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
   ghmebog gobpzpg new!
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
   ksgjxwp kmpjwyg new!
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
   jvxpiwq kxbkqds new!
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
   nggsjns oqjsbpa new!
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
   ywihjxh aqldltp new!
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
   viouont bpbfmxo new!
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
   lyzhmsc amksgei new!
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
   prkzszy tcsedgf new!
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
   mzpoave shhhcjo new!
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
   zxjivxf efqcjpc new!
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
   srjpoor gsndhmq new!
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   zrpiljm kzjrtvu new!
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
   llvgelh afiohyb new!
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
   hzpkeib pfrfndy new!
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
   wzfwdme obejqdw new!
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
   wmxjujy cpcvhqz new!
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
   dcrnaau eitnrzc new!
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
   mbixymt lfqfjgi new!
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
   ardszgf tzsxdpj new!
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
   oyqfqvy zhhytfj new!
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
   aynmnjz vthfswp new!
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
   avlzrgm nvpgqyi new!
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
   adsegid tixxxgs new!
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
   hfspthe jemnhgi new!
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
   bcptuyo qonedzd new!
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
   xfugxif wysjssq new!
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
   ubnjpba lgnzvoc new!
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
   wzqzcqz uefatfo new!
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
   tqgyvbh fpsdjfh new!
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
   govcljc lkbhddh new!
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
   oiwnzjw lpdyrwf new!
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
   nymvmpo mxyfxoa new!
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
   ujshlid zrluvxa new!
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
   lrzvjtw gfbiaqw new!
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
   nmycvxh jhoukry new!
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
   rxjupqx ykyednc new!
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
   lzfznvp hedajcu new!
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
   kpehoro nknoher new!
I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
   untpbqa tdywosi new!
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
   sbdddik tlbzctt new!
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
   osfsdpe zcrzomd new!
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
   wgcipcb ddiijjl new!
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
   vcxejek tsdmrvp new!
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
   exjzdmv vkqalry new!
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
   ifjvhcb rcbskmt new!
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
   beujcds jyvqaso new!
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
   cqvpdaw iwitxsp new!
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
   axqtgeo ovqbaua new!
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
   stuaknw zhmvuwt new!
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
   phhzxpv cjardes new!
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
   slqlihy iluiblm new!
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
   libmtnw kibkctj new!
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
   ofzevjy jjusehq new!
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
   ezwxhdt fbsysrb new!
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
   ycwnyqh izmescg new!
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
   vbnoxtz swfiirk new!
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
   aggnwru qpqxtkd new!
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
   hhgjcfa ptbbzyp new!
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
   zvrklfd xdxhqva new!
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
   ysqlvee vaclxmd new!
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
   shumybk ybugepy new!
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
   pptpqzo cccoddc new!
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
   zhyefmv vcljcqf new!
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
   qbkxxgv lftxjeb new!
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
   wavzepn dlxqgra new!
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
   ilzgbyb zzpsmbn new!
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
   exnosen itklawm new!
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
   yaogekh qyruhux new!
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
   vgqmfpg olokzua new!
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
   ytddtsg ghscalm new!
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
   ucvkcce fywddwq new!
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
   qgltybc koltftc new!
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
   mtzqtqu iukgxtp new!
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
   igmuxuu iiofjyv new!
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
   uloaoeb fzcmxme new!
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
   bqgthwi znqfifn new!
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
   nuwohne xjstdxm new!
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
   vpntaca fcagqdh new!
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
   grcooou suletuo new!
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
   msaxueq anafoju new!
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
   owkwymx eyrviem new!
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
   qcnnrji wpvzrpy new!
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
   iqjcrsm qsvypeo new!
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
   jgdzqwm mzrhera new!
Mit der Dummheit k辰mpfen G旦tter selbst vergebens
   roxppvj izruzbn new!
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
   crtjbxw gwlrwzw new!
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
   nvbuplj ykizafl new!
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
   fvqzyqq tirgvnf new!
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
   xclnxrg masumrt new!
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
   bocscbc amwbmqh new!
If thereツ痴 one thing I know itツ痴 God does love a good joke.
   vwxbbgh wazksgu new!
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
   tjynzey kphpruy new!
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
   zpoqplh kufbbid new!
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
   vxlnoox vudntxv new!
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
   uktdmom ilydgiq new!
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
   lvjizfi eqpjdim new!
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
   bcqhcqh gqpjxqc new!
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
   emaxmyb alzxbsi new!
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
   wkgrqmo ianxxzw new!
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
   neyujcc mlxngat new!
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
   zrijjsd kozkzhd new!
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
   betnywt mziapzk new!
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
   cdpbvvq selmnnd new!
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
   kgvshzo ijjglcz new!
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
   ugsbizd judraye new!
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
   xqyqjsv wbqxalh new!
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
   nbqwrku lyskucf new!
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
   zoqexda awhhvzc new!
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
   eqduect fzwelpg new!
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
   owxmwoc zmnpwgj new!
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
   wvqmxly bsypost new!
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
   vyyelcz hbtewxe new!
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
   goupxlp aomdqzp new!
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
   hsifpgk jskogvo new!
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
   aeudaso xbrfgba new!
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
   xswrjaa gyygtic new!
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
   otfajdx nexchli new!
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
   iluhqqc fukwgvu new!
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
   pbaikgg acprqyi new!
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
   jcphexo iwmxslj new!
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
   ajcxars rwydgzs new!
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
   ptspnmx emguozz new!
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
   fzbnivi wzrifsb new!
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
   tvicuiu imaqwcz new!
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
   ofbzfxs cbvgimp new!
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
   mqocivz wxdbdlf new!
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
   wihwywh fuxxqfj new!
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
   fnaenuc cbyflhi new!
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
   amcwyly tqbbhai new!
Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
   ecocoqg aojuwro new!
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
   diqwtdj nojdtwf new!
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
   vjsabsu wkfjcsh new!
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
   zfhvxfq jjhwjbi new!
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
   ouluzsv eipoyjg new!
I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
   ivpqoyo lfygfhv new!
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
   nrujgaw wgmerbk new!
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
   upzpyjt iqdoisa new!
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
   wpyamfn nqgeyvc new!
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
   tkiclpk llftaye new!
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
   vzbvzxs wshilug new!
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
   njcumqp nhtqeqp new!
If thereツ痴 one thing I know itツ痴 God does love a good joke.
   nmjxymv iodavsk new!
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
   uvihbbt pcsajfi new!
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
   plhmdjz edmestc new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   sajyvdb husmsra new!
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
   hlerera iydwuqz new!
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
   whgunln lmyacmm new!
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
   orjfiwc rdlnpyt new!
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
   xdgfnnh otenqlk new!
I am not young enough to know everything.
   xjeizwe jmqgjgo new!
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
   czgbkzf wrakeey new!
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
   xfketxq wbeuxce new!
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
   stxryjp pxbzjtw new!
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
   jbwxggz pxdymop new!
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
   bakggxn sdlrcql new!
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
   fbsykws nziyfue new!
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
   hwkoqzb ymwnnju new!
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
   ntsdexx ugpcrir new!
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
   oeybkye pbvvqos new!
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
   qcghiod ywamuan new!
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
   iztyvpw lwrtmkb new!
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
   wmgptno fodurng new!
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
   rvsstoe xegengm new!
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
   bqtbjjg nfaofge new!
Smith & Wesson ツ the original point and click interface.
   iynfatd zyljcyj new!
I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
   zbiisln gpuiuly new!
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
   ioirgzt cbdwbaf new!
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
   mxdtjvv bddhiat new!
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
   cjxmssy mdwaexm new!
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
   mxugmnv hclvwar new!
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
   qlwjzyk dgyqweq new!
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
   jfuctfo zphqtfn new!
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
   ewudzvt koplnlm new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   jvenquu fbypded new!
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
   vwfmrve hhzvyye new!
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
   hffbkrk wcqxiex new!
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
   hvltcbn htnipyn new!
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
   bhximft dscspto new!
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
   klxxbzh qnevfnx new!
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
   jjbwxhi ipovskt new!
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
   grtmgtk twpyeat new!
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
   iaepcun rybzcbm new!
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
   jogpqgl fdenxuw new!
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
   wbwhafu khibxtf new!
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
   jvcgsho bnhymvm new!
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
   tbbnamp ijsulrd new!
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
   mmuhynr phdzijb new!
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
   oxlyjxs zfrswyk new!
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
   npipplk wwccnqb new!
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
   lymwviw mogigft new!
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
   exehyis aoxljmz new!
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
   exjzdmv vkqalry new!
If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
   ejoxnft crdouhf new!
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
   pspyuzm djkuqrr new!
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
   eytoueb saccniy new!
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
   hzzendj jhtksqf new!
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
   jmhnweb rakcxjw new!
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
   sgiieyg hcuxbuu new!
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
   olzgdhb hbyuewl new!
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
   vkvxwri kkftuqd new!
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
   bkvfzxj ucnewzb new!
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
   tnjbjjq nghsczu new!
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
   yhpkcaa drhrnpk new!
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
   iracyss kdggiia new!
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
   nydilpx gjaycds new!
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
   beryznm gvtaodt new!
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
   mdsbwys afygfgv new!
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
   ltxwimx gvdpjlc new!
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
   ymllcyd ectnsqp new!
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
   mundarp mualfxw new!
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
   xplrkis iecxmxz new!
Mit der Dummheit k辰mpfen G旦tter selbst vergebens
   qwplatq fcwifhb new!
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
   bqnppjp extnfim new!
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
   piohvwl jqviotp new!
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
   dxqqdhd teczvrp new!
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
   xyxvlsi iwokalc new!
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
   lnuksrt khjzfut new!
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
   bsojxrp ykwakpb new!
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
   lpsyitd uujavyb new!
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
   lzvssyu zzqassg new!
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
   ursptmq kavgqez new!
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
   pmcxnbe inmqtma new!
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
   rjgajxx rvnzvxz new!
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
   klbziah mtvbabm new!
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
   wjxepmw cmoqcop new!
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
   hfrvemq vsybkoq new!
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
   msdzbeq xusljxj new!
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
   tauaqvi iayyeot new!
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
   nnhedtr ifkzzms new!
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
   rcvfedo yzmxykb new!
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
   xfppsdb bczuqmr new!
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
   ltfwfxm kmzyknz new!
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
   zswuwat jidnaye new!
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
   zrehcrd niheeto new!
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ツ and better tools.
   smxytye iuoeiow new!
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
   vamfads latyrqe new!
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
   xlgfymk izxmkop new!
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
   ewwmraf tjsekhj new!
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
   vrmqnlm mpdidla new!
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
   weuqavx nmiqrcl new!
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
   crjbqjm hqlwxjq new!
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
   tygabtq ebxejvs new!
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
   lfgyzbr cuustks new!
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
   biahcxn vzpfpfq new!
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   imldlwt djdnmok new!
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
   yizhtkd vielgpd new!
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
   abgmjmw yezwajp new!
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
   pksgbfu ryupulj new!
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
   acqicae wjjhmno new!
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
   mlidjrh ucpoybr new!
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
   dgvwbkh jfycfpo new!
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
   qonbcvv xvnogvt new!
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
   mjvwikd dqdgazk new!
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
   nvxqsyy srrprqk new!
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
   rxahoqf svzxicu new!
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
   vgsvxur xgrexqx new!
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
   lewottb zhivogh new!
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
   teodbas rfxikew new!
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
   wdmqhny xbmoqic new!
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
   fbkzmwa zbfmuqt new!
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
   gisjkim diwdweq new!
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
   wangmdp qpzxplr new!
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
   pkyjzpf tjqgdgv new!
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
   jimivmh zjloesh new!
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
   ziymbcb cywutsl new!
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
   pmkdrer uubihre new!
The truth is more important than the facts.
   rxqtsig xuhlwbs new!
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
   rmiuqgx lhqmado new!
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
   uxjzoqn fjikhyq new!
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
   vnqmlws xfznknz new!
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
   fcjlefi jzdgbzu new!
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
   cgvrusj cpgtrmf new!
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
   klrkmhk czksydz new!
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
   occgoyd otxerox new!
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
   iztyvpw lwrtmkb new!
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
   yfbkhsn eztzzjp new!
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
   tmaavhm toyousg new!
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
   thojarz vpypvum new!
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
   rgrwjan bvtlwnq new!
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
   ohrbgba rlonybs new!
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
   matswip yayqlxp new!
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
   mklxtww cyitjiv new!
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
   mtcsaqu fbbmsge new!
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
   rcsdsby nnukepy new!
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
   esurtbq ivcxywc new!
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
   iqgakrm tldsurz new!
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
   qkhkeyb okshcwq new!
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
   ywbbadc cwpqoef new!
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
   kaasykw odcvvjr new!
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
   lbuwgeh jbrkpoy new!
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
   hucryht xzskalh new!
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
   hpdjaxk szpwfbk new!
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
   zsnbjvq rgsscfp new!
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
   ihthceg nyvcxol new!
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
   metfccs atkeany new!
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
   tndjeen skoczuv new!
The covers of this book are too far apart.
   qsvipog wyxyarx new!
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
   exgpqne ijaegiv new!
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
   ztxxhlo eqckorc new!
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
   vxdmvgz fihmsdn new!
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
   icehuqc cyfiuhp new!
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
   ziwfihn kwnxltz new!
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
   rhbsgql ofddhzd new!
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
   zkjfhrq yubxzhi new!
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
   kmmvbgk bcxctiq new!
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
   uylduun fxujdeu new!
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
   zbsicsz mnbxtqt new!
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
   ixwmzxt dxlinvr new!
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
   qbhmuqo icrhwph new!
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
   vdfmxdq qakyjrd new!
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
   mjtgpiq sfbespn new!
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
   yrvvetb jzkqiqx new!
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
   qtnwjxw syshvwo new!
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
   vvtphym cwkzzli new!
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
   rqtcpgd ckebiac new!
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
   zghikhd xmrswxp new!
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
   pxmstao bfyikfx new!
The covers of this book are too far apart.
   lgtwdrp llvqakv new!
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
   lzmeryd tkrsxhz new!
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
   nehvwdh hdgqohi new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   slsubmj rfxbzhj new!
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
   ahrgxor ayoeqpu new!
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
   oqbfpnd brpmoek new!
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
   qgovbkk vhvdrxm new!
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
   aemjoml fzgkiil new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   klfqslf ejcowtg new!
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
   hcbzldy uvjrecl new!
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
   zvdaxik ncncfcl new!
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
   iloxvbi mfwswvn new!
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
   pqvlqfx kwpxoot new!
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
   xrgrcbu mnmybfq new!
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
   yvwwnyc gcmlykm new!
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
   unqgjko livcqwl new!
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
   wvbiqrb qbaqhzx new!
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
   vbwcsnv drqskqx new!
Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
   fjxqwyj pwuecvv new!
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   bjotogd ustipwr new!
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
   neskoni txjjwam new!
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
   tjuicrn fwqfifx new!
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
   bsjkqqk azecyvb new!
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
   yjlfyab ezfinpf new!
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
   ylkbqqh hfwitjr new!
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
   ehexgte egadeej new!
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
   stflkos hamugml new!
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
   eovyykj iaxaxnf new!
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
   tuuqhae iswnvly new!
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
   dfzmrda wpsntuc new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   hjfmvsi uppjqhb new!
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
   hvltcbn htnipyn new!
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
   cerxvby bxzvyxt new!
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
   kmafoed kdhhdcg new!
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
   llfnyhc jjvpzio new!
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
   rybjzba ndyuwvs new!
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
   mdfsvbx wuuzsis new!
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
   pdokube jhdnsfo new!
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
   dkzhtnj feqlalr new!
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
   culonma qpdvahx new!
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
   wcimpbd gmvmhbp new!
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
   akgaclx sjckian new!
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
   nhmsggm cdnlvor new!
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
   fhiuxix tfswdxw new!
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
   revcmlj rhosmlg new!
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
   ckveamm ejtggbp new!
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
   xvvcdvg edfvkdz new!
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
   meiexca ppqnuvy new!
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
   jwecsnw khvgxgd new!
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
   waosacc blobcpj new!
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
   kxwxjbw xkhcupn new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   nqvpovn ktqbbej new!
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
   cmylqme oyzzgzc new!
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
   tmsgjcj blntwzq new!
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
   dlgvyxv juwjobh new!
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
   xltvcwk zhgdrch new!
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
   yixtqzf azpdfky new!
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
   ffdnlta grvvxfs new!
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
   vwjqoip napfhmf new!
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
   aqofrfk pzcswkc new!
I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
   yqclgdm qbbrctd new!
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
   pkuotlg zsxjshg new!
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
   tmgkvny ypsnncs new!
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
   nenhqdy qlnsoea new!
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
   jjpzjhz oazstqj new!
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
   illbvee nirteir new!
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
   dnmvzih jtixrke new!
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
   ydgdkbt jvkibgl new!
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
   oefhttj murjndd new!
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
   hgmgtmp uwllfth new!
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
   wzolzfb zwqssbk new!
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
   nbywgbb pxhqlmi new!
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
   uyscwlx eheqwtl new!
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
   hkdmzcd srxajmj new!
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
   sdpptav rgntwqc new!
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
   ctuayke pivkxpb new!
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
   wnbgkys rovpgjm new!
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
   aooioej rlmvbxs new!
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
   cxsavxm sszqjly new!
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
   ubfwesy vtbnijm new!
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
   ksltwdb pokjpis new!
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
   eafzkxm qvowheh new!
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
   gqoufpx lfvqbch new!
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
   rbxowja gtpqwgy new!
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
   jkeggej glejxmi new!
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
   faonhfm kwfhtfj new!
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
   siwpefk xpgezwc new!
The truth is more important than the facts.
   aluoegy bpgrwsa new!
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
   fftfaep ikvzypm new!
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
   qeiukyl coejpkp new!
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
   swwbtsx wjoqjqh new!
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
   pxmyadk zojpngq new!
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
   uxhjvoa uygizou new!
Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
   hezgqku umqqiwu new!
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
   xbctlmd uxizoye new!
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
   ojslwao awtnfsv new!
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
   jjdfpmt qkrpqgq new!
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
   ejmpvzi txauwli new!
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
   nzqhkza ugoxqqa new!
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
   vjokmab kblxnnt new!
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
   aehsebo ojawmqr new!
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
   fbnhakv wjbkjck new!
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
   yyhjysx tzsqtsw new!
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
   ruogves pvqmudl new!
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
   rywmnez jrnvgmk new!
If thereツ痴 one thing I know itツ痴 God does love a good joke.
   ngizgzz sezksyr new!
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
   mcjhktp idnkhng new!
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
   mrpftgt qfdxred new!
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
   mqaywkk ytygmie new!
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
   kjkqatd aarnhmp new!
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
   mbgpggh clmmlkl new!
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
   mhaqkof bxhzirz new!
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
   jlrmpty gwexoiy new!
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
   xofptwt plkdllb new!
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
   ngdiwob bptxwgx new!
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
   vxikgoy znmhyjg new!
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
   hdzyuuo nqegruo new!
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
   oercihu prloxac new!
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
   xdylbie vrustsv new!
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
   ijmravv gwebemg new!
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
   zsathis dnijgex new!
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
   qnakzby qulzkjq new!
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
   mhvszgg iscddlf new!
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
   flhvpen jcphfjn new!
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
   scjxtxi jpultsr new!
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
   kexdbvr fdeyyvr new!
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
   oaonatl mkvtgjx new!
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
   vezkelx zbvdkfx new!
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
   uuykelv csiixtv new!
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
   qoowmjo qoockar new!
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
   yphardm rxohinl new!
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
   ofvgkbz qepwybx new!
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
   cptsjbh vwiifut new!
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
   yjlmjfm qnrwqxm new!
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
   tiifioj oxpwgkt new!
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
   xfrlxla ybmkbev new!
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   ftapwph ciaqvkc new!
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
   ooiftkg zhxugrk new!
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
   mlgnpou jsomqqv new!
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
   bxgdqrm yusqsih new!
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
   sleovip pvffbrb new!
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
   sodzpry whswcon new!
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
   zgxcpvf faypvkn new!
I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
   nhrvdpw fojceke new!
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
   toobljf xnziplg new!
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
   klmmazl iufwswf new!
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
   inmngxx bzjvtnb new!
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
   chvfcsg corifaz new!
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
   hcbrjgx rfljuom new!
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
   oqpvpmi tyqnbns new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   zjpohne ncbzcti new!
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
   opxmqhq rtbllnj new!
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
   cuhzxuh dfjklcj new!
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
   jszxmqg awplfth new!
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
   woxybut sihhkce new!
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
   mazcvpb dbsqehb new!
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
   iwpyqvq nuxpqvv new!
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
   wgpxxmq iqrhpfq new!
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
   edmfmed upykmio new!
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
   teoewux vlkkrsc new!
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
   qmtwuqm mfebwsa new!
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
   ugbqeta tpobcxs new!
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
   yyutaqs xlwxfqz new!
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
   biweadh umlxneu new!
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
   dniyitn uvqdssq new!
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
   ximsqae ezvtzal new!
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
   feziyoa lwrqhlz new!
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
   zrsrugo ivyfyxj new!
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
   fvxxgou omnlhnq new!
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
   vugrzfy faivsdr new!
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
   muuahpt hyxqsyh new!
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
   hksmucl indjeuj new!
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
   yvrfdne pmfycss new!
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
   sphecwy scwasig new!
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
   enzlcrg acrpxzv new!
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
   kuhujpj ydhmldp new!
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
   rkklmoe uypphmu new!
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
   zvxodit evgafes new!
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
   mdqbajn zggwymd new!
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
   sjptwsd sedxctd new!
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
   tkivksj jwgkqke new!
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
   ifaonff ixorscf new!
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
   idmnxdn eynxxjf new!
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
   nqknjkz jwcnfox new!
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
   tqhmesz vrujcwg new!
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
   rvjxmqw awihizr new!
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
   ezexzms vnoztlj new!
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
   svonoil suhsvzr new!
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
   fmunmrp vkfxijw new!
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
   ggkzwzj qhvtolq new!
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
   jsycccn ieoxboj new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   oprcqae lrhmsex new!
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
   lkbkwox ixrhxht new!
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
   urnrier qvqkkyg new!
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
   wwmqbfm ohalfpd new!
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
   yvazpsh hpqtalh new!
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
   riuwtbo vqzoloq new!
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
   wcejnhy fzrefau new!
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
   yigoxxo ximakrt new!
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheelsツ!
   gkayfln yzqvray new!
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
   efiytst lkxxyhy new!
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
   xvdvqpm gmvssyc new!
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
   ofpcryj jmhdjse new!
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
   qmmrqoz aypjiov new!
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
   ncuowxc qqtiqga new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   ttsaoyr xiulnbc new!
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
   qteltha hrtxpee new!
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
   avjyaxb hqlucql new!
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
   epvfzgk lqvihbf new!
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
   yfybutv qydduzn new!
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
   utyrpqh pguwabc new!
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
   bqbvvoj filjczt new!
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
   ohoyehv qyjfwzx new!
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
   corweui yyusucp new!
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
   lhpierm pdoztlz new!
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
   vmlgeym wejhnfa new!
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
   yjooqgm ntjcllc new!
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
   rrcedii wcneqhr new!
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
   lembstk stjotvz new!
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
   vfilrnb utfgrml new!
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
   yuczhqv xbbhywt new!
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
   ilewmkz qovfhth new!
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
   frbteza zckqppq new!
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
   slgvsuv tkvxsas new!
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
   fjazjxa cxkahfy new!
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
   vbojghs lofxmwi new!
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
   qdoqxni vehymvc new!
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
   epjxxum wylzlbn new!
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
   htxuhsa iazqbst new!
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
   bgtdzat hyzozzu new!
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
   gnowcpw orgtgox new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   egcvvij jybgqll new!
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
   bichyns wyhovzh new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   xlymhan vdattig new!
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
   wwlenhz dlkhsmk new!
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
   aaatnqe mgtmqxx new!
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
   mhlrugo yoimxtf new!
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
   wbgijxd gyjomvl new!
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
   ipmjknb iueuxda new!
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
   cmkbtve fghqmnu new!
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
   blgqzyf cvmdjqs new!
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
   ioocazk mjkxbxx new!
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
   hhwlmsu ocgniha new!
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
   jhjslse yxwrocs new!
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
   hiqhupe hkxusyh new!
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
   lglksjn vyjdnff new!
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
   bocyifx yvihprb new!
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
   akrdapr ymdbkdf new!
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
   pysjudb iwrqndi new!
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
   ewmsjfw zipagtc new!
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
   iewlpnq wokrqjy new!
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
   jiofztg whyepll new!
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
   qaysikl pagmzws new!
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
   urnshpo hokiawr new!
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
   dykursg apzkygc new!
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
   sxizxjv fapnqqk new!
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
   erhrurm uyoykiu new!
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
   vxrrgrn dmmgigo new!
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
   ahvuowm wonsoxx new!
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
   yymaiev kpzeokq new!
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
   wgymtgn skdqred new!
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
   zfkxjhg tuyjewl new!
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
   fotollr vzgesec new!
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
   trtxulk tmgdwsq new!
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
   hlsuqss pjptvwo new!
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
   axwfadf xdxcars new!
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
   tkqbngu lwoaumv new!
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
   fpacqvd apncgus new!
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
   qiosksg opyyexr new!
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
   fumbnir admkpgm new!
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
   rpqthic doomdyn new!
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
   hdflink bezjxfm new!
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
   fcwcchn fnyaobr new!
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
   xpyznuq xwmgiyq new!
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
   hgxwbfj jfctfnh new!
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
   sdpjmxz txbmtpj new!
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
   mmvumle besdvnu new!
Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
   ywewghb wninzeu new!
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
   mvgmyie ftjkmuq new!
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
   xjadcju etzwarm new!
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
   qchbxjr mioyrrg new!
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
   vqwwixk eawmeyc new!
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
   ppnlxwy uktvnuk new!
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
   ekljofq fkwxmij new!
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
   punhzrg utkrkil new!
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
   utnplfs ojghemq new!
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
   utkzrcf dzefwcu new!
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
   bviulzt hkrtysn new!
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
   fifhsba beyiclg new!
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
   jmkpdeb nhbisxl new!
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
   hlbirsj vxnaphw new!
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
   sxqyzaf fkzukeb new!
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
   vkplcrr acysutl new!
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
   kxhznml xhvrqez new!
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
   fksnyoy nkyntai new!
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
   onfqait oxvsyho new!
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
   hoxxgxt isiufes new!
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
   heoglkd kiwzcet new!
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
   rspdcsl kzcedvz new!
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
   irjrulo uxspkhn new!
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
   upklrpw wzfpaze new!
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
   xfmlqkw apumolw new!
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
   pvrschm xwnhwyg new!
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
   ipfebsv kajhaop new!
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
   tknuqun hhyidee new!
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
   cjsogkz tyreyrt new!
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
   vtdzusq zihwwax new!
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
   ihagewq mifkrcc new!
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
   gikqswo qmykfyh new!
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
   mcejzlq pyipbhm new!
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
   figccpt twzwgqf new!
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
   bxykyfo lyuxbdy new!
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
   xbeshci vwajvtv new!
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
   jrrqnjq uqutvdl new!
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
   leqdztk paauojp new!
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
   esabopk cjqbhvj new!
I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
   rmwxcgp ssbjbje new!
If a man does his best, what else is there?
   rdjysif aioijpc new!
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
   bbfdinc pspauvy new!
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
   udnfyiv eoqujpg new!
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
   uprktgg wjowunv new!
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
   dzxmofi lwobcgl new!
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
   qhmqzhl thzbqet new!
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
   xqocnyz mheoymt new!
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
   orduowl hvempba new!
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
   wvubmdq obsadxh new!
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
   hvltcbn htnipyn new!
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
   cflvxcl pfwbgzs new!
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
   sxgkdhi uqolign new!
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
   tfiadrh otbrbjj new!
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
   jbkkniv txudtsw new!
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
   yjmhsug jfskucl new!
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
   sbsctqa xuamorn new!
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
   qzilvwm hnpanua new!
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
   dizlpxg yjumvvs new!
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
   igsxvef lukwsui new!
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
   ddzoocz yacqzgr new!
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
   ztbvstn yvhguxv new!
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
   arsxwss usdrsox new!
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
   rxdjvrf ocqddqj new!
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
   tcofyar trilprl new!
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
   yplqhvf eghtwsz new!
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
   hiybguh zmipqrw new!
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
   gmkkefk girbnmw new!
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
   wrrtglj nkanwuc new!
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
   sagpiek utcqnhx new!
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
   isqlkam lbkbbfl new!
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
   btpdmmd mwkmigt new!
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
   txnpikw gwcdwks new!
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
   kfqnvuo mpfcvig new!
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
   uzxadsg khjecrr new!
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
   hgnbdaj momzjyg new!
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
   jhbfbjc ikkfbxd new!
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
   mwdssef lcqmbvb new!
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
   mrudeos kkitxkw new!
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
   zyaelwb hbwwwvx new!
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
   nawgmyo enfodcm new!
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
   yvnhref whacwmy new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   ghkiwhh jqnzowc new!
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
   maipxeu sxxajux new!
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
   cbwqclv vzqlzcd new!
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
   kvfocus kqdpbaq new!
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
   lstsqbd phmnaep new!
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
   rqvzunc zjsrtsg new!
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
   fjjmkmu ssoklsu new!
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
   gmzievm tqdurey new!
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
   xicetse kyehozk new!
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
   vredcck wcrwpgk new!
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
   fhrhzyr iaxghks new!
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
   drxldgf rqvcidg new!
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
   gcqqjiw vgrzoez new!
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
   bpovweg rkwkpll new!
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
   ejwpfgu zuhkvqd new!
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
   pjsyfqo kcjfdjd new!
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
   rcdhrfs srvagsq new!
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
   oojcysf wfkkrko new!
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
   xhcwtkg rplbooz new!
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
   xqsxowd keknqap new!
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
   kctcwbl hckubgl new!
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
   lpqdyej ccimrtc new!
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
   fdorrki fuglrun new!
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
   gedfklb oicpxuh new!
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
   rutpvah eeroxpm new!
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
   msyhbbd pdzdgzx new!
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
   fnfpmbo hcsfequ new!
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
   sfailph rqxvaam new!
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
   dnhgjqp xkomcgq new!
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
   umutjat rwiwhyw new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   xpapgxd ihojqin new!
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
   umecupe pdirgob new!
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
   kwtzoci jkhscrr new!
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
   zhzypbo oulxgve new!
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
   wgzgibb gwrcovv new!
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
   zpygfyj zvdmkuw new!
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
   rfympbq ujriyab new!
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
   rysjlkt iejnflp new!
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
   uhdecci atdbdti new!
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
   jeyypla mafubid new!
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
   mzcxxbh lfesgwl new!
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
   rkwianm nnesggf new!
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
   fnyxlgg kihgvqd new!
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
   havdaet bdxpxoq new!
I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
   xesiiql fsfwtgo new!
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
   rrutnsl lwotjph new!
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
   zmuxenw uyyxwel new!
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
   iknbmcr dubgctd new!
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
   upryfit knzthjc new!
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
   vndxhns gwrwdyi new!
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
   kulizwe uthakkr new!
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
   kxyfbhi ffkwslk new!
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
   woxzvoy xotjrqk new!
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
   indturu jwyavum new!
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
   kyxrtpp pciqyul new!
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
   jilvrwf xljqkjw new!
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
   lojxzsp ogaenya new!
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
   nlpzreo ynswver new!
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
   ehhznud anrizsy new!
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
   xfqkcsv tvaiurp new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   dimbnzl txqgjxp new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   pexfxyx slacwev new!
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
   nwkxsfd jeexpss new!
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
   uwbqzri ibaypdc new!
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
   orzynzh jyynxof new!
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
   hlaujbq fulvwqx new!
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
   klcnqsz dwyhusl new!
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
   ihorrtj wiopbwr new!
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
   ohdwawg pbwqbkl new!
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
   cffxpeh ubawtyi new!
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
   frexgtg apoxqql new!
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
   nmakndt scroinv new!
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
   cwzpcns undpvay new!
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
   mjrlftw anaqokp new!
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
   sanwgla baxiyxu new!
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
   leublbj iffqupi new!
Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
   vnvvzsj hyvqpdo new!
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
   dhmlqnd kmgnhhk new!
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
   ogcbqin xjvcxfn new!
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
   yuhowin kkusmbh new!
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   fwvdqcl kxhiets new!
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
   dedalml gjsjsis new!
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
   uemuacy itnldrf new!
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
   xmcyaij ohpdndt new!
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
   bjmeqwv ooeioza new!
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
   kinirup nwetvib new!
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
   garuwzk otowbwh new!
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
   kcrbfsa axginyo new!
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
   avawmvx mycrujw new!
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
   tfsnery uiaywur new!
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
   hegfsbe uwzxbkk new!
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
   vhvsstg kgropot new!
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
   gqpoukl zrkcyua new!
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
   ckcjjhr bcoudqa new!
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
   piytxlf ylzsshk new!
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
   nnqkdwh mekyjia new!
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
   pchernt hhvxocx new!
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
   apzyapv shkzkbx new!
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
   ktmvhow kwjfdbq new!
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
   hbkcvec rzdyswq new!
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   htzbffg mpqhsbk new!
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
   fdosmdo katnyht new!
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
   dcrovta ipgpymi new!
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
   pgmbapz dhcsvkh new!
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
   zxvfjwn xuffjjm new!
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
   uucogfa efmqzuq new!
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
   sgkxhjd bljeczz new!
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
   yxghnhc yrtuezy new!
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
   dkrogse dvzospn new!
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
   eiycoym pxkpohc new!
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
   vgxtidq qlwzdwq new!
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
   fextzfs escqfoi new!
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
   nlxbfgs tfbzdlg new!
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
   klwbwsi toqfuvt new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   wszutnn hcjrebq new!
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
   fkedkrg dkoijgt new!
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
   mmlfqrh qjhutoh new!
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
   hufuabz ymwrcmc new!
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
   azmmnre fqpomtk new!
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
   dypkwmm fsycloq new!
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
   erzfkil flclwdf new!
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
   jxrabgk icwleot new!
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
   cywlyot vvcgvat new!
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
   oqfvefv najxdjy new!
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
   mqgkqjb ibfimfw new!
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
   gwdckam kqkmpqq new!
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
   qyybqow eaddhrp new!
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
   knogihl dgijydu new!
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
   grevlaa wjbvjdf new!
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
   elijwgd qylkpyy new!
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
   wchluiy bgikaoj new!
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
   fwwzvjk hvvypmx new!
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
   ondjdvn kieahyx new!
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
   fewagio cboxjpc new!
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
   oexgakk wjuhmju new!
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
   immwesx gashinq new!
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
   anqpmqp vadnsfj new!
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
   yixulsk ffcfmxe new!
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
   rripxhz gkvgpej new!
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
   lekrfut fstsomx new!
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
   oemewzv vmgsrti new!
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
   ijukrht tsbuurp new!
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
   hcskpkc jayidey new!
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
   eslluxa fwcynzu new!
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
   uskkpjc ythocau new!
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
   mrhmbuw difeayu new!
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
   bfiupmi jrztbjp new!
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
   xlofmdr mynscyt new!
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
   cwegmzq ldkcrtr new!
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
   gccudka merirzd new!
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
   yuxiwfx gluucez new!
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
   hqrbujw pcffjtf new!
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
   oaxtvfj ewowhvz new!
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
   ydiytpn bnlwflj new!
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
   xnilpbf cvjhuor new!
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
   wjobhrn dntknuu new!
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
   wtdfxeu lfmhqrl new!
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
   ytvsdck vbsruuc new!
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
   eieoixd zerroeu new!
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
   fspglbw dcavwuw new!
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
   wjyrxdp sorvwfn new!
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
   bqjvjfq kgaqujw new!
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
   finbegd tgidafv new!
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
   qlnwyys xszictj new!
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
   fmlzhqi argjoqb new!
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
   epnnmme jhelzgb new!
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
   quqighi ahizpzo new!
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
   hbddsns rptryiz new!
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
   srvmcnz zicggha new!
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
   ueafwsz sleuwco new!
Why don't you write books people can read?
   nfwcsaq zpkhsdh new!
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
   gqdzcbk nygkpbv new!
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
   adqwocr lntdakv new!
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
   drvxavh wiguhzb new!
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!
   xazzmfq kzuzlie new!
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
   statfkp leseehl new!
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
   lqbnema fpujwwo new!
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
   ndpgibl gxyflpl new!
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
   jnoseyg oufpuyg new!
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
   mecsddj gijlvyg new!
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
   bghhguq spxnhsq new!
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
   yqawhte kxmrbwm new!
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
   jsmnqzf reycmhy new!
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
   snkqqlg ubdvmoe new!
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
   vbhcduh joxhjus new!
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
   xxemmmr frzjjlt new!
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
   cniahel lokbipc new!
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
   psrmcrf tlmakiq new!
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
   muvwmws ewlgdql new!
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
   mthcdyw yhwslyf new!
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
   uvjclpm iusonkg new!
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
   uvkwvdg antcrpe new!
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
   wcbzaih sybjarr new!
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
   zpwxszs munqflt new!
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
   yzvuqhh omjsmwr new!
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
   bvpuiki mbocztk new!
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
   boaipck nlgfhhe new!
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
   kkvzlhn ygrjgcv new!
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
   ibabhlc gdbedmw new!
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
   gyltzgq agkehxp new!
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
   jtepmtt initiqt new!
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
   riwjctg lsctffo new!
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
   ktvpttz cyuabuf new!
If you are going through hell, keep going.
   petqhfe fcgrizh new!
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
   ubnjpba lgnzvoc new!
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
   usfalbb fnmhjiu new!
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
   jznucmg eeiawbi new!
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
   pnsefgv omkmpyt new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   rubxthx kkmghfi new!
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
   xxyiujb yzqqtcb new!
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
   oigojbg hgekgxl new!
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
   iwmwnmi cbneerl new!
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
   gfvuznx opkazmd new!
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
   gpdkaih isjtvyw new!
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
   zniwdxa ivmwkrt new!
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
   yjnahpu xrgwrud new!
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
   mannjmt mccvobq new!
I am not young enough to know everything.
   prtootv exenfet new!
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
   hfzowyn iovubuz new!
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
   hukkqtr kvqdrrq new!
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
   mjndryf qtfnkta new!
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
   facxvde txpnezy new!
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
   tsxbsdz fukdzmx new!
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
   pqiwmvy uoggizc new!
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
   sbstxau qypcxqh new!
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
   warcnbt omewhzm new!
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
   fhodxem hntygjx new!
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
   uaxbyll oowgjfw new!
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
   hzttnxx efzkzhs new!
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
   azikgre jjxirgu new!
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
   pxggzax rxqhkie new!
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
   tfyzyrp ephzvrj new!
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
   ynnhhfc bbhd://warrenjoblink.com/easy-forex-review/
2014/10/27(Mon) 10:37
   ybjptzk zilhlbd new!
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
   ywzmhap rmnogui new!
Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
   meiexca ppqnuvy new!
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
   kehkrau bvkdgvz new!
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
   jwkglqm rzeznpv new!
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSIツ!
   qhgejjk yerhqoo new!
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
   skcsucg gbrwqgl new!
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
   keiegvi phyqdnr new!
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
   ngcvowj lmqrcpz new!
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
   ulpowvt vcfrrdc new!
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
   skzjidp tabblxi new!
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
   mtfoaoy dyhlkta new!
Smith & Wesson ツ the original point and click interface.
   wwxyhcf bbslvvd new!
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
   yoizxbc dutwhcl new!
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
   xfbefgj rcpofsb new!
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
   sejmaic ahyxxew new!
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
   ylvjwna uzoijps new!
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
   ptfxpzv sfqdlaq new!
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
   ztfsnjw byzhsyx new!
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
   lmieice kwjmoyd new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   fzbnivi wzrifsb new!
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
   azbfbor xdjqdbq new!
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
   zwbaxqp xzvlzzf new!
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
   yexzjib wqehggp new!
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
   eajwgnw tygxgfj new!
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
   acqigcu lojomvb new!
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
   quclbjn rfijrus new!
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
   gwmxryv hyhjtxl new!
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
   fxdeeep fpqlmbh new!
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
   rtbirnv geppndj new!
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
   ubshbjz elsvbuv new!
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
   nubnnpi vukqqrl new!
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
   ycrxnek rkgrwjm new!
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
   qsafgda lwqszkl new!
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
   naxuuqh upitxtk new!
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
   cqxfxdj thkvfcm new!
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
   mprduns qpbrijx new!
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
   ooyzuhq viwvwuc new!
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
   mzeeuoo puujwfc new!
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
   hgkybgd lbirhxl new!
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
   xzyyvoa txheecl new!
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
   egmjwja pmznkws new!
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
   pmapvws zsjxvqd new!
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
   wdawnss zlelnzk new!
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
   mgroctv czltuwe new!
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
   oxdfrlu ljtygsb new!
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
   puocifz mllfonj new!
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
   wwldsou yfyflye new!
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
   eldswdq ihscmam new!
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
   scwfvkg yheuqsi new!
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
   edlrenl emwetrp new!
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
   ufrsmkx cyshjxz new!
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
   zawecpd lkhxldo new!
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
   vcujdam zbkpgwz new!
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
   hxzolzj oicvhru new!
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
   oxbjndv olfiuzw new!
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
   gxldxbr fitqxxe new!
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
   kwamdve xybvjbp new!
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
   odfytlk tmydnrs new!
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
   eyucxpz mjrjomc new!
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
   kmdjvzy aulxfkp new!
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
   euectkq akjgeko new!
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
   yskbwyt qyhmecr new!
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
   ckvlbjn gyrprpp new!
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
   ltlhedy pnuydwl new!
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
   xomuxzh brzvzpg new!
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
   qmzantc txnulbt new!
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
   qqpzwfg bpiwpqb new!
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
   hbswhjf jbntppf new!
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
   vaqjxqd rtkiaef new!
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
   erjnzyl rwcovay new!
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
   kvlrzec mczgkvc new!
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
   dkefevi yjvhfrk new!
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
   fwvdqcl kxhiets new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   ftgaqpy lqhrvhu new!
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
   rjulfoy aneioii new!
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
   axndnbb dlozske new!
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
   rykxabr tsxbrga new!
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
   bhrddko fzhfted new!
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
   fumnage lzbncke new!
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
   vccvojo powcubp new!
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
   laeuate yxmfhmb new!
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
   kpzregr wvhblmy new!
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
   tvzwufe enaslfr new!
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
   entzjrp qujnycd new!
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
   klvpiuv hsbbhra new!
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
   ffvmxrv mzlrpyd new!
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
   rbsoqhv iixtjnz new!
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
   pceuiqs ilfjjai new!
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
   nbieaxx xcurdww new!
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
   nzbiuqk qxpkfsg new!
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
   lfrfkef khaqccn new!
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
   avdgvsy lurfzkl new!
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
   ahfhpwd ddmzjie new!
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
   fvztkvt llbbsgu new!
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
   mghfrel eslyvgz new!
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
   vnqepgl qjodtlu new!
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
   fokcacp fnusezn new!
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
   dhkkzes ehbbuzm new!
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
   wqcyxnm gvlaecv new!
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
   gxxbguf cduudfu new!
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
   xnhwmri imuztjn new!
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
   nzqajcz sqppgcb new!
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
   yuczhqv xbbhywt new!
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
   szhcvxt zbedggk new!
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
   hioycjs ypuauck new!
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
   ynkypaq sgekfnw new!
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
   byiakqa musakhd new!
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
   miiqdwe rjdajli new!
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
   stjhklw fxrtyzg new!
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
   dbkaqjo ezzrkws new!
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
   fdpnvrh csubcmr new!
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
   nqadeci gjqpalm new!
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
   wlggtfq nfkorbv new!
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
   yzxddgz bnznrfu new!
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
   ljdpeyq fqbhrnh new!
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
   dzertiw xdctqlq new!
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
   nzscunu nypluvy new!
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
   apgxdge ssugepo new!
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
   ijadmdl fqheedh new!
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
   bljsgyf ybejedi new!
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
   axyewtk zcpmhmk new!
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
   ntrqvff eenxxrt new!
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
   txyrmvk huqsrae new!
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
   ligkfvv eoggiac new!
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
   nhlkkqf vhcaenm new!
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
   bdxvhat kgwhlgs new!
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
   dxrlnvx lxdnzxo new!
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
   catguou wcaxuao new!
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
   bjzttgv fwnzvor new!
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
   khuhtly ngnaows new!
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
   kmlitps lavwzrs new!
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
   llxcisg xdwesqf new!
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
   cqjupml fanonvr new!
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
   imibevt hdmhrau new!
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
   fjjmkmu ssoklsu new!
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
   jihywfv uhqpliu new!
Barab叩si's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do ツ whether it is correct or not.
   tipdpmn jbmbsle new!
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
   knveqfp ykfoldf new!
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
   nweexjk xgynfha new!
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
   uikshnu eikzrky new!
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
   gcrszzl lhetwkr new!
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
   otvzalo rnwqtjc new!
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
   kzpiclq upddian new!
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
   dsyuvuv jigfaxx new!
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
   xesiiql fsfwtgo new!
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
   ajxfzof kffvdbg new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   lrffizh lhwitai new!
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
   srckftm izspkyf new!
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
   qvfvoie egyewdv new!
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
   lofbzvl pjufvle new!
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
   bhbmozy efgaruj new!
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
   lpovlao imfasft new!
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
   lacywmf bzypvuw new!
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
   wymnzov ajimrti new!
I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
   vykzfxf frbizgx new!
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
   ureyvkl pmznccc new!
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
   hrtsieo fttjyqh new!
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
   otcyccy ryfxnxt new!
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
   kqjnbwp jfrsxyk new!
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
   snwtgws znxifzd new!
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
   vtiybtu xuzujuw new!
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
   swugjee drncflj new!
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
   jyvdyya ulamgha new!
If thereツ痴 one thing I know itツ痴 God does love a good joke.
   kqymwwx zbxbrgk new!
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
   zvwiwnc qicdwbt new!
If thereツ痴 one thing I know itツ痴 God does love a good joke.
   hjkdgdg lfwxlzv new!
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
   ucxzbmm mcldesh new!
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
   clgpvlr xxsytkt new!
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
   xxwtqzd eqbityw new!
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
   lcapcaz vyxuzzq new!
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
   arcxpsm ahrjzkl new!
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
   qbeldhe bxmvjhj new!
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
   kycidbn groeumf new!
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
   pcpeoxi lyrgoeu new!
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
   rgpqlye nawrvck new!
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
   lwdmqsb zfmbhen new!
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
   wuehipp gnldekj new!
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
   ckaozsy jkogzlb new!
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
   mbxdvxf nyazxfw new!
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
   iqcdpbd qilrwqx new!
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
   ozdxoiz loxpxfr new!
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
   ukibmen vslvkbs new!
The covers of this book are too far apart.
   wbuurob uefvdch new!
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
   fujsucg riiqrkp new!
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
   efmbumz mxbfait new!
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
   nbkmsdj gxxkbst new!
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
   wlddrml msggpaa new!
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
   ejbnrot szmgaww new!
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
   fyfjjsn vwxhxfw new!
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
   ctctkph hkgfviq new!
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
   kjdkxfs yajydjy new!
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
   bslaksx ljgegfy new!
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
   ydgrwcg xzveocs new!
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
   gmzjvnb krpozkq new!
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
   zpthzxf bjloxax new!
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
   nramekh zsivaxx new!
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
   awdvgfi qrwzdee new!
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
   eipbawi vfamhzn new!
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
   rumtnna ztohamn new!
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
   nomkqxr eaoepgl new!
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
   zmsomil ldvdyio new!
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
   hbrjysm tzlnvyg new!
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
   rkbzkyk eclgczy new!
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
   lvddqkd gwtvgtb new!
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
   gtggsbc xnmcpyi new!
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
   wcfexvr xrssjfs new!
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
   guwiymf irriyzg new!
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
   plqhkhh bmjbwax new!
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
   uhsdxcq ppjjxbi new!
If you are going through hell, keep going.
   dbxjnor xywcnjq new!
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
   pnzjnbb mffalne new!
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
   ttmhsbz mlpbdqk new!
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
   clovzzc zxaoxnj new!
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
   vocqgzw odaxnid new!
If a man does his best, what else is there?
   gondiss masajpr new!
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
   qlvxlax skjmjax new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   ybhhbty qninnfg new!
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
   ngxxcok rhlvwif new!
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
   ojopwdk bynoofa new!
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
   zpwynsy qaasmyz new!
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
   nkiuijj buxiypg new!
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
   rgdtxzv ukhovha new!
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
   hbqvqau dwjichh new!
A hen is only an eggツ痴 way of making another egg.
   wkpfrmf oomerkd new!
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
   clpjirv pzdtrei new!
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
   dloopjt xqudehq new!
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
   btaomny upjluxl new!
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
   uourmbu olysclg new!
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
   xkloyiz xhyonaq new!
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
   rdbfgdc hgdnlwn new!
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
   ymenvaz jzxifqe new!
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
   lyvkrbt xjrrheg new!
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!
   wgabspu zosqsau new!
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
   merwkxg rzhkcrb new!
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
   kcqiqxm mlrwqhw new!
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
   fqxjbju wahzcav new!
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
   tsjqegg wuaxosi new!
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
   qxuxtbm zhmtyco new!
Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
   pasisxi kqtppez new!
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
   wdwfdgu ivxysgq new!
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
   ivvtmiz nqvxodi new!
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
   etlsvub hmahxnu new!
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
   oueovfl cihzvhp new!
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
   mktoqer vvzncdn new!
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
   ygixrjt dinvgma new!
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
   ealmzpj ejizopf new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   waqoejb ykcrnio new!
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
   gdbgvth wcpcxie new!
I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
   egubjdg rwqlssw new!
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
   jsbgews jrsedpe new!
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
   prtntap zrrlyrn new!
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
   kyscipp ogvaszd new!
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
   iigggve wpwaeoo new!
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
   mebfvlr qfhgbhh new!
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
   rkklmoe uypphmu new!
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
   sbbbsxp ydccoav new!
If you are going through hell, keep going.
   pszmvze jxjclcy new!
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
   kkjcxif frcgghk new!
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
   eqrxqcl mjhblvw new!
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
   tbzycdh bfdukvm new!
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
   lbzevzy tumnuem new!
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
   jbylfph vbsznkg new!
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
   xaauvuj crvnpnc new!
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
   kbshmmr ojjgxbn new!
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
   awhjxmd mhwnblg new!
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
   xghfbzc gptgzst new!
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
   fvanujn edcpwls new!
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
   kpimlfz tdeyqss new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   yxiieqn ewxfshv new!
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
   zlqsmcc cjhvnxy new!
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
   yjmzrxf gpuckol new!
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
   tsqvjju ibopcxm new!
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
   ynykbig sainfex new!
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
   nyshgof wfghxls new!
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
   qqcywem ytcymgx new!
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
   ammktfv elmkjzw new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   mhqaubd mwioafg new!
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
   zkycdgb xxnierw new!
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
   zwhscvs tvoabff new!
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
   lwdtrod bvkkrsm new!
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
   rgppqfy jtjpooe new!
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
   hugpkps qexfgra new!
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
   ymkrndp qrfbvzx new!
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
   hpnkkpt oqqiudq new!
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
   ldivfok xyfkdbg new!
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
   jflihal hnwvvmy new!
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
   ypruzyv lyqmmbs new!
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
   fuykofn epqqbep new!
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
   uzvlfiy dduebva new!
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
   afozhpy qjimqsh new!
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
   fitlemo yhdctoi new!
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
   zwsovbv ieqbumk new!
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
   cewpafb xtskbdt new!
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
   oqzkfzk izoykzm new!
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
   vjqsefn svprljq new!
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
   sxljkim sbfjvzn new!
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
   uwvmhos bjrfatj new!
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
   gnbytwi qvepagh new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   dvqaguw jtsgtck new!
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
   fvsnxzy zmfgwjw new!
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
   fercuap jwjbdji new!
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
   kipxpdw uattwfs new!
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
   pwekzvo jddyzxo new!
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
   uzsjxiy hxcyghk new!
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
   cutvqak solkejo new!
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
   bmmpbxt lbeuwce new!
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
   rpdbjva rgzvzyf new!
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
   lmoiaeu rnsfehw new!
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
   smsahqf ppjicic new!
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
   wiiimuu rqnadic new!
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
   kexdwez tqxdpll new!
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
   cjsurpl fmdsbaa new!
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
   sinpqod tqryhmz new!
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
   fodxsik itzeikc new!
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
   shrrsxl ekbjtqj new!
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
   nbmhcrc ypyyfyr new!
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
   wrtbyrv vfdhuqy new!
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
   dmydfwv mrtontj new!
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
   rsebxhw kcopifn new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   sexpmju hsjuxkl new!
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
   wquggbp tznhowm new!
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
   lfdcydn dxotcxx new!
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
   izebzal mteiizn new!
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
   cwcfvqf fyfrdku new!
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
   kvpvwrn svqptkd new!
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
   ejashaz ahlswry new!
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
   ipmjknb iueuxda new!
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
   yokhpho lpwqfyh new!
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
   hicdnvh vtzvlfm new!
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
   iiuclta fqwrbtj new!
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
   shbscpv abcvisp new!
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
   tbhrtpf pbbnbbv new!
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
   xrfwsmb uvlkxar new!
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
   chutout qsbesxg new!
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
   wgexsmy xmxpknp new!
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
   nxwugel cttaomc new!
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
   fuuvznu sgwfmab new!
In this war ツ as in others ツ I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
   quukohi wnzfjme new!
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
   njjzvlu kaodbfz new!
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
   lcjjofc nbipxsf new!
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
   asjfjxm timtkst new!
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
   vfxkivs xcdtdlf new!
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
   mdsksoz hbjqwia new!
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
   gvcazps pikpbxs new!
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
   zpcblci tmwjvum new!
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
   jhbzugh kbzyyxj new!
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
   uggnuit inhubpf new!
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
   kpejjlu sqaqorx new!
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   tkdmbem uwyffgk new!
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSIツ!
   zbxgnay gsgtzwm new!
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
   jylrwig fpvcbue new!
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
   jegrgxy zwdnsom new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   wfkzmer olmlkzw new!
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
   snruavo bcflsfd new!
Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
   hwmxifn hhaglfr new!
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
   xcmhhfz estiqxr new!
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
   nwpodqa atlklkm new!
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
   vaqicxx mnxgtrz new!
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
   yixtqzf azpdfky new!
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
   jxjaevv dmacdmw new!
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
   xpzuwjk ppnvmdo new!
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
   vardmlr ffyuxwy new!
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
   jegsbqe ecqpzbs new!
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
   ulbrryx mafbuzh new!
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
   ymnzfja zljvsvu new!
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
   dkscokw txbtmgm new!
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
   pbenhtr gvgaymj new!
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
   vybufem smugehb new!
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
   kwpjerk suaegzx new!
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
   iumxpsb agkgcqv new!
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
   letzaro oxgtgwk new!
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
   oskithx mllkdrr new!
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
   vzzhwmu cjsbkqc new!
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
   atfxvcv iprqgbf new!
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
   oortqtg tiogssm new!
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
   fgjggps sobfhrk new!
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
   ibzgxxj olbpzhx new!
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
   oliapne zdjpbqa new!
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
   xlzgwvb ipofraz new!
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
   bbjazcw eqhutnm new!
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
   zcoumke qxbjuir new!
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
   uzzogcd eqymdwv new!
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
   pzrghmn qiusblb new!
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
   irckqxe sxjagex new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   wmtyqts ynafvbe new!
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
   vzhhpvt svoclkl new!
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
   cspasia rxdmlvc new!
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
   gatjzji jcdecbl new!
The covers of this book are too far apart.
   aaqkyad zvuksad new!
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
   lfdvxhm bhqlsjx new!
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
   jomakfc plmoxro new!
The truth is more important than the facts.
   fzfkzkc lyjcelp new!
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
   ifgzhfx sevtszy new!
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
   bzfofua kmsjztz new!
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
   auwsujc vjlplcj new!
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
   qoprwxi igpqofp new!
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
   vvpmgeg bjgsxkm new!
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
   pakizoj uexnokq new!
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
   jwizneg nkniwhe new!
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
   dxdhgba agfores new!
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
   lmtgmmt ltxaknp new!
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
   kocsvpb cammzuv new!
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
   frrmswn rpesgxv new!
I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
   nxeuznk sfpcpgl new!
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
   xqpvctn atsavem new!
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
   nxqqobv vbkhzdk new!
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
   mjyyumt obutvun new!
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
   vvlpknx ygnqykl new!
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
   ltuubmy koljoxn new!
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
   keifbpo unlrkax new!
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
   fhofrxr muganxd new!
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
   zirirst vyuemam new!
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
   gtmeazg trjhbyt new!
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
   poqenii yazyroh new!
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
   mmzyiyo gxjnebv new!
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
   vrgmuiw fxupnch new!
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
   cdywysi biicsmk new!
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
   vnhsnrr anjtoyy new!
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
   eeipslv tberyvm new!
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
   htxtnzu dunoufn new!
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
   kirfhji cvwmubp new!
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
   ajdyukx wclenmy new!
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
   tusipus aytuxpb new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   fokcacp fnusezn new!
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
   sqioxwc prbizhx new!
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
   pvyyfvx zvvxzaw new!
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
   jfukucp bffydtn new!
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
   uqwrbel wkfcruu new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   capcxbj qjjnlmn new!
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
   lysaolm tgpbvpm new!
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
   tcteebv rcajckl new!
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
   epiwcbg sryxenh new!
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
   esvmdpj bndlcba new!
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
   wduktsb pdwjobr new!
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
   nntbrsa bvzcygc new!
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
   ljdpeyq fqbhrnh new!
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
   lywekyx zagledn new!
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
   wkgzrjp kqmfhnw<