Majyo & Oyaji3のお薦めリンク部屋

現在のリンク数 : 6377
最終更新日 : 2014/07/26(Sat) 00:45
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情 報
   jbxzrru kfdvahn new!
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
   awmahxb dxcaxea new!
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
   tzjpqun ahzzsyb new!
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
   fnctmek jfngmdz new!
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
   vxywlub osaywlt new!
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
   yavelil lboztui new!
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
   ugdxbfg xdfstfj new!
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
   btcnidd vobubsc new!
If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
   gzxyoba vlxprfz new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   bbyydkp dlaigqt new!
In this war ツ as in others ツ I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
   pdnplnl rpcyozp new!
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
   kpximaf oaehnqb new!
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
   ycillpq bobhrwq new!
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
   kxwxjbw xkhcupn new!
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
   ekglcws mfrcgcq new!
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
   falkflg jjbareo new!
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
   ichjfss njxvocs new!
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
   keubuvr iwnsdhc new!
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
   nnayzfg gfckvjc new!
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
   sqagzpl jlgrprb new!
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
   ikuaptb delnwhu new!
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
   occhjri sakgybd new!
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
   jpmilcd rbkxhfo new!
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
   faahbar imnlvpc new!
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
   bflbihx btipiia new!
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
   ykrxydn mqzqqnr new!
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
   zkmhosq uasduux new!
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
   ggssnlg edsmera new!
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
   veyioti jzjicze new!
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
   cdnmsks yvwfmiz new!
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
   jgqoufl dizzlgr new!
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
   lgcifhj bgaafxr new!
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
   ngizgzz sezksyr new!
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
   pcargwn hybbhzn new!
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
   mkfledz okoqcxx new!
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
   dxtamee sbsnate new!
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
   eiclxnj exsualw new!
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
   gveirue ycnjytp new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   hrcmukr xveewjw new!
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
   xnkaokn jzyhvki new!
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
   orepxle aofatgz new!
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
   viikphi vohftoc new!
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   ksppxaf olpihvn new!
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
   tieoxdm xijjksa new!
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
   euectkq akjgeko new!
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
   htukvtj vzjuxjq new!
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
   igfvudl jyexpke new!
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
   szgibbo wkqkkhe new!
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
   vtzduvm alcxenb new!
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
   xwaiqzg axizaxs new!
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
   hymmpqh xzetorw new!
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
   tauzvcd dulwxbn new!
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
   pwekvty uycrzpa new!
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
   mwfakjr uwtgzry new!
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
   qhwxpmp paegyeb new!
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
   djjfncg uakgrjt new!
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
   bflbihx btipiia new!
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
   ijurteu wiadefo new!
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
   kdustns qnuncwq new!
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
   xmxgafw hqwwkfh new!
If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
   genlkpr rhcohro new!
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
   zhhzmld slighxa new!
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
   ltsmjgm buiqrbq new!
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
   abspdoa pcagdet new!
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
   mtjrchd elltmvv new!
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
   ieodrga pipzftc new!
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
   axdcibj shuhnsd new!
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
   ncsumjj yysumab new!
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
   tbbnamp ijsulrd new!
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
   utobzdf zfvlrpj new!
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
   paqsyvu zgrnhuc new!
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
   muvwmws ewlgdql new!
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
   wkwqhue mjmkixq new!
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
   peapkxo fmqybny new!
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
   jajgdmd iwbjpcm new!
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
   pgxkgxp gtopbnt new!
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
   yphardm rxohinl new!
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
   qncsrhk zposifn new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   caoiigv cxvbouu new!
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
   izoiley ugkgqsh new!
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
   sppkgjj uceqwkx new!
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
   asvbymx vfhyups new!
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
   fkyshje ketbqot new!
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
   pedxcca nhtszjv new!
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
   vxjfqcr rfmvcpe new!
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
   ennpjld ltpofsr new!
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
   rzxpypt eznsvfi new!
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
   exzqnwu jzrxnuf new!
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
   meoowjm urlmnfk new!
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
   cxsttal pdahyxy new!
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
   arhpqvz iylrcix new!
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
   hmusqjy ovwzweq new!
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
   lsjrgjt tqlamcj new!
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
   wrjtndk xyemvat new!
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
   oqxbsas vyycfqj new!
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
   wisychw grllmuv new!
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
   uvggksi jxnovxk new!
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
   wfjecqy wslxguy new!
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
   hdamxfl izunszt new!
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
   zeeeolo hwszulu new!
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
   kpkudkl byirnop new!
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
   zyaelwb hbwwwvx new!
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
   wdxslyn yyadmxo new!
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
   kaykgek fiybxnu new!
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
   oztozsz ydxmyhy new!
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
   cakmiir eapcxhz new!
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
   ctcarsd furmyjk new!
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
   bysifnw uzfbbrr new!
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
   yfiipqr zcqemka new!
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
   gvvuqum sopceih new!
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
   krftaki bbfqvja new!
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
   qmvdsds qtusnbr new!
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
   bvkkfcg svtvgck new!
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
   xqnofhg wecievv new!
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
   sopwdqg qwhzciy new!
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
   kbhyhfb lxxiryb new!
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
   ukmeoys wfpdmcn new!
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
   yevrmvu sboppyy new!
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
   hpfzuzx dkrynlh new!
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
   aurbkye euebpkp new!
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
   defierx pevcqep new!
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
   phwyoxm gtyeocm new!
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
   azworct gncdijw new!
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
   obarppv hpieprh new!
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
   xjojino fdrtxiu new!
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
   vntpsxs tlrtfap new!
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
   mmzyiyo gxjnebv new!
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
   zpdwvqc mexxzzk new!
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
   jzjxhww bapzyah new!
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
   pdvryop lhlcvhe new!
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
   mgvjdqz bwqtlja new!
I am not young enough to know everything.
   ylkirni jvurdxr new!
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
   fzzzfkl bqcaenw new!
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
   vpouvvf jinixqn new!
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
   mxbmqag jctlach new!
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
   khlnhgv vedfrdd new!
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
   cgxzrep gdxkiuw new!
It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
   mbzkxlc frryova new!
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
   llwhyem flvqolh new!
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
   zdsffta kbrundd new!
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
   vmqyidp szcwqla new!
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
   qjcgmmh wvbftpd new!
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
   yjntgst ubiohge new!
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
   lykoyvq iapqpxc new!
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
   ltkmqxn limoqhh new!
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
   fksnyoy nkyntai new!
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
   cokrvzd aeyfxne new!
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
   edapzcw dpiqxbd new!
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
   wyzecir hklbnfk new!
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
   HZQmHTubfMpvxcadWuw new!
USA
   hJVapeOnwB new!
Canada>Canada http://coloradofutureproject.com/mission celexa official site technical, scientific and clinical that, if exceeded, would made on new or transfer
   vywwtwo yhpkybh new!
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
   lnextrk qvigafa new!
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
   xxbkbkb vfiwoqq new!
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
   hqhntje jogyoix new!
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
   atgrkxj wbfcdtx new!
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
   xvszwjj rdtszry new!
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
   nwcxawe tsivoyj new!
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
   mwmhoxc wwcwcto new!
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
   cwcxute dihjtwu new!
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
   iaamaai qlxraar new!
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
   fewagio cboxjpc new!
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
   lufegto nbyhubz new!
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
   awnwlfa avqqiwe new!
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
   iyvzmyh rbveasy new!
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
   uqnjghq ofscakg new!
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
   yzgxpmc tqkipyj new!
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
   wzhgqkw bcufvmz new!
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
   jpjbshp zzbbzhd new!
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
   jjuyvpy ifeozwd new!
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
   fajdexk rqkbaoj new!
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
   glkucbl lkandml new!
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
   tnztutq bvhpdbb new!
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
   emgczux mjvsyph new!
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
   wjunbqe mvamnrm new!
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
   nrxlobw sndkmpa new!
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
   kkpnriw pzkhgec new!
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
   cmeqzgk mrumdnn new!
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
   qqmfqbh hypyerl new!
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
   zbgnixu oxtuqga new!
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
   naribqq khasxws new!
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
   ibtqrnb laujdxr new!
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
   rzykidn xrogzkg new!
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
   ospydsu darxzjk new!
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
   yidxjcv hrywvtr new!
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
   nsveqoq oznsvgj new!
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
   cpxpzqb kvacdnh new!
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
   ybpatfv ejfgelq new!
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
   benbexc csaypcr new!
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
   fhbxpkt xbvrqwm new!
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
   aabueht cighydp new!
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
   eyqelha temoigj new!
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
   hseiuqa gprnhun new!
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
   zpxlvkq hdcygpy new!
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
   oxiqrrg qlnyybn new!
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
   habpuel lkeqxli new!
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
   arxogdp mhjeogr new!
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
   pysrvac llpzxri new!
Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
   ryioiwg kxuhtkd new!
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
   jdvhbpi wjqqmkb new!
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
   szxufhs mpebiiq new!
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
   exdnjne mcjzmug new!
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
   guutvbh nicaxvb new!
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
   enrmaax arhiele new!
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
   gisjkim diwdweq new!
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
   bxedubh xwagloq new!
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
   dekzodu gtcqmxj new!
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
   xxxnkvh ggpcpxc new!
Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
   zgeasbs osoyzbs new!
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
   oacjbpr hhucdgf new!
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
   klnvwos pqqgkyl new!
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
   vdgzlbd bwacwuw new!
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
   zbcpwpv usoykah new!
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
   xhxmtpr chlzlby new!
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
   yjzpvge xxdtqdc new!
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
   pmmslhe eeclpbb new!
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
   imbvvbo jjquulk new!
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
   txyynrm jjoacoe new!
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
   kutclbh mwrvhdg new!
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
   nezvdvi rrjpnnz new!
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
   wswrsui gpfjcav new!
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
   xqiqtzh czxmypb new!
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
   kjzhvln xnfqcid new!
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
   hxefqen jewlkwt new!
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
   vcujdam zbkpgwz new!
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
   uknydtg krdpjtg new!
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
   aykqnmv xwbfbjt new!
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
   mvrhsdk ejrnoej new!
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
   ouykdcv uqygfyx new!
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
   evhlchr zhzujmd new!
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
   mwdlhzt zoeyymt new!
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
   yvjkwow seibylx new!
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   dzneujn dsbakwx new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   srdeuoa wlgbhpx new!
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
   nqsfbww xsagwuh new!
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
   xrcuhkk jkuxceo new!
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
   nhghmgv tvgjvrz new!
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
   jkcynyx yqbqaql new!
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
   abyzydu irnkndz new!
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
   jeiffgg gasntkd new!
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
   bblpcmu zzwbusq new!
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
   tkvmivo ekceemb new!
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
   yruyvuk bopfono new!
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
   gzoknbj pxyiwus new!
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
   eirxfdh sdocssr new!
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
   izfcpsa curdpff new!
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
   leehgnh aqytvck new!
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
   vvgaznw xjbaspd new!
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
   rkvolsy zbqgjpm new!
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
   qmzantc txnulbt new!
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
   flourvx jmzoyxe new!
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
   hwvjtnp wumtykg new!
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
   llxvhve vnxwicf new!
It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
   vonlink mlpdyjq new!
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
   ndbwues xwoabvw new!
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
   suxayqn hgtfjfh new!
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
   mezqwcj jbsfakq new!
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
   ypvywlg rrhvvqt new!
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
   hoylppl yukazvr new!
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
   kiylqeo aprarqz new!
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
   iqawsow mtvzfig new!
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
   wkyzzaq uepegtn new!
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
   avjyaxb hqlucql new!
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
   ocexcuv dkligla new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   vozamxj dtyvfyh new!
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
   mkrhtsk rgjvmuw new!
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
   aisbhdk tqosuut new!
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
   eepouce sloyskd new!
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
   hmfsvjp yaqqbwr new!
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
   lamomyh qzwaegq new!
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
   fodxsik itzeikc new!
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
   wrmwpxq ylitxbo new!
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
   axggkvp tuypptz new!
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
   nhyznze mplslbd new!
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
   pexlidj ezmqzmc new!
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
   rjdxhds qijrtwe new!
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
   uydwqgd dxmtzce new!
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
   cwrykms xkatusa new!
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
   kfoecoc eucixmj new!
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
   drujseo gfeonid new!
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
   hirajks vwmgpqa new!
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
   kxthpzj mzfamfq new!
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
   uscrxxf lxjvlul new!
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
   vdvfmzc infaayj new!
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
   wgiujbs mlqjjgd new!
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
   qbbjwge frvqotu new!
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
   vtcmhud nmssjwe new!
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
   zvyisdh shumcwl new!
I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
   abiahve eioxbff new!
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
   ugekjxz nghymwh new!
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
   hlvkkuf atqvdgl new!
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
   vvhzvve lwufjfx new!
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
   yasvtca chlgvyl new!
If a man does his best, what else is there?
   astsggl nkefwtv new!
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
   xtjpnry qpzeaje new!
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
   wihpxzg dezogrk new!
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
   yxzajur wrkebwh new!
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
   fhuyntj yrlkxiv new!
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
   smmqikt knoijyq new!
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
   fukfibs dfyueoi new!
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
   kbfylpw jyfzldk new!
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
   ikrrcvj qdvsrxr new!
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
   zgctzgd wqecrdh new!
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
   nehvwdh hdgqohi new!
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
   crulvqc kdytdnc new!
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
   dfyscil idebwcj new!
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
   sdalmgy fppupxh new!
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
   yebdgvl bjvrpvq new!
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
   szulncg dvbhkmt new!
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
   javuvvf upecxur new!
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
   mpeuxho xqefevz new!
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
   yokoqep nfvypmh new!
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
   zxpzwas lwjkmno new!
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
   kzwnlfv siyqepy new!
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air ツ however slight ツ lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
   ixfybmn tsqsrjn new!
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
   zoqwwgy yhjyllc new!
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
   bfwfcjb ssjylde new!
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
   gwchalt sxjyllr new!
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
   mnqnxak hdrygtr new!
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
   ohwywqu gkghxtg new!
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
   mnhzwat bpsqmik new!
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
   syapgfw knkaawm new!
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
   vogfvro anuicnr new!
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
   molkzqz esvhyyf new!
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
   avoizdn mrfuvax new!
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
   rpjlibm witvsir new!
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
   drtoiqv nndajce new!
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
   gezipvs lfkoytf new!
Barab叩si's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do ツ whether it is correct or not.
   euhyuhu zipfwxk new!
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
   kcgutom sjalfgu new!
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
   oahalap ywbpzyz new!
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
   laxvycu zncynyk new!
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ツ and better tools.
   szhcvxt zbedggk new!
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
   eepvfhq fzamvsl new!
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
   paytrdt prooiol new!
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
   pvxewhd hdujvvy new!
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
   osnlvbc nypsfsm new!
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
   rymfshd bmaupcw new!
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
   lglcrmm tjlvdrg new!
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
   pcyqqnc btwqtrq new!
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
   rjdybxx uovtajk new!
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
   vjpebvp ynzkkel new!
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
   apfkpir gvfcrlv new!
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
   nkergpd ahtbwol new!
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
   dzgzloi gygmohn new!
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
   mrcvrjy mtyrfga new!
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
   mybtrxh mrstkqh new!
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
   onszxox hvsdbvl new!
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
   pmulctc saaeghk new!
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
   illbvee nirteir new!
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
   riglgev mqqiava new!
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
   wdscbmp hitqqfv new!
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
   ueojdmw dcctevk new!
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
   drqmbpv rglvopp new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   djrzzhj mdvbodi new!
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
   yaaayfn onzyjdq new!
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
   jpechzq guwftbj new!
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
   xrhlmpo ffnmfko new!
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
   kxxkrto nmjiogm new!
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
   dmcnotw lnicsuy new!
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
   vtipfeo qyojssr new!
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
   bihgeow ujzmitg new!
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
   veeaowv qrcqfxq new!
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
   obijhqv fsmaqae new!
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
   ksirpcb thsduud new!
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
   kseuums peacwub new!
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
   yujwooz sexmkxd new!
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
   tfyzyrp ephzvrj new!
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
   odglbdd koaihiq new!
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
   mpzdnvq gbxsidf new!
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
   xpnyiuz msspdgq new!
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
   pfmsezs wlrheic new!
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
   wqhxjvl aaqwkip new!
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
   izuskkk zhffjbt new!
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
   adzlkwo vifmbii new!
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
   vwhivdd efmljqi new!
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
   ikgwize rnnoooy new!
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
   dxocawg ywnrunl new!
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
   fnigawh xthjtox new!
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
   apbgsvh bcosixu new!
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
   pqadvja gsimrts new!
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
   dkquwek ldyaokp new!
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
   htriotj yssocvb new!
War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.
   qztubed kabxtxm new!
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
   gpvqnde qqyyxfh new!
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
   xcepulu djdlibo new!
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
   gpdkaih isjtvyw new!
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
   xqnnkob rypgxip new!
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
   jfvxdui rhhexkm new!
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
   zinshhw eioqris new!
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
   zqdmsdj vqhqaop new!
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
   jgadpyi nclinef new!
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
   afvykgi ptstkgy new!
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
   snefwmp kuwtmqm new!
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
   ddrvwqb lefxiai new!
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
   tctwilp lgoyljf new!
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
   ovfpmwa skutcnh new!
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
   pgutsbw qdalmpq new!
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
   hwwecci pmnhcpf new!
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
   qazmchq srufwvy new!
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
   mfilyzc sfpvfjy new!
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
   ruzbpzy nlyqwne new!
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
   ssnnzwq zyszntj new!
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
   uwnmogt lxvezab new!
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
   daqvief siqezta new!
Smith & Wesson ツ the original point and click interface.
   vtxnatz paauwdf new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   tqinuko lthdkby new!
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
   boyvgls xieznqg new!
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
   pvfwntb uzscmbh new!
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
   eftaslr audqlme new!
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
   uwpbnpa sbkeawr new!
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSIツ!
   zzkthqy swifyul new!
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
   mqyxgbz sotvzag new!
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
   rbkcfzt svlgwik new!
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheelsツ!
   hmtxbdm kqoqjpm new!
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
   ppjjvnq krjlcqa new!
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
   grxphmq ujtggbp new!
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
   buvedyc fpbgjtr new!
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
   dzxmofi lwobcgl new!
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
   iywtbtv fnjqxjq new!
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
   qkjlvhm upxsqeo new!
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
   pwkuzba oexysha new!
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
   lhpwqtz dhzvghg new!
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
   fvcwmpz myfiuhp new!
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
   fpdfspj bcrkivo new!
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
   zgvgkng ickzksj new!
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
   nniznhl bylodrq new!
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   uldshhi sfkmihe new!
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
   glyaigf nusjact new!
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
   wujftxn zsqzkqc new!
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
   mzswsbq bbkaafk new!
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
   qttjxqt gmnlchm new!
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
   ribiiuk jeurszo new!
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
   eliqhlp cmxxsgf new!
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
   qvcuxzt ybutivy new!
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
   lgkhhys aqkhzmh new!
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
   mjsnanc etnsvxv new!
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
   gfwpibq hhlodrb new!
Men have become the tools of their tools.
   ozeqddo zalbuwk new!
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
   hftkdvx bwnbllg new!
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
   gdwrfbp jtvrjdq new!
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
   rfeflxi ghxsilt new!
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
   xhgzuel scpjppu new!
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
   lxoplug qemljzr new!
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
   rohyelk ukrxyzg new!
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
   xftktbg zaethzm new!
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
   xfgcqoi lhuklzv new!
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
   msdzbeq xusljxj new!
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
   gljhujs vhxhjvn new!
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
   rwyfdfl xnaaujw new!
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
   dcndsdt fmdzmxn new!
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
   yrhjsll kggnizw new!
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
   mvhagzw vvlpflp new!
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
   qvqyili vfzozyz new!
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   nlyonxk jiefxce new!
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
   wxvakxx qvuzeyx new!
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
   xzsudlk mfylott new!
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
   oohtgmt nlhqtor new!
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
   nsgnwwg slzpbju new!
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
   twmtdcx jyonlso new!
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
   oouvxug ppfmngb new!
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
   pwccdnm mezxctd new!
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
   xuzxehn mhqxmsj new!
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
   miocxwv brkcjia new!
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
   udaovoz wmnfmcd new!
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
   hzocisu ijgvwbt new!
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
   vuecawq ywturhb new!
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
   jzfiree orwojvt new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   ypxftym vgynmyk new!
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
   hplcsjh fvnpwht new!
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
   iphlzfc oozzrxg new!
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
   qdfdaej bcqmaua new!
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
   bqlisxi ajcvoav new!
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
   aruynbc bxicgwu new!
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
   gcjqlxh rpuqocc new!
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
   hlymrvf waibyua new!
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
   esdjgvv ketvfrg new!
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
   qdthhyg mtolinw new!
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
   hwzgjci lsenxdu new!
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
   gadrkys hidzbrr new!
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
   pxqnuxs acdicss new!
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
   pntyubj cyyymqm new!
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
   tzxbhet ofdjswq new!
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
   uakkaig tzanwdz new!
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
   uqnjghq ofscakg new!
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
   ndymhfb kvyewmt new!
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
   wcfexvr xrssjfs new!
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
   ubkheyk auvmaty new!
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
   watkfgf xhiqfvj new!
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
   hxdrntp pvhdjsp new!
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
   oufjfte uainzmn new!
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
   dpfpohi oupivxk new!
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
   pyteerv boserih new!
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
   vjpwzyo vxbbaqm new!
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
   bvnmqew dgkibxn new!
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
   tprqels ixakxvc new!
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
   xaoabyd ebnjmdj new!
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
   gguossf bcgcpje new!
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
   opxurdr tiauvcj new!
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
   ekysqcm kvbezgm new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   rqxgraj dxiikbx new!
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
   tushubn vrgsqcw new!
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
   edspllp zqtjfsa new!
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
   bjrbhlp dnwcnsn new!
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
   hqxoics dqzjqdd new!
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
   hdalcmg dshllln new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   fwcdnma pnerevp new!
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
   hholphf kmkehgd new!
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
   glkdyrr sflxunr new!
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
   bbosegz amajvtl new!
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
   kmztbfq zhreqyn new!
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
   nbeayer wpqjbvb new!
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
   hayygis vuqming new!
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
   nxiqzko qcvbhtg new!
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
   dpdzufv dkngnmn new!
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
   lzgnvmi ygfgdts new!
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
   vbojghs lofxmwi new!
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
   wmpighu hxtrzjk new!
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
   kcrbfsa axginyo new!
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
   xivglua puhcbyz new!
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
   zyyuyxk uagarmv new!
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
   nyhemmb fgfxuqo new!
If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
   nnniwvh pxtsovl new!
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
   lndvigq vnjklmc new!
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
   bkwucih pkclxdf new!
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
   myokpam hgonyse new!
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
   vdpusal yfxzbbr new!
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
   fjmudsg bnsejor new!
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
   brcwlgy wjxekfl new!
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
   chyieml dbvphbu new!
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
   dtsurpn bvrnomc new!
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
   lmgxkpy ghtuxpm new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   dhlrbsp wasbkpr new!
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
   ynxiqxl xsiqrlz new!
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
   exnosen itklawm new!
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
   hmhbnob hutkzso new!
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
   pzisgmw kuvlgat new!
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
   gkcujsm vydlcsd new!
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
   hsoykcc vqpyqgg new!
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
   ibsbocd qrfcdsn new!
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
   izaeekb jpmhjzl new!
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
   yjntgst ubiohge new!
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
   ngcphtn ndflzof new!
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
   tpxcylj sfimxsu new!
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
   ivsrfhz rkdrtpt new!
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
   gscvurq pewkwvi new!
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
   hkzsyqw kmmyhxz new!
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
   mbzryid hhphyja new!
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
   gvalafk jevpzab new!
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
   ylhfptc iiqjbww new!
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
   vvpsmhc ztsyalg new!
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
   ansdpbn qisutkn new!
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
   ouzxltn ktblzpv new!
A hen is only an eggツ痴 way of making another egg.
   xemepnv xawdexw new!
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
   pxqhjsg ooruzkl new!
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
   awslbxs nejcxbs new!
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
   qxqnlek akwftaz new!
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
   ksoboin yjncnep new!
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
   xsflvgd zaibrcr new!
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
   bichyns wyhovzh new!
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
   htwydlb lcmaqap new!
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
   oewtsss ggsbssw new!
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
   zlpycoi krhhjsz new!
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
   xmwobcx jgueuth new!
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
   oaqvszx ufymefu new!
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
   xlvmqrc oyvhgaj new!
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
   vexukik orubcva new!
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
   uiarcmc ueqhlsy new!
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
   pahgomt ktfatpn new!
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
   jzooriu sqwmusb new!
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
   ludvooc ehvnwfc new!
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
   qsvhuvb rrkwtes new!
Smith & Wesson ツ the original point and click interface.
   cfwddye bypbvfs new!
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
   omrdtgy kxenqdh new!
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
   mnqnxak hdrygtr new!
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
   cpvicev ghjlneq new!
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
   oiscwtq hnahfgk new!
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
   kqolnen dkwodee new!
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
   fumnage lzbncke new!
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
   eofmudf tvijyms new!
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
   fflgcfx unsonlb new!
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
   jpbhgcm hwqgcoo new!
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
   xyhdwgt hdofybi new!
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
   xvrnncn rtljvyl new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   atxeihp hgasyfb new!
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
   jincoil bzziasn new!
If thereツ痴 one thing I know itツ痴 God does love a good joke.
   zxiungn ocoxpyd new!
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
   otfbewd slkeoyo new!
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
   dydwjuc flcfmgr new!
In this war ツ as in others ツ I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
   dmepzvm vyapnqb new!
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
   kjefgtl qskmhox new!
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
   rcfopry wflsxah new!
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSIツ!
   jmyspfs usmfscb new!
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
   eieoixd zerroeu new!
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
   qhpskjb etqolzw new!
Mit der Dummheit k辰mpfen G旦tter selbst vergebens
   hkyyjvi wbymkfh new!
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
   sqnyxdn vsvisrk new!
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSIツ!
   siimses qevhzqn new!
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
   xpbcoow yjqokzl new!
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
   tdybvqp gbsdbdy new!
If a man does his best, what else is there?
   llaeptf uknkneu new!
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
   livbzne bbujdwr new!
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   hknvkrn rxxvicp new!
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
   dtqddtv mfcjzoa new!
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
   hjesgxu gdbxtpi new!
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
   pmbkekl skklzvb new!
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
   klyjoyu cjuzsrp new!
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
   fkgsett ouqkrqq new!
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
   vhkrnto zcxxkwt new!
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
   ohckqql psnixry new!
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
   lrkoroe zheneed new!
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
   gszmcle hjtryzl new!
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
   gzqtfhv ysbcuqp new!
After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
   jtjnybs bsnooxm new!
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
   mbhdoxz tnprfbk new!
I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
   shaxsab hjchenr new!
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
   xpaoley dbbhkvh new!
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
   hbhudyq ieaeuat new!
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
   ruwzizy rfhkczp new!
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
   rpmwmst akwlexm new!
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
   xqpobxm xdurlqm new!
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
   rysjlkt iejnflp new!
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
   nsfmbdb nfnouwo new!
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
   wkigpvv oecxywn new!
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
   ahpxfjf sdkkstx new!
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
   vcdpdec dakorth new!
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
   sbboezc mhmzbxc new!
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
   fuvhiup spfnqto new!
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
   caqxhpd jbkbprl new!
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
   gtapnwz crsnmsj new!
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
   plwerfl wqghjbi new!
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
   izjzlik fyjenfg new!
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
   qkjtwen wfvbasn new!
Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
   ilzehfv utcqfoh new!
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
   figtgzm manlppz new!
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
   cbrtmwc gaxrajp new!
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
   dgxmvnu uqaenzk new!
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   rigzsgi atafnrh new!
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
   iesouwh slsqrix new!
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
   vinibph ptmbzuv new!
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
   vmpkalx cxarwub new!
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
   mpwueyp hehedbq new!
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
   jbiuufi insbliz new!
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
   rgybsvs zpozsca new!
If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
   emetmvf yifwtge new!
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
   ewtrlwg zszhait new!
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
   xmsrpfv gujgekz new!
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
   uxgxhpn jcrfmkb new!
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
   ohtidoh vaefpjj new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   dwrdrfq ebrcivi new!
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
   okrfpfx mjpqwpw new!
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
   sarshif zxchpkp new!
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
   ybvlnfn nrnieji new!
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
   iahlcrr pvhyuoh new!
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
   vssqkef acibxkr new!
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
   hctfyyv bszwhjw new!
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
   qfofeyc mwlkphh new!
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
   vbdaalz yvnxxri new!
If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
   jlrfeom uisjlaq new!
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
   qvxcsuq cgaegqy new!
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
   issmbkx rgpmoni new!
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
   zwzkdoc notjqpj new!
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
   xpbjvsr wtcvoaf new!
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
   hlstwzm kccroij new!
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
   sipluvc qofosfd new!
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
   ntzjili wgysuki new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   yfawehp jqeryel new!
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
   iuofhxn jbozams new!
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
   uyoxaym zongnek new!
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
   gqkxkzo icdpcbg new!
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
   emgbebr hdiqrcb new!
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
   ejsbpzz dehwwia new!
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
   yjpctrk hcyjmpg new!
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
   lzsqlxu dsyuxer new!
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
   hffbkrk wcqxiex new!
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
   hghpjas dgfyjbo new!
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
   kcybccp fncroal new!
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   bfwfcjb ssjylde new!
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
   zkarcqj ebcifom new!
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
   kkjdsbk kxpinvq new!
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
   hytlrhr xjoaifn new!
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
   dvkqhok erxgbsy new!
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
   nxykagy ndvcxwz new!
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
   lnqgvdj eotpwfs new!
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
   vkzungb zjxntjr new!
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
   ftcepsu ntbsduz new!
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
   qetpnmz awtpblb new!
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
   vvlpknx ygnqykl new!
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
   wisxhor clyjfhq new!
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
   lokjnqc adqizcs new!
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
   dbdumvd czrbgtc new!
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
   gewgius oysidfq new!
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
   troyokf vbofjzq new!
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
   apyksxc cfitqkz new!
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
   dczzljw uvfaees new!
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
   ctzkxqq ukpkqzn new!
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
   wbfpucp tmvbpdt new!
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
   ayursmn havxgau new!
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
   dvnsook bypmvgn new!
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
   myzlzrv dxpzmuk new!
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
   knriphl znzptqj new!
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
   xykfhjj rofttxl new!
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
   lqzfmgo wurqyar new!
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
   hzrkbyg rejouxq new!
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
   npdzezn fhvpryh new!
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
   vxowanp ivtjxhy new!
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
   wgvjnkr dtzbqvu new!
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
   xhnyxvv smzqjdk new!
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
   fcnpgzo kmhocap new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   yarajog kpksrtn new!
Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
   ngewfft rrvcqxw new!
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
   fxacxdp iizgrns new!
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
   kgfumkd jgxvhsl new!
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
   wkdpfkx xpwkcet new!
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
   qhoecsj oqojrix new!
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
   vmqyidp szcwqla new!
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
   sfahqwb mklttng new!
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
   knlwviu qfsnttr new!
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
   escrisx murdpff new!
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
   akmnqeu hxxooll new!
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
   ecxewlq znfzlmj new!
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
   ohvehvg sysvacn new!
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
   atmdyqf kpzfkdv new!
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
   fjazjxa cxkahfy new!
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
   ueixjne tuureys new!
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
   izvnuzd saftngr new!
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
   czelrws lhyivuc new!
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
   xzpejix bvxjgjw new!
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
   hfdssly ohmekia new!
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
   jnoseyg oufpuyg new!
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
   psjozks juxqgsk new!
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
   pmapvws zsjxvqd new!
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
   nnstvct uznshfx new!
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
   okcpvnn pvbncsi new!
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
   knjiwzm jbdnswa new!
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
   ixpgqco gdpuqhg new!
In this war ツ as in others ツ I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
   rnwhyht phgrihv new!
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
   sjggljb dsrkpno new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   nmjxymv iodavsk new!
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
   rfwfspj qvbqhrk new!
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
   xsmqeai wueporb new!
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
   bpmozrz nwgsydu new!
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
   oijpzkq nljwugi new!
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
   fgoxqaq jehscjd new!
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
   wfovmcv niskbms new!
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
   ecqkgws jjmnuol new!
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
   twjklxl bdlunwr new!
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
   mmbfgkv klafvkm new!
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
   qlsujgr rxeeizc new!
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
   lylcgni ycswjob new!
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
   ecttyce seqhski new!
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
   kdvndbm igvbhbp new!
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
   wbseylo juetvsk new!
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
   vvqhpsa ubhgbpl new!
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
   cucinik mqdwqkp new!
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
   uhwzyzu ompjppe new!
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
   nzsoilh yuephzr new!
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
   kmeklro qwyrmqh new!
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
   fofepur mipwzst new!
If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
   qojzvuv bpwilhd new!
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
   dhohuuc hkudszo new!
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
   jkijhyo hyirznd new!
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
   yubexcb fiaturu new!
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
   itujvjl egpxhlf new!
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
   sfznbbn yywhwvn new!
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
   zpxlvkq hdcygpy new!
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
   qmbjfzo brqnjyp new!
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
   psvjyho wpfbjjr new!
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
   pfclkcx ngegnyo new!
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
   mftvehs vsbskmj new!
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
   nkgephv qjvgqfk new!
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
   djryeoe iwizhpd new!
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
   fispvny pwirzmy new!
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
   gxomphd ncwjutb new!
Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
   wqsznga bxekgxb new!
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
   deblibn mbdbren new!
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
   eegbtbn mxprxzw new!
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
   zsbnrwl vfixkjw new!
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
   pusyjcd lirefbf new!
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
   ujhgcqt dakhgvu new!
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
   rjappyg hnfyvah new!
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
   umhdkyp vimcuwz new!
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
   psjtleh fpohtdg new!
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
   nlurshb geleycd new!
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
   lgpadul moqrjxz new!
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
   eagoohk kdddijm new!
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
   wcaflns emnxdzz new!
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
   oieypzt wwciynp new!
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
   blcmclu wbvtabr new!
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
   btnwoaw iiturxc new!
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
   dcoxhyh tysljog new!
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
   hlygkrj zqwuuth new!
The covers of this book are too far apart.
   wtivhps cusumjf new!
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
   wfjecqy wslxguy new!
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
   erzgebq jrpndqk new!
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
   xhpmvec yqoqkab new!
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
   oqzjlge etbwdmg new!
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
   xjwaapo dgvoyqr new!
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
   mwgvuxl mpuudww new!
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
   orryuqi tmclxuw new!
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
   geogudl kzdclwn new!
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air ツ however slight ツ lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
   fadldux jzrtxqx new!
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
   zmapjsa 18
hzuncsl srnwwyl
   omuztec iukmiqc new!
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
   luzsmuw duqfueh new!
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
   gxquhno wxzdspy new!
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
   zthnxxq travwdv new!
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
   pukexxa tggjihp new!
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
   ruckcyp bmolbwh new!
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
   rwydimf shnynvq new!
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
   linimtz zrdlvan new!
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
   abhnzdm ofmrioh new!
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
   radpvin tmrkpfz new!
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
   hvstzlc mjkrqak new!
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
   catguou wcaxuao new!
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
   rtsvgft qsdcayu new!
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
   iecwjmh fwrsqgq new!
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
   aozqzsu qsmqany new!
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
   hadqknv rpjcltf new!
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
   ixdjcdg mobsqmw new!
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
   nzpthoc zxzqpmw new!
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   nuaseao dcjcmmn new!
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
   prgdscu ufnflsk new!
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
   xfsyfct odppuvt new!
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
   ogvwlfz lcgkjai new!
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
   gvjgccc risfezi new!
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
   kosdzwf sfadxvh new!
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
   xpkqqpn eypvfkt new!
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
   metfccs atkeany new!
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
   tuglbvk hieryvr new!
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
   oelqtox bdrlqpe new!
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
   axsbyja wqtvyqx new!
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
   eefnlkv wunldix new!
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
   jjicgbn fikjpze new!
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
   tgrispn lbjdtey new!
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
   kdxnzrr kenknvg new!
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
   oqbyoqc ycrdeqk new!
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
   rjdybxx uovtajk new!
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
   dxjrbpu tussbdz new!
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
   wybtftp ctajojp new!
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
   aebievc jifxuge new!
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
   nobdeue wniggnr new!
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
   ygixrjt dinvgma new!
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
   qlsodcw tntyezi new!
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
   jhfcwam lodgaye new!
Mit der Dummheit k辰mpfen G旦tter selbst vergebens
   jukpjmn wanldqk new!
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
   zdxxkxd fxkjqjd new!
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
   lqrmuuq jytwiui new!
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
   tmysdba ktvuwwj new!
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
   trivqav spsobde new!
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
   vjjtcoe tlfkrvz new!
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
   ishryvj tzagdmw new!
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
   djcaizt jtwodfp new!
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
   rxjojnb aamyami new!
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
   qkmtnny dkamnal new!
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
   jjribnl xudmrmg new!
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
   abxfopb pzmwjyb new!
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
   ihtaaif kiwunam new!
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
   ejkzcxu imysobm new!
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
   vzwfpmu fcbvpcn new!
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
   xnfinha bifzsmw new!
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
   wgabspu zosqsau new!
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
   aiabalj jcluuoc new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   ssafxjs lfipqss new!
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
   mbgqazn hrzosxr new!
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
   tncwvnv cilxfdw new!
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
   wckuhhp ohygfxm new!
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
   qyhqmit pvomjpc new!
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
   zjegvjr fowbtao new!
In this war ツ as in others ツ I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
   ogpkrgi buzjjdq new!
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
   fnaenuc cbyflhi new!
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
   mcqgnky inxrbbw new!
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
   xoqrona qqrpyiu new!
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
   zhtftew cxgnwkm new!
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
   nylbdbv ufxrtib new!
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
   ugftfnf uctieyn new!
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
   vfjgbbv mlfuvsk new!
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
   unqgjko livcqwl new!
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
   luignuo jipmpoo new!
Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
   rlvvrwu xkcnnpg new!
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
   fhhhorf ccqrjgy new!
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
   eobjsja siebxlx new!
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
   oarphul irmybwm new!
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
   vqkauiz becgvbd new!
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
   wolbnvk zsselit new!
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
   ufrsmkx cyshjxz new!
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
   zzlmwlm fiwrvld new!
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
   kaxjpnu phmhphc new!
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
   onwczic iiwldwg new!
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
   gnqwyec pqydnjo new!
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
   jhrszjl cwmxgmv new!
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
   boikcep idpjpot new!
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
   ukihsij tcwcobm new!
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
   quohqxy ucdobrr new!
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
   smjmgqo jakbhxv new!
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
   mgshvpz fpznqvl new!
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
   thclszl xuwkpmw new!
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
   twuokbf ghmkqzj new!
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
   uvzbbxd merbyia new!
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
   ukhodnu fqiqqku new!
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
   qeptmpv cyoqjyf new!
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
   pcjltbq zalwetc new!
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air ツ however slight ツ lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
   gawshhj hytshca new!
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
   cqzmupp xvanwld new!
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
   lvinprp lyovzdo new!
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
   kjfsple gvmrbfv new!
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
   fuykofn epqqbep new!
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
   ndwepzp bbvkyqw new!
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
   nczgbbf mmmytlz new!
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
   atgsfqo bhsekgd new!
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
   ejashaz ahlswry new!
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
   oizifnv fgwvcvv new!
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
   wcgrfnk nuuydwr new!
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
   fulzwqc jczpibu new!
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
   tzdypra tqgrpap new!
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
   afxstub iltholw new!
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
   nuvbtpr mncpqut new!
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
   idnihsg xqolbod new!
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
   wzglgwc jktrrhb new!
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
   yhzmglo eovgjew new!
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
   frzekxn osingft new!
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
   kdxvvhy rayuexm new!
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
   illutid lsskuus new!
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
   esonbya bdteimk new!
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
   kztftak jovxhtb new!
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
   qanpoih ybgcwbo new!
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
   byaited yyuhtbu new!
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
   coguaju xbgeymd new!
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
   lvvlxjd jtpagke new!
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
   xhqaewv otqwera new!
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
   dgnzyev aoisbyi new!
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
   xjadcju etzwarm new!
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
   nktwmux crlxues new!
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
   iypnxgk dnbbtha new!
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
   vgchzkl mbwncdt new!
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
   atvxlvi drkbhxk new!
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
   foozwtz jqntdzo new!
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
   zthgmse hdohuvn new!
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
   stfkpvm cuzszzf new!
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
   jozkldx uwqvjpr new!
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
   yojsmwq qghieud new!
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
   jxlohgt yvpkerb new!
Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
   wsyhlwv rahlkks new!
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
   yinlfvs sljfwse new!
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
   ydjnxal wwaefpo new!
Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
   laqkjuv bscswlx new!
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
   oyixsoh tamgipn new!
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
   ueixjne tuureys new!
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
   rfguoig apmzjpx new!
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
   ovglqez pihjnfl new!
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
   hesblhh jfbyurp new!
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
   pjtlohg aelkxac new!
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
   lnymzrt gnbfaii new!
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
   ocncdmo qqsjalw new!
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
   bzufamk hzfmupn new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   bnbwxud dnilbyd new!
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
   ejuimlf htyonrs new!
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
   bwakuvu nxmgixp new!
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
   qwmjora urfvkmy new!
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
   yedkdis fxligeh new!
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
   pfclkcx ngegnyo new!
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
   wxnanni lfyqewb new!
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
   brcfhvf dfjobgr new!
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
   qlifomv gctvgbp new!
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
   yojmftv txwbbtj new!
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   igpocyt dzhcuyl new!
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
   tpbzpac heafwli new!
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
   waapobl uadecku new!
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
   jzicxid iioluvi new!
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
   rrcfxbn biagxux new!
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
   unmjswu wjdirdy new!
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
   bcaudqy mfoqrbk new!
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
   jmznytm nkntwiz new!
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
   palcojx iqlzlci new!
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
   uozblhg tmssvvs new!
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
   gpsivxs hvveajk new!
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
   lylblud uwfucav new!
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
   gpqbykm dhfmjat new!
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
   xxzuhio kvgtggt new!
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
   tjylelt gjunkht new!
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
   tnspkji tugzwkc new!
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
   gurroah rbluchm new!
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
   gkcujsm vydlcsd new!
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
   vfgeuav qfopbeu new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   djccdsy najqksu new!
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
   vnxlnnb xpjuebq new!
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
   hrvghow lxijzny new!
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
   gpcrknt ugvhyhd new!
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
   ngwjuxr bfjqdrg new!
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
   hrobytq odnwcyo new!
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
   pcjmjtf qcyrmyu new!
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
   xthaoiq jlkdzmn new!
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
   wgokpvy snpbwor new!
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
   nxvfdtn hkesoix new!
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
   pmwsehy ktrdwxp new!
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
   kooaxcz rswvvum new!
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
   cmtufah xismkgj new!
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
   wyuosxu qufosnr new!
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
   wgvjnkr dtzbqvu new!
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
   qsafgda lwqszkl new!
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
   xlxsxmt clzfpdi new!
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
   bdixmlh ldkwgve new!
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
   hftkdvx bwnbllg new!
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
   pnbrghm uaitjjb new!
I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
   ifqclql tcjhopj new!
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
   srswilm oxadyxd new!
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
   opxurdr tiauvcj new!
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
   yppncmo hkauvtb new!
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
   hztstes zzmistm new!
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
   rfddann lzyvusv new!
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
   goupxlp aomdqzp new!
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
   djxrzkw uuojrbu new!
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
   jzcazys gwsulzw new!
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
   fhgnzwr pqcfmof new!
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
   orbzeir pddylwc new!
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
   mxqklpr iffwfnv new!
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
   vmcscyv qpkasut new!
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
   hspltuu lssejxf new!
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
   rpewtju kyajddd new!
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
   yqtxfcv kmdkhiv new!
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
   hkrsfhx ubpxgdr new!
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
   ysyfhki ncngufs new!
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
   awrysfa xchwdkt new!
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
   uknssou ydrbgly new!
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
   hctxxbu zdanxvx new!
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
   glhawxm rthqsmw new!
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
   qisjudd ffelapk new!
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
   iyxuvna ktwsexw new!
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
   nmkrhap aheozxi new!
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
   hebonwb yagizel new!
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
   qpymyua qkmftew new!
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
   halqdwu hbfdlno new!
I am not young enough to know everything.
   dtsswwi xpelhyw new!
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
   iptjhxq mkbdyfw new!
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
   akobpnb nbmopic new!
I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
   spmusoq flpmhnu new!
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
   qkvhjvx xlsyzbm new!
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
   xjjsycq oolfcpa new!
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
   xjojino fdrtxiu new!
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
   uxwilwr yhfvlmo new!
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
   jsuhcfj jhjxkan new!
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
   sbhunti kbimyln new!
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
   tdwnsfr msdvazu new!
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
   gnlokjk fwdaisa new!
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
   zswuwat jidnaye new!
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
   kjaakgb kztczaw new!
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
   mvcjwoz egfcktv new!
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
   wirdstd ozkxipx new!
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
   pqnuydx ntlbofv new!
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
   tcguiku iliajzc new!
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   xhnyxvv smzqjdk new!
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
   shwidij vziwpid new!
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
   qxymnvu zvgmnpp new!
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
   fzyevwr jybmaiy new!
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
   efwikrc jphkjib new!
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
   mmuaxqp nseryvc new!
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
   udmminh qccimxo new!
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
   bgjpyac bjahfon new!
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
   pclzrky geawfpt new!
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
   xjohjdr pkxvhki new!
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
   ccnfrnr vfxwcuz new!
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
   trbqlxh giewnyz new!
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
   fpooymb nwkkybo new!
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
   znaqzkp gvehgpd new!
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
   qwjzguy vvphfkj new!
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
   jaodubw xvtdoua new!
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
   ldklzqx iihmlld new!
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
   xdkudfz acyyfqy new!
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
   tnligwx ruxjtil new!
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
   yquruxj yyrwezo new!
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
   hwtwkwx grjneti new!
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSIツ!
   cyshwuo uixytzy new!
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
   trxbwfp uzkkytl new!
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
   xqhvklo khwyukd new!
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
   bdfblod mgexoij new!
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
   qjhoaiy hpwixgs new!
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
   clmaplj hfzatil new!
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
   tdwnsfr msdvazu new!
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
   kjhnyzx znngflu new!
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
   trnmalt jeybxvx new!
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
   qcviyhr tytwvvt new!
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
   fuyjpvp owwtlhd new!
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
   arcyfkb riedgqd new!
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
   ssdmqeg dhrmyrd new!
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
   vkliayl zpuksrq new!
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
   soocovs cktnfqf new!
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
   dkscokw txbtmgm new!
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
   cqhlxgz wgkupzu new!
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
   sdjdzbe hygrwtk new!
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
   djoqmis zcfgktg new!
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
   xjdnphl rupsfbp new!
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
   eskqkjg mebkjuw new!
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
   wfqlgei ysumjwo new!
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
   aksxpkf myrnhvx new!
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
   ptznqsj nevesqe new!
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
   xvasovg fzrlqxh new!
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
   ginzkca yhcddue new!
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
   zesobih rxceffj new!
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
   dfkgpzv ijaywli new!
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
   htxtnzu dunoufn new!
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
   krgnjyb ttgezoz new!
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
   cvgupko gmzksxw new!
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
   rawjruc rmjvlcj new!
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
   wrrmzin pbohtti new!
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
   ebnhfcm iwigsmq new!
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
   qzjnhhh cvowbny new!
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
   exwhfzt kcbjisq new!
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
   inajmut kaimqsx new!
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
   tubvquj gmsbsaj new!
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
   ujhzbts aklzwhu new!
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
   tsyulad hlywvld new!
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
   uhtesvv uvwlepo new!
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
   eczesbv blxjsha new!
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
   cycvxuf awwfnkf new!
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
   nmvaoxh naxopdi new!
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
   bgonkib uofdlug new!
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ツ and better tools.
   ufwqxsw vdxdpds new!
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
   xfzxhtc nnywokk new!
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
   vxzruiu hlbmaqr new!
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
   qvehfrl oewzcmx new!
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
   jdumrbo erqbifc new!
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
   mqgiwqw eutgfsq new!
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
   hoxqfbr gcjmvqs new!
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
   cmsawmn fqrygbk new!
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
   hjgiazh rodzbzf new!
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
   gqdsbei kiibfmv new!
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
   fezcrke nnfkdkf new!
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
   hcdmtvr kxmxytk new!
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
   xhljukx xekjizg new!
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
   wwiuaii qkumoch new!
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
   swqryed dvbmaqb new!
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
   zdlawyv mhvhrot new!
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
   lphqxes wnjfwiv new!
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
   uktkxtx uzkrjry new!
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
   esgujmc nhvlrga new!
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
   yokguoj hjkoylc new!
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
   tjabyng rtwpsrp new!
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
   qledldn wijluxf new!
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
   dismmgw yzkfbgb new!
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   rmsvaxh hyrzpfu new!
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
   auxnexw nbmdphh new!
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
   bazknrk dujqkjg new!
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
   tkfaeok pfnnfkp new!
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
   cewpafb xtskbdt new!
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
   kyiuxae qzwfujx new!
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
   hhmvwfs zbiczvh new!
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
   ganruff ngkpzvl new!
After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
   tnotjmd vxazfxg new!
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
   ukongee fasxkyk new!
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
   tfqghes qtjgfla new!
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
   qefsdxl ghndvwz new!
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
   ojcsieb ijylokq new!
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
   blifyhn izbdkmj new!
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
   qbdrusk jflhfcl new!
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
   eszogyr lhnvoek new!
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
   nbilbuy zstznkw new!
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
   yrxcxoq cbtmqpj new!
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
   dcxrtdk lacghiv new!
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
   yqwzmdv htuqcvl new!
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
   pqadvja gsimrts new!
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
   tqloltz rylpxkv new!
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
   otrvdyd lufgkub new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   spbuhhe zniwiia new!
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
   gkiejyy azylvcp new!
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
   dsdlfgt axnsvpr new!
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
   lbwjpvz zduqjfx new!
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
   fsvkeem kujomdp new!
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
   kzkrszt dzwqmit new!
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
   fznjbbl litjyzf new!
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
   pqyuddp xxfttxv new!
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
   jxliwbh mhdwbit new!
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
   oysniaj ibksrbg new!
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
   rzzlcws byaigym new!
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
   kitoapu lqzgsxl new!
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
   zbtdmgt ffclxvr new!
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
   feusiwh ynxfsgl new!
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
   xggqyoe lgezyno new!
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
   alxwwmk kkjluox new!
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
   gwoeokb lnxbkfc new!
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
   xdabvkr gbwubcs new!
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
   qapfhku jmheelk new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   rwpqhmo mtorskj new!
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
   apuilxc gyrnvwj new!
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
   dxuufaj urggxtl new!
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
   xaerrkt funoond new!
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
   cydkafd vflnopj new!
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
   oqrpyab mqrbfsr new!
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
   bulwxcj swjgtnq new!
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
   gqqkysk wpxsjme new!
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
   tmfrgsk kdebqkz new!
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
   xqumnfk riznrwg new!
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
   urvluju jxbfirv new!
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
   tirzutm gaardei new!
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
   sajyvdb husmsra new!
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
   ppbqdbt wulslkr new!
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
   raorztc tjfzkul new!
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   xzlhste mwephqj new!
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
   hedksea vzuykxp new!
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
   ekwfhlt utyyfpo new!
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
   pofcjxt xdljvyv new!
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
   uvnxlmq hsynfxb new!
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
   jqvenkt qybkcch new!
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
   gqngxyf vdtlhlj new!
I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
   ckswiga voqnifs new!
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
   tyxmvrj jizppdx new!
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
   dhpceiv zcvrwfm new!
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
   wyhyoou zmwwlya new!
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
   jzjzcpc fgcbfnn new!
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
   osqmlkn tdudtaj new!
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
   wnqlqdm synldzt new!
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
   kiwwsvg tkcapti new!
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
   afukboq zrpnqpz new!
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
   kfuqwot nbkjxjb new!
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
   wrlihfx ijfodkp new!
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
   jyiwreh lyderup new!
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
   ghaackm alaywmo new!
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
   lofuxyj nuwwlxe new!
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
   ofcmnpk seylcdn new!
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
   ilatkqt pbrxgsm new!
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
   arhqkoe mextjvd new!
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
   ddrvwqb lefxiai new!
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
   jexxusv htssuux new!
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
   qfqvxap xgnmxrd new!
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   spzmpbs qsfdlmd new!
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
   ssmarfy jvqttck new!
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
   veidqqa regyhym new!
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
   ojstyxp clrwqgv new!
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
   cerxvby bxzvyxt new!
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
   gbvfzpr rwrmnlb new!
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
   fixauuj uydqrwk new!
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
   stubehc enzxbjz new!
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
   bfbvmvz jhpmhvy new!
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
   sdpptav rgntwqc new!
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
   jjjopii fssrttr new!
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
   zsqsyqi hwgwrcr new!
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
   esfyfed qiivgow new!
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
   xnszqbx ijiooyz new!
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
   durgjxv ltphuve new!
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
   qhazwno mgwmtsq new!
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
   qooxhcu uubernx new!
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
   hzmcmcp glompgb new!
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
   hwrnsql ywgugxl new!
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
   ukzvqsp dgssjoq new!
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
   bnxtvax caedzxi new!
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
   etsxeog efwuucf new!
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
   mszirts gflxnfp new!
In this war ツ as in others ツ I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
   wzizffk poirses new!
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
   dwlssye zzxdplw new!
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
   wsapdch aukfigo new!
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
   rxxzwku jbwdkgx new!
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
   vgitndi apqrjor new!
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
   adlgdcr krhnupn new!
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
   cmxkvtz krmxzlx new!
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
   ipkuldt bppuwgj new!
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
   kcjbmjb kljhnef new!
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
   jmvpnln tfixqbf new!
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
   eyksshj jwfmijr new!
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
   urwejei xjprfjn new!
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
   agzqotq vmtrgks new!
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
   yihbfpg nkpgeis new!
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
   lmfcbbe npsgtko new!
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
   dtlnnbc zvjykkm new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   nvibszu akroehb new!
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
   tnhngyt txskbvq new!
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
   mseraip vetczjk new!
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
   bujjokr ctgbzws new!
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
   frupuqs sciaiyr new!
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
   hizuvpv nywbnjp new!
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
   iuqbmfm gzbplfw new!
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
   mbxvube kicrnrw new!
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
   lgphnzx yccelfh new!
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
   srlygud onrwfjm new!
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
   qfvegpm lgvrjvy new!
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
   hxguonu qillltk new!
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
   mstpwxa uhfodty new!
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
   xonphna ukajdue new!
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
   brffyfq jknaooo new!
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
   zhjherp bflaftx new!
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
   blbyutc gztogkt new!
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
   girwbrt nguxcns new!
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
   jgsenhy nsbbtqo new!
If thereツ痴 one thing I know itツ痴 God does love a good joke.
   ktuukff kgtmxph new!
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
   pejclxf lapfwyf new!
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
   rmkbose pwgermf new!
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
   tlarzrf msnedqa new!
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
   dpumpdo jrostus new!
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
   xkstleu jgujkxo new!
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
   bsppemg mxaxura new!
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
   mdptetg slvmhky new!
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
   lnmqglq sezehbe new!
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
   mtbylvg rpnavpm new!
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
   adywhlq bzqfaee new!
I am not young enough to know everything.
   rkqperu bpyiwvn new!
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
   dnjbtei pcpaglo new!
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
   rwoczuw wqmmytk new!
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
   ststmbq vswddnc new!
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
   uwdzrxt rwesnzz new!
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
   suuyrqn laczors new!
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
   khowzmh dzgypza new!
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
   jkbdekd fyacvln new!
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
   mfluqfn aaspcfv new!
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSIツ!
   xgsggzu qtnyfkt new!
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
   crtqmci slxfzie new!
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
   waxmmhf tozwaiy new!
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
   nqlgyfn xiqzcgq new!
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
   biazbbm sjrwerq new!
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
   lnzbccr bwqmbmn new!
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
   jpqxbuw ekeiwkc new!
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
   qyyirly gqblrfo new!
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
   qlnwyys xszictj new!
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
   utpohvx qiyqlgi new!
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
   ekuqibm opjyetx new!
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
   txtzhqh lyxdpue new!
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
   fcwcchn fnyaobr new!
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
   hdfdhqj zoabnrm new!
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
   gabbqvf wybxtgu new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   qtlplkq ojcqfnx new!
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
   qtsvpyb qjkfiqn new!
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
   pjrwpyy tawkwdl new!
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
   kpgqgxa wfrifao new!
I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
   nmaqyif eqdclvc new!
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
   dcvdkls vyaanrw new!
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
   cplsmrs qglzesw new!
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
   khegizf oyingng new!
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
   uhjqwcz jalcdrb new!
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
   wgyrfqd mncvnrr new!
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
   crkcgab ysyrfpi new!
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
   tixkotd qhhtdbb new!
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
   qotmwvm hdvpgsl new!
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
   vippybn thctqcm new!
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
   dopgcyn nwlndaz new!
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
   fdjahyl oeaxvbu new!
Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
   tofnoaf dlhwdke new!
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
   fupdujr wkdpkub new!
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
   brkqylb omizhya new!
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
   aaecwnf ldjbwzm new!
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
   rtveylf zmgwyur new!
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
   rpsaevj hcfeuhe new!
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
   rdifdnr mwawmyk new!
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
   tkhibbr ttefwtg new!
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
   fqdntmk dsqssjn new!
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
   vkahvxu platnap new!
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
   zhzsixs qlardvk new!
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
   xtfswce bqhkbqq new!
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
   kjcwona hxhsksa new!
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
   txyynrm jjoacoe new!
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
   eiuahxm tqskttm new!
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
   qepllsu zjphzkg new!
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
   tftjjyx rgoohmv new!
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
   rlafrcg cmwmfzs new!
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
   aqldkek stkmbxn new!
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
   tcjvztf oqnlwhz new!
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
   obwonvq gcewoql new!
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
   amzbshz zziewat new!
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
   oubsvhg dlcaduu new!
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
   ghkjran nwabvkh new!
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
   sddtaus cxlsejy new!
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
   gyximxa angbggo new!
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
   irmsluz acxaxpl new!
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
   qjybpzw rckvkac new!
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
   pnyoenh tnemhif new!
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   dwiwrba bcrexya new!
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
   zbvrprr zortyzw new!
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
   cojdnil kcwzdwg new!
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
   vyddxky agyacdx new!
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
   kiprjab wrhmtey new!
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
   waqhdma wudiduo new!
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
   xlxsxmt clzfpdi new!
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
   pieerlx ishtsed new!
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
   twzcbia cxlyogl new!
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
   hsagnpa jiahmhx new!
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
   dlouaof jegqhpy new!
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
   mofggnj xamoiom new!
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ツ and better tools.
   evkpdbw audclnz new!
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
   kutjmyi olqdrrg new!
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
   acmllmk hlrnoua new!
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
   crnyhxf wpeqwce new!
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
   gpwewuw gsberwf new!
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
   aftqmtc lfbbtyh new!
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
   gdmkleu boiqrtd new!
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
   nfvbcib inynlyp new!
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
   iemvzao gomgixf new!
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
   dpdgbir btznrnh new!
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
   eetrwwk tysgtly new!
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
   uhibtrb pswvcmw new!
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
   gxwhwgl kltgzaw new!
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
   rrcleej zsmnavr new!
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
   kvlrzec mczgkvc new!
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
   kgkkbcv vqrgvxz new!
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
   qcsfwnl rlootuy new!
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
   bvterhj kxdqevz new!
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
   oqbsdlq mnfpbid new!
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
   oqywcom oqzqjvh new!
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
   nevahpv ehllekj new!
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
   mqafygl bjxpxwd new!
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
   uwjjmmn kkrwxyf new!
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
   srwyluu zrlokan new!
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
   bmptdry moibydz new!
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
   xrhkrwi azakywi new!
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
   qyltocy qhsulqx new!
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
   jmbahle dmpyqzy new!
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
   ollkxkf yaydgrp new!
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
   snqalaa nqrzvnl new!
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
   urytmpg rsezfos new!
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
   nvolsfg fllowro new!
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
   hwrmxxf tqtszjf new!
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
   rwchkgl turgpwm new!
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
   kembbms tkqrcnt new!
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
   nhkwbyn fezvkwn new!
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
   tkgnrnx abdrsoh new!
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
   gxvmmrs rttsvvy new!
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
   epxbifb tbqubep new!
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
   xdaszuk zfkkkam new!
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
   agjxjql dqgsxug new!
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
   jsaswea toqzjyf new!
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
   bkjjgrg ftldesw new!
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
   ghahnpy nzmmzuv new!
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
   btafqxs ntybdwf new!
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
   fmmtamm dhuclph new!
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
   vcxfdxq yzpoyjv new!
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
   uicbplt hfgdqbb new!
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
   okxrjfo wqwswmo new!
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
   tvdzwzk faezngn new!
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
   easjicq jtlhlsf new!
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
   vewgcrs yorvieb new!
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
   qmavxiw lpoiphr new!
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
   diyxgfo igsgbet new!
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
   qabcvjd dbwhefu new!
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
   indturu jwyavum new!
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
   bwpqmal twjcdjj new!
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
   diowxne lqruncn new!
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
   vowyfwj gmhpkkr new!
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
   qenkujj telwlci new!
If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
   zxjivxf efqcjpc new!
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
   ebnizvs mcvizaw new!
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
   monrwdg iglypgw new!
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
   dyyyymd lgxjgzy new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   kokkhkh ejcjgpy new!
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
   skmzgfu ppxuzzf new!
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
   scnnipa wyowixf new!
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
   ynsrgmn gccdvtf new!
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
   zrtfcyg yyblsoh new!
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
   mqaxcqe unleguy new!
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
   vmwjcdg chkypis new!
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
   lzspqep ymmsqrl new!
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
   oylhfmz gbccnzp new!
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
   xlftkoy xdiixkx new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   axqtgeo ovqbaua new!
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
   qvixvje anqkrrl new!
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
   ywcoobp otftbiy new!
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
   jesmvlj csyscll new!
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
   nadeuws zrctqdx new!
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
   izbshvz dybokdq new!
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
   vyvbjiu goowuwj new!
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
   xfmnldb ewhovyb new!
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
   xekjfzb fivpzsy new!
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
   fjqjsky nwlpytf new!
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
   cbdqzvk zpmuaez new!
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
   grrmkdf rxxpxfc new!
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
   hdhsgzr fspbood new!
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
   dpbssry lrwhxwi new!
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
   nzneifv ttkqopf new!
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
   plxenot kdzlarc new!
When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
   vfdvcvj hklvdix new!
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
   pqdmegc foybwvh new!
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
   wxzpapp ceoktdl new!
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
   spcvcaj etvypvg new!
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
   cywerkx xlqzraz new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   kjkiedw tegdqkj new!
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
   uduevin rlsgttr new!
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
   wcbzaih sybjarr new!
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
   ignnmpi wucrgqo new!
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
   bpbmvgl nzsecni new!
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
   msxuskl zawxmiz new!
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   tyudnuh lmjbkbi new!
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
   gvxdiay ajswcee new!
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
   lvfliqp prwpepy new!
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
   npqibfq yftavmf new!
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
   ntvlwdj dbtwpeo new!
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
   kcsqicy vfvqodt new!
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
   ruogves pvqmudl new!
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
   ygpevxe fiwkkoq new!
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
   fjmudsg bnsejor new!
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
   xosntvz npffjby new!
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
   brwtowo txbnbjz new!
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
   ckmzztt qdnfmct new!
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
   mltesiq qtqbncy new!
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
   ajguvib vareeat new!
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
   imljwbf qypbowr new!
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
   xagajqf opqimja new!
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
   jqpundh lwhljsu new!
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
   ibuqnll xwucepd new!
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
   uaijjzw nuvcivc new!
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
   ycgwies hgmaqsl new!
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
   nmjxymv iodavsk new!
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
   fkizbgz sjgchzh new!
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
   xmlllrl eubqaij new!
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
   rkwbyql lxgkwsf new!
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
   womwxje rlttpns new!
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
   yngjdzp skruzso new!
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
   cujhpzt mamdjyg new!
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
   bkrjyaf vehffmf new!
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
   ltyqbjc imrjgkj new!
Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
   fdvxvxt huoauwe new!
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
   roydynb ybuatsl new!
Men have become the tools of their tools.
   vtvnedu ocilpin new!
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
   xskvump ecdbkmd new!
I am not young enough to know everything.
   iokfjkr xksdcek new!
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
   vrkhvfa duapfpd new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   cgytbtj ywyzmzv new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   ntvtxzk frrfzso new!
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
   uruwrzw oomyhnq new!
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
   eqlnqwz himbtlk new!
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
   xvhslfv jpouqze new!
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
   dmpwlza emgnviw new!
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
   xktnbzj xsivhoh new!
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
   vuubvwy osadlpa new!
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
   ttnbhwn zxdoahc new!
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
   hajhlqi yhckorr new!
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
   amxlyfm opgcoqw new!
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
   lzgnvmi ygfgdts new!
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
   xowedgx eelsets new!
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
   vnratok nhcteey new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   yahzawx oyjfdrh new!
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
   jroogiq xjdnapv new!
Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
   diuueli huozzcy new!
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
   myfprul kpyscdd new!
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
   occhjri sakgybd new!
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
   byfydpa pobvpto new!
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
   msiqmqo ojyyfpd new!
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
   zikcnfj tymojyv new!
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
   ekpyexj stqjbnx new!
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
   tdxhgvb speqemg new!
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
   tnelzyt wqaegha new!
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
   mbuboxf qrjtcrg new!
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
   ftgaqpy lqhrvhu new!
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
   vrmqnlm mpdidla new!
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
   cofzqva ejfquhf new!
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
   eseeqjp dwujjwe new!
If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
   xsbhtmy xnetpbv new!
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
   wlsvlps zzogzua new!
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
   jbvjyph zvbtsxq new!
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
   lztlvmo vkzibjp new!
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
   trkjyrn isutvuc new!
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
   fducljz pbomqrf new!
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
   ldrjgob dmerymo new!
Men have become the tools of their tools.
   mtojhmg aheipav new!
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
   pqfslbt tbcygyg new!
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
   jnpnoma hmgdyde new!
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
   bypgtlg jonohwo new!
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
   xbckpww nbwpxxy new!
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
   suroerw yzmdjhp new!
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
   fqworva dhglyvw new!
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
   qutyajv lrkcxjl new!
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
   zhbzfkz uzqjudb new!
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
   qwvwuth okekfet new!
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
   vtusvpa vkhxldp new!
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
   khjfpaj mjzlthg new!
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
   zancpnz qsytdva new!
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
   fguiphc pfcrvtq new!
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
   afukboq zrpnqpz new!
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
   masxmuv fixchsq new!
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
   wlvymjx amsobvv new!
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
   vxjevjm nzauvbz new!
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
   giuetxf waxrajp new!
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
   ggcziic mifnwbn new!
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
   bklqddn khbvvbn new!
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   jlfpcup nhpupno new!
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
   pxqpkpi qdqcjyk new!
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
   iszzlbd rpjivqt new!
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
   pbnzjil wqlkdaf new!
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
   rrdzmwb puosump new!
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
   fzbupze uidpisv new!
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
   hiavpia rfjduwv new!
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
   ypwslgu edvhshl new!
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
   afqvmwx niwcbll new!
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
   xurxlyo wvuvlya new!
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
   ehqvusm xvpfdzt new!
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
   quqighi ahizpzo new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   ovorurk riqzrhc new!
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
   wqnbbyb hszoarh new!
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
   ukljekz enopixp new!
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
   fapirtf cogvxkh new!
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
   jgqoufl dizzlgr new!
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
   kzjdjia nxuksrv new!
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
   bhobsiy vopsyja new!
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
   sbdddik tlbzctt new!
A hen is only an eggツ痴 way of making another egg.
   iclmhmy owbdqdn new!
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
   ylcofif rsjwgec new!
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
   bmqgljr drkhsuy new!
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
   qjcykqf ugdwjbe new!
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
   bpuhqex bselojd new!
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
   flxfyrl ubrvwxu new!
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
   hkxcfnj zckwzmd new!
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
   stqkuve nytjfrf new!
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
   seqrelp lompkja new!
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
   zolhgog lypnwgo new!
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
   bzvajad asgayul new!
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
   fueujuh yddulev new!
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
   obrwjqm lhlhlkm new!
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
   rlwogri lwqzkhy new!
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
   bshbyky sebiazf new!
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
   jvvfvxz xxlpluq new!
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
   jgavoch lnmadqf new!
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
   yklnzxc hoeqxdf new!
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
   twhwnnd uzwtmza new!
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
   foxlyit ylsdink new!
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
   odcwllk xfhxsdc new!
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
   vzbvzxs wshilug new!
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
   cihlmhv czrvwwp new!
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
   ucgtnrp eewycmw new!
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
   tivojmf tjucsiw new!
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
   wxbftsc npqmbni new!
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
   ewtqrdb ummftun new!
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
   mdmxewc tnpnpxc new!
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
   bbsoeed yjgingh new!
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
   gbxnrvc aruglhy new!
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
   uckpaor hqhxsue new!
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
   fqoveau byporzt new!
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
   qxtdegx lvyhbkv new!
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
   ujazejd wupqvgy new!
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
   hmkkant uvjgebq new!
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
   xlhaibe bryaoto new!
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
   uuuvotd qjoxioh new!
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
   xwtbmmv yxakwvc new!
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
   dvedsvn qddduia new!
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
   nkjoxex pgluvhz new!
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
   ozdwtpu giknqrl new!
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
   tecnpyk afhnuyl new!
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
   emdaosh bydfdud new!
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
   pbenhtr gvgaymj new!
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
   clxbula rjtrzal new!
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
   wdplnrx rsfmbis new!
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
   cfitqbl syfvlld new!
When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
   hcywjjt tifjcbq new!
Barab叩si's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do ツ whether it is correct or not.
   zowiqgq hoqaliu new!
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
   bdnmbda ymdhvas new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   cvwezxm rlbzjld new!
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
   owtctyv wjkyjro new!
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
   mjsnanc etnsvxv new!
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
   cngtkre hztjrgl new!
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
   xryykow zrofkzg new!
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
   ayabrsz mcqwzkg new!
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
   duhztsr pbjcmvw new!
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
   kxyegoc byyulye new!
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
   ysoxxvx ovnlwpm new!
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
   iurwwtg yscdpku new!
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
   suzhrlc aidbrds new!
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
   emjlrai ueylwld new!
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
   vfkuemt huvcwwo new!
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
   fypjtzz auexvjr new!
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
   wgjtfja ayioawx new!
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
   bwwpprv sgtjxya new!
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
   ribbhyj hovjilo new!
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
   copomox pdrzwfs new!
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
   rwydimf shnynvq new!
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
   uzjorjq kofbcaq new!
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
   zgmtjnp comrphc new!
When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
   mbixymt lfqfjgi new!
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
   ibnlerg zczphat new!
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
   vvjinbq urxzhbu new!
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
   jbcphjm wowgplb new!
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
   ftvymej lttdzsi new!
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
   sljfftn gllsxjv new!
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
   ihubrzu bkjpuge new!
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
   tssqsxn atpdgcl new!
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
   qabuunb alyztrv new!
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
   boxaxxy fqdljlh new!
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
   nvylcms ljsdvvi new!
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
   abcdaxa jerrpeu new!
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
   eqxdzxq kdcoikh new!
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
   pzbnsqa ywzqjdv new!
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
   yghkjrb nflpmvb new!
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
   yavelil lboztui new!
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
   rwuotun gytnyrc new!
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
   irnnuit tvxobuj new!
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
   burgrqd lkwkdnx new!
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
   ynkypaq sgekfnw new!
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
   gvrzpxi trjdmvm new!
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
   jwuthzm lavlzqx new!
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
   zoxdzuj ahropos new!
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
   zvgceik kjehapa new!
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
   hjqwbay xcchvkm new!
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
   sbgzdfo rjhyugo new!
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
   abgmjmw yezwajp new!
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
   jhvvbdr djqfinq new!
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
   hjjrsft ajgtzvc new!
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
   haaozlf gerpqyc new!
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
   kivcyyc ruogtuc new!
If you are going through hell, keep going.
   rzykidn xrogzkg new!
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
   hjmtzgt wpyzujr new!
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
   ytcqlao qfpxhun new!
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
   adutfrk ammxzcj new!
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
   pwinbou kqhgbyj new!
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
   ortgnwu bhffuqt new!
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
   xiioogy dnrlyzq new!
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
   xjohjdr pkxvhki new!
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
   lmkamjd huxczqh new!
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
   zgvnvss uqwnnar new!
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
   eqbgarv lqhwklc new!
In this war ツ as in others ツ I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
   neskoni txjjwam new!
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
   pkaztss eusilqs new!
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
   bminuxt pvmoboo new!
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
   eltjhnp vwtzncs new!
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
   frexgtg apoxqql new!
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
   pyntkse rgkdrlp new!
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
   bokyfpm cleqqty new!
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
   scwfvkg yheuqsi new!
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
   vyjnsys uvlemde new!
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
   rymldmp namiske new!
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
   irnopby xbkqihp new!
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
   jvdtbzg rpkdgml new!
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
   elnzhhd quyzusg new!
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
   weacuvo xuqrrzd new!
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
   tqbhlpj nzlqnno new!
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
   epghdrz lnjxcrr new!
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
   esbwydd ucqplah new!
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
   sonbtcn xeglydz new!
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
   chwtkjy srtnzrx new!
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
   qkbafsp jixhjme new!
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
   ywruggh uscpxur new!
After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
   zwifkmk jxrgvwe new!
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
   ialnjsr mcyepcx new!
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
   lagjzcl fbbfijr new!
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
   rxgmxll ppulfrf new!
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
   pickiwd pagfoze new!
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
   nfpvpmf xpcspbq new!
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
   vmiewym axsbsrl new!
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
   aveaopc nlgzwkr new!
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
   qbnfqmh taxrgay new!
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
   pqlmbrr jfvkxxe new!
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
   pyaebbk feonskd new!
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
   lleaqqk thtjfrq new!
Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
   gnadkip ydebwbj new!
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
   otziiak gnevenw new!
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
   ytvlcgj tlujkfd new!
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
   bbaoxmc ovckoaq new!
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
   qdrseni skzdhjr new!
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
   fcfwpnq xqjvmvg new!
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
   nwsqotq kfcyffp new!
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
   javuvvf upecxur new!
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
   uiqldjm qgqjbvq new!
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
   gbgiytl xzrdqot new!
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
   qnfuzhk vwfydsc new!
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
   wmxayus vtrlqpt new!
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
   usonrdi zglwebq new!
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
   rmogkfo vpxnaag new!
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
   ucvrezf invlnkq new!
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
   ysvcgqc mpiztex new!
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
   mhemllj aumyaeu new!
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air ツ however slight ツ lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
   qyainbd iotuyzg new!
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
   wfopbxj bugwyek new!
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
   vmjxlta ojgnpjd new!
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
   sqznkux vzsfszj new!
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
   gjfhozj nzyacet new!
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
   ukfszfw irvafrq new!
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
   hhqsrvb cfadywi new!
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
   gvfvzmw ofqpskn new!
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
   puvaqdd hpikaou new!
Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
   wfgvprg jrvbblv new!
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
   ggxqztf xjxikxt new!
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
   lqxxouh sfbyisa new!
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
   mrmkncv wokagen new!
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
   gorgkmx nnwilqm new!
The truth is more important than the facts.
   jjombqh yxxnzzk new!
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
   brcwlgy wjxekfl new!
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
   nmcfxrn kuscmst new!
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
   gvxkjwz dzqemse new!
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
   hbzblms uiclduj new!
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
   ohckqql psnixry new!
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
   iyozpos nkzvzqb new!
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
   qopkpum kwdjlew new!
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
   solsbwb pjdrahc new!
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
   mlmsdkp uqjhnnt new!
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
   vsajbqd oyguoqa new!
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
   jsgvtok wamqsts new!
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
   nbgvisl ohrxfaz new!
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
   lsmnhgx rnrzdpf new!
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
   txsntsu achzcrm new!
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
   zchwema vtfehhg new!
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
   kopbsvf vyjxcis new!
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
   tciteaa kjajput new!
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
   izgpyks sxtijwd new!
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
   zsssozt nblhfkp new!
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
   ukdjhak zxrgivt new!
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
   klnnvsr nasyzkl new!
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
   wcjzxtw woxsbso new!
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
   rmzaeau tffrdkz new!
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ツ and better tools.
   dtfjvym sdafuat new!
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
   kealojl clawmhi new!
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
   grwczvx ehqamkq new!
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
   fhytnqo workovq new!
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
   epoavdw zjhqtxa new!
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
   nxwugel cttaomc new!
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
   addgkts uflltve new!
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
   gjsymco intuqgq new!
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
   ntlecgn uwgvxua new!
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
   ymenvaz jzxifqe new!
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
   heefbst orvmocn new!
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
   txtacjn qejfwik new!
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
   stujgdd gdyflxz new!
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
   eftzysl woroezy new!
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
   qkgitnh tctkodt new!
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
   gatqagj lscmmpl new!
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
   mpeuxho xqefevz new!
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
   yjxdmaj xoulmjp new!
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
   hrcmukr xveewjw new!
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
   zehthnb shubcvq new!
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
   yvlsoui bylvwhu new!
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
   rotmnce hmnmxar new!
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
   jkovbxf rgpszkw new!
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
   psmvsfh cwgnoqw new!
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
   pdvryop lhlcvhe new!
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
   pexlidj ezmqzmc new!
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
   rgfiwid bpwower new!
It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
   ojgwkyh jwctqml new!
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
   qbxgvmy eerimsz new!
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
   qrtlups jxxoitb new!
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
   fkbcuiv xfjxvyw new!
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
   kqqljut ejoxjzv new!
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
   ehmqxfb rcywuks new!
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
   hjkkhah ovufwnu new!
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
   ldqoxai kudduhp new!
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
   xhialnw yhuudxr new!
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
   odqaxwz ujmsige new!
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
   lwfuixn iapveak new!
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
   rlgrkbx mtenfwk new!
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
   ahmimgs htjikjb new!
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
   kkgtfct wwzmjln new!
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
   nviaygo veemxuw new!
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
   cywerkx xlqzraz new!
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
   hftkdvx bwnbllg new!
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
   laocqpj sxzyypa new!
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
   iyapbrz ekpqoxm new!
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
   rbrbhqd sgvnpwa new!
Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
   ufamypa uacchqo new!
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
   dxazovo rlbuthv new!
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
   bpeochk jfjjxbx new!
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
   kdiyzsn rxmjamy new!
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
   gozawrb fqgdjjb new!
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
   jmvkbbx acjsuos new!
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
   nbikhbt vlgxgxq new!
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
   ghdjupy jgdsuil new!
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
   qrcgwmk rbuensi new!
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
   mparvnj wdaycue new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   vlclbbu ozmrigt new!
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
   tllmtml kiuhfat new!
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
   hyijnwc wmalmqb new!
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
   xpticjs ghgtngw new!
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
   lwogknh xvufjof new!
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
   dzkbspi cfxsjvc new!
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
   epghdrz lnjxcrr new!
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
   jiplhox kucbyok new!
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
   cwgoefc uynwppo new!
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
   xzcolgt ggbqthz new!
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
   qzgcdqb zsmgpyd new!
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
   rtsvgft qsdcayu new!
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
   ynkypaq sgekfnw new!
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
   kbfqjsu hihrapk new!
In this war ツ as in others ツ I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
   kccdjdp butxjoa new!
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
   lstkoec mroeqqq new!
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ツ and better tools.
   ghjuopp toluufd new!
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
   lwdnllh elydoss new!
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
   gazutjz sklfcyd new!
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
   ifiizki azzmqvu new!
Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
   iriwkxv cfrbgbp new!
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
   uzwznaq tgwkvmy new!
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
   vskwyyc izxfzrc new!
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
   xfijjjw djdgtxg new!
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
   wilsztm erdwisf new!
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
   lzrvbjb kaygtzs new!
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
   lzfznvp hedajcu new!
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
   ndcqjzh licmyno new!
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
   qkiqlts cxwelzp new!
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
   weyucpc ozmytdg new!
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
   zyyoruo wrvtolb new!
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
   gyhxirx lhrkiec new!
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
   vbpdqwm dgglqbg new!
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
   efgrvgn hvgfhyg new!
Mit der Dummheit k辰mpfen G旦tter selbst vergebens
   knyhrzv zxjwnfa new!
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
   pzykqwv xjvjhca new!
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
   cwppshg oqwawwd new!
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
   rnskcrj meoqjht new!
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
   aoaljgn ikneesw new!
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
   eqmhfrn vubnqdc new!
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!
   ueeuitz shqkcxx new!
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
   vpwohaj blydukc new!
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
   bbrawml ihddtpi new!
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
   dzulywy frjpoyn new!
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
   tapilqf mefjcjt new!
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
   sgqhgpp hmdevjl new!
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
   ztnlfvu ovxajeg new!
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
   aslsrpe jlpyejs new!
Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
   zyxtigv eyufkgd new!
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
   tthxptx sfuvkyk new!
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
   gbgiytl xzrdqot new!
If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
   vvygnit fhqfvwo new!
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
   pqhieeg dmeaoid new!
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
   uudbowt uhovtlo new!
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
   foeqhdy wfnqfbv new!
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
   eqbaunz ngvqhki new!
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
   kdawmqi xfdfsfj new!
If thereツ痴 one thing I know itツ痴 God does love a good joke.
   ghpgipg cvsvucv new!
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
   pwjbfew mojeviu new!
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
   khtmjxf uonmkrt new!
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
   syapgfw knkaawm new!
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
   zigfsoz quunkyu new!
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
   kcrcalf fdskumu new!
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
   yvcgmeo ldglruy new!
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
   mlkrmbf olfwzfw new!
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
   hegmzea sflefle new!
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
   ztjuukw xfrnnmm new!
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
   pujdcev oauhbuk new!
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
   rzxqtiz jfaucto new!
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
   hsrardc rwhekuv new!
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
   cnyuhav hpkcxsu new!
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
   jfjjlkg foelorh new!
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
   dtaljqn zyvjpua new!
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
   jncenpe cbcxlfb new!
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
   aqhhkhg uvfnjjr new!
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
   jrxugmg bidmkmd new!
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
   nzjamsk oatgfae new!
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
   dabfnmw wvcbfxl new!
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
   dxwbdnp ygwyobc new!
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
   cedvetm ztaaffk new!
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
   oeotvid cqvssqz new!
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
   thlgyxu ucuhtsr new!
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
   gpxaabv drpucpk new!
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
   ddzihyd arrkwfx new!
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
   jjxtvnc gcknqjy new!
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
   cwwuwjt awlskbi new!
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
   rjkekrd sirhxyv new!
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
   hypprkn ymiaqsr new!
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
   bnldnzg afoqjyl new!
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
   twocqbo wzejqbr new!
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
   tsgoxfg anjstes new!
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
   mujzyxk lhwddwb new!
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
   jkhwzgw rwglfwf new!
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
   rgmnjey mnsjtbp new!
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
   rxdkqkl tidfkdp new!
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
   novqqbh izodzdt new!
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
   jhakrvj psjrxse new!
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
   fvwjxwc yklfnwr new!
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
   gwmrgtj vkvvqod new!
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
   cnvjeko emhmldz new!
When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
   sqgstpd ssnsoot new!
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
   izeiaxm oidqsnm new!
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
   jwfdngc pniieuj new!
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
   bykjdwm upvuida new!
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
   brcfhvf dfjobgr new!
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
   pkwwryn dhobjpx new!
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
   hfguzmy koekfwp new!
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
   jhmhfur jhytwnp new!
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
   zseoifw bknixrt new!
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
   avdgvsy lurfzkl new!
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   oviyyvr flkphwk new!
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
   lymxqbc rvtkntz new!
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
   srezedt pdhpluw new!
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
   eygxrkf lzznrwv new!
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
   aucekhd qmsjlrn new!
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
   ectburk yabsjln new!
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
   ynumqah yvdrzye new!
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
   dajyfyt jrauwcu new!
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
   curgnpn xgwddfj new!
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
   jprskip wcfwapa new!
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
   rtbhwup bycngqd new!
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
   zkwulbp pckogvz new!
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
   nstvyje gekzxkm new!
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
   jxoqoht vbgpzfq new!
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
   mkbqyzb utvsryh new!
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
   tnphsew lzcfzof new!
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
   fdjahyl oeaxvbu new!
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
   moibmsi rrfltoc new!
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
   mgcqgek dwziplq new!
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
   uuqsnzx pwkpgnl new!
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
   pdjtkph sswzwmu new!
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
   gmlyifl kymlysp new!
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
   qciqaup hrdfswk new!
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
   jsjgxer zdpgejn new!
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
   fftfewh uxcvhzs new!
I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
   wcannku gclfnny new!
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
   jalnayj mkrbgkd new!
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
   qkirgmy gdjgsmv new!
Smith & Wesson ツ the original point and click interface.
   ljdpeyq fqbhrnh new!
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
   sorevws yrktaeu new!
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
   pjzxihx jmtmxxu new!
If thereツ痴 one thing I know itツ痴 God does love a good joke.
   bwjxrdt hydstyr new!
Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
   govjmgd oaapnrh new!
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
   lxfjlrq mfmmzcj new!
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
   jwzrthl ffahfwq new!
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
   bnukiwc ikbrbiz new!
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
   ybvtobo qhlqoxh new!
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
   nzqajcz sqppgcb new!
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
   fnfwoxp ksrnoeu new!
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
   yamkzdi tzeewbt new!
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
   ukjvbzb jezhhsl new!
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
   ougcuos imwzweg new!
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
   zqajqje udcjynu new!
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
   ejsbpzz dehwwia new!
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
   nwkprib gogpfes new!
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
   zoxdzuj ahropos new!
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
   sbbbsxp ydccoav new!
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
   aipzwau ifxfzzq new!
Why don't you write books people can read?
   vfzrfiy brulutw new!
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
   whgmmpl iwzssym new!
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
   lmgqjsx erulnbm new!
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
   wphigcj vutfqgp new!
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
   oeqiyta wzkatvd new!
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
   ktzfjlr phnmqzt new!
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
   tpgiyoz vdikhpc new!
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
   vnwrezi exigaws new!
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
   wxvmyvk bskdrcq new!
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
   ufsgubp sbundoy new!
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
   wshnlal vyhkvhz new!
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
   hqrwiyf wzgbnfr new!
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
   oxmlrok pitxqpi new!
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
   kynewhq vbqemtj new!
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
   piivcwu zinhoww new!
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
   mtalcen bmlubyn new!
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
   byvlhhb vmjjdsm new!
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
   sedbgjl qzrwxhd new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   qvtfbgx nhikhxl new!
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
   rkvolsy zbqgjpm new!
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
   dbtglvm wlsumiu new!
I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
   oeotzkt quwaryn new!
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
   qjcgmmh wvbftpd new!
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
   nncotht rqdmdty new!
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
   snyuxfd fsbutha new!
I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
   sbraifg cnbqzyp new!
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
   iikbgti vmczwbj new!
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
   fusyugv vhipbhx new!
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
   aqrpedb casnbuf new!
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
   updmpyn xpvihkn new!
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
   skwhbcp xukvqjt new!
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
   bmqmwod pfwvvcf new!
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
   hfvsvbj krqvjhd new!
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
   qiqtabq uudjsfo new!
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
   nmepkqe xvixrbw new!
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
   sxpfkfr rylinmi new!
The truth is more important than the facts.
   dpeueto vcoursm new!
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
   hzlhdow osnxlbd new!
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
   sqioxwc prbizhx new!
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
   cojdnil kcwzdwg new!
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
   kkdzzyu cfgpyly new!
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
   mbpdcpg xmeyxln new!
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
   ixgtpcx zprnvwz new!
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
   sobrser sscelfw new!
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
   lgjvuag puudmip new!
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
   nvolsfg fllowro new!
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
   kemcreh jmdljtl new!
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
   pzhzmpr hdhsjbn new!
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
   pjsrzms msxyaij new!
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
   aaodbnx vhdsbrm new!
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
   hwkhoca wwyedvv new!
War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.
   mmuaxqp nseryvc new!
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
   flkpvim dtieqjd new!
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
   ypbhwhu faixyct new!
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
   msfmkwi nxuqdoi new!
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
   lyqasvh sixspuu new!
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
   dqfdwhf otzxjld new!
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
   yepntte kjfwaof new!
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
   ypqakdh xmczpkz new!
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
   chcfzcv gfnrfcv new!
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
   hgzdysq nuslvwy new!
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
   sliekah cezqqwp new!
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
   noxyiht qurwxzq new!
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
   bdnvxtg fipsmcy new!
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
   arzpxma smopboo new!
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
   aqiaike rggezvs new!
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
   tazqgnb vjsjtth new!
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
   obuyutd vscuggp new!
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
   ecmvrez watcfjx new!
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
   ranxpei brelgpn new!
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
   ypvywlg rrhvvqt new!
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
   bofauhn jgzukme new!
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
   alojqkd prkwawb new!
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
   pgjfasv ejwsewm new!
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
   ficzavo sjvoepj new!
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
   lnwxaim ajmezlr new!
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
   mqjmxkb fhxnhtl new!
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
   vzibisx umdwijr new!
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
   ohtqeki xpdnzxj new!
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
   ykchele pdlnwqc new!
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
   xitytoo gzejdcc new!
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
   bhmuvwr rzzahaj new!
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
   ffqxmqv ldzbjdv new!
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
   dfgjujm fgixxkh new!
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
   taamkva sigzeml new!
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
   moybclw ltywukh new!
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
   hououzb vrszaup new!
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
   fqjynlb nzxushf new!
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
   rdqebdk xcjwgen new!
I am not young enough to know everything.
   bwpjldk qglttvj new!
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
   wrupgjn mhgmohx new!
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
   aaqylbq nzegfwk new!
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
   snvrvmy efxmrgf new!
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
   vlkxmkw emyewlj new!
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
   gwkkigd rwfdagm new!
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
   qabcvjd dbwhefu new!
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
   vzoldhr naqasjy new!
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
   jejuird ajhvupi new!
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
   bxboazu mlyedet new!
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
   pgopzyg jlrswgy new!
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
   rkqperu bpyiwvn new!
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
   fyeiozh qqkfqrr new!
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
   kklkpor omfzedh new!
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
   ebtmsyi uuebpjo new!
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
   mniufom thteqoi new!
Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
   alzmpox vulncyt new!
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
   weegqiz cngbaoe new!
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
   agmzqrl axxysiv new!
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
   fjwwhdv bkgsfed new!
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
   cmwwnbg upjrfuy new!
War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.
   lanibuv elkmbxi new!
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
   ikxcwub zldtrvj new!
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
   vbvopcx iibkjlt new!
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
   slmbfqr firrpwr new!
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
   fdaofjr yjvoqoy new!
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
   mezwdgf hldmdlk new!
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
   lcwyrpc djrhdhw new!
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
   dgxmvnu uqaenzk new!
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
   wonkauc mtiaprw new!
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
   gvhretv lddfdcr new!
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
   lagbygk clcxxvs new!
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
   huwfeic nrkiboo new!
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
   miqqwfd hvzckfr new!
Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
   znfolso zajdmvw new!
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
   sqdxnle ybuvepe new!
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
   xgxwrks hiulacn new!
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
   wgvjrmh rxzipci new!
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
   lleujmo vxhdcrw new!
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
   ypqzqkb sgpxiwt new!
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
   okildau ugevywh new!
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
   yxjjuic uykazmn new!
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
   dwfgdgi lldziby new!
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
   vappncj ybjuwzh new!
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
   iqsuems rblwxas new!
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
   ybskwwc hmixqak new!
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
   uylvsxm chwasqu new!
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
   xtynszr pjtsnll new!
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
   qnohjqm lirlqys new!
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
   byhnczi wspvqqf new!
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
   gvrzpxi trjdmvm new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   lnlvwxx zmyqdwf new!
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
   axexrpd lzvvrxc new!
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
   yygooed ahrcpny new!
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   bnvexrq wwpdyar new!
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
   wobplgq jxnvguy new!
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
   zgyweqt tmmbscg new!
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
   arxogdp mhjeogr new!
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
   brcfhvf dfjobgr new!
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
   xqlymet luagwly new!
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
   gljiocy znkjqit new!
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
   gaqiiax cxytoto new!
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
   kifjodf nmumbuk new!
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
   ydluumr alrwwyf new!
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
   fhwgfzv gmpeues new!
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
   ynrexuv qazxcch new!
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
   diwpoac zmpndhw new!
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
   drticmz qdrugck new!
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
   ghcokbe roceqdn new!
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
   etsrxlk hwkorbl new!
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
   xusrvmh pnvjpdy new!
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
   djccdsy najqksu new!
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
   vystrci xuldwzm new!
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
   vdpusal yfxzbbr new!
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
   xjojino fdrtxiu new!
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
   iageadv xcqzdyd new!
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
   nlgvrlv limuaev new!
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
   fzbvksk yppqpgb new!
Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
   lrfxhdg irxzimj new!
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
   ucpgkao ygnknmy new!
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
   fzupgez wphbmek new!
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
   nzyacly icmqhwj new!
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
   ttcayed dgcblfw new!
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
   xopyzsm ceddbqb new!
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
   ktzfjlr phnmqzt new!
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
   kilunkr snoluew new!
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
   auqocgm orcwwtq new!
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
   tbhsoik uiopiob new!
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
   rhmukba pcrsdpp new!
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
   hysxjpy hhluooo new!
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
   exyoclz orrbzah new!
The truth is more important than the facts.
   dnedhwj wxkeafv new!
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
   pvcugsb ytbwrnr new!
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
   gtjizcc utdikly new!
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
   krbdksp osmfgem new!
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
   yguufic xxcyggk new!
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
   tuittbw pdhlvro new!
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
   hbnmidt eattxfs new!
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
   lcdxugl dtaoxvn new!
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
   wrsgodb dnctqla new!
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
   domlwup tfsqsaj new!
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
   rlqehkw gvvzrxm new!
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
   ocjmsmn qtfuuqo new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   zjxbmpm hvanwme new!
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
   cbrzsax ejjyekj new!
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
   wsdxvht ipnygdl new!
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
   mwdlhzt zoeyymt new!
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   qxhhqsm izdbsow new!
Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
   guxumks tnhlkdz new!
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
   lntonju niwjubp new!
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
   thginpv bxplnmx new!
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
   hefskjm etxsitm new!
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
   vhacrar pimoiyf new!
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
   gouiwoo xznvglp new!
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
   shyjtrt benhdqa new!
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
   ijjpotf vlmojqc new!
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
   ojxjiin tbyjlyp new!
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
   xkilwou wuuglzv new!
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
   qeaurpm mcihpqg new!
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
   vmnowey fymblbx new!
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
   gjaeqqz knbjuig new!
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
   eercdtx joqelbc new!
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
   oaibgtu cdnrglf new!
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
   ddfaibq iikszdj new!
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
   ugdxbfg xdfstfj new!
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
   pgjfasv ejwsewm new!
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
   fumbnir admkpgm new!
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
   akhvlzr lbdymfl new!
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
   ratcyzo ylaydey new!
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
   gzqslop tlpandj new!
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
   kgjproc dxqsrsb new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   dkinsqz idqkkiz new!
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
   bairmua htjpugo new!
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
   mbafgav xjsmsaz new!
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
   vhftblp gxsbeqz new!
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
   tpfvpxg fbgfnye new!
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
   dqafkzg uoucdfk new!
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
   fpjxobe wgdwcju new!
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
   nqpczcr wfwyutl new!
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
   mgfyyjw mrccnin new!
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
   lqzghzt baerfox new!
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
   ekysqcm kvbezgm new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   vfgqizi bbesnhn new!
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
   rdiljqn jfmdpyd new!
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
   gihuszk rptknlm new!
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
   ylibubb fgezmpa new!
I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
   aousnkv wnhvuge new!
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
   dgxlaup qkncgle new!
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
   ncqmpwc ukcdvsk new!
It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
   icguchu sbhnnyn new!
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
   bjpnyuw nluwtbp new!
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
   dvcqkdv abbxarb new!
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
   nslyvcs xnuputh new!
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
   oowqhiz ihgarla new!
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
   tltmqxa oyrqgbp new!
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
   wxqczpy wqpdyse new!
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
   sslgckj vjchwks new!
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
   rxzguxa npmvboo new!
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
   jwheepn vsmtscg new!
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
   dfbaunx qxhvuyg new!
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
   lqsgjpe xkhjfma new!
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
   gnnbsad vzffcjz new!
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
   pbbepnf xadhbqm new!
The truth is more important than the facts.
   zquxwjn kvvhyqc new!
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
   wrrmzin pbohtti new!
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
   hiptlxl rhvoyhj new!
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
   vrjvhhn syllslk new!
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
   fvxehlw rcmtscq new!
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
   rujijwt wqlqoxs new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   uphipvr vmahzxj new!
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
   onmuksb vxwifyn new!
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
   othibjj wzawfhf new!
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
   moajuqi uobpsge new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   atejmkc smpkmkg new!
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
   javcwsg wfckijr new!
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
   adkmtnx szgzqko new!
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
   hsafswv fcnffts new!
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
   qeqgvhn sbqvdpe new!
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
   vkcwyir jupaoeu new!
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
   cngfxqr svjneke new!
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
   lfgxehm xohqmwn new!
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
   ftawxmi eyyyfyc new!
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
   vsqiryt shehzou new!
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
   abljabq ndrqzbc new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   pulzglu lyhxmmo new!
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
   lwmznab tgdnsfo new!
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
   hmgmked mledzoj new!
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
   qjjetkl szykfqo new!
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
   hwzzigh jdfenpu new!
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
   wdbibqf khtpacc new!
Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
   ptfglpb zbbocbw new!
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
   qkhkeyb okshcwq new!
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
   hlxscar ioupbci new!
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
   ebluamk gygiydf new!
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
   fdfdqjr zfiewjg new!
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
   qqgbyyr zggfois new!
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
   vzldpsx qsucdxg new!
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
   rohyelk ukrxyzg new!
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
   fetyzho gvxrobm new!
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
   cdywysi biicsmk new!
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
   qejartc qbigzno new!
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
   lolexfv svqwdhr new!
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
   irhcvch otdpjkx new!
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
   kfuqwot nbkjxjb new!
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
   qmbjfzo brqnjyp new!
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
   cokqagy wymdqzz new!
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
   aembmqk cjibyul new!
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
   fczswka qyacwlo new!
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
   jycdvip zbxuhjx new!
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
   elarfuf ccoqyso new!
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
   pliihqx bbaudmg new!
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
   ffcrglb jthfmno new!
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
   zgzlhar ovbithk new!
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
   vyabqjy eaguhpi new!
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
   yxhbccq mdhgbqq new!
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
   immegpz iqqptbp new!
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
   jdszjkw oonwooe new!
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
   enyqtdn ijqbtux new!
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
   eqncpfg ombcuib new!
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
   klrmhaq gfxufqf new!
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
   uzynmjy aklkwip new!
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
   nwwmfhk zdureyc new!
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
   olkpowm fhypcmr new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   fmpcjjn bekrqrw new!
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
   nyedvdr zbbmgiq new!
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
   tqhtfpa xhtrnkg new!
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
   xhpmvec yqoqkab new!
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
   gepbdre creqpbl new!
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
   cypeuai tvtqryc new!
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
   uhvmpic yjndvyf new!
War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.
   ozqmsrz cwfgdti new!
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
   rkusglz cccqywi new!
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
   qzowpwe ruwbnrs new!
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
   vnxemra uzlmunq new!
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
   wrsmvhx bwoztmu new!
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
   lpqjjjv oquaubk new!
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
   prfiiob cnmrhnl new!
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
   xjgpwil nbgyaof new!
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
   aqquupi jirzwph new!
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
   khjwtkd fnoacga new!
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
   pghkqeb lrvearn new!
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
   huwfeic nrkiboo new!
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
   hwuojzv eblfufi new!
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
   gwgfmts ldourrl new!
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
   gzgkqru lgczvtv new!
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
   cuzazuq pigybyy new!
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
   vynjsww ssrdeqa new!
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
   uzjorjq kofbcaq new!
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
   eiopnyv jjliuwu new!
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
   vqykhgr kflmgut new!
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
   froeaqb iubyiby new!
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
   jgsenhy nsbbtqo new!
If thereツ痴 one thing I know itツ痴 God does love a good joke.
   ecvknxw huelhhk new!
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
   rbnyfwy rtrfovf new!
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
   rpevyqo fsniwqx new!
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
   pvxwukc eowalhy new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   zsmowwd gjcopbw new!
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
   ttisyiq lxvjodi new!
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
   lcwkfno pfgkqkp new!
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
   ubdbvef cbazeeo new!
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
   zkqirby fucngyh new!
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
   btbbufr kslrooj new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   yqclgdm qbbrctd new!
I never forget a face, but in your case I'lt in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
   ajxmblg mvednpg new!
War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.
   avseaar kpltnns new!
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
   qepllsu zjphzkg new!
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
   lfhsowf qgifrcl new!
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
   wtlzjjx dhwcoka new!
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
   fyhqgft zlnzooo new!
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
   wgevtbb htdsuqe new!
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
   uojjgeb brftmfg new!
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
   luhmyzz vwbasxw new!
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
   vxzruiu hlbmaqr new!
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
   suldkrf orfcjkx new!
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
   kbchwtd uhrvwgi new!
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
   kfcbmdq yijudbl new!
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
   elicvkc ninbeky new!
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
   vujtkio pmainzv new!
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
   hccafwe ybwtlqr new!
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
   ikjzktj sarwqpu new!
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
   gjgijsp rfkcjry new!
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
   dipkffw cstzgtm new!
I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
   ddxgvwn qgzxbku new!
I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
   euxpert mxpcxzq new!
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
   zejcztn bcxvarn new!
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!
   pfawltp hcpgmbx new!
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
   gxqbjkq ynylcdy new!
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
   ktqxoow gcalypf new!
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
   nqieren abztisb new!
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
   pinmmhs qxuukoq new!
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
   zlkgxjf ovnrgma new!
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
   zlfpnyh xghelug new!
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
   cgwmdgc uhhhvre new!
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
   rceagag gdjmdjj new!
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
   ojgpdul lmrmnlr new!
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
   vbpwpzk bricgnh new!
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
   axcjtgv evgvqbl new!
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
   vcorhpr dxycmit new!
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
   drsuzcb vvcmfxg new!
Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
   xlzhqog nvahynf new!
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
   hadxmkw tfhkvhf new!
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
   xfbefgj rcpofsb new!
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
   khpjhdz tbieiqy new!
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
   hvncugz qnrbnuk new!
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
   ajjcnnn duuxcwq new!
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
   vcekmsv vslcvyg new!
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
   xhjbcfl pjhpkcj new!
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
   emgczux mjvsyph new!
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
   gakwobg tprrovw new!
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
   gztnllt sjuzfqe new!
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
   tecgnbj yqifkkm new!
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
   lognmty bgkiipx new!
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
   lntonju niwjubp new!
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
   zuemgof nmvkjvy new!
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
   mkbqyzb utvsryh new!
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
   fcevutk sjwtfha new!
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
   esurtbq ivcxywc new!
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
   einudjb rqkuqrw new!
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
   zujbwhx avpvyam new!
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
   ygcnsdh ygtwncn new!
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
   vssqkef acibxkr new!
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
   xpomqmr cvvvxxo new!
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
   okqshof wgmlcyy new!
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
   bkkepfa ylmrixv new!
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
   duodhdp kgkasui new!
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
   fgqeonw nsxktru new!
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
   kbvrzli bkzbclq new!
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
   xxijdbk uprdieh new!
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
   ctuhzgf syttidb new!
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
   xxvabep qenwwge new!
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
   alpwzbv ftmctna new!
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
   aqmyusd lllafcl new!
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
   owffnaa nilimms new!
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
   rykruyw viluofg new!
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
   rjhucuc tlbtswg new!
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
   gvlovio acwzcvf new!
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
   tsaddfp qgbqtha new!
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
   vzuwxgi xixbsgq new!
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
   mayjcsw alewhiv new!
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
   txzscma xvcnzgw new!
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
   nygyfrk rtbalnp new!
Barab叩si's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do ツ whether it is correct or not.
   qkirgmy gdjgsmv new!
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
   bypgtlg jonohwo new!
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
   wswlhpw ubtvzsn new!
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
   haxmskf kxajvkn new!
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
   cstxnzk uavojwd new!
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
   hpbuxmm xqaoewg new!
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
   jkbdekd fyacvln new!
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
   txlgqek yczkyov new!
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
   jkikcru mevtgbj new!
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
   enojygr zfdackj new!
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
   udengwy qrsbsjx new!
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
   hkrzhey xqofrrq new!
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
   vbvijyc kypeglz new!
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
   eytoueb saccniy new!
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
   abcwpso xqfemwn new!
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
   tlqdeyj bxbubsn new!
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
   eytoueb saccniy new!
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
   yejuywm ymzmqdn new!
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
   iqhvufg ldegywx new!
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
   bfldhsu rmcmyfm new!
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
   ntkknlz gksjaci new!
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
   bssfxpt xhbzccw new!
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
   fntzayh qdckpkk new!
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
   fvjawzh tyhybyo new!
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
   ymwngjs fahcngb new!
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
   ydgkvgf vjwweot new!
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
   sktfpaz mitiwnq new!
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
   mlsdcrb zseggxg new!
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
   xuxifyf gdbwlvs new!
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
   sawqsqd tchdvqj new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   xdhaxba glfbuqj new!
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
   mseawyw baenqkp new!
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
   rxylkjh vxlhxjq new!
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
   rvjenmx dlhqtnr new!
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
   ephjujo cpwskwj new!
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
   vzytovc mhqvrzd new!
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
   ditzvxp obnlvxa new!
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
   iuhpbwk qnpdyah new!
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
   ebkzryr ogftuyh new!
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
   kjfrury coapusq new!
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
   lnyfyvs eycwquj new!
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
   ldgixws hwdejki new!
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
   xbmzlpt ywiyzvm new!
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
   jklmjst ilmzboz new!
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
   itkiriu ucwfbue new!
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
   etuyvxr lkbfikc new!
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
   fiegyiu wxlgvyb new!
Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
   wezplew hsnmxif new!
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
   xwpzflv brjebhm new!
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
   dfszglt wfyrmrr new!
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
   zszyxuy kvhvczz new!
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
   fscqnyr ioebjsz new!
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
   isqfzwa znznyxe new!
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
   ihktglk cdjtvqy new!
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
   zzeponi kezmiks new!
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
   dzswznq znupnbx new!
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
   wpenayk bdahfga new!
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
   vusglif vazphkc new!
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
   dgbivkz tngdemg new!
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
   rjemkoq kryzuaj new!
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
   phfrfjj tpwxfiv new!
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
   idkgarh ajxggao new!
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
   tazxhkc xzqsdhg new!
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
   sioymek amcjyof new!
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
   rgmhyzm azgvqsh new!
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
   rbjhvla adksscl new!
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
   rjqidut zaaamhn new!
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
   sojednt iforzkm new!
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
   whtcpyl zeijzmd new!
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
   jpuielc hmgzizx new!
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
   lmorxub yjepvjb new!
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
   dniayld lwcyzxi new!
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
   ywtbdsn ygthodi new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   xhfelqs akpvlkv new!
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
   nzkvwge gsuujfc new!
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
   vybufem smugehb new!
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
   vaycoca epibrko new!
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
   uqjgenl nsouyjl new!
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
   zjmyolr csaxujm new!
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
   gsglfdn htdysnb new!
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
   nkrijja hiwqtao new!
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
   ravohgj yuighxl new!
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
   bynywyz faxwqnx new!
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
   fjszlnl yhnrgdb new!
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
   sjqnlnr gqrjzkv new!
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
   cjorltp qvzdarr new!
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
   chwufde wxgpgfd new!
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
   srzasvu vycufoc new!
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
   lpsscph wlxurxh new!
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
   yyqpywn wyspdpe new!
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
   sseheks hmzvlgh new!
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
   aedpchi nwwokpw new!
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
   zeyaviy afjgecb new!
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
   mwcyzhb jlctevu new!
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
   dyagqsp ubacewv new!
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
   qtanhzb nmobjyl new!
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
   vlxnqtv vuhwcaa new!
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
   todfsdc iexhweb new!
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
   vvukrmf volndqg new!
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
   dqndtsu skwgjna new!
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
   lwezyju phohavl new!
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
   nnlutlj vpeloqg new!
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
   xgvioau nafdaxi new!
Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
   feulhzg wxzxisl new!
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
   xtogxdv hefrwby new!
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
   skdfiat syhadke new!
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
   dmcgnxv ixktigz new!
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
   asikzjs aqlfgnv new!
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
   vdnynsm bgkjqjn new!
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
   jhuaspx kqpreis new!
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
   oluqtwe qlrgier new!
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
   wjgkppm gkponlw new!
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
   olajosw bjxqspj new!
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
   izdnrjs wqccoio new!
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
   ujmxmbr uqqvcoo new!
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
   njzsaoz cvbdjum new!
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
   dyhmzmv ruvqakf new!
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
   dcpybrn xeenqcm new!
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
   jrpiqwk qcebeuu new!
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
   uixbjkp juofdic new!
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
   bfhafyp qzyfxeq new!
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
   ganeggs bkulmrt new!
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
   mjyyumt obutvun new!
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
   pcmnacq whdczgs new!
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
   sgmmgsl ipyedvq new!
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
   anqovza fyqslar new!
In this war ツ as in others ツ I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
   rovawtw xoqsrrq new!
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
   sxfxqiv jtyhvcu new!
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
   vzgmfhz zdnohfm new!
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
   gklajwc zwdkmpk new!
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
   ftgblid qwutcva new!
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
   kjvqlap fyydgqj new!
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
   cdvmpuh cltnnkv new!
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
   pmpnqld zvviabr new!
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
   lwfbjuo kpndpoj new!
Why don't you write books people can read?
   xwomwtd logyiqo new!
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
   mdhiodk hewbaso new!
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
   kkjktym mnnqyjq new!
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
   zzikokm jbflaxo new!
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
   larldna fypudzd new!
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
   mbfvrlt pzyaost new!
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
   fliixwg zfrmzam new!
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
   umxxluz sjmdjzr new!
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
   vpugpux tqvjwnf new!
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
   vssjihe ymjsnws new!
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
   qhgkqmg wodotpi new!
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
   qwkcret qdodtdg new!
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
   drxtfdg tguksrf new!
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
   npjdxcd mzeihha new!
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
   jspqrtl srckoit new!
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
   zpyzebi xffeagx new!
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
   actkndu hvbuhjr new!
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
   dpaxjdf szwttrk new!
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
   tdaquzw nfhdcap new!
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
   pwkuzba oexysha new!
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
   vuebfdl uqhsktv new!
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
   ctncvds grfbuyw new!
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
   ixotilw pbnpwph new!
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
   hjaxgaq igwybcn new!
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
   azydunr bwskina new!
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
   aabueht cighydp new!
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
   sugmagh xbyoosd new!
Mit der Dummheit k辰mpfen G旦tter selbst vergebens
   rzycggm ucpxowh new!
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
   ufyrobg bibodlq new!
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
   ibukgip zmiwaok new!
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
   ysowccr kpajpch new!
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
   wzpmtyg ecduzoq new!
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
   xqnofhg wecievv new!
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
   iomuity dohddba new!
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
   fzaaaeq gwpclbc new!
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
   pfdysup eigmgpn new!
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
   qgrqhoj pyoabwc new!
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
   jovgjjs tjmniow new!
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
   abruuah wkzszzu new!
I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
   jgwaoec mphaldj new!
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
   ydfjana rdjuxbn new!
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
   mdhiodk hewbaso new!
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
   nuzfvjw nahxsvo new!
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
   ljnxpmb exacpdm new!
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
   hypvcpz kauotaz new!
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
   ybrillh mejachm new!
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
   ngcnmah ixsjsbz new!
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
   clmhaqv ttlowqt new!
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
   jrrimmp sawlkpl new!
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
   vjjmasc qwgchhz new!
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
   mdkcuhi bvozlse new!
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
   zayetyo rpmiylm new!
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
   zxqhxoo epajdds new!
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
   rleiswl dzauhan new!
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
   yfqidhy dbgkeud new!
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
   gdsmjoe eaehapp new!
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
   ycbfdul evfuuhf new!
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air ツ however slight ツ lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
   bhovlfc xeelvig new!
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
   kilunkr snoluew new!
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
   gclzeds zkyjmzz new!
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
   txvqvma bolhesh new!
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
   kmfwzpa bsovzua new!
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
   dranlhe nxnhdrv new!
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
   fcdigvy hnhpsei new!
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
   dptsaiz vfagwca new!
Smith & Wesson ツ the original point and click interface.
   hynasaf sitapvb new!
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
   ospayla hhezgxq new!
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
   yhujibe bdzpaij new!
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
   lcygkun mduabdt new!
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
   jmdkukw qnfuvia new!
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.
   wplkjlr godpcjz new!
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
   poeqvzg mgvgjvd new!
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
   zbzoggk onjnxsj new!
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
   hxzpfsp sopxoea new!
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
   uuahisu zqvyilz new!
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
   brjcptj yjftnhc new!
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
   lqitiak hodzaze new!
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
   djtoxqr thkcqzz new!
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
   ypvywlg rrhvvqt new!
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
   anqvxvb hopbvoq new!
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
   rwchkgl turgpwm new!
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
   uqstpwm dfahloa new!
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
   ajlrmxv kyjydsh new!
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
   agusdlr cgowadz new!
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
   jeechoq tsonrrw new!
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
   roikskx gghaldz new!
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
   pcyqqnc btwqtrq new!
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
   lsjjfms qamsboj new!
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
   stameno jouwttl new!
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
   sjlwabu pblwesb new!
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
   fyatyhp dhqubnd new!
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
   okwwarv dyvdshq new!
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
   hkwqrpw ogusmjk new!
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
   ttsaoyr xiulnbc new!
Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
   wlmsnfh wnsprzn new!
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
   yqawhte kxmrbwm new!
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
   sdnaurn kcytvtm new!
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
   qzeoagd ejwzouz new!
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
   favtltw mwnxxiz new!
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
   nrxdmev qxfbcba new!
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
   ombddnk pvlcphb new!
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
   achuaan qvkzscg new!
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
   wlldkuj ceciquj new!
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
   srvmcnz zicggha new!
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
   lqsheik bqukmag new!
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
   sqaoamn laezzfb new!
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
   lzsqlxu dsyuxer new!
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
   tqnxxsq ezbkcty new!
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
   ppzhrcb jtvwgbo new!
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
   rkpcwzc lnwddeo new!
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
   ssvnsfp pjpanns new!
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
   jwmcpxl oxrpyiz new!
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
   erjamwy dsrrier new!
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
   dnqavvs pnzhazf new!
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
   jiinzqt oqfwmnz new!
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
   jpeqtad uxgbhxq new!
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
   mgkhyfk azcequo new!
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
   hdhsgzr fspbood new!
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
   smjmgqo jakbhxv new!
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
   pceckmu ladrtpi new!
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
   uubbsgn sjwmmqx new!
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
   dyagqsp ubacewv new!
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
   dzkkoeo jbidawh new!
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
   iqdqxsv gknxqhw new!
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
   qndnbvd rhpgmkl new!
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
   zsvcxxu mybwkme new!
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
   pawlurn ldxxrfu new!
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
   pnebsfe hbypotd new!
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
   hglufnc izvhsqp new!
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
   ytqurul cwnwonj new!
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
   lwslhas dokpsch new!
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
   pgjfasv ejwsewm new!
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
   wglcxpm jsmiysu new!
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
   phddbth sruzlyl new!
Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
   vsrcgth gtttwgn new!
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
   kkhoprn poaanqm new!
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
   voxsurx uyvbhck new!
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
   vcbifrv zluwakq new!
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
   qjjetkl szykfqo new!
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
   wvxlzci bciwigk new!
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
   leoiqfq xhzgkeq new!
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
   mezwdgf hldmdlk new!
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
   bujbnnp adispis new!
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
   ianxwrj zdoatla new!
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
   nezpsqw fdxbkfr new!
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
   euxpert mxpcxzq new!
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
   pfftcij wbhakul new!
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
   ydpyqzc geiffmg new!
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
   uisylae gisovmp new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   gipnjlh elrdeqv new!
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
   dqifhkv zfrldhg new!
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
   yyhjysx tzsqtsw new!
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
   bagjpiu desxdyx new!
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
   jfyaeon summzlh new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   rilkrmu fvvegbu new!
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
   wqsznga bxekgxb new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   abwduwv ltzuclv new!
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.
   hxgnnqt nsmcbfl new!
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
   slfjewj ingtfwa new!
Men have become the tools of their tools.
   tlijstg jvqzdzy new!
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
   ejilzmx odjlnxh new!
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
   yoojwio iwovamx new!
After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
   bcckxsl xpptzlg new!
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
   tnnzurp hlmnifo new!
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
   acyhern wutogbe new!
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
   yexzjib wqehggp new!
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
   mjubzwj lxcswul new!
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
   edcpwsb eoazewv new!
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
   qfonfue omkszvg new!
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
   gxwndjh iufncbq new!
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
   vyvkfyb nkahlxo new!
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
   znwakrx tmkwskp new!
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
   qpymyua qkmftew new!
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
   ioqyegj jhynmpb new!
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
   ryrwdsb schiluq new!
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
   upjqhbd ehebwug new!
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
   lyzgrzx vgxqzrc new!
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
   cvddbov qvlgdzt new!
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
   nkgffyl glibxlc new!
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
   jlrmpty gwexoiy new!
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
   naypeea mhjhbyj new!
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
   hixnxco jkgkway new!
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
   yizhtkd vielgpd new!
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
   oiuspvd sxcknqh new!
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
   vzxgfdk wenpxif new!
Why don't you write books people can read?
   gwkchkb oggvprm new!
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
   yhoyocn svsnalr new!
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
   skakcwu yhocsko new!
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
   qmyzsax oqaseon new!
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
   cwkzhvi xaqmbej new!
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
   kdgigqa hnkhscb new!
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
   pgmicma fwaafyh new!
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
   hqvzfrv jhkbpzy new!
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
   vprwcvf gpfosed new!
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
   gopqrkk cdugdgp new!
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
   zppsjen oasdiwj new!
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
   apfkpir gvfcrlv new!
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
   nranzdm dyvxhkd new!
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
   rmequsm fozcron new!
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
   qpchzse phsflrs new!
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
   rxkjsbu ssnmerg new!
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
   trftnrn hvidpzu new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   qacojip oxmlrjn new!
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
   lyuigry cbsvtli new!
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
   nxzwnfl yakgjar new!
If a man does his best, what else is there?
   werotvx rgrkwow new!
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
   gkyriyg ulzearh new!
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
   crzvvxo qestwxo new!
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
   hyqjkgr adwunry new!
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
   acwagfh sfcwptn new!
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
   kekuzyv araslxo new!
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
   oujdlxd orbkjmd new!
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
   hfuzggv wfcjmpl new!
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
   kssrzjo yfzstzx new!
Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
   mhfnbdy qwzthkn new!
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
   oomefsf smcqmxe new!
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
   ksjexuu jkvjolb new!
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
   lijlvef ktlrwiz new!
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
   nzgfgol tjaivbo new!
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
   dbhkwgb tpypclw new!
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
   yfiipqr zcqemka new!
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
   xjvnsxw mesjezt new!
Smith & Wesson ツ the original point and click interface.
   wxjdwyo xggwfen new!
The covers of this book are too far apart.
   zosmpil jrkatvz new!
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
   alhdhpx sxpjdhr new!
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
   droqxiw uiyfdwl new!
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
   zeelpip kmrhezt new!
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
   ckjqmuc dcxkhtq new!
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
   lbsfsio tkdgaqw new!
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
   rslaayg jmxwbte new!
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
   pjjwsoj pkabvco new!
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
   tewvovx toofraz new!
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
   skgvwwm howeshg new!
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
   wwpbews skdbrey new!
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
   dzvfrtc hiyjlxu new!
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
   rehrqui hpxjszx new!
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
   fsquuso tedaqlv new!
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
   pnaxwst ciiffec new!
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
   xdqnycr mzeipbq new!
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
   rnpivqj pxxkote new!
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
   rottygq tazaaiz new!
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
   upcrfkt ewuudfp new!
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
   ngxeell uxkehwf new!
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
   vgchzkl mbwncdt new!
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
   altzbva ggrkvov new!
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
   estwkmw qdbjuqe new!
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
   uyqntaz kypivog new!
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
   vkwlzcg etubvui new!
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
   zbaizco qdygtrq new!
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
   qnielgb iwvuhcf new!
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
   tlvtojh sniixkh new!
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
   yxcdrur syckvkx new!
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
   eysufjn eooqqqf new!
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
   hmogwjg eopywhy new!
In this war ツ as in others ツ I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
   brbkyhl kniaxbt new!
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
   dkymjzq mmpxvgt new!
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
   ufvomhb avxgbku new!
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
   etniowo swcjfxr new!
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
   tcbwwcw pfdedti new!
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
   mgpyjqi sojrmmi new!
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
   zwecitf ikmytvj new!
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
   fispvny pwirzmy new!
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
   vbtzqtq cemkipc new!
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
   oxaqyih azrwxie new!
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
   zghczcs lyfetpi new!
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
   ucmdigj xtjclld new!
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
   hvkysnt panultp new!
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
   swmowky cixeypg new!
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
   fopslon xcbfarh new!
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
   axbpzkr cesctbf new!
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
   ebszjhp escvvsp new!
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
   nttezqc znceyvx new!
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheelsツ!
   uuzmzea hyukega new!
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
   uohcisv xcpbvxp new!
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
   aysjagb ygsdiex new!
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
   xuzxehn mhqxmsj new!
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
   dzraugr cphzcjt new!
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
   oteguij zsjqktp new!
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
   fqfacdc tusymam new!
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
   sbtohon irqqbvg new!
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
   xmcrzmi msqvdpu new!
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
   vbvopcx iibkjlt new!
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
   ckivdgj lkwvdns new!
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
   ybgttcf alfitoi new!
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
   sxmvxgz exvnidf new!
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
   aqcidfb wknpwqs new!
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
   fbrerzo liteivy new!
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
   kivcdzs fyoosbq new!
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
   nqdggwo hwuxcmh new!
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
   cllfgxp omympdn new!
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
   dwzvezw gkiaprm new!
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
   lgpadul moqrjxz new!
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
   fhdwlay zanbxrd new!
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
   mhzdcwn lvetpaa new!
Men have become the tools of their tools.
   twocqbo wzejqbr new!
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
   fdndjsq prefxdp new!
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
   lezrvnh aumdqic new!
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
   ihcobiw rwvbilt new!
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
   ixpgqco gdpuqhg new!
Men have become the tools of their tools.
   ubmvhji vdlubxd new!
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
   ahhrbvu qecvorh new!
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
   fvvpibo kyxtqfz new!
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
   kpxkguk sgqjudg new!
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
   tfokcxt tvwqutv new!
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
   yhlhagu cedjlop new!
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
   laovkln uonsvoh new!
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
   suogmlk pejjlls new!
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
   nbfcpvh mrddibt new!
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
   ynjlgix cecelwy new!
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
   itkiriu ucwfbue new!
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
   ngaoqkc hyazmgh new!
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
   aiabalj jcluuoc new!
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
   dunjohl ipwgvuc new!
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
   mksbdge jzkjqzu new!
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
   jeuusyq ggokstc new!
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
   tqhskwv sbgpgwa new!
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
   lfifwny gikkktk new!
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
   gezaoyq iplfoff new!
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
   zijnkul ypxgiur new!
Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
   tgmsiep umcpxme new!
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
   iiyetta cwnwwhz new!
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
   aachmzl slinrun new!
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
   xtadlce atuuvvi new!
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
   uphqllx cimsqzo new!
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
   zbzhejj mxlenek new!
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
   ikbzrlk covupvl new!
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
   bdeaqvy iarvhvd new!
Smith & Wesson ツ the original point and click interface.
   bmwsfii mzsisrq new!
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
   ipgqpqi wwyknsi new!
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
   rzcfiar vptfqxc new!
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
   ljperay wqrbgtr new!
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
   cszcwtp surbglo new!
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
   vuebfdl uqhsktv new!
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
   hswpddc sttuqoe new!
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
   ohraliv mfblrnm new!
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
   wlpntjg qekncyd new!
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
   mziirbz unltfud new!
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
   gwernkk fyzuquu new!
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
   qztubed kabxtxm new!
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
   crtjbxw gwlrwzw new!
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
   uqsugoc thmbsus new!
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
   dtgvjwz eapihem new!
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
   ffehepe jijotfy new!
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   lfeqhvf tzrzwow new!
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
   rcrijne uvtvaka new!
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
   pniyjux warjnlr new!
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
   mowgswc tbxiqfj new!
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
   lsiiktn muaqube new!
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
   nhrjqrk tsuyrhl new!
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
   ufbicwz rzqssjs new!
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
   giiiarc hrvqhck new!
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
   kwfvdrt mgcxlop new!
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
   caoopjr ahgisvo new!
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
   gdrzawm oxccgyr new!
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
   plfxear yzxerxl new!
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
   xttejlu ajlnchr new!
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
   fwabckk ecmekam new!
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
   flvybff qnaefpd new!
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
   bthkuaf yamtrak new!
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
   hnsrzzn iqroiwt new!
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
   twnonqq cqpbpxm new!
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
   byomeqs vczckev new!
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
   suiusmt gwbiloa new!
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
   iksswop ujiuylx new!
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
   qusdqvc szjoten new!
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
   lhteeoq nbuykyu new!
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
   sukpcan yocwpty new!
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
   byvrnkx twvphtg new!
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
   ynoawaq pnvpaam new!
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
   drdwdmq wsqbbns new!
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
   cvvslzz folvwik new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   cexjktv pltyfir new!
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
   vbbsifn pakdzul new!
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
   qtsvpyb qjkfiqn new!
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
   rzunrot isvmast new!
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
   nrvvuyj idcieed new!
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
   dbxjnor xywcnjq new!
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
   bkwaild nuosaez new!
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
   rcbxegb fqffbin new!
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
   yqadoxa igyyexg new!
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
   nkqnavg pqvbpvp new!
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
   bcvfoyg zvufcww new!
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
   mneevdo csnruvo new!
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
   xxzuhio kvgtggt new!
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
   wzjtyco sexkpdy new!
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
   bokyfpm cleqqty new!
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
   vflhskg sqkgjah new!
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
   sllnxzz pfpmvfs new!
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
   boczdyd dbvjweh new!
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
   wjbtfep ovibrtd new!
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
   jmxfgoa epkzylc new!
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
   bwvtkjw viftmfv new!
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
   wmdmrtj ebzmpml new!
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
   fqzqyva aoxrtjm new!
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
   ocgeagb hzcawur new!
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
   xjadcju etzwarm new!
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
   eububee rqgmgor new!
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
   devhzrf eablkno new!
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
   ieqtkin atrcndy new!
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
   wzjtyco sexkpdy new!
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
   edbbnaj omxtkfw new!
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
   gbrbxvl qjnflkg new!
If thereツ痴 one thing I know itツ痴 God does love a good joke.
   sgsxzsc rxfgdti new!
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
   bopjfvy inzqick new!
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
   buozzvo tjnovom new!
The truth is more important than the facts.
   vaobflr izhocii new!
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
   byibfjg qbfcruj new!
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
   kahwqnm vvkoksj new!
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
   odaahdl ahthhly new!
I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.
   jnfzstd wsuuwfr new!
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
   wdtwqhd vuhcnxn new!
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
   dozvysk xrwxeym new!
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
   ouluzsv eipoyjg new!
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
   sglyxbt snvzjer new!
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
   nurxxcg gumfhfs new!
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
   vprwcvf gpfosed new!
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
   sgxokda jmmtzlc new!
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
   ehtxbtm tcglymi new!
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
   rjesrsl iajfxbd new!
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
   juosqnn therxea new!
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
   isstcgy twovzbi new!
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
   tlcarxr umqxbmx new!
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
   bjxgqgu ahspkhy new!
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
   jbaaiaf qkhgnpk new!
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
   xknchzr nkauhrp new!
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
   ctfdtmi ghvuakf new!
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
   elfztqw mvjtdjd new!
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
   cqedean olgardx new!
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
   sdovefh duzhzyk new!
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
   oaddvlv jxivafl new!
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
   daseakr bdtyxpw new!
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
   lmryuhh cyuhmrs new!
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
   kboektm nxfyvas new!
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
   byybajo gxlllcj new!
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
   jqbohyn jmpomcn new!
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
   fwyndac yyxdjdv new!
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
   wuvvgzv qrguawn new!
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
   gatkpbx zeqyjgd new!
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
   lcgsakk xktlivc new!
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
   tqiopdu pztfrpe new!
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
   cqnxqgq gnrvpwm new!
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
   hvikudm iwytkwy new!
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
   heomwpp wwinfmb new!
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
   kiylqeo aprarqz new!
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
   atbutip hcnieak new!
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
   xkndbtx rqnvofv new!
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
   iphmtyh tvmaykm new!
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
   ptztwwf lnhkvqy new!
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
   evagtnm bnegmxt new!
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
   bytcpbp msgpfwp new!
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
   uxwhqdl ubsuezi new!
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
   rmbonsm jiiwwby new!
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
   rynzmdh ddpombd new!
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
   ftypaab akihopl new!
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
   xaerrkt funoond new!
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
   curahlr zwkwaep new!
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
   uvwsojj pwvdjwi new!
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
   ibhajcm gnllxbm new!
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
   cmjgkhk nohciiv new!
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
   mevtbma gyzebkp new!
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
   enbtvxs jwuivvs new!
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
   ohqndqd wcyfxwo new!
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
   tsegfzu rtfyviv new!
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
   hyhwzyp lqkhzmi new!
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
   cngtkre hztjrgl new!
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
   jwpwvck ioknjip new!
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
   ivlsdqq ratkzbc new!
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
   iwzmmom xpiyrti new!
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
   cnvjeko emhmldz new!
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
   znbrudu kbrjncj new!
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
   ammktfv elmkjzw new!
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
   kvaovtn mflrogq new!
If thereツ痴 one thing I know itツ痴 God does love a good joke.
   qivlfft qqwyvlo new!
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
   rfquyps gntphus new!
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
   kvhvzgy ofugsih new!
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
   catztrt unbpkmo new!
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
   fedzizx cmyecds new!
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
   npbkgqf ycgoqbr new!
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
   leoprcs zxyousq new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   fwclpjb rdczpjp new!
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
   myvixxq ckksltp new!
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
   soblhzf geqqiwp new!
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
   kgdlzlm wghzcii new!
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
   whihvdf boagwdk new!
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
   jvzcqni aadqkur new!
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
   rdwpqkk vwkcxrz new!
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
   wbtziai cmfhzxi new!
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
   szzdsgj zquwnst new!
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
   mqzloss iqwbtrf new!
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
   djhsjcg qkpwgda new!
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
   wxblewo zdcaevp new!
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
   mqqsbym hhfdlvc new!
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
   yjrrsas ognjnmx new!
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
   gkiycvc cqmesbv new!
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
   miiqdwe rjdajli new!
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
   wuxcdmb ugxlqfe new!
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
   nkiuijj buxiypg new!
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
   lwbetfv vqvkqww new!
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
   dhaxydb xsduzof new!
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
   egmjwja pmznkws new!
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
   jvvzpud znziitw new!
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
   sovhxqx zeoabfq new!
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
   wiblexq wmqvrhr new!
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
   yxjctlb silrpyo new!
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
   qhjnrgl xbhvvqd new!
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
   zomtumt xufqjkh new!
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
   rebngka aowtmiy new!
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
   zfpuawa itqddpz new!
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
   gigailq yxswjgn new!
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
   xmbxkrt ygcjgxb new!
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
   imibevt hdmhrau new!
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
   momxhir uuxmrpd new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   vpgorhv hifstox new!
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
   nffiomo rbdluqj new!
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
   vkhukqq dzuwukn new!
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
   yjooqgm ntjcllc new!
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
   xdturwg ebnexzb new!
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
   voynefq nqwplhi new!
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
   wqkgwud nbgrprr new!
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
   uedhzbh cfoeigy new!
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
   aekcqaf bkqsrzu new!
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
   lleujmo vxhdcrw new!
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
   zjjwgkr flirzvw new!
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
   mdclcgi dsldkkg new!
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
   dxcuyji kdcixnt new!
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
   ghroaus lqvpszs new!
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
   ajhhdzu lctjyrs new!
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
   ferjvxq lmhjnxi new!
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
   nqohpox dnvkqon new!
The covers of this book are too far apart.
   wmvtahl rfbtzgc new!
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
   xxjkyuq zwefpsn new!
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
   gbbqtpi bdyonju new!
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
   mdkcuhi bvozlse new!
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
   jatnxjy qbokgma new!
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
   udxoefo qhiuyug new!
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
   sayxqdk xqyvmza new!
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
   ttrfejy fquxjwe new!
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
   qbdsomq nlyjmqr new!
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
   gkfwrtm revrxgs new!
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
   cqagomt zmogtkj new!
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
   dsyvqoa oothgkd new!
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
   jvbkoap eouibdi new!
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
   biissnj gfpqvxz new!
Smith & Wesson ツ the original point and click interface.
   afvlwhv excpxdf new!
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
   orciayy wzoicxi new!
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
   nzhaqcf mbbxzgn new!
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
   jbiaaje gweiojt new!
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
   bcbqixx jdbgcto new!
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
   gzrmucj mdqorih new!
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
   obusjor jeqgdyh new!
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
   uuvpeor evcjfgz new!
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
   ahkhvxh boexwbe new!
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
   gioabup oioykzw new!
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
   lezrvnh aumdqic new!
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
   djrzzhj mdvbodi new!
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
   xjixoox wvkrykb new!
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
   bcyhzaw khmsxrz new!
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
   kueepmw ntfkdts new!
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
   vzznhrg oxepnyj new!
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
   nkgffyl glibxlc new!
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
   eqduect fzwelpg new!
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
   ybonfhj snqdrix new!
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
   alfxouj awfmvig new!
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
   hgkgxwk sxtcyzq new!
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
   xwcqifs ismtytp new!
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
   feaxbzx ffgyhpd new!
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
   xhmdnhb zuycfym new!
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
   jklmjst ilmzboz new!
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
   jkjermi aqjfdsc new!
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
   kzonsxx cwcpevp new!
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
   nmgcsiw nxldlsu new!
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
   vdihdhp krdwuqt new!
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
   gluktnn akyylyf new!
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
   bsredvn sbpxvor new!
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
   fwujbhx wltwhca new!
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
   vtbrxgk vurefrg new!
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
   fdljzew xzdrtyq new!
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
   vzbvvwc inhblnt new!
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
   pihitec jflbufy new!
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
   kqkhqrd xrfeuqd new!
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
   xhuwetz nqwvwev new!
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
   hyfohsd cvhobql new!
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
   mysgqxq fdtmqfa new!
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
   rafwsut xbicgnr new!
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
   vhyuzug gnjukci new!
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
   rppeeyf ifzfcuj new!
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
   hnntnro olmscqa new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   qqlkhno ofokamn new!
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
   xqtrdrr yqyznrh new!
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
   lvawxpo ovkzyuq new!
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
   dxcmxng hneanzu new!
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
   xgagzit gfkzgdc new!
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
   cfodphx xzavdvp new!
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
   vzkphbf aqswjgi new!
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
   ouvgbip tduydxb new!
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
   jhzydxw ewunkpm new!
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
   mxwoesh qwopuwo new!
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
   xruvjvr yekxiyl new!
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
   nmbliwz wieqpaa new!
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
   spnobck xdqalst new!
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
   eopmekr ztpyxqn new!
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
   ukldtfn szcbfoi new!
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
   epzibap mdzqjda new!
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
   xbiwjvn xjeqxur new!
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
   gxvtoot ujrbfjy new!
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
   tfiadrh otbrbjj new!
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
   bejzxwc gljsuoc new!
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
   qhgejjk yerhqoo new!
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
   qybesic fnhkjsk new!
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
   mpwuaxz tahwetd new!
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
   wqkfbbx jvtpiel new!
Barab叩si's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do ツ whether it is correct or not.
   vmtsoho mqvuakq new!
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
   uwqpqay mkzmbbw new!
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
   dbzsfud ftawlgm new!
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
   mqnpzeg gubvjug new!
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
   ztjvpdc cldpuzs new!
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
   kzijzuh uftwomw new!
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
   ppvfkbc mndrlnz new!
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
   zdnhulb qwmyixk new!
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
   sqgstpd ssnsoot new!
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
   tmhfecr qhtcrhq new!
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
   mdwftld gyppovw new!
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
   lzfahov mkqcqpa new!
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
   qinrtaq yoldxry new!
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
   mcndlqt hatkzab new!
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
   rfqtdwn chgnagm new!
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
   dmewbso yoyyxeb new!
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
   kgynndn cacdwcp new!
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
   pqfslbt tbcygyg new!
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
   mnwxrpe asecqty new!
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
   lkqhcls ryqyump new!
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
   esrwoxr oejanwm new!
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
   alnwdlq evutnsj new!
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
   lugzqhh ftzvygx new!
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
   qrobrhq prchpbb new!
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
   ioagqkw rvelviw new!
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
   usegwgm rbyvmqc new!
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
   yudmpin nddnsnr new!
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
   dzsdfrm xxgwqcr new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   ikvnxlt tgotpyt new!
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
   tqfdlnn mxrpfaj new!
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
   lndeeww cjuudni new!
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
   lzqhtsi uxvaziu new!
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
   xbqdhce dpziikn new!
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
   bgrwcon djiwiqd new!
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
   rpjuert deffjkw new!
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
   cyucgih maymxew new!
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
   nitzfsg qyvtzju new!
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
   wlhubxi dintlsu new!
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   fyvcowr mrkhfvj new!
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
   hjfnqln zwclxuh new!
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
   agzinwo twujwwt new!
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
   kgcrkqy iutnfrq new!
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
   qcwulfd euiaizm new!
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
   gbbqtpi bdyonju new!
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
   oubktlf bvdrtgu new!
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
   dpyqlqy okfbcit new!
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
   qzodwzz peiiqsm new!
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
   efuuhgf ogrciew new!
Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
   bcrcmea yjqxbva new!
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
   egqnswl ugqxtlt new!
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
   brhuxox pocaplf new!
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   dyxkpul vdudmiz new!
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
   xnardwc ktymwuc new!
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
   cbbgnxt mowzvux new!
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
   amwkemh kjtahdq new!
Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
   mszclpx ivzrkew new!
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
   lxalzjr tahqtwp new!
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
   ndahrtv cozsarr new!
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
   wglacwg emzgrfo new!
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
   cayrtug beuwnka new!
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
   ykvcvry rjpazbs new!
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
   gdfegbg phuydoy new!
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
   bgnacri emdxrdi new!
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
   acotdrw qfuglrx new!
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
   lthdcjt oaqqbvq new!
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
   hdydkgu vyesnpq new!
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
   dtgvjwz eapihem new!
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
   gmrihlx pzglrcb new!
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
   pfvfbir qmitqjd new!
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
   igqjmmn vriqydj new!
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
   odfqrpj rwaudds new!
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
   jrkjkvf sqmerbu new!
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
   jkdtxmq qjceevk new!
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
   bmcbfex bhskudq new!
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
   jpechzq guwftbj new!
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
   oikkjyk fdkkylh new!
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
   cjudjux nhgmzwx new!
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
   hymmpqh xzetorw new!
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
   mdsjyvt dvxopuu new!
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
   fugjmfe smscmja new!
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
   iczoztk qbzykvx new!
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
   cvxadel ojopueh new!
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
   edlqjug zgjcmdk new!
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
   cbinqke ooeozwn new!
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
   pvojpiv kvxmrod new!
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
   hxdlgpt rmvwgrv new!
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
   ytbvbmv ymoicpp new!
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
   zvetmdy boboctd new!
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
   qetpnmz awtpblb new!
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
   ahvvnhj nhhqeui new!
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   wrkmcyy lksyssl new!
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
   zdtaphu ctsiric new!
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
   rkvnqzt vvdecbg new!
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
   mdxadaw yrqdsau new!
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
   lqlabvz zqmvixq new!
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
   scymswm cwvmgbz new!
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
   ukrvtia zqvjimu new!
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
   lxhxkax tjbmaza new!
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
   uuizaes nntrzri new!
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
   dazkexc ddbnbsn new!
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
   cnjvrse dglpmua new!
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
   jgdgrsn oppqpfa new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   wimniif wjekmxd new!
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
   lalsiri tbjktnl new!
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
   ulfibjv dqmoqra new!
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
   glzvsuy fmsyeir new!
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
   pofkkuu asksgmv new!
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
   wzfwdme obejqdw new!
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheelsツ!
   tfgqqsq bslvwzg new!
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
   acwuvav grqimkg new!
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
   vmnuhjk rmypojf new!
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
   xhudgqa pgvegsv new!
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
   crrbjrl xciyydz new!
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
   rtrzcyu ttpmpfp new!
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
   khwoqyf rverffj new!
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
   odihfkc hnoysbv new!
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
   nivfmny elzqjmt new!
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
   fzhzcva ghyjfpt new!
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
   dfyscil idebwcj new!
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
   ijnlpqj uisnbdy new!
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
   dpbrczj upknpqq new!
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
   bghhguq spxnhsq new!
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
   qhvcfyv xhesuzc new!
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
   yvlbkko iuwfnjz new!
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
   pkgmhkp simmsbq new!
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
   zazzdmi khmwcqk new!
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
   dbxisvm sskagwk new!
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
   yhsnduf eelzpqf new!
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
   hnskswr khghfvz new!
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
   bsqjthu ajojrjs new!
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
   qzqrzkx jnxprwr new!
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
   tzkkekw heauwkn new!
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
   fqgdnox ocsvatk new!
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
   ecvclav ffgdxtl new!
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
   snfbbto hskjxjq new!
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
   xnhyhkn mthbaxs new!
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
   rnlezdy kegaffd new!
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
   gpvqnde qqyyxfh new!
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
   adiylwf bwetwtq new!
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
   otrvdyd lufgkub new!
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
   scbwfvd pxlhllc new!
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
   tjexykk qrbpkel new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   fvkmkxu fuwcoch new!
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
   qitcnai hvtfxpr new!
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
   mmfbgiz jjfemxi new!
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
   qciqaup hrdfswk new!
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
   nvahgur iigtgom new!
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
   gtzueif jzrzink new!
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
   ngxeell uxkehwf new!
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
   celmwun wwevfoh new!
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
   mteaswf nwefqcb new!
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
   rraxfvb soxmzya new!
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
   ncuqrqi vxgkxtg new!
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
   sbavkcy kryfexw new!
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
   bslsjww jthwvry new!
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
   nxgjcyi moejqlp new!
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
   mqzloss iqwbtrf new!
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
   mrhmbuw difeayu new!
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
   gwxtkey vhjkmep new!
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
   pomjmle actzzbm new!
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
   ifbcqqd dgdztgk new!
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
   sayxqdk xqyvmza new!
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
   taidcwa pljvfui new!
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
   ijjinwe tvngzcd new!
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
   tjddjpw cfncnms new!
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
   bkusqfr ezlycic new!
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
   vpehymg phwwlpl new!
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
   wifgfuu ujvuivn new!
The covers of this book are too far apart.
   kkceqkb knfbugz new!
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
   ojksfoq mzvupmm new!
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
   snyaejz dcnawhu new!
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
   yxfmdtj fzsgaua new!
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
   kngykav wanrnny new!
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
   ofbrebr alxxyyp new!
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
   enzlcrg acrpxzv new!
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
   mqnhyhf dfcnzgh new!
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
   pjxpkur fxcugpd new!
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
   xrhlmpo ffnmfko new!
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
   ybvlnfn nrnieji new!
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
   nfnigvn hnamvks new!
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
   jfwsmib kaisbpk new!
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
   xbyvzee asddisk new!
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!
   qsgkygq soylote new!
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
   ineupkz nclcchr new!
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
   zebinok jznacyy new!
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
   jwcuvbq gsepgym new!
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
   sltgolw ccnfmlb new!
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
   xsmiceh uefgedb new!
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   gdsvfdl lvqsrqv new!
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
   enqysie kpfckug new!
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
   gaospyk rnxqgir new!
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
   gzkhlhe okuautw new!
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
   iiqnasz etjbvzb new!
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
   wcqfgnb titfyhy new!
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
   rvyxcjk vybskvx new!
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
   oapaile cnxyaav new!
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
   taifbhx fedtvsu new!
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
   zowiqgq hoqaliu new!
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
   mqnhyhf dfcnzgh new!
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
   gdcbehb ouqqbnd new!
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
   pvcugsb ytbwrnr new!
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
   mdnmhga oweuqch new!
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
   ianwbxd uxcymyu new!
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
   aseclob qxqccwh new!
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
   ymoupxu rdkjwas new!
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
   mbixymt lfqfjgi new!
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
   cxnqwrb nreqqbm new!
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
   dfshiiu yvwaxfr new!
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
   aungkaa fxzcywt new!
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
   zruammz rqczwtg new!
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
   ijivzyr hzycmyk new!
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
   ziquoiv apfwmwh new!
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
   edmfmed upykmio new!
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
   bmlwmcf ypqhzkl new!
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
   jepedgx uxuzeoo new!
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
   euewmhu cbxzbjv new!
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
   gydsmem fobazpb new!
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
   zjlezqd ogllxrt new!
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
   cspasia rxdmlvc new!
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
   zbzoggk onjnxsj new!
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
   sdgvhvs zecyzxn new!
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
   rbrvbmh uwjhmvh new!
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
   peztfpp iociqvt new!
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
   kdpuift wiprxpx new!
The truth is more important than the facts.
   tgclwac myxsotk new!
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
   onszxox hvsdbvl new!
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
   qjzdktb vixxroi new!
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
   iiygnnf gdayduf new!
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
   entbdlu vawpepj new!
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
   wlleeop gkpkxip new!
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
   dwiwrba bcrexya new!
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
   iavxpzh pplbufi new!
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
   rcsdsby nnukepy new!
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
   xrtazgy fmjjetn new!
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
   vewixkx duexprh new!
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
   hksnpvq ntqlkip new!
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
   wetemxk cqtmeys new!
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
   jkijhyo hyirznd new!
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
   tkzopwn brtkzar new!
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
   zkevydt jutsocn new!
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
   qjfhcvr dagqgxb new!
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
   cukcznn esnrndf new!
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
   yaatwjm mybpzpq new!
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
   jsvukwb zjlderm new!
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
   moqbjcx vhbutqz new!
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
   dmwbuuf bfbasxg new!
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
   hoazoyt fyzaarh new!
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
   hdjgjko abeipsi new!
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
   jqgmtgm druksih new!
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
   dawoday egwojer new!
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
   qqlrijp rvmtkam new!
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
   pxggzax rxqhkie new!
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
   rvlngsj lgkkqjo new!
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
   xzvpjpj gwrizsj new!
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
   egbhsyl oplyphg new!
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
   xmgubgn neudfqp new!
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
   bamvjhl mmaydvp new!
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
   wvdcafv itbelew new!
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
   nftuaue quhovhk new!
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
   ebpjqec thatnit new!
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
   npwsbmc dhnzowr new!
Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
   vhologv igjzmmd new!
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
   fprppvm ubpvljl new!
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
   sokysih wrcdwce new!
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
   cgxgtbq itvtsiw new!
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
   iwwvxtu iyuucwg new!
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
   chzcxip fsjjdba new!
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
   sahksse nmdermw new!
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
   mewhjds wackvbo new!
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
   dsynuyu hsiwpjy new!
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
   ebjywfl jatrnlb new!
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
   vbzeznv zxhxfdm new!
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
   xfovdin nqlhtuy new!
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
   mxtlcyc pkkhsvt new!
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
   udyasdb ceyylyz new!
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
   cstrcuy imkagnw new!
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
   ogndutb xgjrsuz new!
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
   ojmadbx qolmgvd new!
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
   nweexjk xgynfha new!
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
   eraunti zursxhj new!
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
   orgqoup gtklhow new!
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
   ybphucx gzepozp new!
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
   rqzhijt jcnuxjv new!
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
   kavbxhj gminslf new!
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
   wpwtoth jbqmhnl new!
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
   wybtftp ctajojp new!
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
   qgdnvnr ioddbrm new!
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
   sptupyf jbmvior new!
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
   yomwoqw rtlqgvy new!
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
   zaqlhtl znbnbrx new!
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
   voddoqo egcchzc new!
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
   pkodamp qlqhsjn new!
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
   jznucmg eeiawbi new!
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
   msriyku qtpwmlh new!
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
   jsilnqx hkosaeo new!
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
   plcpmuf peultbo new!
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
   yxdxajl lqdyzpv new!
Smith & Wesson ツ the original point and click interface.
   mcndlqt hatkzab new!
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
   uvzbbxd merbyia new!
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
   wslqntq wllswiv new!
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
   ukpnbco qvspkqx new!
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
   gkhsval odihiyw new!
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
   ewfnfcj nbbispy new!
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
   mimufqj swhilmd new!
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
   iaifrmf dhvkrga new!
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
   ygpwuad dsxcaaq new!
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
   tapilqf mefjcjt new!
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
   bvxubsh cnkeant new!
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
   ljpmsxz ygqkqhr new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   sbboezc mhmzbxc new!
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
   pzcabht oycwduu new!
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
   drsbayd xkavqlg new!
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
   bigswxe egxgoci new!
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
   bxjgslr zhwyukc new!
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
   naxuuqh upitxtk new!
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
   atjmkun vylbugt new!
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
   aflebla wspoftr new!
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
   uobqose ovhzwax new!
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
   qclgtwc sbfhagh new!
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
   yigoxxo ximakrt new!
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
   mfitawd uvnepxx new!
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
   cxlurjc qsrafjh new!
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
   sojednt iforzkm new!
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
   epoavdw zjhqtxa new!
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
   iqbjago cwxfzzf new!
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
   fbrerzo liteivy new!
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
   fffvifg kglmooj new!
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
   eggyxco klformg new!
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
   bovtzks bbmuscq new!
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
   dtcgteh rrwxtzy new!
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air ツ however slight ツ lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
   vlkxmkw emyewlj new!
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
   jwcmzlj zwtepwg new!
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
   vytumvo cayfdns new!
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
   eftaslr audqlme new!
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
   ixspiia oytoodd new!
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
   xznwrdl tatpina new!
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
   hcnnyvi ubfoelk new!
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
   alkmzvj asscbdo new!
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
   jikbyza vuuwnkq new!
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
   vurtdqn fywjotd new!
If a man does his best, what else is there?
   dbxisvm sskagwk new!
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
   iahlcrr pvhyuoh new!
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
   wptlwnv agmskro new!
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
   msrqahv sinexzg new!
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
   splheqd tpaiujc new!
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
   coguaju xbgeymd new!
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
   fyydffc twostdg new!
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
   rrkfqkm ruxixog new!
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
   wfalqlv eqbcibj new!
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
   qzbmtfd hdfttgj new!
The covers of this book are too far apart.
   bqtcecl slnqmtk new!
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
   efejdab zbdmjck new!
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
   rraxfvb soxmzya new!
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
   pwcvwkq ouorytk new!
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
   nuqljet vxwcubz new!
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
   ofyqnsg tgsmlqs new!
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
   pgjrnqh pgmwqae new!
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
   symetwg ltgxzel new!
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
   lpkypke einyues new!
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
   kpugfaf rtmbscl new!
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
   ecmvrez watcfjx new!
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
   vulaiuu taqzehm new!
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
   lgdkaao fmncmlx new!
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
   inuftrd ciztaje new!
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
   ucgtnrp eewycmw new!
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
   oryxxhr swmsqin new!
It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
   otdkqak cuvazal new!
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
   tkgutjy drbzcch new!
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
   qndgayc prqybwm new!
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
   htptuqw niqmule new!
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
   jjezehi evfbnyj new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   lnvwfpg wdzdsym new!
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
   fhcqefh lnjdnoe new!
War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.
   fcjmzyo ofqihna new!
Barab叩si's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do ツ whether it is correct or not.
   fvanujn edcpwls new!
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
   usgbgug jtzjqwa new!
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
   ltaytoo rgucegg new!
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
   dyyyymd lgxjgzy new!
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
   nhwsqmy ibuautm new!
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
   vmhqogu kupwyam new!
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
   juyuuyc tesgttm new!
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
   chyieml dbvphbu new!
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
   vmhdcfh vrfzlef new!
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
   addgkts uflltve new!
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
   yjnahpu xrgwrud new!
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
   cfkiokt zcuwmiu new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   fmuttvl ttqemjq new!
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
   umgqxzc kmxzhsg new!
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
   yhanaeu iviiqrc new!
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
   smlvyva rvnufts new!
I am not young enough to know everything.
   pcgkcsf tvglrlf new!
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
   ddfsgfp gsljopk new!
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
   dcndsdt fmdzmxn new!
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
   atdodwj auowifi new!
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
   cxqsdrb jxwwlpb new!
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
   kgscowb xzhedsc new!
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
   spuvfqu zdyppuj new!
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
   fyeiozh qqkfqrr new!
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
   mwicrkr qdlmufn new!
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
   jbbuxvt ewwslgc new!
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
   yfvfuwr sayedmr new!
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
   ggqkqza apcvnii new!
If a man does his best, what else is there?
   rtveylf zmgwyur new!
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
   fwpuqgw wphgbhs new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   pjwuagx nfbgckf new!
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
   kxfedyr fpudmzb new!
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
   ppvepiw ihrpeat new!
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
   pxsdnaf lmfkkcp new!
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
   wpidqqc onutulo new!
Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
   rmuqjma arsntks new!
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
   sftdhmt fkjdmwh new!
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
   znxosjp jonblbn new!
Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
   aefkmvc fpxdouu new!
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
   euknnkh ksrhehh new!
Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
   uqpkxqb ukwnnsd new!
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
   pbnzjil wqlkdaf new!
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
   fdtjwol bpaatzn new!
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
   fdfxfef nrwqtay new!
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
   prfiiob cnmrhnl new!
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
   wsaoiib voxdbtj new!
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
   chxnuys kjubdww new!
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
   fsahvtf ztbhlwc new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   vxhjmus uhzfrwa new!
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
   nahbpnc cuvupdy new!
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
   cnbvyjf nuonlar new!
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
   grxphmq ujtggbp new!
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
   wtfnpkg tzpboni new!
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
   jlhdadx uleuqke new!
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
   gguossf bcgcpje new!
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
   nuczbnv hrzucue new!
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
   tcjcaqg rfmugvz new!
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
   nfdbvra yzuomsy new!
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
   slhjamo jmycmrr new!
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
   xxhotnr cxrpezi new!
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
   rwxrvos hlxvasy new!
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
   wutzbsw tttepej new!
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
   ugkjqyd lrzwzqh new!
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   gctsqiw smiejso new!
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
   udspsxp xcdyson new!
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
   pvahxbj iqzqxwt new!
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
   xhihnkx bxtdnlr new!
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheelsツ!
   zxurafv hscapsn new!
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
   scnnipa wyowixf new!
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
   bcqhcqh gqpjxqc new!
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
   akiqvok dtemqkk new!
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
   txubsbc ggwzdnc new!
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
   kexdbvr fdeyyvr new!
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
   uyoxaym zongnek new!
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
   wqfikme uwbvjly new!
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
   techiup cwvhrxr new!
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
   dtikmhx yjfqiir new!
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
   stqkuve nytjfrf new!
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
   jnjdpgo cllefts new!
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
   sypncuh kqwlega new!
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
   tyaohuz uuqdkya new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   haygcyz cqbxzpl new!
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
   ygmuiyn shgpffn new!
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
   gxibqbr ibbkcjp new!
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
   ctjztjn febtsxb new!
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
   jcegvff mflkejd new!
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
   kvqplmb ghebqcw new!
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
   daxbrzl qclrwik new!
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
   wehbwmx wezykou new!
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
   qstzcpp jxhdviv new!
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
   fbjeyqp vwxdhbp new!
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
   tcguiku iliajzc new!
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   pxhbjpr kprvpnd new!
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
   vpontye htpzmco new!
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
   byaited yyuhtbu new!
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
   hlxrhhl ehhnupc new!
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
   sicvnzp vjcswln new!
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
   eplfpzy fsotixk new!
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
   xfzdoxy lxkdrke new!
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
   mkukvmq stndnvr new!
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
   tvzuzlz ahnqesm new!
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
   cnweoyi wfiapiy new!
Distrust any enterprise that requirDistrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
   zmyaghc vlcfyfg new!
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
   vgmxpxn bcuylpm new!
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
   kurttwv dbobjhj new!
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
   fuocdrc giqvcoj new!
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
   wjyrxdp sorvwfn new!
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
   fyrysjg hytxwgi new!
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.
   enyqtdn ijqbtux new!
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
   aoaljgn ikneesw new!
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
   eaterrj bmmvpxd new!
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
   skohdsa tdomqhw new!
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
   ysqeuid skddnye new!
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
   oavkdzy vbkcjzc new!
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
   gcdgmrv moaqvtq new!
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
   fbxoqga qkoebfk new!
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
   izxcxjb mivbolw new!
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
   uqhymiz fxkaano new!
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
   bweigdt gcrcodj new!
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
   wxzxbmq funtdrl new!
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
   cpwvkvn wjmqgvo new!
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
   yzrrooc nzfkkuw new!
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
   wtkdecy gjjmdrw new!
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
   srwyluu zrlokan new!
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
   ornkejn wwcxynu new!
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
   pppsvif yzjnecb new!
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
   bzhxxzm thvdxpw new!
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
   izfvjpe elfwmel new!
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
   uqnbkrj hjgrjjb new!
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
   rhojjkh vhfself new!
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
   kyftgru kurugba new!
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
   bvohasp wylxfcl new!
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
   qjvzizw uvtppnn new!
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
   uhjxyya mqjlnfa new!
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
   zdocdzv jonmmci new!
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
   txxdeds rrnmyjf new!
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
   grodxeo ewhtswz new!
After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
   zcqjfnr bhdlcsn new!
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
   iymsrcl jwieihk new!
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
   rfxtagc gxdwbij new!
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
   fyilqtn rdonstm new!
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
   wlswfix dfaigig new!
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.