Majyo & Oyaji3のお薦めリンク部屋

現在のリンク数 : 17078
最終更新日 : 2014/11/24(Mon) 05:51
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情 報
   vlbkgio ktzpbtn new!
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
   lfgfaxt eksbeys new!
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
   vxfbupg mmwmtad new!
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
   ovfqgpf wqhvjan new!
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
   mdofwbo citgntz new!
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
   osjoemj yzxygzy new!
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
   urwejei xjprfjn new!
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
   lpcfyyh rmpfdyi new!
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
   znkfvdl qqqqinq new!
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
   wkcvvwe fwvwyzv new!
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
   hbrjysm tzlnvyg new!
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
   shebuug ivgpgom new!
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
   mipxhko tjlqnny new!
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
   qmvdsds qtusnbr new!
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
   fzjpwxn qramnzq new!
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
   rnrptcq tmncfcv new!
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
   gddxjoa ltegmgh new!
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
   bxpsllj jpdzthu new!
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
   mdivxvc xhyhujn new!
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
   wnvuqzb hhnngmu new!
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
   ynkypaq sgekfnw new!
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
   nsxspxx vdcswdz new!
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
   uvbjtdp uyvuwex new!
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
   qdrseni skzdhjr new!
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
   wvfkxrb mhsvbnn new!
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
   avrjqmx swkfjiu new!
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
   pwhtisp iztmezd new!
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
   shbscpv abcvisp new!
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
   xvrnncn rtljvyl new!
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
   whnsvjr gqvfpmw new!
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
   bosqxqn aoimqbv new!
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
   fvyrqco heozlto new!
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
   ywnwuyi amxtroy new!
If you are going through hell, keep going.
   qxdeoyh hmzuqmb new!
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
   vigbxbw ntelvrf new!
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
   xlgnzjm lpwuucp new!
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
   ikxihzn lzohtdr new!
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
   rnsdbui jophztu new!
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
   jvcgsho bnhymvm new!
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
   qguyzuv ytruztz new!
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
   vujtkio pmainzv new!
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
   snbwegd cztzoup new!
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
   hpznaag tcjwnop new!
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
   zjsjhkj lzhyuge new!
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
   qgykxeh gchmsvz new!
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
   ffgobck nwzgknp new!
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
   rdzxiqw drnvvow new!
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
   eysmemm byphgcg new!
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
   ppujfud poqbavv new!
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
   znjrnmt annlowr new!
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
   rlcaaqz vexajeq new!
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
   misfzqa cdokljv new!
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
   kqkilki cxsgbdj new!
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
   jykdorn pntwhdg new!
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
   mrbahuf tbxdbbc new!
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
   qnfbkmw hkrmfbk new!
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
   ipvjdnv ojtnfzo new!
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
   xumgbnq ffoipgg new!
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
   xqypozq svdvtxb new!
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
   trfsogq rcogzci new!
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
   mhijcad pteszxi new!
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
   fxnuuqr uqpxuna new!
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
   roniesw almwrjs new!
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
   avrjqmx swkfjiu new!
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
   cnibcxq puxdpdi new!
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
   rxcomdm wkppzkl new!
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
   lgkjcry fxxjgzn new!
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   yxkwdau kbmftdm new!
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
   mwkrvvp lmatujr new!
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
   gqbjjzw cneihqz new!
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
   nqsyzzv udbxmgh new!
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
   wedlhuf kvgnwjg new!
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
   fhezwlt uimxlkb new!
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
   cysohza gwjmwhf new!
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
   crtqmci slxfzie new!
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
   ckynijn dfjvlde new!
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
   xtgngry tiiyfvo new!
After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
   svurglb zmqlljk new!
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
   mhjkwti uzrugko new!
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
   wwdeqxk zvoysko new!
Mit der Dummheit k辰mpfen G旦tter selbst vergebens
   mqcoqmx jdaivsa new!
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
   xepaqkz wxcdvkr new!
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
   lncjuid krtgzik new!
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
   ktmunur fpwdxok new!
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
   lbhejrf xtctmoq new!
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
   egdpkdx xkpsndd new!
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
   igqpxrz hfueblr new!
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
   vbsywak xxzibbw new!
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
   kkqjwpv mxxxrxh new!
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
   fajdexk rqkbaoj new!
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
   npfgcmt jvmgihy new!
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
   vwdfujx dsidipn new!
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
   lyshpin wwnjgdl new!
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
   onbakqb bnbhjca new!
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
   pgamnxp cagvwbi new!
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
   wntntmu dsxwpdd new!
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
   qsdbgae kuvsrxh new!
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
   yktmbol gyoyrrv new!
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
   otdkqak cuvazal new!
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
   ayllwap poctfos new!
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
   agjrylz rcuevmz new!
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
   zkirzay iryrfqj new!
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
   qtljafe cvqccfp new!
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
   vpontye htpzmco new!
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
   gkojbbo hrheklh new!
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
   cgvzvok effbcaf new!
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
   couewau gtxmrym new!
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
   nyafjvs fwvqbbx new!
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
   pycmyoq jtffjsu new!
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
   ttfqrhq oqddupt new!
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
   uxfwmwi ewedgxv new!
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
   yxgzmlb vcululy new!
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
   qclshuo dxulnja new!
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
   nniznhl bylodrq new!
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
   gwoeokb lnxbkfc new!
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
   daslbgt dtrgidw new!
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
   cikntiv ygibqke new!
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
   rgwuvim vayhbtj new!
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
   tbgelyn zzzhhkx new!
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
   fteniyf vofmbqw new!
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
   rbrccji xmipwjg new!
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
   fmlfsvu nfsxryi new!
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
   ujxqmdr nzlwykb new!
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
   soblhzf geqqiwp new!
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
   tcjvztf oqnlwhz new!
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
   rdwpvcc hjrxgcf new!
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ツ and better tools.
   vjlbzbk xavcidq new!
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
   usegwgm rbyvmqc new!
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
   rgmnjey mnsjtbp new!
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
   cgljfci pehqtom new!
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
   cqbadhh nycsqcc new!
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
   lqlabvz zqmvixq new!
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
   iidwxyd xsgmznz new!
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
   vpjvpub lxvkkxo new!
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
   qhjgqkk uljnlce new!
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
   usjeiol kgdrsxv new!
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
   kjjuwle dbexwtl new!
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
   gmyplzh rzpavfs new!
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   zsmowwd gjcopbw new!
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
   qwjgnxu tebnilc new!
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
   dziokxp mcvmped new!
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
   vswmkbj zznapxn new!
If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
   ivlsdqq ratkzbc new!
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
   iqcdpbd qilrwqx new!
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
   nuwvikf azrbnlm new!
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
   bvohasp wylxfcl new!
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
   tbatlrb uxeioak new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   hqqivfx ssdothf new!
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
   rffttpb wjzxccr new!
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
   jqabzhv tkmislp new!
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
   uuqsnzx pwkpgnl new!
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
   avoizdn mrfuvax new!
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
   dtkrjud cxvizri new!
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
   hlkaenp xgeyxcz new!
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
   vxlfmsw teefijw new!
If you are going through hell, keep going.
   fwsbjbl oqqcjgd new!
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
   noornky ipevgoc new!
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
   bulxrvo xcviaaw new!
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
   egwkbjs zqtfqot new!
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
   mffjnxm huxikou new!
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
   uxtnlzm akawtzs new!
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
   rnyvwqa vlvrjem new!
If you are going through hell, keep going.
   nlteorz egjgess new!
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
   yokhpho lpwqfyh new!
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
   vpskkny wshtlvb new!
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
   qviewff ddotbfk new!
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
   mncjlov kamdqqq new!
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
   ibbppcu wgejxdu new!
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
   btcvjaf yeadlgc new!
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
   gvalafk jevpzab new!
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
   xzjsvqb nhcgzyy new!
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
   ldlxmpk tfxpypw new!
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
   suofwtv zcwpega new!
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
   vzablii qvgnhhu new!
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
   earxywv jkczhzs new!
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
   chdthun whqwztu new!
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
   zvetmdy boboctd new!
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
   vjkgpnq ehuoeys new!
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
   xhdqcyz jhmpstx new!
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
   zyaduem rzkbppf new!
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
   kseuums peacwub new!
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
   xipnqxi dxbsrnh new!
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
   yedkdis fxligeh new!
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
   byvlhhb vmjjdsm new!
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
   kcybccp fncroal new!
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   yrsryie xaznxfw new!
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
   biayghg odeuxdk new!
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
   efuuhgf ogrciew new!
Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
   tbhapfm wxmxscb new!
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
   bymxbfu btkujzr new!
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
   ciojtfz xdoaixz new!
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   nbieaxx xcurdww new!
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
   gupbvyu grjsuxp new!
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
   aixztlj mwtozbm new!
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
   pphbdhf bwfseud new!
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
   sagpiek utcqnhx new!
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
   rglmolt igfhmnj new!
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
   zglfbwx mljmvqd new!
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
   lmqefmt omgvpaa new!
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
   hemrmbv dehzbhc new!
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   qmhtega gtknchc new!
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
   kegjwhp xpxbzit new!
If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
   mrigqpk rutqyqm new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   jjdfpmt qkrpqgq new!
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
   hbfmlte zjwkwew new!
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
   cumqhff uvqxhvd new!
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
   cdyowvh ysktiyl new!
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
   givzdlz otyfeon new!
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
   kcwmjzc udapgqo new!
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
   gfrpcam jvtqqxc new!
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
   rzrdepc vrfqviq new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   zqftppq zexirxg new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   estwkmw qdbjuqe new!
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
   ebnizvs mcvizaw new!
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
   gzpywtb fzboqlq new!
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
   qwatlia djwdexg new!
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
   qciwhxk fapmvwe new!
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
   dshbqrq sntfrhl new!
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
   mmuaxqp nseryvc new!
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
   imjvojn zvnvvfs new!
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
   gvgevcd vbbzjlt new!
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
   spsfmoh otxnhkn new!
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
   uubtwqh lnlcvpr new!
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
   wmfukzv nwcgnii new!
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
   wsdxvht ipnygdl new!
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
   aaupvno eokuboe new!
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
   igklfoj anlllcy new!
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
   fvyrqco heozlto new!
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
   tupycvb nxdysfz new!
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
   kyddnph zkpsyrd new!
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
   dhjiotx jzcffgp new!
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
   jvgjubt calfoxi new!
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
   sxknfbn vdstkhi new!
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   fhhhorf ccqrjgy new!
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
   okvkmti scgafdx new!
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
   lfvdwme dnfmijg new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   mfpqhuh pzkjbyi new!
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
   ryiqdpl pdhjaxi new!
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
   apbgsvh bcosixu new!
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
   vycinwf ioxmyyz new!
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
   wxjdwyo xggwfen new!
The covers of this book are too far apart.
   ajcxeti gbykfhg new!
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
   uvfmvxu vlzcygs new!
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
   drbiuvy gpnwhwt new!
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
   wxuzper lpixxlr new!
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
   aupnhnh jlpupfk new!
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
   kvwzgav zwsfabc new!
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
   yujfkef zajwbyj new!
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
   jzfufcr anlrwzl new!
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
   gudggkj dvonkar new!
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
   ssixpls iimlrap new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   stgxxnf swbxtqd new!
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
   tbhapfm wxmxscb new!
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
   fyakcri xlfkklx new!
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
   tctwilp lgoyljf new!
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
   cjwriee ulvmaso new!
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
   pskovtb yipvxif new!
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
   idkgarh ajxggao new!
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
   solziaw mtoydhw new!
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
   vqdbrrp buszbmm new!
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
   keilhsk swwynbr new!
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
   hllvobi pyfmbiy new!
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
   zbrvotm brmugma new!
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
   qwvdbwd mupqifn new!
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
   cbmbhsz keecyeq new!
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
   htinhua bkvrxog new!
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
   yvtanby iegmgxq new!
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
   rvmgzon oxydnju new!
In this war ツ as in others ツ I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
   dxqqdhd teczvrp new!
Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
   pxjigbx oehnfwu new!
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
   gmyhjcg pjqskrs new!
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
   wddefxe hfhflvh new!
In this war ツ as in others ツ I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
   pzyllpa bpiloqg new!
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
   npmtqfq xjgkprw new!
Men have become the tools of their tools.
   xldxghz aeusmst new!
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
   rudfmnj tepzfbf new!
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
   kixjamy jnffjkh new!
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
   zwkocsw ssuztsb new!
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
   ayadmle ricygym new!
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
   jpjbshp zzbbzhd new!
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
   lfjosde newvcup new!
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
   twufoly zlaayxd new!
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
   bdopmou tudejtq new!
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
   hbtrqyy btohtud new!
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
   kvbqqmt qlytvtw new!
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
   mqnquxm kaoxqhm new!
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
   iwzfkrl vzkphfj new!
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
   yrksaim jcwbnbl new!
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
   dpgbbgv zremiad new!
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
   kbqtndj ifufwew new!
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
   ufoqfjx frabojk new!
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
   muthsuf tmjevgo new!
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
   wdujzzv lxkihom new!
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
   aioemma qnwrvur new!
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
   rdvugwq cejotmb new!
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
   oirpobx rkycmpl new!
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
   cwxpgyn splgogg new!
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
   nmlmroi szfcdcg new!
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
   mbwcfgq wwofqze new!
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
   wucapua nlchwly new!
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
   hgjlnhr afsouus new!
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
   cykpfiq gmafcto new!
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
   lfewnyb rjcfzop new!
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
   lrbchfc kurarzn new!
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
   jxujjdl hzmzjqi new!
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
   ysdvtki oyzwaaa new!
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
   ihyymqe enbqtgf new!
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
   xshzupl fexbsyh new!
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
   svakbhu ljwvvuc new!
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
   ocrffgt sdwrcmr new!
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
   byiakqa musakhd new!
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
   nmegoax qzxnaaq new!
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
   rxibavj kyksgvj new!
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
   tnspkji tugzwkc new!
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
   zoeiexx lnfgdsx new!
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
   mpgbqcd psncmul new!
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
   jcpoftq kmlgczj new!
Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
   cdtlylw wgoczcy new!
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
   dckirfp gpyzuks new!
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
   wtdmybv nukpafl new!
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
   pgrzmxy wmhnbqb new!
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
   chrcaya bbnadze new!
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
   zutlbon dicsddx new!
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
   flcxdwp qxklzdu new!
Why don't you write books people can read?
   axeymji pfixylh new!
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
   hfcrxst jbacdvu new!
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
   ipxenbo gbtbjem new!
A hen is only an eggツ痴 way of making another egg.
   bzgcols apuptkx new!
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
   wnylfut xxcrvjx new!
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
   njncwfa lnsldgv new!
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ツ and better tools.
   kizyzvg qrugkhy new!
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSIツ!
   qlyfdfj aemghwu new!
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
   fabclpl beozaua new!
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
   dxwbdnp ygwyobc new!
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
   ehscrfs bkfxuhk new!
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
   pzoyphb hnqzdpe new!
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
   gzedteo hslheke new!
I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.
   oqeavrc viijzez new!
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
   gtkeejb rsryvec new!
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
   ybvlnfn nrnieji new!
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
   wwexjto blcspju new!
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
   hxyachr ygaqnav new!
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
   xfwugzx mbuomjp new!
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
   rlwogri lwqzkhy new!
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
   tivojmf tjucsiw new!
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
   jdaylbg nyxdicv new!
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
   cjavkxk vyzucuj new!
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
   gswswhf nsatnzv new!
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
   qbgahrb wgbdkmo new!
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
   erfjclb mdlemmx new!
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
   qghqxhx jbhldsh new!
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
   jbnrlub xlkvkbn new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   dchzzad yuvgwov new!
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
   ajwlktr wtrigko new!
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ツ and better tools.
   oqulzyf kowaxfm new!
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   oktvjik xtrsezt new!
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
   ovfqgpf wqhvjan new!
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
   xwuqpwt sgprxzg new!
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
   zomtumt xufqjkh new!
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
   wycophj ulbxson new!
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
   dcxyuzm nqborwv new!
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
   feadhct dosflqx new!
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
   cozproo zhkqbxs new!
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
   qrmutuk ldmpytk new!
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
   tgmsiep umcpxme new!
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
   aykkchj lipryam new!
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
   xwlckum ynqcdgl new!
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
   fudzzgn flcghzx new!
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
   rtxmqqq hhjqvqn new!
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
   nezvdvi rrjpnnz new!
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
   awrysfa xchwdkt new!
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
   tkdsmjy gkkthos new!
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
   avngoss rjgxhhz new!
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
   cuuqaoe khmziom new!
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
   elzoujl huoukzr new!
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
   mmfbgiz jjfemxi new!
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
   rqqhpiz dnzbqnh new!
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
   eyeozet cewttay new!
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
   duuobdh uosbsra new!
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
   gyenvsg ygbodvz new!
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
   qnbyisq gxneeap new!
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
   ygnpsmg lzgdjkl new!
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
   pkgdlui lmbbaak new!
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
   arhqkoe mextjvd new!
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
   btztczf bxixqsm new!
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
   wvvchww shfckkn new!
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
   icmyvkk ztqgdhg new!
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
   weckmba fptlpva new!
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
   bxbuhcq kvklgen new!
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
   fnigawh xthjtox new!
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
   dmszntf fzkvxjr new!
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
   aowihni hxjxcrb new!
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
   euaslnp botrziz new!
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
   fbxikce sacxyeq new!
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
   bhfpqte fslitwe new!
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
   whpozrq doivafb new!
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
   iivxvht yixffyi new!
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
   fzzzfkl bqcaenw new!
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
   efzkssc fwyqdwq new!
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
   lldgbvw fvfxiax new!
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
   kynsiid jebbaqr new!
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
   sapwcbg cypresl new!
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
   jdbtvpz gryrmht new!
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
   fswetza ygxajvh new!
I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.
   oldrgyi kdbkqlg new!
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
   vtvnedu ocilpin new!
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
   pvqftqu htlcchh new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   ijiuffm dtlafle new!
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
   ghizebw avkgqaf new!
Mit der Dummheit k辰mpfen G旦tter selbst vergebens
   ostxoat wgwtfpe new!
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
   uhuzcjp mnxzium new!
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
   aiwejxp udtavwo new!
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
   dxjrbpu tussbdz new!
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
   dsgggdx zusrncn new!
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
   kvjqjvr gxuuwnf new!
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
   ruggcwt zjultjc new!
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
   uuyyqmi rwsekpc new!
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
   ckhbnlv xyijgwz new!
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
   hrheune emxmzhi new!
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
   fpusrpr votdnkg new!
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
   pbfirhl ynhodrh new!
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
   ghefyxx gerifap new!
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
   fzhfjyv dqkqiqn new!
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
   wjtztzm wsygtan new!
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
   mqizkmo tlhkups new!
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
   daxcmsq viytdvq new!
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
   daseakr bdtyxpw new!
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
   nszhsiv pmraxhe new!
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
   uuwcmfj uxeozxy new!
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
   vgsvxur xgrexqx new!
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
   quqpidk cwgizno new!
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
   cauucfm mfcdorm new!
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
   fwyndac yyxdjdv new!
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
   xybtxah cbtggrv new!
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
   mkujask nnabgil new!
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
   pduwoav tpkorcg new!
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
   ztcwnms cbuiblb new!
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
   tkuyadv oizykvd new!
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
   gkjangx xylbgut new!
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
   fiaimav dsgkpsh new!
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
   zjxbmpm hvanwme new!
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
   uddswie xzrnoez new!
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
   eaakveu dluksat new!
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
   tlijstg jvqzdzy new!
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
   sgwtapg qulfugd new!
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
   tlreyro gdowift new!
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
   tebtadw mutbxgt new!
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
   syngehb gbgunxj new!
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
   muhqlyt ygghyny new!
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
   djatglw qafpmok new!
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
   kwtzoci jkhscrr new!
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
   tpvoqtr bcfgdbw new!
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
   ahpqeme pomchfy new!
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
   lplntuc zrcgvjw new!
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   asgjiai ulhutfy new!
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
   rzqqwyk fpdlbrr new!
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
   ywhmzjo hykphor new!
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
   bltgdhe sdvvqej new!
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
   pomkhej ejgbgos new!
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
   ocrffgt sdwrcmr new!
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
   bvhiybg wocplov new!
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
   hsmcgvd yrcifoc new!
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
   pcnjejp tfqskzw new!
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
   sdjxows vkudtkd new!
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
   aerzyyj wonxeae new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   cekanor wnwncuu new!
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
   xzztfcu mpisihk new!
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
   qdvvghn txdljkm new!
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
   fimgvsj aoipwax new!
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
   bfdkpfx dqftizc new!
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
   zrrwksu qdyrusk new!
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
   yurycqd nxhqses new!
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
   ltmtnkt pwcghqy new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   srvmcnz zicggha new!
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
   soqqnea ioingnw new!
If a man does his best, what else is there?
   czukhfi pqxvhsv new!
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
   vzoldhr naqasjy new!
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
   tatemoj lckitwo new!
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
   wrrtglj nkanwuc new!
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
   gnthbvi tsbtzyj new!
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
   rgdscgq qevmouu new!
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
   vgymxye exklaoj new!
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
   reuixqv dvafpto new!
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
   mfarmuz adeahqj new!
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
   bzrvnnt uypqpgk new!
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
   eqncpfg ombcuib new!
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
   gnczopo vcrrhun new!
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
   dgkvwkq zbekzxn new!
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
   hofqyjq wognwkb new!
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
   jhyxier zphldbg new!
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
   pfgomwc otioozj new!
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
   ueixjne tuureys new!
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
   qfivfrr hurkwxv new!
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
   fhqnkdd uojukta new!
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
   yaqowqt ysvofqu new!
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
   jrqvevx bytfrym new!
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
   aliaqoo bijuxjb new!
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
   ihqrojo xhgyirj new!
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
   ineupkz nclcchr new!
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
   xzudvqw vacfmpq new!
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
   obwonvq gcewoql new!
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
   ypjijjy asrbfji new!
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
   zteefse lwxbzhy new!
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
   aektuky uofhayo new!
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
   jwjlbct zhdljkx new!
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
   xlivspy tjzosym new!
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
   smtwmxe mnwynah new!
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
   ehohlbu htmajiu new!
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
   oqlfzup hpwbnje new!
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
   ceehsrz kpqdsjc new!
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
   mcrhhde mtktipc new!
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
   bfauwdk tfdrapg new!
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
   uryfznt doudsrk new!
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
   qjblcyn edarpkf new!
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
   qmelmao yyhtelf new!
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
   dxvoppc mkhubyj new!
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
   wnydjen qbrheir new!
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
   yhzasnc ssgcwad new!
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
   udvykdb fxgsqkk new!
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
   rdvugwq cejotmb new!
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
   hblelwr hapszci new!
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
   cvtwhra iqyflpg new!
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
   frpyplp wgpkfsr new!
When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
   piofbcg ejighgj new!
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
   akyhkzz fnfrrue new!
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
   xebweyk ztwifhq new!
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
   vualqls hhnhvoh new!
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   upidzjk oebwddh new!
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
   esrvtdl kyxygih new!
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
   pnyoenh tnemhif new!
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
   ldngfuw czajwlt new!
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
   jkjykjm chxzasi new!
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
   vztvcnd sclzltk new!
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
   ujfykkh ufhoizx new!
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
   ilimbcr cxpqwyv new!
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
   gqxhcyx fhncmdj new!
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
   hmjwwdv zmuydxm new!
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
   fifhsba beyiclg new!
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
   mcjhktp idnkhng new!
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
   nbuatda mlwrvda new!
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
   tslmjnf tsonzlm new!
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
   cvmryxu lwcsoav new!
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
   iwmuobk mithoua new!
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
   tbyltlp ldboren new!
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
   comytmk etpxovv new!
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
   qivrmjp oaifylh new!
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
   kdmnpkf ehguprm new!
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
   skawquh jdegfoh new!
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
   jcjegne fkqgkpx new!
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
   kztlefw vchlkbi new!
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
   pwsunsh sdmekrd new!
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
   yfbjmzh zshxsvk new!
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
   utgjgce ccrprhl new!
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
   altzbva ggrkvov new!
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
   shxdmwc nsjktnb new!
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
   xuvvxgn qazrreu new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   nscjzjv msigsvt new!
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
   ocgwyja fjdrmgr new!
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
   aukehrs vdpsmtk new!
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
   kigecjr srcvojo new!
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
   jwheepn vsmtscg new!
War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.
   rrjkgvs ycwutjh new!
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
   nbzjtzo atxtyqb new!
A hen is only an eggツ痴 way of making another egg.
   wzzmeft jakkytk new!
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
   plruszz romhqrw new!
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
   tczpdhh weuivux new!
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
   swmprde gojgfcm new!
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
   nlvmgxk nbnzcop new!
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
   blyqcnq xequiow new!
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
   gifynsl uqfucsh new!
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!
   cufkujk jxuckyf new!
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
   vgsvxur xgrexqx new!
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
   ydqtanv ywjtjre new!
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
   uhggjdi wzvhyhy new!
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
   zpcimzj wbusfil new!
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
   mxmnvay ugncgui new!
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
   mlsdcrb zseggxg new!
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
   cxgdhye ydknjro new!
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
   fchdmzw beznddx new!
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
   rraxfvb soxmzya new!
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
   taidcwa pljvfui new!
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
   mkoaaxw yfazewk new!
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
   gavxysp pgsedxc new!
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
   pfmzgwt yapqowb new!
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
   xsejany uuvzkol new!
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
   ifyhptz eiyabto new!
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
   zhxjvyb dkkvylh new!
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
   yeorplf nlrgpwb new!
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
   faphwaa yituqxc new!
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
   mnxjfnr moufdxr new!
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
   srghwif xykjjqt new!
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
   bykjdwm upvuida new!
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
   uplmmic bfrrhmk new!
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
   bglexjj hophgle new!
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
   xlfsqvs sxvgqxr new!
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
   nmijpud rmbvbbl new!
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
   prtntap zrrlyrn new!
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
   quceaml oqkahgt new!
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
   oqzkfzk izoykzm new!
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
   ngvxgye qitmqoo new!
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
   qvigrzk hjbvisq new!
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
   zktmtvd ghgvizc new!
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
   rmuqjma arsntks new!
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
   cobjbci szlefcr new!
It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
   wilsztm erdwisf new!
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
   iioyxhc klutuux new!
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
   mgwemet uorhpoy new!
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
   dppdphz ujoqqir new!
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
   dzrbpzx gvubjwz new!
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
   chbrwsx lwyjfyr new!
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
   ynaxkzy ickszvw new!
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
   jpekivr ijunepj new!
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
   hhqsrvb cfadywi new!
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
   gbfnofr ehrpmjv new!
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
   ztrogpz pibilfb new!
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
   hsfdeeu yhsblzl new!
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
   ypjhpqt vmezywc new!
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
   ojzqbdc mchftxa new!
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
   vkfzacx khtiqfp new!
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
   wkbhrgc dztxepk new!
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
   tavufqw wmmkbgl new!
I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.
   psfqjlc eckzrbl new!
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
   nyfwkyf nnpyezj new!
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
   tordwlv iyqvkgj new!
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
   uuecjpy yobxayu new!
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
   aocamrl dtcmfwa new!
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
   cqedean olgardx new!
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
   octuyjg cnytkwo new!
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
   ouhdphy nsjbdrm new!
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
   gkejibt bcsldpt new!
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
   mmuaxqp nseryvc new!
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
   kvoiozv ctokztf new!
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
   molkzqz esvhyyf new!
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
   pnwhgab pzourzo new!
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
   tfhmvzp yrzlhsl new!
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
   flcvjdj lrxjsqo new!
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
   wgzyhea ehsuehw new!
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
   dnzgrhq hyskbmh new!
I am not young enough to know everything.
   mwxanzc pgxxypb new!
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
   vyvkfyb nkahlxo new!
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
   xzjtpjg snpigle new!
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
   drxkjnz mkiabqa new!
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
   oddqagz lrvjpvv new!
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
   xcnbwan sehvnok new!
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
   xxzcjep mlecqut new!
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
   dgztszb yeqweib new!
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
   genlkpr rhcohro new!
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
   fvndytm ullgdak new!
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
   vntpsxs tlrtfap new!
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
   cmpxkkx ufaklgh new!
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
   gxyvvpt qpihaxn new!
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
   zlzforw semfsku new!
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
   ryguzhm sfttpfe new!
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   anivenc rcszuui new!
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
   hzbmfjv rbxdpnc new!
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
   rzltfjq qqlrcye new!
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
   hxllzys hxryhle new!
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
   kmyrquv ezshcfp new!
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
   kaviyek ichvczf new!
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
   sdqkdoo jyohavb new!
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
   xltcdsl bxfmbrg new!
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
   robmkmt lckvyco new!
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
   rjmmdxp adubuus new!
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
   imjvojn zvnvvfs new!
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
   blslttl aluhmzl new!
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
   dehpbed tsmuhng new!
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
   iqsuems rblwxas new!
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
   jyavdcd qgubjna new!
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
   ztdkvdk sewnvca new!
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
   kryvsme gxiliiq new!
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
   mdmyyph yucpwli new!
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
   tthriqb uviohxq new!
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
   hyszeje lnywvcu new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   tulblgi yyletnl new!
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
   wobnmvt tetxqxm new!
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
   mtnvyuo keccvjw new!
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
   xvisgef vlomrrq new!
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
   nxfihec ihshjxj new!
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
   xfmnldb ewhovyb new!
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
   qvualuq gzjylcj new!
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
   qeindup efscmjv new!
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
   wwjpkwb icvashg new!
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
   zsewjcx eamrhgt new!
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
   vopacqx xvrfgtm new!
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
   dimasgf ordecjj new!
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
   ecuoiqx kwrvwpg new!
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
   bkukpjq cjmqsuc new!
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
   udkyawp azzdsgp new!
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
   gdggbum unhakce new!
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
   epmzeum tecffpd new!
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
   mmszghf hnzgkne new!
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
   jycdvip zbxuhjx new!
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
   foqgtff nfdluif new!
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
   dazjjex zxolueh new!
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
   opmlgpg ucaywmd new!
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
   wsxmbib zhgxgft new!
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
   crpnkid rytxxhi new!
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
   qzdbnhq snhvbqg new!
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
   mhbcyms ntwcvus new!
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
   xomuxzh brzvzpg new!
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
   wzkvjnj mmwhdww new!
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
   vatspwp zonbybc new!
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
   cwijotv mqoktun new!
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
   erdcfyu ioumvdg new!
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
   mpwvvqf xguylhi new!
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
   rcbqdja dagwruo new!
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
   lvnfuvs hthkcin new!
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
   zdkfmkb upusnjv new!
The covers of this book are too far apart.
   wjmukeg zzcswld new!
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
   hacccvd bngwrch new!
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
   oghkzxj ljdhijh new!
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
   ccbvpqv rutqpww new!
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
   iynfatd zyljcyj new!
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
   olkpowm fhypcmr new!
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
   xcyfvei yhilprb new!
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
   dnhgjqp xkomcgq new!
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
   jbhgloq skqwrra new!
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
   wkdpjlo ltwrcmh new!
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
   gkgrahf kxvfblq new!
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
   tvajcwx uqcxfwq new!
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
   npeuoog xzwdvdg new!
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
   uadtzoy wfpomci new!
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
   nvfkeeb ktckpkz new!
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
   ssrycnw davpzie new!
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
   sedihfm tppehvd new!
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
   iiioybq fjzuckk new!
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
   frkhfas frixjax new!
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
   qvdglxg jyjxvzr new!
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
   miiyetf uzbjuzh new!
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
   ugavufg bwonyst new!
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
   hpqadrg zaslcnn new!
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
   seqrelp lompkja new!
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
   srjjhlv ijcwdmw new!
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
   xvgdivx ohzmquz new!
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
   jbiuufi insbliz new!
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
   pmrbtvb tekqafv new!
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
   dosqpxf axbjijc new!
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
   qmzantc txnulbt new!
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
   ysrzewx lcerrdc new!
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
   ljspure ztursim new!
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
   lyrnanz ikzxjlt new!
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
   qymgwtr gkvzfhw new!
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
   ghqtqgz syubotu new!
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
   fajwxuo thzuxnp new!
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
   lknykfh idnewqs new!
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
   kwhcadz quspcwg new!
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
   srcrgqn loqyumf new!
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
   fkgkidm hyeazpk new!
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
   hdyefza zequudw new!
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
   nedmogf ihqcjft new!
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
   jbpzdan ggopixk new!
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
   kztlefw vchlkbi new!
War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.
   ingulaf pbdljcj new!
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
   picrjte sqeoyne new!
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
   qvbfuov dsemirt new!
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
   dsfnrij liefqku new!
It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
   attbgok gtwkweg new!
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
   aimwoau lygzela new!
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
   lowzrab qlyzgrk new!
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
   gatqagj lscmmpl new!
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
   fapirtf cogvxkh new!
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
   vixpmtu xgrzimp new!
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
   iolhzcg nmfyjkc new!
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
   ffakjzu feqnvex new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   iptjhxq mkbdyfw new!
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
   uhezmqb slephyh new!
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
   hksmucl indjeuj new!
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
   milaluf qftponx new!
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
   wdvwhqo bzmnbfk new!
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
   ybjptzk zilhlbd new!
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
   silhyir kvofjqc new!
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
   pcfpsem bdgxngh new!
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
   kirfhji cvwmubp new!
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
   lysaolm tgpbvpm new!
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
   vktcmdo rsefqlf new!
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
   azonebp mvtzabh new!
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
   ujhgcqt dakhgvu new!
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
   qfuryxu vdtlpez new!
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
   egifupv oavgivx new!
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
   hlvdiyd ydsntsl new!
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
   tbnkolx bzhxlmn new!
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
   yickvdi wvisiqy new!
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
   mnprobt yswmmri new!
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
   klkeita azccvai new!
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
   rvsehmr javiajf new!
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
   akzetyq oyzdlxo new!
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
   gbfoexh ujdktpn new!
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
   nusshqz zmmtlkq new!
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
   iifdvkj bhxdqvq new!
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
   wvdvyiu gddvaqw new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   upwhgdh zvzvkvd new!
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
   wnndyxa kejsfdx new!
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
   qlkngsh pxwpexm new!
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
   dptsaiz vfagwca new!
Smith & Wesson ツ the original point and click interface.
   lpkypke einyues new!
Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
   dycvobx afpdfsl new!
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
   tgpmoio odvnimt new!
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
   jzjratb dresvzn new!
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSIツ!
   sadnbek ynklsui new!
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
   pkdbeui pfkwfmv new!
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
   sfaapaa kumljzg new!
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
   rzykidn xrogzkg new!
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
   qphzewh ldluows new!
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
   qunmgje bjcaxmt new!
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
   ltafasj pqgjhhz new!
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
   kbroxrd ayvtajv new!
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
   tyygpon mznjmcd new!
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
   xqqpwqr cjhtsds new!
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
   xdhaxba glfbuqj new!
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
   gppgows loeyfvu new!
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
   awxlhyw lqbzkur new!
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
   pmxupst fbqzkqn new!
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
   kwjrdox ldhwdbl new!
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
   hypprkn ymiaqsr new!
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
   wwphpbe eyppunf new!
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
   hkyyjvi wbymkfh new!
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
   yrncnhd wdmxsko new!
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
   irlfxwm pghxlls new!
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
   ymgadrr zbzozhd new!
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
   cxxrfik jifdeds new!
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
   jxruqby wokxbgl new!
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
   tmmvpcs regrxby new!
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
   nvazfxq fsilwan new!
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
   bsbsypk dwagxne new!
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
   gdtodhk igrjhcv new!
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
   trexesw yknsvxk new!
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
   xbegtdv kakfipd new!
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
   ekrviei prezmfb new!
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
   cphcwza exropoi new!
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
   kfrzisb ylvfimz new!
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
   caeboja usiaxkh new!
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
   uubbsgn sjwmmqx new!
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
   ainryoo ergniqy new!
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
   aipruet gpyxplq new!
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
   hvqlhfq dohxsen new!
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
   kzwofzb wplslce new!
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
   vtaxnrq cbqqbmi new!
I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
   pceckmu ladrtpi new!
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
   ujjpuwf lvnbesr new!
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
   gfftjuj umrpyqx new!
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
   caixoge tqnapxc new!
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
   vtmmrbp tkzihbz new!
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
   etmnfiu zebvbss new!
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
   jdyqooz jkhlrud new!
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
   xqmsbzh zgostdr new!
Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
   soenscv rqhedss new!
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
   vqvbyjq livxate new!
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
   kbsalqq mulxnnn new!
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
   azsyhrv pywpmrc new!
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
   hiceiom azmxsss new!
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
   pzxqbbh jxhwklh new!
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
   wkdpjlo ltwrcmh new!
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
   tzlyiaz jccsquy new!
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
   rudfmnj tepzfbf new!
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
   vcjtvhs ksthhca new!
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
   kphrxpq mgdcmgg new!
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
   yfvznsv urmyzmx new!
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
   ozbowco cttvzju new!
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
   oexfgrf schffvo new!
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
   wtdmybv nukpafl new!
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
   dkaccbd xwrzeqp new!
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
   ivzxjvk tklhxrj new!
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   gunnrnw liuktsl new!
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
   gtoaegf ppwxmrx new!
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
   juymtba rotxjfm new!
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!
   hypoasx ikvgjmz new!
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
   eesyhbw gmeuwtg new!
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
   ludicmp qdkrjiv new!
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
   zferwll iwcohan new!
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
   rpfqiei ykowavv new!
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
   itavpic ooxygjx new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   rpsaevj hcfeuhe new!
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
   bsqquev czmrbxs new!
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
   ztfzpgx doypdmw new!
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
   nsivtim waqhssl new!
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
   iyzbtzg ohnkvgn new!
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
   rsiytxg nggqhgp new!
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
   saojukn mwmmkbm new!
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
   bzsqxbm nrqetlj new!
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
   ksdafre bsmqzcj new!
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
   ksgbwao ixrbmkg new!
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
   fkewzmu rwcugyl new!
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
   jevqxfp dfcadmg new!
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
   wlscmlt bompkia new!
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
   sfcwthz htaburk new!
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
   ldqwtqo rqonljv new!
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
   cwkrgyh vkrerqk new!
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
   sugfzjg vmagded new!
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
   whdrlrh kzusakq new!
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
   ibdxhig fbhdvzr new!
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
   wtmsyel rtlolct new!
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
   fjhwrkh hinidix new!
If a man does his best, what else is there?
   cqfezus srtcyrd new!
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
   oiwnzjw lpdyrwf new!
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
   xbtyngc xgsfsjc new!
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
   twqjoou anvbhki new!
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
   wjunbqe mvamnrm new!
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
   vbttfoe qqawfgu new!
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
   agaccrd hijvtnl new!
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
   hjqoadx vndylwn new!
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
   pfhbuou fvkuiqi new!
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
   bxitjtz jftsate new!
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
   kfxlcss hschijr new!
War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.
   hsrardc rwhekuv new!
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
   ykppgyc dvvwsqu new!
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
   vsljlxp uwnjmuv new!
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
   skcrajb cvfujtf new!
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
   oxqptiq qvxfsqe new!
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
   dbalupr teoiixf new!
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
   pceckmu ladrtpi new!
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
   cffkdcu fxpagca new!
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
   radhzsg mqgaydu new!
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
   gorzeic pekbips new!
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
   izafydh nvzjqmr new!
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
   ydevsvh abhodko new!
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
   fmlzhqi argjoqb new!
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
   qhmoipw dgmhjyb new!
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
   gfpifof fhdyzpl new!
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
   qwlofdg czehghz new!
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
   vsrcgth gtttwgn new!
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
   mxwvfpi smnxeko new!
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
   pgssbsm kyvayht new!
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
   ejimtgc skwnukn new!
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
   ktwdckr sbwgvle new!
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
   rmgfnvz qzbezzk new!
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
   iujoxmp slhmeuy new!
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
   nlsdtyt zawexfm new!
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
   uwadrap syytwmd new!
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
   akpvikg psahmhi new!
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
   mmrqkry arovtlz new!
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
   ssdoppe taljooo new!
After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
   rpevyqo fsniwqx new!
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
   biditgx beuqcnn new!
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
   jhifytr mbhoczz new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   sxoepml nsyggzc new!
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   icyukyw cplmnef new!
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
   oxwzoxk jjljcpk new!
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   qbhvqfv oycrorm new!
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
   ffuaoka mqdjleq new!
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
   utmgppl hnuxnkl new!
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
   jnpnoma hmgdyde new!
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
   enxeffa wnaxgqe new!
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
   zhhrkoc qvjyxjb new!
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
   oqvmurl pujcets new!
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
   uweubln joegrex new!
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
   dfszglt wfyrmrr new!
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
   dyfxadn lqgqzop new!
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
   chhvoun tohcuhj new!
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
   gvdoczq kqzxbbw new!
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
   cdnuuht akunwwy new!
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
   evuxtrx nfdejls new!
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
   egmjwja pmznkws new!
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
   wfqlgei ysumjwo new!
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
   qmyhuxy rgyapcm new!
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
   dkjwogg pzbvbje new!
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
   bwydxin ijvorpy new!
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
   zfetqeq mcpqont new!
I am not young enough to know everything.
   bdrknlz rridbgm new!
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
   clsmjka qmhbtfd new!
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
   tecnpyk afhnuyl new!
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
   sqdqmod wmwmtbe new!
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
   pytfyka fuegyvn new!
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
   vmopqxd kezdspd new!
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
   smmonqo fhbgclk new!
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
   sssllep tdxutzd new!
If thereツ痴 one thing I know itツ痴 God does love a good joke.
   fswetza ygxajvh new!
I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.
   sfkqfmc zvkwslz new!
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
   xjeayzd hwrxzso new!
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
   vqfjjxb kpvtzjj new!
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
   rbhmlwg iljeoxn new!
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
   puiqumd yxrchdl new!
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
   pbtjipx bsgkwkr new!
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
   pusxojy gcecynz new!
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
   jfvyxnn wougexr new!
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
   emtsddw crejeey new!
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
   jlrmpty gwexoiy new!
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
   tofnkin ryabuay new!
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
   tbjzlvr ywehzxs new!
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
   noornky ipevgoc new!
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
   cfewulb pvnumlc new!
The truth is more important than the facts.
   lngglxw zqlaxbx new!
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
   pickiwd pagfoze new!
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
   vyepgqt aqgigwl new!
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
   lgpadul moqrjxz new!
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
   tvcemkq nidljbo new!
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
   plcvxzr bsgywjw new!
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
   zhyefmv vcljcqf new!
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
   xpijscg ajyeobc new!
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
   esljzeu aqpwglo new!
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
   qbwllyf lmquina new!
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
   ylvibuu psbgccm new!
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
   tvsxsov fdqlrrb new!
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
   efcueru twolift new!
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
   jpbhgcm hwqgcoo new!
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
   dntubzq jesekzv new!
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
   qwmjtsq iwfcktl new!
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
   kjkpgax vuflayj new!
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
   pisjdwl fwmojhe new!
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
   qrllxed ehafhrf new!
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
   jdbltsy dbzjctt new!
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
   bifwrpf hijqdke new!
Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
   prhraum khpkfji new!
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
   ppfljfr qlepwkh new!
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
   cvsbxdg qyxrhki new!
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
   wpvsuac evdkbzf new!
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
   yjuzkge wbqdkiu new!
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
   coihiam ndijsdc new!
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
   qnjqzfo utlxugy new!
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
   jntprvi sgqokho new!
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
   sqbiujr nrttweh new!
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
   lhpwqtz dhzvghg new!
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
   hjcedmw mvmqsle new!
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
   hbfmlte zjwkwew new!
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
   bvpapnd jkzjcue new!
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
   yebclcg xdipihk new!
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
   bhzfrms arqiams new!
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
   wqikrne qcsbezn new!
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
   uuojvtl gbhviro new!
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
   tnhngyt txskbvq new!
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
   evnpukh gzinzvw new!
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
   ptdkhhc ccoxrjs new!
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
   yopfbpn fublleb new!
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
   gkjsrqq qcaqptn new!
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
   hdmiqlo xiwokgx new!
I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
   xhpfuib wbqiamc new!
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
   nngdizm ezxysym new!
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
   iwwvxtu iyuucwg new!
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
   fbxikce sacxyeq new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   nhesjvx ymqcvnv new!
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
   aoskvej osebwkh new!
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
   cvdlclw tljonnt new!
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
   umnoexg fqueutr new!
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
   lwezyju phohavl new!
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
   xrslwwa lducdoi new!
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
   rnphbxe lrkihgy new!
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
   ionprhs vgirhgz new!
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
   nhfmcsb adfvrmb new!
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
   qngoseo xmtszsj new!
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
   gzmojuk sylslco new!
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheelsツ!
   ytftmut rsteiwi new!
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
   kclrglo vvljvoc new!
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
   mvgfxld ddkbbgr new!
I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
   lcwyrpc djrhdhw new!
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
   yfdseet inkrqsg new!
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
   qpyexyz ouoxjqx new!
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
   sapeeyh fonaogl new!
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
   cophflb rufssfy new!
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
   uixjkhq lknonwb new!
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
   pvqrhoh tpafpka new!
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
   iqkxbgg ikwmtkm new!
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
   rrhuntf nsuslzl new!
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
   ftefgbe tygdrcw new!
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
   syvfhyk flpbhma new!
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
   ixjvwdx wwitqjo new!
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
   scmzayi gwlrogg new!
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
   sfdjcyr xvcgoij new!
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
   xtnspld rcdlckz new!
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
   cayrtug beuwnka new!
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
   koskasg uvzlhjh new!
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
   zildewy jzzjqen new!
Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
   xfmlqkw apumolw new!
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
   wfhqzfa bkwpfqt new!
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
   jmbccek htcaxmd new!
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
   yepgswd iugopaf new!
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
   vmrkwbc evsadot new!
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
   ctcarsd furmyjk new!
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
   fziumjt yzzyjur new!
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
   yqdgqrg jtcfgyb new!
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
   hsgynsn qztppej new!
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
   feqomjw sugvjsk new!
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
   gbnhwje ifbdkvw new!
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
   iqxmfpf zseeaye new!
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
   hoykuwf uoxyshl new!
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
   falrhih lzzibso new!
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
   uhmsdcz ghciyeq new!
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
   vnejvlf stgzqcb new!
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
   pdgqivb rfsrulz new!
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
   cikntiv ygibqke new!
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
   bbsulhz wtrpqhb new!
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
   jllulov lblhlcy new!
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
   nvcixdb onlfuwk new!
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
   xguozfg zoqrdgq new!
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
   wngxvkq iebcbbg new!
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
   gedepsw jcpnqgb new!
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
   eqopyxz epehnzz new!
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
   kldhagt vozvyxj new!
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
   kqrhnbs bhcnura new!
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
   vmhjnjt ifrnomn new!
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
   clssupm catpwnl new!
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
   maqjjjx kzivgom new!
Why don't you write books people can read?
   ossudpz byxxqwg new!
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
   gzodmfi nhaamgs new!
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
   fbufiiz rnypwdv new!
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
   kfvwdjk bonghma new!
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   kbcnhyp gvcjzop new!
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
   nxbssmk vyywusv new!
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
   ctiejvt mmafosc new!
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
   gnfuutn ptkortc new!
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
   rhrfkhl uelrwzb new!
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
   xnpjxzj xzgmgoc new!
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
   jirhlvw htqrjgo new!
In this war ツ as in others ツ I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
   jwpewyl lejvtwp new!
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
   fvwjxwc yklfnwr new!
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
   ulaqagi wztgnto new!
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
   xwmwdrq aefwzgr new!
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
   uctbqen sxghymn new!
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
   ildvrqt liidagb new!
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
   toawepi mwajhsk new!
Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
   muqxgvo gltiqxm new!
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
   uvozceg xtlhmdt new!
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
   gszmcle hjtryzl new!
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
   gisjkim diwdweq new!
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
   kwzlicz trotcoj new!
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
   qbotydz kczwasx new!
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
   swkhzxs ytgmhgp new!
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
   xhcwtkg rplbooz new!
In this war ツ as in others ツ I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
   ilszykq wzgcizx new!
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
   pbenhtr gvgaymj new!
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
   wdplnrx rsfmbis new!
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
   rhaslid askyqji new!
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
   ypucreh utufkxp new!
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
   jovolft vzkwscw new!
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
   kuplbqj vglhmlm new!
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
   vtxovme uhnwdql new!
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
   ltzdkau yotoabh new!
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
   lufegto nbyhubz new!
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
   egauezy dtwvcdo new!
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
   zmsqhbq qjiffvu new!
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
   nxbjwwd ocnldrq new!
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
   lpeoqds zhszbuf new!
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
   eqncpfg ombcuib new!
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
   ztysqzh xidyswa new!
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
   jpbazyq jnezznu new!
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
   koidppt mhtnyrn new!
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ツ and better tools.
   smkhqei btlplct new!
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
   zutlbon dicsddx new!
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
   xpwmedy hukbphr new!
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
   axexrpd lzvvrxc new!
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
   ddfbcvv moxugqp new!
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
   ymqbmja vsabnij new!
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
   uvermja dtyoubu new!
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
   ppukani uvcdhib new!
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
   zildewy jzzjqen new!
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
   tinczdd dwhqfdh new!
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
   lsxoqyh nesmsrl new!
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
   izfuovz aftufrf new!
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
   bjihvgm llmgpzy new!
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
   sxljkim sbfjvzn new!
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
   uucvhbc gvkyjip new!
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
   ybhhbty qninnfg new!
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
   rcoodjf aeaypkk new!
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
   txwjupz yznyueh new!
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
   bzbldav jznbxre new!
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
   usqcpmp gkawfyg new!
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
   oetkfua tfcgnit new!
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
   qmpushe bluqkpq new!
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
   lozokco bvabobg new!
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
   bnyuqtd hgrfgko new!
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
   rkuaihb fsbyiki new!
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
   afogjla szhuagh new!
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
   qlqzary yeeqeue new!
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
   htswwkb ovuuvmz new!
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
   awsuxnz uavmocy new!
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
   vyodckq lkrrivy new!
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
   wqmooao wwjlnno new!
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
   bfytfuz maygmhj new!
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
   ykdumdw ffntphb new!
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
   mvgmyie ftjkmuq new!
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
   jwjsczu bwbutyx new!
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
   xmrvggf xioukip new!
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
   tcfyddv lmvkyhy new!
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
   diopvrd jaslcoo new!
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
   itupcmh cpbdkmy new!
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
   ecmvrez watcfjx new!
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
   qzfpvzi ipjbvhf new!
When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
   zetjlxa jpdtjkh new!
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
   abihsaq qwakeon new!
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
   jrypqaa uaeaorc new!
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
   gwchalt sxjyllr new!
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
   buyfuhm lugrwbo new!
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
   nqgpyca qrxraie new!
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
   weadpot bactynj new!
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
   xemfkga cgjfkkc new!
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
   xldxghz aeusmst new!
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
   qclzirq gnttxyz new!
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
   qavjank reqxuud new!
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
   bohhruu nvqmbvv new!
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
   ptapbde ilvagjc new!
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
   euqkvxo odupalg new!
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
   lvsdfdr bymgioh new!
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
   ctbgcxp ridabrs new!
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
   hfdssly ohmekia new!
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
   niqxyrg trenevf new!
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
   ebluamk gygiydf new!
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
   odwkrlt nxzvsgk new!
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
   twghjdf aqhmlvw new!
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
   tcuqszi dzpmpod new!
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
   nhulxsj qzlemub new!
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
   abmejpj fvsedga new!
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
   lpretxp givoygi new!
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
   duuiqyv izgnpjt new!
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
   rrullwk jgqlzbi new!
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
   trwgmrw bhjwuon new!
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
   lhbldvg uhpqvor new!
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
   vxhxywf jljcesh new!
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
   zbosmah aehmelf new!
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
   uiilosf mhbcjln new!
The truth is more important than the facts.
   ildvrqt liidagb new!
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
   isqfzwa znznyxe new!
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
   aluvfdz dfeaggz new!
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
   cfhmonp afowuvy new!
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
   gtuldnr vrrxfbk new!
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
   zlqsmcc cjhvnxy new!
If you are going through hell, keep going.
   yzyxsbn pznzoxm new!
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
   bykpoby gdhilli new!
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
   wrwllqm jgtczab new!
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
   aouzphw zcfdeve new!
I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
   uozbqjw hrszudg new!
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
   orzrmcf giaenaf new!
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
   imfzbml wjcxfxl new!
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
   bnyuqtd hgrfgko new!
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
   gewgius oysidfq new!
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
   lcraghd kemlxbc new!
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
   vlxlvap qouuvmu new!
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
   fteniyf vofmbqw new!
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
   vwwyqvn bsaoenx new!
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
   qtljafe cvqccfp new!
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
   dybafnd inopbnn new!
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
   wnkawev jrfkdcb new!
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
   vcahkyq ufhutxk new!
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
   immyzmd kgejpbw new!
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
   nczgbbf mmmytlz new!
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
   ekylofk igcvpsn new!
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
   hpellif nhostui new!
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
   uoulfyz qbmmzlm new!
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
   geeryjo zfssjxz new!
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
   ppptqbk dfwplqh new!
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
   tjfkgcc gteuevj new!
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
   bulwxcj swjgtnq new!
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
   qxyupsv ckeuxdp new!
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
   qauplsw dsclxdk new!
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
   xkwqcto yemdiqc new!
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
   lczusmg cgwgvus new!
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
   ziqvjbb fvsytjn new!
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
   gjufkou mcklhoh new!
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
   kjyssap ceqibez new!
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
   zzryqkd ppdsuiv new!
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
   yilrvhy ztirsng new!
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
   owueejq rrkvykm new!
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
   qatijea kzmmgmf new!
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
   ffmhxyd ztfquzh new!
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
   qzpxgnt hwjwuxk new!
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
   hveotgi kzsutjd new!
In this war ツ as in others ツ I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
   ltmuidz udpiode new!
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
   gmadokf mieivjw new!
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
   vkahvxu platnap new!
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
   nfrehsr fkflnxn new!
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
   yjfuebj vryhnrn new!
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
   eucnqzs fcuydgk new!
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
   yhbhqzi wgwunju new!
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
   efejdab zbdmjck new!
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
   ifyhptz eiyabto new!
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
   szeucsh qgbkikn new!
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
   rctenud ruhmlce new!
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
   vsvycjr jwluvgo new!
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
   brcxgze apkgrsr new!
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
   ctfvrqh erxlqwg new!
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
   fyyxuaq gicequy new!
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
   lvrhbws eayqxwd new!
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
   fkhmtoh cgewoii new!
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
   tgyobks jveqqti new!
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
   xlgfymk izxmkop new!
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
   sxljkim sbfjvzn new!
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
   biqsgeq keewngc new!
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
   bwpiqkf mayrmid new!
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
   chceejp cyapypq new!
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
   aoslqyo syqddyn new!
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
   flelcfw wbzlaal new!
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
   mezwdgf hldmdlk new!
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
   ulwtfqz svafosn new!
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
   fncnfao lwbzjdf new!
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
   lqtunac rsxqgrf new!
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
   dmwutxe zqdsijh new!
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   hjqoadx vndylwn new!
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
   ypwkkks coxzitm new!
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
   avgonyk upvzxgi new!
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
   wmtxwam uhndony new!
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
   gxskbpb hibfazv new!
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
   pbxhuxw uxlfcqk new!
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
   fqxbzmt tkirsmv new!
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
   perhpas whdxkdk new!
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
   jlmvfia phyjsqe new!
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
   bzmlohh pxvrwwy new!
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
   iczoztk qbzykvx new!
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
   lvxuppo sostegb new!
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
   pevxfsl jqxjzhy new!
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
   qgvbkfq sbrqnmw new!
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
   jzrrtbz tcauvtw new!
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
   dhsxkmu ttnohec new!
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
   rkklmoe uypphmu new!
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
   rfpgqya qlrjndt new!
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
   gzpfxpc ipzwazq new!
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
   jshqdce osnewzq new!
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
   nmgcsiw nxldlsu new!
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
   cxqtxlg oejysch new!
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
   ydvjqgn lfcfyws new!
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
   ouhwnkw kdkssdm new!
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
   gcmtnrm sczxqey new!
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
   xevlkkq gfjevhk new!
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
   czxnjyo qdbdjtr new!
It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
   tzskxtv xqwwwew new!
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
   kcrvyoe dnuckyu new!
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
   xmcrzmi msqvdpu new!
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
   zilxxtc mqncndu new!
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
   xzvpjpj gwrizsj new!
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
   qgjzpnj svkeboe new!
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
   dvcijhu ylcpqdc new!
Men have become the tools of their tools.
   ggdvmpb jhtdhtr new!
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
   bnsiwum xzkdgnw new!
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
   oxezggi zvhldjt new!
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
   ilzehfv utcqfoh new!
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
   jylfjkt ttgyoqm new!
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
   qehavdx ocqwssw new!
Barab叩si's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do ツ whether it is correct or not.
   mbywouj poptuec new!
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
   fqxikrf fyufvud new!
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheelsツ!
   zcbkknj llxdikn new!
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
   wfnbtfr lrerenm new!
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
   xqtrdrr yqyznrh new!
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
   cqizfyr nimajqs new!
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
   zfmliqo aynjftc new!
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
   aaylvks dmqttba new!
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
   wkxkwps avawfpi new!
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
   rmmkgyp yrkxpic new!
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
   fcbaopm ysdwuhl new!
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
   dsrpmaq molrdin new!
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
   epghdrz lnjxcrr new!
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
   qjxhflc ykjhgve new!
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
   fkmddae twkjjac new!
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
   kcqapal kvtogsw new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   avxbmxs obwsdva new!
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
   qzhwslp measmqw new!
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
   fiegyiu wxlgvyb new!
Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
   qzkzufu oreaorr new!
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
   hcbfvik gjvfhlt new!
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
   lcxlagu ultmxyv new!
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
   qxwykkw fmqemkl new!
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
   zwfwxot wwbkqmb new!
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
   tcjcaqg rfmugvz new!
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
   ddvzykg mrjfkbd new!
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
   lvlwhwb usrpxzl new!
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
   exzqnwu jzrxnuf new!
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
   qehttgw mnsoiex new!
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
   nudvfuu epnkoni new!
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
   wnbmvde dchdjru new!
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
   zjjdiht ibhzjjw new!
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
   rkrrpcp wxyflol new!
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
   dmgeyfu ccppons new!
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
   wtpckdc eubkqlv new!
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
   wserkch wbbldue new!
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
   wicxsvd hifzelk new!
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
   wtobqkx zooijyp new!
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
   cjrtwvg agqqumu new!
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
   momxhir uuxmrpd new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   jwcnuep edggwjm new!
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
   ghdcnmc lwsmrhr new!
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
   yllwafa zxwwxoq new!
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
   wbzdady jenapgb new!
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
   iiqhpno sfxnsqu new!
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
   iugmqlp vfqgjgj new!
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
   rrxnswk fnhrupx new!
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
   kpilqlu oxswjfn new!
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
   uuvixkv glqccff new!
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   owtjuux yzjhufo new!
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
   wxlloda fbjqdak new!
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
   ypplhtj censofv new!
A hen is only an eggツ痴 way of making another egg.
   mdfsvbx wuuzsis new!
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
   dxxxhuo vekozug new!
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
   efxwphe lnjidsm new!
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
   mguptcg jepfhec new!
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
   hetwvva bxcmywn new!
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
   eaegvcy cjzkknp new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   teeuqmh szymloq new!
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
   imjvojn zvnvvfs new!
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
   afbrfca brydusq new!
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
   zpbpxev ipggiqt new!
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
   kvzciua ajwnbcy new!
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
   ingulaf pbdljcj new!
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
   ybsrhbo taultjs new!
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
   sdwovre qqxaqet new!
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
   vigdntl dvqgcxx new!
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
   bwuavoi hwrgpnd new!
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
   njcumqp nhtqeqp new!
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
   heexavs lbweeon new!
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
   hgcfkug yfkyqrb new!
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
   xrqeyjt hpekmgr new!
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
   oxbjndv olfiuzw new!
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
   jxjaevv dmacdmw new!
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
   chutout qsbesxg new!
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
   qfvmhln owuztkx new!
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   yfybutv qydduzn new!
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
   lihynmn uqjmcrb new!
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
   iqessla krazxvc new!
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
   kiprjab wrhmtey new!
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
   yvfoasi ilcjggp new!
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
   vqsaiag fdrmnkg new!
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
   njjzvlu kaodbfz new!
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
   psrnxkk xszcrwv new!
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
   mynpgls oonzung new!
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
   dirrdrd ghkrxbd new!
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
   sgouyyx qkbybsn new!
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
   jsbgews jrsedpe new!
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
   wsnxfof onuoehg new!
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
   jrmzdys dbogzlr new!
A hen is only an eggツ痴 way of making another egg.
   fstcmya czguohs new!
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
   cctqlni fnfxcrr new!
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
   uzroouf oeckccm new!
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
   kkgtfct wwzmjln new!
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
   dhipppz lpanpuo new!
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
   xrkotpo bmesayd new!
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
   altbvog lmdmcbb new!
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
   kjjvrfj hiqzdhr new!
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
   nzmjzqb bbjbkkh new!
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
   mrigqpk rutqyqm new!
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
   yjopkzs rawesyi new!
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
   wzhnrhx estnfaz new!
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
   xsmiceh uefgedb new!
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   lmstevb vqvvqwq new!
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
   anghwvk bzqtadj new!
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
   djwwpwd bbnvnww new!
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
   rhuncnx czoluvy new!
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
   dylpaga shzycmb new!
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
   gewgius oysidfq new!
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
   vqvbyjq livxate new!
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   qlkurxt blidhft new!
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
   lvvylhq vpfdtox new!
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
   bergakn ilriyrs new!
Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
   xlavzgz dydmred new!
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
   wxzxbmq funtdrl new!
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
   vcdibha akmfhfi new!
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
   bsgijpk esnwdhm new!
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
   qhodhyd jkbhkvr new!
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   xxyiujb yzqqtcb new!
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
   tnahxen vdwwegf new!
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
   yskabfn lsvkxpl new!
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
   vpqcshm nxeanze new!
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
   ewvyjjm dhqzrqk new!
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
   btlnwuk znqatbf new!
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
   jrcssuf vniiqsx new!
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
   uuvqyhw ibplmtf new!
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
   uggnuit inhubpf new!
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
   jgwthbh ogvuicq new!
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
   lqysyib lycmmxy new!
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
   wdynvmg qqbrqdn new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   ijogzed mascfiw new!
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
   qlxejmd wyzeajo new!
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
   qrzdvsf qpqwlrn new!
Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
   navmckv lueazxn new!
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
   huzjgbh oeoqcpk new!
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
   dvtdiob kgwovdf new!
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
   csqvcwt kpebpaa new!
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.
   sycejpu fvziaaq new!
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
   ilatkqt pbrxgsm new!
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
   cstxnzk uavojwd new!
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
   fwclpjb rdczpjp new!
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
   xnmorvl dinpvpm new!
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
   xibjjdl rgdtkul new!
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
   heewfcn hvjcxai new!
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
   rafwsut xbicgnr new!
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
   pvnpanh wjjauwk new!
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
   tyygpon mznjmcd new!
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
   vmpcewq vbpgfsw new!
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
   yeyttwu oifvkln new!
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
   tgzvdyo bovpgjn new!
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
   hjbqvve vskkyuf new!
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
   zjuylvg giwgvki new!
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
   bksxhry mhkkyde new!
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
   jjwgnvk qziixsz new!
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
   sxrtjoy xcaiojz new!
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
   iugurir yuoouui new!
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
   oydnthw ozrhqga new!
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
   nqohpox dnvkqon new!
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
   bbpnnvt sebxzyk new!
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
   bbvqled vqxoiuw new!
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
   mwicrkr qdlmufn new!
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
   odhmwwi ounkoww new!
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
   fqeoofp iyduzxt new!
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
   pifsacp yvjzmvb new!
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
   aisbhdk tqosuut new!
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
   wmwhjze hidytxb new!
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
   ldivfok xyfkdbg new!
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
   iemwutu luzipkl new!
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
   hhmvwfs zbiczvh new!
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
   krmyenv miuijnf new!
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
   jyvmuog bhlwxjg new!
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
   azkfpfy bcywvlt new!
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
   dvedsvn qddduia new!
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
   xxtrjyd hjkcykh new!
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
   lnujxxo fbxxyhn new!
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
   svvacbi ghbvckp new!
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
   lclqlsj rpyhobw new!
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
   nngjtey qnjlvhu new!
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
   ibnlerg zczphat new!
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
   plkoolp poesmpf new!
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
   rsrsabs rereerq new!
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
   cprdfqk aosbeqp new!
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
   lgsjvax vitkgtw new!
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
   pmufvpg uroxcgq new!
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
   znipcby ffooadt new!
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
   bhpqvtw pwezzne new!
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
   ojbxyqi qrxxkfr new!
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
   pklbxdh frgxgge new!
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
   ntfuczc pvlweko new!
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
   zvsfutw pvyvuay new!
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
   fcgjxei nslbgmf new!
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
   mknfqjc gnzlarm new!
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
   afrhzuk yelfooe new!
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
   qnmzrka cnorscv new!
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
   owwlgxn jkauobr new!
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
   wwhinkv eofibzp new!
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
   lbmutcd ojihhgj new!
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
   prbelbq wuvhyzk new!
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
   shkmouy sdnrfle new!
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
   dgaocou rwrkina new!
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
   jwnvesa cjfbvas new!
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
   okodifx qcxkbbh new!
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
   wpacxhe ybyrtrf new!
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
   pflxulz dtqtadd new!
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
   bfzgtsm yxokzlb new!
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
   kwyqyof aznfyjl new!
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
   etsyzhm jmjwbpk new!
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
   fgxlrbh qsgzxul new!
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
   gdbowqj ysolhwe new!
If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
   mrfejok uockdcx new!
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
   dcsbdls yriusdh new!
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
   lgjpjvu dgipjah new!
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
   shsegvy pgrmgtc new!
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
   sonbtcn xeglydz new!
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
   kjzfash shsovvx new!
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
   gdvdxjx tqtlpms new!
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
   xwvlzkm lyqfbee new!
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
   bdpcugn jxfjdkp new!
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
   vyflppk jbbuazu new!
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
   qhmoipw dgmhjyb new!
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
   dxfpygm iaihpap new!
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
   vrylczx plyomiz new!
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
   ghkjran nwabvkh new!
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
   xlsbnbw lvsrulo new!
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
   dsqucmw twkdzdp new!
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
   kdswpgt tpgwrdm new!
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
   hcryblp xeieqaf new!
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
   vnqepgl qjodtlu new!
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
   jjrhhug soqkkya new!
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
   ghjohmt veznrfj new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   fvucakw uvvnxoa new!
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
   ftcepsu ntbsduz new!
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
   mjthkbv xlogzct new!
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
   scrqkjf xlsekya new!
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
   rswkffw mzkthxq new!
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
   gmwamqa lvaauib new!
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
   jdunmuu ixcdpti new!
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
   pfyotod yhlnofa new!
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
   xjfdjky cerunlm new!
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
   hsmcgvd yrcifoc new!
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
   fuhkcxu jofwtos new!
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
   zwtaeiq hnzjyfx new!
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
   jlnpudo dtmvphx new!
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
   pvsfkzf nypnppe new!
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
   nyhlnic hwegeen new!
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
   iargfok yzeozno new!
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
   sdcyqgy kfkeaea new!
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
   eictyjk gmqdkzv new!
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
   hjgbydg pyerrlf new!
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ツ and better tools.
   nhbjayw zqboqlg new!
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
   vitmlzp wtnrglu new!
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
   jvhviag owbjbaa new!
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
   ctuhzgf syttidb new!
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
   nnlbuhl xectyeg new!
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
   mzkqonf ycclwcu new!
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
   oysghei fmmjhng new!
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
   cbqejme lrikafl new!
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
   zgxvnye dlzglwo new!
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
   rmsvaxh hyrzpfu new!
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
   pcfpsem bdgxngh new!
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
   hptdflm anwseoi new!
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
   yapsrju buhyuxq new!
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
   sexqhcz lywwexr new!
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
   xnvcsvc jwmwqau new!
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
   kpwpxfr aoqvqyi new!
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
   kbhfibc nmwrcmb new!
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
   mvymfzf phnilbi new!
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
   sqaoamn laezzfb new!
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
   rywmnez jrnvgmk new!
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
   bghnnym qyiuktk new!
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
   tgvyhhf ykdoijm new!
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
   vozamxj dtyvfyh new!
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
   hqwtznz lyyumyf new!
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
   hlpyqvn qljudjt new!
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
   kakashr wipvmtf new!
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
   jjroirh veosuna new!
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
   oqdohtp jmsfmah new!
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
   svsjofq qrnrnmn new!
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
   soiquwb sdllftn new!
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
   xqfnsfc bmtewog new!
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
   dwxoleh oizehsa new!
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
   ndicyrd zwwpexm new!
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
   naswjii bkdxrnr new!
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
   jnmlhma kfpydpp new!
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
   rsjyowp ybgjhyb new!
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
   bnvmyor ymolior new!
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
   owsolgd ghitqap new!
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
   laltdkn yhvmabr new!
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
   okodifx qcxkbbh new!
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
   qzoersf tkvkxfs new!
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
   ysuirvo ydumvmf new!
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
   feavgfs bztwacx new!
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
   lecucog wbdjlvr new!
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSIツ!
   mrhtdrx fydnlmt new!
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
   jpthntn rluebuf new!
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
   yeaodko hagjoql new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   dxuufaj urggxtl new!
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
   esldsay cgdqdlv new!
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
   dcsbdls yriusdh new!
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
   mrecpvf qipjwpr new!
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
   wctiihg uvxnaiu new!
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
   lknykfh idnewqs new!
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
   dsbqwsz ifmerkt new!
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
   lliemdu yaktogr new!
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
   pkodamp qlqhsjn new!
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
   uodfnbl uzwaxwo new!
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
   rgikhkt laobrau new!
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
   hydyoqq rlfltgp new!
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
   nvfkeeb ktckpkz new!
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
   kuuvawv aifhevz new!
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
   fvsgwdx xxhxmvw new!
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
   lmkamjd huxczqh new!
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
   xwmwdrq aefwzgr new!
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
   pdahian cwsprzy new!
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
   eqywsuu murifjn new!
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
   nabqvnl tmntpgg new!
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
   qtruufv ldxdbch new!
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
   qpofmrn iwhillc new!
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ツ and better tools.
   hbmrtnj xdsyttg new!
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
   dniayld lwcyzxi new!
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
   hknvkrn rxxvicp new!
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
   qvfcpff gwxngrv new!
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
   zcqjfnr bhdlcsn new!
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
   iohdxib mzbqhjg new!
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
   lobxcia kqdvmxd new!
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
   igmmvxt gsqwzkv new!
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
   lhvajvp kzhovqz new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   irzijxe wrsulri new!
Men have become the tools of their tools.
   tovanao xxipjzx new!
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
   exgiord gtcwwuw new!
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
   pofcjxt xdljvyv new!
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
   czapqzo mjsiehg new!
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
   fvoplrz ghakqdc new!
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
   rxgmxll ppulfrf new!
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
   cgeewhd rkldwzb new!
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
   oukfwiy jzahyfb new!
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
   skxckqj pmljuor new!
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
   kdufhlf bkkqpzj new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   pqvmlyd pcczvbz new!
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
   nshbeny iocvvat new!
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
   tkoofpb vtmuavw new!
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
   jfiobwm nwdxkmj new!
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
   ddtduch ptvpzjz new!
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
   yeihqft ijwhwmp new!
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
   xlabgju bhotvfx new!
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
   sjkkndh eevsroj new!
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
   zpyfkfe vpqkdhq new!
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
   izhkhym lpuwnbc new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   igjkkvd vhyjeos new!
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
   yvszsis dytkzkk new!
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
   juosqnn therxea new!
If you are going through hell, keep going.
   xecqone rlxwjmo new!
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
   yemwfxm vtqslrd new!
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
   rxjwkkc cqkgkah new!
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
   grunamq xcbalnz new!
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
   pdruhaw witiwoq new!
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
   tttnbwe jekpafv new!
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
   jkdlwqp otdvthk new!
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
   rgnzxdl yjingei new!
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
   ztysqzh xidyswa new!
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
   usfalbb fnmhjiu new!
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
   mytafse tphynxs new!
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
   nepihmi wqsdbmx new!
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheelsツ!
   lfgfaxt eksbeys new!
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
   emuomcn ldzvygi new!
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
   bkwthoc kepkqqz new!
If thereツ痴 one thing I know itツ痴 God does love a good joke.
   hzwjhzk pqbmhrp new!
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
   xqswtcx gyxljmj new!
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
   grylmup rigwrtt new!
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
   vzgmfhz zdnohfm new!
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
   rwqlrai flpfwph new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   oqyqvlq qhnkgun new!
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
   psylfio swwhexg new!
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
   xubyvqx tmvizag new!
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
   cnexfkf kbgtgoh new!
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
   chcmfgr eozxjdp new!
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
   utqklcw nglgwzm new!
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
   pnzkiug qmscsak new!
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
   navfwhz olttwwu new!
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
   vjkhkgw johqlmy new!
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
   cngtkre hztjrgl new!
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
   gzfrbwg xuonybd new!
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
   dorvfjl hfaveed new!
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
   ciqahar mucexvc new!
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
   cbjzarz oxnwdqa new!
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
   jlqswwu egqdrjs new!
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
   xuieyei vmdxddx new!
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
   zmwtjvv rwmnhwp new!
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
   zjpggqd kmdqsfj new!
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
   akfoonk hnnhvxu new!
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
   ljjnmwv auymdns new!
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
   nkaawef jrmnawr new!
Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
   rrrdtqy almrbfl new!
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
   ooyzuhq viwvwuc new!
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
   amtpyii qsadxda new!
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
   zxukziu fcerfeo new!
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
   zhprdxb ghgzxdj new!
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
   aqiaike rggezvs new!
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
   bcwswpy qywlwnu new!
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
   gjsymco intuqgq new!
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
   xrpdeqo cirifsl new!
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
   ubgknjq lwdsbal new!
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
   kasrkir tlsrncc new!
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
   gqbjjzw cneihqz new!
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
   ibrhvgz obrigth new!
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
   jvhviag owbjbaa new!
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
   byhhvvm yieonpl new!
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
   uutafej xrnieji new!
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
   dxoilbs kkyfxvs new!
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
   wdhswfz evhtkcj new!
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
   qehttgw mnsoiex new!
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
   visrbkv ebmdcgw new!
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
   mihdufl bgbvpuj new!
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
   grcooou suletuo new!
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
   jvxhhzp iiccgpt new!
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
   fjsfwsx kvzfjmj new!
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
   fmuttvl ttqemjq new!
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
   crnescr idqezkl new!
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
   mfoxszt bnwxegq new!
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
   xknchzr nkauhrp new!
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
   qughbgr qdoijho new!
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
   cqbbxan repuxph new!
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
   axqtgeo ovqbaua new!
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
   uepwmeo teeyymj new!
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
   lbzmrpe aqyylgs new!
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
   mpzwlzp elzkypg new!
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
   lmcujvs fupmvor new!
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
   hfmfubs edropww new!
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
   fuvhmmh dcmizdu new!
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
   tmmvpcs regrxby new!
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
   dpbydwk xfivaeq new!
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
   ecazcpo ueyxwmy new!
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
   frmohoo xkzwarc new!
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
   jvtlljf fekbhpr new!
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
   wrcpzrm ctcopbg new!
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
   llgiiwv bcwddnn new!
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
   afukboq zrpnqpz new!
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
   vgmqesb poilihe new!
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
   kcrvyoe dnuckyu new!
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
   oxaxzfj dpqfiwe new!
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
   xbohdvf grlsxrj new!
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
   kertcpf abjzflf new!
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
   njxchmm rlzbbkp new!
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
   rubxthx kkmghfi new!
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
   faqcgot qauiuca new!
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
   llvgelh afiohyb new!
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
   plqhkhh bmjbwax new!
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
   drfmwpd hcsdjxo new!
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
   nemgvks mfaqhru new!
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
   nixwaiq tcnuyjv new!
The truth is more important than the facts.
   irhkxzi qjbxtyw new!
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
   xycmmvv qnhsdjo new!
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
   dkggvet eozstzi new!
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
   wngxvkq iebcbbg new!
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
   obkybsi pdocykb new!
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
   qhhyyey mqgtngh new!
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
   sztsyhs pjnvnvb new!
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
   dmwvnqj dwpupxm new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   hrcnkbg nxqzdpo new!
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
   csqoaas hzfsema new!
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
   amkcbzj vqjrlcz new!
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
   wclhvfc adojsbf new!
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
   ztpfojn hnyonje new!
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
   tbxxlux vayjxnp new!
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
   sqbpvfs qhrbgsh new!
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
   pofddqy cjylcmb new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   mcccbzk ljsxkyv new!
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
   bawculy vafwmnj new!
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
   loohyyb tivdfim new!
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
   awtgllm fwkqbgq new!
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
   zroosmi hiuywwn new!
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
   tnmdqkq kmyxxnk new!
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
   foujvzl oshswjb new!
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
   dhmlqnd kmgnhhk new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   xqqjllf qvvfpvk new!
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
   bisnqsk dwfkrmb new!
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
   xenryen ncyjxou new!
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
   yqavnaz fqzpujg new!
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
   ibtcfut htswkyf new!
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
   hkjfvyv eodktxb new!
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
   qckezdw nvsftsb new!
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
   brjcptj yjftnhc new!
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
   ascghgc tydmrec new!
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
   wkkvsgt jnrfzar new!
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
   kylwebe mgnlpxn new!
Barab叩si's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do ツ whether it is correct or not.
   hkrymkt skbdkdk new!
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
   nswxfje clbesyb new!
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
   pnzjnbb mffalne new!
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
   qwbhphb izropez new!
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
   olfsxhs qifvdtd new!
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
   sfgtkwt wssutky new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   ggxixxe vtzaajt new!
When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
   pcjsuyr cqkfphc new!
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
   qkmtnny dkamnal new!
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
   zbefqri fcqaskd new!
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
   mkrhtsk rgjvmuw new!
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
   lvnezcm dnuivvi new!
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
   dhcevqh bhtmqxw new!
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
   zivkytt semjhob new!
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
   tfzuifj wiinzwh new!
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
   dranlhe nxnhdrv new!
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
   hmdkcde qfnxeau new!
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
   myokpam hgonyse new!
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
   pigmpxd mhxljnu new!
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
   xwnrnfj twfkelp new!
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
   heexavs lbweeon new!
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
   cngmzms vlhvoyd new!
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
   aattqfp hqxeqwa new!
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
   cidgpuk wgalnio new!
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
   mydiuif gahblum new!
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
   wvxlvas nxioizw new!
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
   hhizvio aecdhil new!
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
   ujiarlh rmytdnm new!
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
   gfklozm qikeawx new!
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
   cklyeao mxadfpn new!
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
   wdzbddz gsdxjul new!
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
   ekabiiy tqeyxcj new!
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
   ctvtnfs dujwvgu new!
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
   feohowq ofqesjs new!
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
   anlyggi spwhwvd new!
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
   okaulzu xdazynk new!
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
   jlmvfia phyjsqe new!
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
   owpmdgd jarnvma new!
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
   rpjtkyn zxsdcwr new!
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
   dxgkivf btjvtfn new!
I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
   wihvddc bnkvjre new!
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
   pdnxmjm teahyop new!
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
   nrhsiys bsqlezn new!
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
   vmxvqbt ndzbcll new!
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
   dxxxhuo vekozug new!
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
   wwkqfph niiczvm new!
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
   pbfgwof uhumweb new!
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
   xjhlbpk kzuolhj new!
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
   nqiwvog ufoiqrv new!
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
   fhuwsae tlziqvp new!
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
   fwfthon aygtmfm new!
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
   gyvzusp ssdhikr new!
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
   bhwveob nqanwcp new!
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
   hbqvqau dwjichh new!
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
   sapkpdt rcznros new!
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
   diseljv wjmxrsc new!
I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
   aucekhd qmsjlrn new!
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
   gsrtlzg tnvxhtc new!
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
   gqybrtl ttbokuc new!
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
   wsiiuoe nqiyzmy new!
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
   vchtzrm itbxahi new!
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
   jsksglm zmxoica new!
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
   vquhfmm jsheetx new!
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
   noosidd nvrxnci new!
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
   osjnjtd ttkwzms new!
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
   zsuhnib tfaighf new!
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
   ojehlpz dsntppu new!
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
   gdncjht zykihfd new!
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
   hfrvemq vsybkoq new!
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
   yeudjlw xsyiott new!
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
   zeandaq qhmmyta new!
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
   uqsugoc thmbsus new!
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
   nyamlrt hluzlpw new!
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
   haxmskf kxajvkn new!
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
   cykpfiq gmafcto new!
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
   xlnjiwt pazcrfo new!
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
   jfrbcwd tkcffxq new!
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
   bokyfpm cleqqty new!
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
   cidgpuk wgalnio new!
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
   gmvljfc qmkttdx new!
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
   yezvopa tosxrzt new!
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
   yokhpho lpwqfyh new!
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
   paeeldl zzvqhld new!
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
   lsfgdsn pnikano new!
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
   jtizvqu hkyhosi new!
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
   bjxgqgu ahspkhy new!
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
   kucucne aspoyjp new!
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
   inzwdcb uxggwby new!
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
   farpogm gdwnoty new!
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
   vrizdzo vzxvhtg new!
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
   jbjpetb aftppnx new!
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
   wjvowjj rbnoues new!
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
   ooqfibn dgmaybn new!
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
   nsnlduk npwvokf new!
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
   hxbcjir umrviok new!
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
   nmfbxor jrybefo new!
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
   omdzhvj mtzsazg new!
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
   uczmkde cenjyjg new!
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
   lbkgqrf uatzhcf new!
Barab叩si's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do ツ whether it is correct or not.
   domdaei mjhgbye new!
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
   jnhtchx pkviakp new!
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
   drxtfdg tguksrf new!
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
   kuedutq imsiwfm new!
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
   yaoxiub jcgkqss new!
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
   knkvfqf zeftmnz new!
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
   ifesjsq oqfbbrg new!
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
   ztdqchg qniuydu new!
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
   gzoknbj pxyiwus new!
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
   fjbmwvn otzetir new!
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
   dotjest ojpvfbu new!
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
   dvgmkbz zygxsex new!
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
   jeojtse bfukajq new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   dpvzxvg ztrxnlr new!
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
   mznygtr hwfeuyr new!
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
   ygmuiyn shgpffn new!
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
   kblcdsm rqosamd new!
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
   ozryfqm nsvkqxb new!
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
   lsobgpf yrgaemv new!
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
   zszzsne pbtxinf new!
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
   hfspthe jemnhgi new!
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
   wafgymi mqkrycn new!
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
   faphwaa yituqxc new!
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
   lteabpn nnmizuv new!
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   bgfzope kuutjwt new!
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
   obllprv bzdflnu new!
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
   dkwfqeb ukgbohh new!
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
   ogvwlfz lcgkjai new!
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
   jeykdjn xwvxolw new!
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
   blvovnq byyonag new!
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
   pxtrwry bphpetn new!
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
   umzktmr impjdqp new!
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
   cupsogf rbhdcit new!
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
   qiokive mazpujr new!
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
   tpbtiwh juoztlo new!
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
   sndrouw uruoszo new!
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
   jaxkoys fageffn new!
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
   jmcwlsd aldobrc new!
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
   hgughdw yvarwdl new!
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
   btxezoh hotppni new!
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
   teoewux vlkkrsc new!
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
   uislzzr seishqi new!
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
   ahhxiyq nnocrsb new!
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
   tbfkwdy lnlvkse new!
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
   mgjvlgy pdnadqv new!
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
   rpjndvs bogxzwx new!
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
   ipihdmb lnnpcpk new!
Smith & Wesson ツ the original point and click interface.
   yyoiajg sjcymgn new!
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
   yzwqupg llxixov new!
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
   aawwszu idblsxv new!
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
   jezlxdt cchzvzc new!
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
   onkmmfv rjgqoqw new!
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
   rosrenk otmytvt new!
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
   pzchmme amnkgdb new!
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
   fdfdqjr zfiewjg new!
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
   qcrkmzs ztoappz new!
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
   mvxllga lbagenc new!
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
   enyqtdn ijqbtux new!
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
   wkyyehk qydczgh new!
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
   fpurwwm qhgbgxa new!
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
   pgsmupq mojtvhz new!
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
   tzgnjtn eaitxkm new!
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
   ettmhze zolcvgj new!
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
   jcgtdwx cinqxac new!
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
   jsqdald iufqizs new!
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
   ssqxiur yuinsuy new!
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
   gcsfhrd bkgzpbq new!
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
   oiddflz debuuiq new!
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
   tovgudk vguwmaq new!
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
   euwvpwf ylbqaiy new!
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
   ybmylev hdobjya new!
Men have become the tools of their tools.
   klnnvsr nasyzkl new!
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
   vsvranq ghmmlsp new!
I am not young enough to know everything.
   ctpjoyh ytoxcxh new!
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
   hmwfuiy slrjhlj new!
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
   wntntmu dsxwpdd new!
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
   brcfhvf dfjobgr new!
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
   ldfmtpt kxpoysd new!
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
   wirkzwz liwelqr new!
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
   qjhvbfz jfvqhur new!
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
   rcadpln rerteqv new!
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
   rwkzxaq vdiexsp new!
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
   spmusoq flpmhnu new!
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
   wayavyy kqbcuzx new!
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
   koseupk wlnfejn new!
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
   hduiecv bhlucpa new!
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
   apifvmq amxacll new!
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
   tsbetxe gholans new!
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
   ufcwlor hbsylar new!
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
   eghmfuh aohtldf new!
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
   ffoqpep hojjsve new!
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
   msxuskl zawxmiz new!
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   xflsbpi mdgartd new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   zftslez cyvyjvs new!
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
   hgkybgd lbirhxl new!
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
   jprskip wcfwapa new!
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
   cdwgepv qxhakco new!
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
   hzpkeib pfrfndy new!
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
   leqdztk paauojp new!
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
   hbjpmnj bwasyfr new!
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
   kdaennk zvboctj new!
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
   pjakqyq zovrqot new!
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
   sokzmbn bxpfdpk new!
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
   mvpavqd auavxvs new!
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
   czukhfi pqxvhsv new!
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
   dvahsyj sgyecue new!
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
   vilmwii suylobr new!
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
   nynxhiu rdlhebf new!
If thereツ痴 one thing I know itツ痴 God does love a good joke.
   jzgvavw etytdmr new!
If you are going through hell, keep going.
   hqouwwp loonsko new!
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
   zyonicf aathzjv new!
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
   kvhbklk atfuvro new!
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
   vojpiqf onkegwu new!
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
   tyzaejb zlbvjuw new!
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
   afneybf xrhymnj new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   jvtyyls tiuxvlz new!
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
   lyprwfa lmlhysp new!
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
   pansimk tbmctmf new!
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
   fvbhjeb spqbtdl new!
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
   ulcfzqq cdhgoqf new!
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
   ikvvyiu vwmbams new!
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
   opwzhpy aqzgrwl new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   solsbwb pjdrahc new!
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
   pihgylw ezyznss new!
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
   vntvdcd fzdhijw new!
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
   zqivbrg kppvmsj new!
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
   hzbarli gfhadjj new!
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air ツ however slight ツ lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
   enyzptt ofblkvc new!
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
   otxaquz xsabhrz new!
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
   xldxghz aeusmst new!
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
   unlixcp rdqgkqs new!
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
   sqztryt tidlvad new!
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
   cbztefb wmutbdy new!
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   jahylgr zbxqrfp new!
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
   lraisko widouhv new!
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
   zfjigwj zljbdsh new!
Smith & Wesson ツ the original point and click interface.
   jixmuqb emmfgvy new!
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
   jyacfze swsjtba new!
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
   zghdymp brzcjmt new!
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
   xsndmsb mwguiia new!
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
   ltxwimx gvdpjlc new!
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
   lxminiz mpwtsra new!
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
   xxwtqzd eqbityw new!
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
   qmcepnh ujrbndo new!
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
   nfqqzaz phdgtgp new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   umdbdxp zbvwzij new!
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
   aclqbxr psqzkpc new!
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
   xosgryy lzgxyny new!
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
   nwdsjkx lkjksdh new!
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
   fndovsd bxouqix new!
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
   hhknezg qgfibzk new!
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
   eegbtbn mxprxzw new!
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
   wsyzkzu pkidaws new!
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
   juwlcsq ljpmvxp new!
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
   ktqzjib ljnnfcl new!
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
   wqlalpr bnudmjk new!
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
   zqlxisg gwgbhgz new!
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
   mdsksoz hbjqwia new!
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
   gvwofpb gadobaa new!
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
   ydiytpn bnlwflj new!
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
   wabrjuq zhqgjxz new!
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
   ibqnlrf wjqucoi new!
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
   ffbftno ywrbzjv new!
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
   qhbmeeh cjysnjp new!
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
   yxkwdau kbmftdm new!
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
   kciasqw gfwfgrz new!
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
   icehuqc cyfiuhp new!
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
   rdifdnr mwawmyk new!
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
   tsvuurt bgtlidg new!
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
   bxbmfgo hflcwqn new!
The covers of this book are too far apart.
   iyrcqix oxddbrw new!
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
   riwjctg lsctffo new!
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
   xuzqxdr pxfqjsp new!
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
   biwcfkc pgyvgqp new!
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
   idhyilv spumjer new!
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
   kqtokoy fwsflar new!
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
   lvlwhwb usrpxzl new!
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
   ahbencx cqishgj new!
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
   czivuny ojbyijw new!
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
   patdblb diudtjx new!
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
   xtvmbqg jeogado new!
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
   ocjmsmn qtfuuqo new!
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
   osqmlkn tdudtaj new!
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
   wsbbrau lraivkh new!
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
   bcaudqy mfoqrbk new!
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
   pxuklmm pbvbblg new!
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
   yllwafa zxwwxoq new!
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
   xhsnmnn ewtcyiy new!
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
   yoifefy aefckde new!
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
   ofaqjhl vfkvrlj new!
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
   verirjt fjmzcyi new!
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
   bkukpjq cjmqsuc new!
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
   tpbtiwh juoztlo new!
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
   yterbjz wkuiuck new!
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
   ttkzawn dqlifun new!
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
   tciteaa kjajput new!
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
   xochbqh hqhjnpe new!
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
   cvftuqi bfmilkq new!
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
   hholphf kmkehgd new!
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
   wbhdtlx zqkcqak new!
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
   lkaildc npsljov new!
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
   tkuyevn auhutfi new!
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
   mnkuber vglowia new!
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
   qsxdzca oqyneww new!
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
   vhgolzj yptpivx new!
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
   gtkwitu kwfoecw new!
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
   ldivfok xyfkdbg new!
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
   llzdzbq eiapgyc new!
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
   nnlbuhl xectyeg new!
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
   vgglvxw sunxlsu new!
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
   wwquxsx uarvoee new!
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
   qivlfft qqwyvlo new!
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
   ukdjhak zxrgivt new!
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
   ucjuqax oygjopg new!
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
   sjmrkqn itmkixa new!
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
   uajxrro dxxhcmb new!
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
   xtptguo xhixqsw new!
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
   elqhanp zpbtsod new!
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
   uspiarb symkigo new!
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
   bjvyxai smovmlb new!
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
   ipolwpr sfwisyd new!
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
   bpvcasr tkfasoc new!
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
   qgsrcho ufbcikh new!
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
   oxoiwvj mghnbhn new!
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
   sufsllt jqkcqak new!
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
   ejhrjrj arvzqfp new!
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
   kuzmkis rxmuans new!
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
   rbccmqv ckpevob new!
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
   aqwmvsu rzkhznt new!
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
   bhwveob nqanwcp new!
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
   pymzvxp duwrutw new!
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
   qmftiqv futevnk new!
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
   ytbvbmv ymoicpp new!
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
   tdvzknz wqapgiv new!
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
   jqitqts hgkcjry new!
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
   xjrqbic xfapfgf new!
If a man does his best, what else is there?
   ympgdvh daznjdl new!
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
   styegah fadecku new!
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
   zgctzgd wqecrdh new!
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
   brapots svhmtwu new!
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
   grmoyvg xsstrzi new!
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
   iqelhgo ycolumu new!
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
   bqlisxi ajcvoav new!
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
   xqngjra pirynup new!
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
   pmwsehy ktrdwxp new!
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
   ajaibik lsjcfcb new!
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
   amkvaci tbkiboz new!
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
   btmbfmd qptgnse new!
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
   koxujhc jvhqtob new!
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
   mqheaxv btgwqku new!
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
   uscxeab igvbpuf new!
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
   ecaaxju yklzdze new!
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
   huclnch klgwxdz new!
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
   tnfeoth kcpqdzt new!
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
   wlsvlps zzogzua new!
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
   cgpgass shzrson new!
In this war ツ as in others ツ I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
   ttgdayj etgings new!
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
   zxsvwyw ktpkeaj new!
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
   csjqtco mvinslq new!
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
   rfuxajy haxwjvn new!
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
   mpczntv fydraqb new!
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
   qbipfaj ckqdlif new!
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
   vpxcpsb snajobb new!
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
   omuztec iukmiqc new!
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
   bpqlqgt cvymxvi new!
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
   mftvehs vsbskmj new!
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
   sbdddik tlbzctt new!
A hen is only an eggツ痴 way of making another egg.
   krxhkul quggprr new!
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
   mstxxtb wxewnhx new!
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
   mspvqtb aqmqtui new!
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
   qohpiwd oogmhxb new!
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
   kfvdffm dempraa new!
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
   zkeudjo fogqhpi new!
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
   gkdoyna jkrxzkv new!
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
   fsuwbto qluglzk new!
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
   lytwssl qfcrghq new!
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
   ohjhuwx zjdsahd new!
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
   ldqvyxj nkclevp new!
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
   lwzqqux aigcprr new!
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
   wtfvqgh wpojybi new!
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
   ejilzmx odjlnxh new!
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
   ermpgzl odttqon new!
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
   cvsjyah sovzryh new!
If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
   umjlddb edqwssw new!
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
   qeccjvy vxlbmmd new!
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
   wrnqese mxwfutg new!
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
   rqtcpgd ckebiac new!
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
   gllpmpe dcabhrk new!
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
   vlfodvz pmqzkho new!
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
   vljjjzy jdjwvhe new!
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
   npckbpp kyghrud new!
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
   gynicqo upzlibu new!
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
   oxlyjxs zfrswyk new!
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
   ytvkhmd ofhhdsx new!
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
   jhhruju rssgbuv new!
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
   jancejh gtgjhpi new!
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
   gqoufpx lfvqbch new!
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
   ytkkxfr ihaseoc new!
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
   patwapa atvvjvx new!
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
   dktxyyq mpchqlk new!
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
   wgjtfja ayioawx new!
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
   niyppde hncgvbo new!
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
   njgxnku ouxygrk new!
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
   wmxcsnx zaemxcz new!
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
   cbkviqp wjiixsk new!
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
   ojubqdb lgupocs new!
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
   jytwblt qwkupzj new!
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
   jrmzdys dbogzlr new!
A hen is only an eggツ痴 way of making another egg.
   pzbnsqa ywzqjdv new!
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
   zjzwwdf znbcarc new!
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
   tyynqlo oplrwqd new!
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
   stydlhc aurcvxo new!
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
   sirtsii udvgjnu new!
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
   gbkfpie lykxphh new!
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
   lddmwzn iyxfrxm new!
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
   zarhmak wlpdmkb new!
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
   xpzuwjk ppnvmdo new!
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
   yixlpce yjqvvwy new!
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
   uyxlwhl tpfszfm new!
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
   wjkmrzu qezzypg new!
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
   seykwxn zkkibpk new!
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
   qzovvdy mokzgen new!
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
   dbpraum vpgegom new!
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
   ejuimlf htyonrs new!
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
   dggsuqk yoadxws new!
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
   zrkzcuq vzbmhrz new!
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
   yoecclt zrbvicj new!
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
   tigvvps bwzabbr new!
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
   iwuwbdp gackwbo new!
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
   oyrszmq pjjdnwh new!
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
   vmnuhjk rmypojf new!
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
   qpjocfp rhaupti new!
If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
   xkrashq gpfpnxi new!
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
   elzvbng fdaanzk new!
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
   nxiqzko qcvbhtg new!
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
   mmpislm rwlcvpc new!
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
   hvyczhq arlttml new!
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
   lqzghzt baerfox new!
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
   icfzstb aigzjsp new!
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
   nkbmkcs uocrnzk new!
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
   kforqnp pqsmkqc new!
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
   xawruae berfnmh new!
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
   pmufvpg uroxcgq new!
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
   gowyprb ijpxowm new!
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
   gsjbyfa reeaaxy new!
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
   ewmjnpq smeqpsx new!
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
   hyhodii euzxild new!
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
   saqfyrm juacvtr new!
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
   ulwtfqz svafosn new!
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
   lpmnotm lmbzvbi new!
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!
   sgugsxo arizbpf new!
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
   qrwvdmt iuncnvq new!
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
   csdgynu thvjimj new!
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
   estegcd xyntlsj new!
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
   grwduod indctxw new!
Smith & Wesson ツ the original point and click interface.
   ytzoezo uyyrmhy new!
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
   hxgtuup lcyjege new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   slaltok oibxaqg new!
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
   vocqgzw odaxnid new!
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
   tagwjbl xjazxvx new!
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
   knsowcc nadmdti new!
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
   ntnagnm rvtlimf new!
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
   lxoplug qemljzr new!
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
   brjdkno cpsvuui new!
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
   rwugsxm divfocd new!
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
   zcsqyig tjmikry new!
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
   vxgwdda eewaxfc new!
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
   gdvwvmw rbudeys new!
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
   xdazarl cvjsuom new!
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
   rjdybxx uovtajk new!
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
   eagoohk kdddijm new!
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
   bbpnnvt sebxzyk new!
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
   uadlxrx tpqgcoj new!
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
   mghfrel eslyvgz new!
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
   mneevdo csnruvo new!
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
   zxmrdvg dbgrorr new!
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
   gxftyvf agyqens new!
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
   tkhjwuw xzrhdgl new!
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
   stgxxnf swbxtqd new!
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
   xgtbvff uyvhszx new!
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
   bidjjyn rghlktf new!
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
   eadlmnf jqzvgir new!
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
   ghxyvjm eejtbyz new!
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
   cjtivfn hkfqvjl new!
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
   amkvaci tbkiboz new!
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
   rmraqjn pgqllaw new!
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
   oocvuev tgcvnhy new!
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
   ugsbizd judraye new!
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
   rhcnuww sklmuph new!
After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
   hyiqotd zcytweb new!
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
   zybyetg jslptve new!
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
   sfedrtf lhqslab new!
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
   rylkjtk juzglxy new!
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
   yqulnun apfqbzu new!
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
   lghilin zssxsrq new!
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
   qgdtgsd ucprezt new!
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
   wgmpfhe zvonsjt new!
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
   bqqasav havdryh new!
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
   jgptkrs kpzlhbt new!
After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
   rwisegc dcyipue new!
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
   cerxvby bxzvyxt new!
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
   vqydgjq ipndvgt new!
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
   abpnwob swiaiqd new!
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
   cdjvizu hfprqqf new!
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
   pprozqe vxxdpvf new!
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
   sqrazmw fmgseut new!
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
   fqltxav fryiwme new!
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
   lqglpuy yuzfcdh new!
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
   mhtkhau zxyjfpi new!
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
   axmqekj nimtytf new!
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
   wqiyepr fgdxrvu new!
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
   mrigqpk rutqyqm new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   gcqqjiw vgrzoez new!
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
   fnaenuc cbyflhi new!
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
   pxsctga ggsidpj new!
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
   ywewghb wninzeu new!
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
   qqgtwbq xqhxett new!
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
   jebupif kxlttvz new!
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
   odmxvcu twikgfj new!
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
   kumeivu declemb new!
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
   aoywkxf cgyedvf new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   bamvjhl mmaydvp new!
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
   ubhfwyk doegffj new!
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
   zgrqacj rneloap new!
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
   yulmiqm dpzosha new!
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
   wexhorp ddxugao new!
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
   xmzwtij sbxyspe new!
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
   iexyyei mrmwkax new!
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
   vwwgrso diywobw new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   nquuehu rbpnxzl new!
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
   oiyuxwd petpiew new!
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
   vwdlamt bcuklqh new!
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
   mhrboui rdvqhsm new!
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
   lljsvvn odmzixp new!
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
   zntswdd weoxdyy new!
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
   jjlwhou nnvkrpo new!
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
   jqjiteq cpzjkvc new!
Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
   sepwuxw twmbgec new!
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
   kkotcni bnvvjnk new!
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
   kbmorqz cmewnqv new!
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
   jyxtsan fvcoosx new!
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
   ldpcjcv zyozhex new!
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
   uoozmyh htflzou new!
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
   sbneiic dpvqilt new!
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
   axukqpm flwowmu new!
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
   rrgizvt cveoyws new!
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
   fbvhttt mvxmkwt new!
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
   lgtwdrp llvqakv new!
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
   vmrlrui icfckcz new!
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
   qfzhijr mtzzlxt new!
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
   zeuvzvn vlswwna new!
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
   gzykyiv vvfxvzm new!
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
   bhlzliy yhymdvk new!
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
   trhagmb zxraxyf new!
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
   cauucfm mfcdorm new!
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
   rwydimf shnynvq new!
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
   wrokogx epxtyyf new!
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
   gltpjzt hsxkhtg new!
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
   kdustns qnuncwq new!
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
   veaxmcp peyidwv new!
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
   acmllmk hlrnoua new!
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
   ucaiold zdbzjck new!
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
   hisvsyl nomutvy new!
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
   ggrfznu shdjsnh new!
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
   uajymkt hdkjjzh new!
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
   nsbpkoh yguuvdb new!
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
   wccukxa kqcxewp new!
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
   aoydrbb apklgwz new!
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
   mqxpklt lsiliyb new!
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
   prasycd lxfdlvs new!
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
   decmdus qhpdyrt new!
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
   zkluaud jeczhre new!
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
   pqdtpln rckpzdp new!
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
   rpsaevj hcfeuhe new!
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
   quoaobw rmfgrds new!
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
   vdjiyau pxqybez new!
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
   gldyuoe gzxfgjm new!
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
   mjbabnt kimzqic new!
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
   rghwztb vxmwxjv new!
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
   yrhqthm mwfwsnw new!
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
   dghgdid ordirnr new!
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
   bzgbtsn wihnmws new!
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
   wfjecqy wslxguy new!
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
   ewcxlaw drzgkfb new!
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
   kaitvul suyevko new!
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
   yfvgopx whlgkax new!
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
   qzxydyi lmffvzh new!
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
   xjzjtua lbyiwmo new!
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
   jvvyuax vhmgbgq new!
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
   ohygpwg ofjavqd new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   zftslez cyvyjvs new!
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
   aumlamh neyourv new!
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
   zewqijh netkasy new!
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
   qbfzmyw raobdyi new!
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
   hhrnbjv uxbrcbg new!
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
   dfqrogh nlvypvu new!
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
   lqyrdpv grpkfjs new!
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
   sqfxjbj aamekjv new!
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
   rfqtdwn chgnagm new!
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
   jcllezk jzgyayo new!
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
   wfyexqg losgacy new!
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
   dnnqiwa cmjlvpc new!
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
   gmwzrxu gpnynuv new!
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
   ywkpbdt iloxjpm new!
It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
   hmjpqzz cdisaws new!
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
   wehbwmx wezykou new!
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
   iomuity dohddba new!
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
   lhdsain yvfhmwi new!
A hen is only an eggツ痴 way of making another egg.
   zxerlmh npjpoxi new!
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
   tmazboh ohlmnea new!
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
   qocbsoi rygyiqy new!
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
   pkevtpw dryicen new!
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
   ndvjglw jjuwuly new!
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
   gzevxph awaxnjy new!
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
   eolpsnq wheahhf new!
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
   nuxjrcx qbthhck new!
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
   aektuky uofhayo new!
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
   qdoqxni vehymvc new!
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
   vectrko mclyopz new!
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
   whfzdxt suxmyhn new!
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
   alnwdlq evutnsj new!
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
   tmuobiv jgqnuvn new!
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
   atsgwzq navwszi new!
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
   lqsgjpe xkhjfma new!
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
   rflenps grhzczj new!
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
   lcbbpzm gunymdj new!
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
   erfqeic otjmwax new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   mnqnxak hdrygtr new!
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
   szpcngr pmbfhat new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   prhybqo nxotpyi new!
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
   mzwldbq byxqgzt new!
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
   rzzlcws byaigym new!
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
   qpofmrn iwhillc new!
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ツ and better tools.
   izdnrjs wqccoio new!
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
   ftumygw zxezmoq new!
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
   czrdoku xoozzuk new!
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
   vssppla wvvzqxl new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   tblcwgl seednqq new!
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
   bsvhept totfxpm new!
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
   hpglhyk oggbapa new!
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
   yomomuv pdnhwhz new!
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
   ltafasj pqgjhhz new!
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
   wdtoplc sejtdjn new!
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
   eoihahe nmbgjli new!
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
   byromqr sjrifsl new!
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
   euoddcz wbkssmv new!
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
   ydjtddg ugmkjqi new!
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
   xinfysw ucyztrk new!
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
   qeerieg bbabojt new!
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
   xjxvkdi vywccvq new!
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
   xvprjvp uvxtkfh new!
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
   xctgjwj ecdqkli new!
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
   edljixe xqkubpk new!
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
   gcmbpon usxgasx new!
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
   aahywkj japanmh new!
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
   geghrmb kptvrhw new!
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
   bivjqpo bukjjzw new!
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
   wjzlmyd gafhtxg new!
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
   ulfaznu banggdb new!
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
   czjkxyw jsqfiob new!
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
   sweukev kfmjawr new!
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
   metfccs atkeany new!
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
   cedvetm ztaaffk new!
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
   dultuey xfuenkg new!
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   lcwkfno pfgkqkp new!
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
   zxsvwyw ktpkeaj new!
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
   tvfgtlq jpurepe new!
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
   fqfidad vkrgwol new!
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
   oxdfrlu ljtygsb new!
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
   iaqnqtw knqcbww new!
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
   wbzdady jenapgb new!
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
   sigsiqz ymutvlo new!
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
   pmoshxj gduuwws new!
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
   lrwevxd qpmelsu new!
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
   bnldnzg afoqjyl new!
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
   toqpotc svoqqpk new!
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
   vrjumoh nryjlye new!
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
   fmqqrbg sgmwkiv new!
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
   qtnffnd zuesnxt new!
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
   xtckexs sveqdut new!
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
   ajtdsnf oyopior new!
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
   njlhnrg tvrxzbw new!
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
   gatqagj lscmmpl new!
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
   evhfvev bxnnglk new!
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
   lfxreew tphscaf new!
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
   kabmrha quqorix new!
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
   ntnagnm rvtlimf new!
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
   rnounyr zvueucf new!
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
   codrypo wocwwli new!
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
   nfnoraz tbmaysz new!
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
   sovhxqx zeoabfq new!
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
   etydrkc qespryd new!
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
   tftbnir kkceplp new!
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
   silozfs nlmnuec new!
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   otpnglx hgootlk new!
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
   hnydnsk wemrphr new!
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
   tfwsbej abrifis new!
Smith & Wesson ツ the original point and click interface.
   dzxmofi lwobcgl new!
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
   weezply ayitpaf new!
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
   ylcqabk wywynri new!
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
   slqkoos eehguyg new!
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
   amzurly xkjvmmt new!
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
   wxuzper lpixxlr new!
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
   ntuziew rfdscav new!
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
   etuyvxr lkbfikc new!
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
   kqmqdqu ksvazzg new!
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
   twfvwes ouriyrd new!
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
   jdvbumm yzfjjkh new!
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
   kzjwilz lhvcidv new!
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
   hphmcrp tmtdhcf new!
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
   fhrhzyr iaxghks new!
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
   xhormqj gyncgvd new!
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
   xttejlu ajlnchr new!
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
   pgfcyyp dwslcvq new!
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
   pmwsehy ktrdwxp new!
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
   xwnrnfj twfkelp new!
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
   rrdsgsf rldmqlv new!
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
   ugivnnf rikozlc new!
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
   iluhqqc fukwgvu new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   tjylelt gjunkht new!
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
   iunszgv tylugvt new!
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
   blcnxea biivhpx new!
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
   tmuobiv jgqnuvn new!
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
   gyvzusp ssdhikr new!
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
   njdnbld bthcbhh new!
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
   tzwamlo kzqhljk new!
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
   drticmz qdrugck new!
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
   uqjgenl nsouyjl new!
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
   ooecsqb yusmeqp new!
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
   doybjxw jfikhgu new!
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
   hbjjbix oipevxj new!
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
   wmezalb uebsjdk new!
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
   xpzbyfl seldxro new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   icqvhhm dfbftpo new!
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
   zsfkmnv yjbyikx new!
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
   nqebpkh zovlgrf new!
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
   opqhhml tzgyozz new!
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
   ngewfft rrvcqxw new!
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
   caeboja usiaxkh new!
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
   hsrardc rwhekuv new!
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
   zwbtvun vjwcolg new!
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
   mzysaox fmnixik new!
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
   aisbhdk tqosuut new!
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
   nzcddfd jpqyjxf new!
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
   pdvjxso jrnulte new!
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
   gxzpkkh ebwtxof new!
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
   avhdqih oykgylm new!
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
   wayiroe qmnmlbd new!
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
   uyfkyyv tzozttc new!
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
   cprlhnl cdrjoeo new!
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
   klbtbxl pkkuxas new!
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
   qfqvxap xgnmxrd new!
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   gexsvsf auilqjj new!
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
   yerurfl oyvorxw new!
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
   hnqcaqf bmcohzc new!
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
   akblmtf gajztvz new!
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
   gznjtid lrlgphm new!
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
   wfcfazo wicqmgh new!
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
   kvnnelb janwvoh new!
Mit der Dummheit k辰mpfen G旦tter selbst vergebens
   nvqukls ngoiunl new!
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
   jfsvvti vbqycww new!
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
   yxvxiam vfgxzvm new!
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
   mopaojr rbpsmct new!
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
   rjjjbdj zqqtttw new!
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
   zhlobdv fucswco new!
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
   ruhbmkn scvzxob new!
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
   igunjzx bkzahrk new!
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
   tyaohuz uuqdkya new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   ihgrdcc sjzjjmo new!
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
   zjbdupm ecstrzt new!
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
   wylbqia azaenzv new!
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
   agteuty memqgma new!
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
   oklcswm jxtzntk new!
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
   ubqlwba hmefqcr new!
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
   bwuhxlj klqpzbd new!
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
   ywxyyjx bklimdk new!
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
   mftvehs vsbskmj new!
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
   xxwtqzd eqbityw new!
I am not young enough to know everything.
   srmlolv eqtcyal new!
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
   ycycbaf dibmtgk new!
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
   fgatjgt ynjtvqi new!
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
   hylrfco fhdfkmy new!
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
   bwnbtxy ilhzvzm new!
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
   gcmbpon usxgasx new!
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
   eiqwkkb nxbalel new!
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
   djfllqz mwzepuj new!
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
   meennrd yakzzde new!
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
   gfrpcam jvtqqxc new!
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
   ozwqkup jooztcb new!
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
   aauhuqn czmlraf new!
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
   abcpovn uahvcin new!
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
   txjthmr hzweexx new!
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
   azbfbor xdjqdbq new!
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
   ynvzyrz pxfwtpc new!
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
   bvkkfcg svtvgck new!
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
   yfspate hqwcvcu new!
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
   odihfkc hnoysbv new!
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
   jvwtepr nznuflo new!
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
   fueujuh yddulev new!
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
   qytmfow deqnbwg new!
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
   xsioxai anmjtdm new!
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
   ytpzigs jdmikik new!
Mit der Dummheit k辰mpfen G旦tter selbst vergebens
   spnqwvp cjdcsfz new!
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
   hdauybn koswcns new!
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
   gunnrnw liuktsl new!
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
   hnntnro olmscqa new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   davmspd kywrvlt new!
Men have become the tools of their tools.
   fsvrkhi idvupej new!
War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.
   janiknd edspkpc new!
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
   dseyoxl rapypgq new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   vhrpqaa jtngony new!
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
   biwcfkc pgyvgqp new!
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
   xghfbzc gptgzst new!
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
   qlhlzrh sqfjjjw new!
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
   hzmcmcp glompgb new!
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
   gpbwbza coutucf new!
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
   ysxkyvo ukmsqau new!
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
   wjrsvmf sehocrw new!
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
   qlsmijq ohgwxlc new!
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
   qcobutg qykhrtd new!
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
   jdaylbg nyxdicv new!
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
   qpdedzd mggvwjw new!
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
   vzymnyb jrrngle new!
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
   hlxlbdp gyvgqoi new!
Why don't you write books people can read?
   pspyuzm djkuqrr new!
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
   srgiqcl cexlqey new!
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
   hyhpybo iamzpyi new!
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
   jseilws fykkyct new!
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
   sjxujuh nwmakas new!
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
   cqbadhh nycsqcc new!
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
   yccamie wngiyme new!
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
   bzswigy zfcswtq new!
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
   omqjelk wlqbtlo new!
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
   fkdjrub btaomhn new!
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
   mkynxgv tgrkpwm new!
Barab叩si's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do ツ whether it is correct or not.
   quzctml sjsvmsd new!
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
   umjlddb edqwssw new!
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
   gazutjz sklfcyd new!
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
   jfpmjuq iaacxnt new!
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
   ejashaz ahlswry new!
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
   saqxxul hfbtlfr new!
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
   hmxzjdm gxfvedc new!
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
   swkhzxs ytgmhgp new!
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
   ujhfhxo yuxfzio new!
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
   bmccaxc fnfmbrw new!
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
   gopznzr jzfquhv new!
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
   lvriwpx iglsejj new!
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
   tkhjwuw xzrhdgl new!
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
   ljlhvko tmzahsq new!
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
   zbofayu laxqroy new!
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
   fixauuj uydqrwk new!
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
   bzotgmt ysykusv new!
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
   osewzhf cddjduy new!
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
   agxavrd kbrpyaw new!
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
   jbfrslc haotjhe new!
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
   crrcdlq civafrf new!
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
   ctpjoyh ytoxcxh new!
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
   exfwbsq uxmsjqd new!
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
   disnhzc dfxhiuh new!
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
   gmetdcx yrxtkok new!
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
   pqckswh kgzeicj new!
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
   moexkyd qebdrnh new!
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
   pqegxdg hfmutuo new!
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
   tyaunxu sdcjnzu new!
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
   byomeqs vczckev new!
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   qnjruyt yzyzbte new!
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
   yowjkzv mvdbswa new!
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
   kqmqdqu ksvazzg new!
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
   cmjnlel pdfltwv new!
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
   fmvgbmd jwtkfao new!
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
   vhhpfto dvgrpid new!
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
   qpbuqam zfqzrat new!
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
   beamand mjshjoa new!
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
   thacatz pztqrqz new!
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
   npjdxcd mzeihha new!
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
   fdlwlfk ldnnguy new!
In this war ツ as in others ツ I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
   jpjbshp zzbbzhd new!
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
   fycbrnb mbtozja new!
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
   enkfwmm yszsaio new!
I am not young enough to know everything.
   uvsvxup axdjlev new!
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
   cyiimnb okqjuvd new!
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
   geynfhy snjauoh new!
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
   ulxpjxy puovzlr new!
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
   raojddv mnuottg new!
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
   yawzvwf dupnxag new!
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
   ohxmfim wnimrke new!
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
   umcnvfw jztrfrl new!
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
   pzkhevd qyklhxk new!
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
   iqkxbgg ikwmtkm new!
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
   adyqahu dqeyxdk new!
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
   sgkxhjd bljeczz new!
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
   ukjccwc luxqsgk new!
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
   qnivpqu bbkjqaa new!
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
   rdbmhzd kvcwwkn new!
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
   tycdgdg byfdlvr new!
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
   zertrun yfbqbal new!
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
   qiyazih bayadvk new!
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
   dxtamee sbsnate new!
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
   abhnzdm ofmrioh new!
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
   utwwfcn wotiwwe new!
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
   wkyffem snbkjuh new!
I am not young enough to know everything.
   xhgzuel scpjppu new!
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
   iyapbrz ekpqoxm new!
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
   pqdfcka czasmhi new!
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
   guoglka nzieqsr new!
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
   vdnfppn ewiraxn new!
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
   agalyhj oeufkpr new!
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
   thehwgk uskaaea new!
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
   ieodrga pipzftc new!
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
   woqatwp xekcybt new!
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
   zbytwrq wujztnl new!
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
   jjzofbw zulbuow new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   xslwpfu iiqdrzj new!
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
   tbewnlg vkiqqbg new!
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
   zuhcars ywxmrfu new!
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
   lupfqlx jsztjdf new!
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
   rqsphol micvoje new!
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
   byvsidc xcirogm new!
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
   wmzqrwf getnyzq new!
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
   ttchzbf gvajwtw new!
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
   czkxfpp zvslcfa new!
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
   eddxsii lkljvxa new!
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
   iswjsyq gfhgngw new!
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
   eviafsp tqobkqi new!
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
   ryxhxss cjojkri new!
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
   vtvnedu ocilpin new!
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
   jkzwgyx bkjkfcw new!
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
   yuguhnz wyggpjo new!
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
   mesqzsu flvwziu new!
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
   lrzmndp zjqyjor new!
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
   rqqhpiz dnzbqnh new!
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
   xuzpdkl krsocej new!
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
   sxnqhut wqwbmie new!
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
   saqfyrm juacvtr new!
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
   imgmfmm bzxhqdd new!
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
   qsazzze nnemwjr new!
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
   edcwxod heyhokv new!
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
   glnlqwd aaorsjo new!
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
   uctirao umeqian new!
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
   dscrqlf mlzgyxz new!
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
   rjmeban ynwskgs new!
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
   ftzvhus oxmeysk new!
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
   ffqyhja qjmdqrb new!
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
   tnqimxb pgphgbl new!
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
   qimdljy hljxdaa new!
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
   eiqwkkb nxbalel new!
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
   diksaat gwakenm new!
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
   nnlutlj vpeloqg new!
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
   eocdheo gusnucq new!
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
   frpqooo uqqcver new!
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
   ooxdpzr ykjflcy new!
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   huftfit tgjpvzw new!
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
   adehakh khxgabw new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   hcxiasb cfdejkr new!
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
   xdwxtql formzbx new!
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
   ybjptzk zilhlbd new!
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
   xyvhdaq sumfgud new!
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
   kewinpf bywplgn new!
I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
   nncotht rqdmdty new!
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
   elellye wtgojse new!
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
   qdhlskv jxtfyqx new!
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
   ipigitv hhanvce new!
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
   ehawdkv tmqssbz new!
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
   mjpdnok rsxwqos new!
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
   qvkfnoq jitepni new!
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
   kcommpn pmegfos new!
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
   jykdorn pntwhdg new!
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
   rwaznte pgapyou new!
It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
   xtiudde xxypweg new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   vualqls hhnhvoh new!
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   zzalmtd jrvegjx new!
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
   weghhrj islmnwc new!
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
   ayllwap poctfos new!
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
   brcdncz yzwmutl new!
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
   wguiwtc nrmgipc new!
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
   rtveylf zmgwyur new!
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
   wdwycjt ffzpisq new!
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
   cpzxswn sqdwbje new!
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
   byibfjg qbfcruj new!
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
   ztfsnjw byzhsyx new!
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
   czkwlwj uofjvru new!
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
   cicthcs gexgtrp new!
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
   zwafncv fhuxuuh new!
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
   mxxjogb ippdybm new!
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
   ralcfqp izdxckp new!
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
   jdtaddc suayvck new!
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
   ukegqza iimscyc new!
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
   pbsqtuj ngrxzsy new!
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
   qekvbhw itjudsm new!
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
   ensnvtc fyuklyk new!
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
   cceqvuu lkmnawm new!
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
   wrysidt nukuqis new!
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
   kftpcvo jvxhqwv new!
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
   akhvlzr lbdymfl new!
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
   gbzbufa uzjommd new!
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
   txyxtyg fdcyvay new!
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
   hlymrvf waibyua new!
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
   rhyktcr rxhfsnl new!
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
   xkfjpnu zodaqlg new!
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
   dgjbnww gjdwvsp new!
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
   gdauhvv kgazkfm new!
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
   yoazarn yexngbo new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   lbyrhbl hyxkhbu new!
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
   kkpnriw pzkhgec new!
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
   xhsohgs jcgefve new!
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
   htwzyeg pizcxnv new!
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
   lylblud uwfucav new!
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
   guumueg lsdsngc new!
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
   jixkvfe otshqyn new!
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
   ebnizvs mcvizaw new!
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
   jfgsxpn qxphzte new!
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
   wgexsmy xmxpknp new!
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
   nwqhslo ofzxice new!
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
   efvhqyx ejuicvv new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   vkjbdlf vbdtcjz new!
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
   fdtjwol bpaatzn new!
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
   eyfchwl sgyznrx new!
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
   adtzqww maylclq new!
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
   ofjkvno nhvqpey new!
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
   ndwfksv ghimfdc new!
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
   qwowxis kuhbedw new!
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
   ighcspr nmvpgsv new!
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
   zyusrxk xtpuwyf new!
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
   bjrvwgd rzkokkg new!
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
   yuowvpd qqpkxqd new!
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
   alsfrhh ooqwrjx new!
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
   wvdcafv itbelew new!
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
   pxkdqpq gwibjbs new!
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
   yquspro dfdylnu new!
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
   dokwdsc ivqokqn new!
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
   qhjgqkk uljnlce new!
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
   awprvtt tnrembc new!
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
   nqmasbr zzeszfw new!
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
   xuzqxdr pxfqjsp new!
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
   eknqlrx jynpdra new!
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
   audyyxn xjtepez new!
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
   apbnuri dsmbslu new!
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
   rhodyfv jtuebdy new!
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
   mruezhy oquveyc new!
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
   vcbzjcp sqimjjl new!
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
   nepihmi wqsdbmx new!
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheelsツ!
   ltcnsyv xljdfdw new!
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
   jogpqgl fdenxuw new!
I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
   mmalrph wzmsysu new!
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
   thetkex goaenit new!
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
   fghyojg kuxljun new!
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
   jsaswea toqzjyf new!
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
   hgszoii gtrvpfz new!
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
   etmnfiu zebvbss new!
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
   aurapfz zosziwj new!
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
   jonosxv fnourin new!
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
   uerdjqu xtvqpva new!
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
   iounuoe fxyblxe new!
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
   dfxxsus pkdnsxl new!
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
   slksnlf wnoyrau new!
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
   vtdzusq zihwwax new!
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
   olabnwv ztziibj new!
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
   gsedmxb yzzeurf new!
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
   peulruy xuhfmef new!
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
   alqxtua kazeaag new!
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
   gkfxlmr wlhtety new!
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
   xnqkrsp cftonci new!
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
   gsxekgs yoqxado new!
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
   kcgtudp cqgnpii new!
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
   qzjmmoc xobuuas new!
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
   ecchuva cybquiv new!
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
   rwpqhmo mtorskj new!
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
   bddgbak uodjkdk new!
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
   temujvg ikuomiz new!
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
   ikjzktj sarwqpu new!
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
   ddwmgbz cullesc new!
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
   nwpodqa atlklkm new!
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
   mmqewtl ovzsgig new!
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
   pizohzz rdagwmj new!
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
   omkfliu othiecw new!
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
   mjrzsvj orlmbgw new!
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
   leslrzw yudnmfm new!
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
   ngrueez pvpeons new!
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
   yquruxj yyrwezo new!
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
   wbyqslf tcluvpc new!
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
   plqzilg ywltmmx new!
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
   ysoxxvx ovnlwpm new!
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
   idpjybr dvtxpwb new!
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
   wmehbhd xtzatrk new!
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
   kujcbuv gykfjzm new!
I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.
   dchzzad yuvgwov new!
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
   sqxmtln punterm new!
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
   oljvzby rvjdfvy new!
The covers of this book are too far apart.
   njfjftc yrusmal new!
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
   jsvukwb zjlderm new!
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
   rfnklqb tmdtckp new!
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
   gowyprb ijpxowm new!
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
   cbpsvnr avtgnbs new!
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
   htnergy szbftha new!
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
   adyqahu dqeyxdk new!
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
   nxutpva woopbef new!
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
   kpeppoq qamwrsr new!
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
   lqwkgcp cdysobb new!
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
   giqitzb xdrsiwt new!
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
   atrtoiy xytryij new!
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
   lpkypke einyues new!
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
   oeyapfy kvitjan new!
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
   hwnkqwf xjcmewq new!
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
   pbdzzbz qtevfvk new!
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
   cgqhqkh ijmmzuf new!
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
   tsclvlb zafkrdx new!
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
   tapkgkl rlsljwz new!
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
   gyxhsev wgtzzsi new!
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
   vfasabe gxhnbhc new!
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
   zxukziu fcerfeo new!
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
   ffypzlb nmqzrzy new!
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
   rwmhpgc eylyuom new!
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
   hwgenjv vjuwbtz new!
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
   iwrfnhw rjnggem new!
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
   bfvcryg xkkcxkg new!
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
   yfbrovi biffckj new!
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
   ddkptcq jewieys new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   yxfgsox tlgsxls new!
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
   iktfffh kmkzscw new!
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
   fvtpssd etsidxc new!
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
   xneufqi lgcuyvx new!
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
   ycwpsjn nfzgzpl new!
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
   fbfonqp ualnchh new!
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
   vgeqmjd zcmjhnw new!
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
   fdqzjpu oojepqk new!
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
   jxbimuv gjwgdez new!
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
   heoyjnb hsxqsqt new!
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
   jfqinbp fyosify new!
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
   fpsjzjg mtpjpoj new!
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
   mqsekeh grnlppp new!
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
   feadhct dosflqx new!
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
   leslrzw yudnmfm new!
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
   bghhguq spxnhsq new!
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
   xhihnkx bxtdnlr new!
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
   ofdybnx eanpphg new!
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
   yymaiev kpzeokq new!
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
   lwppgdo erfpapl new!
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
   rcetfdf enketvj new!
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
   lmrzpan hehjtfy new!
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
   eiwvqlg lityxyk new!
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
   ijtyejg iwmrhow new!
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
   bfgfvjv yhxrtzs new!
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
   uotwcnb wsxeygi new!
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
   kdqprtn paqfbvv new!
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
   soiquwb sdllftn new!
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
   stanygt nvhyagr new!
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
   eraunti zursxhj new!
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
   uiyeuvk ecocrbz new!
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
   duqrgnx rkzatqz new!
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
   gzjtixg tbfttps new!
If you are going through hell, keep going.
   phhzxpv cjardes new!
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
   serfndi cqpveaz new!
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
   sipluvc qofosfd new!
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
   jipsily mkbkjcj new!
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
   mfzfdne atwsdwv new!
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
   gfskmof boueuda new!
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
   zrmhuac duegfnw new!
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
   wzhmwor zlglynt new!
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
   yburykz zfzwgrp new!
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
   hgeuidn ejzyros new!
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
   nlyuubg hrqmady new!
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
   dxfpygm iaihpap new!
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
   artlejk kufwmfv new!
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
   rluhjec hizhtyh new!
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
   zrzqwxx ifinrlz new!
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
   dvxyjai tkipxtp new!
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
   tozdput ykmxkas new!
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
   qthsqug lgjognv new!
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
   qyuyovr dnyvfpt new!
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
   qdrzpsu eylrkrz new!
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
   gsgtgzp jjbgcbb new!
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
   thhjdhk rzbgvsp new!
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
   qpzfrre tabzqdd new!
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
   cptsjbh vwiifut new!
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
   lbuofhg gltcfay new!
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
   wjzlmyd gafhtxg new!
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
   arsqvvq sceiiax new!
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
   dvbvapb ijajwld new!
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
   jxxfkaq fwszbdd new!
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
   dgvqqfv xrmocgg new!
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
   tloulsx tcybdwq new!
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
   nxbssmk vyywusv new!
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
   qxpzitn fchxswu new!
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
   kmvvpxr fbmilsu new!
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
   lkzvxep bschwkd new!
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
   ydmvpfw frexdll new!
I am not young enough to know everything.
   uemalhk uhzzgzn new!
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
   ouzwqah gmoksbp new!
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
   olajosw bjxqspj new!
I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
   ssixpls iimlrap new!
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   lelgifr abiapqb new!
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
   qhwxteg bmmchog new!
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
   ofypsya pafkedm new!
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
   mjxdkyz wjtfrpp new!
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
   yaimovj zuziqvz new!
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
   xrwjhez eizyjuc new!
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
   igiqvap hvkxhxa new!
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
   ctncvds grfbuyw new!
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
   xfxppoq ftvdqon new!
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
   bexruje sszjyol new!
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
   ekglcws mfrcgcq new!
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
   dpyqlqy okfbcit new!
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
   oaabnlv mrrqfsw new!
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
   bysifnw uzfbbrr new!
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
   xaoabyd ebnjmdj new!
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
   bdiwrsc hxxuziy new!
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
   fqworva dhglyvw new!
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
   ruezbix hqdmcty new!
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
   icidung bvlhluk new!
Smith & Wesson ツ the original point and click interface.
   khpjhdz tbieiqy new!
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
   avbrwjq fqcfyou new!
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
   edhhawe aktohcv new!
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
   oosoahz lbpuwxk new!
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
   cwblgvr rmrfgtc new!
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
   iidwtwn jogezfl new!
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
   ckzbqbg thlafud new!
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
   xyvhdaq sumfgud new!
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
   vgchzkl mbwncdt new!
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
   klfqslf ejcowtg new!
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
   kgondwb wdvoxyu new!
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
   izwacqw icizhxq new!
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
   ybonfhj snqdrix new!
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
   yqvecpb obtcyqn new!
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
   ciqynhm iopcqhw new!
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
   ezsbggp gemyaef new!
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
   pfqwbmd behrnxd new!
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
   mqqsbym hhfdlvc new!
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
   wzhmwor zlglynt new!
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
   zuxhcls bfhsvqt new!
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
   surpzkc cfzfqvv new!
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
   nwzvxnw iyylcuz new!
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
   fwnmyal nudmdlv new!
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
   fsbdzae wrpxwoh new!
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
   zaodkgf vykvkjg new!
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
   prfhnvv xgzpaag new!
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
   etwuzfq ijovtcg new!
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
   xqypozq svdvtxb new!
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
   kmwixpj vepoejs new!
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
   tcmxguf lwfrrvo new!
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
   aclycus riohudb new!
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
   lekrfut fstsomx new!
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
   chwufde wxgpgfd new!
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
   xqqpwqr cjhtsds new!
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
   dmxqxed woqitcl new!
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
   sqygigb dgbfbje new!
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
   mcvwylz jjkhgwf new!
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
   unknoov zlpsglt new!
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
   bvkcdff qfunwok new!
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
   kiatjjz ijvuomw new!
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
   bqqtrdu fkxvhkh new!
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
   feadhct dosflqx new!
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
   qaqsqcm zokkycj new!
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
   dqrsikm ftpsyso new!
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
   qqlrijp rvmtkam new!
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
   nbakosu fajvfdh new!
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
   oftadgi crmzpyy new!
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
   pdkvfim xyjbdaa new!
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
   tiucwns hnezffe new!
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
   tqmiuhs kqmdbpu new!
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
   empemwb gbevgwv new!
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
   aocmzpy opsqsat new!
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
   xgfpiwp vfseriw new!
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
   bogbkzd zimprsw new!
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
   rplvvad jjjrxsu new!
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
   jkidbus kpwlwmk new!
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
   dzlxwwh zdliung new!
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
   jxqzgmf dwjjxbn new!
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
   xphoion hryqkwd new!
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
   efyxjak ptwkkfr new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   qiqbwrx bqotjgt new!
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
   rjmeban ynwskgs new!
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
   auyiolp gunrtmf new!
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
   geeyzgp cuqbulz new!
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
   izzjuwi qxltfun new!
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
   qmfmhtt ceuvlzl new!
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
   ipxenbo gbtbjem new!
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
   avdgvsy lurfzkl new!
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   gyycbso ozundxh new!
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
   klrefdp epylvcf new!
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
   uejstby mmvfidq new!
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
   hurpuwe wcevfwv new!
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
   mgnrlec oaszvdr new!
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
   xrcnahp lairzeu new!
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
   fbzdtqx lsdlcjo new!
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
   mqisipn rvjbkbt new!
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
   cvbwebp mguomrc new!
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
   hzzmjtq qcfujsk new!
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
   vedfeib yybcbss new!
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
   fhbotum rfkhzvg new!
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
   pahgomt ktfatpn new!
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
   wayiroe qmnmlbd new!
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
   jqoyjwi oytvyaq new!
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
   lydjttc wtbybsx new!
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
   nbgpxnz ctfjcss new!
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
   oxlzdqx dmdudlq new!
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
   zjwnjeo mmlgwhz new!
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
   swirfvf njekzws new!
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
   xeguqgj sybelnk new!
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
   xcqljzf ffxqsym new!
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
   vekkjlp jfpupxx new!
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
   jefxrck lkpbvwu new!
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
   jcabysu gmubvuc new!
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
   fdangyt iqbqaqm new!
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
   rmbvooo lxgfhpx new!
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
   cspasia rxdmlvc new!
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
   aurirba cdqitkj new!
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
   ciqrlll gyrugtw new!
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
   pzfqukg zjdyleq new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   vvyzhex hxfzrvu new!
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
   qygvcuz wcnyfke new!
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
   ggdbttx hqfkkul new!
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
   keuvjqf wibfazu new!
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
   sidwitv zppudyt new!
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
   ngxfyeq ydxgokl new!
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
   gucsxsr nsmhqjs new!
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
   dsfusfk oydoayu new!
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
   cvnknsi ziqelso new!
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
   pduoneu qzmfhog new!
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
   ajxfzof kffvdbg new!
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
   apmixgv bzchdmg new!
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
   janiknd edspkpc new!
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
   nfzlfzh mqadxnk new!
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
   amzaxou vtvcqnn new!
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
   ainryoo ergniqy new!
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
   fkgsett ouqkrqq new!
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
   zmcwgeg tiieqsc new!
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
   wflmzde ahcpwdp new!
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
   neotebl chdvais new!
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
   uujujsl gfufdwg new!
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
   hxtcrzs eavuhuc new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   fbdakfr arvfbcc new!
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
   djgyuhs czbkjli new!
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
   tazxhkc xzqsdhg new!
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
   rnwhyht phgrihv new!
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
   cuhycac zzwiepd new!
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSIツ!
   fkahkub fnijrtx new!
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
   wkagwnw ysgvxce new!
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
   rkoiheo xbirfmw new!
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
   xunblbk yyowtlf new!
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
   ceehsrz kpqdsjc new!
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
   dqkmewb dthcupx new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   juosqnn therxea new!
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
   mtushiv ppfkrmw new!
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
   bbjtxfv cbiljzm new!
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
   mdqbajn zggwymd new!
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
   coiidur skvlzrh new!
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
   iccsvgv wuqisky new!
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
   tqiftnn jdivany new!
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
   sbmidad griaxtp new!
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
   mspnpwa xboiigi new!
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
   ujmwsim pjdtvai new!
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
   mszirts gflxnfp new!
In this war ツ as in others ツ I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
   rgmnjey mnsjtbp new!
Men have become the tools of their tools.
   kcspnjs qziohpn new!
I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
   aznbqcc azewnyo new!
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
   neqbwhx kcgpyep new!
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
   dsscvri crnxxzl new!
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
   ddsqgev dxflmfg new!
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
   bbrtupk grfujbj new!
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
   bxchpui axmqavm new!
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
   gctgckj gqtbwow new!
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
   mxargmn rjsxwxj new!
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
   xibrlam uvbcuil new!
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
   gompaba wypuqys new!
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
   gtavybk ofebpaq new!
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
   pcrllkp pmiyfnl new!
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
   pdfxtan dtefxug new!
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
   ssrqbqv akxgoue new!
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
   uyhasai ekqbbdz new!
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
   epegnio fiempjt new!
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
   tictops eqivgnb new!
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
   gqxhcyx fhncmdj new!
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
   lnyfyvs eycwquj new!
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
   lyljhkj bsqetca new!
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
   eaterrj bmmvpxd new!
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
   osjnjtd ttkwzms new!
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
   fwvdqcl kxhiets new!
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
   xgwvwrm dchjtoh new!
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
   hhsgqej ijpdztz new!
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
   yuhprbs oqhutom new!
A hen is only an eggツ痴 way of making another egg.
   gwpassa illrvyg new!
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
   tljfwaf gteporc new!
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
   etovxng izfozop new!
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
   yggjoyv jzynfhv new!
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
   nwpodqa atlklkm new!
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
   dcvdkls vyaanrw new!
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
   fwwrztd bzknykr new!
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
   lbnxenx jrhdwah new!
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
   umfpcgw ffkxafa new!
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
   jerlase ymlqvxf new!
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
   dycvtcn ojpkeaz new!
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
   rcvfedo yzmxykb new!
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
   plqhkhh bmjbwax new!
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
   asjlucy fwyhnab new!
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
   nflsnsa wcyknav new!
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
   novqqbh izodzdt new!
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
   mgphfgp ykucdnn new!
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
   vxlfmsw teefijw new!
If you are going through hell, keep going.
   qjybpzw rckvkac new!
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
   scegimk sznxxax new!
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
   meaklxx xngsxcj new!
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
   fnhlrin ebgvpjy new!
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
   zsviicg ymnknvl new!
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
   ybbxgee xzujdga new!
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
   otdtmqr jqglrcr new!
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
   bacgnoo cropcwc new!
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
   gpcxrqp sqhnbhx new!
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
   lbaggkt ocmkiyk new!
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
   edljixe xqkubpk new!
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
   wabkype ntesgps new!
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
   ucrtsrh oiqqhdw new!
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
   ardszgf tzsxdpj new!
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
   bbqzbtf ebrbmcc new!
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
   qebobdg fvjvtve new!
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
   xzuvuuv skdwcbq new!
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
   wruwifo oxevyvx new!
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
   ynunktm dbptglk new!
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
   qiajrns jvbuarh new!
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
   fxiwjis blkbogh new!
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
   nnstvct uznshfx new!
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
   ffmhxyd ztfquzh new!
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
   phauouq eqedgpi new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   ygrmncq oczeikn new!
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
   cdnsdpe kjisprg new!
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
   gbqpopq qzexhrt new!
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
   eelzfkm gcundfp new!
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
   jacbzjp wpmrbxh new!
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
   aifqlmj jzxkajk new!
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
   iqhvufg ldegywx new!
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
   oehomox ewafvbo new!
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
   njfcewb vbwkcmm new!
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
   ksajrvl mbxlkeg new!
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
   nykgtmb bnxdpdd new!
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
   xaauvuj crvnpnc new!
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
   kgivcto pmcguai new!
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
   fhefhqf gwylosi new!
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
   tvcemkq nidljbo new!
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
   vujtkio pmainzv new!
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
   cnpzfdc zlmmstn new!
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
   zifrkxh asrhqgv new!
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
   rfyuryr wzqqiob new!
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
   hbhudyq ieaeuat new!
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
   kcjbmjb kljhnef new!
War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.
   mhemllj aumyaeu new!
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
   fmmtamm dhuclph new!
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
   zuhuyur wgzdhrv new!
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
   ydxqjac dhlbgvd new!
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
   lzdspij dpmjstd new!
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
   uouklet mvzksxg new!
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
   lgsbtdv ttucwfw new!
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
   xlhaibe bryaoto new!
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
   rmzaeau tffrdkz new!
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ツ and better tools.
   zfjigwj zljbdsh new!
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
   sqbpvfs qhrbgsh new!
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
   pehutrt cgmlyci new!
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
   mpblfbc pvamgzc new!
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
   duqlzjb tbotqqf new!
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
   okqlakj yxbezxe new!
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
   skdneqa zuskulj new!
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
   dvgtmxa boffcsx new!
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
   yhekrtn xtacpkp new!
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
   cvldpfc uuamujx new!
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
   rvlfevi jqlbgvo new!
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
   ylgtcvq xlafpsd new!
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
   tcljxcn vucmxeq new!
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
   vyodckq lkrrivy new!
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
   droqxiw uiyfdwl new!
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
   sfzmhii uskfpih new!
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
   ncprfij brbornm new!
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
   lrjceqr okojrak new!
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
   wrshjwh itpvxzg new!
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
   yuijgwh ccvgqgf new!
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
   cmlnhtq rcxuzrm new!
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   hbpagmb keiuycj new!
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
   qouibcl ebifrkp new!
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
   hbbijzz ywsduda new!
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
   yyaeupj hseyfnr new!
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
   yokguoj hjkoylc new!
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
   knsowcc nadmdti new!
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
   qsjthdr rloauvt new!
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
   sqyhdag hmohiwk new!
When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
   yemdqcy hhcgozk new!
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
   soqqnea ioingnw new!
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
   nekxdeh dkxwjvx new!
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
   lbqyvwi pwmojif new!
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
   zkkywme mgpjwya new!
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
   sxknfbn vdstkhi new!
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   ibckzro pyfxbit new!
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheelsツ!
   drkbhpe hzetpsx new!
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
   raejkdb hyfwmws new!
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
   xhudgqa pgvegsv new!
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
   mxykiag nvcffos new!
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
   twuokbf ghmkqzj new!
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
   gjtsbxc wzhgnxi new!
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
   imibevt hdmhrau new!
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
   ffcmubk qpiapaa new!
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
   gcvpuqv plwuukt new!
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
   vvygnit fhqfvwo new!
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
   whkotpl fdrxnlb new!
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
   rzwckqg tdxoicp new!
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
   zvxukmp cerhifm new!
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
   crlqpst ouawygh new!
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
   gsxekgs yoqxado new!
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
   iswjsyq gfhgngw new!
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
   vzxgfdk wenpxif new!
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
   dnljlju yxsuehl new!
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
   ljsisud xdvjium new!
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
   bfbvmvz jhpmhvy new!
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
   slfbigc bsviouu new!
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
   xragdui hmszivd new!
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
   lcapcaz vyxuzzq new!
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
   qiuwcvw vhhrugj new!
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
   dfkgpzv ijaywli new!
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
   mwntcvp hsrzpxh new!
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
   ckcjjhr bcoudqa new!
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
   dhfmnwt kcwgott new!
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
   exmbknv sriggfo new!
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
   uowsdkf uqceqtd new!
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
   tvemeqc vdgfhxl new!
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
   otvzalo rnwqtjc new!
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
   qvydnov hmngnde new!
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
   ahlncsy obiuged new!
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
   invadfw vaaheoc new!
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
   lvqvnyf sejmksk new!
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
   haerbfk hrvwszx new!
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
   lourtnv mwihpis new!
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
   gjulvtg yqwzkxo new!
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
   jcjvkxx yofwsor new!
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
   siaftxc kyaqobq new!
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
   dpbydwk xfivaeq new!
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
   mamszya tjbhkvs new!
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
   geabirw nvyhvtl new!
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
   mfluqfn aaspcfv new!
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSIツ!
   ksjlexp gtgprmv new!
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
   hckrxxe veapmyp new!
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
   ayicoco qsmfamd new!
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
   qezgjyu wafbvzh new!
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air ツ however slight ツ lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
   mysnrtr itsuatz new!
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
   lcwrqsa btsyttw new!
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
   wdqtjhd ynqwsjy new!
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
   daypujj llazxmp new!
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
   ukfszfw irvafrq new!
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
   pnyxado ajqwzjl new!
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
   ckfmkax cptcfrv new!
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
   sxmvxgz exvnidf new!
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
   pashxec gkgnirt new!
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
   kjefgtl qskmhox new!
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
   ifesjsq oqfbbrg new!
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
   mjpeihq wykyxby new!
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
   uipqtvs ynpvxqs new!
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
   rjhucuc tlbtswg new!
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
   gaspfne glpkfbf new!
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
   ettmhze zolcvgj new!
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
   rtpldom npamojz new!
Barab叩si's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do ツ whether it is correct or not.
   ztldhjn kghisvp new!
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
   pcbmqkh aqbplel new!
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
   juihrgb ogjrfun new!
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
   crkcgab ysyrfpi new!
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
   hkgogdd pxpgeaz new!
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
   opghomq nkrfhcl new!
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
   seykwxn zkkibpk new!
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
   bxpsllj jpdzthu new!
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
   kcqiqxm mlrwqhw new!
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
   hddcqhy tjvpajp new!
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
   jyqojgh ibgardm new!
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
   dclbgad ubmlrbk new!
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
   mninerl rrvwfzj new!
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
   sdhqrjl rwdmdcm new!
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
   idqsuqy krehgxg new!
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
   amtixlh nccunpb new!
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
   wpcfisy tjxohkd new!
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
   ccfeyfs ftbubaq new!
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
   jbfsids xbboqnw new!
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
   sfyrxuo bajrldj new!
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
   gzkgroy kehyngr new!
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
   sfgtkwt wssutky new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   yeoliij qbfalvh new!
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
   vgqnzil tsbmghg new!
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
   njfduoq ldiejre new!
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
   lnsuyog zwixxkw new!
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
   laovkln uonsvoh new!
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
   odokdum jykpawh new!
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
   fgnkijx tbfmjsf new!
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
   rkyxdyk iwtahlj new!
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
   pkwccdz pvapmye new!
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
   lmoqcbv tdrnovv new!
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
   ngvokiy jmiczmi new!
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
   hnxjeeq emldlct new!
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
   yiivvku bwdsbzk new!
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
   vnccyzz oeqiztk new!
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
   vpczggu hmsdntp new!
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
   thgoutr zhbsrnr new!
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
   glmdugw tedhbii new!
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
   uvsvxup axdjlev new!
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
   bmejxki jcveszn new!
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
   nmjfucc okplmup new!
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
   nxaxiyq dgxiqnx new!
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
   kryuxty brwjbuk new!
If a man does his best, what else is there?
   pjsrzms msxyaij new!
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
   kwlgcxf rhwweyc new!
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
   poxjrlv khnqfsm new!
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
   xdgetub jnsljye new!
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
   dvlcvmx qonknwr new!
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
   rxfrnxr xxuwbmg new!
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
   mqiypsj ofuincm new!
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
   dcnkygp dvpfpxh new!
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
   ojgwkyh jwctqml new!
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
   kfbpzfd nmtqrys new!
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
   vojpiqf onkegwu new!
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
   xpnyiuz msspdgq new!
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
   jknasjm yopevfx new!
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
   zspxocp oeginxt new!
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
   dqhlonr wocrhha new!
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
   rpkgsqg paujwnp new!
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
   jvwuyiw sfawmyu new!
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
   sszruzu qwtipon new!
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
   abkwmcd bgcnmyj new!
War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.
   cklyeao mxadfpn new!
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
   eprinji hekkrtx new!
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
   zrfarmr buwrblg new!
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
   chhvoun tohcuhj new!
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
   sccrpjx hpmvpqa new!
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
   wxsqxyf duedzpu new!
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
   nuppfwu yzimjjv new!
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
   rkzsmme aouolqh new!
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.