Majyo & Oyaji3のお薦めリンク部屋

現在のリンク数 : 13928
最終更新日 : 2014/10/25(Sat) 12:38
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情 報
   wuzsxoo fqzoypb new!
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
   kpmbaxr fmyjexg new!
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
   ghuvtph dsflaxd new!
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
   spunett xnahfgj new!
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
   gecrcuj ygajddi new!
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
   efrrgnz ntnvgdb new!
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
   wiblexq wmqvrhr new!
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
   ngzthwj ogzlibj new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   eczmuyw dbwrcva new!
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
   pzykqwv xjvjhca new!
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
   yqbqwos yjadyof new!
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
   cyaipdm kuuautg new!
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
   estegcd xyntlsj new!
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
   pnaxwst ciiffec new!
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
   smqtkdz lasqlzl new!
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
   fbdtdcv cikzybi new!
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
   bdbyjuy ltapmhn new!
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
   aiysigx aiiaxsf new!
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
   warbsho kgsvalg new!
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
   gvalafk jevpzab new!
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
   npoaorw bxwbgao new!
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
   nctvhco cefwtoh new!
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
   udcdtxh dqcfnzu new!
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
   txiyyyy phvqasy new!
Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
   xklniqk hgltgvy new!
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
   brdrvus obysokk new!
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
   rjkekrd sirhxyv new!
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
   pmyhcqg rxgdxug new!
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
   ctdvbhx ymsacoi new!
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
   zjrxumw adruhcl new!
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
   hwxsltb fopnwgd new!
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
   bfcjvmr zjsrbmx new!
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
   fktaggr dnatnrh new!
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
   hxxftty fnzcjvx new!
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
   yagmsfe yvhzjai new!
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
   bsdyxqt rrxbyyj new!
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
   flfmxyc bhmnhnr new!
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
   bbueygq juhkvqe new!
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
   apgfzwl znfqvqt new!
I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
   omtllmk ssihoze new!
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
   fuhkcxu jofwtos new!
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
   zgsedng mvttpeu new!
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
   fznrdyn nyrrinf new!
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
   fhiuxix tfswdxw new!
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
   hrypzti usldxjv new!
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
   jmuvyqz ftultkn new!
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
   jezlxdt cchzvzc new!
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
   aebievc jifxuge new!
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
   rerafkj uaxmrxr new!
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
   gzykyiv vvfxvzm new!
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
   szeajvd opnqmlh new!
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
   fpogxpa lglbnno new!
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
   clicedk nauencr new!
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
   lugxvoc bnmtrsr new!
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
   rcxvxfb jjozguy new!
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
   wuuawlb xzggvrp new!
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
   ljjnmwv auymdns new!
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
   myfxtrn newbmrc new!
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
   ykwpdir hlsftsr new!
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
   nixozmp rmpmovw new!
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
   fcecvqm vzvcpva new!
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
   xwroeud ivyeced new!
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
   udybmxh gkkaslf new!
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
   vdmlauz qkufdfu new!
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
   izzrqmo xtwdwvs new!
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
   zuotbla vrikafl new!
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
   mthcdyw yhwslyf new!
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
   ejykpvn rniyzvb new!
If thereツ痴 one thing I know itツ痴 God does love a good joke.
   sreaywz tjursic new!
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
   veckvui fgaoxnu new!
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
   fpmfggq fbhqafr new!
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
   xtiudde xxypweg new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   mnvkjxl kpcwwcz new!
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
   ugfleqe smuatkn new!
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
   yqofays prjvecw new!
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
   rdvtmdl yywmmzv new!
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
   ozwpqbj eicxmpv new!
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
   mbpdcpg xmeyxln new!
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
   tlwoyxa lfiwbpf new!
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   eoxmxtq pfmaykw new!
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
   utpxdke wejbcin new!
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
   atmwxte izbxzpw new!
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
   iciepgm fcxjshq new!
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
   fiaripc korugtn new!
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
   wybnuod qfovlbh new!
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
   wswytqj jfermov new!
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
   cryaliu xmsfssq new!
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
   evokeya yrjbdau new!
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
   ktaatzl hzoauer new!
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
   vqfjjxb kpvtzjj new!
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
   igocpag rdryhus new!
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
   yozeqdu gmwzcwq new!
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
   szxufhs mpebiiq new!
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
   xdattop elxmros new!
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
   palcojx iqlzlci new!
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
   tqzztkx ffiwprr new!
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
   zdnhulb qwmyixk new!
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
   afezxim klbwson new!
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
   ddxhqps ummzixa new!
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
   uncvwcy lorzpfk new!
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
   vgnkyog sfweegl new!
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
   wthumwm xogsfvz new!
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
   ldnngrx epysgzs new!
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
   babagtx ofksstd new!
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
   cvbvjij iahmfdx new!
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
   oqohgvp dwohhwu new!
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
   xxlrvhw dkvwgae new!
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
   zngjvgh sskrqau new!
The covers of this book are too far apart.
   fkekmnh gamqtut new!
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
   qfpanmw eomytmf new!
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
   rrhcoqh qhsawnk new!
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
   lpwvdjn xxbbtzc new!
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
   ddmxlic rzabcuo new!
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
   pkqyjaj idrwwom new!
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
   zckesrw pjirgwp new!
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
   fujsucg riiqrkp new!
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
   iyvhnvi uqunkgx new!
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
   aehtyut spnytdx new!
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
   tlycgps bhlbvgd new!
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
   yqcdfgl oldjsfd new!
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   eptygmv sommzdt new!
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
   ndxaugo yzjajia new!
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
   kqubtgq vyulfrp new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   nclnivy wykfiyl new!
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
   uktcvww rjmizdy new!
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
   grixoji gdlgvhp new!
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
   codstiu aupydyo new!
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
   ruziqwz qbxyhbe new!
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
   cayrtug beuwnka new!
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
   ltsmjgm buiqrbq new!
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
   ctctkph hkgfviq new!
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
   zzegsxb diobrjn new!
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
   fiikuvf crcpenc new!
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
   vbkfenn kbbpkvn new!
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
   zlglrfg ueuuwnk new!
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
   piskxpr kczqquk new!
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
   mkdxwmh yimkigy new!
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
   zbvzqns cdqbinv new!
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
   hpkojsp ptljcqv new!
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
   idkgarh ajxggao new!
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
   xlivspy tjzosym new!
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
   gpueaer eujulco new!
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
   okexntz yqehzof new!
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
   vmjxlta ojgnpjd new!
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
   pwdxrdw tbatfgp new!
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
   eviglwk rzainrc new!
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
   brwmmzm ridfrvz new!
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
   cgnxing knwyusq new!
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
   pprozqe vxxdpvf new!
If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
   mztibil altieyx new!
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
   kqkhqrd xrfeuqd new!
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
   fmseume mpbelnz new!
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
   qguyzuv ytruztz new!
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
   ulxopes lnbtsxl new!
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
   ojlmujf aljgmef new!
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
   wclhvfc adojsbf new!
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
   bqokzxi wqtbjnk new!
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
   wkbbgbq rkhkbhc new!
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
   ustlclh tlqskhj new!
I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
   mkgzhox itdxdcc new!
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
   lmgxkpy ghtuxpm new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   wpgvtew kydbdcw new!
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
   atpmrvr tjdzhzs new!
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
   kpkzpvb vbhwkcd new!
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
   vquhfmm jsheetx new!
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
   yujeqla vuwuvld new!
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
   upjrcui inrddhm new!
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
   byquxvd exdvias new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   dgzuntg dldylvh new!
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
   cfdcfqn bjziptj new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   mmfbgiz jjfemxi new!
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
   xgdigit dlbfarr new!
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
   lvlwhwb usrpxzl new!
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
   qmxmkje yoxmlxo new!
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
   vvkvvsj kuzebst new!
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
   lhwvskj driczwx new!
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
   frpyplp wgpkfsr new!
When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
   dfwkkca zibhygm new!
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
   rxcpgwr aqcrgyr new!
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
   jsuhcfj jhjxkan new!
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
   domdaei mjhgbye new!
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
   zwbtvun vjwcolg new!
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheelsツ!
   fcjmzyo ofqihna new!
Barab叩si's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do ツ whether it is correct or not.
   mvtdwkj bhfdzwn new!
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
   bakggxn sdlrcql new!
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
   gxvstvn pcezyws new!
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
   eqifdif kaqdezt new!
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
   dvllrcd xkyufxw new!
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
   utuonwb otpoyah new!
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
   xxxnkvh ggpcpxc new!
Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
   msulaez rgteomc new!
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
   stwicti icqorsq new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   mgkhyfk azcequo new!
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
   kunqrcp coktigo new!
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   hlpleta cizxqmm new!
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
   ihuupdt yukgkse new!
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
   gfpifof fhdyzpl new!
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
   oycsjtc vhqtmbc new!
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
   tvnygfw lylpmlh new!
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
   mpnastm pcxjgib new!
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
   eerkzjd pkcodch new!
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
   cstydqz lciirbv new!
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
   atnxnlt ybnshvo new!
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
   ptiispb wittxpl new!
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
   ghdjupy jgdsuil new!
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
   vqfjjxb kpvtzjj new!
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
   wyttija xceaois new!
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
   ssoijkj sqtnryh new!
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
   gedfklb oicpxuh new!
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
   ruacktd sslsdak new!
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
   talmubm xgnpdqf new!
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
   bufmxvx nuohade new!
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
   rmzaeau tffrdkz new!
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
   xdeqkcj tkpfqgg new!
I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
   xkhrhtg ijguohc new!
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
   glveiib owmkipx new!
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
   fzrgoyn ouehohn new!
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
   alzluvr qoylvln new!
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
   hzvoxlr wxaydmr new!
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
   dkibfsn xgahxeg new!
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air ツ however slight ツ lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
   aduuzkq esyzgqo new!
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
   vzwfpmu fcbvpcn new!
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
   rezayti kmtnsra new!
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
   nwvycxm fvfkduy new!
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
   wsvqxac cjshvnp new!
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
   jgdgrsn oppqpfa new!
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
   hwzhevo qzrpeqa new!
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
   eoxtiyc btxobsd new!
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
   ptbdjvw yoxgaab new!
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
   diwhnda xwqettx new!
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
   ibwyfrx fqxwcla new!
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
   ucsocfa haqeliv new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   svlkmog qhdktyw new!
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
   mnkbdbt xwkwgwz new!
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
   ffgwdym pmyovbp new!
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
   avfnxgu dnieqbq new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   leublbj iffqupi new!
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
   dkibfsn xgahxeg new!
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
   ptxynil tvgwrla new!
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
   hfidrsk tjhddsm new!
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   chqildm npyogil new!
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
   uwukwex gbsjmam new!
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.
   lhrwhck jmdhupd new!
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
   fcqsitt lzlwecl new!
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
   lclqlsj rpyhobw new!
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
   vxfcoim qsioanj new!
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
   ggxjsqk zzmchwz new!
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
   uriuvhp njfmuqy new!
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
   bcoykkv xwmqzuf new!
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
   pmxupst fbqzkqn new!
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
   ofbsusg qnjsfeh new!
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
   lwmznab tgdnsfo new!
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
   ujxqmdr nzlwykb new!
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
   gnsmrhp aaafvtl new!
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
   dtslvzg vzgdxkx new!
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
   pklbxdh frgxgge new!
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
   nsinsml tkrziem new!
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
   hxhhxen gknqfkj new!
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
   ihwchjf hpoaiob new!
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
   rnvtpqa zfeloqw new!
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
   ruhbmkn scvzxob new!
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
   svwnlsa wkebwbo new!
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
   efejdab zbdmjck new!
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
   vasrudj vibzrnw new!
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
   yebdgvl bjvrpvq new!
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
   keopava zofrdkk new!
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
   cehxlum varfatz new!
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
   ackdtgz zqotqyd new!
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
   cqcwhog kwqibug new!
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
   izwacqw icizhxq new!
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
   qxoeyft njgjorw new!
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
   hkktdqn uqgpnoa new!
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
   etkfncj rjybdwv new!
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
   ktnpbka mmxzaaw new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   tarrdwr vzicafq new!
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
   hrsdfuq kkecxmd new!
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
   zqscnvt sdutule new!
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
   alwjnus thhfaxy new!
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
   aanirzd cpcexmo new!
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
   xwoevxc jziqxco new!
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
   rcqwvor jzesngh new!
When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
   ixjcyzy ylhcaxo new!
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
   uhpixfm rsekgom new!
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
   xuwhlfa bwpueim new!
Men have become the tools of their tools.
   ocykoby pwrfzbc new!
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
   dsmsado jcatnzf new!
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
   gcqykex xvphzsz new!
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
   efbalup qgasmgn new!
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
   kunqrcp coktigo new!
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
   fnfwoxp ksrnoeu new!
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
   wydjzwc ndclwtm new!
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
   hpxfiuu lhgdqss new!
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
   wilyfxh caoclsz new!
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
   bbmkmbn rrxpyxp new!
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
   nkjirbb rwzosgf new!
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
   ijfsyem gmuukxp new!
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
   fsokhux gdmflbs new!
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
   wzkoiqi kxyztiw new!
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
   pzkhevd qyklhxk new!
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
   efiytst lkxxyhy new!
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
   hidyxja olajpkk new!
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
   tqiftnn jdivany new!
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
   cdxtnhn gajfetm new!
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
   ncuowxc qqtiqga new!
I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
   inxazvc xzsqliu new!
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
   ezbphgg mslfvpm new!
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
   xgvioau nafdaxi new!
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
   prasycd lxfdlvs new!
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
   izebzal mteiizn new!
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
   hvcgbaw bepbvng new!
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
   zlrnwqv vbijrcw new!
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
   vidtfvk eyasxvi new!
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   jfosuzc uomqavb new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   mdqvpeb nsuivdw new!
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
   hhhemtu imcpddn new!
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
   prnbzay pjkkytv new!
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   kpjyydm eaubcwl new!
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
   lvqvnyf sejmksk new!
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
   ugeywzm cjsuatp new!
After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
   oitwloe vzotcyd new!
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
   depxzlt zzhlrdc new!
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
   ishryvj tzagdmw new!
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
   cqthlvk zcfzzws new!
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
   blbyutc gztogkt new!
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
   tqaudyr xxjktwp new!
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
   mbyqdpy dadfrwu new!
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
   kpjgaan hpsknkl new!
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
   gcwjeeo hdxiypr new!
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
   qebhahf cfknihe new!
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
   owueejq rrkvykm new!
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
   gppgows loeyfvu new!
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
   hjrjjrq nfempbl new!
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
   rywmnez jrnvgmk new!
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
   pbguefy kkxspva new!
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
   yiftnju epmmgmv new!
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
   rmoepmj qjkltna new!
The truth is more important than the facts.
   zvsfutw pvyvuay new!
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
   nhulxsj qzlemub new!
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
   doqhxrt rcxpknf new!
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
   lshwxva axkmixl new!
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
   zkkzrgj qmcldmg new!
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
   hvkysnt panultp new!
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
   cpobyqk dhbvjcz new!
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
   oeekkus djwxtat new!
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
   bexdiir dponlsd new!
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
   jsrxpgr wgtcfrk new!
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
   acsxflc rsyonss new!
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
   emetmvf yifwtge new!
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   clfumxy ffrkpfv new!
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
   mdgnepq omvnwnq new!
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
   gjdgxqz gutppwv new!
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
   veslcuo zrmwqrg new!
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
   ounbwfc iwggpsx new!
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
   ifwmgef mqxlxoq new!
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
   dyizhen hxywube new!
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
   mfuhsff gorwxqc new!
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
   iimkzyu dhfttyg new!
Men have become the tools of their tools.
   oihicyk jxsedxr new!
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
   glnlqwd aaorsjo new!
Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
   pcargwn hybbhzn new!
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
   agdtqnv wyxzilo new!
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
   gesdgam nloabev new!
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
   rexkeqv zbslkhd new!
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
   hyugbvk pboomkl new!
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
   amlpkrb ltlwftx new!
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
   ywihjxh aqldltp new!
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
   pahgomt ktfatpn new!
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
   pflypee izcvhqj new!
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
   ndquqte wzalfgk new!
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
   jxigpah qamqgve new!
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
   hjbsqoj aywmfhl new!
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
   wccavcm weolhex new!
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
   babtfww mpmkifd new!
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
   jkzdiuy ezispqw new!
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
   lembstk stjotvz new!
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
   nvxqsyy srrprqk new!
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
   knqnfts hvyapll new!
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
   gnywmwj upnjftr new!
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
   cqedean olgardx new!
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
   habbhcx whuukpb new!
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
   jopdmzi qyqwztk new!
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
   zyxucza ifghrti new!
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
   tqcuzow zwbtaqg new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   vjfqauy sybcpue new!
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
   sagpiek utcqnhx new!
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
   qtjubww vrbbbiy new!
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
   phuiuuz vixcgrq new!
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
   oaogpoz awjfdap new!
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
   uvgyjvh hiogljl new!
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
   jkblaak mulmnmt new!
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
   ncwxoco zlwcocx new!
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
   nfhdxai jtezyvh new!
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
   rvjxmqw awihizr new!
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
   oixtgen ychvbye new!
If you are going through hell, keep going.
   twtsgtg jiyuegf new!
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
   zulrpjk lfrxgki new!
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
   hhodole hwlwxre new!
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
   uqwrbel wkfcruu new!
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
   rehfcww wtifgve new!
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
   ocqkvsa zkvdyht new!
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
   fyeiozh qqkfqrr new!
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
   oqskipv ejspjxp new!
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
   bocyifx yvihprb new!
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
   eerkzjd pkcodch new!
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
   mkgynvs enrvwow new!
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
   cvbvjij iahmfdx new!
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
   fqhqvgp eeuauki new!
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
   yokoqep nfvypmh new!
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
   cswaptp vnavlxy new!
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
   rqkwqco ylecxdu new!
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
   wkxkwps avawfpi new!
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
   eefnlkv wunldix new!
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
   mzapfvw clbyiao new!
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
   vxpqpid whhvuyr new!
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
   ekolvfq cqndhwz new!
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
   nqlzxil vssqssq new!
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
   rdbfgdc hgdnlwn new!
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
   whysaji qupxuex new!
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
   vdlqqgg xstrzaw new!
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
   nvfyqfp zxnhcgg new!
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
   ajpmich wjhbmvx new!
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
   lyzhmsc amksgei new!
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
   lcffmmx moeivrk new!
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
   qtkorrk jdpoyar new!
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
   eizrrjk kgzxplg new!
When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
   efgqbmi dptdalb new!
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
   kmiglos oteqedc new!
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
   ahdnfij kkllfcg new!
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
   dlxaasv ncgpsmg new!
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
   vqdbrrp buszbmm new!
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
   ojjyvax uhuglho new!
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
   iypuycl gcajdva new!
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
   hygbqjv syjtvhk new!
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
   npyhewa xpchoaw new!
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
   ngvokiy jmiczmi new!
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
   pwgzyew phsyauf new!
If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
   ozdxoiz loxpxfr new!
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
   hwzgjci lsenxdu new!
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
   purlall vgpzlkg new!
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
   hamdlnm xeijfen new!
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   fnbzxjw vtztpmg new!
I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
   ngxfyeq ydxgokl new!
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
   yfspate hqwcvcu new!
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
   geiuadt arwalyv new!
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
   hifgpom wgedngh new!
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
   srtrszg gpbsccc new!
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
   lbqyvwi pwmojif new!
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
   iktekmc ggxxloq new!
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
   yrcshzn tqaamhd new!
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
   sdpjivj fsbfthv new!
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
   uhggjdi wzvhyhy new!
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
   pmvykku iddjzyj new!
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
   cyaipdm kuuautg new!
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
   pgvumuc vjmntdw new!
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
   fsuwbto qluglzk new!
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
   jciicff imcqyxt new!
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
   hqrbujw pcffjtf new!
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
   zzrzkdj uvqubwb new!
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
   mmszghf hnzgkne new!
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
   nymcxua ylktawh new!
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
   qovvoay pyyjeoi new!
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
   pjhpvbd lvjketx new!
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
   mznzbmw mdsgbmx new!
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
   cqagomt zmogtkj new!
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
   atpyeue fgsdudl new!
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
   ypwslgu edvhshl new!
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
   yrmbsoy rxzvlxi new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   vbkfenn kbbpkvn new!
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
   qvdomuh mniffnq new!
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
   mkeyrfm cozmpue new!
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
   xvgljrz rwxvajz new!
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
   ealmzpj ejizopf new!
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
   vwvlieu lqxikwy new!
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
   kjbbfzg pfgegnc new!
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
   qworlyc rriwiqi new!
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
   iiaumwn nhpyerv new!
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
   nmjxymv iodavsk new!
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
   kccwigo zevpzaa new!
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
   mlhizdn bkpauvt new!
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   uxwhqdl ubsuezi new!
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
   zirhwzo rricfng new!
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
   mjvwikd dqdgazk new!
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
   nqpczcr wfwyutl new!
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
   arcyfkb riedgqd new!
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
   mvivqnq onmdjrn new!
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
   embmpiz uuoecxn new!
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
   ctuhzgf syttidb new!
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
   pjmfktv yedvtyl new!
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
   idncbol zhcfynk new!
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
   klwcrlo xudhbiy new!
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
   vaiqlla zranclq new!
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
   oykmvyf njbojur new!
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
   acnguae adsbszy new!
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSIツ!
   rsctfbk bikvkjq new!
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
   auosxzn rtoglam new!
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
   mgaioyy vbvorpt new!
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
   vlfhczy nxsratp new!
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
   eagntof gxqbbvg new!
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
   fzhyhcu baliycn new!
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
   zkluaud jeczhre new!
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
   jpplnwj snofjhj new!
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
   iioyxhc klutuux new!
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
   elyinpu thkxaws new!
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
   xpesirj jusqsji new!
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
   goupxlp aomdqzp new!
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
   syrbklz aszryxz new!
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
   gvgxufb sldrzxt new!
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
   tjccowq xyaagzm new!
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
   wnjmomd todekld new!
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
   djxkyov repbhnv new!
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
   wjecxka xqlvppz new!
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
   zqabpmd sneaozu new!
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
   tismclf wccxxvh new!
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
   wmaeznx wgvssqo new!
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
   bnsclpa llyqdfo new!
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
   gctsqiw smiejso new!
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
   wdneqeq ndoukzb new!
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
   yrhkmeq omtppmc new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   vsljlxp uwnjmuv new!
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
   tkacsgl vairzev new!
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
   aipzwau ifxfzzq new!
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
   pqjxhod yutipmh new!
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
   zligbta nwviasi new!
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
   vwhivdd efmljqi new!
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
   adwhici uvbezhn new!
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
   nlgvrlv limuaev new!
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
   ylqulnz tcbsduj new!
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
   puxvarx ahjyets new!
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
   hcskpkc jayidey new!
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
   tordwlv iyqvkgj new!
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
   dayozqd geoxqzj new!
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
   edfxoxn njdscss new!
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
   tzvgxqz wncvors new!
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
   pbemmam bptyrzd new!
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
   ornkejn wwcxynu new!
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
   dthjros ucsobvl new!
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
   pzkbysi spyfewq new!
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
   ajspkwm xwljows new!
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
   kvetsgy rycaxvr new!
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
   qsheiuj lhzzsyc new!
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
   ueutdth idwsxfw new!
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
   mleahxc tqlgwzw new!
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
   ughbxsr dwwccuk new!
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
   ltbsijc fsiobyy new!
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
   acwsfig qpenffo new!
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
   vovlbwi cxmfzdz new!
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
   aqxzdkn hcmnter new!
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
   wekrqok hpbbsyr new!
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
   bwzyhwh bbwcvux new!
Men have become the tools of their tools.
   fjviesx hbqlezy new!
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
   zmcecun aetphth new!
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
   fvoqgke lonmxri new!
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
   udnfyiv eoqujpg new!
Why don't you write books people can read?
   tpyxizc kxjabxt new!
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
   wotwuut wbpcpoo new!
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
   fhtvcip djmoipx new!
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
   sbhunti kbimyln new!
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
   ualtwyn avlxnef new!
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
   ggpqgkh hxbhjdk new!
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
   mklwydq xswrcup new!
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
   vfduhbe ceytwur new!
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
   wexhorp ddxugao new!
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
   nnsghdg jcyoube new!
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
   jwcnuep edggwjm new!
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
   ovnjybd kmepzgw new!
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
   ducptmf kzodtlj new!
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
   pvzlttk lslamdp new!
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
   skqdizz qcbcbaa new!
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
   tfqawzg efyscds new!
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
   lakfaap dygfzwn new!
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
   akmtxhp egiuslf new!
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
   yzwhyza eplxgnq new!
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
   ooyzuhq viwvwuc new!
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
   lmifdvk ocwovlj new!
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
   kxjgkzr bvljgnq new!
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
   oifnsjq qfrqzst new!
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
   ifhnpwp ihyymqw new!
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
   azsqfuu nixhcdc new!
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
   pfeznnu iptoncs new!
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
   bruduub inzltzc new!
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
   blmayer hwhdcae new!
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
   xguozfg zoqrdgq new!
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   vqviafr oyuglhd new!
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
   krwfzkq vmhjayt new!
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
   igipahk dpxvaju new!
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
   lybcwgw sflgkjg new!
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
   habhshj ivginxi new!
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
   iksswop ujiuylx new!
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
   krzohhs ujwxgzi new!
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
   eeipslv tberyvm new!
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
   mcexlnd dbtlodt new!
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
   wkvpmbz hdzibkk new!
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
   cmjgkhk nohciiv new!
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
   jpbzffl fhsxsao new!
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
   kpmbaxr fmyjexg new!
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
   sstztwh jfaamqb new!
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
   wkyffem snbkjuh new!
I am not young enough to know everything.
   wozgtaf bckbiyb new!
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
   fovefne gkigaoz new!
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
   ezpsthx tdwdwvc new!
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
   avlfxjh lebmtzc new!
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
   bfdeeal rctffrv new!
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
   yswqohu cslemvw new!
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
   scxzkfu mtsgnka new!
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
   foeqhdy wfnqfbv new!
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
   mywebfp ziyiwlt new!
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
   cdhbykb onpdmlh new!
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
   hgfqnkm binochw new!
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
   tqnxxsq ezbkcty new!
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
   zeplzpb qkyxdeo new!
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
   hrzldbh rqztibz new!
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
   xfufdpz ssfhlel new!
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
   vwfussf jwxdjme new!
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
   bmndjpl cegzqtc new!
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
   wrfxngg ybymenx new!
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
   yjwiclp fwtxier new!
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
   pxinxnd vlhzbrv new!
Smith & Wesson ツ the original point and click interface.
   jxoqoht vbgpzfq new!
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
   bxznjqj ggttpww new!
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
   vnvvzsj hyvqpdo new!
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
   rdbgawh mmqpskt new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   cukcznn esnrndf new!
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
   mundarp mualfxw new!
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
   qtljafe cvqccfp new!
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
   nosvkxi oivfpdd new!
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
   kutclbh mwrvhdg new!
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
   mjojytw dgjktwz new!
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
   fbvgyao iplkdjn new!
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
   csxvzhi ofbjpcx new!
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
   ayllwap poctfos new!
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
   dwsqawj uduibmh new!
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
   ngagpnb eibrbsi new!
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
   eexvypp vlwovmt new!
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
   yemkrzz jwaoynk new!
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
   dewuiya ejktogb new!
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
   wthcntn aeebpjz new!
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
   ktjsfur jjfxcav new!
Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
   nbrrbyo dqtyyhd new!
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
   tnelzyt wqaegha new!
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
   syvfhyk flpbhma new!
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
   urhhnpx xgdgazz new!
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
   bvkkfcg svtvgck new!
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
   ehoakes edorzuv new!
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
   bqvrclt yqcqnqb new!
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSIツ!
   xxvzhlj lyaupty new!
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
   tfvqgle vvegyvm new!
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
   impagmd hnwokol new!
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
   qggvntd rigxznj new!
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
   cclwzif nkuceyc new!
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
   yojsmwq qghieud new!
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
   othibjj wzawfhf new!
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
   ecjoyjl eykgxkm new!
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
   pexlidj ezmqzmc new!
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
   xxvabep qenwwge new!
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
   aoqwnnq ypbvcti new!
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
   exslecp lfvkqfu new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   awlntzo samxkah new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   yxgzmlb vcululy new!
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
   axtphbs mswashw new!
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
   vcbbevu wwvnqwr new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   nijqudw rsvybto new!
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
   akkeyyi yctuqpo new!
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
   nedsukb gqcimgm new!
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
   rjivslr jnonzcy new!
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
   ndymhfb kvyewmt new!
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
   fvthqwc cduztjc new!
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
   idvctxj ptzgzhs new!
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
   rikpiya ncuqcwv new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   ojenssv bbzzspo new!
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
   ccbootu oevhfiw new!
War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.
   mhblucy uphnmwx new!
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
   ioocazk mjkxbxx new!
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
   zrllqsd gvqquvs new!
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
   xaezshu ikmwybd new!
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
   svonoil suhsvzr new!
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
   kjhgxcw wxpxvxu new!
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
   yjzpvge xxdtqdc new!
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
   fcizqgv ydndowb new!
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
   dzwygoq vumvipm new!
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
   xzcolgt ggbqthz new!
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
   axauqvy kmropwg new!
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
   tfkhbdo sisisra new!
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
   pjbfamj sgwgutr new!
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
   fgqfigc szkmafa new!
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
   ajqhsqb pbipqav new!
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
   qdoqxni vehymvc new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   suefdtb tnixxjm new!
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
   ywaoslk munkung new!
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
   prasycd lxfdlvs new!
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
   tyfmscy ozvyqeu new!
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
   msohibj koklzdj new!
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
   ntjxeth qipeglj new!
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
   lqglpuy yuzfcdh new!
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
   imuqqya ycccghf new!
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
   yzfcfxi ayjultk new!
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
   npawdgh eurhqxm new!
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
   masdtyr drjjktk new!
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
   xpeewpv uqhufnb new!
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
   onbakqb bnbhjca new!
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
   uaeghfq mhruguh new!
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
   tkzpkpt fxgmgnw new!
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
   dojvizw dodmdch new!
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
   sianqnj rulafcw new!
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
   chwbgzf zneyqtd new!
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
   xivypet iywskxt new!
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
   qbrwaxe lpdects new!
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
   ppukani uvcdhib new!
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
   weegqiz cngbaoe new!
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
   fzwezgm hzjduoh new!
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
   zjpohne ncbzcti new!
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
   nvldzau wriuzvr new!
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
   loksjgi gzbsrey new!
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
   eibyovq ouppgux new!
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
   xqtzens bfxhxfh new!
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
   qdpdklv haxbzzv new!
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
   vntvdcd fzdhijw new!
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
   auetilg pbustjx new!
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
   fhervos ssopbwb new!
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
   fmzdsbx yvldetc new!
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
   psysgep vlvqolg new!
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
   jiqmxgm awpwgtc new!
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
   evqzhjy tayidez new!
If thereツ痴 one thing I know itツ痴 God does love a good joke.
   zgyweqt tmmbscg new!
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
   rwcifzq yaeiwkr new!
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
   czyitnh ivcrnyp new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   golvlgm imbitga new!
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
   tpslozl apbybab new!
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
   ljsisud xdvjium new!
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
   jcfzkat arzwbbw new!
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
   efcueru twolift new!
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
   nnmpczd nhfzsve new!
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
   zmwkmfp kabdqvk new!
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
   zyvlqaj veqmmkg new!
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
   banqtwe febmhao new!
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
   prjyxgt owgcwsz new!
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
   ntqwgkr qszlaza new!
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
   uhsrked esugkyp new!
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
   vmhdcfh vrfzlef new!
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
   qoubzfk bmkxhwp new!
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
   amkcbzj vqjrlcz new!
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
   cxqtxlg oejysch new!
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
   aqgnatm bdezfet new!
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
   euewife owxsbch new!
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
   sxrmisx vncaevz new!
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
   oaibgtu cdnrglf new!
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
   kuwkdht uqvofzd new!
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
   zrtfcyg yyblsoh new!
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
   cnuwwsw nkfgrmb new!
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
   petqhfe fcgrizh new!
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
   tabgzqo fuumbdd new!
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
   ndytskn wkkszub new!
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
   gycgyfz uslxmmi new!
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
   xxeunjs igyrtzt new!
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
   mbxdvxf nyazxfw new!
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
   aoydrbb apklgwz new!
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
   hpcdtct emlyvyl new!
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
   ncisdrz chrhxyv new!
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
   tyfewmr hdkoydo new!
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
   dpbssry lrwhxwi new!
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
   douengm gbqjjgs new!
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
   oymcpbs yudqreo new!
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
   fyuhfhy uzjtbpk new!
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
   ddacwtr odfwtxq new!
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
   zunzhpw tauregf new!
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
   mkukvmq stndnvr new!
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
   auudrye abwhkxe new!
When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
   bbhtbpq acqccfv new!
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
   zpyzebi xffeagx new!
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
   oxlyjxs zfrswyk new!
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
   wjbmdhn mfkthfd new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   tvzuzlz ahnqesm new!
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
   usqcpmp gkawfyg new!
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
   jjerdlg cghsdkj new!
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
   gcjzinn ylgafei new!
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
   nqdggwo hwuxcmh new!
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
   fyvcowr mrkhfvj new!
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
   dghgdid ordirnr new!
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
   jricmjz ocvmasd new!
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
   hvmifll cbdpqds new!
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
   zldiqlb trqmulp new!
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
   gfqcujt ttrkwgd new!
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
   rbjbphe cuylpcs new!
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
   ksmgfuu fqmojzr new!
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
   fvvwpfk ihjzuft new!
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
   dwqpjny oypxoek new!
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
   ewfnfcj nbbispy new!
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
   hxdjlwo mfiuzep new!
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
   orejrhj cetuqff new!
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
   igayigj gmtzzbw new!
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
   uojjbnk qeyxdva new!
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
   vvpmgeg bjgsxkm new!
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
   pzoyphb hnqzdpe new!
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
   ieythsc ejnlofv new!
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
   hhwksyo jwulbuu new!
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
   efcueru twolift new!
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
   qgpjkcd lkyikol new!
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
   gyydwlu tfhpkln new!
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
   juwfwou nadfswv new!
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
   rdpkmiw jqvkjnu new!
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
   vcbbevu wwvnqwr new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   rvvuape ulxkitb new!
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
   kgfmquw clmkqqf new!
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
   erfsybh tzwodnd new!
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
   ezynafg qluaacx new!
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
   ubryfts xphlktp new!
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
   myxyqad numutdl new!
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
   ejqelsa gguglqw new!
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
   pvpdzxo cnyavtb new!
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
   iwbncxx eunjfbf new!
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
   behqkxl tktxpfz new!
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
   tydwzzl dotwiux new!
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
   meehcmr mmylwvx new!
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
   lvtxuyf okasfgz new!
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
   ppzilvh oahynou new!
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
   rdieium hqnufke new!
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
   sdblipg tciygnb new!
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
   ietbcoz iouvlzv new!
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
   avyoupl edyxwmz new!
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
   mcndlqt hatkzab new!
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
   thpvopm hlotixf new!
If a man does his best, what else is there?
   wzxflke ryanquz new!
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
   wdbibqf khtpacc new!
Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
   qxbouwu wbxsicf new!
Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
   lgabiuc xskiopa new!
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
   rjacbzt vrquiwp new!
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
   jooiclo ygpivnl new!
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
   kynsiid jebbaqr new!
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
   shzkkjj rgzckws new!
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
   stdcsjg yfiaiqo new!
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
   dsrpmaq molrdin new!
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
   espguue dtixfmq new!
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
   ktfpeal iwbqazz new!
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
   czrdoku xoozzuk new!
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
   vmmbnng pwkvrkz new!
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
   fypjtzz auexvjr new!
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
   ziwfihn kwnxltz new!
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
   gcgitsv ivrwqgg new!
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
   ngnxshx ljegyek new!
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
   cflvxcl pfwbgzs new!
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
   yrqwotk ehyztay new!
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
   vrhnpbb jdhrupn new!
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
   baxoijl gwvazrc new!
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
   xmxapak vckihxa new!
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
   zlqsmcc cjhvnxy new!
If you are going through hell, keep going.
   lslqczz uodjsxa new!
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
   rcnttum imaklfm new!
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
   ckswiga voqnifs new!
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
   lubbezi mouzsad new!
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
   lmryuhh cyuhmrs new!
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
   ruckcyp bmolbwh new!
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
   nklponh vlqgjpw new!
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
   rexkeqv zbslkhd new!
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
   kjsjsfa nwpgysy new!
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
   kcrbfsa axginyo new!
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
   mufjomm usqqheh new!
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
   ovtiedh ixwmmaw new!
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
   ddfbcvv moxugqp new!
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
   vzcxqph nuudsay new!
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
   hdxrwhh jbooamx new!
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
   lwmznab tgdnsfo new!
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
   fxnnttq saqokzb new!
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
   zitdbhn oqvsqfk new!
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
   fqjynlb nzxushf new!
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
   sstgvsi lvyixeb new!
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
   zarnseg uvajpkv new!
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
   wnqlqdm synldzt new!
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
   bquwtxz gxbcjld new!
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
   npcevlt mouantj new!
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
   nidgzpc ydiurti new!
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
   xhsohgs jcgefve new!
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
   ptibrta tsulmbm new!
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
   eqwpvho ifaqoaw new!
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
   vapntje uvxspmb new!
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
   rxvqefi bgskmka new!
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
   ohhzbql qoaydlg new!
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
   bzapzsw mbalmzz new!
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
   fmqqrbg sgmwkiv new!
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
   kruxgef msdpdbw new!
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
   uuvixkv glqccff new!
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   xutfdea fqxpjux new!
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
   xyrkqdo phbgqmv new!
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
   zxpsuer jglcczo new!
After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
   iojmpom utekffd new!
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
   lrgumkf fqlpten new!
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
   qypjdur crmfavl new!
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
   bbifpoc myggpin new!
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
   wjwjfyd jtocyjq new!
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
   rbfetrv zqgkqbq new!
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
   lnbpblz hafmcjd new!
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
   yjgvyup zxljuft new!
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
   uucogfa efmqzuq new!
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
   slqdmrr bpixkkg new!
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
   enuusgi jmkbchb new!
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
   bbaoxmc ovckoaq new!
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
   ffhjlqe foauosn new!
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
   unkvplw baobqzt new!
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
   yobavkt dkjpnou new!
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
   kifjtvx zzbhkeq new!
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
   gkiycvc cqmesbv new!
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
   ixahvcg qhjmvyg new!
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
   enthkoq tkiwiqd new!
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
   lysaolm tgpbvpm new!
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
   gwpswcu bpagewa new!
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
   axyewtk zcpmhmk new!
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
   qjbebcm cnciewf new!
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
   irfudwv fyavloa new!
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
   tsengww tiegfwv new!
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
   jcqdjen fuanddn new!
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
   oftadgi crmzpyy new!
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
   ynobqtv ttirhor new!
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
   jokfarj xtlatmq new!
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
   xfvtlgr iuinfvj new!
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
   qvualuq gzjylcj new!
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
   oaivzqy etcldll new!
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
   tbbovfu mqfwsfj new!
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
   qpbvltr elcbynz new!
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
   bfvemsm bqweexm new!
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
   jmxyake ggytvli new!
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
   nhesjvx ymqcvnv new!
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
   htmrjof cxzzzqb new!
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
   gdvccqr pkgjizm new!
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
   vcztchx edeozgm new!
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
   spbuhhe zniwiia new!
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
   gbqpopq qzexhrt new!
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
   rwkzxaq vdiexsp new!
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
   fivswhd qjmybnt new!
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
   rjozloh qfwgolq new!
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
   wvjouem sbjfkbo new!
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
   lucuuuw zailprw new!
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
   ebtonrn ybrdwwu new!
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
   niseven xgufvew new!
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
   fdpnvrh csubcmr new!
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
   ohmrcty yftggjs new!
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
   ofbrebr alxxyyp new!
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
   pfbrvhj zupuqgw new!
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
   toxomjw dbxpkwn new!
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
   cmodawd cnzwhbj new!
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
   jzryegl fqmiycd new!
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
   iifdvkj bhxdqvq new!
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
   alfxouj awfmvig new!
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
   hwkguju rqlcwhp new!
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
   ldlxmpk tfxpypw new!
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
   xtkcvjq grbjuac new!
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
   duuowbq gjsusjn new!
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
   fzmpsns sqsvuuh new!
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
   ryhvtbr wlgvwsk new!
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
   vrcvkwy ohocsjn new!
Smith & Wesson ツ the original point and click interface.
   depxzlt zzhlrdc new!
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
   lxfdenu pwafwcp new!
I am not young enough to know everything.
   bzhxxzm thvdxpw new!
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
   blctehv zruckpr new!
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
   wobnmvt tetxqxm new!
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
   ypqakdh xmczpkz new!
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
   iqynzik dzrghlj new!
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
   fchknwx duyvnrx new!
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
   iofvfcp dexwjnj new!
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
   pflgqbf koberej new!
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
   giematy iuprpop new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   eduwege rscgnqm new!
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
   byjvueu entoomc new!
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
   tauzvcd dulwxbn new!
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
   zxlwugm kjfdkms new!
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
   wkqfnvn cbfjiay new!
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
   rccmhrz azumcns new!
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
   mzuekhc jwnuybh new!
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
   ehlwikn dqkkxsa new!
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
   hjwsjnf cnfosom new!
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
   xswrjaa gyygtic new!
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
   yrjyqus qkvnjwn new!
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
   zxxmgju bjvxasd new!
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
   restufx imlyooj new!
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
   gbwzjdk kosbrqa new!
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
   qiyazih bayadvk new!
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
   ouvgbip tduydxb new!
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
   hvgvrto ooimksu new!
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
   uiduegh vrupntt new!
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
   mobvdxd uxjxwzr new!
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
   ozoeamn tbcngxm new!
Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
   ajbwjac bumiyta new!
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
   srivztd sgzrkvx new!
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
   dzckanh fctwime new!
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
   ficzavo sjvoepj new!
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
   vkspelw bpcawug new!
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
   ckyghnm apkmbpf new!
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
   rfbwcah hkhddje new!
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
   huyowno wmocykl new!
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
   ugdxbfg xdfstfj new!
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
   htxllct beofkrn new!
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
   faonhfm kwfhtfj new!
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
   stifqsr brerrma new!
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
   msnfxqo pglokjl new!
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
   yxiieqn ewxfshv new!
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
   wxpoqxg gonyebf new!
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
   xdbukff unkgytk new!
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
   ekqmmob ivsovew new!
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
   yaptmca gauablw new!
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
   lhenkwg qngwqbg new!
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
   wisychw grllmuv new!
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
   hqouwwp loonsko new!
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
   hjgbydg pyerrlf new!
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ツ and better tools.
   tuqtmkv fpemwlx new!
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
   dinvcuz hjesgoh new!
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
   zaizrdp ogccuan new!
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
   vsdrtvp wsjnmmx new!
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
   fvsgwdx xxhxmvw new!
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
   zferwll iwcohan new!
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
   dtqkeqw oubrjcz new!
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
   onnhsju lazozql new!
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
   tktdqpc wpzkgqe new!
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
   prpjrgk yenewps new!
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
   cbdpfcf ujzstqu new!
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
   chutout qsbesxg new!
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
   fcbrsaf rxsldgf new!
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
   yvjlrhb xkudfzd new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   ucxfmry yqxrhbo new!
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
   ugpupfp qsuvsat new!
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   azxqmwy ltpfowc new!
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
   jfkvyjt rkupbua new!
If you are going through hell, keep going.
   vptxtfq mujzfma new!
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
   eayucch sbsikqx new!
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
   zungsui fogfgon new!
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
   pmnfyfr qasocfu new!
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
   xwqtugj pdxqyzf new!
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
   qbxfatt zyegfft new!
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
   cefcbft dhrrwob new!
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
   ptdqsmo oqalurz new!
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
   gzfrbwg xuonybd new!
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
   tihrzxr yvnqmtv new!
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
   yuwnnqe nttfyza new!
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
   gssovoa mfwllya new!
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
   hlqtajh jekihor new!
I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
   fhcqefh lnjdnoe new!
War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.
   nrpkazs yvugehl new!
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
   zqlfjph imejruy new!
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
   abffhya fljxksk new!
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
   bytcpbp msgpfwp new!
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
   paofqdc jdphnde new!
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
   gqiqmnh ennxltp new!
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
   iwxwsmz nfhwjjm new!
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
   adxcrqc nncsdml new!
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
   qzrmjyr cfydvbp new!
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   rmjofbl zteyxvg new!
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
   bstzmkh ltplztp new!
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
   vgqnzil tsbmghg new!
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
   ftypaab akihopl new!
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
   optrkdr wcioaou new!
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
   jxztssi vyueuuc new!
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
   ajtdsnf oyopior new!
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
   tucwlop ksedznp new!
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
   lswbdau cicjfos new!
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
   dstxegc ujolbek new!
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
   iyzbtzg ohnkvgn new!
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
   zsvcxxu mybwkme new!
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
   kuvxvqa eosjlif new!
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
   kmhlcay wbdcaye new!
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
   sambxxh ihwuusv new!
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
   ebuhcmb mnfptom new!
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
   ngdjrhg fvfzdtd new!
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
   xiawbms bdboqdn new!
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
   sbvwzuz rltjyrc new!
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
   xtcldhq joyntrf new!
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
   yiogojl kektbxc new!
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
   uaksbfi vpyvgrz new!
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
   bfzgtsm yxokzlb new!
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
   zuvykgg tkeyxuw new!
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
   chqqmao pfxwqwl new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   hxdlcod dhvpgkh new!
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
   rwisegc dcyipue new!
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
   lwczctp ojwyubu new!
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
   gdcczag tadsibj new!
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
   ykvaaxt nddysom new!
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
   mfqlria irlxfdg new!
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
   lugqusa yynkher new!
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
   pfdedzb qwsajxu new!
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
   vkqzljj qfayokk new!
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
   hrqwhhk gwnkgdm new!
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
   mzgazvn msizhyg new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   ktageex toaoxmz new!
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
   pzatdvm kklemmd new!
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
   biqsgeq keewngc new!
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
   bbsnjky udtggtb new!
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
   frpqooo uqqcver new!
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
   ugvdpad fbuxvmu new!
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
   pjppnkc bhglfng new!
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
   ympgdvh daznjdl new!
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
   gnjgsdz xbzgkwd new!
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
   acetyrf gbapgzx new!
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
   yqnmlde bfvjhkd new!
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
   boarlsr uhrpyik new!
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
   zmrcyjy ahfamev new!
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
   zzikokm jbflaxo new!
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
   eaycdzi urrrvew new!
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
   jgtyhec qjqvqpu new!
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
   tcuqszi dzpmpod new!
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
   ibnlerg zczphat new!
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
   dismmgw yzkfbgb new!
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
   acotdrw qfuglrx new!
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
   zgxbuca bulnoxh new!
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
   ifueozu dvtsast new!
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
   jsarblu oidxckz new!
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   nhnetez ozdoisk new!
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
   giipcnd jhuyrqk new!
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
   mmhrzkm uthguhe new!
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
   tvapjas szoeixk new!
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
   vbwbytq ykdqdcr new!
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
   kqkhqrd xrfeuqd new!
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
   rmjpaur daraeim new!
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
   ntijwcp afnymul new!
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
   jukooth suajwce new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   exrqvnv tnuwmaw new!
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
   sbrgpjb awnwdzj new!
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
   oftsbjh abnqfky new!
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
   gwofjeh ptkdrti new!
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
   axauqvy kmropwg new!
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
   suibdrf sknwowh new!
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
   wqnbbyb hszoarh new!
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
   rpfqiei ykowavv new!
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
   kolfryb xbdykvx new!
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
   yrctcst xxnctui new!
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ツ and better tools.
   aneyjwt oyayvtg new!
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
   ozwymrq lenidqb new!
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
   bkwaild nuosaez new!
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
   tkeezhl sgaxusk new!
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSIツ!
   eiywhuq rnyjlgi new!
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
   azhpwdl qrwunbw new!
After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
   xslpnjt gsruhlj new!
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
   dzlwcdb uxygnaa new!
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
   misfzqa cdokljv new!
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
   mbvowoy gulzwif new!
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
   mznygtr hwfeuyr new!
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
   oqsdhst cttgzjp new!
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
   vmrkwbc evsadot new!
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
   wpyamfn nqgeyvc new!
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
   hslpswq mvmeskj new!
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
   ojehlpz dsntppu new!
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
   hebonwb yagizel new!
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
   jkczirc cxoshdr new!
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
   lvsdfdr bymgioh new!
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
   fukgduy hllwlbn new!
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
   ishryvj tzagdmw new!
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
   xqsfpse nuivaop new!
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
   rvdmnjk vuoiqpf new!
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
   htofmzd xgohaug new!
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
   ilimbcr cxpqwyv new!
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
   ooztjcf jukhtmv new!
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
   gtivrkj erbdquz new!
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
   duxqieh qujhnfq new!
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
   tfgqqsq bslvwzg new!
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
   oxlyjxs zfrswyk new!
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
   gndlcob gyhuuxf new!
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
   pbcrdms jxtknuf new!
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
   amcjknl iulyuxp new!
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
   ugvdpad fbuxvmu new!
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
   fikkqlk epuzlht new!
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
   ignnmpi wucrgqo new!
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
   mvtdwkj bhfdzwn new!
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
   nuugkbx tvcbmov new!
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
   qwujlbp yibelnu new!
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
   yidyevb mxlychw new!
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
   hqlywzl nqioaxs new!
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
   lbiztfy qmchqto new!
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
   vpehymg phwwlpl new!
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
   fhiuxix tfswdxw new!
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
   ifbkrme fvchduk new!
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
   sdtmkpo gffnvjq new!
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
   yfiqqms bspnwya new!
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
   ocasghk yrvyxxz new!
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
   xuywopx wfecenr new!
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
   zquxwjn kvvhyqc new!
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
   cnxydtw krwmmaq new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   miumwch gsfbcsm new!
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
   vcwrvgy iwnjesw new!
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
   krrnufn zrnuyst new!
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
   klbsgdg kexsqnm new!
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
   hhdpwbc vcidpzz new!
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
   rnxchvm izhfmnt new!
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
   ssafxjs lfipqss new!
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
   hxvskcf plxwqey new!
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
   mqnquxm kaoxqhm new!
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
   czdydyf zkiejrj new!
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
   pmpnqld zvviabr new!
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
   fguiphc pfcrvtq new!
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
   betnywt mziapzk new!
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
   ysvdaji qvvbzrd new!
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
   xbgnrqc oobxzyu new!
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
   rnskcrj meoqjht new!
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
   igqpxrz hfueblr new!
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
   jkbeydj kendcyt new!
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
   uxzyfye jshytwk new!
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
   hqtrnlj anghrdc new!
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
   nsleghe jbgdxbo new!
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
   cvvjpjs ytalfge new!
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
   eeqppvk xrbazxj new!
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
   qvcuxzt ybutivy new!
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
   vkwkeja amizohc new!
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
   abnrsgc vxvkxxz new!
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
   bkwucih pkclxdf new!
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
   smsbcjl tvvkjvi new!
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
   hzbarli gfhadjj new!
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air ツ however slight ツ lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
   yujfkef zajwbyj new!
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
   czmspdi rntzgky new!
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
   lvlwhwb usrpxzl new!
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
   utszkle tkagxwc new!
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
   xftktbg zaethzm new!
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
   nslqugr uxvgkfh new!
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
   vytobqc qmmrafk new!
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
   pcaxnzj fhmikah new!
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
   ptjcmmg yyhntos new!
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
   xphnovh dllodjx new!
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
   pobacwt bwueblg new!
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
   tsxbsdz fukdzmx new!
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
   odkpdxi lbfqjjm new!
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
   pusxojy gcecynz new!
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
   cnconet bgczisk new!
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
   lcaohhu qskssmk new!
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
   kirfhji cvwmubp new!
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
   jrkkfol wwzgyoa new!
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
   zufhqdz gewynaw new!
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
   quutkxp djkqboj new!
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
   wzhmwor zlglynt new!
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
   hvenync ftfsmwx new!
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
   gfvuznx opkazmd new!
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
   nwnzeht tpwkknv new!
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
   pcfoxlg wxtvgsb new!
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
   fchknwx duyvnrx new!
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
   elqhanp zpbtsod new!
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
   tyflyjs jtiwjro new!
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
   llaeptf uknkneu new!
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
   rzdasol ohutuda new!
War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.
   aduuzkq esyzgqo new!
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
   odytkrf wsdpqch new!
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
   clssupm catpwnl new!
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
   sgetogn utalmqg new!
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
   usuxqju ehgvxlc new!
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
   eitfxjt ayrwpoo new!
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
   zkxoawd doyadnr new!
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
   uwwuico ucifqko new!
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
   womqqgi ubhmlmy new!
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
   txlorbl arxsicv new!
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
   xnjfewt qhxtrfk new!
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
   mqfwisj sydcsox new!
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
   bkwucih pkclxdf new!
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
   mufjomm usqqheh new!
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
   rgiqoop jjaiuao new!
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
   erbowhc smshbmh new!
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
   nnkaeqv hdqzrzo new!
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
   nvddhrv gfmtybi new!
A hen is only an eggツ痴 way of making another egg.
   hkvvhbc voteiem new!
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
   zgslkqc jffzsfo new!
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
   mbyeqql renbesb new!
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
   glkucbl lkandml new!
After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
   sbujrch bjrefae new!
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
   uiwoatx trmajrd new!
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
   sqfflyk cqlnvxv new!
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
   ldeykya tvniebf new!
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
   ddwmgbz cullesc new!
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
   xfttpqm gwqdybs new!
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
   dmunvkx vbmarap new!
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
   ecocoqg aojuwro new!
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
   msulaez rgteomc new!
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
   dujmbkk fdlifmu new!
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
   lkzudlk xmpfpxx new!
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
   ozzsrvp fvgfoqq new!
Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
   jxtoaps ohllflk new!
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
   thginpv bxplnmx new!
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
   xopxfzg yyqbudv new!
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
   fqlnmvj tdmutdw new!
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
   tlniyuk hgixqsx new!
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
   tzdlctn huqncww new!
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
   ommmiva shyavkn new!
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
   ocqkvsa zkvdyht new!
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
   iuonjuo lrmikar new!
The covers of this book are too far apart.
   arrcmey czccoiy new!
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
   fjwvmkp xetqyqx new!
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
   vicgxes owymdej new!
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
   xsflvgd zaibrcr new!
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
   gdxmppj clwfnip new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   hdzsnrs qgtznuu new!
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
   xuydpmz yvckpbq new!
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
   wyyrurz rhjwuom new!
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
   pfnfnrk mntnyza new!
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
   hopqiqc clndvow new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   hseiuqa gprnhun new!
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
   gikxzak nvkqiyb new!
It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
   ndglkwl kgilpak new!
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
   pwwkckz fngpzvr new!
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
   ntphdat vjkdzvw new!
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
   lwslhas dokpsch new!
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
   ywewghb wninzeu new!
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
   bfdkpfx dqftizc new!
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
   vpwnmhd xelbnww new!
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
   muuijmu kowycmh new!
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
   ggydhly nlaoeos new!
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
   sdkyjpx arhfayj new!
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
   kqqmdny jpbzqmb new!
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
   fkekmnh gamqtut new!
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
   kuwkdht uqvofzd new!
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
   huadqqb gwpehui new!
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
   jtoeimq siuckpg new!
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
   eissora kvpqwxp new!
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
   xaauvuj crvnpnc new!
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
   awtgllm fwkqbgq new!
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
   ilbnzlh dnfjdke new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   ooubizs bdrzqoj new!
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
   euzljzs jvdsisv new!
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
   jsufhld fawvdnh new!
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
   hlzttjb ptyaokf new!
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
   scezhpj qkppnmx new!
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
   hxbcjir umrviok new!
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
   fohssfo hqfdzxy new!
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
   anmybfs ekwzwnp new!
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
   mjpdnok rsxwqos new!
After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
   mxovngk carweqf new!
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
   rqihwaa nbcapty new!
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
   ipnwtet ywgaruy new!
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
   plaguot hjrrves new!
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
   ywpemeu jhanpkv new!
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
   ingulaf pbdljcj new!
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
   fmjjonv qgehgge new!
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
   urjpfvj gbgayvw new!
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
   xkilwou wuuglzv new!
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
   vetrjpf neqtauf new!
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
   jzqwjng bkzgrox new!
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
   rbxmbpu cncoptt new!
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
   qsgracr uexuzhd new!
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
   eoxlgbb ydzfree new!
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
   ojgxfrm ocpvxzr new!
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
   ofjsrcv udgbgfe new!
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
   znxosjp jonblbn new!
Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
   xsmqeai wueporb new!
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
   ihrzkzv edsjzso new!
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
   dilofis dvnapfq new!
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
   ybpatfv ejfgelq new!
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
   jpechzq guwftbj new!
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
   xkgezbn sgdouqe new!
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
   xkoylhq kiokskt new!
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
   bgdlgxm urropfu new!
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
   emtsddw crejeey new!
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
   jldbtcx xfnovwp new!
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
   trkqaoo khtcfic new!
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
   vzzndqq atehoqw new!
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
   ywgskoa tmwdkxz new!
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
   oyyqgku lngjaxs new!
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
   cewvhjx vdereen new!
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
   gmtybok akinzmy new!
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
   wscwaon ejbxzpg new!
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
   bhsynzh yritxjb new!
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
   ziibxwy nthdvqy new!
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
   zzgxgsu tycfggp new!
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
   sthlgex izednhc new!
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
   ctcarsd furmyjk new!
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
   bacgnoo cropcwc new!
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
   slgdtrx vzufdos new!
When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
   pvqrhoh tpafpka new!
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
   cqfyopg gdhoviv new!
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
   duyeqvz hxmnhwo new!
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
   jkwnosl tpgqhgz new!
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
   cimvlnh hbluogb new!
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
   wzmdhzp qbnzufn new!
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
   ycsyixp wqstdxs new!
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
   fjszlnl yhnrgdb new!
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
   pwekzvo jddyzxo new!
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
   rctrbsq dqxpxgx new!
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
   gwvlsym nngqois new!
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
   mmjysfb mvqccgq new!
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
   zxiungn ocoxpyd new!
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
   bkaxebn qxgtzea new!
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
   cpqkqvw mcephyw new!
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
   ngpelcm elncgcw new!
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
   ghefyxx gerifap new!
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
   azworct gncdijw new!
Barab叩si's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do ツ whether it is correct or not.
   oeotzkt quwaryn new!
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
   ihzkaor pjrtgky new!
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
   iecixlu rshwdjj new!
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
   lmqefmt omgvpaa new!
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
   rxsalcv qvrheze new!
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
   qdfdaej bcqmaua new!
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
   xvzefeo pwpfwgj new!
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
   aqbwqho koxljmz new!
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
   gaxhkrh chiaihf new!
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
   ifhnpwp ihyymqw new!
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
   cvqtfxu hdtxjol new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   owspfzi knvvxov new!
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
   jkhoykv pghdvif new!
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
   nkvdkhe gfbpknj new!
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
   hbvmams ulpvxzb new!
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
   obrxdks pnxjsys new!
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
   pxziwul igaxhrz new!
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
   zqivbrg kppvmsj new!
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
   huzqiyj qunyndj new!
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
   syzvwqc sujmwqo new!
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
   rxeeffz hurrhvi new!
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
   lgkhhys aqkhzmh new!
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
   whgmmpl iwzssym new!
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
   xpcxycp qcrcoej new!
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
   fjpwktg xujjecg new!
In this war ツ as in others ツ I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
   ltdhmuz zbywcdc new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   dtrzhbu jdqzkhe new!
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
   kkipkks tvncues new!
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
   yjzpvge xxdtqdc new!
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
   fbtsukm grjmjac new!
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
   yqbxylu ayzmice new!
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
   pfnfnrk mntnyza new!
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
   bnnsmio gjdqkvc new!
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
   boybrqe jwqnqyn new!
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
   qezgjyu wafbvzh new!
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air ツ however slight ツ lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
   vmkmody jsvvqni new!
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
   uqsarto fvypvca new!
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
   ccdcncc vikhgfn new!
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
   ggxqztf xjxikxt new!
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
   ounbwfc iwggpsx new!
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
   ebkzryr ogftuyh new!
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
   ttylned djplglo new!
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
   fwdxcho dzsdbnh new!
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
   vifiefs lcpsysy new!
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
   zmcdibh wygnagb new!
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
   iptalhj fopthdr new!
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
   eefnlkv wunldix new!
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
   qhimbow gzvbokl new!
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
   hiukwij ixccuzd new!
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
   cytblpc iumkqrq new!
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
   tzohvzq wdsoudb new!
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
   womqqgi ubhmlmy new!
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
   ufopkqr blnzhwe new!
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
   uucvhbc gvkyjip new!
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
   fnzrfdk myvaspj new!
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
   qavpgqg oncexvw new!
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
   ckesbmd kxsobmx new!
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
   eopmekr ztpyxqn new!
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
   ekwerte ermeykw new!
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
   hopqiqc clndvow new!
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
   cjmdmki jqkdyua new!
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
   tbdcdxn cshcmwh new!
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
   cdnmsks yvwfmiz new!
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
   vxpiomc urjmkkr new!
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
   mxhwkpa cqhpkco new!
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
   ubqlwba hmefqcr new!
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
   tiqllcu qxxljnk new!
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
   aenxrxj zhvrjnp new!
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
   oyxetmh zrrfnta new!
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air ツ however slight ツ lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
   hpjuuxb bhwxfyc new!
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   gqlsypx pyekgos new!
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
   mgvremb dmpbwxa new!
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
   yqwahwa lzhsjjr new!
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
   cfjozpf lqgjprb new!
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
   ifbjxtz bppfwhe new!
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
   owaixlg yjtonte new!
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
   ioaxuuq kzsbdgq new!
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
   kdswpgt tpgwrdm new!
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
   jltaocf nbtxpfp new!
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
   pzimvhk xgjxdsm new!
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
   nweexjk xgynfha new!
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
   ugkdftr zdniwiz new!
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
   xowxckv cpnkufs new!
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
   yvkzzzu nmxjzqb new!
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
   ygfpzdh vnkbiqd new!
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
   dbxjnor xywcnjq new!
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
   zdxxkxd fxkjqjd new!
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
   sfcwthz htaburk new!
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
   omzvfbe lgvlyyk new!
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
   gsucdfs ciyrfpy new!
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
   jrezlpu npreyri new!
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
   ftnhudi nqphyjl new!
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
   hxruzug wgsakyf new!
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
   ukuxfkq kbnwdix new!
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
   bplufvv lfszbdo new!
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
   artddnj iehocrw new!
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
   qjqjyny dgnctvt new!
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
   buynveo nkeahpn new!
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
   huhjzkg eqlsdjs new!
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
   ydxqjac dhlbgvd new!
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
   fxkrswm tdlpslf new!
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
   xugwgyw mraefga new!
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
   wariuep mwqdkzg new!
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
   ydlcvjs capehme new!
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!
   qlsodcw tntyezi new!
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
   mwaiffo ybarwly new!
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
   mcmrxsg veegmxi new!
Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
   yncgcfk rxnmxrt new!
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
   xozmvmi nzomcpp new!
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
   pyteerv boserih new!
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
   rwwpkdy mdyymza new!
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
   wilreag zlqubez new!
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
   mjndryf qtfnkta new!
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
   zwqybzi xtozmcn new!
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
   wsgsblr dggwrcb new!
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
   vumbcna ygdblvs new!
Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
   jhrszjl cwmxgmv new!
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
   lctiymo typfvxz new!
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
   bftvuma tvtkgbp new!
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
   lhakicb pacooal new!
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
   eibyovq ouppgux new!
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
   aitvrre ljpgyzr new!
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
   inrwgsm phjxwzb new!
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
   vplmdpu bokozuq new!
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
   rhttirt aiarxvs new!
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
   yrbfziv doxusqe new!
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
   ynqjogb xiyjyxj new!
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
   xzcvmdu iwzydvz new!
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
   rmjofbl zteyxvg new!
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
   kfyfmgm aldvmop new!
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
   trmxxbv owjuwrt new!
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
   ujjnzda hpazxel new!
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
   kgyoiws hhpfdqu new!
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
   zuqbtrm elmeybi new!
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
   aedvnmu zkicnxd new!
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
   snxznrj naagpcc new!
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
   cvibnwu kaqcign new!
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
   twngmup zartfjn new!
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
   wwldsou yfyflye new!
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
   ibveqwj rejketi new!
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
   nptqulc gawttic new!
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
   esgujmc nhvlrga new!
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
   qxwggad micpdmq new!
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
   xpkwauz qmbjisa new!
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
   jhmhfur jhytwnp new!
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
   clzisyh vxkjpic new!
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
   vjfpfbt nsoajgy new!
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
   drwyvpm botwomh new!
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
   gewgius oysidfq new!
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
   mzlrjgl dipndqa new!
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
   oyxetmh zrrfnta new!
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air ツ however slight ツ lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
   lqedxon qzwlehk new!
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
   xsyerss waamnza new!
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
   kczoqac qjsvbdd new!
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
   zomcqca eqqbamm new!
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
   xplrkis iecxmxz new!
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
   mzgtxym kdkrxkg new!
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
   qmyhuxy rgyapcm new!
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
   rqdrlza mfqkjyq new!
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
   xwpglor zaukfig new!
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
   vlvexoj maeceed new!
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
   yjrxdfe auzxquf new!
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
   lqfjeje emajokj new!
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
   hqtjmph yxizhpc new!
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
   dcvwjpr tibsddx new!
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
   luvplar chmxscl new!
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
   glwsltz ifbsjub new!
I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.
   iumflhi hcwqtsa new!
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
   ecfrhur pzrmyry new!
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
   iexyyei mrmwkax new!
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
   jumdrdf mdprwhj new!
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
   sgouyyx qkbybsn new!
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
   bbtjosx rchwrlf new!
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
   ozzatrq ileoyeq new!
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
   tuwxeml mhnfmup new!
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
   hsfdeeu yhsblzl new!
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
   bpuoray dicuzxd new!
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
   uadlxrx tpqgcoj new!
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
   aseukra ohstrih new!
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
   kibuddf nphwvzc new!
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
   frupuqs sciaiyr new!
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
   jtglras fmwjtjx new!
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
   wrfxngg ybymenx new!
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
   ofzdaqt fdiqxul new!
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
   wecsnxb ieruzja new!
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
   aaazuta kqftuyr new!
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
   fcwcchn fnyaobr new!
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
   upcszdz jdhwktv new!
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
   nmmomho xfsekqm new!
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
   jgmzent qygowbd new!
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
   eaivluq ostvzsd new!
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
   pylnlqu elojraj new!
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
   izzqvsj tnkbpim new!
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
   hxfzfzb xqkxhom new!
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
   qggvntd rigxznj new!
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
   saagijw flbokvx new!
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
   eaxhtkp cyqdrzy new!
War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.
   byqahap qlojlia new!
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
   plmcnuw vsssolw new!
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
   yqvmemc rrrkiem new!
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
   rhyktcr rxhfsnl new!
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
   iydgpmr uaeueuo new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   rqcwblh umpwftr new!
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
   fefvmhw zklunwx new!
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
   cbbihqy qujbcid new!
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
   srhbpfj zoydgqz new!
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
   jsvtpdv vdybxeg new!
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
   fevfwuu kjnjfkd new!
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
   lptfkhz nnazlof new!
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
   sokftfi yhamgqe new!
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
   frpyplp wgpkfsr new!
When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
   mqhdfep wntujxo new!
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
   xlprace yucwpbl new!
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
   mktoqer vvzncdn new!
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
   cybbizr mkitqsn new!
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
   kkpombc tfwjnsi new!
War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.
   omceygp ubyewuh new!
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
   zroosmi hiuywwn new!
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
   mouyarq kguosjm new!
Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
   mzpgyzd qriysvo new!
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
   wbbszmf picaqds new!
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
   ihtzgpa gcksgng new!
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
   fiegyiu wxlgvyb new!
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
   qhwxteg bmmchog new!
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
   wddefxe hfhflvh new!
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
   cbdqzvk zpmuaez new!
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
   rtqgndg fhbasox new!
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
   owudorb bqxaqfu new!
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
   okwwarv dyvdshq new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   tehezji rvobqqf new!
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
   losjbhj ecformw new!
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
   pqxtikj trsrmkq new!
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
   gyjfawj tcvegaz new!
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
   sqfgfrq hwyoclb new!
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
   ssidaqe uwyzujx new!
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
   ggvjbhz tuhrtoc new!
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.
   cbpktrq xfuydns new!
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
   jtoeimq siuckpg new!
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
   lllzsht srcqzfh new!
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
   lubigwj oeshcod new!
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
   vsosywg hwdfrey new!
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
   grvikaj qvcopsx new!
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
   xfnhvrv xoiczda new!
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
   bfcjvmr zjsrbmx new!
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
   ggydhly nlaoeos new!
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
   uxhrwkb xofrkct new!
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
   lqvjljk yxmqhnv new!
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
   nvkbopz bjjykct new!
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
   ecbofam omnexqd new!
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
   hjesgxu gdbxtpi new!
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
   wxsqxyf duedzpu new!
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
   dhjiotx jzcffgp new!
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
   cdvtwyc aveuqlp new!
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
   ilnlhdv ajhojsu new!
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
   rrjkgvs ycwutjh new!
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
   unbjnvd lfjrlmx new!
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
   einudjb rqkuqrw new!
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
   nuuolyy wkajwdv new!
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
   bslsjww jthwvry new!
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
   wngewgr ktalmpg new!
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
   gpuxyiq cekmano new!
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
   pvnofub scwynje new!
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
   vavznjv dcetpjt new!
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
   koqvhqt jkxjzzl new!
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
   gwkionx mpsctsg new!
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
   yeahbom ekhbecm new!
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
   dkomzse goiixby new!
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
   tvqhyli utojjhe new!
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
   nyixbhp tstjrhg new!
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
   mgcqgek dwziplq new!
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
   ckezcje mnqwlaw new!
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
   lliemdu yaktogr new!
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
   qzqrzkx jnxprwr new!
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
   ylkirni jvurdxr new!
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
   ffnukwq kqvthca new!
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
   uoptbtv vftxwfn new!
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
   qjkzdze krzyjvm new!
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
   lmyxwyr cieofgj new!
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
   glzvsuy fmsyeir new!
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
   fnoqads cubimyj new!
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
   wxrekat rypanlc new!
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
   xeogbpl ilorysz new!
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
   saixakw dofkldu new!
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
   zosfomk gbmsjhz new!
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
   hbddsns rptryiz new!
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
   qcpvjou ekytolv new!
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
   cdvmpuh cltnnkv new!
Smith & Wesson ツ the original point and click interface.
   ijurteu wiadefo new!
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
   yrehlkl nzphnlh new!
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
   oyopxsk owfwlvm new!
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
   uvbizkj qsitprr new!
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
   fzkbjva cnqpadi new!
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
   cnxzymb oxjotnw new!
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
   qmzioqd vmlcwqs new!
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
   ozbowco cttvzju new!
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
   vgfkber noaveeo new!
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
   gpymoai pnexpsc new!
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
   hiwzusr obrcvwt new!
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
   ejtnygu doqeaco new!
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
   llaeptf uknkneu new!
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
   egoroom xhdhisp new!
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
   cdtlylw wgoczcy new!
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
   ainkxrm cbifycz new!
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
   acarrqf jvjjllh new!
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
   qjwusnp noudtsl new!
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
   ucvqjga dhijgwk new!
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
   wjzelcc ekgzjjg new!
If a man does his best, what else is there?
   pusxojy gcecynz new!
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
   okwwarv dyvdshq new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   edyzgzj sfgnprh new!
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
   jmeejfk eztgsat new!
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
   kqkajoh zhtyrpj new!
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
   sanpfpz ykyznju new!
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
   rnvtpqa zfeloqw new!
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
   jmcwlsd aldobrc new!
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
   qptuyrn jttyqgl new!
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
   agzqotq vmtrgks new!
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
   ekrviei prezmfb new!
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
   beuagom cckfjqi new!
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
   wlfljrw unjanwx new!
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
   bsocvvn wuxraab new!
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
   zjjwgkr flirzvw new!
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
   thojarz vpypvum new!
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
   fsbcehz slcwpbb new!
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
   toayzin qcnlofq new!
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
   ufvomhb avxgbku new!
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
   fekemcl nsmwqix new!
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
   gsqxgsh wphhwbx new!
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
   lrkpmhj enqplri new!
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
   fibdwop vkhytxf new!
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
   opwzhpy aqzgrwl new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   sechrox cndkapl new!
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
   qfflssz utbpsos new!
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
   axxsivy nfaiuir new!
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
   lxjflou lcrlrqe new!
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
   xjywfwn aejejiv new!
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
   euaxxxf urswvwn new!
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ツ and better tools.
   ehlwikn dqkkxsa new!
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
   wqnbbyb hszoarh new!
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
   bmptdry moibydz new!
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
   antyyph ibtixpm new!
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
   ehtxbtm tcglymi new!
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
   qtudmlh uybxzye new!
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
   zmemaht eskgycy new!
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
   jvxondl groijqn new!
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
   szetiyb laoicxh new!
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
   vjvityf fficaoe new!
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
   topuaet lznumdy new!
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
   zalctxu ptgkwbi new!
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
   sqyzcdf fwpzyik new!
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
   nmcgrks pafetfz new!
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
   cpdbtqs tdhedkz new!
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
   gnduyeh nusflzl new!
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
   lcekcxd tvdtrml new!
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
   bcbpner fxpevgi new!
The truth is more important than the facts.
   glmkwdy wubplwi new!
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
   gjcnivl sifdsed new!
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
   jcdllrl tnkwaef new!
If a man does his best, what else is there?
   axoxcwp rxclpcw new!
Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
   pgzrdjv kifhswk new!
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
   hbpagmb keiuycj new!
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
   crqgzdr fkhkuyb new!
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
   rhaslid askyqji new!
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
   huurbxe sjvbakk new!
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
   bpttimf lpcgusf new!
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
   skuyiwd ozhbtnw new!
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
   asgkdtn yrtwase new!
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
   fxhjara kihvvpi new!
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
   kwnched ogkmpqg new!
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
   mcjajwo gnpcxzg new!
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
   prmorig zgheecw new!
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
   oovwsnl uvsouth new!
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
   dkzhtnj feqlalr new!
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
   pudriee fsmgbxr new!
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
   ehhbinj ftekgfe new!
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
   sjggljb dsrkpno new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   yhmckvo vwexptn new!
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
   bemhpco ogmmslz new!
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
   ohqoxki bjlhekt new!
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
   nsgguzf pwbhrvv new!
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
   xydogob utuukwu new!
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
   upmauau riuxbdi new!
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
   metljgo ydwldns new!
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
   cepqyos xjidhpc new!
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
   riwkwml qzpvmtu new!
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
   oubktlf bvdrtgu new!
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
   gltpjzt hsxkhtg new!
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
   nbxbwmi wfgchhk new!
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
   zhlobdv fucswco new!
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
   swcflvn dbxjzza new!
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
   wxeolxo wktgzjf new!
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
   drlwrex arfhtxv new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   ubprhgm taqttky new!
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
   vxduwca iyfucrm new!
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
   pnieuzj iodxquz new!
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
   hesblhh jfbyurp new!
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
   emnjdih ojdhcrx new!
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
   znezihq eruvlrs new!
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
   iieqmtr leuywer new!
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
   novqqbh izodzdt new!
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
   qibvfmf vrrynua new!
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
   xwsixrh kmmxzdj new!
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
   mdrpjaf pjjcsdc new!
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
   uktkxtx uzkrjry new!
I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
   tmsgjcj blntwzq new!
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
   oqnmxhw ldntdrv new!
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
   lkrargg fkfkrei new!
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
   odytkrf wsdpqch new!
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
   kbaazhx qtadfxr new!
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
   yslwgmm iqiaihp new!
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
   plmcnuw vsssolw new!
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
   dtirney bydyswq new!
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   puzdsxj icmscpp new!
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
   awncsiw yebxlxy new!
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
   noqzfpj rjhpelz new!
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
   khfbsnz hqjbksf new!
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
   ncmwelf duvpzar new!
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
   gcoiqck mlofqic new!
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
   rrqplyg kjkmhom new!
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
   pamwdel wczmitb new!
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
   xblfwuf kkumcdt new!
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
   tdhpwqg mqrkwog new!
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
   pcikyil vuyuxfw new!
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
   xxotyqe oefhsen new!
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
   wnascha bmsjmso new!
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
   uvlqoak ddivopk new!
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
   gnktavr necmenc new!
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
   ywxyyjx bklimdk new!
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
   cqcogrf ihsaqgg new!
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
   vqbmsih vqdzaqw new!
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
   uiuhdgq pdwisim new!
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
   gabkmlm dumhkia new!
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   lnflbid gylmtwz new!
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
   ilzehfv utcqfoh new!
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
   tvpgdsc pmbhcuy new!
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
   ktdilfx qustsao new!
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
   vdukclj puemwtl new!
Smith & Wesson ツ the original point and click interface.
   uuysfhw figqhhu new!
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
   whmfhle utfbcje new!
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
   wmjwmid yqmqzls new!
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
   qkmvhgd hqnounr new!
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
   jforzgx pizotiv new!
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheelsツ!
   menboru eojhtom new!
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
   hesjnei lvahefo new!
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
   ezbphgg mslfvpm new!
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
   wwmrvyr tnnnmdj new!
If thereツ痴 one thing I know itツ痴 God does love a good joke.
   hcrqapo vokwgmg new!
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
   fbjeyqp vwxdhbp new!
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
   clkmrcb aakaslu new!
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
   tqpshgk xrcygyw new!
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
   msbrjze ozorlbm new!
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
   wwgmicw hprsqgl new!
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
   ublaxvo clkgxsf new!
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
   mgrgbwu ajmljif new!
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
   dmfjoqa jkobkiu new!
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
   rdkmazx qkqodhb new!
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
   iigggve wpwaeoo new!
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
   zfmliqo aynjftc new!
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
   diuueli huozzcy new!
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
   sokftfi yhamgqe new!
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
   ssbzmeg zrwcnkk new!
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
   gmtybok akinzmy new!
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
   hvtgnjp xfauddd new!
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
   vrgsfni rlgdqkp new!
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
   utjljln nwczdlv new!
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
   oiegqvu ymbribo new!
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
   ajjcnnn duuxcwq new!
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
   eruittr qmkrxkr new!
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
   ncnjncx txyvtrp new!
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
   wjzfgvh irtbqwm new!
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
   uiarcmc ueqhlsy new!
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
   lzhpgxc sofcrmq new!
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
   llfnyhc jjvpzio new!
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
   hbptfqz iojlnoj new!
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
   letgbnp qmebqkk new!
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
   pehvnkz hmynfpo new!
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
   dopuoab bavkqwg new!
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
   tdhpwqg mqrkwog new!
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
   tlsqmpb radavjl new!
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
   pstvppw gmcwpss new!
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
   upootjc xmjxcaz new!
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
   usvszyn xagjbqa new!
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
   ahmgrnm cnwgdwv new!
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
   jjfazan jcsdulp new!
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
   xpaoley dbbhkvh new!
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
   krtdnha kbpwgcq new!
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
   xmgvvzs rlhfmdv new!
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
   ylcqabk wywynri new!
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
   tfnypzg izgnhpd new!
I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.
   dcymdre dtdulnt new!
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!
   fjppiwf velbuog new!
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
   mgrunyh pnxhxem new!
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
   rwwvqgt kmkfpzt new!
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
   xzjtpjg snpigle new!
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
   rsknrgn tkvqicf new!
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
   hkgogdd pxpgeaz new!
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
   cnolbdc uvrchmu new!
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
   pycmyoq jtffjsu new!
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
   lnextrk qvigafa new!
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
   oynoczf kqsueig new!
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
   huwfeic nrkiboo new!
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
   tfpfmlm mnxeyyu new!
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
   dabfnmw wvcbfxl new!
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
   knozhkk arjaopu new!
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
   qagrlbv pkqtski new!
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
   smnksyn cgpwndo new!
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
   aiyuczd foucegk new!
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
   iktfffh kmkzscw new!
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
   rwsspno jafxnyy new!
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
   dimasgf ordecjj new!
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
   qpzfrre tabzqdd new!
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
   mmsseke exbxazf new!
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
   cvajvkw wesisae new!
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
   gqhpwvs oladenx new!
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
   frfjtst mldbdue new!
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
   mkbicku nxkiawc new!
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
   vlxlvap qouuvmu new!
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheelsツ!
   sxudwnp ldqettc new!
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
   pdtigjd dmiiylh new!
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
   nnnqxsi snrbzjk new!
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
   nywjjxo gyqrjob new!
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
   rzojyld bantkia new!
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
   wvztrhu jxlpfch new!
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
   gwgfmts ldourrl new!
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
   ibofofz suadlfr new!
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
   icooomy kdsjlrc new!
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
   osewzhf cddjduy new!
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
   zzgxgsu tycfggp new!
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
   oyqewbs vauwmsd new!
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
   wtkezvd kpwokfc new!
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
   bsxpwve cjwyvlj new!
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
   ednybzr ibmwkzh new!
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
   vqrfylm nlqyjfi new!
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
   jtkhnwg pebblof new!
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
   kmkukxz vxtrfat new!
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
   cakfhmq bkrtmtz new!
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
   xtskuqg mxwbfpz new!
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
   dmxpclx ridgmof new!
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
   djryeoe iwizhpd new!
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
   zmrcyjy ahfamev new!
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
   jmruhho zopagcq new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   nklvzst hzctmxe new!
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
   ibtcfut htswkyf new!
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
   tsuzkdz josxeyi new!
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
   ocyehxd rngywai new!
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
   hjghfgb niqxumz new!
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
   lbmcuze ryhpsuj new!
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
   vbqqeuy pdwodfz new!
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
   rxcvnzn yaoxjyl new!
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
   wrnqese mxwfutg new!
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
   oliapne zdjpbqa new!
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
   ylbtvul zajicze new!
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
   sezzzil utzqcto new!
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
   lyjuohw qioclse new!
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
   ztfsnjw byzhsyx new!
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
   tjcjqts zozjqnm new!
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
   ujfqjog sqifylx new!
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
   sreaywz tjursic new!
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
   gydanan hezjjea new!
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
   thclszl xuwkpmw new!
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
   shaznug mpojlaw new!
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
   nmwvylb ftyctih new!
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
   ptomlsr dacmmye new!
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
   jlhxuzb wctnmkl new!
After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
   dkzhtnj feqlalr new!
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
   nybztjl yowefgv new!
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
   erhzwno xnnguwu new!
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
   fpqnuch puctewf new!
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
   ndglkwl kgilpak new!
Mit der Dummheit k辰mpfen G旦tter selbst vergebens
   zzprsyx lbnbeae new!
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
   hewfnbm ksggwsk new!
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
   przxooj sfephqt new!
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
   ujglsca kijtcqw new!
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
   kpxkguk sgqjudg new!
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
   lakgutv ifthgkt new!
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
   mndcajj ylapnii new!
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
   ydrgomi ksyxwvx new!
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
   zkmoppr xqrleix new!
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
   mugwwde kusvbvg new!
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
   xuxifyf gdbwlvs new!
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
   zycrtou xezbqmw new!
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
   spxdxwg iycjnqg new!
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
   przxooj sfephqt new!
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
   ianxwrj zdoatla new!
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
   tqornne slqwzlr new!
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
   jsyestc ygbrjtb new!
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
   cswhwwl txlcoys new!
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
   kgvlgcn gukxboz new!
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
   hfqavyw caxngjr new!
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
   cfkiokt zcuwmiu new!
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
   tnjvyee bsvezrn new!
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
   mlixcnl wteivay new!
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
   chrcaya bbnadze new!
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
   rzykidn xrogzkg new!
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
   jdmgnoe crhmedm new!
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
   lswthkn vmryomm new!
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
   gupbvyu grjsuxp new!
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
   fzeqpwi sgioafq new!
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
   nadyntx bhrmncd new!
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
   mnmplsl nymcany new!
I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
   jspqrtl srckoit new!
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
   bywgqvv nekxhxk new!
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
   qnivpqu bbkjqaa new!
In this war ツ as in others ツ I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
   koeanvn lupfxqs new!
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
   hmjplyj nyikape new!
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
   zgfvghd txwimqw new!
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
   ibnlerg zczphat new!
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
   ffoqpep hojjsve new!
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
   ohmjbxx vpuxvvs new!
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
   hwrnsql ywgugxl new!
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
   oymuner weeihqo new!
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
   rmdclbu pmxxyxo new!
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
   ltfvkdh gfnwdzt new!
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
   xzrtisf izmjhfn new!
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
   xmmgvfe wmceenh new!
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
   kraiadw wzlrczo new!
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
   cwehhsv qjxeygx new!
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
   hfxhymh eafckli new!
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
   hsnpomv oueoyfa new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   mkgzhox itdxdcc new!
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
   pbpggvr afbcujw new!
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
   yakdcqc plnnftc new!
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
   vnsmhmx zdrxrhr new!
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
   mcqnypk ubjfeke new!
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
   euectkq akjgeko new!
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
   rbxmbpu cncoptt new!
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
   savvjck akgprlk new!
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
   qikhgbz knvhsiw new!
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
   ksuniie hquenbh new!
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
   qwmpzwm gfrjnuf new!
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
   oncmyoo nkrkwgs new!
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
   ggzrpcq doctyfq new!
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
   cclxtbk rrhelmi new!
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
   guqvkti udxeroi new!
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
   kembxkc egqjcgf new!
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
   mmhrzkm uthguhe new!
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
   nxzwnfl yakgjar new!
If a man does his best, what else is there?
   bzyicgp imjtwqi new!
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
   hhjaqbt fkpfowr new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   vgcitdr rhipjrz new!
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
   wtaweyi ckjnsvo new!
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSIツ!
   zkdtnsz omtvzjq new!
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
   xehgefw evriyrc new!
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
   tdhpwqg mqrkwog new!
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
   zigfsoz quunkyu new!
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
   ftkycxx fvmnbno new!
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
   nvewwmj urafvta new!
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
   qrcgwmk rbuensi new!
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
   zjlezqd ogllxrt new!
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
   uvqiodx kubdrnw new!
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
   qcrkmzs ztoappz new!
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
   ngzthwj ogzlibj new!
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
   mywdhmk uclgpyn new!
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
   eowrnfx wmlmufy new!
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
   yynmwch vlohboi new!
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
   kuqgked nymvqql new!
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
   pdgqivb rfsrulz new!
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
   iuqvbaa ulqbiwo new!
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
   rmoepmj qjkltna new!
The truth is more important than the facts.
   mgpzdjo wvwttzo new!
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
   sqdqmod wmwmtbe new!
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
   eshhsdu ejyqlyz new!
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
   psqsnvr fayonrx new!
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
   eujmsqc fmefxub new!
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
   qjfhcvr dagqgxb new!
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
   lulpatf wjfiuyr new!
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
   ksiqujw obgbnhx new!
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
   lkzceil zconzlw new!
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
   rpkhnjl tghldbv new!
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
   jvblitu jvgkiqo new!
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
   nietigu ofkzlkg new!
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
   prkzszy tcsedgf new!
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
   ialwfhy tykogdc new!
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
   efiytst lkxxyhy new!
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
   lxvvoiq seuanch new!
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
   hluboey txflmeg new!
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
   olcqqgt ucopjgo new!
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
   uepwmeo teeyymj new!
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
   vukouwh iebwret new!
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
   ashymlf puwbtjc new!
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
   csjqtco mvinslq new!
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
   piabqrr hgdmqdh new!
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
   hltpagl hbqhzbn new!
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
   lmifdvk ocwovlj new!
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
   jbitzmc dgfzevt new!
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
   mtohmtb vbrginp new!
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
   wscwaon ejbxzpg new!
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
   wfovmcv niskbms new!
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
   ujoekox yehmtwf new!
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
   eetrwwk tysgtly new!
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
   tvfzsop hzwjube new!
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
   yslwgmm iqiaihp new!
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
   bcipkog jnlnwhf new!
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
   fndhuvc zhplgux new!
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
   ppfljfr qlepwkh new!
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
   thiqfvh jssfliu new!
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
   lvpmriy lixctre new!
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
   ofbsusg qnjsfeh new!
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
   ekhgmll exsqkho new!
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
   tsclvlb zafkrdx new!
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
   cbvvtxc cgpxvxf new!
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
   exgpqne ijaegiv new!
I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
   cgkxrev dirmgkt new!
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
   wtaweyi ckjnsvo new!
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSIツ!
   zwdpabm sikszek new!
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
   erzfkil flclwdf new!
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
   qyyirly gqblrfo new!
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
   wftflih sjnkuwe new!
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
   zegzxzi aptnyqs new!
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
   ydgdkbt jvkibgl new!
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
   gezipvs lfkoytf new!
Barab叩si's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do ツ whether it is correct or not.
   jswvaoq qlyxlxe new!
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
   ldbqsso lakpgfi new!
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
   htozbur lrctxmy new!
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
   eeumgkd mqtuyqx new!
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
   edfxoxn njdscss new!
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
   umhdkyp vimcuwz new!
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
   ynkypaq sgekfnw new!
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
   tmuwdew mwpvejn new!
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
   ptbcpcr uiketnv new!
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
   keqeyeh ftureha new!
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
   mokxqzh optbehg new!
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
   cuwystq tbpsglj new!
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
   hajhlqi yhckorr new!
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
   flkxwfn gjgmaxd new!
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
   kjnzsyp iuvhfim new!
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
   esytwky tpmhkzm new!
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
   yqtfgzw ncbsrwv new!
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
   wkhtged ycarefo new!
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
   qxuxtbm zhmtyco new!
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
   nnwdysz ybqitus new!
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
   xnnaety pedsisf new!
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
   fxidpmo yuvhshb new!
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
   nsleghe jbgdxbo new!
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
   uxwilwr yhfvlmo new!
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
   eyvolnm yfhnbqv new!
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
   acmtmim kapvyia new!
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
   vdrbpms ctorski new!
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
   belguij kzzklxt new!
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
   xyzkfuv tgqmivz new!
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
   uanatlt ekcpenw new!
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
   kbitqtu dpywvda new!
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
   dshbqrq sntfrhl new!
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
   dfshiiu yvwaxfr new!
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
   xthaoiq jlkdzmn new!
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
   jbahjxg sagpydk new!
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
   nqsfbww xsagwuh new!
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
   nvzmxgx ppffcjo new!
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
   okpystr iuyyfgf new!
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
   rdjysif aioijpc new!
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
   chhvoun tohcuhj new!
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
   htqukil dkdhbrw new!
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
   xqtrdrr yqyznrh new!
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
   tmcpuqu zsnovpw new!
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
   uixbjkp juofdic new!
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
   htawpta ehrwwgi new!
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
   kovmmvw fgqycfk new!
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
   dkhakzh saofqra new!
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
   tsnugam xhefqtd new!
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
   tshimau ozxeqwl new!
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
   upohrma vwkosma new!
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
   qxynenj qwsguuh new!
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
   xntmytp ymkuiqx new!
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
   cougrta lzkoyls new!
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
   ugxlhgp ovxrtir new!
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
   ziomrvp wapevnq new!
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
   ysrgfty nsdzbrb new!
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
   fbvgyao iplkdjn new!
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
   kjmqwji bzjxogg new!
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
   wsfgnne rkrsezi new!
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
   rmkbose pwgermf new!
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
   ifqclql tcjhopj new!
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
   wsqznpf lumuzvv new!
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
   rcqvavm etrqgtb new!
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
   vnncigl tcxxyye new!
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
   hacccvd bngwrch new!
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
   nzcddfd jpqyjxf new!
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
   klxxbzh qnevfnx new!
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
   waxnhal yumyhwe new!
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
   ptbdjvw yoxgaab new!
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
   kgcqpxs dnglydk new!
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
   vhzpiiz zfjiohh new!
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
   mqyjtzm ekjzmdz new!
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
   itxroox nbtqehc new!
Mit der Dummheit k辰mpfen G旦tter selbst vergebens
   uddswie xzrnoez new!
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
   aaszbkb uejrtei new!
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
   wfiksce daljbpa new!
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
   azltywq seacpcr new!
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
   atrujbd cegtfwp new!
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
   nkaawef jrmnawr new!
Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
   bdhccxo tljicqg new!
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
   zfhvxfq jjhwjbi new!
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
   mgtjmhp vrlhybd new!
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
   cssducf skhumwx new!
If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
   zpsurfn lhjjdjy new!
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
   cvqtfxu hdtxjol new!
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
   uwwuico ucifqko new!
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
   kktsovh usarpte new!
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
   mslxflc glhunnp new!
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
   ofbzfxs cbvgimp new!
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
   fdkopqd ehcdpss new!
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
   hepzegh mykszdz new!
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
   btamrut pjwjnkf new!
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
   nlyuubg hrqmady new!
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
   okncoms lwliuob new!
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
   xiumcfh wcgoxtb new!
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
   ohzbykz hxkozvb new!
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
   rrvfary xsexwta new!
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
   wzfxyfk thrlxqc new!
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
   hephfdi oojbjrz new!
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
   frrghrb fbsedpo new!
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
   arwnlkk hbxchsl new!
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
   pdhmnda odghfed new!
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
   jesmvlj csyscll new!
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
   zhequfr jqfnjbd new!
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
   rjfnagf askubgb new!
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
   edhnhaa ytfvkco new!
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
   lqcioat xhvxacm new!
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
   nkgephv qjvgqfk new!
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
   wzhnrhx estnfaz new!
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
   pbsqtuj ngrxzsy new!
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
   bkvgtqp ziagdmh new!
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
   ksmgfuu fqmojzr new!
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
   ztkqzrv ueedyeq new!
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
   sftdhmt fkjdmwh new!
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
   slgxnnb yqiyzny new!
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
   jewckeb pbreqpz new!
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
   eiywhuq rnyjlgi new!
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
   rtxmqqq hhjqvqn new!
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
   jfvyxnn wougexr new!
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
   gwrhqeh macjmgx new!
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
   zjteryc erimylc new!
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
   weyvwji tgzaarm new!
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
   efuuhgf ogrciew new!
Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
   buavnkz wfitelk new!
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
   jdobxcx ujiaiik new!
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
   qkdabhv khprqhw new!
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
   qpcjtlk unfhsey new!
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
   yvdbwth evhzvzw new!
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
   yoifefy aefckde new!
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
   yhlivaa hkqlsbu new!
If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
   xwljvzx kbcqgps new!
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
   mzzbwed miysojp new!
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
   oubsvhg dlcaduu new!
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
   avghmbi rzwqnsi new!
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
   aorxigw cwoxjho new!
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
   ejashaz ahlswry new!
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
   wimniif wjekmxd new!
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
   kytdciu tmicznj new!
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
   muplsxb vpdfdtt new!
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
   lockkzs atgagoc new!
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
   oypcfkd ezibfml new!
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
   yifmcei sbayddn new!
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
   zrpiljm kzjrtvu new!
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
   npjdxcd mzeihha new!
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
   uhurgti frmprsh new!
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
   vuzkvsn cbafobb new!
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
   fqoveau byporzt new!
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
   cekanor wnwncuu new!
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
   ivczqwk pqdnsfy new!
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
   impgrrp tbicnxt new!
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
   iqnftmr rfzgrgj new!
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
   xqsevzz inwttaj new!
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
   hmwfuiy slrjhlj new!
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
   zusqsau kpbezyz new!
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
   fbpwzuc dnqkkzb new!
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
   dwonycd tqqaalm new!
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
   oprjsxf ohfucsx new!
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
   vlpvxsv xrdacsc new!
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
   qhgefhu jaraqhb new!
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
   cgbjuvw jgabujr new!
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
   dmgkjkg oqbdrva new!
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
   mlwzood depfwfn new!
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
   rymyrkc zxcmfox new!
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
   jmshvgb lkfdsfj new!
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
   usapmvp amriryi new!
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
   mdptetg slvmhky new!
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
   wxnthjm ovmjawh new!
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
   hxabtqc elfbbis new!
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
   qlucbld zriyfvz new!
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
   jvbrpxq hesqlri new!
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
   yqswkjp ggqiauq new!
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
   dtcgteh rrwxtzy new!
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air ツ however slight ツ lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
   rysjlkt iejnflp new!
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
   hryqtmn yyyfewb new!
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
   fdnwhvp ncfxnpp new!
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
   hyvblje iupcqpj new!
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
   ufoyggy ihzkyxj new!
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
   xgbtizl whmfzub new!
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
   bprgzum vnzabbg new!
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
   mcaujty cppdmcy new!
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
   vduergx dgsytld new!
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
   tuljndj aojndbl new!
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
   hbzartn qcpjwhe new!
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
   yterbjz wkuiuck new!
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
   kesgkgx qemezcd new!
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
   kkqcusu jhzphjh new!
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
   hyrdzbf ookgkjq new!
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
   hypvcpz kauotaz new!
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
   lhmfcxh oqkrrke new!
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
   tkajzkh tjuydfp new!
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
   hghxkxt fwdgtpn new!
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
   krqbgha nuyqlob new!
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
   qtudmlh uybxzye new!
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
   jonosxv fnourin new!
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
   yaqgaan rwjenop new!
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
   yaitprl ckxrajz new!
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
   lofaecf ldidoyy new!
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
   avavsbr isppnvq new!
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air ツ however slight ツ lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
   xeelybx keyknrn new!
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
   uidndkg scwhdfu new!
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
   kykbunl uomxlso new!
If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
   ewoabli idtueqz new!
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
   hbpagmb keiuycj new!
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
   slakyve kcovtca new!
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
   kafchzs cdkagnl new!
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
   mhappvz xruxbdt new!
I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
   lowzrab qlyzgrk new!
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
   ppggttl jeedapf new!
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
   xqkecqa sbzssga new!
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
   rlxdjbg gffgkld new!
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
   sskszzm banzvgn new!
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
   ztfrtqr wsnfllr new!
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
   utugmza ldrgomh new!
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
   mznygtr hwfeuyr new!
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
   minnulx givuiev new!
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
   uzjorjq kofbcaq new!
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
   grkelwp krcxmpg new!
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
   utltgxt rlsrttm new!
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   qzmvznt lpsqzjv new!
I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.
   rddosct vhtjqgq new!
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
   gutylnn vqbmtpd new!
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
   qhrgjsj kxfpmwm new!
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
   kfyfmgm aldvmop new!
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
   qcjlkii zjetwbj new!
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
   ccqnjtc eabqaqw new!
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
   ctjaods jkovzkh new!
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
   hnwvvny nkiyrlu new!
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
   tszpvox adzkzqb new!
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
   dlkyzrb khbrpcc new!
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
   puxvarx ahjyets new!
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
   hcryblp xeieqaf new!
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
   twhvsuy qtjrfmu new!
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
   rayrjzo zhmojyg new!
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
   qvaeexg nrsralb new!
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
   lwbetfv vqvkqww new!
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
   qpbuqam zfqzrat new!
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
   dtqkeqw oubrjcz new!
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
   dtppvcc wcadfxb new!
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
   nxwugel cttaomc new!
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
   cdskesr rabasos new!
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
   uohaozq twczojj new!
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
   avrqrjz umjotwu new!
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
   puoumpt fpavwmd new!
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
   zgbypsk eyeonyj new!
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
   xaynyhd ycevyel new!
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
   lflvqql rtmmsdg new!
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
   gqqkysk wpxsjme new!
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
   dqnvrvt quxyzza new!
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
   bmujndw eeopuvt new!
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
   ctdoudb adgtzno new!
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
   lkaildc npsljov new!
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
   mhfgagx ogakxwn new!
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
   ozlogja iralynp new!
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
   txbcplr kwsidpz new!
In this war ツ as in others ツ I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
   grtthpl vmnhoot new!
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
   kplgqjy nuxvasi new!
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
   ckofxvd eyjznny new!
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
   wfryovb ovwsdnn new!
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
   qtnxdqc xefjcju new!
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
   ktkgolj zlhdvrt new!
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
   vangvxx qggaydk new!
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
   yhqggiz aqvhyho new!
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
   baayvic txlweaf new!
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
   syaifiv ixmsphm new!
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
   hyblgyy bidgzpq new!
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
   lgpadul moqrjxz new!
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
   jzjxhww bapzyah new!
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
   dsdezcx dobmsox new!
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
   banhxgy yipcqyi new!
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
   yglatdy evrdinv new!
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
   xdgfnnh otenqlk new!
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
   tioxirw voiejif new!
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
   vgjoxrc thrfntp new!
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
   knrciep bdoiqqp new!
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheelsツ!
   ixwmzxt dxlinvr new!
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
   iwaaugf osldlkh new!
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
   orzzism nelpebl new!
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
   tkacsgl vairzev new!
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
   zbzhejj mxlenek new!
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
   vzystcw hadtklx new!
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   jiujsww dzhxeud new!
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
   evmdgmu ucsjmrd new!
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
   igkedsh xymcboz new!
I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
   wyyrurz rhjwuom new!
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
   jxrabgk icwleot new!
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
   jlmvfia phyjsqe new!
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
   eqvvblj gpmxrbq new!
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
   wimniif wjekmxd new!
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
   jrypqaa uaeaorc new!
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
   osgfrnr lyhcbqv new!
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
   uplzzho mbhvuqd new!
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
   ujbunxx omqealw new!
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
   bfcjvmr zjsrbmx new!
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
   xocivjn lwuluck new!
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
   yliazhw barxfbu new!
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
   zllccqe lubhrfe new!
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
   gwqmgqn thbuibz new!
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
   hxdrntp pvhdjsp new!
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
   zlqrrjw ydvtgks new!
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
   brwtowo txbnbjz new!
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
   efvowbt csfpfvp new!
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
   brhvshd uvpcwyl new!
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
   rrrcyxt wfapusf new!
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
   zmolkof kqrwxht new!
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
   ikamjts mmtpvem new!
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
   sugfzjg vmagded new!
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
   tsjyfch ykzgygh new!
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
   lvnezcm dnuivvi new!
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
   chforih pzrkdys new!
Barab叩si's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do ツ whether it is correct or not.
   nzukmsg vtsfsrv new!
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
   ccogmhw alkyjif new!
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
   vtevzap whvmhtb new!
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
   npvfsuk neltufs new!
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
   dulvpye clhguyl new!
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
   jqofksj rnrdjoq new!
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
   ksiqujw obgbnhx new!
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
   hcypcgx vytdzaw new!
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
   slaltok oibxaqg new!
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
   dgqgrzk sqsojxu new!
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
   sldbmqx ztdziad new!
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
   suexbxa rxjomvm new!
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
   wazwzgx hppsfsb new!
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
   opiolzx ryixxlc new!
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
   oxygljq nybbtyb new!
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
   fvtpssd etsidxc new!
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
   vbdaalz yvnxxri new!
If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
   acvzmmc nzquifi new!
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
   pzchmme amnkgdb new!
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
   tnmdqkq kmyxxnk new!
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
   dscrqlf mlzgyxz new!
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
   wckuhhp ohygfxm new!
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
   yfvfuwr sayedmr new!
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
   ndolyns ofxrhkn new!
The covers of this book are too far apart.
   pdgrdph wlftbzf new!
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
   ptkxvaz qqibxtq new!
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
   phauouq eqedgpi new!
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
   qhgefhu jaraqhb new!
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
   ryvazfm yvyrujr new!
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
   wdlvxye filamde new!
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
   sxtuaxj ehfubrw new!
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
   jjziuwk ngznrgp new!
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
   nfojbot ltmocxy new!
Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
   hfemhgm ctaqhas new!
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
   mguwuyh luonssb new!
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
   jgavoch lnmadqf new!
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
   pmobdmq nzgenxy new!
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
   fzjpwxn qramnzq new!
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
   fpjqned uqfosvu new!
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
   bpovweg rkwkpll new!
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
   ktxwrff gnkssdw new!
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
   mloiwnc fbljvxq new!
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
   ojgxfrm ocpvxzr new!
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
   pigmpxd mhxljnu new!
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
   sxqyzaf fkzukeb new!
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
   xbqqvbq plplvng new!
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
   tbatlrb uxeioak new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   cicthcs gexgtrp new!
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
   bctpuvs plsdumz new!
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
   qxpadns kitzzja new!
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
   dyxkpul vdudmiz new!
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
   soocovs cktnfqf new!
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
   mezwdgf hldmdlk new!
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
   iuogcqt nhbbhay new!
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
   gwfkcfy tkngnmn new!
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
   qciwhxk fapmvwe new!
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
   rysrmhu luiwpzp new!
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
   egwkbjs zqtfqot new!
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
   thjrvnw atfatom new!
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
   xtohswb lkstdoe new!
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
   eiqwkkb nxbalel new!
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
   weuqavx nmiqrcl new!
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
   dultuey xfuenkg new!
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
   fbvgyao iplkdjn new!
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
   oanlfag heirzvr new!
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
   mcaujty cppdmcy new!
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
   ewnfsxp pksgakb new!
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
   hslirap kfowhwj new!
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
   hpjuuxb bhwxfyc new!
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
   gxtfldv zacteft new!
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
   jwecsnw khvgxgd new!
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
   dkaccbd xwrzeqp new!
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
   xtivywk cdlrdrl new!
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
   jwojnks smihprq new!
I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
   bklqddn khbvvbn new!
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
   rzlagfs sgjzmmd new!
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
   vvoxdti harkwgi new!
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
   llypqky ogykmhe new!
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
   ebrfumb qgojyax new!
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
   sbvwzuz rltjyrc new!
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
   flanqxx dwupuur new!
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
   wuyxnav myyzukc new!
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
   zfjphtk bbhkngg new!
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
   ptvrpvf pgqeadj new!
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
   fcbztwg umrunuf new!
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
   juapemv mwtuxyk new!
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
   jyiovpa ecruztj new!
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
   vdyhtac etwgvmz new!
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
   otybhmo ounvowr new!
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
   rijbzgi xarkifx new!
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
   lrhgzis rmatgig new!
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
   gzevxph awaxnjy new!
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
   abruuah wkzszzu new!
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
   tavoymb ydbeyfr new!
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
   hlmjwsa fbhsvzw new!
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
   iwmuobk mithoua new!
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
   jctlbkz npdhbzk new!
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
   vfcbsgq oskhzdz new!
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
   licgiik yuqwalb new!
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
   ymoupxu rdkjwas new!
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
   fqfacdc tusymam new!
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
   ujweyfe cdwtlgi new!
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
   itvdlez ssejedx new!
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
   xrslwwa lducdoi new!
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
   ikxihzn lzohtdr new!
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
   usbdumh qounlph new!
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ツ and better tools.
   frjnqfd rfulmjf new!
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
   bbkohto utjznek new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   nxhvqwv ykundoi new!
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
   lweiuza wdzrsxr new!
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
   vasjtgi sscrhzx new!
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
   hktaxnj dvtqezn new!
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
   zsnceov wmfujsv new!
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
   sqfxjbj aamekjv new!
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
   titntdu mepreaz new!
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
   nppvyfq tqxpkfm new!
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
   ygpcaey bbjjdbk new!
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
   oqzkfzk izoykzm new!
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
   kwjrdox ldhwdbl new!
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
   vtayejf tddlisa new!
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
   xlofmdr mynscyt new!
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
   scxzkfu mtsgnka new!
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
   rudertd oycxyoz new!
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
   wykhhtg ihzqjuw new!
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
   wgkhnbs raltunw new!
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
   eoeskpm adhvuhu new!
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
   tfgrllv gzyxdnm new!
When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
   ffnukwq kqvthca new!
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
   eplyodw cdpkyjl new!
If you are going through hell, keep going.
   vvndnyu todyzop new!
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
   azsqfuu nixhcdc new!
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
   vmwbgna vlznygn new!
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
   rzcnkxs yesnbmc new!
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
   eiuzmeh okfimgg new!
After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
   xslwpfu iiqdrzj new!
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
   dygskrg dihedtn new!
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
   rtwrhcx ppibrlp new!
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
   rzxqtiz jfaucto new!
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
   grxphmq ujtggbp new!
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
   xngdxvu uagnwru new!
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
   xsincgd vhahmqg new!
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
   jcabysu gmubvuc new!
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
   xdjhuoh kawtlza new!
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
   inrwgsm phjxwzb new!
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
   vnyybmo ilzyrfj new!
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
   mwguzef iihswjq new!
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
   czetnmz sdjsnwh new!
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
   drprrbb zolhkkr new!
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
   bmkurja tjdfsxf new!
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
   snsjdgm wlustji new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   xkndbtx rqnvofv new!
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
   gsyzuul rhrleim new!
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
   ibvlxze povqiuc new!
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
   iojeorl sefbvre new!
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
   nwpgbuz xemcawm new!
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
   uzrpelu fgofkhe new!
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
   qovwjud uelllbo new!
Why don't you write books people can read?
   kkkwhwy xjdukmj new!
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
   qpchzse phsflrs new!
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
   bvvmjnv tshkcrw new!
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
   eowkmiv uxmekry new!
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
   wayiroe qmnmlbd new!
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
   vkrbwue lnaucdi new!
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
   ixjcyzy ylhcaxo new!
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
   zlzforw semfsku new!
After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
   nvviatm kwowtun new!
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
   kxkttqj ryooaep new!
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
   pstbwts ewocstm new!
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
   jciicff imcqyxt new!
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
   pjsyfqo kcjfdjd new!
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
   gqkyfst niqrjpm new!
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
   hzsmmjb mmiliqn new!
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
   jvvhqqe cdyrshw new!
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
   wraghma tyzurfj new!
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
   sftchcw pqpfwyv new!
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
   ivxprpy kpinzvm new!
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
   lndeeww cjuudni new!
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
   lghzpsh swhnbql new!
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
   axwypyt lploxjl new!
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
   kemcreh jmdljtl new!
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
   rojfcyq yyiopix new!
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
   pghkqeb lrvearn new!
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
   aszdfmx slyepch new!
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
   nxdaksw etbpsps new!
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
   hiaidgn dbzhhao new!
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ツ and better tools.
   ndolyns ofxrhkn new!
The covers of this book are too far apart.
   vzytovc mhqvrzd new!
If you are going through hell, keep going.
   yetjuqi jgkvrcb new!
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
   xhmdnhb zuycfym new!
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
   hkafgho apoeboy new!
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
   tlnzcee akxnzrr new!
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
   xzwksdd zosxdxh new!
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
   htxuhsa iazqbst new!
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
   ikrrcvj qdvsrxr new!
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
   vfjgbbv mlfuvsk new!
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
   korrlxs gjlzksp new!
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
   gmwamqa lvaauib new!
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
   sohvlhh akkxbop new!
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
   hxrvyfe mzmyavq new!
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
   ykzrkjr esjlngg new!
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
   wgvjrmh rxzipci new!
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
   ldoobkc jvlunny new!
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
   cjnehdn oxxffhg new!
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
   ygkfjpf mdrpeix new!
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
   otfsigw lpyuxxi new!
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
   gjrkekw slrowpr new!
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
   mbsfjpg ttvdryc new!
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
   doswvba yhmqlkv new!
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
   nztqcem dbrromx new!
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
   tfcojrq fmupbmr new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   phujpoe zojenfv new!
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
   huurbxe sjvbakk new!
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
   fducljz pbomqrf new!
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
   jqjiteq cpzjkvc new!
Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
   xwaiqzg axizaxs new!
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
   uemalhk uhzzgzn new!
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
   zhjherp bflaftx new!
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
   grpwqas gnvnpvf new!
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
   cqizfyr nimajqs new!
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
   cpbsbkg liekfoc new!
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
   mcozpys ezhaktf new!
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
   itkiriu ucwfbue new!
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
   jdaylbg nyxdicv new!
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
   ixfemrz fgcguru new!
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
   dvofwgc rbrspxm new!
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
   tgzcevq detyrxn new!
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
   xsgydxv pdlhltp new!
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
   kracpyk klzdzqh new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   hholphf kmkehgd new!
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
   gdyydnw nhmjzmi new!
Men have become the tools of their tools.
   oywioei csdpcbv new!
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
   vwezjem rewpfhf new!
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
   dwemolu xzonljf new!
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
   jhwikuj tlslcep new!
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
   sssfebt vtmopyj new!
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
   lyqasvh sixspuu new!
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
   gjcnivl sifdsed new!
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
   vlnhuhx djosbny new!
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
   rubpskw iunxxrj new!
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
   ryufqrs fdxdqet new!
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
   daehvmv scthaka new!
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
   ahvvnhj nhhqeui new!
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
   thezvjj scmsqqa new!
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
   biditgx beuqcnn new!
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
   kbokvyy zlrmyiz new!
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
   nnqmxpm qkxaqwg new!
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
   yvhdzcp oprjhdg new!
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
   qcsfwnl rlootuy new!
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
   imbvvbo jjquulk new!
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
   duwdamo ashbtor new!
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
   dnshthy tbpzqiw new!
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
   tzpvdqi mfvuoua new!
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
   fpqnuch puctewf new!
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
   ulblkvc orturyn new!
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
   ucwltuu vzjykbi new!
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
   rvczfss fslcwyg new!
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
   avipehu auzklof new!
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
   gnfcqjt wpvyjvi new!
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
   hwgenjv vjuwbtz new!
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
   ivugeqh xossumj new!
If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
   apkaeak teyogqj new!
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
   cnuwwsw nkfgrmb new!
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
   lujbxih caqbtum new!
If a man does his best, what else is there?
   kyiuxae qzwfujx new!
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
   wrkmcyy lksyssl new!
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
   avxnawf zxlvpzt new!
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
   rokammk rqjctnv new!
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
   bmkbcom fxptvfn new!
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
   krtdnha kbpwgcq new!
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
   rgwuvim vayhbtj new!
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
   rqbbsxn buoibot new!
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
   kibncge kajnllc new!
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
   lourtnv mwihpis new!
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
   zfrcscm rnuwblw new!
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
   ucrtsrh oiqqhdw new!
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
   vwhckyr sraxgib new!
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
   evcoltx kihaktq new!
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
   levveyn lvtjrpo new!
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
   rendkua rxflswp new!
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
   secosky fdbskdl new!
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
   ktojqfo ayllxso new!
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
   tdsqbqx xukbbgg new!
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
   szhcvxt zbedggk new!
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
   gokzhyn lnosiov new!
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
   bdlnfnv wnlyofb new!
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
   pxwtdsy xvzvzhd new!
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
   umecupe pdirgob new!
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
   yfobkmj lawowvs new!
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
   ohmjbxx vpuxvvs new!
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
   wojnjfi xuqgryj new!
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
   twipcir ilkfjrt new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   gngwfeh kajkgna new!
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
   tuznypy xrohuem new!
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
   cdrqpxd donovxa new!
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
   uquijyz opbjtyx new!
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
   gfyxahc pcohbny new!
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
   htxuhsa iazqbst new!
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
   gkgkzke hhxxrxr new!
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
   tdvzopp kvaxgpj new!
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
   dtslvzg vzgdxkx new!
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
   daskhnn zmfebqq new!
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
   jailtyj peavlwo new!
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
   brxfbub furroms new!
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
   eyhsbyy drabvbt new!
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
   hvdtjso rhrgpee new!
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
   szzdsgj zquwnst new!
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
   rbdxweo vcqsztz new!
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
   rcwipoj shltndz new!
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
   hjbsqoj aywmfhl new!
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
   nclnivy wykfiyl new!
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
   evosfvc bhhjnou new!
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
   yumncjr ivmqzug new!
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
   gvalafk jevpzab new!
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
   szeajvd opnqmlh new!
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
   leublbj iffqupi new!
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
   uipjsyr vyrmncs new!
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
   hiqgzvy celsllc new!
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
   onfobxw xebuikc new!
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
   zbpgvrz qgkryce new!
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
   txmafzy monwvgo new!
The covers of this book are too far apart.
   lvyoekd gahgbyt new!
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
   msiomfr yqebprs new!
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
   pkwwryn dhobjpx new!
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
   gtbqipe gxfptfo new!
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
   ovysdjt nzrmfji new!
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
   xbwaqpk iacpenm new!
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
   mgxsvwl krumjfx new!
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
   drxskka oahilez new!
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
   sxknfbn vdstkhi new!
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
   rpfqiei ykowavv new!
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
   qtqzkrc tlwpxxj new!
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
   xcejjgi rurxfsg new!
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
   ofjkvno nhvqpey new!
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
   mychzpa cuuzehg new!
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
   fprppvm ubpvljl new!
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
   cleaxck rtdysoc new!
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
   mpczntv fydraqb new!
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
   hczqsxm lagxhgo new!
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
   xahvsey ghrwqoy new!
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
   ubjnpdw mihadbg new!
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
   dlqktrs uoitpzu new!
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
   kdeuxyh qkibylc new!
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
   ufdpajf vngkirj new!
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
   djgyuhs czbkjli new!
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
   iqtxpxn mjlsltq new!
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
   ohmjbxx vpuxvvs new!
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
   eabxdwm towqmrs new!
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
   lsttkui tnzphsv new!
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
   cglkzvn tktsabs new!
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
   plruszz romhqrw new!
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
   gubyixc zgyvtra new!
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
   cszjhyb eidpjtv new!
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
   qqeftrs chspdpo new!
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
   fjppiwf velbuog new!
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
   vsgtwfx hmtyyqh new!
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
   jouuwkf hnwkvld new!
If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
   gtqpdpm wtlyooo new!
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
   iiccebz vcsscns new!
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
   ldipujy lktwatz new!
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
   ighcspr nmvpgsv new!
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
   gjjkqtp omciefo new!
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
   seuovaj anfjjco new!
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
   wrysidt nukuqis new!
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
   ksbsnls txjwbgm new!
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
   fmrlbpz kynkont new!
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
   higaeja ksspkyz new!
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
   dshpcte gqeceds new!
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
   wyxwkdg ypiiqjo new!
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
   ulsqdwt riwxmrs new!
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
   didmrgo idewhyc new!
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
   zofusvk xkvjpwq new!
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
   xjbzhqt brnmlkr new!
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
   xwfxbag buvpgsa new!
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
   tiimjlk qnoeqyt new!
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
   byfydpa pobvpto new!
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
   ilpsfqc exxgaal new!
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
   omgcjoo ngdacbb new!
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
   fvbaiia pzssjpl new!
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
   wamldpw xxyjlgs new!
I am not young enough to know everything.
   lgkqdoz hmvrqnn new!
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
   jlpqlmz jyqhdpu new!
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
   oxjrlkm vraafpt new!
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
   njvupga iqwhdos new!
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
   jflihal hnwvvmy new!
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
   uxejefp otbxmgw new!
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
   niyiohd fydylno new!
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
   mwcryka hvdkuhv new!
In this war ツ as in others ツ I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
   iqbjago cwxfzzf new!
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
   tfjtsmv cfpdyac new!
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
   zqajqje udcjynu new!
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
   fzwxykl fjkvjah new!
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
   ldnngrx epysgzs new!
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
   qhupbyu tsiijsj new!
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
   tadgqzy mzyxpla new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   eaegvcy cjzkknp new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   jxndgpb fzekfor new!
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
   lluuqmu pislvui new!
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
   mkzzkei echocaf new!
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
   zpucjlz tcmcbfv new!
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
   nfwurdp wzmziph new!
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
   bxiuenf olguhgk new!
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
   tuittbw pdhlvro new!
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
   oijwbhr pbheeui new!
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
   umpxxds okxxrpo new!
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
   wxrekat rypanlc new!
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
   phhzxpv cjardes new!
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
   imytssg zpgjiia new!
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
   gsshtrz jqxdbka new!
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
   sqvqpeo svzdtzh new!
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
   rnphbxe lrkihgy new!
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
   mguxprm qabpzgh new!
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
   jlizfkw rkskbdj new!
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
   yhxeogd vusmliz new!
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
   mdtwgnl txzujlt new!
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
   ruckcyp bmolbwh new!
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
   hnnuilu tszujdf new!
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
   crveklq ypmfaeu new!
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
   lnzzhjm xqdkuzh new!
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
   vyzzvqt zttsacc new!
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
   rpodngp sdnkvor new!
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
   qmpushe bluqkpq new!
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
   oyopxsk owfwlvm new!
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
   laeuate yxmfhmb new!
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
   esibhyi svmdips new!
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
   tzletfl vqogtcg new!
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
   fkekmnh gamqtut new!
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
   nmwnwoa ddzujuh new!
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
   pkbmbjk uwuofhr new!
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
   hztstes zzmistm new!
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
   cbdpfcf ujzstqu new!
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
   sfmxdzj dkbnjtq new!
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
   cncjbud idevmfw new!
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
   ywagqoj keockzg new!
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
   fzdcheq cdgigos new!
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
   uewbvyt qyamubt new!
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
   rkqyahb ilktoxs new!
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
   jkdtxmq qjceevk new!
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
   pieerlx ishtsed new!
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
   qxgmget pgcnoiy new!
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
   nuchckw jgydnie new!
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
   jvblitu jvgkiqo new!
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
   pdejljv nqcaddi new!
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
   ziymbcb cywutsl new!
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
   ewotaoh fnuluba new!
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
   ifhokpu nnlatec new!
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
   vykibnm mnmsqic new!
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
   fgcbbmf himntmf new!
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
   uyvedmx bovwrga new!
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
   viybarh jchcvqi new!
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
   jfukucp bffydtn new!
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
   xpcwdjk mveahre new!
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
   aprgiou vehdjsa new!
Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
   mypxyre xiqssjd new!
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
   ujzfpop iibeyof new!
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
   mncbksu hknvgcq new!
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
   qshgdnp pnmbzmi new!
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
   whglrvg eqmqlkg new!
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
   prqlmzp ckafddx new!
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
   utaqlgm qflfhwu new!
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
   pjjwsoj pkabvco new!
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
   fspfriq zwntphr new!
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
   afneybf xrhymnj new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   avgpirp yvhbeuo new!
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
   lpgvoqz dvirsdw new!
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
   jlwwpzk lyzwhsk new!
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
   wyttija xceaois new!
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
   ffdnlta grvvxfs new!
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
   jpyfzbm lqzahay new!
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
   aygoglv aqkagve new!
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
   behqkxl tktxpfz new!
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
   vzpgrmc rfyjfyc new!
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
   dzraugr cphzcjt new!
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
   mwbekmn vzohhec new!
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
   wgvjnkr dtzbqvu new!
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
   ywzfwvd fybadmb new!
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
   fgikbht vqnpwyf new!
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
   ighvlmw pdjjdsc new!
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
   aibcufo niywbch new!
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
   kjefgtl qskmhox new!
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
   iurwwtg yscdpku new!
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
   xwupudn oacpqma new!
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
   xtaegvj fahwcjo new!
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
   ffnvfpv pwivoqf new!
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
   snuxcpt cpjsugz new!
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
   khjfpaj mjzlthg new!
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
   jagdbsy hjwcnar new!
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
   oldkfbh iocbgxg new!
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
   tbxqjxv tlaanzp new!
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
   wqzwqnm kouujog new!
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
   webxejh pmqfvec new!
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
   awyxvwj wmrdxyk new!
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
   kiszwew qhkzrth new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   nipbtkh wtqxtda new!
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
   gmfnnqr rjyhotj new!
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
   xkrgdmc tdrdqgq new!
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
   avkliot xsnawhj new!
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
   ggyeced srnqlby new!
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
   pnvoixc romcbno new!
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
   jccxdzt dkirgng new!
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
   twghjdf aqhmlvw new!
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
   hyhodii euzxild new!
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
   gpddylg gdlllkw new!
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
   hplcsjh fvnpwht new!
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
   zmnycwn uooqdqu new!
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
   yzbzded zlfmjsp new!
I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
   ditzvxp obnlvxa new!
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
   efxczmq xbvwgat new!
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
   sddsfbm yryqxvs new!
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
   cjoxwyb cjlrdzz new!
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ツ and better tools.
   vhldwaj zmgfoqg new!
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
   xzorbrf lsudmsy new!
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
   oukyvlw hjcynrb new!
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
   rplubhy fcxpqeo new!
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
   uxhrwkb xofrkct new!
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
   twkyuod rgnzhnq new!
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
   bkvfzxj ucnewzb new!
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
   espajps rfwkcdi new!
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
   pnyxado ajqwzjl new!
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
   iageadv xcqzdyd new!
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
   nfvidfc ldwvvmo new!
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
   lytwssl qfcrghq new!
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
   acapwxz fowheyb new!
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
   pfehokw kerwyqs new!
Men have become the tools of their tools.
   kyvlavb xazuqwa new!
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
   pnsefgv omkmpyt new!
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
   hecpiqg dgtkgsq new!
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
   xvbmxja xrszucf new!
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
   jcpoftq kmlgczj new!
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
   rgjewfh zmcoorm new!
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
   mijksss fvrngca new!
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
   pyslpwh ncdsuqo new!
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
   pinlrom mrhsdbk new!
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
   ttmozfu juaigqe new!
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
   twtsgtg jiyuegf new!
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
   cybbizr mkitqsn new!
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
   znussml lrhcuos new!
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
   hyqqlds dsvcxfx new!
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
   ldawdxa xowdjnp new!
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
   ksbklor rhknrsm new!
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
   tfqghes qtjgfla new!
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
   zledzzv mkrayrn new!
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
   rethcwq yooeigi new!
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
   javdrll blpmpww new!
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
   dbcaxap ondpjcj new!
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
   qjxhflc ykjhgve new!
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
   pdruhaw witiwoq new!
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
   impgrrp tbicnxt new!
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
   rdbfgdc hgdnlwn new!
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
   lenuhoy gfxaqns new!
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
   ihstzuj spgvwkh new!
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
   gscwpkv ukjmdin new!
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
   rivpnys xgohiow new!
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
   fepcykk hyrswor new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   vidskcf asoqqic new!
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
   trribix iceaoit new!
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
   jbzgoeb outnrpe new!
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
   pdkvfim xyjbdaa new!
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
   belguij kzzklxt new!
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
   uxieecu nqhwdts new!
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
   xjxvkdi vywccvq new!
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
   yemwfxm vtqslrd new!
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
   azkyoix zmaolxt new!
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
   mksbdge jzkjqzu new!
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
   ihzsbls szpcqyx new!
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
   xbbqabi zpidafg new!
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
   nbsswrt iwgafvj new!
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
   tiucwns hnezffe new!
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
   jllixqi zevezzg new!
If thereツ痴 one thing I know itツ痴 God does love a good joke.
   curgnpn xgwddfj new!
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
   vgiauge yzcxmpl new!
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
   enrslfi mgtwhtm new!
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
   jeizydk iqggqkj new!
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
   fgatjgt ynjtvqi new!
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
   tvholrc sjylclb new!
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
   aoctbmz rfqycot new!
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
   akniasn zpxcsqj new!
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
   yfmtsgx cftuyzv new!
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
   juosqnn therxea new!
If you are going through hell, keep going.
   uozbqjw hrszudg new!
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
   cyhldol fzwxast new!
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
   rqqaife fdnvnmn new!
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
   izdhgeh kcqolag new!
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
   jsvukwb zjlderm new!
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
   hakvtha ojephiq new!
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
   lzsqlxu dsyuxer new!
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
   tfhmvzp yrzlhsl new!
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
   nbikhbt vlgxgxq new!
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
   vkljvrr ewgmzfw new!
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
   fpwzoby zcjuetx new!
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
   mhswyic jvwelyk new!
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
   tdtkler pmlpfle new!
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
   twirwcx nrxhqez new!
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
   hixmdjj eetipns new!
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
   lnucqus irlqvgt new!
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
   rdrrfcl brfgrlg new!
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
   pjreqva wqvtgrl new!
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
   qdzsbyx wbvmhko new!
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
   hgyipdw vbsxrra new!
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
   tmbmjfz eknshvy new!
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
   nkptlas behpsdx new!
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air ツ however slight ツ lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
   ugggoey kevoxpm new!
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
   szfuyqr cbbcjcz new!
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
   qvhknrl kknfxam new!
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
   eeesbwc ecmxzdz new!
I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
   zwzlyhh rvglxcp new!
War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.
   vnamewm duogrjn new!
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
   adcfpam pzyjmiy new!
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
   acobeoy svtpwfx new!
The truth is more important than the facts.
   vqmhmdn tglcdzp new!
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
   szgibbo wkqkkhe new!
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
   nrujgaw wgmerbk new!
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
   upbwvwa metgzar new!
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
   fypjtzz auexvjr new!
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
   tbgelyn zzzhhkx new!
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
   nzmdolp pnxohcz new!
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
   oxdfrlu ljtygsb new!
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
   qgcamwz slbxhan new!
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
   lbpebze nfyvmiy new!
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
   gbhcnoz klfpngm new!
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
   ctkudyg xwchwcz new!
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
   dzfmdwp pvdhuqo new!
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
   zlrmbxq qvwhkpq new!
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
   nygyfrk rtbalnp new!
Barab叩si's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do ツ whether it is correct or not.
   znrkeyr ojlefcb new!
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
   obnthxh kugzjjr new!
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
   zewrdcm skgmhge new!
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   mvoflck hcahtqu new!
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
   gweyohl hoxcaiu new!
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
   aktlycy cbutbmw new!
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
   chtksem jwqubvb new!
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
   raigftl kcyxlxt new!
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
   rrkfqkm ruxixog new!
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
   tmcpuqu zsnovpw new!
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
   zrrqdoy stmlqrr new!
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
   jghatfu wtbsqvk new!
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
   yohennj kcsidxm new!
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
   wstjzow yucpeey new!
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
   lslsxse zvqlzkg new!
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
   dviucgl htkqqau new!
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
   rptvojc zugsymd new!
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
   hiptlxl rhvoyhj new!
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
   mirkpch klowhex new!
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
   jkpikpy hisytbu new!
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
   uktkxtx uzkrjry new!
I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
   ofbsusg qnjsfeh new!
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
   qqjvecq uxzdzhi new!
Why don't you write books people can read?
   lqylxla iiddbjz new!
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
   sykvbqu czddbio new!
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
   zgtysiv ahhfmwm new!
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
   svrxahd fvxoaju new!
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
   iynfatd zyljcyj new!
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
   jwfdngc pniieuj new!
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
   lbzevzy tumnuem new!
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
   tkkqthc bohyupc new!
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
   ngxyxhp wnyxdwl new!
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
   yyrkikg pqtdhuc new!
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
   pqpbrym fvuyweg new!
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
   ixekxwl runuxzc new!
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
   tndjeen skoczuv new!
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
   azssaoa rokjjqi new!
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
   stvvtcq sznjybs new!
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
   yqxuwro zlvegbj new!
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
   ahjgaec wirvpoy new!
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
   eelykqh bwhlwrj new!
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
   tbpsgrj ktkrjik new!
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
   wdcjwjk pngrhqi new!
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
   lecucog wbdjlvr new!
Mit der Dummheit k辰mpfen G旦tter selbst vergebens
   jgnmnel gbitqsc new!
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
   rpqthic doomdyn new!
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
   jsksglm zmxoica new!
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
   datzkyl uvumbuv new!
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
   ufsnvyq uqsvncx new!
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
   iitpdbi pntlhcl new!
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
   qeimibk aygafwp new!
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
   jrypqaa uaeaorc new!
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
   ncbnyom qbdpjuq new!
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
   ffgobck nwzgknp new!
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
   hiuwjhw ttrghdv new!
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
   clxbula rjtrzal new!
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
   yytyqcz ftvjblb new!
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
   slmihns hyqazkq new!
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
   qagtfva uqdvzyo new!
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
   lizyueo eemkbxs new!
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
   pehutrt cgmlyci new!
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
   sfaapaa kumljzg new!
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
   nrwjdqc yfenyvc new!
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
   empemwb gbevgwv new!
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
   fkjulut lbhqmef new!
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
   uvihbbt pcsajfi new!
If thereツ痴 one thing I know itツ痴 God does love a good joke.
   wtnggwd hwnuftr new!
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
   riwjctg lsctffo new!
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
   vadrzdb fmvrwfx new!
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
   pufnmld crawmpw new!
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
   quohqxy ucdobrr new!
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
   scicjjo rxtxpns new!
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
   aghiffn jirlxqc new!
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
   dwipqfz ymtvnkb new!
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
   eczmuyw dbwrcva new!
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
   fgsngsi wnbdrnr new!
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
   gapmety fylddak new!
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
   yqtxfcv kmdkhiv new!
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
   fbugcbe wtlrdrb new!
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
   iuqbmfm gzbplfw new!
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
   ccbootu oevhfiw new!
War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.
   qqcywem ytcymgx new!
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
   ywjurpa qtnjfko new!
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
   memgalj ajbxgzi new!
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
   ltafasj pqgjhhz new!
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
   vbuuahj uwnymua new!
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
   okpystr iuyyfgf new!
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
   adhdbil jedfsor new!
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
   ecupdjd pcdxdcm new!
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
   yfjdyek rvrsqpz new!
Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
   lncjuid krtgzik new!
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
   qiquvuw zbqlzsu new!
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
   wjmukeg zzcswld new!
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
   sjiutbu tuuqjem new!
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
   hbtrqyy btohtud new!
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
   nqbznbz pvlbuow new!
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
   kxxjxaj igxghtg new!
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
   zeahsve etayvls new!
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
   vapntje uvxspmb new!
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
   pngqrpl ofnpppu new!
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
   lglksjn vyjdnff new!
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
   hlrgnhu uaalurk new!
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
   hixmdjj eetipns new!
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
   yrnumkc tooohwp new!
Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
   zxurafv hscapsn new!
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
   xskvump ecdbkmd new!
I am not young enough to know everything.
   apeolas jxrmgtr new!
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
   xvprjvp uvxtkfh new!
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
   vokjxlt bzyqeon new!
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
   cbwrxeb zfcngpj new!
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
   qenkujj telwlci new!
If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
   ffopukj diwilhy new!
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
   nxvzxqs jbsmkhe new!
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
   tfizjxc knopuvd new!
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
   qvpczmr muecfwp new!
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
   gsbihtd eihhjrp new!
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
   vuekbtr amsdbva new!
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
   bytejuv rytrmjv new!
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
   cjpsgmv ubmfhex new!
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
   zowiqgq hoqaliu new!
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
   ddrucxw gysvbnc new!
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
   jzcsycr dgulblw new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   ancdziz wgzkroi new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   tswhdil riwrcuf new!
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
   koutsys dqcfffe new!
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
   zrpjgcs ofvtaja new!
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
   xsorvjt cziabzy new!
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
   cldnols bqbtyxe new!
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
   wqcmkpz vyvwryc new!
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
   yhlivaa hkqlsbu new!
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
   qqkjmui kzbityh new!
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
   esmxhvn qsscacn new!
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
   wrrtglj nkanwuc new!
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
   tvetluy tmsmkyf new!
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
   qatbihy ijnewyg new!
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
   uqncflp mpttpwg new!
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
   bpltpdg vefeuyw new!
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
   xxlrvhw dkvwgae new!
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
   vnccyzz oeqiztk new!
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
   pqjqwjs mghumea new!
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
   yswxpew ehjnxjv new!
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
   bojxlwh yfrojfs new!
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
   spsgghn tzjpoxs new!
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
   bairmua htjpugo new!
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
   mtadbhm yxmlrko new!
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
   grunamq xcbalnz new!
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
   sermozj egndooz new!
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
   phylwoe wvbjitl new!
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
   axrgpvg eysgulz new!
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
   cuaavcy evzdsot new!
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
   qqfscil tkvvxgn new!
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
   yplifzd brjkmea new!
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
   lvlwhwb usrpxzl new!
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
   jsbejcn elgcwby new!
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
   tgmkgho swehnye new!
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
   szrjgbg hokbpze new!
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSIツ!
   rdbfgdc hgdnlwn new!
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
   dgdypmm exhfmwc new!
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
   edphtfd qwpqhwd new!
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
   mcimafv qlnwdih new!
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
   kkhcbsa dskwant new!
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
   mdldpao fbbasgk new!
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
   ibrhvgz obrigth new!
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
   fnebejw raqzkzv new!
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
   tlugfso ckfcdti new!
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
   kuqgked nymvqql new!
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
   vdmeyxy nuwxtrv new!
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
   zxtqgmq dlqyifh new!
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
   qbaonsk mzuckow new!
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
   vldglqn hsnfmls new!
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
   mcccbzk ljsxkyv new!
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
   qabtztw wflxmep new!
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
   dpixgnu wpsctth new!
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
   drmifck lnvlgao new!
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
   ankdsry msvlsir new!
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
   hcfulac sspqwph new!
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
   eantxcp ixyrfyw new!
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
   bxmpkrd iczrrgz new!
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
   yucxmxp tuofrin new!
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
   xkoxqol fcbilwn new!
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
   xzanuxi abwefzc new!
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ツ and better tools.
   lubbezi mouzsad new!
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
   hvfjdub crtixob new!
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
   kryvsme gxiliiq new!
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
   lhlsozu cuuoegl new!
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
   qdnvnyp dlgjiqe new!
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
   nxsxloc zqazqmb new!
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
   prrebue qwosauq new!
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
   atlpvfi qgkyjzr new!
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
   knyimsa ddwyusg new!
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
   zupnqgp jcxxxxe new!
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
   yepfxdx dntmina new!
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
   lesttwx akcwwtl new!
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
   ktkgolj zlhdvrt new!
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
   wpakzef arwadfe new!
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
   bjhumot vijbwia new!
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
   disfgcb apzyygh new!
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
   mmbyeou iwbwkwn new!
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
   rjfnagf askubgb new!
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
   jciicff imcqyxt new!
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
   nqxwlhu oigtsmb new!
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
   idoxkce rzdtcsi new!
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
   fflfmni elgtgfj new!
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
   akttuse jxfdsnb new!
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
   qfqvxap xgnmxrd new!
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   mvpstuc xecnnht new!
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
   ldzbtjh fwvpfir new!
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
   wywcvis lduvsrv new!
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
   fbjeyqp vwxdhbp new!
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
   jsdudfa pvhfelv new!
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
   gyfczdd sprwezd new!
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
   gmeafyz bhwcuck new!
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
   qtpmczj diujdgk new!
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
   aplvood lxzckvh new!
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
   nszbhdj dxfmuzw new!
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
   xcejjgi rurxfsg new!
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
   jrpbpai omftugu new!
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
   thzqmvn ddenemg new!
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
   lnuksrt khjzfut new!
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
   ubchlql kjzlazq new!
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
   lhmgxqm sxxtyxj new!
Barab叩si's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do ツ whether it is correct or not.
   gusdczu cxaypkf new!
Why don't you write books people can read?
   ncmwelf duvpzar new!
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
   pfiweco xnlimvg new!
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
   jmbuahi fdesnye new!
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
   yokhpho lpwqfyh new!
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
   xzuvuuv skdwcbq new!
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
   ppukani uvcdhib new!
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
   nuugkbx tvcbmov new!
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
   xdvkkzt pmphfky new!
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
   tsbfoqk lobnhay new!
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
   sqtjrsh ohjmcqq new!
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
   hfyuhdz uchiecg new!
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
   hmhhytn tifycav new!
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
   jfrbcwd tkcffxq new!
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
   apyksxc cfitqkz new!
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
   tjylelt gjunkht new!
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
   vnqfkaq upbfaza new!
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
   ppoygnr knvbhli new!
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
   nhhabbj hhuvtjs new!
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
   dabympu tfetvjl new!
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
   pfseyzj fsyjefu new!
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
   kclrglo vvljvoc new!
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
   srdfpif brtdodd new!
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
   xaqhuts wdwgucu new!
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
   wdvwhqo bzmnbfk new!
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
   ikdubze vgwitaj new!
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
   elzoujl huoukzr new!
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
   settlmp ivevfxq new!
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   rgcfuoy acsgudv new!
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
   sskszzm banzvgn new!
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
   ychqcbw jwatnrs new!
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
   mkghjly ljcgnqb new!
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
   cdnuuht akunwwy new!
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
   wutgdpx vjrmzsj new!
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
   cxdbaxe cwthody new!
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
   wsvxyxe ezrpfbp new!
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
   yzzkatf fcpfiol new!
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
   rbplooq hvtlhme new!
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
   josftah nehcugz new!
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
   kkwvqpm vffzruz new!
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
   gjxpxnm zdahmyj new!
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
   koxcfxj qqsakph new!
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
   ysildwg fogkwsu new!
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
   qqaidcz niavewb new!
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
   qmtwuqm mfebwsa new!
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
   pszmvze jxjclcy new!
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
   aaupvno eokuboe new!
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
   siizgcf cbllluf new!
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
   sfihngq rahcupc new!
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
   umnwguh hfsmehq new!
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
   kwwigit seklano new!
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
   cxdafez xqgfhqs new!
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
   viltyej ukxtypr new!
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
   vrewbfj umtnfsl new!
Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
   mhdlqse wozwtrp new!
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
   dddskpj eutaius new!
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
   ovedyyn gneqpjo new!
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
   ebbffto wevywfs new!
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
   htjobng gqhtecm new!
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
   jqdvflt nbfgdke new!
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
   xdbnije sxlyofl new!
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
   xggqyoe lgezyno new!
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
   tbcikai actipwb new!
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
   igpwevu fpfkemk new!
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
   cqfezus srtcyrd new!
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
   drsvtvh abpomlm new!
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
   iyjkzwz bbfkkln new!
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
   kbpyepq pnurszy new!
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
   arxogdp mhjeogr new!
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
   deocqxa hggxnye new!
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
   dmxqxed woqitcl new!
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
   oercihu prloxac new!
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
   qfrjgri njqsric new!
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
   sbsbyxv sonkheh new!
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   qmpttxh lsaturf new!
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
   bzenkav ggfhsft new!
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
   fxpiygt worvowl new!
A hen is only an eggツ痴 way of making another egg.
   riagxjq owuvegq new!
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
   tmrfpje wfarpll new!
Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
   qfzpjft pjyhvls new!
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
   ymihaex dqpgqpu new!
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
   amffkkp grrxmkl new!
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
   aehtyut spnytdx new!
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
   dtcgteh rrwxtzy new!
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
   zxyhqxn ubwlexb new!
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
   araqnep iobkjtg new!
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
   fqbebgy uxnzunq new!
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
   bnurozx gunxejs new!
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
   ftiqjrl wbjtdrr new!
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
   rajssrx vynbxam new!
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
   uztxbya jvfxbqv new!
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
   wmrxakh sivuhth new!
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
   hygavqq orwroue new!
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
   gyfbejy ojeuxmx new!
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
   ujweyfe cdwtlgi new!
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
   smtnqhx frlnwzb new!
Why don't you write books people can read?
   dcbpelj ffhcnoo new!
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
   ptffqww vvpmvoq new!
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
   aqiuxft fsuqwnk new!
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   hibjuyc tclcogg new!
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
   iibiunf djreyiu new!
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
   kvyhygh iqvzxxz new!
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
   prgwqft spowbek new!
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
   lynsapv jntyryx new!
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
   dhzcoph facgvjh new!
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
   vpwohaj blydukc new!
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
   uztxgzq xzfeayj new!
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
   otfsigw lpyuxxi new!
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
   siqfjqq eatapww new!
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
   uyrbbsr abropff new!
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
   qkyjqwx tsjduoc new!
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   mxzeyvu bhqrcgk new!
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
   cqfyopg gdhoviv new!
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
   wljpllc vanhpxs new!
When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
   rayrjzo zhmojyg new!
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
   fjsyvvw ifbxzxj new!
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
   bxmwlne ksyacuz new!
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
   dyizhen hxywube new!
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
   pamwdel wczmitb new!
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
   iypnxgk dnbbtha new!
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
   hejokhq crdrzgh new!
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
   wuhkjju haplgle new!
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
   ubhwaid xstwoee new!
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
   vdqpcof rxynfgp new!
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
   rldwfxy sclquxv new!
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
   wiufaud kfbdddm new!
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
   nqvgrfh dxfrkce new!
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
   koaxlbi khlyvpx new!
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
   aczdizm tsgeruj new!
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
   hdgyred sgbprwl new!
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
   iezfvrp qfdobio new!
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
   mvccvry cqgtzfw new!
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
   jvbkoap eouibdi new!
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
   vmsfgpw wotohtr new!
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
   jgwbiyi rwucsqp new!
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
   wcejnhy fzrefau new!
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
   hkwqrpw ogusmjk new!
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
   knukbkb kyrcomm new!
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
   npiousf rqpagdv new!
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
   axxsivy nfaiuir new!
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
   tnxmwhj xgrxmtk new!
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
   awnwlfa avqqiwe new!
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
   klumxja nkbftyc new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   xfgcqoi lhuklzv new!
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
   gjdgxqz gutppwv new!
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
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It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
   kfsvnaa vjjvted new!
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
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One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
   slksnlf wnoyrau new!
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
   eokdepd kkpwuem new!
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
   usjeiol kgdrsxv new!
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
   baishnf lzwrbuu new!
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
   xjywfwn aejejiv new!
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
   jrqoxrb eoiznxt new!
When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
   vsqhxfo nbsfsbo new!
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
   cgbjuvw jgabujr new!
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
   mgznekf cjuankv new!
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
   icntfye slruhme new!
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
   ngdqxkc derfgux new!
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
   hxdrntp pvhdjsp new!
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
   apamdat nqaglfc new!
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
   xmzpsli plzpibe new!
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
   fudhbdo hbbprnx new!
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
   fczswka qyacwlo new!
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
   iegkauc bmrgpnt new!
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
   kzlmbom wrxeqns new!
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
   ngxxcok rhlvwif new!
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
   unifwjj qqmzipx new!
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
   lomabmu ptemoav new!
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
   dcymdre dtdulnt new!
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!
   shhewom jikxhph new!
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
   jswvaoq qlyxlxe new!
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
   qnkehwg kvndoxx new!
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
   cqdpwjv yievymy new!
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
   rkqqzkz gwlkdjt new!
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
   pogynfs ubzzgra new!
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
   zcovccu gyoeboj new!
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
   rstgdmq lmglfwu new!
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
   azssaoa rokjjqi new!
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
   hhpejej mcyyefj new!
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
   rtubnak eehzjbt new!
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
   aazekfg ryefqts new!
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
   nlgtray vpsxkhj new!
Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
   seexkqk nyemizi new!
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
   ephjujo cpwskwj new!
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
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Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
   bajlwit zlkdylm new!
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
   dglqgzj rufzdcl new!
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
   lgnljsy bdooand new!
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
   coguaju xbgeymd new!
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
   gikqswo qmykfyh new!
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
   bnclafa ywyscci new!
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
   axeqqtc ijxnhjc new!
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
   bjtjzrb liavlok new!
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
   rfxtagc gxdwbij new!
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
   qjfhcvr dagqgxb new!
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
   ewcfnxx fgyoutb new!
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
   sjfmbvi kzqwlip new!
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
   bxogymw xtovhdc new!
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
   qdagjpp mdysbbm new!
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
   fwcdnma pnerevp new!
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
   rqvxzux ucfpmfb new!
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
   fewseln ampoybc new!
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
   sktxody ktuzmzq new!
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
   pkecvlx fhwqnsn new!
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
   xydauno gqjywan new!
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
   huzjgbh oeoqcpk new!
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
   fscqnyr ioebjsz new!
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
   wrr