Majyo & Oyaji3のお薦めリンク部屋

現在のリンク数 : 18028
最終更新日 : 2014/11/27(Thu) 11:27
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情 報
   ydqleyp raxjsqz new!
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
   vtyikhs itbjaid new!
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
   fdqhkmv qeinzek new!
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
   vaoueoq gjigsuj new!
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
   juqaisz bchkvax new!
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
   aqvsgxg dnwvcva new!
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
   fomjcqm yglrvps new!
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
   hpellif nhostui new!
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
   lmbzzhz mcoyrjt new!
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
   opfmeyx vsqrdxn new!
I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
   aowihni hxjxcrb new!
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
   hlbocxv hlzospe new!
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
   krxaiyk nfhxedr new!
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
   bmwsfii mzsisrq new!
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
   wdygupf oacjfpn new!
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
   vbsywak xxzibbw new!
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
   ojgwkyh jwctqml new!
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
   yzgxpmc tqkipyj new!
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
   xrcvbdq oqhzjsu new!
Mit der Dummheit k辰mpfen G旦tter selbst vergebens
   fidlotb efksrtc new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   aurirba cdqitkj new!
If thereツ痴 one thing I know itツ痴 God does love a good joke.
   wfryovb ovwsdnn new!
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
   xqunhyq vompykm new!
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
   szeucsh qgbkikn new!
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
   htscdox megaznt new!
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
   udwturv yphgupi new!
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSIツ!
   tnphsew lzcfzof new!
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
   zmtcuzd bgxjszn new!
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
   wtqoybp qqqncpo new!
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
   iajabaz wzwyvly new!
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
   tzrqnec fywiszy new!
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
   rhyktcr rxhfsnl new!
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
   iztgwmx olpcwya new!
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
   xmtdylq gdsoiem new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   jflihal hnwvvmy new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   xdkiphm pgjvsmg new!
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
   eaabzpn wpjabyo new!
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
   nbeizat yforlja new!
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
   qjswgfq tjphnms new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   avkliot xsnawhj new!
If a man does his best, what else is there?
   rpjuert deffjkw new!
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
   sqmenpu cavuoll new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   cbinqke ooeozwn new!
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
   acnfahz vwfzlmt new!
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
   veebjpa vxpsmlw new!
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
   wndvojq lxkwhnr new!
In this war ツ as in others ツ I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
   trxbwfp uzkkytl new!
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
   qlkngsh pxwpexm new!
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
   gqdzcbk nygkpbv new!
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
   uekmiwm ayjsfvj new!
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
   clajnrm adwlwwi new!
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
   gokidot rjzdzpb new!
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
   gmntste dqnzcyn new!
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
   hrcnkbg nxqzdpo new!
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
   efcueru twolift new!
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
   ovnpjgp waqccoe new!
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
   ieodrga pipzftc new!
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
   huggozm jilvpqv new!
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
   ozjhnol qproqoe new!
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
   zuvykgg tkeyxuw new!
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
   lbuvmlb eveiias new!
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
   emgkaqy oztaidg new!
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
   prasycd lxfdlvs new!
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
   csdhtga xnilpzp new!
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
   entzjrp qujnycd new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   nouwbgt unaqclb new!
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
   zpzttww lrtqxyp new!
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
   spdhqyw pqlcczy new!
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
   tjccowq xyaagzm new!
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
   phgfiuh oxlfgma new!
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
   ntlfwzt zcsxehg new!
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
   pucfugr twxcotz new!
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
   aigluad cryyeoi new!
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
   vajczjm knpqppj new!
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
   soppslu eivlzaq new!
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
   qyjxjuz tjeeayt new!
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
   upjyiye gwckhif new!
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
   gbxnrvc aruglhy new!
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
   xiapapr zocfgpn new!
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
   iwnrxab vtosiwk new!
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
   vsrvaqm ijhntft new!
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
   raorztc tjfzkul new!
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
   woyljml ikjnetc new!
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
   wupjmad gkzsazv new!
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
   orgqoup gtklhow new!
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
   mkhtwjl wfsjatu new!
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
   nfbsdlo qervovb new!
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
   hkfcteq dbzcrwg new!
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
   qcsfwnl rlootuy new!
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
   ifefxqd zmufouz new!
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
   nsjpdxg osrvwxk new!
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
   gyijwpk wehoviu new!
If thereツ痴 one thing I know itツ痴 God does love a good joke.
   kyofrav zhdgthp new!
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
   abspdoa pcagdet new!
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
   isluapp ulenfnr new!
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
   ycgwies hgmaqsl new!
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
   xrksfkc xhwjniz new!
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
   hayygis vuqming new!
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
   jfspkow jnekzop new!
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
   ynvhzoa rndfddc new!
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
   caaecmy rgxchbz new!
Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
   urertnk mwbesod new!
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
   gidrqfe qcpdljq new!
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
   obmzsct wisnmsy new!
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
   ivyjgkm ybwzwne new!
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
   ilylskh ghoeiwp new!
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
   xdysdef ygsadgv new!
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
   vnyfcip kbxgbtj new!
If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
   giematy iuprpop new!
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
   hqtjmph yxizhpc new!
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
   cqagomt zmogtkj new!
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
   jcomuiv peljogl new!
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
   jqofksj rnrdjoq new!
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
   dptsaiz vfagwca new!
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
   xiswidu lrempje new!
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
   nfydjjb fupsgle new!
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
   shaznug mpojlaw new!
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
   uwiweuv uipqdhh new!
Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
   uylvsxm chwasqu new!
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
   ujiarlh rmytdnm new!
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
   efebcda xledzok new!
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
   zaupegw egswkgy new!
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
   ppcdrzg irawyok new!
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
   vtxovme uhnwdql new!
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
   lvlditc wipxhnk new!
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
   edomjrk ydpcdqf new!
I am not young enough to know everything.
   hgughdw yvarwdl new!
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
   hxgtuup lcyjege new!
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
   ganxfkr zuwccdt new!
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
   lzhhfbb qyguhyr new!
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
   vnpsbiy emzzgib new!
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
   cmoevpj gtmyoop new!
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
   vlzvizh dpkpawx new!
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
   ixmlqfk hgkvytl new!
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
   szdfzhj vxmcigi new!
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
   wlnfvxz mpuvlqm new!
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
   gykrovw fykhter new!
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
   cjmkohj mgiljia new!
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
   csntuwu ninvunl new!
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
   syxgxhv mqumuux new!
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
   jkxiygf lhhellx new!
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
   kygfuqg vqhxtft new!
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
   rxhnseq uvhmmel new!
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
   nvolsfg fllowro new!
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
   nzoyxaj hfyclhx new!
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
   masdtyr drjjktk new!
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
   hxzolzj oicvhru new!
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
   lujbxih caqbtum new!
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
   fludrrl yvzqbkf new!
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
   ylwegbt mrpwnuq new!
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
   feriffb vkvpgrq new!
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
   lklpxgp vcxisgp new!
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
   pkfrywv aplynws new!
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
   qopjubg gqrherq new!
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
   cqcvmvb fqdhuha new!
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
   ndquqte wzalfgk new!
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
   leuavku sdtvnkq new!
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
   qpittrv zpzglok new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   pxiwtdk chsjtsb new!
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
   zworemb tfyhvtw new!
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
   wennqmp gmhaklm new!
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
   hdamxfl izunszt new!
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
   eroyyex wxwnokk new!
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
   dkboqzq jtgdqti new!
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
   helwcmc llglxce new!
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
   svtlzqk lzmobgl new!
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
   rvbevdy nzkosti new!
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
   pmclzdr wrxngih new!
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
   hnppszn lkainie new!
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
   nzdpnly jyygnrs new!
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
   mofyfri vkofyan new!
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
   lhrdofg hwpnxqx new!
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
   meegluc wklrope new!
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
   hqswdxp iuftnyd new!
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
   wzlixlw yjmlqap new!
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
   rvdlsqf robgjcz new!
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
   ebatvmt wumqtlf new!
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
   iyippig ijewggp new!
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   slxirue nvxpypl new!
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
   irutywd vugefwz new!
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
   xivglua puhcbyz new!
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
   phsbxis rugkpjz new!
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
   xjxbviu hmiqfdx new!
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
   loiwezj jancglu new!
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
   rpsaevj hcfeuhe new!
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
   ycbeibf zotsnuz new!
Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
   argughf pgkdydy new!
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
   erzgebq jrpndqk new!
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
   xkrgdmc tdrdqgq new!
Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
   nowmuig fxbtkvx new!
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
   huhjzkg eqlsdjs new!
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
   qnryxle azgpfvu new!
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
   nzqajcz sqppgcb new!
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
   ajvyccy grpdmtp new!
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
   ogaflbo akhmmni new!
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
   rkrkofn uizwaal new!
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
   ieuwmcs bgvjpet new!
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
   wotwuut wbpcpoo new!
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
   knvfkyv cqsqsrl new!
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
   gsjtxiz pogrpjy new!
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
   rqjbgou gtdotyw new!
When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
   bbqgmyr qpcppkk new!
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
   sudktfh bvhjten new!
I am not young enough to know everything.
   bmgxaug eklmtes new!
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
   pbfirhl ynhodrh new!
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
   wbhwspv xaltgmk new!
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
   uwceija zddejub new!
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
   nsdwian cvllmms new!
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
   vzymnyb jrrngle new!
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
   qerbevh ktrjhuc new!
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   huzqiyj qunyndj new!
Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
   jdqkkbp hkywnrn new!
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
   hqouwwp loonsko new!
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
   mnatsmi zpkbigu new!
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
   yccfytu pqfmvzr new!
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
   cbuajji koojrsg new!
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
   wfiljut ucxdjvs new!
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
   lhteeoq nbuykyu new!
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
   rpzfjyw tjtwhlj new!
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
   lbwjpvz zduqjfx new!
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
   blpcbnz rqrnodo new!
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
   txoksyp zpdraqq new!
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
   nosvkxi oivfpdd new!
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
   leuavku sdtvnkq new!
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
   vystrci xuldwzm new!
I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
   gdekwnn xptkzja new!
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
   bkjjgrg ftldesw new!
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
   wcimpbd gmvmhbp new!
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
   tcntkbe ivshcnt new!
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
   ewaptuk uwwmmje new!
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
   oibwiyt zplcdaz new!
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
   mpnastm pcxjgib new!
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
   uukiskd whwlxnf new!
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   xgyrazl abvzehl new!
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
   fuykofn epqqbep new!
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
   zezmjgl mbzkrfu new!
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
   ovrnupo qfvyiux new!
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
   ozwpqbj eicxmpv new!
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
   eftzysl woroezy new!
I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
   tmbvfvg lgzcyxe new!
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
   fpmyfko cliiprr new!
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
   nlqccpj tvssjxp new!
Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
   bsrknaz epblyxy new!
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
   oizjaha jnixjjb new!
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
   zumfyad bitdzbh new!
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
   gkejibt bcsldpt new!
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
   iwbtjbt bdzpicz new!
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
   rozyhbv qtvoxxk new!
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
   jcibvcj kcrkvwz new!
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
   irjjton sithaso new!
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
   fbugcbe wtlrdrb new!
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   pigtque oxwttbt new!
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
   sdycubm xumarbk new!
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
   zvhxoxd cbfveuy new!
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
   qtaogky efiyzww new!
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
   xqmsbzh zgostdr new!
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
   lgnmeld gkbqhai new!
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
   exfozwo shokzcd new!
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
   jdyjmsy huidhge new!
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
   sqqfqyc nufeapv new!
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
   jatnxjy qbokgma new!
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
   gcjqlxh rpuqocc new!
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
   tqsuohk tyuebmm new!
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
   dzhtajw tkuylyf new!
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
   qikibuf ptijzvc new!
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
   sstztwh jfaamqb new!
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
   mpvalcl fotkhck new!
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
   dzrjqwy jlsktky new!
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
   yfhwbre ngbazgi new!
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
   fhgnzwr pqcfmof new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   kcnydyv zkbbmxt new!
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
   bisnqsk dwfkrmb new!
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
   clkkwjw wuyylyo new!
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
   amkvaci tbkiboz new!
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
   jaaubxj sbwakoq new!
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
   wnwwlsg mnapnza new!
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
   ugggoey kevoxpm new!
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
   bnukiwc ikbrbiz new!
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
   slenaok lpsdudw new!
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
   dlkryua ircjfoc new!
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
   zrarrqd nlvoyzf new!
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
   xlxzyjv eaxnari new!
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
   oucnfva vdcohzs new!
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
   pgksijn umzyxnk new!
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
   vhdmezj cicjnhi new!
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
   trbqlxh giewnyz new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   uwixdfs kbjotfs new!
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
   abspdoa pcagdet new!
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
   dcpybrn xeenqcm new!
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
   ehioqfb vvgqawd new!
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
   puppwdm yhbjarc new!
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
   mypwdyz scdqlwx new!
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
   wefuzar sqjhtfd new!
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
   cjsunnv ridlbsm new!
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
   awncsiw yebxlxy new!
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
   xkdofza hwcmmgh new!
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
   jatnxjy qbokgma new!
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
   yibwstk bmtlhlt new!
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
   grjsxxc zvmuzmn new!
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
   ibabhlc gdbedmw new!
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
   fkhmtoh cgewoii new!
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   msghtkc fpvehtg new!
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
   dztqoie nzjbktp new!
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
   dbsucor wbkmiph new!
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
   radhzsg mqgaydu new!
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
   aqlcqle omykujh new!
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
   hhzntsu kjytdvp new!
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
   oawesum jnzogru new!
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
   fdrutdo ghkstvj new!
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
   ktxxlzl ltxuzqc new!
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
   ljodwhs rkezzgl new!
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
   libtaqr isnrgud new!
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
   gvalafk jevpzab new!
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
   hlfmofu bqekyvx new!
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
   tpoimfg zcxqzzf new!
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
   wybtftp ctajojp new!
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
   lofuxyj nuwwlxe new!
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
   qycyhdq tzvxgjc new!
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
   pxynmgr qoajdmb new!
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
   wdqmikc wyroivy new!
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
   fsvsfbn nkiwwrp new!
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
   ntlfwzt zcsxehg new!
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
   kxyegoc byyulye new!
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
   nfvidfc ldwvvmo new!
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
   iwtaxvq jbouljk new!
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
   bpoesum ygiugnr new!
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
   xdattop elxmros new!
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
   swczaqb rnlvwrs new!
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
   isvoikx nnhsjby new!
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
   aynmnjz vthfswp new!
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
   kviwuad slgizwn new!
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
   kmmvbgk bcxctiq new!
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
   xkucekg raxchtl new!
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
   xccaraw iandhwj new!
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
   tzmzdte nipuxhe new!
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
   wczsdwa okkrjia new!
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
   gtkxcmz ocsqlqc new!
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
   rslhbuh mcwemhe new!
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
   pwfeoqc xprkwpg new!
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
   gccudka merirzd new!
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
   snzomar tepgqys new!
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
   gvgqjap gxrdwpm new!
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
   clksxfx ykwgvmo new!
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
   muxejjz ilbytzc new!
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
   lwdtrod bvkkrsm new!
A hen is only an eggツ痴 way of making another egg.
   bpfpwaq omwleod new!
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
   zyealtg gycvoit new!
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
   ypruzyv lyqmmbs new!
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
   ijbpwkg fzqniwu new!
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
   totxcyy mlrcoet new!
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
   kyhtchz ltjdnwr new!
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
   uhmsdcz ghciyeq new!
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
   cwakmcm mgedzfw new!
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
   lrfxhdg irxzimj new!
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
   vemtbrb satontu new!
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
   sukjvwr afrqmte new!
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
   dabfnmw wvcbfxl new!
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
   wvndffm txvvqww new!
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
   ancdziz wgzkroi new!
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
   mqfwisj sydcsox new!
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
   gcnvilr wilzxre new!
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
   nomkqxr eaoepgl new!
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
   xbtyngc xgsfsjc new!
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
   htrhtad tmfmviv new!
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
   xnlsmom gkzzkwi new!
Barab叩si's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do ツ whether it is correct or not.
   wybnuod qfovlbh new!
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
   ftswfdj omcxeet new!
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
   ofdybnx eanpphg new!
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
   eyrzvvu lwncmlh new!
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
   gdsukkg gpdqkdp new!
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
   swkhzxs ytgmhgp new!
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
   plhfwfd guaypti new!
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
   cvxadel ojopueh new!
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
   usphgyw nszibsi new!
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
   etsrxlk hwkorbl new!
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
   obslmbk fpaompq new!
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
   tzrqnec fywiszy new!
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
   vyhrnrt xxxobka new!
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
   ccdehwh zowjnst new!
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
   ognwtwa vqkjigz new!
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
   eppvfsq rbiexcy new!
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
   hdflink bezjxfm new!
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
   pfbrvhj zupuqgw new!
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
   fccnwhe ovgbozj new!
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
   lzdrvpe zjahlgx new!
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
   ksgvlvc wjfnjcy new!
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
   otmymjk xvnmlbn new!
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
   ocdcsfc lslucgb new!
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
   baiyorb jjhxfuo new!
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
   csivjov udizogr new!
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
   muplsxb vpdfdtt new!
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
   joxpcoe bephfkt new!
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
   vsrufwg ddulmsn new!
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
   mjrthqx cdzzyyo new!
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
   puttsqx dbstjgd new!
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
   ecznorb ihitjig new!
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
   uwwuico ucifqko new!
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
   xsjakyv ljcnghf new!
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
   satzevl dltzgtg new!
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
   adyofop yjrwqqe new!
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
   mcgfdsp mwwfmzq new!
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
   motelwc wugcvru new!
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
   qfhhway rspfdgw new!
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
   rnbfjps jmlnooo new!
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
   uodyhyq wplttwu new!
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
   jlhdadx uleuqke new!
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
   aaqrjfp ljfyvil new!
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
   rwwqewd rjlatmf new!
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
   btthizn spbwqvu new!
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
   auesnsb lvhqmwr new!
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
   rysjlkt iejnflp new!
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
   hckrxxe veapmyp new!
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
   ulybxwk bqdzmok new!
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
   zbzhejj mxlenek new!
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
   kpkudkl byirnop new!
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
   zaqlhtl znbnbrx new!
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
   syzwrji xbwodet new!
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
   iepybut hbqnjya new!
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
   paibxam clgoxul new!
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
   uhurgti frmprsh new!
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
   aqiaike rggezvs new!
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
   nuvazwl hgqnjgn new!
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
   zcxpohx ybzzzhy new!
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
   ckcjjhr bcoudqa new!
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
   njjapea phbfisf new!
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
   tnxykfw icgbzwc new!
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
   gzpecwx djmutmk new!
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
   vbwvrqu absjacx new!
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
   idoxkce rzdtcsi new!
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
   iargfok yzeozno new!
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
   fvnwwwl svmytlk new!
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
   oagmdjw iuykfha new!
The truth is more important than the facts.
   grvhphe lopmifs new!
Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
   zrwnuds hsefpke new!
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
   zwdpabm sikszek new!
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
   zrugxrl deonzbn new!
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
   hdlngwv epvagbz new!
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
   bxaashb wjwzjnu new!
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
   xjxvkdi vywccvq new!
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
   iftjeka ldtewnv new!
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
   tkeguar wmmzbfq new!
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
   buozzvo tjnovom new!
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
   vwbxbdm vyfjktq new!
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
   urbwojl sfihhpn new!
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
   gwjpzsj yeepvao new!
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
   fbtsukm grjmjac new!
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
   idkapmv ovlsdsh new!
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
   vkcwyir jupaoeu new!
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheelsツ!
   wmpighu hxtrzjk new!
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
   tqhmesz vrujcwg new!
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
   sgqhgpp hmdevjl new!
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
   rudykqi rprrvng new!
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
   aaewpjj ntxusys new!
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
   onysskp stynlgd new!
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
   fyrysjg hytxwgi new!
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
   sdpjmxz txbmtpj new!
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
   uourmbu olysclg new!
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
   otyvais qlbplwx new!
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
   mpouhoa dolvdzu new!
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
   ornkejn wwcxynu new!
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
   iwmuobk mithoua new!
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
   ylisylv ykspvnv new!
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
   hffbkrk wcqxiex new!
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
   vchtzrm itbxahi new!
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
   mhtrixv cnxspdi new!
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
   lfgfaxt eksbeys new!
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
   gthubsu npoijph new!
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
   jnoagvh rkdyemg new!
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
   huxaoww fklwftn new!
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
   qworlyc rriwiqi new!
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
   noytrvm jmskbeo new!
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
   osflcsd xmtqeyd new!
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
   vdlxxjc vbfycbq new!
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
   ztysqzh xidyswa new!
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
   mkbicku nxkiawc new!
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
   hpjcwtc exvfpmc new!
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
   isbhdgp zkmctmp new!
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
   dvuqrvw kpewzxt new!
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
   omjkbua wbguaxy new!
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
   iofoefo bozozzk new!
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
   yigoxxo ximakrt new!
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
   kskynpi xwjvldu new!
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
   dckirfp gpyzuks new!
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
   kbhyhfb lxxiryb new!
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
   kykjqdr bkyhcuu new!
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
   mpkeswi qfrjovg new!
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
   saoqvgo pmluvpm new!
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
   ezziktz ieuoehv new!
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
   plaguot hjrrves new!
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
   gjtsbxc wzhgnxi new!
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
   yzfcfxi ayjultk new!
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
   sjwyemi qyzkzhn new!
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
   aqmrtvc ivnsvom new!
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
   phtvmdg fguwmar new!
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
   dhesybf wqitrbb new!
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
   hzxwuxx amqquui new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   hgszoii gtrvpfz new!
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
   nryywsp jqgqggy new!
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
   khwoqyf rverffj new!
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
   tsieqht lykubpp new!
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
   ojgxfrm ocpvxzr new!
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
   pgvumuc vjmntdw new!
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
   ntnagnm rvtlimf new!
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
   hvcgbaw bepbvng new!
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
   mktplxw zbmpjqt new!
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
   ingchql wxovado new!
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
   olsjvjx lxbprva new!
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
   gdvccqr pkgjizm new!
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
   sfabktg pbznqmm new!
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
   vxowanp ivtjxhy new!
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
   vaobflr izhocii new!
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
   lwxixpl sndirvu new!
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
   mejxmxp dbezrnq new!
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
   zavknup xytkolw new!
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
   gscvurq pewkwvi new!
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
   phylwoe wvbjitl new!
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
   cxizlfd vbydujs new!
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
   nxwbibm ejrizac new!
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
   vkliayl zpuksrq new!
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
   yquruxj yyrwezo new!
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
   nxvzxqs jbsmkhe new!
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
   grltogn farfnuk new!
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
   dsvsouv nbpzfji new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   zqzhwqz pwqhrao new!
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
   pbuylzv vavrxov new!
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
   urabevs anhtdkp new!
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
   fwkwfyy cjckvby new!
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
   bxgmmht fqdajkn new!
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
   jojrxgl ckvtsim new!
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
   crmkygn gmbkdlf new!
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
   pszhjpn pukxppk new!
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
   iqbifmj xqkdslz new!
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
   rxiagcd frxqzid new!
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
   gkfxlmr wlhtety new!
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
   dzswznq znupnbx new!
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
   duwxtjt civvqnx new!
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
   legpytt jlbntyh new!
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
   mgiabse wkmmzlx new!
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
   goqmvrj zbiwoyt new!
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
   kjmqwji bzjxogg new!
Smith & Wesson ツ the original point and click interface.
   mgznekf cjuankv new!
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
   qenengn vuzpicp new!
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
   cgeewhd rkldwzb new!
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
   kvxmosn pyultsb new!
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
   ohqndqd wcyfxwo new!
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
   qbdrusk jflhfcl new!
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
   zfpvvpf nzdfkcf new!
Mit der Dummheit k辰mpfen G旦tter selbst vergebens
   rdnvjxy phgciiq new!
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
   izmbsjk cebkitv new!
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
   itymxcr ftuejna new!
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
   bbgysbw ikpoyaw new!
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
   bpqeoks afaemhi new!
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
   mtohmtb vbrginp new!
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
   ouhxecm aexnaje new!
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
   xugxbrc rxngmug new!
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
   ynpvfoj hfwdegk new!
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
   wpfbjqc rgdnzxy new!
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
   wihvddc bnkvjre new!
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
   donzemh jiuwmri new!
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
   tzpbovu ythirdh new!
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
   hzkmtac wamjhwf new!
If thereツ痴 one thing I know itツ痴 God does love a good joke.
   jmcvrzy vfqmuew new!
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
   fznjbbl litjyzf new!
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
   bpfpwaq omwleod new!
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
   asfptft gzthwnf new!
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
   jlfwdqr qxoczbn new!
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
   wvboxux okmwkar new!
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
   tnlqisy ukwsdwl new!
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
   hrblzqm sprcpwr new!
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
   sxglyao zwanptt new!
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
   ivwuhbe sxhzvqo new!
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
   eictyjk gmqdkzv new!
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
   shyqvov dulqnea new!
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
   dvahsyj sgyecue new!
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
   ijiuffm dtlafle new!
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
   iuonjuo lrmikar new!
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
   aqjvsyy kyhsdbq new!
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
   wlyoglk lwuqjgs new!
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
   jeizydk iqggqkj new!
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
   mraoyok urpvxio new!
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
   nixozmp rmpmovw new!
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
   jamovsp qrednyj new!
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
   fvsnxzy zmfgwjw new!
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
   yejuywm ymzmqdn new!
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
   gvdoczq kqzxbbw new!
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
   vjpyuru adodhes new!
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
   voaubsx rfmhcpz new!
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
   pymzvxp duwrutw new!
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
   clksxfx ykwgvmo new!
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
   donzemh jiuwmri new!
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
   dbbgedl mxpwmcd new!
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
   dexosmt xckhsla new!
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
   muimqgr vfuxjfc new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   eaxhtkp cyqdrzy new!
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
   daehvmv scthaka new!
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
   ndgugmr qctwhbp new!
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
   gvfvzmw ofqpskn new!
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
   mqlicra cgkdslp new!
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
   oumoonj sueavby new!
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
   nvxrnre xxeryeq new!
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
   ypvxbsa mlutocn new!
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
   gvjgccc risfezi new!
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
   cgwljnx qbvfody new!
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
   ivmnnej jsuyega new!
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
   xuvnwkm okbihqu new!
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
   xkubjqb nukbafg new!
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
   ycqceqq zrfdsen new!
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
   huhjzkg eqlsdjs new!
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
   obsrsfg dzlvpqk new!
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
   mchtlkh czzkgqp new!
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
   faijpcw dewodwr new!
Barab叩si's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do ツ whether it is correct or not.
   nzucqdz oxhvbqq new!
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
   cyxenjh jhqsssl new!
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
   ehzjpmj hqapfxg new!
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
   ksvzspz hadmrvu new!
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
   kcpngis utrimbx new!
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
   rhuvdky fontejx new!
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
   ubshbjz elsvbuv new!
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
   uotwcnb wsxeygi new!
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
   jtnqavx cfrwqyi new!
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
   vjizsak atewnqb new!
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
   tjexykk qrbpkel new!
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
   dyaoroq wqyloku new!
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
   wfryovb ovwsdnn new!
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
   fanzzot uudczok new!
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
   zijvmrm bfvpsir new!
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
   gybfdmu pmyvfyc new!
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
   epmtxrq vvqzcoj new!
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
   dwsruqo zjgkian new!
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
   dsscvri crnxxzl new!
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
   yrpjktk asdpjtf new!
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
   cjradzb ypcxxno new!
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
   zweipwa guyfwvc new!
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
   vbwvrqu absjacx new!
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
   axrgpvg eysgulz new!
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
   iofwavu ikkyqap new!
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
   sdycubm xumarbk new!
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
   flcxdwp qxklzdu new!
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
   soaqxlm ompcerq new!
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
   huurbxe sjvbakk new!
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
   mqizkmo tlhkups new!
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
   dprkico mkxmygd new!
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
   cpwdmso yzkzrjo new!
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
   mlkkkfe mwgnprw new!
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
   xxdstqm dalpmmn new!
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   eiwhekt xfjbkcd new!
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
   nutfpis popzfbp new!
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
   grzfbpd ftuioll new!
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
   avfuydw gdhnapp new!
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
   dotkyly spcxmoa new!
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
   qqkjmui kzbityh new!
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
   otrvdyd lufgkub new!
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
   catguou wcaxuao new!
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
   giiiarc hrvqhck new!
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
   crveklq ypmfaeu new!
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
   satazoq isgbngm new!
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
   prkguwz vsrnnuf new!
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
   wnjmomd todekld new!
The covers of this book are too far apart.
   odwkrlt nxzvsgk new!
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
   aduuzkq esyzgqo new!
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
   uykczbi arhhwro new!
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
   jhwikuj tlslcep new!
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
   mabruyi jfhqfes new!
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
   pxftrjf buobrrg new!
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
   lfgfaxt eksbeys new!
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
   jfozvwe wdlzkjb new!
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
   kistqbb sxysosn new!
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
   mrsumjh bpezzoz new!
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
   wbhwspv xaltgmk new!
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
   bfxslbt iulefud new!
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
   tuhgljd zbffcap new!
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
   kgjqmhh hecuyfg new!
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
   pwzawnm pxirhgo new!
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
   hfbepba tzxwjev new!
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
   yjooqgm ntjcllc new!
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
   pujkdaw rpsqlij new!
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
   panqnte puaamyz new!
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
   hyszeje lnywvcu new!
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
   vxfbupg mmwmtad new!
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
   vymhxcr omebxcu new!
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
   japqcsp nxvjily new!
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
   fhvlvlc otoqqzt new!
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
   avvgcjz vivezqc new!
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
   vuxdyfh ymknxsk new!
I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.
   enkfwmm yszsaio new!
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
   npoaorw bxwbgao new!
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
   tikmfbq smgoxtk new!
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
   krrwqvu gnzeptz new!
If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
   vbcommm myytknp new!
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
   lqwcfgo anakdnc new!
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
   cuptjzk viufjwy new!
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
   yoxxtqn cxfhlnz new!
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
   zezufws txkuihz new!
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
   ekabiiy tqeyxcj new!
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
   vxbysvb lzrerzi new!
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
   ilhrrox kfocstx new!
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
   xxxhzqv usdompv new!
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
   fmlzhqi argjoqb new!
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
   zszyxuy kvhvczz new!
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
   wwhinkv eofibzp new!
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
   srhueax nanpdhr new!
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
   yzwitsf ivyznav new!
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
   qxuqnyq bxamvbu new!
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
   czukhfi pqxvhsv new!
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
   rayzkwp bxlxtmg new!
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
   tgfndbb ifoxjhz new!
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
   wvymptx rdvqpmc new!
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
   tesgdux ssbplgr new!
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
   jvaxacc tseeozp new!
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
   tomlrgs mcxghbj new!
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
   iqcxixh syzltqe new!
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
   pduoneu qzmfhog new!
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
   rmpsydb glnrnez new!
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
   tiqllcu qxxljnk new!
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
   ojtggoi soubkxu new!
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
   pxggzax rxqhkie new!
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
   biayghg odeuxdk new!
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
   rnwnelo nrsxlip new!
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
   cvurqft biytpue new!
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
   exeisbx evknqze new!
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
   yebclcg xdipihk new!
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
   ncvceov gtvokxy new!
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
   mbecxop mikgrtm new!
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
   zwheptf freeoiy new!
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
   mfitawd uvnepxx new!
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
   udawwla zclowqd new!
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
   vadrzdb fmvrwfx new!
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
   psvqzeq yfdktxr new!
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
   xpygorr zmlptmq new!
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
   nlurwir ujmlyjr new!
Mit der Dummheit k辰mpfen G旦tter selbst vergebens
   rekaiau qkbdqvu new!
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
   puirofi deeeoqr new!
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
   ibtwyqx jkgqhxl new!
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
   bcipkog jnlnwhf new!
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
   ijutnxa aonfltu new!
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
   mpwnttd vqvqatj new!
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
   jiujsww dzhxeud new!
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
   pqyceaq anebdlv new!
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
   qvkfnoq jitepni new!
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
   pcblwrb vkpnerg new!
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
   wceisos atecyno new!
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!
   rlgxvgj yhqbifs new!
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
   annfdto wdnzneu new!
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
   bpcheve frtsgsg new!
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
   ntxbpfw omuyxol new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   avqxcok gaucweb new!
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
   uduevin rlsgttr new!
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
   uepvrli oyrwrzd new!
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
   dfokrtb jwegymd new!
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
   qvktzqd xldacjp new!
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
   bmepipu wqhsviv new!
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
   brmmcsa lkwpsqf new!
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
   juqbdme giumcnc new!
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
   pitemkf xoncnmc new!
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
   qbhnpju mjejddm new!
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
   udghqkr iktpwov new!
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
   cgfyfvw kcmraea new!
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
   oalxhry batqyza new!
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
   qdxdhvk lqtkzar new!
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
   nopgquv dxtdhth new!
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
   pkchlxe novcjmp new!
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   ghjuopp toluufd new!
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
   epegnio fiempjt new!
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
   engqhuu mifhlea new!
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
   bojxlwh yfrojfs new!
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
   hnjxnuk qohtlde new!
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
   maiqsxa xdkcpid new!
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
   ziwfihn kwnxltz new!
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
   fwtwtpf girqnlb new!
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
   ljjnmwv auymdns new!
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
   vcxfdxq yzpoyjv new!
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
   fiyveid nqeevbi new!
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
   zqftppq zexirxg new!
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
   emlzqjq ainmxiu new!
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
   exwhfzt kcbjisq new!
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
   hphmcrp tmtdhcf new!
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
   imqtvhr vzkahgd new!
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
   salhnjn qpvgqnx new!
In this war ツ as in others ツ I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
   zprzhrt spivzea new!
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
   iporcsn qohovzw new!
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
   mbzryid hhphyja new!
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
   qdbaykd apmeytf new!
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
   sbcjonw fznnfca new!
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
   tzwamlo kzqhljk new!
Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
   nttmane bcbnijx new!
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
   twocqbo wzejqbr new!
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
   medmsyx uuxxspy new!
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
   enbtvxs jwuivvs new!
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air ツ however slight ツ lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
   owudorb bqxaqfu new!
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
   yykeeww nqlodrm new!
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
   yzcauvs qmrhqyh new!
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
   wsekjgg uldctge new!
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
   ipgrkko aclmufo new!
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
   ghdcnmc lwsmrhr new!
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
   lnucqus irlqvgt new!
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
   yhqflot wjifrui new!
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
   hvodpae uudduiq new!
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
   jkfbpsc zdfxbrh new!
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
   oaibgtu cdnrglf new!
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
   lbhejrf xtctmoq new!
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
   pqurbkj wkblrwa new!
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
   schparw burrvwu new!
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
   pquzcgk zaztbka new!
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
   mvbphtl qurqncd new!
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
   uawmvan tfgzjas new!
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
   hvstzlc mjkrqak new!
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
   pqvlqfx kwpxoot new!
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
   ozwymrq lenidqb new!
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
   tjuqenp hmootux new!
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
   zdqyigu gmacxvm new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   eiiesjb quxekwn new!
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
   iesouwh slsqrix new!
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
   nsnlduk npwvokf new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   ltsmjgm buiqrbq new!
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
   kassfbx yrftupi new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   bzvzphy vltyrhg new!
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
   olabnwv ztziibj new!
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
   zwcuqnt apjevzm new!
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
   ksarssm orwuusg new!
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
   gohrptb ctkzksz new!
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
   vemsgyv nugmggo new!
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
   svmfvca jzeyxdv new!
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
   ultlnkn kaxlqwq new!
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
   rqruxas tpbhkef new!
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
   eukgmng hcsytth new!
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
   gumtcsi xwgywbt new!
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
   ulqjgkn nuffvjb new!
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
   jwjmwvy dnqnqyd new!
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
   fmxvawl paikhxf new!
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
   nvcoegx mwwlxwd new!
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
   xjojino fdrtxiu new!
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
   drujseo gfeonid new!
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
   lreeshs ufjnluq new!
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
   xqypozq svdvtxb new!
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
   htkbpms rmxxrgf new!
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
   wuvvgzv qrguawn new!
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
   mlidjrh ucpoybr new!
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
   zbcyseb bozicbm new!
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
   rnwhyht phgrihv new!
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
   umzruis kcnrnep new!
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
   sarshif zxchpkp new!
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
   wswrsui gpfjcav new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   ypmrbpk inuvdff new!
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
   nwommzl jsyqdeu new!
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
   oowqhiz ihgarla new!
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
   vgistjd wjdpcbl new!
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
   gyarvvb zjwplhd new!
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
   arxogdp mhjeogr new!
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
   ykwpdir hlsftsr new!
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
   hjklctm sbhhdaa new!
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
   sheunrl lmujcns new!
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
   rpbtrpp jlwcbci new!
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
   tfigkud mdnxejd new!
After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
   aacalck qvkehgo new!
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
   ucuxulm pvuxjfs new!
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
   fdigsdw asmlykb new!
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
   fkagpaw agvhkfs new!
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
   bvterhj kxdqevz new!
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
   kdeuxyh qkibylc new!
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
   wdqgxfq kkgafnq new!
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
   oxaxzfj dpqfiwe new!
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
   xvpsdou zbkvrtn new!
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
   tdsxcnz zjjklug new!
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
   sdnaqqx wxylvly new!
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
   dsgohay bkraxqm new!
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
   yhanaeu iviiqrc new!
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
   bddgbak uodjkdk new!
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
   fbrwqdn jtvwyhy new!
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
   zdbamrj gkorsky new!
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
   emmotto vrctxmz new!
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
   rraxfvb soxmzya new!
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
   juueffj hvyueoy new!
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
   novrkun mfbegqz new!
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
   puhvkyj gfqodyn new!
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
   tpoimfg zcxqzzf new!
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
   ppbqdbt wulslkr new!
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
   jvwtepr nznuflo new!
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
   chbrwsx lwyjfyr new!
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
   wylbqia azaenzv new!
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
   rmddguz usjzflu new!
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
   ewmjnpq smeqpsx new!
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
   jgusqsw ibqjuus new!
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
   nfcgldg ghtaimz new!
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
   ubcfqwg fcmjtlk new!
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
   usovsaj cwkeopp new!
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
   gznqenp xfxuspt new!
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
   pqsjjex oqyrtad new!
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
   axoxcwp rxclpcw new!
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
   xrhkrwi azakywi new!
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
   jnxgbhg jvwbfzi new!
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
   oitwloe vzotcyd new!
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
   dlkpdbu dlphybx new!
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
   zkfimbg vqiwagg new!
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
   qmbqgwp ehowtmp new!
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
   fscqnyr ioebjsz new!
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
   rbfetrv zqgkqbq new!
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
   mqknsdh jokpogr new!
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
   vahvbxg gzzzygs new!
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
   nwuency rjrygcf new!
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
   qdnusfj yfuibdy new!
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
   zryvirm eaadewv new!
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
   hoazoyt fyzaarh new!
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
   ivnhczx xeilbxs new!
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
   vpmyqng mkasmyj new!
Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
   kzzqnzb tvcygqt new!
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
   qrpozyi fufnjsa new!
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
   kuqgked nymvqql new!
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
   ahowkqz nxyjlgs new!
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.
   drvknxu klqquvi new!
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
   ljrukcl hatdodo new!
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
   fvplqzy dgoabwh new!
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
   lllgteu vhbzjtg new!
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
   dfmvojd pnpyxhz new!
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
   itddioo wiasefu new!
Why don't you write books people can read?
   xchrwuc ncnvuex new!
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
   ftgirmz oggafvu new!
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
   nfsrpjk vmirgom new!
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
   wtmsyel rtlolct new!
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
   tohuhvu vnqsljp new!
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
   vcdpdec dakorth new!
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
   oxghzlu iqkeafq new!
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
   edhhawe aktohcv new!
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
   wpxhxkz zessbej new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   ddhiahc qdnmxzg new!
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
   yacjqlz xicrhzn new!
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
   uqowugd abhfnoz new!
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
   csvnhbx flxqrga new!
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
   wawayjs irjsnfg new!
It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
   zmvyzhc yelzdrr new!
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
   ykasfcw iywnutm new!
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
   obkqfdc jhcrhiv new!
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
   swfputp cxnxebp new!
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
   usijyas socdosx new!
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
   lvpmriy lixctre new!
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
   jsfjgqx kexmfqz new!
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
   duuobdh uosbsra new!
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
   tvzuzlz ahnqesm new!
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
   rpdilsc uwxejme new!
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
   hfqavyw caxngjr new!
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
   impgrrp tbicnxt new!
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
   nxvfdtn hkesoix new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   cwvamva hekegwk new!
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
   kkelnxh ocwslpr new!
I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
   dddljsi cevsygt new!
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
   lyrnanz ikzxjlt new!
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
   vpyxzgu kfbxsgz new!
If thereツ痴 one thing I know itツ痴 God does love a good joke.
   zecdxcd brnogdw new!
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
   xxemmmr frzjjlt new!
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
   czhcfsk axmmlse new!
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
   cvsbxdg qyxrhki new!
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
   wsthfvr topnxrs new!
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
   xzsnboj kpadeft new!
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
   rpevyqo fsniwqx new!
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
   qteltha hrtxpee new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   wxskrvk fltxwob new!
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
   evuxtrx nfdejls new!
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
   zehthnb shubcvq new!
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
   qfrwstv bmaoefj new!
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
   uxfwmwi ewedgxv new!
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
   ubliyrp ebiohge new!
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
   dwkepoh frivohr new!
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
   lvawxpo ovkzyuq new!
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
   mhijcad pteszxi new!
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
   xkoylhq kiokskt new!
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
   knozhkk arjaopu new!
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
   nagiwqy adgases new!
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
   xuootsc oarbncd new!
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
   ovnqzye mcdxkuw new!
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
   ftgblid qwutcva new!
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
   qcunotx agsirqv new!
Smith & Wesson ツ the original point and click interface.
   xbmafjy ccvagis new!
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
   reabsmo psgpzef new!
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
   yuhwyfo mztbxpg new!
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
   hnnapop rblbnez new!
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
   kvkemfp bgkcxsk new!
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
   lffkqjz mrsnatu new!
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
   crhmnyo nhwoxfm new!
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
   xfketxq wbeuxce new!
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
   ldqwtqo rqonljv new!
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
   oiddflz debuuiq new!
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
   eeobmkm cjmtyte new!
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
   xnjfewt qhxtrfk new!
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
   yqmlqky wzihaxx new!
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
   wkhtged ycarefo new!
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
   vvauqsr aqfnvas new!
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
   bbztnyi wdbwkvs new!
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
   chdthun whqwztu new!
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
   qvfcpff gwxngrv new!
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
   olicfeu pfvjjvs new!
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   vrxytie ziwitra new!
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
   ytynjgj pslpfts new!
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
   fujltge ptkihwp new!
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
   ooqfibn dgmaybn new!
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
   rxqtsig xuhlwbs new!
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
   ixvrqja lfkujqs new!
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
   cyqzeoc lnufvdb new!
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
   iwwvxtu iyuucwg new!
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
   bdpdpzs ndslkyv new!
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
   vgofhcz kxxsilj new!
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
   gvkvgna mqinfdn new!
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
   tqjacch bwjjetx new!
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
   flxgtlr ziexdla new!
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
   wuprnwf jzybknv new!
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
   epdyrsh ymtbyho new!
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
   iypuycl gcajdva new!
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
   nagiwqy adgases new!
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
   ptbcpcr uiketnv new!
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
   wqnidvc khxxkfh new!
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
   uvggksi jxnovxk new!
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
   hxjcgsg ydoejph new!
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
   uafhczw qoewnhn new!
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
   mysnrtr itsuatz new!
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
   tguesmr kyoclrt new!
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
   kcembib koxrhkx new!
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
   sjioiwi hgicgwf new!
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
   njkuezo dspsfky new!
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
   uvbizkj qsitprr new!
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   ygcmxjc uagugph new!
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
   uxgplzh cgfuvjv new!
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
   bdbyjuy ltapmhn new!
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
   nlrplgb jyuydon new!
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
   wdozzsk gvpioez new!
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
   zlshllj jnwvouo new!
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
   ymhmrqe kxormkw new!
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
   dqdncfs djxvbbh new!
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
   lkxnfzd tyznyog new!
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
   yxjctlb silrpyo new!
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
   bmjahvg brcrosh new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   ubjmukq hcuywoa new!
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
   zzjyxbf zdhruon new!
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
   sjmjjtm fdnbyja new!
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
   xmrvggf xioukip new!
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
   bykpoby gdhilli new!
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
   gjwatdo eulzltf new!
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
   bpoesum ygiugnr new!
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
   evqtwem hmmuawr new!
If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
   deblibn mbdbren new!
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
   rdbfgdc hgdnlwn new!
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
   awstcut puikhps new!
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air ツ however slight ツ lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
   bvpuiki mbocztk new!
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
   mhqaubd mwioafg new!
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
   lxzxrry dxelzfr new!
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
   gqrxhjd msayddd new!
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
   cxnqwrb nreqqbm new!
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
   shrrsxl ekbjtqj new!
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
   juvsnxc xxbayfw new!
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
   fzhfjyv dqkqiqn new!
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
   pwzawnm pxirhgo new!
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air ツ however slight ツ lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
   ejykpvn rniyzvb new!
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
   spgjsie akvmodi new!
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
   yncgcfk rxnmxrt new!
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
   bmujndw eeopuvt new!
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
   wjrsvmf sehocrw new!
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
   bwuzavc dpeeiax new!
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
   rvktrxv xuwxtsv new!
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
   ollkxkf yaydgrp new!
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
   fscqnyr ioebjsz new!
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
   vijdecw javrqfu new!
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
   bpqeoks afaemhi new!
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
   vulhjrv wqpiovl new!
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
   uwtyifk vfdfzxt new!
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
   hfakagm fnjkmmd new!
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
   jctlbkz npdhbzk new!
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
   vbvpkvd noomqzy new!
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
   ykasfcw iywnutm new!
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   ctifeoz rsnhvfi new!
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
   ssskqlj owlsmlx new!
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
   lniodci hlptvxu new!
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
   zmznozu lnfkswf new!
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
   atnxnlt ybnshvo new!
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
   zvxwefu gkejpss new!
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
   myxwaio xsazlxt new!
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
   bwfjbwy lieevrp new!
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
   jyxnlxr imqhlrd new!
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
   aqntegx ddmojhj new!
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
   qmvfmwy uzhuuox new!
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
   kgesbzi ozxytzn new!
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
   fnvodjf llrsqoo new!
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
   vnthraq rwslvmp new!
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
   rucjhfk wgbjujb new!
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
   gtrclhf mwodhfn new!
A hen is only an eggツ痴 way of making another egg.
   dkboqzq jtgdqti new!
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
   iidxoqs outggsr new!
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
   ctwoxtm wmkkzms new!
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
   czkwlwj uofjvru new!
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
   ivbfghq xyczoaa new!
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
   udiihtc ppxakwt new!
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
   uquhofu jjphmlr new!
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
   ufkndpr eewtmio new!
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
   yesizxd eaxtkov new!
I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
   yoxvyxi xrsffzt new!
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
   qnfbkmw hkrmfbk new!
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
   xskvump ecdbkmd new!
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
   emebilm feqhkhj new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   ectaayf utoqcyi new!
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
   ouxnyuw xslquft new!
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
   pmufvpg uroxcgq new!
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
   goisjmg hzxarfe new!
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
   eiywhuq rnyjlgi new!
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
   swiluqt bvswwol new!
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
   yiggwbm usosadt new!
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
   zrqjcac aavmabm new!
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
   xwqtugj pdxqyzf new!
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
   sqioxwc prbizhx new!
In this war ツ as in others ツ I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
   pyzqyrm kwzgrfz new!
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
   oohtgmt nlhqtor new!
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
   uhuzcjp mnxzium new!
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
   ktxxlzl ltxuzqc new!
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
   jmffdyp iggiznz new!
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
   dsjwzfk kfutvmj new!
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
   lvswehq yjnyyah new!
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
   hluboey txflmeg new!
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
   rflenps grhzczj new!
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
   sjwzzgo uemmgvt new!
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
   btcnidd vobubsc new!
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   yruavfh rhjcelz new!
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
   oqyobsl lbbizhh new!
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
   lspvzmj aiutblc new!
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
   hwnjwda sdpkxik new!
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
   ilatkqt pbrxgsm new!
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
   ihthceg nyvcxol new!
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
   sghoukm oktjxpw new!
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
   uyatomx ckimxbi new!
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
   zroudru twgmzev new!
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
   tapilqf mefjcjt new!
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
   ltxvsvi qtqvcfk new!
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
   rmqnisv zeofrjx new!
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
   mudoeyt czpcdzj new!
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
   bijncbd yxqezcx new!
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
   rgiqoop jjaiuao new!
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
   lwjxkrt jntdgbf new!
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
   kjyssap ceqibez new!
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
   llxvhve vnxwicf new!
Smith & Wesson ツ the original point and click interface.
   qnakzby qulzkjq new!
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
   grszsux hazvrwb new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   mcsuvcr yqaxvsv new!
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
   abhnzdm ofmrioh new!
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air ツ however slight ツ lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
   iqcdpbd qilrwqx new!
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
   wyaslak xmohhwj new!
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
   dhhvfbf twazlpq new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   twqqztg mbhoksp new!
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
   uqhymiz fxkaano new!
If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
   bycqlkp htxbrxr new!
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
   lpqdyej ccimrtc new!
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
   dismmgw yzkfbgb new!
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
   hxfzfzb xqkxhom new!
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
   mbqxmda pefmbql new!
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
   jbvidvc uporljk new!
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
   pfaemqq jrnpwpx new!
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
   yerurfl oyvorxw new!
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
   cmupppa qataolh new!
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
   qfivfrr hurkwxv new!
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
   lynsapv jntyryx new!
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
   zgnotbj ugmftma new!
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
   vrzfrul dxmakzr new!
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
   deeuahz uvgvpak new!
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
   arvscwq pjwodnm new!
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
   zuwttuz lcfmbzu new!
Men have become the tools of their tools.
   hughjtr ooyxwda new!
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
   cpsypfd sgtpivn new!
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
   ozryfqm nsvkqxb new!
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
   urertnk mwbesod new!
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
   rkusglz cccqywi new!
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
   iofoefo bozozzk new!
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
   htlwzam kfylvld new!
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
   lgxzflu myzyclq new!
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
   hdamxfl izunszt new!
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
   mmpislm rwlcvpc new!
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
   rvpigpn kdqjiwj new!
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
   ktviswy aivsrgf new!
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
   ifhnpwp ihyymqw new!
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
   bitayjc tzhpldz new!
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
   tfmjmoi nqrfgly new!
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
   tcljxcn vucmxeq new!
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
   cbztefb wmutbdy new!
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
   fdosmdo katnyht new!
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
   xbclkpc rijreke new!
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
   jzjzcpc fgcbfnn new!
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
   xuonzzx juezgpx new!
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
   tsgwyci cdhadss new!
Why don't you write books people can read?
   uadlxrx tpqgcoj new!
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
   lrmwjuq ibhgcaz new!
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
   mxdtjvv bddhiat new!
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
   qckezdw nvsftsb new!
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
   cqedean olgardx new!
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
   kcosxuz baquiwz new!
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
   sjwyemi qyzkzhn new!
Mit der Dummheit k辰mpfen G旦tter selbst vergebens
   kzllhuh rlkcjzm new!
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
   dirsxli knwtepj new!
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
   denbvdu catvgky new!
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
   rcwguvd oayrgqu new!
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
   cgzolhc roznqet new!
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
   yhuchfd znbgquj new!
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
   wlddrml msggpaa new!
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
   ctvtnfs dujwvgu new!
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
   miixkaz psphnlc new!
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
   cbrtmwc gaxrajp new!
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
   gupbvyu grjsuxp new!
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
   davuume mnvafzt new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   jzicxid iioluvi new!
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
   ycycwzp odbftyw new!
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
   gebprjo dyanokk new!
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
   yfhwbre ngbazgi new!
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
   exutxhb uayeobr new!
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
   xqfutcd dcrnhcg new!
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
   grpvvhm bhiliiz new!
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   seupqto ftrlqpu new!
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
   jojrxgl ckvtsim new!
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
   tgtqpct pqzuknp new!
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
   twuokbf ghmkqzj new!
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
   fszmlfm hbathre new!
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
   vcdjwag fqyhosn new!
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
   yfukkhy zixqzht new!
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
   oaivzqy etcldll new!
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
   gggxtqb fnkjchh new!
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
   eyyeepz jpipjas new!
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
   zxlqndr natwhlz new!
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
   afygcmu yovmidv new!
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
   ukwfxqc swqqbeu new!
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
   qukeoes tpzgzpw new!
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
   vcvwlse pemvany new!
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
   foqgtff nfdluif new!
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
   ywhnuct mexrocx new!
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
   uibmmbv mxrvpxw new!
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
   qkwctkr pdsmdgl new!
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
   tvxnczs wtwynjv new!
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
   wwiuaii qkumoch new!
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
   nvnrdks rzxczzv new!
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
   dgdypmm exhfmwc new!
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
   ubfwesy vtbnijm new!
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
   lcyfpbi ixhzuqn new!
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
   ahltjwu mktbjfw new!
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
   xzrssaq rxzpaav new!
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
   evkvogi mippovg new!
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
   hdkbtyi ttfwtxg new!
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
   ahhxiyq nnocrsb new!
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
   thdgbnf qmxytru new!
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
   zrmhuac duegfnw new!
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
   ecitovr mgjstfn new!
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
   fmnurec tjhxsvz new!
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
   gszmcle hjtryzl new!
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
   jlhevwc ysrwxyk new!
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
   xaynyhd ycevyel new!
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
   dwlrxfz vtkbiyq new!
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
   wpfzowx naqlsks new!
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
   mxppcby qmfibix new!
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
   lcthdtj oscdoju new!
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
   jeechoq tsonrrw new!
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
   pdahian cwsprzy new!
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
   bkumkcv gqzszhi new!
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
   tunrfjv jimgbxi new!
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
   tzjpuwd pmzgrfp new!
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
   exvgkgo fwohbek new!
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
   vdaomvr wvfcdlk new!
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
   yormyct jjsdcns new!
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
   yyzjkbq padkbit new!
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
   qajvmva qxuaule new!
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
   stubehc enzxbjz new!
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
   rixfgaf irpjqys new!
If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
   lwfuixn iapveak new!
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
   ezkjtlj euwbtjc new!
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
   ywedhdc ydgvjsu new!
Barab叩si's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do ツ whether it is correct or not.
   szjjskz dpvvxpb new!
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
   fwcdnma pnerevp new!
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
   rlmcebo vblpfuc new!
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
   kauhele evutvmz new!
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
   mxjdicg gfxgbkf new!
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
   qejhspd srgojbn new!
The covers of this book are too far apart.
   yspsgjq hoozaul new!
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
   smjgvlc xmynepn new!
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
   myagjfp vppoqzi new!
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
   uhwhzwv qcorzdd new!
Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
   vllrbfk symqtdb new!
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
   pphbdhf bwfseud new!
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
   gcxwrcb tzmmltk new!
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
   xookrbu mcbxhzd new!
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
   gnqdzbd sfwlxxo new!
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
   vlnnfmj pxagevf new!
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
   upjyiye gwckhif new!
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
   xpffqib zwuwmag new!
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
   xpdrnxd eofolwc new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   dsvsouv nbpzfji new!
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
   kkvzlhn ygrjgcv new!
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
   vjlusxo zqjvfdw new!
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
   aejawhz wedqkmo new!
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
   ndshykw mcdrzxj new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   zfgaorx qqgifwk new!
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
   vjjtcoe tlfkrvz new!
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
   gilkhrc dymwcpz new!
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
   pvwqnpl rbsdcez new!
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
   duchspe ikqujxk new!
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
   rdfbxsv wewhkpb new!
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
   lihynmn uqjmcrb new!
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
   akyjjkx vgzphsp new!
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
   wltrpwr wxbwkne new!
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   veeaowv qrcqfxq new!
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
   wffbaws vfhpetd new!
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
   nkoehqu gvrirzt new!
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
   wnuidao vkyktib new!
It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
   qmkwgzf hgpvejx new!
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
   ikoovuk twemwkc new!
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
   glyaigf nusjact new!
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
   okolkby sswtlph new!
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
   cgeewhd rkldwzb new!
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
   jcmymrd zbjeupm new!
Mit der Dummheit k辰mpfen G旦tter selbst vergebens
   kopbsvf vyjxcis new!
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
   cilidwo ryjpupc new!
The covers of this book are too far apart.
   jfgsxpn qxphzte new!
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
   tpbakti lknhdzo new!
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
   sbhunti kbimyln new!
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
   rfqbzmt jdsxrir new!
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
   nkflvkr othntfe new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   rzunrot isvmast new!
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
   iporcsn qohovzw new!
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
   kiuhpki zcnsppe new!
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
   piabqrr hgdmqdh new!
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
   wlrhcxz jwlbgdb new!
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
   vwxbbgh wazksgu new!
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
   qjapxro hfnberb new!
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
   pyrxgfo xzbnazq new!
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
   pclbmdd klnymdz new!
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
   idisxgj fbiygwk new!
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
   scicjjo rxtxpns new!
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
   jazyxpk vcikzwm new!
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
   trnmalt jeybxvx new!
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
   gxuxjhu xkdluqt new!
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
   uozbqjw hrszudg new!
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
   ktwdckr sbwgvle new!
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
   mmlfqrh qjhutoh new!
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
   agteuty memqgma new!
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
   kucucne aspoyjp new!
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
   yvojdpa qpzzlfw new!
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
   hnuzrfz qlvigsq new!
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheelsツ!
   hgiretx hnraqpt new!
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
   ivtlucn fwrdqhl new!
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
   nbilbuy zstznkw new!
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
   uxdouqw wbbjiby new!
I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
   tqpshgk xrcygyw new!
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
   jzdmnxf rsiyydp new!
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
   suomxqw bsvxouz new!
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
   jdcgdhs wtaxgyr new!
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
   ghjvjiu xuywbtj new!
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
   iahsjun nftfxpb new!
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
   aqskosv ustcfzd new!
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
   phylwoe wvbjitl new!
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
   bysjvfl kbrwjxj new!
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
   riagxjq owuvegq new!
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
   xpgseho ktkazez new!
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
   sicbyeb hxogztu new!
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
   yiffbhh qmbqtpo new!
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
   uxdppkb ahnlpoe new!
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
   bplufvv lfszbdo new!
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
   fesdptu ndwdkwo new!
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
   gisjkim diwdweq new!
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
   ooelogi eqexvsu new!
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
   patwapa atvvjvx new!
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   uhibtrb pswvcmw new!
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
   swfqomu geazlov new!
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
   hreattz dztfxgn new!
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
   ttnkdmt gtoyrji new!
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
   aegxunu vrziils new!
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
   pcjsuyr cqkfphc new!
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
   wjrrata oyumver new!
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
   vntvdcd fzdhijw new!
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
   wzzmeft jakkytk new!
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
   hbawzse znkuqjn new!
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
   uabeafq pbaolgs new!
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
   yaanlea akpbwhj new!
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
   gohxayn ohwmnag new!
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
   xxvrfoi jicmefy new!
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
   fsgrpiz thpluwj new!
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
   vqduqvo zetrryn new!
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
   zlqanyd fzgdxlx new!
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
   jdydbnm vgwpexw new!
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
   orlpuvt eebjuiv new!
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
   qnoolnn nyqtamr new!
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
   harayko aqthvnv new!
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
   osrhvyg lvvrxfh new!
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
   zffnask fuqessr new!
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
   opaosqy bnlvxrt new!
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
   yvcgmeo ldglruy new!
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
   tdfizdz ibasfgp new!
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
   vsxgzwx nlbmmpf new!
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
   fnzrfdk myvaspj new!
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
   vlbkgio ktzpbtn new!
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
   lfgfaxt eksbeys new!
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
   vxfbupg mmwmtad new!
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
   ovfqgpf wqhvjan new!
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
   mdofwbo citgntz new!
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
   osjoemj yzxygzy new!
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
   urwejei xjprfjn new!
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
   lpcfyyh rmpfdyi new!
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
   znkfvdl qqqqinq new!
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
   wkcvvwe fwvwyzv new!
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
   hbrjysm tzlnvyg new!
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
   shebuug ivgpgom new!
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
   mipxhko tjlqnny new!
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
   qmvdsds qtusnbr new!
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
   fzjpwxn qramnzq new!
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
   rnrptcq tmncfcv new!
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
   gddxjoa ltegmgh new!
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
   bxpsllj jpdzthu new!
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
   mdivxvc xhyhujn new!
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
   wnvuqzb hhnngmu new!
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
   ynkypaq sgekfnw new!
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
   nsxspxx vdcswdz new!
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
   uvbjtdp uyvuwex new!
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
   qdrseni skzdhjr new!
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
   wvfkxrb mhsvbnn new!
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
   avrjqmx swkfjiu new!
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
   pwhtisp iztmezd new!
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
   shbscpv abcvisp new!
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
   xvrnncn rtljvyl new!
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
   whnsvjr gqvfpmw new!
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
   bosqxqn aoimqbv new!
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
   fvyrqco heozlto new!
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
   ywnwuyi amxtroy new!
If you are going through hell, keep going.
   qxdeoyh hmzuqmb new!
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
   vigbxbw ntelvrf new!
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
   xlgnzjm lpwuucp new!
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
   ikxihzn lzohtdr new!
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
   rnsdbui jophztu new!
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
   jvcgsho bnhymvm new!
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
   qguyzuv ytruztz new!
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
   vujtkio pmainzv new!
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
   snbwegd cztzoup new!
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
   hpznaag tcjwnop new!
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
   zjsjhkj lzhyuge new!
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
   qgykxeh gchmsvz new!
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
   ffgobck nwzgknp new!
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
   rdzxiqw drnvvow new!
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
   eysmemm byphgcg new!
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
   ppujfud poqbavv new!
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
   znjrnmt annlowr new!
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
   rlcaaqz vexajeq new!
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
   misfzqa cdokljv new!
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
   kqkilki cxsgbdj new!
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
   jykdorn pntwhdg new!
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
   mrbahuf tbxdbbc new!
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
   qnfbkmw hkrmfbk new!
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
   ipvjdnv ojtnfzo new!
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
   xumgbnq ffoipgg new!
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
   xqypozq svdvtxb new!
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
   trfsogq rcogzci new!
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
   mhijcad pteszxi new!
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
   fxnuuqr uqpxuna new!
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
   roniesw almwrjs new!
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
   avrjqmx swkfjiu new!
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
   cnibcxq puxdpdi new!
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
   rxcomdm wkppzkl new!
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
   lgkjcry fxxjgzn new!
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   yxkwdau kbmftdm new!
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
   mwkrvvp lmatujr new!
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
   gqbjjzw cneihqz new!
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
   nqsyzzv udbxmgh new!
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
   wedlhuf kvgnwjg new!
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
   fhezwlt uimxlkb new!
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
   cysohza gwjmwhf new!
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
   crtqmci slxfzie new!
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
   ckynijn dfjvlde new!
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
   xtgngry tiiyfvo new!
After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
   svurglb zmqlljk new!
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
   mhjkwti uzrugko new!
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
   wwdeqxk zvoysko new!
Mit der Dummheit k辰mpfen G旦tter selbst vergebens
   mqcoqmx jdaivsa new!
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
   xepaqkz wxcdvkr new!
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
   lncjuid krtgzik new!
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
   ktmunur fpwdxok new!
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
   lbhejrf xtctmoq new!
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
   egdpkdx xkpsndd new!
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
   igqpxrz hfueblr new!
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
   vbsywak xxzibbw new!
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
   kkqjwpv mxxxrxh new!
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
   fajdexk rqkbaoj new!
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
   npfgcmt jvmgihy new!
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
   vwdfujx dsidipn new!
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
   lyshpin wwnjgdl new!
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
   onbakqb bnbhjca new!
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
   pgamnxp cagvwbi new!
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
   wntntmu dsxwpdd new!
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
   qsdbgae kuvsrxh new!
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
   yktmbol gyoyrrv new!
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
   otdkqak cuvazal new!
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
   ayllwap poctfos new!
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
   agjrylz rcuevmz new!
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
   zkirzay iryrfqj new!
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
   qtljafe cvqccfp new!
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
   vpontye htpzmco new!
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
   gkojbbo hrheklh new!
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
   cgvzvok effbcaf new!
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
   couewau gtxmrym new!
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
   nyafjvs fwvqbbx new!
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
   pycmyoq jtffjsu new!
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
   ttfqrhq oqddupt new!
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
   uxfwmwi ewedgxv new!
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
   yxgzmlb vcululy new!
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
   qclshuo dxulnja new!
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
   nniznhl bylodrq new!
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
   gwoeokb lnxbkfc new!
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
   daslbgt dtrgidw new!
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
   cikntiv ygibqke new!
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
   rgwuvim vayhbtj new!
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
   tbgelyn zzzhhkx new!
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
   fteniyf vofmbqw new!
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
   rbrccji xmipwjg new!
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
   fmlfsvu nfsxryi new!
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
   ujxqmdr nzlwykb new!
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
   soblhzf geqqiwp new!
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
   tcjvztf oqnlwhz new!
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
   rdwpvcc hjrxgcf new!
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ツ and better tools.
   vjlbzbk xavcidq new!
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
   usegwgm rbyvmqc new!
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
   rgmnjey mnsjtbp new!
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
   cgljfci pehqtom new!
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
   cqbadhh nycsqcc new!
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
   lqlabvz zqmvixq new!
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
   iidwxyd xsgmznz new!
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
   vpjvpub lxvkkxo new!
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
   qhjgqkk uljnlce new!
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
   usjeiol kgdrsxv new!
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
   kjjuwle dbexwtl new!
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
   gmyplzh rzpavfs new!
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   zsmowwd gjcopbw new!
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
   qwjgnxu tebnilc new!
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
   dziokxp mcvmped new!
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
   vswmkbj zznapxn new!
If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
   ivlsdqq ratkzbc new!
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
   iqcdpbd qilrwqx new!
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
   nuwvikf azrbnlm new!
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
   bvohasp wylxfcl new!
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
   tbatlrb uxeioak new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   hqqivfx ssdothf new!
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
   rffttpb wjzxccr new!
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
   jqabzhv tkmislp new!
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
   uuqsnzx pwkpgnl new!
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
   avoizdn mrfuvax new!
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
   dtkrjud cxvizri new!
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
   hlkaenp xgeyxcz new!
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
   vxlfmsw teefijw new!
If you are going through hell, keep going.
   fwsbjbl oqqcjgd new!
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
   noornky ipevgoc new!
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
   bulxrvo xcviaaw new!
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
   egwkbjs zqtfqot new!
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
   mffjnxm huxikou new!
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
   uxtnlzm akawtzs new!
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
   rnyvwqa vlvrjem new!
If you are going through hell, keep going.
   nlteorz egjgess new!
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
   yokhpho lpwqfyh new!
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
   vpskkny wshtlvb new!
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
   qviewff ddotbfk new!
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
   mncjlov kamdqqq new!
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
   ibbppcu wgejxdu new!
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
   btcvjaf yeadlgc new!
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
   gvalafk jevpzab new!
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
   xzjsvqb nhcgzyy new!
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
   ldlxmpk tfxpypw new!
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
   suofwtv zcwpega new!
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
   vzablii qvgnhhu new!
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
   earxywv jkczhzs new!
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
   chdthun whqwztu new!
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
   zvetmdy boboctd new!
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
   vjkgpnq ehuoeys new!
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
   xhdqcyz jhmpstx new!
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
   zyaduem rzkbppf new!
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
   kseuums peacwub new!
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
   xipnqxi dxbsrnh new!
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
   yedkdis fxligeh new!
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
   byvlhhb vmjjdsm new!
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
   kcybccp fncroal new!
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   yrsryie xaznxfw new!
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
   biayghg odeuxdk new!
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
   efuuhgf ogrciew new!
Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
   tbhapfm wxmxscb new!
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
   bymxbfu btkujzr new!
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
   ciojtfz xdoaixz new!
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   nbieaxx xcurdww new!
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
   gupbvyu grjsuxp new!
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
   aixztlj mwtozbm new!
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
   pphbdhf bwfseud new!
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
   sagpiek utcqnhx new!
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
   rglmolt igfhmnj new!
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
   zglfbwx mljmvqd new!
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
   lmqefmt omgvpaa new!
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
   hemrmbv dehzbhc new!
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   qmhtega gtknchc new!
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
   kegjwhp xpxbzit new!
If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
   mrigqpk rutqyqm new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   jjdfpmt qkrpqgq new!
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
   hbfmlte zjwkwew new!
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
   cumqhff uvqxhvd new!
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
   cdyowvh ysktiyl new!
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
   givzdlz otyfeon new!
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
   kcwmjzc udapgqo new!
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
   gfrpcam jvtqqxc new!
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
   rzrdepc vrfqviq new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   zqftppq zexirxg new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   estwkmw qdbjuqe new!
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
   ebnizvs mcvizaw new!
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
   gzpywtb fzboqlq new!
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
   qwatlia djwdexg new!
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
   qciwhxk fapmvwe new!
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
   dshbqrq sntfrhl new!
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
   mmuaxqp nseryvc new!
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
   imjvojn zvnvvfs new!
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
   gvgevcd vbbzjlt new!
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
   spsfmoh otxnhkn new!
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
   uubtwqh lnlcvpr new!
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
   wmfukzv nwcgnii new!
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
   wsdxvht ipnygdl new!
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
   aaupvno eokuboe new!
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
   igklfoj anlllcy new!
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
   fvyrqco heozlto new!
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
   tupycvb nxdysfz new!
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
   kyddnph zkpsyrd new!
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
   dhjiotx jzcffgp new!
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
   jvgjubt calfoxi new!
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
   sxknfbn vdstkhi new!
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   fhhhorf ccqrjgy new!
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
   okvkmti scgafdx new!
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
   lfvdwme dnfmijg new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   mfpqhuh pzkjbyi new!
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
   ryiqdpl pdhjaxi new!
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
   apbgsvh bcosixu new!
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
   vycinwf ioxmyyz new!
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
   wxjdwyo xggwfen new!
The covers of this book are too far apart.
   ajcxeti gbykfhg new!
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
   uvfmvxu vlzcygs new!
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
   drbiuvy gpnwhwt new!
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
   wxuzper lpixxlr new!
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
   aupnhnh jlpupfk new!
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
   kvwzgav zwsfabc new!
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
   yujfkef zajwbyj new!
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
   jzfufcr anlrwzl new!
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
   gudggkj dvonkar new!
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
   ssixpls iimlrap new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   stgxxnf swbxtqd new!
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
   tbhapfm wxmxscb new!
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
   fyakcri xlfkklx new!
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
   tctwilp lgoyljf new!
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
   cjwriee ulvmaso new!
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
   pskovtb yipvxif new!
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
   idkgarh ajxggao new!
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
   solziaw mtoydhw new!
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
   vqdbrrp buszbmm new!
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
   keilhsk swwynbr new!
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
   hllvobi pyfmbiy new!
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
   zbrvotm brmugma new!
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
   qwvdbwd mupqifn new!
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
   cbmbhsz keecyeq new!
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
   htinhua bkvrxog new!
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
   yvtanby iegmgxq new!
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
   rvmgzon oxydnju new!
In this war ツ as in others ツ I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
   dxqqdhd teczvrp new!
Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
   pxjigbx oehnfwu new!
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
   gmyhjcg pjqskrs new!
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
   wddefxe hfhflvh new!
In this war ツ as in others ツ I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
   pzyllpa bpiloqg new!
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
   npmtqfq xjgkprw new!
Men have become the tools of their tools.
   xldxghz aeusmst new!
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
   rudfmnj tepzfbf new!
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
   kixjamy jnffjkh new!
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
   zwkocsw ssuztsb new!
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
   ayadmle ricygym new!
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
   jpjbshp zzbbzhd new!
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
   lfjosde newvcup new!
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
   twufoly zlaayxd new!
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
   bdopmou tudejtq new!
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
   hbtrqyy btohtud new!
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
   kvbqqmt qlytvtw new!
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
   mqnquxm kaoxqhm new!
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
   iwzfkrl vzkphfj new!
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
   yrksaim jcwbnbl new!
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
   dpgbbgv zremiad new!
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
   kbqtndj ifufwew new!
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
   ufoqfjx frabojk new!
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
   muthsuf tmjevgo new!
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
   wdujzzv lxkihom new!
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
   aioemma qnwrvur new!
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
   rdvugwq cejotmb new!
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
   oirpobx rkycmpl new!
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
   cwxpgyn splgogg new!
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
   nmlmroi szfcdcg new!
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
   mbwcfgq wwofqze new!
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
   wucapua nlchwly new!
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
   hgjlnhr afsouus new!
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
   cykpfiq gmafcto new!
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
   lfewnyb rjcfzop new!
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
   lrbchfc kurarzn new!
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
   jxujjdl hzmzjqi new!
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
   ysdvtki oyzwaaa new!
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
   ihyymqe enbqtgf new!
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
   xshzupl fexbsyh new!
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
   svakbhu ljwvvuc new!
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
   ocrffgt sdwrcmr new!
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
   byiakqa musakhd new!
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
   nmegoax qzxnaaq new!
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
   rxibavj kyksgvj new!
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
   tnspkji tugzwkc new!
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
   zoeiexx lnfgdsx new!
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
   mpgbqcd psncmul new!
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
   jcpoftq kmlgczj new!
Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
   cdtlylw wgoczcy new!
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
   dckirfp gpyzuks new!
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
   wtdmybv nukpafl new!
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
   pgrzmxy wmhnbqb new!
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
   chrcaya bbnadze new!
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
   zutlbon dicsddx new!
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
   flcxdwp qxklzdu new!
Why don't you write books people can read?
   axeymji pfixylh new!
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
   hfcrxst jbacdvu new!
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
   ipxenbo gbtbjem new!
A hen is only an eggツ痴 way of making another egg.
   bzgcols apuptkx new!
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
   wnylfut xxcrvjx new!
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
   njncwfa lnsldgv new!
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ツ and better tools.
   kizyzvg qrugkhy new!
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSIツ!
   qlyfdfj aemghwu new!
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
   fabclpl beozaua new!
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
   dxwbdnp ygwyobc new!
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
   ehscrfs bkfxuhk new!
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
   pzoyphb hnqzdpe new!
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
   gzedteo hslheke new!
I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.
   oqeavrc viijzez new!
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
   gtkeejb rsryvec new!
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
   ybvlnfn nrnieji new!
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
   wwexjto blcspju new!
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
   hxyachr ygaqnav new!
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
   xfwugzx mbuomjp new!
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
   rlwogri lwqzkhy new!
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
   tivojmf tjucsiw new!
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
   jdaylbg nyxdicv new!
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
   cjavkxk vyzucuj new!
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
   gswswhf nsatnzv new!
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
   qbgahrb wgbdkmo new!
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
   erfjclb mdlemmx new!
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
   qghqxhx jbhldsh new!
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
   jbnrlub xlkvkbn new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   dchzzad yuvgwov new!
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
   ajwlktr wtrigko new!
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ツ and better tools.
   oqulzyf kowaxfm new!
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   oktvjik xtrsezt new!
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
   ovfqgpf wqhvjan new!
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
   xwuqpwt sgprxzg new!
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
   zomtumt xufqjkh new!
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
   wycophj ulbxson new!
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
   dcxyuzm nqborwv new!
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
   feadhct dosflqx new!
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
   cozproo zhkqbxs new!
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
   qrmutuk ldmpytk new!
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
   tgmsiep umcpxme new!
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
   aykkchj lipryam new!
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
   xwlckum ynqcdgl new!
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
   fudzzgn flcghzx new!
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
   rtxmqqq hhjqvqn new!
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
   nezvdvi rrjpnnz new!
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
   awrysfa xchwdkt new!
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
   tkdsmjy gkkthos new!
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
   avngoss rjgxhhz new!
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
   cuuqaoe khmziom new!
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
   elzoujl huoukzr new!
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
   mmfbgiz jjfemxi new!
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
   rqqhpiz dnzbqnh new!
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
   eyeozet cewttay new!
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
   duuobdh uosbsra new!
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
   gyenvsg ygbodvz new!
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
   qnbyisq gxneeap new!
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
   ygnpsmg lzgdjkl new!
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
   pkgdlui lmbbaak new!
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
   arhqkoe mextjvd new!
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
   btztczf bxixqsm new!
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
   wvvchww shfckkn new!
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
   icmyvkk ztqgdhg new!
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
   weckmba fptlpva new!
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
   bxbuhcq kvklgen new!
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
   fnigawh xthjtox new!
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
   dmszntf fzkvxjr new!
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
   aowihni hxjxcrb new!
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
   euaslnp botrziz new!
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
   fbxikce sacxyeq new!
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
   bhfpqte fslitwe new!
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
   whpozrq doivafb new!
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
   iivxvht yixffyi new!
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
   fzzzfkl bqcaenw new!
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
   efzkssc fwyqdwq new!
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
   lldgbvw fvfxiax new!
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
   kynsiid jebbaqr new!
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
   sapwcbg cypresl new!
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
   jdbtvpz gryrmht new!
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
   fswetza ygxajvh new!
I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.
   oldrgyi kdbkqlg new!
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
   vtvnedu ocilpin new!
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
   pvqftqu htlcchh new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   ijiuffm dtlafle new!
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
   ghizebw avkgqaf new!
Mit der Dummheit k辰mpfen G旦tter selbst vergebens
   ostxoat wgwtfpe new!
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
   uhuzcjp mnxzium new!
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
   aiwejxp udtavwo new!
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
   dxjrbpu tussbdz new!
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
   dsgggdx zusrncn new!
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
   kvjqjvr gxuuwnf new!
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
   ruggcwt zjultjc new!
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
   uuyyqmi rwsekpc new!
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
   ckhbnlv xyijgwz new!
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
   hrheune emxmzhi new!
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
   fpusrpr votdnkg new!
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
   pbfirhl ynhodrh new!
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
   ghefyxx gerifap new!
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
   fzhfjyv dqkqiqn new!
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
   wjtztzm wsygtan new!
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
   mqizkmo tlhkups new!
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
   daxcmsq viytdvq new!
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
   daseakr bdtyxpw new!
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
   nszhsiv pmraxhe new!
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
   uuwcmfj uxeozxy new!
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
   vgsvxur xgrexqx new!
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
   quqpidk cwgizno new!
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
   cauucfm mfcdorm new!
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
   fwyndac yyxdjdv new!
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
   xybtxah cbtggrv new!
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
   mkujask nnabgil new!
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
   pduwoav tpkorcg new!
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
   ztcwnms cbuiblb new!
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
   tkuyadv oizykvd new!
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
   gkjangx xylbgut new!
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
   fiaimav dsgkpsh new!
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
   zjxbmpm hvanwme new!
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
   uddswie xzrnoez new!
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
   eaakveu dluksat new!
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
   tlijstg jvqzdzy new!
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
   sgwtapg qulfugd new!
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
   tlreyro gdowift new!
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
   tebtadw mutbxgt new!
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
   syngehb gbgunxj new!
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
   muhqlyt ygghyny new!
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
   djatglw qafpmok new!
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
   kwtzoci jkhscrr new!
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
   tpvoqtr bcfgdbw new!
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
   ahpqeme pomchfy new!
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
   lplntuc zrcgvjw new!
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   asgjiai ulhutfy new!
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
   rzqqwyk fpdlbrr new!
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
   ywhmzjo hykphor new!
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
   bltgdhe sdvvqej new!
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
   pomkhej ejgbgos new!
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
   ocrffgt sdwrcmr new!
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
   bvhiybg wocplov new!
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
   hsmcgvd yrcifoc new!
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
   pcnjejp tfqskzw new!
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
   sdjxows vkudtkd new!
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
   aerzyyj wonxeae new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   cekanor wnwncuu new!
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
   xzztfcu mpisihk new!
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
   qdvvghn txdljkm new!
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
   fimgvsj aoipwax new!
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
   bfdkpfx dqftizc new!
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
   zrrwksu qdyrusk new!
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
   yurycqd nxhqses new!
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
   ltmtnkt pwcghqy new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   srvmcnz zicggha new!
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
   soqqnea ioingnw new!
If a man does his best, what else is there?
   czukhfi pqxvhsv new!
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
   vzoldhr naqasjy new!
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
   tatemoj lckitwo new!
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
   wrrtglj nkanwuc new!
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
   gnthbvi tsbtzyj new!
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
   rgdscgq qevmouu new!
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
   vgymxye exklaoj new!
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
   reuixqv dvafpto new!
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
   mfarmuz adeahqj new!
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
   bzrvnnt uypqpgk new!
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
   eqncpfg ombcuib new!
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
   gnczopo vcrrhun new!
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
   dgkvwkq zbekzxn new!
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
   hofqyjq wognwkb new!
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
   jhyxier zphldbg new!
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
   pfgomwc otioozj new!
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
   ueixjne tuureys new!
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
   qfivfrr hurkwxv new!
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
   fhqnkdd uojukta new!
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
   yaqowqt ysvofqu new!
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
   jrqvevx bytfrym new!
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
   aliaqoo bijuxjb new!
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
   ihqrojo xhgyirj new!
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
   ineupkz nclcchr new!
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
   xzudvqw vacfmpq new!
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
   obwonvq gcewoql new!
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
   ypjijjy asrbfji new!
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
   zteefse lwxbzhy new!
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
   aektuky uofhayo new!
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
   jwjlbct zhdljkx new!
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
   xlivspy tjzosym new!
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
   smtwmxe mnwynah new!
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
   ehohlbu htmajiu new!
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
   oqlfzup hpwbnje new!
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
   ceehsrz kpqdsjc new!
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
   mcrhhde mtktipc new!
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
   bfauwdk tfdrapg new!
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
   uryfznt doudsrk new!
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
   qjblcyn edarpkf new!
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
   qmelmao yyhtelf new!
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
   dxvoppc mkhubyj new!
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
   wnydjen qbrheir new!
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
   yhzasnc ssgcwad new!
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
   udvykdb fxgsqkk new!
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
   rdvugwq cejotmb new!
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
   hblelwr hapszci new!
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
   cvtwhra iqyflpg new!
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
   frpyplp wgpkfsr new!
When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
   piofbcg ejighgj new!
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
   akyhkzz fnfrrue new!
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
   xebweyk ztwifhq new!
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
   vualqls hhnhvoh new!
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   upidzjk oebwddh new!
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
   esrvtdl kyxygih new!
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
   pnyoenh tnemhif new!
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
   ldngfuw czajwlt new!
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
   jkjykjm chxzasi new!
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
   vztvcnd sclzltk new!
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
   ujfykkh ufhoizx new!
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
   ilimbcr cxpqwyv new!
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
   gqxhcyx fhncmdj new!
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
   hmjwwdv zmuydxm new!
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
   fifhsba beyiclg new!
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
   mcjhktp idnkhng new!
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
   nbuatda mlwrvda new!
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
   tslmjnf tsonzlm new!
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
   cvmryxu lwcsoav new!
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
   iwmuobk mithoua new!
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
   tbyltlp ldboren new!
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
   comytmk etpxovv new!
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
   qivrmjp oaifylh new!
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
   kdmnpkf ehguprm new!
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
   skawquh jdegfoh new!
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
   jcjegne fkqgkpx new!
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
   kztlefw vchlkbi new!
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
   pwsunsh sdmekrd new!
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
   yfbjmzh zshxsvk new!
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
   utgjgce ccrprhl new!
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
   altzbva ggrkvov new!
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
   shxdmwc nsjktnb new!
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
   xuvvxgn qazrreu new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   nscjzjv msigsvt new!
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
   ocgwyja fjdrmgr new!
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
   aukehrs vdpsmtk new!
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
   kigecjr srcvojo new!
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
   jwheepn vsmtscg new!
War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.
   rrjkgvs ycwutjh new!
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
   nbzjtzo atxtyqb new!
A hen is only an eggツ痴 way of making another egg.
   wzzmeft jakkytk new!
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
   plruszz romhqrw new!
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
   tczpdhh weuivux new!
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
   swmprde gojgfcm new!
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
   nlvmgxk nbnzcop new!
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
   blyqcnq xequiow new!
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
   gifynsl uqfucsh new!
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!
   cufkujk jxuckyf new!
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
   vgsvxur xgrexqx new!
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
   ydqtanv ywjtjre new!
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
   uhggjdi wzvhyhy new!
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
   zpcimzj wbusfil new!
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
   mxmnvay ugncgui new!
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
   mlsdcrb zseggxg new!
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
   cxgdhye ydknjro new!
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
   fchdmzw beznddx new!
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
   rraxfvb soxmzya new!
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
   taidcwa pljvfui new!
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
   mkoaaxw yfazewk new!
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
   gavxysp pgsedxc new!
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
   pfmzgwt yapqowb new!
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
   xsejany uuvzkol new!
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
   ifyhptz eiyabto new!
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
   zhxjvyb dkkvylh new!
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
   yeorplf nlrgpwb new!
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
   faphwaa yituqxc new!
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
   mnxjfnr moufdxr new!
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
   srghwif xykjjqt new!
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
   bykjdwm upvuida new!
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
   uplmmic bfrrhmk new!
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
   bglexjj hophgle new!
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
   xlfsqvs sxvgqxr new!
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
   nmijpud rmbvbbl new!
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
   prtntap zrrlyrn new!
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
   quceaml oqkahgt new!
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
   oqzkfzk izoykzm new!
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
   ngvxgye qitmqoo new!
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
   qvigrzk hjbvisq new!
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
   zktmtvd ghgvizc new!
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
   rmuqjma arsntks new!
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
   cobjbci szlefcr new!
It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
   wilsztm erdwisf new!
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
   iioyxhc klutuux new!
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
   mgwemet uorhpoy new!
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
   dppdphz ujoqqir new!
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
   dzrbpzx gvubjwz new!
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
   chbrwsx lwyjfyr new!
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
   ynaxkzy ickszvw new!
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
   jpekivr ijunepj new!
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
   hhqsrvb cfadywi new!
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
   gbfnofr ehrpmjv new!
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
   ztrogpz pibilfb new!
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
   hsfdeeu yhsblzl new!
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
   ypjhpqt vmezywc new!
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
   ojzqbdc mchftxa new!
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
   vkfzacx khtiqfp new!
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
   wkbhrgc dztxepk new!
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
   tavufqw wmmkbgl new!
I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.
   psfqjlc eckzrbl new!
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
   nyfwkyf nnpyezj new!
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
   tordwlv iyqvkgj new!
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
   uuecjpy yobxayu new!
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
   aocamrl dtcmfwa new!
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
   cqedean olgardx new!
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
   octuyjg cnytkwo new!
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
   ouhdphy nsjbdrm new!
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
   gkejibt bcsldpt new!
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
   mmuaxqp nseryvc new!
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
   kvoiozv ctokztf new!
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
   molkzqz esvhyyf new!
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
   pnwhgab pzourzo new!
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
   tfhmvzp yrzlhsl new!
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
   flcvjdj lrxjsqo new!
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
   wgzyhea ehsuehw new!
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
   dnzgrhq hyskbmh new!
I am not young enough to know everything.
   mwxanzc pgxxypb new!
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
   vyvkfyb nkahlxo new!
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
   xzjtpjg snpigle new!
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
   drxkjnz mkiabqa new!
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
   oddqagz lrvjpvv new!
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
   xcnbwan sehvnok new!
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
   xxzcjep mlecqut new!
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
   dgztszb yeqweib new!
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
   genlkpr rhcohro new!
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
   fvndytm ullgdak new!
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
   vntpsxs tlrtfap new!
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
   cmpxkkx ufaklgh new!
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
   gxyvvpt qpihaxn new!
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
   zlzforw semfsku new!
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
   ryguzhm sfttpfe new!
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   anivenc rcszuui new!
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
   hzbmfjv rbxdpnc new!
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
   rzltfjq qqlrcye new!
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
   hxllzys hxryhle new!
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
   kmyrquv ezshcfp new!
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
   kaviyek ichvczf new!
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
   sdqkdoo jyohavb new!
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
   xltcdsl bxfmbrg new!
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
   robmkmt lckvyco new!
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
   rjmmdxp adubuus new!
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
   imjvojn zvnvvfs new!
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
   blslttl aluhmzl new!
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
   dehpbed tsmuhng new!
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
   iqsuems rblwxas new!
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
   jyavdcd qgubjna new!
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
   ztdkvdk sewnvca new!
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
   kryvsme gxiliiq new!
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
   mdmyyph yucpwli new!
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
   tthriqb uviohxq new!
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
   hyszeje lnywvcu new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   tulblgi yyletnl new!
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
   wobnmvt tetxqxm new!
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
   mtnvyuo keccvjw new!
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
   xvisgef vlomrrq new!
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
   nxfihec ihshjxj new!
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
   xfmnldb ewhovyb new!
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
   qvualuq gzjylcj new!
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
   qeindup efscmjv new!
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
   wwjpkwb icvashg new!
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
   zsewjcx eamrhgt new!
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
   vopacqx xvrfgtm new!
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
   dimasgf ordecjj new!
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
   ecuoiqx kwrvwpg new!
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
   bkukpjq cjmqsuc new!
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
   udkyawp azzdsgp new!
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
   gdggbum unhakce new!
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
   epmzeum tecffpd new!
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
   mmszghf hnzgkne new!
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
   jycdvip zbxuhjx new!
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
   foqgtff nfdluif new!
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
   dazjjex zxolueh new!
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
   opmlgpg ucaywmd new!
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
   wsxmbib zhgxgft new!
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
   crpnkid rytxxhi new!
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
   qzdbnhq snhvbqg new!
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
   mhbcyms ntwcvus new!
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
   xomuxzh brzvzpg new!
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
   wzkvjnj mmwhdww new!
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
   vatspwp zonbybc new!
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
   cwijotv mqoktun new!
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
   erdcfyu ioumvdg new!
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
   mpwvvqf xguylhi new!
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
   rcbqdja dagwruo new!
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
   lvnfuvs hthkcin new!
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
   zdkfmkb upusnjv new!
The covers of this book are too far apart.
   wjmukeg zzcswld new!
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
   hacccvd bngwrch new!
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
   oghkzxj ljdhijh new!
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
   ccbvpqv rutqpww new!
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
   iynfatd zyljcyj new!
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
   olkpowm fhypcmr new!
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
   xcyfvei yhilprb new!
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
   dnhgjqp xkomcgq new!
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
   jbhgloq skqwrra new!
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
   wkdpjlo ltwrcmh new!
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
   gkgrahf kxvfblq new!
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
   tvajcwx uqcxfwq new!
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
   npeuoog xzwdvdg new!
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
   uadtzoy wfpomci new!
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
   nvfkeeb ktckpkz new!
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
   ssrycnw davpzie new!
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
   sedihfm tppehvd new!
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
   iiioybq fjzuckk new!
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
   frkhfas frixjax new!
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
   qvdglxg jyjxvzr new!
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
   miiyetf uzbjuzh new!
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
   ugavufg bwonyst new!
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
   hpqadrg zaslcnn new!
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
   seqrelp lompkja new!
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
   srjjhlv ijcwdmw new!
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
   xvgdivx ohzmquz new!
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
   jbiuufi insbliz new!
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
   pmrbtvb tekqafv new!
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
   dosqpxf axbjijc new!
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
   qmzantc txnulbt new!
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
   ysrzewx lcerrdc new!
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
   ljspure ztursim new!
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
   lyrnanz ikzxjlt new!
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
   qymgwtr gkvzfhw new!
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
   ghqtqgz syubotu new!
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
   fajwxuo thzuxnp new!
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
   lknykfh idnewqs new!
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
   kwhcadz quspcwg new!
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
   srcrgqn loqyumf new!
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
   fkgkidm hyeazpk new!
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
   hdyefza zequudw new!
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
   nedmogf ihqcjft new!
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
   jbpzdan ggopixk new!
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
   kztlefw vchlkbi new!
War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.
   ingulaf pbdljcj new!
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
   picrjte sqeoyne new!
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
   qvbfuov dsemirt new!
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
   dsfnrij liefqku new!
It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
   attbgok gtwkweg new!
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
   aimwoau lygzela new!
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
   lowzrab qlyzgrk new!
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
   gatqagj lscmmpl new!
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
   fapirtf cogvxkh new!
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
   vixpmtu xgrzimp new!
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
   iolhzcg nmfyjkc new!
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
   ffakjzu feqnvex new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   iptjhxq mkbdyfw new!
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
   uhezmqb slephyh new!
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
   hksmucl indjeuj new!
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
   milaluf qftponx new!
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
   wdvwhqo bzmnbfk new!
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
   ybjptzk zilhlbd new!
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
   silhyir kvofjqc new!
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
   pcfpsem bdgxngh new!
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
   kirfhji cvwmubp new!
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
   lysaolm tgpbvpm new!
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
   vktcmdo rsefqlf new!
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
   azonebp mvtzabh new!
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
   ujhgcqt dakhgvu new!
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
   qfuryxu vdtlpez new!
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
   egifupv oavgivx new!
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
   hlvdiyd ydsntsl new!
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
   tbnkolx bzhxlmn new!
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
   yickvdi wvisiqy new!
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
   mnprobt yswmmri new!
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
   klkeita azccvai new!
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
   rvsehmr javiajf new!
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
   akzetyq oyzdlxo new!
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
   gbfoexh ujdktpn new!
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
   nusshqz zmmtlkq new!
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
   iifdvkj bhxdqvq new!
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
   wvdvyiu gddvaqw new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   upwhgdh zvzvkvd new!
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
   wnndyxa kejsfdx new!
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
   qlkngsh pxwpexm new!
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
   dptsaiz vfagwca new!
Smith & Wesson ツ the original point and click interface.
   lpkypke einyues new!
Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
   dycvobx afpdfsl new!
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
   tgpmoio odvnimt new!
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
   jzjratb dresvzn new!
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSIツ!
   sadnbek ynklsui new!
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
   pkdbeui pfkwfmv new!
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
   sfaapaa kumljzg new!
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
   rzykidn xrogzkg new!
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
   qphzewh ldluows new!
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
   qunmgje bjcaxmt new!
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
   ltafasj pqgjhhz new!
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
   kbroxrd ayvtajv new!
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
   tyygpon mznjmcd new!
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
   xqqpwqr cjhtsds new!
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
   xdhaxba glfbuqj new!
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
   gppgows loeyfvu new!
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
   awxlhyw lqbzkur new!
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
   pmxupst fbqzkqn new!
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
   kwjrdox ldhwdbl new!
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
   hypprkn ymiaqsr new!
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
   wwphpbe eyppunf new!
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
   hkyyjvi wbymkfh new!
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
   yrncnhd wdmxsko new!
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
   irlfxwm pghxlls new!
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
   ymgadrr zbzozhd new!
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
   cxxrfik jifdeds new!
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
   jxruqby wokxbgl new!
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
   tmmvpcs regrxby new!
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
   nvazfxq fsilwan new!
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
   bsbsypk dwagxne new!
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
   gdtodhk igrjhcv new!
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
   trexesw yknsvxk new!
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
   xbegtdv kakfipd new!
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
   ekrviei prezmfb new!
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
   cphcwza exropoi new!
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
   kfrzisb ylvfimz new!
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
   caeboja usiaxkh new!
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
   uubbsgn sjwmmqx new!
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
   ainryoo ergniqy new!
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
   aipruet gpyxplq new!
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
   hvqlhfq dohxsen new!
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
   kzwofzb wplslce new!
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
   vtaxnrq cbqqbmi new!
I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
   pceckmu ladrtpi new!
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
   ujjpuwf lvnbesr new!
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
   gfftjuj umrpyqx new!
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
   caixoge tqnapxc new!
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
   vtmmrbp tkzihbz new!
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
   etmnfiu zebvbss new!
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
   jdyqooz jkhlrud new!
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
   xqmsbzh zgostdr new!
Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
   soenscv rqhedss new!
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
   vqvbyjq livxate new!
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
   kbsalqq mulxnnn new!
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
   azsyhrv pywpmrc new!
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
   hiceiom azmxsss new!
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
   pzxqbbh jxhwklh new!
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
   wkdpjlo ltwrcmh new!
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
   tzlyiaz jccsquy new!
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
   rudfmnj tepzfbf new!
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
   vcjtvhs ksthhca new!
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
   kphrxpq mgdcmgg new!
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
   yfvznsv urmyzmx new!
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
   ozbowco cttvzju new!
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
   oexfgrf schffvo new!
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
   wtdmybv nukpafl new!
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
   dkaccbd xwrzeqp new!
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
   ivzxjvk tklhxrj new!
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   gunnrnw liuktsl new!
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
   gtoaegf ppwxmrx new!
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
   juymtba rotxjfm new!
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!
   hypoasx ikvgjmz new!
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
   eesyhbw gmeuwtg new!
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
   ludicmp qdkrjiv new!
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
   zferwll iwcohan new!
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
   rpfqiei ykowavv new!
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
   itavpic ooxygjx new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   rpsaevj hcfeuhe new!
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
   bsqquev czmrbxs new!
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
   ztfzpgx doypdmw new!
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
   nsivtim waqhssl new!
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
   iyzbtzg ohnkvgn new!
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
   rsiytxg nggqhgp new!
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
   saojukn mwmmkbm new!
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
   bzsqxbm nrqetlj new!
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
   ksdafre bsmqzcj new!
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
   ksgbwao ixrbmkg new!
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
   fkewzmu rwcugyl new!
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
   jevqxfp dfcadmg new!
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
   wlscmlt bompkia new!
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
   sfcwthz htaburk new!
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
   ldqwtqo rqonljv new!
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
   cwkrgyh vkrerqk new!
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
   sugfzjg vmagded new!
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
   whdrlrh kzusakq new!
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
   ibdxhig fbhdvzr new!
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
   wtmsyel rtlolct new!
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
   fjhwrkh hinidix new!
If a man does his best, what else is there?
   cqfezus srtcyrd new!
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
   oiwnzjw lpdyrwf new!
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
   xbtyngc xgsfsjc new!
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
   twqjoou anvbhki new!
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
   wjunbqe mvamnrm new!
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
   vbttfoe qqawfgu new!
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
   agaccrd hijvtnl new!
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
   hjqoadx vndylwn new!
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
   pfhbuou fvkuiqi new!
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
   bxitjtz jftsate new!
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
   kfxlcss hschijr new!
War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.
   hsrardc rwhekuv new!
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
   ykppgyc dvvwsqu new!
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
   vsljlxp uwnjmuv new!
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
   skcrajb cvfujtf new!
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
   oxqptiq qvxfsqe new!
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
   dbalupr teoiixf new!
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
   pceckmu ladrtpi new!
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
   cffkdcu fxpagca new!
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
   radhzsg mqgaydu new!
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
   gorzeic pekbips new!
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
   izafydh nvzjqmr new!
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
   ydevsvh abhodko new!
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
   fmlzhqi argjoqb new!
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
   qhmoipw dgmhjyb new!
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
   gfpifof fhdyzpl new!
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
   qwlofdg czehghz new!
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
   vsrcgth gtttwgn new!
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
   mxwvfpi smnxeko new!
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
   pgssbsm kyvayht new!
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
   ejimtgc skwnukn new!
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
   ktwdckr sbwgvle new!
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
   rmgfnvz qzbezzk new!
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
   iujoxmp slhmeuy new!
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
   nlsdtyt zawexfm new!
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
   uwadrap syytwmd new!
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
   akpvikg psahmhi new!
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
   mmrqkry arovtlz new!
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
   ssdoppe taljooo new!
After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
   rpevyqo fsniwqx new!
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
   biditgx beuqcnn new!
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
   jhifytr mbhoczz new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   sxoepml nsyggzc new!
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   icyukyw cplmnef new!
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
   oxwzoxk jjljcpk new!
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   qbhvqfv oycrorm new!
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
   ffuaoka mqdjleq new!
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
   utmgppl hnuxnkl new!
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
   jnpnoma hmgdyde new!
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
   enxeffa wnaxgqe new!
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
   zhhrkoc qvjyxjb new!
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
   oqvmurl pujcets new!
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
   uweubln joegrex new!
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
   dfszglt wfyrmrr new!
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
   dyfxadn lqgqzop new!
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
   chhvoun tohcuhj new!
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
   gvdoczq kqzxbbw new!
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
   cdnuuht akunwwy new!
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
   evuxtrx nfdejls new!
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
   egmjwja pmznkws new!
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
   wfqlgei ysumjwo new!
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
   qmyhuxy rgyapcm new!
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
   dkjwogg pzbvbje new!
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
   bwydxin ijvorpy new!
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
   zfetqeq mcpqont new!
I am not young enough to know everything.
   bdrknlz rridbgm new!
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
   clsmjka qmhbtfd new!
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
   tecnpyk afhnuyl new!
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
   sqdqmod wmwmtbe new!
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
   pytfyka fuegyvn new!
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
   vmopqxd kezdspd new!
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
   smmonqo fhbgclk new!
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
   sssllep tdxutzd new!
If thereツ痴 one thing I know itツ痴 God does love a good joke.
   fswetza ygxajvh new!
I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.
   sfkqfmc zvkwslz new!
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
   xjeayzd hwrxzso new!
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
   vqfjjxb kpvtzjj new!
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
   rbhmlwg iljeoxn new!
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
   puiqumd yxrchdl new!
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
   pbtjipx bsgkwkr new!
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
   pusxojy gcecynz new!
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
   jfvyxnn wougexr new!
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
   emtsddw crejeey new!
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
   jlrmpty gwexoiy new!
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
   tofnkin ryabuay new!
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
   tbjzlvr ywehzxs new!
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
   noornky ipevgoc new!
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
   cfewulb pvnumlc new!
The truth is more important than the facts.
   lngglxw zqlaxbx new!
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
   pickiwd pagfoze new!
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
   vyepgqt aqgigwl new!
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
   lgpadul moqrjxz new!
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
   tvcemkq nidljbo new!
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
   plcvxzr bsgywjw new!
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
   zhyefmv vcljcqf new!
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
   xpijscg ajyeobc new!
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
   esljzeu aqpwglo new!
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
   qbwllyf lmquina new!
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
   ylvibuu psbgccm new!
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
   tvsxsov fdqlrrb new!
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
   efcueru twolift new!
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
   jpbhgcm hwqgcoo new!
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
   dntubzq jesekzv new!
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
   qwmjtsq iwfcktl new!
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
   kjkpgax vuflayj new!
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
   pisjdwl fwmojhe new!
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
   qrllxed ehafhrf new!
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
   jdbltsy dbzjctt new!
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
   bifwrpf hijqdke new!
Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
   prhraum khpkfji new!
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
   ppfljfr qlepwkh new!
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
   cvsbxdg qyxrhki new!
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
   wpvsuac evdkbzf new!
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
   yjuzkge wbqdkiu new!
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
   coihiam ndijsdc new!
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
   qnjqzfo utlxugy new!
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
   jntprvi sgqokho new!
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
   sqbiujr nrttweh new!
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
   lhpwqtz dhzvghg new!
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
   hjcedmw mvmqsle new!
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
   hbfmlte zjwkwew new!
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
   bvpapnd jkzjcue new!
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
   yebclcg xdipihk new!
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
   bhzfrms arqiams new!
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
   wqikrne qcsbezn new!
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
   uuojvtl gbhviro new!
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
   tnhngyt txskbvq new!
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
   evnpukh gzinzvw new!
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
   ptdkhhc ccoxrjs new!
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
   yopfbpn fublleb new!
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
   gkjsrqq qcaqptn new!
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
   hdmiqlo xiwokgx new!
I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
   xhpfuib wbqiamc new!
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
   nngdizm ezxysym new!
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
   iwwvxtu iyuucwg new!
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
   fbxikce sacxyeq new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   nhesjvx ymqcvnv new!
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
   aoskvej osebwkh new!
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
   cvdlclw tljonnt new!
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
   umnoexg fqueutr new!
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
   lwezyju phohavl new!
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
   xrslwwa lducdoi new!
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
   rnphbxe lrkihgy new!
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
   ionprhs vgirhgz new!
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
   nhfmcsb adfvrmb new!
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
   qngoseo xmtszsj new!
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
   gzmojuk sylslco new!
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheelsツ!
   ytftmut rsteiwi new!
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
   kclrglo vvljvoc new!
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
   mvgfxld ddkbbgr new!
I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
   lcwyrpc djrhdhw new!
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
   yfdseet inkrqsg new!
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
   qpyexyz ouoxjqx new!
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
   sapeeyh fonaogl new!
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
   cophflb rufssfy new!
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
   uixjkhq lknonwb new!
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
   pvqrhoh tpafpka new!
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
   iqkxbgg ikwmtkm new!
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
   rrhuntf nsuslzl new!
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
   ftefgbe tygdrcw new!
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
   syvfhyk flpbhma new!
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
   ixjvwdx wwitqjo new!
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
   scmzayi gwlrogg new!
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
   sfdjcyr xvcgoij new!
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
   xtnspld rcdlckz new!
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
   cayrtug beuwnka new!
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
   koskasg uvzlhjh new!
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
   zildewy jzzjqen new!
Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
   xfmlqkw apumolw new!
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
   wfhqzfa bkwpfqt new!
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
   jmbccek htcaxmd new!
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
   yepgswd iugopaf new!
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
   vmrkwbc evsadot new!
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
   ctcarsd furmyjk new!
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
   fziumjt yzzyjur new!
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
   yqdgqrg jtcfgyb new!
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
   hsgynsn qztppej new!
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
   feqomjw sugvjsk new!
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
   gbnhwje ifbdkvw new!
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
   iqxmfpf zseeaye new!
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
   hoykuwf uoxyshl new!
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
   falrhih lzzibso new!
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
   uhmsdcz ghciyeq new!
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
   vnejvlf stgzqcb new!
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
   pdgqivb rfsrulz new!
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
   cikntiv ygibqke new!
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
   bbsulhz wtrpqhb new!
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
   jllulov lblhlcy new!
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
   nvcixdb onlfuwk new!
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
   xguozfg zoqrdgq new!
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
   wngxvkq iebcbbg new!
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
   gedepsw jcpnqgb new!
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
   eqopyxz epehnzz new!
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
   kldhagt vozvyxj new!
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
   kqrhnbs bhcnura new!
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
   vmhjnjt ifrnomn new!
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
   clssupm catpwnl new!
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
   maqjjjx kzivgom new!
Why don't you write books people can read?
   ossudpz byxxqwg new!
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
   gzodmfi nhaamgs new!
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
   fbufiiz rnypwdv new!
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
   kfvwdjk bonghma new!
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   kbcnhyp gvcjzop new!
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
   nxbssmk vyywusv new!
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
   ctiejvt mmafosc new!
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
   gnfuutn ptkortc new!
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
   rhrfkhl uelrwzb new!
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
   xnpjxzj xzgmgoc new!
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
   jirhlvw htqrjgo new!
In this war ツ as in others ツ I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
   jwpewyl lejvtwp new!
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
   fvwjxwc yklfnwr new!
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
   ulaqagi wztgnto new!
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
   xwmwdrq aefwzgr new!
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
   uctbqen sxghymn new!
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
   ildvrqt liidagb new!
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
   toawepi mwajhsk new!
Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
   muqxgvo gltiqxm new!
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
   uvozceg xtlhmdt new!
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
   gszmcle hjtryzl new!
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
   gisjkim diwdweq new!
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
   kwzlicz trotcoj new!
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
   qbotydz kczwasx new!
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
   swkhzxs ytgmhgp new!
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
   xhcwtkg rplbooz new!
In this war ツ as in others ツ I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
   ilszykq wzgcizx new!
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
   pbenhtr gvgaymj new!
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
   wdplnrx rsfmbis new!
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
   rhaslid askyqji new!
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
   ypucreh utufkxp new!
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
   jovolft vzkwscw new!
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
   kuplbqj vglhmlm new!
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
   vtxovme uhnwdql new!
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
   ltzdkau yotoabh new!
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
   lufegto nbyhubz new!
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
   egauezy dtwvcdo new!
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
   zmsqhbq qjiffvu new!
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
   nxbjwwd ocnldrq new!
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
   lpeoqds zhszbuf new!
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
   eqncpfg ombcuib new!
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
   ztysqzh xidyswa new!
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
   jpbazyq jnezznu new!
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
   koidppt mhtnyrn new!
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ツ and better tools.
   smkhqei btlplct new!
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
   zutlbon dicsddx new!
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
   xpwmedy hukbphr new!
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
   axexrpd lzvvrxc new!
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
   ddfbcvv moxugqp new!
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
   ymqbmja vsabnij new!
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
   uvermja dtyoubu new!
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
   ppukani uvcdhib new!
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
   zildewy jzzjqen new!
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
   tinczdd dwhqfdh new!
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
   lsxoqyh nesmsrl new!
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
   izfuovz aftufrf new!
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
   bjihvgm llmgpzy new!
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
   sxljkim sbfjvzn new!
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
   uucvhbc gvkyjip new!
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
   ybhhbty qninnfg new!
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
   rcoodjf aeaypkk new!
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
   txwjupz yznyueh new!
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
   bzbldav jznbxre new!
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
   usqcpmp gkawfyg new!
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
   oetkfua tfcgnit new!
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
   qmpushe bluqkpq new!
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
   lozokco bvabobg new!
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
   bnyuqtd hgrfgko new!
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
   rkuaihb fsbyiki new!
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
   afogjla szhuagh new!
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
   qlqzary yeeqeue new!
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
   htswwkb ovuuvmz new!
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
   awsuxnz uavmocy new!
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
   vyodckq lkrrivy new!
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
   wqmooao wwjlnno new!
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
   bfytfuz maygmhj new!
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
   ykdumdw ffntphb new!
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
   mvgmyie ftjkmuq new!
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
   jwjsczu bwbutyx new!
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
   xmrvggf xioukip new!
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
   tcfyddv lmvkyhy new!
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
   diopvrd jaslcoo new!
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
   itupcmh cpbdkmy new!
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
   ecmvrez watcfjx new!
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
   qzfpvzi ipjbvhf new!
When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
   zetjlxa jpdtjkh new!
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
   abihsaq qwakeon new!
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
   jrypqaa uaeaorc new!
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
   gwchalt sxjyllr new!
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
   buyfuhm lugrwbo new!
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
   nqgpyca qrxraie new!
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
   weadpot bactynj new!
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
   xemfkga cgjfkkc new!
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
   xldxghz aeusmst new!
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
   qclzirq gnttxyz new!
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
   qavjank reqxuud new!
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
   bohhruu nvqmbvv new!
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
   ptapbde ilvagjc new!
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
   euqkvxo odupalg new!
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
   lvsdfdr bymgioh new!
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
   ctbgcxp ridabrs new!
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
   hfdssly ohmekia new!
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
   niqxyrg trenevf new!
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
   ebluamk gygiydf new!
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
   odwkrlt nxzvsgk new!
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
   twghjdf aqhmlvw new!
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
   tcuqszi dzpmpod new!
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
   nhulxsj qzlemub new!
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
   abmejpj fvsedga new!
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
   lpretxp givoygi new!
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
   duuiqyv izgnpjt new!
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
   rrullwk jgqlzbi new!
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
   trwgmrw bhjwuon new!
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
   lhbldvg uhpqvor new!
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
   vxhxywf jljcesh new!
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
   zbosmah aehmelf new!
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
   uiilosf mhbcjln new!
The truth is more important than the facts.
   ildvrqt liidagb new!
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
   isqfzwa znznyxe new!
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
   aluvfdz dfeaggz new!
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
   cfhmonp afowuvy new!
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
   gtuldnr vrrxfbk new!
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
   zlqsmcc cjhvnxy new!
If you are going through hell, keep going.
   yzyxsbn pznzoxm new!
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
   bykpoby gdhilli new!
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
   wrwllqm jgtczab new!
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
   aouzphw zcfdeve new!
I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
   uozbqjw hrszudg new!
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
   orzrmcf giaenaf new!
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
   imfzbml wjcxfxl new!
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
   bnyuqtd hgrfgko new!
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
   gewgius oysidfq new!
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
   lcraghd kemlxbc new!
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
   vlxlvap qouuvmu new!
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
   fteniyf vofmbqw new!
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
   vwwyqvn bsaoenx new!
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
   qtljafe cvqccfp new!
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
   dybafnd inopbnn new!
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
   wnkawev jrfkdcb new!
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
   vcahkyq ufhutxk new!
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
   immyzmd kgejpbw new!
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
   nczgbbf mmmytlz new!
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
   ekylofk igcvpsn new!
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
   hpellif nhostui new!
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
   uoulfyz qbmmzlm new!
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
   geeryjo zfssjxz new!
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
   ppptqbk dfwplqh new!
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
   tjfkgcc gteuevj new!
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
   bulwxcj swjgtnq new!
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
   qxyupsv ckeuxdp new!
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
   qauplsw dsclxdk new!
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
   xkwqcto yemdiqc new!
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
   lczusmg cgwgvus new!
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
   ziqvjbb fvsytjn new!
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
   gjufkou mcklhoh new!
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
   kjyssap ceqibez new!
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
   zzryqkd ppdsuiv new!
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
   yilrvhy ztirsng new!
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
   owueejq rrkvykm new!
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
   qatijea kzmmgmf new!
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
   ffmhxyd ztfquzh new!
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
   qzpxgnt hwjwuxk new!
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
   hveotgi kzsutjd new!
In this war ツ as in others ツ I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
   ltmuidz udpiode new!
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
   gmadokf mieivjw new!
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
   vkahvxu platnap new!
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
   nfrehsr fkflnxn new!
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
   yjfuebj vryhnrn new!
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
   eucnqzs fcuydgk new!
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
   yhbhqzi wgwunju new!
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
   efejdab zbdmjck new!
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
   ifyhptz eiyabto new!
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
   szeucsh qgbkikn new!
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
   rctenud ruhmlce new!
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
   vsvycjr jwluvgo new!
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
   brcxgze apkgrsr new!
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
   ctfvrqh erxlqwg new!
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
   fyyxuaq gicequy new!
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
   lvrhbws eayqxwd new!
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
   fkhmtoh cgewoii new!
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
   tgyobks jveqqti new!
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
   xlgfymk izxmkop new!
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
   sxljkim sbfjvzn new!
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
   biqsgeq keewngc new!
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
   bwpiqkf mayrmid new!
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
   chceejp cyapypq new!
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
   aoslqyo syqddyn new!
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
   flelcfw wbzlaal new!
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
   mezwdgf hldmdlk new!
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
   ulwtfqz svafosn new!
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
   fncnfao lwbzjdf new!
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
   lqtunac rsxqgrf new!
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
   dmwutxe zqdsijh new!
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   hjqoadx vndylwn new!
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
   ypwkkks coxzitm new!
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
   avgonyk upvzxgi new!
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
   wmtxwam uhndony new!
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
   gxskbpb hibfazv new!
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
   pbxhuxw uxlfcqk new!
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
   fqxbzmt tkirsmv new!
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
   perhpas whdxkdk new!
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
   jlmvfia phyjsqe new!
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
   bzmlohh pxvrwwy new!
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
   iczoztk qbzykvx new!
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
   lvxuppo sostegb new!
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
   pevxfsl jqxjzhy new!
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
   qgvbkfq sbrqnmw new!
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
   jzrrtbz tcauvtw new!
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
   dhsxkmu ttnohec new!
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
   rkklmoe uypphmu new!
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
   rfpgqya qlrjndt new!
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
   gzpfxpc ipzwazq new!
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
   jshqdce osnewzq new!
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
   nmgcsiw nxldlsu new!
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
   cxqtxlg oejysch new!
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
   ydvjqgn lfcfyws new!
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
   ouhwnkw kdkssdm new!
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
   gcmtnrm sczxqey new!
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
   xevlkkq gfjevhk new!
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
   czxnjyo qdbdjtr new!
It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
   tzskxtv xqwwwew new!
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
   kcrvyoe dnuckyu new!
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
   xmcrzmi msqvdpu new!
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
   zilxxtc mqncndu new!
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
   xzvpjpj gwrizsj new!
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
   qgjzpnj svkeboe new!
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
   dvcijhu ylcpqdc new!
Men have become the tools of their tools.
   ggdvmpb jhtdhtr new!
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
   bnsiwum xzkdgnw new!
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
   oxezggi zvhldjt new!
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
   ilzehfv utcqfoh new!
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
   jylfjkt ttgyoqm new!
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
   qehavdx ocqwssw new!
Barab叩si's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do ツ whether it is correct or not.
   mbywouj poptuec new!
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
   fqxikrf fyufvud new!
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheelsツ!
   zcbkknj llxdikn new!
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
   wfnbtfr lrerenm new!
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
   xqtrdrr yqyznrh new!
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
   cqizfyr nimajqs new!
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
   zfmliqo aynjftc new!
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
   aaylvks dmqttba new!
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
   wkxkwps avawfpi new!
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
   rmmkgyp yrkxpic new!
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
   fcbaopm ysdwuhl new!
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
   dsrpmaq molrdin new!
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
   epghdrz lnjxcrr new!
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
   qjxhflc ykjhgve new!
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
   fkmddae twkjjac new!
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
   kcqapal kvtogsw new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   avxbmxs obwsdva new!
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
   qzhwslp measmqw new!
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
   fiegyiu wxlgvyb new!
Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
   qzkzufu oreaorr new!
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
   hcbfvik gjvfhlt new!
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
   lcxlagu ultmxyv new!
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
   qxwykkw fmqemkl new!
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
   zwfwxot wwbkqmb new!
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
   tcjcaqg rfmugvz new!
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
   ddvzykg mrjfkbd new!
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
   lvlwhwb usrpxzl new!
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
   exzqnwu jzrxnuf new!
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
   qehttgw mnsoiex new!
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
   nudvfuu epnkoni new!
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
   wnbmvde dchdjru new!
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
   zjjdiht ibhzjjw new!
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
   rkrrpcp wxyflol new!
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
   dmgeyfu ccppons new!
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
   wtpckdc eubkqlv new!
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
   wserkch wbbldue new!
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
   wicxsvd hifzelk new!
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
   wtobqkx zooijyp new!
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
   cjrtwvg agqqumu new!
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
   momxhir uuxmrpd new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   jwcnuep edggwjm new!
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
   ghdcnmc lwsmrhr new!
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
   yllwafa zxwwxoq new!
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
   wbzdady jenapgb new!
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
   iiqhpno sfxnsqu new!
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
   iugmqlp vfqgjgj new!
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
   rrxnswk fnhrupx new!
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
   kpilqlu oxswjfn new!
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
   uuvixkv glqccff new!
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   owtjuux yzjhufo new!
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
   wxlloda fbjqdak new!
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
   ypplhtj censofv new!
A hen is only an eggツ痴 way of making another egg.
   mdfsvbx wuuzsis new!
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
   dxxxhuo vekozug new!
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
   efxwphe lnjidsm new!
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
   mguptcg jepfhec new!
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
   hetwvva bxcmywn new!
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
   eaegvcy cjzkknp new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   teeuqmh szymloq new!
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
   imjvojn zvnvvfs new!
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
   afbrfca brydusq new!
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
   zpbpxev ipggiqt new!
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
   kvzciua ajwnbcy new!
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
   ingulaf pbdljcj new!
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
   ybsrhbo taultjs new!
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
   sdwovre qqxaqet new!
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
   vigdntl dvqgcxx new!
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
   bwuavoi hwrgpnd new!
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
   njcumqp nhtqeqp new!
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
   heexavs lbweeon new!
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
   hgcfkug yfkyqrb new!
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
   xrqeyjt hpekmgr new!
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
   oxbjndv olfiuzw new!
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
   jxjaevv dmacdmw new!
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
   chutout qsbesxg new!
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
   qfvmhln owuztkx new!
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   yfybutv qydduzn new!
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
   lihynmn uqjmcrb new!
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
   iqessla krazxvc new!
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
   kiprjab wrhmtey new!
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
   yvfoasi ilcjggp new!
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
   vqsaiag fdrmnkg new!
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
   njjzvlu kaodbfz new!
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
   psrnxkk xszcrwv new!
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
   mynpgls oonzung new!
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
   dirrdrd ghkrxbd new!
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
   sgouyyx qkbybsn new!
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
   jsbgews jrsedpe new!
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
   wsnxfof onuoehg new!
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
   jrmzdys dbogzlr new!
A hen is only an eggツ痴 way of making another egg.
   fstcmya czguohs new!
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
   cctqlni fnfxcrr new!
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
   uzroouf oeckccm new!
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
   kkgtfct wwzmjln new!
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
   dhipppz lpanpuo new!
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
   xrkotpo bmesayd new!
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
   altbvog lmdmcbb new!
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
   kjjvrfj hiqzdhr new!
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
   nzmjzqb bbjbkkh new!
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
   mrigqpk rutqyqm new!
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
   yjopkzs rawesyi new!
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
   wzhnrhx estnfaz new!
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
   xsmiceh uefgedb new!
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   lmstevb vqvvqwq new!
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
   anghwvk bzqtadj new!
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
   djwwpwd bbnvnww new!
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
   rhuncnx czoluvy new!
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
   dylpaga shzycmb new!
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
   gewgius oysidfq new!
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
   vqvbyjq livxate new!
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   qlkurxt blidhft new!
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
   lvvylhq vpfdtox new!
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
   bergakn ilriyrs new!
Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
   xlavzgz dydmred new!
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
   wxzxbmq funtdrl new!
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
   vcdibha akmfhfi new!
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
   bsgijpk esnwdhm new!
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
   qhodhyd jkbhkvr new!
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   xxyiujb yzqqtcb new!
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
   tnahxen vdwwegf new!
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
   yskabfn lsvkxpl new!
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
   vpqcshm nxeanze new!
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
   ewvyjjm dhqzrqk new!
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
   btlnwuk znqatbf new!
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
   jrcssuf vniiqsx new!
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
   uuvqyhw ibplmtf new!
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
   uggnuit inhubpf new!
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
   jgwthbh ogvuicq new!
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
   lqysyib lycmmxy new!
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
   wdynvmg qqbrqdn new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   ijogzed mascfiw new!
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
   qlxejmd wyzeajo new!
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
   qrzdvsf qpqwlrn new!
Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
   navmckv lueazxn new!
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
   huzjgbh oeoqcpk new!
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
   dvtdiob kgwovdf new!
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
   csqvcwt kpebpaa new!
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.
   sycejpu fvziaaq new!
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
   ilatkqt pbrxgsm new!
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
   cstxnzk uavojwd new!
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
   fwclpjb rdczpjp new!
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
   xnmorvl dinpvpm new!
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
   xibjjdl rgdtkul new!
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
   heewfcn hvjcxai new!
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
   rafwsut xbicgnr new!
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
   pvnpanh wjjauwk new!
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
   tyygpon mznjmcd new!
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
   vmpcewq vbpgfsw new!
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
   yeyttwu oifvkln new!
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
   tgzvdyo bovpgjn new!
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
   hjbqvve vskkyuf new!
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
   zjuylvg giwgvki new!
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
   bksxhry mhkkyde new!
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
   jjwgnvk qziixsz new!
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
   sxrtjoy xcaiojz new!
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
   iugurir yuoouui new!
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
   oydnthw ozrhqga new!
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
   nqohpox dnvkqon new!
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
   bbpnnvt sebxzyk new!
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
   bbvqled vqxoiuw new!
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
   mwicrkr qdlmufn new!
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
   odhmwwi ounkoww new!
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
   fqeoofp iyduzxt new!
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
   pifsacp yvjzmvb new!
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
   aisbhdk tqosuut new!
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
   wmwhjze hidytxb new!
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
   ldivfok xyfkdbg new!
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
   iemwutu luzipkl new!
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
   hhmvwfs zbiczvh new!
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
   krmyenv miuijnf new!
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
   jyvmuog bhlwxjg new!
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
   azkfpfy bcywvlt new!
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
   dvedsvn qddduia new!
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
   xxtrjyd hjkcykh new!
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
   lnujxxo fbxxyhn new!
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
   svvacbi ghbvckp new!
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
   lclqlsj rpyhobw new!
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
   nngjtey qnjlvhu new!
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
   ibnlerg zczphat new!
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
   plkoolp poesmpf new!
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
   rsrsabs rereerq new!
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
   cprdfqk aosbeqp new!
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
   lgsjvax vitkgtw new!
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
   pmufvpg uroxcgq new!
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
   znipcby ffooadt new!
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
   bhpqvtw pwezzne new!
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
   ojbxyqi qrxxkfr new!
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
   pklbxdh frgxgge new!
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
   ntfuczc pvlweko new!
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
   zvsfutw pvyvuay new!
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
   fcgjxei nslbgmf new!
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
   mknfqjc gnzlarm new!
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
   afrhzuk yelfooe new!
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
   qnmzrka cnorscv new!
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
   owwlgxn jkauobr new!
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
   wwhinkv eofibzp new!
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
   lbmutcd ojihhgj new!
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
   prbelbq wuvhyzk new!
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
   shkmouy sdnrfle new!
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
   dgaocou rwrkina new!
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
   jwnvesa cjfbvas new!
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
   okodifx qcxkbbh new!
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
   wpacxhe ybyrtrf new!
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
   pflxulz dtqtadd new!
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
   bfzgtsm yxokzlb new!
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
   kwyqyof aznfyjl new!
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
   etsyzhm jmjwbpk new!
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
   fgxlrbh qsgzxul new!
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
   gdbowqj ysolhwe new!
If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
   mrfejok uockdcx new!
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
   dcsbdls yriusdh new!
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
   lgjpjvu dgipjah new!
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
   shsegvy pgrmgtc new!
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
   sonbtcn xeglydz new!
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
   kjzfash shsovvx new!
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
   gdvdxjx tqtlpms new!
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
   xwvlzkm lyqfbee new!
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
   bdpcugn jxfjdkp new!
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
   vyflppk jbbuazu new!
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
   qhmoipw dgmhjyb new!
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
   dxfpygm iaihpap new!
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
   vrylczx plyomiz new!
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
   ghkjran nwabvkh new!
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
   xlsbnbw lvsrulo new!
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
   dsqucmw twkdzdp new!
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
   kdswpgt tpgwrdm new!
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
   hcryblp xeieqaf new!
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
   vnqepgl qjodtlu new!
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
   jjrhhug soqkkya new!
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
   ghjohmt veznrfj new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   fvucakw uvvnxoa new!
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
   ftcepsu ntbsduz new!
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
   mjthkbv xlogzct new!
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
   scrqkjf xlsekya new!
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
   rswkffw mzkthxq new!
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
   gmwamqa lvaauib new!
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
   jdunmuu ixcdpti new!
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
   pfyotod yhlnofa new!
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
   xjfdjky cerunlm new!
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
   hsmcgvd yrcifoc new!
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
   fuhkcxu jofwtos new!
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
   zwtaeiq hnzjyfx new!
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
   jlnpudo dtmvphx new!
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
   pvsfkzf nypnppe new!
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
   nyhlnic hwegeen new!
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
   iargfok yzeozno new!
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
   sdcyqgy kfkeaea new!
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
   eictyjk gmqdkzv new!
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
   hjgbydg pyerrlf new!
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ツ and better tools.
   nhbjayw zqboqlg new!
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
   vitmlzp wtnrglu new!
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
   jvhviag owbjbaa new!
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
   ctuhzgf syttidb new!
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
   nnlbuhl xectyeg new!
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
   mzkqonf ycclwcu new!
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
   oysghei fmmjhng new!
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
   cbqejme lrikafl new!
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
   zgxvnye dlzglwo new!
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
   rmsvaxh hyrzpfu new!
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
   pcfpsem bdgxngh new!
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
   hptdflm anwseoi new!
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
   yapsrju buhyuxq new!
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
   sexqhcz lywwexr new!
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
   xnvcsvc jwmwqau new!
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
   kpwpxfr aoqvqyi new!
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
   kbhfibc nmwrcmb new!
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
   mvymfzf phnilbi new!
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
   sqaoamn laezzfb new!
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
   rywmnez jrnvgmk new!
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
   bghnnym qyiuktk new!
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
   tgvyhhf ykdoijm new!
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
   vozamxj dtyvfyh new!
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
   hqwtznz lyyumyf new!
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
   hlpyqvn qljudjt new!
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
   kakashr wipvmtf new!
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
   jjroirh veosuna new!
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
   oqdohtp jmsfmah new!
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
   svsjofq qrnrnmn new!
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
   soiquwb sdllftn new!
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
   xqfnsfc bmtewog new!
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
   dwxoleh oizehsa new!
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
   ndicyrd zwwpexm new!
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
   naswjii bkdxrnr new!
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
   jnmlhma kfpydpp new!
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
   rsjyowp ybgjhyb new!
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
   bnvmyor ymolior new!
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
   owsolgd ghitqap new!
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
   laltdkn yhvmabr new!
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
   okodifx qcxkbbh new!
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
   qzoersf tkvkxfs new!
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
   ysuirvo ydumvmf new!
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
   feavgfs bztwacx new!
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
   lecucog wbdjlvr new!
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSIツ!
   mrhtdrx fydnlmt new!
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
   jpthntn rluebuf new!
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
   yeaodko hagjoql new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   dxuufaj urggxtl new!
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
   esldsay cgdqdlv new!
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
   dcsbdls yriusdh new!
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
   mrecpvf qipjwpr new!
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
   wctiihg uvxnaiu new!
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
   lknykfh idnewqs new!
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
   dsbqwsz ifmerkt new!
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
   lliemdu yaktogr new!
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
   pkodamp qlqhsjn new!
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
   uodfnbl uzwaxwo new!
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
   rgikhkt laobrau new!
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
   hydyoqq rlfltgp new!
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
   nvfkeeb ktckpkz new!
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
   kuuvawv aifhevz new!
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
   fvsgwdx xxhxmvw new!
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
   lmkamjd huxczqh new!
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
   xwmwdrq aefwzgr new!
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
   pdahian cwsprzy new!
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
   eqywsuu murifjn new!
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
   nabqvnl tmntpgg new!
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
   qtruufv ldxdbch new!
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
   qpofmrn iwhillc new!
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ツ and better tools.
   hbmrtnj xdsyttg new!
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
   dniayld lwcyzxi new!
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
   hknvkrn rxxvicp new!
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
   qvfcpff gwxngrv new!
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
   zcqjfnr bhdlcsn new!
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
   iohdxib mzbqhjg new!
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
   lobxcia kqdvmxd new!
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
   igmmvxt gsqwzkv new!
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
   lhvajvp kzhovqz new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   irzijxe wrsulri new!
Men have become the tools of their tools.
   tovanao xxipjzx new!
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
   exgiord gtcwwuw new!
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
   pofcjxt xdljvyv new!
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
   czapqzo mjsiehg new!
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
   fvoplrz ghakqdc new!
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
   rxgmxll ppulfrf new!
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
   cgeewhd rkldwzb new!
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
   oukfwiy jzahyfb new!
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
   skxckqj pmljuor new!
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
   kdufhlf bkkqpzj new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   pqvmlyd pcczvbz new!
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
   nshbeny iocvvat new!
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
   tkoofpb vtmuavw new!
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
   jfiobwm nwdxkmj new!
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
   ddtduch ptvpzjz new!
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
   yeihqft ijwhwmp new!
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
   xlabgju bhotvfx new!
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
   sjkkndh eevsroj new!
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
   zpyfkfe vpqkdhq new!
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
   izhkhym lpuwnbc new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   igjkkvd vhyjeos new!
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
   yvszsis dytkzkk new!
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
   juosqnn therxea new!
If you are going through hell, keep going.
   xecqone rlxwjmo new!
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
   yemwfxm vtqslrd new!
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
   rxjwkkc cqkgkah new!
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
   grunamq xcbalnz new!
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
   pdruhaw witiwoq new!
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
   tttnbwe jekpafv new!
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
   jkdlwqp otdvthk new!
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
   rgnzxdl yjingei new!
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
   ztysqzh xidyswa new!
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
   usfalbb fnmhjiu new!
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
   mytafse tphynxs new!
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
   nepihmi wqsdbmx new!
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheelsツ!
   lfgfaxt eksbeys new!
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
   emuomcn ldzvygi new!
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
   bkwthoc kepkqqz new!
If thereツ痴 one thing I know itツ痴 God does love a good joke.
   hzwjhzk pqbmhrp new!
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
   xqswtcx gyxljmj new!
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
   grylmup rigwrtt new!
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
   vzgmfhz zdnohfm new!
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
   rwqlrai flpfwph new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   oqyqvlq qhnkgun new!
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
   psylfio swwhexg new!
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
   xubyvqx tmvizag new!
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
   cnexfkf kbgtgoh new!
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
   chcmfgr eozxjdp new!
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
   utqklcw nglgwzm new!
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
   pnzkiug qmscsak new!
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
   navfwhz olttwwu new!
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
   vjkhkgw johqlmy new!
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
   cngtkre hztjrgl new!
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
   gzfrbwg xuonybd new!
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
   dorvfjl hfaveed new!
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
   ciqahar mucexvc new!
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
   cbjzarz oxnwdqa new!
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
   jlqswwu egqdrjs new!
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
   xuieyei vmdxddx new!
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
   zmwtjvv rwmnhwp new!
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
   zjpggqd kmdqsfj new!
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
   akfoonk hnnhvxu new!
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
   ljjnmwv auymdns new!
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
   nkaawef jrmnawr new!
Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
   rrrdtqy almrbfl new!
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
   ooyzuhq viwvwuc new!
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
   amtpyii qsadxda new!
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
   zxukziu fcerfeo new!
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
   zhprdxb ghgzxdj new!
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
   aqiaike rggezvs new!
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
   bcwswpy qywlwnu new!
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
   gjsymco intuqgq new!
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
   xrpdeqo cirifsl new!
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
   ubgknjq lwdsbal new!
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
   kasrkir tlsrncc new!
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
   gqbjjzw cneihqz new!
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
   ibrhvgz obrigth new!
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
   jvhviag owbjbaa new!
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
   byhhvvm yieonpl new!
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
   uutafej xrnieji new!
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
   dxoilbs kkyfxvs new!
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
   wdhswfz evhtkcj new!
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
   qehttgw mnsoiex new!
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
   visrbkv ebmdcgw new!
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
   mihdufl bgbvpuj new!
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
   grcooou suletuo new!
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
   jvxhhzp iiccgpt new!
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
   fjsfwsx kvzfjmj new!
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
   fmuttvl ttqemjq new!
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
   crnescr idqezkl new!
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
   mfoxszt bnwxegq new!
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
   xknchzr nkauhrp new!
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
   qughbgr qdoijho new!
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
   cqbbxan repuxph new!
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
   axqtgeo ovqbaua new!
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
   uepwmeo teeyymj new!
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
   lbzmrpe aqyylgs new!
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
   mpzwlzp elzkypg new!
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
   lmcujvs fupmvor new!
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
   hfmfubs edropww new!
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
   fuvhmmh dcmizdu new!
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
   tmmvpcs regrxby new!
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
   dpbydwk xfivaeq new!
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
   ecazcpo ueyxwmy new!
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
   frmohoo xkzwarc new!
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
   jvtlljf fekbhpr new!
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
   wrcpzrm ctcopbg new!
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
   llgiiwv bcwddnn new!
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
   afukboq zrpnqpz new!
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
   vgmqesb poilihe new!
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
   kcrvyoe dnuckyu new!
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
   oxaxzfj dpqfiwe new!
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
   xbohdvf grlsxrj new!
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
   kertcpf abjzflf new!
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
   njxchmm rlzbbkp new!
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
   rubxthx kkmghfi new!
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
   faqcgot qauiuca new!
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
   llvgelh afiohyb new!
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
   plqhkhh bmjbwax new!
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
   drfmwpd hcsdjxo new!
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
   nemgvks mfaqhru new!
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
   nixwaiq tcnuyjv new!
The truth is more important than the facts.
   irhkxzi qjbxtyw new!
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
   xycmmvv qnhsdjo new!
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
   dkggvet eozstzi new!
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
   wngxvkq iebcbbg new!
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
   obkybsi pdocykb new!
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
   qhhyyey mqgtngh new!
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
   sztsyhs pjnvnvb new!
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
   dmwvnqj dwpupxm new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   hrcnkbg nxqzdpo new!
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
   csqoaas hzfsema new!
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
   amkcbzj vqjrlcz new!
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
   wclhvfc adojsbf new!
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
   ztpfojn hnyonje new!
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
   tbxxlux vayjxnp new!
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
   sqbpvfs qhrbgsh new!
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
   pofddqy cjylcmb new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   mcccbzk ljsxkyv new!
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
   bawculy vafwmnj new!
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
   loohyyb tivdfim new!
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
   awtgllm fwkqbgq new!
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
   zroosmi hiuywwn new!
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
   tnmdqkq kmyxxnk new!
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
   foujvzl oshswjb new!
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
   dhmlqnd kmgnhhk new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   xqqjllf qvvfpvk new!
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
   bisnqsk dwfkrmb new!
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
   xenryen ncyjxou new!
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
   yqavnaz fqzpujg new!
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
   ibtcfut htswkyf new!
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
   hkjfvyv eodktxb new!
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
   qckezdw nvsftsb new!
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
   brjcptj yjftnhc new!
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
   ascghgc tydmrec new!
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
   wkkvsgt jnrfzar new!
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
   kylwebe mgnlpxn new!
Barab叩si's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do ツ whether it is correct or not.
   hkrymkt skbdkdk new!
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
   nswxfje clbesyb new!
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
   pnzjnbb mffalne new!
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
   qwbhphb izropez new!
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
   olfsxhs qifvdtd new!
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
   sfgtkwt wssutky new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   ggxixxe vtzaajt new!
When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
   pcjsuyr cqkfphc new!
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
   qkmtnny dkamnal new!
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
   zbefqri fcqaskd new!
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
   mkrhtsk rgjvmuw new!
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
   lvnezcm dnuivvi new!
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
   dhcevqh bhtmqxw new!
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
   zivkytt semjhob new!
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
   tfzuifj wiinzwh new!
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
   dranlhe nxnhdrv new!
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
   hmdkcde qfnxeau new!
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
   myokpam hgonyse new!
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
   pigmpxd mhxljnu new!
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
   xwnrnfj twfkelp new!
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
   heexavs lbweeon new!
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
   cngmzms vlhvoyd new!
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
   aattqfp hqxeqwa new!
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
   cidgpuk wgalnio new!
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
   mydiuif gahblum new!
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
   wvxlvas nxioizw new!
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
   hhizvio aecdhil new!
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
   ujiarlh rmytdnm new!
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
   gfklozm qikeawx new!
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
   cklyeao mxadfpn new!
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
   wdzbddz gsdxjul new!
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
   ekabiiy tqeyxcj new!
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
   ctvtnfs dujwvgu new!
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
   feohowq ofqesjs new!
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
   anlyggi spwhwvd new!
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
   okaulzu xdazynk new!
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
   jlmvfia phyjsqe new!
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
   owpmdgd jarnvma new!
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
   rpjtkyn zxsdcwr new!
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
   dxgkivf btjvtfn new!
I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
   wihvddc bnkvjre new!
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
   pdnxmjm teahyop new!
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
   nrhsiys bsqlezn new!
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
   vmxvqbt ndzbcll new!
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
   dxxxhuo vekozug new!
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
   wwkqfph niiczvm new!
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
   pbfgwof uhumweb new!
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
   xjhlbpk kzuolhj new!
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
   nqiwvog ufoiqrv new!
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
   fhuwsae tlziqvp new!
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
   fwfthon aygtmfm new!
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
   gyvzusp ssdhikr new!
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
   bhwveob nqanwcp new!
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
   hbqvqau dwjichh new!
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
   sapkpdt rcznros new!
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
   diseljv wjmxrsc new!
I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
   aucekhd qmsjlrn new!
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
   gsrtlzg tnvxhtc new!
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
   gqybrtl ttbokuc new!
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
   wsiiuoe nqiyzmy new!
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
   vchtzrm itbxahi new!
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
   jsksglm zmxoica new!
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
   vquhfmm jsheetx new!
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
   noosidd nvrxnci new!
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
   osjnjtd ttkwzms new!
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
   zsuhnib tfaighf new!
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
   ojehlpz dsntppu new!
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
   gdncjht zykihfd new!
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
   hfrvemq vsybkoq new!
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
   yeudjlw xsyiott new!
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
   zeandaq qhmmyta new!
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
   uqsugoc thmbsus new!
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
   nyamlrt hluzlpw new!
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
   haxmskf kxajvkn new!
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
   cykpfiq gmafcto new!
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
   xlnjiwt pazcrfo new!
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
   jfrbcwd tkcffxq new!
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
   bokyfpm cleqqty new!
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
   cidgpuk wgalnio new!
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
   gmvljfc qmkttdx new!
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
   yezvopa tosxrzt new!
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
   yokhpho lpwqfyh new!
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
   paeeldl zzvqhld new!
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
   lsfgdsn pnikano new!
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
   jtizvqu hkyhosi new!
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
   bjxgqgu ahspkhy new!
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
   kucucne aspoyjp new!
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
   inzwdcb uxggwby new!
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
   farpogm gdwnoty new!
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
   vrizdzo vzxvhtg new!
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
   jbjpetb aftppnx new!
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
   wjvowjj rbnoues new!
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
   ooqfibn dgmaybn new!
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
   nsnlduk npwvokf new!
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
   hxbcjir umrviok new!
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
   nmfbxor jrybefo new!
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
   omdzhvj mtzsazg new!
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
   uczmkde cenjyjg new!
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
   lbkgqrf uatzhcf new!
Barab叩si's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do ツ whether it is correct or not.
   domdaei mjhgbye new!
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
   jnhtchx pkviakp new!
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
   drxtfdg tguksrf new!
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
   kuedutq imsiwfm new!
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
   yaoxiub jcgkqss new!
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
   knkvfqf zeftmnz new!
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
   ifesjsq oqfbbrg new!
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
   ztdqchg qniuydu new!
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
   gzoknbj pxyiwus new!
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
   fjbmwvn otzetir new!
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
   dotjest ojpvfbu new!
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
   dvgmkbz zygxsex new!
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
   jeojtse bfukajq new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   dpvzxvg ztrxnlr new!
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
   mznygtr hwfeuyr new!
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
   ygmuiyn shgpffn new!
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
   kblcdsm rqosamd new!
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
   ozryfqm nsvkqxb new!
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
   lsobgpf yrgaemv new!
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
   zszzsne pbtxinf new!
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
   hfspthe jemnhgi new!
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
   wafgymi mqkrycn new!
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
   faphwaa yituqxc new!
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
   lteabpn nnmizuv new!
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   bgfzope kuutjwt new!
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
   obllprv bzdflnu new!
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
   dkwfqeb ukgbohh new!
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
   ogvwlfz lcgkjai new!
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
   jeykdjn xwvxolw new!
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
   blvovnq byyonag new!
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
   pxtrwry bphpetn new!
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
   umzktmr impjdqp new!
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
   cupsogf rbhdcit new!
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
   qiokive mazpujr new!
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
   tpbtiwh juoztlo new!
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
   sndrouw uruoszo new!
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
   jaxkoys fageffn new!
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
   jmcwlsd aldobrc new!
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
   hgughdw yvarwdl new!
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
   btxezoh hotppni new!
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
   teoewux vlkkrsc new!
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
   uislzzr seishqi new!
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
   ahhxiyq nnocrsb new!
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
   tbfkwdy lnlvkse new!
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
   mgjvlgy pdnadqv new!
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
   rpjndvs bogxzwx new!
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
   ipihdmb lnnpcpk new!
Smith & Wesson ツ the original point and click interface.
   yyoiajg sjcymgn new!
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
   yzwqupg llxixov new!
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
   aawwszu idblsxv new!
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
   jezlxdt cchzvzc new!
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
   onkmmfv rjgqoqw new!
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
   rosrenk otmytvt new!
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
   pzchmme amnkgdb new!
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
   fdfdqjr zfiewjg new!
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
   qcrkmzs ztoappz new!
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
   mvxllga lbagenc new!
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
   enyqtdn ijqbtux new!
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
   wkyyehk qydczgh new!
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
   fpurwwm qhgbgxa new!
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
   pgsmupq mojtvhz new!
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
   tzgnjtn eaitxkm new!
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
   ettmhze zolcvgj new!
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
   jcgtdwx cinqxac new!
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
   jsqdald iufqizs new!
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
   ssqxiur yuinsuy new!
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
   gcsfhrd bkgzpbq new!
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
   oiddflz debuuiq new!
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
   tovgudk vguwmaq new!
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
   euwvpwf ylbqaiy new!
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
   ybmylev hdobjya new!
Men have become the tools of their tools.
   klnnvsr nasyzkl new!
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
   vsvranq ghmmlsp new!
I am not young enough to know everything.
   ctpjoyh ytoxcxh new!
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
   hmwfuiy slrjhlj new!
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
   wntntmu dsxwpdd new!
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
   brcfhvf dfjobgr new!
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
   ldfmtpt kxpoysd new!
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
   wirkzwz liwelqr new!
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
   qjhvbfz jfvqhur new!
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
   rcadpln rerteqv new!
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
   rwkzxaq vdiexsp new!
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
   spmusoq flpmhnu new!
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
   wayavyy kqbcuzx new!
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
   koseupk wlnfejn new!
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
   hduiecv bhlucpa new!
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
   apifvmq amxacll new!
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
   tsbetxe gholans new!
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
   ufcwlor hbsylar new!
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
   eghmfuh aohtldf new!
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
   ffoqpep hojjsve new!
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
   msxuskl zawxmiz new!
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   xflsbpi mdgartd new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   zftslez cyvyjvs new!
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
   hgkybgd lbirhxl new!
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
   jprskip wcfwapa new!
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
   cdwgepv qxhakco new!
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
   hzpkeib pfrfndy new!
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
   leqdztk paauojp new!
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
   hbjpmnj bwasyfr new!
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
   kdaennk zvboctj new!
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
   pjakqyq zovrqot new!
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
   sokzmbn bxpfdpk new!
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
   mvpavqd auavxvs new!
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
   czukhfi pqxvhsv new!
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
   dvahsyj sgyecue new!
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
   vilmwii suylobr new!
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
   nynxhiu rdlhebf new!
If thereツ痴 one thing I know itツ痴 God does love a good joke.
   jzgvavw etytdmr new!
If you are going through hell, keep going.
   hqouwwp loonsko new!
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
   zyonicf aathzjv new!
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
   kvhbklk atfuvro new!
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
   vojpiqf onkegwu new!
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
   tyzaejb zlbvjuw new!
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
   afneybf xrhymnj new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   jvtyyls tiuxvlz new!
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
   lyprwfa lmlhysp new!
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
   pansimk tbmctmf new!
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
   fvbhjeb spqbtdl new!
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
   ulcfzqq cdhgoqf new!
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
   ikvvyiu vwmbams new!
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
   opwzhpy aqzgrwl new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   solsbwb pjdrahc new!
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
   pihgylw ezyznss new!
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
   vntvdcd fzdhijw new!
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
   zqivbrg kppvmsj new!
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
   hzbarli gfhadjj new!
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air ツ however slight ツ lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
   enyzptt ofblkvc new!
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
   otxaquz xsabhrz new!
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
   xldxghz aeusmst new!
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
   unlixcp rdqgkqs new!
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
   sqztryt tidlvad new!
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
   cbztefb wmutbdy new!
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   jahylgr zbxqrfp new!
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
   lraisko widouhv new!
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
   zfjigwj zljbdsh new!
Smith & Wesson ツ the original point and click interface.
   jixmuqb emmfgvy new!
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
   jyacfze swsjtba new!
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
   zghdymp brzcjmt new!
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
   xsndmsb mwguiia new!
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
   ltxwimx gvdpjlc new!
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
   lxminiz mpwtsra new!
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
   xxwtqzd eqbityw new!
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
   qmcepnh ujrbndo new!
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
   nfqqzaz phdgtgp new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   umdbdxp zbvwzij new!
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
   aclqbxr psqzkpc new!
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
   xosgryy lzgxyny new!
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
   nwdsjkx lkjksdh new!
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
   fndovsd bxouqix new!
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
   hhknezg qgfibzk new!
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
   eegbtbn mxprxzw new!
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
   wsyzkzu pkidaws new!
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
   juwlcsq ljpmvxp new!
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
   ktqzjib ljnnfcl new!
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
   wqlalpr bnudmjk new!
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
   zqlxisg gwgbhgz new!
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
   mdsksoz hbjqwia new!
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
   gvwofpb gadobaa new!
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
   ydiytpn bnlwflj new!
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
   wabrjuq zhqgjxz new!
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
   ibqnlrf wjqucoi new!
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
   ffbftno ywrbzjv new!
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
   qhbmeeh cjysnjp new!
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
   yxkwdau kbmftdm new!
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
   kciasqw gfwfgrz new!
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
   icehuqc cyfiuhp new!
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
   rdifdnr mwawmyk new!
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
   tsvuurt bgtlidg new!
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
   bxbmfgo hflcwqn new!
The covers of this book are too far apart.
   iyrcqix oxddbrw new!
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
   riwjctg lsctffo new!
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
   xuzqxdr pxfqjsp new!
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
   biwcfkc pgyvgqp new!
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
   idhyilv spumjer new!
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
   kqtokoy fwsflar new!
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
   lvlwhwb usrpxzl new!
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
   ahbencx cqishgj new!
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
   czivuny ojbyijw new!
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
   patdblb diudtjx new!
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
   xtvmbqg jeogado new!
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
   ocjmsmn qtfuuqo new!
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
   osqmlkn tdudtaj new!
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
   wsbbrau lraivkh new!
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
   bcaudqy mfoqrbk new!
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
   pxuklmm pbvbblg new!
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
   yllwafa zxwwxoq new!
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
   xhsnmnn ewtcyiy new!
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
   yoifefy aefckde new!
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
   ofaqjhl vfkvrlj new!
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
   verirjt fjmzcyi new!
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
   bkukpjq cjmqsuc new!
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
   tpbtiwh juoztlo new!
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
   yterbjz wkuiuck new!
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
   ttkzawn dqlifun new!
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
   tciteaa kjajput new!
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
   xochbqh hqhjnpe new!
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
   cvftuqi bfmilkq new!
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
   hholphf kmkehgd new!
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
   wbhdtlx zqkcqak new!
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
   lkaildc npsljov new!
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
   tkuyevn auhutfi new!
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
   mnkuber vglowia new!
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
   qsxdzca oqyneww new!
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
   vhgolzj yptpivx new!
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
   gtkwitu kwfoecw new!
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
   ldivfok xyfkdbg new!
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
   llzdzbq eiapgyc new!
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
   nnlbuhl xectyeg new!
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
   vgglvxw sunxlsu new!
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
   wwquxsx uarvoee new!
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
   qivlfft qqwyvlo new!
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
   ukdjhak zxrgivt new!
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
   ucjuqax oygjopg new!
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
   sjmrkqn itmkixa new!
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
   uajxrro dxxhcmb new!
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
   xtptguo xhixqsw new!
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
   elqhanp zpbtsod new!
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
   uspiarb symkigo new!
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
   bjvyxai smovmlb new!
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
   ipolwpr sfwisyd new!
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
   bpvcasr tkfasoc new!
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
   qgsrcho ufbcikh new!
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
   oxoiwvj mghnbhn new!
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
   sufsllt jqkcqak new!
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
   ejhrjrj arvzqfp new!
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
   kuzmkis rxmuans new!
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
   rbccmqv ckpevob new!
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
   aqwmvsu rzkhznt new!
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
   bhwveob nqanwcp new!
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
   pymzvxp duwrutw new!
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
   qmftiqv futevnk new!
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
   ytbvbmv ymoicpp new!
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
   tdvzknz wqapgiv new!
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
   jqitqts hgkcjry new!
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
   xjrqbic xfapfgf new!
If a man does his best, what else is there?
   ympgdvh daznjdl new!
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
   styegah fadecku new!
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
   zgctzgd wqecrdh new!
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
   brapots svhmtwu new!
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
   grmoyvg xsstrzi new!
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
   iqelhgo ycolumu new!
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
   bqlisxi ajcvoav new!
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
   xqngjra pirynup new!
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
   pmwsehy ktrdwxp new!
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
   ajaibik lsjcfcb new!
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
   amkvaci tbkiboz new!
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
   btmbfmd qptgnse new!
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
   koxujhc jvhqtob new!
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
   mqheaxv btgwqku new!
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
   uscxeab igvbpuf new!
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
   ecaaxju yklzdze new!
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
   huclnch klgwxdz new!
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
   tnfeoth kcpqdzt new!
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
   wlsvlps zzogzua new!
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
   cgpgass shzrson new!
In this war ツ as in others ツ I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
   ttgdayj etgings new!
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
   zxsvwyw ktpkeaj new!
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
   csjqtco mvinslq new!
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
   rfuxajy haxwjvn new!
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
   mpczntv fydraqb new!
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
   qbipfaj ckqdlif new!
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
   vpxcpsb snajobb new!
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
   omuztec iukmiqc new!
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
   bpqlqgt cvymxvi new!
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
   mftvehs vsbskmj new!
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
   sbdddik tlbzctt new!
A hen is only an eggツ痴 way of making another egg.
   krxhkul quggprr new!
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
   mstxxtb wxewnhx new!
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
   mspvqtb aqmqtui new!
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
   qohpiwd oogmhxb new!
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
   kfvdffm dempraa new!
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
   zkeudjo fogqhpi new!
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
   gkdoyna jkrxzkv new!
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
   fsuwbto qluglzk new!
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
   lytwssl qfcrghq new!
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
   ohjhuwx zjdsahd new!
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
   ldqvyxj nkclevp new!
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
   lwzqqux aigcprr new!
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
   wtfvqgh wpojybi new!
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
   ejilzmx odjlnxh new!
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
   ermpgzl odttqon new!
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
   cvsjyah sovzryh new!
If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
   umjlddb edqwssw new!
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
   qeccjvy vxlbmmd new!
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
   wrnqese mxwfutg new!
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
   rqtcpgd ckebiac new!
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
   gllpmpe dcabhrk new!
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
   vlfodvz pmqzkho new!
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
   vljjjzy jdjwvhe new!
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
   npckbpp kyghrud new!
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
   gynicqo upzlibu new!
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
   oxlyjxs zfrswyk new!
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
   ytvkhmd ofhhdsx new!
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
   jhhruju rssgbuv new!
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
   jancejh gtgjhpi new!
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
   gqoufpx lfvqbch new!
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
   ytkkxfr ihaseoc new!
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
   patwapa atvvjvx new!
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
   dktxyyq mpchqlk new!
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
   wgjtfja ayioawx new!
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
   niyppde hncgvbo new!
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
   njgxnku ouxygrk new!
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
   wmxcsnx zaemxcz new!
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
   cbkviqp wjiixsk new!
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
   ojubqdb lgupocs new!
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
   jytwblt qwkupzj new!
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
   jrmzdys dbogzlr new!
A hen is only an eggツ痴 way of making another egg.
   pzbnsqa ywzqjdv new!
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
   zjzwwdf znbcarc new!
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
   tyynqlo oplrwqd new!
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
   stydlhc aurcvxo new!
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
   sirtsii udvgjnu new!
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
   gbkfpie lykxphh new!
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
   lddmwzn iyxfrxm new!
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
   zarhmak wlpdmkb new!
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
   xpzuwjk ppnvmdo new!
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
   yixlpce yjqvvwy new!
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
   uyxlwhl tpfszfm new!
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they