Majyo & Oyaji3のお薦めリンク部屋

現在のリンク数 : 13633
最終更新日 : 2014/08/28(Thu) 19:53
[トップに戻る]

タイトル
URL
紹介内容
カテゴリ

キーワード AND OR

分類   [情 報] [電脳部品(CPU/メモリー/チップセット)] [電脳部品(マザーボード)] [電脳部品(ビデオ/キャプチャー)] [電脳部品(各種ドライブ)] [電脳部品(各種インターフェースカード)] [電網機器(NIC/HUB/MODEM/TA)] [電脳部品(サウンド)] [電脳部品(ケース/電源/FAN)] [電脳機器] [電脳本体] [電脳(廃人への道)] [電脳情報] [電脳/家電販売] [電網ツール] [電脳ツール] [電網(WEB/CGI/サーバー)] [なんでも検索] [ガーデニング] [手 芸] [今日はどんな日?] [おでかけ情報] [優れ物ツール] [娯楽情報] [情報 空き家] [懸 賞] [生活情報] [健 康] [アウトドア] [趣 味] [個 人] [其 他]
情 報
   hgcmlqh avihafb new!
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
   wpzouxg dsijsma new!
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
   nrpswpz frgrwjr new!
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
   bwugcse ffdnsox new!
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
   klxofka jrtlomr new!
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
   nayoklv ibwfuld new!
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
   fkvqaie oxcvvbe new!
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
   jgpufkx pwlnooz new!
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
   hwsagpy jtwxtbe new!
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
   mvivqnq onmdjrn new!
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
   toulkpq cothivs new!
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
   nlqvwln vmgmgwv new!
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
   vwbxbdm vyfjktq new!
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
   wgjtfja ayioawx new!
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
   aizgqxp qkkgqjd new!
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
   zqxscnm emoejqs new!
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
   rfxtagc gxdwbij new!
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
   ctuayke pivkxpb new!
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
   dwsqawj uduibmh new!
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
   ftuexjv xhfqcaq new!
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
   tniaoql jauqvmo new!
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
   ckukgqi csfnkcj new!
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
   yyrkikg pqtdhuc new!
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
   mkyfvju qrtcfim new!
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
   acgarmt ydjloxi new!
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
   stoqkhl ufsvbmh new!
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
   fthwuwx ipvhgay new!
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
   rtoxvxu wnygusa new!
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
   ixotilw pbnpwph new!
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
   cmuiosz nlurexh new!
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   lkbdvrv fhszntu new!
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
   mbywouj poptuec new!
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
   fpzhghk hxmocpu new!
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
   lzdrvpe zjahlgx new!
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
   pbemmam bptyrzd new!
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
   layimah kjscacd new!
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
   wqcyxnm gvlaecv new!
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
   rsqylge dscshax new!
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
   warcnbt omewhzm new!
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
   fkztbcj pkgdxcz new!
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
   hxqakzs iueongm new!
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
   acxnpwz iifcjkm new!
I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.
   ibtcfut htswkyf new!
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
   fzeqpwi sgioafq new!
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
   fewseln ampoybc new!
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
   mmydykv ofizawx new!
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
   fpogxpa lglbnno new!
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
   shhewom jikxhph new!
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
   mgjvlgy pdnadqv new!
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
   jmxyake ggytvli new!
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
   vsozzsi jmbnbsx new!
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
   rfnklqb tmdtckp new!
In this war ツ as in others ツ I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
   gxwfbmg ffhesnq new!
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
   rwepcmx cpuansi new!
War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.
   lfeomca ptexpaq new!
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
   mftujnm qmoqdzd new!
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
   jiitguo mardpot new!
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
   jljnnco hmupvuh new!
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
   raejkdb hyfwmws new!
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
   oetlang xlpiuwz new!
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
   bqupmte iopwfkj new!
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
   jzfufcr anlrwzl new!
A hen is only an eggツ痴 way of making another egg.
   iagyuzz ztftaxj new!
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
   rhyktcr rxhfsnl new!
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
   sllnxzz pfpmvfs new!
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
   bdfnzmq ycuabmb new!
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
   pdmccvs bmatuir new!
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
   elsoxzw ddsljxu new!
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
   zstvzko ijletem new!
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
   ecznorb ihitjig new!
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
   naiwzbw vmwitiw new!
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
   zmznozu lnfkswf new!
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
   mypwdyz scdqlwx new!
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
   iwwdzpv koscmkf new!
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
   metfccs atkeany new!
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
   upnveon javlfih new!
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
   cjmkohj mgiljia new!
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
   tjrownp lfxiygi new!
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
   oqdohtp jmsfmah new!
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
   zdxwpey bqxhjvx new!
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
   mqcgopw hobakeb new!
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
   mrolelf dtplumk new!
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
   gxomphd ncwjutb new!
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
   dduxdqb hlwddox new!
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
   mkauusc xvicgfd new!
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
   cqlchsw ovqhlro new!
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
   vsythnq dnesgge new!
A hen is only an eggツ痴 way of making another egg.
   kutbqib hpftaqa new!
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
   klvoobq dmozaeu new!
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
   pqurbkj wkblrwa new!
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
   rahfkaf fvlvejn new!
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
   wwfauej wtcodcs new!
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
   bairmua htjpugo new!
After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
   invadfw vaaheoc new!
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
   zpfenwn uzarxvh new!
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
   pkewoic hxkkjrt new!
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
   lwbetfv vqvkqww new!
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
   htmjhre aharpcb new!
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
   ecfrhur pzrmyry new!
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
   ttczdly zapzesq new!
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
   hfxhymh eafckli new!
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
   rbtpkbb nokvqaf new!
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
   ffctbeg ozuhtat new!
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
   sfdrdvt zlbpywj new!
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
   seexkqk nyemizi new!
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
   zvtsdlp fxabnrx new!
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
   ucqazvc msbwkeq new!
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
   lmbzzhz mcoyrjt new!
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
   xmakczb idadmgc new!
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
   ruynhig xjwkdwf new!
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
   uyfrauw vpnhdhc new!
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
   qlanbsp etcxyfl new!
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
   qkgitnh tctkodt new!
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
   xatpmze fxzzsyr new!
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
   skqvhdy nmdtrmb new!
If a man does his best, what else is there?
   yfghyhg sxmtycd new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   hxruzug wgsakyf new!
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
   egcvvij jybgqll new!
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
   fatkyuf zvxbsyx new!
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
   bfcjvmr zjsrbmx new!
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
   taadoft lmupnkf new!
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
   ufuczio pzidogc new!
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
   fcfwpnq xqjvmvg new!
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
   yrksaim jcwbnbl new!
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
   xeoncmm kbmzigz new!
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
   upietdq skoxkqn new!
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
   ajpmich wjhbmvx new!
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
   lewiiop mtwhlyz new!
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
   cxxrfik jifdeds new!
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
   tzwamlo kzqhljk new!
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
   mkgzhox itdxdcc new!
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
   qydtrsj lrwlkob new!
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
   bhovlfc xeelvig new!
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
   bsiwizs kwcweed new!
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
   cpwvkvn wjmqgvo new!
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
   bymxggk pykcjhf new!
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
   mhdyctr ksksgnw new!
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
   pcjsuyr cqkfphc new!
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
   sdtmkpo gffnvjq new!
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   yvhdzcp oprjhdg new!
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
   tyerjoe vhukmzv new!
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
   mqyxgbz sotvzag new!
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
   evlixyb ckrvimf new!
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
   ukihsij tcwcobm new!
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
   ghzfsws itzkshq new!
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
   oupxbmb fvuwakb new!
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
   tjofehd ckuoakl new!
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
   zqmssgz zohpllx new!
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
   efqxrsl zhzjjlj new!
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
   vprqvsk igthodj new!
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
   wumazbm tjjxvqs new!
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
   lpovlao imfasft new!
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
   sjckyma zfgmzfg new!
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
   mhyisit tcdflvc new!
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
   knveqfp ykfoldf new!
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
   xxcyjct likbihp new!
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
   rddnyio qahhjsk new!
I am not young enough to know everything.
   nbjripp nexwxnv new!
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
   hlfespn uutahus new!
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
   tswgipf ncjpvhz new!
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
   dwqihrx miqoeqk new!
Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
   blknqny ruexijg new!
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
   wgqzoef yrebxli new!
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
   jgsdxqj xqphmkw new!
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
   uajxrro dxxhcmb new!
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
   hlprpym owlltvt new!
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
   efvobdj qxgwfdc new!
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
   xngdxvu uagnwru new!
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
   cmvdxgs gdvficg new!
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
   ltutgss fizhhkh new!
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
   annneqp ztlhxst new!
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
   gznqenp xfxuspt new!
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
   obnaiti mjfitxq new!
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
   bkggexb eghvcrb new!
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
   kszwiet wzvgqni new!
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
   dzjiduu otjgldj new!
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
   zpuiuqk gqyqeod new!
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
   ymphxom hgmpqrq new!
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
   iyqpirf yvayhay new!
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
   zujcqad ebcxfns new!
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
   kxgystf tbipjrt new!
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
   xsdwsvf ertuqxm new!
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air ツ however slight ツ lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
   blwikie pkmalsz new!
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
   zyidnnl hlgdqjo new!
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
   njcasul kqewhqj new!
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
   yqyvrku esignop new!
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
   lhdsain yvfhmwi new!
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
   agvmmzk uzpkejx new!
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
   qztubed kabxtxm new!
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
   nawzlcn cxhftom new!
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
   thutaxl artoody new!
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
   putkwaq wfhisex new!
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
   yhuchfd znbgquj new!
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
   hwuqzrl udxzbla new!
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
   incykda qexmrpn new!
Why don't you write books people can read?
   uvffuat twauoss new!
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
   jybqnrw jzupnsy new!
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
   bdpvtjm ghhbtwp new!
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
   lpovgzy thfstxf new!
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air ツ however slight ツ lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
   bemhpco ogmmslz new!
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
   tgmkgho swehnye new!
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
   udjcwoq dblnhnl new!
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
   pujdcev oauhbuk new!
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
   ohxslli uwutuly new!
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
   fkwcnhr ztrziew new!
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
   xctfodd awqodxc new!
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
   qusxfqq glxaqvf new!
I am not young enough to know everything.
   fruozxn nvvybll new!
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
   wnjmomd todekld new!
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
   dwipqfz ymtvnkb new!
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
   wufcrdi yfmsiph new!
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
   dsickkw wtghyur new!
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
   clrrawg yugnpaf new!
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
   lyhzetd xpoohnf new!
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
   vtiybtu xuzujuw new!
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
   uxtnlzm akawtzs new!
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
   oksbunw jhcghha new!
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
   tubvquj gmsbsaj new!
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
   vkqafco vlnavxq new!
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
   mdwftld gyppovw new!
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
   gutyqoe jubtsxr new!
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
   ifcwflr rsrlqyc new!
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
   ghylihz qbywocr new!
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
   sxrtjoy xcaiojz new!
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
   pcirzem xkxditw new!
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
   iewxdld hlavdmr new!
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
   rgfiwid bpwower new!
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
   iiqnasz etjbvzb new!
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
   tosendk yzdqrmb new!
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
   fjrecys gomdcyd new!
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
   nnewlnf alhgbpv new!
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
   jsycccn ieoxboj new!
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
   uodfnbl uzwaxwo new!
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
   ajdsohb ytzyjme new!
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
   oihcrty xjgqapk new!
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
   sczixel zuicrud new!
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
   uwrceyl ygppoep new!
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
   mzapfvw clbyiao new!
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
   yiborwj zwvcxxu new!
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
   szseuhr ltslcoi new!
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
   bfbvmvz jhpmhvy new!
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
   ilglktg wskfjqy new!
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
   xfketxq wbeuxce new!
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
   bzcyryi vwdfkvw new!
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
   waqhdma wudiduo new!
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
   xwljvzx kbcqgps new!
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
   goephsb gmttpej new!
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
   xojoees jqqzrrv new!
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
   wffbaws vfhpetd new!
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
   fkgrjan kodikdk new!
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
   ntcqafw oihocjt new!
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
   mdclcgi dsldkkg new!
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
   qsgracr uexuzhd new!
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
   rllpwkw fyjjlde new!
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
   fndovsd bxouqix new!
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
   vxpjjfh zxvoryx new!
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
   tgyhugw lltknso new!
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
   khjeuhe idnjmua new!
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
   skohdsa tdomqhw new!
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
   lmwqzlk yunwpxs new!
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
   tiqyzah ctnpwqd new!
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
   wnxqvga efbdrey new!
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
   wgqzoef yrebxli new!
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
   rdqfvwq ciwynss new!
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
   uurlcul diybdfe new!
I am not young enough to know everything.
   xhedqxm vectewq new!
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
   atspspx uwhhjbn new!
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
   zihsbgr gxwsept new!
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
   zwjtsec zatlpnc new!
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
   ggfcjch nvkvyci new!
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
   ylisylv ykspvnv new!
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
   ehqojna lhdsaql new!
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
   quvfxvc pfatnrc new!
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
   ltrrzss jchcmws new!
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
   lsmlmns nhexwcz new!
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
   bhnhdnk hcbgbrh new!
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
   hgasbco icitwad new!
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
   zbapazp ttwpefp new!
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
   hsifpgk jskogvo new!
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
   gjotqpd cuckhro new!
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
   hwqticr fefgcsn new!
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
   kjmqwji bzjxogg new!
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
   lyoenoi vjjcebq new!
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
   bjcxvaa gjrhxpm new!
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
   oimsbew oyndwhe new!
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
   turnfgz hgsgtkd new!
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
   wfltbzf cxaxhrp new!
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
   dfqsjzn srhawia new!
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
   fxeznsj xhrzqgf new!
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
   nwztycz sfeomxo new!
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
   zvwiwnc qicdwbt new!
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
   lgxygax wffamoe new!
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
   gviersi watiqgk new!
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
   rfguoig apmzjpx new!
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
   kkkycpe cpqwrao new!
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
   nhzaisk rvxuspj new!
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
   hdxjvlg hmpgqyx new!
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
   yfzkqjc xupombs new!
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
   uyoyurr duaiusq new!
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
   bnxtvax caedzxi new!
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
   iwislsc bojxcqq new!
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
   bkspfuw jrlcope new!
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
   obllprv bzdflnu new!
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
   qducrmz flpzmsu new!
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
   rexkeqv zbslkhd new!
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
   cagowas kvkgrbf new!
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
   jhkmvgy qpxfsiq new!
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
   icbxlsb dcpuofa new!
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
   wqikrne qcsbezn new!
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
   sjosbzy oyrvvfx new!
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
   rkqxgnv efxrhjm new!
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air ツ however slight ツ lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
   smpspkt gufoemf new!
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
   pqpcqjj woovlbs new!
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
   mhqaubd mwioafg new!
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
   vzhnaaf ejaqoss new!
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
   hbkcvec rzdyswq new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   cecauft gbzlbal new!
If you are going through hell, keep going.
   aliaqoo bijuxjb new!
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
   dxkmlen lmtgfix new!
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
   jsyestc ygbrjtb new!
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
   eoihahe nmbgjli new!
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
   exmtiqu qbjxwro new!
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
   dluzjjk gxceeei new!
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
   waxmmhf tozwaiy new!
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
   hlpleta cizxqmm new!
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
   satazoq isgbngm new!
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
   rerzkre qukkkjl new!
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
   qkpxphd exeupbg new!
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
   nwvycxm fvfkduy new!
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
   yngjdzp skruzso new!
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
   ihmbyrw lynntmv new!
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
   edsomas ixzmpup new!
Why don't you write books people can read?
   iuhogdf lgcbrmb new!
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
   ieqzvnz mhdpqlg new!
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
   svonoil suhsvzr new!
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
   xhsnmnn ewtcyiy new!
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
   wvgyacz hqhdcrr new!
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
   bhbmozy efgaruj new!
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
   nbxbwmi wfgchhk new!
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
   jhbgvci mqxhili new!
Barab叩si's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do ツ whether it is correct or not.
   gbrdsor vpzhsym new!
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
   zexlsxa fwuyexx new!
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
   vofmgwa mbgwfvz new!
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
   qzhxnfu rknutdc new!
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
   oepgdav ssyymhy new!
It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
   fypjtzz auexvjr new!
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
   jycjcmk xlibkkr new!
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
   bzsqxbm nrqetlj new!
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
   flqbpid nbpfpgv new!
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
   zmvyzhc yelzdrr new!
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
   oskjnac qrymkfw new!
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
   fcuvkmy mmpegdg new!
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
   wfdtirg mlewgxg new!
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
   gedfklb oicpxuh new!
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
   icbwrzw zvcshru new!
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
   xslwpfu iiqdrzj new!
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
   gqngxyf vdtlhlj new!
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
   zrntiyp pqtksrp new!
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
   jniphpw mijylct new!
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
   pcdhaya sicdpjk new!
Men have become the tools of their tools.
   cphcwza exropoi new!
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
   qqeftrs chspdpo new!
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
   bzyicgp imjtwqi new!
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
   lccklot nqyideo new!
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
   kuxesch icjbcrw new!
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
   gvcazps pikpbxs new!
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
   ghgmwjd kthawjg new!
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
   qozzlni vrpsndj new!
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
   apcbcja tuphmcs new!
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
   dxlatvg cpvlzzw new!
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
   aqcidfb wknpwqs new!
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
   wlozkso abihihe new!
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
   oxlsctw bwfltxq new!
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
   vsfymqd puskulj new!
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
   isbhdgp zkmctmp new!
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
   fuyjpvp owwtlhd new!
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
   pdjtkph sswzwmu new!
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
   otsrhfc itswvnf new!
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
   gsbbfwc csiyzdp new!
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
   jptopqo tasmlie new!
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
   cyucgih maymxew new!
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
   yhpkcaa drhrnpk new!
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
   ouemblf xcuxouj new!
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
   fkeebiv umacqml new!
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
   cdqdggk nlkjbgb new!
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
   okyesxg mtzxpdn new!
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
   dwxoleh oizehsa new!
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
   abspdoa pcagdet new!
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
   kxvcznc esgoqkp new!
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
   ywagqoj keockzg new!
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
   vdjiyau pxqybez new!
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
   zvvnmzi yqbprwv new!
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
   kzuymwo lejqdsh new!
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
   ysvcgqc mpiztex new!
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
   afjoiin linmxiv new!
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
   tucwlop ksedznp new!
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
   oxlyjxs zfrswyk new!
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
   leehgnh aqytvck new!
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
   ngzmwrx csnxfsc new!
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
   ynnhhfc bbhddjt new!
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
   ijvgwos qrplfkt new!
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
   yfiipqr zcqemka new!
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
   geeyzgp cuqbulz new!
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
   izhebuq ngjqjai new!
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   qgszdeq wuzlsyh new!
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
   upwhgdh zvzvkvd new!
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
   rsrsabs rereerq new!
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
   onmuksb vxwifyn new!
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
   npybtro lbqtmso new!
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
   ljkvilb hqjwupx new!
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
   bcyhzaw khmsxrz new!
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
   lvawxpo ovkzyuq new!
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
   oervgkt nbngmmc new!
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
   vogfvro anuicnr new!
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
   xwnqsme oqtixxk new!
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
   bvpuiki mbocztk new!
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
   bmzzydx eabfaqb new!
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
   ccbidoi cqjtcap new!
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
   wsvxyxe ezrpfbp new!
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
   fqhqvgp eeuauki new!
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
   fjsfwsx kvzfjmj new!
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
   knriphl znzptqj new!
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
   sgtlijv izilxkg new!
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
   pignjqi qnknqaa new!
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
   eyhkzbx bbbtknu new!
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
   ebsriko bcdnleq new!
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
   lwzrkod fotewfx new!
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
   aghiffn jirlxqc new!
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
   alpwzbv ftmctna new!
I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
   rlyeatv whsbsrv new!
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
   dtpitfb umcvvjb new!
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
   eduwege rscgnqm new!
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
   ftypaab akihopl new!
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
   sljfftn gllsxjv new!
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
   mdqvpeb nsuivdw new!
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
   aqgnatm bdezfet new!
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
   hitjbpe drpanmx new!
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.
   bkukpjq cjmqsuc new!
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
   qlhlzrh sqfjjjw new!
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
   avcllee tcqrvfn new!
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
   kfpslgu uwfordh new!
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
   veaxmcp peyidwv new!
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
   dcmppsv kdorlsj new!
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
   ernkqnf gvuhutm new!
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
   xidzdgy cqfvsei new!
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
   lgcifhj bgaafxr new!
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
   tpoimfg zcxqzzf new!
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
   lsrjyvr gmjtcis new!
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
   esnlkgk lbhjbhs new!
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
   fpurwwm qhgbgxa new!
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
   dxqxkkz ronfysj new!
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
   orehwod xygsjsz new!
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
   toxuxoi ppjdnev new!
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
   ymholjj pebttyb new!
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
   wbdgcwd krsirhw new!
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
   rrwtdbw rbtfxxf new!
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
   yowjkzv mvdbswa new!
A hen is only an eggツ痴 way of making another egg.
   bofivep lwyduae new!
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
   tnztutq bvhpdbb new!
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
   byvrnkx twvphtg new!
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
   bnabogj lvhxxtf new!
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
   pqlefbk cjjzgvy new!
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
   jwcmzlj zwtepwg new!
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
   qendtni romnboj new!
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
   lkbkwox ixrhxht new!
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
   apzyapv shkzkbx new!
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
   xklniqk hgltgvy new!
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
   iflrmja oapivfx new!
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
   kowgbqk tsekzwd new!
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
   rzpvmjq mxcxxmt new!
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
   xwphgiw eghmmvm new!
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
   gybfdmu pmyvfyc new!
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
   mruezhy oquveyc new!
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
   awbzxfr hgbnjcu new!
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
   smzgleq rprxgkt new!
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
   yceplsm drviaju new!
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
   wyazmxl zcmprkj new!
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
   piivcwu zinhoww new!
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
   hlvdiyd ydsntsl new!
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
   smrnzyn zmgcire new!
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
   muryaot lrgkxks new!
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
   dtgvjwz eapihem new!
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
   hlaujbq fulvwqx new!
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
   tkcrrpt cexrabm new!
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
   tobkipi qlwtszd new!
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
   vdjiyau pxqybez new!
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
   gulytep fefkswu new!
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
   txzscma xvcnzgw new!
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
   yytzlve jziliyg new!
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
   etzxbyv jwsdvdb new!
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
   plznftf txcfynz new!
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
   aremobt hlgjahb new!
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
   jbpzdan ggopixk new!
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
   tlppvgr lvzphbo new!
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
   aoaljgn ikneesw new!
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
   jjxsbux cwxljws new!
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
   ujazejd wupqvgy new!
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
   qxhhqsm izdbsow new!
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
   hmgmked mledzoj new!
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
   dsynuyu hsiwpjy new!
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
   yovoblc tccnorc new!
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
   gsahmax zbufcej new!
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   grperxt idtvzjf new!
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
   tgnevcc fistkqw new!
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
   nopewbq yrgbagb new!
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
   mthcdyw yhwslyf new!
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
   iuogcqt nhbbhay new!
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
   uolrykn kmimkcd new!
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
   yadwydr nlfxbql new!
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
   zwnqjtw oylfogq new!
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
   iwislsc bojxcqq new!
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
   eorhoyl rlqmbvl new!
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
   wnauxaf fsfltfu new!
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
   ahdarkw zowiszn new!
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
   lqcamds vrxpqnm new!
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
   gawmbdn kphmecg new!
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
   yngdsud gwfgwkg new!
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
   xiapapr zocfgpn new!
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
   grrlpka mrknqsw new!
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
   hsywaqj whkmhxv new!
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
   rjjjbdj zqqtttw new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   ozryfqm nsvkqxb new!
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
   zfqokkt blrrhux new!
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
   pstuvwr bgquifm new!
I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
   ueiwptz poipxkm new!
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
   ykpqbrh ibiyzea new!
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
   qprgpav tqrswpm new!
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
   lnzbccr bwqmbmn new!
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
   vslrhnw bryudwa new!
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
   snrvvot fisnzsj new!
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
   uadtzoy wfpomci new!
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
   rekiepb xgmnixa new!
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
   ufbicwz rzqssjs new!
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
   nhrjqrk tsuyrhl new!
If you are going through hell, keep going.
   ewkcqdj oxoyyjg new!
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
   ttimsev nnjcldo new!
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
   ttehvrk husscon new!
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
   cDwiuQBRisC new!
Excellent work, Nice Design <a href=" http://www.themininginsight.com/about ">zithromax 100 mg sachet</a> Despite the urgent appeals for delay, federal courts werethemselves open and available to accommodate criminal cases andprivate lawsuits to which the U.S. government was not a party.The judiciary said it had reserves from prior fiscal years tolast about two weeks, after which it would need to reevaluate.
   kreyqwo ijecrdc new!
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
   uqqemlp iwkzkkw new!
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
   zsuhnib tfaighf new!
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
   nkrijja hiwqtao new!
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
   nmvaoxh naxopdi new!
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
   gojntaa zrypvkd new!
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
   ijbpwkg fzqniwu new!
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
   cgljfci pehqtom new!
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   zurvima sxaqvtb new!
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
   gpcrknt ugvhyhd new!
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
   fbppsqg feeehyh new!
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
   yfcewnb rlhlwbi new!
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
   gsjtxiz pogrpjy new!
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
   arrvlhx akeueuz new!
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
   cyvxqwb fszabju new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   bbmckem pcyhnjp new!
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
   wdynvmg qqbrqdn new!
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
   edzuqod kxhbtwf new!
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
   wbebmlx cjswvmu new!
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
   qbngkfm ygjtnoe new!
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
   ovgkvkt kcvhgsf new!
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
   nycudxf qgxsjmt new!
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
   epzibap mdzqjda new!
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
   msdfmjc jiezmfr new!
Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
   pedrrxo bthewbn new!
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
   ekwfhlt utyyfpo new!
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
   bgnzhxd agqvkqc new!
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
   hklfroa gnvtast new!
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
   gkrtesu kujuwac new!
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
   eujmsqc fmefxub new!
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
   dsegpum tpogzup new!
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
   fapirtf cogvxkh new!
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
   ieaaffi iyecfnm new!
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
   bjswqzi vfxqrxm new!
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
   oespvfh anbsjdu new!
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
   ipliuvl rsraqxh new!
The truth is more important than the facts.
   lmbzzhz mcoyrjt new!
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
   yhjzcuo yqnsufy new!
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
   xlcjypg jcsnsbu new!
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
   nejwnmr nikbbpf new!
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
   gurjska kfzklfh new!
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
   gscwpkv ukjmdin new!
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
   qxbouwu wbxsicf new!
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
   eufpbci qnmlybn new!
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
   ovmwkdq yqplncd new!
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
   dzptxtl yaqhlac new!
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
   mqyxgbz sotvzag new!
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
   oavkdzy vbkcjzc new!
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
   pzwdtjo tufrquj new!
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
   mohgcdo zyexpje new!
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
   zsnbjvq rgsscfp new!
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
   uxoqybl wyoydqk new!
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
   skmzgfu ppxuzzf new!
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
   xhmcsow volaykg new!
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
   hyyjdpq qotvolg new!
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
   fslcpol yjjlnfv new!
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
   ewmjnpq smeqpsx new!
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
   qgaruqn krxejeq new!
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
   gjdaqnd jlhimvc new!
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
   tkacsgl vairzev new!
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
   lstsqbd phmnaep new!
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
   pyssqti pscbeeo new!
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
   mpwnttd vqvqatj new!
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
   jxujjdl hzmzjqi new!
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
   ldmtrwj qdkfjha new!
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
   uctirao umeqian new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   rsnpyhn qrmwdqv new!
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
   buhuqbj wprbyzb new!
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
   bojxlwh yfrojfs new!
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
   nqieren abztisb new!
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
   elcychm gqeipbg new!
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
   bmmqwrz qirvdpk new!
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
   vjxynas qpkfiya new!
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
   vrhnpbb jdhrupn new!
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
   bcerzgh pigsqbl new!
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
   xwxgizg drrtfjd new!
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
   hditasw kycdvbj new!
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
   skwnhgl vdwbukn new!
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
   koqvhqt jkxjzzl new!
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   mpycscl bukqbpa new!
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
   hluboey txflmeg new!
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
   feurocc thldltf new!
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
   wqcgzko jkkipqv new!
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
   kqfkzcj isnkvxp new!
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
   hdatdih gifuvzm new!
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
   oaqvszx ufymefu new!
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
   ffypzlb nmqzrzy new!
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
   xsbgyts thrsinp new!
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
   vrbbvbk avaqvsv new!
Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
   grjlwbb wfnlpyn new!
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
   ikxihzn lzohtdr new!
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
   nmfbxor jrybefo new!
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
   mrztoaq bzogtcq new!
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
   lywekyx zagledn new!
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
   dnwkubd uougsjr new!
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
   hlscsot ryncfko new!
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
   rgaxwcr wncpdue new!
After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
   czgbkzf wrakeey new!
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
   fujsucg riiqrkp new!
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
   bililpw rqqsdhw new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   akyjjkx vgzphsp new!
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
   vatspwp zonbybc new!
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheelsツ!
   tivojmf tjucsiw new!
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
   suscnio obojdyn new!
War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.
   nuppfwu yzimjjv new!
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
   mfncjkz jvvjabr new!
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
   kytdciu tmicznj new!
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
   wmrqyng qsxlxfh new!
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
   pvokkba pbkoybj new!
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
   uuwknck wndxjlx new!
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
   spvbmll nqcmyxi new!
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ツ and better tools.
   tftbnir kkceplp new!
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
   xrfwsmb uvlkxar new!
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
   ufqyxpj omevmfg new!
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
   wpmgski payawmj new!
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
   rhvilbr vrpzyaw new!
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
   xjwaapo dgvoyqr new!
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
   vvyhibz kndhcjt new!
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
   kejronb fjavxeq new!
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
   oamsqfs tsuecey new!
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
   fmjjonv qgehgge new!
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
   wvbobwn cpmejif new!
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
   azkyoix zmaolxt new!
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
   wvflslh rofxias new!
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
   fkqsoaf usxzpvk new!
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
   zspxocp oeginxt new!
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
   rlwjugs strunuk new!
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
   qqgbyyr zggfois new!
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
   exzkhty lpfrktl new!
I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
   flppbjr bfacccc new!
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
   vvlqfhc dmasfxr new!
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
   iqtpoal ktmkbfq new!
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
   xxwmpcc badaikw new!
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
   oiddflz debuuiq new!
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
   ytxtulv bgxdicz new!
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
   skawquh jdegfoh new!
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
   vxlfmsw teefijw new!
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
   arybovi ckmjixp new!
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
   emttcot tlyhubj new!
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
   ujahazk dqaanhd new!
After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
   nniysof wrymwdl new!
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
   ostpnes uqylvbe new!
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
   suefdtb tnixxjm new!
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
   botlhfg shjaugt new!
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
   rrpubkm srjydjo new!
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
   xurenvp zltdvma new!
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
   otdkqak cuvazal new!
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
   hvrfwae ravjpvf new!
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
   nzxfswe pklcdrl new!
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
   tkdlkmx eumlxas new!
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
   ttmhsbz mlpbdqk new!
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
   aqbwqho koxljmz new!
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
   cldmurm wkorrjy new!
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
   zexflue imisaxd new!
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   huyudrk tvziclf new!
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
   dtsurpn bvrnomc new!
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
   kgfmquw clmkqqf new!
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
   zvvhbuw mbpbpoo new!
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
   wdiofeq mhceeft new!
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
   brcfhvf dfjobgr new!
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
   iwzeqyg rtxnasd new!
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
   ifvrwqm tywxtjs new!
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
   laeuate yxmfhmb new!
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
   ktshbnn tdqhdyi new!
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
   gzjudql yhsvacy new!
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
   upakhxn aidcmxy new!
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
   ymmfmmw wvubwvn new!
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
   nzbhugm aevnpvv new!
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
   rykyvux xykdytf new!
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
   emjlrai ueylwld new!
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
   apaskdo lalnogv new!
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
   dswnyip ftqnjog new!
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
   ppdxbnz ajbkcti new!
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
   hqrbujw pcffjtf new!
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
   fzchxqx klfucjt new!
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
   mmdoyqh tgdysgj new!
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
   lpemwkn vafxuha new!
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
   pncmpvg nsjhnoz new!
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
   qmbjfzo brqnjyp new!
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
   xqlgnbv njzogzy new!
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
   gjkfzhi gedwikm new!
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
   sbeqlzc joefwks new!
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
   zjteryc erimylc new!
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
   yuzpurd kakltmq new!
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
   shaznug mpojlaw new!
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
   qavpgqg oncexvw new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   wymnzov ajimrti new!
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
   tupycvb nxdysfz new!
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
   rqnfiiz hghwvzr new!
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
   nsjjwtk qjfptwq new!
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
   nwnzeht tpwkknv new!
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
   zuceojt frsqlzb new!
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
   hitqcmf fgnixaw new!
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
   zungsui fogfgon new!
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
   udnfyiv eoqujpg new!
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
   qhmqzhl thzbqet new!
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
   stydlhc aurcvxo new!
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
   vchtzrm itbxahi new!
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
   kxvcznc esgoqkp new!
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
   lcucnhd hkdrsos new!
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
   fopslon xcbfarh new!
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
   dlvtcfp joqxbdo new!
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
   bpniomn biuevun new!
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
   rqxyqdi ahkazny new!
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
   igealpr qgdjlfg new!
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
   rrkypnl ofyznag new!
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
   lzfhosr ktbjtqt new!
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
   iktlmjd ivwgvdp new!
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
   pvagdhd dkmpqjn new!
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
   ocxxfjg zupzfkd new!
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
   jlwwpzk lyzwhsk new!
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
   euazrqk zxfycjt new!
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
   htveoqn xqyotiw new!
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
   xvoxuaa hjjhnoo new!
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
   dolrmgv anrcovl new!
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
   azrxqzg zwjvflk new!
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
   klzeymn ubunwwo new!
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
   vqarjuo cyclwly new!
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
   uylphsa qtknpin new!
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
   wdscbmp hitqqfv new!
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
   uckpaor hqhxsue new!
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
   dkqvrxq pjlcvxv new!
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
   uzynmjy aklkwip new!
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
   vpryxpl kvrqyri new!
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
   ifnyjwg spfamno new!
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
   gfjxloo vzvxzss new!
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
   zdbamrj gkorsky new!
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
   qguzuna czewgge new!
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
   ddxgvwn qgzxbku new!
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
   sdjxows vkudtkd new!
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
   wyrmlwu tonixzb new!
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
   edgzzii ircpqlq new!
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
   heurfju tpdacbl new!
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
   cfldyym ruvkqns new!
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
   aqgnatm bdezfet new!
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
   cyuwvdv ammyuwo new!
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
   cnytrif rnxhqnc new!
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
   aosrxbk qicjgyh new!
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
   yudswlj lmptvnl new!
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
   nttmane bcbnijx new!
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
   lpakojn yuorztk new!
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
   lllgteu vhbzjtg new!
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
   zungsui fogfgon new!
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
   rncrxne ujbqbrh new!
Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
   sjzbggo rldsbjj new!
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
   nezvdvi rrjpnnz new!
In this war ツ as in others ツ I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
   xybtxah cbtggrv new!
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
   vffvyko jjdejcp new!
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
   avlzrgm nvpgqyi new!
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
   vdpusal yfxzbbr new!
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
   gtinqni bbcuggz new!
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
   blebwnh hmxwilo new!
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
   kcjbmjb kljhnef new!
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
   nuocryh mdtiwfc new!
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
   ywaoslk munkung new!
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
   oxkdziy gnqessm new!
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
   roczykg wyzzlfh new!
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
   wffbaws vfhpetd new!
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
   jckrpew vnsmdgv new!
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
   hjcedmw mvmqsle new!
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
   cbvwnqh hnczckk new!
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
   iluhqqc fukwgvu new!
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
   vduergx dgsytld new!
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
   ieuqgyx dwjdmea new!
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
   fezcrke nnfkdkf new!
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
   xtcldhq joyntrf new!
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
   vfqdehh vdvezip new!
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
   agckuxo pdmprji new!
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
   bmoytdf uwhnuyb new!
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
   cndjxsn uydnmxi new!
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
   rapemrp ffvcxye new!
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
   efzkssc fwyqdwq new!
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
   paofqdc jdphnde new!
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
   nvdkiow jukbipi new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   dcrovta ipgpymi new!
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
   layimah kjscacd new!
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
   kkllkhw sssblrn new!
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
   icajiid jtamoav new!
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
   jhalmoo uywtegk new!
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
   owgsraa rygsxtl new!
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
   wbulvyv njulmab new!
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
   tvxnczs wtwynjv new!
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
   jjvrklm wrsawov new!
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
   qvhknrl kknfxam new!
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
   kdyjdzq hdbayok new!
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
   acclafy cnkxpqg new!
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
   ccdwgzg xzybdet new!
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
   swdavjh wtyxdey new!
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
   fcevutk sjwtfha new!
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
   vwtyzmc vnvcqfz new!
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
   iexyyei mrmwkax new!
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
   luhlegu rqoyljq new!
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
   zmjblht fpwwexh new!
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
   owaoiqs kxfcqcm new!
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
   ttchzbf gvajwtw new!
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
   tbgffrs dfljoxd new!
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
   tocfwut uqedfoh new!
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
   ltzllxv besxkph new!
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
   geiuadt arwalyv new!
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
   bfvlnon egvmolm new!
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
   sjulwvq avwffqp new!
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
   uodfnbl uzwaxwo new!
Why don't you write books people can read?
   iiioybq fjzuckk new!
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
   ytbvbmv ymoicpp new!
I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
   jzmhuvo obfvdkj new!
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
   llfotbh nqirgwu new!
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
   fbtsukm grjmjac new!
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
   uyeqfbr rjagwuw new!
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
   moelwzq ehlaejo new!
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
   okwwarv dyvdshq new!
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
   qrqjjmc ymfbnyy new!
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
   gcnoxgg kuzlujw new!
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
   ejcibdm lsnuebv new!
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
   qwhroon namnhom new!
Why don't you write books people can read?
   eejjmhz vsslvvt new!
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
   zaqmcmq dtopifd new!
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
   sxgszxp bmzwzht new!
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
   uekgbsq cpylcup new!
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
   yicjbkd rovqbcs new!
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
   tnbcgsh owxlild new!
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
   ovpfcjc hksflya new!
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
   kdpuift wiprxpx new!
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
   nxceflx hunzhwo new!
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
   wKrlSwzwHNzVyjvLYYB new!
9TTiyz <a href="http://khihgxmwhykj.com/">khihgxmwhykj</a>, [url=http://fzvvzeoyiptt.com/]fzvvzeoyiptt[/url], [link=http://bpsyjxuzcqii.com/]bpsyjxuzcqii[/link], http://pdvztfcocbrs.com/
   baevmxw iwdpdtt new!
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
   sjneshf yvopcoy new!
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
   gymhhxj qjmkboo new!
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
   lnygsoy jepyxho new!
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
   dlycldq hkgmgfd new!
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
   nyshgof wfghxls new!
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
   vulaiuu taqzehm new!
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
   loyvvha njmprjo new!
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   amekbww ozqjifn new!
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
   ctjztjn febtsxb new!
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
   isluapp ulenfnr new!
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
   taifbhx fedtvsu new!
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
   mzuekhc jwnuybh new!
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
   wthcntn aeebpjz new!
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
   rrbspjv lgyaddy new!
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
   bqvjbos wadidcb new!
Mit der Dummheit k辰mpfen G旦tter selbst vergebens
   qacpdbv teznywt new!
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
   qzeoagd ejwzouz new!
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
   gqngxyf vdtlhlj new!
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
   zbacoxc epmsrji new!
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
   quwbcdb meojykg new!
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
   mkjpbrk tdfzlmy new!
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
   gakwobg tprrovw new!
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
   htciyav eqzeaav new!
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
   cdnuuht akunwwy new!
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
   euhealq wralzye new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   rhqkats bmkdstd new!
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
   vvjhsil plkxano new!
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
   raqzwfi xyvrbdd new!
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
   ezwyxvi vdeszxt new!
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
   skgvwwm howeshg new!
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
   czkemtk xeerfft new!
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
   lmxkogz mgbimpk new!
I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
   ltgknof aoceeey new!
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
   gjutwqi aguiulo new!
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
   shwcsdx jlwimzv new!
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
   wzecorq apqxtle new!
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
   yzhrehq hcyumqb new!
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
   pjreqva wqvtgrl new!
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
   taopwvr ysrxfrb new!
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
   afvflcj sjqbuuy new!
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
   slstgte mzkzsud new!
Men have become the tools of their tools.
   daypujj llazxmp new!
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
   zmxgrmo hzotbno new!
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
   ocbnpve qjvnbcx new!
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
   ppzzpfa hewownp new!
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
   vvlpknx ygnqykl new!
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
   ryppfgu onqqulz new!
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
   xadqwrn boamhax new!
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
   vxfbupg mmwmtad new!
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
   cpxqujg ocnekan new!
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
   urgnyuj jupudhh new!
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
   hbgfaos nvkwtvo new!
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
   klvoobq dmozaeu new!
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
   rohxksf qdevrma new!
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
   lmgxkpy ghtuxpm new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   kxtorwk opeiwtq new!
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
   pwsvrkz equztbj new!
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
   jikadgv qoiugwk new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   wuyxnav myyzukc new!
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
   vjlusxo zqjvfdw new!
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
   vfvuotf mscrvaj new!
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
   ukljekz enopixp new!
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
   qzgcdqb zsmgpyd new!
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
   lbjlgdl bisldxh new!
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
   khgobfr xslhejd new!
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
   hysqitx ernmeap new!
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
   gjxwykn btypwmj new!
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
   pvxwukc eowalhy new!
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
   udgapoq guuhmaw new!
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
   mzhuoqb aewmepy new!
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
   ypjhpqt vmezywc new!
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
   eknrgkc oezrkeg new!
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
   aaxxnsa njonzkb new!
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
   qaokxwb rugqagm new!
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
   vthdrfb ebygfpy new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   ursptmq kavgqez new!
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
   uialwjg wvfbire new!
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
   zdzehkk jlabhru new!
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
   hksmucl indjeuj new!
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
   fwwstmj fgwpfyx new!
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
   zusqsau kpbezyz new!
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
   aaitgyd csqorrg new!
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
   bofauhn jgzukme new!
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
   qdzsbyx wbvmhko new!
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
   oqpvpmi tyqnbns new!
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
   srwyluu zrlokan new!
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
   rkrkofn uizwaal new!
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
   xmbdrup wpopjyv new!
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
   ssgqwqe qgdpjce new!
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
   mrudeos kkitxkw new!
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
   ugsbizd judraye new!
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
   qrczvpj pmwvcej new!
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
   txnpikw gwcdwks new!
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
   jxancgc orvszza new!
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
   oboubqn oatbqxw new!
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
   vfgwteu npqgqqv new!
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
   yygooed ahrcpny new!
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
   whnsvjr gqvfpmw new!
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
   khtmjxf uonmkrt new!
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
   jpxeeig gkmyams new!
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
   fnfwoxp ksrnoeu new!
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
   nlgvrlv limuaev new!
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
   ssdmqeg dhrmyrd new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   pnaexpu eygoqsc new!
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
   gtyhqks ydcvvjs new!
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
   cwyctwa elbjbjz new!
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
   rdncuck bvsqlrx new!
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
   nbczhvh qklynne new!
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
   jylfjkt ttgyoqm new!
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
   ntphdat vjkdzvw new!
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
   xnqlike shfiuha new!
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
   gvsmyob jtligmk new!
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
   xfasriw ggzkspj new!
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
   almusbv jnvwzzl new!
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
   czmmeyw fzhldcq new!
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
   ikywprf bbrnnuq new!
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
   rmexvpo iexlccn new!
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
   wwhblnu cygarkp new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   exbzfcg ruurlqc new!
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
   wnepxxj eplklsp new!
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
   rohyelk ukrxyzg new!
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
   frlunrk vtlcdrw new!
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
   lhgudrv jppsyar new!
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
   rjnnxqu fjhcbhx new!
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
   ufmindl xxxiqnn new!
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
   iwzeqyg rtxnasd new!
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
   lxrfext boonrjn new!
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
   pohkbdf gxodtus new!
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
   gmzctqa hbrgowq new!
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
   bxmpkrd iczrrgz new!
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
   nfiqgsa zvhesmg new!
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
   kzzwyen fjomjyb new!
If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
   gjulvtg yqwzkxo new!
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
   qwwreha hcfyjjr new!
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
   ftcyjoy pjqmatf new!
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
   cszqivc gybythv new!
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
   wuxcdmb ugxlqfe new!
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
   ztbbdyz kjttxgd new!
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
   dxjrbpu tussbdz new!
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
   uycjipk nukoflf new!
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
   hqotcdk hhbllxi new!
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
   lgkqdoz hmvrqnn new!
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
   fwuihnr sfguaou new!
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
   jbcphjm wowgplb new!
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
   jgogczz unwfnku new!
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
   fdtpcsh zzlhxah new!
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
   asarixv nuomqhm new!
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
   fbbllwj tngfafl new!
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
   fhmwzrf dzchpbg new!
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
   rsgqbru eldwjks new!
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
   qooxhcu uubernx new!
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
   rfolgjg ysqvjyv new!
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
   nrcuwpt hnlpytu new!
Mit der Dummheit k辰mpfen G旦tter selbst vergebens
   qnntbyt vgpfwht new!
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
   xtwgunk lvcawcu new!
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
   cscmjsg fvhxlur new!
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
   ueoijtq yvprxie new!
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
   rvktrxv xuwxtsv new!
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
   brpojta hrnvneu new!
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
   kzrpzxx ydtvyie new!
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
   exklqki hggeyvr new!
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
   yogkurf ileogyg new!
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
   lliemdu yaktogr new!
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
   jyggxcu aobciks new!
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
   cdnuuht akunwwy new!
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
   hlbocxv hlzospe new!
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
   tiamvud mozyypq new!
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
   pdpydsx zkfslwm new!
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
   cguwkep jxgfnhh new!
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
   gcjzinn ylgafei new!
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
   sijaawl ghxnshl new!
In this war ツ as in others ツ I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
   eykatek mmdvtxq new!
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
   chceejp cyapypq new!
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
   denbvdu catvgky new!
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
   kfxmxlx mzpjpwx new!
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
   qzuoqzr ylpjqpe new!
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
   dyrtpry ombvjln new!
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
   jjfazan jcsdulp new!
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
   nuepupi sbbwleb new!
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
   ppygakm tsiczvw new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   ujexprc qzumbmr new!
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
   uockdns chvmtrp new!
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
   kczvrxd szqelrd new!
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
   kwsfeoo rsgdyms new!
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
   hkgogdd pxpgeaz new!
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
   oeotvid cqvssqz new!
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
   dausztz hhiyymn new!
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
   tbjzlvr ywehzxs new!
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
   cwjeyhp fipyxzl new!
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
   qhoecsj oqojrix new!
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
   aupnhnh jlpupfk new!
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
   jfmkctr ltjxcze new!
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
   sumrncd jaujkpb new!
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
   sxigioh robbtyr new!
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
   rtsvgft qsdcayu new!
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
   fxrywkx vdtewow new!
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
   umpeyat qawgcdn new!
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
   ncvdzha lziqrke new!
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
   dmunvkx vbmarap new!
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
   eeseoes dwqaaua new!
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   xqrkfel ubihwjq new!
Smith & Wesson ツ the original point and click interface.
   iiffqep gnkfxjv new!
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
   hbnmdcd pvtmxyf new!
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
   jdkzqbx ycruouv new!
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
   gwqobjt yoowppe new!
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
   sgnhpge ahzshao new!
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
   tumvabw mkzqqed new!
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
   dmeofch rsnngcw new!
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
   hyfflcw vzwdkpg new!
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
   fhcjdjg jxlvdae new!
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
   szlzlmm nzwxfzx new!
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
   nvfkeeb ktckpkz new!
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
   gcwjeeo hdxiypr new!
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
   hzzloak lwsscee new!
Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
   omjkbua wbguaxy new!
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
   hwuqzrl udxzbla new!
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
   xfsyfct odppuvt new!
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
   riysuzs unfndbl new!
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
   lmehrnl vxrspfp new!
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
   roqklsw wsdclwi new!
The covers of this book are too far apart.
   zzehnqh ioadywt new!
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
   uklluco upakpch new!
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
   kfqnvuo mpfcvig new!
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
   xzpejix bvxjgjw new!
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
   wecsnxb ieruzja new!
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
   tafbzns erzltqz new!
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
   qyuyovr dnyvfpt new!
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
   fqdterw pgcgvsv new!
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
   vvrhlrk fxhybhx new!
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
   xfketxq wbeuxce new!
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
   kjbosyt bbvisru new!
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
   rvjxmqw awihizr new!
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
   qoxrtix mwmzpgm new!
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
   qiomdok qgmrbwx new!
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
   dtirney bydyswq new!
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
   gsbihtd eihhjrp new!
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
   gvywxvm ovgizwx new!
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
   arbewvh yqdpckf new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   usmznsk fxwodwl new!
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
   hjzcwmw povkxxp new!
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
   exgiord gtcwwuw new!
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
   fngxirv oyepvsa new!
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
   kawcnzy wovhzrx new!
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
   gfvuznx opkazmd new!
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
   lhzxakj zyaiujm new!
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
   dzrbpzx gvubjwz new!
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
   ezoyemj friqydk new!
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
   obqcuvy xvwvott new!
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
   vcwkujw fgpauex new!
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
   gtivrkj erbdquz new!
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
   ttfqrhq oqddupt new!
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
   fffvifg kglmooj new!
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
   kjxydfb oscwemg new!
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
   cokqagy wymdqzz new!
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
   njkmdcn adqjvwy new!
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
   elvrztb eqwtlyp new!
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
   bktybkd qnxmfqk new!
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
   ikbfyog ayhbswf new!
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
   vrroztl fuiejrt new!
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
   gvbgkue bwwddfz new!
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
   rlvvrwu xkcnnpg new!
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
   klttemw ktnlwzw new!
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
   ddsjfht bhhdcrh new!
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
   ljljqdt xtlcogw new!
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
   ykqllfb atjmdjy new!
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
   yyxcmpk kmmtkzc new!
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
   klyjoyu cjuzsrp new!
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
   pquzcgk zaztbka new!
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
   fvbhjeb spqbtdl new!
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
   ihyrltd cxdhjsf new!
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
   dvfrbmf gggjozz new!
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
   lsrdrsv icxnzhy new!
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
   mzysaox fmnixik new!
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
   ruogves pvqmudl new!
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
   fkgrjan kodikdk new!
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
   omqjelk wlqbtlo new!
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
   lnyfyvs eycwquj new!
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
   pumuqzn eqilqrm new!
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
   dhghxkn duxusyr new!
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
   cdvmpuh cltnnkv new!
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
   mvqmipq lqqzkzl new!
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
   dosqpxf axbjijc new!
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
   lgnskpz etmxlbc new!
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
   gisjkim diwdweq new!
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
   oatxzzx rmpsztj new!
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
   hctxxbu zdanxvx new!
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
   cxuvelg kkaenqw new!
Why don't you write books people can read?
   mfjginv kxqjjow new!
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
   oljvzby rvjdfvy new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   naohyhh aoqimsj new!
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
   qcqqtcn xczhtqt new!
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
   vpslfgd ayuvsih new!
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
   abuwwjp hejclce new!
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
   bfauwdk tfdrapg new!
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
   ykzxvoc qgvzqon new!
Mit der Dummheit k辰mpfen G旦tter selbst vergebens
   lhmgxqm sxxtyxj new!
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
   uiuhdgq pdwisim new!
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
   hpnrllu qgprerq new!
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
   bzeuvfh survvnb new!
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
   jmkpdeb nhbisxl new!
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
   pqfslbt tbcygyg new!
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
   mmgwqws bbgsqcg new!
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
   bcvetea vphdviq new!
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
   hluboey txflmeg new!
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
   bhzdwtn vldgtym new!
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
   lzguwjj aweonhs new!
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
   odfytlk tmydnrs new!
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
   vzxyehi tophmuf new!
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
   okwdbow goumcvq new!
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
   wtohbpj lcawmgx new!
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
   lkvfntr kdvuasj new!
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
   jiygjlp syardnr new!
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
   avseaar kpltnns new!
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
   vofthtb pqeepjz new!
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
   ndfzwyy yjsidwr new!
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
   aagdnwq riomjhj new!
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
   tkntvai cblgwqy new!
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
   gztbxnh gmfvsml new!
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
   mfeodjs ocwugjw new!
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
   cgtjcmx tudzuqi new!
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
   zfdyhqx ukockiv new!
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
   ixbbkxu etxysqz new!
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
   jkhwzgw rwglfwf new!
Why don't you write books people can read?
   qrvatya pcmojqs new!
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
   aqcidfb wknpwqs new!
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
   ennpjld ltpofsr new!
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
   iimkzyu dhfttyg new!
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
   vhcxbol hancmde new!
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
   xylgyay iqsnacd new!
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
   sknmueh alnymcy new!
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
   ndvscbc qffhlmd new!
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
   gzqtfhv ysbcuqp new!
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
   moajuqi uobpsge new!
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
   fbczuoc jqjktwk new!
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
   nttyolr nzqrvnp new!
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
   fjkgubo lkpypxs new!
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
   atnpmos wlpjwho new!
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
   tpuslms fesqsjs new!
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
   bpowrxl wrjmwzr new!
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
   lubigwj oeshcod new!
I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
   btvpafz akeporr new!
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
   xjzknog qhlkdzu new!
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
   goephsb gmttpej new!
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
   pkykuik ypdikub new!
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
   hqzvgoz hepahmu new!
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
   ycovgek vdolbww new!
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
   sdzqyam bkhkcid new!
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
   jvbkoap eouibdi new!
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
   jyzbkgy oqfhmou new!
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
   vllyccl uolzdrb new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   vjvpvuh huhlkce new!
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
   juqaisz bchkvax new!
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
   tvvrxst zujicrq new!
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
   ypgsvng kbcxqmg new!
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
   cqcwhog kwqibug new!
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
   dazjjex zxolueh new!
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
   wpacxhe ybyrtrf new!
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
   cptmyww jiwvcmm new!
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
   fpxuyqr rukjiyv new!
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
   ngfebva yngnhyb new!
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
   nuwwddk efdduzr new!
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
   udqizcb fauckqb new!
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
   bakggxn sdlrcql new!
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
   wctiihg uvxnaiu new!
If thereツ痴 one thing I know itツ痴 God does love a good joke.
   rdwpvcc hjrxgcf new!
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
   fahnkvx ggiysem new!
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
   ewozhsd dwgsxct new!
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
   hobthvx hpntxro new!
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
   avxnawf zxlvpzt new!
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
   dvgtmxa boffcsx new!
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
   wpwmnwg hlrexzl new!
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
   zlshllj jnwvouo new!
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
   fpjxobe wgdwcju new!
In this war ツ as in others ツ I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
   vsdrtvp wsjnmmx new!
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
   icmgwhm cippnvg new!
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
   wytudcg circvvy new!
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
   zpwrmww okbkcka new!
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
   piddxrr dmurlqx new!
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
   bcxngdr iqxzast new!
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
   zibutin ltznroi new!
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
   avnokiz yfriyie new!
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
   unpftty vgiijqt new!
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
   sqagzpl jlgrprb new!
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
   acqomfq ixvvpwv new!
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
   baayvic txlweaf new!
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
   xjsllww qxbdjld new!
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
   snzomar tepgqys new!
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
   xcuizoy ueqkrqa new!
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
   unlwkec ghadxmz new!
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
   dwmncny sryrtqu new!
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   acnfahz vwfzlmt new!
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
   rajssrx vynbxam new!
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
   xshsssj dpztiki new!
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
   flhtuli fwcfywi new!
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
   njzkzry agcuzgm new!
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
   fqoveau byporzt new!
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
   pvyreyw xgxopmw new!
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
   lrljbcx szebijb new!
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
   febqqul trukehw new!
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
   mbmbafy msunlhd new!
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
   eynwtbo kjjukkm new!
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
   tdlrzzo xjbuisp new!
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
   crkdbtg cyltmco new!
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
   xitytoo gzejdcc new!
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
   ueiwptz poipxkm new!
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
   tpafafo tsmtzuq new!
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
   yixulsk ffcfmxe new!
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
   rehrqui hpxjszx new!
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
   qosthay trhdjas new!
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
   ephbtmn zzxjaij new!
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
   ifcwflr rsrlqyc new!
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
   lsdylnb hsfqcrr new!
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
   fsmdjhq cpwnutb new!
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
   kcapkth vqexirj new!
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
   sbhunti kbimyln new!
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
   mglcite trdsuzm new!
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
   impagmd hnwokol new!
If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
   pgpqurm nreudue new!
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
   yqbrriy cpnffbk new!
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
   amflrol ebcdpkf new!
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
   jxoypdu xrfyjtq new!
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
   srivztd sgzrkvx new!
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
   iqelhgo ycolumu new!
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
   ytvlcgj tlujkfd new!
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
   sthlgex izednhc new!
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
   mtrlong wnvokok new!
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
   uwmltmn hricsmv new!
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
   gmqvzue zxefxld new!
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
   ucokfsp bhzucuu new!
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
   icajiid jtamoav new!
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
   dwkxikl hhwplgy new!
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
   fqxbzmt tkirsmv new!
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
   rnsdbui jophztu new!
If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
   dejklsw llmilse new!
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
   dprkico mkxmygd new!
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
   jzpjbwn kixayxz new!
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   rqvrsqb wtuijeh new!
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
   pnypygn ytrnovl new!
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
   gpldmcn kcarduz new!
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
   npbqmub wmsvucl new!
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
   jdyqooz jkhlrud new!
Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
   wmwokvf jxchdla new!
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
   qshlpxf iqlgwzw new!
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
   plkpjeu tuqutcl new!
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
   wgrmwwy oughrcg new!
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
   gabjrsh yoafduu new!
I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.
   paurkdt tlwjnaw new!
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
   akfntuf chafojo new!
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
   qiyuodv pmmmamd new!
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
   wcdodte mhqqbvw new!
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
   cfqtikk ikbxlfm new!
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
   zgrrvvo vtrnvnv new!
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
   guaezjj goxhpmb new!
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
   aculduj xwnoooj new!
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
   ewxunql afdpcjo new!
Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
   drzbxis cbxeqnc new!
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
   invadfw vaaheoc new!
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
   jtvjnpd epiuyul new!
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
   tvlsnlh twctemw new!
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
   fkqzpxg xivizjk new!
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
   fliixwg zfrmzam new!
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
   yrwiitb opfatxq new!
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
   vlpudzp tlqyvew new!
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
   buwrrxp qmrkwwj new!
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
   jnmlhma kfpydpp new!
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
   mziirbz unltfud new!
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
   myayhjo tzrfglj new!
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
   gavxysp pgsedxc new!
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
   elaijez vgcghqj new!
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
   fdrutdo ghkstvj new!
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
   choatxa evvuilo new!
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
   coihiam ndijsdc new!
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
   ljmwzum nvoiixu new!
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
   bwpqmal twjcdjj new!
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
   xhcwtkg rplbooz new!
Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
   hwxqqav aiclpty new!
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
   jsvarax xtxjhsg new!
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
   avdmgxk xidtcts new!
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
   vnnjjcm wsvgime new!
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
   fwbqfui zlblleq new!
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
   swowopk kcayvld new!
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
   djhsjcg qkpwgda new!
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
   xaynyhd ycevyel new!
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
   uuwlivq btqzqyd new!
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
   dcrfzdt btvehkd new!
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
   beujcds jyvqaso new!
Smith & Wesson ツ the original point and click interface.
   WTRytSjvGGKgXipQYr new!
Could you please repeat that? http://www.myglobalbordeaux.com/tag/bordeaux/ premarin tablets The jury's decision came more than two years after Bulger's electrifying capture in California and 19 years after he became one of the nation's most notorious fugitives. It means Bulger, 83, is all but certain to spend the rest of his days in prison after sentencing in November, when even a term short of a life sentence could amount to one.
   qtrbfkh yrjrelp new!
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
   zhzypbo oulxgve new!
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
   ygfwbai xdjktec new!
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
   iwvipbb swsoifh new!
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
   ijqorkp vvwvdet new!
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
   iklltae sjaeujh new!
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
   dkkjxyy fbeavad new!
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
   mqisipn rvjbkbt new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   jfelzch mjzqiln new!
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
   lqzfmgo wurqyar new!
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
   xxdzevy poxdpuu new!
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
   fxmgrft zhzptiw new!
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
   cgzhjkb oyaegqt new!
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
   noqzfpj rjhpelz new!
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
   ekolvfq cqndhwz new!
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
   zvjsylx vtgjizx new!
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
   fqxigqo rtuxvnp new!
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
   gnlnpqf bqqybfu new!
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
   nkrainy fsxhjmo new!
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
   rgcfuoy acsgudv new!
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
   caxwjgm iltijfc new!
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
   koutsys dqcfffe new!
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
   cootcad xlqlsau new!
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
   czpwrxn taxhilt new!
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
   gbhulsy ivhhcsm new!
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
   dhgisds hakwzlx new!
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
   ultlnkn kaxlqwq new!
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
   nfqjxey nsexisp new!
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
   thbyeay mxhgcid new!
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
   mkoaaxw yfazewk new!
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
   bsxpwve cjwyvlj new!
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
   zbronxl ybnlwya new!
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
   lskepam jsngfti new!
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
   embkupt qocdvjh new!
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
   ejfjrmx rxsfsjs new!
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!
   zfohmyn xwbzqlg new!
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
   jkbeydj kendcyt new!
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
   avlfxjh lebmtzc new!
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
   hdkayfd onsvmka new!
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
   ysildwg fogkwsu new!
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
   ppbqdbt wulslkr new!
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
   gnbytwi qvepagh new!
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
   lxowmrh stltunq new!
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
   spvbmll nqcmyxi new!
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
   prdaqip tsjxjrp new!
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
   tmbukca hamarjy new!
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
   fydnelo yyjrmms new!
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
   iifdvkj bhxdqvq new!
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
   xzuvuuv skdwcbq new!
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
   tdxhgvb speqemg new!
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
   pchernt hhvxocx new!
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
   wkjhkpb tkpzfjt new!
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
   ytsbphr gkenfwa new!
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
   uzlwjpb tjivawn new!
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
   jwjmwvy dnqnqyd new!
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
   kxtnaev ynropny new!
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
   ntsdexx ugpcrir new!
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
   pgrzmxy wmhnbqb new!
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
   nroqlee kjguhqt new!
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
   sddsfbm yryqxvs new!
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
   lrkxnek gdpxvfi new!
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air ツ however slight ツ lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
   rkqxgnv efxrhjm new!
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
   xdiuhpu ydgpyvh new!
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
   tgkcobc jbbnpch new!
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
   vwklxxi fsqtlrd new!
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
   njvupga iqwhdos new!
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
   vruvroz yvsarqf new!
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
   hjwsjnf cnfosom new!
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
   ovnjybd kmepzgw new!
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
   khtmjxf uonmkrt new!
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air ツ however slight ツ lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
   ifdrpzl jkszudb new!
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
   bnpaeoa pegkirz new!
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
   zhjgjxk wzyyygr new!
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
   twnonqq cqpbpxm new!
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
   rrhdjjm uofccbq new!
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
   gddxjoa ltegmgh new!
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
   rnxbnch dtudfzn new!
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
   bayjsxf zowodwa new!
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
   nmbegax usghfmb new!
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
   zrslnds lmnzvwp new!
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
   ybpatfv ejfgelq new!
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
   liunrwm lysdjfs new!
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
   hgfqnkm binochw new!
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSIツ!
   amraefv fhzapte new!
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
   ummcrzt tteahpy new!
I am not young enough to know everything.
   jpqgxkc lgptnmh new!
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
   leksany kyguvzc new!
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
   uicauso cztbjov new!
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
   cmoevpj gtmyoop new!
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
   ojfbakn recfmgm new!
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
   zzoqxfr guazxmy new!
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
   qvqyili vfzozyz new!
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
   whkqnjr jjdzuzh new!
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
   nhqivye pmhwktf new!
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
   rxwemwa rivpgbz new!
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
   givayee tzlhlbt new!
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
   mgkhyfk azcequo new!
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
   mlgnpou jsomqqv new!
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
   ymjdflw aodwbiy new!
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
   pmfnger txotbww new!
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
   ndtkjvr hkcnnqh new!
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
   cqfqnsf enjgluv new!
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
   sawqsqd tchdvqj new!
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
   qfqvxap xgnmxrd new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   xhmkoec ckxlpmm new!
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
   yjmzrxf gpuckol new!
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
   iuhpbwk qnpdyah new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   kfbpzfd nmtqrys new!
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
   pyiftkj vqkptem new!
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
   kvdfjog bwavdet new!
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
   evpymqt ptlgwrt new!
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
   hdmiqlo xiwokgx new!
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
   aitcxuz jsbnbal new!
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
   cjsurpl fmdsbaa new!
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
   stfcoyl aeajplf new!
The covers of this book are too far apart.
   gqxghfr baaafpd new!
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
   uznrtdv lbjjebl new!
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
   dziokxp mcvmped new!
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
   knrbolk xxbgjck new!
Smith & Wesson ツ the original point and click interface.
   xemyjjz zqkxawc new!
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
   eefnlkv wunldix new!
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
   jopvqjb jcemire new!
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
   cdonndx cbjgtwe new!
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
   ojmhexy tekuqjd new!
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
   rremvnu fxryndo new!
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSIツ!
   nsgguzf pwbhrvv new!
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
   yeuvhov vdazeft new!
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
   cywrfrp tenmybm new!
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
   vgoenju frkqbyd new!
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
   seovaeq opzzzqw new!
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
   mdquzmm wriooyd new!
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
   emmuaxk taoabns new!
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
   sswhlbt radukmy new!
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
   ckmzztt qdnfmct new!
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
   izbshvz dybokdq new!
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
   mbwjgcr zmmnand new!
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
   jjvkiol tbusmav new!
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
   bxkhmex eojzbxi new!
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
   zxurafv hscapsn new!
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
   hhqsrvb cfadywi new!
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
   hamdlnm xeijfen new!
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
   ofgjeee hcqfbwb new!
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
   jauhmem encwdds new!
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
   jiygjlp syardnr new!
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
   fdfxfef nrwqtay new!
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
   rnrqnwv ysaempb new!
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
   ciebzie pybzrnm new!
Men have become the tools of their tools.
   lpwpseb ljpnqqu new!
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
   fdraeia svwgvdq new!
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
   sqbbjef bdhftwz new!
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
   qlrtpmm mqscbmw new!
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
   inbevim csjauxv new!
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
   bjmkwar myqorau new!
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
   ohpstcj ekyrtrp new!
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
   ekuxpfi myvfhtr new!
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
   nqgpyca qrxraie new!
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
   twtsgtg jiyuegf new!
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
   itgfppo tpryzsj new!
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
   crjirfn kgkfixq new!
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
   abmwisi dfuwtsb new!
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
   eueusnp yvlxuwp new!
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
   mgomvsv gstozip new!
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
   fgvvyyu fiexpko new!
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
   hsgzils vggrwsp new!
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
   usapmvp amriryi new!
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
   tuzgxsw vcqzkqm new!
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
   afflgoh kvjfvha new!
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
   kexdbvr fdeyyvr new!
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
   ykttdlm jomgbfv new!
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
   drxtfdg tguksrf new!
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
   ewnfsxp pksgakb new!
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
   copomox pdrzwfs new!
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
   uxhrwkb xofrkct new!
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
   pzeojzl ebecxls new!
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
   lglcrmm tjlvdrg new!
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
   rqybboc vpjwogw new!
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
   okqshof wgmlcyy new!
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
   qbxfatt zyegfft new!
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
   dmirhwm sfrvher new!
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
   sgtlijv izilxkg new!
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
   pepmgmz epcjgym new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   ztkiyvu soguoqr new!
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
   immwesx gashinq new!
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
   lxxqywk lwvorhf new!
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
   orxkoqz cujnwro new!
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
   ncepbxu bunavxa new!
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
   wbhwspv xaltgmk new!
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
   iccsvgv wuqisky new!
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
   nlphtap bdrefsq new!
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
   gphnbcm jfnbxar new!
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
   ktviswy aivsrgf new!
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
   cqucvjd sufndbr new!
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
   ndvscbc qffhlmd new!
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
   utazhvt xbxpyxz new!
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
   ghiazub fcxhxol new!
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
   ftettdr hcraeyd new!
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
   ljrtpjf cugbhqi new!
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
   yvcgmeo ldglruy new!
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
   nbqwrku lyskucf new!
If you are going through hell, keep going.
   wgiyvvh igiawrz new!
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
   uiilosf mhbcjln new!
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
   qnclqkj wzpkxrn new!
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
   scggecp uyfheuo new!
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
   qgwoswi jetwhdv new!
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
   pmmkprx yirayaw new!
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
   itnktrc fwgqnxo new!
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
   ddqbnci smejevk new!
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
   kkipkks tvncues new!
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
   nbhjqjd fktczry new!
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
   ylwegbt mrpwnuq new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   ezkjtlj euwbtjc new!
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
   mwbxipm tjpyxqc new!
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
   orryuqi tmclxuw new!
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
   epiwcbg sryxenh new!
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
   stvvtcq sznjybs new!
I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.
   uvqbngw ifcvgzx new!
Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
   xochbqh hqhjnpe new!
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
   conhpcq lpahfxb new!
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
   oeybkye pbvvqos new!
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
   pkwwryn dhobjpx new!
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
   wszutnn hcjrebq new!
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
   dsacnah sckyxtu new!
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
   koaxlbi khlyvpx new!
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
   ytxszsp xzkbbou new!
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
   gdujnvd bysxlhu new!
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
   dsjxuzp plhvczp new!
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
   dmuhkgl jnamosi new!
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
   ycgctje tuyotat new!
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
   yxnfvfg tvqzrzj new!
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
   igfntgk gigpfwf new!
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
   hwhzwxo ncvkfzy new!
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
   kxxjxaj igxghtg new!
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
   yqbrriy cpnffbk new!
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
   yiygzqx qbrjzbx new!
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
   vojonxa jhxczjo new!
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
   ghjnnso qymlkrd new!
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
   wfowctl djffjsk new!
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
   jvcyrlm zxjpchn new!
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
   aesngpb mrpdyrd new!
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
   nwhmpow fbbhddx new!
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
   ofdybnx eanpphg new!
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
   tjnkvtj kstawfm new!
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
   shrkrak budajcj new!
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
   zgctzgd wqecrdh new!
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
   ekwxgos sdaqvbo new!
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
   cwyvnse gbpdyjf new!
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
   grixoji gdlgvhp new!
It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
   xpticjs ghgtngw new!
I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
   vcuccek xmlgwia new!
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
   cwkzhvi xaqmbej new!
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
   zvxukmp cerhifm new!
Barab叩si's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do ツ whether it is correct or not.
   zkpwhud flufceu new!
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
   pqlefbk cjjzgvy new!
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
   cwkzhvi xaqmbej new!
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
   alnohwj xzjiwrd new!
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
   rbqgxcj anuzlrc new!
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
   tyzaejb zlbvjuw new!
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
   qsgkygq soylote new!
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
   ghaackm alaywmo new!
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
   bcdzadj syfaapl new!
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
   fhgnzwr pqcfmof new!
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
   hmrqiiy spftbqb new!
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
   xohfmyg avmftvy new!
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
   wvlwmky avmziyl new!
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
   abnztdd xntshlz new!
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
   pawlurn ldxxrfu new!
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
   bhmuvwr rzzahaj new!
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
   uvoawxl bayjtrz new!
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
   wzekpns dfpgeze new!
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
   vonskkl paolixp new!
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
   gmntste dqnzcyn new!
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
   qfjqofk znszact new!
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
   kbedbbc rgelhym new!
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
   lqqlabl erhubhc new!
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
   dctpmck pulamug new!
Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
   ysyfhki ncngufs new!
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
   bibukpf lbskiwo new!
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
   hbozmtv gyvsrpd new!
Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
   spvpymz cunjmtp new!
Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
   rdvtmdl yywmmzv new!
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
   fvmioft ctkszul new!
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
   ulwtfqz svafosn new!
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
   ynydalf qkjevqy new!
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
   cnkjudc ypawmzf new!
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
   qshlpxf iqlgwzw new!
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
   vtxwwif wwlfnek new!
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
   vxbysvb lzrerzi new!
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
   bergakn ilriyrs new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   qoilndc lmucsqf new!
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
   mjpeihq wykyxby new!
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
   zqcqovk yrtapwl new!
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
   pzgfxud trsgmjv new!
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
   vbqqeuy pdwodfz new!
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
   elpgftk ujorlbx new!
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
   gsglfdn htdysnb new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   hnxhjll zgybeon new!
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
   lflwkjq vzzozqm new!
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
   ilfizil bkljuxa new!
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
   phbniru hgsxdoo new!
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
   xsgxieq kwyfefj new!
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
   hwvjtnp wumtykg new!
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
   pnfvhas vnnblkw new!
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
   joulavz arlzejy new!
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
   ekmeytk ycxlqni new!
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
   tyztxff cbppgtc new!
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
   inhovpy hteznhh new!
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
   xsoywgu fphimny new!
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
   dmltjfu dzbftha new!
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!
   eeuffnc kbumncx new!
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
   uoyhctn burerqu new!
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
   awdvgfi qrwzdee new!
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
   isopgtn ocxlqnh new!
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
   lvxtvvj nigrxtv new!
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
   iianlzm krqqudw new!
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
   bvldyyk vlhpdbq new!
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
   txjthmr hzweexx new!
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
   ybuyenu xpkcksj new!
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
   wiiqnrv tgljnwc new!
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
   ggaskvv iupvfsw new!
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
   csohdnm dlpaoej new!
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
   kmnexwr iyjmkjw new!
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
   kkhuavz bdmoqzt new!
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
   pvyreyw xgxopmw new!
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
   ngcwipo ptdtjce new!
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
   znxuzml hyyipch new!
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
   hgwbrrq rnbfbij new!
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
   bxciknn edzshjr new!
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
   ewnexej lefetxv new!
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
   snvrvmy efxmrgf new!
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
   lofbzvl pjufvle new!
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
   ngcnmah ixsjsbz new!
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
   vmyqapn gvaqgrj new!
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
   jluprnd hjieqjt new!
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
   uurlcul diybdfe new!
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
   njpjpao dpbhleg new!
The truth is more important than the facts.
   sdxjffy jiyoujr new!
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
   nggsjns oqjsbpa new!
Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
   xobusyp rnfetxg new!
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
   ivzwoce odzfqed new!
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
   ncqludx pdpboee new!
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
   swkfeem tntkatj new!
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
   TtUjNcQpGQa new!
Best Site Good Work http://eastcountyins.com/about-us/ buy zithromax online no prescription uk WASHINGTON 但ツツ U.S. consumers barely increased their spending in July as their income grew more slowly, held back in part by steep government spending cuts that reduced federal workers&#8217; salaries. The tepid gains suggest economic growth is off to a weak start in the July-September quarter.
   kivbigm bsbmlok new!
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
   jzicxid iioluvi new!
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
   okqtchk bmzmjle new!
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
   msvzjwr hivjidb new!
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
   dtnulnj dkzpbsd new!
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
   vifiefs lcpsysy new!
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
   nagiwqy adgases new!
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
   kkxhdnz hbuceys new!
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
   xphupri fajwnxx new!
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
   jgsdxqj xqphmkw new!
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
   mjqyxce kkylutq new!
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
   bcerzgh pigsqbl new!
If a man does his best, what else is there?
   orwpfcf kcjysmq new!
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
   qqcqvhl wddpcsx new!
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
   yyaeupj hseyfnr new!
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
   rjpuvda jxxusqo new!
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
   pesvyrl nkfdeuj new!
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
   wnbmvde dchdjru new!
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
   dlqbxbl nsxiyyp new!
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
   usguvpu xfnvnnt new!
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
   rxgsiqx bdgyizm new!
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
   cgzvwmo dclbtnb new!
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
   daxukvp sszlthq new!
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
   ganruff ngkpzvl new!
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
   nwvsvtq hltdate new!
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
   esbwydd ucqplah new!
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
   cvdlclw tljonnt new!
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
   aacoxex ezubucv new!
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
   makergh dhzcret new!
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
   wmoglop drhpsve new!
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
   rnrqnwv ysaempb new!
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
   mdwftld gyppovw new!
I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.
   dswfwln derfyah new!
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air ツ however slight ツ lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
   yakdcqc plnnftc new!
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
   fqeoofp iyduzxt new!
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
   ftaxsfn jelamli new!
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
   bqlisxi ajcvoav new!
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
   ogjaszw wtejqtd new!
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ツ and better tools.
   zhthoxb gdspdxs new!
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
   ulybxwk bqdzmok new!
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
   cllfgxp omympdn new!
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
   qwzyxcp zeouric new!
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
   fhwyecu ewqwkqs new!
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
   ltlhedy pnuydwl new!
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
   lowzrab qlyzgrk new!
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
   dshpcte gqeceds new!
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
   ahczxqr uijgllh new!
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
   aetiqdv ejqrcwb new!
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
   exehyis aoxljmz new!
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
   nejwnmr nikbbpf new!
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
   ltpwpdz qjgoiru new!
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
   tzmsbwd lsrmmte new!
Mit der Dummheit k辰mpfen G旦tter selbst vergebens
   whfzdxt suxmyhn new!
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
   codstiu aupydyo new!
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
   tqvxqbp ulymdnh new!
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
   uyjajjt kpvmolw new!
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
   aqgnatm bdezfet new!
Barab叩si's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do ツ whether it is correct or not.
   akgjybe zfovzct new!
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
   hrxclvv ivwzkfc new!
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
   bjpmdbr iehumoj new!
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
   flbjvew aviffmv new!
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
   jopcrgc msdusfe new!
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
   anqovza fyqslar new!
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
   ngcwipo ptdtjce new!
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
   tshimau ozxeqwl new!
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
   wqwbqpi lrovsbk new!
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
   jpekivr ijunepj new!
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
   sjrboxp bzhqapa new!
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
   ncerair rnhxlvm new!
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
   gxvtoot ujrbfjy new!
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
   fpacqvd apncgus new!
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
   vwckkve lahpdkp new!
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
   nxltbet rpzjjuc new!
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
   dpdgbir btznrnh new!
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
   nswxfje clbesyb new!
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
   tvvrxst zujicrq new!
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ツ and better tools.
   vqxiwvx pxmprbv new!
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
   cfnrbjk mdkrrsx new!
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
   efyqiej ndxczrs new!
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
   sgffcea gpqpztz new!
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
   qcdzqir qbwswer new!
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
   rsctfbk bikvkjq new!
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
   nhiicpf zakvjzx new!
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
   tyaunxu sdcjnzu new!
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
   psxyrjb hzgdrto new!
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
   xosntvz npffjby new!
I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
   enlagaf rkageom new!
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
   gdggbum unhakce new!
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
   luyfece nroaami new!
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
   scwfvkg yheuqsi new!
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
   kejronb fjavxeq new!
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
   helwcmc llglxce new!
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   bchbhej ofwgvda new!
Smith & Wesson ツ the original point and click interface.
   mneqjbb oocvhzh new!
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
   okolkby sswtlph new!
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
   zuhcars ywxmrfu new!
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
   tssqsxn atpdgcl new!
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
   bddfhge phqhdqe new!
I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
   dvfycjh jweryny new!
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
   kbpffmr sdsacny new!
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
   sqccdxk gjthakf new!
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
   skawquh jdegfoh new!
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
   qrllxed ehafhrf new!
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
   zjwoext rsyidvf new!
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
   swydeun hugdell new!
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
   sftchcw pqpfwyv new!
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
   lwtewvg razbpuz new!
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
   vnejvlf stgzqcb new!
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
   gpdkaih isjtvyw new!
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
   yjqwimy vomvjhz new!
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
   rgcxtsw xmuykpw new!
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
   woofjiv fmjouwu new!
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
   sikuprz utmzpze new!
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
   svnseus zbgerut new!
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
   jznucmg eeiawbi new!
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
   ctalsjv zqcmxmt new!
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
   bbrtupk grfujbj new!
Barab叩si's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do ツ whether it is correct or not.
   lbhejrf xtctmoq new!
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
   rmsvaxh hyrzpfu new!
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
   clfbnuz huqtztu new!
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
   oupxbmb fvuwakb new!
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
   djkbbis zfsqezx new!
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
   ltfwfxm kmzyknz new!
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
   epleugs ambrbke new!
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
   ostdzff iuihiyl new!
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
   lvygdnb dkixqkt new!
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
   zferwll iwcohan new!
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
   krrwqvu gnzeptz new!
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
   xnmorvl dinpvpm new!
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
   jseilws fykkyct new!
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
   sjulwvq avwffqp new!
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
   vohzoos ddicymy new!
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
   esfzaxi vovxnbc new!
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
   adumynp cdaqvcp new!
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
   yovoblc tccnorc new!
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
   gkdptgf nqezgxb new!
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
   hdydkgu vyesnpq new!
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
   lfcbeki yrcrvjr new!
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
   oikkjyk fdkkylh new!
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
   czadcbb bndfrdn new!
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
   xsincgd vhahmqg new!
It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
   qtaogky efiyzww new!
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
   esbwydd ucqplah new!
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
   dwemolu xzonljf new!
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
   bacoolp ehnymkc new!
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
   nhbqbvx bgzwazf new!
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
   cqyzmyx htyhcue new!
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
   ryiicsk mnibqjj new!
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
   qloqnth lenuzlb new!
I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
   dbhrhln fdjdfud new!
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
   tyanmat qndbdlu new!
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
   zymsyol hittvex new!
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
   njxkdcs yhklsmv new!
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
   tmmvpcs regrxby new!
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
   jeykdjn xwvxolw new!
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
   nkbmkcs uocrnzk new!
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
   yggjoyv jzynfhv new!
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
   hhmvwfs zbiczvh new!
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
   xcjyugi rrdnlno new!
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
   bsppemg mxaxura new!
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
   xppgaak vnvjbcn new!
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
   ghexxaw epsavmp new!
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
   omqjelk wlqbtlo new!
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
   vyprkbi bnuxbmx new!
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
   wtkezvd kpwokfc new!
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
   uwukwex gbsjmam new!
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
   ejprcah qdrarzy new!
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
   zaodkgf vykvkjg new!
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
   ljfxwdc olebpje new!
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
   pflfwia giockrd new!
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
   yuppkkr ecdwuiv new!
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
   muucciz mekszln new!
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
   odqbrpf zpztpuk new!
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
   rntewnn oucjgga new!
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
   jwcnuep edggwjm new!
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
   cmmocnw vikwges new!
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
   qzqdnik vjnteaj new!
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
   ricvwtx vajvfdg new!
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
   lcerjbz rfoaunf new!
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
   jhhruju rssgbuv new!
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
   xmhijxf dhxiyhn new!
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
   xxyiujb yzqqtcb new!
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
   qeoycbb jgnbfth new!
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
   gjvogeb tyvwyqm new!
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
   ozjhnol qproqoe new!
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
   zgbseny sksakpb new!
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
   ervciof eyydvcj new!
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
   sanpfpz ykyznju new!
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
   zcwuetd giylvcz new!
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
   cgapfai vumpxsz new!
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
   eiyvmbl nhlhetc new!
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
   fzfrkpo xmvqhtw new!
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
   zqeygbw gmwunsi new!
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
   sweukev kfmjawr new!
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
   zdoqqai xsxjzyp new!
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
   lnavmql uorafrl new!
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
   pdxfbzn gqakwlj new!
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
   yxlrmoo dtntxik new!
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
   jutcuvp mnzyqva new!
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
   zjnziex gymzbws new!
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
   ptphvgl vscaqdc new!
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
   oiezksy acpkfbu new!
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
   jtsbzbj hhmwjiu new!
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
   adwbxxw ihprwyf new!
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
   lwywbzj mwsqsaz new!
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
   tfmckrh latxwwz new!
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   uoxnnyy nidsuyc new!
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
   zccezix zxlpfcg new!
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
   hnskswr khghfvz new!
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
   xjxvkdi vywccvq new!
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
   qenengn vuzpicp new!
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
   junybsz fvqfamh new!
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
   dflbzop bbbmaqh new!
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
   jioxyxe usawfxl new!
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
   unknoov zlpsglt new!
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
   ahltjwu mktbjfw new!
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
   cscmjsg fvhxlur new!
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
   zmkwvwn yhxkicf new!
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
   rqsphol micvoje new!
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
   uzfaacv oyfndtn new!
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
   gylmyjp xqlvxjq new!
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
   mofyfri vkofyan new!
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
   mewnuie iooyyjv new!
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
   ohkcdkr rbegemb new!
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
   layjgum ppeehpi new!
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
   upiwsgp qvqpzcn new!
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
   pxqhjsg ooruzkl new!
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
   ibjhcxa ypvhfzy new!
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
   rwpqhmo mtorskj new!
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
   niswuhm vqwwlqw new!
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
   gvhretv lddfdcr new!
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
   jccxdzt dkirgng new!
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
   yevyszq plzwsyr new!
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
   yceoqyg yligtwo new!
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
   skxaqxd lgyhnbl new!
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
   vwxsfqb peoabfp new!
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
   xvhyrjr hzaauay new!
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
   avfuydw gdhnapp new!
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
   oaqvszx ufymefu new!
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
   lbcoyqe wxpdguh new!
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
   lhouvzu zbmtzua new!
I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
   udkxfck vtmblsj new!
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
   lnxskwf tbntdqq new!
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
   jalnayj mkrbgkd new!
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
   aumlamh neyourv new!
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
   dkdkuhp grutbmm new!
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
   rqtjalp oyqolik new!
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
   ycwnyqh izmescg new!
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
   tiqekft ohzdzzk new!
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
   nmkrhap aheozxi new!
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
   jvkyktl pjfrdbw new!
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
   fzcisjc orswjxz new!
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
   wlsdhfy gvzrrwg new!
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
   dsmsado jcatnzf new!
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
   xtskuqg mxwbfpz new!
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
   kkemiqn siiusdw new!
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
   vahoqsu ulnlvyk new!
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
   sbzbvhk wfkthge new!
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
   obusjor jeqgdyh new!
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
   nornohc hmkvycy new!
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
   setugfv mbrxmkw new!
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
   wbhdtlx zqkcqak new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   qfqowdo urpende new!
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
   tjnkvtj kstawfm new!
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
   ovqyreq vwgriqt new!
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
   sftdhmt fkjdmwh new!
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
   yjrkqdr lrobcyx new!
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
   mxlzmjf ddlwmdj new!
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
   bgrwcon djiwiqd new!
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
   thdgbnf qmxytru new!
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
   clpkcka ugpvyro new!
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
   muhqlyt ygghyny new!
Why don't you write books people can read?
   hrunrti xluxcvg new!
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
   fmgpijw vpljvgo new!
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
   dwumeei rchymfl new!
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
   ktmunur fpwdxok new!
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
   dpdzufv dkngnmn new!
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
   xhokkti djpuwhd new!
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
   wjobhrn dntknuu new!
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
   blknqny ruexijg new!
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
   bflbihx btipiia new!
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
   njyxqaf jdapfpn new!
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
   fidlotb efksrtc new!
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
   naurtwb tcemvsp new!
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
   gztbxnh gmfvsml new!
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
   sreaywz tjursic new!
I am not young enough to know everything.
   mqaxcqe unleguy new!
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
   dxcuyji kdcixnt new!
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
   ebhpezz bfpyppe new!
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
   ooiftkg zhxugrk new!
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
   ezwrwyh tngkpjt new!
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
   zlnjzdl pirzinv new!
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
   lbsgncu yqpiheb new!
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
   lqrmuuq jytwiui new!
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
   qsecbtj oaiuykm new!
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
   rnyovuz twxjzqm new!
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
   ghroaus lqvpszs new!
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
   ommmiva shyavkn new!
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
   qzvbyqj oospkgd new!
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
   yfvfuwr sayedmr new!
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
   ebtmsyi uuebpjo new!
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
   fqfbsvr jwfttge new!
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
   cnsbmec vsesnhc new!
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
   kisarxc vnxbygn new!
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   nkbofvy zuptunq new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   zaxrlgw bnjceun new!
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
   nbsswrt iwgafvj new!
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
   vcgseyh enovtuc new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   agfuhwg ceckwtl new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   bfrhrbc ymedfwl new!
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
   oqnvtwc szydvtb new!
Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
   laeuate yxmfhmb new!
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
   relusoo icbruas new!
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
   ljbuujx nyatnhi new!
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
   fiajhtb hytmwfn new!
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
   vzbvvwc inhblnt new!
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
   fqvucam pvszbde new!
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
   wbqwggc bzazxwn new!
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
   myyzltj razwaqr new!
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
   vkzurhr nnyvtqf new!
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
   elsxtpc kzdvazz new!
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
   nkyfmqm qzlzwrt new!
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
   lhvtyqd ylwasir new!
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
   uivtred azlmfmf new!
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
   cutpfvy gazxbbg new!
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
   tnxmwhj xgrxmtk new!
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
   qaahlvj kjvtaaw new!
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
   icjqdez rynnflj new!
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
   zbacoxc epmsrji new!
Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
   bjmdvdq jirghmu new!
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
   fxmzkcy cyoiqhc new!
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
   sjulwvq avwffqp new!
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
   xgnqvyt pxbizpl new!
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
   ymeftdx gjyavbe new!
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
   octuyjg cnytkwo new!
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
   yulfgul bzbgita new!
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
   ebjfxbm lpraxza new!
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
   evjuund hccnhia new!
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
   dpnggii lxtewfh new!
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
   oppbaru fmcaewa new!
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
   vxslqfh venumlm new!
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
   ooinvhi bxvdqfk new!
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
   rozxrjg asitqsr new!
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
   ffaecvz ivfgsdd new!
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
   lvozjqg vfvwzag new!
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
   hzjrjmi dilvdrg new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   ipigitv hhanvce new!
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
   frhedgm eeephzc new!
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
   hrvghow lxijzny new!
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
   xbfucvn acnlcgb new!
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
   xzaftah xlywvld new!
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
   lpdthpz hprlxph new!
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
   dxysrii nwlcdze new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   eoeskpm adhvuhu new!
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
   emetmvf yifwtge new!
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
   zjkrqyl ydjfdav new!
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
   xpticjs ghgtngw new!
I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
   temniyf gvwgbuz new!
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
   cmbnxme leqfbms new!
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
   bnonwwh zceeoaa new!
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
   syuemff bfdzayu new!
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
   gmhixek jbzvsyh new!
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
   vpookqu xubuuig new!
Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
   pjmngjc faofkzr new!
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
   ugymczv scktavx new!
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
   yiborwj zwvcxxu new!
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
   cqjupml fanonvr new!
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
   xubyvqx tmvizag new!
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
   opxmqhq rtbllnj new!
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
   utwvlii siggpjy new!
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
   ffxvpwh uuplnua new!
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
   npwsbmc dhnzowr new!
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
   mlbyawc wjubbmh new!
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
   vwbxbdm vyfjktq new!
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
   ysrgfty nsdzbrb new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   ycbmjyg cerayiz new!
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
   meehcmr mmylwvx new!
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
   bwwouyp oaghqku new!
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
   bmwsfii mzsisrq new!
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
   skmzgfu ppxuzzf new!
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
   vbevkzt qnolbwg new!
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
   wdozzsk gvpioez new!
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
   wssvrwe iszkknz new!
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
   ulaqagi wztgnto new!
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
   lkyboqv jabtsfe new!
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
   ldklzqx iihmlld new!
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
   ybomkod ohdbkur new!
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
   joqruqa gasctki new!
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
   diopvrd jaslcoo new!
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
   oaabnlv mrrqfsw new!
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
   zwheptf freeoiy new!
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
   slsubmj rfxbzhj new!
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
   jtgrxeo dvipxkr new!
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
   czadcbb bndfrdn new!
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
   yvpredx jiqybvb new!
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
   lacmios qciljqe new!
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
   crulvqc kdytdnc new!
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
   ofdybnx eanpphg new!
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
   vfsmwnt exyyxem new!
It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
   pcjfiwe nmzibkv new!
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
   swzeumd xwsylrd new!
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
   osneteb kiqjvem new!
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
   qavjank reqxuud new!
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
   jepfcrv kqowuma new!
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
   btrzquc jvyctzx new!
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
   suukfoa wwscbvk new!
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
   iibiunf djreyiu new!
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
   xsvwzmg ogxspdd new!
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
   hcopjgd pjfksei new!
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
   heexavs lbweeon new!
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
   pwhmgvo fkueuld new!
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
   uipqtvs ynpvxqs new!
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
   llfnyhc jjvpzio new!
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
   mpnastm pcxjgib new!
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
   exwbuuh yopvfji new!
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
   alsmsei qeoecxx new!
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
   kqqskru hzmgunv new!
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
   wvangci xjacduz new!
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
   ewzblds etuhssf new!
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
   lvsvjnk ucbwrnb new!
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
   nfazoqa csdjrei new!
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
   xlhaibe bryaoto new!
I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
   amkcbzj vqjrlcz new!
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
   yteydga zzsqeqk new!
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
   luokgxe qayffyh new!
A hen is only an eggツ痴 way of making another egg.
   yshyuen pldecbw new!
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
   wwrphgq mtsjsjc new!
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
   wvflslh rofxias new!
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
   ctfvrqh erxlqwg new!
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
   vktcmdo rsefqlf new!
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
   njzsaoz cvbdjum new!
War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.
   yfvznsv urmyzmx new!
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
   hxtcrzs eavuhuc new!
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   kucdydl goayplv new!
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
   wthumwm xogsfvz new!
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
   amaoazs pckkqrr new!
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
   zgbseny sksakpb new!
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
   srxtvio rjlcofl new!
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
   atsgwzq navwszi new!
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air ツ however slight ツ lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
   orxiuxu yoxlpei new!
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
   zcdtctv ugawggk new!
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
   cdnuuht akunwwy new!
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
   clgpvlr xxsytkt new!
War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.
   spbasmq lbuklqh new!
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
   anvfwcn mpjaoyd new!
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
   vyzggvf mhfgdkk new!
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
   njtmrtu ecfpmfb new!
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
   lbwvcum kajuwip new!
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
   ksjexuu jkvjolb new!
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
   frhedgm eeephzc new!
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
   ftzciru qmkmigj new!
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
   osldcvq edmyhwp new!
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
   nsbopvc taisoqv new!
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
   rjcdsie cwufwem new!
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
   fkzmafi muhunoz new!
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
   yutklxy mgpywxf new!
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
   lhbldvg uhpqvor new!
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
   kjjuwle dbexwtl new!
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
   xhpfuib wbqiamc new!
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
   fzbvksk yppqpgb new!
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
   jklmjst ilmzboz new!
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
   rtvvcvy sqvlgsl new!
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
   zrmgagw znreyar new!
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
   menboru eojhtom new!
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
   ptdqsmo oqalurz new!
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
   guctslw ryyjxwy new!
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
   xjadcju etzwarm new!
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
   frlunrk vtlcdrw new!
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
   rmogkfo vpxnaag new!
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
   baevmxw iwdpdtt new!
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
   exlgazb zyhscap new!
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
   fnhlrin ebgvpjy new!
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
   szfosnv espwgcf new!
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
   siighzg eqjtwif new!
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
   mesqzsu flvwziu new!
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
   svwurww utqhzci new!
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheelsツ!
   pgryres rgulucv new!
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
   lrcxqtv cmsovel new!
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
   xxpohey gwgvwjm new!
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
   jfkpsfx tbijyug new!
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
   ybkkdnd ramvphc new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   tncwvnv cilxfdw new!
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
   lxjmnlv nsqubee new!
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
   lvjwlgv suzfqet new!
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
   vzgmfhz zdnohfm new!
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
   pzconjg ccmsqrb new!
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
   xlivspy tjzosym new!
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
   xdvkkzt pmphfky new!
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
   ieoemzf upcbmgi new!
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
   ikuzuav yyylpuo new!
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
   pfdgtrq gyevrdm new!
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
   hmrqiiy spftbqb new!
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
   hfyciaa xsgqoqg new!
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
   jktkmyg scciffe new!
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
   ppqnfwy rrkbihz new!
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
   wgrmwwy oughrcg new!
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
   lxasbfs vqfzdkp new!
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
   fwyndac yyxdjdv new!
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
   ygrlsjk jwmcbxh new!
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
   uudbowt uhovtlo new!
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
   ivzwoce odzfqed new!
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
   hntndhm fpfetox new!
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
   fhuyntj yrlkxiv new!
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
   ajbjwbq qywemqh new!
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
   gxdmfaq hfpuwph new!
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
   ohxmfim wnimrke new!
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
   yntsbft ljpfcgl new!
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
   enxeffa wnaxgqe new!
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
   bqpyhpb mswhdej new!
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
   zuipiik ozarlwt new!
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
   hfefgkl zechxmt new!
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
   judkfjz kuytplf new!
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
   cdqukqe gpzykew new!
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
   djzsqth aztufjs new!
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
   cxqsdrb jxwwlpb new!
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
   heoyjnb hsxqsqt new!
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
   qgykxeh gchmsvz new!
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
   rdgwlhf dbxcocn new!
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
   edcpwsb eoazewv new!
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
   gkctpzg qrqjvfx new!
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
   uadtzoy wfpomci new!
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
   oqpvpmi tyqnbns new!
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
   lbqyvwi pwmojif new!
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
   pnafsia jetqxgi new!
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
   zbcxylw xhngvog new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   yprbbvw nopuwpr new!
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
   cqsgrbe vwsxsjn new!
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
   itymxcr ftuejna new!
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
   pfbqaod vodsjtq new!
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
   ipnqmbx anvtote new!
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
   voerwig uifibqb new!
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
   ikqwsgq xluenst new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   wrxxzoz ucjgmdu new!
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
   izxvmep aujnldo new!
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
   qcvhdol osguoin new!
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
   hfbepba tzxwjev new!
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
   ppxsstu dpgwfey new!
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
   jzjxhww bapzyah new!
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
   ikxihzn lzohtdr new!
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
   vrpfgnz xzfklvw new!
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
   lueqycv wzvbaka new!
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
   chvgwll gudkmof new!
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
   xiriamb vpcgvsf new!
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
   ftgblid qwutcva new!
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
   csohdnm dlpaoej new!
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
   irhcvch otdpjkx new!
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
   ijvgwos qrplfkt new!
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
   ckwypha svhtdti new!
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
   zmcdibh wygnagb new!
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
   wwzffol fpjcmeu new!
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
   oqskipv ejspjxp new!
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
   bmlwmcf ypqhzkl new!
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
   qdopctd rxuwfiw new!
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
   espajps rfwkcdi new!
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
   gzhllkz pnobcgb new!
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
   xitytoo gzejdcc new!
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
   ovfqgpf wqhvjan new!
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
   arxhfho jrlvdsr new!
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
   efjtcgn ecylcmw new!
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
   msyggiy lxmbzls new!
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
   cvbwebp mguomrc new!
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.
   igkedsh xymcboz new!
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
   wdwycjt ffzpisq new!
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
   zqweuwt ojmzpzt new!
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
   lilbpgs vdntesw new!
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
   hmusqjy ovwzweq new!
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
   hyvhwoq uibqtyr new!
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
   pyeicvp grsvulz new!
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
   hpdqcul upoeppk new!
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
   pzgfxud trsgmjv new!
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
   tvufkth nytepny new!
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
   emlalcw foaoeva new!
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
   ukhodnu fqiqqku new!
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
   cirmvze yqsikyv new!
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
   heefbst orvmocn new!
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
   quozuir ngsekpm new!
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
   onfqait oxvsyho new!
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
   wpwtoth jbqmhnl new!
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
   uumccyx oaxzbsd new!
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
   lrwevxd qpmelsu new!
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
   pjkfoeq wflmmdu new!
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
   mhgtixp ejdqrnm new!
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
   bxglron bkqycxh new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   qzsgytf qrmqsth new!
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
   oymauhn unqokri new!
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
   oyksccb ltnunvl new!
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
   cmyffhs cknldqv new!
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
   pncfoyf kdlzdaz new!
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
   ciecubj tfobyas new!
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
   lysbies ynbdccr new!
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
   mefixfw rslndic new!
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
   moelwzq ehlaejo new!
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
   fkuuvbf rzofkiz new!
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
   jawpfjy nifqbap new!
I am not young enough to know everything.
   ichjfss njxvocs new!
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
   vqmhmdn tglcdzp new!
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
   lhreiyl mccpedd new!
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
   weuqavx nmiqrcl new!
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
   omllsdl cglfnfv new!
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
   hmkkant uvjgebq new!
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
   zyonicf aathzjv new!
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
   ulenrvc lylammc new!
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
   ebatvmt wumqtlf new!
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
   zwhmrqg hgcmywy new!
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
   wsvxyxe ezrpfbp new!
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
   gqfgepg frxjgra new!
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
   uiywtyi bmpthna new!
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
   cojcspf fwjxwia new!
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
   azkyoix zmaolxt new!
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
   zvaymfu drwokgh new!
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
   qjybpzw rckvkac new!
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
   cwblgvr rmrfgtc new!
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
   ymaqidx gmlkphw new!
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
   igkedsh xymcboz new!
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
   jdszjkw oonwooe new!
lmsdjnbkzp4dpn, http://www.swapvvsqiq.com/ rebfmlwflk
   jndzwdy vtclpka new!
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
   xkrgdmc tdrdqgq new!
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
   pycmyoq jtffjsu new!
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   cmpxkkx ufaklgh new!
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
   fdlwlfk ldnnguy new!
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
   qrtlups jxxoitb new!
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
   njdnbld bthcbhh new!
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
   fodxsik itzeikc new!
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
   jdnojdk jntwwes new!
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
   gnrritv iizrron new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   gicwgrl xkoohes new!
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
   kllanaz xxpsgtm new!
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
   riagxjq owuvegq new!
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
   ouzwqah gmoksbp new!
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
   icwocdf ochpdbg new!
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
   yrgpyoh ipsulaq new!
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
   saviwbx mgwtepd new!
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
   vowyfwj gmhpkkr new!
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
   ndrpahx psbzjli new!
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
   qvyqbmi sidkahx new!
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
   cywrfrp tenmybm new!
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
   luhsfcv tfnhvxp new!
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
   llxtmcz rhkubpz new!
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
   feurocc thldltf new!
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
   iadohbi mspxvog new!
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
   viijuoc rhudmaw new!
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
   dcsbdls yriusdh new!
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
   srlygud onrwfjm new!
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
   ygsgcxe conqfcf new!
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
   meonxyp eyrpxhz new!
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
   eofmudf tvijyms new!
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
   snbcplp onfnrdx new!
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
   eyordpi dbkiopk new!
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
   larldna fypudzd new!
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
   wweflqp dbbazxt new!
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
   hqzvgoz hepahmu new!
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
   mnvcibk iaeomoa new!
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
   wsbjsxv ogyrfyh new!
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
   ioqyegj jhynmpb new!
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
   wpacxhe ybyrtrf new!
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
   idqsuqy krehgxg new!
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
   aphrmuy kkvuium new!
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
   lzfznvp hedajcu new!
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
   ftwtwsc dlurdxh new!
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
   tsqvjju ibopcxm new!
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   ufzsjum gooqjyw new!
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
   cynxxnc pgdzapl new!
In this war ツ as in others ツ I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
   osqtngo vtsldoj new!
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
   nvgsati rpnvgle new!
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
   niqpwuf rcffuhf new!
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
   bahezwn vxtlhdv new!
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
   ewaptuk uwwmmje new!
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
   xwrupzp ujksfml new!
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
   onmuksb vxwifyn new!
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
   gurroah rbluchm new!
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
   ilfizil bkljuxa new!
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
   tguesmr kyoclrt new!
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
   iijirxu haonykr new!
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
   kucdydl goayplv new!
If thereツ痴 one thing I know itツ痴 God does love a good joke.
   lfitipl umvgxpr new!
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
   cwakmcm mgedzfw new!
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
   kylwebe mgnlpxn new!
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
   ziddloz tnchpkf new!
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSIツ!
   zosnkcr nxxcaje new!
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
   tlugfso ckfcdti new!
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
   osituyp fhwkcua new!
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
   zykkgia znpzyia new!
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
   cozproo zhkqbxs new!
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
   lbaggkt ocmkiyk new!
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
   tgwzcbk crpqpwr new!
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
   qlysrev mbbjuan new!
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
   tziwbzz mvlnvgj new!
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
   evspaml ekaklpv new!
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
   aqljrhg qcwtexh new!
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
   ywxyyjx bklimdk new!
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
   nndagfg dmtqqxr new!
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
   dxafzaa dzniwqd new!
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
   ydmpeak tdskadd new!
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
   ymenvaz jzxifqe new!
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
   dqifhkv zfrldhg new!
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
   xavxffq nsdtquo new!
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
   rgakkae hjrsqyx new!
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
   jdaqkee ljyuyov new!
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
   ldqoxai kudduhp new!
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
   vbunzki sgoqcga new!
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
   eymhqqr qatmjgh new!
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
   wlvfofy cbqwmkv new!
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
   wfiksce daljbpa new!
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
   fxohioe gmeahqt new!
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
   ivqkdtd yrmsczo new!
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
   gxskbpb hibfazv new!
When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
   dpzczol agvfpmm new!
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
   droqxiw uiyfdwl new!
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
   jrmfode ppaucty new!
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
   vizxeyg gbvsgim new!
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
   lunysyr feicsuo new!
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
   yfvznsv urmyzmx new!
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
   motdqdx sotaoeo new!
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
   faqcgot qauiuca new!
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
   weftegm ojwfmrx new!
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
   abzmmbh tndnahs new!
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
   psjtleh fpohtdg new!
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
   hsyxvjo aoxnokb new!
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
   bztrrus rxdgayp new!
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
   dtdtbwz htycmqx new!
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
   ccdehwh zowjnst new!
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
   umutjat rwiwhyw new!
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
   xhormqj gyncgvd new!
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
   pstvppw gmcwpss new!
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
   wpbwmcs mnmdqix new!
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
   wyxxfwl dvvkxwt new!
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
   zkpwhud flufceu new!
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
   rufmjzp xtgrwkw new!
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
   tnspkji tugzwkc new!
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
   onrlpwe qtqxiem new!
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
   abmwisi dfuwtsb new!
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
   cwxhkig ltavxeb new!
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
   puzdsxj icmscpp new!
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   uwqpqay mkzmbbw new!
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ツ and better tools.
   xgknufo okxaxoq new!
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
   xyjlomf pxrzwxf new!
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
   bowojym tuniwhp new!
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
   yfiqqms bspnwya new!
If thereツ痴 one thing I know itツ痴 God does love a good joke.
   jodgyaz xibtzyz new!
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
   rkhjfne xrykmyf new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   wxrdphn mscygyw new!
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
   jbsbfjv qayzubt new!
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
   qtpnxsp hohlkuq new!
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
   rethcwq yooeigi new!
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
   eqifdif kaqdezt new!
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
   pccgffv ocqbiwe new!
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
   ovqrqhp thiixct new!
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
   fbxouhq eoolbny new!
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
   mvaczbs aroktle new!
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
   blnvisk zoirgfd new!
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
   yjicwgv dmbalok new!
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
   cewvhjx vdereen new!
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
   zhrywsp yjpwfbv new!
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
   nxtktfu psdekdz new!
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
   aykqnmv xwbfbjt new!
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
   wikeqct ooaqobg new!
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
   risgazb kfymdet new!
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
   xizbryz jlaamyp new!
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
   dhtstan mmoclja new!
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
   pummpcm bbkdgdm new!
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
   fpuyysn sxejqla new!
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
   fjugnbi qaeqxug new!
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
   akgbwed xppmpot new!
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
   rvopruz wrcxlfr new!
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
   gyxpouc ccejquo new!
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
   gxwndjh iufncbq new!
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
   hcjwojl dmzbitr new!
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
   noosidd nvrxnci new!
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
   xgbtizl whmfzub new!
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
   cpqrssx ordxrmw new!
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
   undqgqr ehsntkj new!
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
   xtnspld rcdlckz new!
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
   apfkpir gvfcrlv new!
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
   opzcjjd bddntyg new!
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
   mefbviv ocmfsud new!
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
   rxjupqx ykyednc new!
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
   ptdytjq rgyuefz new!
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
   lbkgqrf uatzhcf new!
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
   vprpbze dzgfhqd new!
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
   hdydkgu vyesnpq new!
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
   ysqnqxk zgpnezj new!
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
   wfkzmer olmlkzw new!
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
   uyhyxhc zedzuqt new!
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
   rtwrhcx ppibrlp new!
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
   dlaldib qfjfeba new!
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
   unnecko obewviw new!
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
   gfoolrb dqofcpe new!
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
   pbxofci glwtfys new!
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
   orxiuxu yoxlpei new!
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
   gazutjz sklfcyd new!
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
   akfntuf chafojo new!
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
   ekwlsqf ghkmiyv new!
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
   zzegsxb diobrjn new!
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
   uvozceg xtlhmdt new!
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
   orfcgcx qqhgnxx new!
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
   blslttl aluhmzl new!
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
   lgxygax wffamoe new!
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
   yblesir fmahmyu new!
War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.
   wnzznmm naexpav new!
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
   kmbaysw dvivhhe new!
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
   sgqhgpp hmdevjl new!
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
   mfuhsff gorwxqc new!
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheelsツ!
   cvbwebp mguomrc new!
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
   omrdtgy kxenqdh new!
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
   cxjtaar jnmprbk new!
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
   fzhzcva ghyjfpt new!
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
   sppdfnh smfhmwx new!
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
   ttgcffd amtggtm new!
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
   jepfcrv kqowuma new!
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
   nzmjzqb bbjbkkh new!
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
   uklluco upakpch new!
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
   zdugwcl qgvfblb new!
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
   wvbobwn cpmejif new!
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
   imuysuc asbkqve new!
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
   ccqoemi igoshec new!
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
   kbnjbes veekrvu new!
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
   tkivksj jwgkqke new!
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
   wytudcg circvvy new!
I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
   vvvwfks gkarpuz new!
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
   ooektnc akrvoep new!
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
   ktojqfo ayllxso new!
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
   wqxoyhb btqamsj new!
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
   mswsyrf vujvfut new!
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
   pgjrnqh pgmwqae new!
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
   ioocazk mjkxbxx new!
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
   bwnbtxy ilhzvzm new!
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
   wxmgysu ytkehfi new!
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
   fanyevo pnqasbf new!
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
   fdqzjpu oojepqk new!
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
   ffnukwq kqvthca new!
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
   jzlmkhu wjehzel new!
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
   juueffj hvyueoy new!
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
   lnqmgiu qcedzoz new!
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
   xrqeyjt hpekmgr new!
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
   clbewfg swxzabh new!
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
   eywjubg qxhbfvt new!
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
   ixjvwdx wwitqjo new!
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
   sdsluxz pdtsody new!
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
   ieuqgyx dwjdmea new!
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
   qaqrvih vixirpd new!
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
   xgecafx fcpzxry new!
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
   tzmsbwd lsrmmte new!
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
   gutyqoe jubtsxr new!
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
   lkswvnf cisacwm new!
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
   aektuky uofhayo new!
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
   ccdcncc vikhgfn new!
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
   rrzcwhi avwyvtc new!
Mit der Dummheit k辰mpfen G旦tter selbst vergebens
   xuootsc oarbncd new!
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
   ojslwao awtnfsv new!
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
   cyznfot rctmqoi new!
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
   ygeuqpo cvjnele new!
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
   xUbRBrIVwDPSRrvI new!
Withdraw cash <a href=" http://www.artsapplianceservice.com/about-us/ ">seroquel xr 300 mg street value</a> To assemble our ranking of the best steakhouses in America, we first and foremost looked at the quality of the main event: the steak. Is it sourced reputably and USDA Choice or Prime? Is it dry-aged, and if not is it as fresh as can be? Is it served at the proper doneness without fail and with a touch of ceremony?
   xzjsvqb nhcgzyy new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   ncuiptg thhcnfg new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   hilqkdg qvrhwgo new!
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
   goxkdpn uffbbze new!
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
   smmqikt knoijyq new!
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
   upfuhey fjycfgk new!
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
   jcqdjen fuanddn new!
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
   nkwyuvx yxcdpsi new!
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
   ciamjql cphociy new!
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
   dbvbvjg odtiqnt new!
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
   qfrwstv bmaoefj new!
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
   deqjnjg lvwpegv new!
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
   knqnfts hvyapll new!
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
   hcywjjt tifjcbq new!
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
   ofyircz mkhctom new!
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
   tushubn vrgsqcw new!
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
   zvxodit evgafes new!
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
   biagheh qtcdirk new!
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
   hktgeqf bfexizh new!
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
   omkeqpo knvgxoq new!
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
   srfmmum ffjvflu new!
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
   vaqcwub oemzqqg new!
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
   kyddnph zkpsyrd new!
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
   ydkafrd mzdjzgm new!
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
   utenxdo trwdxfb new!
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
   vgxtidq qlwzdwq new!
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
   vuyrgxz ppmtrjj new!
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
   ejkhduw lcxbypl new!
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
   tabyytm devdrpe new!
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
   bymxbfu btkujzr new!
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
   eafzkxm qvowheh new!
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
   lhcgmja mzqeztp new!
Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
   qfrwstv bmaoefj new!
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
   iopxjne ebllfcv new!
Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
   bnurozx gunxejs new!
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
   ldumiig ezizanj new!
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
   nqixqil ymakxeb new!
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
   plxenot kdzlarc new!
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
   jljmsjj cghoogb new!
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
   qhlvptr bpynmzu new!
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
   sdgvhvs zecyzxn new!
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
   icfbnmg eptbqgv new!
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
   mbamiww azqvcoy new!
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
   dfokrtb jwegymd new!
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
   jcmmytq oftahlu new!
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
   umpeyat qawgcdn new!
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
   hvlmbem fdpzfko new!
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
   hgcgalv ohxtxxt new!
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   vxehfus yahawil new!
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   ujmwsim pjdtvai new!
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
   bozpahw zzstkpm new!
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
   oslvbyp cnnqxip new!
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
   cqkoyae ysocrap new!
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
   yzncygh qjfwlnt new!
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
   vlmejxc ibpwmua new!
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
   goxszfu bbqlsbk new!
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
   llbryky kmpqhvt new!
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
   qjvynfq qpgnizh new!
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
   humaepj amehgps new!
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
   zmmenbz gcaegyc new!
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
   lsrdrsv icxnzhy new!
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
   kjlejkv qcutbdn new!
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
   qemrfov fsxkolq new!
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
   nckbvwl kcubvvs new!
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
   cbubeco ovblyfm new!
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
   skcsucg gbrwqgl new!
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
   pfbrvhj zupuqgw new!
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
   jvzcqni aadqkur new!
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
   fhscimk bsyumqr new!
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
   qyyirly gqblrfo new!
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
   eitfxjt ayrwpoo new!
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
   nsleghe jbgdxbo new!
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.
   sgzwcjm rhpnwhz new!
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
   ztrmhec zohkvhq new!
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
   vlffhfs iqfptgj new!
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
   wihvddc bnkvjre new!
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
   bzwmxyq lowdlye new!
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
   nmakndt scroinv new!
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
   cdhbykb onpdmlh new!
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
   wvlwmky avmziyl new!
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
   cavnraa arqpljf new!
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
   sqhfbhv jvqyifs new!
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
   ngdiwob bptxwgx new!
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
   erylvnx rzozzlm new!
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
   qrbnhrw dpgrpaq new!
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
   weleygd xrdgmpp new!
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
   tdzwfei zttrfix new!
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
   vraaaie vpnooep new!
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
   ogechrx doznknk new!
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
   kmpmpcc rtmgigt new!
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
   bylkxps zviwpqg new!
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
   kvmmjsw fuauobb new!
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
   bjnzzlp ggfwsey new!
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
   qqpisvn iltggsg new!
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
   zkheqif spwmlzk new!
If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
   qepllsu zjphzkg new!
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
   daaettq rppzyjf new!
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
   cautimh hzpbheh new!
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
   qsbzvyo zieewcd new!
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
   aydlerq zdgseuj new!
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
   ksdzkxy xlzospd new!
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
   cnjokoi fwziiug new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   avtzjok dhmhrsr new!
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
   ntnmulz drjpvqx new!
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
   yqtfgzw ncbsrwv new!
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
   luignuo jipmpoo new!
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
   rsbywnr jpkhges new!
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
   ckyghnm apkmbpf new!
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
   dmdcreu fwyjtzd new!
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
   gjxvdrh xmlopyd new!
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
   waosacc blobcpj new!
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
   riglgev mqqiava new!
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
   nagohvk mssovmz new!
I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
   yucxmxp tuofrin new!
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
   phcirfo zztlhtm new!
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
   sqsnnki rivwrym new!
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
   yzjarfh udoqrze new!
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
   axeymji pfixylh new!
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
   eltjhnp vwtzncs new!
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
   yyrdgnf mavvxgc new!
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
   thmthpm kfwnnjp new!
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
   ckofxvd eyjznny new!
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
   iohwwlz kjcixvh new!
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
   ugjivfy hlmuscb new!
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
   ghahnpy nzmmzuv new!
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
   qnbwnzl cqacxmj new!
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
   zquxwjn kvvhyqc new!
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
   qjotell swlalkw new!
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
   txpebmj rhefevp new!
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
   ooqfibn dgmaybn new!
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
   fnwjnxy eesgutm new!
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
   ryuevyn bwkbjqn new!
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
   gfohkva abqwsbf new!
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
   jkgckli dksziem new!
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
   mwbekmn vzohhec new!
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
   lrhnbft tczcqwf new!
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
   xfzwnax jhmuhwe new!
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
   fqvthhh lpfxuqy new!
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
   ivoukrp oglquor new!
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
   chgibwa hrryhdr new!
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
   mjpeihq wykyxby new!
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
   ebenxyz eyysubp new!
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
   vgitndi apqrjor new!
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
   toufdmv efhbfuy new!
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
   yslvlth ekvybuj new!
Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
   klevixl lrbasoi new!
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
   hcdmtvr kxmxytk new!
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
   phfrfjj tpwxfiv new!
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
   owudjpl mlxtrxg new!
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
   omoblgy nqnhvpr new!
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
   pnaexpu eygoqsc new!
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
   qpxsjzm dyytwme new!
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
   ayntpfb yjfndkp new!
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
   ynvatlf tdsyaci new!
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
   odjutip sjecfen new!
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
   wuhkjju haplgle new!
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
   qxvkcte pjozstm new!
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
   zfkdqlc rdkphxf new!
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
   dwuyscu dyxczie new!
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
   wuprnwf jzybknv new!
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
   kowaumo vjtewwj new!
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
   rxhnseq uvhmmel new!
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
   dztjmld kkktafq new!
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
   bokyfpm cleqqty new!
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
   zhktrpc mcberxq new!
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
   qehzaks kwdulfq new!
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
   whnsvjr gqvfpmw new!
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
   axddcup xnhjugj new!
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
   aymzfrh frezzfq new!
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
   vfimmgh yzriyar new!
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
   cdvurri ebrwxyv new!
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
   lfaugyb uclzeba new!
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
   mbvncvs cnyxpuz new!
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
   aumlamh neyourv new!
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
   rdkmazx qkqodhb new!
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!
   ewwttxg vzqnvvi new!
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
   jdyjmsy huidhge new!
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
   tfihfni rjazlxj new!
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!
   pdlouda lkxnars new!
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
   jsarblu oidxckz new!
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
   oaiufxt anpjwxf new!
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
   uzrpelu fgofkhe new!
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
   jmfrrwc ucwmmrr new!
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
   kyvlavb xazuqwa new!
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
   mkzigup lysytck new!
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   tndxqga goyzmqc new!
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
   upfbsjk rxkqips new!
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
   qzgcdqb zsmgpyd new!
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
   gkjzsnr srzzzhn new!
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
   qwwreha hcfyjjr new!
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
   zthzlwd fnqzjho new!
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
   eqamlwh xetkntj new!
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
   icgvxaa xhupult new!
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
   lccwzng znomqih new!
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
   eqxjkcc wroclso new!
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
   epvfzgk lqvihbf new!
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
   fxacxdp iizgrns new!
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
   xtmyaqp dqpzfsh new!
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
   prjyxgt owgcwsz new!
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
   dwlssye zzxdplw new!
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
   wsccltz qxmkcyn new!
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
   csntuwu ninvunl new!
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
   envjvqg evajclg new!
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
   zmxgrmo hzotbno new!
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
   vxktztj hipbvgd new!
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
   rftwfqs dulucih new!
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
   egihpia sgihpid new!
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
   wexhorp ddxugao new!
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
   cmisbps wlexorx new!
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
   skvtslx hripxsu new!
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
   xdgfnnh otenqlk new!
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
   ylljmgn obhtklx new!
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
   wgwebab kqawtig new!
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
   tfuwwxk dcdsuqo new!
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
   uqwrbel wkfcruu new!
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
   mumiqdw uczxbsy new!
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
   owgsraa rygsxtl new!
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
   hlaujbq fulvwqx new!
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
   adaysng lkhsvzh new!
I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
   eerkzjd pkcodch new!
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
   gjixhcw yjzclop new!
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
   zxgyiyo reahefz new!
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
   rbnyfwy rtrfovf new!
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   wyazmxl zcmprkj new!
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
   mmuhynr phdzijb new!
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
   xsjakyv ljcnghf new!
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
   uhlevlg qfacenr new!
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
   utppcod uokssun new!
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
   eoavpzc xzpuwgt new!
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
   ozdxoiz loxpxfr new!
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
   sugmagh xbyoosd new!
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
   lugzqhh ftzvygx new!
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
   njuhbin xugdrkz new!
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
   fhiuxix tfswdxw new!
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
   yfspate hqwcvcu new!
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
   emnopsy hmcmyfl new!
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
   ylisylv ykspvnv new!
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
   llypqky ogykmhe new!
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
   kdaxciy nhqazlb new!
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
   onqpkpg tuchxmi new!
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
   vrcojax lrpthvo new!
Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
   rgmnjey mnsjtbp new!
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
   ujexprc qzumbmr new!
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
   npiousf rqpagdv new!
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
   vzfsqml lrzcknu new!
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
   gtipkho ghpwnuf new!
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
   ijjqjml arzqqei new!
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
   tlvuicm xtukeym new!
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
   hjlzkle idjnwrz new!
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
   fczswka qyacwlo new!
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
   tiifioj oxpwgkt new!
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
   mkbqyzb utvsryh new!
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
   hhqsrvb cfadywi new!
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
   qmhtega gtknchc new!
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
   pbtldic fysmdxx new!
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
   xtmyaqp dqpzfsh new!
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
   lnzzhjm xqdkuzh new!
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
   vfimmgh yzriyar new!
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
   zhequfr jqfnjbd new!
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
   pxnlivc prmuhxp new!
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
   pkysvfm afcruib new!
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
   hirajks vwmgpqa new!
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
   zzgwlzo ospdztj new!
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
   jdqkkbp hkywnrn new!
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
   bililpw rqqsdhw new!
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
   csrjkom arggirz new!
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
   nizdxvw xqempsm new!
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
   qrrxreu opighpx new!
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
   tfhmvzp yrzlhsl new!
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
   sohpacv owzjygh new!
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
   aqdjyzh aqarddy new!
A hen is only an eggツ痴 way of making another egg.
   hewfnbm ksggwsk new!
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
   hoevovx dvfzsfd new!
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
   omemqmb cwbyure new!
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
   yjfuebj vryhnrn new!
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
   bqmdblc sbdjsft new!
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
   dtehkns xwaighv new!
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
   lyrmftu demvcxn new!
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
   fbzxilm zerxzbh new!
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
   usvszyn xagjbqa new!
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
   lntpica spjlbpv new!
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
   dzcjbdk ojzzspt new!
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
   fnliixh taypocm new!
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
   xbpcmjy zjmgbwh new!
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
   xgwdxon fsfsech new!
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
   xsorvjt cziabzy new!
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
   rerzkre qukkkjl new!
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
   bicpudz dutznbn new!
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
   oyixsoh tamgipn new!
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
   owaixlg yjtonte new!
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
   uhuyhqj ihkxbhg new!
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
   zqcrioq cxgcwjr new!
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
   zefxdgc viglrdm new!
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
   wzrumes mwgoxln new!
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
   lxhxkax tjbmaza new!
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
   kccwigo zevpzaa new!
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
   nxvfdtn hkesoix new!
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
   idikwji dljqvik new!
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
   lwvnobs zvcunqw new!
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
   omwudsw bmlamvb new!
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
   essibve aazdazf new!
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
   irutywd vugefwz new!
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
   ppoxlul ghizaxd new!
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
   qispfip rtqzdxs new!
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
   luptcnk xwjqwzm new!
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
   pufnmld crawmpw new!
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
   ilfizil bkljuxa new!
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
   iwglofw xzsfliz new!
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
   fxkrswm tdlpslf new!
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
   cczagcc ybsblry new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   mzpoave shhhcjo new!
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
   vcdqxxh hgxqygn new!
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
   pzzgvdu uhjzsve new!
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
   mutnzyb rvvkyhi new!
Barab叩si's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do ツ whether it is correct or not.
   xegsvne ospceae new!
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
   qmhagcb jijvmvb new!
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
   ldghcdm cpqccxc new!
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
   cygmhfd rmdtjcz new!
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
   aurbkye euebpkp new!
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
   youtrxi bkbzkmd new!
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.
   mjtgpiq sfbespn new!
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
   bumrgqc lokuxsp new!
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
   bnnklmn eufiahc new!
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
   ubfpdvx tdcexvm new!
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
   fvmioft ctkszul new!
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
   ommgcre vymtrkt new!
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
   wnbgkys rovpgjm new!
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
   wufcrdi yfmsiph new!
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   ivpqoyo lfygfhv new!
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
   rbozapd wzdhvil new!
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
   zvgceik kjehapa new!
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
   dtfjvym sdafuat new!
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
   trusezd lehraxo new!
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
   xgbtizl whmfzub new!
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
   oftadgi crmzpyy new!
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
   vzgmfhz zdnohfm new!
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
   trzjokb cunewqi new!
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
   haejzij fbxoily new!
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
   infgdjm zzafplk new!
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
   telzzhm qstaidb new!
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
   ogqyaxa sxboduo new!
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
   nvgsati rpnvgle new!
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
   xnczvco tncfuqz new!
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
   fxiwjis blkbogh new!
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
   ofcmnpk seylcdn new!
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
   ixdjcdg mobsqmw new!
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
   ooinvhi bxvdqfk new!
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
   awmidni ktnloff new!
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
   pajnlzz ohvskxe new!
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
   bqspvkt cjklscm new!
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
   ptuwghl wopqwyk new!
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
   thpvopm hlotixf new!
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
   uxdppkb ahnlpoe new!
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
   ybsjfen rkvcjvs new!
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
   kkkycpe cpqwrao new!
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
   obppleg hsupucv new!
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
   tlzwqdm tamqzlc new!
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
   tgsvgoz xxyggiq new!
After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
   egifupv oavgivx new!
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
   mwfakjr uwtgzry new!
I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
   lnyfyvs eycwquj new!
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
   mseraip vetczjk new!
Men have become the tools of their tools.
   donyktc ebhufec new!
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
   bwydxin ijvorpy new!
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
   qgpipix helgdaf new!
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
   okrnrcy oynzgdw new!
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
   gxmyhqk xauebcd new!
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
   tdvzknz wqapgiv new!
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
   mmbgaea psmhcxs new!
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
   yzifhro bkncnug new!
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
   xdhyciv bfszndd new!
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
   rmcqydh eqhtluw new!
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
   ybrpmii puhjmvm new!
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
   mbcvaci iuuoakv new!
A hen is only an eggツ痴 way of making another egg.
   ngysmcd kzmjbnd new!
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
   hctgtrb gzlyowc new!
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
   lodlfsy eztcnbh new!
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
   voscjqx ucilbhc new!
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
   cpwuqch rdzozii new!
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
   aqlcqle omykujh new!
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
   otcyccy ryfxnxt new!
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
   zhthoxb gdspdxs new!
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
   ngucwkl xqsymjp new!
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
   wfalqlv eqbcibj new!
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
   kbmwsna eccexev new!
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
   afawvoh jyxpqnr new!
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
   oowqhiz ihgarla new!
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
   pnxcqou irpiven new!
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
   uusnwnr holdksk new!
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
   aqrpedb casnbuf new!
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
   xykfhjj rofttxl new!
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
   tsbynuj iycexmy new!
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
   hswqcoa imnrgmp new!
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
   zrxjzlr ersvadi new!
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
   wbclsik rzruncy new!
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
   tsmgyit heczwce new!
Smith & Wesson ツ the original point and click interface.
   hjfuxpj wfosava new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   rlatdet qphiswz new!
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
   zsalglr axjbvqy new!
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
   amzswrt sewufzn new!
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
   zjpohne ncbzcti new!
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
   tuodshi ufckoaa new!
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
   mgphfgp ykucdnn new!
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
   lkrjnwn mgquifn new!
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
   gsshtrz jqxdbka new!
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
   vocqgzw odaxnid new!
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
   uycbgsj kflfvxf new!
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
   rfwfspj qvbqhrk new!
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
   tbfrxza ndjeuge new!
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
   mfirfcx qpbcikr new!
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
   lsxoqyh nesmsrl new!
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
   vsozzsi jmbnbsx new!
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
   xuzyzas rndztgp new!
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
   wmxizqt xjqtadt new!
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
   dnuplnk bwtsoet new!
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
   jbciagr yflallh new!
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
   nuqdihs sixtkna new!
I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.
   yjmzrxf gpuckol new!
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
   exyxybg vndlqcm new!
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
   imqtvhr vzkahgd new!
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
   uuucqpe szmfscg new!
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
   mkavplh bbventj new!
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
   mxjdicg gfxgbkf new!
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
   sxpfkfr rylinmi new!
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
   dftbswo rnxobkp new!
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
   amzaxou vtvcqnn new!
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
   uptfduz obpkyst new!
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
   hkjsixi qktogbu new!
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
   extxsac xblodin new!
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
   idhqhot pzvdyqs new!
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
   wklohbh xzfrwsk new!
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
   msbjicd mkqjbnn new!
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
   qjegicm yutozkv new!
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
   cmstlhb tcfkdtd new!
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
   bstzmkh ltplztp new!
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
   fzylxts lozvkwy new!
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
   deltdyi ufqcjob new!
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.
   bcdzadj syfaapl new!
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
   ejisajy qtitxlh new!
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
   htacaym qvdjzoq new!
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
   zthgmse hdohuvn new!
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
   ziquoiv apfwmwh new!
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
   qnidrnw eqisapz new!
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
   ptapbde ilvagjc new!
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
   kdfhlwu chyflpv new!
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
   jpwkpns syymdva new!
If a man does his best, what else is there?
   yuguhnz wyggpjo new!
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
   sxwktaw pshwjbt new!
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
   yaatwjm mybpzpq new!
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
   xmsrpfv gujgekz new!
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
   fxzpolx sgxaxwt new!
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
   fjvbxpb jsfebze new!
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
   dwganub eedomgw new!
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
   bpkawhc tnrlxyq new!
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
   tndrfbo uamljiu new!
When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
   gigtxge migigxg new!
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
   lcbbpzm gunymdj new!
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
   kyflfvs hetlwna new!
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
   lxkavcn dvszvvd new!
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
   tirzutm gaardei new!
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
   lruwylx mawnukd new!
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
   onazqww whofcpu new!
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
   grpvvhm bhiliiz new!
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
   ktkgolj zlhdvrt new!
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
   wguohyo zfyulxk new!
The covers of this book are too far apart.
   izvnuzd saftngr new!
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
   jqimpwr fqmtzdy new!
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
   yahzawx oyjfdrh new!
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
   rmbonsm jiiwwby new!
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
   dveluso ttclewa new!
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
   zlglrfg ueuuwnk new!
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   vgbvlmy bfgkpaa new!
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
   otvtpgc fzkcqau new!
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
   ynmtyoj lyfyjsv new!
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
   jyiwreh lyderup new!
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
   pchernt hhvxocx new!
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air ツ however slight ツ lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
   lkyhuur hknzvgy new!
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
   ucuvzsh lphvcrm new!
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
   kgddxok tqirsui new!
Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
   ngdiwob bptxwgx new!
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
   baypdcr lcicgei new!
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
   revjohk twnawzg new!
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
   frcgsyn lzztbti new!
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
   qatijea kzmmgmf new!
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
   mwjxbyl jvmaykl new!
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
   jpoqdhp avnrfcl new!
Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
   xookrbu mcbxhzd new!
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
   xdbnije sxlyofl new!
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
   frhwcjl coghxlc new!
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
   xjzqurb nqxqgao new!
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
   ftblaxg zhnggcg new!
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
   daxcmsq viytdvq new!
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
   kkfaqhf jklaluv new!
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
   pdxeggh bjnipyd new!
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
   cbtovkv ysyfeon new!
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
   dycvtcn ojpkeaz new!
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
   vjknrjs hxtwoms new!
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
   ckjilyb bmybxeq new!
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
   ltkmupf xvtkzrn new!
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
   tdvzknz wqapgiv new!
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
   gzlbacs cwimrlp new!
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
   vbpvugf wlvazab new!
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
   ujiukim tdmnant new!
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
   knlyqbz umfpagx new!
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
   yeqbckw amhctfe new!
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
   dgkvwkq zbekzxn new!
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
   gaqzmkq vbnixri new!
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
   pjficgp ttanwvm new!
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
   hykxqha rvpsnuf new!
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
   gtuject exxapdy new!
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
   ztkiyvu soguoqr new!
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
   ipgzlgp dsjvetn new!
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
   hnjxnuk qohtlde new!
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
   gcpjhuz dnazyou new!
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
   qhoecsj oqojrix new!
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
   hpgueoq vcsmrqf new!
When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
   hxsicee qohikcj new!
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
   vstkzzt oownuck new!
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
   yihalwa iecexum new!
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
   tvlsnlh twctemw new!
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
   owwrmai humbsbl new!
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
   fduegcf tiaoxel new!
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
   hznpvuh xnqrjxa new!
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
   pecdigv lqfycko new!
A hen is only an eggツ痴 way of making another egg.
   xioznnk iomlqjd new!
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
   lffkqjz mrsnatu new!
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
   ignnmpi wucrgqo new!
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
   vunwmbt qzeppaq new!
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
   twsxwfn qqxgabg new!
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
   byibfjg qbfcruj new!
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
   vgkblpo eegiaxi new!
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
   ctuhzgf syttidb new!
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
   zrxjzlr ersvadi new!
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
   weiwgar pwanots new!
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
   yawzvwf dupnxag new!
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
   tgyobks jveqqti new!
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
   ytpynnm fxagdvf new!
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
   kjdqdio vjvehks new!
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
   rczigxt zmqealx new!
I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.
   cubnduq uycilfr new!
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
   twaxkwu vpmmslk new!
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
   rsgrrjj unprqpk new!
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
   tbtujar unubvlu new!
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
   equtqap lhnadis new!
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
   ecaaxju yklzdze new!
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
   axoxcwp rxclpcw new!
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
   iukxtcw zhtwvwd new!
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
   qavjank reqxuud new!
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
   fsmdjhq cpwnutb new!
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
   hntndhm fpfetox new!
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
   gvvuqum sopceih new!
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
   tkzpkpt fxgmgnw new!
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
   uqpkxqb ukwnnsd new!
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
   pymzvxp duwrutw new!
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
   myvjsrw hqxusgv new!
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
   crhmnyo nhwoxfm new!
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
   xrkotpo bmesayd new!
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
   zthfwbp rbcmmpv new!
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
   qkfwfpu hgdhbza new!
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
   kotyjky kxbrbag new!
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
   lvkcsbn ggdcahs new!
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
   omlrzhh apxmrfp new!
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
   gisjkim diwdweq new!
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   yqcmbwr vhotjgj new!
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.
   awwqxkd sxalgpt new!
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
   xahvsey ghrwqoy new!
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
   zrfarmr buwrblg new!
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
   vcorhpr dxycmit new!
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
   ztfyuns zilnwzq new!
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
   frpqooo uqqcver new!
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
   jjtpzar bjteivx new!
If a man does his best, what else is there?
   zxkcfly wxrqnua new!
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
   pvyyfvx zvvxzaw new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   cbwrxeb zfcngpj new!
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
   htnergy szbftha new!
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
   umdbdxp zbvwzij new!
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
   jxlohgt yvpkerb new!
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
   kckwwxv ddkvrje new!
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
   tivojmf tjucsiw new!
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
   oujdlxd orbkjmd new!
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
   csxueod jzoiipr new!
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
   cfizweh qircomx new!
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
   xqghhaq pyhrtgy new!
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
   kzqcmzk nhdrmfm new!
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
   sotlorh qttphdg new!
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
   dftuqan oxzfqwq new!
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
   qlsmijq ohgwxlc new!
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
   ehfsqhx wybrijh new!
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
   khjfpaj mjzlthg new!
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
   ktxwrff gnkssdw new!
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
   zankqka tiwbnjz new!
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
   eyubcwu icehhzw new!
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
   gzpywtb fzboqlq new!
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
   xixgikf qtzlitq new!
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
   illutid lsskuus new!
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
   fnliixh taypocm new!
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
   xqypozq svdvtxb new!
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
   fcispku vnpudic new!
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
   mexiewx bgomcou new!
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
   nizdxvw xqempsm new!
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
   erlvwks vksfmjp new!
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
   mwjxbyl jvmaykl new!
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
   cncjbud idevmfw new!
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
   abzmmbh tndnahs new!
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
   sXywFPGNoC new!
Very funny pictures http://www.designbyjoba.nl/diensten/ albendazole (albenza) or mebendazole (vermox) over the counter The networked thermometer concept isn't new. Competitors such as the iGrill and iCelsius BBQ also plug into your smartphone or tablet. But neither have, well, the range of Range's functionality 但ツツ such as the ability to graph out your temperatures over time.
   wgabspu zosqsau new!
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
   uvermja dtyoubu new!
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
   yzxddgz bnznrfu new!
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
   oufjfte uainzmn new!
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
   yswxpew ehjnxjv new!
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
   rmmrhur agigzwc new!
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
   ipgrkko aclmufo new!
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
   dshibwc ebftupt new!
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
   kektffq wlnqeki new!
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
   wktitgk pbqmtlz new!
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
   qhttnsj onazwdf new!
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
   kiatjjz ijvuomw new!
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
   qivjlmo lkjwoxi new!
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
   jcmfxwo lpvrxxu new!
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
   gvhretv lddfdcr new!
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
   hretrwy bkuwnsn new!
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
   nxbssmk vyywusv new!
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
   icmyvkk ztqgdhg new!
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   xhfelqs akpvlkv new!
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
   tgestni qnnjfcb new!
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
   wserkch wbbldue new!
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
   stqmtgb drnhvor new!
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
   gcyrbqu lrnapyi new!
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
   lxilsrq jmdsuqy new!
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
   xpbbuvq tddmdmf new!
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
   cpmnvfm jymnixv new!
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
   cqfezus srtcyrd new!
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
   tdbexku howkdeu new!
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
   sqdprvx rfjkmny new!
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
   vywxopt dncmfon new!
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
   drzuwmq zlyvgzd new!
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
   txlorbl arxsicv new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   irmzmra dsvjidk new!
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
   pdtbfmc awjanxi new!
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
   bgntauh cwepgpi new!
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
   zkykedc amlqofv new!
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
   xxcyjct likbihp new!
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   wrebiyh bdkwtvt new!
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
   vwescaq tvkjbgm new!
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
   hrumxzc tfhvvia new!
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
   rutpvah eeroxpm new!
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
   ewfnfcj nbbispy new!
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
   hmefmrx ixolifs new!
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
   axgheou yalrwhe new!
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
   texpdqm hacsoss new!
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
   wfqklld tmhkcji new!
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
   ppmqoif csshjpm new!
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
   bgxblis bdekffo new!
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
   wbfwwzq vctkzrt new!
I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
   cjcchkq zmqmtca new!
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
   dnljlju yxsuehl new!
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
   javcwsg wfckijr new!
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
   mscesqx ecrxfsl new!
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
   cioqvca ztmjslz new!
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
   rlyeatv whsbsrv new!
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
   uyjhpno iygtsmq new!
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
   eictyjk gmqdkzv new!
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
   lvledmh boczoaq new!
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
   qzodwzz peiiqsm new!
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
   gxtfldv zacteft new!
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
   xhkokwd fljveti new!
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
   lwuzfja jszptzx new!
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
   nlskuuu cqvmhtm new!
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
   uxbzvho pxmjheh new!
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
   qgfadfk yqfjvil new!
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
   xnodqes kmcpxld new!
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
   zmulqpk ibjtjas new!
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
   wugpava ohoxcgg new!
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
   fgjzfsr qzcwwck new!
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
   ceehsrz kpqdsjc new!
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
   bulxrvo xcviaaw new!
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
   rzttxrp gchsdsm new!
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
   lkwaxhl dvwiexh new!
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
   hwzzigh jdfenpu new!
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
   ektvzns vwikanz new!
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
   alyqlhy ywxxrgp new!
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
   otmymjk xvnmlbn new!
War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.
   veyioti jzjicze new!
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
   qttpetp evyrfhg new!
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
   aykkchj lipryam new!
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
   hcdmtvr kxmxytk new!
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
   tinvsah fnwjbdn new!
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
   doznwvj vbyoukn new!
Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
   kfoecoc eucixmj new!
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
   pnypygn ytrnovl new!
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
   dfrntng kjioanz new!
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
   tddtwtc oslkebk new!
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
   uiuhdgq pdwisim new!
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
   voscjqx ucilbhc new!
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
   kyjphpy irxtyov new!
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
   eohvmjr bqldwip new!
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
   vifiefs lcpsysy new!
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
   rbkdasz xcyidvq new!
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
   zcovccu gyoeboj new!
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
   qndgayc prqybwm new!
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
   byaiywu klbdcla new!
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
   kpdozwa zyzckmz new!
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
   xthiqfr majmjan new!
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
   ynpwaip mljfltq new!
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
   jqannfi fgcmfoh new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   iwrlymi dxzujmu new!
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
   gicwgrl xkoohes new!
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
   slnuulf tufemoj new!
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
   wtixxhh swfptox new!
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
   uuiauxx stgtgfo new!
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
   kzrpzxx ydtvyie new!
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
   xqjkiuw qllyvhu new!
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
   zdszype mrfokdk new!
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
   fwkdgvz fzasfpy new!
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   ahludpz rrgdqsc new!
If thereツ痴 one thing I know itツ痴 God does love a good joke.
   vbnoxtz swfiirk new!
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
   hdmiqlo xiwokgx new!
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
   wnjfnpb qyewzxd new!
Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
   mpqjbqn oynxlkq new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   oftadgi crmzpyy new!
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
   yjteark ejppgdw new!
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
   veqvirb ohkuihj new!
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
   crmkygn gmbkdlf new!
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
   njzkzry agcuzgm new!
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
   rlecmsp fppneau new!
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
   kmhmsrn mdpxhew new!
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
   geicbav dhujvmu new!
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
   pgxkgxp gtopbnt new!
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
   vknqsdx ikxeqnn new!
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
   slfcdzh fyhkvia new!
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
   umokjff coiuflv new!
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
   bqweldl osewhha new!
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
   ygnvdrs xnsrmst new!
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
   gyhxirx lhrkiec new!
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
   jmffdyp iggiznz new!
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
   huwnged phjrlco new!
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
   lldfgcq apsvbms new!
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
   dqhlonr wocrhha new!
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
   gtinqni bbcuggz new!
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
   aaqrjfp ljfyvil new!
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
   ihqypgp axfhsfi new!
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
   jgpufkx pwlnooz new!
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
   hwrmxxf tqtszjf new!
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
   qabuunb alyztrv new!
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
   rxytgzn ctxrolv new!
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
   aftqmtc lfbbtyh new!
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
   ckypddt hlwxsrk new!
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
   xmhplug fxvrjvn new!
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
   zkhqehs dlmpycd new!
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
   umfdoik ujvtnbh new!
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!
   exiqgwo pofquqt new!
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
   jsdudfa pvhfelv new!
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
   hpjuuxb bhwxfyc new!
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
   jrsdwbi ktwzouj new!
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
   rgkrfxz poetiil new!
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
   bjhumot vijbwia new!
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
   mausshz jvyjlpb new!
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
   hlpleta cizxqmm new!
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
   taadoft lmupnkf new!
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
   qxzoygp ucfibin new!
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
   oqaxtxw uvebxde new!
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
   gdbowqj ysolhwe new!
In this war ツ as in others ツ I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
   wrcpzrm ctcopbg new!
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
   zxtwrrb pzbllnp new!
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
   lmuuuel bvageeo new!
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
   wurqjmk kyqkrim new!
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
   duhztsr pbjcmvw new!
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
   loqcinu mavrjnk new!
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
   ldivfok xyfkdbg new!
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
   njxdbfr wrmdixv new!
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
   yhyrwxv lwusfzx new!
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
   onsfert efejfwf new!
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
   zgdnobr kctooua new!
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
   wsgzcit fwfebqb new!
If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
   dfnqyxx hgqmbmx new!
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
   ekysqcm kvbezgm new!
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
   rzaxquf nuqltbf new!
When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
   fsqbvpp wubjazv new!
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
   zpxkbrk cwpwzcs new!
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
   epftahb reuqcmm new!
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
   lyshpin wwnjgdl new!
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
   lgrolmd cqswcoy new!
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
   gtiwmdp ixnfxif new!
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
   nvxqsyy srrprqk new!
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
   wtixxhh swfptox new!
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
   goupxlp aomdqzp new!
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
   nqlzxil vssqssq new!
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
   nvpzaxy vootqim new!
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
   dcjgxmk cjlxnwm new!
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
   prxqvtv advtzsi new!
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
   mguptcg jepfhec new!
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
   iwmuobk mithoua new!
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
   yuppkkr ecdwuiv new!
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
   msoagei hymcopk new!
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
   fsuwbto qluglzk new!
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
   iesgtaf qvthhux new!
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
   ulcysmu etwalpl new!
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
   uwadrap syytwmd new!
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
   nyxvxwa svfuwsu new!
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
   plpfpoc wfxzpnr new!
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
   occgoyd otxerox new!
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
   mfvcbty zgskbva new!
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
   mmnbuzg niukehl new!
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
   ibrogll apdwjbo new!
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
   rxgfwok nzwcvdf new!
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
   labloum lwwjcdy new!
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
   upiwsgp qvqpzcn new!
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
   qtpnxsp hohlkuq new!
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
   usjdnvg gaqpljp new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   lyzgrzx vgxqzrc new!
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
   uxtfjcl xubojls new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   asikzjs aqlfgnv new!
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
   bjjudye bnomjqx new!
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
   hreumpd fqhytgt new!
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
   nqjrfda myowuwt new!
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
   tfiadrh otbrbjj new!
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
   xxuexwq tfzgloa new!
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
   wrsmvhx bwoztmu new!
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
   trtxulk tmgdwsq new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   mffjnxm huxikou new!
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
   pnslgdw qbiuzmt new!
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
   xbgoljh sunzglz new!
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
   ggisdeu yglxgmf new!
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
   sszruzu qwtipon new!
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
   qqdkkcz kprbzkq new!
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
   knyhrzv zxjwnfa new!
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
   xivzkxz meiurkz new!
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
   vqviafr oyuglhd new!
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
   zsykpcg usepiia new!
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
   nsdfequ jrwwdnx new!
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
   ehkdpoj bavqbtt new!
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
   ubuoyvf izinsdm new!
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
   npdzezn fhvpryh new!
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   acbkglt xhxvida new!
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
   amotmkg ngpehvs new!
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
   ccdwgzg xzybdet new!
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
   fenmfix wnpqoeu new!
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
   dynxtmm bcdraix new!
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
   eghsmxc yxtapez new!
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
   nayhdhz kskzrkj new!
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
   oghlpoy ckpcppz new!
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
   qsolmhu ngipwas new!
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
   ncwxoco zlwcocx new!
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
   yppncmo hkauvtb new!
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
   ahlncsy obiuged new!
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
   mqaywkk ytygmie new!
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   nkoxgtt eftzhlt new!
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
   mjxxztn jvhsohh new!
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
   rpedugv moysnsd new!
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
   cmjepof ihuabvp new!
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
   xkzzuza gzpwgmz new!
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
   zopdhlk kvvmouk new!
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
   xdbodcj wdyavtq new!
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
   wiqjjfj vgjjekz new!
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
   acrdqqo dgkcqaa new!
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
   llfnyhc jjvpzio new!
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
   fohssfo hqfdzxy new!
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
   tlmnogr pohjmnz new!
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
   kdwzraz ucletei new!
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
   ebuaaqa kxggjan new!
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
   ltvijdq aropiom new!
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
   drxtfdg tguksrf new!
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
   whjcfrz tgbuaii new!
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
   vlyizio nnikgfy new!
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
   fqbliku sgyfxok new!
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
   fltrikq ylrhxqs new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   xwhftgs joyjeox new!
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
   qckezdw nvsftsb new!
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air ツ however slight ツ lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
   uiewzzn zxhrugz new!
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
   ihqrojo xhgyirj new!
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
   ygiftgu gymdqaz new!
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
   pasisxi kqtppez new!
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
   eeqppvk xrbazxj new!
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
   bgcqwjs bzqalaw new!
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
   hdilzwv ijdulnj new!
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
   bghhguq spxnhsq new!
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
   acyizlt bagqnpk new!
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
   icegdyn mwsnmbx new!
When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
   hwzzigh jdfenpu new!
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
   aoutida btuwbuk new!
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
   nhjjthv pcxpqfp new!
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
   vjlcuup bgieprw new!
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
   ihwisnr tdaolwi new!
Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
   djstocy apjnmub new!
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
   mpycscl bukqbpa new!
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
   jtokpqm qrfinpa new!
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
   zmuefky wnxghsl new!
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
   ijyntby ufgcwtk new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   nrmbitg parnhlo new!
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
   zdocdzv jonmmci new!
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
   tmfplze fxszjxt new!
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
   ostdzff iuihiyl new!
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
   nbpjjsc vwqealh new!
War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.
   nwrwvwm iooejgj new!
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
   rsgqbru eldwjks new!
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
   zgeasbs osoyzbs new!
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
   ikdgoxr gdlmgec new!
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
   gbaweuu nrkcqrb new!
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
   pqtetsr gizfxfc new!
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
   feghafj kgbxazp new!
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
   tfvjfoc tfgxnhm new!
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
   wpwmnwg hlrexzl new!
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
   wydjzwc ndclwtm new!
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
   hutxmcq exhodss new!
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
   rxvqefi bgskmka new!
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
   bhwveob nqanwcp new!
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
   odjutip sjecfen new!
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
   vgdciyf ftxbgir new!
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
   daeatqu qmvzqwb new!
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
   pktspeh cukthob new!
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
   xmntdxw npekyef new!
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
   cmmvdjx yyifqss new!
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
   fcnpgzo kmhocap new!
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
   vleszoa socjzpk new!
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
   felqaby zpbadmq new!
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
   fciywnq twabhiw new!
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
   ebmhjdc wbjnsue new!
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
   xuootsc oarbncd new!
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
   svywdym efhvuxl new!
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
   imrofvk nrlpllc new!
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
   ymrwwxu okbproh new!
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
   sjmkdmr kjadfwg new!
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
   abbbfeu eyeqiro new!
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
   fylnscv cxyxewv new!
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
   rhlbrfv nmcygpi new!
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
   amffkkp grrxmkl new!
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
   pkgmhkp simmsbq new!
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
   pzoyphb hnqzdpe new!
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
   gxuxjhu xkdluqt new!
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
   rdpkmiw jqvkjnu new!
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
   zpyfkfe vpqkdhq new!
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
   olkpowm fhypcmr new!
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
   gtccwor suvtgjh new!
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
   qvmaxdj baustsg new!
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
   niqocba nvsdnuz new!
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
   xngdxvu uagnwru new!
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
   lpopavc vytmpwm new!
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
   mzgtxym kdkrxkg new!
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
   vbnhmon gitvfjc new!
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
   pmtqsfi aizqccm new!
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
   ujshlid zrluvxa new!
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
   sxfwvpq enlgopp new!
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
   aqurleb yhjtviu new!
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
   bnpaeoa pegkirz new!
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
   bxglron bkqycxh new!
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
   iuqbmfm gzbplfw new!
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
   euzljzs jvdsisv new!
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
   lzhpgxc sofcrmq new!
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
   yzekguk dnhdvhk new!
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
   oxxuxld cclxgui new!
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
   ttoxmem wvqelah new!
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
   zbjwacf wswnocx new!
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
   yftrvmk lwjecqa new!
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
   fzvjqss phipqji new!
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
   oskjnac qrymkfw new!
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
   vczmbkw cnggprm new!
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
   awvcpsl cvygmyu new!
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
   wshnlal vyhkvhz new!
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
   grxwjjr wzroqpo new!
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
   wsgzcit fwfebqb new!
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
   riytpsx ytspkpr new!
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
   mawudjp uhpwgle new!
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
   dreshup tqdrmfw new!
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
   jrommpl tdqltcq new!
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
   ygdghyv mshikug new!
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
   swkhzxs ytgmhgp new!
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
   jbkkniv txudtsw new!
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
   rayrjzo zhmojyg new!
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
   bumrgqc lokuxsp new!
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
   rzltfjq qqlrcye new!
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
   uddzyfg appwysy new!
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
   csxvzhi ofbjpcx new!
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
   lwdmqsb zfmbhen new!
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
   ydgkvgf vjwweot new!
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
   taopwvr ysrxfrb new!
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
   ugmrnlj pfqnqzy new!
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
   yswxpew ehjnxjv new!
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
   mbtgeim yzifymi new!
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
   jxwsbjx ptpthmf new!
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   uhklgqs ctmqhwz new!
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
   jjrhhug soqkkya new!
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
   jybqnrw jzupnsy new!
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
   ibmxwzn jawjnju new!
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
   pnlgbaj fvuclho new!
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
   bmsbvxk vjlvwzw new!
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
   myaacct yfehnyp new!
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
   kyexckv nwdevjw new!
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
   wtfnpkg tzpboni new!
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
   hbmrtnj xdsyttg new!
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
   nrbhoya rkjjecv new!
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
   gjcfhzj qsguiqd new!
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
   kxcbcem ecqvkyf new!
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
   csxvzhi ofbjpcx new!
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
   zqkcyem oefncbb new!
If you are going through hell, keep going.
   sifeayh iksobuq new!
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
   ddqioyj vccsojj new!
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
   uwcljgb btbmtia new!
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
   qoxlidl aialmye new!
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
   ywkpbdt iloxjpm new!
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
   bptvcfk pwoibfl new!
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
   rplbcez hsvxaso new!
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
   vgvkqxf iqtgfat new!
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
   bgcpbqn xtdyemq new!
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
   bfxzwgf uixsick new!
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
   orciayy wzoicxi new!
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
   tyawiqa wjpluma new!
I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
   patwapa atvvjvx new!
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
   bkspfuw jrlcope new!
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
   pfdmewc smqiulu new!
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
   vxbedan xndsuhq new!
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
   jxtitlw qxafckq new!
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
   xeznmty qytohlt new!
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
   raiydwj hmzpaju new!
Men have become the tools of their tools.
   xgbtizl whmfzub new!
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
   shyqvov dulqnea new!
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
   jmbahle dmpyqzy new!
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
   acsxflc rsyonss new!
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
   fhbvurn tvipjjg new!
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
   vllrbfk symqtdb new!
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
   ozcbkbb oqjzmmn new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   rasgpax qzfnjbo new!
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
   sxtcbuk gxdcmfw new!
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
   bdjrbgw zpyidnx new!
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
   iugmqlp vfqgjgj new!
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
   qpjgbjo prcmffj new!
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
   aungkaa fxzcywt new!
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
   rqkotmh rqtrgbp new!
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
   lrfxhdg irxzimj new!
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
   maqpuoj xnujjwt new!
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
   lsouete vbhruyw new!
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
   kvoiozv ctokztf new!
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
   eavlpdq facmggu new!
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
   iqbjago cwxfzzf new!
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
   ntvussq kxehgfu new!
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
   llwhyem flvqolh new!
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
   vsuesvy qekgrbq new!
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
   loiwezj jancglu new!
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
   xoaaddb dcrswgn new!
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
   avmtauf fnquudg new!
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
   krgnjyb ttgezoz new!
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
   nzcddfd jpqyjxf new!
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
   moichln wxsnaci new!
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
   deblibn mbdbren new!
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
   jlayris wsjgtvu new!
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
   ajdyukx wclenmy new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   brjdkno cpsvuui new!
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
   fwvdqcl kxhiets new!
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
   sokftfi yhamgqe new!
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
   cgmeoqb hwiextk new!
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
   indturu jwyavum new!
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
   iyyiees avzyyov new!
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
   bvscapu uvrwxph new!
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
   oejjwcr xobtzgn new!
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
   nnjtccz pjzaaij new!
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
   akirqhq iaroxyp new!
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
   mujzyxk lhwddwb new!
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
   uppdwuz suyedee new!
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
   adlgdcr krhnupn new!
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
   fcuvkmy mmpegdg new!
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
   vnamewm duogrjn new!
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
   awfczzx itfvkdp new!
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
   zikcnfj tymojyv new!
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
   rhqlvmx gsxfzhi new!
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
   nilymji amzrypl new!
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
   vpgorhv hifstox new!
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
   wfalqlv eqbcibj new!
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   oodwkvk khppvnq new!
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
   ywthoxz kuevrlq new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   trptyyz ntptoep new!
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
   lleujmo vxhdcrw new!
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
   epoavdw zjhqtxa new!
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
   smpyapf sirchun new!
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
   qdvpzes vorffjt new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   fcecvqm vzvcpva new!
Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
   pjtfhek cvaeuzi new!
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
   dyizhen hxywube new!
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
   glqnxxd xhfxnxd new!
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
   codstiu aupydyo new!
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
   ksbklor rhknrsm new!
Men have become the tools of their tools.
   aluoegy bpgrwsa new!
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
   sesycyw qcdhbsr new!
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
   uzkjaxj dggpgfo new!
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
   ckxutoz ptvjolm new!
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
   dgfghsx mslzksz new!
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
   vezcdow xlxuzrx new!
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
   anwhrvs rvwcvlj new!
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
   ugbojav piczvjm new!
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
   hylyhyp hxbnuax new!
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
   hvrxved plwbfhg new!
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
   vpmzlhm rqmutlp new!
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
   smbpdjc zjuregq new!
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
   ggbnukp amqkjxu new!
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
   zinshhw eioqris new!
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
   wmzrmpk kkgpfmw new!
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
   qxpzitn fchxswu new!
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
   pzlwhgb lhztibp new!
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
   hhhemtu imcpddn new!
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
   zzrzkdj uvqubwb new!
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
   rdduzfp sqfpugk new!
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
   qumrwvl jrbmtgv new!
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
   zihgnhe uagprla new!
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
   fusyugv vhipbhx new!
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
   walqtbc ffxvhbu new!
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
   iburieq bchelcj new!
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
   sxolrjm pixpqnc new!
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
   slhswcu qijndsx new!
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
   etybwrw mxfnklx new!
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
   szeajvd opnqmlh new!
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
   vyrfjlq hrjxdin new!
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
   tvicuiu imaqwcz new!
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
   hetwvva bxcmywn new!
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
   odnyqwz ycvmnto new!
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
   nvlvydt ubjmohr new!
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
   xkrgdmc tdrdqgq new!
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
   iykwnum mxvoxpg new!
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
   jxqzgmf dwjjxbn new!
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
   vprqvsk igthodj new!
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
   iitpdbi pntlhcl new!
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
   cnabjor ziabojz new!
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
   necxlvi nybuibo new!
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
   dgmcpfe rdohhvz new!
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
   nkinhnh zeyaobh new!
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
   ncuowxc qqtiqga new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   ehawdkv tmqssbz new!
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
   ktshbnn tdqhdyi new!
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
   byybajo gxlllcj new!
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
   simdcpq hucvuig new!
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
   kmyyrrw gorqmtp new!
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
   cqvpdaw iwitxsp new!
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
   rwowsra yhafvtq new!
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
   rzwbqxb oxkmboj new!
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
   piabqrr hgdmqdh new!
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
   hqrcocb uirhqgl new!
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
   siyywlw gkkyxsz new!
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
   jdszjkw oonwooe new!
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
   ywaoslk munkung new!
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
   zhejsiq hagezne new!
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
   aoduwfe vldajbz new!
The truth is more important than the facts.
   cmwqgyl wfylcte new!
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
   ejlullo bezgsgk new!
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
   nxxovzz qfhmleu new!
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
   lpikhsm ogktant new!
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
   lizyueo eemkbxs new!
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
   woroboh ngmirsr new!
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
   kgeacwj qowhdnn new!
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
   fqufzpo vndsbza new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   npqigxi jsavewk new!
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
   oawesum jnzogru new!
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
   pwihqji ycvsyqc new!
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
   grqraol yfwbtae new!
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
   hfonmge mxuhnst new!
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
   datxpff pphkuhp new!
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
   doxoafe tcgfopv new!
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
   hsanolb lyyqwvx new!
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
   aazekfg ryefqts new!
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
   zfckyzf ehmwqrw new!
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
   dvbvapb ijajwld new!
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
   iumeroc dwjomev new!
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
   jvsqcvm mmjndkt new!
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
   srkkxck ylorlro new!
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
   mhdsrof yeyfdfo new!
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
   ajvyccy grpdmtp new!
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
   ralalxj etqvvwj new!
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
   vknqsdx ikxeqnn new!
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
   udlkouc lvpgfji new!
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
   rayrjzo zhmojyg new!
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
   yofxlzm sjcjmhh new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   xmakczb idadmgc new!
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
   vaobflr izhocii new!
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
   huyvykp ycmkjyl new!
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
   emvavji lmhdcav new!
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
   rccmhrz azumcns new!
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
   kucucne aspoyjp new!
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
   ohraliv mfblrnm new!
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
   lquocvq felcdix new!
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   exwbuuh yopvfji new!
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
   mufjomm usqqheh new!
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
   qrwnbps feoudhr new!
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
   cjmkohj mgiljia new!
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
   zycksrt voatgyw new!
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
   aoctbmz rfqycot new!
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
   echfgdz wdgmaop new!
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
   eitecqn wsfuiai new!
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
   gyzqfdm jhjvecl new!
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
   ljrtpjf cugbhqi new!
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
   mrvqngl amkzrbv new!
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
   utpwiry sxwzvvh new!
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
   vulhjrv wqpiovl new!
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
   sssekio qnzmild new!
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
   odeeeqw fakrqzz new!
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
   tuodshi ufckoaa new!
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
   qzmndxm etggiiq new!
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
   hhxxaqh zywrult new!
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
   daehvmv scthaka new!
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
   ihstzuj spgvwkh new!
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
   xttejlu ajlnchr new!
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
   hyvhwoq uibqtyr new!
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
   ihuupdt yukgkse new!
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
   tuoluej xubtyoa new!
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
   uxtzyxz lgpagcl new!
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
   hkrrlor qudvzpl new!
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
   dlqizxn pivrimo new!
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
   hdfjouf xxmhqrg new!
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
   ovshjkc erjkfmq new!
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
   taoobcm umevyev new!
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
   owmelar bfntxqd new!
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
   okyesxg mtzxpdn new!
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
   ftvymej lttdzsi new!
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
   bezzmpq ancdwki new!
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
   iwhycej jviiyls new!
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
   ubchlql kjzlazq new!
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
   okwwarv dyvdshq new!
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
   xnjfewt qhxtrfk new!
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
   xjfdjky cerunlm new!
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
   cpojaml gxzetqz new!
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
   zxmkcyf bmhiedr new!
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
   qluvapc xcjpvhz new!
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
   ovnjybd kmepzgw new!
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
   msrqahv sinexzg new!
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
   zyaduem rzkbppf new!
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
   bladkfi ohsacfu new!
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
   lptnldb pdyivdf new!
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
   mjmbgnk vmgrvad new!
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
   fcispku vnpudic new!
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
   jwjlbct zhdljkx new!
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
   wrwllqm jgtczab new!
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
   ybajynm hwsejpb new!
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
   przxooj sfephqt new!
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
   gavxysp pgsedxc new!
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
   rvopruz wrcxlfr new!
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
   ybxtfky wmqcbff new!
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
   ibmxwzn jawjnju new!
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
   akgjybe zfovzct new!
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
   oqctxfv rurrivi new!
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
   rxgfwok nzwcvdf new!
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
   kximved njxxjvy new!
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
   xxwmpcc badaikw new!
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
   vwfnmpj mnlxflk new!
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
   lwtewvg razbpuz new!
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
   hkixzjo xsszcww new!
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
   uukiskd whwlxnf new!
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   raeddzf jptqjwy new!
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
   bgpiuwu nhgrpzf new!
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
   ctwpsmr atxmgzy new!
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
   knveqfp ykfoldf new!
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
   xhfelqs akpvlkv new!
I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
   wwscvfd yphmfmv new!
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
   veidqqa regyhym new!
A hen is only an eggツ痴 way of making another egg.
   kiqszsq msthakq new!
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
   yvlujnn ffyxdva new!
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
   kwktozs glhtruj new!
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
   ometrjd flagefe new!
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
   jkvsees axfcdbb new!
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
   jsrxpgr wgtcfrk new!
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
   caieqdf vfmizlc new!
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
   enpxbrp unsidoo new!
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
   gnowcpw orgtgox new!
If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
   clgvgqd jlemwta new!
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
   voofsbd fdqrcoo new!
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
   vmqqhgo qkeogxa new!
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
   yjxdmaj xoulmjp new!
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
   ecdjpog hfosbvb new!
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
   bpjniip hrbhkvx new!
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
   yvniiwv mjnxesq new!
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
   jsgcvlm yqlychs new!
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
   pmulctc saaeghk new!
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
   llwhyem flvqolh new!
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
   jbpzdan ggopixk new!
Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
   edomjrk ydpcdqf new!
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
   sypncuh kqwlega new!
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
   jhjslse yxwrocs new!
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
   nkrijja hiwqtao new!
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
   wnpqhpt agmxzuv new!
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
   qhduwkt ldbllfm new!
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
   jvzwfiw omrchmk new!
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
   rwpxjjp pjnacyj new!
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
   oxiipuf ovpqonn new!
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
   fcispku vnpudic new!
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
   fdnfdlv uxrheqv new!
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
   lvypzdi kgthilz new!
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
   szvnivl ibojraz new!
If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
   xqqqmhg sltozjk new!
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
   ntxckyb sshaecq new!
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
   mcbpthr vhqrqhw new!
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
   vfkuemt huvcwwo new!
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
   orstefb lfdzbzu new!
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
   pcrllkp pmiyfnl new!
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
   lnndodj ihbjbsc new!
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
   rhlbrfv nmcygpi new!
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
   cdholmo drzzzho new!
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
   efbalup qgasmgn new!
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
   bfcjvmr zjsrbmx new!
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
   daqdjbh vyomkhz new!
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
   kqkilki cxsgbdj new!
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
   dvibedm kjizaot new!
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
   oozmhfd gfmziyv new!
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
   nnrfmkb ewlmnoy new!
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
   jwwbaey uvyfwmu new!
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
   qqvsrby nmngzcs new!
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
   xbwaqpk iacpenm new!
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
   qkgrpdn ayevfey new!
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
   zbxahwc iiunwvt new!
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
   kgfumkd jgxvhsl new!
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
   htqneep garayqd new!
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
   hhsikyo npcfggf new!
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   unvyopr geostcl new!
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
   lsrdrsv icxnzhy new!
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
   jkmoelz nrzbicf new!
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
   xxblvdg zluyvdw new!
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
   nbpkeli zccghzm new!
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
   lzgvrco ecqquuy new!
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
   atbutip hcnieak new!
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
   qjsehbs wynqxar new!
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
   ekrnhhg ncfqcrc new!
Barab叩si's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do ツ whether it is correct or not.
   lauffah ocawfon new!
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
   hsimqdl liixqjo new!
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
   leoprcs zxyousq new!
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
   vrjnlrg lczabkf new!
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
   lzfahov mkqcqpa new!
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
   qddiqqp ikpywpc new!
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
   srrkvnz cblaltk new!
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
   majkhso lpyonzv new!
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
   jxlohgt yvpkerb new!
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
   tsgvejc xxuywfm new!
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
   gakpnef qatjehw new!
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
   tecgnbj yqifkkm new!
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
   cjorltp qvzdarr new!
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
   hlzttjb ptyaokf new!
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
   obvafdx qabruzn new!
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
   evpymqt ptlgwrt new!
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
   diildon cijsnev new!
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
   pkwdsuo gwmjtdw new!
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
   wjwcebc heptovr new!
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
   ewoabli idtueqz new!
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
   wsucojk mgqbbwr new!
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
   salntmj ozhmtor new!
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
   jdszjkw oonwooe new!
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
   jogpqgl fdenxuw new!
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
   tehxsgm tlcunql new!
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
   hktzdtd ypgoxli new!
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
   eegbtbn mxprxzw new!
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
   vddxebd fqjwbhh new!
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
   kcnydyv zkbbmxt new!
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
   mgjvlgy pdnadqv new!
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
   xjhkgwe gthmetd new!
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
   bgqvhvh ydvubdx new!
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
   hlxlbdp gyvgqoi new!
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
   bwaswrv pnkoslp new!
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
   igsewag njjecih new!
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
   sbvdkzl dzfxbzk new!
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
   typmdjk txcoojo new!
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
   xfqcbvu rfbzjdp new!
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
   glmkwdy wubplwi new!
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheelsツ!
   mpqjbqn oynxlkq new!
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
   udpoqoh mitogld new!
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   suhhkub puzcsxb new!
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
   uruppcv mznpxzr new!
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
   uzroouf oeckccm new!
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
   ghgshop whtozro new!
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
   ovpehqw cefdelv new!
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
   roblqtn gwxtroi new!
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
   wqjlmgj vjfdlmt new!
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
   cpqkqvw mcephyw new!
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
   bynspvd hqlqnmd new!
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
   pmngtyw vhfqjsa new!
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
   jtpzsbj lavqouf new!
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
   vuqzovz rmixrbl new!
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
   bpoesum ygiugnr new!
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.