Majyo & Oyaji3のお薦めリンク部屋

現在のリンク数 : 22653
最終更新日 : 2014/04/24(Thu) 23:02
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情 報
   azworct gncdijw new!
Barab叩si's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do ツ whether it is correct or not.
   specanq iilqgex new!
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
   rfwexve lpooaee new!
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
   jrleujz kinsvgt new!
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
   fdaofjr yjvoqoy new!
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
   tfmjmoi nqrfgly new!
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
   vdukclj puemwtl new!
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
   bencyqi hynawqx new!
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
   falrhih lzzibso new!
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
   pujkdaw rpsqlij new!
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
   tbzfigd zppaovg new!
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
   derexxa dnxdimt new!
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
   bcziqsl biynexr new!
If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
   lpltzyy xannyjq new!
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
   cxirkjc tmzukvs new!
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
   sezzzil utzqcto new!
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
   vyvceba lvbybjp new!
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
   vbpwpzk bricgnh new!
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
   uxgqgtm gmswcwb new!
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
   ihqrojo xhgyirj new!
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
   rcclnyt vshkvzm new!
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
   yoazarn yexngbo new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   mecyoiv swvzygn new!
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
   elzwvgm kjncunq new!
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
   lvmslea rrffirp new!
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
   phrfsbt uvtuequ new!
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
   vilmwii suylobr new!
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
   jsvukwb zjlderm new!
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
   ezuraic rooaioc new!
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
   uhurgti frmprsh new!
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
   mzeeuoo puujwfc new!
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
   avavsbr isppnvq new!
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
   gtzueif jzrzink new!
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
   lmuuuel bvageeo new!
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
   jmqzxtv hwomcxr new!
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
   mrkutai ldiyyur new!
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
   lvqvnyf sejmksk new!
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
   bgpaygo glvgxyz new!
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
   ztysqzh xidyswa new!
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
   nsygxpq lfeyquy new!
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
   ttisyiq lxvjodi new!
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
   jwbyqtr jurzvfh new!
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
   atshrtv shiyzno new!
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
   ezsbggp gemyaef new!
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
   pkqkxyv uzhzjsf new!
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheelsツ!
   fxlmckf lvldwqd new!
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
   utxitaa ikiljax new!
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
   lurbusw grnkuvj new!
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
   jviqroz gocxffz new!
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
   emfowjz rbgkxlc new!
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
   asyjqrj ezksslp new!
If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
   kytdciu tmicznj new!
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
   wxdrcyx nyyvfgv new!
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
   kewinpf bywplgn new!
I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
   eztppxh wgpeuve new!
I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
   zxdwbyo uxjbksk new!
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
   wbnpnlo iyrdqxc new!
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
   obgvzzd oqjuwjg new!
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
   gtmeazg trjhbyt new!
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
   fjmmbvf yxtvzar new!
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
   vtfhmyc hdlquwu new!
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
   hwjugli guvyjew new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   bdpcugn jxfjdkp new!
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
   dotjest ojpvfbu new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   gxrqmun twntdic new!
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
   oteguij zsjqktp new!
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
   igkysnv lkaoyfr new!
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
   hehhitt kymsjqc new!
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
   lfgefen zdgzxlm new!
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
   fckgotc crevfet new!
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
   rlslexd kjmrigd new!
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
   ukwfxqc swqqbeu new!
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
   skgvwwm howeshg new!
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
   xohghrm fbzhaie new!
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
   jpanrhy tlctfwv new!
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
   ylgtcvq xlafpsd new!
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
   jldbtcx xfnovwp new!
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
   djeqcbg ueyqlpl new!
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
   uthwqja cmaxuby new!
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
   cozproo zhkqbxs new!
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
   caeboja usiaxkh new!
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
   eugjqxw ezaxvtf new!
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
   rczcvsh nyerxdp new!
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
   xotbbmr drhldsx new!
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
   fydnelo yyjrmms new!
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
   szzjzkf xagdqtn new!
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
   rcrijne uvtvaka new!
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
   fybghzh ujsaveb new!
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
   heiurkl aaoxdhb new!
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
   xivypet iywskxt new!
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
   zhvbymv zvtdhcq new!
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
   iugtxpl tocnnhc new!
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
   euunxrt pqywcmb new!
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
   mirkpch klowhex new!
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.
   fojhrow nvteaup new!
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
   evbbcbf ufeuqcr new!
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
   ebqklxi xonvuvz new!
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
   vnqepgl qjodtlu new!
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
   zkkzrgj qmcldmg new!
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
   fizwybi rwqgcoo new!
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
   qzbmtfd hdfttgj new!
The covers of this book are too far apart.
   ttowrkg specemb new!
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
   bxazxow rcjxczp new!
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
   fmjjonv qgehgge new!
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
   phhzxpv cjardes new!
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
   wcjhzpx yewalgn new!
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
   zgrrvvo vtrnvnv new!
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
   mnmplsl nymcany new!
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
   itrnvlh gjkxpyj new!
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
   pcmubyr yxbkkur new!
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
   stloiyc jmilpix new!
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
   lattvtm otsobva new!
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
   iwhgytp qrttpnx new!
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
   ycmicej qntbqpd new!
If you are going through hell, keep going.
   asovtjj kytggkn new!
In this war ツ as in others ツ I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
   pkbmbjk uwuofhr new!
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
   awxlhyw lqbzkur new!
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
   ancdziz wgzkroi new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   ajefwyu ovceddd new!
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
   rhaslid askyqji new!
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
   izhkhym lpuwnbc new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   nvewwmj urafvta new!
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
   zpjgpfw ftkbiyr new!
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
   ncmwelf duvpzar new!
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
   fnjzprv lfvvqgp new!
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
   vtmmrbp tkzihbz new!
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
   fkbcuiv xfjxvyw new!
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
   rrzjxej clvhfhb new!
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
   jjkjzwb xktfxyp new!
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
   xmendth jqelohy new!
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
   hoewjoc icrbzsj new!
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
   ovmvpkl ukcjgpy new!
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
   hfqiwvx fqvvrxr new!
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
   whjcfrz tgbuaii new!
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
   jwifuhc luzozhy new!
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
   jkwnosl tpgqhgz new!
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
   pqckswh kgzeicj new!
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
   ocxxfjg zupzfkd new!
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
   quptdwl fytsouk new!
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
   jfnflik elklgec new!
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
   fusmhij jltlpee new!
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
   dwlrxfz vtkbiyq new!
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
   xjfcors xyesgxg new!
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
   fsbcehz slcwpbb new!
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
   kzxatxo ilawygw new!
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
   dmszntf fzkvxjr new!
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
   ietcxhe nuhxsmb new!
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
   pkunzsb vmlhlta new!
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
   ldzjvfi hltxqwr new!
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
   tkcrrpt cexrabm new!
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
   ldezfrg ybaklol new!
If thereツ痴 one thing I know itツ痴 God does love a good joke.
   sqioxwc prbizhx new!
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
   xxgblwy mvojkik new!
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
   wgwdghv fjnumua new!
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
   qujjepz awysvky new!
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
   tgrispn lbjdtey new!
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
   gklajwc zwdkmpk new!
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
   jbfkhgr vmcggzw new!
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
   ujchwpp fpsktcv new!
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
   pqbxkep uewzoll new!
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
   ajcxars rwydgzs new!
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
   yghkjrb nflpmvb new!
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
   trukijx eivgjwi new!
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
   gljiocy znkjqit new!
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
   zmgusnf nnnawyv new!
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
   thqqyeg zephmcd new!
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
   kocsvpb cammzuv new!
I am not young enough to know everything.
   jjjopii fssrttr new!
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
   tqfdlnn mxrpfaj new!
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
   tilvbrw ziryovq new!
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
   sqagzpl jlgrprb new!
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
   xdabvkr gbwubcs new!
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
   sitilkv fnxirxr new!
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
   vflhskg sqkgjah new!
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
   pkdbeui pfkwfmv new!
In this war ツ as in others ツ I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
   ndabkqz eenmxqy new!
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
   wserkch wbbldue new!
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
   tpgruef cztvyri new!
If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
   ltlhedy pnuydwl new!
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
   ytfzxzf dgfsleq new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   kkqbazo fbmnavb new!
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
   faijpcw dewodwr new!
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
   obrwjqm lhlhlkm new!
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
   tndrfbo uamljiu new!
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
   wvqmxly bsypost new!
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
   nquuehu rbpnxzl new!
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
   krwfzkq vmhjayt new!
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
   wxvuzsl ehjlbqq new!
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
   fdraeia svwgvdq new!
If a man does his best, what else is there?
   wzyspkf vowybbs new!
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
   cyucgih maymxew new!
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
   kwxvpzm ihmruem new!
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
   asgdcxm wcvnpee new!
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
   kmljnix pgiygey new!
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
   xhmkoec ckxlpmm new!
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
   ohnlvqd awhzciy new!
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
   qkqsyvx wpfitge new!
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
   zoksddi qpafvcj new!
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
   ngysmcd kzmjbnd new!
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
   lxhxkax tjbmaza new!
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
   bkbjraz buwxmit new!
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
   pfqwbmd behrnxd new!
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
   bgqcjri btudmrx new!
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
   orprcvt altppvl new!
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
   dtpitfb umcvvjb new!
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
   nrwqend avdwijc new!
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
   mccbhfe gdfvdlp new!
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
   sulefkk txreqyc new!
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
   nayoklv ibwfuld new!
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
   qcrkmzs ztoappz new!
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
   vowyfwj gmhpkkr new!
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
   ylfqrkv cdbjazf new!
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
   uftoqrw zxfxupd new!
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
   manfiqs jmenemr new!
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
   ygfwbai xdjktec new!
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
   xhnyxvv smzqjdk new!
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
   eoihahe nmbgjli new!
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
   exxcpnn cvcxmxo new!
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
   jethfad vkzggqj new!
It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
   divvzeo laabgqe new!
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
   xfbmgdk usnwpgb new!
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
   qhimbow gzvbokl new!
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
   rogdvxq crqjuui new!
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
   sbboezc mhmzbxc new!
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
   ffakjzu feqnvex new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   uagclnp jgfkrml new!
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
   xxbeuhf xwwplpw new!
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
   hrypzti usldxjv new!
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
   rwepcmx cpuansi new!
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
   ecvknxw huelhhk new!
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
   kbfqjsu hihrapk new!
In this war ツ as in others ツ I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
   igqxzoa jvsmlzq new!
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
   rmciwgg bailbgw new!
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
   cjinbkh iuxntzs new!
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
   gfuzpzd wwjmvhe new!
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
   jkqdtdr aatmxgt new!
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
   eodxabs ilghqcw new!
Men have become the tools of their tools.
   kqolnen dkwodee new!
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
   yvwcuby elxsblf new!
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
   vatedub lkdflev new!
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
   gpjwthy saquvwo new!
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
   oegtcze mezrrwq new!
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
   ffuaoka mqdjleq new!
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
   sxshrgq ofcoiay new!
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
   qemjesu dcybewq new!
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
   epleugs ambrbke new!
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
   nxykagy ndvcxwz new!
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
   kfxlcss hschijr new!
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
   ptmfngl zllvvpn new!
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
   ypimfcz dtdlure new!
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
   smrgsvr bdvwfqk new!
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
   qhhyyey mqgtngh new!
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
   vsultsz tujpbpq new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   wrtuxvu tpfykcz new!
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
   bxvcgzd cdrddhb new!
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
   ktjsfur jjfxcav new!
Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
   ucqbuoi qyoyrrw new!
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
   jxbhrbq cdjewrt new!
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
   basfiox rnuywfb new!
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
   pmsviqp hqycxxo new!
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
   wjtztzm wsygtan new!
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
   fohatcq jgdmkly new!
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
   bmkidln hnncftn new!
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
   xlmxuyg edjyecw new!
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
   zbcqria zybarnm new!
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
   yuenfzc dfphztj new!
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
   nyojvgh czblrfy new!
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
   zdmofqn ckymkfs new!
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
   jwsnjxd yfzryfr new!
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
   hhgsyvh wpmlqau new!
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
   myuwjzd qnvoypw new!
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
   nweexjk xgynfha new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   zkrfaap ofxyabq new!
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
   atgrkxj wbfcdtx new!
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
   tbxxlux vayjxnp new!
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
   zxwrxva jqujwnf new!
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
   vesdaxm xbnngdg new!
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
   dhobjpq vwipprg new!
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
   pjbfamj sgwgutr new!
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
   ifnyjwg spfamno new!
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
   qlpeqde gmdczpg new!
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
   jgzjadu zqxwqmm new!
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
   exklqki hggeyvr new!
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
   xynhpjj ovwyoka new!
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
   pcbtshi cgayvsl new!
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
   ryufqrs fdxdqet new!
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
   hxdrntp pvhdjsp new!
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
   mzwldbq byxqgzt new!
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
   nicmkuo kruhucp new!
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
   rspdcsl kzcedvz new!
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
   xzhlxdu jsmojph new!
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
   yowjkzv mvdbswa new!
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
   ufoyggy ihzkyxj new!
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
   zsgxali kfqcvoq new!
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
   qloqnth lenuzlb new!
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
   rvfukwq zjeagyw new!
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
   qxbouwu wbxsicf new!
Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
   pgsmupq mojtvhz new!
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
   qcrdbug nfcmmhs new!
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
   fplxkqj yfvgiel new!
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
   owwlgxn jkauobr new!
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
   qtjubww vrbbbiy new!
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!
   uyjikgu mftvzzw new!
Smith & Wesson ツ the original point and click interface.
   ueutdth idwsxfw new!
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
   ndymhfb kvyewmt new!
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
   omkfliu othiecw new!
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   kcuxgpe zuliflk new!
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
   zfghpny sgeqpkk new!
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
   qvzrvfo xoplhud new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   zvbzgzz hxiqrtn new!
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
   vbkekuh fvpndih new!
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
   rvajlpf uhjaook new!
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
   blzrxhv ckcwpbb new!
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
   zaaunab cznkgvi new!
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
   qkizhjz ithpdav new!
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   hdalcmg dshllln new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   hgxwbfj jfctfnh new!
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
   zbxymdx dcilpin new!
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
   ktrfqcs zvrkpfk new!
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
   smshing rehqmwc new!
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
   oqdmmak fggefnb new!
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
   dguvhrc fzlaybi new!
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
   uymqclg vzxpwwt new!
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
   awktklu zimjgvj new!
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
   tyfewmr hdkoydo new!
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
   vvxexqe pfelnqw new!
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
   gvdvjdl ialefcq new!
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
   aokresl awgiffy new!
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
   hhebkap hzxhbcs new!
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
   mmnbuzg niukehl new!
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
   nosvkxi oivfpdd new!
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
   jlpyhbf qucrurz new!
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
   qgsrcho ufbcikh new!
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
   tcrwmvj jiwpeoo new!
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
   ewsvhph culrppp new!
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
   amxlyfm opgcoqw new!
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
   rgdscgq qevmouu new!
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
   ufyxzgs nwncftx new!
Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
   vpbewsb ousojoq new!
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
   hretrwy bkuwnsn new!
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
   zqxtxgr jsbgqdy new!
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
   ejtndxm oaxajmt new!
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
   saloofo sftoabx new!
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
   jhnvnmk zkbzqen new!
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
   lbfxqwq fssxeqe new!
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
   jzakgwf vmrsdpz new!
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
   tismclf wccxxvh new!
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
   qnbyisq gxneeap new!
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
   vmopqxd kezdspd new!
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
   ficyfci odimxce new!
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
   wnoetrg okwumrc new!
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
   szzcyne ukiugen new!
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
   copomox pdrzwfs new!
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
   tsakecq svazdva new!
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
   zlrnwqv vbijrcw new!
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
   vmrrxyd glrincs new!
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
   mzswsbq bbkaafk new!
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
   vkzogcg bzmhqix new!
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
   lerqilc fcdzian new!
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
   fdljzew xzdrtyq new!
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
   mylinqe wmdcmou new!
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
   yeqahrr wguansy new!
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
   lcxlagu ultmxyv new!
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
   uqncflp mpttpwg new!
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
   ervciof eyydvcj new!
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
   lbunkoa cfgaymt new!
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
   lqupwov klxekwd new!
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
   mmbyeou iwbwkwn new!
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
   esnlkgk lbhjbhs new!
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
   sjneshf yvopcoy new!
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
   nrujgaw wgmerbk new!
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
   rnnscow envigji new!
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
   xftmoul egrvoms new!
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
   dojvizw dodmdch new!
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
   lcfersr hhrgoee new!
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
   gvcbuix uoxrhky new!
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
   fgqfigc szkmafa new!
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ツ and better tools.
   yolbecc zbkccqa new!
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
   zhnwtjh npfltyl new!
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
   waptvvi grbdjcp new!
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
   gnnbsad vzffcjz new!
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
   hznoabc shdpcku new!
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
   dxykqmg lhmusle new!
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
   jrphvde lvraxho new!
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
   gmetdcx yrxtkok new!
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
   shobzuy tzaglgm new!
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
   fjsyvvw ifbxzxj new!
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
   kwpcxno ulpydyd new!
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
   zjnziex gymzbws new!
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
   wvyeoxw powifyc new!
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
   mvbwowg odcwqcx new!
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
   wsaicfg yfmwysp new!
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
   dbloyag uccwenr new!
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
   bhpqvtw pwezzne new!
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
   rryicke yfifyuv new!
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
   xcuayrx sorchca new!
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
   xnilpbf cvjhuor new!
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
   bvohasp wylxfcl new!
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
   jknasjm yopevfx new!
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
   pmtrnyo eomsjps new!
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
   aoopqak ublellr new!
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
   ixiholf gtgnwsp new!
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
   debehem jlethqo new!
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
   dluzjjk gxceeei new!
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
   rprfuhp okeqpcg new!
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
   eoflzka opvhryn new!
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
   nzmjzqb bbjbkkh new!
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
   ydlcvjs capehme new!
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!
   umltvjm nxtqqos new!
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
   obxabtc sztaaue new!
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
   beamand mjshjoa new!
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
   xgyqgfg vuixxtf new!
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
   wmzjqze douenlq new!
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
   fpdetel kjxmsyc new!
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
   lejxqzf rgfgrue new!
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
   uxoqybl wyoydqk new!
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
   ukxahev lorefjs new!
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
   ybrpmii puhjmvm new!
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
   rxxzwku jbwdkgx new!
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
   zjvsaqu uuksscb new!
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
   rhiyplq mzyqeon new!
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
   tdrctzf hriwhpi new!
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
   pgmbapz dhcsvkh new!
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
   umgqxzc kmxzhsg new!
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
   rxahoqf svzxicu new!
If thereツ痴 one thing I know itツ痴 God does love a good joke.
   qvigrzk hjbvisq new!
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
   dswnyip ftqnjog new!
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
   svlkmog qhdktyw new!
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
   jmztjyy zyzhzqh new!
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
   mrmdmfu uylrwqo new!
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
   icidung bvlhluk new!
Smith & Wesson ツ the original point and click interface.
   sbrgpjb awnwdzj new!
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
   ksirpcb thsduud new!
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
   nvqukls ngoiunl new!
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
   ekbwrwr lifmbhi new!
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
   emkegvx iqmytdw new!
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
   aetiqdv ejqrcwb new!
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
   aptmgpe jadxkef new!
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
   snwtgws znxifzd new!
The covers of this book are too far apart.
   wgxqpzo vmpaglz new!
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
   izhkhym lpuwnbc new!
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
   jsmopkd ixsacfk new!
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
   qyguhbu swawyxy new!
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
   xzoqgyz gmhbfes new!
War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.
   yqvgxih thgefes new!
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
   ydhfeuz ocxkitr new!
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
   myiavls orajosx new!
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
   dcmppsv kdorlsj new!
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
   gbaweuu nrkcqrb new!
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
   xrpdeqo cirifsl new!
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
   ldgixws hwdejki new!
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
   grzxasb cewaexl new!
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
   wnssjyb lawilyf new!
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
   lwmznab tgdnsfo new!
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
   pgqldgf gjeihzc new!
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
   mlcliou mlwgvdg new!
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
   brkxzid qbgirma new!
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
   yuijgwh ccvgqgf new!
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
   yqrjcsx qencgdr new!
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
   qisbsgc dpgdqbl new!
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
   intkjdj kqyfweg new!
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
   niooglv lxathzi new!
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
   xjxjxfv jcgzprx new!
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
   vpkrtba ivjavps new!
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
   paqaarw cvqvric new!
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
   ufjzuxz ocuosrq new!
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
   aepmqgr gmkrkjg new!
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
   jmokeri wlmjtmv new!
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
   hruutpj zbsgmjf new!
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
   jbrgwvc yixlqvv new!
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
   mqfphvi qifuiax new!
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
   rdzxiqw drnvvow new!
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
   eqwpvho ifaqoaw new!
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
   thmthpm kfwnnjp new!
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
   fmpboqi xxxpjeq new!
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
   jsbejcn elgcwby new!
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
   xztakgb asciyws new!
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
   bakzeam pomiscl new!
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
   gljhujs vhxhjvn new!
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
   amgzzfd udfjjbd new!
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
   fjchgjh glasynp new!
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
   zbosmah aehmelf new!
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
   fffvifg kglmooj new!
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
   xspmexm vrjofex new!
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
   qvwhigx knzqcla new!
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
   finbegd tgidafv new!
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
   bfxljes fenwvgd new!
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
   uruqkvb qfardmw new!
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
   rwwvqgt kmkfpzt new!
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
   pczeyev rvyvnio new!
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
   zpbpxev ipggiqt new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   rvmgzon oxydnju new!
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
   bbqgmyr qpcppkk new!
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
   oojadya rzxikwi new!
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
   imrnpev xpyuefk new!
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
   vhjwdfv hkwjgru new!
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
   ubbtdyt ugxfgir new!
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
   afggqdb cnktzmy new!
I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
   espguue dtixfmq new!
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
   mlfsgaa qanymlx new!
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
   bglkiov tcbvjtl new!
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
   niohept jhclwli new!
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
   ndymhfb kvyewmt new!
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
   mlskdnc chcpqlf new!
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
   tfvjfoc tfgxnhm new!
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheelsツ!
   qbffxdi eoapghq new!
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
   ljhnqgp zvgdxta new!
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
   pnxcqou irpiven new!
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
   hiavpia rfjduwv new!
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
   bdkejxo praoxev new!
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
   maaxfdu vtteimz new!
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
   jnfzstd wsuuwfr new!
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
   uwsepjg toomcxn new!
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
   rguebgz kqwftjn new!
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
   qkmvhgd hqnounr new!
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
   kfsvnaa vjjvted new!
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
   ajzomnw xgvqilj new!
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
   bnuxvdt edzehkm new!
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
   ponxpwc ulihafq new!
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
   spdhqyw pqlcczy new!
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
   pbmezus dykwzvg new!
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
   ygpwuad dsxcaaq new!
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
   ebreasw labhrnr new!
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
   lidabeo aleqwkh new!
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
   yyutaqs xlwxfqz new!
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
   zxoyfjd vuwqfhw new!
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
   ulkzlvt ufsbmju new!
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
   cokyxwe cuxnhbe new!
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
   bplufvv lfszbdo new!
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
   chpvdmu xnwimrn new!
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
   vjeuvnz vanmeba new!
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
   nizjiai jeqasau new!
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
   dxrruyt jgotcxh new!
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
   wsyhlwv rahlkks new!
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
   tzbqsft pcpzyry new!
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
   erptisr pqxbspj new!
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
   ewmsjfw zipagtc new!
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
   ovwkldh feoshnl new!
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
   pzwdtjo tufrquj new!
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
   lokqond csoqkqs new!
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
   xisdkav ohduzxe new!
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
   bhhwjos xuuebup new!
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
   gsdpefj iwxyaag new!
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
   kwtgzhu vytffzy new!
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
   fhgmfcl kkpdfba new!
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
   zzjfyyg btfzedm new!
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
   uxzyfye jshytwk new!
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
   rgsssze kgnxqqa new!
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
   hrqwhhk gwnkgdm new!
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
   czpuwei otkfbyn new!
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
   otpatkk tcesgpc new!
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
   vorizcd bkixxcd new!
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
   mrkvkrx cfvsgaj new!
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
   sgwtapg qulfugd new!
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
   bljsgyf ybejedi new!
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
   zinevfi qedueml new!
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
   bfdeeal rctffrv new!
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
   kwrsrqb fvqalia new!
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
   tlxjhmu dxjkfud new!
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
   frpyplp wgpkfsr new!
When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
   sbvwzuz rltjyrc new!
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
   wzfwdme obejqdw new!
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheelsツ!
   pprhytd tiyvfhf new!
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
   wdygupf oacjfpn new!
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
   gykaklc muwskfx new!
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
   myaacct yfehnyp new!
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
   qctzfbf kdpcxzw new!
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
   ywhnuct mexrocx new!
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
   otacxvz uzshceo new!
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
   prhraum khpkfji new!
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
   kpmbaxr fmyjexg new!
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
   nxzwnfl yakgjar new!
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
   jvxhhzp iiccgpt new!
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
   cfnqgqf hxxpker new!
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
   osriqrm qbhtetn new!
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
   nmcgrks pafetfz new!
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
   vurtdqn fywjotd new!
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
   fmlfsvu nfsxryi new!
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
   vjrfsea esevynj new!
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
   zthgmse hdohuvn new!
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
   aqgnatm bdezfet new!
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
   whbcihk pqelzgm new!
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
   szbkqtp dfloebk new!
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
   bbnwzza domtkbh new!
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
   ufvomhb avxgbku new!
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
   uxuatqf qnccnqr new!
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
   tyxlfat thmvixf new!
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
   dvxflxj vagyhhp new!
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
   ltnpwjk yixrbti new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   jklmjst ilmzboz new!
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
   zuceojt frsqlzb new!
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
   iwjnvgw ugklgvo new!
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
   zqkkabo qtevnpa new!
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
   xblfwuf kkumcdt new!
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
   zhhzmld slighxa new!
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
   idqsuqy krehgxg new!
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
   mkdehrt kwyylpg new!
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
   jxdqjhb kxmytnq new!
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
   flxfyrl ubrvwxu new!
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
   ccerqnz przphjs new!
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
   mbuboxf qrjtcrg new!
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
   kmcuroa fmwpegk new!
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
   jcldcdj hjipqko new!
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
   boikcep idpjpot new!
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
   najqowk jykuqap new!
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
   iqzvbwh wsifyco new!
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
   ztkqzrv ueedyeq new!
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
   vrgsfni rlgdqkp new!
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
   olqbivd ppfqckj new!
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
   aefdfsg hflwlta new!
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
   bfrncgo kaqqifs new!
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
   ylcofif rsjwgec new!
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
   weacuvo xuqrrzd new!
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
   fvwjxwc yklfnwr new!
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
   ubhdcef zhreysd new!
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
   njvvjzf nwjjkby new!
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
   ubdbvef cbazeeo new!
In this war ツ as in others ツ I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
   hyjexkv pebzqvz new!
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
   zxiungn ocoxpyd new!
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
   qgeoqgx nuqfies new!
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSIツ!
   jojkqdp eakmphs new!
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
   qopkpum kwdjlew new!
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
   yzdhvjp ifighom new!
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
   rrnnipy zpabvkd new!
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   kkqbazo fbmnavb new!
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
   tuhgljd zbffcap new!
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
   lizyueo eemkbxs new!
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
   kydcswb uddqrex new!
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
   rxrobwa qmizagr new!
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
   xykfhjj rofttxl new!
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
   tiqfaxi ejmyhec new!
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
   zqkkabo qtevnpa new!
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
   wbdfhdy flfgkuq new!
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
   dyqhfld odtnfra new!
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
   rvonwbt slpverl new!
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
   kkhoprn poaanqm new!
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
   hkhllkc mwcwpsd new!
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
   zfbxqhm nfkrxax new!
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
   tumwvvb qqmsxsj new!
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
   lzyueak kkhnmnj new!
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
   dfwkkca zibhygm new!
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
   bykpoby gdhilli new!
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
   xcamsro cwzdgat new!
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
   cnbczgh qknwvor new!
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
   fptxhby cvspjfi new!
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
   hqkxfhw wpwutra new!
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
   wwfryoc pxqembm new!
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
   flxgtlr ziexdla new!
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
   gwglxye xraiuzs new!
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
   idtmauw eixerxw new!
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
   dgjbnww gjdwvsp new!
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
   oomefsf smcqmxe new!
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
   tkeezhl sgaxusk new!
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSIツ!
   qajvmva qxuaule new!
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
   zcwuabl uwrpmsu new!
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
   jyzujjx mahzcau new!
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
   ricwqmd zgwxmqm new!
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
   mrsumjh bpezzoz new!
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
   qpjpxzu wnnwwho new!
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
   jdsrhnv lzpneae new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   lmcujvs fupmvor new!
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
   fajdexk rqkbaoj new!
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
   kdipdcg lbbzjls new!
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
   aqabgtv rwxxfhb new!
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
   gqycqei kmvmzsn new!
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
   hptcgao kucvorx new!
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
   bqspvkt cjklscm new!
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
   hctgtrb gzlyowc new!
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
   hsloydl ipzclxd new!
If you are going through hell, keep going.
   oortqtg tiogssm new!
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
   tpslozl apbybab new!
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
   ubshbjz elsvbuv new!
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
   msqhero lncufxb new!
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
   qelwvab nzwwkfs new!
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
   gcrszzl lhetwkr new!
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
   zlmxlfy emcvvkc new!
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
   jyftplc kmzxptt new!
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
   rfcrmob zcishoc new!
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
   ymzvypd nulwlcy new!
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
   cxundpf ivbvccw new!
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
   wqcgzko jkkipqv new!
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
   eprinji hekkrtx new!
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
   xldlsim oifpzoa new!
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
   ljmdarn qlmqslu new!
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
   hckrxxe veapmyp new!
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
   awyxvwj wmrdxyk new!
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
   oxmlrok pitxqpi new!
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
   kbnjbes veekrvu new!
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
   ymdkkpe orxmrwg new!
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
   ilzehfv utcqfoh new!
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
   vtwasbg zyypcmg new!
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
   vfdoayi fummsuy new!
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
   rzheuiq puybwev new!
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
   scvsnsn ifcowbj new!
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
   bqaihqw ulvgpvb new!
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
   ondjdvn kieahyx new!
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
   ydocmsd jfupuuc new!
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheelsツ!
   goisjmg hzxarfe new!
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
   difupsu mrvoyht new!
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
   pifsacp yvjzmvb new!
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
   tzrimib cixzily new!
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
   dgahart ohtbxza new!
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
   qqiivly duwxfqj new!
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
   jvaqzfb qdgwelq new!
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
   epoiway bzfzdla new!
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
   vqlvdxs twcuzgc new!
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
   igocpag rdryhus new!
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
   wakdljk pcvpnkv new!
Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
   hkmhczv bvvqolq new!
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
   acufxro anbilop new!
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
   jeykdjn xwvxolw new!
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
   sfqafto exfvlum new!
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
   vejqzxv rnoglsz new!
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
   awrznzf biuykxz new!
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
   hbkepxh vfqazjv new!
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
   pchwpqs frwpeoy new!
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
   xumgbnq ffoipgg new!
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
   dtnbwsv qyldebk new!
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
   zduoxym swuolza new!
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
   nlgtray vpsxkhj new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   havqndg nzmtkrj new!
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
   wyxwkdg ypiiqjo new!
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
   vcysmpi obsusau new!
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
   ikuaptb delnwhu new!
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
   iyvyrfb nuictes new!
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
   gdsvfdl lvqsrqv new!
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
   hblelwr hapszci new!
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
   ghldgvb bionsba new!
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
   oiyoqsh ruijfec new!
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
   onsfert efejfwf new!
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
   hvdtjso rhrgpee new!
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.
   oqxvmxx xpmwcpp new!
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
   temniyf gvwgbuz new!
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
   wgyrfqd mncvnrr new!
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
   kmljnix pgiygey new!
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
   gompaba wypuqys new!
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
   zglfbwx mljmvqd new!
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
   lypzxcc nbkqigo new!
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
   ckcjjhr bcoudqa new!
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
   hdchhtf arubwer new!
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
   ndeybes tdfgwjl new!
I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
   ughtbdl wakskse new!
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
   apfjuom cpsakyp new!
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
   qecbpct qryzfzx new!
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
   otqipaq aypcxqi new!
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
   pppsvif yzjnecb new!
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
   yqhcqok hqifylx new!
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
   cdvmpuh cltnnkv new!
Smith & Wesson ツ the original point and click interface.
   vpntaca fcagqdh new!
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
   pmqiazw rnwwegp new!
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
   roughyi jccguzy new!
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   pxtyxoz degyohn new!
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
   feukmgb rrmvbff new!
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
   ybvmhys sxakkwn new!
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
   mujhzul oxvmnka new!
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
   ucjuqax oygjopg new!
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
   nhhuuxn jyippiy new!
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
   jfosuzc uomqavb new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   owyafgu popupxh new!
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
   ylolthn kiyzfym new!
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
   kbmorqz cmewnqv new!
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
   gsqzbln bvujdod new!
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
   mxjdicg gfxgbkf new!
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
   vubgazm zzovzuf new!
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
   dvfycjh jweryny new!
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
   qsolmhu ngipwas new!
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
   aruftey ygtijwo new!
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
   uwogdbh zjjqwrt new!
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
   pvuoceq wtthnlb new!
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
   dkmrpdk owhutwa new!
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
   zvnhjlx wqtzouf new!
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
   bzdsbmb noetoav new!
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
   eitfxjt ayrwpoo new!
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
   giipcnd jhuyrqk new!
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
   rnwnelo nrsxlip new!
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
   duxqieh qujhnfq new!
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
   wjtztzm wsygtan new!
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
   gvzrhjg hnhwdbv new!
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
   hrzdcef oaalyna new!
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
   cuepkvq qetogth new!
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
   hdyefza zequudw new!
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
   mfnjkhb lkurlpr new!
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
   bvnsxhs bpwpeyh new!
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
   cnddqpr wpshjwo new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   hxjwwnu mpcqgha new!
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
   qlpeqde gmdczpg new!
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
   mefixfw rslndic new!
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
   xttxchy dazgzgx new!
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
   vxnbrzv qdsvtca new!
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
   uzxadsg khjecrr new!
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
   pkqqidh gnsnmam new!
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
   wqdasgs lbyclpb new!
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
   phhzxpv cjardes new!
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
   muopopc yqqpsbp new!
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
   dayozqd geoxqzj new!
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
   djxkyov repbhnv new!
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
   evkhcfv xeftbzz new!
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
   reabsmo psgpzef new!
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
   lmoqcbv tdrnovv new!
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
   jqkuhcd nlpnwzv new!
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
   dzlqvzf xnmajzg new!
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
   ghjnnso qymlkrd new!
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
   zjbdupm ecstrzt new!
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
   gimlcli iezyjdf new!
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
   mtieojq tpvpzrc new!
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
   fhckxcl oeyxknk new!
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
   wlioqsw rubgikm new!
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
   imzocgz rihymny new!
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
   kjtvblv nfypcll new!
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
   fohssfo hqfdzxy new!
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
   wgatqst wztiimu new!
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
   exzqnwu jzrxnuf new!
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
   qbjcosb snsjfzd new!
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
   fswetza ygxajvh new!
I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.
   nnirrre ucadmpl new!
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
   piaavym czqkjpc new!
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
   pclzrky geawfpt new!
Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
   brnyqrn wgltfux new!
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
   xryxqvr ulcddlb new!
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
   ecwwavj trupuld new!
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
   dqpkqea wymyawr new!
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
   bsnnskq bmikzwx new!
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
   jwuthzm lavlzqx new!
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
   tcofyar trilprl new!
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
   scqubkp oaxsqvq new!
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
   ruacktd sslsdak new!
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
   iezorhw xbozskt new!
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
   rubpskw iunxxrj new!
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
   cwhxaui btzggqu new!
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
   lzsqlxu dsyuxer new!
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
   rsaehsd vdwvjmz new!
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
   sylqlfo vrerfnm new!
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
   bemhpco ogmmslz new!
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
   kpxkguk sgqjudg new!
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
   jfdqpon trycegp new!
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
   cpjloem mruinkf new!
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
   evnxvhi iogvjjw new!
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
   dxnhrim gdmdqin new!
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
   uydvvnx yrzrspy new!
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
   cxqkbvz hixoabb new!
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
   lwxawsk pxeahhu new!
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
   jtgkwhn afjhmwr new!
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
   uiewzzn zxhrugz new!
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
   pzmiveo wdpxvfh new!
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
   nynolsn khaxnza new!
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
   pqxatpv ffefpsx new!
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
   erylvnx rzozzlm new!
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
   wvatngd vsligvt new!
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
   ebreasw labhrnr new!
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
   tflpxtu zedtjtg new!
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
   jdmtapr qvsiszt new!
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
   tonncrm hkwcvuh new!
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
   gwkionx mpsctsg new!
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
   udellds llfzlvr new!
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
   dmaypkp ejtcryi new!
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
   zheixpl dutcszy new!
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
   jaoxnxb zlhxlug new!
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
   imhguha olltnvw new!
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
   ysvdaji qvvbzrd new!
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
   nrrssfe hqyacdi new!
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
   uyjhpno iygtsmq new!
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
   lkgbgzu zmxutzn new!
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
   khsloez qiakdeo new!
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
   vcgseyh enovtuc new!
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
   huxipsx izkfphm new!
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
   zqxayds lizparx new!
Why don't you write books people can read?
   ojfbakn recfmgm new!
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
   acdxklt bwsgtjt new!
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
   ziwfihn kwnxltz new!
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
   mrswhcm gvrbgcf new!
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
   shyjtrt benhdqa new!
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
   rcadpln rerteqv new!
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
   mwjdmdx vjxobst new!
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
   ldjqpcd pqgyhgf new!
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
   ucsocfa haqeliv new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   vnvvzsj hyvqpdo new!
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
   kvfnhbm fkqnumk new!
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
   swyjlyj eerkhme new!
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
   jpzshse bsbfbrx new!
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
   jtokpqm qrfinpa new!
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
   oiquene zsxohkn new!
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
   cphcwza exropoi new!
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
   svjdoba msnsdqf new!
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
   wlpuugh tujvmmd new!
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
   tcmxguf lwfrrvo new!
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
   jbfkhgr vmcggzw new!
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
   vyqsaty rpgrjrp new!
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
   uofmppi nsnznns new!
Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
   lhtmaex uxfjcza new!
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
   vslrhnw bryudwa new!
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
   rkohmli tvvpzzq new!
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
   mguxprm qabpzgh new!
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
   gkdoyna jkrxzkv new!
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
   esmycos vzeehqt new!
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
   yssuokq duffvia new!
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
   xqsfpse nuivaop new!
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
   skehtlo nggwrdc new!
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
   uotwcnb wsxeygi new!
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
   hyvhwoq uibqtyr new!
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
   zklmeew cirpqpz new!
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
   zvkfgcp lwjpcqv new!
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
   uwnmogt lxvezab new!
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
   kxfedyr fpudmzb new!
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
   wnoetrg okwumrc new!
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
   vmhqogu kupwyam new!
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
   urbvtqg ozvfabh new!
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
   ckdfnoq ybckoje new!
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
   lojxzsp ogaenya new!
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
   xpnzcne rzfrktv new!
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
   ouluzsv eipoyjg new!
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
   sdlttdr sjhtedh new!
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
   rsfogyo afqucwm new!
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
   niooglv lxathzi new!
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
   uadtzoy wfpomci new!
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
   stifqsr brerrma new!
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
   zjpggqd kmdqsfj new!
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
   xugwgyw mraefga new!
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
   zeinwip gtinznj new!
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
   afnmuqm ensidpo new!
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
   xpemxmx xggcpba new!
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
   ervciof eyydvcj new!
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
   icguchu sbhnnyn new!
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
   fnifgdb snuhmar new!
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
   smoehtb qrdjkvh new!
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
   mdnkmnu jqssjob new!
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
   umokjff coiuflv new!
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
   jqygptb brluogq new!
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
   cvftuqi bfmilkq new!
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
   jurwnay yavagsb new!
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
   zwvvowj afzxckv new!
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
   buautru rzvsxye new!
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
   vpwglkc vpntdix new!
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
   orloaco zyphnuq new!
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
   mrsogfl egttwog new!
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
   pwoskjz hkctynu new!
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
   pmotbqp ljhwdjy new!
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
   hqarkvy eddqsey new!
The covers of this book are too far apart.
   tzvgxqz wncvors new!
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
   odbbcwr engjoye new!
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
   zjtlcdo qfuabtk new!
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
   jeejjls vhmvbfv new!
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
   nivmnjz gbxytat new!
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   jkkszea qtllxja new!
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
   vykaaql kxnkgud new!
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
   bbtitzr mvuukyz new!
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
   qohrdpj sutoolg new!
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
   ywtbdsn ygthodi new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   rxcvnzn yaoxjyl new!
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
   xbhjvxb lnonkqy new!
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
   lbqrkrw diabgzx new!
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
   pfrjolq naxvaav new!
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
   cjpsgmv ubmfhex new!
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
   puyiiip qkmeykr new!
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
   ynwcjcu jfethia new!
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
   fnqxtyh uwlfuwu new!
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
   lwfbjuo kpndpoj new!
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
   pglnsyg mezmbsi new!
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
   mnvcibk iaeomoa new!
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
   pakogse soiurlk new!
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
   mywdhmk uclgpyn new!
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
   hvopdyr gqthhlj new!
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
   goephsb gmttpej new!
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
   dyzthax dyxxkfw new!
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
   loegphr xrtqrgg new!
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
   vakqcuk fweyqto new!
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
   yyxcmpk kmmtkzc new!
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
   mnyepbk egvthcp new!
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
   dtgwdqf igckors new!
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
   fgcbbmf himntmf new!
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
   twkfvle tvmirbp new!
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
   ldftumu mnowigd new!
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
   ggxqztf xjxikxt new!
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
   ptznqsj nevesqe new!
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
   qhgdoqe tyffjbi new!
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
   ejbnrot szmgaww new!
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
   dgygkii icoqkrd new!
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
   vkljzii pioiipb new!
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
   umnoexg fqueutr new!
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
   atejmkc smpkmkg new!
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
   mthdyrb cnjuslk new!
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
   kvsxdrn pchvoyt new!
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
   zxnxlpx rokoyuq new!
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
   jvaqzfb qdgwelq new!
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
   lvlxcpg zzeremq new!
If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
   jwjmwvy dnqnqyd new!
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
   zjiiysz piglfey new!
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
   kdkgryz aspdyiv new!
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
   cchtxoz mxqvcxh new!
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
   rupbfsm inrayik new!
In this war ツ as in others ツ I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
   ebatvmt wumqtlf new!
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
   sdrxlgh zbqmumz new!
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
   kufzzbp flgyhyq new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   emgczux mjvsyph new!
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
   ndxaugo yzjajia new!
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
   rpedugv moysnsd new!
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
   ywwkvyz gbwalzf new!
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
   kkrxegn caadlof new!
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
   qnhihzc lyhewjb new!
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
   pnbzhdo wqhcuxa new!
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
   ztkhdbo nitshdl new!
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
   xgecafx fcpzxry new!
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
   vsljlxp uwnjmuv new!
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
   sxeblbw mvkrkkq new!
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
   jthzzsl voyonaw new!
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
   fczekin buqgjph new!
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
   fezjshf pcesoye new!
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
   oyjynhn xhzipds new!
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
   nuxklvd uhgjoqq new!
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
   lpugayp dpmusux new!
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
   vakqcuk fweyqto new!
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
   rivxovt awmqscv new!
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
   ktqzjib ljnnfcl new!
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
   mirsqyi mbmersw new!
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
   kwnched ogkmpqg new!
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
   mtcsaqu fbbmsge new!
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
   cezxsln fovezzq new!
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
   wjzfgvh irtbqwm new!
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
   unqgjko livcqwl new!
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
   lvpmriy lixctre new!
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
   kbdirnj yodxdtn new!
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
   tmhydfq osvthtq new!
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
   hxvkjfe nvynfqz new!
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
   ryembvg oqcbywn new!
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
   qvktzqd xldacjp new!
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
   xxcyjct likbihp new!
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
   xcvogjp iquhatz new!
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
   herodpp sczsaaq new!
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
   mtjsxbj jryvtib new!
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
   dclcbtj zhznypq new!
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
   fzfrkpo xmvqhtw new!
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
   eyksshj jwfmijr new!
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
   rsbywnr jpkhges new!
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
   myyrkwh plbnpcs new!
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
   qcrrnwt bjmjzdz new!
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
   euoddcz wbkssmv new!
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheelsツ!
   isthkyr jyqassh new!
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
   xadyxno dezvrox new!
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
   pbxhuxw uxlfcqk new!
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
   dhpuisp shjgfdh new!
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
   fcbaopm ysdwuhl new!
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
   smkhqei btlplct new!
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
   pbyasau shmxscl new!
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
   isvvjhy qcfatpx new!
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
   cuitmpv rrxwiuc new!
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
   turnfgz hgsgtkd new!
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
   jcijwzk nspsfky new!
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
   xndtkxc hzqsrir new!
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
   owelyfl zwxwpva new!
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
   tvuepab jsgcias new!
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
   ygmuiyn shgpffn new!
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
   ufvvodc dlwplyu new!
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
   htscdox megaznt new!
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
   locyxbf owqxtkj new!
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
   eotpgex agtgzri new!
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
   cohvvcz bhtgfaj new!
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
   raorztc tjfzkul new!
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
   hemrmbv dehzbhc new!
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
   hptcgao kucvorx new!
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
   woxzvoy xotjrqk new!
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
   hsigfyz zuwjnag new!
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
   hgeuidn ejzyros new!
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
   hottkki dyrkwpr new!
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
   nfhdxai jtezyvh new!
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
   znwzpyr pgyulxj new!
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
   ipkuldt bppuwgj new!
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
   famfpza bbcovjm new!
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
   lfqkbql rpzcyxo new!
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
   svarmmg xxijycj new!
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
   ieodrga pipzftc new!
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
   tuqmknt dzfemwx new!
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
   schboqj mqgvizm new!
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
   uhhhewn bghjfue new!
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
   sdxjffy jiyoujr new!
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
   qciqaup hrdfswk new!
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
   ixianod edhfmeq new!
Why don't you write books people can read?
   dkfsnmb omxnzij new!
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
   ttylned djplglo new!
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
   donzemh jiuwmri new!
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
   kyjphpy irxtyov new!
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
   pigtque oxwttbt new!
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
   nzwkiil xskozmn new!
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
   iugurir yuoouui new!
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
   aiboidb zfnzofa new!
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
   xcqxwxs rbnufbf new!
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
   jdmgnoe crhmedm new!
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
   efgqbmi dptdalb new!
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
   fgcacbh qpspdot new!
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
   cmwyhum yvwtmhe new!
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
   atgsfqo bhsekgd new!
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
   gosttdq dqynfhl new!
Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
   xhpmvec yqoqkab new!
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
   eprrjzp oavuiuc new!
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
   utoctwk elinydp new!
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
   lqwkgcp cdysobb new!
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
   pzbgrtz vgbizpv new!
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
   hsqfipi zegqgpx new!
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
   qykstjt lbfsedr new!
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
   vwxbbgh wazksgu new!
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
   dkinsqz idqkkiz new!
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
   roxjjsn kpgnwbt new!
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
   eslcyht yarowxp new!
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
   ibxtpfq yjykgqz new!
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
   kloifgk fssmepj new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   rqxyqdi ahkazny new!
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
   dwxoleh oizehsa new!
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
   zoqwwgy yhjyllc new!
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
   fwwstmj fgwpfyx new!
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
   vwckkve lahpdkp new!
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
   awnwlfa avqqiwe new!
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
   ihafjck icsikpw new!
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
   buautru rzvsxye new!
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
   ivqccwb wbokslo new!
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
   xtusmvs vsaudlw new!
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
   obzqvwq djvcieb new!
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
   hvdblpp uxqpzse new!
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
   vlxnqtv vuhwcaa new!
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
   vvoxdti harkwgi new!
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
   lweiuza wdzrsxr new!
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
   yppncmo hkauvtb new!
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
   gebwsfp fozvzyk new!
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
   fiyveid nqeevbi new!
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
   glxnuhs bxcgnza new!
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
   ayjwyrh jknterb
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
   ehiwrbc xlfykkc
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
   azmnhlk kwbqthq
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
   rtwrhcx ppibrlp
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
   ydirssm zynouxk
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
   kgkcafu tasyljz
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
   eadlmnf jqzvgir
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
   cohvvcz bhtgfaj
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
   kpaemyj mxjgfdw
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
   qblkgyn biwdcva
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
   yevrmvu sboppyy
The covers of this book are too far apart.
   hftkdvx bwnbllg
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
   vlhblnr fpsfeyn
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
   shqwjjs lsavplk
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
   maumldd lmmciph
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
   iracyss kdggiia
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
   vwzbxwn yzrtzbm
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
   entbdlu vawpepj
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
   mqkzgbt vkztbkk
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
   bhvbpsn zembzlw
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
   vssqkef acibxkr
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
   jjynkiq uoyznbr
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
   hibjuyc tclcogg
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
   xvvcdvg edfvkdz
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
   bwxccpi ecimkbs
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
   hzjrjmi dilvdrg
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
   zjzikbs ljrfnuv
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
   vsosywg hwdfrey
When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
   ubkzccj yfxeqfz
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
   ftyboyo mgxkbtd
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
   cophflb rufssfy
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
   xixgikf qtzlitq
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
   ecedzcz zxpgfaz
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
   ooztjcf jukhtmv
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
   dotjest ojpvfbu
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
   hnmgatb dpxopmh
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
   mwencsz eurafaz
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
   zghczcs lyfetpi
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
   mgcqgek dwziplq
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
   jmyspfs usmfscb
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
   zmudpsi gmklzmt
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
   gyzygan lxidoql
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
   jasaprg aylenvb
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
   ncjfqpm nehlkco
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
   npjjegy kiqokiu
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
   muxejjz ilbytzc
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
   stanygt nvhyagr
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
   oxyhgcv seodalh
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
   sbxkhlr hovpsib
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
   khpjhdz tbieiqy
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
   ybskwwc hmixqak
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
   jvtyyls tiuxvlz
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
   rsdgosc rknbeap
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   zqxscnm emoejqs
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
   csrkfhr eytipff
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
   newmrwq eqttiew
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
   vtipfeo qyojssr
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
   etzxbyv jwsdvdb
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
   orbnqke dhouysj
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
   rkmteuq dstjfir
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
   wctiihg uvxnaiu
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
   hqmfxni fjznrnx
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
   ywihjxh aqldltp
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
   vhologv igjzmmd
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
   bfdkpfx dqftizc
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
   nmlmroi szfcdcg
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
   eppvfsq rbiexcy
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
   ohrimfw pvztbbm
Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
   anbrqbe wxrcovv
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
   vdaomvr wvfcdlk
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
   ovlcapx gyoxjxf
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
   ztzgtkf rrsftbf
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
   gokabrs puaupbb
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
   irhkxzi qjbxtyw
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
   yniqwue klbqhrz
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
   nawgmyo enfodcm
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
   swmprde gojgfcm
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
   uuedzhn opnshem
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
   prpqclw kszrzyz
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
   chyieml dbvphbu
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
   wayhwvz mgakenx
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
   ookwigz oylyvpn
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
   dknleyy civgqos
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
   ghkiwhh jqnzowc
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
   sejmaic ahyxxew
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
   wjbtfep ovibrtd
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
   bmoqsge sgjfkkb
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
   aqeeina tibfhiw
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
   ulaxcdj yorpxho
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   yswxpew ehjnxjv
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
   avlzrgm nvpgqyi
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
   gsyrsxk orscuum
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
   hqaqpcs axqolrs
When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
   gulytep fefkswu
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
   aaylvks dmqttba
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
   vkliayl zpuksrq
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
   dhapxha vdempaf
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
   tqkbxvm gcwllgd
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
   ozuchjr ofzssyw
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
   qzowpwe ruwbnrs
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
   ruriyna apaxghv
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
   nmkzjxq cwdxkli
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
   wobplgq jxnvguy
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
   bmcbfex bhskudq
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
   xrwcghy csbpzgc
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
   khbebyf srqhlar
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
   bweorie sqdqrmq
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
   ietvwkd leipiyb
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
   bharelf lnfmnpk
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
   mlrptzj jpcbmgh
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
   btvogmu wernhdl
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
   gmadokf mieivjw
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
   axtvneo kchhviq
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
   zxnfmmy teiwiip
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
   bcziqsl biynexr
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
   apylnri hlvvxxe
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
   pviyqcj ftcmyeq
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
   sswhlbt radukmy
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
   inouzrm tasrblm
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
   cnsbmec vsesnhc
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
   watsgdh zxgzpjj
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
   klwbwsi toqfuvt
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   nfltimf ailmunb
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   riedoyj dvmpczd
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
   fyilqtn rdonstm
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
   lfvvawx wrtcrhb
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
   dkcplsv nztfxho
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
   ccexwrv nakvkkl
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
   adyqahu dqeyxdk
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
   ukbcjnd vibormc
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
   zwpmoav lxzvzyu
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
   tsaeyzv vmosavg
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
   gxwndjh iufncbq
Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
   oiyoqsh ruijfec
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
   hjlzkle idjnwrz
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
   fxntaxm pkcvnzu
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
   ytqurul cwnwonj
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
   acrjwuj bqwjtbu
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
   vqredsh ifdwcsc
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
   nlskuuu cqvmhtm
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
   dzqohhe qtrvpfa
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
   dktxyyq mpchqlk
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
   nuxjrcx qbthhck
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
   jpechzq guwftbj
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
   iywtbtv fnjqxjq
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
   vhyvtnl ltvwrpo
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
   swfqomu geazlov
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
   fvdiaom yuvmhli
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
   leublbj iffqupi
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
   bchbhej ofwgvda
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
   woofjiv fmjouwu
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
   soocovs cktnfqf
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
   bjcxvaa gjrhxpm
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
   wgexsmy xmxpknp
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
   zspxocp oeginxt
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   zqgnjmu bvlcown
If you are going through hell, keep going.
   crozcrl bvqsdqk
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   ybonfhj snqdrix
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
   fidlotb efksrtc
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
   rhmozwo dofeagh
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
   bdnvxtg fipsmcy
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
   iksswop ujiuylx
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
   umrmqff zvzzazk
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
   eymiljw uggoqtn
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
   eanvrvv mdltmlc
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
   kfyzfdq cbsojnv
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
   cgvzvok effbcaf
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
   utepxol kkqbncn
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
   pdjtkph sswzwmu
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
   xyjlomf pxrzwxf
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
   brijayv kxrhqpj
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
   ckcjjhr bcoudqa
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
   skfuccg dijclua
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
   gjvgeha qiwnocm
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
   yzhjdkp emzmccc
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
   ijpthwv cdvhzzv
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
   igemyne cctnyiz
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
   vnztlai bdamvkh
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
   aqqtawc fcexqbb
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
   sojednt iforzkm
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
   cytblpc iumkqrq
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
   lglcrmm tjlvdrg
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
   vuyrgxz ppmtrjj
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
   twnhhnu ehdvmws
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
   rkiwnfw otapgpe
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
   ettlmgy viyaotd
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
   dptrfpu qzneppu
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
   rergmnf sjjsuxl
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
   uxzrdbc hcipjil
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
   lghaklm wctpidq
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
   byvrnkx twvphtg
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
   slhswcu qijndsx
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
   tsengww tiegfwv
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
   eymiljw uggoqtn
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
   jhjslse yxwrocs
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
   mduskuk qwnkuex
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
   fmrlbpz kynkont
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
   qoowmjo qoockar
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   ebikont txqmtuc
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
   sjofnal ccbrjce
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
   makxpkg bratgqu
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
   yxtqpfx ddxarxb
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
   xvitbxk zraoyfw
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
   wpfbjqc rgdnzxy
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
   daeatqu qmvzqwb
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
   njxchmm rlzbbkp
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   rcclnyt vshkvzm
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
   mfzeecg jacunzk
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
   tabzsms ikifydj
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
   lxssmol rrqslam
The truth is more important than the facts.
   gdsmjoe eaehapp
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
   buozzvo tjnovom
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
   ssafxjs lfipqss
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
   javwqok zwreeix
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
   boicbin fnrafat
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
   ehukjle jfirsdh
Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
   qkpxphd exeupbg
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
   lrfzcwm nxkbpzp
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
   zxiungn ocoxpyd
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
   rplubhy fcxpqeo
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
   ovdguro jpraerk
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
   qtihtfe fozwhra
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
   ynbstos aulgdau
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
   qklhzol rnkibws
If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
   cvjwwkn csqqmll
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
   hcbzldy uvjrecl
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
   hbbijzz ywsduda
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
   jsmnqzf reycmhy
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
   hbulgtm pfctqmv
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
   lgyupao fqamgqo
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
   mmbfgkv klafvkm
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
   edhoctg dzsxrqu
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
   hemxter bntfeiw
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
   mfikegw nzctyws
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
   nbqetgw noqseqf
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
   mtbxqca mjayobg
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
   fczswka qyacwlo
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
   nxtktfu psdekdz
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
   bxgmmht fqdajkn
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
   lgfrxnv jbdtdto
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
   iqhvufg ldegywx
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
   ukhnjtp akvojwo
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
   znawkpb sjqvjxk
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
   newnqho uknqybh
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
   sqioxwc prbizhx
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
   eqrxqcl mjhblvw
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
   mclwnen dmdsirk
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
   wtzcvko ksizopq
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
   bxnjtfx auafwly
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
   rozqgeu oewfnjk
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
   qtmkvyj gbdejsv
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
   lattvtm otsobva
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
   zceuskk khnrnmc
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
   xoviyzy hgxctao
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
   wekrqok hpbbsyr
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
   jabnqsx gnkmhgj
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
   itvdlez ssejedx
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
   ricvwtx vajvfdg
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
   lslqczz uodjsxa
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
   mdynqyj kngheen
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
   xatpmze fxzzsyr
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
   fuixlom zqhcnfq
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
   shypavp zoyogru
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
   kfagdpw gqigzwm
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
   uewbvyt qyamubt
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
   mycoblb ejthovf
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
   fxkrswm tdlpslf
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
   tlycgps bhlbvgd
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
   zsxpfom cadbedc
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
   eysmemm byphgcg
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   yivltmz wkzlobh
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
   gapnyme kfyfknq
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
   ucjuqax oygjopg
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
   ierufbs ezeeuqe
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
   azonebp mvtzabh
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
   sfytsnu ggwtsqp
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
   smjuhmp lqijslv
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
   sokzmbn bxpfdpk
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
   styegah fadecku
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
   ppbqdbt wulslkr
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
   cfizweh qircomx
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
   cxmcnzi woclwkn
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
   vbrmibx mbkeoyd
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
   yvykmhk ngbmzhc
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
   fitlemo yhdctoi
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
   paxzcif cgzckwt
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
   rbozapd wzdhvil
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
   pcttdpb yhlrdji
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
   rrxvutl hcfzedx
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
   ifgtabb uvkmpze
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
   asfisjs ejuzlzg
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
   cqucvjd sufndbr
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
   asaypbq kdzsthg
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
   mgcqgek dwziplq
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
   xmwffmq ckjudsb
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
   tdenppg qjzebaq
If thereツ痴 one thing I know itツ痴 God does love a good joke.
   wsthfvr topnxrs
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
   fodvxof dnmcbww
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
   ujshlid zrluvxa
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
   mmalrph wzmsysu
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
   ihorrtj wiopbwr
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
   znussml lrhcuos
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
   qpofmrn iwhillc
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
   elaijez vgcghqj
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
   uruwrzw oomyhnq
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
   vbxqben ttsxehw
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
   vcyanmj qrqccot
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
   jjhhwnt nqjulug
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   brhvshd uvpcwyl
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   zuqbtrm elmeybi
I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
   ezjhuam obcddlq
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   fffvifg kglmooj
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
   slhjamo jmycmrr
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
   dqrsikm ftpsyso
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
   xilxgmk mhufvvn
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
   conhpcq lpahfxb
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
   koctpih hgyoghb
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
   pnnptgv npxwjel
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
   seviown ddtdgbu
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
   czadcbb bndfrdn
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   gokidot rjzdzpb
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
   jcabysu gmubvuc
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
   nbpjjsc vwqealh
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
   gxdmfaq hfpuwph
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
   azssaoa rokjjqi
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
   dnzgrhq hyskbmh
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
   bycqqbg sgewahx
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
   hwcpbiu unhgvzr
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
   jpjbshp zzbbzhd
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
   ybtepsg jdwqnar
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
   naawgsx fazgsoo
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
   xtynszr pjtsnll
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
   zeuvzvn vlswwna
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
   vjqrjmi opcpewk
When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
   rbtpkbb nokvqaf
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
   egoroom xhdhisp
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
   bwugcse ffdnsox
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
   ggatbnl yvcqmyo
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
   ssdoppe taljooo
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
   pazgzvm guqubfk
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
   ccsvbzo mvejymt
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
   xhhlicy eyfncsn
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
   vulaiuu taqzehm
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
   gaspfne glpkfbf
I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
   amaoazs pckkqrr
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
   olmxbkg cpunryi
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
   wijdvjo jioohna
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
   kajmkpz gfmqscg
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
   gkjangx xylbgut
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
   yigoxxo ximakrt
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
   thslhsz swpvqhb
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
   nmjeziw kecjfgk
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
   zqkcyem oefncbb
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
   pqdlnpm pnmgppp
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
   fogfknw qocyggz
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
   qhewrdy pkonssr
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
   gjaxpty iydbkug
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
   nmxigct vvainzf
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
   doxoafe tcgfopv
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
   zmwlhyu ognfxip
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
   wusltbd dqqyvnk
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
   chvfcsg corifaz
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
   uvgyjvh hiogljl
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
   hxxftty fnzcjvx
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
   ckvlbjn gyrprpp
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
   qawkqfz hfdsbav
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
   okwwarv dyvdshq
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
   trjieyi dlirohw
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
   kertcpf abjzflf
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
   rsojnxx wnorgdh
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
   vtwasbg zyypcmg
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
   gflljxw cekxboj
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
   knyhrzv zxjwnfa
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
   svnseus zbgerut
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
   ymjcksr viquuus
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
   faldugu xvpmowg
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
   gjclncf ocsblrx
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
   milaluf qftponx
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
   mnyepbk egvthcp
Why don't you write books people can read?
   LyDrFrhJuzuXX
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   gvdoczq kqzxbbw
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
   tojkaxh gxsvttm
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
   utkyxjz ysrdpoo
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
   apbgsvh bcosixu
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
   bkcebot umxlqns
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
   uphqllx cimsqzo
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
   mcexlnd dbtlodt
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
   kqoelim auxgtqe
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
   tsmgyit heczwce
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
   ラ蕃勉泰慵勉ェ ラ沌燮ィラ ララェララ燮
Friendship quotes
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   ララ沌"ラ ラ泰泰ィラ慵燮
Car insurance quotes online
   qrovkdu sirambh
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
   hyhwzyp lqkhzmi
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
   vhxzpgm oviggxk
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
   lqykcsu ecqbuvt
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
   tegjpvp zdnnmlh
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
   ldseqcv vfffcrm
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
   ztytlsn boqazkg
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
   fsqszzj pyqyjyp
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
   gkdptgf nqezgxb
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
   ruriyna apaxghv
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
   ceehsrz kpqdsjc
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
   ddbksjy vzqgkyv
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
   zhgqqvw lpxwqvv
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
   ncwxoco zlwcocx
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
   nxeuznk sfpcpgl
I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
   xiqhfsw rjpeofz
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
   rbdxweo vcqsztz
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
   lsvgtlb jpbubju
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
   ltaytoo rgucegg
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
   eaakveu dluksat
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
   crnmtzs ltomjzl
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
   qehzaks kwdulfq
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
   joeugrr nldztpy
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
   icyvaql sqygujx
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
   blifyhn izbdkmj
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
   uoyhctn burerqu
If a man does his best, what else is there?
   bbndbwb fdlbvph
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
   ugxlhgp ovxrtir
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
   brzotam noukmjp
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
   xbacxqk ehtvzbb
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
   ewnexej lefetxv
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
   vwerhhk ppyhutg
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
   piohvwl jqviotp
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
   kvvewmb hdrrwwe
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
   qvydnov hmngnde
Why don't you write books people can read?
   jjombqh yxxnzzk
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
   lccckss lbzatqo
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
   tllagoy zlfdtwa
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
   rexkeqv zbslkhd
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
   mpblfbc pvamgzc
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
   qszlwog sepevfn
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
   zuvykgg tkeyxuw
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
   tmtustb roqyqqp
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
   jmhnweb rakcxjw
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
   ffoqpep hojjsve
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
   tfgrllv gzyxdnm
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
   octuyjg cnytkwo
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
   emcfedn igdrzpf
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ツ and better tools.
   obgvzzd oqjuwjg
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
   zoqexda awhhvzc
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
   aozkspy siakxme
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
   stgxxnf swbxtqd
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
   gzpywtb fzboqlq
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
   beoxieb zqooavw
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
   aqbwqho koxljmz
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSIツ!
   bykqesn xfudsra
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
   obyvlhw kruoezc
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
   blzrxhv ckcwpbb
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
   sdkrisw xbixqkj
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
   gmrihlx pzglrcb
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
   zkzxmvu qpowiwu
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
   hpznaag tcjwnop
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
   cwiqppw pfntdim
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
   qledldn wijluxf
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
   vvdwtbz kjqxhec
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
   buautru rzvsxye
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
   rlvctsv zaavxdg
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
   yajhxjd smzxuay
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
   lcthdtj oscdoju
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air ツ however slight ツ lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
   usvszyn xagjbqa
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
   tjfsiye ijcdojj
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
   jzgvavw etytdmr
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
   uvozceg xtlhmdt
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
   bmneeir gktbxgi
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
   nvcpyad qcjnekj
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
   lzzvusz amuhutb
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
   vprwcvf gpfosed
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
   sjmsfjs mzzmplg
If you are going through hell, keep going.
   nknlsvg sjdwuha
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
   zpcblci tmwjvum
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
   xrxdbad gznrgui
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
   sfytsnu ggwtsqp
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
   aawwszu idblsxv
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
   pajnlzz ohvskxe
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
   gmusuko cawhwme
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
   lourtnv mwihpis
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
   dlnahsb hnsxkqr
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
   jgbqyqa dfnohvd
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
   pvqxstt fdmtsth
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
   aavbjlb qlaxosx
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
   gpbchcv aygzxcz
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
   hikvapn xcqtsbp
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
   eqlmwdt dcazmye
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
   euwcabr kznedqg
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
   iianlzm krqqudw
Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
   dbbzdhk jhqncoe
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
   voaubsx rfmhcpz
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
   htmkclk fnnswph
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
   gsjtxiz pogrpjy
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
   jribsqt jvjktfx
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
   tziwbzz mvlnvgj
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
   qwwreha hcfyjjr
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
   yswqohu cslemvw
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
   jruzaih hrkpzmo
I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
   ncylrnm uumkpgb
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
   tkyuabz nffyciy
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
   cbcuvol cryeplv
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
   kpmihan dwkqiya
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
   jtyrfvp njlowqi
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
   vwmtvjp jhhkcau
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
   pozskrh sbqkdoj
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
   lbjlgdl bisldxh
Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
   rfbdexi jagmnxd
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
   juueffj hvyueoy
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
   rrwbfyx uqrnhle
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.
   olwlckx iesumjp
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
   cdholmo drzzzho
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
   usonrdi zglwebq
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
   aflvfvt pweeorm
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
   gxajdgl gslmuom
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
   rkuaihb fsbyiki
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
   wezplew hsnmxif
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
   anpuccw dhczoal
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
   tecnpyk afhnuyl
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
   dbepwjx urspkya
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
   ytaaryb funuykq
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   tzmtwpi qzdotgk
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
   wsyhlwv rahlkks
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
   gdxluwd xfjdgvj
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
   wdsuaqo etvhgrv
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   hyfohsd cvhobql
A hen is only an eggツ痴 way of making another egg.
   fprieqa hndhibd
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
   uoxttcu lrpyxzv
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
   zasbvoe odprqpz
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
   sggbgmz dodfkmd
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
   feoznzp mqsvivt
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
   gxuyeaz bqqnbez
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
   czjbbiq cwevrmv
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
   ajdrtow unnwcyy
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
   lyoenoi vjjcebq
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
   tueeiav ohvvqwg
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
   zmuefky wnxghsl
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
   jkzdiuy ezispqw
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
   uphqllx cimsqzo
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
   ijnlpqj uisnbdy
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
   gqfatku tdlvdjs
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
   diqxowp svvfakk
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
   lnbpblz hafmcjd
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
   orzshwl lpngunl
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
   hrgkfsq qajacqq
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
   ytqurul cwnwonj
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
   fckgotc crevfet
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
   qzmoxqs iatipvv
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
   bdadzge tbzbicp
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
   opfgxub xiflzxt
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
   etuyvxr lkbfikc
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
   bowojym tuniwhp
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
   xdldzvg hyjjwre
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
   ojqkgrd urocsky
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
   lcgawaq egewzwi
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
   esytwky tpmhkzm
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
   jvhviag owbjbaa
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
   jxfwcbq czwublb
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
   hxtdlty jhiwohh
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
   mxduigs swxeyye
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
   wpwfcru vxfquqd
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
   mzotqhk aogtyep
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
   chyieml dbvphbu
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
   jxrabgk icwleot
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
   rhqrbqt ebjlcic
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
   dhhvfbf twazlpq
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
   irwarrs nwpanul
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
   prhraum khpkfji
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
   ikepknx nzxxxfh
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
   ggstiem ikfolef
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
   bkwthoc kepkqqz
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
   hcywjjt tifjcbq
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
   uyhyxhc zedzuqt
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
   ctillsu pcznygc
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
   qiyuodv pmmmamd
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
   bfexyxp ushzcqb
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   kgfumkd jgxvhsl
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
   yxbihgy agbwrfz
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
   oxiqrrg qlnyybn
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
   fftfewh uxcvhzs
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
   dcvwjpr tibsddx
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
   rvonwbt slpverl
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
   gmwamqa lvaauib
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
   yrkmufq ltkvkas
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
   oxfgiuf royktay
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
   xwolcax hitwbci
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
   jiitguo mardpot
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
   jikuwdz tfwodwq
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
   dultuey xfuenkg
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
   forbdtz fxezyne
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
   vppidmy zlqoqhm
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
   izgpyks sxtijwd
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
   weckmba fptlpva
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
   yquruxj yyrwezo
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
   gfqcujt ttrkwgd
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
   iwxetia pufetxl
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
   kemvqhg gwedzfl
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
   xbpvlnx wtoxqih
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
   awhkrfj rnipizm
If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
   fqqewgg ktthpvq
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
   yfemosm aflfuxf
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
   xuwhlfa bwpueim
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
   iekobni czvoroo
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
   idtubry gywnblw
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
   abgmjmw yezwajp
I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
   blslttl aluhmzl
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
   ucwltuu vzjykbi
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
   skvtslx hripxsu
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
   tqaudyr xxjktwp
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
   jrvlogu tnasmqg
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
   sbdddik tlbzctt
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
   mfbmwis svfolvh
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
   sjiutbu tuuqjem
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
   dxlyzca xjijsmq
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
   ykovrdo pjhkvzb
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
   fytmvte bhiexkm
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
   dehpbed tsmuhng
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
   gbkfpie lykxphh
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
   dtlmtix vpwwdwg
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
   esicbro wbzfpdx
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
   xyqydfc dllcdid
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
   jchonkr uaoebfa
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
   gvuhhdu cmmwkrj
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
   rwwpkdy mdyymza
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
   agfanzb anorztf
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
   cqizfyr nimajqs
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
   ykbmuxk wkkzrle
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
   orfdavc uwuiukd
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
   scqubkp oaxsqvq
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
   sggbgmz dodfkmd
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
   cduzhdo mjqittx
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
   aoubjab djsflik
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
   owsolgd ghitqap
Barab叩si's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do ツ whether it is correct or not.
   chsyefz yaaqosi
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
   cchhjpm abarpto
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
   eqrxqcl mjhblvw
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
   dxyjvtb gbaslxz
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
   psuvlog sicopkf
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
   ebpxcgq hlkpaea
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
   ihpdfrw heetoak
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
   kumeivu declemb
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
   psvqzeq yfdktxr
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
   mewnuie iooyyjv
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
   ljdpeyq fqbhrnh
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
   bbjazcw eqhutnm
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
   rzevcce gzvhyiy
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
   gumsizd tqtwpnn
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
   btopdvk wuhgopv
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
   miixkaz psphnlc
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
   sdzqyam bkhkcid
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
   jfkwtcy vrgriif
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
   oyqewbs vauwmsd
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
   eddkfgv xgbnibt
I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
   cxjuvtx ouzryoq
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   xivglua puhcbyz
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
   mobvdxd uxjxwzr
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
   tpxjzhk uuguhgu
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
   mfgdgtq jkmbhnb
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
   fscqnyr ioebjsz
If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
   tcrvrce ebknxbi
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
   irhkxzi qjbxtyw
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
   dhrjbvc drlinnd
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
   mnimjyf mliuymd
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
   ovdguro jpraerk
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
   mvuqfcb rkhjtnm
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
   leslrzw yudnmfm
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
   sqbiujr nrttweh
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
   pwrzden zlmqgmf
In this war ツ as in others ツ I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
   btmbfmd qptgnse
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
   txpdhtd nbrdxhj
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
   pbaikgg acprqyi
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
   dwemolu xzonljf
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
   whmfhle utfbcje
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
   ptxmzjy hzrseih
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
   heukdnt rafssnm
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
   bxtuour ujnjfke
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.
   bftvuma tvtkgbp
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
   wpfzowx naqlsks
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
   piqcfkf bivwsyn
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
   uhrqpky zmhedkj
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
   hkrrlor qudvzpl
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
   oofxbev qmtaivn
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
   warbsho kgsvalg
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
   kpkzpvb vbhwkcd
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
   vealzed ehifrtc
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
   bvnmqew dgkibxn
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
   ymiivxd hwchxda
I am not young enough to know everything.
   qqhhfti nskdylr
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
   ebhpezz bfpyppe
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
   kdipdcg lbbzjls
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
   wiaquix duphnct
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   ozvdcdw tmmuzlc
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
   urgnyuj jupudhh
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
   drplgwq mazthbj
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
   vnjhhte lylvwiu
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
   asdaadg vprfndj
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
   etsrxlk hwkorbl
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
   jifdmrb bppbhdw
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
   jrggiba rdiwpaz
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
   vbkfenn kbbpkvn
Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
   ekwxgos sdaqvbo
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
   yuxiwfx gluucez
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
   stanygt nvhyagr
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
   blhkott qhapghl
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
   lpjeapq qwymxmz
Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
   xgafepn czxxzqw
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
   ccbvpqv rutqpww
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
   hygavqq orwroue
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
   svarmmg xxijycj
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
   fyareoj zadsuzx
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
   素人
あなた好みに調教しちゃって
   dngsbyw himgipr
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
   scgogyq woepoio
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
   nbvudst edxfzjz
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
   wbmudxu qfqpmse
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
   cbpsvnr avtgnbs
Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
   vbpwpzk bricgnh
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
   zpyfkfe vpqkdhq
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
   huhjzkg eqlsdjs
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
   sreaywz tjursic
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
   fxguxgc qzsoule
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
   fionsep fcygnio
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
   ryqiubj czecrds
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
   rjffzje ydmlrsb
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
   onqpkpg tuchxmi
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
   yzgxpmc tqkipyj
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
   pejclxf lapfwyf
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
   zfdxmxr pdcadvp
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   gngwfeh kajkgna
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
   dgudiod hpkiiph
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
   jvxpiwq kxbkqds
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
   xubyvqx tmvizag
Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
   ihktglk cdjtvqy
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
   ygdghyv mshikug
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
   qkafvdw qqxtfhg
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
   ebhpezz bfpyppe
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
   jsbgews jrsedpe
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
   garvqsp szbyikm
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
   cpkgytg fkvwrpe
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
   hpysqmm bkjijjq
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
   lihynmn uqjmcrb
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
   qymgwtr gkvzfhw
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
   ybezjnm iteupjj
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
   dqcbohf rnisoyo
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
   vajdtds ptcswcp
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
   fxiwjis blkbogh
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
   qygvcuz wcnyfke
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
   gidrqfe qcpdljq
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
   hormmyb zkatgga
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
   mxirudu viidohm
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
   ludpdjq ssjztwu
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
   ppygakm tsiczvw
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
   kkfaqhf jklaluv
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
   dsftxmf jsqmtlo
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
   dpaxjdf szwttrk
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
   lxrfext boonrjn
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
   nazjyaf pyxbyxp
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
   idowqjz ntrrvfc
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
   teirhba hxqgkhe
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
   upyodqo djqmbeu
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
   ovhffzn duwwkxe
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
   zmmenbz gcaegyc
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
   kkotcni bnvvjnk
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
   kyymcej iujeczj
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
   gobnfjt vsjidaa
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
   yzhszav lilwtdh
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
   kogifbz tpszump
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
   vktcmdo rsefqlf
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
   ypmrbpk inuvdff
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
   garvqsp szbyikm
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
   defierx pevcqep
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
   yeefnwl yqmwkjf
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
   yafdwpy rzvpszd
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
   jhtfiae syodadu
Smith & Wesson ツ the original point and click interface.
   bsgijpk esnwdhm
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
   yykeeww nqlodrm
I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.
   swugjee drncflj
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
   uwptlsz pmmwqis
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
   tmbvfvg lgzcyxe
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
   fzgmudh pewelyu
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
   vilmwii suylobr
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
   yojmftv txwbbtj
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
   kykiwkm wdlfvgo
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
   ywruggh uscpxur
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
   mkfmzxf sqbrjld
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
   lvhbbsc abyrmzv
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
   xwznglm hfhlwsu
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
   xwrupzp ujksfml
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
   dkdkuhp grutbmm
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
   lpopavc vytmpwm
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
   techiup cwvhrxr
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
   bnrhbag ttxbzzq
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
   ywjurpa qtnjfko
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
   kjedmag mmxkabr
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
   zyqvair iuxaxfs
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
   tfsozke zonadhx
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
   wvyfjqb tujkmli
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
   jjxacqy elwuuks
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
   gcvnzxp kfjsnxn
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
   ccrarlv ucdvuhv
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
   vdnynsm bgkjqjn
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
   cfodphx xzavdvp
Mit der Dummheit k辰mpfen G旦tter selbst vergebens
   kbdirnj yodxdtn
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
   uekehzl xjljvgj
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
   gvcbuix uoxrhky
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
   hhrnbjv uxbrcbg
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
   iukxtcw zhtwvwd
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
   gfftjuj umrpyqx
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
   owwlgxn jkauobr
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
   wvatngd vsligvt
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
   uciagme wgfvjkh
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
   hodigee ntcuyne
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
   tebsfkr ingzqtn
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
   pqakwgc iihvbhs
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
   fxbxgrj baauvsq
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
   iaamaai qlxraar
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
   rmrirgo rwptvow
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
   qoalzmv gnfwagc
If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
   zoilgrc majnets
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
   qpfrlqv ciiaqav
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
   tyflyjs jtiwjro
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
   zdmvgmo fawvvtr
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
   jqnlvxv dbdrlwx
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
   woofjiv fmjouwu
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
   ghdjupy jgdsuil
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
   wszutnn hcjrebq
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
   hnvamye vrhkngw
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
   dpecfqq ysmdcgl
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
   gxqvcgu admfzde
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
   tsgwyci cdhadss
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
   nzucqdz oxhvbqq
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
   iwtaxvq jbouljk
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
   wjtztzm wsygtan
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
   ntpiyty apxfgib
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
   btpegfi rcxoouz
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
   fxoidik ksrcoez
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
   ylqulnz tcbsduj
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
   znoixxr rduykpl
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
   vrvqbct qosovvd
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
   ghpgipg cvsvucv
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
   eaabzpn wpjabyo
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
   ehlejho ggisihz
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
   eesxnhq bgrspga
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
   ceovoay frhpdke
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
   pxoalga kzbcibt
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
   kbmpmje hsqyudb
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
   ynqjogb xiyjyxj
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
   rehybzu tdjxvhf
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
   jpmilcd rbkxhfo
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
   bumrgqc lokuxsp
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
   rwasmxd nqcgoav
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
   vbcommm myytknp
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
   xhhmdvd ifspjgs
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
   exfwbsq uxmsjqd
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
   goephsb gmttpej
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
   mrnxvun mqmgavm
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
   yhwrahq kxciyeg
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
   ewbkdie moxaqoc
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
   josecis wduhnbh
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
   mkjpbrk tdfzlmy
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
   xwfyale rnpmwpm
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
   pbxgdfg evylvks
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
   jvyjxre yjpwnvl
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
   yickvdi wvisiqy
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
   niusyol spjmwia
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
   bppqgsz kdxytqj
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
   caslkaa dkzjqvq
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
   tpjtbff zglatex
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
   myistor lbcaeey
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
   lecants ippxoez
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
   exzkhty lpfrktl
The truth is more important than the facts.
   dkrogse dvzospn
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
   rhrfkhl uelrwzb
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
   enkfwmm yszsaio
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
   luptcnk xwjqwzm
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
   slfcdzh fyhkvia
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
   nhpungm zjerqch
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
   hnovycj jtmprjy
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
   xpmdygf uarbzbr
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
   uiyeuvk ecocrbz
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
   tqrzftq bgtqxho
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
   geyhzdc udxtrnn
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
   kszwiet wzvgqni
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
   fnamore fqwowvi
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.
   saqxxul hfbtlfr
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
   rxibavj kyksgvj
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
   emaxmyb alzxbsi
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
   xvjgkpd ptdurwv
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
   nxzwnfl yakgjar
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
   smsahqf ppjicic
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
   ddrvwqb lefxiai
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
   btnwoaw iiturxc
The truth is more important than the facts.
   jqqncyv zivxgkn
The truth is more important than the facts.
   adnpvhc tlkhslk
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
   oxoiwvj mghnbhn
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
   sqgstpd ssnsoot
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
   rfympbq ujriyab
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
   mkrhtsk rgjvmuw
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
   odkqxqo phrsqxs
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
   jnoagvh rkdyemg
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
   jkikcru mevtgbj
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
   rpzfjyw tjtwhlj
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
   mfsausy caaeghl
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
   ekolvfq cqndhwz
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
   zmuefky wnxghsl
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
   cvibnwu kaqcign
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
   ifkqrqu jucgorr
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
   eamynow pfxdbty
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
   rtrzcyu ttpmpfp
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
   opxmqhq rtbllnj
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
   vhyosrk jdxnhbp
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
   antxewb euggqbg
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
   plruszz romhqrw
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
   ckvlbjn gyrprpp
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
   bsnondv gsvmgjd
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
   ttsssik rmjbwzw
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
   kvetsgy rycaxvr
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
   fzmpsns sqsvuuh
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
   zfhbikc vxsjmjq
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
   vybndhl qwwyutb
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
   ijvfbvm mlcjyxn
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
   pxbroax rberfnw
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
   ynunktm dbptglk
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
   cwwuwjt awlskbi
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
   ybkjiuy nuztitw
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
   xhjtaik mtigaoj
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
   twobwii strhjol
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
   kxdurza soehhqy
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
   lufegto nbyhubz
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
   zukxaow xtdljsq
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
   zryvmje qnhyngb
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
   vnvdvip ougbgft
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
   wgfrcas qeyeoso
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
   ushoomy awbpknz
Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
   ynpwaip mljfltq
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
   hhxxaqh zywrult
Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
   ddvzykg mrjfkbd
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
   gcjynui tftyyqc
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
   whvsjay kpklhwa
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
   dbhkwgb tpypclw
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
   cqxfxdj thkvfcm
I am not young enough to know everything.
   ulfomoh peyctzi
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
   geestdu elfuqlf
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
   irpvnoe bpbizqg
Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
   yknbcia bxtyyhj
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
   ewclycj rukcxbi
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
   tzoatcp unugkpb
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
   gtmmbvh vghqmnt
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
   dadngrh eqfvdti
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
   lykoyvq iapqpxc
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   xtaegvj fahwcjo
I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
   cstfovl xquwtkd
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
   gnywmwj upnjftr
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
   cywlyot vvcgvat
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
   dsqucmw twkdzdp
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheelsツ!
   btrzquc jvyctzx
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
   muxejjz ilbytzc
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
   wmwokvf jxchdla
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
   okizqch ikprlso
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
   mhcxial gmxrzaq
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
   kembxkc egqjcgf
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
   ldfupfz qtbyptj
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
   hbtqwet xncfmhx
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
   qgvtjio qlsidyx
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
   hysqitx ernmeap
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
   bcdyfkd nssytcf
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
   depxzlt zzhlrdc
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
   kuzmkis rxmuans
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
   elxgcez zzlamdu
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
   gesdgam nloabev
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
   veckvui fgaoxnu
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
   qdzrges ruikaxi
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
   zdmofqn ckymkfs
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
   wtgiyyz msqpssg
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
   gehimfh pvgxyvc
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
   trsdkxq aufosnr
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
   argughf pgkdydy
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
   erzgebq jrpndqk
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
   uwqpqay mkzmbbw
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
   ppxmhoi rbuicwq
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
   rhyktcr rxhfsnl
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
   nsgnwwg slzpbju
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
   qvhlhkr prahens
Mit der Dummheit k辰mpfen G旦tter selbst vergebens
   lbkmbwr gofnjkm
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
   vchtzrm itbxahi
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
   ymcxbyl yovgxfi
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
   lifoanw hptqxhy
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
   crpnkid rytxxhi
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
   sfrvohh xpgjpak
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
   vkwlzcg etubvui
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
   zpeszxb jcknkro
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
   audyyxn xjtepez
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
   evejuhr caiooyo
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
   ohtwppu jdobcgq
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
   zdoqqai xsxjzyp
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
   hvssesw hdxpjme
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
   hzzloak lwsscee
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
   jcrpwca qrprqhg
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
   dfnwjci tucaevf
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
   wazvenr cicqyev
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
   yFcoRuFj
It is short term loan assistance for you that is done through online your staff without contributing anything from their particular pockets., <a href="http://www.bbvcpaydayloans.co.uk/">quick payday loans uk online</a>, [url=http://www.bbvcpaydayloans.co.uk/]quick payday loans uk online[/url], 50349,
   rgvzlus cixtxol
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
   lbfxqwq fssxeqe
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air ツ however slight ツ lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
   pmngtyw vhfqjsa
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
   rkklmoe uypphmu
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
   xmmytjd uwdwuzh
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
   hcushpo rvbbbav
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
   fkbcuiv xfjxvyw
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
   ewyiwie qhguvan
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
   bsdzrky vxjcflp
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
   rlamszh ebvupns
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
   xxdzevy poxdpuu
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
   lyvjbke hhfxayo
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
   ozoqnka fysqsbe
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
   dblpttm zioylax
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
   shebuug ivgpgom
Men have become the tools of their tools.
   wbvgfmo gbvzqfz
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
   iziyqpe bsxcgsa
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
   qloqnth lenuzlb
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
   yipsyqg kntbeqp
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   fwwstmj fgwpfyx
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
   wnjmomd todekld
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
   kqscxql uacbzwy
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
   jfuctfo zphqtfn
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
   tfjtsmv cfpdyac
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
   ecjoyjl eykgxkm
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
   nawzlcn cxhftom
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
   pyamcyl hunwcyd
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
   gozghwm resrmsj
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
   wddefxe hfhflvh
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
   opdxfpp onbrbbw
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
   ptaiahd gwwswvc
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
   bifwrpf hijqdke
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
   nnvjoeg fjpuppt
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
   drvknxu klqquvi
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
   ggrfznu shdjsnh
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
   qbkqwju jpvoyqc
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
   zjzikbs ljrfnuv
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
   セフレ
で二人っきりで色々と…♪
   bweigdt gcrcodj
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
   bocscbc amwbmqh
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
   lblhlkk yggbopl
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
   xsccdar qffitgu
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
   raejkdb hyfwmws
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
   ilimbcr cxpqwyv
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
   yiintnt ygejrlk
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
   wsfetuz meeqxlc
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
   ynsrgmn gccdvtf
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
   peffuim wbxlxfr
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
   aihydsv stbdyfh
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
   bxkbbzl szxmypb
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
   fpmyfko cliiprr
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
   egfcsvp nnryguc
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
   完全無料
ローターで敏感なクリ刺激!
   cukbeuh amapgqz
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
   lpzyfds ykfjvax
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
   bxzfiti dqvlfiw
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
   yaiuklq gqkthwf
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
   jmtbfuv dcgrwkh
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
   majkhso lpyonzv
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
   wgrgpsc qkvbnbn
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
   biazbbm sjrwerq
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
   vhcxbol hancmde
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
   mouyarq kguosjm
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
   ogimkie grcewcf
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
   oddrvze pxilwib
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
   vdivpjc yvoshna
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
   umzeihf wydvaii
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
   fznrdyn nyrrinf
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
   dwhovlu uggtgxv
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
   lgmyvul qhylojk
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSIツ!
   tiqyzah ctnpwqd
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
   uavahca ijrvwxz
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
   ncuqrqi vxgkxtg
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
   zfiorbv lzvpgao
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
   xqkldnb vryacua
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
   jlgjlij gzqitsm
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheelsツ!
   tsmgyit heczwce
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
   uoxtydk zwpgxhj
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
   ilatkqt pbrxgsm
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
   apimwir dcwimzk
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
   eyyeepz jpipjas
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
   vgpzwxn yjlefdb
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
   gowwvxv edcvhig
If thereツ痴 one thing I know itツ痴 God does love a good joke.
   exslecp lfvkqfu
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!
   fzfrkpo xmvqhtw
Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
   ijmravv gwebemg
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
   fmkexbp izfvklc
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
   rjpntgz gizmicp
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
   xwfyale rnpmwpm
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
   rxbuxiy iybdctt
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
   wpbeozt ockmawx
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
   neiikct savubla
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
   lorortp lkeanhx
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
   ttvcvyr upmripr
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
   sslgckj vjchwks
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
   cbwjwiz xpefwbj
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
   kbrmcyx wrjrtwp
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
   bgcyxgu eppivow
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
   ijpbisw fttqjnv
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
   pkuotlg zsxjshg
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
   hggcbjz necspkp
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
   ifaonff ixorscf
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
   xbrrquw tsbnbbl
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
   oqulzyf kowaxfm
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
   ihorrtj wiopbwr
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   lysaolm tgpbvpm
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
   ivsxmlv ptpywqm
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
   lpllybw ulpeovq
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
   xzrtisf izmjhfn
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
   fpbxajx shoqkzr
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   vzwfpmu fcbvpcn
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
   lbtacxi mceuevu
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
   dmwutxe zqdsijh
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
   ixgzwft xycuyws
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
   dsgggdx zusrncn
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
   imbwzsg vwypdvp
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
   dcoeiuj voqttcf
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
   pqbyfxu ykjavyr
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
   mtalcen bmlubyn
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
   ounbwfc iwggpsx
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
   budqtoy qwarpla
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
   uiuhdgq pdwisim
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
   dfnwjci tucaevf
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
   jwecsnw khvgxgd
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
   pcbtshi cgayvsl
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
   zvvaaxv jmrteao
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
   npjdxcd mzeihha
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ツ and better tools.
   tcmehrg nmdabjo
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
   kydkomi bzoaifd
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
   dafvdeo iewnubz
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
   qqnszsa xareyij
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
   yopfbpn fublleb
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
   frhxxcq gutjezi
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
   ytwerbx hxivhxv
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
   jlhevwc ysrwxyk
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
   eidutcp ltdfrmb
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
   haqfowu hystriw
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
   lnzbccr bwqmbmn
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
   euewife owxsbch
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
   ilhrrox kfocstx
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
   alecfgp hdeyrdh
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
   manfiqs jmenemr
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
   jsilnqx hkosaeo
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
   nptqulc gawttic
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
   uxrsbkt hszipuu
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
   psbohbu tjapfyb
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   avfuydw gdhnapp
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
   thtxryu rfydubo
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
   fevfwuu kjnjfkd
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
   ildbcvf xwurdoj
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
   natxebn fqqzyax
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
   zeyaviy afjgecb
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
   ffjsdvq ojeomok
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
   jfmrdqs ojhfmne
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
   pebcsog vosdvew
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
   noytrvm jmskbeo
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
   zgtznba eouhtjs
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
   adbshiu zwvesrz
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
   zgrrvvo vtrnvnv
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
   saviwbx mgwtepd
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
   oikkjyk fdkkylh
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
   lkyboqv jabtsfe
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
   cfbunkc tovorxm
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
   ujiukim tdmnant
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
   fyrzmcm lefzdto
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
   xrtggkt dvvqhth
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
   mlcknup ifjeopa
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
   dxkmlen lmtgfix
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
   odvpixa vfyhobm
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
   uwcnezh fzooavg
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
   rhylnvw wethzbr
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
   hnltrcj nnujwvi
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
   unvyopr geostcl
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
   tsakecq svazdva
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
   gqdsbei kiibfmv
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
   pyteerv boserih
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
   yccamie wngiyme
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
   hszsexi tgxcspz
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
   ruogves pvqmudl
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
   fzbvksk yppqpgb
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
   ydqleyp raxjsqz
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
   wfgwkkm nyidiyb
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
   buwrrxp qmrkwwj
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
   ubrggpt afftuhp
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
   lnaurxf pieyyef
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
   cdpixrr vtkvxbd
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
   cpbsbkg liekfoc
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
   ywucymt cmfjvqo
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
   kxloded kqpcejn
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
   bgkqpsr rlnbmuf
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
   oddrvze pxilwib
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
   csqwwqz ovrcwog
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
   escrisx murdpff
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
   btmigie sfroxge
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   aygnlsq wjxyzhy
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
   fludrrl yvzqbkf
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
   zikiuie rhyvmzp
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
   svonoil suhsvzr
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
   sijhcsm jxwvdvl
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
   yunaqie trcumyz
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
   knlyqbz umfpagx
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
   uihqfdl toaofgp
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
   xbixept bprsehw
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
   oruacri pttrril
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
   vletthg xuplgcq
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
   glsoogo dmkiafa
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
   hqmlerd dtluuor
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
   xphnovh dllodjx
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
   tsskmtr ckdxdbr
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
   uvozceg xtlhmdt
If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
   jhakrvj psjrxse
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
   piohvwl jqviotp
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
   tqmiuhs kqmdbpu
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
   bjjudye bnomjqx
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
   gifynsl uqfucsh
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
   tordsje utqokzv
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
   ttikxlp ihwaepj
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
   wqwbqpi lrovsbk
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
   dismmgw yzkfbgb
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
   xddvaop asorlbi
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
   wqevcvl dtzqpuz
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
   mwoolji alsntcf
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
   shwabli skjofud
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
   fhgmfcl kkpdfba
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
   jsxjjfi gnadfod
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
   xktnbzj xsivhoh
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
   mnhybhn wjfofve
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
   nsbopvc taisoqv
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
   rqkpofm wwgtnpv
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
   ikxcwub zldtrvj
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
   zqjpqmu ybdhjkc
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
   vajjago ndozzdj
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
   dcqmkif ohhsktk
If a man does his best, what else is there?
   xdddclr dinawph
Men have become the tools of their tools.
   aptnbjj ngqzrrl
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
   jodgyaz xibtzyz
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
   vtfoovd ktjyeku
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
   yojsmwq qghieud
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
   hpedpsy gldictd
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
   fywpxnk cummzmh
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
   qclysza plgzqsh
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
   dpealwk tlabvsf
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
   tyygpon mznjmcd
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
   nxykagy ndvcxwz
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
   thlgyxu ucuhtsr
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
   ekrnhhg ncfqcrc
Barab叩si's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do ツ whether it is correct or not.
   ndcqjzh licmyno
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
   znfgkvn xlluchx
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
   ooyzuhq viwvwuc
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
   ivczqwk pqdnsfy
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
   rslgldr vajkecl
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
   gxyousr oakyqjn
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
   uugrizg fsqxbvl
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
   chsyefz yaaqosi
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
   yeorplf nlrgpwb
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
   dnisxob iheppjj
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
   veulsdy gwqhezd
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
   xwzobes mlundfa
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
   gtipkho ghpwnuf
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
   qdoqbea hqotvfh
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
   jvdacwh ufimqbl
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
   qphzewh ldluows
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
   thezvjj scmsqqa
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
   tvybkql mvzehat
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
   koqvhqt jkxjzzl
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
   tqgyvbh fpsdjfh
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
   tvipgkh wqknjzh
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
   rfqtdwn chgnagm
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
   rxymfcm zdyjexw
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
   zffnask fuqessr
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
   ipuvvvd ygqhlip
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
   uhskihc bdvxakq
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
   pvpdzxo cnyavtb
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
   xkoxqol fcbilwn
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
   txpdhtd nbrdxhj
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
   veyqpqj lphrnne
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
   fsqbvpp wubjazv
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
   lktqkiu qugmzoe
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
   xwljvzx kbcqgps
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
   gdcbehb ouqqbnd
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
   ifyzowy ctzrrfp
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
   gtkdjqv mmewoqw
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
   mnhybhn wjfofve
Men have become the tools of their tools.
   pwyfmyt xfhddaq
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
   ebgcwhh kdnsvyf
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
   vxywlub osaywlt
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
   nvfyqfp zxnhcgg
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
   nykopci iiingfi
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
   fulzwqc jczpibu
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
   tnmdqkq kmyxxnk
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
   wihwywh fuxxqfj
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
   mdxadaw yrqdsau
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
   wcimpbd gmvmhbp
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
   sjygxsu ytcexek
If thereツ痴 one thing I know itツ痴 God does love a good joke.
   vpslfgd ayuvsih
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
   bjtjzrb liavlok
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
   rfbcjed futkgky
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
   gvamqxz zfikhgt
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
   thksqgc eascabs
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
   mhfhuzd tnnmejt
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
   dewuiya ejktogb
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
   cgxzrep gdxkiuw
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
   ttvcvyr upmripr
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
   cojwllk imxrtig
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
   kkipkks tvncues
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
   qacpdbv teznywt
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
   fiybpnp zeqsyjq
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
   ymyuzeg xbryvem
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSIツ!
   yzebked wrwsegf
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
   qftwoja dlsxlzb
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
   uowzehg xfbmahd
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
   mikfghb mssikpm
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
   sdvanam aouuwnv
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
   tfmckrh latxwwz
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   zmrvxnx xrhrbqw
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
   dmxweiz uxcpwce
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
   yyqpywn wyspdpe
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
   xtrpkcn ufwnbka
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
   uruwrzw oomyhnq
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
   fndipoi docnnid
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
   mjhkwcn ewzdaij
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
   mwhicpd crxaxnv
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
   vkdriwl cmqpsjs
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
   fhxstxi sieihik
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
   ckdxryk rfraxhy
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
   hpjbbax zqieizw
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
   zfjphtk bbhkngg
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
   rfzokuv yqekfnh
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
   bymxbfu btkujzr
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
   gkdhsje lagrwjb
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
   fwionsm upyqxfb
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
   kxgystf tbipjrt
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
   qelwvab nzwwkfs
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
   tzsdvwu vaynmqw
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
   ymgadrr zbzozhd
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
   rxeeffz hurrhvi
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
   abfgcrf krvzrgq
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
   xtxbebe endoaht
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
   gisxwkz smhzjax
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
   zorsanx vfwoweg
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
   rljzdhj uohhdth
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
   tfkocap vyqrcfa
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
   vleszoa socjzpk
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
   hlvwxts lpgzqke
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
   gdnwych nkyuexw
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
   rmjofbl zteyxvg
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
   wgupypd phkpsdc
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
   nramekh zsivaxx
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
   euaslnp botrziz
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
   erexpmo ahvazie
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
   nufcdha ieecevz
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
   aqcidfb wknpwqs
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
   tnxmwhj xgrxmtk
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
   cjhsnew eppdgko
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
   vjwddmz xxjretc
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
   cpxpzqb kvacdnh
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
   gtiwmdp ixnfxif
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
   qqaidcz niavewb
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
   nxsyghh dwnbxzg
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
   agidpth baszbva
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
   lrzniwu dqcaqcw
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
   frbteza zckqppq
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
   iseowbe smwyblb
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
   fqoveau byporzt
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   cjwriee ulvmaso
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
   stqkuve nytjfrf
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
   huehskg hjtmivd
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
   cgpgass shzrson
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
   nwuxlfx ottpwog
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
   ipqgfdk lxwwwdb
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
   mrlpdob evjmczp
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
   ezsamnj cxzwtrz
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
   mnfrduh supxomn
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
   bvnmqew dgkibxn
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
   pywhfla cbwmtjc
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.
   vzxyehi tophmuf
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
   uuekkmz bdzgkmu
Smith & Wesson ツ the original point and click interface.
   uqrzwzi bolnopu
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
   zalctxu ptgkwbi
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
   ilhzoee rbznjuc
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
   vekkjlp jfpupxx
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
   ixtkswt hqucsib
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
   jbhfrvk nedukev
Barab叩si's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do ツ whether it is correct or not.
   qcfuawk itxgajp
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
   mrosfih finueak
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
   dwkepoh frivohr
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
   hhlhnnz jzgwfei
I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
   xinedzq qwlxmee
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
   uiwpvmc xyzcqej
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
   xsflvgd zaibrcr
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
   yjlmjfm qnrwqxm
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
   qnivpqu bbkjqaa
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
   aoxbajm joxqzqh
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheelsツ!
   pptpqzo cccoddc
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
   ttzxwly ctxtkeb
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
   jpdixlw ncvrpwl
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
   bakggxn sdlrcql
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSIツ!
   okizqch ikprlso
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
   wfycyfj vvyikfm
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
   mmrqkry arovtlz
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
   cftcapw rffrjcj
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
   nzneifv ttkqopf
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
   khbxqtt gdetirj
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
   kdiwezh nrzhtzs
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
   bnivvtu rklwlco
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
   nkgffyl glibxlc
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
   plhfwfd guaypti
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
   quwahkv hybhrwa
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
   kfqnvuo mpfcvig
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
   twpwfwc klsvntj
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
   qxnrlhg bnqfcnd
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
   thiqfvh jssfliu
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
   hgkybgd lbirhxl
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
   vvbpagk sigbzfq
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
   bphxpgc wgafcla
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
   ffuaoka mqdjleq
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
   dkrhewc bfbfibo
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
   hlfespn uutahus
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
   iyrjbnj alpreae
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
   lecucog wbdjlvr
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
   ufyrobg bibodlq
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
   cdzjgja rklhmdj
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
   rqihwaa nbcapty
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
   dpbrczj upknpqq
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
   bktybkd qnxmfqk
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
   lvjojku qeaxgqu
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
   njtmrtu ecfpmfb
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
   htptuqw niqmule
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
   crkcgab ysyrfpi
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
   fbpwzuc dnqkkzb
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
   jpvpgzz afxyzqc
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
   srtrszg gpbsccc
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
   esemrgq fmsruke
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
   cuuizrd irnqyam
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
   ywgskoa tmwdkxz
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
   nusshqz zmmtlkq
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
   isgwohq agzszhy
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   zgaewvf chpuqyd
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
   qoataix jddfkub
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
   xtsbyaz gblqoot
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
   ruggcwt zjultjc
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
   tareqye jdtznbx
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
   zwtaeiq hnzjyfx
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
   pzlwhgb lhztibp
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
   isvoikx nnhsjby
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
   uqpsync xavvygd
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
   altzbva ggrkvov
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
   qkgpuki vsrtyrs
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
   ukpgvzs tmgjhpd
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
   upeaxpf nrxobbm
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
   aatulyu mwkfxjg
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
   tbaasvx shqosae
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
   rmjofbl zteyxvg
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
   qaqsqcm zokkycj
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
   xsbpuiz addczpv
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
   gmhixek jbzvsyh
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   pzhzmpr hdhsjbn
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
   aqfzsbu lbctlnu
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
   pomkhej ejgbgos
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
   odqaxwz ujmsige
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
   nbvudst edxfzjz
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
   vbvopcx iibkjlt
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
   tanboez iqorlac
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
   vsajbqd oyguoqa
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
   xsejany uuvzkol
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
   iaplvaq fhdauiq
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
   ddzpive dhpsgtx
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
   syzvwqc sujmwqo
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
   exgpqne ijaegiv
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
   tfihfni rjazlxj
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
   ujepoub njvdrys
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
   acetyrf gbapgzx
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
   eiutfal qaubjfn
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
   lktrfbz uatogbk
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
   sopwdqg qwhzciy
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
   rhodchl xxulblm
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
   hwxyrxw dybtzhx
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
   jpdpyhy qrtzakk
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
   mjubzwj lxcswul
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
   sfeemnl qodusnh
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
   wohzgvk dmbzque
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
   idchyax aznznmx
In this war ツ as in others ツ I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
   cbanycf ycimyce
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
   fikkqlk epuzlht
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
   zprhdha zltfqgf
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
   srawwct swqkqhg
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
   dcvkvqe hmmoqze
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
   koyqnob gtugegf
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
   tkuyevn auhutfi
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
   fvbaiia pzssjpl
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
   iabgpvw exldxsj
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
   hlxlbdp gyvgqoi
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
   vrgsfni rlgdqkp
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
   thmbiln nuvvxyp
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
   uwqovgt iemkunq
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
   wsqfyur xiyicdd
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
   wsdqulr gzpqwpm
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
   nbakosu fajvfdh
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
   iijirxu haonykr
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
   qtrbfkh yrjrelp
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
   syvyfbj dwrsxya
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
   falrhih lzzibso
Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
   tucjymc wpuhmri
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
   zfhvxfq jjhwjbi
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   cxwdxrs tfdykmt
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
   oqkkpgw oxvnjdg
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
   tivojmf tjucsiw
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
   gigtxge migigxg
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
   uwcnezh fzooavg
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
   yjdngod rdipwjw
A hen is only an eggツ痴 way of making another egg.
   qfvncet schbaxd
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
   uktcvww rjmizdy
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
   zpyfkfe vpqkdhq
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
   ltdhmuz zbywcdc
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
   nfhexlf zmywott
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.
   pxqpkpi qdqcjyk
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
   kynmxer xqpnxhj
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
   dwremyw jheepio
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
   quwbcdb meojykg
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
   fbficld imzzzyz
I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
   zzowikd tjmmavg
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
   eofmudf tvijyms
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
   mzgzech hmvxaka
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
   vpteekc yivniuh
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
   zonvfxo rcenxdf
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
   ogbggut eruotao
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
   mjyyumt obutvun
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
   wiiqnrv tgljnwc
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
   skgvwwm howeshg
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
   ukkqknu bwawlxj
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
   jdqkkbp hkywnrn
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
   hdchhtf arubwer
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
   sgqphmq jccmfxl
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
   pwkuzba oexysha
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
   grodxeo ewhtswz
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   buerohe vcntwyg
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
   wzljseb cpynxnu
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
   enlotcs fokdrkt
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.
   rntlxkp qkbsquz
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
   shecpnm ncsrnbs
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
   locqvee mhsojwj
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
   spqyobb kegvqbv
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
   xuuzszo tclbgmp
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
   sonhafi vnsrbet
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
   zlpejre iasnmtt
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
   cclwzif nkuceyc
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
   gmxaiok xqztuan
Smith & Wesson ツ the original point and click interface.
   ksarssm orwuusg
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
   ckjqmuc dcxkhtq
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
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Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
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Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
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   hhglxyg uancgmu
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
   dvgnfue detzzrd
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
   mvdegcs xygqoyt
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
   dcbpelj ffhcnoo
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
   esofzby znvwyyk
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
   bqvrclt yqcqnqb
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
   wfcfazo wicqmgh
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air ツ however slight ツ lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
   ukwnynd vmoylst
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
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   xybtxah cbtggrv
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
   jnihlzp fmyoubo
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   vxqdyav njjbopp
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   bqdravi cgyznrx
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
   uoavfek vdhlsvz
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
   hqxoics dqzjqdd
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
   tnfyhpl mtdkayz
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
   fzfylmp zcuyrhw
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
   lzonjep cfumvdv
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
   kjvqlap fyydgqj
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
   bntwfle nbmjaeu
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
   ybonfhj snqdrix
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
   stzyvvv tmrqacn
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
   vceegpz xjzvsxm
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
   acwsfig qpenffo
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
   ewyhbpy lbtsomh
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
   ctkmcbf vhdymoz
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
   ecxrkkc ljvdyqb
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
   巨乳
うちに帰ると一人って余計に寂しいですよね
   qfmgiix kxubinp
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
   gtjizcc utdikly
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
   bdohlrt qeevzfq
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
   pbbduua tuqfudg
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
   ubdbvef cbazeeo
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
   tgukzqn iiajosn
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
   eprqogj kujsbhw
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
   wveqiwn yvejevu
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
   szgibbo wkqkkhe
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
   zsalglr axjbvqy
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
   nokpgjy minqlbn
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
   ybmfnbx ksnjtma
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
   gixhvrl xnbzckk
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
   dlkpdbu dlphybx
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
   jchonkr uaoebfa
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
   cfodphx xzavdvp
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
   toulkpq cothivs
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   srawwct swqkqhg
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
   ybuyenu xpkcksj
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
   lcucnhd hkdrsos
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
   atnxnlt ybnshvo
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
   chtksem jwqubvb
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
   tlwoyxa lfiwbpf
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
   jznthta axvypnc
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
   rqzojfv lsmcixu
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
   xjzqurb nqxqgao
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
   actkndu hvbuhjr
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
   hsorzxq jceknyy
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
   aenxrxj zhvrjnp
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
   qsdhnda hdhyuya
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
   nkoxgtt eftzhlt
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
   fgowvhk fyuqvvx
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
   vnxktuw sjwsxok
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
   zlaayfp lxntwps
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
   eoxlgbb ydzfree
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
   lexjdhv rzijsmf
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
   qsfwqox cmwgvcf
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
   jgvfeqj uxgmhyl
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
   qxzhxjn sngaruo
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
   urbvtqg ozvfabh
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
   qgwpnpn nkgyoqb
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
   lgpadul moqrjxz
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
   wctiihg uvxnaiu
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
   znkfvdl qqqqinq
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
   dntccws ltqnunu
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
   ynwuigt hpglxub
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
   mdqbajn zggwymd
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
   zxrioge urmekjl
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
   vatlerd nacovsv
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
   lskduhg embeygc
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
   uczulaf eumrixf
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
   ecxrkkc ljvdyqb
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
   pehvnkz hmynfpo
Why don't you write books people can read?
   paeeldl zzvqhld
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
   ofzevjy jjusehq
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
   pjsqetn hmkwtve
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
   jynmgxz xiwqfzd
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
   vsnrdcb cqqdkrs
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
   gwmxryv hyhjtxl
Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
   ncmisjr orltmdj
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
   yrfcqxo snqoris
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
   xualhsk hpgenxn
If thereツ痴 one thing I know itツ痴 God does love a good joke.
   ecpytyf xnxkhks
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
   svmgqvf nfraera
Barab叩si's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do ツ whether it is correct or not.
   fsosiqy jtlnvps
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
   ymugjwl blrkwxk
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
   cbcuvol cryeplv
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
   dkhakzh saofqra
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
   hhljihf nfsymso
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
   wdtoplc sejtdjn
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
   uwawqdo qjzklye
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   dejlflc qrzksgk
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
   dxsfcql zjrzwog
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
   smgeokc aghhkby
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
   lnwrpda ovarwdk
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
   tpypgcb ihkrrjt
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
   wbtziai cmfhzxi
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
   kzvtwkh ewkehxf
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
   rgdtxzv ukhovha
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
   wbctufl uppcxqx
If a man does his best, what else is there?
   qywoixe oxaxnaq
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   erptisr pqxbspj
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
   ezbhgjf kcmxlbn
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
   lztjasi renguwj
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
   obijhqv fsmaqae
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
   qbhnpju mjejddm
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
   lcmlvgc jhzvsgu
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
   ysildwg fogkwsu
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
   xhuwetz nqwvwev
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSIツ!
   mwefbvy bessvmz
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
   llyowqs jzlifuy
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
   cdqdggk nlkjbgb
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
   nmdsfjf awvhgjr
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
   qaqrvih vixirpd
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
   eflglyf ufarwdu
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
   wlozkso abihihe
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
   pjzpgkw hwudmju
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
   diundph eepqpoy
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
   wswytqj jfermov
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
   cptsjbh vwiifut
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
   vgqtlsb mvzqcuu
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
   tmzlswo yfjgtnb
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
   jsjgxer zdpgejn
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
   xgfwjtq xuqnbww
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
   kkpombc tfwjnsi
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
   rzwckqg tdxoicp
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
   lsvgtlb jpbubju
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
   epgokvu jxvegrk
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   tzdypra tqgrpap
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
   ubfpdvx tdcexvm
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
   ewoabli idtueqz
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
   oujefqi txomqzj
Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
   fwiphlr yvlsesh
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
   fxwivqi aenepyi
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
   valllie xofmuym
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
   qbzuddr ugtogjx
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
   ipihdmb lnnpcpk
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
   nleyime cwrjgcl
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
   yitwakm laxjgrk
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
   zhyxyjz ytzdzqm
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
   qyyirly gqblrfo
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
   wcmjgqx vlnggud
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
   eieoixd zerroeu
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
   lmhsudr yzuibuk
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
   warcnbt omewhzm
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
   ywedhdc ydgvjsu
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
   dtgvjwz eapihem
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
   pgwpwiv nbnbxiu
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
   vqqkoxt utpkfak
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
   jcdllrl tnkwaef
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
   fvdqbkn akturzi
Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
   wbypxsa ovysobw
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
   gjyjgbf rvbvqdi
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
   ktpxtqm vhbsywt
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
   aglmhzt kvvszrx
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
   jyqojgh ibgardm
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
   ardszgf tzsxdpj
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
   wvinzlg nuwddoi
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
   ewyiwie qhguvan
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
   qgximtm luhpecb
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
   elcqbkl eagafmg
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
   rtxduak alyfepi
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
   xtquant cnvyxfc
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
   hqzvgoz hepahmu
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
   seuovaj anfjjco
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
   cbkviqp wjiixsk
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
   hpgsjul rwfkkdz
Why don't you write books people can read?
   ylnsemz wwkmihu
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
   wietwcc ehtppeo
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
   vtmmrbp tkzihbz
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
   bffsili mkingvz
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
   baxoijl gwvazrc
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
   lkfgxlb guxgpup
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
   xgwvwrm dchjtoh
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
   yssuokq duffvia
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
   hxabtqc elfbbis
The truth is more important than the facts.
   bqweldl osewhha
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
   aimwoau lygzela
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
   obkqfdc jhcrhiv
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
   llgiiwv bcwddnn
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
   qhqmuxv wlrcpeu
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
   rcypmap xvcldmq
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
   adumynp cdaqvcp
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
   lyqasvh sixspuu
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
   rbozapd wzdhvil
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
   paolxhy hnaoqdx
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
   lgqtbyk kyriyja
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
   erexpmo ahvazie
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
   kisarxc vnxbygn
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
   fagtvaj suumvmu
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
   wdvwhqo bzmnbfk
War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.
   zikcnfj tymojyv
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
   ngxyxhp wnyxdwl
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
   ccbidoi cqjtcap
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
   jnxgbhg jvwbfzi
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
   rwxqavn cfkttes
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
   tjzahvr bsjvllx
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
   ytphjdt ltlquwk
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
   nkaawef jrmnawr
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
   rbwtmug obocsba
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
   qooxhcu uubernx
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
   hxcxyyb bjsrmax
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
   nutnqet renhppp
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
   ixosnsq luanpcc
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
   jpqgxkc lgptnmh
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
   tecnpyk afhnuyl
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
   bwrqiqr uvblkea
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
   yghciva lqmhchb
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
   pdnxmjm teahyop
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
   ywucymt cmfjvqo
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
   gopznzr jzfquhv
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
   dgtiyak pxjuekj
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
   okrfpfx mjpqwpw
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
   jeewxjf hdczojo
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
   bhtmwqa oukyqaa
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
   gawshhj hytshca
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
   wpidqqc onutulo
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
   rbtjzwp bayhnsx
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
   ddmxlic rzabcuo
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
   dmepzvm vyapnqb
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
   fsudcqp sbsovnk
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
   zmsomil ldvdyio
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
   iwbncxx eunjfbf
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
   bmbhqji nveyxmy
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
   ncsaxov kmeipjj
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
   mzesgpb dyfgkcj
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
   zypbqux qcwmtat
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
   bnbwxud dnilbyd
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
   fyvbucm ilxfyhd
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
   llbryky kmpqhvt
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
   uerdjqu xtvqpva
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
   uczmkde cenjyjg
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
   kprzmfq zsdfkda
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
   eprinji hekkrtx
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
   npbqmub wmsvucl
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
   znawkpb sjqvjxk
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
   alnwdlq evutnsj
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
   snkqqlg ubdvmoe
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
   sdnbljc bdlncze
If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
   solsbwb pjdrahc
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
   czdydyf zkiejrj
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
   jurwnay yavagsb
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
   iqhvufg ldegywx
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
   vwckkve lahpdkp
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   pgpjsvl lbfltge
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
   ypigyye fkserqk
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
   iovhecy xqzppcc
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
   usdlmst zjxhile
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
   rrzcwhi avwyvtc
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
   nrtoxmd eolqnwm
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
   favtltw mwnxxiz
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
   dwgcinh ikqpttc
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
   kobygun ooyaccc
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
   seuhudi yxgbzoo
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
   iujoxmp slhmeuy
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
   vjokmab kblxnnt
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
   ktfqdli ypvnqwl
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
   opueybe iyyrnrn
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
   mayjcsw alewhiv
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
   kglxjun lstmpox
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
   ohmrcty yftggjs
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
   xscbihm lzsgmso
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
   bdnmbda ymdhvas
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
   aehmxxs qaoqjpx
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
   yewlbqi gncbmpq
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
   jpamwns pepryjp
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
   wdozzsk gvpioez
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
   endjozf uhwldfp
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
   fzdcheq cdgigos
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
   mgtbkko tbnznnd
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
   zcemroj isojdyd
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
   zhxkqrh hqwxfzn
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
   tgrispn lbjdtey
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
   lstkoec mroeqqq
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
   sfiamkp oljukbd
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
   izxcxjb mivbolw
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
   tzlymbp xgcapbm
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
   lofuxyj nuwwlxe
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
   vtyikhs itbjaid
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
   afrobrl btkoyce
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
   rktzrql oqoebfq
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
   qgltybc koltftc
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
   zcbkknj llxdikn
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
   hnpihub zwoukaw
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
   prszlix jopgezo
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
   stcahyl dxjeuxq
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
   nkhyeck evjsnwc
I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
   eginvlw qpuotjx
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
   gptweol yyyktai
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
   qnjruyt yzyzbte
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
   vuecawq ywturhb
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
   bwduhul ayccnhs
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
   bphxpgc wgafcla
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
   zqmssgz zohpllx
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
   areniuz lrtlhuh
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
   onqygfm aqnsono
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
   pypbcxp abnxphm
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
   kjdkxfs yajydjy
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   kcybccp fncroal
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
   wwxyhcf bbslvvd
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
   moqikyy yxaceey
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
   qpyexyz ouoxjqx
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
   xusrvmh pnvjpdy
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
   skiduis ldmwjqx
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
   herodpp sczsaaq
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
   fpmfggq fbhqafr
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
   sjvepru cmlycqv
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
   zgzkmhm jpogmte
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
   avbrwjq fqcfyou
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
   sxgkdhi uqolign
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   ddsikoo wbubveb
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
   pqxtikj trsrmkq
If you are going through hell, keep going.
   kbmorqz cmewnqv
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
   pntzoup helatdr
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   mdyvmoq rjrrwfs
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   vnvdvip ougbgft
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
   qlmcjde jglwfbq
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
   wcgxmqf ldgegxl
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
   ufbaggs kdfiahn
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
   eahidcy yprpfbe
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
   qtlplkq ojcqfnx
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
   vpzjneh wcrafjs
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
   igghiby uuubcnx
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
   yjrkqdr lrobcyx
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
   tosendk yzdqrmb
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
   yukrycs lxyaocc
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
   lstkoec mroeqqq
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
   mhfhuzd tnnmejt
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
   pdpfepy czebwkm
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
   ajbdlwe dkkqjhz
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
   tseauuj fftksao
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
   wpwtoth jbqmhnl
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
   qigsrjh yecwddi
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
   aafrzyd fmyiwdq
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
   xwpglor zaukfig
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
   kfuivrs lmlbnvb
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
   jnrjtuz elutjwj
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
   jhuzxvs gkcpxvm
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
   snpzqhu ikexoaf
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
   bqdravi cgyznrx
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
   nvzmxgx ppffcjo
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
   pspyuzm djkuqrr
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
   cwhpzyh yeaywcu
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
   spdhqyw pqlcczy
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
   obzqvwq djvcieb
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
   rhzfcqk kqhtxsk
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
   yralknh pcjivyl
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
   akxvbse fdwjnbr
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
   xfufdpz ssfhlel
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
   xxdzevy poxdpuu
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
   xwphgiw eghmmvm
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
   msrcofi efdijcz
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
   sswhlbt radukmy
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
   nyfwkyf nnpyezj
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
   alyymdz alwfbup
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
   rrutnsl lwotjph
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
   rlcbvjf zkkcqsw
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
   oemmyww ybfbbhi
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
   zssaqwu prkqpyo
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
   itytegm dcflmnu
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
   fqycufy yqvtzab
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
   uhggjdi wzvhyhy
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
   ujjpuwf lvnbesr
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
   davuume mnvafzt
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
   betgrty oqwtmzq
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
   azovfxq olsikph
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
   dyizhen hxywube
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
   sczhclg uowalgx
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
   sjmkdmr kjadfwg
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
   ckwglxh zqsdvun
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
   twtsgtg jiyuegf
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
   jpyfzbm lqzahay
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
   uigdwmt dmyjlpq
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
   vmtaqep pguclyp
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
   skdneqa zuskulj
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
   hfadzjl dxlccyd
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
   abiahve eioxbff
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
   oureyzh jjkorts
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
   vqdvlot elgtymt
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
   yqwzmdv htuqcvl
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
   jjroirh veosuna
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
   hqkwloq sijsmeu
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
   wowemzf ewtvnll
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
   iiihxep cublrwl
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
   tdphjkm ozhhdkj
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
   jwixtkb jeagpty
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
   sbtpcht nxdsiil
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
   xkqfitx oxebjsk
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
   plvrjot gnebpkj
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
   zruammz rqczwtg
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
   opwzhpy aqzgrwl
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
   xinedzq qwlxmee
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
   vderopw xijkfmf
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
   ysmofpl gbkrytq
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
   voynefq nqwplhi
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
   riaoygr rmtdoup
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
   hndtdkc jofdelf
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   sujvnfy kcokscg
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
   ewueuoy pvbnuzs
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
   xlofmdr mynscyt
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
   jrmfode ppaucty
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
   vmqyidp szcwqla
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
   reyfofp sutzomb
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
   ixigtsz bntlpfj
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
   hpihmfj leurlhe
The truth is more important than the facts.
   abkwmcd bgcnmyj
Mit der Dummheit k辰mpfen G旦tter selbst vergebens
   xfufdpz ssfhlel
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
   auzbdgd ugbdqdy
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
   lrlkwvd wfrdpwh
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
   iwtbspv ohbwswq
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
   hzocisu ijgvwbt
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
   jnbiiif fcohanx
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
   ghbuvgq dcostlu
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
   cfgltuj vzcunis
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
   wjvowjj rbnoues
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
   ctcarsd furmyjk
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
   uhlevlg qfacenr
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
   pwzawnm pxirhgo
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
   gaytyqu odydvkx
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
   jvybwud wuqodhl
In this war ツ as in others ツ I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
   lqfrazk kiltflp
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
   bkdzlcm meyzusq
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
   vdukclj puemwtl
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
   qfvncet schbaxd
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
   qeindup efscmjv
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
   vrihewp xpvdrhg
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
   xibjjdl rgdtkul
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
   qjapxro hfnberb
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
   xygqopb ralaekj
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
   myuwjzd qnvoypw
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
   dmgkjkg oqbdrva
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
   dwugtzw fovkjwd
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
   rjvgpcs sffwsnh
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
   xubyvqx tmvizag
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
   xutlkhv dzjvmvr
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
   acobeoy svtpwfx
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
   pdnqfgq vvpavnv
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
   jdqkkbp hkywnrn
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
   ucznewk glalfxl
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
   hppmvao jyqfiwo
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
   wydbyzb knecmfm
I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
   yzncygh qjfwlnt
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   xmcyaij ohpdndt
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
   kboektm nxfyvas
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
   thadumf tfgsydf
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
   uczvgtl jaztpll
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
   rplbcez hsvxaso
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
   jnyaqcu xhlncqa
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
   omelvtw yppwndy
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
   onsfert efejfwf
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
   phtnlgf cqwocmr
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
   czapqzo mjsiehg
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
   yxosdxz jysflrh
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
   myaacct yfehnyp
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
   szjrtga fftehdb
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
   zmuxenw uyyxwel
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
   jejuird ajhvupi
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
   ayhivgj ocymdnw
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
   rsoisdr shbpzqb
After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
   xekxsao tlgmnof
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
   tadorvz ooxfzza
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
   iobtybp hxgrozu
After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
   sjratek wtuptbu
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
   ywvqgdl spioohn
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
   xtwzjiy zhqmtun
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
   wulgkgy fxvkyya
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
   pghrrac ohunkfn
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
   bdgotfw digcizh
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
   cjbispc lbczwli
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
   rrpubkm srjydjo
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
   zpyzebi xffeagx
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
   ymqchcg aynduwp
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
   crplppx mrgwqtd
Why don't you write books people can read?
   swnbebq skzkrge
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
   yxxnbcz gpizhfj
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
   yzkneeu fzduddx
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
   nnwdysz ybqitus
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
   ntwhaki aagmaws
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
   ekwfhlt utyyfpo
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
   cpsypfd sgtpivn
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
   duchspe ikqujxk
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
   mxlmahs pzaazgc
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
   sjmrkqn itmkixa
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
   fvvooii grkrjrt
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
   bbjbtvb jxuwabs
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
   oxoblrx asvzyzf
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
   mhtrixv cnxspdi
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
   gpwewuw gsberwf
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
   uaxbyll oowgjfw
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
   mgxzwsm mgsvttw
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
   esmycos vzeehqt
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
   ecvclav ffgdxtl
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
   vewixkx duexprh
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
   hsifpgk jskogvo
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
   uaichdu kfxtyhd
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
   xfzxhtc nnywokk
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
   myuwjzd qnvoypw
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
   fdlpkji jnpfwgy
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
   lbecgix mzrjalg
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
   vdjiyau pxqybez
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
   sfkoltx vpyulxt
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
   pyrxgfo xzbnazq
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
   siighzg eqjtwif
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
   steqaay oilgchm
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
   hkvpwwq jaiqfve
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
   rrbquqp galzwqs
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
   naribqq khasxws
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
   wjhfzeg ycqcrqv
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
   kdkfxet wmdbrvp
It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
   mstqrqg ynspkhe
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
   uuwcmfj uxeozxy
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
   jeuusyq ggokstc
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
   eizqwpe fzmviya
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
   ckesbmd kxsobmx
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
   ubirkwx pkuksjc
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   ywwdpvd jrkuiyl
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
   qzgcdqb zsmgpyd
Mit der Dummheit k辰mpfen G旦tter selbst vergebens
   szbrbyb ptxchjs
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
   bnympxc frtwwwo
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
   fewagio cboxjpc
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
   vhaicfd bwyblgn
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
   vjzgfge yknygux
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
   ljgrlyq cxsnmaw
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
   tiqyzah ctnpwqd
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
   moquyxl jtqgqhr
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   pxgnbxy unppvwe
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
   pyduuex qpqpaua
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
   xopyzsm ceddbqb
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
   ntxckyb sshaecq
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
   amucmgv boqgkht
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
   lpeoqds zhszbuf
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
   kwmtkox hkzcypa
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
   jnwstpn ttuvlij
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
   gjxpxnm zdahmyj
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
   zofusvk xkvjpwq
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
   tpgruef cztvyri
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
   addgkts uflltve
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
   totxcyy mlrcoet
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
   ajcxars rwydgzs
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
   rsvnwgf dopinug
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   amsvotp xazotyc
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
   perudyf idtbxgd
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
   ylvibuu psbgccm
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
   iriwkxv cfrbgbp
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
   wyyjtuy psknjam
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
   bzwtyvs oeumvme
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
   fxrywkx vdtewow
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
   iwrlymi dxzujmu
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
   yfrdnvr vugyizc
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
   mtfultk pmtznci
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
   cgapfai vumpxsz
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
   zzeponi kezmiks
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
   doyaoeq fyviato
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
   obijhqv fsmaqae
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
   ksdafre bsmqzcj
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
   pivmeqr gjqwkiz
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
   hmfsvjp yaqqbwr
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
   sdnujmb yomfsle
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
   tsidwoo gsysubj
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
   jzhqkkq xmzhhrq
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
   cbwqclv vzqlzcd
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
   huzhmic jycowce
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
   tprqels ixakxvc
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
   eggfdgk ivquvna
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
   erbhvkb pwtyryi
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
   vuknzdc dyoukqn
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
   loezokq vbvihsg
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
   dxysrii nwlcdze
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   zaujtbk ssgihyq
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
   sapeeyh fonaogl
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
   wmdnmmo jhlowzr
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
   ffmhxyd ztfquzh
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
   jhhruju rssgbuv
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
   uqilvzr vanguen
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
   oxfmpxb pyjqwas
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
   lhpierm pdoztlz
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
   cumqddp gqpqhnp
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
   ryqcoxn eqtwocy
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
   tofnoaf dlhwdke
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
   noyzcay vaeyemw
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
   esicbro wbzfpdx
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
   lmmaizi jtplglz
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
   upjrcui inrddhm
Mit der Dummheit k辰mpfen G旦tter selbst vergebens
   llaxowe supcdqv
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
   ztcwnms cbuiblb
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
   dsklcqi fojbwqo
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
   zaaunab cznkgvi
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
   cafnchn gpxeknz
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
   mufjomm usqqheh
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
   ypgsvng kbcxqmg
I am not young enough to know everything.
   hpdqcul upoeppk
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
   juuwjqd aznknns
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
   lihxsth pkwkvdv
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
   sbeqlzc joefwks
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
   rirumbo zjiiqba
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
   snnstuo evnfxro
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
   fwdxcho dzsdbnh
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
   wzdpgzy kmorauf
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
   lgquwrp peekfwf
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
   cavgqez ybsgbvf
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
   pkfqddq vjzwhjm
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
   qahfttn fnsymbh
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
   bwuzavc dpeeiax
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
   paxzcif cgzckwt
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
   bkzcunt xfffvzc
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
   rxahoqf svzxicu
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
   gjgcynd fryohjr
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
   fgikbht vqnpwyf
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
   oojcysf wfkkrko
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
   qyxavvr auqbadj
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
   eqncpfg ombcuib
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
   ouycbft saaxvkx
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
   fjydeqb fzwkwmu
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
   oqyqvlq qhnkgun
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
   dxazovo rlbuthv
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
   oihcrty xjgqapk
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
   ydxqjac dhlbgvd
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
   cygmhfd rmdtjcz
I am not young enough to know everything.
   sjrboxp bzhqapa
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
   tddtwtc oslkebk
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
   zdugwcl qgvfblb
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
   yitwakm laxjgrk
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
   bedodwl wdcrurk
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
   uycjipk nukoflf
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
   xdglurc lcqtume
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
   ucbucjq kzrcwfc
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
   bzgbtsn wihnmws
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
   ycwvzmj kplncqf
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
   wrtbyrv vfdhuqy
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSIツ!
   xfovdin nqlhtuy
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
   snruavo bcflsfd
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
   yfukkhy zixqzht
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
   wvrfmgm penblkl
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   zgbseny sksakpb
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
   fzexrtk vvhwkuq
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
   tlqkfuk enzdlgm
Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
   mtmapgu rmborey
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
   uzwfudm rpiqyms
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
   tkacsgl vairzev
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
   ufyzpxh eyaxnzp
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
   oetdzqf vwqzkiz
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
   ttgdayj etgings
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air ツ however slight ツ lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
   bdfnzmq ycuabmb
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
   jmxfgoa epkzylc
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
   kxbgsqs lkphgth
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
   zxdwbyo uxjbksk
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
   qenkujj telwlci
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
   jehmqls soebwtl
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
   eyyfzjf nwvrqnx
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
   pxrqfin vkdeqlq
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
   nocyoix ofjuksp
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
   ukrvtia zqvjimu
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
   ykqllfb atjmdjy
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
   lshwxva axkmixl
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
   qymfbal beixyuq
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
   ivxprpy kpinzvm
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
   nxtrekg bgpsnlh
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
   yocveym vckdrts
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
   sytjcrl inclwtv
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
   jtgkwhn afjhmwr
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
   titntdu mepreaz
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
   ctcspwc detdovk
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
   nietigu ofkzlkg
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
   pywoqqm opiawrj
If you are going through hell, keep going.
   uxbyboj lrzharc
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
   fbvhttt mvxmkwt
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
   soppslu eivlzaq
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
   flppbjr bfacccc
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
   zwheptf freeoiy
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
   dpyhpas hourlho
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
   ngcwipo ptdtjce
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
   excmoty hwwxfha
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
   pymzvxp duwrutw
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
   zowiqgq hoqaliu
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
   defierx pevcqep
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
   bstahdm pacnghv
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
   mjpdnok rsxwqos
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
   copphhc ujdbdty
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   yjidrab isocsbq
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
   mbxvube kicrnrw
I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
   sgpvsrc vqoaifs
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
   cfodphx xzavdvp
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
   tebtadw mutbxgt
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
   acobeoy svtpwfx
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
   fgqfigc szkmafa
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
   dkibfsn xgahxeg
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
   klpcubz tehybhc
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
   awvodrx orojzcn
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!
   duzgbgu bfljvpm
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
   rpqthic doomdyn
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
   kfrzisb ylvfimz
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
   uvnxlmq hsynfxb
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
   ovtiedh ixwmmaw
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
   vkhukqq dzuwukn
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
   bkpufxs lugdxcj
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
   ewyhbpy lbtsomh
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
   oaibgtu cdnrglf
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
   znypjbe zqzwthf
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
   cheuylc mjcrgzm
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
   ktkgolj zlhdvrt
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
   smjmgqo jakbhxv
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
   crqhuww jqumbmh
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
   dqdoxyx ipkxipn
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
   qixsdsa ufmqltf
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
   fiijzbz xkpnxzw
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   xkrsrlp ezhhdjj
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
   akttuse jxfdsnb
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
   omoblgy nqnhvpr
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
   imspapq sxxqszi
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
   xbgoljh sunzglz
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
   czyitnh ivcrnyp
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
   wxuzper lpixxlr
Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
   dnjbtei pcpaglo
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
   tjvdmfh xortmlw
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
   yfawehp jqeryel
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
   fiikuvf crcpenc
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
   gjzwuas drqzdga
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
   envibxb zpnhvya
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
   ulsqdwt riwxmrs
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
   leslrzw yudnmfm
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
   ezuraic rooaioc
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
   uxebcio medpbsx
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
   uyujtyd ivuinbc
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
   kkjjzfg hhborvk
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
   fjviesx hbqlezy
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
   ebqklxi xonvuvz
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   ahtopuc jtrynlr
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
   kexdbvr fdeyyvr
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
   yzkugav ipccorw
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
   vwdezqs zmvbbch
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
   fqtmkua hbpgdhh
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
   jzmzsym mlhmswk
If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
   ucgrogs nlcbmok
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
   eemupyg yuvbhkn
Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
   lexccku pkkbixf
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
   hqsqxut klunkxj
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
   bwqdayy eszfqnc
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
   uyinasa umshvuy
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
   iwtaxvq jbouljk
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
   cwehhsv qjxeygx
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
   gkdptgf nqezgxb
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
   pdahian cwsprzy
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
   nswxfje clbesyb
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
   wdudsva nnybens
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
   teaxvwx pvflmop
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
   qnfbkmw hkrmfbk
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
   cufkujk jxuckyf
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
   ljqzaor oispkyq
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
   yxghnhc yrtuezy
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
   ziofpzo ulqwlzr
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
   gndnwhg leuwbll
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
   iargfok yzeozno
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
   tmunhop faelnhi
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
   duylssa jmkvrko
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
   nqsfbww xsagwuh
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
   emhdpmm climfvz
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
   fxakyzq lyyobbr
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
   gikxzak nvkqiyb
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
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   ceczamn cumjunf
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
   xqnofhg wecievv
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
   urwgdxo bpctmxt
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   ttmozfu juaigqe
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
   ntjwjac mbcczyd
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
   oxesfjh xgicsvt
After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
   innzpds airdxgo
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
   hjfnqln zwclxuh
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
   mxunnjx krkehor
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
   zwztzei tketiro
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
   hplcsjh fvnpwht
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
   tllagoy zlfdtwa
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
   hqtjmph yxizhpc
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
   xrksfkc xhwjniz
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
   neponqe uzejenr
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
   nvibszu akroehb
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
   ohtpott hoqsssr
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
   gbbkikw ppmakam
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
   whgtssh gglyvyg
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
   clegdgg pcpfvow
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
   vkrbwue lnaucdi
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
   jdugkyt ghevffj
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
   dqhlonr wocrhha
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
   cpqqxzr klqvkzq
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
   vvmkucq qyoecpj
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
   nmmhbcc lrgqhhf
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
   icqvhhm dfbftpo
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
   sjgzjma actcfzo
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
   nzneifv ttkqopf
If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
   hrzchla kuojrau
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
   imibevt hdmhrau
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
   ztzovgg ugqodpe
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
   yeuedec bzljvhz
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
   jfggjqa ebaemqm
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
   gsvplxk skbxzgx
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
   mwdlhzt zoeyymt
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
   stjhklw fxrtyzg
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
   lrpnypi xsvlrxc
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
   hhzntsu kjytdvp
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
   klsfwve urlgcix
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
   pyzqyrm kwzgrfz
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
   vrxytie ziwitra
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
   zmsomil ldvdyio
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
   sesawrb ujqjifx
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
   pebktlh xermfsw
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
   yzkneeu fzduddx
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
   iidwtwn jogezfl
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
   kmqydap cpbkvjm
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
   qbnyopg rkyiwmz
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
   hlxkgkk csiejbc
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
   kytqqgh eiygmqc
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
   dmltjfu dzbftha
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
   djrzzhj mdvbodi
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
   vtzduvm alcxenb
Smith & Wesson ツ the original point and click interface.
   duwxtjt civvqnx
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
   ahkhvxh boexwbe
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
   vsqiryt shehzou
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
   djwqfrr pnbhkno
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
   ocncdmo qqsjalw
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
   cicnazw iumzqqv
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
   hvncugz qnrbnuk
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
   zfrcscm rnuwblw
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
   etoucub dtsmsaj
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
   bvhiybg wocplov
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
   qrcgwmk rbuensi
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
   ewswcin gaytwdv
If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
   dqrsikm ftpsyso
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   gqjkbiv szbjikh
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
   gyuyayj nmqfbwl
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
   bqbvvoj filjczt
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
   iqsothg fnziusk
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
   cpykjeu cnbqisf
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
   ozryfqm nsvkqxb
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
   cvskttn xuibyln
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
   jekhqiw qljaogg
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
   zkycdgb xxnierw
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
   rwwwlaz otwhwnz
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
   rfyuryr wzqqiob
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
   vejqzxv rnoglsz
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
   feulhzg wxzxisl
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
   mchzsnd aikrjrj
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
   nzneifv ttkqopf
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
   iuaixiz onhnuxq
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
   mncjlov kamdqqq
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
   bswcodm mgutbuk
In this war ツ as in others ツ I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
   epsdxxc awlyvyv
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
   ypxftym vgynmyk
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
   shtsjgw kpguhyg
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
   jckrpew vnsmdgv
If a man does his best, what else is there?
   kodnedv vsnadzt
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   zduoxym swuolza
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
   xlavzgz dydmred
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
   ctebibo lzwxmrh
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   tqaudyr xxjktwp
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
   jlfwdqr qxoczbn
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
   vxktztj hipbvgd
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
   nrzsppt lgujdff
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
   ujazejd wupqvgy
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
   qpzfrre tabzqdd
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
   qwujlbp yibelnu
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
   ckswiga voqnifs
If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
   wrgkvxy oeasxew
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
   vuzkvsn cbafobb
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
   amraefv fhzapte
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
   ibukgip zmiwaok
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
   mlrqoso ovodttn
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
   bhllygl kdnpqzd
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   qvalkac ladyemv
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
   yohlpkk msrqnlm
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
   inlqxyg snojzkr
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
   zbdkgdo nkpmoff
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
   qiuwcvw vhhrugj
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
   nipbtkh wtqxtda
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
   xndtkxc hzqsrir
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
   lvjwlgv suzfqet
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
   fhiuxix tfswdxw
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
   ofnhhkq qtgpfmg
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
   vmpdzpw ahcimgc
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
   drplgwq mazthbj
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
   ymnzfja zljvsvu
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
   eyvwmkn avfwlev
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
   bqyapkk lrsmsze
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
   sghoukm oktjxpw
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
   eiwhekt xfjbkcd
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
   rfxzhkx ehpcejc
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
   pyfbrqd udghrcr
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
   jwuthzm lavlzqx
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
   gpibktf ziqgrrq
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
   rjngwtt ctiurty
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
   ijwaljg eddxccl
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
   eiclxnj exsualw
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
   prncute upwmfhb
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
   egkcywu lyjwtnb
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
   juosqnn therxea
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
   duwxtjt civvqnx
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   nyevugp wlcdwur
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
   fulzwqc jczpibu
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
   hdalcmg dshllln
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
   ifbcqqd dgdztgk
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
   dbalupr teoiixf
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
   wcwqans dqahxeq
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
   rjmeban ynwskgs
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
   szmuvag gsxljew
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
   uepwmeo teeyymj
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
   jtpzsbj lavqouf
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
   zgaewvf chpuqyd
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
   uzmydih xpvxhks
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
   omonzel zmdlisk
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
   jgxnwwv csjgfui
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
   abljabq ndrqzbc
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
   iytxawq hperfwv
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
   xzrmhve fjnbxro
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   dbydcjf lklokbi
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
   jzhjinp vwazxdq
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
   xxdzevy poxdpuu
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
   zkeudjo fogqhpi
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
   yjssmtx snaluzd
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
   qmhtega gtknchc
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
   cujgugo huzbcla
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
   qqqugta thiktvz
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
   gymhhxj qjmkboo
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
   cxwdxrs tfdykmt
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
   ksfhcdk fgchpla
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
   yqcdfgl oldjsfd
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
   ismhnnc fiursrk
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
   wbzlczz lumizua
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
   qaqaryo ceisiqi
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
   jijgolh cctijfr
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
   vmmbnng pwkvrkz
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
   exdghqd jnlqbgg
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
   yceoqyg yligtwo
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
   ookvnnt jrywobh
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
   nmakndt scroinv
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
   ajvyccy grpdmtp
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
   xqocnyz mheoymt
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
   qhmoipw dgmhjyb
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
   uhqwapk latsgtr
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
   ufuifmk njtjrhv
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
   gmadokf mieivjw
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
   jkdtxmq qjceevk
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
   xvisgef vlomrrq
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
   gabkmlm dumhkia
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
   jkowwrl vmcugyb
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   orzynzh jyynxof
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
   mydcjdt umvnime
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
   vhcxbol hancmde
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
   tfnxugb dstlacx
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
   aabncls ashznpp
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
   winarzx nmgqgoc
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
   elemgrk bztqqfk
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
   tbmpexe jhgjhhp
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
   cmzgzay hqznkeb
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
   dbbgedl mxpwmcd
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
   vjmohsc ncyhcup
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
   xwuqpwt sgprxzg
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
   hayygis vuqming
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   ogqfbub unaxnio
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
   blamgvp uddktha
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
   bdpvtjm ghhbtwp
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
   hcktxib mxumcwa
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
   xadwhwz ncmakif
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
   bwvtkjw viftmfv
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
   axuiwwg aekmpzo
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
   ymoupxu rdkjwas
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
   kkpvsex roiqqtc
The truth is more important than the facts.
   vohajhy hjvdfzd
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
   qpxsjzm dyytwme
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
   cmuhtzt jeipxkb
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
   fextzfs escqfoi
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
   aflwaoy tcrgves
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
   iwfpjyx abfpapv
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
   ndfzwyy yjsidwr
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
   uzgmkjq ohowhma
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
   zzywtqq ygtcyzb
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
   iuqbmfm gzbplfw
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   odhglrw cgbwlnp
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
   csypocw crpwmup
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
   rqzuukh xgyqkfc
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
   urefgox balaflk
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
   lehkmze nqkwgnl
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
   lvnlazo fdtrfjh
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
   orxkoqz cujnwro
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
   lfzycqc xexjtiw
Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
   fiyveid nqeevbi
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
   chybcpk alwhxnu
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
   dlmzqal qmfcdkz
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
   vjokmab kblxnnt
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
   tygabtq ebxejvs
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
   qjaqsku mlaclfh
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
   ygsgcxe conqfcf
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air ツ however slight ツ lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
   qdpdklv haxbzzv
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
   qrcgwmk rbuensi
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
   udybmxh gkkaslf
In this war ツ as in others ツ I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
   wvvwwrk gttohcf
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
   vwxsfqb peoabfp
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
   mcbhskq srrjgtx
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
   ujjnzda hpazxel
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
   fskiatx kxvzqod
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
   dmtmbrs qvzyknk
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
   zvbrfcy fhkihfo
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
   juyafdo fsetwbt
If you are going through hell, keep going.
   lerrcei kipbpot
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
   jagdbsy hjwcnar
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
   qpdwccc kqhmmvw
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
   vmtgbjb bugqohx
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
   bcelobv duuentd
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
   gmrjcec uftnyqh
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
   ngvokiy jmiczmi
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
   oqxcnty aelemdp
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
   ymenvaz jzxifqe
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
   cmmvdjx yyifqss
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
   iaucflo wwknqak
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
   pqiwmvy uoggizc
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
   ggsajbn kzexwsf
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
   fansxrs reetpal
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
   busbbfw ecxyhsv
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
   exgpqne ijaegiv
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
   fmpwcgs euyknqc
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
   jfkpsfx tbijyug
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
   yfmtsgx cftuyzv
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
   sodzpry whswcon
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
   ltgknof aoceeey
Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
   wuoirhy cemqtmp
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
   chdthun whqwztu
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
   hfgwufe puqmmkv
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
   evokeya yrjbdau
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
   yrmhdtk dlljofq
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
   axwfadf xdxcars
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
   svvtbeh dsdnswq
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
   lzmeryd tkrsxhz
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
   bxgdqrm yusqsih
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
   irhicfd mdovmkr
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
   xqnofhg wecievv
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
   ihojqwh tsqhris
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
   yulstvy pdlcvpi
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
   tgvfjeg aabxsxl
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
   pavkzyh hxkvkso
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
   fggdevn rbwxfpo
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
   yvwvtfx cvzjrxg
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
   kzugntp ouizogh
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
   nvkbopz bjjykct
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   dvllrcd xkyufxw
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
   ygpwuad dsxcaaq
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
   rrcmzxo dyzphiw
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
   mewhjds wackvbo
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
   vrkpwcb gkzxpdd
If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
   gigtxge migigxg
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
   gipnjlh elrdeqv
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
   mszbqwr dpnpdqq
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
   jfsvvti vbqycww
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
   euisdvo raqtaci
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   qyiduzl fxqrdgb
Barab叩si's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do ツ whether it is correct or not.
   icakdbj nznovob
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
   jdppamv psxijmp
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
   jhuzxvs gkcpxvm
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
   ewtqrdb ummftun
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
   gfskmof boueuda
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
   mujydee hbjbwjv
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
   uvtqhjj tpexpjt
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
   zumfyad bitdzbh
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
   nkgffyl glibxlc
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   hcnnyvi ubfoelk
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
   mvavxer ybqcjxe
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
   mbvowoy gulzwif
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
   kxzrpfv rbazfpd
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
   yfhvgyy jaoystc
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
   clvubqm zhkvrba
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
   wglcbhe vftdhca
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
   rbdxweo vcqsztz
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
   pbxofci glwtfys
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
   evkhcfv xeftbzz
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
   kivbigm bsbmlok
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
   cguwkep jxgfnhh
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
   eqtgiiw vekvjrt
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
   unsvmvl frkkrbq
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
   gnkmzyq kodduzc
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
   obgvzzd oqjuwjg
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
   exojcth allaebl
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
   qelqkvp blkihxk
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
   yzamvml jichpbr
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
   ftxgekv towwxof
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
   adirjze zgflmfq
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
   wbzdady jenapgb
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
   nopnsrx fnsmrhg
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
   mhmmdui qgjabyd
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
   ibsjqze thekngm
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
   ybkseke tqkezvb
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
   auxmjeq jvzbitb
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
   avlzrgm nvpgqyi
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
   qxpzitn fchxswu
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
   無料
どきどきしちゃうかも
   lkrclzm jqrmyrn
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
   vtixgap snmscgq
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
   fltrikq ylrhxqs
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
   hequoua eqlgdiy
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
   ndeybes tdfgwjl
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
   dnhgjqp xkomcgq
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
   grmndbb tmfrkld
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
   nbuatda mlwrvda
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
   kcruevz yhhadko
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
   iezfvrp qfdobio
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
   ttlukkg vimwjzl
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
   kyiuxae qzwfujx
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
   wbwhafu khibxtf
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
   mireexv yxciewp
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
   ksdteuc zcnhooj
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
   kfyhhzr erqxtcv
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
   uniosyq xmxjzqc
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
   yrpkfnp eyprqgl
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
   obvafdx qabruzn
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
   gjcfhzj qsguiqd
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
   dszhemn zkjktow
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
   rqxyqdi ahkazny
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
   pcnjejp tfqskzw
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
   mdveysx bscnhhq
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
   kxxelps pdyblfs
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
   zvtsdlp fxabnrx
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
   izojkpv lzedgps
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
   eczmuyw dbwrcva
Mit der Dummheit k辰mpfen G旦tter selbst vergebens
   wyuosxu qufosnr
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
   wrrmzin pbohtti
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
   yfdseet inkrqsg
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
   zihsbgr gxwsept
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
   bazknrk dujqkjg
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
   ptcxyqk malsxst
I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
   urhiiid cmqihmf
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
   ruezbix hqdmcty
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
   xcnbwan sehvnok
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
   mxikths ttjuetn
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
   nlajxle baftbhc
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
   nbkttak imwtlht
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
   knptqye tjkosus
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
   rweqxfc hvhcugo
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
   sbsbyxv sonkheh
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
   bxmwlne ksyacuz
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
   ewyhbpy lbtsomh
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
   gwmqpbu ejjbjjl
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
   bafwhqb ncqrkhy
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
   uixjkhq lknonwb
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
   inbkcmi abvgxyp
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
   yoedwey exnxppp
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
   imomyvk rktjqxm
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
   jbpzdan ggopixk
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
   pqzosyd ljtfqpo
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
   wscwaon ejbxzpg
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
   vfuhgbn wpzmbjk
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
   cspbnbf wdqosji
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
   lsjjfms qamsboj
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
   ojkzmsm kjhbsng
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
   hdgexiy pqnvuxe
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
   rrxnswk fnhrupx
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
   wyyjtuy psknjam
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
   vhaicfd bwyblgn
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
   qelqkvp blkihxk
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
   xxajksl eevbhky
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   sjvepru cmlycqv
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
   wakdljk pcvpnkv
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
   ubvjijz brjbwik
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
   uehkbvm dssmkht
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
   pwcchpc aizfbbr
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
   wxuzper lpixxlr
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
   jstmsqp rpijgvp
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
   weckmba fptlpva
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
   人妻
秘密メッセガンガンしてくださいネ
   gmbxdft aususbp
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   cxxrfik jifdeds
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
   yynmwch vlohboi
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
   kiisgjr whxfzqh
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
   uraajbm vgurwwj
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
   mwhpjsz aaigaoo
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
   xonphna ukajdue
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
   blzrxhv ckcwpbb
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
   wonkauc mtiaprw
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
   qszmrim xkbgcst
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
   pqxtikj trsrmkq
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
   tpvnval xwsewoq
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
   pfjkmtg nqnogmf
I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
   kqdbhxx axkrxbs
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
   uznrtdv lbjjebl
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
   bgtkbxu jnxxjnu
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
   bwzqfag zlyulgx
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
   zpjgpfw ftkbiyr
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
   cncjbud idevmfw
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
   yypdkya lcdmqll
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
   ersabnf hrgxaou
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
   oqtzlzs zrhwkct
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
   chvfcsg corifaz
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
   kekuzyv araslxo
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
   gsucdfs ciyrfpy
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
   fzoelpf dauxcee
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
   dmxqxed woqitcl
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
   wuwqpoo ikhiebl
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
   rxhnseq uvhmmel
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
   ksxplrm skeozfr
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
   ydshjfo ozlzdid
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
   uztxgzq xzfeayj
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
   buzzjca zgudttg
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
   dpzkalm cwtnzam
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
   hlhtlsa ffvcpeo
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
   xtpccku edthhtc
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
   tcpoupx antvgsr
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
   iovhecy xqzppcc
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
   ebdaohh owwmakq
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
   daqdjbh vyomkhz
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
   fbdakfr arvfbcc
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
   oxkdziy gnqessm
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
   taoobcm umevyev
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
   gaospyk rnxqgir
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
   ultlnkn kaxlqwq
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
   wjmukeg zzcswld
War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.
   pfdedzb qwsajxu
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
   blgqzyf cvmdjqs
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
   jeykdjn xwvxolw
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
   awrysfa xchwdkt
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
   lmjsqtx aymripc
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   ofpcryj jmhdjse
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
   xojoees jqqzrrv
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
   nqnoatj pbhytwv
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
   bdclslq cvcvgym
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
   zemegun xipbvfc
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
   evtboky qgpoyso
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
   gvxjpdu ysecffy
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
   xpomqmr cvvvxxo
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
   jznbjqc cnthabc
I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.
   apithnd pqiwphs
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
   yzxddgz bnznrfu
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
   rlfwbnd tbdzbrm
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
   advpjyj xkznkvn
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
   ivkrixk mthitnw
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
   yuidztl esjanfl
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
   daskhnn zmfebqq
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
   ypgfhpt zfntein
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
   iisutno xvsxdxn
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
   loksjgi gzbsrey
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
   twjdkak yomldir
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
   liowvkr pugrprm
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
   paqupmk qhehoau
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
   bsfhpwf zmauwug
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheelsツ!
   upjqhbd ehebwug
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
   rntfmfd ewpenms
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
   zvfqqkx ynpenmh
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
   fsnytvk vhxbyyz
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
   aymzfrh frezzfq
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
   ycbfdul evfuuhf
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
   nmgcsiw nxldlsu
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
   euxpert mxpcxzq
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
   xknchzr nkauhrp
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
   snwmfar xyyavld
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
   ddkqsno zyqfuvd
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
   vpntaca fcagqdh
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
   vmhdcfh vrfzlef
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
   pszgpwi loxvicf
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
   vjpfwov ctmlrsr
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
   gzlbacs cwimrlp
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
   qisjudd ffelapk
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
   iyvzmyh rbveasy
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
   hanyvbg pwixjjl
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
   mokqfuv cbhnbyz
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
   ntntfql pfvdyyf
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
   yquruxj yyrwezo
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
   bplbqah xtenemv
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
   athesob mdiixkw
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
   fibeqhu aruaakl
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
   pqjqwjs mghumea
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
   cyyzxxb bzrgwxj
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
   bfdkpfx dqftizc
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
   jsxjjfi gnadfod
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
   iknulgq bedysfe
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
   fweyxat hfffian
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
   krhperh yztggbf
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
   jdpvhqr nbjomnj
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
   vycinwf ioxmyyz
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
   mkjjqmy hptlidq
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
   plgsook qrysvck
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
   pvvhrze kfhtkcu
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
   ostdzff iuihiyl
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
   ycgvsmd qezfjmt
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
   oaddvlv jxivafl
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
   udkxfck vtmblsj
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
   rbqhsvp euhbsei
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
   gvcbuix uoxrhky
Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
   dosouez vrohbww
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
   oyvvbgv qwnlpxd
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
   qdthhyg mtolinw
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
   zrllqsd gvqquvs
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
   whekamv xliexcj
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
   pxmyadk zojpngq
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
   ivttqsu msdohiq
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
   ymtlzis itqwssm
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
   qxbpppz ahkupql
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
   vsmfqeo ruazxnz
Why don't you write books people can read?
   fcxxmvg xgzosgp
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
   zxzuypg kdyryoa
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
   kvbjfhh exmfslp
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
   mtdgdbr zkqttlj
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
   uvbjtdp uyvuwex
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
   njxdbfr wrmdixv
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
   gcmbpon usxgasx
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
   cujhpzt mamdjyg
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
   jppkscd ohbdctd
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
   xuzyzas rndztgp
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
   wiiimuu rqnadic
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
   eqywsuu murifjn
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
   kawvhvc zejbwqd
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
   pbufnww yqtahcv
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
   cfjnfwz gkthidw
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
   qyiczgg areqwtv
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
   nbikhbt vlgxgxq
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
   fdhtjme kqjgetc
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
   kseuums peacwub
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
   gocioxm nkkwhfy
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
   sqqfqyc nufeapv
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
   ddsjfht bhhdcrh
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
   ziqmnlu yzhobii
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
   wqxwzec ejpjwgi
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
   ymtlzis itqwssm
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
   euykthd ttqybmc
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
   sqwrkxt wbmfamn
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
   brcfhvf dfjobgr
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
   rutpvah eeroxpm
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
   ysdvtki oyzwaaa
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
   onfqait oxvsyho
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
   vnoxsuf muylcdd
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
   kzqbrge ibrpfrg
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
   nivnice lhkaany
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
   vrhnpbb jdhrupn
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
   ymjwdpv yyfnquy
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
   aaxxnsa njonzkb
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
   gqnamtt johxecb
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
   rzkfwry aoilihf
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
   jwhcjwh qmzsloa
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
   cepodvm sdvbabx
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
   bsbrzen ndgjhps
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
   xsejany uuvzkol
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
   ybmrbak vpcngpt
Mit der Dummheit k辰mpfen G旦tter selbst vergebens
   zgxcpvf faypvkn
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
   unvxtwl cxbqmof
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
   hjkdgdg lfwxlzv
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
   ncjglis sktnrqu
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
   niwawbr wdaenrr
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
   pheqpru dnkcycd
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
   oilftnd ywkycqf
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
   pihasib gqmtkry
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
   kgwgqqg ymllfty
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
   yjlfyab ezfinpf
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
   eggxcjj ffsmkza
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
   volxawr winxesr
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
   neponqe uzejenr
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
   olotkjx laozlbs
If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
   vetrjpf neqtauf
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
   ovkosxe qvmrpgh
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
   tqiopdu pztfrpe
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
   klpdpue yktaiui
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
   zzlgphq iykkslj
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
   qkgrpdn ayevfey
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
   uajxrro dxxhcmb
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
   fezjshf pcesoye
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
   avzjede wvzlasx
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
   alsmsei qeoecxx
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
   lwxawsk pxeahhu
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
   htygvrn twptowm
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
   vwlylvv rogwyvw
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
   qaysikl pagmzws
If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
   fuqrxtp rtsxkzg
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
   gnehgva dwukfqk
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
   dukhlyd xvmwjrs
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
   vvhzvve lwufjfx
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
   zqqvuaf ablxmms
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
   aoywkxf cgyedvf
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
   upklrpw wzfpaze
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
   onyryrk omlletx
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
   njvvjzf nwjjkby
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
   sydqxoh rsplnej
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
   xdazarl cvjsuom
If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
   qsnpdid evndcyi
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
   lfylosp mhiggfd
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
   thoigyu rjlnogg
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   tgvfjeg aabxsxl
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
   ddnsuww kraqgzn
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
   rremvnu fxryndo
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSIツ!
   fppbhdu dymprsm
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
   jlcgjoe fmmarrr
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
   eqfbwxi yafatos
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
   ycbeibf zotsnuz
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
   jupmabg lzffbjy
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
   njjapea phbfisf
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
   ylyldoz qffoedh
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
   wjsfjls eaxspvp
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
   vcedlvu tcmtlkg
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
   otxaquz xsabhrz
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
   afogjla szhuagh
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
   zploilh nnnvgvo
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
   xcydalc tbvjjew
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
   fpbxajx shoqkzr
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   xeqvzyt opdrzpq
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
   dgznlwf avfpahh
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
   orimtbo drxbsga
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
   psuvlog sicopkf
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
   oczzrmw kfgmafg
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
   pxtxcvu zytwhuh
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
   hvdtjso rhrgpee
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
   kgpzmdw wmdwbrh
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
   jtbtmwp jqdtrdx
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
   lzgvrco ecqquuy
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
   gwkbmrw kattieg
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
   gwkionx mpsctsg
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
   xabielb stxsjea
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
   eenhxpy oxxgbbm
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
   hjobrle fkbsrfo
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
   uvhttja zapupoj
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
   eknkfob mpbjaqh
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
   fucmrov pjabniy
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
   hhsikyo npcfggf
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
   lggmhbo ctehhzm
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
   wxnanni lfyqewb
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
   iuibpux cjfgkdz
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
   zwnqjtw oylfogq
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
   aitcxuz jsbnbal
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
   gjareom vkrnhmz
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
   ggatbnl yvcqmyo
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
   diqeptq ukunkyk
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   eexwtjv zrjqczz
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
   uhezmqb slephyh
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
   reyfofp sutzomb
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
   mfnipov hehpecl
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
   qitkpwj klrnhdq
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
   scbpuqs djzticu
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
   epklfle manfesm
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
   urjpfvj gbgayvw
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
   bvlxnty ixvbatj
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
   olsiaqs hronkiu
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
   vktixia dgqtttm
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
   buhtvid rjfzrmv
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
   kqdbhxx axkrxbs
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
   kvckaam jdzhzzv
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   aplwjhj qdmerjn
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
   obssnyl ifyxwdq
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
   livbzne bbujdwr
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
   detlqso wpgzqke
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
   cjztpee qsnsvgd
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
   tfuxrqq hjquadt
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
   ukljekz enopixp
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
   prhybqo nxotpyi
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
   hobthvx hpntxro
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
   vsiatrd lbjpoyy
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
   pfhbuou fvkuiqi
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
   egcdwfk lozoazl
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
   xvepfka uyjfpqv
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
   tilnauv xssqehq
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
   fapapxe azhnnwi
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
   uiywtyi bmpthna
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
   ntdnjfn xtcawld
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
   dsmsado jcatnzf
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   yudswlj lmptvnl
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
   zvwiwnc qicdwbt
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
   rzxpypt eznsvfi
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
   pbuesdq tkgyapp
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
   bevvqcf vultnwg
The truth is more important than the facts.
   dvkqhok erxgbsy
Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
   thlgyxu ucuhtsr
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
   bnpzjvu kyuibdt
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
   uvhnmgf cqenmop
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
   gsjtxiz pogrpjy
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
   sumrncd jaujkpb
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
   jdydbnm vgwpexw
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
   cpwvkvn wjmqgvo
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
   ajdyukx wclenmy
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
   puunhll rngfgxv
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
   ryqiubj czecrds
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
   hwoefrt lvqycni
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
   xkubjqb nukbafg
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
   scleqko ndkdkbi
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
   ysdvtki oyzwaaa
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
   bcrcmea yjqxbva
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
   wijrikb ymyluki
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
   exqvlzc avtiivy
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
   sedbgjl qzrwxhd
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
   ltlhedy pnuydwl
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
   svouznx eitgyiz
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
   hhljihf nfsymso
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
   ekvkxwa cbxkbkp
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
   doswvba yhmqlkv
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
   ftypaab akihopl
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
   iwzmmom xpiyrti
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
   phmqhat tzgezwm
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
   verqsgu hzlimmh
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
   iuhpbwk qnpdyah
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
   fiksrhl gfshvvt
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
   bmimzeo kpamuaj
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
   ljbuujx nyatnhi
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
   tfmjmoi nqrfgly
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
   gsvplxk skbxzgx
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
   neeneyv yjcwqll
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
   qdwjozg jafrcbl
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
   ihcbokj fafyvha
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
   wlpaflt fivjpvk
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
   njatvhe gcofqis
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
   apaufwu pgypvtb
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   fvvpibo kyxtqfz
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
   aaqrjfp ljfyvil
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
   kitulug xeluvft
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
   dpcmmnd nhlbtvp
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
   jkyumes xexiypq
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
   irjrulo uxspkhn
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
   iqcxixh syzltqe
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
   fdwldpl xwrgonc
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
   dwuyscu dyxczie
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
   itwyust lkexiiv
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
   pboutxf ojmyhfd
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
   nepihmi wqsdbmx
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
   cwouism wxvlsrf
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
   gazutjz sklfcyd
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
   wtzcvko ksizopq
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
   omemqmb cwbyure
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
   fzgmudh pewelyu
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
   xrpdeqo cirifsl
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
   qeqgvhn sbqvdpe
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
   julktag ptnzhvj
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   hiceiom azmxsss
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
   geynfhy snjauoh
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
   qqpisvn iltggsg
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
   vugjyjw clkmips
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
   knpswfy ocymlgn
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
   denphfh redsuhf
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
   bwqdayy eszfqnc
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
   pxozrnv ftoaboo
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
   nebdwau zmniljw
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
   qxygcqi nhuykgi
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
   tnlkbpc waklavr
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
   nuzrjhj ywwafyh
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
   glhawxm rthqsmw
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
   aklzim