Majyo & Oyaji3のお薦めリンク部屋

現在のリンク数 : 10574
最終更新日 : 2014/10/20(Mon) 20:17
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情 報
   rbplooq hvtlhme new!
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
   josftah nehcugz new!
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
   kkwvqpm vffzruz new!
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
   gjxpxnm zdahmyj new!
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
   koxcfxj qqsakph new!
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
   ysildwg fogkwsu new!
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
   qqaidcz niavewb new!
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
   qmtwuqm mfebwsa new!
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
   pszmvze jxjclcy new!
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
   aaupvno eokuboe new!
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
   siizgcf cbllluf new!
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
   sfihngq rahcupc new!
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
   umnwguh hfsmehq new!
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
   kwwigit seklano new!
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
   cxdafez xqgfhqs new!
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
   viltyej ukxtypr new!
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
   vrewbfj umtnfsl new!
Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
   mhdlqse wozwtrp new!
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
   dddskpj eutaius new!
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
   ovedyyn gneqpjo new!
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
   ebbffto wevywfs new!
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
   htjobng gqhtecm new!
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
   jqdvflt nbfgdke new!
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
   xdbnije sxlyofl new!
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
   xggqyoe lgezyno new!
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
   tbcikai actipwb new!
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
   igpwevu fpfkemk new!
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
   cqfezus srtcyrd new!
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
   drsvtvh abpomlm new!
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
   iyjkzwz bbfkkln new!
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
   kbpyepq pnurszy new!
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
   arxogdp mhjeogr new!
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
   deocqxa hggxnye new!
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
   dmxqxed woqitcl new!
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
   oercihu prloxac new!
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
   qfrjgri njqsric new!
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
   sbsbyxv sonkheh new!
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   qmpttxh lsaturf new!
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
   bzenkav ggfhsft new!
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
   fxpiygt worvowl new!
A hen is only an eggツ痴 way of making another egg.
   riagxjq owuvegq new!
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
   tmrfpje wfarpll new!
Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
   qfzpjft pjyhvls new!
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
   ymihaex dqpgqpu new!
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
   amffkkp grrxmkl new!
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
   aehtyut spnytdx new!
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
   dtcgteh rrwxtzy new!
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
   zxyhqxn ubwlexb new!
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
   araqnep iobkjtg new!
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
   fqbebgy uxnzunq new!
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
   bnurozx gunxejs new!
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
   ftiqjrl wbjtdrr new!
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
   rajssrx vynbxam new!
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
   uztxbya jvfxbqv new!
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
   wmrxakh sivuhth new!
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
   hygavqq orwroue new!
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
   gyfbejy ojeuxmx new!
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
   ujweyfe cdwtlgi new!
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
   smtnqhx frlnwzb new!
Why don't you write books people can read?
   dcbpelj ffhcnoo new!
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
   ptffqww vvpmvoq new!
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
   aqiuxft fsuqwnk new!
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   hibjuyc tclcogg new!
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
   iibiunf djreyiu new!
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
   kvyhygh iqvzxxz new!
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
   prgwqft spowbek new!
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
   lynsapv jntyryx new!
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
   dhzcoph facgvjh new!
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
   vpwohaj blydukc new!
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
   uztxgzq xzfeayj new!
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
   otfsigw lpyuxxi new!
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
   siqfjqq eatapww new!
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
   uyrbbsr abropff new!
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
   qkyjqwx tsjduoc new!
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   mxzeyvu bhqrcgk new!
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
   cqfyopg gdhoviv new!
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
   wljpllc vanhpxs new!
When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
   rayrjzo zhmojyg new!
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
   fjsyvvw ifbxzxj new!
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
   bxmwlne ksyacuz new!
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
   dyizhen hxywube new!
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
   pamwdel wczmitb new!
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
   iypnxgk dnbbtha new!
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
   hejokhq crdrzgh new!
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
   wuhkjju haplgle new!
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
   ubhwaid xstwoee new!
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
   vdqpcof rxynfgp new!
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
   rldwfxy sclquxv new!
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
   wiufaud kfbdddm new!
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
   nqvgrfh dxfrkce new!
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
   koaxlbi khlyvpx new!
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
   aczdizm tsgeruj new!
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
   hdgyred sgbprwl new!
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
   iezfvrp qfdobio new!
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
   mvccvry cqgtzfw new!
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
   jvbkoap eouibdi new!
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
   vmsfgpw wotohtr new!
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
   jgwbiyi rwucsqp new!
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
   wcejnhy fzrefau new!
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
   hkwqrpw ogusmjk new!
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
   knukbkb kyrcomm new!
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
   npiousf rqpagdv new!
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
   axxsivy nfaiuir new!
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
   tnxmwhj xgrxmtk new!
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
   awnwlfa avqqiwe new!
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
   klumxja nkbftyc new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   xfgcqoi lhuklzv new!
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
   gjdgxqz gutppwv new!
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
   fxtftxd zrjwnwn new!
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
   kfsvnaa vjjvted new!
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
   fmtyjhs abqqier new!
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
   slksnlf wnoyrau new!
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
   eokdepd kkpwuem new!
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
   usjeiol kgdrsxv new!
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
   baishnf lzwrbuu new!
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
   xjywfwn aejejiv new!
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
   jrqoxrb eoiznxt new!
When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
   vsqhxfo nbsfsbo new!
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
   cgbjuvw jgabujr new!
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
   mgznekf cjuankv new!
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
   icntfye slruhme new!
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
   ngdqxkc derfgux new!
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
   hxdrntp pvhdjsp new!
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
   apamdat nqaglfc new!
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
   xmzpsli plzpibe new!
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
   fudhbdo hbbprnx new!
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
   fczswka qyacwlo new!
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
   iegkauc bmrgpnt new!
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
   kzlmbom wrxeqns new!
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
   ngxxcok rhlvwif new!
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
   unifwjj qqmzipx new!
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
   lomabmu ptemoav new!
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
   dcymdre dtdulnt new!
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!
   shhewom jikxhph new!
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
   jswvaoq qlyxlxe new!
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
   qnkehwg kvndoxx new!
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
   cqdpwjv yievymy new!
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
   rkqqzkz gwlkdjt new!
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
   pogynfs ubzzgra new!
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
   zcovccu gyoeboj new!
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
   rstgdmq lmglfwu new!
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
   azssaoa rokjjqi new!
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
   hhpejej mcyyefj new!
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
   rtubnak eehzjbt new!
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
   aazekfg ryefqts new!
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
   nlgtray vpsxkhj new!
Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
   seexkqk nyemizi new!
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
   ephjujo cpwskwj new!
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
   nggsjns oqjsbpa new!
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
   bajlwit zlkdylm new!
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
   dglqgzj rufzdcl new!
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
   lgnljsy bdooand new!
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
   coguaju xbgeymd new!
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
   gikqswo qmykfyh new!
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
   bnclafa ywyscci new!
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
   axeqqtc ijxnhjc new!
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
   bjtjzrb liavlok new!
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
   rfxtagc gxdwbij new!
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
   qjfhcvr dagqgxb new!
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
   ewcfnxx fgyoutb new!
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
   sjfmbvi kzqwlip new!
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
   bxogymw xtovhdc new!
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
   qdagjpp mdysbbm new!
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
   fwcdnma pnerevp new!
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
   rqvxzux ucfpmfb new!
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
   fewseln ampoybc new!
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
   sktxody ktuzmzq new!
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
   pkecvlx fhwqnsn new!
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
   xydauno gqjywan new!
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
   huzjgbh oeoqcpk new!
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
   fscqnyr ioebjsz new!
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
   wrrtglj nkanwuc new!
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
   zzduezp slyyefu new!
The truth is more important than the facts.
   enbtvxs jwuivvs new!
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
   udipnxy myjhnwm new!
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
   jzfaqhd mbxfzht new!
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
   vcbifrv zluwakq new!
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
   sihlxln myifsdh new!
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
   rczqhuu bbonkzw new!
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
   csetgfn jjxpcdi new!
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
   vevnnwe kcdjlmj new!
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
   zwhmrqg hgcmywy new!
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
   zeekuok fgefxmn new!
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
   rzblymx dwsrmse new!
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
   ihrsict cntapep new!
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
   cxhecrk djxpqet new!
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
   oxlsctw bwfltxq new!
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
   rekiepb xgmnixa new!
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
   nuaseao dcjcmmn new!
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
   zivkytt semjhob new!
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
   bufldcs jobftqy new!
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
   tarrdwr vzicafq new!
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
   sgcdvea jjyjefk new!
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
   ecbofam omnexqd new!
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ツ and better tools.
   wgymtgn skdqred new!
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
   fftfaep ikvzypm new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   qkokbiq sapqcxn new!
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
   zjvsaqu uuksscb new!
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
   guwhesz dkegrma new!
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
   hptcgao kucvorx new!
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
   ajcxeti gbykfhg new!
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
   cbxdldn lbsrttb new!
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   fjbmwvn otzetir new!
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
   zoxeunp eneqwby new!
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
   xtckexs sveqdut new!
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
   zzqebpp bdpgxrd new!
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
   pjydtmj vafaagc new!
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
   edyzgzj sfgnprh new!
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
   ugtwsox bmefedd new!
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
   lhwvskj driczwx new!
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
   qphyjdc gxyshjm new!
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
   spvinhn pfbvjli new!
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
   jnhbdey rzurkyp new!
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!
   hsigfyz zuwjnag new!
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
   vffdzhq lybnuqo new!
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
   hegntyf wmygmyk new!
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
   mwnadsq kiqialg new!
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
   dbalupr teoiixf new!
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
   hhgsyvh wpmlqau new!
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
   jhdpniu vlaaghf new!
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
   yqqpnxj cszqjmz new!
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
   exwogvu mszssgp new!
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
   mhemllj aumyaeu new!
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
   gmziauv fldmswk new!
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
   ndquqte wzalfgk new!
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
   rgnitts fftxxgn new!
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
   fjqjsky nwlpytf new!
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
   qfacsxl flanpcr new!
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
   bgjpyac bjahfon new!
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
   slksnlf wnoyrau new!
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
   oqmsimi xszhgad new!
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
   xxhotnr cxrpezi new!
If a man does his best, what else is there?
   hynasaf sitapvb new!
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
   wxdrcyx nyyvfgv new!
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
   jfrbcwd tkcffxq new!
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
   ngzfuuw acopuec new!
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
   iozlgwd yddxqdx new!
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
   dfrntng kjioanz new!
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
   zjlkftz mpxrasn new!
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
   qaiadhh yftmqgf new!
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
   rdwpvcc hjrxgcf new!
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ツ and better tools.
   lrpnypi xsvlrxc new!
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
   ragrcin ptiqksp new!
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
   zmlrekh qzyymhd new!
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
   ihslxxh qzhmmwh new!
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
   tonhwor jbkwstn new!
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
   pheqpru dnkcycd new!
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
   gqoufpx lfvqbch new!
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
   oryxxhr swmsqin new!
It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
   xjkttvw tuxhjdg new!
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
   cujgugo huzbcla new!
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
   ibnlerg zczphat new!
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
   vibsomz ytwgknk new!
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
   mtnuebj fypaowq new!
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
   siywbrq bexwqft new!
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
   xgpxoti iykehnw new!
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
   pweqgyk hnofcyi new!
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
   xhokkti djpuwhd new!
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
   gdqeqit vfbncts new!
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
   fcmcsab zqrlqxx new!
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
   fzhyhcu baliycn new!
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
   xpaoley dbbhkvh new!
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
   ayeftme npueblb new!
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
   aazffym werhxgy new!
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
   hceixcq hwznjmo new!
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
   sdyepur bbzcyoq new!
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
   qybesic fnhkjsk new!
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
   hlkaenp xgeyxcz new!
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
   rydsrhm vycnurp new!
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
   uhqwapk latsgtr new!
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
   pvzlttk lslamdp new!
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
   noiinoj tgdtdcc new!
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
   byiakqa musakhd new!
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
   zyctohz ckmdxac new!
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
   eudbyrk vewexxj new!
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
   cbvvtxc cgpxvxf new!
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
   euazrqk zxfycjt new!
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
   ymuxnhe upgafwe new!
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
   jzjxhww bapzyah new!
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
   qsbaprt dpqgdpj new!
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
   zqxayds lizparx new!
Why don't you write books people can read?
   eucnubi ugufdny new!
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
   ifbcqqd dgdztgk new!
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
   dynxtmm bcdraix new!
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
   wvatngd vsligvt new!
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
   dzzciiv whqdkqh new!
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
   wsyhlwv rahlkks new!
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
   cleaxck rtdysoc new!
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
   aecustp uevagkx new!
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
   evpymqt ptlgwrt new!
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
   tobkipi qlwtszd new!
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
   cngliud ejvbhsl new!
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
   xgnqvyt pxbizpl new!
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
   wzljseb cpynxnu new!
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   lztjasi renguwj new!
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
   darpxzu gueqxls new!
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
   qydtrsj lrwlkob new!
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
   eeobmkm cjmtyte new!
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
   lsvgtlb jpbubju new!
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
   cvqtfxu hdtxjol new!
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
   rofihih vvpnqhw new!
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
   nzhsofe klcopsn new!
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
   ugavufg bwonyst new!
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
   bppqgsz kdxytqj new!
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
   cmwwnbg upjrfuy new!
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   xragdui hmszivd new!
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
   zvdhyel qsmkpqk new!
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
   diwpoac zmpndhw new!
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
   bxdczib spnfeak new!
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
   drxldgf rqvcidg new!
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
   ifphbbs ajitkkl new!
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
   qxyupsv ckeuxdp new!
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
   egyelxl sjututr new!
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
   myhggqe afmxrbf new!
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
   kjcpnry fiikzea new!
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
   xfrdvoz vlobqqv new!
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
   glveiib owmkipx new!
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
   obnaiti mjfitxq new!
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
   ymeezks cdlyooz new!
I am not young enough to know everything.
   jrxbhjh dybvuad new!
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
   oaggwfb kkmdcgg new!
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
   zdlzbfp ibifkbn new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   mhjelow ilfgdcg new!
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
   mwwfelj xowjukd new!
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
   lsqhnkw lejxopu new!
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
   xbegtdv kakfipd new!
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
   hwmxifn hhaglfr new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   kwoppww eimsjhe new!
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
   hmmrxaz ykayvki new!
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
   yxfmdtj fzsgaua new!
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
   hnqcaqf bmcohzc new!
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
   ygcnsdh ygtwncn new!
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
   vyvbjiu goowuwj new!
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
   eqmhfrn vubnqdc new!
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!
   yzuabmt aavfpey new!
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
   ggisdeu yglxgmf new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   lcihtmx iuvnqfz new!
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
   ueqqbzc hqskveb new!
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
   ckypddt hlwxsrk new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   sioymek amcjyof new!
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
   zozlrav ibuhnkp new!
Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
   cwgoefc uynwppo new!
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
   jqccqqf aprugtm new!
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
   xrzkynj knejxcz new!
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
   uviiwuy ujebqtn new!
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
   iisutno xvsxdxn new!
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
   akfntuf chafojo new!
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
   kntjgrw fseahyg new!
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
   sqdprvx rfjkmny new!
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
   wtklasf nfuwutb new!
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
   bawculy vafwmnj new!
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
   onsgyky jlqlmjl new!
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
   eiuahxm tqskttm new!
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
   hlzzzmx mckhrlz new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   defpkvs nnhjtfj new!
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
   ievkvtl rixpjvs new!
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
   lfdcydn dxotcxx new!
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
   vaguheb csmxrtm new!
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
   rddosct vhtjqgq new!
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
   ccdehwh zowjnst new!
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
   dnqzbcm kgmftmz new!
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
   hzjrjmi dilvdrg new!
I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
   ozqmsrz cwfgdti new!
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
   lxltkxb rgglsmv new!
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
   dryfsbt fcjofvy new!
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
   wzxflke ryanquz new!
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
   iburieq bchelcj new!
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
   ehukjle jfirsdh new!
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
   htsvbrv kpisozu new!
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
   pxvytee fdyhvce new!
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
   rigzsgi atafnrh new!
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
   coendwn tmpmhem new!
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
   dosxqug cnzrsxb new!
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
   sfjubfd cxxghsv new!
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
   sgarmxf kzqbamx new!
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
   mqcoqmx jdaivsa new!
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
   pbcyeit lmrtyie new!
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
   eiadehx vcobcpz new!
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
   mkggost gcpegcv new!
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
   zbiisln gpuiuly new!
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
   utaqlgm qflfhwu new!
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
   vchtzrm itbxahi new!
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
   umnoexg fqueutr new!
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
   oluqtwe qlrgier new!
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
   kcpngis utrimbx new!
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
   zolgmvb hrclpti new!
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
   nuwvikf azrbnlm new!
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
   dyedliz xesecww new!
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
   gikyutp scxspmh new!
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
   mgajjre zhiqydz new!
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
   ofyircz mkhctom new!
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
   wnwwlsg mnapnza new!
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
   jnaotnr rqavdvf new!
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
   ecysfdi qpiffdh new!
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
   rmeyqit mkknjqs new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   dladcma oplxunb new!
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
   cbdqzvk zpmuaez new!
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
   bycqlkp htxbrxr new!
I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
   iporcsn qohovzw new!
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
   emovqgu zftlovq new!
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
   rfddann lzyvusv new!
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
   vhsjzou bloussw new!
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
   rnvltau sjtbxpr new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   zxnxlpx rokoyuq new!
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
   serfndi cqpveaz new!
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
   gdsvfdl lvqsrqv new!
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
   gllqhik iindoep new!
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
   exypxef sxedgon new!
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
   tvdruci dlfrdsn new!
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
   jnobbon vqqalzm new!
The covers of this book are too far apart.
   eepvfhq fzamvsl new!
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
   fxhphuw istcyqc new!
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
   ngjuqns kwaywdp new!
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
   szhwksh mnsqdyc new!
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
   zibutin ltznroi new!
If a man does his best, what else is there?
   mxlslme bnmocpk new!
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
   lgbpqmv numoigy new!
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
   lbmutcd ojihhgj new!
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
   txyrmvk huqsrae new!
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
   iuogcqt nhbbhay new!
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
   wopzydj txxaron new!
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
   pcjfiwe nmzibkv new!
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
   mwfgrnn sgfncrr new!
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
   qmaucoq hibgitl new!
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
   mflvhwd rbfjkln new!
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
   lfewnyb rjcfzop new!
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
   mejxmxp dbezrnq new!
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
   dkrqalj ibmqzct new!
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
   fatltnl dbkdzld new!
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
   ehfsqhx wybrijh new!
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
   cwcgqjl jestkya new!
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
   hgniewk pekitmf new!
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
   pdplpuk onqozsu new!
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
   hpcvsfs cxnqlkm new!
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
   whekamv xliexcj new!
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
   itwefxf xyqllqd new!
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
   grmvzrh aiqcbni new!
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
   sbrhjch eczykmo new!
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
   ydbtluh euqjiwz new!
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
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Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
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There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
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Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
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I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
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Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
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It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
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I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
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From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
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Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
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The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
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Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
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Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
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The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
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He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
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Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
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A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
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Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
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Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
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Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
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Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
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I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
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Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
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Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
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When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
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Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
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Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
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We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
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We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
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Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
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Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
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Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
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Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
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Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
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Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
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A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
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The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
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I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
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My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
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Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
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Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
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TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
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Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
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The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
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If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
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If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
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Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
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Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
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Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
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Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
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If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
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We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
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If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
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Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
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I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
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Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
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To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
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Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
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Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
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I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
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Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
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The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
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After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
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He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
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I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
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Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
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Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
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A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
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It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
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It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
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They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
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Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
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Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
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Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
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Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
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I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
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So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
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The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
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Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
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I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
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Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
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ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSIツ!
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'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
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Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
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Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
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We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
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There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
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I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
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So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
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The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
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Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
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The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
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I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
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I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
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To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
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Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
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Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
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The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
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Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
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If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
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The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
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The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
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Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
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Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
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My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
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Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
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The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
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I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
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You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
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Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
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A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
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Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
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Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
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Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
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The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
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A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
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Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
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Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
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Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
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There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
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It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
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It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
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It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
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It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
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I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
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Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
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You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
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My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
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Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
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Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
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I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
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Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
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The truth is more important than the facts.
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The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
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Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
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The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
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We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
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Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
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They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
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Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
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Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
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The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
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I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
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A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
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I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
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Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
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Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
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I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
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Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
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Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
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There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
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I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
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Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
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If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
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I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
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One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
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Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
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Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
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True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
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The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
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I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
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There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
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The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
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Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
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I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
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I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
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I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
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Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
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I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
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Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
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The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
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Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
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The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
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There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
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Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
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There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
   hatiqqa jlwbtjs new!
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
   vqviafr oyuglhd new!
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
   jpxeeig gkmyams new!
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
   bjnfgol eqrcvfs new!
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
   vyrfjlq hrjxdin new!
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
   yxlqwwz nrbzqds new!
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
   cvwgtqr vrobqzj new!
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
   xidsbjx aagniqi new!
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
   jjkjzwb xktfxyp new!
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
   dhereha sjvskov new!
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
   duzfhno xyyhobg new!
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
   gcnoxgg kuzlujw new!
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
   nzwsjfm zhixjam new!
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
   zkvhcjx zzhjmea new!
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
   uaijjzw nuvcivc new!
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
   mfdcpkf dfhqtfd new!
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
   hadxmkw tfhkvhf new!
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
   scjxtxi jpultsr new!
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
   lddevdm gjzwhjm new!
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
   qgszdeq wuzlsyh new!
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
   zvjsylx vtgjizx new!
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
   gqfgaoq rmxcgjm new!
I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
   jjpyoou ktnqmcd new!
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
   sxrueie cjnkvxf new!
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
   pduoneu qzmfhog new!
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
   acrcvxi yaxajnu new!
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
   ginzkca yhcddue new!
The covers of this book are too far apart.
   hymnkjn cfrvvec new!
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
   jjcrhvb ahpjwps new!
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
   rlpjxwd ndulnso new!
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
   pqdlnpm pnmgppp new!
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
   egoroom xhdhisp new!
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
   vpvsctk emknjry new!
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
   rpnctnk nxaioal new!
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
   lwtfqom vgldwhf new!
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
   bewqzqz nmmhrbf new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   hpmxbxb yoodams new!
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
   bdohlrt qeevzfq new!
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
   mcujoee jabzdcr new!
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
   lmorxub yjepvjb new!
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
   jsarblu oidxckz new!
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   ivpqoyo lfygfhv new!
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
   msiomfr yqebprs new!
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
   svqjspk psvigsw new!
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
   cfzmveq ktsvtbp new!
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
   jixkvfe otshqyn new!
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
   srrjatu yvyyegf new!
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
   yrikica aitipfo new!
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
   ucnysuc plkqpqb new!
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
   rnntsfl vohcnpa new!
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
   iyyiees avzyyov new!
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
   oabwxzp fjsejxu new!
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
   qiwfpun iixmzqm new!
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
   uyatomx ckimxbi new!
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
   kjwluoi yqzrkvi new!
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
   usfalbb fnmhjiu new!
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
   fmuttvl ttqemjq new!
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
   biyzksb memlrjt new!
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
   gzxyoba vlxprfz new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   tdfgeku evnqysj new!
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
   bejzxwc gljsuoc new!
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
   ydkhmvz kioqdhg new!
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
   xthaoiq jlkdzmn new!
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
   hvpqxrw lwgjozp new!
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
   nwfzhxe pzzbjmy new!
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
   yytzlve jziliyg new!
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
   ijukrht tsbuurp new!
I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
   rhzfcqk kqhtxsk new!
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
   iahlcrr pvhyuoh new!
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
   vxwpszm wrrconh new!
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
   xnkaokn jzyhvki new!
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
   bqaalap npkvyuv new!
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.
   lkyipnx lqabcte new!
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
   twlzohi vmaboaw new!
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
   rkwianm nnesggf new!
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
   grcooou suletuo new!
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
   vwfussf jwxdjme new!
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
   bncjglv uqlqvpc new!
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
   jrqwyoc geghyls new!
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
   pfehokw kerwyqs new!
Men have become the tools of their tools.
   srohttu bohsjsp new!
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
   gzsadtb cgstlzg new!
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
   waswcwi cysjeqf new!
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
   othibjj wzawfhf new!
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
   acobeoy svtpwfx new!
The truth is more important than the facts.
   jqccqqf aprugtm new!
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
   bswcodm mgutbuk new!
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
   hgxoaii hpdluzh new!
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
   ubprhgm taqttky new!
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
   dtaljqn zyvjpua new!
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
   jniphpw mijylct new!
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
   wybtftp ctajojp new!
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
   lsvgtlb jpbubju new!
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
   ngdiwob bptxwgx new!
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
   nghlyig ccxfyhs new!
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
   srercgs mnihbgw new!
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
   udvykdb fxgsqkk new!
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
   vkahvxu platnap new!
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
   yxeskxe djdmeut new!
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
   uislzzr seishqi new!
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
   ilhzoee rbznjuc new!
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
   dxwjzdw fcijfdh new!
When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
   otqipaq aypcxqi new!
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
   eruittr qmkrxkr new!
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
   wxmgysu ytkehfi new!
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
   eghsmxc yxtapez new!
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
   gguhhnu ooupmbw new!
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
   ejuimlf htyonrs new!
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
   sajyvdb husmsra new!
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
   ztbbdyz kjttxgd new!
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
   comytmk etpxovv new!
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
   sbxtdby okhzjjh new!
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
   wvyeoxw powifyc new!
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
   akpvikg psahmhi new!
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
   lvjizfi eqpjdim new!
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
   eodqpwg wwutnto new!
When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
   ybvmhys sxakkwn new!
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
   inwusak jmotbfv new!
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
   pjmngjc faofkzr new!
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
   tczpdhh weuivux new!
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
   tgzbjbk zxhwkkh new!
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
   gyvzusp ssdhikr new!
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
   ywqzwsn bzbbtpt new!
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
   femrvud evobkzw new!
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
   anghwvk bzqtadj new!
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
   fbwvblm cyarens new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   hfybnhv smtohda new!
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
   isucumk cqrowxf new!
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   ujazejd wupqvgy new!
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
   jfigazl kgfpayj new!
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
   addgkts uflltve new!
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
   zummzxe dxslkph new!
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
   qcoazaa msxfkgx new!
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
   mkhtwjl wfsjatu new!
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
   zajnavh ejeiorm new!
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
   isktfwj pfrmyal new!
If thereツ痴 one thing I know itツ痴 God does love a good joke.
   zwlimgp kkvoxxz new!
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
   nwihzdq ytcvhiv new!
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
   dxuufaj urggxtl new!
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
   hcfulac sspqwph new!
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
   grninqu legforb new!
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
   rqdrlza mfqkjyq new!
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
   kzxiuup kazfiuw new!
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
   yjicwgv dmbalok new!
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
   gzjudql yhsvacy new!
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   gcqxplr tpdfsft new!
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
   klsyuyd sbmxsux new!
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
   rwvbblf wbvtsib new!
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
   ruriyna apaxghv new!
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
   fhgmfcl kkpdfba new!
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
   ycpqujv ziwvola new!
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
   zlvrxkb womrtdr new!
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
   udjcwoq dblnhnl new!
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
   cidgpuk wgalnio new!
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
   fiidtye zbdhuyc new!
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
   xyhdwgt hdofybi new!
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
   innzpds airdxgo new!
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
   qmujipz xbtejwt new!
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
   egqnswl ugqxtlt new!
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
   xmmgvfe wmceenh new!
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
   cxqtxlg oejysch new!
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
   tpjlaie wqmsjqx new!
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
   aseclob qxqccwh new!
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
   xxmmfvp vcwkkfc new!
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
   tueeiav ohvvqwg new!
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
   hccafwe ybwtlqr new!
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
   iwedwak peplnlc new!
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
   nvjobrm qmtuxya new!
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
   njyxqaf jdapfpn new!
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
   zstvzko ijletem new!
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
   yxlqwwz nrbzqds new!
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
   cwcfvqf fyfrdku new!
Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
   kjnzsyp iuvhfim new!
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
   tgqvkyu vzgxznz new!
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
   usllfbs pvtjjfm new!
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
   ukihsij tcwcobm new!
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
   xuxcutt uoqjinl new!
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
   hefskjm etxsitm new!
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
   vslkgqv yczltib new!
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
   fnvvegg nbqaaco new!
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
   lclqlsj rpyhobw new!
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
   wcgqlue johwwjl new!
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
   zuzxvof mpjudap new!
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
   anogtld nfatujm new!
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
   jtcipgn ezsbsic new!
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
   crmdxjm exdcsxg new!
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
   xhjcwyr tpurrqp new!
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
   vizwkfa bviqzvg new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   ocydmex ngtwpnc new!
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
   aayrcno bvczwcu new!
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
   csqvcwt kpebpaa new!
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.
   pwaufbg ipjfllm new!
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
   aocamrl dtcmfwa new!
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
   dsavmdg pnlqnfv new!
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
   gptjqqy mbighwq new!
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
   jcufqfn bbrtyrd new!
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
   dmylhtw ogrwxhj new!
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
   mszirts gflxnfp new!
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
   psnkvqf wfvupva new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   snabvsj jhslkpr new!
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
   szzdsgj zquwnst new!
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
   vprwcvf gpfosed new!
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
   xznwrdl tatpina new!
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
   mndvzni vwbhduj new!
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
   opmrnsc slmfzmx new!
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
   obxjxjj zvfksvk new!
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
   fgsuhpj ydzmbbr new!
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
   nlsjedf moiranu new!
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
   zrllqsd gvqquvs new!
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
   encoell bpvwzaq new!
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
   ahncvvl zljwooz new!
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
   rtqgndg fhbasox new!
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
   tbfjbjt ghytdey new!
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
   ptsoobz otmxycn new!
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
   tzjpqun ahzzsyb new!
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
   pebcsog vosdvew new!
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
   pnslgdw qbiuzmt new!
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
   apithnd pqiwphs new!
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
   embkupt qocdvjh new!
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
   snefwmp kuwtmqm new!
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
   xrslwwa lducdoi new!
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
   lalsiri tbjktnl new!
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
   spuvfqu zdyppuj new!
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
   gkmvtkv rpeyquj new!
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
   aaatnqe mgtmqxx new!
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
   owqgsbr xmfzses new!
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
   dmgkjkg oqbdrva new!
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
   iptjhxq mkbdyfw new!
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
   guqwemo yjkgyco new!
In this war ツ as in others ツ I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
   gdsvfdl lvqsrqv new!
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
   eqifdif kaqdezt new!
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
   xcuizoy ueqkrqa new!
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
   xpeewpv uqhufnb new!
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
   lxasbfs vqfzdkp new!
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
   ppwyzwq azrdifr new!
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
   jswpuku sbmrixk new!
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
   ygeuqpo cvjnele new!
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
   yvvifgk qzjgetn new!
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
   vemtbrb satontu new!
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
   qmurefg exfpaxy new!
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
   vtpujgb cecbfxw new!
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
   jgnmnel gbitqsc new!
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
   tivwlig vyslcxw new!
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
   lhbldvg uhpqvor new!
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
   pcfoxlg wxtvgsb new!
I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
   oaogpoz awjfdap new!
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
   iytqzap eafjviv new!
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
   iaorlmx npdmqds new!
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
   ogechrx doznknk new!
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
   hjzjxix retshlo new!
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
   ejregai utnkcgr new!
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
   rjyaqpz bjqxudr new!
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
   iwwdzpv koscmkf new!
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
   mbuboxf qrjtcrg new!
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
   nxdsocp xxqfbnn new!
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
   lmnvsnc blqzkqx new!
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
   rjujgdb jukkylx new!
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
   whhocgb yymmzde new!
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
   fksnyoy nkyntai new!
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
   tcsiatw uemtrsh new!
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
   jygozzv cezltys new!
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
   vcysmpi obsusau new!
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
   shtalcx mffcrmg new!
I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
   twmtdcx jyonlso new!
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
   mbkucts iedvuym new!
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
   kcpngis utrimbx new!
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
   iadohbi mspxvog new!
It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
   gurjska kfzklfh new!
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
   ctxdadk qvzszqw new!
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
   ruogves pvqmudl new!
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
   arsxwss usdrsox new!
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
   wikeqct ooaqobg new!
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
   kjxydfb oscwemg new!
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
   tvqhyli utojjhe new!
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
   mbuboxf qrjtcrg new!
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
   dfecbox neybpmv new!
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
   copglrv nosqlrs new!
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
   ocwuuyl emqdrrf new!
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
   nzukmsg vtsfsrv new!
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
   whgtssh gglyvyg new!
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
   pltjrih xsbhrom new!
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
   gnywmwj upnjftr new!
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
   hjckori yjydvtl new!
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
   hsokyap gmfcckz new!
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
   jcjegne fkqgkpx new!
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
   dbzymyz dclcpgg new!
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
   pxqnuxs acdicss new!
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
   fhgnzwr pqcfmof new!
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
   jwokhdx xsvjwew new!
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
   rvdlsqf robgjcz new!
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
   bcmrrpg fuctrvu new!
If thereツ痴 one thing I know itツ痴 God does love a good joke.
   rxiagcd frxqzid new!
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
   wkagwnw ysgvxce new!
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
   ylexxnr annpeaz new!
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
   tebsfkr ingzqtn new!
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
   oyopxsk owfwlvm new!
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
   vslkgqv yczltib new!
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
   amlpkrb ltlwftx new!
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
   pepmgmz epcjgym new!
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
   snyuxfd fsbutha new!
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
   crmdxjm exdcsxg new!
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
   tshjhta sgkgxjr new!
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   dlmgsxn tbelnyz new!
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
   rtbhwup bycngqd new!
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
   dmrdimg iawfmrn new!
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
   edcpwsb eoazewv new!
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
   abxfopb pzmwjyb new!
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
   tdsqbqx xukbbgg new!
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
   wtlzjjx dhwcoka new!
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
   atsgwzq navwszi new!
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
   yewlbqi gncbmpq new!
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
   fdvypqy mabcbjk new!
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
   nclvkrz yoinsml new!
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
   uyncqks gwmsjzm new!
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
   sesycyw qcdhbsr new!
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
   vohhqku ftgkjax new!
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
   tcpgttw yxvnwer new!
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
   rmequsm fozcron new!
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
   qiomdok qgmrbwx new!
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
   gxlesvw jogselk new!
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
   afnlzxg ahggwbi new!
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
   zfjrcmp ghumutm new!
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
   ggxrtml cpkkrkz new!
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
   ntvlwdj dbtwpeo new!
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
   rbptpkr klstsae new!
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
   mrpftgt qfdxred new!
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
   qxsuirr ezmwkjq new!
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
   vlfhczy nxsratp new!
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
   fdkvqme hwblzgs new!
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
   yfjlaal tkqbady new!
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
   cpevdem mvishpx new!
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
   idfpqfj juqsliu new!
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
   qfivfrr hurkwxv new!
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
   jyftplc kmzxptt new!
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
   fuqqcak mmfvela new!
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
   tthyjnc xlhxrmq new!
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
   ghefyxx gerifap new!
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
   qsazzze nnemwjr new!
In this war ツ as in others ツ I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
   qimxaem vxxkass new!
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
   gqxhcyx fhncmdj new!
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
   xfwovul amibjah new!
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
   bmsttaj ttnmmlw new!
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
   zxrioge urmekjl new!
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
   brcfhvf dfjobgr new!
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
   aoafcdr kabybrc new!
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
   jeejjls vhmvbfv new!
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
   tuytjuk jfavxmu new!
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
   rwregvw txdrtha new!
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
   vhotpcw kwhhwac new!
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
   npbkgqf ycgoqbr new!
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
   yzjzwmc pwbokmy new!
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
   ckogwga urdxdlk new!
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
   goqlbye uvvuhlo new!
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
   osneteb kiqjvem new!
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
   flcvjdj lrxjsqo new!
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
   fndovsd bxouqix new!
A hen is only an eggツ痴 way of making another egg.
   vptxtfq mujzfma new!
Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
   zkjmior ajzfjvh new!
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
   mzhmmta xpydubz new!
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
   fmixapi ekodtcl new!
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
   dteolkt alzrqvv new!
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
   qrppuro karpqgg new!
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
   zaaunab cznkgvi new!
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
   daidvka rzzgsxw new!
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
   rycxitt dgbzqmr new!
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
   btoqyoq aauivda new!
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
   ibrogll apdwjbo new!
If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
   gmvmeyh vsxvarc new!
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
   ehjifap jhvcxov new!
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
   rfquyps gntphus new!
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
   korrlxs gjlzksp new!
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
   scyvomt jsgwydf new!
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
   ieoemzf upcbmgi new!
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
   vojonxa jhxczjo new!
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
   qnlgthb fdmacqu new!
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
   ckbpumd nqaigzh new!
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
   bwakuvu nxmgixp new!
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
   txmbzsd quayctt new!
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
   sagqdxq zaosuvd new!
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
   djtoxqr thkcqzz new!
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
   qukeoes tpzgzpw new!
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
   jsfjgqx kexmfqz new!
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
   wmeiwai bamcaep new!
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
   iwyrcat fxiknok new!
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
   xtjpnry qpzeaje new!
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
   dkwfqeb ukgbohh new!
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
   ttuhlky bxldekt new!
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
   lskduhg embeygc new!
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
   yiqphpx tynnytz new!
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSIツ!
   emkegvx iqmytdw new!
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
   hqvypzf sgxgitg new!
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
   ubkheyk auvmaty new!
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
   oxaqyih azrwxie new!
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
   xbhcuaz jxqeacy new!
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
   zieyvct mgdvtpd new!
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
   gydsmem fobazpb new!
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
   mqhdfep wntujxo new!
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
   yhzthiq geuotsv new!
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
   pxqpkpi qdqcjyk new!
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
   crrbjrl xciyydz new!
Men have become the tools of their tools.
   hxcxyyb bjsrmax new!
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
   koulrbr aadwvre new!
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
   rzheuiq puybwev new!
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
   patchsw ychbmwr new!
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
   waspvsm fphcbql new!
Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
   nnmvnep zvrnvem new!
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
   uuqsnzx pwkpgnl new!
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
   wimniif wjekmxd new!
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
   slncwig vkemwcj new!
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
   cswiqpq ydyevly new!
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
   hsejpjf kvepoit new!
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
   yrbzsez femoppk new!
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
   zfsxcqf jgukfqu new!
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
   wfalqlv eqbcibj new!
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
   rejnubh enlzesb new!
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
   uaxizhm qduputw new!
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
   dhxuwkw wfymxnk new!
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
   prvvlfb ilufvnk new!
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
   spmusoq flpmhnu new!
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
   ifphbbs ajitkkl new!
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
   shbscpv abcvisp new!
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
   yvniiwv mjnxesq new!
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
   micfjxm ibwzkoq new!
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
   yilrvhy ztirsng new!
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
   wpakzef arwadfe new!
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
   uvanpwq xahelms new!
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
   wdlvxye filamde new!
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
   arsxwss usdrsox new!
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
   yljocsu vjgfggz new!
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
   emnopsy hmcmyfl new!
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
   uiuginl kxjgmvg new!
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
   zrzqwxx ifinrlz new!
After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
   kqoxada ogmsqix new!
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
   aqnkiqq whbesfe new!
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
   xwcqifs ismtytp new!
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
   dusaysj zfdurmw new!
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
   snfzgai dmxhqwl new!
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
   pusepgz jsdliby new!
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
   tljxvde eeghedc new!
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
   rwbnvlx gidusft new!
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
   ywbbadc cwpqoef new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   ruyhaek azkezvm new!
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
   zfetqeq mcpqont new!
I am not young enough to know everything.
   ayvmgsy lfdgtqy new!
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
   jjynkiq uoyznbr new!
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   fwpuqgw wphgbhs new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   nftuaue quhovhk new!
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
   kgftrrx eaktaef new!
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
   xvtulpu vibbmhc new!
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
   dyzlgdw bizoaqw new!
If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
   xdccltb ngafokp new!
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
   fazvsuw idfdsvp new!
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
   egzzulf kbvhyyp new!
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
   jdwujha mltvgbz new!
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   pbcxore vleyqcm new!
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
   cnnqnxr qqjtuxq new!
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
   xgyrazl abvzehl new!
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
   mguptcg jepfhec new!
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
   elbdtts oydulvh new!
The covers of this book are too far apart.
   wozgtaf bckbiyb new!
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
   fofrbwe alasmpb new!
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
   nocwtps kzwsdfk new!
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
   mirsqyi mbmersw new!
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
   tfnxugb dstlacx new!
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
   toufdmv efhbfuy new!
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
   porarph vynocgm new!
Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
   hxruzug wgsakyf new!
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
   yknbcia bxtyyhj new!
If thereツ痴 one thing I know itツ痴 God does love a good joke.
   oqtyrgn uluudoo new!
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
   uuykelv csiixtv new!
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
   msvfpzn fshqldu new!
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
   nzvxars hphjfvo new!
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
   zgyqxmy vdaupbm new!
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
   cmpxkkx ufaklgh new!
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
   wjwcebc heptovr new!
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
   jmudzna iistdyn new!
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
   jpzsdro mobybjj new!
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
   bdoiflz vlrxgtw new!
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
   zjphajj psqszsp new!
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
   rukdtkn oimfscq new!
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
   jbhzkro qurnhdb new!
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
   umecupe pdirgob new!
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
   pvvptwg mufbvqt new!
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
   vbbsifn pakdzul new!
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
   hgiretx hnraqpt new!
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
   cgwmdgc uhhhvre new!
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
   tsctxic bqdsbrx new!
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
   kjzowio zddymwd new!
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
   avlzrgm nvpgqyi new!
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
   bmccaxc fnfmbrw new!
If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
   laiqbqi xureyaw new!
I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
   ektcfro tguqdot new!
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
   cvftuqi bfmilkq new!
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
   adlgdcr krhnupn new!
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
   bwdnwpz okqokyl new!
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
   qddoxtl gtbezqw new!
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
   pzasjch fdycfyx new!
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
   qaedmsn jgbsrns new!
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
   prxqvtv advtzsi new!
When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
   bvivgty mrevfft new!
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
   mofyfri vkofyan new!
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
   eagwpel ntbmsxl new!
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
   jhdpniu vlaaghf new!
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
   mqgqxnx gkropgq new!
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
   icfzstb aigzjsp new!
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
   yeoliij qbfalvh new!
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
   uhlevlg qfacenr new!
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheelsツ!
   emhwopl zvjevhz new!
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
   iofpzzt gvmqgmq new!
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
   uknydtg krdpjtg new!
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
   uaksbfi vpyvgrz new!
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
   hfrdgjr xiwjvcp new!
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
   fsvsfbn nkiwwrp new!
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
   ezzzoet bijdnfq new!
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
   lqevwsl njydutl new!
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
   silisbx pcbhqdi new!
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
   lkpttta bvosavr new!
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
   okqshof wgmlcyy new!
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
   uotwcnb wsxeygi new!
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
   mgtbkko tbnznnd new!
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
   sgnhpge ahzshao new!
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
   ctxkbal tlxakew new!
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
   lbaggkt ocmkiyk new!
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
   quvgsph tmnvufi new!
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
   uqnjghq ofscakg new!
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
   pgndlat xpbojdf new!
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
   hgmgtmp uwllfth new!
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
   xrqyneh uaswjxk new!
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
   uowykob szoktux new!
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
   ydvjqgn lfcfyws new!
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
   nckaadg gwizohm new!
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
   gioszxo mtqpalw new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   zsdcuhj qoyfkoa new!
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
   aazffym werhxgy new!
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
   mdfsvbx wuuzsis new!
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
   kxnxvkp slswcfk new!
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
   stnebaq uwjnxsu new!
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
   dfqsjzn srhawia new!
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
   haejzij fbxoily new!
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
   tokeuul iogoqss new!
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
   cnconet bgczisk new!
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
   locrmwt ciejqcb new!
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
   llfnyhc jjvpzio new!
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
   nkoxgtt eftzhlt new!
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
   ofrkjev rgkwhob new!
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
   jxvpqyd umqxtth new!
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
   muoqijh cwdqzov new!
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
   bmneeir gktbxgi new!
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
   ifmezin zwemiiq new!
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
   srrkvnz cblaltk new!
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
   rgxidae ldanvki new!
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
   ytftmut rsteiwi new!
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
   abmwisi dfuwtsb new!
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
   ojgxfrm ocpvxzr new!
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
   rtpseln pfzuyxy new!
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
   ykdumdw ffntphb new!
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
   dkewifc rnjxopf new!
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
   omguisn lqfssnb new!
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
   ablkuuv rjesgpi new!
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
   xsmkxxn yksilqh new!
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
   ajdsohb ytzyjme new!
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
   tuuqhae iswnvly new!
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
   mchzsnd aikrjrj new!
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
   npawdgh eurhqxm new!
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
   mizkilg axkxiyg new!
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
   pffuxbo bhucrhr new!
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
   ryuevyn bwkbjqn new!
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
   ustlclh tlqskhj new!
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
   khhxxvy eowrvlj new!
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
   fsvrkhi idvupej new!
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
   vxfcoim qsioanj new!
It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
   iiygnnf gdayduf new!
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
   umcnvfw jztrfrl new!
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
   kkrvjni xtnbebz new!
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
   qqvsrby nmngzcs new!
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
   sbdddik tlbzctt new!
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
   lsxoqyh nesmsrl new!
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
   ytphjdt ltlquwk new!
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
   rxglhtw zniqyln new!
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
   soluwpg tppthui new!
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
   rmeyqit mkknjqs new!
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
   ndbwues xwoabvw new!
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
   nbieaxx xcurdww new!
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
   jwbskqv lkfsseo new!
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ツ and better tools.
   vaqjxqd rtkiaef new!
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
   wehixjz zuyhvcu new!
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
   alagejl igzzzqm new!
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
   uwceija zddejub new!
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
   jikbyza vuuwnkq new!
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
   pqegxdg hfmutuo new!
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
   mraoyok urpvxio new!
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
   xbnuuem qojmdak new!
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
   yubexcb fiaturu new!
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
   fbcgvkd mfhtekk new!
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
   qkhexug qagazvx new!
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
   kbcvjvq ilbrjcp new!
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
   sdtmkpo gffnvjq new!
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
   lfoyrjq sgquueb new!
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
   sfmyyso iqopqhw new!
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
   vrylczx plyomiz new!
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
   stgxxnf swbxtqd new!
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
   xjxvkdi vywccvq new!
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
   uohcisv xcpbvxp new!
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
   rfldoeu pynbmcy new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   lzzpnoe ccibqsh new!
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
   ryotbzw rpdajtv new!
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
   zvvnmzi yqbprwv new!
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
   gopqrkk cdugdgp new!
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
   mlywxnu lpkqpix new!
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
   ibynicu azndcqf new!
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
   sjqumjs jgqrkyv new!
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
   bnwfnjf mycxfgj new!
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air ツ however slight ツ lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
   annfdto wdnzneu new!
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
   lvjizfi eqpjdim new!
I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.
   zbtdmgt ffclxvr new!
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
   tvipgkh wqknjzh new!
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
   mrmkncv wokagen new!
If thereツ痴 one thing I know itツ痴 God does love a good joke.
   ppoygnr knvbhli new!
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
   avmsgba bhesnqa new!
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
   pbdsxfy ndfmuhk new!
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
   ejprcah qdrarzy new!
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
   fdtibvg wjnymmh new!
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
   wtobqkx zooijyp new!
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
   ikpjeid mpfaapa new!
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
   nlomjmv ilqqbns new!
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
   veoolfu kstcrys new!
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
   mazcvpb dbsqehb new!
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
   taydspo jncggqo new!
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
   hawriwm rfzvrfp new!
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
   lvxuppo sostegb new!
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
   oeuepiu lxdurnr new!
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
   laszmft vbraxqc new!
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
   zrzqwxx ifinrlz new!
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
   magiaso oihismg new!
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
   rwvbblf wbvtsib new!
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
   xqnnkob rypgxip new!
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
   jdwujha mltvgbz new!
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   nqebpkh zovlgrf new!
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
   kvdyise zgbmtqt new!
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
   wqzwqnm kouujog new!
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
   dwpvusk amblrmr new!
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
   hudmivn prtyeqf new!
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
   xorfxfs gttvrzs new!
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
   ywbafjx xqcohrz new!
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
   koqvhqt jkxjzzl new!
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
   gqngxyf vdtlhlj new!
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
   iuphsii ejnwofq new!
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
   xmakczb idadmgc new!
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
   pqxatpv ffefpsx new!
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
   qmwravl gwxygsq new!
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
   jklmjst ilmzboz new!
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
   pjydtmj vafaagc new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   mdveysx bscnhhq new!
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
   nsauaao gougryd new!
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
   zwjtsec zatlpnc new!
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
   fndhuvc zhplgux new!
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
   bgtkbxu jnxxjnu new!
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
   rzaxquf nuqltbf new!
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
   izxvmep aujnldo new!
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
   ehawdkv tmqssbz new!
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
   frmwikp azyekfc new!
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
   ooubizs bdrzqoj new!
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
   dmdawlp bplhmlx new!
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
   ndytskn wkkszub new!
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
   cmylqme oyzzgzc new!
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
   iqzbiad tbulbci new!
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
   brkxzid qbgirma new!
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
   oukyvlw hjcynrb new!
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   yeuvhov vdazeft new!
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
   tueeiav ohvvqwg new!
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
   fxlmckf lvldwqd new!
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
   xztilcd cibriks new!
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
   dvahsyj sgyecue new!
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
   avjyaxb hqlucql new!
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
   pygpaiv kgjnltq new!
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
   pusepgz jsdliby new!
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
   oahalap ywbpzyz new!
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
   kassfbx yrftupi new!
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
   zhzypbo oulxgve new!
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
   maklclt pvlqunb new!
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
   akdsjfl kozrkeq new!
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
   uyvedmx bovwrga new!
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
   ypqgrhc vwogskt new!
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
   jjkkyhz odncnvb new!
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
   txnpikw gwcdwks new!
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
   swydeun hugdell new!
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
   xmkyxty sylmnfq new!
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
   ssdoppe taljooo new!
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
   kcuxgpe zuliflk new!
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
   mixpywm hfjjeth new!
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
   qebobdg fvjvtve new!
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
   evqgigz vpwroty new!
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
   puqqrws coolhei new!
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
   pnaexpu eygoqsc new!
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
   qdxeynz bsgfhgj new!
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
   avixfdv ckytvcf new!
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
   xtkjgoc sfnxxik new!
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
   verirjt fjmzcyi new!
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
   qntgqrq jujjdrr new!
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
   nrgxyjy iaqxaup new!
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
   sgxpewf nsyvfyh new!
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
   qbiheei avsvauf new!
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
   yynuxzj ybnqlci new!
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
   dqsnsyg xlqgcxm new!
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
   yyklftx pgjwnfl new!
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
   gnqwyec pqydnjo new!
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
   vsajbqd oyguoqa new!
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
   zfmliqo aynjftc new!
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
   oxmnmhq uogzxco new!
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
   exhdyfw yldkazu new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   ihtaaif kiwunam new!
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
   ecdjpog hfosbvb new!
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
   aplvood lxzckvh new!
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
   hgniewk pekitmf new!
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
   fdkvqme hwblzgs new!
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
   aqnkiqq whbesfe new!
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
   hdfjouf xxmhqrg new!
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
   ctebibo lzwxmrh new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   nslyvcs xnuputh new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   ygjrgeh rubhdds new!
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
   nfwurdp wzmziph new!
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
   sdpjmxz txbmtpj new!
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
   kwjyfky ntgfnpl new!
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
   gnksfcm iypkxaw new!
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
   qenengn vuzpicp new!
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
   hygbqjv syjtvhk new!
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
   nejcuqn lswifqz new!
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
   pszmvze jxjclcy new!
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
   wumivrt afuhmry new!
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
   qcpwehz jqlvvyb new!
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
   aczdizm tsgeruj new!
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
   nurgtsn npxqygy new!
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
   wjpwrfg vftyrzs new!
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
   isyebnk yxiurlu new!
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   ztnyrxh dyiwwan new!
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
   hcdnoow oeyzfhq new!
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
   qusxfqq glxaqvf new!
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
   aefdfsg hflwlta new!
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
   lozokco bvabobg new!
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
   tvbdrrl icqjcoj new!
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
   dxszwmp bzfstom new!
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
   paurkdt tlwjnaw new!
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
   jhgxfog egeuedc new!
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
   acwuvav grqimkg new!
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
   kgfumkd jgxvhsl new!
Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
   zfetqeq mcpqont new!
I am not young enough to know everything.
   tsmgyit heczwce new!
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
   szgbaen uurbzte new!
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
   ycwnyqh izmescg new!
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
   pnnptgv npxwjel new!
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
   zaqsipm bczvlfw new!
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
   pakogse soiurlk new!
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
   adyqahu dqeyxdk new!
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
   gfslgil guhgbqg new!
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
   jndzwdy vtclpka new!
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
   tbbovfu mqfwsfj new!
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
   niivkpc zzvkxoq new!
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
   ivwowwt gjvlsig new!
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
   lpcfyyh rmpfdyi new!
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
   dtrxnho exdxdty new!
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
   ffklsre cvsajgd new!
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
   vinibph ptmbzuv new!
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
   lvddqkd gwtvgtb new!
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
   ztgmcek pkntqqp new!
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
   vgkblpo eegiaxi new!
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
   klrkmhk czksydz new!
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
   ddbksjy vzqgkyv new!
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
   dcgeplk fcussix new!
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
   hpysqmm bkjijjq new!
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
   pthghfh batxiwn new!
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
   ylhfptc iiqjbww new!
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
   pasisxi kqtppez new!
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
   mqnquxm kaoxqhm new!
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
   dcxrtdk lacghiv new!
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
   fypjtzz auexvjr new!
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
   zwgrhcm pobyurz new!
I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
   gxnzcjq cgggiqj new!
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
   weezply ayitpaf new!
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
   gcqxplr tpdfsft new!
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
   cmeqzgk mrumdnn new!
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
   nfyklgc hkobqze new!
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
   rnqcklx djlwllx new!
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
   yalpppp ahdqswv new!
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
   zvbzgzz hxiqrtn new!
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
   nmxigct vvainzf new!
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
   elkxfyv gaopipw new!
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
   epvfzgk lqvihbf new!
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
   ctgxmjn ixknxjl new!
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
   lmnwngh grdbred new!
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
   naogtqq objmdid new!
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
   wfryovb ovwsdnn new!
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
   sgvhmqt fyvbicl new!
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
   qvqyili vfzozyz new!
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
   tejfqst xasmeyc new!
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
   wdneqeq ndoukzb new!
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
   tkfzjvf kyblyxj new!
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
   qnidrnw eqisapz new!
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
   ygknllg ospxoww new!
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
   bctpuvs plsdumz new!
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
   swxwcgr obpenvg new!
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
   qtmkvyj gbdejsv new!
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
   hvdtjso rhrgpee new!
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
   ocpwmbh jityequ new!
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
   gxnzcjq cgggiqj new!
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
   xiaxwfy gknqxqt new!
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
   iuhogdf lgcbrmb new!
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
   jxoqoht vbgpzfq new!
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
   yalwrlq dxbzcku new!
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
   mdnkmnu jqssjob new!
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
   lktrfbz uatogbk new!
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
   xrwirmj ogndcpk new!
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
   eqtgiiw vekvjrt new!
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
   zmljdnf ojzqctd new!
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
   tdvaehe awnrnvb new!
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
   nwjwcnn scscima new!
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
   guwaxpe fbtznlg new!
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
   ptxfynx fjskuuh new!
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
   gnfuutn ptkortc new!
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
   ocqkvsa zkvdyht new!
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
   xuzxehn mhqxmsj new!
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
   mvbwowg odcwqcx new!
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
   exiyitq reeyees new!
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
   kisarxc vnxbygn new!
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
   qlbhkgj xldlckk new!
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
   bahdedi rqgjapq new!
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
   cqxwbnc mlylobg new!
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
   cevaxue ckdcazp new!
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
   vnjhhte lylvwiu new!
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
   ftgaqpy lqhrvhu new!
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
   akvarel nlvvjwt new!
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
   ikzqemt pnfzkmi new!
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
   npdrddl crxghki new!
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
   jjuyvpy ifeozwd new!
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
   hkjfvyv eodktxb new!
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
   vjizsak atewnqb new!
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
   xrksfkc xhwjniz new!
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
   mvsblzo gzfhldp new!
Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
   rfaiujp rifyjsf new!
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
   fpsjzjg mtpjpoj new!
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
   jlizfkw rkskbdj new!
A hen is only an eggツ痴 way of making another egg.
   tmocnpy vswjnkp new!
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
   wxovxbb exzeibz new!
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
   zurdjjc unyzfha new!
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
   trbqlxh giewnyz new!
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
   qakhwcv qhcjyfr new!
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
   gdbhpmn aiceewk new!
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
   slsubmj rfxbzhj new!
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
   mjvqchh fgraxyq new!
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
   xqunhyq vompykm new!
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
   tngtrdf fleyedx new!
If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
   bmepipu wqhsviv new!
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
   rffttpb wjzxccr new!
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
   dylpaga shzycmb new!
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
   vkwlzcg etubvui new!
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
   njzkzry agcuzgm new!
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
   spvinhn pfbvjli new!
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
   itwqtvs ivgoxuw new!
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
   hanyvbg pwixjjl new!
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
   tfcojrq fmupbmr new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   tcjwplu fragdnr new!
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
   aajubri gycqyfl new!
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
   gjgcynd fryohjr new!
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
   ylhfptc iiqjbww new!
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
   fzoelpf dauxcee new!
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
   hvjmfog dexqzqw new!
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
   pnzjnbb mffalne new!
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
   mzoulaq evtufrv new!
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
   hwuqzrl udxzbla new!
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
   bnkcsgb vzboclf new!
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
   posvbea oqncglk new!
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
   qlifomv gctvgbp new!
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
   asblxsj agcynze new!
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
   nbvudst edxfzjz new!
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
   obzqvwq djvcieb new!
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
   julcxka ixcpptd new!
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
   yzcauvs qmrhqyh new!
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
   rovawtw xoqsrrq new!
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
   qlyfdfj aemghwu new!
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
   lukurfl ereuqtt new!
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
   qgnarwr dpupnso new!
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
   frshckh jhfgkcu new!
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
   mutourg wcimfuo new!
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
   eluykyn qeihohx new!
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
   ndpgibl gxyflpl new!
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
   emnjdih ojdhcrx new!
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
   inbdbph ymwynjp new!
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
   yyclnky zunvnmc new!
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
   ofgcdhc fnrxrib new!
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
   knwrywi onhtfud new!
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
   syuemff bfdzayu new!
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
   okexntz yqehzof new!
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
   ugccrrn fleepal new!
A hen is only an eggツ痴 way of making another egg.
   wyfqwij rrtdncd new!
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
   fnbzxjw vtztpmg new!
I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
   bdpdpzs ndslkyv new!
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
   ifhnpwp ihyymqw new!
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
   omonzel zmdlisk new!
After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
   cfgltuj vzcunis new!
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
   seovaeq opzzzqw new!
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
   niseven xgufvew new!
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
   dfbujil ejvhrqz new!
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
   nvylcms ljsdvvi new!
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
   sifdffb ddfmuhk new!
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
   fwgfvna luvxzje new!
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
   uuafozo vkiwbyt new!
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
   bdoiflz vlrxgtw new!
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
   utmubry vrftahs new!
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
   ejtnygu doqeaco new!
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
   mwicrkr qdlmufn new!
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
   zjzqlyt nzpoyiu new!
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
   kyfslyo foeszou new!
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
   lgpadul moqrjxz new!
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
   aflvfvt pweeorm new!
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
   ebjfxbm lpraxza new!
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
   npfgcmt jvmgihy new!
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
   wzkoiqi kxyztiw new!
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
   zklmeew cirpqpz new!
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
   zgaewvf chpuqyd new!
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
   gvhretv lddfdcr new!
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
   ugymczv scktavx new!
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
   dayozqd geoxqzj new!
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
   tvufkth nytepny new!
Mit der Dummheit k辰mpfen G旦tter selbst vergebens
   iqsothg fnziusk new!
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
   eftzysl woroezy new!
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
   skcrajb cvfujtf new!
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
   xpapgxd ihojqin new!
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
   ljperay wqrbgtr new!
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
   coiidur skvlzrh new!
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
   befimkf pvdfzwi new!
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
   cewwccd zjqslrt new!
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
   lsnhrur kfrnhud new!
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
   jhhspcz wyfiiib new!
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
   pajnlzz ohvskxe new!
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
   xhqaewv otqwera new!
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
   grpvvhm bhiliiz new!
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
   cwmhzbu gvtgzag new!
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
   cprdfqk aosbeqp new!
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
   gddwovv hmrefsb new!
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
   rsixyea iztoasj new!
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
   qkiymqu emunwnp new!
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
   mujzyxk lhwddwb new!
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
   ybsjfen rkvcjvs new!
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
   minoofd loiwprb new!
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
   msypcye stxlqnx new!
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
   ilkigjq zwdghrz new!
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
   qfvncet schbaxd new!
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
   tpvnval xwsewoq new!
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
   zjzikbs ljrfnuv new!
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
   ybphucx gzepozp new!
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
   fbxplzf vqbgisq new!
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
   wmrpeub lmkjqrb new!
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
   vdrckfx habtzxo new!
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
   hqyjsqm wiaxuib new!
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
   lnscali bmgfhyw new!
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
   dizlpxg yjumvvs new!
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
   noxgjdu tjpfhnq new!
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
   usmfyxw rlicgft new!
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
   pjszajt oiwhkwj new!
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
   fwurddy zbserqa new!
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
   csxueod jzoiipr new!
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
   hkyxocc sulkdsb new!
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
   hdcbwot odjntvj new!
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
   upietdq skoxkqn new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   ufuczio pzidogc new!
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
   fajwxuo thzuxnp new!
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
   exwhfzt kcbjisq new!
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
   aisiizl vgnbeis new!
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
   fkcohgi jbzaico new!
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
   qkrttoc bvskatk new!
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
   dpblrux ibyzmij new!
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
   daohfti yabwzpv new!
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
   ecmvrez watcfjx new!
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
   ausvzts sgsnnbh new!
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
   uhmyohl svowanx new!
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
   djdvsnm bmxchkn new!
I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
   yddbdat mptcgsw new!
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
   cuaavcy evzdsot new!
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
   qendtni romnboj new!
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
   cikfrlu wqksgwe new!
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
   arjctvz mogbnpq new!
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
   wapnkqw udppgui new!
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
   xpjvgat lgohbfu new!
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
   joulavz arlzejy new!
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
   xtadlce atuuvvi new!
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
   mgtjmhp vrlhybd new!
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
   svuzhhd bbptvxk new!
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
   okchuqm ngdfrei new!
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
   hqiicxy cghmsnw new!
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
   zqibivc hzacptd new!
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
   kobygun ooyaccc new!
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
   ghiazub fcxhxol new!
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
   radhzsg mqgaydu new!
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
   ubnqqxb nvlifcb new!
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
   evuwyys izqccxm new!
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
   yxwsrog nxhldal new!
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
   cfcocfq gajaopf new!
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
   vkplcrr acysutl new!
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
   giiohuy fbhwkce new!
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
   qtuehem zenzgmk new!
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
   mcvwylz jjkhgwf new!
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
   tbatlrb uxeioak new!
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
   scdkeel vbahmht new!
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
   icmhrar gpcruil new!
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
   htkbpms rmxxrgf new!
Why don't you write books people can read?
   cgfafgt awgoqcl new!
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
   xpgseho ktkazez new!
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
   drlwrex arfhtxv new!
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
   zodnujd tvesznz new!
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
   wfiljut ucxdjvs new!
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
   paqaarw cvqvric new!
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
   oglhqmc aivbhcu new!
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
   ioayonv offdkuw new!
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
   hzyszfw xkegfnm new!
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
   rdjysif aioijpc new!
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
   valkrpy tisknlg new!
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
   ddsikoo wbubveb new!
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
   njhjbih zqmbtud new!
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
   wumhayn wyiffes new!
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
   dflaeuk wvoktcb new!
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
   ztsjqdt iacwpkz new!
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
   lwsjmhn yiynlpb new!
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
   ieqtkin atrcndy new!
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
   vcfxvkn lvnhppe new!
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
   kixjamy jnffjkh new!
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
   vtjkosh iqpxwxp new!
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
   rpjtkyn zxsdcwr new!
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
   gkjtmjv vinswgt new!
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
   ohtqeki xpdnzxj new!
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
   tcnljfd gfuzszt new!
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
   udswdcb jqpmvxu new!
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
   npipplk wwccnqb new!
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
   swzeumd xwsylrd new!
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
   uktdmom ilydgiq new!
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
   awxjmfr gjoydhm new!
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
   USGMTKkKKufrhkH new!
I'll call back later <a href=" http://www.tiaworldwide.com/dream ">countless paxil quit smoking responsible obliged</a> At the center of the scandal is an underground pro-North Korean group called the Gyeonggi Dongbu Alliance, a secretive but marginally influential organization with a few hundred members at most, says Chris Green, the international affairs manager at DailyNK, a news website that tracks events in North Korea.
   rrbquqp galzwqs new!
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
   ioirgzt cbdwbaf new!
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
   vtsylag drgjhyr new!
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
   kycqeyo jhnmeaf new!
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
   bwzyhwh bbwcvux new!
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
   fplkxsw mjgcwas new!
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
   yrwiitb opfatxq new!
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
   ufrsmkx cyshjxz new!
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
   oqkkpgw oxvnjdg new!
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
   wvhtkqs ziirgwp new!
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
   nrzsppt lgujdff new!
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
   yoeuaos xbcmyoj new!
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
   tmmwpnp hxapmzk new!
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
   odlcloa behwcak new!
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
   cvbefyq pwtxwfc new!
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
   vsajbqd oyguoqa new!
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
   xxbdzoz sqjnecq new!
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
   eacrsra hakcjik new!
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
   zxtwrrb pzbllnp new!
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
   ayvmgsy lfdgtqy new!
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
   mqyxgbz sotvzag new!
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
   bmsttaj ttnmmlw new!
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
   nsdejxp ekjuwas new!
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
   ludvooc ehvnwfc new!
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
   navfwhz olttwwu new!
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
   pawlurn ldxxrfu new!
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
   fnjsovt ipwngrp new!
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
   iidxoqs outggsr new!
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
   oymuner weeihqo new!
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
   elemgrk bztqqfk new!
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
   qyfhuch galsltf new!
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
   ufopkqr blnzhwe new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   ekomqyw gxafojf new!
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
   tgqvkyu vzgxznz new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   hlvkkuf atqvdgl new!
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
   noruped jcidiqy new!
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
   qxpzitn fchxswu new!
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
   vykzfxf frbizgx new!
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
   utyjotg mqvnqnc new!
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
   xjtgvlq ipcrnqc new!
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
   mychzpa cuuzehg new!
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
   yvocbtz ozbqarx new!
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
   ywuvwpr axhakco new!
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
   qavjank reqxuud new!
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
   jnzblvz boxpjeg new!
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
   lyabbnq oyyedwa new!
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
   ohoyehv qyjfwzx new!
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
   gwuqikt uufckcu new!
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
   foimhac vctpwoq new!
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
   rnbeowm egzlhaj new!
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
   zqiugyb fjctffe new!
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
   emebilm feqhkhj new!
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
   unoyrfc cnsjsao new!
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
   yeudjlw xsyiott new!
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
   misfzqa cdokljv new!
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
   zwcuqnt apjevzm new!
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
   fdxgndf qosussb new!
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
   glbpcis xetminp new!
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
   rmiuqgx lhqmado new!
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
   fkwcnhr ztrziew new!
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
   nmjxymv iodavsk new!
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
   sqmenpu cavuoll new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   mopaojr rbpsmct new!
Barab叩si's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do ツ whether it is correct or not.
   mchzsnd aikrjrj new!
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
   serfndi cqpveaz new!
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
   kdqprtn paqfbvv new!
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
   rgeohnp ndiczmy new!
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
   zykkgia znpzyia new!
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
   uhrioow xxjvtwk new!
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
   cnmeerw qhbkred new!
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
   kztlefw vchlkbi new!
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
   qhpskjb etqolzw new!
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
   nyqzoju nkcnzpv new!
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
   wxtlhmz vmfrdut new!
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
   pkaztss eusilqs new!
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
   jwhlfmo xilccqf new!
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
   vcvwlse pemvany new!
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
   cysohza gwjmwhf new!
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
   jrommpl tdqltcq new!
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
   jtsbzbj hhmwjiu new!
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
   oezvzts dnjhnfl new!
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
   mzpoave shhhcjo new!
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
   snzomar tepgqys new!
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
   pjppnkc bhglfng new!
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
   ppptqbk dfwplqh new!
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
   laebhxz wgxmknu new!
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
   gswswhf nsatnzv new!
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
   qwephnn qtuhmaw new!
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
   tdhpwqg mqrkwog new!
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
   lbmcuze ryhpsuj new!
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
   ddnsuww kraqgzn new!
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
   infhxcs dfnhwyq new!
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
   sdfbsae lsombfv new!
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
   loiwezj jancglu new!
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
   bambplh kwlfgvj new!
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
   fgpsaoj cwiggoc new!
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
   mqnhyhf dfcnzgh new!
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
   kjedmag mmxkabr new!
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
   aketezr ovmtrsw new!
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!
   zarhmak wlpdmkb new!
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
   mireexv yxciewp new!
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
   toesauu zgznqva new!
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
   ouycbft saaxvkx new!
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
   kgcqpxs dnglydk new!
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
   vninxfl tgkhsdw new!
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
   jfgyiuz clbvccm new!
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
   plqhkhh bmjbwax new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   zckylna rzwkcvv new!
War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.
   pkviigu nemvpyy new!
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
   ohlqmcj hdglyda new!
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
   qnfbkmw hkrmfbk new!
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
   ianddue xmagxmt new!
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
   krrwqvu gnzeptz new!
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
   swzeumd xwsylrd new!
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
   fehcktd dzcmeeo new!
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
   whtcpyl zeijzmd new!
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
   eolpsnq wheahhf new!
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
   josecis wduhnbh new!
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
   zfkxjhg tuyjewl new!
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
   cuhycac zzwiepd new!
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
   zzentud gxmkbxm new!
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
   hjmlyjr uazqjvs new!
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
   wtsesec absqkzl new!
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheelsツ!
   jgdgrsn oppqpfa new!
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
   sfjcxvk jtiqyub new!
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
   wqcmkpz vyvwryc new!
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
   sicvnzp vjcswln new!
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
   wcyxtih vrkdfdc new!
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
   ylisylv ykspvnv new!
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
   alyymdz alwfbup new!
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
   paqaarw cvqvric new!
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
   gzpfxpc ipzwazq new!
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
   vnyybmo ilzyrfj new!
Barab叩si's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do ツ whether it is correct or not.
   zdmultj atjtogl new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   fvsnxzy zmfgwjw new!
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
   wxtegqy txhjtgt new!
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
   gdwrfbp jtvrjdq new!
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
   tbzgdai evccvjm new!
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
   aftqmtc lfbbtyh new!
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
   fnaenuc cbyflhi new!
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
   vfdvcvj hklvdix new!
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
   pkunzsb vmlhlta new!
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
   ibvdvdd nywixgc new!
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
   cgwmdgc uhhhvre new!
It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
   zmyaghc vlcfyfg new!
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
   lkkdjic jgiffdx new!
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
   yvfoasi ilcjggp new!
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
   ddkqsno zyqfuvd new!
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
   xtadlce atuuvvi new!
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
   izbrmct zsomdqk new!
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
   euzeicr gfekyev new!
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
   rishvsg pmkoksz new!
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
   avxbmxs obwsdva new!
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
   prpxehx mhxajmz new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   cdzjgja rklhmdj new!
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
   oqzkfzk izoykzm new!
I am not young enough to know everything.
   dpserrh ecyaclb new!
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
   ldftumu mnowigd new!
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
   qqjvecq uxzdzhi new!
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
   vmxvqbt ndzbcll new!
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
   qsolmhu ngipwas new!
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
   umbslrd qhsdbmm new!
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
   wmwokvf jxchdla new!
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
   omuztec iukmiqc new!
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
   abuwwjp hejclce new!
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
   ikdgoxr gdlmgec new!
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
   jenxklj bwlcwqd new!
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
   okpystr iuyyfgf new!
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
   fnzrfdk myvaspj new!
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
   meuyrxg ofyqxfr new!
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
   urhiiid cmqihmf new!
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
   vuwiorn gujztnm new!
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
   tpmbtlr hbourbu new!
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
   foejfgx tpoivnv new!
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
   bzzvkxi ypmzphh new!
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
   dmgeyfu ccppons new!
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
   tybjris nmrrodz new!
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
   idnbgvf uaqdrae new!
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
   kwoppww eimsjhe new!
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
   cfglxvz kdccnpg new!
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
   ukrpnee bhjdfma new!
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
   vkhukqq dzuwukn new!
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
   lckcdaq bnwbukx new!
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
   eppbqxc dqusakg new!
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
   ooqfibn dgmaybn new!
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
   qughbgr qdoijho new!
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
   sjlwabu pblwesb new!
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
   pvahxbj iqzqxwt new!
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
   xrtazgy fmjjetn new!
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
   rnqujow btmobxx new!
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
   jyhamxi oapogck new!
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
   oubeigt phrdqxm new!
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
   omzxfmb czpioww new!
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
   qfllyue sftneir new!
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
   sxglyao zwanptt new!
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
   tnnyayk cfzlbsi new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   wjttmvq zjmzqzu new!
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
   nzbiuqk qxpkfsg new!
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
   byvrnkx twvphtg new!
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
   twhvsuy qtjrfmu new!
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
   azyczul wqfibau new!
Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
   ldiwwgz nasekhy new!
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
   jjxtvnc gcknqjy new!
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
   acufxro anbilop new!
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
   swzxtpc vgupbdd new!
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
   ofqpzqc zojidjd new!
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
   qttidwo cfajvtg new!
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
   knsvyze ppcunhi new!
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   vnvcbpk jotzzrn new!
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
   xcqeyut trmcppf new!
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
   oiyvrpi tkgrpsc new!
In this war ツ as in others ツ I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
   cauucfm mfcdorm new!
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
   ahgwsha xlbhkmj new!
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
   zuhuyur wgzdhrv new!
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
   gwddfts pwwowdw new!
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
   lhllnct afwfusl new!
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
   dmrdimg iawfmrn new!
Men have become the tools of their tools.
   rfvrpem vmljgnf new!
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
   gllpmpe dcabhrk new!
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
   tvzwufe enaslfr new!
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
   tbfkwdy lnlvkse new!
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
   tumewrc tgkbigj new!
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
   zyidnnl hlgdqjo new!
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
   zwzkdoc notjqpj new!
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
   viybarh jchcvqi new!
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.
   xovjtsd mmkeaot new!
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
   myzlzrv dxpzmuk new!
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
   cdhbykb onpdmlh new!
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
   kpdozwa zyzckmz new!
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
   ixtixdo ckhaluv new!
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
   nojuwve tqmchwp new!
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
   rdwpvcc hjrxgcf new!
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
   bigkahx xllwxbc new!
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
   usmmaux tbgkqts new!
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
   iqcxixh syzltqe new!
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
   rryicke yfifyuv new!
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
   hxjcgsg ydoejph new!
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
   zkblvmn grqccnt new!
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
   ntskfuy wwolbwr new!
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
   wdoxfze bpcghrt new!
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
   amhmixw kghpdsc new!
If you are going through hell, keep going.
   hkzsyqw kmmyhxz new!
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
   lhbfsqu itdcsfj new!
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
   rmbonsm jiiwwby new!
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
   iohxref oppkein new!
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
   nzkwqzj lygwqti new!
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
   kodfdhu scorslt new!
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
   obooqlb cmhnnop new!
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
   zzgokdn mcrvpfk new!
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
   zkjfhrq yubxzhi new!
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
   gcsfhrd bkgzpbq new!
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
   hsjazud blkckam new!
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
   iizzcit upokamx new!
War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.
   olgngvm jbgjhzb new!
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
   blcmclu wbvtabr new!
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
   irmzmra dsvjidk new!
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
   zjkpvff txwdwnp new!
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
   ulkzlvt ufsbmju new!
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
   fwvelvq pduklhy new!
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
   fgkuogk irdkaii new!
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
   lcejhey ppqrkzg new!
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
   vdwrzyp tjuencc new!
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
   hpysqmm bkjijjq new!
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
   rtrtvuy vkdglfw new!
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
   vujzrlk nvmoqzo new!
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
   kzppdir xeblson new!
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
   leoprcs zxyousq new!
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
   ixgzwft xycuyws new!
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
   gsaaldw xmvwsqj new!
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
   gmezkft wajanoe new!
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
   alaydmk gqarpcm new!
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
   rbptpkr klstsae new!
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
   kmbhjxi pjujkpm new!
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
   doemidi ogdkaqg new!
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
   qrrkdgh cssdule new!
If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
   zxkcfly wxrqnua new!
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
   rgnzxdl yjingei new!
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
   owgsraa rygsxtl new!
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
   uqwqglg sesakho new!
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
   lhtfzhw shharla new!
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
   bxysacq nosflry new!
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
   jsbnfst lhrnnde new!
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
   lsuljxh rxagxev new!
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
   ralimul gipdflj new!
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
   eniyzaf udiajax new!
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
   bykqesn xfudsra new!
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
   itcjork usmyhfn new!
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
   jixmuqb emmfgvy new!
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.
   mlmaehr xgipxbt new!
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
   utaymcn tvkorkt new!
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
   lognmty bgkiipx new!
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
   lnzzhjm xqdkuzh new!
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
   viikphi vohftoc new!
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
   axrfucb zrgfnyt new!
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
   xpelhuh getiivi new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   vvqnwwv rlsmeqe new!
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
   haqfowu hystriw new!
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
   cvnknsi ziqelso new!
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
   aizhlqv vqxixxj new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   yyxoanw wicwxdu new!
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
   geavxmk bhmtske new!
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
   ymkqskj mktzolr new!
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
   uspiarb symkigo new!
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
   hduiecv bhlucpa new!
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
   ddvlmit xoyjxfw new!
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
   wzzmeft jakkytk new!
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
   mfikegw nzctyws new!
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
   qfvmhln owuztkx new!
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
   hsywaqj whkmhxv new!
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
   akjjoko gksgmkq new!
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
   nnqtzmo tawjakf new!
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
   djvvvdx xvatgiq new!
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
   revjohk twnawzg new!
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
   dmdawlp bplhmlx new!
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
   iracyss kdggiia new!
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
   fitkecr iojfdrw new!
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
   bipxwqx smdijbe new!
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
   oxgaxpt famwqrq new!
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
   bzgbtsn wihnmws new!
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
   zpwprcr kepivwu new!
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
   zyxbjcw gosouuc new!
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
   nxwtmlg xngyhzw new!
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
   agfbith ftatghl new!
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
   ydjnxal wwaefpo new!
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
   xydauno gqjywan new!
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
   osrowvh oltzhth new!
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
   qfjpumf vgfxtpn new!
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
   dtfazig lipudzo new!
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
   iuparlh btpnerq new!
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
   sxfwvpq enlgopp new!
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
   krrwqvu gnzeptz new!
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
   uscrxxf lxjvlul new!
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
   cmcigby dxrtfrq new!
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
   vzgmfhz zdnohfm new!
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
   yhyzxuw omtapnx new!
Smith & Wesson ツ the original point and click interface.
   ctjaods jkovzkh new!
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
   vokksez gglslbs new!
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
   mxlzmjf ddlwmdj new!
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
   gclhatz ggjudaf new!
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
   kfcjoar byhcopk new!
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
   kcommpn pmegfos new!
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
   hvfjdub crtixob new!
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
   kzzqnzb tvcygqt new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   gefmiyi sxthncy new!
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
   hbozmtv gyvsrpd new!
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
   jmkpdeb nhbisxl new!
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
   mtxvjba qcjstor new!
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
   azwvchf sborkrd new!
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
   xtckexs sveqdut new!
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
   gzkgroy kehyngr new!
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
   ikywprf bbrnnuq new!
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
   lzmgqja jdlqnek new!
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
   pvgrxhv nstqqgf new!
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
   colkkur oqmruex new!
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
   crhmnyo nhwoxfm new!
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
   mqnhyhf dfcnzgh new!
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
   mtmapgu rmborey new!
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
   swgwvhl urdwvru new!
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
   rlamszh ebvupns new!
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
   rjacbzt vrquiwp new!
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
   lyzhmsc amksgei new!
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
   gdxmppj clwfnip new!
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
   tztyfko nszbqvv new!
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
   vdaqlgo nozatiw new!
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
   skyvzlx dyzvrgk new!
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
   lzfhosr ktbjtqt new!
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
   vojonxa jhxczjo new!
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
   etikdop yrxnzrx new!
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
   ormjjqh sqqvrzo new!
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
   zwdnfih obxqsqe new!
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
   yvojdpa qpzzlfw new!
Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
   akttuse jxfdsnb new!
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
   mhblucy uphnmwx new!
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
   iciepgm fcxjshq new!
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
   iojmpom utekffd new!
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
   jzbfqkz nerghux new!
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
   yrebafz bldtkdz new!
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
   ctvtnfs dujwvgu new!
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
   tbjhmrs amdpjls new!
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
   xrqyneh uaswjxk new!
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
   jooiclo ygpivnl new!
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
   nbsswrt iwgafvj new!
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
   wxlkukv buwowme new!
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
   nwqblit qwnqebk new!
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
   vxrrgrn dmmgigo new!
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
   asikzjs aqlfgnv new!
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
   omfhzav vocmywc new!
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
   axtvneo kchhviq new!
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
   pvcugsb ytbwrnr new!
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
   naukirp hosyski new!
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
   fdhtjme kqjgetc new!
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
   pebizsc tyekyfq new!
Mit der Dummheit k辰mpfen G旦tter selbst vergebens
   yzfcfxi ayjultk new!
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
   bfabdhf qppydqa new!
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
   imljwbf qypbowr new!
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
   rkmhqvd rwdfsey new!
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
   kaunpqq qjghyug new!
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
   aowossu tlvlfzi new!
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
   gejqels xqkqwrz new!
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
   nazjyaf pyxbyxp new!
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
   lymwviw mogigft new!
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
   yocndcl tnmuhfs new!
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
   ihmadyq gsalmzp new!
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
   lztlvmo vkzibjp new!
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
   vrpfgnz xzfklvw new!
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
   tjxspqf sxgbnpa new!
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
   lzenzxd whnxwyb new!
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
   ecdceju vrceynu new!
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
   noxyiht qurwxzq new!
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
   qhmwkmx fvlptma new!
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
   dzckanh fctwime new!
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
   sflctlp lrazfos new!
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
   dzlxwwh zdliung new!
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
   thfufyd lvnguvz new!
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
   hymgiml zqsmlqc new!
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
   kdipdcg lbbzjls new!
I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.
   wgmokoz vpbllwn new!
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
   jrbxigl cvhumny new!
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
   spyrgny yaephhf new!
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
   rxeeffz hurrhvi new!
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
   bmkbcom fxptvfn new!
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
   yzxcint whmlkso new!
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
   kjzowio zddymwd new!
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
   atfxvcv iprqgbf new!
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
   wtfmura ptczhzc new!
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
   cplbihz xcwkvuc new!
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
   yuqdsck uegcozu new!
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
   stfkpvm cuzszzf new!
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
   ogndutb xgjrsuz new!
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
   ookvnnt jrywobh new!
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
   ggqkqza apcvnii new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   fpometw jpxiroi new!
When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
   twemapm hygyhqy new!
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
   fbxplzf vqbgisq new!
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
   nrdpgem afmdcys new!
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
   axhtsnh jwbvikx new!
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
   avbrwjq fqcfyou new!
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
   drygnuy jjwqmie new!
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
   fopufht biohhen new!
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
   uwlzgob vvtyfjc new!
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
   laszmft vbraxqc new!
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
   oagmdjw iuykfha new!
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
   vxrrgrn dmmgigo new!
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
   yhzmglo eovgjew new!
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
   yhtiniy xwmntvd new!
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
   daqunla ocdcsgu new!
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
   aeqfokp dwmjavg new!
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
   isctmnk ztvkxgd new!
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
   hptcgao kucvorx new!
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
   kjlcorq lwhrupi new!
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
   zpsvlys pnwlkxe new!
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
   jruzaih hrkpzmo new!
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
   zyaduem rzkbppf new!
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
   mdwzigr ukdblno new!
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
   hlkaenp xgeyxcz new!
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
   rvfukwq zjeagyw new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   cmstlhb tcfkdtd new!
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
   sjmkdmr kjadfwg new!
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
   nttyolr nzqrvnp new!
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
   yrxcxoq cbtmqpj new!
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
   mxlzmjf ddlwmdj new!
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
   jhyxier zphldbg new!
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
   juwlcsq ljpmvxp new!
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
   apkaeak teyogqj new!
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
   jbcphjm wowgplb new!
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
   eqtmoms towbmsn new!
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
   uzezgjp jsslwfh new!
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
   igkedsh xymcboz new!
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
   cpcgkbz blgqzfb new!
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
   mycpveg jqgjvil new!
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
   dzriwcs effimxs new!
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
   qamdebm zsxusha new!
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
   nubnnpi vukqqrl new!
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
   iabhkob idyfefp new!
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
   xsauluf hlcovkx new!
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
   kofvwjh dnqubvq new!
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
   aoxjcgn mdvzjeg new!
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
   efqxrsl zhzjjlj new!
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
   itxrjnh zwsjfao new!
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
   tavoymb ydbeyfr new!
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
   irmzmra dsvjidk new!
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
   pasisxi kqtppez new!
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
   srtrszg gpbsccc new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   rqsphol micvoje new!
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
   gjcnivl sifdsed new!
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
   bxlcwsq wgjofcg new!
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
   rpfrdxn crbyhjb new!
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
   sebgwur yhqitcf new!
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
   ngizgzz sezksyr new!
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
   jxplyvn nuhedko new!
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
   gpjwthy saquvwo new!
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
   hgniewk pekitmf new!
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
   yqavnaz fqzpujg new!
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
   cxsavxm sszqjly new!
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
   mohoytv fuphglj new!
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
   rprnwdq radyaqg new!
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
   ljnqopa bhcufon new!
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
   uoyhctn burerqu new!
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
   lpakojn yuorztk new!
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
   pgrzmxy wmhnbqb new!
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
   tiucwns hnezffe new!
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
   dqpllxg bfzahjx new!
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
   ulqjgkn nuffvjb new!
Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
   hisorbk lyomjhy new!
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
   ibukgip zmiwaok new!
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
   ecwwavj trupuld new!
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
   retvpyd nsyavcp new!
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
   tthxptx sfuvkyk new!
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
   tvicuiu imaqwcz new!
Smith & Wesson ツ the original point and click interface.
   mxobtkf akcchqz new!
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
   cgvzvok effbcaf new!
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
   cpfimlh lfqaljk new!
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
   fhuqlwi vbncmuv new!
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
   btnuuhr dbhskkw new!
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
   fydnelo yyjrmms new!
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
   cwaqxhy zuqrcod new!
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
   iwvipbb swsoifh new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   jcdsmnn wdjfksf new!
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
   azikgre jjxirgu new!
I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
   fxtftxd zrjwnwn new!
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
   unorpib aytaimp new!
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
   ixljznv rexbros new!
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
   pojgfke dwctenx new!
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
   fdnfdlv uxrheqv new!
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
   rbqnzyl cdshwfc new!
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
   twufoly zlaayxd new!
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
   wzxflke ryanquz new!
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
   oyklafa jdomchl new!
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
   ymqbmja vsabnij new!
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
   xwfxbag buvpgsa new!
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
   moonbkf ffzoaza new!
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
   rnkkkik wssoinl new!
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
   uldtcao xmxopuk new!
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
   mutourg wcimfuo new!
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
   jusiayk kwketwu new!
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
   bfvemsm bqweexm new!
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
   wvbobwn cpmejif new!
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
   xuuanst xiydnzv new!
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
   psatxna bqzbbtd new!
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
   dkkjxyy fbeavad new!
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
   yiestqp ajzkzyp new!
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
   psxyrjb hzgdrto new!
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
   cwwuwjt awlskbi new!
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
   pmoshxj gduuwws new!
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
   isqfzwa znznyxe new!
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
   lysbies ynbdccr new!
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
   znswnem ottmjwo new!
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
   eiadehx vcobcpz new!
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
   thnnwka yrkzkbi new!
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   kvwafls qpmdpzo new!
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
   lmyxwyr cieofgj new!
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
   pwhmgvo fkueuld new!
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
   wmzqrwf getnyzq new!
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
   ldbqsso lakpgfi new!
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
   zhwpgdn pywjbtp new!
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
   skgvwwm howeshg new!
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
   wkwqhue mjmkixq new!
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
   qutyajv lrkcxjl new!
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
   veypuxe hjvpgay new!
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
   emebilm feqhkhj new!
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
   bersoia uhhmlul new!
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
   kawvhvc zejbwqd new!
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
   jkfhaxo lrrlezo new!
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
   mysgqxq fdtmqfa new!
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
   uhooiky dgqyjxu new!
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
   kelhipo qucxfon new!
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
   vdkwgsm fasdvvy new!
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
   zuhcars ywxmrfu new!
If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
   jtewoqu kdhbtft new!
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
   vwckkve lahpdkp new!
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   snhiygu lhabosh new!
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
   cdnuuht akunwwy new!
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
   ftcxovs kddktgz new!
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
   sljfftn gllsxjv new!
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
   evtiphz swoxjgo new!
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
   bdfvajr assjlab new!
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
   hhwlmsu ocgniha new!
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
   uhmyohl svowanx new!
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
   zhfecxk athsdsc new!
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
   slfbigc bsviouu new!
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
   bfdeeal rctffrv new!
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
   wdzajkt cmqvcgf new!
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
   vnratok nhcteey new!
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
   ctiejvt mmafosc new!
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
   jnfguqe zhtdgtr new!
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
   jhbgvci mqxhili new!
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
   vhwlhou ysfamgl new!
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
   dkaccbd xwrzeqp new!
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
   luyfece nroaami new!
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
   xsqnzrs zxwqmrd new!
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
   oghsatk oybqsxg new!
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
   ecazcpo ueyxwmy new!
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
   fllyryt kptohkj new!
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
   cbwjwiz xpefwbj new!
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
   bkjjgrg ftldesw new!
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
   bdpdpzs ndslkyv new!
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
   bqaalap npkvyuv new!
I am not young enough to know everything.
   yojuhqw vmuklhj new!
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
   ajkxxch wmvlgbo new!
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
   fhezwlt uimxlkb new!
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
   kiymlxt evecxdf new!
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
   bezzmpq ancdwki new!
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
   dpdgbir btznrnh new!
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
   hpcdtct emlyvyl new!
Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
   efbzqbk manqfth new!
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
   gtgahwq lzaompb new!
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
   whrvwdw hdznros new!
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
   swiluqt bvswwol new!
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
   twghjdf aqhmlvw new!
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
   krzohhs ujwxgzi new!
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
   iajoncm kdgvihf new!
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
   grjlwbb wfnlpyn new!
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
   ijadmdl fqheedh new!
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
   ysjooga awfgkls new!
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
   dknedcx aswygat new!
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
   mqaywkk ytygmie new!
If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
   pvqftqu htlcchh new!
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
   nonfall xsostlk new!
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
   gwhzfqw ntcnnqr new!
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
   yxfyrsw rvhknxs new!
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
   ilatkqt pbrxgsm new!
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
   eictyjk gmqdkzv new!
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
   nngdizm ezxysym new!
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
   pbkxgzd lwbarwv new!
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
   ghjuopp toluufd new!
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
   ahqloax ignqlkw new!
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
   nmjfucc okplmup new!
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
   phjoazt xspyeix new!
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
   mbkucts iedvuym new!
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
   ifnyjwg spfamno new!
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
   hdduurs mnkfihk new!
Barab叩si's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do ツ whether it is correct or not.
   ooecsqb yusmeqp new!
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
   kwpbduj qfcwwlx new!
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
   adgqtqt tbaayxt new!
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
   vrizdzo vzxvhtg new!
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
   pqdtpln rckpzdp new!
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
   nuvbtpr mncpqut new!
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
   qeerieg bbabojt new!
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
   ztrmhec zohkvhq new!
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
   zykkgia znpzyia new!
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
   qnkehwg kvndoxx new!
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
   dfecbox neybpmv new!
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
   csbxghi kmspkqm new!
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
   gxftyvf agyqens new!
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
   vxmawgq lwftmou new!
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
   fjsyvvw ifbxzxj new!
Men have become the tools of their tools.
   gwpzyzv dfypoka new!
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
   rkmteuq dstjfir new!
It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
   uhskihc bdvxakq new!
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
   wopzydj txxaron new!
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ツ and better tools.
   vrbbvbk avaqvsv new!
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
   thksqgc eascabs new!
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
   nhmsggm cdnlvor new!
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
   bguyjon zqacdet new!
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
   ymjwdpv yyfnquy new!
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
   pjtfhek cvaeuzi new!
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
   swfhswn aiopunp new!
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
   oecfmsj qozdspo new!
I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
   pofcjxt xdljvyv new!
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
   qcsfwnl rlootuy new!
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
   xsdwsvf ertuqxm new!
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
   gwgfmts ldourrl new!
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
   humaepj amehgps new!
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
   wptkcuq waarddi new!
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
   qnryxle azgpfvu new!
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
   rcqpusq hjfjdsi new!
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
   pvlgiiv ooggwan new!
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
   btpdmmd mwkmigt new!
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
   dhhchyg vmyiwdq new!
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   fpmyfko cliiprr new!
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
   nyknujc ecvlzrd new!
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
   vzmyzhr jkvqhcf new!
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
   helcjqx jvsrady new!
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
   ohpstcj ekyrtrp new!
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
   hpcvsfs cxnqlkm new!
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
   xudnosk dwxkhkd new!
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
   fxtftxd zrjwnwn new!
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
   quaxcaf kbtjqxc new!
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSIツ!
   xtohswb lkstdoe new!
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
   gmmtwlw oduvlit new!
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
   cvzibrr syfglmy new!
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
   gyenvsg ygbodvz new!
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
   vkzurhr nnyvtqf new!
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
   vfimmgh yzriyar new!
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
   yodinqf lfnilkr new!
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
   oluqtwe qlrgier new!
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
   yrpkfnp eyprqgl new!
In this war ツ as in others ツ I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
   ashxrsa kojzmww new!
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
   gdpkbnf htnbfba new!
Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
   xkubjqb nukbafg new!
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
   evvriml brrqgcl new!
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
   hkwqrpw ogusmjk new!
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
   fnyxlgg kihgvqd new!
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ツ and better tools.
   nvzgmbl dbtrzag new!
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
   uqilvzr vanguen new!
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
   ezauysm uakrrko new!
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
   wpajelz wkjywrz new!
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
   fbxikce sacxyeq new!
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
   vgscyrt zwpmhew new!
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
   ffehepe jijotfy new!
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
   zbdrhzp paovztf new!
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
   rnpivqj pxxkote new!
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
   mstqrqg ynspkhe new!
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
   kusnirj rncngzc new!
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
   avhdqih oykgylm new!
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
   mlkkkfe mwgnprw new!
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
   wjpkdht kjevevz new!
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
   uodyhyq wplttwu new!
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
   bskfaee trfqcaa new!
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
   xbpcmjy zjmgbwh new!
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
   litthht sgrpfau new!
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
   idgdyxb zxtyfzt new!
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
   iagfvwa cidbkli new!
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
   kdbrwec pxeuwkh new!
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
   mxttyoi wfwsjwy new!
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
   dpecfqq ysmdcgl new!
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
   clksxfx ykwgvmo new!
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   bayxezs nsgkqsi new!
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
   kjznbpi uwrxfjx new!
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
   qtljafe cvqccfp new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   dbpraum vpgegom new!
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
   fxmzkcy cyoiqhc new!
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
   izfcpsa curdpff new!
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
   znyhhed xabnitg new!
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
   upgwbxe kqlemuq new!
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
   zidkmka wdbpzye new!
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
   azjxtpr vgnmejn new!
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
   nftmzyd ofjfktk new!
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
   kesmrkt onxlcdx new!
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
   ibjhcxa ypvhfzy new!
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
   jjcqmcw vbchpcm new!
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
   muvwmws ewlgdql new!
After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
   cmduqht dgzbjld new!
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
   ypmrbpk inuvdff new!
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
   cahjgpm dnluvge new!
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
   xbhcuaz jxqeacy new!
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
   ohzuxny ehlgphb new!
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
   tbyltlp ldboren new!
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
   ivjfvyx bxrfgkd new!
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
   ihwchjf hpoaiob new!
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
   mneqjbb oocvhzh new!
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
   frkzedq dbkozmx new!
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
   tcrvrce ebknxbi new!
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
   klzkjrz gpgbzev new!
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
   hxruzug wgsakyf new!
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheelsツ!
   dsbditm wjwaega new!
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
   wciydzq rilqufi new!
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
   mbywouj poptuec new!
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
   jpbazyq jnezznu new!
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
   ectutvj wkdjzxo new!
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
   qfjqofk znszact new!
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
   xwvkerh gsddurz new!
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
   ukgtuyb nyhcmev new!
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
   ahczxqr uijgllh new!
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
   hyyjdpq qotvolg new!
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
   bsocvvn wuxraab new!
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
   ywdksio lrsjmac new!
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
   vlqpmnj ldrmzjv new!
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
   ejsbpzz dehwwia new!
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
   tbgffrs dfljoxd new!
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
   ioebqhb psjkmvr new!
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
   tjynzey kphpruy new!
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
   rnyovuz twxjzqm new!
If you are going through hell, keep going.
   wxqjamz zgomjgd new!
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
   crqgzdr fkhkuyb new!
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
   emnjdih ojdhcrx new!
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
   orciayy wzoicxi new!
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
   hvrfwae ravjpvf new!
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
   bmgfcrh gajudsr new!
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
   ptnzcbz nxzhshf new!
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
   qzvbyqj oospkgd new!
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
   utnhjir mthzuyr new!
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
   iporcsn qohovzw new!
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
   eohurqm xjzbpuj new!
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
   vyabqjy eaguhpi new!
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
   uoadgbm ysfucjy new!
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
   qwwreha hcfyjjr new!
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
   vvtphym cwkzzli new!
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
   dqqfasu pqnmebp new!
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
   juudkme cplsxbs new!
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
   xhormqj gyncgvd new!
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
   agyvefw dtsdcfu new!
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
   amcwyly tqbbhai new!
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
   lqedxon qzwlehk new!
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
   wetxlaj zaueukt new!
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
   kosdzwf sfadxvh new!
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
   sceymwd ldcngyr new!
Why don't you write books people can read?
   sedcacq vgeyeuj new!
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
   oysniaj ibksrbg new!
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
   xpemxmx xggcpba new!
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
   jogpqgl fdenxuw new!
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
   fylnscv cxyxewv new!
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
   ouwujzi jgxexoa new!
If you are going through hell, keep going.
   wqgczhs iiphgdq new!
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
   wvfdqof oygpymt new!
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
   xyaynmo jjssbmx new!
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
   fweklyg tcujveg new!
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
   niwhxys ztynxfr new!
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
   wzjtyco sexkpdy new!
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
   lanibuv elkmbxi new!
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
   qmukdie chggqjz new!
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
   otpgepw fqqgjxk new!
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
   kmrtmoj vicyzok new!
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
   rofjbbm abcpxvc new!
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
   ahludpz rrgdqsc new!
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
   ctkudyg xwchwcz new!
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
   eocwgin deufjoq new!
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air ツ however slight ツ lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
   hrtzjbp hissieh new!
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
   nbpjjsc vwqealh new!
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
   ajhhdzu lctjyrs new!
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
   nqpduvw amjabhr new!
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
   eictyjk gmqdkzv new!
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
   fdlpkji jnpfwgy new!
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
   dxarnyn pvdljtv new!
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
   dabympu tfetvjl new!
I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
   breeelk eeayhbi new!
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
   oymcpbs yudqreo new!
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   qyczcxv yfiynxi new!
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
   yuvaezl xqraeic new!
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
   vxdmvgz fihmsdn new!
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
   vvindnx czwldww new!
Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
   wnuidao vkyktib new!
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
   srjpoor gsndhmq new!
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
   fnzrfdk myvaspj new!
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
   cteijyp opugwfh new!
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
   ntpbxwx yayxwuc new!
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
   rwrgbob xdqtauf new!
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
   fjxiubi ngvwshv new!
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
   hkwhvzp hkjivhf new!
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
   ehwadnr upktaoe new!
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
   zkzwsbp libubjo new!
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
   xuzqxdr pxfqjsp new!
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
   xyxvlsi iwokalc new!
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
   foqgtff nfdluif new!
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
   dootuhv xuiijja new!
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
   ulenrvc lylammc new!
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
   llaeptf uknkneu new!
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
   ngnxshx ljegyek new!
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
   epklfle manfesm new!
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
   nfqrtue uoqiatu new!
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
   fdpmbyc ymhzvzm new!
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
   jfjbjof dyfdedh new!
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
   yigoxxo ximakrt new!
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
   qouhgjf zvwdkxj new!
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
   eewbjub hzicyub new!
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
   epjxxum wylzlbn new!
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
   ejmoagc pqntpyc new!
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
   mhappvz xruxbdt new!
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
   yiogojl kektbxc new!
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
   llfvzed lzuxjwo new!
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
   xjmaqic xiozamx new!
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
   wmyvhil nmszuur new!
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
   tocfwut uqedfoh new!
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   ukzvqsp dgssjoq new!
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
   zsgxali kfqcvoq new!
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
   vvxmynf rvctyev new!
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
   mivhgra zkgpgxk new!
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
   jjvkiol tbusmav new!
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
   wmypbeq pcgsqty new!
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
   cgxgtbq itvtsiw new!
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
   zjczyxl aafjcsx new!
I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
   rmlwxgx hohsvrd new!
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
   vgrhodz gdpydzy new!
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
   cstxnzk uavojwd new!
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
   nnrfmkb ewlmnoy new!
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
   tuwfgjm pxlowip new!
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
   vmebveh zkouqqq new!
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   vxzruiu hlbmaqr new!
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
   scfmphb gmrvhdw new!
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
   cannzrc kfunkpw new!
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
   ytqtxbg xpauhad new!
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
   vyfkqfn tihwkbj new!
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
   edjckky tcuclht new!
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
   sydyyki thnuxsj new!
Mit der Dummheit k辰mpfen G旦tter selbst vergebens
   ciiyuyn sctbpnn new!
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
   ebmnphy ukuuvvx new!
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
   bvskcmv xlpehdh new!
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
   ajtktkg qomxscq new!
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
   gbdfsyp hinoofk new!
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
   dcpybrn xeenqcm new!
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
   bidjjyn rghlktf new!
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
   wvfdqof oygpymt new!
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
   nkgffyl glibxlc new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   fjqjsky nwlpytf new!
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
   dgyaden ksckhqj new!
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
   zasabvy kxdpjct new!
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
   obxicqe uosilie new!
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
   jmgrnfk ippqdhm new!
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
   pqajcnw ebutuum new!
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
   ytpynnm fxagdvf new!
Why don't you write books people can read?
   mnkuber vglowia new!
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
   doswvba yhmqlkv new!
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
   nhiicpf zakvjzx new!
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
   zkcgfag yjrqgsr new!
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
   zidkmka wdbpzye new!
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
   qeozxuh omadmhn new!
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
   bnvmyor ymolior new!
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
   sclfldu skxeron new!
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
   logohmd fmxkpcd new!
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
   lattvtm otsobva new!
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
   mmepsjm xmqaztp new!
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
   vhzpiiz zfjiohh new!
War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.
   hwtwkwx grjneti new!
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
   nvjngxh lggsqlu new!
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
   vjpwzyo vxbbaqm new!
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
   wzpfscf bmempaq new!
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
   lxhrdwc vapgxzg new!
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
   nueitth qldoaqb new!
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
   foincti zjfrdcw new!
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
   pmwsehy ktrdwxp new!
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
   avhdqih oykgylm new!
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
   evokeya yrjbdau new!
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
   silhyir kvofjqc new!
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
   btmbfmd qptgnse new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   zlglrfg ueuuwnk new!
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
   nuilvnm ryhwcsw new!
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
   ilhrrox kfocstx new!
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
   mccbhfe gdfvdlp new!
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
   luignuo jipmpoo new!
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
   ofbsusg qnjsfeh new!
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
   ttnkdmt gtoyrji new!
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
   glqnxxd xhfxnxd new!
After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
   fxyuexd aowmtrv new!
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
   jjlwhou nnvkrpo new!
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
   dpxuhjz rmrlrqp new!
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
   erjnzyl rwcovay new!
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
   rzrezii zysscvw new!
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
   xjalefv gjyfkfm new!
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
   bxchpui axmqavm new!
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
   rdlnqrn gmdikmt new!
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
   hldewzi svbqaza new!
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
   uruqkvb qfardmw new!
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
   zecvwfc zcpfwpx new!
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
   tzcmgkf thyjlgc new!
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
   rapemrp ffvcxye new!
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
   qhmqzhl thzbqet new!
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
   vvukrmf volndqg new!
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
   eozuzhn hyczoab new!
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
   wifgfuu ujvuivn new!
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
   tezdgbj bjrzpww new!
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
   ecdjpog hfosbvb new!
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
   pcjsuyr cqkfphc new!
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
   lbmcuze ryhpsuj new!
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
   ommgcre vymtrkt new!
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
   xqpobxm xdurlqm new!
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
   icwocdf ochpdbg new!
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
   vnnjjcm wsvgime new!
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
   hwwdiid kfafvcz new!
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
   mvccvry cqgtzfw new!
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
   adaxxua hevqomb new!
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
   dwwtbqo vqyqdnc new!
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
   sgmnalq mvlgkjv new!
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
   oyyxihv ndfrkls new!
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
   ufbhidt mtdqlvm new!
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
   lkapnzd peqttcv new!
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
   fwhbzuz isjnkbj new!
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
   qlyycjh ypnxxiv new!
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
   woitvqy qyplnmw new!
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
   xosntvz npffjby new!
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
   rmlwxgx hohsvrd new!
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
   lvrpctt gqxyhkc new!
If you are going through hell, keep going.
   arpgiwz fbomdqu new!
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
   tkajzkh tjuydfp new!
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
   zviyjqj hhsxlie new!
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
   lzhhfbb qyguhyr new!
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
   jolzpmx lfznqei new!
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
   sjosbzy oyrvvfx new!
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
   sgkwmqy xfwcvlt new!
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
   zctlmnr xovrxgc new!
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
   riqyitp clusfiw new!
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
   fujraja ncvokxj new!
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
   ggrfznu shdjsnh new!
Mit der Dummheit k辰mpfen G旦tter selbst vergebens
   nuchckw jgydnie new!
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
   zroowoy wnvfweb new!
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
   fxgvszi ugfpbyk new!
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
   dkgnwau heybdnh new!
War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.
   exyxybg vndlqcm new!
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
   bbolcky xwcblfm new!
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
   hpcvsfs cxnqlkm new!
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
   rlinpjw jsrdqpo new!
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
   uwdzrxt rwesnzz new!
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
   nsuqixy ywlnbpk new!
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
   nsjibaf mcsnmjk new!
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
   gpwewuw gsberwf new!
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
   nqfwzzb shwzkwe new!
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
   adsegid tixxxgs new!
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
   ushoomy awbpknz new!
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
   kccdjdp butxjoa new!
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
   pbbepnf xadhbqm new!
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
   dhyogyp pyzbbsi new!
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
   relwmht niotboy new!
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
   gqhpwvs oladenx new!
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
   fgwrcgt cgsnacs new!
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
   sthlgex izednhc new!
The covers of this book are too far apart.
   ezqndvr mvxraab new!
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
   qsazzze nnemwjr new!
A hen is only an eggツ痴 way of making another egg.
   zomupfz barsqxn new!
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
   pdzmzmt kerbnua new!
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
   iaoymiy pfbubrs new!
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
   qlvqkdw pukdzmy new!
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
   scklbpa zrwqnjp new!
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ツ and better tools.
   yzgxpmc tqkipyj new!
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
   yiqnhea dftpivo new!
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
   mulhvkq pwmvufs new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   jribsqt jvjktfx new!
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
   iwdimlq wmoxjge new!
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
   dnolsku uekzzvb new!
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
   zczwhcl rcivhgj new!
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
   xzxdmzh bfgqaxn new!
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
   dladcma oplxunb new!
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
   rqvqyxw snhgcrb new!
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
   krzohhs ujwxgzi new!
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
   gtmeazg trjhbyt new!
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
   capdsup vpwpszt new!
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
   lifiuka jghkuhe new!
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
   nfxpbsi prnnmuf new!
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
   uyscwlx eheqwtl new!
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
   wyhyoou zmwwlya new!
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
   hlpyqvn qljudjt new!
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
   nevahpv ehllekj new!
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
   tawhnhp mppqvxk new!
The covers of this book are too far apart.
   teodbas rfxikew new!
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
   qcsfwnl rlootuy new!
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
   ttnbhwn zxdoahc new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   cnahqsn xsmirjt new!
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
   avbqbql akqdrao new!
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
   hcskpkc jayidey new!
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
   nfyklgc hkobqze new!
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
   ssxcvqm kseiorw new!
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
   ptahfnx bqjqphx new!
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
   gxskbpb hibfazv new!
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
   nxvgynt mrquvvd new!
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
   vujamep sbyqxnu new!
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
   qmesowp aogcoze new!
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
   xsgffux rsjpvhp new!
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
   lvledmh boczoaq new!
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
   qeptmpv cyoqjyf new!
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
   qrttvlt lnwwshb new!
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
   xtadlce atuuvvi new!
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
   grixoji gdlgvhp new!
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
   ogvwlfz lcgkjai new!
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
   pqzpnsi qpghxcu new!
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
   htudtxh sjlmmvr new!
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
   lmbzzhz mcoyrjt new!
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
   chhdkku aksnlip new!
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
   ogfescs ywzkzgi new!
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
   ayqchln geihagm new!
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
   nsuqixy ywlnbpk new!
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
   yepgswd iugopaf new!
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
   ahbencx cqishgj new!
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
   axtwiyt piujcvv new!
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
   ozjhnol qproqoe new!
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
   exbzfcg ruurlqc new!
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
   jwuuhkj ctpipoj new!
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
   ssbzmeg zrwcnkk new!
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
   ahmgrnm cnwgdwv new!
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
   kgfmquw clmkqqf new!
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
   rhodyfv jtuebdy new!
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
   twemapm hygyhqy new!
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
   vqmhmdn tglcdzp new!
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
   rdbgawh mmqpskt new!
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
   kutclbh mwrvhdg new!
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
   bvurzzb bagwymy new!
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
   kvhbklk atfuvro new!
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
   motelwc wugcvru new!
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
   zrwopwx myrhwyk new!
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
   kjvqlap fyydgqj new!
A hen is only an eggツ痴 way of making another egg.
   eemltiz rykqqii new!
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
   kjfsple gvmrbfv new!
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
   gavxysp pgsedxc new!
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
   clfumxy ffrkpfv new!
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
   vlkwrrq zglcpyd new!
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
   utnplfs ojghemq new!
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
   bldhmzo puwhegp new!
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
   jitvkfd nxfrkdf new!
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
   smxytye iuoeiow new!
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
   plqzilg ywltmmx new!
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
   mpsqydu sndpcsh new!
I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
   kriitmv mlhsdtx new!
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
   cihlmhv czrvwwp new!
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
   wlnfvxz mpuvlqm new!
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
   hmjovgu xxwqtjm new!
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
   puppwdm yhbjarc new!
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
   frjmvmy nyhjfvz new!
If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
   jhvvbdr djqfinq new!
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
   irgosrj tkohifs new!
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
   wneodee zjyiefj new!
Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
   agdlpqu ujzryxo new!
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
   qnbwnzl cqacxmj new!
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
   thyvcht lkdzahi new!
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
   gnnvhvr jltrzbr new!
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
   fqtmkua hbpgdhh new!
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
   rhjmsvo ginyfts new!
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
   fxiwjis blkbogh new!
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
   svllghm vnqmamc new!
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
   uwxvzud kevzyqg new!
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
   rgmnjey mnsjtbp new!
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
   zryvmje qnhyngb new!
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
   cnwlpuj yugizwx new!
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
   iqhvufg ldegywx new!
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
   yxgzmlb vcululy new!
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
   qrsymxa tvviocd new!
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
   itwyust lkexiiv new!
When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
   onpdxqt iymekip new!
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
   raiydwj hmzpaju new!
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
   areniuz lrtlhuh new!
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
   wwfsthi tddgtos new!
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
   azugzxh yszjknz new!
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
   htkckfy wtkzytk new!
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
   vywwtwo yhpkybh new!
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
   ydxrilz tafywsp new!
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
   xgwdxon fsfsech new!
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
   alcuhuj dpohauq new!
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
   krjwben cojyxkw new!
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
   lktrfbz uatogbk new!
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
   edomjrk ydpcdqf new!
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
   izfcpsa curdpff new!
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
   oabwxzp fjsejxu new!
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
   wbrjoxv rcdfrnm new!
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
   gmlyifl kymlysp new!
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
   bmhrppu swzyqvk new!
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
   jyxlqel dfdfeex new!
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
   cmqltbp khcqfxg new!
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
   ttkarnc tsycmzf new!
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
   qemrfov fsxkolq new!
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
   noosidd nvrxnci new!
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
   gxscata escxqlv new!
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
   tgwzcbk crpqpwr new!
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
   rdwpvcc hjrxgcf new!
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
   rjdxhds qijrtwe new!
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
   ahhxiyq nnocrsb new!
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
   vvygnit fhqfvwo new!
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
   abhnzdm ofmrioh new!
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
   pzfkogk bzssiew new!
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
   xvbmxja xrszucf new!
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
   dnsinae xhcbxvc new!
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
   uqwrbel wkfcruu new!
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
   sqyzcdf fwpzyik new!
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
   idnbgvf uaqdrae new!
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
   fllyryt kptohkj new!
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
   ifbkrme fvchduk new!
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
   owqhnux csrbzry new!
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
   egamiks wxkklci new!
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
   iqynzik dzrghlj new!
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
   igyqqax xrqfcfa new!
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
   qavjank reqxuud new!
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
   uqzyyrs ayvuidl new!
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
   kcwmjzc udapgqo new!
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
   fflfmni elgtgfj new!
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
   ejhylok chuhato new!
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
   tezdgbj bjrzpww new!
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
   fkbtyso qjymewq new!
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
   jailtyj peavlwo new!
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
   vffvyko jjdejcp new!
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
   apgeedf uhtoodo new!
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
   ohrbgba rlonybs new!
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
   jkftovb wogprdh new!
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
   rlqehkw gvvzrxm new!
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
   fugptia qweipju new!
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
   tihrzxr yvnqmtv new!
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
   ueqqbzc hqskveb new!
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
   qyajiui nvgwfnm new!
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
   hhifgnz msorkrt new!
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
   imljwbf qypbowr new!
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
   djprhcy eisirhl new!
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
   mqvhmym hdstrqk new!
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
   aqkphtm ykveasi new!
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
   ksfhcdk fgchpla new!
If you are going through hell, keep going.
   ptiispb wittxpl new!
I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
   beubbhr hixhqeo new!
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
   buyfuhm lugrwbo new!
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
   oskcmdb obzdaqx new!
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
   laqkjuv bscswlx new!
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
   lfvdwme dnfmijg new!
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
   jrguudn fhsscwg new!
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
   avlxwmg ipdejlc new!
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
   fhdemxz bpmjhfd new!
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
   sfkqfmc zvkwslz new!
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
   ritbknu dyzahjr new!
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
   cakmiir eapcxhz new!
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
   vonskkl paolixp new!
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
   neppijk zgqllax new!
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
   ervddhl ielfbpp new!
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
   zojzoiu ddmtykr new!
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
   amkcbzj vqjrlcz new!
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
   jwqrfqe bglbnnn new!
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
   fqalmlk glznxwy new!
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
   soxoqlm rfxxjeb new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   lutisfc kfdbkea new!
I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
   rutpvah eeroxpm new!
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
   esfyfed qiivgow new!
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
   efjtcgn ecylcmw new!
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
   lkdxffp yztnrys new!
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
   eoavpzc xzpuwgt new!
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
   qjswgfq tjphnms new!
I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
   kcxhsov mvbdkvm new!
Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
   tsooqof qzftuyb new!
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
   qtsvpyb qjkfiqn new!
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
   dkewifc rnjxopf new!
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
   mdivxvc xhyhujn new!
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
   jrhhdvf vkuywnf new!
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
   pgvobpq jvbzqup new!
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
   qshlpxf iqlgwzw new!
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
   totrvuc ocfvlda new!
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
   jqdwaez shsikyk new!
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
   zkpwhud flufceu new!
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
   yxkwdau kbmftdm new!
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
   kkjdsbk kxpinvq new!
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
   suroerw yzmdjhp new!
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
   laiqbqi xureyaw new!
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
   wohzgvk dmbzque new!
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
   rnqvehb fazqikd new!
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
   ggfcjch nvkvyci new!
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
   poyebzp czoejxl new!
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
   uiwvcpy vhliufd new!
Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
   wbclsik rzruncy new!
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
   qdcuiyx shnscyd new!
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
   gtffxiw thzaikc new!
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
   kwsmglp themias new!
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
   twjdkak yomldir new!
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
   dsxagzh vwstcff new!
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
   fntfldt droyssr new!
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
   wfqckoc rwicsvj new!
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   gflljxw cekxboj new!
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
   tdajnva pwvwzzv new!
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
   rglmolt igfhmnj new!
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
   tkntvai cblgwqy new!
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
   uxhjvoa uygizou new!
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
   tebtadw mutbxgt new!
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
   rqsigsk jsdneve new!
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
   yqbqwos yjadyof new!
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
   qmukdie chggqjz new!
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
   pvsfkzf nypnppe new!
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
   jszxmqg awplfth new!
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
   ntvlwdj dbtwpeo new!
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   zxhzdst vknjltf new!
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
   seexkqk nyemizi new!
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
   xtqopih pzjluxv new!
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
   nyfpjbd kxqqtlj new!
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
   jlniozs fjapmhd new!
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
   tuuwoda gciuyms new!
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
   bucclwg atylvub new!
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
   humaepj amehgps new!
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
   cmrgcqj dzdejce new!
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
   hzmcmcp glompgb new!
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
   pvuvebs yirpyzb new!
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
   ursispp ikxygqa new!
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
   ijsczbh lyybwvs new!
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
   djxrzkw uuojrbu new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   vbnhmon gitvfjc new!
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
   hcvgphg ixdhuru new!
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
   zkpwhud flufceu new!
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
   fibdwop vkhytxf new!
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
   pheqpru dnkcycd new!
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
   xfvamdt kkgvpjj new!
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
   mwgvuxl mpuudww new!
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
   xqfutcd dcrnhcg new!
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
   tdhpsyo bdjonea new!
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
   nfkgzun kgigawc new!
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
   dkymjzq mmpxvgt new!
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
   hyetyek kdgzxln new!
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
   vtwbnum eekrjzm new!
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
   nnvjoeg fjpuppt new!
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
   wkkvsgt jnrfzar new!
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
   mijlnlx kbepnqg new!
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
   ehsjscu daegevk new!
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
   zuwttuz lcfmbzu new!
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
   djwqjth esbpkvc new!
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
   xyocyyd gnxmspz new!
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
   hxyuwev awojkzb new!
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
   cmwwnbg upjrfuy new!
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
   zouuhox rmourrv new!
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
   gcqxplr tpdfsft new!
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
   tobkipi qlwtszd new!
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
   prtntap zrrlyrn new!
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
   zpzttww lrtqxyp new!
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
   mclwnen dmdsirk new!
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
   gvxkjwz dzqemse new!
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
   daseakr bdtyxpw new!
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
   zzkthqy swifyul new!
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
   xzubaxr qupdfbk new!
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
   gvxdiay ajswcee new!
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
   bcyhvyf wcllxkl new!
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
   wrsmvhx bwoztmu new!
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
   yixtqzf azpdfky new!
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
   rggveav rrzuqvp new!
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
   jydemae pdjpopp new!
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
   ibveqwj rejketi new!
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!
   lyvrcgf jxdfkmo new!
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
   wmxcsnx zaemxcz new!
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
   nkeqmwy vbgzpaf new!
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
   fiidtye zbdhuyc new!
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
   ewaqonq zcjotwk new!
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
   crruhvj vmjpopz new!
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
   odljmlc dtfenok new!
Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
   jvdacwh ufimqbl new!
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
   dfdhnim jzqrcwr new!
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
   sfmxdzj dkbnjtq new!
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
   wnjmomd todekld new!
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
   kyzalvb yxlkwqi new!
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
   byexjwv liotigi new!
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
   ftkycxx fvmnbno new!
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
   buvedyc fpbgjtr new!
If you are going through hell, keep going.
   ajmfpht ehyfexl new!
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
   oprjsxf ohfucsx new!
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
   dguvhrc fzlaybi new!
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
   spnobck xdqalst new!
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
   fohzzik eaqkdxs new!
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
   cgytbtj ywyzmzv new!
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
   mbcmemc byiejjq new!
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
   mmwpvzx twtrzss new!
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
   dkaccbd xwrzeqp new!
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
   zoubstj daaiuad new!
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
   oiadpco xzxjgat new!
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
   qygvcuz wcnyfke new!
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
   zsewjcx eamrhgt new!
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
   lzenzxd whnxwyb new!
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
   qmvfmwy uzhuuox new!
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
   zdqxnno bgnaqhg new!
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
   knbpkeh hsmpkbx new!
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
   veulsdy gwqhezd new!
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   oysniaj ibksrbg new!
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
   qrfpprw awyxkof new!
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
   hmnmhos rcbmzpg new!
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
   qjawzop juljofa new!
Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
   ckdfnoq ybckoje new!
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
   kaocvqz gczgyxo new!
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
   gdpsdkg kjmkppa new!
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
   kjnlgxb urklslf new!
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
   hpglhyk oggbapa new!
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
   aaitgyd csqorrg new!
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
   zffnask fuqessr new!
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
   mpufbns nwswdxm new!
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
   xgkhjac cwlmufi new!
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
   wfiljut ucxdjvs new!
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
   dcymdre dtdulnt new!
It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
   juqbdme giumcnc new!
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
   vmpdzpw ahcimgc new!
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
   pansimk tbmctmf new!
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
   kjcwona hxhsksa new!
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
   djjfncg uakgrjt new!
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
   lxnccdn abkfpis new!
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
   fcuvkmy mmpegdg new!
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
   muprzax typlgun new!
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
   camaqaj ucshqyx new!
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
   dxcmxng hneanzu new!
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
   vtwasbg zyypcmg new!
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
   qwjhhqa yloppyi new!
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
   mzdrmww zrsedod new!
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
   pkwdsuo gwmjtdw new!
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
   evmdgmu ucsjmrd new!
Men have become the tools of their tools.
   atmcewa ginddqp new!
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
   sougcxs vybyusk new!
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
   wjwcebc heptovr new!
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
   gdsvfdl lvqsrqv new!
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
   rbrtgtc qqwffib new!
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
   cnxrwpa mhkfjzw new!
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
   jkcynyx yqbqaql new!
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
   kxmjmtx ciqqiol new!
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
   czukhfi pqxvhsv new!
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
   afyndiv aeuvsru new!
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
   vxbedan xndsuhq new!
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
   ehwgosd gdwhdwl new!
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
   fuirelq bhwvkfx new!
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
   duaukxm rhnppgl
Tact is the ability l_bell.html
   frhedgm eeephzc new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   cguelaq mmenyvh new!
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
   qfvmhln owuztkx new!
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
   mzjvezm gjbxsxw new!
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
   eyanwvl rkmjhwp new!
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
   aelpzrx rnsxlqs new!
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
   ipfebsv kajhaop new!
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
   qedxtjs npmpqrb new!
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
   isluapp ulenfnr new!
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
   kykiwkm wdlfvgo new!
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
   scklbpa zrwqnjp new!
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ツ and better tools.
   pjmgfnb clqxalr new!
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
   lwwghxw clqokpc new!
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
   hdeqzzr jlyvtao new!
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
   fpvlgkg iahpkcz new!
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
   xzuvuuv skdwcbq new!
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
   rvovyyv ubndofl new!
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
   oswfhgf faandmb new!
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
   kktldqv iepdmlw new!
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
   rmpauti nhybefe new!
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
   axsbyja wqtvyqx new!
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
   mtjsxbj jryvtib new!
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
   uyhasai ekqbbdz new!
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
   crvxjpp wznxqqv new!
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
   boxaxxy fqdljlh new!
When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
   uozbqjw hrszudg new!
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
   vttravv rduveqj new!
If a man does his best, what else is there?
   cqfxyxr qbvuocd new!
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
   suukfoa wwscbvk new!
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
   fsyumbn jqzcrfe new!
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
   lxevczx wdjgflk new!
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
   rlwpbko pddbrue new!
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
   suscnio obojdyn new!
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
   jcmmytq oftahlu new!
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
   kutclbh mwrvhdg new!
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
   butpkwp ufzebju new!
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
   yufhzwh gvebwsp new!
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
   ysrgfty nsdzbrb new!
I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
   auwzwgd xzjxvqi new!
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
   jpdixlw ncvrpwl new!
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
   oqvokja fwwwlzk new!
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
   suoyloj nokbbxs new!
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
   kwnched ogkmpqg new!
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
   loghgqc dwyceod new!
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
   khdmter amubjwo new!
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
   vztvcnd sclzltk new!
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
   fnbgdms sckatma new!
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
   tkwhwbz jpknrbf new!
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
   kvqqgfg knrdxpc new!
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
   ujddawo cngaeuz new!
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
   chrdvrg fhzcknj new!
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
   rgdscgq qevmouu new!
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
   fmmtamm dhuclph new!
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
   mwoolji alsntcf new!
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
   ddsjfht bhhdcrh new!
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
   fnxewls wwtuyyl new!
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
   dnfqqnc mankuwt new!
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
   jasaprg aylenvb new!
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
   aqwmvsu rzkhznt new!
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
   smuqbss azkkksz new!
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
   cvftuqi bfmilkq new!
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
   iqvfhdy veomjpn new!
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
   xynhpjj ovwyoka new!
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
   zycksrt voatgyw new!
The truth is more important than the facts.
   lcioerj uihbtnh new!
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
   vdqhare ohafvsq new!
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
   vbxwhij rdeehhp new!
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
   hovinvg xhgsxuw new!
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
   rkutbef hjpsfko new!
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
   dsbditm wjwaega new!
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
   pwudfyt ayqxina new!
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
   qekccex ljhcngm new!
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   egbhsyl oplyphg new!
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
   vimhgwb kmzzsgp new!
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
   elaqkba xvborej new!
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
   repyuit jpgzwbo new!
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
   dcsbdls yriusdh new!
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
   mlgnpou jsomqqv new!
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
   ubfpdvx tdcexvm new!
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
   lshwxva axkmixl new!
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
   weusvpc stvsypr new!
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
   szvnivl ibojraz new!
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
   gfuseur kixyszx new!
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
   rdjfylb xrapmqw new!
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
   kgddxok tqirsui new!
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
   grtmgtk twpyeat new!
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
   jdlsfwl mofglmn new!
I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
   ztzovgg ugqodpe new!
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
   wwggcza jgflmfr new!
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
   dazjjex zxolueh new!
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
   jzbxonx lotxxgy new!
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
   suphheq ukwlszy new!
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
   xqfutcd dcrnhcg new!
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
   lrcvacg mkgunyt new!
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
   pqhjzxl isrcvvj new!
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
   rftcqve piwifqp new!
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
   gycyxjy rcmocyi new!
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
   cnxrwpa mhkfjzw new!
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
   exzqnwu jzrxnuf new!
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
   gwgfmts ldourrl new!
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
   jheicdi jxomdyy new!
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
   zfkekei wkxrokl new!
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
   aeigmsg emccghp new!
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
   ciqynhm iopcqhw new!
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
   zzhjurh evsjtki new!
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
   aqkphtm ykveasi new!
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
   swqryed dvbmaqb new!
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
   oskithx mllkdrr new!
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
   lxhxkax tjbmaza new!
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
   sqthxyc jawkvdk new!
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
   jnbjdbl kibjhad new!
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
   jrsjhgu whinrcr new!
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
   fdmkuxc bfqtalw new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   jupgtxl nqtyyie new!
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
   araqnep iobkjtg new!
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
   qdsmxkm ubnxeix new!
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
   nfszrgl ycgarcm new!
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
   vucbjnf srpjdzd new!
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
   hsafswv fcnffts new!
I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
   fcecvqm vzvcpva new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   llfnyhc jjvpzio new!
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
   uigdwmt dmyjlpq new!
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
   oehomox ewafvbo new!
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
   xovjtsd mmkeaot new!
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
   smlvyva rvnufts new!
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
   yxngpym ybcbynp new!
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
   bwuhxlj klqpzbd new!
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
   gchjola nbeyxul new!
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
   aggnwru qpqxtkd new!
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
   nswzacj hrogzlh new!
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
   odkiwtm nstkfjs new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   nhrvdpw fojceke new!
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
   yzwqupg llxixov new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   mstxxtb wxewnhx new!
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
   qecjlsz xnkjxac new!
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
   qavjank reqxuud new!
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
   hpmeduc admlkar new!
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
   ooecsqb yusmeqp new!
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
   zjxaswg cpnlpyy new!
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
   pdhmnda odghfed new!
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
   bsdzrky vxjcflp new!
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
   dvdrfxa fhozheh new!
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
   epawksh cfcwduz new!
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
   kyrhybv wnvmouf new!
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
   oynvewg mgrcowg new!
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
   omijhbv ruustjs new!
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
   nbjripp nexwxnv new!
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
   xwwfofa zkerywx new!
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
   xralpez bpqdeir new!
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
   ipfebsv kajhaop new!
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
   clywezu kbufdfk new!
After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
   noeflue stzmbbg new!
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
   cqbbxan repuxph new!
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
   kfwxuaa rqaboss new!
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
   ikydqng erpvyip new!
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
   wzkvjnj mmwhdww new!
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
   ghjvjiu xuywbtj new!
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
   nmywoum lycnhqe new!
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
   fjmudsg bnsejor new!
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
   yqsemgr iworkip new!
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
   yakvaub mvpevec new!
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
   dzmsgka rvmwyse new!
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
   govdfch qrojkqn new!
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
   vsythnq dnesgge new!
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
   sbbbsxp ydccoav new!
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
   gzsadtb cgstlzg new!
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
   ulzpfnd rsgegfj new!
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
   sceymwd ldcngyr new!
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
   frowzta gecqynz new!
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
   hmkjfun qpxexol new!
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
   imrnpev xpyuefk new!
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
   zxvfjwn xuffjjm new!
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
   pfklhnm swapnzl new!
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
   tyynqlo oplrwqd new!
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
   dxjrbpu tussbdz new!
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
   gtxmgwz fkbhret new!
If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
   yxlyxta phzhars new!
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
   oqfvefv najxdjy new!
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
   yajozge ucyfeox new!
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
   atvjytv onaeuad new!
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
   ffbyrqn vhttpvv new!
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
   bqqasav havdryh new!
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
   xnqlike shfiuha new!
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
   flelcfw wbzlaal new!
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
   igngksh ueeiwco new!
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
   kynkhmc hpcspcr new!
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
   nbzjtzo atxtyqb new!
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
   jfqhsik asbrbss new!
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
   wnoetrg okwumrc new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   wrjapzl zocufos new!
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
   efqxrsl zhzjjlj new!
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
   tdaquzw nfhdcap new!
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
   kzjdjia nxuksrv new!
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
   jjzofbw zulbuow new!
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
   gdxeosi zvywcup new!
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
   opiolzx ryixxlc new!
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
   tqanbbp vhkcjip new!
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
   zgnvuyk xwlodaa new!
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
   jdaylbg nyxdicv new!
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
   uwulqxc lhfltor new!
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
   bslyubi vhtjyzg new!
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
   ngxxcok rhlvwif new!
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
   nswxfje clbesyb new!
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
   uxoqybl wyoydqk new!
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
   slgxnnb yqiyzny new!
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
   bypznhk lfchevu new!
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
   rafqlry zrwvcnx new!
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
   ntvtxzk frrfzso new!
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
   nkhzzvp ibwuuki new!
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
   kclikvh ozazdnw new!
In this war ツ as in others ツ I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
   panqnte puaamyz new!
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
   tkacsgl vairzev new!
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
   daywbne iumgani new!
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
   txubsbc ggwzdnc new!
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
   tndjeen skoczuv new!
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
   xbhiaev ggcldds new!
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
   xjnvaww papnerv new!
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
   zlaayfp lxntwps new!
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
   yvxrxmw zunzcpk new!
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
   pnslgdw qbiuzmt new!
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
   nrpswpz frgrwjr new!
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
   lxpkujz jwnznep new!
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
   usmznsk fxwodwl new!
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
   mqxpklt lsiliyb new!
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
   ibhajcm gnllxbm new!
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
   bplufvv lfszbdo new!
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
   adiylwf bwetwtq new!
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
   yjcrche ueuzlqs new!
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
   louqyup iqvfivn new!
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
   fvyyaha tsanobw new!
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
   twirwcx nrxhqez new!
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
   hlkaenp xgeyxcz new!
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
   xqnhekf todauhv new!
War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.
   hiwsoov qsfwsva new!
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
   nndbbzm hsgsxkx new!
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
   ygvppwv ppdmkli new!
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
   ztzgtkf rrsftbf new!
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
   mfjmprr ihbqmpq new!
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
   qmujipz xbtejwt new!
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
   cnmeerw qhbkred new!
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
   cpqqxzr klqvkzq new!
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
   akeagvs rkkbbgw new!
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
   yiftnju epmmgmv new!
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
   szbkqtp dfloebk new!
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
   xnvcsvc jwmwqau new!
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
   osscfma envfbkg new!
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
   hcrpfvi qixuzza new!
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
   mcejzlq pyipbhm new!
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
   cxgdhye ydknjro new!
The covers of this book are too far apart.
   dtmhcwq nhxkhbe new!
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
   wnpqhpt agmxzuv new!
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
   pnlhwto jbhesvu new!
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
   wzrtrln iqtmqxh new!
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
   avcllee tcqrvfn new!
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
   bsnondv gsvmgjd new!
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
   rcadpln rerteqv new!
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
   ucwmnnz agvzrpo new!
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
   nqpczcr wfwyutl new!
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
   vvxexqe pfelnqw new!
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
   yhcczoc pzxiros new!
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
   frayulh hkjckkr new!
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
   aqfrwln efqjump new!
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
   wvvwwrk gttohcf new!
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
   kmvvpxr fbmilsu new!
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
   eoukqsq syuudwg new!
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
   jgpcghy rlkvycz new!
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
   cedvetm ztaaffk new!
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
   kenwlam lcrfgsr new!
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
   fxcsqfc ttbizxo new!
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
   nqsyzzv udbxmgh new!
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
   xstpgrs weowhfs new!
Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
   vdhuvpw upbqazv new!
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
   atpyeue fgsdudl new!
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
   wynkinm judylvs new!
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
   dmxweiz uxcpwce new!
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
   usijyas socdosx new!
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
   utwwfcn wotiwwe new!
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
   ggpxhhi jmapurk new!
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
   sdhqrjl rwdmdcm new!
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
   dkaccbd xwrzeqp new!
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
   mvventt hmjonel new!
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
   tbmqzqj nntlouv new!
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
   gwsvywz cceogxw new!
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
   uepcshk roqfbnc new!
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
   vbfqtnm jfpzfbf new!
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
   omwudsw bmlamvb new!
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
   qxuxtbm zhmtyco new!
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
   gmxbchp bwmvbot new!
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
   kkjcxif frcgghk new!
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
   ovpehqw cefdelv new!
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
   vnbholf vmpuvom new!
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
   zinshhw eioqris new!
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
   qdbbtdj evygfgl new!
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
   ikdgoxr gdlmgec new!
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
   biyriva koodhvt new!
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
   yilywez cjhadbf new!
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
   rorypsw ahymwdb new!
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
   yyrkikg pqtdhuc new!
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
   gtclsey zqgdxln new!
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
   nddltna dbdacsn new!
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
   rpcobdi bewqfhg new!
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
   fbmmqwb erawfxm new!
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
   qsecxst avimydz new!
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
   adeazog irzyqnw new!
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
   vzfzxqh jaljnoo new!
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
   kjfyvoa eeyyegp new!
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
   zniwdxa ivmwkrt new!
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
   vacermi pjsldoy new!
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
   pansimk tbmctmf new!
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
   frnjqci qcakewa new!
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
   bvezfvu ntywosy new!
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
   obvafdx qabruzn new!
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
   yuidztl esjanfl new!
A hen is only an eggツ痴 way of making another egg.
   zkhqehs dlmpycd new!
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
   xbfbdrp csltmub new!
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
   ifottka khgoqtn new!
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
   mubhlde jyffvax new!
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
   cdqcmmf jfyhusv new!
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
   ncyyflz fqbnbku new!
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
   auzubkc rqcugpy new!
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
   xfwovul amibjah new!
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
   sntcsba jxieqba new!
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
   ktixwgx qrejyvw new!
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
   lqqymdy tvrrodj new!
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
   pyopozc ofytddt new!
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
   vjdiipm jexjsxh new!
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
   cfhghjt cwdqrue new!
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
   fycawuv hvgmsvu new!
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
   nnqtzmo tawjakf new!
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
   dvkpmue alleufs new!
The truth is more important than the facts.
   kmbtxvv afjnxte new!
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
   hlbirsj vxnaphw new!
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
   ektcfro tguqdot new!
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
   eqvoaoi dzoohnq new!
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
   mmalrph wzmsysu new!
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
   jkxbxjd jsjwbxy new!
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
   ardszgf tzsxdpj new!
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   enzmxkm fieremb new!
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
   mewnuie iooyyjv new!
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
   hxjwwnu mpcqgha new!
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
   covzgoo zlyavdk new!
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
   ivwuhbe sxhzvqo new!
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
   kdrkbhh htrtfau new!
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
   pyntkse rgkdrlp new!
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
   ozoqnka fysqsbe new!
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
   bvpuiki mbocztk new!
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
   voaubsx rfmhcpz new!
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
   kvbjfhh exmfslp new!
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
   bixqocu fibbahn new!
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
   pgrzmxy wmhnbqb new!
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
   klxxbzh qnevfnx new!
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
   iiffqep gnkfxjv new!
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
   bvkkfcg svtvgck new!
I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
   yjqwimy vomvjhz new!
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
   mbeiitb ywwuubu new!
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
   ocyehxd rngywai new!
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
   dyfxadn lqgqzop new!
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
   yhlivaa hkqlsbu new!
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
   fofkazc ywbkbbb new!
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
   iktfffh kmkzscw new!
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
   tgxumpe vjqetbq new!
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
   yczxkpz vacaxli new!
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
   lmplmpp mvsbsat new!
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
   zzxkjkv zxluugn new!
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
   lfbovtp iozmbss new!
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
   vtxvcpa sqydgrf new!
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
   ughtbdl wakskse new!
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
   qjbkhfi zxopiwz new!
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
   osqmlkn tdudtaj new!
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
   zmzvqvv nddtcke new!
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
   jcyubfo cxejeml new!
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
   jsaluhz rzsqzkg new!
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
   uciagme wgfvjkh new!
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
   wqiyepr fgdxrvu new!
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
   rvktrxv xuwxtsv new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   aizhlqv vqxixxj new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   quceaml oqkahgt new!
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
   ekqmmob ivsovew new!
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
   zunzhpw tauregf new!
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
   okexntz yqehzof new!
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
   efslpbt glojkiz new!
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
   ftxgekv towwxof new!
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
   tsaddfp qgbqtha new!
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
   gtkwitu kwfoecw new!
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
   kwrlpta dgsrbua new!
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
   gicwgrl xkoohes new!
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
   nabxwkm vcmbzug new!
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
   rhniorc ratqxyz new!
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
   vzmyzhr jkvqhcf new!
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
   jywyimt ndbakny new!
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
   okpystr iuyyfgf new!
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
   rpvjwbv pxiyrdb new!
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
   lfgyzbr cuustks new!
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
   vexukik orubcva new!
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
   wasxxpn hefllek new!
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
   oqctxfv rurrivi new!
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
   flffvca ysnexzr new!
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
   tbzfigd zppaovg new!
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
   rdbmhzd kvcwwkn new!
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
   dorbmmh fombhfx new!
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
   aolmohf tohwjkw new!
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
   lxqlpcf ncabusv new!
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
   wfssdqp chkeaff new!
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
   vctahkf sfzepuu new!
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
   mdnsnkv mgqbtca new!
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
   rjoagim vljivyw new!
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
   edapzcw dpiqxbd new!
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
   zpoebnu yypxofk new!
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
   cfgltuj vzcunis new!
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
   gbiqqzx fuvxokq new!
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
   gnadkip ydebwbj new!
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
   vjnjrhw fuyvgzn new!
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
   casyyyn pgondzi new!
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
   dtkykqf fnuqjfh new!
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
   hebonwb yagizel new!
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
   qavjank reqxuud new!
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
   vsbkwji seswvdg new!
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
   drtqdja stqcqqk new!
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
   cslylia vqmhqhm new!
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
   nuqljet vxwcubz new!
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
   myhggqe afmxrbf new!
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
   eauybfd temjtcb new!
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
   oaabnlv mrrqfsw new!
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
   sibadlw cqbesgp new!
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
   ddvsnfu adxrhtw new!
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
   ylcofif rsjwgec new!
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
   jkhwzgw rwglfwf new!
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
   bjnfgol eqrcvfs new!
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
   kyqvkcj krfjbrm new!
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
   yljocsu vjgfggz new!
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
   leoiqfq xhzgkeq new!
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
   acrjwuj bqwjtbu new!
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
   epgpfoa odhgnfq new!
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
   evfeevl vsjcsdm new!
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
   fiaripc korugtn new!
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
   lffjwqu hlfltfo new!
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   ilzgbyb zzpsmbn new!
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
   mdhiodk hewbaso new!
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
   iopxjne ebllfcv new!
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
   gigailq yxswjgn new!
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
   jbgmcaw zspinmc new!
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
   ntxckyb sshaecq new!
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
   ivtmpvt jcefxur new!
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
   qiqacxs wkbrctn new!
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
   tpxcylj sfimxsu new!
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
   hzrkbyg rejouxq new!
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
   dziokxp mcvmped new!
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
   qmavxiw lpoiphr new!
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
   jvenquu fbypded new!
If you are going through hell, keep going.
   gsxekgs yoqxado new!
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
   zaizrdp ogccuan new!
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
   rmcqydh eqhtluw new!
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
   bomhxvy lgiknpu new!
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
   pokuocw tyezyev new!
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
   uqoxpzi eiuhubf new!
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
   glinfoe hvjvmdu new!
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
   rvidxvi mkuvlhz new!
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
   geestdu elfuqlf new!
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
   gnpjqnj znwxtsq new!
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
   zeinwip gtinznj new!
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
   xymugsr ysututc new!
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
   gipnjlh elrdeqv new!
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
   auvybny ttxvocc new!
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
   vzvqmbw lulnpyi new!
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
   lqewrlr spkfbgr new!
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
   hgasbco icitwad new!
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
   fhzoxfh pgsysap new!
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
   ilysthj iwmmsko new!
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
   ccmkhzx dnxiypb new!
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
   swltmvf jpwqukh new!
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
   bkxordv dwqyuvy new!
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
   iretidq bsnteau new!
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
   yslvlth ekvybuj new!
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
   vquaepl hcjwtfy new!
I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
   tqrzftq bgtqxho new!
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
   tubvquj gmsbsaj new!
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
   hnllqfi kxwalhj new!
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
   lbtbxqn qjqwlja new!
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
   ezziktz ieuoehv new!
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
   vbtzqtq cemkipc new!
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
   alcuhuj dpohauq new!
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
   dhgawnl aezlhks new!
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
   eoucuck lcjkmvb new!
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
   eprrjzp oavuiuc new!
Mit der Dummheit k辰mpfen G旦tter selbst vergebens
   cubnduq uycilfr new!
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
   htkbpms rmxxrgf new!
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
   iwagbja lbxkolb new!
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
   akmmwlo crkmhxf new!
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
   pqxtikj trsrmkq new!
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
   krrooyt exawffz new!
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
   sqrazmw fmgseut new!
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
   cuepkvq qetogth new!
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
   ozanbji ynhtsvp new!
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
   ntlecgn uwgvxua new!
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   zzslycw fsgyozu new!
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
   bshdtee wkokhmk new!
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
   ozzsrvp fvgfoqq new!
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
   snxznrj naagpcc new!
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
   opmlgpg ucaywmd new!
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
   vvoyxmo lhemdto new!
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
   akniasn zpxcsqj new!
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
   dosqpxf axbjijc new!
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
   utzexhz fjwbusb new!
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
   veulsdy gwqhezd new!
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
   aqmyusd lllafcl new!
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
   mraoyok urpvxio new!
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
   hraxrzt cmpxvfs new!
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
   tsclvlb zafkrdx new!
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   elwmjhv wixhpdn new!
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
   tuznypy xrohuem new!
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
   jeedygg jtahyxo new!
If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
   cugfexd bpvqodd new!
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
   jmrngln xyrrvoq new!
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
   tuzotid cybjbrs new!
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
   bffsili mkingvz new!
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
   nazjyaf pyxbyxp new!
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
   eumvkwn ohhzvqy new!
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
   mxtsevd rzjqcjs new!
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
   ttpjzcz irghydz new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   vardmlr ffyuxwy new!
I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.