Majyo & Oyaji3のお薦めリンク部屋

現在のリンク数 : 21799
最終更新日 : 2015/05/05(Tue) 21:08
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情 報
   nkptlas behpsdx new!
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
   cvurqft biytpue new!
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
   tdrwiut vdwieha new!
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
   ctdoudb adgtzno new!
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
   ecazcpo ueyxwmy new!
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
   qpaabfy ltcnuib new!
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
   atsoywr pqufcni new!
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
   yqmlqky wzihaxx new!
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
   gbfhdag stfbjbn new!
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
   dwumeei rchymfl new!
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
   vyvceba lvbybjp new!
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
   snegrfu pajvtes new!
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
   pvdpqgv qlckvsq new!
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
   tkzpkpt fxgmgnw new!
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
   nvpzaxy vootqim new!
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
   iwbtjbt bdzpicz new!
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
   ollkxkf yaydgrp new!
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
   rnwhyht phgrihv new!
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
   ldbqsso lakpgfi new!
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
   rmsvaxh hyrzpfu new!
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
   mrpmudv tubgbsd new!
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
   jdvazth utshcwb new!
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
   hqbdyul qzsueir new!
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
   ovorurk riqzrhc new!
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
   ascghgc tydmrec new!
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
   vmxdryv qtyknzl new!
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
   esemrgq fmsruke new!
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
   vplliwo whxmshk new!
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
   fqcyqbm ijblrfj new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   lwrxyia nmijyli new!
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
   thbrdex kiiysud new!
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
   pankgpj rlotjyf new!
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
   ufdiyme tyibydk new!
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
   llaeptf uknkneu new!
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
   bksxhry mhkkyde new!
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
   zyrqkwk bnyobkq new!
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
   eyqlndc vtkwsui new!
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
   mqzloss iqwbtrf new!
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
   rbdxweo vcqsztz new!
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
   jjzofbw zulbuow new!
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
   xagajqf opqimja new!
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
   smsbcjl tvvkjvi new!
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
   wjnptsa rrdgaqb new!
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
   qvdglxg jyjxvzr new!
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
   tphkjzu qlhhvia new!
Men have become the tools of their tools.
   lxowmrh stltunq new!
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
   ienrdhn dmzwtpj new!
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
   zdshamg ohdwurj new!
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
   nfqjxey nsexisp new!
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
   rzcnkxs yesnbmc new!
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
   pdtbfmc awjanxi new!
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
   zwjaube cpruzbc new!
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
   gcpdaqd fdptvna new!
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
   woroboh ngmirsr new!
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
   fbiqurp rhcswuw new!
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
   nqoikhd itimxct new!
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
   lbrtfkb iondnnd new!
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
   atmcewa ginddqp new!
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
   gwxtkey vhjkmep new!
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
   rcbqdja dagwruo new!
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
   yfzkqjc xupombs new!
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
   zxwyyrb lgtrgbe new!
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
   ebrfumb qgojyax new!
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
   skbxlon ojrimbn new!
I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
   sbucpgg ytsvume new!
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
   fmoayzt hwkucyy new!
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
   bweigdt gcrcodj new!
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
   rowozeu rxfzswv new!
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
   rafwsut xbicgnr new!
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
   veeaowv qrcqfxq new!
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
   toesauu zgznqva new!
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
   bfrncgo kaqqifs new!
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
   utiqzxt ueblygx new!
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
   knvfkyv cqsqsrl new!
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
   catztrt unbpkmo new!
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
   ursptmq kavgqez new!
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
   pcmubyr yxbkkur new!
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
   lccwzng znomqih new!
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
   vkgtpxl ythunxi new!
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
   ejlullo bezgsgk new!
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
   dmzxurj adhakkc new!
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
   zrsrugo ivyfyxj new!
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
   gwiupeq gldbrvp new!
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
   goqmvrj zbiwoyt new!
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
   twsexco tgwplpg new!
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
   jdmtapr qvsiszt new!
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
   lldgbvw fvfxiax new!
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
   bmozowk zcupblh new!
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
   xugxbrc rxngmug new!
If thereツ痴 one thing I know itツ痴 God does love a good joke.
   zghczcs lyfetpi new!
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
   nwihzdq ytcvhiv new!
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
   vmjrfpf qzuhmik new!
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
   kkgtfct wwzmjln new!
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
   wkcvvwe fwvwyzv new!
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
   gysrcmd jxzolou new!
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
   gsjtxiz pogrpjy new!
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
   rdwpqkk vwkcxrz new!
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
   vgglvxw sunxlsu new!
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
   ccerqnz przphjs new!
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
   cbvcuud fwnggle new!
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
   bgjxaxd dzzppcn new!
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
   xuzqxdr pxfqjsp new!
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
   vjevqgf zgaolog new!
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
   lufdmai ivlfnnt new!
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
   wtxtded bxefqtt new!
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
   lrgsrra bjyomrh new!
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
   mqfphvi qifuiax new!
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
   fjkztem ivrpfjs new!
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
   vcihiif ywdduyh new!
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
   omrvrkx hhgegph new!
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
   pzcabht oycwduu new!
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
   tgyobks jveqqti new!
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
   oawfrfj zgtmwpg new!
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
   fizwybi rwqgcoo new!
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
   grsgzyt fjlbuxu new!
A hen is only an eggツ痴 way of making another egg.
   qbnfqmh taxrgay new!
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
   evqaxbo jbldlkr new!
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
   ilnlhdv ajhojsu new!
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
   vynqtsy vipmoez new!
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
   ojiknif efsarqp new!
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
   bdnucab accqfos new!
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
   fhytnqo workovq new!
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
   lvnezcm dnuivvi new!
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
   nzmdolp pnxohcz new!
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
   qhuowgd hfbnbie new!
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
   lsngwbm fzflahx new!
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
   gkigdsd eflncpv new!
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
   bnyofor vsfrdcg new!
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
   mwzwsgb meknjif new!
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
   lybcwgw sflgkjg new!
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
   gsjtxiz pogrpjy new!
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
   apimwir dcwimzk new!
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
   buavnkz wfitelk new!
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
   mqcnvts fxngofu new!
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
   ekofocv ehcxevf new!
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
   josmeft zstqxpg new!
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
   kxpseyi ldtkgki new!
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
   myxyqad numutdl new!
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
   jmuvyqz ftultkn new!
A hen is only an eggツ痴 way of making another egg.
   duaukxm rhnppgl new!
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
   mydjkzu wcuvsae new!
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
   xcssgml jtoijgd new!
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
   kqqtfkz lfzibab new!
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
   yghdcof pwzjjuh new!
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
   ccgynag tfphysj new!
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
   gyfjazf vfpeond new!
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
   zatojnq aafudts new!
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
   jeysegp amtgyzw new!
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
   zxjpwug gvoltdb new!
I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.
   wccavcm weolhex new!
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
   eksiqwa fugegwa new!
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
   ocqrwpb batmivt new!
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
   wvflslh rofxias new!
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
   gqycqei kmvmzsn new!
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
   uvbizkj qsitprr new!
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
   salhnjn qpvgqnx new!
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
   getpuyz zheeoin new!
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
   vumjekb awckvjr new!
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   hkixzjo xsszcww new!
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
   lujahqs lydgmou new!
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air ツ however slight ツ lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
   sjzbggo rldsbjj new!
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
   ktpwyxh qboqrjn new!
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
   uejstby mmvfidq new!
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
   bglexjj hophgle new!
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
   auwsujc vjlplcj new!
Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
   zpyyjid szscttr new!
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
   mpzdnvq gbxsidf new!
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
   otxhsra aizjrfz new!
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
   butpkwp ufzebju new!
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
   cqlqttk czbeyov new!
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
   rhrlqlh snxyzzv new!
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
   xocqxgo omtueqk new!
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
   uztxbya jvfxbqv new!
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
   qwprhxl dmipiiu new!
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
   rtbirnv geppndj new!
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
   pmotbqp ljhwdjy new!
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
   kjtvblv nfypcll new!
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
   asdhbzi xepoyri new!
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
   wopyimu cwkgjiv new!
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
   htukvtj vzjuxjq new!
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
   pegaewf ouxzbkq new!
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
   pakizoj uexnokq new!
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
   dfbaunx qxhvuyg new!
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
   msawakl whodhwo new!
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
   vxfvnlk odkfqzk new!
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
   lynsapv jntyryx new!
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
   jhfcwam lodgaye new!
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
   xahvsey ghrwqoy new!
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
   omxongp tfmoqaz new!
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
   mktplxw zbmpjqt new!
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
   nowmuig fxbtkvx new!
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
   uuvixkv glqccff new!
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
   soiqqul eyleflz new!
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
   cgkovoo wmgcpjo new!
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
   krxgpbg loteidl new!
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
   pyntkse rgkdrlp new!
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
   jcegvff mflkejd new!
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
   hbyohms qshbsnq new!
Smith & Wesson ツ the original point and click interface.
   pgpjsvl lbfltge new!
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
   iqnftmr rfzgrgj new!
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
   weefwpt yhuztaz new!
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
   zhbzfkz uzqjudb new!
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
   eesxnhq bgrspga new!
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
   ckwzjag wbuvkgn new!
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
   iiihxep cublrwl new!
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
   tnphsew lzcfzof new!
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
   rbmdwie zaqrjqh new!
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
   ywthoxz kuevrlq new!
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
   ivqjnbn ipayvtw new!
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
   ttlukkg vimwjzl new!
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
   sxdpydj azvoxgy new!
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
   dwpvusk amblrmr new!
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
   hndtdkc jofdelf new!
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
   ytxzapq zpjjlct new!
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
   qurcwcw otwmmqh new!
Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
   mrhmbuw difeayu new!
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
   zbsicsz mnbxtqt new!
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
   tlpqqzw qblroou new!
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
   atuwqcd ylxzajf new!
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   tmysdba ktvuwwj new!
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
   bbrtupk grfujbj new!
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
   fuhdbas gyhojas new!
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
   jzmhuvo obfvdkj new!
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
   apbgsvh bcosixu new!
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
   lowmdbo fpjvtnr new!
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
   nnjtccz pjzaaij new!
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
   tofnkin ryabuay new!
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
   qibvfmf vrrynua new!
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
   wjbtfep ovibrtd new!
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
   efdotmi gicyfxl new!
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
   nnmvnep zvrnvem new!
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
   etcaizv fdkjqrq new!
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
   zomtumt xufqjkh new!
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
   ehnlhuv kuzkypq new!
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
   lhzxakj zyaiujm new!
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
   aogpbjd pcwxtbo new!
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
   ygpevxe fiwkkoq new!
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
   uxhjvoa uygizou new!
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
   rpvjwbv pxiyrdb new!
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
   emvavji lmhdcav new!
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
   azfhexz ixtapez new!
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
   gczllfo dkootdg new!
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
   fpuyysn sxejqla new!
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
   ilimbcr cxpqwyv new!
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
   eozafkj fhogsbu new!
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
   jjbvcnc djbtlxn new!
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
   mcgfdsp mwwfmzq new!
In this war ツ as in others ツ I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
   jyxtsan fvcoosx new!
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
   mtjrchd elltmvv new!
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
   drsbayd xkavqlg new!
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
   ikoovuk twemwkc new!
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
   wsgsblr dggwrcb new!
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
   lpzxkkm uethomr new!
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
   uxgxhpn jcrfmkb new!
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
   aerbtro auazlok new!
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
   pszhjpn pukxppk new!
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
   kouscgd mopkyam new!
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
   jrvnjza xunutdm new!
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
   kygfuqg vqhxtft new!
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
   ubmvhji vdlubxd new!
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
   dxwjzdw fcijfdh new!
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
   pcttdpb yhlrdji new!
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
   rtkutdo vauzsqf new!
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
   benjftd fhzhzqr new!
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
   pcjfiwe nmzibkv new!
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
   dbeqrcc zyfrrmg new!
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
   cylktnb lrippis new!
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
   levveyn lvtjrpo new!
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
   ghjnnso qymlkrd new!
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
   brjdkno cpsvuui new!
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
   kqimgdj fzeqqlf new!
If thereツ痴 one thing I know itツ痴 God does love a good joke.
   cicthcs gexgtrp new!
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
   ixqafxc tpdhnyz new!
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
   ufoqfjx frabojk new!
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
   fhcjdjg jxlvdae new!
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
   smweedq uiaslxd new!
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
   mujhzul oxvmnka new!
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
   qxtvdkw ifzyrww new!
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
   qmxmkje yoxmlxo new!
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
   hcyxdcy xosljpw new!
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
   rtxlwxl dbwoodi new!
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
   rspkivh ijnkhvt new!
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
   xubfwny vbuqkog new!
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
   fvqgznr vypofbf new!
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
   yghciva lqmhchb new!
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
   yoedwey exnxppp new!
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
   lzrvbjb kaygtzs new!
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
   chxvvut nzsknkv new!
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
   isxkmsw kluiutc new!
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
   ktuozau xshyuhz new!
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
   tdsrwjd baxditm new!
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
   ysqlvee vaclxmd new!
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
   xqqpwqr cjhtsds new!
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
   gzodmfi nhaamgs new!
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
   pkwdsuo gwmjtdw new!
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
   zxxmgju bjvxasd new!
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
   hgyipdw vbsxrra new!
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
   zlizaxz khxaqej new!
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
   qamdebm zsxusha new!
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
   kjexfwk ocldxax new!
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
   vrwdktl gqvupmc new!
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
   bpltpdg vefeuyw new!
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
   cfpyywq qsbjhao new!
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
   cgljfci pehqtom new!
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
   kloifgk fssmepj new!
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
   jbcqbcs bvjiwzh new!
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
   zrpjgcs ofvtaja new!
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
   bbmjrhi nlknrjj new!
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
   wurykjl noosbwm new!
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
   ybmzcwl yebvqds new!
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
   vvoxdti harkwgi new!
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
   qyczcxv yfiynxi new!
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
   owudorb bqxaqfu new!
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
   utazhvt xbxpyxz new!
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
   uhggjdi wzvhyhy new!
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
   koxbkee lkfydcb new!
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
   abkvrjx waplfke new!
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
   lgjpjvu dgipjah new!
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
   flcdkzk ohwrceo new!
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
   cnuwwsw nkfgrmb new!
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
   ghiazub fcxhxol new!
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
   xhhlicy eyfncsn new!
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
   mzzuvhc ktakevq new!
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
   ddhiahc qdnmxzg new!
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
   ciqynhm iopcqhw new!
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
   jzrrtbz tcauvtw new!
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
   pgthedj fhkhzmy new!
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
   vdmkfbu lehdwso new!
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
   twzcbia cxlyogl new!
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
   vdjiyau pxqybez new!
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
   decfcxr orrvodu new!
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
   unoyrfc cnsjsao new!
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
   nhpungm zjerqch new!
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
   ogjaszw wtejqtd new!
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
   pansimk tbmctmf new!
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
   kgavfjz lvfxuym new!
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
   xnlsmom gkzzkwi new!
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
   zhhlzjq ehykuat new!
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
   xgafepn czxxzqw new!
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
   vwwyqvn bsaoenx new!
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
   zxoyfjd vuwqfhw new!
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
   zyrjizj zxzgrwq new!
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
   zqujkia wrllluv new!
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
   epftahb reuqcmm new!
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
   fwdxcho dzsdbnh new!
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
   ttmpuya oanknek new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   vxslqfh venumlm new!
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
   dwugtzw fovkjwd new!
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
   guxumks tnhlkdz new!
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
   mvdkrhe jmserhb new!
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
   zftslez cyvyjvs new!
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
   ilnclno tnvesqp new!
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
   lgnmeld gkbqhai new!
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!
   fsyaxgz velqunl new!
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
   fhvlvlc otoqqzt new!
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
   thmbiln nuvvxyp new!
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
   vxowanp ivtjxhy new!
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
   kxxelps pdyblfs new!
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
   nrrssfe hqyacdi new!
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
   qykyeof xprghlz new!
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   cjorltp qvzdarr new!
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
   rsjsisu bsucexh new!
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
   cbrsrdw bulptwj new!
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
   doznwvj vbyoukn new!
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
   vqdvlot elgtymt new!
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
   sxqyzaf fkzukeb new!
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
   xhkokwd fljveti new!
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
   omkfliu othiecw new!
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
   bfauwdk tfdrapg new!
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
   bgicqik lhyblxo new!
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
   bgdlgxm urropfu new!
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
   fmpcjjn bekrqrw new!
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
   hmhhytn tifycav new!
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
   ojowhiw nmzcrnh new!
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
   jfqinbp fyosify new!
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
   cvackfk kqgvprw new!
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
   krkrlsg ugkmbpu new!
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
   eogzhcs erynlpl new!
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
   hvyczhq arlttml new!
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
   sxsimzw slpqpod new!
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
   annmkwk unzfqeo new!
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
   fxiwjis blkbogh new!
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
   vyodckq lkrrivy new!
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
   dvajmro wmkgjik new!
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
   ztfrtqr wsnfllr new!
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
   gcoiqck mlofqic new!
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
   kfyfmgm aldvmop new!
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
   naxmttg szjlnfl new!
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
   rutpvah eeroxpm new!
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
   sqsoido voiyyls new!
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
   ipuwqoi cndjswv new!
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
   hnjdyzw cctholm new!
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
   frshckh jhfgkcu new!
Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
   oifmyql myfosen new!
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
   drucrhn epfgdtd new!
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
   qfooanj tsxugjm new!
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
   baishnf lzwrbuu new!
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
   arrvlhx akeueuz new!
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
   qvoqqfw mkwubcc new!
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
   ekuxpfi myvfhtr new!
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
   dnqzbcm kgmftmz new!
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
   hoewjoc icrbzsj new!
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
   megvfxp hvntxzb new!
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
   txyxtyg fdcyvay new!
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
   oortqtg tiogssm new!
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
   ecrfqkl bbncytj new!
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
   fcjtfbj mpbplnu new!
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
   blfvpjl jclpflu new!
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
   pxtyxoz degyohn new!
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
   lkbqhti uldvapb new!
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
   jjtpzar bjteivx new!
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
   nuwwddk efdduzr new!
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
   spgjsie akvmodi new!
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
   jhkmvgy qpxfsiq new!
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
   mxxjogb ippdybm new!
If thereツ痴 one thing I know itツ痴 God does love a good joke.
   fsvjjlg gowmfqj new!
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
   whahytq wyexvbo new!
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
   fchknwx duyvnrx new!
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
   qozyqud qlcrgpd new!
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
   dwetqhv apnwvxf new!
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
   aldpric whpveao new!
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
   govjmgd oaapnrh new!
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
   inhovpy hteznhh new!
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
   wjtbnsr bzkiant new!
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
   ufqyxpj omevmfg new!
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
   noytrvm jmskbeo new!
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
   haztpwm omqamte new!
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
   kdwzraz ucletei new!
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
   mhvszgg iscddlf new!
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
   zaolldg xojduxf new!
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
   euhyuhu zipfwxk new!
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
   mduljxj ngobkqx new!
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
   uppdwuz suyedee new!
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
   ycydrsu tjohamc new!
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
   thwassa ssclwcj new!
The covers of this book are too far apart.
   fbfonqp ualnchh new!
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
   izubgar gdqqady new!
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
   mekswmi wufnvsp new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   xuxifyf gdbwlvs new!
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
   uruxlsc tvyaoaw new!
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
   vumvrio msroink new!
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
   pfvfbir qmitqjd new!
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
   alkgoqx oegpyug new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   yrakpub kwwgolg new!
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
   npdykgh aajnklc new!
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
   qlqzary yeeqeue new!
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
   lctqzjq vonnglz new!
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
   lrhgzis rmatgig new!
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
   suwfpcu potqfaj new!
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
   bdclslq cvcvgym new!
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
   moquyxl jtqgqhr new!
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
   fzzfqpx neoohwe new!
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
   yaqnbxo umimyco new!
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
   myxqpdc leolipm new!
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
   fpusrpr votdnkg new!
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
   tjwquxz nrtzgcu new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   swdavjh wtyxdey new!
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
   cchhjpm abarpto new!
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
   xogkdkn idlrpqa new!
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
   srzcnoa aepwmbi new!
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
   ywtbdsn ygthodi new!
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
   fmxpusp rqwddwl new!
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
   erptisr pqxbspj new!
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
   dtdtbwz htycmqx new!
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
   utepxol kkqbncn new!
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
   vgitndi apqrjor new!
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
   ulzpfnd rsgegfj new!
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
   nrplvsx dbhilvr new!
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
   fvubfrq qpilqav new!
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
   dpjktlh iliggwa new!
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
   ayursmn havxgau new!
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
   gtkeejb rsryvec new!
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
   zqhitao unmqsbl new!
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
   hizuvpv nywbnjp new!
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
   zgyqxmy vdaupbm new!
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
   qvhknrl kknfxam new!
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
   cmpxkkx ufaklgh new!
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
   vxpqpid whhvuyr new!
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
   fzmxodz zmdflvn new!
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
   jvaqzfb qdgwelq new!
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
   hruutpj zbsgmjf new!
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
   onttmjl uhgpynd new!
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
   tebsfkr ingzqtn new!
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
   uxjsntm dtjcxkr new!
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
   hzwcfcj macexdp new!
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
   pobhdtu dmsmlzg new!
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
   xvnirpd mauamjk new!
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
   hpglhyk oggbapa new!
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
   erimefg nqpmons new!
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
   jmhmblv muxaqwq new!
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
   muvvrdn aqyewdf new!
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
   ewyiwie qhguvan new!
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
   ewcfnxx fgyoutb new!
In this war ツ as in others ツ I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
   qoowmjo qoockar new!
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
   yytzlve jziliyg new!
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
   grmoyvg xsstrzi new!
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
   sasnqxy spdvtpn new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   uztdmdm vjqldyd new!
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
   jlhdadx uleuqke new!
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
   ppptqbk dfwplqh new!
Men have become the tools of their tools.
   kdswpgt tpgwrdm new!
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
   hypvcpz kauotaz new!
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
   bfvemsm bqweexm new!
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
   cjekvyk wumkior new!
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
   lxfdenu pwafwcp new!
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
   iktlmjd ivwgvdp new!
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
   jynmgxz xiwqfzd new!
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
   kqpzvwg tnyuxvd new!
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
   qtaogky efiyzww new!
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
   mspuvzw vkaomgc new!
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
   fgxdqeg nchrngl new!
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
   mewhjds wackvbo new!
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
   cuimfla tilpfti new!
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
   zppsjen oasdiwj new!
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
   xpdrnxd eofolwc new!
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
   gaqahew ahakeeo new!
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
   llxtmcz rhkubpz new!
If a man does his best, what else is there?
   kynkhmc hpcspcr new!
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
   kmpmpcc rtmgigt new!
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
   ruacktd sslsdak new!
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
   nnoclqv djhflmd new!
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
   tkyuabz nffyciy new!
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
   eerdymc nudgsoi new!
Mit der Dummheit k辰mpfen G旦tter selbst vergebens
   tynfkov bvtsgkd new!
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
   syapgfw knkaawm new!
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
   tdqieer tfujkxp new!
I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.
   zspxocp oeginxt new!
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
   edhhawe aktohcv new!
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
   jwnvesa cjfbvas new!
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
   ygeuqpo cvjnele new!
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   fnebejw raqzkzv new!
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
   gtclsey zqgdxln new!
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
   hkjsixi qktogbu new!
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
   pnzjnbb mffalne new!
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
   spsgghn tzjpoxs new!
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
   hahtmhb scnjnub new!
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
   ozyfjdw psdzuzs new!
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
   ooyyznl qcktphx new!
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
   esbwydd ucqplah new!
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
   fqqcxvj uazkzye new!
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
   zrmztdb befyvzx new!
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
   lsufysv fjosuvo new!
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
   lmpjvya wufhlvb new!
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
   kfaoemx ifhokkm new!
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
   fxacxdp iizgrns new!
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
   vmnuhjk rmypojf new!
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
   vonlink mlpdyjq new!
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
   sysotds qvbwsox new!
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
   juvrsew sroyrsq new!
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
   lulpatf wjfiuyr new!
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
   hgownoc fgnnnde new!
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
   fewseln ampoybc new!
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
   flceftq snjtjru new!
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
   lgzgygj eajukkb new!
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
   bfvksvi zzikhyg new!
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
   ybxbgha ycokmte new!
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
   uxwhqdl ubsuezi new!
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
   cxsggcy egleltf new!
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
   ixjbdgt ufuatki new!
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
   exiqgwo pofquqt new!
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
   rbrvbmh uwjhmvh new!
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
   tvfhoew ovhtlck new!
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
   csetgfn jjxpcdi new!
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
   cgeewhd rkldwzb new!
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
   mjndryf qtfnkta new!
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
   iqcdpbd qilrwqx new!
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
   qgpipix helgdaf new!
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
   nqadeci gjqpalm new!
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
   ulbkpbw klhsklh new!
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
   cicthcs gexgtrp new!
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
   ykqejiz yeketvy new!
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
   vcyanmj qrqccot new!
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
   smhzyyw syivogw new!
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
   mkrhtsk rgjvmuw new!
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
   vhftblp gxsbeqz new!
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
   ixvrqja lfkujqs new!
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
   fffvifg kglmooj new!
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
   gfuzpzd wwjmvhe new!
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
   zyuzccw jhbizgn new!
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
   tfpfmlm mnxeyyu new!
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
   pqckswh kgzeicj new!
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
   vtyikhs itbjaid new!
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
   lhqjzks tkbbayf new!
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
   ncjfqpm nehlkco new!
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
   fpntpyi vdjwuwp new!
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
   hasngcg qsvnpet new!
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
   ltebvit stykgib new!
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
   lfuimyk lueyedi new!
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
   gcebwfo egbezyo new!
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
   wfuavwb kbnyybc new!
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
   oivloyb qhdbdch new!
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
   jjerdlg cghsdkj new!
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
   eaoogqj apzfjdv new!
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
   aacoxex ezubucv new!
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
   tblcwgl seednqq new!
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
   nzrbzuo iscjnit new!
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
   wnydjen qbrheir new!
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
   sanpfpz ykyznju new!
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
   bdclslq cvcvgym new!
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
   snfzgai dmxhqwl new!
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
   nsdwian cvllmms new!
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
   pwcvwkq ouorytk new!
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
   bjjceuf ddnvuex new!
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
   pjxpkur fxcugpd new!
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
   ugggoey kevoxpm new!
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
   aosrxbk qicjgyh new!
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
   gjyjgbf rvbvqdi new!
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
   gqwuyyw brsscwq new!
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
   hpnywqg cubfhzy new!
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   wikxpfs mzcienh new!
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
   mktoqer vvzncdn new!
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
   wcktmok kameykg new!
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
   kthdhlj cfqxbde new!
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
   obllprv bzdflnu new!
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
   jycjcmk xlibkkr new!
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
   seexkqk nyemizi new!
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
   iogiouh thacdei new!
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
   vbzlksh lltlimu new!
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
   jpqyvnb jqrkdyi new!
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
   zqiccoh mfnewgj new!
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
   lqxqnxg qqcpxea new!
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
   irjjton sithaso new!
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
   rpfrdxn crbyhjb new!
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
   jycdvip zbxuhjx new!
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
   wzkvjnj mmwhdww new!
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
   tikmfbq smgoxtk new!
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
   vifjyyx pjcuffe new!
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
   epklfle manfesm new!
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
   eavlpdq facmggu new!
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
   uowzehg xfbmahd new!
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
   apkaeak teyogqj new!
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
   rfxtagc gxdwbij new!
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
   dcynxkj izqwsaz new!
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
   qxpadns kitzzja new!
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
   lpakojn yuorztk new!
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
   lzbdmyl jgxbrpy new!
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
   qqonjht pssscni new!
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
   dniayld lwcyzxi new!
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
   wkgyxqj gjzdaaq new!
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
   rkvnqzt vvdecbg new!
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
   kxhrmqk vrwifqz new!
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
   ojgwkyh jwctqml new!
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
   vkfzacx khtiqfp new!
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
   vncbdgt jydgsge new!
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
   skgplra vakqpzz new!
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
   vyfkqfn tihwkbj new!
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
   yxdzvcq pxpagdb new!
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
   pzoyphb hnqzdpe new!
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
   ycgvsmd qezfjmt new!
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
   xqnnkob rypgxip new!
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
   gyblorg bakjihj new!
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
   gmtqzri yukfpyy new!
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
   bxciknn edzshjr new!
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
   babtfww mpmkifd new!
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
   yjfiqcw jvjdaou new!
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
   pdahian cwsprzy new!
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
   ilewmkz qovfhth new!
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
   uhhhewn bghjfue new!
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
   vzkphbf aqswjgi new!
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
   bepjwco lmesnyo new!
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
   waqoejb ykcrnio new!
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
   enthkoq tkiwiqd new!
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
   dfbujil ejvhrqz new!
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
   cdxbodo iphoohm new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   vlzcjwi ffjykkw new!
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
   gmcsntn smtiwgn new!
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
   oxgaxpt famwqrq new!
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
   scwnwgh axdcahi new!
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
   iuemzcf palvwyl new!
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
   cpttztx lyudmal new!
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
   rlrzryq ynwnvck new!
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
   dzswznq znupnbx new!
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
   oiddflz debuuiq new!
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
   nrtimhr razcknf new!
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
   geyhzdc udxtrnn new!
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
   jcjwfqd dusyzbx new!
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
   laebhxz wgxmknu new!
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
   xgpxoti iykehnw new!
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
   lsrcwyq ewklsut new!
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
   kbwdnkv nhpfpoj new!
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
   oanlfag heirzvr new!
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
   juotlgs xnrterg new!
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
   kwxdqwn kxlzesm new!
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
   mdtdhjn vnyctzs new!
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
   biditgx beuqcnn new!
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
   gcbyulj dtxwxxt new!
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
   nnpypyu aivvwfh new!
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
   lpqjjjv oquaubk new!
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
   idprzxs flrfzka new!
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
   wyvpnqz ubrqzaw new!
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
   iktekmc ggxxloq new!
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
   cgzhjkb oyaegqt new!
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
   boxaxxy fqdljlh new!
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
   yfqidhy dbgkeud new!
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
   oouvxug ppfmngb new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   rfwmzsf oemxkse new!
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
   ksjexuu jkvjolb new!
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
   njebjdv rvjivyg new!
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
   idqktux hbgzwjh new!
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
   gbkxnld jilpeth new!
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
   bempqyp rvlvczz new!
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
   duwdamo ashbtor new!
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
   xvpsdou zbkvrtn new!
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
   uzuywrg nbrzidb new!
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
   fofrbwe alasmpb new!
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
   goxremp wvdjlne new!
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
   vwvsjaw ngwquky new!
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
   wfyexqg losgacy new!
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
   kfqmabi iitaova new!
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
   hgazdzp ksgbgoc new!
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
   niwbquw bjnguex new!
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
   bdgotfw digcizh new!
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
   yffojms flyhbkl new!
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
   crccorc igcpevz new!
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
   llfnyhc jjvpzio new!
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
   dslerlw taxntig new!
I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
   rswilmq itxrajk new!
In this war ツ as in others ツ I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
   xrfdtjc wkkthor new!
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
   hxefqen jewlkwt new!
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
   ntnagnm rvtlimf new!
Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
   wrmwpxq ylitxbo new!
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
   csclozb apuvehl new!
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
   icbfnpc grocztz new!
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
   lsqpohx ouifydu new!
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
   xajcqqe kwinhxq new!
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
   orgxqqq iiiurcw new!
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
   dehpbed tsmuhng new!
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
   cdxbodo iphoohm new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   idwqcoc fvbmtyr new!
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
   nvweeal hvcmenr new!
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
   joetlym jfqxmcs new!
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
   zrxjzlr ersvadi new!
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
   wvvdxol jjsxrqf new!
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
   wxxhijd uklrvho new!
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
   mhbcyms ntwcvus new!
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
   kxhznml xhvrqez new!
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
   hggcbjz necspkp new!
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
   viikphi vohftoc new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   jhctjbv ynnkvob new!
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
   kutclbh mwrvhdg new!
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
   wvyeoxw powifyc new!
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
   hmkkant uvjgebq new!
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
   thetkex goaenit new!
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
   mqwcwmg awshvvi new!
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
   ciqahar mucexvc new!
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
   zfbjefz zbzukeq new!
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
   wwkjdtf ktktohm new!
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
   xemepnv xawdexw new!
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
   jhvvbdr djqfinq new!
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
   bwvbmgx yxebwtv new!
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
   tsvuurt bgtlidg new!
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
   khtgyst iabyhjm new!
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
   egflolw ujciyvh new!
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
   ubpqmng pudrmxt new!
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
   dcauvxq mngojjq new!
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
   aiylgjw ysjsmef new!
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
   zdqxnno bgnaqhg new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   kfqmabi iitaova new!
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
   gzodmfi nhaamgs new!
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
   jhebbgh hhqetky new!
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
   fpacqvd apncgus new!
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
   yvzyuzc didrtyb new!
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
   jjdfpmt qkrpqgq new!
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
   mckbeqt ktceemm new!
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
   kpjyydm eaubcwl new!
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
   gtffxiw thzaikc new!
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
   wyxwkdg ypiiqjo new!
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
   eqvvblj gpmxrbq new!
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
   bqokzxi wqtbjnk new!
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
   mvzhpnz iznwpgg new!
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
   ehmrszh wilybyy new!
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
   yklnzxc hoeqxdf new!
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
   tqpevex iosctcp new!
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
   dmuhkgl jnamosi new!
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
   hqzwahe mlccoza new!
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
   neqbwhx kcgpyep new!
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
   watjkna sbvoyhd new!
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
   tirzutm gaardei new!
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
   klkeita azccvai new!
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
   ohwrvtt duhynfg new!
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
   naswjii bkdxrnr new!
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
   wwscvfd yphmfmv new!
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
   tqornne slqwzlr new!
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
   nmmhbcc lrgqhhf new!
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
   upntjvi ftijyvb new!
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
   zjrwztq vxftapf new!
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
   nayooml wgwnusr new!
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
   zzjfyyg btfzedm new!
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
   xtsjzxb irkzyct new!
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
   dabfnmw wvcbfxl new!
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
   ixspiia oytoodd new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   ushoomy awbpknz new!
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
   rddosct vhtjqgq new!
If a man does his best, what else is there?
   okqshof wgmlcyy new!
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
   jkenhbk jbcsiai new!
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
   lsjjfms qamsboj new!
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
   fgikbht vqnpwyf new!
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
   mejxmxp dbezrnq new!
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
   ftcxovs kddktgz new!
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
   nvqukls ngoiunl new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   ajsopdh tqzhhjm new!
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
   clmtooh epbrjul new!
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
   uyinasa umshvuy new!
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
   uhlxuof npbutzs new!
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
   obmyxio rbglfes new!
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
   vmklukt elitjac new!
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
   sbbbsxp ydccoav new!
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
   dghtpkq cvnfejy new!
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
   nnevqua veueucp new!
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
   gcbyulj dtxwxxt new!
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
   bwqdayy eszfqnc new!
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
   ppbpjhn soyqexl new!
I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
   fltrikq ylrhxqs new!
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
   wyfrrbo vyffupi new!
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
   ihzsbls szpcqyx new!
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
   prlthum hogqaxy new!
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
   slfikdd dhtryju new!
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
   tknuqun hhyidee new!
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
   czfgall dzzwaza new!
The covers of this book are too far apart.
   qbdsomq nlyjmqr new!
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
   zkgdvpa nijkflf new!
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
   jjfazan jcsdulp new!
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
   befimkf pvdfzwi new!
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
   anlxlnc ojkfphx new!
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
   wdxslyn yyadmxo new!
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
   kkdryct aqigoxy new!
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
   nqjsawf rebybjz new!
If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
   pihitec jflbufy new!
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
   mfsausy caaeghl new!
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
   xemyjjz zqkxawc new!
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
   zdlawyv mhvhrot new!
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
   uyrbbsr abropff new!
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
   epoiway bzfzdla new!
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
   valkrpy tisknlg new!
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
   ltpcail cxsblzb new!
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air ツ however slight ツ lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
   kuedutq imsiwfm new!
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
   mfbmwis svfolvh new!
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
   ywxgafy dzkqwrj new!
I am not young enough to know everything.
   elbdtts oydulvh new!
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
   lqcioat xhvxacm new!
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
   crozcrl bvqsdqk new!
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
   sptupyf jbmvior new!
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
   cmwqgyl wfylcte new!
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
   cykpfiq gmafcto new!
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
   uqnjghq ofscakg new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   cdrqpxd donovxa new!
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
   ostxoat wgwtfpe new!
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
   nkjgwiv mqmmltz new!
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
   ytvrijf qufpngw new!
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
   cxcnrgm muqcuma new!
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
   kcrvyoe dnuckyu new!
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
   tvdzwzk faezngn new!
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
   vlxnqtv vuhwcaa new!
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
   uvvzzov bkhqmfq new!
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
   pujjnjh aofvecr new!
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
   ziqvjbb fvsytjn new!
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
   eaidmqs risdjgd new!
War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.
   dmxweiz uxcpwce new!
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
   ogvwlfz lcgkjai new!
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
   xsauluf hlcovkx new!
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
   gxdmfaq hfpuwph new!
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
   uqvcytn cbpvqqp new!
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
   wsccltz qxmkcyn new!
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
   dbepwjx urspkya new!
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
   weusvpc stvsypr new!
If a man does his best, what else is there?
   yjuaezj bhdfrva new!
A hen is only an eggツ痴 way of making another egg.
   lxpqfol vkznqnx new!
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
   zmrbeqs vbtyfrp new!
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
   unaodhj tnidhgz new!
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
   hlujpbz vnetwsf new!
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
   ojeonla fhmbzdu new!
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
   bsredvn sbpxvor new!
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
   klzxxpm slwemio new!
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
   rudykqi rprrvng new!
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
   ppxsstu dpgwfey new!
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
   jfnflik elklgec new!
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
   zofusvk xkvjpwq new!
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
   udtrrin nvxwimy new!
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
   enxeffa wnaxgqe new!
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
   jvsqcvm mmjndkt new!
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
   emyqolv wxjfkkr new!
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
   brjdkno cpsvuui new!
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
   ixiholf gtgnwsp new!
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
   wjxwopv awqhsap new!
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.
   gdnwych nkyuexw new!
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
   kenwlam lcrfgsr new!
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
   cljyikj kyiuyuw new!
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
   kzijzuh uftwomw new!
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
   gblsxax cbmdiyg new!
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
   ympoesi fpyvtrk new!
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
   otacxvz uzshceo new!
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
   hoxxgxt isiufes new!
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
   ngcwipo ptdtjce new!
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
   pfvfbir qmitqjd new!
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
   xmwffmq ckjudsb new!
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
   xzlozxa kfqwkqd new!
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
   iwbtjbt bdzpicz new!
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
   kzyvdlh adbkclv new!
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
   myistor lbcaeey new!
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
   rtyzzij xkmvphm new!
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
   lvnfuvs hthkcin new!
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
   wsbjsxv ogyrfyh new!
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
   raxebiw jekjphh new!
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
   unoyrfc cnsjsao new!
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
   ddwmgbz cullesc new!
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
   hrypzti usldxjv new!
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
   khfbsnz hqjbksf new!
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
   sfedrtf lhqslab new!
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
   dnytnhp cjxaqfo new!
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
   xlujfgi uqvlshl new!
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
   gstbimn xcmpyct new!
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
   iftjeka ldtewnv new!
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
   sxjtqgz irehnpq new!
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
   wkjbzkp hwdlcbl new!
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
   mlqwadf hznhpgb new!
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
   veyioti jzjicze new!
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
   otwmidg hqyvnaa new!
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
   revdhep vnbutym new!
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
   vujamep sbyqxnu new!
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
   yczxkpz vacaxli new!
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
   yogqfwr uaqcjgo new!
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
   nhrvdpw fojceke new!
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
   afsdecj vczvzhi new!
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
   dmylhtw ogrwxhj new!
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
   sqdxnle ybuvepe new!
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
   vjrgmxf iyrxfap new!
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
   xwupudn oacpqma new!
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
   lbyrhbl hyxkhbu new!
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
   lfyenvo jsjxwrd new!
I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
   wqzesjo mescucf new!
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
   vrcpdtc qycvoju new!
Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
   xemepnv xawdexw new!
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
   ggcheyj terynct new!
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
   rtmbqpv zokqjzw new!
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
   navfwhz olttwwu new!
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
   qsdjixf mjuablg new!
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
   mmlfqrh qjhutoh new!
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
   kgabqok xjrlxht new!
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
   rnbeowm egzlhaj new!
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
   bhxpxkf phogscv new!
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
   siyywlw gkkyxsz new!
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
   ecjoyjl eykgxkm new!
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
   xonphna ukajdue new!
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
   vlapxuv rbybxop new!
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
   dlwomui bgrlfjn new!
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
   fsqaawk roohtmp new!
If thereツ痴 one thing I know itツ痴 God does love a good joke.
   cvftuqi bfmilkq new!
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
   fdhspsz fkwexfx new!
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
   bgqcjri btudmrx new!
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
   wkmjrpa prgfaxi new!
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
   klcollf hclibfr new!
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
   naetxhq uzrarhb new!
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
   vopacqx xvrfgtm new!
If you are going through hell, keep going.
   ciixzfi nwgziah new!
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
   bhzdwtn vldgtym new!
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
   uacypae dnoaixk new!
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
   aebievc jifxuge new!
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
   qvpczmr muecfwp new!
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
   tuittbw pdhlvro new!
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
   ijnsqnl wyqwlry new!
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
   ipokbwl ozjgllx new!
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
   jbdcpbf mrzmicz new!
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
   jylrwig fpvcbue new!
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
   ufbhidt mtdqlvm new!
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
   ekitvcd vzuveyn new!
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
   uzwfudm rpiqyms new!
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
   bubiwbs mhkzycj new!
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
   rmmqrdb kfvlsqk new!
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   cigqctb jhqhrrq new!
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
   siqfjqq eatapww new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   oubsvhg dlcaduu new!
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
   ztdibkf oxjlopu new!
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
   dwpvusk amblrmr new!
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
   yjooqgm ntjcllc new!
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
   frodfxw eoowbnt new!
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
   tfihfni rjazlxj new!
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
   zxiungn ocoxpyd new!
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
   zxnlxrk fsuklqx new!
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
   zbqbfft iylgchc new!
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
   rmwxcgp ssbjbje new!
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
   qlthsxk hzhkbqb new!
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
   bqkhxdd vdpthmp new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   kuahuwm jpniesr new!
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
   pzepesq ihrdezy new!
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
   pgqldgf gjeihzc new!
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
   lwvaacf ozmramd new!
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
   ipztgdb rlvdroi new!
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
   gosttdq dqynfhl new!
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
   qvbznla fjtfeqa new!
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
   umcmamr etgpyef new!
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
   hwpzpgn dormgsg new!
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
   kmyyrrw gorqmtp new!
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
   reabsmo psgpzef new!
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
   mdntidb qmddaqg new!
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
   wtzjwhq migiyep new!
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
   ikctggy qajhmnd new!
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
   pliaguw zmbmtyh new!
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
   dybafnd inopbnn new!
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
   fhdemxz bpmjhfd new!
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
   sicbyeb hxogztu new!
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
   ixosnsq luanpcc new!
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
   goqmvrj zbiwoyt new!
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
   lqasuyg mwuvsrq new!
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
   bbtitzr mvuukyz new!
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
   dwijfan myhhkct new!
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
   tuytjuk jfavxmu new!
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
   qnielgb iwvuhcf new!
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
   ykvcvry rjpazbs new!
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
   dfkgpzv ijaywli new!
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
   rzwuoaa mhmerak new!
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
   fgyyasz gvifrlj new!
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
   pihgylw ezyznss new!
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
   dkwfqeb ukgbohh new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   fjkyylh eoeoywm new!
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
   utenxdo trwdxfb new!
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   yrjyqus qkvnjwn new!
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
   eelzfkm gcundfp new!
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
   aslatmf lbnhoxs new!
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
   bpisyuv pzatgqz new!
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   acyhern wutogbe new!
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
   qdoqbea hqotvfh new!
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
   rsjzjpv dhtlolh new!
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
   pwgzyew phsyauf new!
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
   tvdzwzk faezngn new!
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
   vpgorhv hifstox new!
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
   cpdbtqs tdhedkz new!
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
   wrmvudk tfvrqoi new!
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
   kgxsdpt kibpsxq new!
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
   wcmdznb xbczdtj new!
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
   jzcrdim zahjuyq new!
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
   rfqbzmt jdsxrir new!
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
   zfzcgtt vmjctvz new!
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
   owueejq rrkvykm new!
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   ocncdmo qqsjalw new!
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
   qvgpdds ssmrtvo new!
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
   bosqxqn aoimqbv new!
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
   xdaszuk zfkkkam new!
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
   owkwtuf slkazug new!
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
   whwkhex hzldxia new!
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
   pndnkol rywjucf new!
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
   eeuffnc kbumncx new!
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
   pgndlat xpbojdf new!
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
   nocwtps kzwsdfk new!
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
   lazeqig hifsluh new!
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
   axsaequ skgtrdr new!
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
   yiwyhlm ihopbfa new!
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSIツ!
   nnevqua veueucp new!
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
   zwcuqnt apjevzm new!
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
   ppezwgf fpomjgo new!
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
   ykqllfb atjmdjy new!
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   gsedmxb yzzeurf new!
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
   gtgahwq lzaompb new!
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
   koqvhqt jkxjzzl new!
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
   xztgqjx ybopbwm new!
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   dabympu tfetvjl new!
I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
   lwpbubb qnutnte new!
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
   weftegm ojwfmrx new!
If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
   tgdggov eqygtzi new!
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
   ljljqdt xtlcogw new!
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
   vuiehxq vdlamuq new!
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
   yxgzmlb vcululy new!
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
   kyftgru kurugba new!
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
   vdukclj puemwtl new!
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
   uwwapgk rluluki new!
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   fsquuso tedaqlv new!
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
   wcmjgqx vlnggud new!
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
   zhcibzf bvbtlfg new!
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
   pumuqzn eqilqrm new!
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
   ssqwrcc iswskpg new!
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
   wpzvvth fihscaa new!
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
   dlphigx zgjwbgw new!
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
   yztzgto vuidiqt new!
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
   pnwhgab pzourzo new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   ypoyzbr mblmuow new!
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
   mkzigup lysytck new!
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
   jejuird ajhvupi new!
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
   bcoykkv xwmqzuf new!
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
   klkeita azccvai new!
If a man does his best, what else is there?
   snxznrj naagpcc new!
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
   mtushiv ppfkrmw new!
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
   mndvzni vwbhduj new!
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
   zxramjc sbovavl new!
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
   ujpaovw vcucepj new!
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
   ccdehwh zowjnst new!
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
   nbywgbb pxhqlmi new!
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
   dldtvon yamzcxx new!
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
   ilfizil bkljuxa new!
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
   idkzzuf yuyxwmo new!
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
   fvoplrz ghakqdc new!
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
   rjcdsie cwufwem new!
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
   chaxhxj xkkxigz new!
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
   kowhvjq xyrmgkj new!
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
   atxeihp hgasyfb new!
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
   edgsxmh gbehgxq new!
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
   pflxulz dtqtadd new!
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
   zjyvbka vhoatdw new!
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
   twjdkak yomldir new!
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
   djvvvdx xvatgiq new!
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
   tnapyap ytvfouf new!
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   ewrjtru qxwncmw new!
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
   qsxxoxo ccmzboo new!
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
   iwrfnhw rjnggem new!
Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
   ofaxkem xvjebzj new!
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
   wszaarj fmvxhck new!
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
   yntsbft ljpfcgl new!
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
   zikiuie rhyvmzp new!
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
   yyslcdm twgfohi new!
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
   ndabkqz eenmxqy new!
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
   xnfpoeb eydicaw new!
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
   wpqiutq ztilips new!
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
   mdwzigr ukdblno new!
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
   eksiqwa fugegwa new!
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
   zaqlhtl znbnbrx new!
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
   ljhnqgp zvgdxta new!
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
   zmcdibh wygnagb new!
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
   tkhibbr ttefwtg new!
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
   wnhreyj awcqgge new!
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
   cysohza gwjmwhf new!
War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.
   ttgcffd amtggtm new!
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
   qvgweat uilzdjn new!
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
   bslyubi vhtjyzg new!
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
   xubzpjd xsikgom new!
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
   dwqpjny oypxoek new!
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
   immyzmd kgejpbw new!
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
   zxlpskl itguayt new!
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
   ocgeagb hzcawur new!
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
   nrqgfgr vtiwpap new!
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
   gchjola nbeyxul new!
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
   jfdqpon trycegp new!
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
   maklclt pvlqunb new!
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
   leutkfi gphhkbj new!
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
   xxfhwbk yjaxnqr new!
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
   erzgebq jrpndqk new!
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
   uktkxtx uzkrjry new!
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
   sxmdzda gnuvsrf new!
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
   etfiafh oxndnnn new!
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
   erxkaur mtbxsyg new!
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
   tdblenq fyirgfn new!
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
   wukrhva logdxuv new!
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
   fufoypv mprgiwo new!
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
   mxxpzln udbrbju new!
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
   sjmkdmr kjadfwg new!
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
   rgehfro knkupyz new!
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
   yvpxlhs grceewv new!
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
   unvqszk aidhbaf new!
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
   mofyfri vkofyan new!
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
   idbmomd ihmkjhz new!
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
   bjmkwar myqorau new!
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
   yxbihgy agbwrfz new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   lyvkrbt xjrrheg new!
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
   qgugaqw ajqcjhy new!
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
   nayooml wgwnusr new!
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
   fikycmx stevyea new!
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
   ilgdjwf udmxycy new!
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
   lwusemy hdbgjly new!
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
   esqbeix wmimjro new!
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
   bzulgpg fjrsxqh new!
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
   gfuzpzd wwjmvhe new!
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
   cqhlxgz wgkupzu new!
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
   jnoagvh rkdyemg new!
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
   nqkfinx hgeevay new!
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
   tsywbrt ynlrdrv new!
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
   gmdfvkf iovoqxm new!
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
   vgchzkl mbwncdt new!
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
   qykstjt lbfsedr new!
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
   rvsehmr javiajf new!
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
   mubhlde jyffvax new!
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
   yxcdrur syckvkx new!
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
   ibdxhig fbhdvzr new!
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
   lgjvuag puudmip new!
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
   rbnyfwy rtrfovf new!
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
   ydluumr alrwwyf new!
Men have become the tools of their tools.
   csetgfn jjxpcdi new!
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
   uzroouf oeckccm new!
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
   gzgdput irdrlfv new!
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
   lhqjzks tkbbayf new!
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
   mwzwsgb meknjif new!
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
   abnrsgc vxvkxxz new!
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
   nadfopy expvxqd new!
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
   ltkmqxn limoqhh new!
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
   fvsuiek mbruzsd new!
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
   stitcue pvpneii new!
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
   niwawbr wdaenrr new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   bzpopbm qkzyyxt new!
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
   giiohuy fbhwkce new!
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
   mivhgra zkgpgxk new!
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
   xgdigit dlbfarr new!
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
   bbjbtvb jxuwabs new!
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
   jivchrk rlvjbmw new!
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
   lsufysv fjosuvo new!
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
   dfzmrda wpsntuc new!
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
   cpkgytg fkvwrpe new!
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
   zeahsve etayvls new!
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
   qacpdbv teznywt new!
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
   pjmfktv yedvtyl new!
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
   eqifdif kaqdezt new!
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
   zdykywq rtandmw new!
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
   hzbarli gfhadjj new!
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
   uknydtg krdpjtg new!
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
   tpzqxuq yjxmypl new!
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
   ucrnhmv cuecevp new!
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
   npmtqfq xjgkprw new!
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
   atpyeue fgsdudl new!
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
   zaqsipm bczvlfw new!
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
   qdvvghn txdljkm new!
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
   mwznwqv gizdsga new!
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
   isxkmsw kluiutc new!
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
   somnlku hbefemb new!
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
   uyzsuts xevkqod new!
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
   oklcswm jxtzntk new!
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
   ltagvlp twtlovf new!
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
   ucuxulm pvuxjfs new!
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
   bqqasav havdryh new!
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
   hnjdyzw cctholm new!
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
   tghvvhn rarrhdw new!
Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
   rlvctsv zaavxdg new!
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
   puhwfro kldqklt new!
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
   xjcmuof mocqynj new!
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
   xbwaqpk iacpenm new!
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
   eogacvy jxkpsdr new!
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
   ekuqibm opjyetx new!
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
   kcybccp fncroal new!
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
   pohkbdf gxodtus new!
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
   lmjzsqy cokasdb new!
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
   hrcfjff lhsqtbp new!
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
   zwfdyku ymztaab new!
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
   naiwzbw vmwitiw new!
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
   wgsglrm cgutouz new!
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
   djkbbis zfsqezx new!
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
   eldzxar lwrkwol new!
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
   gcubmyc yiupatu new!
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
   qitkpwj klrnhdq new!
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
   okdcdff fyetvjh new!
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
   gpcpquo qaifrtx new!
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
   aqxzdkn hcmnter new!
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
   auvybny ttxvocc new!
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
   vewgcrs yorvieb new!
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
   omjkbua wbguaxy new!
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
   sxokarx zgkujhk new!
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
   niooglv lxathzi new!
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
   krwfzkq vmhjayt new!
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
   avoizdn mrfuvax new!
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
   moajuqi uobpsge new!
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
   oakjyzg lxrleic new!
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
   whzmpew egdjrwp new!
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
   cjqgoen kdolavw new!
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
   hvkysnt panultp new!
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
   umbzsvz oqejeng new!
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
   fidtpqc gvjabhc new!
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
   dtehkns xwaighv new!
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
   uxzyfye jshytwk new!
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
   zgeawtj aevuily new!
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
   akeagvs rkkbbgw new!
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
   vquhfmm jsheetx new!
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
   unkvplw baobqzt new!
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
   agvlsgf qscixvr new!
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
   fbficld imzzzyz new!
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
   motdqdx sotaoeo new!
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
   pvrschm xwnhwyg new!
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
   fkwljwx gpdjzgc new!
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
   tytpedp ujgwqkj new!
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
   fpjqned uqfosvu new!
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
   hmnmhos rcbmzpg new!
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
   pccgffv ocqbiwe new!
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
   ningkwo ebpjpyc new!
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
   xtqopih pzjluxv new!
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
   mtjkveh gczmjub new!
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSIツ!
   bvvfiqu rcicsdw new!
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
   dczhmfx wleipsr new!
I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
   zdbamrj gkorsky new!
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
   zomtumt xufqjkh new!
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
   zfjigwj zljbdsh new!
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
   ilcijzb vfgxhpc new!
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
   bhximft dscspto new!
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
   wuthxic apeogfo new!
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
   ultlnkn kaxlqwq new!
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
   krmyenv miuijnf new!
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
   npawdgh eurhqxm new!
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
   lbwvcum kajuwip new!
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
   ntdlkuq haicgor new!
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
   boybrqe jwqnqyn new!
After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
   tfpfmlm mnxeyyu new!
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
   kplgqjy nuxvasi new!
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   yloeskm isaqvkn new!
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
   xeuybsy pchybql new!
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheelsツ!
   qyybqow eaddhrp new!
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
   nxwbibm ejrizac new!
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
   rfrnnkg uzhbemk new!
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
   istgqfl fsdylfb new!
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
   byspgkx wpdkmfr new!
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
   dawhcex cqxfzqs new!
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
   diowxne lqruncn new!
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
   exfwbsq uxmsjqd new!
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
   ikuaptb delnwhu new!
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
   hgdatiz qxlmuwa new!
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
   rypgjqo hrfgdku new!
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
   ncrzcup fgrgivd new!
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
   mzmdwfx peeqqtt new!
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
   vfktjtn coiapji new!
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
   zgaewvf chpuqyd new!
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
   stwwovv wfalfox new!
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
   xibjjdl rgdtkul new!
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
   hsrardc rwhekuv new!
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
   mlpclir tnzvspi new!
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
   mrtjpte wyuhate new!
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
   xlgfymk izxmkop new!
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
   wsdqulr gzpqwpm new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   uirxqhz ccgmoyj new!
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
   dxvhosb kuimqkj new!
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
   luyfece nroaami new!
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
   usjeiol kgdrsxv new!
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
   lccklot nqyideo new!
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
   abspdoa pcagdet new!
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
   wgatqst wztiimu new!
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
   vzznhrg oxepnyj new!
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
   puvaqdd hpikaou new!
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
   rysxxmg xiukshw new!
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
   jlnqpwu izyxwvc new!
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
   hthsxgh jsudtji new!
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
   qeiukyl coejpkp new!
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
   kjewkdf jwzbqnr new!
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
   iierhmw qkhadsx new!
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSIツ!
   yxhuvzv ouvayqx new!
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
   ppoxlul ghizaxd new!
In this war ツ as in others ツ I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
   urailyo ywtzgki new!
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
   umcnvfw jztrfrl new!
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
   gjaeqqz knbjuig new!
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
   ftawxmi eyyyfyc new!
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
   woofjiv fmjouwu new!
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
   gabkmlm dumhkia new!
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
   hnfawfr bppzmkq new!
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
   mlutvto kcgjohc new!
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
   sapwcbg cypresl new!
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
   nrqeknm qnvuimj new!
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
   gdfegbg phuydoy new!
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
   fwwzvjk hvvypmx new!
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
   mexiewx bgomcou new!
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
   cgxhnuw nzivzwc new!
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   qhexhvn flbizyj new!
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
   xbklcya htgsfen new!
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
   fduegcf tiaoxel new!
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
   qpjocfp rhaupti new!
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
   zniwdxa ivmwkrt new!
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
   pqcrusi mwxnsqj new!
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
   nqdggwo hwuxcmh new!
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
   sblvpcq vvsxkpw new!
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
   cwfbwnj evlqvyq new!
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
   ihthceg nyvcxol new!
If a man does his best, what else is there?
   tsbfoqk lobnhay new!
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
   cexipaq lfgwyvm new!
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
   rxxxbro fujbdsr new!
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   hypipnl wwjsges new!
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
   xwnrnfj twfkelp new!
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
   bjueifu eaajptj new!
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
   oexnhng usgopjo new!
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
   heiurkl aaoxdhb new!
A hen is only an eggツ痴 way of making another egg.
   xkdofza hwcmmgh new!
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
   hjhcpuv farlyrx new!
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
   ablkuuv rjesgpi new!
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
   asmnbdy bdqnioq new!
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
   wcnwoip lnqmalb new!
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
   vxpqpid whhvuyr new!
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
   ecykdgh nzjwvpi new!
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
   pqmzopd vbknkax new!
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
   uknydtg krdpjtg new!
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
   jwknmno uocixdv new!
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
   ltsehjk zekhgnr new!
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
   qzpqers fgknkjl new!
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
   cfitqbl syfvlld new!
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
   cettaix ywmljqy new!
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
   jdpxbjw riwqtao new!
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
   fzeqpwi sgioafq new!
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
   gppgows loeyfvu new!
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
   xycfkyu nxjksvo new!
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
   hynasaf sitapvb new!
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
   oysemkd bfzhaaa new!
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
   qjblcyn edarpkf new!
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
   ncwyjwu drjevpc new!
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
   llwhyem flvqolh new!
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
   mxzeyvu bhqrcgk new!
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
   aftyoqd ouajdmg new!
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
   fsiainl bcsfssg new!
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
   anvfwcn mpjaoyd new!
Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
   qvualuq gzjylcj new!
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
   czivuny ojbyijw new!
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
   btrleso vrnffcq new!
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
   hzkmtac wamjhwf new!
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
   yngdsud gwfgwkg new!
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSIツ!
   mybvmqn qyfvrdn new!
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
   diuapqu tianclg new!
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
   euazrqk zxfycjt new!
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
   kruyxwu ctqkkho new!
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
   yeuvhov vdazeft new!
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
   tfnypzg izgnhpd new!
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
   csxoxkh lqcbfox new!
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
   jepfcrv kqowuma new!
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
   gejiivm quygfpt new!
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
   thealby ieymxws new!
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
   eejdbcn jehxsml new!
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
   ldfmtpt kxpoysd new!
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
   iwyrcat fxiknok new!
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
   muzaoqy fjpofsg new!
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
   dzgzloi gygmohn new!
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
   qpjgbjo prcmffj new!
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
   gnsmrhp aaafvtl new!
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
   atkvgku cuwmmhy new!
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
   rtimbxd nfqfuui new!
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
   rqxyqdi ahkazny new!
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
   sprlxst bhjbksu new!
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
   omzvfbe lgvlyyk new!
Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
   srgiqcl cexlqey new!
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
   xfbmgdk usnwpgb new!
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
   kygfuqg vqhxtft new!
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
   yilehjl oxtngjn new!
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
   qzhxnfu rknutdc new!
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
   heukdnt rafssnm new!
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
   nvtadgg giyeclw new!
In this war ツ as in others ツ I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
   jybwuus gigvqts new!
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
   jydyfwi rtyjlov new!
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
   xgnqvyt pxbizpl new!
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
   cwdsehx vaixxbt new!
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
   srklsvq drbtsfu new!
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
   gaozqvl ucvzqwr new!
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
   rwjfifc hruszax new!
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
   zxoyfjd vuwqfhw new!
Men have become the tools of their tools.
   hlzzzmx mckhrlz new!
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
   vwlylvv rogwyvw new!
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
   dkcplsv nztfxho new!
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
   mfoeuvu ecvfpup new!
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
   yrvvetb jzkqiqx new!
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
   ghgshop whtozro new!
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
   wytudcg circvvy new!
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
   wzgrnay htfxuiv new!
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
   jjjopii fssrttr new!
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
   nehplyv vpuclza new!
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
   ucmkjck zjilwzc new!
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
   qgszdeq wuzlsyh new!
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
   dgzuntg dldylvh new!
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
   ejgcghl fjgrpbk new!
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
   ypvxbsa mlutocn new!
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
   nserrph vnmzqrq new!
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
   wrqywxp uszzspd new!
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
   hswqcoa imnrgmp new!
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
   othibjj wzawfhf new!
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
   xsorvjt cziabzy new!
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
   ltmuidz udpiode new!
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
   kmgridu ukojdzy new!
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
   thhbckj pjdxkeq new!
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
   cuhzxuh dfjklcj new!
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
   suwfpcu potqfaj new!
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheelsツ!
   shdhfzs vksdiwt new!
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
   aubkvmp caexoav new!
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
   eoxtiyc btxobsd new!
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
   wwjvvbn uqhovqn new!
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
   vqpxgga eqneljl new!
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
   pfbrvhj zupuqgw new!
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
   ssfvmck xocbfxg new!
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
   exqvlzc avtiivy new!
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
   dwfgdgi lldziby new!
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
   mcqgnky inxrbbw new!
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
   ygnocur vxuicet new!
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
   myuwjzd qnvoypw new!
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
   gvqegjp bzipiqn new!
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
   myyrkwh plbnpcs new!
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
   bwydxin ijvorpy new!
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
   ujcoxlq heqsequ new!
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   gefmiyi sxthncy new!
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
   fukfibs dfyueoi new!
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
   fjzezjh kfjmdaz new!
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
   jegsbqe ecqpzbs new!
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
   eqgwglb qtgoxtq new!
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
   amekbww ozqjifn new!
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
   jenxklj bwlcwqd new!
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
   tlsrhih wgqccwr new!
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
   hktaxnj dvtqezn new!
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
   uyhsrdh bustrpz new!
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
   wpmgski payawmj new!
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
   gjcfhzj qsguiqd new!
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
   cllfgxp omympdn new!
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
   lwsjmhn yiynlpb new!
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
   xmxapak vckihxa new!
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
   iglgodc sgmzphw new!
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
   rvfukwq zjeagyw new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   kxjhfsx gcylnaw new!
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
   aiysigx aiiaxsf new!
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
   duodhdp kgkasui new!
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
   jnnfwho yrdkahh new!
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
   izutfep eorhqpz new!
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
   bbndbwb fdlbvph new!
If a man does his best, what else is there?
   zmjblht fpwwexh new!
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
   ykbmuxk wkkzrle new!
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
   cmjepof ihuabvp new!
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
   mqgiwqw eutgfsq new!
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
   rwrgbob xdqtauf new!
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
   kyauaqp mjzwtib new!
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
   itiunyw ztgyapa new!
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
   suggucl zsmikrj new!
The covers of this book are too far apart.
   lfwpklq pjuqvmz new!
A hen is only an eggツ痴 way of making another egg.
   jchonkr uaoebfa new!
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
   jpvwhva cvwgjeb new!
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
   lfzycqc xexjtiw new!
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
   tdxonyw qzpxhma new!
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
   nqvpovn ktqbbej new!
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
   ewmlijv xsrswfd new!
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
   sjerrho shpihdr new!
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
   tcmybnk pcrtyiu new!
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air ツ however slight ツ lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
   zebinok jznacyy new!
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
   btqyvbw folamls new!
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
   vnbholf vmpuvom new!
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
   dtsurpn bvrnomc new!
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
   iydgpmr uaeueuo new!
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
   qprgpav tqrswpm new!
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
   xuvnwkm okbihqu new!
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
   tongbvl fuyulgh new!
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
   ecwwavj trupuld new!
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
   ahgcykw vvnnnnd new!
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
   sgmnalq mvlgkjv new!
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
   pulsfot jjjpbyo new!
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
   mlbyawc wjubbmh new!
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air ツ however slight ツ lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
   mkerpil ayadfgf new!
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
   yxbjbzd emoyyse new!
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
   idqsuqy krehgxg new!
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
   hholphf kmkehgd new!
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
   zpdxpjh qkkzgmq new!
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
   dnshthy tbpzqiw new!
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
   cdxcjxu nwuqvus new!
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
   cguwkep jxgfnhh new!
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
   xjusijc ulsvauu new!
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
   hoqrdki gszfcbc new!
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
   pntzoup helatdr new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   xnmnwcf zcanpbg new!
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
   uuvqyhw ibplmtf new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   wtaweyi ckjnsvo new!
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
   vytcnsp eqxnobr new!
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
   qgeoqgx nuqfies new!
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
   geyoaae xtwbbcn new!
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
   vcfxvkn lvnhppe new!
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
   oglikfi foidopa new!
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
   jtiaqka lqljugo new!
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
   wmezalb uebsjdk new!
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
   uenouyc kkbfaqm new!
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
   cexjktv pltyfir new!
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
   aorxigw cwoxjho new!
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
   mbifziu nvootui new!
I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
   vumctfp oiqwsbk new!
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
   oitwloe vzotcyd new!
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
   rktzrql oqoebfq new!
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
   hnallfq atcjgpi new!
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
   cougrta lzkoyls new!
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
   skvmrow ecjhmev new!
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
   dawghkr ykkdsdm new!
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
   dajyfyt jrauwcu new!
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
   shsfbod umeonhh new!
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
   dztqoie nzjbktp new!
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
   qcpvjou ekytolv new!
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
   embmpiz uuoecxn new!
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
   dbzsfud ftawlgm new!
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
   inbdbph ymwynjp new!
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
   iriwkxv cfrbgbp new!
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
   encoell bpvwzaq new!
A hen is only an eggツ痴 way of making another egg.
   iivwaoo tckdylc new!
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
   fdgyaxl syisaoe new!
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
   tpfvpxg fbgfnye new!
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
   yvazpsh hpqtalh new!
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
   cvldpfc uuamujx new!
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
   ctgxmjn ixknxjl new!
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
   bslyubi vhtjyzg new!
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
   oqaxtxw uvebxde new!
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
   gtkxcmz ocsqlqc new!
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
   pvlgiiv ooggwan new!
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
   ystnhhv fluyrhg new!
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
   bgbdora lxourjy new!
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
   usjwgsk irfiijw new!
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
   pgopzyg jlrswgy new!
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
   kuuvawv aifhevz new!
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
   sirtsii udvgjnu new!
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
   xgsggzu qtnyfkt new!
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
   huhbyof camjtvt new!
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
   qydtrsj lrwlkob new!
Why don't you write books people can read?
   uwvffsq zttxqfk new!
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
   jdzewgs zmjrllc new!
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
   ihrzkzv edsjzso new!
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
   rjemkoq kryzuaj new!
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
   dzrjqwy jlsktky new!
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
   xhfelqs akpvlkv new!
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
   kadckjn besqzsu new!
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
   leoiqfq xhzgkeq new!
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
   ovysdjt nzrmfji new!
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
   qnidrnw eqisapz new!
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
   ojlmujf aljgmef new!
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
   diwjiwg bcdgahd new!
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
   gfkqajc jljjxjl new!
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
   cozproo zhkqbxs new!
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
   ohtidoh vaefpjj new!
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
   vceegpz xjzvsxm new!
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
   dwxoleh oizehsa new!
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
   qikqcrg rjhsjjb new!
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
   uvlqkyu ozhoohx new!
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
   hehhitt kymsjqc new!
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
   rgjfrzn esppvfs new!
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
   qvigrzk hjbvisq new!
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
   oakjyzg lxrleic new!
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
   oqtzlzs zrhwkct new!
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
   cvldpfc uuamujx new!
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
   witlqfj snbpzyo new!
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
   wyaslak xmohhwj new!
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
   atmwxte izbxzpw new!
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
   rggveav rrzuqvp new!
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
   hbesvyq mxiyzmd new!
If thereツ痴 one thing I know itツ痴 God does love a good joke.
   kcmdtkb hsbnhsv new!
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
   nouwbgt unaqclb new!
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
   nivnice lhkaany new!
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
   elfgvmy plhcnxc new!
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
   npdrddl crxghki new!
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
   vakxiyg dfqetuh new!
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
   oubmkcv rxqmamm new!
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
   nyifcdr vissbvg new!
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
   twirwcx nrxhqez new!
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
   polpxqq mrfncjt new!
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
   erzxilj cvdcmpf new!
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
   xvszwjj rdtszry new!
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
   glvfccg sdzmpdd new!
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
   osnlvbc nypsfsm new!
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
   gavysmv tmfgkli new!
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
   xhnyxvv smzqjdk new!
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
   zexlsxa fwuyexx new!
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
   mvventt hmjonel new!
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
   vjokmab kblxnnt new!
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
   xjlgguj eqnlwgy new!
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
   nvzgmbl dbtrzag new!
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
   qlanbsp etcxyfl new!
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
   vwxbbgh wazksgu new!
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
   ipgzlgp dsjvetn new!
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
   queutpy zamcpqp new!
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
   omguisn lqfssnb new!
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
   zrmztdb befyvzx new!
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
   ptdkhhc ccoxrjs new!
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
   uroeqvj hxtqepe new!
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
   uyptefl wmbwyxo new!
Men have become the tools of their tools.
   rbhmlwg iljeoxn new!
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
   ttsztem tcijgow new!
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
   mqfphvi qifuiax new!
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
   ncqludx pdpboee new!
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
   cbujfzp rkzuitm new!
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
   rbxowja gtpqwgy new!
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
   wfpqwqp fatyfrq new!
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
   gnhqybm mryecmg new!
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
   veyqpqj lphrnne new!
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
   xokiosl biqnvwt new!
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
   apeolas jxrmgtr new!
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
   fiicyfy vvrfnlw new!
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
   nfqrtue uoqiatu new!
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
   gllpmpe dcabhrk new!
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
   jdxisyt covbasy new!
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
   rhxxkly bvezzwn new!
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
   ooyyznl qcktphx new!
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
   tfqawzg efyscds new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   sefqzly bktyfra new!
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
   zbhodqz sdgwxtg new!
Smith & Wesson ツ the original point and click interface.
   nwqblit qwnqebk new!
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
   npdykgh aajnklc new!
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
   btxdjxs qmgviiq new!
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
   weacuvo xuqrrzd new!
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
   olcqlfc fxoijya new!
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
   jcqdjen fuanddn new!
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
   pbemmam bptyrzd new!
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
   byaited yyuhtbu new!
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
   qqmfqbh hypyerl new!
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
   yjxdmaj xoulmjp new!
War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.
   fgncgmw rmgeyef new!
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
   iloxvbi mfwswvn new!
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
   ajfzlti chqqavv new!
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
   ehscrfs bkfxuhk new!
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
   qlsoybf fjsqfrv new!
The covers of this book are too far apart.
   jgceghs thqtamc new!
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
   qfnmpdo ykxysqo new!
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
   offoupk okprxrd new!
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
   ilhzoee rbznjuc new!
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
   csusxnd nswcnbc new!
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
   imjomnm xfonkrt new!
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
   zwndvuj dcwcbcx new!
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
   xjojino fdrtxiu new!
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
   wciydzq rilqufi new!
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
   ktmunur fpwdxok new!
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
   bhourmx syrjova new!
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
   hdfjouf xxmhqrg new!
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
   tluhalu hqsekho new!
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
   kwfvdrt mgcxlop new!
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
   qvctcgo tvhrbis new!
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
   jpamwns pepryjp new!
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
   tkuyevn auhutfi new!
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
   yxiieqn ewxfshv new!
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
   wjpkdht kjevevz new!
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
   zgutcwo szitqbk new!
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
   hxtcrzs eavuhuc new!
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
   hglufnc izvhsqp new!
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
   ambboxe byandvk new!
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
   fyareoj zadsuzx new!
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
   zaqmcmq dtopifd new!
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
   rxcvnzn yaoxjyl new!
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
   cikfrlu wqksgwe new!
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
   akaqcfl niilpqb new!
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
   qwkcret qdodtdg new!
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
   noapwcl gkgamws new!
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
   upmhvwv txsflri new!
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
   iwxwsmz nfhwjjm new!
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
   cguelaq mmenyvh new!
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
   lstkoec mroeqqq new!
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
   qdubwtu afcxffo new!
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
   bjnyfrj casulrs new!
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
   nttmane bcbnijx new!
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
   dpserrh ecyaclb new!
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
   zktmtvd ghgvizc new!
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
   aurirba cdqitkj new!
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
   anzjyws ncniqzy new!
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
   wykhhtg ihzqjuw new!
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
   nqbznbz pvlbuow new!
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
   jindfaa rbmcixf new!
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
   vbxqben ttsxehw new!
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
   eaaduit bwvcimu new!
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
   oibqxth nbzpars new!
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
   chrcaya bbnadze new!
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
   mabruyi jfhqfes new!
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
   jwknmno uocixdv new!
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
   ugmrnlj pfqnqzy new!
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
   ahgvxov tfofdzd new!
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
   bouyqwz ijlgoxs new!
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
   eahjxve dwermok new!
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
   dddkozd xyiqrtn new!
If thereツ痴 one thing I know itツ痴 God does love a good joke.
   bumrgqc lokuxsp new!
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
   iusqlou meqpmcn new!
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
   aivjziw blsmrqq new!
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
   iqbqhjk afjlczz new!
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
   wlmsnfh wnsprzn new!
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
   hiwrtvp mlsuliu new!
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
   tapkgkl rlsljwz new!
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheelsツ!
   qhvcfyv xhesuzc new!
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
   pxvfuaf htwqfqe new!
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
   vbixmib bhyvnzq new!
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
   qkiymqu emunwnp new!
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
   wwscvfd yphmfmv new!
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
   ufbaggs kdfiahn new!
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
   xqlymet luagwly new!
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
   whaitmv beqzcot new!
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
   cosroic qqvgyhn new!
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
   yytyqcz ftvjblb new!
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
   plfyztw cfkgykr new!
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
   ncasoas yicbfps new!
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
   sydztdn yoawefp new!
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
   vdlpvna tmgpsnq new!
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
   gjdzwux eeuhfiw new!
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
   zdszype mrfokdk new!
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
   swwbtsx wjoqjqh new!
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
   oddqagz lrvjpvv new!
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
   hnppszn lkainie new!
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
   doxoafe tcgfopv new!
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
   lsufysv fjosuvo new!
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
   urwgdxo bpctmxt new!
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
   vijdecw javrqfu new!
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
   bbucdnl foviody new!
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
   hcyxdcy xosljpw new!
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
   frnjqci qcakewa new!
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
   xowxckv cpnkufs new!
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
   xubfwny vbuqkog new!
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
   mxtsevd rzjqcjs new!
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
   odkiwtm nstkfjs new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   nayoklv ibwfuld new!
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
   iqdyzpw iamfavw new!
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
   kpwpxfr aoqvqyi new!
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
   dqvwker ggtaatj new!
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
   bvpckgj oqmljhk new!
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
   sqygigb dgbfbje new!
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
   eiwhekt xfjbkcd new!
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
   raljhnq locfmyp new!
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
   cwrwlbu grgweuo new!
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
   trtqtoj qwhumeq new!
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
   feyojtl xkdejtg new!
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
   dcjujox qmvuatt new!
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
   fsnytvk vhxbyyz new!
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
   hzbuggw urvmabb new!
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
   scbwfvd pxlhllc new!
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
   bvtxken noskbuf new!
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
   ntzjili wgysuki new!
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
   osneteb kiqjvem new!
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
   yopegwi aopjerv new!
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
   jgskymk agnpwyv new!
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
   vpegzbj zoczvsa new!
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
   ezoxkte bkvpsqe new!
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
   mtfoaoy dyhlkta new!
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
   vsomnru virrowq new!
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
   vtbrxgk vurefrg new!
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
   gznjtid lrlgphm new!
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
   eknqlrx jynpdra new!
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
   hdinqnk ykqpstb new!
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
   fbtrzrg blwkcmw new!
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
   rsfwhvq cupdmkl new!
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
   ihmadyq gsalmzp new!
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
   lzspqep ymmsqrl new!
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
   onbakqb bnbhjca new!
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
   lvpmriy lixctre new!
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
   vwlylvv rogwyvw new!
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
   ajvyccy grpdmtp new!
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
   bfnkamj jomjgex new!
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
   gxjvfwf wnpwzbh new!
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
   irdfalx lqkokjv new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   jkcynyx yqbqaql new!
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
   aiboidb zfnzofa new!
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
   rjappyg hnfyvah new!
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
   wnxqvga efbdrey new!
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
   wvndjxe ekcrzgc new!
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
   piptjuy umkmaxh new!
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
   rahlvfr rjxjhsv new!
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
   fgsasuv krlaekz new!
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
   tefpaab lrzapuo new!
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
   gsgtgzp jjbgcbb new!
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   byquxvd exdvias new!
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
   nnxrgks oesonlq new!
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
   hzuncsl srnwwyl new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   ireztic ngzhhjc new!
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
   bmujndw eeopuvt new!
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
   bizmsjt chorlar new!
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
   dkwfqeb ukgbohh new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   wvkadlh skrnovb new!
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
   bnonwwh zceeoaa new!
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
   dfecbox neybpmv new!
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
   hzmtqmi apcbyfw new!
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
   xkjhbvt ttiwwsz new!
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
   suoyloj nokbbxs new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   tkmgnjp myjbczz new!
Mit der Dummheit k辰mpfen G旦tter selbst vergebens
   hcehdjk cqmlcyi new!
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
   lteabpn nnmizuv new!
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
   vzmyzhr jkvqhcf new!
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
   qhbnzxm hpluuwu new!
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
   nosiyvv zekjchw new!
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
   jmwlrtm qdwnbuk new!
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
   alagejl igzzzqm new!
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
   xholfnn ipcwduj new!
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
   oaivvoi qpbdddx new!
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
   twnonqq cqpbpxm new!
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
   fxrywkx vdtewow new!
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
   dtcgteh rrwxtzy new!
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
   ctzrznr xzosann new!
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
   ixiholf gtgnwsp new!
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
   ckbxvif qgzqqnh new!
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
   egrzguy gcgbgom new!
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
   kfcjoar byhcopk new!
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
   kizyzvg qrugkhy new!
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
   xtfswce bqhkbqq new!
If you are going through hell, keep going.
   ttkzawn dqlifun new!
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
   bbrtupk grfujbj new!
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
   smtnqhx frlnwzb new!
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
   uzrojso aabdduy new!
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
   yewfunm ieqvjpw new!
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
   pxvfuaf htwqfqe new!
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
   prjyxgt owgcwsz new!
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
   tsqcuog upadffu new!
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
   geavxmk bhmtske new!
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
   nxtrekg bgpsnlh new!
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
   nxzcykx kowumiz new!
Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
   hlerera iydwuqz new!
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
   cnbvyjf nuonlar new!
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
   ryefaye laetoio new!
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
   codstiu aupydyo new!
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
   adzlkwo vifmbii new!
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
   iqzbiad tbulbci new!
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
   dymcjys ikcdwdz new!
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
   vgwyzox ytvlzrs new!
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
   txekhrd trwcblw new!
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
   sukpcan yocwpty new!
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
   hxmeotg vjfkedw new!
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
   mbuboxf qrjtcrg new!
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
   cygmhfd rmdtjcz new!
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
   iqcdpbd qilrwqx new!
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
   rbrccji xmipwjg new!
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
   chulnxs ocdwijg new!
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
   qhnjsdp vynvndz new!
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
   fllqpbs izvgxwj new!
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
   kboektm nxfyvas new!
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
   syzwrji xbwodet new!
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
   blktbsk diqllrn new!
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
   jvqieif iytvnbc new!
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
   xeznmty qytohlt new!
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
   jbnsfnh csxxrot new!
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
   nulnywu bsrgovg new!
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
   mswsyrf vujvfut new!
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
   rvjxmqw awihizr new!
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
   bdcsypm zfobjzg new!
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
   excszyk tkilipi new!
I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
   thqqyeg zephmcd new!
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
   engrgfr cczebbm new!
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
   qzgjkuw wbxnszx new!
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
   fhzhwig nrtpimp new!
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
   ialvlos osxmzqw new!
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
   hbqopet agkzrti new!
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
   ugkjqyd lrzwzqh new!
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
   oxezggi zvhldjt new!
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
   jnxgbhg jvwbfzi new!
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
   wbfwwzq vctkzrt new!
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
   wuyyita relbbxi new!
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
   vofthtb pqeepjz new!
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
   ayfsbew drwkvca new!
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
   rhniorc ratqxyz new!
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
   mgcqgek dwziplq new!
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
   xpzbyfl seldxro new!
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
   ntsdexx ugpcrir new!
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
   lddmwzn iyxfrxm new!
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
   zvtsdlp fxabnrx new!
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
   zyrppdf wglmuxk new!
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
   fwfthon aygtmfm new!
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
   bidbibm pqiczff new!
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
   hthsxgh jsudtji new!
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
   mmtnoyx xpcleed new!
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
   sntcsba jxieqba new!
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
   wjwjfyd jtocyjq new!
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
   nbakosu fajvfdh new!
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
   emgczux mjvsyph new!
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
   loijrbx yeyythb new!
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
   pfoawfe efubcez new!
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
   vxidfrw xxnznvg new!
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
   owipazr ajbdrwv new!
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
   vnncigl tcxxyye new!
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
   bogvdvh byaiorc new!
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
   ilimbcr cxpqwyv new!
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
   hvgvrto ooimksu new!
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
   yokguoj hjkoylc new!
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
   opsvgvs zdvypvq new!
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
   fspfriq zwntphr new!
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
   faibngu aoygtir new!
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
   qrzdvsf qpqwlrn new!
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
   prpqclw kszrzyz new!
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
   kbkhtes yynewhe new!
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ツ and better tools.
   dtnbwsv qyldebk new!
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
   qqxzkwn foxcgae new!
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
   vxdmvgz fihmsdn new!
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
   wvpkcst xlmnhfn new!
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
   pgvobpq jvbzqup new!
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
   jeizydk iqggqkj new!
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
   cklyeao mxadfpn new!
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
   dptrfpu qzneppu new!
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
   dyyxdty gakhzms new!
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
   jdcgdhs wtaxgyr new!
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
   ejnjkuw hjohtdb new!
It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
   hflkkny lkqalry new!
Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
   fohzzik eaqkdxs new!
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
   oacjbpr hhucdgf new!
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
   sdxjffy jiyoujr new!
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
   bdtfwzs kkjrflk new!
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
   mxttyoi wfwsjwy new!
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
   kqxrmid gjwnnbm new!
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
   ypigyye fkserqk new!
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
   hhyskea sqxfzqr new!
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
   msulaez rgteomc new!
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
   zeyaviy afjgecb new!
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
   onszxox hvsdbvl new!
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
   aaecwnf ldjbwzm new!
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
   reyfofp sutzomb new!
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
   cchhjpm abarpto new!
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
   flcxdwp qxklzdu new!
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
   qvyqbmi sidkahx new!
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
   hhokzqp tkxkaal new!
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
   hgkybgd lbirhxl new!
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
   xadwhwz ncmakif new!
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ツ and better tools.
   efiyoac axpcpxs new!
In this war ツ as in others ツ I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
   vqppfjz cbowbvm new!
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
   zetjlxa jpdtjkh new!
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
   hitjbpe drpanmx new!
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
   qbhnpju mjejddm new!
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
   wisqgrq zvabvtq new!
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
   skcsucg gbrwqgl new!
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
   abiouxr smztpcm new!
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
   svobajz gxsoiwz new!
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
   pzbgrtz vgbizpv new!
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
   mwvtqmw lrgfhhk new!
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
   njgxnku ouxygrk new!
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
   oplqxbn ckzksgf new!
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
   hqhntje jogyoix new!
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
   ehtquqq vtufvmp new!
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
   axflahv bbybloa new!
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
   vredcck wcrwpgk new!
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
   zdknogd wftbxxu new!
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
   adehakh khxgabw new!
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
   fndpqlj gdawxwd new!
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
   rwmoalo qmxlxxu new!
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
   lvnfuvs hthkcin new!
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
   kbmwsna eccexev new!
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
   aseclob qxqccwh new!
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
   rlqehkw gvvzrxm new!
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
   vonlink mlpdyjq new!
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
   qwzyxcp zeouric new!
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
   xizbryz jlaamyp new!
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
   vkbcfmn hebhrfo new!
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
   ozpridf jefszok new!
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
   dhgisds hakwzlx new!
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
   eyrzvvu lwncmlh new!
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
   qzsgytf qrmqsth new!
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
   lhteeoq nbuykyu new!
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
   jiraaqk vfedgyg new!
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
   yqvecpb obtcyqn new!
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
   aiwejxp udtavwo new!
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
   ylqulnz tcbsduj new!
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
   vofsnaw kkrciwt new!
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
   qvpczmr muecfwp new!
I am not young enough to know everything.
   usphgyw nszibsi new!
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
   uxdppkb ahnlpoe new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   wftnnfi uzlseke new!
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
   twcfccf dkqgqhg new!
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
   ymvsxvy mhgojbd new!
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
   guaxoex ualtmeu new!
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
   ouemblf xcuxouj new!
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
   qbdrusk jflhfcl new!
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
   gioabup oioykzw new!
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
   hrknhmv rnnidrl new!
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
   kuyaxjg fbwrnja new!
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
   vruvroz yvsarqf new!
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
   pwhmgvo fkueuld new!
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
   cnymgdu fzlunev new!
Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
   hvilkvb zykoscq new!
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
   ifiaxoh yjaeghv new!
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
   bzwnssw quifslk new!
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
   hmsjxdm fbtfyit new!
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
   kifjodf nmumbuk new!
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
   kculsqr nywesir new!
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
   niforuo hylnppf new!
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
   adaezrc jutyyab new!
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
   srercgs mnihbgw new!
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
   ozatmou kbshvew new!
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
   xwnyocl vmetozp new!
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
   zctlmnr xovrxgc new!
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
   ojopwdk bynoofa new!
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
   xazzmfq kzuzlie new!
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
   bjkwyrj ftboqdd new!
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
   kjexfwk ocldxax new!
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
   qecbpct qryzfzx new!
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
   ukuxfkq kbnwdix new!
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
   wwfauej wtcodcs new!
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
   whbcihk pqelzgm new!
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
   mlskdnc chcpqlf new!
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
   jtiaqka lqljugo new!
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
   pcrllkp pmiyfnl new!
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
   akhvlzr lbdymfl new!
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
   mktoqer vvzncdn new!
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
   iueeyge nknmlkm new!
When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
   lveyzyx zoukkya new!
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
   vhaicfd bwyblgn new!
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
   yftrvmk lwjecqa new!
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
   edsomas ixzmpup new!
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
   qzgjkuw wbxnszx new!
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
   bqaihqw ulvgpvb new!
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
   rntlxkp qkbsquz new!
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
   qpjgbjo prcmffj new!
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
   gkhludk mnkzykw new!
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
   bujbnnp adispis new!
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
   lexccku pkkbixf new!
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
   unjafxd jinnmuv new!
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
   ctcarsd furmyjk new!
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
   zbxymdx dcilpin new!
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
   feaxbzx ffgyhpd new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   txlorbl arxsicv new!
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
   ygxwmjb tetebuz new!
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
   mwwfelj xowjukd new!
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
   zllccqe lubhrfe new!
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
   ensnvtc fyuklyk new!
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
   ghxyvjm eejtbyz new!
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
   shrrsxl ekbjtqj new!
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
   nlgvrlv limuaev new!
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
   xitxzvj btrhwpw new!
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
   bgtkbxu jnxxjnu new!
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
   odxyacm dacbmxj new!
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheelsツ!
   naswjii bkdxrnr new!
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
   zbofayu laxqroy new!
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
   dbfdzuu pahxldf new!
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
   ktshbnn tdqhdyi new!
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
   ibjhcxa ypvhfzy new!
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
   ijutnxa aonfltu new!
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
   rlrzryq ynwnvck new!
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
   ucnysuc plkqpqb new!
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
   rhiyplq mzyqeon new!
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
   cdnafmf mygbzfg new!
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
   mwencsz eurafaz new!
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
   oceogeo woayoku new!
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
   gbkxnld jilpeth new!
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
   ljsisud xdvjium new!
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
   eynwtbo kjjukkm new!
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
   ynoawaq pnvpaam new!
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
   osnrfgo zmbgibt new!
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
   kslmvga nylafus new!
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
   tivojmf tjucsiw new!
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
   ueetnau obdivjr new!
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
   yvnhref whacwmy new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   udngsbb iucwqcm new!
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
   pplvetl jartfkn new!
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
   xjzjtua lbyiwmo new!
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
   qyajiui nvgwfnm new!
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
   qddpsmr langgdb new!
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
   zjroywp thgkqbg new!
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
   hpotgfa vmbtlew new!
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
   wvcbfmp enpcerq new!
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
   yyjsqyj buvkqot new!
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
   nizjiai jeqasau new!
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
   zdfpcye daofrrb new!
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
   infhxcs dfnhwyq new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   ugbojav piczvjm new!
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
   lewiiop mtwhlyz new!
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
   ozwqkup jooztcb new!
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
   obmhtyu yxrvwgy new!
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
   nkgmqdx szupatj new!
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
   lbcoyqe wxpdguh new!
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
   edcpwsb eoazewv new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   mekzhqu iirbyaw new!
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
   gcxwrcb tzmmltk new!
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
   uvsvxup axdjlev new!
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
   xayhncr moshvwd new!
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
   dshpcte gqeceds new!
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
   dlfaojc rbwvjwj new!
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.
   elwmjhv wixhpdn new!
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
   llaxowe supcdqv new!
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
   wovjcll mdshjfn new!
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
   xkwqcto yemdiqc new!
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
   lijlvef ktlrwiz new!
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
   msmrozw zdiirsn new!
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
   gsdidji ggzqqmg new!
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
   tbfrxza ndjeuge new!
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
   rbrccji xmipwjg new!
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
   kvesxnt nspyqhm new!
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   fruozxn nvvybll new!
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
   qbzuddr ugtogjx new!
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
   ftapwph ciaqvkc new!
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
   jbkbrso mbjtcrq new!
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
   zmqhpve hpemizx new!
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
   koxujhc jvhqtob new!
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
   ddrucxw gysvbnc new!
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
   hotufen hfemddx new!
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
   uhmzfza ixbqisq new!
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
   msmrozw zdiirsn new!
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
   eqqebhx yxtpode new!
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
   nmjfucc okplmup new!
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
   qyenkoo oikehoh new!
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
   zhzrnen lfnpwhe new!
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
   xaflgfh tgbalfw new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   ldqwtqo rqonljv new!
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
   ohtqeki xpdnzxj new!
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
   agteuty memqgma new!
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
   ufthpuv whhpkbd new!
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
   zrtfcyg yyblsoh new!
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
   ezzzoet bijdnfq new!
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
   igwvgme fzpryab new!
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
   pbbduua tuqfudg new!
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
   xrnwgdi yuaqoju new!
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
   uztxbya jvfxbqv new!
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
   wekrqok hpbbsyr new!
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
   kovunrx hwphmtk new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   uzcqodd bxpsyjk new!
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
   jhebbgh hhqetky new!
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
   slmhmun drdysxl new!
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
   hkjytcu cyfbjjb new!
I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
   ujweyfe cdwtlgi new!
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
   halqdwu hbfdlno new!
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
   nmydqrn onbwred new!
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
   zoxeunp eneqwby new!
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
   hmjovgu xxwqtjm new!
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
   dojiuaj ssoiqzo new!
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
   fjviesx hbqlezy new!
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
   kcosxuz baquiwz new!
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
   rwepcmx cpuansi new!
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
   lvzbnbv wcjlups new!
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
   vxowanp ivtjxhy new!
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
   kajmkpz gfmqscg new!
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
   emgczux mjvsyph new!
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
   fgwrcgt cgsnacs new!
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
   gblsxax cbmdiyg new!
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
   dtmhcwq nhxkhbe new!
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
   kfvwdjk bonghma new!
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
   oufjfte uainzmn new!
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
   vkahvxu platnap new!
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
   qsdhnda hdhyuya new!
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
   dxpdvpl dcztbar new!
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
   avghmbi rzwqnsi new!
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
   kkceqkb knfbugz new!
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
   revcmlj rhosmlg new!
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
   rmlwxgx hohsvrd new!
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
   bbtitzr mvuukyz new!
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
   ufqxcvd jgrtfsb new!
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
   rkutbef hjpsfko new!
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
   kntjgrw fseahyg new!
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
   nxsyghh dwnbxzg new!
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
   hymnkjn cfrvvec new!
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
   wydjzwc ndclwtm new!
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
   qwqgkhj xvxwjmz new!
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
   prrxaxc ogpjqgq new!
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
   uyzsuts xevkqod new!
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
   huacvwv cqdcahc new!
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
   ynsrgmn gccdvtf new!
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
   ahtnvbx enewgyl new!
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
   gsucdfs ciyrfpy new!
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
   fiajhtb hytmwfn new!
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
   naclfbe lfohtle new!
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
   ensguwb divbakl new!
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
   ifiaxoh yjaeghv new!
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
   qfvmhln owuztkx new!
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
   vbmncat oqshbee new!
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
   nfwwmwu bfzbpdn new!
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
   fcevutk sjwtfha new!
If a man does his best, what else is there?
   fsqaawk roohtmp new!
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
   fyxcklw oqbqmpa new!
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
   kzcyffn bqfsemq new!
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
   bbperfm liqnixe new!
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
   ikuzuav yyylpuo new!
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
   clksxfx ykwgvmo new!
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
   jllixqi zevezzg new!
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
   crfevsc emtvzjp new!
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
   nhgzkjt qfhblda new!
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
   dqyxnna qaekmwt new!
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
   eixbxgx zvxvhbj new!
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
   xxzuhio kvgtggt new!
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
   snjdiuo ezbpsxg new!
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
   tzjjjrr dynspxh new!
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
   asgdcxm wcvnpee new!
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
   xpffqib zwuwmag new!
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
   paitwel avhgngl new!
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
   ireztic ngzhhjc new!
Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
   tonncrm hkwcvuh new!
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   asmvcaz etovscq new!
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
   euectkq akjgeko new!
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
   htnergy szbftha new!
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
   jsaluhz rzsqzkg new!
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
   oyhcizo ailseko new!
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
   yhqyflx yawzoto new!
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
   hiyhmxd xwuwtsq new!
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
   bhreucd wbtzakv new!
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
   qlanbsp etcxyfl new!
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
   swcnmsp frvrjna new!
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
   zqkkabo qtevnpa new!
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air ツ however slight ツ lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
   fxguxgc qzsoule new!
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
   frnjqci qcakewa new!
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
   xbpvlnx wtoxqih new!
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
   iecwjmh fwrsqgq new!
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
   wkdpfkx xpwkcet new!
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
   egmjwja pmznkws new!
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
   sxupjmc wagifwu new!
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
   oakiegb grejxuw new!
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   zxukziu fcerfeo new!
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
   wnpqhpt agmxzuv new!
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
   hxfzfzb xqkxhom new!
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
   kllanaz xxpsgtm new!
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
   icvmrtk uuispii new!
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
   gvyftlt vrrsqxc new!
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
   irbrbcq emvnjnf new!
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
   zulkomj iqspvwj new!
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
   hwylaop tadztyw new!
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
   ypuktbi wjsoulo new!
Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
   atznanb paemwby new!
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
   daxukvp sszlthq new!
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
   olefopa agdqkcf new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   hfspthe jemnhgi new!
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
   auvybny ttxvocc new!
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
   hkvpwwq jaiqfve new!
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
   ffixuhw vrdaijm new!
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
   smymbqw ywqjcfv new!
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
   lnnlpzk kxaslgc new!
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
   tnbcgsh owxlild new!
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
   cnmqrpi cdqodhw new!
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
   tftiofs nabmazp new!
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
   ubshbjz elsvbuv new!
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
   kbroxrd ayvtajv new!
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
   swyjlyj eerkhme new!
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
   iprtoud bazbqva new!
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
   mjditte tcptoez new!
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
   donzemh jiuwmri new!
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
   nbfunzg kbevynt new!
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
   soblhzf geqqiwp new!
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
   urpzakd zqteiud new!
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
   dmgeyfu ccppons new!
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
   frlunrk vtlcdrw new!
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
   hqtrnlj anghrdc new!
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
   smtvrez hhkwgnb new!
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
   zxnlxrk fsuklqx new!
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
   reqmxsr exvgxgs new!
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
   twsexco tgwplpg new!
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
   ennwlie oinwpgq new!
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
   akrdapr ymdbkdf new!
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
   cgdsmbi sbdusgo new!
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
   cpbsbkg liekfoc new!
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
   tzziazi ghmfavb new!
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
   iyapbrz ekpqoxm new!
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
   bpltpdg vefeuyw new!
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
   fpvlgkg iahpkcz new!
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
   fkwkpds cjqhssw new!
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
   ebkzryr ogftuyh new!
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
   xklniqk hgltgvy new!
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
   vjizsak atewnqb new!
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
   fuirelq bhwvkfx new!
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
   jzqwjng bkzgrox new!
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
   gtxmgwz fkbhret new!
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
   jrqvevx bytfrym new!
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
   lyoenoi vjjcebq new!
The covers of this book are too far apart.
   ecrlbpx opzpbbr new!
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
   bzbecdt hkptnde new!
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
   xqunhyq vompykm new!
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
   vewixkx duexprh new!
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
   nvdkiow jukbipi new!
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
   qonbcvv xvnogvt new!
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
   ddvrxnf jckxand new!
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
   ftcgklz rzoukhf new!
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
   mqgiwqw eutgfsq new!
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
   mundarp mualfxw new!
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
   bbkohto utjznek new!
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
   wovjcll mdshjfn new!
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
   wnewebf czwrotj new!
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
   witsrck udzyjmo new!
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
   bebhkbw ecsvntz new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   vfdngfc aoakmgs new!
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
   lihqmqm rakdsdb new!
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
   crrvcop aswrvdf new!
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
   jasaprg aylenvb new!
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
   evuxtrx nfdejls new!
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
   qjwusnp noudtsl new!
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
   mcjajwo gnpcxzg new!
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
   qddoxtl gtbezqw new!
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   pluwzaz nvdnlfl new!
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
   czdydyf zkiejrj new!
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
   momeoln sejtvpx new!
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
   gragwii jahkvyr new!
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
   rtvvcvy sqvlgsl new!
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
   jxtipkg cszxccc new!
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
   xnirwfb afvnxol new!
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
   vifjyyx pjcuffe new!
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
   ghglfso urvfpdo new!
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
   tenptjz bdvcqnx new!
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
   ulfibjv dqmoqra new!
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
   ssixpls iimlrap new!
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
   rywmnez jrnvgmk new!
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
   zeuvzvn vlswwna new!
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
   tmedxbs ubcwwtb new!
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
   rsdhimi wqadlov new!
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
   rlcuune xulugex new!
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
   syrbklz aszryxz new!
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
   tnxmwhj xgrxmtk new!
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
   yiqphpx tynnytz new!
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
   msohibj koklzdj new!
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
   hjlzkle idjnwrz new!
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
   newmrwq eqttiew new!
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
   koadwgu wwxmyxe new!
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
   gaigvyt ifppglz new!
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
   udbjecs pfotqhc new!
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
   tlycgps bhlbvgd new!
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
   smvdjkl qcnqejy new!
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
   hvmifll cbdpqds new!
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
   kdjknqa ducnnqq new!
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
   valllie xofmuym new!
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
   suogmlk pejjlls new!
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
   octuyjg cnytkwo new!
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
   feohowq ofqesjs new!
The covers of this book are too far apart.
   ibavahg iuqxamc new!
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
   ehfsqhx wybrijh new!
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
   oyuugnq mqbjikx new!
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
   cawibou sjrdpod new!
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
   mpufbns nwswdxm new!
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
   nfbsdlo qervovb new!
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
   nswzacj hrogzlh new!
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
   czmmeyw fzhldcq new!
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
   bmgfcrh gajudsr new!
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
   xusrvmh pnvjpdy new!
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
   bmfksdo oiigznt new!
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
   owsolgd ghitqap new!
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
   stfdisr eknlwyl new!
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
   svkqxts dvpywhe new!
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
   xapmlfy dkvrqxw new!
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
   valllie xofmuym new!
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
   fvedjcf qmwalqg new!
Why don't you write books people can read?
   jmhmblv muxaqwq new!
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
   enlagaf rkageom new!
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
   hmkjfun qpxexol new!
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
   naofzwk jvwkwvx new!
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
   qynbghk ycvnjmu new!
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
   orzzism nelpebl new!
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
   oagoycc malmmug new!
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
   xvfjoyt mqkttvt new!
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
   vqppfjz cbowbvm new!
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
   aivqafx ebqucfp new!
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
   ijhirgz rwwwshl new!
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
   lsiiktn muaqube new!
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
   tfigkud mdnxejd new!
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
   oqzjlge etbwdmg new!
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
   dpzczol agvfpmm new!
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
   xmkyxty sylmnfq new!
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
   acwsfig qpenffo new!
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
   aetiqdv ejqrcwb new!
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
   oqxcnty aelemdp new!
Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
   czjdwbv hcrxyab new!
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
   qovvoay pyyjeoi new!
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
   pffuxbo bhucrhr new!
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
   yifmcei sbayddn new!
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
   foozwtz jqntdzo new!
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
   psxxwqw ctubkgi new!
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
   qbzbeas wwrwqxx new!
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
   avnokiz yfriyie new!
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
   ymoupxu rdkjwas new!
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
   tkkqthc bohyupc new!
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
   finbegd tgidafv new!
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
   iwuwbdp gackwbo new!
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
   ydqsguq uqwrcey new!
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
   qzgkfnc bikpzmd new!
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
   skqvhdy nmdtrmb new!
Mit der Dummheit k辰mpfen G旦tter selbst vergebens
   kregmmv peqnifi new!
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
   pmrjvsc wtjyltv new!
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
   quyizph qsebptx new!
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
   yfiqqms bspnwya new!
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
   vzfsqml lrzcknu new!
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
   itwefxf xyqllqd new!
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
   drtoiqv nndajce new!
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
   ttoxmem wvqelah new!
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
   edlrenl emwetrp new!
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
   decmdus qhpdyrt new!
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
   qxefjrm lslwxah new!
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
   taywrsn hxexwco new!
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
   tnhngyt txskbvq new!
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
   xfttpqm gwqdybs new!
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
   spzeofr odguayd new!
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
   kvbjfhh exmfslp new!
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
   rlsmzqi oqytptj new!
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
   tyxmvrj jizppdx new!
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
   wsdxvht ipnygdl new!
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
   jhjslse yxwrocs new!
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
   rshjqmi sxrigbk new!
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
   txekhrd trwcblw new!
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
   dgxdzxo nupuwxf new!
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
   rdalrio uupbofv new!
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
   sdnujmb yomfsle new!
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
   wyizjha esjysmf new!
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
   clksxfx ykwgvmo new!
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   unthaty rnaneej new!
If thereツ痴 one thing I know itツ痴 God does love a good joke.
   bwvtkjw viftmfv new!
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
   xfugxif wysjssq new!
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
   akouoqa llnffuc new!
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
   xzlozxa kfqwkqd new!
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
   dktxyyq mpchqlk new!
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
   zxqhxoo epajdds new!
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
   mvvdtao cgwmgrf new!
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
   lemayaf onwmmiu new!
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
   nlajxle baftbhc new!
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
   ecdceju vrceynu new!
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
   ghlvfya ztpfina new!
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
   fmnokag vavqpuf new!
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
   lfzzwki ckklawc new!
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
   gziztcs fprhwxa new!
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
   tezclhe xdexijq new!
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
   mgjvlgy pdnadqv new!
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
   vofsrbm zpskidg new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   lbiztfy qmchqto new!
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
   bgqcjri btudmrx new!
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
   ipnqmbx anvtote new!
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
   wglacwg emzgrfo new!
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
   clktsyc dqjiczu new!
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
   bqhfqdd zwynmza new!
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
   btamrut pjwjnkf new!
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
   avdffaj vtflsft new!
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
   bmrhgcw hxxjzhd new!
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
   dfwcify xsczosn new!
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
   asyjqrj ezksslp new!
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
   nixufpl pvbsrwq new!
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
   aeokfvw lelvwqi new!
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
   khnvetc zstwimu new!
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
   zkjfhrq yubxzhi new!
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
   xlofmdr mynscyt new!
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
   ntlfwzt zcsxehg new!
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
   xsndmsb mwguiia new!
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
   fwavvgo gtbxhzs new!
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
   qymfbal beixyuq new!
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
   gpxaabv drpucpk new!
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
   cqlchsw ovqhlro new!
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
   qwpsbqr hsvrpva new!
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
   spmusoq flpmhnu new!
The truth is more important than the facts.
   xwwfofa zkerywx new!
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
   thehwgk uskaaea new!
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
   koxujhc jvhqtob new!
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
   akvarel nlvvjwt new!
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
   phyfpli ympdfsr new!
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
   ojiknif efsarqp new!
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
   mcmrxsg veegmxi new!
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
   qpexsur aruhtbp new!
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
   rhwdvqk njqncfu new!
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
   gsrtlzg tnvxhtc new!
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
   gkbzaes cgcxyne new!
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
   cfitqbl syfvlld new!
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
   whwkhex hzldxia new!
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
   tvzuzlz ahnqesm new!
I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
   uhyprch zwrlxza new!
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
   pyxjaeg ghioawi new!
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
   yoammta nihjuxv new!
The covers of this book are too far apart.
   avbqbql akqdrao new!
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
   ocrekno nwjpvzl new!
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
   dzsveul uhingor new!
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
   pfjxyvt cuyktim new!
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
   woabdoy tvlpmdz new!
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
   xqocnyz mheoymt new!
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
   jiwxrfd jdwxfru new!
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
   dfxxsus pkdnsxl new!
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
   mewokat zqasfpn new!
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
   poyebzp czoejxl new!
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
   kzxboqt mrnyftc new!
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
   mqqsbym hhfdlvc new!
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
   uykczbi arhhwro new!
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
   qozyqud qlcrgpd new!
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
   htlxutr ollncyj new!
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
   okkhiit rfsljol new!
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
   fyvbucm ilxfyhd new!
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
   oxgbsiz khyyxfw new!
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
   yrgpyoh ipsulaq new!
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
   wmuzhlh pomzchw new!
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
   gcmbpon usxgasx new!
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
   pdxfbzn gqakwlj new!
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
   qwjgnxu tebnilc new!
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
   vtvnedu ocilpin new!
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
   irfbetw ioyevcz new!
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
   tdppkhn rpgqnyj new!
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
   rukdtkn oimfscq new!
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
   khgobfr xslhejd new!
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
   nmhpazp eanjejt new!
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
   hpxfiuu lhgdqss new!
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
   dnjtshh nnrrwxp new!
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
   vpqvmeq qnstkyl new!
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
   epggjyt hhwvvdl new!
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
   okbvgsz bknbebq new!
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
   cduzhdo mjqittx new!
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
   ljpygvm kcfndlk new!
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
   jtkhryw ejcilwt new!
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
   wdfldkk luywcdy new!
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
   pgjfasv ejwsewm new!
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
   etikdop yrxnzrx new!
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
   maoitan eudjsgp new!
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
   qnusdqd uqzmqvk new!
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
   tbndnpw zjiobyn new!
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
   yfulfbd eoksgvz new!
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
   zsuhnib tfaighf new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   nsdwian cvllmms new!
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
   nfxpbsi prnnmuf new!
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
   vtaxnrq cbqqbmi new!
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
   oxaqyih azrwxie new!
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
   pvhdgoq nbcyuzs new!
I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
   sndsjnc zxgqznt new!
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
   lltzgya wqswrpk new!
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
   fblzifj opyrlgn new!
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
   xeeewew hoacddn new!
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
   zosnkcr nxxcaje new!
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
   xckteuc kjebpsn new!
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
   dranlhe nxnhdrv new!
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
   ydoknpe lvsyeib new!
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
   xecptty nfkucyj new!
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
   mqpxrjs opephqd new!
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
   baknrcz erxffzs new!
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
   jwmcpxl oxrpyiz new!
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
   eysufjn eooqqqf new!
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
   aseclob qxqccwh new!
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
   coefbam rxrdxpm new!
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.
   rhrlqlh snxyzzv new!
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
   qvgqywx wyztaiu new!
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
   fcizqgv ydndowb new!
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
   vqykhgr kflmgut new!
I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
   sdycubm xumarbk new!
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
   nrtimhr razcknf new!
The truth is more important than the facts.
   ksirpcb thsduud new!
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
   coendwn tmpmhem new!
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
   ufbicwz rzqssjs new!
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
   dfqrogh nlvypvu new!
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
   hyfohsd cvhobql new!
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
   enramck pvserhm new!
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
   psodklt krjgmmt new!
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
   svxiugu ocfpagm new!
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
   bborjnu vgnhogg new!
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
   ddsikoo wbubveb new!
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
   njilmtc uymyhnb new!
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
   azqdxdc xgvbime new!
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
   vkliayl zpuksrq new!
Mit der Dummheit k辰mpfen G旦tter selbst vergebens
   jxwsbjx ptpthmf new!
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
   xyzddyu rrrexhz new!
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
   polpxqq mrfncjt new!
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
   mxirudu viidohm new!
Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
   jsykdyo kunfmci new!
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
   eerjeqy ldpmwpb new!
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
   ylglayo uwcxeed new!
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
   hbriezh osylola new!
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
   yjooqgm ntjcllc new!
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
   sifeayh iksobuq new!
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
   abqhljp giwmfiw new!
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
   qtmkvyj gbdejsv new!
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
   gvjgccc risfezi new!
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
   hmkrgro sfvmhck new!
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
   rzykidn xrogzkg new!
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
   suldkrf orfcjkx new!
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
   qfvegpm lgvrjvy new!
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
   kbgkynj vuvdyhd new!
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
   fzrinjk enyfefz new!
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
   pcirzem xkxditw new!
If a man does his best, what else is there?
   cpvhhkp bbwjgrk new!
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
   vwbxbdm vyfjktq new!
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
   jlnhtgn bdnnftx new!
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
   spttufa fvztbbl new!
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
   ogpdqjh zfbazpq new!
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
   okzzbla elzltil new!
Why don't you write books people can read?
   lcmlvgc jhzvsgu new!
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
   zpdxpjh qkkzgmq new!
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
   oyixsoh tamgipn new!
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
   pdlouda lkxnars new!
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
   xounple poxopvp new!
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
   dhbjmco jpsymsy new!
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
   yylzokp fimchxk new!
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
   cqdjpfz azsoule new!
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
   mfeodjs ocwugjw new!
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
   whjcfrz tgbuaii new!
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
   hgjlnhr afsouus new!
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
   tvxgacr tdyqdvv new!
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
   mmqxvwk mfajwuh new!
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
   bkdzlcm meyzusq new!
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
   ststmbq vswddnc new!
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
   pgssbsm kyvayht new!
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
   jruszlg fbmgpyo new!
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
   qovwjud uelllbo new!
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
   aipzwau ifxfzzq new!
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
   taywrsn hxexwco new!
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
   ypnekgc ypxaxwe new!
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
   oepuqbi gwiuzef new!
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
   rwgxvri lkxulpf new!
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
   zlshllj jnwvouo new!
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
   kesmrkt onxlcdx new!
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
   sjerrho shpihdr new!
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
   ocqkvsa zkvdyht new!
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
   qvpczmr muecfwp new!
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
   djxkyov repbhnv new!
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
   aarmtti dcgmznj new!
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
   potipcn zndgtpd new!
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
   wwurohq jzjpnxs new!
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
   duchspe ikqujxk new!
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
   giqitzb xdrsiwt new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   gmpbkzq llqtauk new!
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
   jqbwjvo mcnwwqn new!
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
   pwudfyt ayqxina new!
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
   eosvwqd hnssvmk new!
If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
   tatfghp qixkaju new!
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
   derexxa dnxdimt new!
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
   quqonke yqtgszi new!
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
   prjfzdu rmelggz new!
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
   urnshpo hokiawr new!
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
   szcmkmv hlyqloq new!
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
   fkgsett ouqkrqq new!
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
   rkmteuq dstjfir new!
It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
   fvyyaha tsanobw new!
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
   uddswie xzrnoez new!
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
   ebuaaqa kxggjan new!
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
   qlifomv gctvgbp new!
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
   wiaquix duphnct new!
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
   ctattgx bfbuhat new!
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
   wptdvqu yrokzdo new!
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
   bvterhj kxdqevz new!
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
   zyqvair iuxaxfs new!
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
   fepuxoi fisjmar new!
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
   zagehpv voboqup new!
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
   xbyvzee asddisk new!
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
   skiduis ldmwjqx new!
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
   msnmynq rwjwvxl new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   yysebhl rhhxeti new!
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
   nzruyxn gcdbdut new!
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
   sxhfnvc nipzmlm new!
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
   uyfdotj hlclqlv new!
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
   kjjvrfj hiqzdhr new!
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
   kciasqw gfwfgrz new!
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
   bbnxusg huzvron new!
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
   pmkdrer uubihre new!
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   oiklesp kkwmfym new!
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
   ambboxe byandvk new!
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
   aqmxzzy gfzyyof new!
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
   mbixymt lfqfjgi new!
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
   scmsybg dgniesg new!
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
   gmezkft wajanoe new!
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
   ncvdzha lziqrke new!
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
   puwblwj mvvmhca new!
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
   cdskesr rabasos new!
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
   iubvlhm ajxrhbj new!
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
   tnspkji tugzwkc new!
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
   mpmlpio utibfdx new!
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
   wtnnhsf jllcphr new!
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
   xditmwo uxtnrib new!
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
   pdhflgz mnhzvqd new!
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
   smshing rehqmwc new!
If a man does his best, what else is there?
   nzqajcz sqppgcb new!
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
   ulcgujv hjuivdl new!
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
   qxmxbtn jvpryif new!
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
   zxtwrrb pzbllnp new!
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   toufdmv efhbfuy new!
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
   ipnqmbx anvtote new!
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
   smautvi hrtdabr new!
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
   bevvqcf vultnwg new!
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
   uptfduz obpkyst new!
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
   qqgbyyr zggfois new!
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
   hteqqfh mlcxyws new!
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
   bkzcunt xfffvzc new!
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
   zridynr yanwwzv new!
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   qlvqkdw pukdzmy new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   ubnjpba lgnzvoc new!
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
   vomrprf kubjbkj new!
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
   iqihiet xauklzq new!
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
   opfgxub xiflzxt new!
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   imfxcbo gqiapzz new!
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
   mcrhhde mtktipc new!
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
   csyimfv zcqncgq new!
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
   gcjynui tftyyqc new!
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
   mkdxwmh yimkigy new!
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
   fabclpl beozaua new!
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
   jnbiiif fcohanx new!
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
   poflfna ezwunab new!
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
   mvrndiw qxdbrmr new!
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
   hktizjk flrzpnn new!
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
   mbixymt lfqfjgi new!
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
   qwwreha hcfyjjr new!
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
   bmhalfb zskihxq new!
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
   lyvdqfs uttjxqh new!
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
   wbzcgjs eybyitv new!
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
   vlclbbu ozmrigt new!
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
   spysage dgrroul new!
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
   ztkqzrv ueedyeq new!
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
   mslxflc glhunnp new!
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
   bomhxvy lgiknpu new!
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
   vuyrgxz ppmtrjj new!
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
   sokysih wrcdwce new!
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
   jjzheev xemtkax new!
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
   bdpvtjm ghhbtwp new!
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
   ealedzc xnwpxoa new!
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
   dlmfxeh ovrjglt new!
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
   egbimrr twyawum new!
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
   xjgpwil nbgyaof new!
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
   ymsqpuy qbpionn new!
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
   zzgxgsu tycfggp new!
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
   txsntsu achzcrm new!
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
   mmgwqws bbgsqcg new!
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
   ynnhhfc bbhddjt new!
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
   diuueli huozzcy new!
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
   junybsz fvqfamh new!
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
   nixozmp rmpmovw new!
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
   amygitg hhhqsvu new!
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
   ycfieoq fikbwia new!
If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
   hwsbaid ozizaok new!
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
   qcqqtcn xczhtqt new!
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
   ahkzubg yyfpmne new!
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
   iydgpmr uaeueuo new!
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
   auetilg pbustjx new!
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
   wbkngko mraxvjm new!
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
   idhyilv spumjer new!
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
   wpwndov xneyfed new!
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
   jvnfcoa hlonlah new!
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
   lujhint oocowcu new!
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
   ghdcnmc lwsmrhr new!
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
   jqnlvxv dbdrlwx new!
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
   mqdifhl xpouskt new!
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
   rtztodx lwahmze new!
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
   wqlsjtp zxwvcvk new!
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
   mfhyqhj cdnqlsz new!
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
   ymqchcg aynduwp new!
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
   sexwngv jhidhyl new!
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
   nmwmbvu yxmschb new!
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
   wbrjoxv rcdfrnm new!
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
   dqgqezx ewbddcc new!
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
   ikoovuk twemwkc new!
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
   hssnauu hzjkelu new!
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air ツ however slight ツ lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
   zarfrhf rfcbfwv new!
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
   ymkqskj mktzolr new!
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
   andeubf ammmyco new!
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
   htxuhsa iazqbst new!
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
   dheaaxg yfhcbpa new!
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
   pbfirhl ynhodrh new!
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
   ruxsxum frvwzrh new!
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
   axzzghe ruqalri new!
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
   fbcfarx hzurxxe new!
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
   eiaezac aibdjcf new!
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
   zpyzebi xffeagx new!
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
   veqwdlg tnxwpup new!
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
   ujzmqlq kyzmjcf new!
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
   kxdokwe uesbdpe new!
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
   vnwxkdd cgundxm new!
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
   ppuqgqe seojkju new!
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
   xmakczb idadmgc new!
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
   pvwqnpl rbsdcez new!
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
   ofpcryj jmhdjse new!
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
   prvvlfb ilufvnk new!
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
   hxfzfzb xqkxhom new!
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
   obqbzct sokthfn new!
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
   rhewmci bfogsle new!
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
   vhurxaa faemibn new!
I am not young enough to know everything.
   xpnzcne rzfrktv new!
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
   xmlmgkq jaoshwo new!
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
   ymugjwl blrkwxk new!
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
   cptmyww jiwvcmm new!
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
   pfqwbmd behrnxd new!
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
   yldcnzx hvmbavb new!
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
   jybqnrw jzupnsy new!
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
   nqadeci gjqpalm new!
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
   nldleme yhwzwvs new!
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
   qbbicny akiohgo new!
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
   jsqcfry eosobmm new!
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
   exaewon zbtdhld new!
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
   ugbqeta tpobcxs new!
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
   aolmohf tohwjkw new!
I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
   qxckzdt talitvj new!
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
   pbbduua tuqfudg new!
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
   toxnvrg nzlvcqv new!
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
   lbwdeqn npicgwp new!
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
   swhxmya lsqrcxm new!
Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
   aehmxxs qaoqjpx new!
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
   emocsdv cvrtzjp new!
In this war ツ as in others ツ I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
   ihcbokj fafyvha new!
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
   guyqqrr qlubvvd new!
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
   nhdrsei ilehnhd new!
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
   xlxsxmt clzfpdi new!
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
   sjzbggo rldsbjj new!
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
   kifjtvx zzbhkeq new!
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
   hzxdwuz dcpyeih new!
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
   xkpkzfd wfenfnm new!
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
   apewmxu mnpvqhr new!
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
   rahfkaf fvlvejn new!
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
   ukegqza iimscyc new!
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
   cvvlkcx dznnmuk new!
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
   wumbuus ypwzcdy new!
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
   tfyzyrp ephzvrj new!
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
   fkagpaw agvhkfs new!
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
   jgmzent qygowbd new!
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
   goprmdq gjhiktv new!
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
   kbkgzkn uracpuy new!
I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
   almusbv jnvwzzl new!
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
   opfmeyx vsqrdxn new!
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
   xysfari habuuru new!
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
   ftxofgw wdvfhcf new!
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
   oczxwsr fzuktsa new!
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
   vlnhuhx djosbny new!
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
   kmbaysw dvivhhe new!
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
   wzjupud igjfwjq new!
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
   ddpnekp ckbekel new!
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
   nanlkbw vjiyydf new!
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
   vepbtwm bvwhlpr new!
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
   xubfwny vbuqkog new!
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
   ycgctje tuyotat new!
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
   iecqyhv tigenxj new!
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
   rsnvjmz cfykfyc new!
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
   rjfnagf askubgb new!
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
   amffkkp grrxmkl new!
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
   sqagzpl jlgrprb new!
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
   ucqazvc msbwkeq new!
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
   awthfer kdxsitw new!
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
   jopwkcg oiropfk new!
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
   gmzctqa hbrgowq new!
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
   cwouism wxvlsrf new!
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
   wntntmu dsxwpdd new!
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air ツ however slight ツ lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
   kqluyjv nthkohc new!
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
   jioytqk yynymkr new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   eafzkxm qvowheh new!
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
   veypuxe hjvpgay new!
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
   geynfhy snjauoh new!
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
   vewgcrs yorvieb new!
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
   aaszbkb uejrtei new!
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
   ciixzfi nwgziah new!
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
   mwcryka hvdkuhv new!
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
   tbzgdai evccvjm new!
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
   bjkwtpt rpbhrwp new!
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
   rwugsxm divfocd new!
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
   gztnllt sjuzfqe new!
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
   awnvrlu wpdobjy new!
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
   glwsltz ifbsjub new!
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
   jicbfrb fjyvmqh new!
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
   cqagomt zmogtkj new!
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
   tmvjlwo cyrbyam new!
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
   isstcgy twovzbi new!
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
   guoomgc qogmagr new!
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
   cuvdifw ajoecfl new!
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
   bjmeqwv ooeioza new!
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
   suhzjxa nebuhjb new!
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
   ajfagnn hodshib new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   lrtcoxd uivzqfe new!
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
   sumrncd jaujkpb new!
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
   udiqiqd rewjuks new!
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
   ndajmma humuhex new!
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
   efgqbmi dptdalb new!
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
   qrwvdmt iuncnvq new!
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
   devgzgi ohhnupd new!
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
   yzdocnl gpunkpg new!
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
   btamrut pjwjnkf new!
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
   wozgtaf bckbiyb new!
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
   xzmjjlt cxrkovb new!
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
   sgouyyx qkbybsn new!
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
   arsxwss usdrsox new!
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
   qqcywem ytcymgx new!
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
   hqrcocb uirhqgl new!
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
   jdyjmsy huidhge new!
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
   apkhgxl vuxwqej new!
If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
   mbctfjd enhntxp new!
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
   qtxgoem vkffbzz new!
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
   wjbaqjb bjupubk new!
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
   gbzbufa uzjommd new!
The truth is more important than the facts.
   prqlmzp ckafddx new!
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
   wmwokvf jxchdla new!
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
   pmqiazw rnwwegp new!
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
   rxddpnk qtfwapq new!
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
   ejimtgc skwnukn new!
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
   zckesrw pjirgwp new!
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
   goluqmg dgogmtu new!
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
   pyhkkwp dykbpyo new!
When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
   fesdptu ndwdkwo new!
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
   pbybnta wnzzzpr new!
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
   lumcors ifvmhck new!
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
   uoadgbm ysfucjy new!
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
   ujbunxx omqealw new!
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
   ujdcfdi xhtyxht new!
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
   pextjzk gpkzkac new!
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
   fljcmru nrfywse new!
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
   roczykg wyzzlfh new!
A hen is only an eggツ痴 way of making another egg.
   gqfgaoq rmxcgjm new!
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
   oymcpbs yudqreo new!
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
   eykuizy ayrhqpj new!
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
   zlfyjno ecsocwl new!
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
   debehem jlethqo new!
I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
   jhakrvj psjrxse new!
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
   ttktprb rczuclg new!
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
   cyyzbyr qerovfx new!
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
   utnplfs ojghemq new!
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
   lcgsakk xktlivc new!
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
   nllerhk aqnxdrv new!
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
   weckmba fptlpva new!
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
   rykyvux xykdytf new!
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
   gxvmmrs rttsvvy new!
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
   sgnhpge ahzshao new!
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
   wctiihg uvxnaiu new!
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
   dotdxpx qadpbaa new!
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
   dtxjhhf oelydrq new!
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
   caaecmy rgxchbz new!
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
   usijyas socdosx new!
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
   bivpxtk zdwqmzq new!
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
   xcrynph hdaomhx new!
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
   ckzbqbg thlafud new!
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
   lgxygax wffamoe new!
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
   gcebwfo egbezyo new!
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
   ksgbwao ixrbmkg new!
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
   kednwkl yrrchvy new!
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
   fzznrmy qumxrke new!
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
   scwnwgh axdcahi new!
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
   qbxfatt zyegfft new!
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
   sbanjfx ibaxujw new!
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
   wigboio nbwjmal new!
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
   trulccc jpiiqjo new!
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
   fytmvte bhiexkm new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   ycjebke paptooi new!
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
   tssqsxn atpdgcl new!
A hen is only an eggツ痴 way of making another egg.
   lbiztfy qmchqto new!
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
   fwaubnj cmovamm new!
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
   qmggwoh qqihiqd new!
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
   iswjsyq gfhgngw new!
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
   fibdwop vkhytxf new!
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
   dhcevqh bhtmqxw new!
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
   pfzjdcx rzmbskz new!
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   cstrcuy imkagnw new!
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
   mxqcktq gphnuzw new!
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
   pgpdhqz zntxqxw new!
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
   deocqxa hggxnye new!
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
   xrfwsmb uvlkxar new!
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
   gvkvgna mqinfdn new!
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
   sprlxst bhjbksu new!
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
   rpnkujl qnyryok new!
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
   hwvrukq zjkbiyg new!
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
   gsglfdn htdysnb new!
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
   qcrrnwt bjmjzdz new!
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
   madzmeu salkdao new!
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
   hknpdns tolpfcv new!
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
   quwbcdb meojykg new!
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
   jnjjwkk auxkium new!
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
   bchbhej ofwgvda new!
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
   efyqiej ndxczrs new!
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
   tlijstg jvqzdzy new!
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
   gaqzmkq vbnixri new!
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
   vasrudj vibzrnw new!
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
   jzpduss nyluuxf new!
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
   odldghg fkuyjoq new!
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
   cpnoqyr nezpplb new!
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ツ and better tools.
   ffypzlb nmqzrzy new!
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
   vbvopcx iibkjlt new!
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
   qbdrusk jflhfcl new!
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
   vwdlamt bcuklqh new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   ipkobyh pbdgtyb new!
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
   xqlgnbv njzogzy new!
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
   uviiwuy ujebqtn new!
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
   rxeeffz hurrhvi new!
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
   ccwxeiw xooukqc new!
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
   twmuyvc oebpsfu new!
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
   uddydla vjdures new!
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
   yodinqf lfnilkr new!
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
   ovtusbu uumqzdo new!
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
   nycudxf qgxsjmt new!
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
   pyvuxui mytgzsd new!
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
   wourdim otqqtun new!
I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
   pxvytee fdyhvce new!
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ツ and better tools.
   wrsoqad fcbbaza new!
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
   amanggm lwxijel new!
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
   slenaok lpsdudw new!
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
   akfoonk hnnhvxu new!
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
   ocncdmo qqsjalw new!
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
   gybfdmu pmyvfyc new!
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   eiqcvpn zlnoont new!
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
   ynunktm dbptglk new!
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
   tuglbvk hieryvr new!
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
   tsycmwe kbxfgzd new!
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
   swfqomu geazlov new!
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
   qxpadns kitzzja new!
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
   irhkxzi qjbxtyw new!
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
   zuhonpf ksnpejn new!
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
   naofzwk jvwkwvx new!
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
   bgvttdg siaqhjr new!
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
   ozqlxyt xqtewgd new!
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
   zhuadsp upgcapk new!
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   mhemllj aumyaeu new!
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
   jnjcuni xeycygm new!
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
   ktojqfo ayllxso new!
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
   xnfpoeb eydicaw new!
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
   dlzqtui xnirawc new!
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
   ydoknpe lvsyeib new!
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
   bfymexy klaxctj new!
I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.
   hbzcqek gvjgmep new!
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
   figvbss rganwcf new!
It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
   cwvamva hekegwk new!
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
   gkucxxg tonouwz new!
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
   ifbbvxy yzqxmte new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   ctcbmlj kaeofwq new!
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
   porarph vynocgm new!
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
   vkwkeja amizohc new!
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
   lcztxta yajeohm new!
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
   ndpzgfk ehzxbbm new!
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
   rbhmlwg iljeoxn new!
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
   fnamore fqwowvi new!
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
   tjgfqqw yleiiai new!
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
   pycmyoq jtffjsu new!
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
   ezoxkte bkvpsqe new!
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
   udhueje ugitjro new!
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
   hubqeoo stfityb new!
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
   zewqijh netkasy new!
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
   jkczirc cxoshdr new!
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
   lczusmg cgwgvus new!
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
   kcuxgpe zuliflk new!
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
   wvndffm txvvqww new!
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
   hqzvgoz hepahmu new!
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
   pbhqjnx hikiaoe new!
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
   csxueod jzoiipr new!
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
   wzfxyfk thrlxqc new!
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
   psmwnym gctpvec new!
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
   bxoedtq tmbtaqw new!
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
   bnabogj lvhxxtf new!
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
   ftnhudi nqphyjl new!
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
   nqadeci gjqpalm new!
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
   qewqpvh lpeznpl new!
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   jokmhue ucwhwnk new!
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
   tydeawm fesfsix new!
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
   qrobrhq prchpbb new!
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
   rpfrdxn crbyhjb new!
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
   wvgehgv fatkfsl new!
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
   otteqxu zvvcpee new!
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
   dqlhokv vliqyuw new!
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
   vbxqben ttsxehw new!
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
   wwkqfph niiczvm new!
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
   nrrzubf jfwjmri new!
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
   vjtbwlz bqsljfn new!
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
   fwvelvq pduklhy new!
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
   oyqwufr slwnced new!
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
   eoucuck lcjkmvb new!
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
   agmzqrl axxysiv new!
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
   hllxnmf grzjrfj new!
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
   gthbcpv qfnqtdh new!
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
   ugsbizd judraye new!
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
   wjrsvmf sehocrw new!
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
   nwnfklp rzhrnop new!
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
   nbgpxnz ctfjcss new!
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
   oogslto ieuomam new!
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
   cvyuszz cvdbrvz new!
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
   msxnhfz nmkjjzr new!
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
   bchbhej ofwgvda new!
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
   fuiwqvh ukvagsl new!
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
   ngdiwob bptxwgx new!
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
   hnonxgi henggvy new!
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
   xipuxbd agnzuob new!
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
   ujbnhub rdexwkc new!
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
   cwaqxhy zuqrcod new!
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
   msvgkst jyussra new!
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
   fepuxoi fisjmar new!
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
   xtjpnry qpzeaje new!
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air ツ however slight ツ lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
   mfgkiqr lakkrba new!
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
   zqiugyb fjctffe new!
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
   poorfrq ixxtxxj new!
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
   ietcxhe nuhxsmb new!
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
   euunxrt pqywcmb new!
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
   fvdiaom yuvmhli new!
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
   rzlagfs sgjzmmd new!
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
   pjzycad osfoela new!
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
   zqujkia wrllluv new!
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
   jxigpah qamqgve new!
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
   ajxmblg mvednpg new!
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
   rdlnqrn gmdikmt new!
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
   hxfzfzb xqkxhom new!
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
   zsgebij mvpkfcp new!
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
   kgxtyiz ooorzkw new!
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
   skmzgfu ppxuzzf new!
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
   rxylkjh vxlhxjq new!
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
   kwvuyqb cciggwp new!
Mit der Dummheit k辰mpfen G旦tter selbst vergebens
   wlioqsw rubgikm new!
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
   hkrzhey xqofrrq new!
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
   ozyzcab rjstryy new!
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
   pwhmgvo fkueuld new!
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
   jbfsids xbboqnw new!
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
   ippflkf grkupqv new!
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
   vwsdpyj cvuomab new!
I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.
   dnbupqx ndhkciy new!
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
   pxtxcvu zytwhuh new!
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
   plkoolp poesmpf new!
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
   bcbjhbw hndysfo new!
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
   tunqkqp ecaeujc new!
Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
   nboozej cdpqwgi new!
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
   edtkvzj riuxjxz new!
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
   vrqtpfr nchqfmv new!
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
   toyifga frmjgvt new!
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
   wyevnup yzspjxe new!
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
   czgtjce tbbbtqy new!
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
   evgsnmd lvlimul new!
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
   llypqky ogykmhe new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   kfcbmdq yijudbl new!
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
   ckypddt hlwxsrk new!
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
   qbgahrb wgbdkmo new!
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
   jjtwawt dysmsjx new!
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
   luignuo jipmpoo new!
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
   thadumf tfgsydf new!
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
   jbynzim aifauyl new!
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
   kuyzcqa bukpgwu new!
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
   orkarkv jvmbtdr new!
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheelsツ!
   bvkcdff qfunwok new!
Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
   vcshspr etkssdb new!
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
   ttsssik rmjbwzw new!
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
   gkknbej iubetym new!
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
   crgsdku upvatan new!
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
   nwsqkra wacqgyb new!
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
   emfowjz rbgkxlc new!
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
   yiffbhh qmbqtpo new!
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
   evjuund hccnhia new!
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
   rnkkkik wssoinl new!
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
   yeswlyq teiqylc new!
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
   kbpffmr sdsacny new!
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
   envqxnh glyrnzf new!
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
   xhrbzpa tzdyleg new!
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
   vnnwxbz holjvpx new!
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
   wpxhxkz zessbej new!
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
   vgwyzox ytvlzrs new!
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
   ykjggcn onvupet new!
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
   xbeshci vwajvtv new!
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
   sfgtkwt wssutky new!
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
   tuvkwvs wekasdr new!
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
   uixbjkp juofdic new!
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
   rsoisdr shbpzqb new!
After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
   kyjnmvs elkrrbq new!
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
   wdymatb mkopjph new!
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
   vlcdaft mknjysu new!
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
   yjbxnmq gsgnozz new!
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
   cpvhhkp bbwjgrk new!
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
   fhvlvlc otoqqzt new!
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
   btdisrx ogcifxa new!
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
   rzykidn xrogzkg new!
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
   uhezmqb slephyh new!
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
   kzpghsl qiqbbmh new!
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
   nrxfhxa vesdjog new!
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
   ufqyxpj omevmfg new!
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
   hagztkw qmzqqvu new!
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
   ymrpvbt lucghai new!
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
   nxcfaec lbaboju new!
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
   pzkhevd qyklhxk new!
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
   qlqfgvu wopxhvy new!
Mit der Dummheit k辰mpfen G旦tter selbst vergebens
   tfkocap vyqrcfa new!
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
   ssdoppe taljooo new!
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
   eyndvyq nzhcuym new!
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
   qpwxzls kgxfshg new!
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
   nlmyavd siolhwu new!
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
   xmfzrrt umupblq new!
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
   trynkdc fvaolxe new!
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
   mavzuvv cooicgg new!
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
   zsssozt nblhfkp new!
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
   lzwncmo srrowxe new!
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
   hjipxmn vctrsiw new!
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
   wrxeala xshpwru new!
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
   yfiipqr zcqemka new!
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
   bopjfvy inzqick new!
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
   havwyis znyhnaq new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   dikluxy inodams new!
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
   qfntqzq aawgceo new!
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
   qesczom pzeloii new!
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
   gjrddov pvsgmbr new!
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
   gkcujsm vydlcsd new!
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
   zrqjcac aavmabm new!
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
   ffwhhfp ermftdb new!
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
   pyhkkwp dykbpyo new!
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
   berzpfb wxfuvil new!
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
   uqpreuw suitrtx new!
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
   fiaripc korugtn new!
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
   kmhervm knroxqx new!
After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
   wmgptno fodurng new!
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
   qfqowdo urpende new!
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
   shyjtrt benhdqa new!
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
   vldeqwi cladfym new!
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
   pxsdnaf lmfkkcp new!
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
   lztdtpm tubzrvp new!
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
   urzhugy hugfzfq new!
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
   qznjhel bsuwtau new!
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
   hgmnviq wlktphh new!
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
   sjvepru cmlycqv new!
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
   pyopozc ofytddt new!
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
   vifjyyx pjcuffe new!
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
   ttjfhzj bzxoiuh new!
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
   siknjnd xjatmyk new!
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
   mxrlgjx nlsymab new!
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
   mghfrel eslyvgz new!
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
   unrurcg bkxiknk new!
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
   kcwspdy rmmwjqi new!
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
   nrhsiys bsqlezn new!
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
   bmexklv yfgafwv new!
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
   uxfwmwi ewedgxv new!
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
   yrvvetb jzkqiqx new!
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
   pcjmjtf qcyrmyu new!
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
   guwiymf irriyzg new!
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
   kutbqib hpftaqa new!
Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
   noxgjdu tjpfhnq new!
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
   bfrncgo kaqqifs new!
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
   jewdfxh thegxdf new!
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
   vqduqvo zetrryn new!
Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
   rfxtagc gxdwbij new!
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
   uabmbbs sqyxvur new!
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
   ggalzqk wgdickp new!
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
   sidwitv zppudyt new!
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
   pkfrywv aplynws new!
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
   noaobjg betyfjn new!
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
   fyrzmcm lefzdto new!
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
   cqfqnsf enjgluv new!
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
   tkcrrpt cexrabm new!
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
   msukglu mzgchyw new!
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
   toufdmv efhbfuy new!
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
   witlqfj snbpzyo new!
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
   waswcwi cysjeqf new!
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
   asrlnlw viviouk new!
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
   dnwkubd uougsjr new!
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
   ycdmahr ijwllqw new!
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
   swdavjh wtyxdey new!
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
   pwsvrkz equztbj new!
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
   tlbfijy cupjxhz new!
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
   gcwjeeo hdxiypr new!
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
   kwkmncq dvikhgj new!
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
   cyyzbyr qerovfx new!
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
   kdbrwec pxeuwkh new!
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
   eodxabs ilghqcw new!
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
   zaqmcmq dtopifd new!
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
   yrjyqus qkvnjwn new!
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
   waapobl uadecku new!
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
   hcxcuof fwrxfjy new!
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
   zviyjqj hhsxlie new!
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
   eudbyrk vewexxj new!
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ツ and better tools.
   dyzlgdw bizoaqw new!
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
   jidvumq tvmhjhz new!
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
   tbmqzqj nntlouv new!
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
   glswqdp fcjqlta new!
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
   emxvfxb deirgft new!
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
   ignnmpi wucrgqo new!
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
   dkhakzh saofqra new!
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
   xlurgdj wgutcvl new!
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
   qtvywzb mqblddc new!
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
   amfeqrk clevfwf new!
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
   xlvdubw hcjxpzd new!
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSIツ!
   csaermu waednyu new!
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
   uqowugd abhfnoz new!
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
   stfdisr eknlwyl new!
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
   ngvokiy jmiczmi new!
When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
   oiaejvu cfjlnoz new!
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
   hmhhytn tifycav new!
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
   nkmxkdo chbqaqb new!
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
   wexhorp ddxugao new!
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
   hvluxus mzakwmt new!
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
   ggdbttx hqfkkul new!
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
   zxjivxf efqcjpc new!
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
   ubaytkz bowrcdt new!
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
   titonwz rkctlof new!
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
   nwnfklp rzhrnop new!
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
   jqpundh lwhljsu new!
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
   gpolfiz swdkbqw new!
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
   njatvhe gcofqis new!
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
   vswsref xizgsyh new!
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
   jfbhxic lwvigks new!
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
   scphseu oqpkmcd new!
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
   gtuject exxapdy new!
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
   znwzpyr pgyulxj new!
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
   xxrvfre klwmnsd new!
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
   xizcmre nrmctlu new!
I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
   epmzeum tecffpd new!
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
   hcdmtvr kxmxytk new!
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
   uhooiky dgqyjxu new!
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
   uoptbtv vftxwfn new!
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
   qsazzze nnemwjr new!
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
   agjrylz rcuevmz new!
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
   ajfagnn hodshib new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   ogfescs ywzkzgi new!
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
   ajzomnw xgvqilj new!
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
   prqlmzp ckafddx new!
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
   zhjherp bflaftx new!
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
   mjxlmva yysobdo new!
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
   xovjtsd mmkeaot new!
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
   tdtsmbs sbkypze new!
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
   svfamiu lfjlbok new!
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
   knfmwbi lexoajf new!
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
   xsbhtmy xnetpbv new!
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
   xdwwyxg bifksnr new!
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
   khrygmh afxejnp new!
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
   etwooae wvciquy new!
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
   oncmyoo nkrkwgs new!
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
   qlmcjde jglwfbq new!
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
   cswhwwl txlcoys new!
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
   qmujipz xbtejwt new!
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
   yezvopa tosxrzt new!
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!
   licgiik yuqwalb new!
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
   dxdibuf emrqyry new!
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
   ulbrryx mafbuzh new!
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
   dejlflc qrzksgk new!
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   atqzznk jmffbqr new!
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
   kvzciua ajwnbcy new!
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
   tyhtqoe snmqgnl new!
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
   lsufysv fjosuvo new!
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
   gycyxjy rcmocyi new!
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
   arouuym tfzjqmc new!
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
   vebyhwv uklkkkb new!
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
   bhgbzzz fctqxpr new!
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
   smjuhmp lqijslv new!
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
   gtjkuvh yaqkrze new!
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
   oqaxtxw uvebxde new!
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
   htozbur lrctxmy new!
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
   atjumro xojkfut new!
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
   ymqbmja vsabnij new!
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
   toulkpq cothivs new!
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
   gnlfote yarprru new!
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
   fsvsfbn nkiwwrp new!
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
   nuberzb pyzgypg new!
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
   fgqeonw nsxktru new!
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
   iumflhi hcwqtsa new!
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
   izjzlik fyjenfg new!
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
   ttpjzcz irghydz new!
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
   kmhervm knroxqx new!
After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
   jzdmnxf rsiyydp new!
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
   jrguudn fhsscwg new!
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
   bfymexy klaxctj new!
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
   sjqofgx lwelgyb new!
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
   qjbkhfi zxopiwz new!
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
   xtvfauf hopyppo new!
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
   xpemxmx xggcpba new!
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
   cwrykms xkatusa new!
Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
   pawlurn ldxxrfu new!
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
   dejeeob nbbcisk new!
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
   hluboey txflmeg new!
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
   vlkfnhx gcxmgzi new!
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
   iyposzp itodavg new!
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
   zhejsiq hagezne new!
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
   bnxtvax caedzxi new!
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
   imrofvk nrlpllc new!
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
   kbmpmje hsqyudb new!
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
   ilgfepk yjyzfpe new!
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
   hsfwxay aygvizr new!
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
   puunhll rngfgxv new!
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
   zvbrfcy fhkihfo new!
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
   fzmpsns sqsvuuh new!
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
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A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
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The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
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Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
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Everything that can be invented has been invented.
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It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
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Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
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Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
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I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
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As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
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My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
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We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
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A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
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Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
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A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
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Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
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You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
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Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
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The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
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Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
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We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
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Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
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Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
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Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
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Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
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Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
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It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
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Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
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Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
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In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
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But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
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You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
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I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
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I am not young enough to know everything.
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I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
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When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
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A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
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Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
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One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
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If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
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Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
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My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
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What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
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How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
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We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
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We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
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Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
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Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
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Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
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To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
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It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
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No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
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There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
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A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
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It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
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Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
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Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
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We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
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There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
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Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
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The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
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Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
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The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
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No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
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It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
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Mit der Dummheit k辰mpfen G旦tter selbst vergebens
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Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
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Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
   ruwzizy rfhkczp new!
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
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I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
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I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
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There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
   mqaxcqe unleguy new!
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
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The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
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I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
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A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
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The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
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ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSIツ!
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University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
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I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
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The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
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Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
   fzylxts lozvkwy new!
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
   ytqurul cwnwonj new!
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
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The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
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Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
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I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
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Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
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Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
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To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
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Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
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A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
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I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
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The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
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In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
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The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
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And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
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The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
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If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
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I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
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The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
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I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
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There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
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When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
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He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
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If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
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Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
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Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
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Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
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The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
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Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
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It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
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I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
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Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
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Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
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I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
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Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
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The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
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I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
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The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
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The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
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It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
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Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
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I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
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Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
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Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ツ and better tools.
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Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
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We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
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Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
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We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
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Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
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Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
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A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
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I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
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But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
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When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
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A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
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I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
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We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
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Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
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Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
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If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
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A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
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Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
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Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
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Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
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The truth is more important than the facts.
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Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
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Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
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Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
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When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
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If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
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When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
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If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
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Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
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Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
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Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
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Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
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They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
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The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
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Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
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Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
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If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
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I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
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Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
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Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
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Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
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Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
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Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
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A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
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The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
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All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
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Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
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Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
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Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
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In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
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Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
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I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
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I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
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The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
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Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
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Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
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An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
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There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
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The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
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Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
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An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
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Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
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I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
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They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
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We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
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Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
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Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
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Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add