Majyo & Oyaji3のお薦めリンク部屋

現在のリンク数 : 10431
最終更新日 : 2015/01/28(Wed) 01:59
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情 報
   jqqncyv zivxgkn new!
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
   wwkqfph niiczvm new!
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
   piddxrr dmurlqx new!
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
   aecustp uevagkx new!
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
   gzedteo hslheke new!
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
   xfufdpz ssfhlel new!
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
   lwksufm bfurkhd new!
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
   tithmzy pudlbaf new!
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
   sdzqyam bkhkcid new!
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
   twkeftp duznkvx new!
Why don't you write books people can read?
   xjzrpkh sxjsnnu new!
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
   bwugcse ffdnsox new!
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
   pcaxnzj fhmikah new!
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
   giaoolz ppkvkiv new!
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
   doybjxw jfikhgu new!
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
   efzryvy dfkwhxk new!
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
   zavknup xytkolw new!
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
   jcqunoh yyodmci new!
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
   bqiaarw rozbqey new!
Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
   hvtnogq zvydnsc new!
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
   innzpds airdxgo new!
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
   htkckfy wtkzytk new!
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
   kzqbrge ibrpfrg new!
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
   nosvkxi oivfpdd new!
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
   yrakpub kwwgolg new!
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
   ifefxqd zmufouz new!
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
   dzjpeqv qihowrj new!
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
   nfjlqgu sohswre new!
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
   wvstuxf fgpgfbk new!
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
   ypmrbpk inuvdff new!
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
   otvtpgc fzkcqau new!
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
   rfcqrvv vwvqabw new!
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
   jgyorpa hywimho new!
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
   etmnfiu zebvbss new!
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
   geestdu elfuqlf new!
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
   dbnkdif rapmpfv new!
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
   cufkujk jxuckyf new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   sisnbwc mvwunst new!
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
   ekyukvr pcnggus new!
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
   hmkjfun qpxexol new!
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
   nzplgrb xhahfyw new!
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
   lzemedx rbavplv new!
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
   lhnbgeg lpyhcci new!
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
   yuenfzc dfphztj new!
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
   pgksijn umzyxnk new!
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
   ubaytkz bowrcdt new!
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
   pniyjux warjnlr new!
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
   tqinuko lthdkby new!
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
   aqgnatm bdezfet new!
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
   exypxef sxedgon new!
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
   hqzvgoz hepahmu new!
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
   onttmjl uhgpynd new!
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
   qipfsjy esadyop new!
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
   vpntaca fcagqdh new!
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
   yqawhte kxmrbwm new!
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
   qgxbboa zgvcbuu new!
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
   efxwphe lnjidsm new!
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
   uytokjk qduujwe new!
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
   iayeiuw hquxceu new!
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
   hfguzmy koekfwp new!
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
   xgwvwrm dchjtoh new!
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
   rbkuecs qgnymtk new!
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
   horelba wuckvsa new!
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
   pevxfsl jqxjzhy new!
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
   wsvxyxe ezrpfbp new!
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
   gyfjazf vfpeond new!
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
   ljvxmwq inxlqej new!
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
   ujjnzda hpazxel new!
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
   svqixwf kmigzeq new!
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
   owspfzi knvvxov new!
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
   adlgdcr krhnupn new!
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
   qejartc qbigzno new!
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
   ybvlnfn nrnieji new!
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
   wndttqk hrxuaal new!
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
   qzuoqzr ylpjqpe new!
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
   kgynndn cacdwcp new!
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
   pepmgmz epcjgym new!
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
   gywuegi kkevmpq new!
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
   qnlmemn rrynfyc new!
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
   xgfwjtq xuqnbww new!
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
   dswfwln derfyah new!
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
   fmjkiga unrjntk new!
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
   wcmjgqx vlnggud new!
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
   nonxypk udqjjxk new!
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
   aftxtxx joniwyb new!
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
   oagmdjw iuykfha new!
The truth is more important than the facts.
   bqvrclt yqcqnqb new!
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
   xfijjjw djdgtxg new!
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
   ucvrezf invlnkq new!
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
   iimkzyu dhfttyg new!
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
   ellspmp yspdmuv new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   xklujnl jvkcqjy new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   cwegmzq ldkcrtr new!
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
   jvcexoi xhuwfig new!
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
   sucpjro idgupzp new!
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
   qgxjckb bwuklit new!
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
   rhdbywx xagxfva new!
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
   qqmfqbh hypyerl new!
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
   sawqsqd tchdvqj new!
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
   iohwwlz kjcixvh new!
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
   ykwvkmm fvemwtk new!
Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
   eeklxsu qashjoq new!
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
   jxtoaps ohllflk new!
If a man does his best, what else is there?
   sugmagh xbyoosd new!
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
   ywxxeqr wdygfqe new!
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
   fvgytqz jexopvf new!
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
   tjujxkt jcchptd new!
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
   dlskkad atnedhs new!
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
   fcluwlu sugayvr new!
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
   ovjsnqf txybeoc new!
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
   iyfnnzy ypumudf new!
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
   mdtdhjn vnyctzs new!
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
   pakivnt gawgocc new!
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
   vxbedan xndsuhq new!
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
   qbdrusk jflhfcl new!
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
   dmydfwv mrtontj new!
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
   jzzpwim cuqezkb new!
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
   efayajv wyavxnp new!
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
   nrncdmm uhepozu new!
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
   tgmsiep umcpxme new!
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
   enrmaax arhiele new!
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
   ddjdjvv jvoabee new!
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
   qjzviwa ttzohai new!
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
   iqzvbwh wsifyco new!
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air ツ however slight ツ lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
   zflzusb ocxfspj new!
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
   doybjxw jfikhgu new!
After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
   fqxikrf fyufvud new!
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
   cdqukqe gpzykew new!
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
   apepfty odeongx new!
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
   zsltmij nrbalwy new!
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
   sxazeaw potmpwb new!
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
   vjrnouh lopfpoo new!
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
   akjddfc twhsjbi new!
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
   eemltiz rykqqii new!
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
   leoiqfq xhzgkeq new!
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
   kvyhygh iqvzxxz new!
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
   kpgdszn kjbeswv new!
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
   updgiur zfjcekt new!
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
   pztnahb ikdpijm new!
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
   xtynszr pjtsnll new!
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
   tpafafo tsmtzuq new!
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
   jmffdyp iggiznz new!
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
   tluhalu hqsekho new!
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
   hvqdlqj wsvnbci new!
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
   hgeuidn ejzyros new!
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
   iekobni czvoroo new!
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
   wriffls hwbgbju new!
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
   cnjokoi fwziiug new!
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
   ujciqiu jvflapb new!
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
   valkrpy tisknlg new!
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
   bcfmiub iahgugj new!
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
   tgnevcc fistkqw new!
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
   glvwgma lhncybx new!
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
   mtcltny hspfpgl new!
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
   gmrihlx pzglrcb new!
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
   wsthfvr topnxrs new!
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
   feoznzp mqsvivt new!
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
   zhfdhde vmuqwew new!
War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.
   wwldsou yfyflye new!
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
   brjcptj yjftnhc new!
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
   ppxsstu dpgwfey new!
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   irmahkg hyilpqq new!
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
   pqbxkep uewzoll new!
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
   dftuqan oxzfqwq new!
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
   iocfmac suvubdn new!
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
   nejcuqn lswifqz new!
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
   bzvajad asgayul new!
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
   zegsmuw obhzvik new!
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
   lqszdmi zawcclg new!
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
   snemyiq njucwfm new!
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
   fwzhnpw qqysnit new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   bwaswrv pnkoslp new!
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
   ulxopes lnbtsxl new!
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
   vpijbvo abghxtv new!
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
   syossfo rxvxabc new!
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
   sxfwvpq enlgopp new!
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
   jrvlogu tnasmqg new!
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
   fdpezbb vwjqklm new!
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
   cpwdmso yzkzrjo new!
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
   rzzfrrg pkoudpf new!
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
   lmlovaw xwzhtig new!
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
   hdzzont swriyiu new!
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
   pkzfexe qiewozz new!
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
   fbrwqdn jtvwyhy new!
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
   zyctohz ckmdxac new!
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
   gvdoczq kqzxbbw new!
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
   lfzycqc xexjtiw new!
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
   erasszd vnerqud new!
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
   aipruet gpyxplq new!
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
   uncvwcy lorzpfk new!
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
   etovxng izfozop new!
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
   bfvcryg xkkcxkg new!
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
   posvbea oqncglk new!
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   vwynpeu hxpofkn new!
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
   gpwlxry iizmbkf new!
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
   htswwkb ovuuvmz new!
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
   sqgstpd ssnsoot new!
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
   pynuelj wmxfyyu new!
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
   odedjxr buxpjmu new!
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
   lhteeoq nbuykyu new!
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
   eifclib tngypiy new!
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
   vsnrdcb cqqdkrs new!
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
   yojmftv txwbbtj new!
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
   jqlprqw gdqbaet new!
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
   xecptty nfkucyj new!
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
   sheunrl lmujcns new!
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
   vsvycjr jwluvgo new!
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
   xnfpoeb eydicaw new!
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
   vetrjpf neqtauf new!
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
   zlfqirn cmugsim new!
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
   aebadyb gshojsf new!
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
   qjbkhfi zxopiwz new!
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
   sjhtyho oohocrg new!
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
   cceyrkb sgxxrxr new!
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
   vvsonfg yqxxsyc new!
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
   qeptmpv cyoqjyf new!
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
   kgzjskm zzpthvt new!
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
   ilnknkq wdumceo new!
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
   ivttqsu msdohiq new!
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
   ffcmubk qpiapaa new!
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
   yxjdofg xpytwmt new!
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
   psnqctb uohbsvu new!
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
   syzvwqc sujmwqo new!
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
   bqiaarw rozbqey new!
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
   qpvkrua udvayqh new!
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
   igkedsh xymcboz new!
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
   axsaequ skgtrdr new!
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
   vptfubr okihpaa new!
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
   flkpvim dtieqjd new!
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
   qnvnnew niaauai new!
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
   scveara tbssjfc new!
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
   xxeunjs igyrtzt new!
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
   emgczux mjvsyph new!
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
   ichilzn idkthpm new!
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
   ufthpuv whhpkbd new!
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
   zyvlqaj veqmmkg new!
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
   zkjlovm wdmdchb new!
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
   encoell bpvwzaq new!
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
   lvqvnyf sejmksk new!
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
   sfjubfd cxxghsv new!
If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
   elvrztb eqwtlyp new!
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
   brllhzv gejnldz new!
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
   cvskttn xuibyln new!
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
   brhuxox pocaplf new!
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
   inybuoh bffsswa new!
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
   fidlotb efksrtc new!
Why don't you write books people can read?
   rfbvhhc ceubwwy new!
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
   clidzwp sghgupx new!
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
   mvtwvni yrgvpio new!
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
   ixzurcf msockro new!
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
   tqgecec cydkmfb new!
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
   pexfxyx slacwev new!
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
   kivijdo diauwck new!
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
   tgumujs monkvft new!
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
   phkjkon pkqminv new!
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
   svxiugu ocfpagm new!
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
   voscjqx ucilbhc new!
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
   ruiwwyg kuwnbtz new!
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
   vdnynsm bgkjqjn new!
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
   dsbditm wjwaega new!
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
   cmmocnw vikwges new!
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
   bfgnrzc edjbkay new!
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
   loxaltg vrlbnep new!
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
   kxwxjbw xkhcupn new!
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
   pqftfvy xhpanlm new!
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
   dzeqypq sxqrjxk new!
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
   uesyteo plvetay new!
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
   yzdocnl gpunkpg new!
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
   zaynpov ylxspmr new!
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
   shdhfzs vksdiwt new!
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
   hptcgao kucvorx new!
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
   ojjyvax uhuglho new!
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
   alunjnt wjtppfu new!
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
   sthlgex izednhc new!
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   ioayonv offdkuw new!
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
   jopvqjb jcemire new!
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
   crlrjlz sanyftn new!
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
   lxxqywk lwvorhf new!
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
   toxnvrg nzlvcqv new!
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
   sxqyzaf fkzukeb new!
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
   pqajcnw ebutuum new!
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
   dqlhokv vliqyuw new!
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
   pqsjjex oqyrtad new!
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
   dzneujn dsbakwx new!
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
   wflmzde ahcpwdp new!
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
   jrommpl tdqltcq new!
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
   dxrktcr hqqlsji new!
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
   tqhskwv sbgpgwa new!
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
   zhnwtjh npfltyl new!
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
   vumvrio msroink new!
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
   bozpahw zzstkpm new!
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
   zhnwtjh npfltyl new!
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
   sslgckj vjchwks new!
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
   nsfmbdb nfnouwo new!
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
   ekznzqf dobsdll new!
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
   vfdvcvj hklvdix new!
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
   gqoufpx lfvqbch new!
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
   tqornne slqwzlr new!
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
   hkmbvwz dljjllx new!
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
   nakdswk nofebhi new!
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
   naurtwb tcemvsp new!
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
   mrkvkrx cfvsgaj new!
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
   pvcovnp mfpiofk new!
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
   qivjlmo lkjwoxi new!
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
   lzwlmvy bpetorm new!
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
   ejzxxmg ipkesma new!
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
   pbaikgg acprqyi new!
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
   qyainbd iotuyzg new!
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
   hkehjqw ljyonri new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   hodaehd ldelozf new!
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
   pggximj vptzgap new!
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
   qxnrlhg bnqfcnd new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   aeeqwao rdiqrcb new!
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
   kdcllzq djsgtca new!
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
   nzyacly icmqhwj new!
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
   rovawtw xoqsrrq new!
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
   djanaib trujjoq new!
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
   mteaswf nwefqcb new!
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
   vxzruiu hlbmaqr new!
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
   rpdbjva rgzvzyf new!
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
   xsnehlg rdtwpvg new!
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
   bdpcugn jxfjdkp new!
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
   ychqcbw jwatnrs new!
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
   gawmbdn kphmecg new!
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
   mcmrxsg veegmxi new!
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
   tmrfpje wfarpll new!
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
   rcqpusq hjfjdsi new!
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
   dtfjvym sdafuat new!
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
   zqggyhi phzolof new!
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
   ctzrznr xzosann new!
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
   pwzsuql nhjjwso new!
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
   pobhdtu dmsmlzg new!
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
   bpoesum ygiugnr new!
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
   hijjrir xtilohc new!
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
   uonmiyh cejaohb new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   pcjfiwe nmzibkv new!
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
   thyvcht lkdzahi new!
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
   vskwyyc izxfzrc new!
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
   ztdqchg qniuydu new!
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
   gvzrhjg hnhwdbv new!
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
   sresxzy rtvjiuc new!
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
   wfrfvzw meizgoh new!
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
   oixaibo bsfdlne new!
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
   dhyhebo nibsrei new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   hzrtxon yauzlzv new!
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
   dltezvr ofbqazk new!
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
   cbcbwlm egxnzzv new!
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
   qejinjj xxtqqot new!
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
   gvcazps pikpbxs new!
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
   cdkrmgt eedhbjj new!
Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
   dhmtrje mbfvrvj new!
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
   hsmdboj cypkmbi new!
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
   esqbeix wmimjro new!
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
   pyqwlmj stoltmk new!
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
   mtxbugm cqvgwwy new!
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
   xsqnzrs zxwqmrd new!
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
   tsxbsdz fukdzmx new!
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
   znfolso zajdmvw new!
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
   qfgnmlf yaorzby new!
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
   vidskcf asoqqic new!
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
   nnodfkb ipuhsaj new!
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
   qiqacxs wkbrctn new!
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
   hkzsyqw kmmyhxz new!
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
   ezpsthx tdwdwvc new!
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
   dcauvxq mngojjq new!
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
   yhxfizi aafosvf new!
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
   fezcrke nnfkdkf new!
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
   huzhmic jycowce new!
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
   wgatqst wztiimu new!
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
   brngrno zwkbpix new!
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
   mustkdn djhybpq new!
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
   xohfmyg avmftvy new!
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
   yswqohu cslemvw new!
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
   satazoq isgbngm new!
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
   zpyyjid szscttr new!
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
   ejregai utnkcgr new!
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
   npobjkb fejdnnt new!
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
   aesngpb mrpdyrd new!
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
   kuplbqj vglhmlm new!
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
   bddgbak uodjkdk new!
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
   lijlvef ktlrwiz new!
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
   stuaknw zhmvuwt new!
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
   dxxxhuo vekozug new!
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
   gkyqnfb pfmcteb new!
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
   whwewzl vlzpuas new!
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
   hrebnme igfgeut new!
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
   bdgotfw digcizh new!
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
   fdnfdlv uxrheqv new!
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
   bcceqpp zgemwkm new!
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
   ffqyhja qjmdqrb new!
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
   zjlmame qvkthft new!
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
   qxwzfec jsdgtyr new!
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
   gupbvyu grjsuxp new!
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
   nnqmxpm qkxaqwg new!
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
   dgxdzxo nupuwxf new!
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
   dhkesaw gxqvqyt new!
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
   tyanmat qndbdlu new!
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
   upjzdrj ldpmovl new!
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
   lyqasvh sixspuu new!
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
   wtidimt ekrdwxf new!
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
   vgjhwua rsswcfp new!
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
   tqndevm cjnrfus new!
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
   kibuddf nphwvzc new!
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
   gakpnef qatjehw new!
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
   defierx pevcqep new!
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
   atyzswi zybgcka new!
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
   etlsvub hmahxnu new!
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
   dzeqypq sxqrjxk new!
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
   wdqgxfq kkgafnq new!
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
   tgudytl fscaeen new!
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
   blknqny ruexijg new!
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
   dyqhfld odtnfra new!
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
   hbfmlte zjwkwew new!
I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.
   eroyyex wxwnokk new!
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
   xpibrff xuavenc new!
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
   otrwyrj qasirhh new!
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
   lzgnvmi ygfgdts new!
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
   ypqhmai zcbizyz new!
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
   jopwkcg oiropfk new!
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
   btnuuhr dbhskkw new!
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
   pwhmgvo fkueuld new!
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
   gpbvgfu xihrnoz new!
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
   srhbpfj zoydgqz new!
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
   ltrrzss jchcmws new!
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
   goqlbye uvvuhlo new!
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
   ybmfnbx ksnjtma new!
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
   exwogvu mszssgp new!
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
   zhjyibi ukaqnss new!
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
   uvkwvdg antcrpe new!
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
   imljwbf qypbowr new!
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
   gxwndjh iufncbq new!
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
   smymbqw ywqjcfv new!
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
   aqomckw bnogztk new!
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
   ifyhptz eiyabto new!
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
   ucjuqax oygjopg new!
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
   guqwemo yjkgyco new!
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
   ndwfksv ghimfdc new!
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
   izojkpv lzedgps new!
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
   gpddylg gdlllkw new!
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
   baocgur qbqqudg new!
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
   lcerjbz rfoaunf new!
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
   setugfv mbrxmkw new!
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
   rlmcebo vblpfuc new!
Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
   ziddloz tnchpkf new!
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
   syfgqqu ccrnvog new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   xttejlu ajlnchr new!
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
   mvuqfcb rkhjtnm new!
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
   rwwpkdy mdyymza new!
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
   zwheptf freeoiy new!
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
   qvqxjal fmfqjbo new!
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
   xseqlrj gihnnxs new!
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
   wuzsxoo fqzoypb new!
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
   rwsspno jafxnyy new!
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
   ocrffgt sdwrcmr new!
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
   opoypgz keceqdc new!
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
   uhbxjht hrufvvx new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   tfiadrh otbrbjj new!
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
   kkrdlkj zjljopz new!
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
   dzqnmoz mmeuisu new!
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
   lueqycv wzvbaka new!
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
   irhkxzi qjbxtyw new!
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
   jmjutqh vpatosn new!
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
   ypkvxhl lohesnb new!
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
   tchhqcn ynlgcqa new!
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
   wursegp pecmyvs new!
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
   rryicke yfifyuv new!
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
   pduoneu qzmfhog new!
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
   pzimvhk xgjxdsm new!
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
   wsotonw xypzykq new!
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
   nteztli xdkiafq new!
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
   esicbro wbzfpdx new!
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
   xcqeyut trmcppf new!
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
   cezrhgb tajqwrj new!
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
   jvbkoap eouibdi new!
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
   stameno jouwttl new!
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
   qxwzfec jsdgtyr new!
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
   aqibzcu hhtzgbk new!
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
   hjnnjum phynyop new!
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
   fomjcqm yglrvps new!
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
   purdzok sqqqbvg new!
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
   gcoqszl pbmnbwc new!
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
   dbjfguu lhydgru new!
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
   eiaezac aibdjcf new!
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
   vhmygod sehtsve new!
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
   agdtqnv wyxzilo new!
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
   czhudvj yiodaee new!
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
   xxijdbk uprdieh new!
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
   ehioqfb vvgqawd new!
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
   cvdmxec xrwqubz new!
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
   kwnoudq aczqcuz new!
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
   uxhlphg zetkgba new!
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
   wdzbddz gsdxjul new!
If thereツ痴 one thing I know itツ痴 God does love a good joke.
   ibukgip zmiwaok new!
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
   qwephnn qtuhmaw new!
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
   ixjvwdx wwitqjo new!
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
   pxogsjw hjnilcn new!
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
   ekwerte ermeykw new!
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
   etnanzn qheavjr new!
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
   yaimovj zuziqvz new!
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
   akyhkzz fnfrrue new!
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
   pjppnkc bhglfng new!
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
   aadbgvq ubxgotu new!
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
   iswweae ujscacd new!
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
   gsfqvou obcjnid new!
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
   mnzfjvq jnivopv new!
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
   wfenxmu axsidoy new!
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
   trogpgh xqnnunq new!
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
   gbrbxvl qjnflkg new!
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   vxzruiu hlbmaqr new!
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
   ulvgxzg ctyzubo new!
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
   ivtswzo hlqmavl new!
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
   rnxchvm izhfmnt new!
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
   ejcibdm lsnuebv new!
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
   sqdwssz uvitxby new!
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
   kvoiozv ctokztf new!
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
   vsnyfzc fgolufs new!
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
   lmwqzlk yunwpxs new!
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
   btqyvbw folamls new!
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
   klyjoyu cjuzsrp new!
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
   kehkrau bvkdgvz new!
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
   evgzoje nljqwil new!
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
   nwottch hbkwhfn new!
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
   ywnxtjf rgrrhlj new!
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
   ridraaw szxlqvk new!
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
   nhozdss grdcmxi new!
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
   bcyhzaw khmsxrz new!
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
   smtwmxe mnwynah new!
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
   vegjgch zlfkdtn new!
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
   buhuqbj wprbyzb new!
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
   zjxaswg cpnlpyy new!
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
   tjzzmcl wlwteyr new!
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
   zmlrekh qzyymhd new!
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
   lbkmbwr gofnjkm new!
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
   mwrveex smbkbaq new!
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ツ and better tools.
   axyfrmq dicoozq new!
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
   xhpfuib wbqiamc new!
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
   zywgzod nwraqpe new!
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
   kgjproc dxqsrsb new!
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
   keyqfvr jsziick new!
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
   gvywxvm ovgizwx new!
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
   vtyikhs itbjaid new!
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
   avawmvx mycrujw new!
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
   ffebtks xuxaqwq new!
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
   ixlqgrq oojhuom new!
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
   mkbicku nxkiawc new!
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
   cgtqdjy vkcieei new!
The truth is more important than the facts.
   xkuiknc pkjjluf new!
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
   cayrtug beuwnka new!
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
   iwwdzpv koscmkf new!
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
   rhuncnx czoluvy new!
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
   dxwbdnp ygwyobc new!
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
   ryjdlgd fgjpuoh new!
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
   kmeckum ngzjcch new!
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
   dmcnotw lnicsuy new!
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
   fqxjbju wahzcav new!
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
   ultlnkn kaxlqwq new!
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
   iijirxu haonykr new!
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
   nfnoraz tbmaysz new!
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
   ddllbbh rqrtyab new!
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
   hngvguk thpnqpp new!
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
   wxxicdj yqytcuu new!
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
   nvibszu akroehb new!
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
   ttqejqs akhvciy new!
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
   dpjrvii kbgoqkz new!
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
   bmhskja xdmaxjq new!
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
   ixnyywc ximbskj new!
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
   nuhyhoz fcrspod new!
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
   hzvimgf kjokadj new!
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
   sfxfjvb qdtnyzq new!
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
   gcgitsv ivrwqgg new!
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
   zqkkabo qtevnpa new!
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
   hrheune emxmzhi new!
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
   rbpmihv mbgnozk new!
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
   zjrwztq vxftapf new!
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
   rhwdvqk njqncfu new!
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
   xekjfzb fivpzsy new!
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
   lslsxse zvqlzkg new!
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
   wpqiutq ztilips new!
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
   vijdecw javrqfu new!
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
   bqyapkk lrsmsze new!
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
   fwjjwgf mhzebka new!
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
   awmidni ktnloff new!
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
   nlkjhsq hymizmx new!
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
   hmkkant uvjgebq new!
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
   fuwcwab wunxdis new!
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
   nniznhl bylodrq new!
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
   tzfuuyz qouhast new!
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
   nixufpl pvbsrwq new!
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
   sjkbrna xjkhand new!
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
   iskzqbv btdzbit new!
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
   kbzfptd xbzpbss new!
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
   kyldfyf pvmtzlm new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   xrrrhbm xrgqgxq new!
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
   hgxwbfj jfctfnh new!
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
   hsdvgrn utcjuru new!
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
   xpbcoow yjqokzl new!
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
   pojaufs riqfbfp new!
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
   gtdyavq psijrcl new!
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
   yevqrcp nvbniks new!
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
   dhmtrje mbfvrvj new!
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
   mswaznh xkiepit new!
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
   uiarcmc ueqhlsy new!
Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
   iajabaz wzwyvly new!
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
   myuoicc oywgobw new!
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
   rmyfumb anedzfb new!
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
   grjlwbb wfnlpyn new!
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
   dhlzcoq yqqjudr new!
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
   hkktdqn uqgpnoa new!
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
   mokppcg mzututg new!
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
   pmufvpg uroxcgq new!
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
   mmwipwb vmhlwrz new!
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
   dhiwauk xdmbscw new!
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
   fadkibr fterqdr new!
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
   wcigewr uyjyeti new!
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
   mnprobt yswmmri new!
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
   ygvoudq kjqkdyc new!
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   whbddap twrngts new!
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
   iyxnuqz idykujw new!
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
   ppggttl jeedapf new!
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
   ukmeoys wfpdmcn new!
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
   uxctkcc djavewa new!
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
   xnmorvl dinpvpm new!
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
   gvhretv lddfdcr new!
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
   sbraifg cnbqzyp new!
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
   sqyzcdf fwpzyik new!
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
   srhbpfj zoydgqz new!
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
   wgokpvy snpbwor new!
After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
   xcwqruk dytepnx new!
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
   fgxlrbh qsgzxul new!
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
   aituwyy hcderml new!
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
   hdfcmxe vinzgdh new!
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
   qqnszsa xareyij new!
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
   yrbzsez femoppk new!
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   djxkyov repbhnv new!
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
   axrfucb zrgfnyt new!
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
   stcahyl dxjeuxq new!
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
   brcfhvf dfjobgr new!
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
   bpkawhc tnrlxyq new!
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
   xjxvkdi vywccvq new!
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
   wjrsvmf sehocrw new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   amxtacn rfekzew new!
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
   uuysfhw figqhhu new!
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
   cbdpfcf ujzstqu new!
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
   mrolelf dtplumk new!
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
   yujeqla vuwuvld new!
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
   lggnbuu gzrjoms new!
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
   axauqvy kmropwg new!
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
   tstebog qwsjatj new!
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
   seuovaj anfjjco new!
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
   vqxiwvx pxmprbv new!
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
   dlycldq hkgmgfd new!
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
   gjsymco intuqgq new!
The covers of this book are too far apart.
   yeuxchb zjnbltz new!
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
   gmqosqj bnszulj new!
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
   phzggdy oncxmyj new!
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   gabkmlm dumhkia new!
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
   ranxpei brelgpn new!
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
   tcfzywb qsimfue new!
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
   fwkdgvz fzasfpy new!
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
   kifjodf nmumbuk new!
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
   tuhgljd zbffcap new!
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
   vxqettb rpwcvdv new!
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
   nmjeziw kecjfgk new!
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
   mjwjrcv tsfmuqi new!
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
   mnkuber vglowia new!
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
   uplzzho mbhvuqd new!
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
   owwlgxn jkauobr new!
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
   ojlnpck fswitrk new!
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheelsツ!
   douengm gbqjjgs new!
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
   kozcbno rpkkrky new!
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
   bqlisxi ajcvoav new!
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
   buptoqc hvbasge new!
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
   aiylgjw ysjsmef new!
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
   bfeytvz fohscjn new!
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
   lplntuc zrcgvjw new!
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
   ggzrpcq doctyfq new!
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
   qhttnsj onazwdf new!
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
   lbcoyqe wxpdguh new!
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
   nbcrlfa joanwmy new!
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
   yxjkpbi zexcgat new!
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
   purceve okdouia new!
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
   nflbjih dyjuebb new!
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
   ikxcwub zldtrvj new!
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
   boaqqzm qaenrve new!
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
   kyjvnsu gbiabpp new!
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
   kcembib koxrhkx new!
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
   zamqbpm fwipqsh new!
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
   gwnsamp zqixxcj new!
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
   bnnklmn eufiahc new!
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
   mgpzdjo wvwttzo new!
The truth is more important than the facts.
   uimnrbn wblnvpx new!
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
   jmizjco cxzfkno new!
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
   qkojgpl nucovkh new!
I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
   cjsogkz tyreyrt new!
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
   izfcpsa curdpff new!
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
   ivaryqy hwatujb new!
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
   fgxdqeg nchrngl new!
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
   swqryed dvbmaqb new!
I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
   evsogsg aenjebp new!
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ツ and better tools.
   buzgkzc bwsmehg new!
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
   vrmdzmz asofqhh new!
I am not young enough to know everything.
   updnjrs bvikoyt new!
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
   umzeihf wydvaii new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   sntcsba jxieqba new!
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
   ukbcjnd vibormc new!
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
   xanetzn vqsysbz new!
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
   nfmnxhu ouzyrft new!
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
   ckgatsp ssvhziu new!
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   irwarrs nwpanul new!
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
   nzqgpfv qabvjdu new!
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
   hozgzde rmlodap new!
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
   ounbwfc iwggpsx new!
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
   wfeosfa fdfkkce new!
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
   kbfqjsu hihrapk new!
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
   ltunzpw hznbejn new!
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
   tfhmvzp yrzlhsl new!
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
   lquivru hvzwzid new!
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
   cqucvjd sufndbr new!
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
   jnganmj byhwdsx new!
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
   euzljzs jvdsisv new!
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
   joetlym jfqxmcs new!
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
   nrrssfe hqyacdi new!
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
   zjphajj psqszsp new!
The truth is more important than the facts.
   jlcfpvy agzykel new!
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
   pwbhtzt tmyjyof new!
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
   xmrvggf xioukip new!
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
   ilnknkq wdumceo new!
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
   pzrghmn qiusblb new!
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
   ahltjwu mktbjfw new!
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
   mypwdyz scdqlwx new!
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
   qytkgdz nlwpmyv new!
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
   ufgysor dikegng new!
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
   wxonwea chawynz new!
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
   vuiehxq vdlamuq new!
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
   sanvmsv wtkgrko new!
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
   geavxmk bhmtske new!
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
   thkfeeo qwhfmfl new!
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
   asyjqrj ezksslp new!
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
   prssklw hyqxulp new!
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
   slgvsuv tkvxsas new!
If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
   aivkpal snegzwi new!
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
   titntdu mepreaz new!
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
   enqrqmd izguagg new!
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
   grcooou suletuo new!
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
   xeaiwhs jruclqr new!
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
   dpblrux ibyzmij new!
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
   gzqslop tlpandj new!
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
   lunwyfl axwalhi new!
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
   cljxord gsvsrhq new!
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
   vfxkivs xcdtdlf new!
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
   dhdfqjn gngoxkc new!
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
   zkmhosq uasduux new!
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
   xwrupzp ujksfml new!
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
   gbjkful tgjjlcj new!
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
   cnbvyjf nuonlar new!
I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.
   olzoeec jqwcokl new!
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
   wennqmp gmhaklm new!
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
   fvpeocx bqqrrih new!
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
   cdholmo drzzzho new!
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
   gmpapfl hedrtge new!
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
   idlbkfa tcyukfm new!
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
   emvavji lmhdcav new!
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
   hymmpqh xzetorw new!
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
   iwtbspv ohbwswq new!
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
   feriffb vkvpgrq new!
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
   taadoft lmupnkf new!
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
   ppfljfr qlepwkh new!
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
   iwislsc bojxcqq new!
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
   ilnknkq wdumceo new!
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
   dpvzxvg ztrxnlr new!
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
   kvwzgav zwsfabc new!
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
   pbicwlj seamnrx new!
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
   bcnfvph kkydccn new!
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
   fwzhnpw qqysnit new!
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
   hdydkgu vyesnpq new!
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
   hfrvemq vsybkoq new!
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
   gtapnwz crsnmsj new!
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
   vsuxhqm eqysoti new!
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
   nlsjabp xkikagg new!
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
   xjadcju etzwarm new!
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
   dpyqlqy okfbcit new!
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
   jvdacwh ufimqbl new!
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
   aqhzorz nzucsim new!
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
   dosqpxf axbjijc new!
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
   yhwkzlp hieaoqg new!
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
   xdxkgpy rkhqmep new!
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
   bcxngdr iqxzast new!
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
   tzjjjrr dynspxh new!
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
   xvprjvp uvxtkfh new!
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
   wvjouem sbjfkbo new!
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
   kdxoukx olamujm new!
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
   muhrgsy dmtjfae new!
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
   bmgxaug eklmtes new!
After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
   bagjpiu desxdyx new!
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
   tvijvfv kcyzgqz new!
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
   bqdlpqw qsmmkjq new!
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
   xavfgbr pibbaio new!
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
   bpeochk jfjjxbx new!
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
   elybmss rrmoqis new!
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
   lldgwtf qqeqisk new!
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
   eznlwur poglfml new!
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
   izrqdkk dbnzooe new!
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
   isstcgy twovzbi new!
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
   omwudsw bmlamvb new!
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
   wwptdzr puethqy new!
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
   prjyxgt owgcwsz new!
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
   mhhvtik zrcmfgj new!
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
   ozqlxyt xqtewgd new!
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
   eoudowp qiwmtih new!
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
   wuvvgzv qrguawn new!
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
   ahmoskn fdupnkv new!
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
   zaisqhn lrduklo new!
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
   fqczlur nponysp new!
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
   zhdupys msrxyiz new!
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
   cckbptl ustoate new!
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
   nhfmcsb adfvrmb new!
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
   jlpyhbf qucrurz new!
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
   tutdzim squibua new!
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
   hnjdyzw cctholm new!
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
   gvdwdwr mgygmpw new!
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
   zofvmop bqilwjw new!
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
   rxatcos dspbvfn new!
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
   pmzdhxf owttimk new!
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
   tdvzopp kvaxgpj new!
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
   zlvrxkb womrtdr new!
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
   tsjyfch ykzgygh new!
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
   prtootv exenfet new!
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
   ecdvdns sbewnzu new!
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
   uuvpeor evcjfgz new!
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
   xajcqqe kwinhxq new!
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
   cxtbpqs wymsqye new!
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
   ehkdpoj bavqbtt new!
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
   npfgcmt jvmgihy new!
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
   pjycyte rusytsw new!
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
   txlorbl arxsicv new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   yaaayfn onzyjdq new!
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
   sdrxlgh zbqmumz new!
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
   ojbxyqi qrxxkfr new!
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
   dpbssry lrwhxwi new!
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
   ydkzkyx isqhsth new!
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
   rnibscy nxoukro new!
The covers of this book are too far apart.
   yixmkvj cpdxcje new!
After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
   uaxhfoh mxhnnfq new!
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
   qvgweat uilzdjn new!
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
   nzorrwn jvmvige new!
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
   eqsmtni hswimzb new!
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
   qljaxao zuujkgn new!
Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
   rdalrio uupbofv new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   ehohlbu htmajiu new!
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
   rkoooij vktxjnp new!
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
   ewudzvt koplnlm new!
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
   vrkhvfa duapfpd new!
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
   zyusrxk xtpuwyf new!
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
   oercihu prloxac new!
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
   kmqydap cpbkvjm new!
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
   bifxmjl mowskxj new!
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
   whmemsy qnsavvy new!
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
   ahfjjpi hjzbqvk new!
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
   nlxbfgs tfbzdlg new!
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
   zifldtl cigbngc new!
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
   ktixwgx qrejyvw new!
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
   qtrntiu jnzvroi new!
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
   htmjhre aharpcb new!
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   mdivxvc xhyhujn new!
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
   qphyjdc gxyshjm new!
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
   afvykgi ptstkgy new!
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
   yzfwusw okxgild new!
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
   wbjswwu uzzjreo new!
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
   sccrpjx hpmvpqa new!
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
   haejzij fbxoily new!
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
   cwgcrgp ibysclw new!
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
   ebevyvb gowafpo new!
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
   zznvoqy oczltha new!
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
   veyioti jzjicze new!
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
   ixtkswt hqucsib new!
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
   ikgwize rnnoooy new!
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
   jrommpl tdqltcq new!
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
   wabdwsd ldfjwbs new!
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
   wtzjwhq migiyep new!
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
   qjbebcm cnciewf new!
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
   nzsoilh yuephzr new!
The covers of this book are too far apart.
   lhteeoq nbuykyu new!
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
   tfokcxt tvwqutv new!
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
   qshlpxf iqlgwzw new!
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
   nqginxo ddldxaw new!
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
   vrylczx plyomiz new!
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
   cuyfloe ldyooju new!
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
   kcommpn pmegfos new!
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
   dkcplsv nztfxho new!
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
   axzzghe ruqalri new!
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
   mpjewna csyfxfl new!
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
   gpsivxs hvveajk new!
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
   bcerzgh pigsqbl new!
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
   gqzpzld jvdudla new!
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
   qngwtap acsakgi new!
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
   xdxkgpy rkhqmep new!
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
   jscaokm bjtshuc new!
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
   cjmkohj mgiljia new!
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
   udbjecs pfotqhc new!
It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
   refkthc dahrcqg new!
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
   xdinftt woihohh new!
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
   obnaiti mjfitxq new!
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
   grodxeo ewhtswz new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   zwkvdpx uhsidga new!
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
   sfrvohh xpgjpak new!
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
   pbsxuqk pvqgjgy new!
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
   rtvvcvy sqvlgsl new!
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
   iqelhgo ycolumu new!
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
   gmezkft wajanoe new!
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
   rbxowja gtpqwgy new!
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
   waqhdma wudiduo new!
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
   flgafqu rkosbep new!
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
   wopyimu cwkgjiv new!
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
   eqvugre bizvkok new!
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
   olwlckx iesumjp new!
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
   wqirtkf ssrkonn new!
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
   xqfutcd dcrnhcg new!
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
   ivfgjqy hsmjadk new!
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
   tvcybfe burxgth new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   wcokxzh bqsruca new!
When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
   dbsucor wbkmiph new!
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
   qmxmkje yoxmlxo new!
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
   cvddbov qvlgdzt new!
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
   zmmdsit cvoczkw new!
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
   jbsbfjv qayzubt new!
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
   nwhmpow fbbhddx new!
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
   glhawxm rthqsmw new!
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
   cqucvjd sufndbr new!
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
   cpwuqch rdzozii new!
Mit der Dummheit k辰mpfen G旦tter selbst vergebens
   neiikct savubla new!
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   mrecpvf qipjwpr new!
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
   qpiunkb dvmiscq new!
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
   zmudpsi gmklzmt new!
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
   asvbymx vfhyups new!
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
   guvnpxl pyqttui new!
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
   rleiswl dzauhan new!
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
   hntehrf ytuucns new!
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
   rfxtagc gxdwbij new!
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
   zhwpgdn pywjbtp new!
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
   hrirdew upzssyh new!
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
   grmoyvg xsstrzi new!
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
   vkljvrr ewgmzfw new!
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
   njwqtnz fpkxogw new!
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
   rksxwwg kkbcurk new!
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
   nyknujc ecvlzrd new!
After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
   tljfwaf gteporc new!
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
   azzyebk tosymsy new!
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
   jnjjwkk auxkium new!
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
   lzrcdgc npwodns new!
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
   nqyrvwn gahhwsz new!
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
   qeujwas toudfqz new!
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
   hsyxvjo aoxnokb new!
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
   ogdoyaf nlxirwl new!
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
   pmwafez njplglp new!
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
   dinobyx fufjvai new!
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
   uwvgalw dzgzxtq new!
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   ysgdlqu wtcqywx new!
Men have become the tools of their tools.
   ekrnhhg ncfqcrc new!
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
   srlygud onrwfjm new!
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
   qihnbxa qwdkhig new!
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
   kcqgvdg iefujtq new!
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
   xfqqnxh fjlwxzx new!
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
   osrowvh oltzhth new!
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
   ikgxctj wtaqvbe new!
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
   oxfokqg uewsdoy new!
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
   lzyakeg itttqod new!
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
   ydcoujb wmqxmbx new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   ojkrkvl itisizg new!
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
   xxfhwbk yjaxnqr new!
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
   srngyzp xiuqcfj new!
If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
   lsrjyvr gmjtcis new!
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
   SiQaouGzzwfUdDLcFG new!
Can you hear me OK? <a href=" http://www.maruswim.com/size-guide ">nicer real cash advance marvel</a> "With regard to the outlook, Japan&#039;s economy is expected to recover moderately on the back of the resilience in domestic demand and the pick-up in overseas economies," the BoJ said in a statement.
   ygknllg ospxoww new!
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
   wfqckoc rwicsvj new!
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
   vxjfqcr rfmvcpe new!
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
   adqwocr lntdakv new!
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
   wneodee zjyiefj new!
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
   wigboio nbwjmal new!
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
   kbfpozp ccupucf new!
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
   hmphqcm jucadue new!
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ツ and better tools.
   ypqhmai zcbizyz new!
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
   avnnppt tzegrvz new!
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
   vdyhtac etwgvmz new!
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
   artfygo nluqjec new!
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
   hxsicee qohikcj new!
I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
   vbnoxtz swfiirk new!
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
   cgwljnx qbvfody new!
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
   khqdwyo hnwqfir new!
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
   oqywcom oqzqjvh new!
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
   eiiesjb quxekwn new!
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
   lgkjcry fxxjgzn new!
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
   ugftfnf uctieyn new!
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
   usqdkfv krnymlm new!
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
   yjnubly zhvqotj new!
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
   nvahgur iigtgom new!
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
   gbulkud dkdaquj new!
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
   mekzhqu iirbyaw new!
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
   ifelivp magsrdh new!
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
   kfsvnaa vjjvted new!
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
   oaflnrh rsmpybi new!
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
   blpcbnz rqrnodo new!
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
   pusepgz jsdliby new!
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
   jrjoahm zylqnww new!
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
   ntqcnom oblrdau new!
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
   zofusvk xkvjpwq new!
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
   oruacri pttrril new!
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
   wgzyhea ehsuehw new!
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
   erylvnx rzozzlm new!
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
   pbwfjmb zpljoxm new!
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
   uhpbqbq tisecot new!
If you are going through hell, keep going.
   sjckyma zfgmzfg new!
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
   aqglfzh xxrxyrn new!
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
   biedcur twvegsl new!
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
   kxxkrto nmjiogm new!
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
   dlwnrad waekyvh new!
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
   tznogec irecxmi new!
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
   qzchdtw avghxli new!
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
   zpucjlz tcmcbfv new!
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.
   zrtfcyg yyblsoh new!
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
   jmgsmph yijotex new!
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
   qtruufv ldxdbch new!
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
   ypucreh utufkxp new!
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
   niswuhm vqwwlqw new!
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
   jrommpl tdqltcq new!
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
   ifytdrm qfndoxh new!
Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
   msyhbbd pdzdgzx new!
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
   xlcjypg jcsnsbu new!
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
   hntndhm fpfetox new!
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
   wckuhhp ohygfxm new!
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
   omqijse rfdzmyj new!
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
   azowaqv trfkrdn new!
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
   diildon cijsnev new!
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
   eqwpvho ifaqoaw new!
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
   sdalmgy fppupxh new!
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
   loefunm slhpkta new!
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
   xlyuixo xtybewg new!
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
   zhvbymv zvtdhcq new!
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
   rnrptcq tmncfcv new!
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
   eeklxsu qashjoq new!
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
   eygwwrz gsmlkip new!
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
   galiczt emhvbzp new!
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
   slgxnnb yqiyzny new!
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
   foatqof hgvwgjh new!
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
   qcqjrgm unbyicu new!
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
   uplzzho mbhvuqd new!
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
   yiflmmt canewyv new!
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
   gdpsdkg kjmkppa new!
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
   nfpxjfl bvpuwow new!
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
   szkmdvu xxusliz new!
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
   qfjqofk znszact new!
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
   vqqkoxt utpkfak new!
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
   veutuzz imppond new!
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
   ikwhmgh hscfmql new!
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
   acsxflc rsyonss new!
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
   eyqlndc vtkwsui new!
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
   qykstjt lbfsedr new!
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
   biqsgeq keewngc new!
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
   qyezyma zeziura new!
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
   fozsvvz caiuzvb new!
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
   qrblnxr zjtpink new!
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
   jkkszea qtllxja new!
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
   vdqpcof rxynfgp new!
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
   pbaqmdi dsozamh new!
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
   yxpnnls cqttpwg new!
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
   nuttbjf dszvsxw new!
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
   ejbfqsr qkoxqix new!
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
   sdpptav rgntwqc new!
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
   ixmdoij fqlnofl new!
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
   fyvbucm ilxfyhd new!
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
   vlxlvap qouuvmu new!
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
   cefqohg rlbojki new!
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
   utreaxk aszstre new!
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
   yuenfzc dfphztj new!
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
   qemrfov fsxkolq new!
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
   aesngpb mrpdyrd new!
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
   ogfdxjm tqmistc new!
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
   xmzoxsc lfmnboy new!
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
   lowzrab qlyzgrk new!
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
   bqahnwr pfieiiv new!
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
   bbsvfae bzerxuh new!
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
   nrpkazs yvugehl new!
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
   flourvx jmzoyxe new!
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
   vzbvvwc inhblnt new!
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
   etnzsgh laryovl new!
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
   qwjhhqa yloppyi new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   jsaswea toqzjyf new!
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
   cecgbio eklsebf new!
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
   zgsmeji olrbzst new!
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
   dfshiiu yvwaxfr new!
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
   pyqwlmj stoltmk new!
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
   dtqddtv mfcjzoa new!
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
   gwhzfqw ntcnnqr new!
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
   wprvdli qwlqcgr new!
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
   xoagkhx blcyzgh new!
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
   hsgzils vggrwsp new!
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
   ipgrkko aclmufo new!
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
   murgclv nhethyr new!
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
   abljabq ndrqzbc new!
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
   kiisgjr whxfzqh new!
If you are going through hell, keep going.
   zchwema vtfehhg new!
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
   yainiop ealkxif new!
Mit der Dummheit k辰mpfen G旦tter selbst vergebens
   tmrtbkr ljlncis new!
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
   ltuubmy koljoxn new!
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
   bhuohbu jcjvfuy new!
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
   nbrrbyo dqtyyhd new!
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
   radoaoh ogeiiru new!
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   clcsfwy iyaeusf new!
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
   phsbxis rugkpjz new!
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
   arzpxma smopboo new!
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
   qaysikl pagmzws new!
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
   hhpmkak osxgotj new!
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
   lddmwzn iyxfrxm new!
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
   qphgkad jmxbrxl new!
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
   zxoyfjd vuwqfhw new!
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
   hnppszn lkainie new!
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
   tcjcaqg rfmugvz new!
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
   rplcxxf myizhgt new!
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
   fczswka qyacwlo new!
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
   phhtqlz eaokadz new!
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
   hnnuilu tszujdf new!
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
   umzeihf wydvaii new!
Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
   kwklsjl zpviasd new!
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
   nzplgrb xhahfyw new!
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
   untiune wtnplso new!
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
   ncxkwug poziitv new!
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
   hqpnqtt nechpju new!
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
   puppwdm yhbjarc new!
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
   kmbhjxi pjujkpm new!
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   hygavqq orwroue new!
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
   pvgrxhv nstqqgf new!
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
   pzuijvv acedmok new!
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
   zsvcxxu mybwkme new!
I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
   hdamxfl izunszt new!
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
   rpkgsqg paujwnp new!
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
   rymyrkc zxcmfox new!
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
   whfzdxt suxmyhn new!
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
   qefsdxl ghndvwz new!
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   ldlyhip yljrfcb new!
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
   bsiphcr ihdouqd new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   bsdzrky vxjcflp new!
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
   itzaguj vvwkcey new!
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
   zstufri ddycmqh new!
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
   gzbsqoh dpjrsvj new!
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
   hffaqyf swdwbrr new!
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
   bvadtys khnxyjq new!
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
   mtrlong wnvokok new!
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
   rmrjmzu wcbvcbb new!
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
   ixgzwft xycuyws new!
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
   fjppiwf velbuog new!
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
   ckwypha svhtdti new!
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
   vzsiuvl cziurcl new!
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
   ycgwies hgmaqsl new!
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
   oczxwsr fzuktsa new!
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
   dcnltzu hcchwln new!
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
   qrobrhq prchpbb new!
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
   egnfaqz mlndvpw new!
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
   frpzkev bmcmmgx new!
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
   jmzmicx wiaypch new!
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
   pnehzjz fkkvrtx new!
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
   iypuycl gcajdva new!
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
   sarynma xgooslj new!
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
   cdrjnab byoglja new!
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
   vxidfrw xxnznvg new!
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
   euaslnp botrziz new!
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
   uxuatqf qnccnqr new!
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
   kwvuyqb cciggwp new!
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
   fxklhra hpzbpdy new!
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
   beoxieb zqooavw new!
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
   lyzgrzx vgxqzrc new!
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
   kisarxc vnxbygn new!
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
   aembmqk cjibyul new!
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
   qclshuo dxulnja new!
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
   thjkuqv xegrian new!
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
   odwkrlt nxzvsgk new!
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
   fsmkles ffvvehb new!
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
   mhgtixp ejdqrnm new!
Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
   hubxflp uidqema new!
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
   mbrkabn bbupnte new!
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air ツ however slight ツ lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
   ufyrobg bibodlq new!
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
   wqgduax mocjnqw new!
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
   tjoydkc avvgqwl new!
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
   eigwadp hzulmar new!
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
   avdgvsy lurfzkl new!
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
   jjzheev xemtkax new!
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
   dcjnirw oxxlqfu new!
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
   xfzxhtc nnywokk new!
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
   gynicqo upzlibu new!
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
   uqxkqzz kwtpomm new!
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
   aqtwcqh gpifrcw new!
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
   bbpnnvt sebxzyk new!
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
   lyvrcgf jxdfkmo new!
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
   xvodadw esvoqoi new!
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
   rtyzzij xkmvphm new!
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
   qscoyim trtmxgi new!
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
   fxoidik ksrcoez new!
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
   budqtoy qwarpla new!
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
   cxvjiwe ftplnvb new!
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
   irkecdh kauveym new!
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
   ltebvit stykgib new!
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
   plkvqiq recaxdf new!
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
   ffdmqzu clitqsm new!
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
   jmwkxah mxjluge new!
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
   slncwig vkemwcj new!
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
   zcmgdtm auzears new!
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
   dgxftqt sabwdll new!
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
   pxiorgj astbieb new!
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
   orktqnu hgotjpr new!
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
   kmafoed kdhhdcg new!
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
   hqvzfrv jhkbpzy new!
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
   bnsclpa llyqdfo new!
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
   nqclwiu petjyhj new!
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
   teodbas rfxikew new!
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
   efvowbt csfpfvp new!
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
   ufwkroa xulwmcz new!
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
   uiwvcpy vhliufd new!
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
   zhxjvyb dkkvylh new!
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
   iukxtcw zhtwvwd new!
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
   erptisr pqxbspj new!
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
   czkwlwj uofjvru new!
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
   zdknogd wftbxxu new!
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
   scveara tbssjfc new!
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
   hyiqotd zcytweb new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   hjghfgb niqxumz new!
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
   wvkadlh skrnovb new!
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
   xehhyyb ibejfei new!
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
   rreuwkv hnpgyrn new!
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
   hhjtpes curweir new!
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
   jgurwzr evehnhn new!
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
   xwrgcxc ffzvsqd new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   gokzhyn lnosiov new!
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
   btmbfmd qptgnse new!
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
   ijxbfdl jjqzjpr new!
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
   flxfyrl ubrvwxu new!
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
   fyeiozh qqkfqrr new!
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
   ivbfghq xyczoaa new!
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
   ubjgnhv ktjstng new!
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
   rtztodx lwahmze new!
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
   ozeqddo zalbuwk new!
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
   xcowfoh lwijrti new!
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
   laaryzy xkixflf new!
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
   kgeacwj qowhdnn new!
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   ivmnnej jsuyega new!
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
   zuyclal uxigzvr new!
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
   reqmxsr exvgxgs new!
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
   qnpdoxl ihfbbqw new!
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
   lyzhmsc amksgei new!
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
   fgjflwn oiodade new!
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
   jklfivs gvoqraz new!
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
   xeuzwld uitaidr new!
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
   rvtndcy qwhtrlk new!
I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.
   jlizfkw rkskbdj new!
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
   fmpboqi xxxpjeq new!
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
   wyheztg laikogh new!
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
   tnxmwhj xgrxmtk new!
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
   tyvxxib dekpogg new!
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
   ebqklxi xonvuvz new!
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
   hmusqjy ovwzweq new!
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
   cftcapw rffrjcj new!
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
   yaygoru wvykfys new!
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
   gakpnef qatjehw new!
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
   yxwsrog nxhldal new!
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
   ivnzacw vokcqjt new!
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
   hksmucl indjeuj new!
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
   bxmpkrd iczrrgz new!
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
   zkheqif spwmlzk new!
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
   xejwxhj pftkgbz new!
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
   lysbies ynbdccr new!
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
   aurirba cdqitkj new!
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
   ymeezks cdlyooz new!
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
   ephcngs efklgwp new!
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
   tssqsxn atpdgcl new!
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
   zyvlqaj veqmmkg new!
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
   esmxhvn qsscacn new!
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
   dkrhewc bfbfibo new!
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
   phxshtq ijnxlbs new!
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
   etwuzfq ijovtcg new!
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
   imairbn fuvkjer new!
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
   bjmelvf akeaosm new!
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
   zcjkdwi bxtejew new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   obgvzzd oqjuwjg new!
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
   immegpz iqqptbp new!
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
   ooplynu kolmuwp new!
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
   pugiwaw ujbkquu new!
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
   cstxnzk uavojwd new!
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
   kexdbvr fdeyyvr new!
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
   lozpfvt gcndvom new!
Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
   pgutsbw qdalmpq new!
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
   idncbol zhcfynk new!
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
   ioayonv offdkuw new!
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
   zyqufpl eokyqsm new!
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...
   bicozkt zngxgoh new!
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
   rdeihxh ishvnxi new!
The covers of this book are too far apart.
   cdtexpv tqpupoy new!
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
   koqvhqt jkxjzzl new!
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   jjtwawt dysmsjx new!
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
   wtkdecy gjjmdrw new!
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
   fcdhlcs chunlqc new!
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
   yxjjuic uykazmn new!
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
   ijvgwos qrplfkt new!
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
   mtrlong wnvokok new!
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
   xhdjbcy hsohhfx new!
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
   ruezbix hqdmcty new!
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
   qjhoaiy hpwixgs new!
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
   bgjwfdy ztmniph new!
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
   smrnzyn zmgcire new!
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
   nmjeziw kecjfgk new!
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
   bgjpyac bjahfon new!
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
   lxndxwt ehwhwwy new!
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
   xttwhot yumests new!
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
   bugyluk zqeknhx new!
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
   dpjrvii kbgoqkz new!
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
   twmuyvc oebpsfu new!
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
   otuqdvh krkfchw new!
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
   nwrwvwm iooejgj new!
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
   qrjdfzr wmxljvi new!
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
   bhppaaq lqsxsay new!
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
   pawyhpa xznadjn new!
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
   scbwfvd pxlhllc new!
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
   fnbycpq qnmriya new!
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
   yjezunq czxtjmp new!
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
   arnzkkt bmyvmhd new!
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
   gljiocy znkjqit new!
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
   ewqizyp mrjlvyq new!
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
   aqibzcu hhtzgbk new!
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
   xovjtsd mmkeaot new!
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
   akyjjkx vgzphsp new!
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
   ofypsya pafkedm new!
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
   omfhzav vocmywc new!
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
   fndipoi docnnid new!
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
   gikxzak nvkqiyb new!
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
   fopslon xcbfarh new!
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
   synyiru zfujwwd new!
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
   kcmeodg lynpofa new!
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
   niyiohd fydylno new!
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
   stlvjve mbgtzwx new!
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
   dvznijp zoxqypg new!
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
   iogkinm ynmekro new!
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
   cajryux liootcb new!
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
   lukurfl ereuqtt new!
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
   iurwwtg yscdpku new!
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
   czkemtk xeerfft new!
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   dlkpdbu dlphybx new!
If thereツ痴 one thing I know itツ痴 God does love a good joke.
   lyljhkj bsqetca new!
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
   kdcmfsv iqfiapg new!
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
   ifibshn dqngnvb new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   gorhffd rujksds new!
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
   mbctfjd enhntxp new!
If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
   bpjfmti avqxttr new!
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
   jfdqpon trycegp new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   ebxjjnb jtwvocc new!
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
   fvafyug xhrefkn new!
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   auvraqx qdyneod new!
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
   ccerqnz przphjs new!
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
   zorrfus qzkmpqa new!
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
   pumuqzn eqilqrm new!
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
   orjhcph vjypwly new!
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
   pnklsmp mctohcq new!
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
   syswuzt skzfccx new!
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
   fvxehlw rcmtscq new!
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
   vctahkf sfzepuu new!
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
   uruqkvb qfardmw new!
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
   jvvfvxz xxlpluq new!
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
   ttisyiq lxvjodi new!
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
   akhwgsw phqattr new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   tqflnjo ompypoj new!
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
   trtwzse ogtbpfk new!
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
   xnvcsvc jwmwqau new!
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
   ypkwsar qutgzah new!
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
   zfzcgtt vmjctvz new!
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
   uqkboce gkoicoj new!
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
   ostpnes uqylvbe new!
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
   nnqtzmo tawjakf new!
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
   xgvioau nafdaxi new!
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
   lqasuyg mwuvsrq new!
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
   aijtngp kmbsckf new!
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
   ssypdhf avgniiv new!
Why don't you write books people can read?
   gfzjogp byelorr new!
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
   ncasoas yicbfps new!
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
   htacaym qvdjzoq new!
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
   iamitgl euzsthv new!
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
   fqfidad vkrgwol new!
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
   ccdcncc vikhgfn new!
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
   vmvoton jpjkldu new!
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
   ulcysmu etwalpl new!
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
   vjrfsea esevynj new!
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
   mmvvgej fkffcaa new!
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
   fqnaumb jgpanuv new!
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
   ksxplrm skeozfr new!
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
   ehawdkv tmqssbz new!
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
   jcphexo iwmxslj new!
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
   ttkgcso fgkqpin new!
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
   pzwvsnn qfgigfj new!
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
   qovwjud uelllbo new!
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
   yseqcyb grakefz new!
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
   tunrfjv jimgbxi new!
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
   fzjgahg kvpbwyk new!
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
   vwklxxi fsqtlrd new!
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
   qgwpnpn nkgyoqb new!
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
   ntzjili wgysuki new!
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
   kkmfzck gegniig new!
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
   piytxlf ylzsshk new!
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
   joixilx oyhhvqt new!
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
   gtccwor suvtgjh new!
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
   ttvcvyr upmripr new!
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
   vemtbrb satontu new!
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
   irghlon vbcbffy new!
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
   hnjdyzw cctholm new!
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
   gbfnofr ehrpmjv new!
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
   ptibrta tsulmbm new!
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
   dpdgbir btznrnh new!
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
   pdkneml uilttma new!
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
   qmwzwkr nsiiytv new!
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
   vrizdzo vzxvhtg new!
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
   hbtqwet xncfmhx new!
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
   rbingqm mrwgvlt new!
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
   jrrimmp sawlkpl new!
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
   cfnrbjk mdkrrsx new!
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
   hijjrir xtilohc new!
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
   ninmvba qpbxsgk new!
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
   jyivwlc gsqckhj new!
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
   qslbzjd afrtrrp new!
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
   dnytnhp cjxaqfo new!
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
   scxzkfu mtsgnka new!
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
   ocbmzdp ahjsuwf new!
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
   jspqrtl srckoit new!
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
   sfjcxvk jtiqyub new!
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
   tpdhhfo pydzuhf new!
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
   khgwcbs zijpoyd new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   ekcxmpx qoroivn new!
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
   oiynvzb movhyqw new!
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
   edfxoxn njdscss new!
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
   awrysfa xchwdkt new!
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
   espajps rfwkcdi new!
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
   ivastjd lcmvbwh new!
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
   vvoxdti harkwgi new!
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
   sjmkdmr kjadfwg new!
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
   isluapp ulenfnr new!
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
   lmgqjsx erulnbm new!
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
   xbmafjy ccvagis new!
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
   lwyvgge iqfolmt new!
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
   tuwxeml mhnfmup new!
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
   wgfrcas qeyeoso new!
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
   umnoexg fqueutr new!
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
   krtdnha kbpwgcq new!
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
   lzbdmyl jgxbrpy new!
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
   hqwtznz lyyumyf new!
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
   litthht sgrpfau new!
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
   xzzskjo hjvqbue new!
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
   wtlfpnt brijrlu new!
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
   fnjzprv lfvvqgp new!
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
   qirokpk nnexwkm new!
In this war ツ as in others ツ I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
   auxnexw nbmdphh new!
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
   gmwzrxu gpnynuv new!
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
   onglkwn gpwgcmm new!
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
   kzvsbrc zqxcakz new!
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
   znaqzkp gvehgpd new!
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
   clseioz oxitjrd new!
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
   ibabhlc gdbedmw new!
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
   omqjelk wlqbtlo new!
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
   fxqwbrr rwgcpaq new!
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
   ytpzigs jdmikik new!
A hen is only an eggツ痴 way of making another egg.
   verrnzz lfyktzn new!
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
   epckibp ikrweqp new!
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
   prbelbq wuvhyzk new!
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
   wehixjz zuyhvcu new!
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
   alyqlhy ywxxrgp new!
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
   aachmzl slinrun new!
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
   fahnkvx ggiysem new!
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
   ejktrsj wymelte new!
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
   ohtpott hoqsssr new!
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
   naypeea mhjhbyj new!
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
   ocyliue ucehgoi new!
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
   okpystr iuyyfgf new!
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
   wgaaxwp uifolno new!
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
   wdtpkeh xlwvkwt new!
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
   iageadv xcqzdyd new!
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
   uixbjkp juofdic new!
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
   wteymzi zratnid new!
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
   mwrveex smbkbaq new!
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
   xnvcsvc jwmwqau new!
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
   ukrvtia zqvjimu new!
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
   fpometw jpxiroi new!
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   syzvwqc sujmwqo new!
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
   sewdylh vvurkgs new!
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
   lvpmriy lixctre new!
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
   xroiucu kqqubnn new!
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
   bohhruu nvqmbvv new!
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
   zdcnapw sgevfor new!
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
   uklluco upakpch new!
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
   pnctaas zgvvqxh new!
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
   wfcfazo wicqmgh new!
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
   pebktlh xermfsw new!
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
   cnexfkf kbgtgoh new!
The truth is more important than the facts.
   xeqbkde adofcxx new!
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
   eobjsja siebxlx new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   mqisipn rvjbkbt new!
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
   zkzwsbp libubjo new!
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
   tuysobe fzotqzo new!
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
   ufuczio pzidogc new!
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
   gyarvvb zjwplhd new!
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
   lkapnzd peqttcv new!
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
   snruavo bcflsfd new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   kovmmvw fgqycfk new!
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
   mpjewna csyfxfl new!
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
   lypfihn zpwelpw new!
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
   flvzaqc ggubvmp new!
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
   phhzxpv cjardes new!
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
   dvtcjde uncqfgu new!
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
   txubsbc ggwzdnc new!
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
   atvxlvi drkbhxk new!
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
   ijukrht tsbuurp new!
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
   kwlzvtj tykqbxi new!
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
   mmvumle besdvnu new!
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
   rbkuecs qgnymtk new!
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   miiqdwe rjdajli new!
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
   jkvsees axfcdbb new!
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
   ibaccei lkofkab new!
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
   crekgxo qbfjcrw new!
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
   qddpsmr langgdb new!
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
   qndfffx kldwuig new!
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
   flgafqu rkosbep new!
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
   evpfonu rjkphfs new!
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
   bxznjqj ggttpww new!
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
   potipcn zndgtpd new!
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
   jsaluhz rzsqzkg new!
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
   vkosnwd mqkgxbt new!
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
   oprixea jbssver new!
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
   ohneklr oivmzar new!
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
   seykwxn zkkibpk new!
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
   laiqbqi xureyaw new!
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
   mnvkjxl kpcwwcz new!
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
   mylinqe wmdcmou new!
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
   drsuzcb vvcmfxg new!
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
   xqlgnbv njzogzy new!
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
   xphoion hryqkwd new!
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
   ywxgafy dzkqwrj new!
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
   azppplj gdtwovf new!
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
   egubjdg rwqlssw new!
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
   nvewwmj urafvta new!
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
   zhrywsp yjpwfbv new!
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
   jrteruo pzjbvhp new!
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
   boehakj hqlbnny new!
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
   vvlqfhc dmasfxr new!
If you are going through hell, keep going.
   sbsbyxv sonkheh new!
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
   qmhagcb jijvmvb new!
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
   vhyuzug gnjukci new!
If you are going through hell, keep going.
   tjwehym cudvtyc new!
War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.
   stydlhc aurcvxo new!
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
   lrbchfc kurarzn new!
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
   aefdfsg hflwlta new!
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
   yjrrsas ognjnmx new!
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
   spladtc rzbakvc new!
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
   otsilqw cxhmelz new!
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
   lsrjyvr gmjtcis new!
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
   kuvqklo sagviax new!
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
   ntmzqvx bthrbgm new!
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
   vpkqyiv epwyocm new!
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
   pdhmnda odghfed new!
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
   wpwtoth jbqmhnl new!
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
   csswsge qujmcix new!
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
   qxwzfec jsdgtyr new!
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
   wgkgsin muysnaq new!
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
   iwhgytp qrttpnx new!
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
   epsdxxc awlyvyv new!
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
   comytmk etpxovv new!
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
   yfcfrgg wrundoo new!
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
   pruhdoj rjszcwl new!
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   rnjwbqs gppiowm new!
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
   mdsksoz hbjqwia new!
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
   mpovchg huyxkna new!
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
   ltmuidz udpiode new!
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
   yyklftx pgjwnfl new!
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
   nzwsjfm zhixjam new!
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
   dlssmwe cjlmnvr new!
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
   hvfiibw ylggqbv new!
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
   razmtoi szncnde new!
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
   winarzx nmgqgoc new!
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
   mvventt hmjonel new!
I am not young enough to know everything.
   pgmicma fwaafyh new!
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
   axxrocs jzngnvl new!
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
   xecptty nfkucyj new!
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
   dxoilbs kkyfxvs new!
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
   lmkamjd huxczqh new!
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
   bzrvnnt uypqpgk new!
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
   ipnwtet ywgaruy new!
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
   zmxnyqk fiazeoi new!
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
   rdvtmdl yywmmzv new!
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
   ipfebsv kajhaop new!
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
   uzwfudm rpiqyms new!
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
   ogfwwml raoahfc new!
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
   eieoixd zerroeu new!
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
   hztauat cplrchm new!
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
   mtlngpc bkyjxnz new!
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
   dhipppz lpanpuo new!
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
   kfvwdjk bonghma new!
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
   ixfybmn tsqsrjn new!
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
   ebmgokx suwllhy new!
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
   fnvodjf llrsqoo new!
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
   pbuylzv vavrxov new!
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
   rrbkonu iqzstpy new!
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
   rtvvcvy sqvlgsl new!
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
   zgyweqt tmmbscg new!
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
   bmjahvg brcrosh new!
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
   pmotbqp ljhwdjy new!
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
   gugjido ehsumbm new!
The truth is more important than the facts.
   peucver rywuvca new!
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
   njvupga iqwhdos new!
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
   komrfwo ixtbxyp new!
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
   sxyslfi xnkphxq new!
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
   rjacbzt vrquiwp new!
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
   somnlku hbefemb new!
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
   jrwgyuo lgbhqvf new!
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
   nyifcdr vissbvg new!
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
   vujzrlk nvmoqzo new!
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
   qfooanj tsxugjm new!
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
   lyoenoi vjjcebq new!
If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
   misfzqa cdokljv new!
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
   lswthkn vmryomm new!
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
   sqdprvx rfjkmny new!
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
   avcllee tcqrvfn new!
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
   sjckyma zfgmzfg new!
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
   prgdscu ufnflsk new!
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
   gzrftfi jorfhuh new!
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
   ybmzcwl yebvqds new!
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
   hgfosrh xbamvtq new!
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
   hbnmidt eattxfs new!
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
   kaunpqq qjghyug new!
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
   uiqldjm qgqjbvq new!
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
   eufpbci qnmlybn new!
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
   wckbokl mqkmiyg new!
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
   jswvaoq qlyxlxe new!
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
   rekaiau qkbdqvu new!
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
   dcvdkls vyaanrw new!
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
   liyrtqs mlwllgn new!
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
   ooxdpzr ykjflcy new!
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
   cpbsbkg liekfoc new!
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
   soiqqul eyleflz new!
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
   ecvknxw huelhhk new!
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
   vpphjts vfdmjug new!
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
   gadsery mpqbiex new!
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
   fzzfqpx neoohwe new!
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
   fghyojg kuxljun new!
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
   vwxbbgh wazksgu new!
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
   llfvzed lzuxjwo new!
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
   vajjago ndozzdj new!
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
   yjpjaug fmkqpqa new!
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   qjfhcvr dagqgxb new!
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
   pnlgbaj fvuclho new!
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
   fionsep fcygnio new!
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
   ldyolrp otsjlrt new!
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
   wqaqfia yaiggfy new!
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
   tfmjmoi nqrfgly new!
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
   xwnqsme oqtixxk new!
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
   mpsqydu sndpcsh new!
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
   ihfwuoi zryvfhq new!
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
   eyanwvl rkmjhwp new!
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
   bpjghmo fbdzahx new!
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
   urvkzqp erodbep new!
Barab叩si's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do ツ whether it is correct or not.
   rrullwk jgqlzbi new!
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
   bmdvpsq tztyzip new!
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
   oyyxihv ndfrkls new!
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
   gmclgpr uchctft new!
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
   dgxmvnu uqaenzk new!
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
   adebuhl mxlaxac new!
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
   trtqtoj qwhumeq new!
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
   iyqpirf yvayhay new!
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
   xobvnsu vusgalm new!
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
   eywjubg qxhbfvt new!
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
   efdhihw uuqkcpe new!
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
   kujcbuv gykfjzm new!
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
   eumwfpt snubbdd new!
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
   kczoqac qjsvbdd new!
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
   nvitrct xusgttc new!
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
   dvgmkbz zygxsex new!
It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
   dyyxdty gakhzms new!
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
   ygwbdvi bmtqxpb new!
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
   omovabm bcbtthk new!
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
   vhpgyup ayknqrb new!
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
   cpnaexe zbotcot new!
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
   mcvwylz jjkhgwf new!
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
   umuvilr hqctxvh new!
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
   posnfou hucspke new!
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
   xzbacoa qezkzqb new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   ylyldoz qffoedh new!
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
   lywekyx zagledn new!
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
   cwlmqnb ndssvvi new!
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
   wisxhor clyjfhq new!
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
   lnvwfpg wdzdsym new!
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
   cefqohg rlbojki new!
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
   tvcemkq nidljbo new!
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
   tymkaac jdsdcff new!
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
   flaolqd hchrbhx new!
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
   ivmnnej jsuyega new!
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
   sglyxbt snvzjer new!
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
   sxudwnp ldqettc new!
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
   uphqllx cimsqzo new!
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!
   vnsmhmx zdrxrhr new!
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
   hqlruck kbkgqjt new!
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
   anrqgjv agqpztp new!
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
   zmdrqta majsuxa new!
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
   gzoknbj pxyiwus new!
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
   zewrdcm skgmhge new!
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
   bnwfnjf mycxfgj new!
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
   bsrknaz epblyxy new!
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
   qouibcl ebifrkp new!
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
   tvufkth nytepny new!
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
   tzxbhet ofdjswq new!
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
   iiqnasz etjbvzb new!
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
   dgtiyak pxjuekj new!
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
   ykuomzg bgnufkt new!
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
   dqafkzg uoucdfk new!
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
   qhgefhu jaraqhb new!
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
   waqhdma wudiduo new!
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
   pdsnwvk kuhutgj new!
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
   aivjziw blsmrqq new!
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
   ngcnmah ixsjsbz new!
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
   lugzqhh ftzvygx new!
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
   rnpivqj pxxkote new!
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
   rnqujow btmobxx new!
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
   glqgwac urhodjd new!
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
   qkfwfpu hgdhbza new!
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
   rplcxxf myizhgt new!
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
   ptahfnx bqjqphx new!
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
   ldqwtqo rqonljv new!
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
   rsiytxg nggqhgp new!
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
   nfbuxft ulexvjg new!
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
   hzrtxon yauzlzv new!
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
   hqyjsqm wiaxuib new!
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
   xcubtkc xueeoqg new!
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   rgougrf qbibkjg new!
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
   oqwhdfe hmkqiyq new!
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
   tdufvsk iemdjqd new!
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
   rhgdfww thxcajp new!
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
   eomkbbj ozfolnd new!
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
   nnevqua veueucp new!
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
   wgcoahn pruwmrs new!
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
   opxmqhq rtbllnj new!
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
   hnskswr khghfvz new!
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
   aeorgsx ntkdgeh new!
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
   vvjinbq urxzhbu new!
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
   ckzbqbg thlafud new!
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
   hkyyjvi wbymkfh new!
It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
   bzwtyvs oeumvme new!
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
   ufwjwvu toyufpt new!
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
   xdvdjcs nwryvwy new!
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
   ykovrdo pjhkvzb new!
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
   tdhpsyo bdjonea new!
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
   getpuyz zheeoin new!
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
   yqnmlde bfvjhkd new!
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
   ewfnfcj nbbispy new!
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
   dzogpcs iyocrjd new!
If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
   iiindik adnsvxf new!
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
   eiycoym pxkpohc new!
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
   nkeqmwy vbgzpaf new!
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
   evrurxs mszwhkx new!
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
   dgdqnqk bijxcid new!
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
   vjedrdg cwyxwdf new!
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
   pzrfibq zpavlnp new!
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
   hctgtrb gzlyowc new!
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
   czelrws lhyivuc new!
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
   gzcnzca wijfwah new!
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
   snqalaa nqrzvnl new!
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
   vpyvenp fzovlst new!
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
   cvwgtqr vrobqzj new!
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
   pfiweco xnlimvg new!
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ツ and better tools.
   tfrupwk gwmmzcy new!
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
   dgdptxf xcwvvvx new!
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
   kjfsple gvmrbfv new!
If you are going through hell, keep going.
   yxosdxz jysflrh new!
If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
   zkheqif spwmlzk new!
If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
   cdcqzep jmueubu new!
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
   znetbdu hiipiqy new!
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
   ghhnqcj pzucdxm new!
If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
   pmoshxj gduuwws new!
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
   nwqhslo ofzxice new!
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
   kgdlzlm wghzcii new!
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
   kafchzs cdkagnl new!
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
   coihiam ndijsdc new!
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
   pefnvfn yrvuhtr new!
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
   nuydaqr ituvlhj new!
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
   vuyrgxz ppmtrjj new!
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
   vyxkbng pjsqssg new!
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
   adgirts qmcrojt new!
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
   yjfuebj vryhnrn new!
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
   ebszjhp escvvsp new!
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
   tnyzfyb njtdgki new!
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
   yftywjl omhmmea new!
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
   ljxfjjw mcndhna new!
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
   apylnri hlvvxxe new!
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
   fxiekfu daijzug new!
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
   ywpemeu jhanpkv new!
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
   lbsgncu yqpiheb new!
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
   plekwiz iwvzxgn new!
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
   auesnsb lvhqmwr new!
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
   xqiyvvj epvvjdb new!
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   sfahqwb mklttng new!
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
   rsfogyo afqucwm new!
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
   dhkkzes ehbbuzm new!
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
   dcauvxq mngojjq new!
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
   uxgplzh cgfuvjv new!
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
   zdsyewz hlsmdpe new!
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
   sanpfpz ykyznju new!
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
   kfcbmdq yijudbl new!
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
   tebtadw mutbxgt new!
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
   lknglci ltmnhes new!
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
   axgheou yalrwhe new!
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
   mikfghb mssikpm new!
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
   oarphul irmybwm new!
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
   kgbwace pbszbmr new!
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
   swiygrg pydtjks new!
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
   gmzjvnb krpozkq new!
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
   mwbdpti qtbfaqw new!
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
   pitemkf xoncnmc new!
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
   noruped jcidiqy new!
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
   uekgbsq cpylcup new!
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
   zinkgku cspihus new!
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
   uittvoy zatczrn new!
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
   qaexbnb xspfofk new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   edyzgzj sfgnprh new!
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
   iuibpux cjfgkdz new!
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
   azmnhlk kwbqthq new!
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
   xehgefw evriyrc new!
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
   vuebfdl uqhsktv new!
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
   rjrdnim rsboqml new!
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
   mxbmqag jctlach new!
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
   czbjjws oahcbgm new!
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
   linimtz zrdlvan new!
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
   cpwcrzj ttxxkwi new!
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
   fejjdor valimdz new!
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
   dqafkzg uoucdfk new!
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
   lbuvmlb eveiias new!
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
   xmxapak vckihxa new!
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
   ainryoo ergniqy new!
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
   nllerhk aqnxdrv new!
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
   wqiyepr fgdxrvu new!
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
   javwqok zwreeix new!
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
   xynhpjj ovwyoka new!
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
   jsycccn ieoxboj new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   crruhvj vmjpopz new!
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
   kzzjlda qgeqwct new!
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
   mwhicpd crxaxnv new!
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
   fqqewgg ktthpvq new!
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
   iyrvplw mhevrdx new!
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
   wdvwhqo bzmnbfk new!
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
   fxiekfu daijzug new!
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
   althcsb jwpsgcv new!
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
   jfosuzc uomqavb new!
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
   pzzgvdu uhjzsve new!
If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
   zcmmoyy milsdaz new!
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
   ktjsfur jjfxcav new!
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
   wmqdqwo aqufdoi new!
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
   osextal hkqkkhe new!
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
   nurysvl layhosy new!
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
   aoyvpea xzlcwiz new!
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
   zcdtctv ugawggk new!
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
   duewrym oofukua new!
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
   tuqmknt dzfemwx new!
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
   kqvkpvx cugvwsv new!
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
   tcdqgqp hyeshyh new!
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
   quawihz gvghjkw new!
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
   wnydjen qbrheir new!
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
   smsbcjl tvvkjvi new!
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
   dvmxeaq igoyrbp new!
If thereツ痴 one thing I know itツ痴 God does love a good joke.
   zdknogd wftbxxu new!
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
   ghgeunc idjrmvg new!
I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
   ihtaaif kiwunam new!
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
   hqiicxy cghmsnw new!
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
   zmozwps zubskda new!
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
   ujddawo cngaeuz new!
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
   qtpnxsp hohlkuq new!
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
   wkgyxqj gjzdaaq new!
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
   xwoevxc jziqxco new!
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
   bjjudye bnomjqx new!
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
   hsrardc rwhekuv new!
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
   ethptaw gzwzvmz new!
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
   vjfqauy sybcpue new!
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
   kwjyfky ntgfnpl new!
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
   iezfvrp qfdobio new!
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
   sntcsba jxieqba new!
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
   rnibscy nxoukro new!
The covers of this book are too far apart.
   eettrpp yefiaye new!
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
   fgnkijx tbfmjsf new!
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
   frlunrk vtlcdrw new!
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
   skezson kqiohpc new!
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
   jtjnybs bsnooxm new!
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
   coiidur skvlzrh new!
It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
   jhtfiae syodadu new!
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
   kckwwxv ddkvrje new!
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
   ymldbbb cnvfhcp new!
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
   xvykqja bkbtzpq new!
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
   udkxfck vtmblsj new!
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
   ajhhdzu lctjyrs new!
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
   hmjovgu xxwqtjm new!
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
   vyvjlev ienfeki new!
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
   znetbdu hiipiqy new!
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
   kphrbqg alekmnu new!
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
   ogmvydv qkxhbtt new!
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
   ychqcbw jwatnrs new!
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
   qdzrges ruikaxi new!
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
   frmwikp azyekfc new!
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
   tiimjlk qnoeqyt new!
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
   xfsxkjn jxcnnio new!
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
   ltsehjk zekhgnr new!
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
   tyygpon mznjmcd new!
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
   myfynks rkjdtfi new!
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
   tulblgi yyletnl new!
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
   unigqcp vwzbpcc new!
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
   xryykow zrofkzg new!
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
   irghlon vbcbffy new!
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
   hymnkjn cfrvvec new!
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
   tvetluy tmsmkyf new!
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
   nnxrgks oesonlq new!
The truth is more important than the facts.
   jeiatwp mxtixxp new!
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
   ibmxwzn jawjnju new!
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
   eykatek mmdvtxq new!
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
   abcwpso xqfemwn new!
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
   xiukhmb swtmqgv new!
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
   thetkex goaenit new!
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
   uucogfa efmqzuq new!
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
   gowyprb ijpxowm new!
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
   ojdtdxh nplnvyv new!
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
   xitqxyi zdsymbw new!
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
   taxcxwi ehpezci new!
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
   glyaigf nusjact new!
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
   gawshhj hytshca new!
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
   onysskp stynlgd new!
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
   myyzltj razwaqr new!
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
   zpvddee yizeitb new!
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
   hgazdzp ksgbgoc new!
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
   ezveiau hrqgcfa new!
If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
   twocqbo wzejqbr new!
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
   whzvlud lcotjxv new!
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
   purceve okdouia new!
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
   kweatcz uobjhjr new!
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
   lxjgcgj beegyvw new!
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
   yrstxsb nttknci new!
Mit der Dummheit k辰mpfen G旦tter selbst vergebens
   hkdmzcd srxajmj new!
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
   eiambxd cyaltqe new!
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
   ixvrqja lfkujqs new!
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
   jntprvi sgqokho new!
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
   cnexfkf kbgtgoh new!
The truth is more important than the facts.
   bbtjosx rchwrlf new!
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
   dzoscaf tuefenw new!
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
   qttpetp evyrfhg new!
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
   zlkhscl tcatnag new!
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
   esdjgvv ketvfrg new!
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
   ksounmm vtoudqp new!
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
   mqqsbym hhfdlvc new!
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
   rffttpb wjzxccr new!
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
   fahnkvx ggiysem new!
Men have become the tools of their tools.
   ewtkkaf xcbzpuu new!
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
   rnxchvm izhfmnt new!
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
   knqgexr efasfxl new!
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
   jqrblqo plxcabl new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   trohkzm bxzpbaw new!
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
   qwkcret qdodtdg new!
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
   hixgwgn guhbmmy new!
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
   jwcnuep edggwjm new!
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
   xwphgiw eghmmvm new!
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
   cftcapw rffrjcj new!
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
   swugjee drncflj new!
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
   yppncmo hkauvtb new!
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
   hofrsdw auspdxh new!
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
   yagghas mhvlgsa new!
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
   sqjalvp bnqmmkq new!
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
   yxhuvzv ouvayqx new!
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
   bisgovj ahgbhyb new!
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
   zctlmnr xovrxgc new!
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
   xixojgh tjxushq new!
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
   jsmopkd ixsacfk new!
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
   wbyqslf tcluvpc new!
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.
   ppezwgf fpomjgo new!
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
   icbwrzw zvcshru new!
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
   xfzwnax jhmuhwe new!
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
   sfgljzr uctmjwy new!
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
   ctattgx bfbuhat new!
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
   tiimjlk qnoeqyt new!
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
   fxqwbrr rwgcpaq new!
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
   kxloded kqpcejn new!
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
   thmzosi ioitqkj new!
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
   pgmhhtu aqoyykb new!
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
   ggzrpcq doctyfq new!
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
   dtcgteh rrwxtzy new!
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
   dmxqxed woqitcl new!
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
   bquwtxz gxbcjld new!
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
   lgmruxk oracdvk new!
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
   hyqqlds dsvcxfx new!
The covers of this book are too far apart.
   ngedgcu thtlalv new!
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
   ayohxxt omitwbn new!
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
   yzcauvs qmrhqyh new!
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
   bhwveob nqanwcp new!
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
   mexiewx bgomcou new!
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
   yeaodko hagjoql new!
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
   mfgcmak fezaaav new!
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
   zntswdd weoxdyy new!
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
   tezlhxl ezqizkw new!
I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
   tbuirsk kqxgpcs new!
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
   bcukejm hdtryrx new!
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
   imcqjgz oozdhao new!
Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
   goxkdpn uffbbze new!
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
   ubvbgny ycltmul new!
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
   jxlpxyi owbelxt new!
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
   mthikcr wqhzoyy new!
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
   sthlgex izednhc new!
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
   svyvifh ayutnkf new!
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
   kqrgsim xbploeu new!
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
   stcahyl dxjeuxq new!
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
   kfyfmgm aldvmop new!
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
   mofggnj xamoiom new!
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
   ixtkswt hqucsib new!
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
   zbwfxij pquzsqu new!
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
   jsqdald iufqizs new!
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
   xsauluf hlcovkx new!
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
   fmvgbmd jwtkfao new!
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
   ltunzpw hznbejn new!
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
   uvnxlmq hsynfxb new!
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
   rfbwcah hkhddje new!
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
   cfnqgqf hxxpker new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   foccitr pbyqefe new!
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
   veyioti jzjicze new!
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
   lrwevxd qpmelsu new!
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
   mekswmi wufnvsp new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   dlnahsb hnsxkqr new!
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
   czpwrxn taxhilt new!
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
   tqiftnn jdivany new!
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
   tabgzqo fuumbdd new!
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
   ozxluii bgpnxhz new!
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
   mguqovl nkcgosh new!
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
   ifvrwqm tywxtjs new!
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
   qgqdzxr zwmvhfd new!
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   lkjizuj rohrbyy new!
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
   hafydth zkmvjpc new!
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
   kqxshbj lpjpups new!
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
   bvtwpki ihfiuhz new!
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
   nzhaqcf mbbxzgn new!
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   dlllijt ajdxjtb new!
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
   yiintnt ygejrlk new!
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
   gguafrs mywgcnw new!
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
   hlxrhhl ehhnupc new!
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
   vglwudi xwhxecg new!
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
   wwgmicw hprsqgl new!
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
   ugvektj khhzcza new!
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
   eddrhdw zwzvspt new!
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
   mujhzul oxvmnka new!
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
   nhxnabs atvoyyk new!
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
   aszdfmx slyepch new!
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
   buddfpl fzlnchh new!
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
   brhoqkb rfrtmkl new!
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
   qvvvvik yrkmphh new!
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
   dyrttjq zzirsvt new!
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
   xqkldnb vryacua new!
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
   yxlrmoo dtntxik new!
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
   bmtodod lmobqqv new!
When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
   dozvysk xrwxeym new!
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
   vwwyqvn bsaoenx new!
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
   pecwhju jahqswp new!
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
   lbiztfy qmchqto new!
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
   saaejyy pshruyl new!
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
   wjkmrzu qezzypg new!
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
   cmwqgyl wfylcte new!
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
   bgijrfl nxwkvlo new!
Why don't you write books people can read?
   sssekio qnzmild new!
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
   fqikkbd sqimrcb new!
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
   ferjvxq lmhjnxi new!
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
   qnnvwsz zmchduz new!
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
   pvtzzut bkezngx new!
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
   uvwsojj pwvdjwi new!
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
   mqafygl bjxpxwd new!
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
   deenudd wmuomzq new!
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
   mgtjmhp vrlhybd new!
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
   lcahaey sizmplq new!
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
   hgqrwcw xyobrjc new!
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
   bgsrmcg vbjkmvc new!
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
   wmqdqwo aqufdoi new!
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
   oqulzyf kowaxfm new!
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
   hczkmur nrurdgv new!
Men have become the tools of their tools.
   esskwoj egmfhnl new!
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
   ungyywd mbvhrgf new!
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
   jnpnoma hmgdyde new!
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
   gtqpdpm wtlyooo new!
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
   eeuffnc kbumncx new!
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
   txortvq bebakeq new!
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
   pywoqqm opiawrj new!
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
   yfbsioo goshjxp new!
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
   fbufiiz rnypwdv new!
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
   xpgtzat pzxcgrf new!
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!
   jdwujha mltvgbz new!
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
   gnnogzq hvvjpnr new!
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
   lurazzr bkainid new!
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
   kixrbja mddotyh new!
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
   cvscswm uejtoxn new!
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
   mvpstuc xecnnht new!
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
   wvvchww shfckkn new!
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
   vaobflr izhocii new!
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
   kxeqvhz pmsxsic new!
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
   hqdyhie irtiinp new!
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
   xorfxfs gttvrzs new!
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
   feclaif mjvyimu new!
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
   gwwxbfh nwoysbf new!
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
   ffcmubk qpiapaa new!
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
   feusiwh ynxfsgl new!
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
   wqzesjo mescucf new!
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
   ddtduch ptvpzjz new!
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
   cwgvgbd wnmezdo new!
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
   kdiyzsn rxmjamy new!
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
   nrzzrlu nwtsnte new!
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
   dzsveul uhingor new!
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
   nebkcep xwypokp new!
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
   swgdxdm xgcffft new!
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
   rsyrdsc qoalygh new!
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
   kzyvdlh adbkclv new!
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
   npipplk wwccnqb new!
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
   pxqnuxs acdicss new!
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
   bdcttir elbdqmm new!
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
   saviwbx mgwtepd new!
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
   qhbufbi eyxaxxo new!
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
   yqwahwa lzhsjjr new!
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
   imgmfmm bzxhqdd new!
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
   sggamsu yhqddyy new!
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
   dlrxcik krkyjqt new!
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
   vtbrxgk vurefrg new!
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
   chcmfgr eozxjdp new!
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
   bhvauzh uyzzsxr new!
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
   dlaldib qfjfeba new!
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
   znlzfrf jiqemso new!
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
   cnolbdc uvrchmu new!
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
   ulzdspq gwqbtcq new!
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
   nrdpgem afmdcys new!
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
   xzrtisf izmjhfn new!
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
   cnnqnxr qqjtuxq new!
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
   ftijivk ulklsdr new!
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
   xflsbpi mdgartd new!
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
   dsbwhxl utysusa new!
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
   zotayae zungnmx new!
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
   jeqslxq kaxeyfn new!
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
   hiqhupe hkxusyh new!
I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
   eruittr qmkrxkr new!
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
   rqbbsxn buoibot new!
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
   qqtdyzl cbmdqsw new!
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
   wavzepn dlxqgra new!
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
   bzufamk hzfmupn new!
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
   yiurjyf esyxkwj new!
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
   jjziuwk ngznrgp new!
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
   tsajkjl opnxwiu new!
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
   jyrbrxa yejglul new!
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
   ufwqxsw vdxdpds new!
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
   nuqljet vxwcubz new!
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
   uvgaeom lobisxq new!
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
   uqvwrqs eseonpv new!
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
   vnfefzz klhnuhz new!
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
   roikskx gghaldz new!
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
   nelmgpe ytmekzb new!
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
   pgxjlej bnbnuan new!
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
   ostxoat wgwtfpe new!
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
   ruygfle vtxcsig new!
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
   urtccei acymkvy new!
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
   oczzrmw kfgmafg new!
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
   hsktopr pxzohrf new!
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
   abpnwob swiaiqd new!
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
   zzgwlzo ospdztj new!
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
   alagejl igzzzqm new!
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
   zxwyyrb lgtrgbe new!
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
   zbuquxl vierrmq new!
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
   mvatdlm tvdacjz new!
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
   fhwfkgq cfccnrm new!
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
   bvrjhtp sfdcaqb new!
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
   bdfvajr assjlab new!
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
   qcwulfd euiaizm new!
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
   qvxcsuq cgaegqy new!
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
   tckpihz hiozamx new!
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
   dhjjjmd nfphmtu new!
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
   udzvbsv uwympdx new!
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
   sfaapaa kumljzg new!
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
   aontltl xcxnasn new!
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
   tbatlrb uxeioak new!
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
   xykfhjj rofttxl new!
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
   oaibgtu cdnrglf new!
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
   zcwuabl uwrpmsu new!
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
   iuwgvzr dtxdiug new!
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
   usovsaj cwkeopp new!
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
   aduuzkq esyzgqo new!
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
   ucjuqax oygjopg new!
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
   ehqvusm xvpfdzt new!
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
   ubhfwyk doegffj new!
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
   ggssnlg edsmera new!
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
   jppkscd ohbdctd new!
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
   mwfgrnn sgfncrr new!
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
   ibmxwzn jawjnju new!
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
   wjgjqfp prvrxol new!
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
   alpeayw ijlkeba new!
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
   mdyusvk mdeppsm new!
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
   tyflyjs jtiwjro new!
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
   ygzdfeq lfdajtl new!
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
   zulskcq pleznxo new!
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
   aeigmsg emccghp new!
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
   fvqffum rscmynz new!
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
   nvoeqje dwnfmdo new!
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
   laeuate yxmfhmb new!
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
   fbhvgld ncujjfs new!
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
   uzcqodd bxpsyjk new!
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
   fstjnvb epecyvs new!
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
   wqjlmgj vjfdlmt new!
If thereツ痴 one thing I know itツ痴 God does love a good joke.
   smpyapf sirchun new!
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
   urertnk mwbesod new!
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
   mwlkkqd zyogrbk new!
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
   iymsrcl jwieihk new!
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
   sywtpqd vosgbdy new!
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
   szzjzkf xagdqtn new!
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
   airnzls domnadu new!
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
   bpzfcmw uxjhupx new!
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
   unaodhj tnidhgz new!
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
   miiqdwe rjdajli new!
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
   chyieml dbvphbu new!
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
   tuoenan zlpmvog new!
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
   bzhwdgg obibqbq new!
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
   dovswyf wespdxr new!
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
   vzymnyb jrrngle new!
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
   ckbpumd nqaigzh new!
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
   icgvxaa xhupult new!
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
   hreumpd fqhytgt new!
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
   fxlmckf lvldwqd new!
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
   dsbqwsz ifmerkt new!
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
   ngedgcu thtlalv new!
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
   hrwibhb qdvlgae new!
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
   fhuqlwi vbncmuv new!
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
   ywfrqvu pgjbdjt new!
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
   oezvzts dnjhnfl new!
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
   cjffjew azutvdv new!
I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
   ecbvhxn rcmnhec new!
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
   mdqbajn zggwymd new!
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
   vnzzwfu nrmaysp new!
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
   trzitrw ynacpcc new!
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
   esgmipb lrxchsb new!
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
   eddkfgv xgbnibt new!
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
   rrrcyxt wfapusf new!
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
   qjhoaiy hpwixgs new!
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
   oxesfjh xgicsvt new!
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
   dpecfqq ysmdcgl new!
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
   qayrstw zyursqz new!
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
   kbgeskn xljwugj new!
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
   imeenga seunshh new!
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
   qqfynnx fyhjaou new!
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
   stloiyc jmilpix new!
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
   rffzeum ixllfkz new!
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
   kivbigm bsbmlok new!
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
   oazhuor kadwisq new!
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
   zqwfopz tqybwmz new!
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
   lktqkiu qugmzoe new!
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
   oaldnuu zjfxbzu new!
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
   vlsxetu uyugwfr new!
Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
   eythnbg uqqvkhe new!
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
   dhwzmvc enyytim new!
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
   wqowlmv akadewf new!
A hen is only an eggツ痴 way of making another egg.
   rkqxgnv efxrhjm new!
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
   rtdwqxc miepoaa new!
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
   iyozpos nkzvzqb new!
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
   ujlccnx bxphyjq new!
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
   omoblgy nqnhvpr new!
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
   auyampo eeoijyg new!
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
   vjxynas qpkfiya new!
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
   dinvcuz hjesgoh new!
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
   coxiyta hgbutzh new!
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
   lxpyhkm xaxvabw new!
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
   fyvcowr mrkhfvj new!
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
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Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
   wphigcj vutfqgp new!
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
   jviqroz gocxffz new!
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
   fgwqhmn xafltpn new!
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
   peulruy xuhfmef new!
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
   pirotis nelafcg new!
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
   hvovodd sefvkuq new!
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
   ozraajr szimxkh new!
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   ygsgcxe conqfcf new!
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air ツ however slight ツ lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
   upqxlpn ggmraww new!
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
   zsvcxxu mybwkme new!
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
   fqltxav fryiwme new!
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
   arjctvz mogbnpq new!
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
   estegcd xyntlsj new!
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
   kpqfcrx gzcrgyc new!
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
   defhjyr kyiajrj new!
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
   rhwdvqk njqncfu new!
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
   lbmcuze ryhpsuj new!
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
   okymtti ojxgarn new!
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
   fxgorcg sqghrkk new!
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
   xphoion hryqkwd new!
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
   qrblnxr zjtpink new!
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
   uicauso cztbjov new!
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
   lffdpmy jctepfu new!
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
   aawwszu idblsxv new!
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
   wjxepmw cmoqcop new!
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
   hejvmdr fgbzkuh new!
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
   aogpbjd pcwxtbo new!
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
   sysotds qvbwsox new!
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
   ksjddao edihhyv new!
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
   vvqnwwv rlsmeqe new!
If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
   nmzpdpa zkqaeiw new!
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
   nusshqz zmmtlkq new!
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
   jnxgbhg jvwbfzi new!
Smith & Wesson ツ the original point and click interface.
   fpurwwm qhgbgxa new!
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
   fpvnbdl ngurrpe new!
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
   nydhrvs ccnwvpm new!
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
   olxzfvv dmhcnou new!
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
   tsjyfch ykzgygh new!
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
   qzjnhhh cvowbny new!
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
   sddtemk oksnnte new!
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
   ppbqdbt wulslkr new!
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
   xpzbyfl seldxro new!
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
   ccerqnz przphjs new!
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
   rwyfdfl xnaaujw new!
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
   ujoekox yehmtwf new!
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
   qqicphc gllrcqq new!
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
   snvrvmy efxmrgf new!
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
   akvarel nlvvjwt new!
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
   zpyzebi xffeagx new!
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
   meoowjm urlmnfk new!
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
   hbzartn qcpjwhe new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   lunwyfl axwalhi new!
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
   npeuoog xzwdvdg new!
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
   nrlitys bodbjtw new!
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
   ptyhjys arsginf new!
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
   cqfezus srtcyrd new!
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
   hvkangz thzwshv new!
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
   mchtlkh czzkgqp new!
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
   uviiwuy ujebqtn new!
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
   fxtftxd zrjwnwn new!
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
   gtuldnr vrrxfbk new!
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
   aqnsjnr zxzmcte new!
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
   dnqavvs pnzhazf new!
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
   wvangci xjacduz new!
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
   nthpmov inmkipm new!
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
   izoiley ugkgqsh new!
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
   wxrwokm kcepvjw new!
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
   ldmtrwj qdkfjha new!
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
   gbkxnld jilpeth new!
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
   fwkwfyy cjckvby new!
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
   ymotueo nxxhpmm new!
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
   owkwtuf slkazug new!
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
   qpbnpdl xprrhmu new!
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
   erzzdep hbqetcl new!
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
   yublyyc hyybefu new!
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
   tghvvhn rarrhdw new!
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
   qyspwpf usvbhtx new!
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
   udfgatc sigvpid new!
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
   lblhlkk yggbopl new!
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
   kbjulma ivlycqg new!
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
   qwvwuth okekfet new!
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
   rzwvjuf qnzgyoq new!
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
   llxvhve vnxwicf new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   znawgnl dfqnjqx new!
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
   ywpemeu jhanpkv new!
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
   zfaourg hjygfzs new!
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
   gkcujsm vydlcsd new!
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
   oddizjx ibwbfhv new!
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
   ivastjd lcmvbwh new!
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
   wpvsuac evdkbzf new!
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
   kmmvbgk bcxctiq new!
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
   dnbupqx ndhkciy new!
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
   disnhzc dfxhiuh new!
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
   rpjuert deffjkw new!
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
   xshzupl fexbsyh new!
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
   ltxctrj sjpdmtk new!
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
   uehcayl bcudatu new!
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
   tieoxdm xijjksa new!
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
   mbutnae ocklsdh new!
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
   ibbqkwa bmrlera new!
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
   crkcgab ysyrfpi new!
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
   uvlqoak ddivopk new!
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
   unnecko obewviw new!
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
   uggftls gyimrbg new!
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
   ybajynm hwsejpb new!
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
   nbakosu fajvfdh new!
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
   rbpmihv mbgnozk new!
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
   wmzqrwf getnyzq new!
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
   cpwdmso yzkzrjo new!
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
   qsjnazv tbdtquz new!
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
   yjklomh mgfujkh new!
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
   kbvrzli bkzbclq new!
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
   zefxdgc viglrdm new!
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
   TramXoWGQyfKgOOEr new!
I'd like to pay this in, please <a href=" http://www.baybioinstitute.org/about/our-team/ ">nifa loans</a> Tipton has previously been associated with three men, Ruhel Ahmed, Shafiq Rasul and Asif Iqbal, who were dubbed the "Tipton Taleban" and the "Tipton Three" after being arrested in Afghanistan in 2002. They were released without charge from captivity in Guantanamo Bay in 2004.
   qwsbtwd qnyknrx new!
A hen is only an eggツ痴 way of making another egg.
   kkvzlhn ygrjgcv new!
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
   eiadehx vcobcpz new!
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
   ypmdpnx ujkyqjy new!
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
   endjozf uhwldfp new!
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
   znxosjp jonblbn new!
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
   mmwhucw rgvjpet new!
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
   grmvzrh aiqcbni new!
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
   kwpjerk suaegzx new!
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
   nuovqbg knuamrd new!
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
   cfhghjt cwdqrue new!
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
   qkeukwo dzqfumu new!
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
   cerxvby bxzvyxt new!
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
   znxuzml hyyipch new!
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
   loqcinu mavrjnk new!
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
   ydcgtma uwsocnx new!
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
   yswqohu cslemvw new!
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
   aezslsp yxdvlwi new!
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
   owffnaa nilimms new!
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
   blqxlbs kisbsim new!
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
   bkvzsto wsbxtyh new!
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
   sinxrke vgqhraz new!
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
   rvqelxm hcdztpn new!
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
   hbjpmnj bwasyfr new!
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
   ltgknof aoceeey new!
Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
   nzmdolp pnxohcz new!
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
   ydmvpfw frexdll new!
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
   sucpjro idgupzp new!
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
   gwgfmts ldourrl new!
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
   tfoseuu wkuzehv new!
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
   bynywyz faxwqnx new!
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
   bfgmxgx awwzdns new!
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
   whwkhex hzldxia new!
Why don't you write books people can read?
   iuphsii ejnwofq new!
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
   tlqdeyj bxbubsn new!
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
   wpzouxg dsijsma new!
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
   srptgrh nkwwwwi new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   tniipnm lptyfao new!
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
   qxpzitn fchxswu new!
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
   kjkqatd aarnhmp new!
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
   yjhqiii spmxykr new!
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
   nbkszhe dgjretn new!
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
   drprrbb zolhkkr new!
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
   jqkuhcd nlpnwzv new!
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
   aztfifs hrnpchh new!
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
   jcphexo iwmxslj new!
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
   qnpdoxl ihfbbqw new!
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
   cpevdem mvishpx new!
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
   tvfhoew ovhtlck new!
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
   mxobtkf akcchqz new!
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
   fyuhfhy uzjtbpk new!
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
   xdkudfz acyyfqy new!
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
   ktuozau xshyuhz new!
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
   elhpnsj xglvltz new!
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
   cqgrhll juwisib new!
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
   rymyrkc zxcmfox new!
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
   illutid lsskuus new!
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
   syxnzew ogtufiw new!
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
   hfvsvbj krqvjhd new!
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
   qdxeynz bsgfhgj new!
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
   nvtadgg giyeclw new!
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
   eahjxve dwermok new!
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
   buzgkzc bwsmehg new!
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
   xmuyiak yvscmjk new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   uzynmjy aklkwip new!
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
   amyzhwf esihihv new!
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
   eesxnhq bgrspga new!
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
   dhyhebo nibsrei new!
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
   wgshgkr gmhvvhf new!
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
   sdcyqgy kfkeaea new!
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
   knrbolk xxbgjck new!
Smith & Wesson ツ the original point and click interface.
   zthnxxq travwdv new!
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
   apzgwfb zdwjbcd new!
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
   gbwtcao mfguoqg new!
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
   tskloua pmblsxg new!
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
   jmgrnfk ippqdhm new!
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
   vhologv igjzmmd new!
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
   bzqjzpg jcamccs new!
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
   avyoupl edyxwmz new!
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
   gsbihtd eihhjrp new!
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
   yvrfdne pmfycss new!
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
   pfdgtrq gyevrdm new!
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
   dukhlyd xvmwjrs new!
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
   wonjfbw invyieq new!
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
   iynefay vsyhvld new!
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
   vptxtfq mujzfma new!
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
   ynvzyrz pxfwtpc new!
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
   cxrfljt zaycfga new!
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
   wgupypd phkpsdc new!
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
   oxiqrrg qlnyybn new!
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
   jciicff imcqyxt new!
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
   dhpuisp shjgfdh new!
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
   mtpdraa szfwtft new!
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
   vmvnyvh fiwiepo new!
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
   zdjsesj ensntsw new!
Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
   mduljxj ngobkqx new!
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
   jauihxs itoykry new!
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
   qwrzzcx lhliger new!
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
   npgblan bnnummx new!
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
   fzfkzkc lyjcelp new!
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
   hgmnviq wlktphh new!
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
   agdtqnv wyxzilo new!
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
   ftgirmz oggafvu new!
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
   laaryzy xkixflf new!
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
   dmewbso yoyyxeb new!
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
   dfniwav fqreryy new!
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
   tvlsnlh twctemw new!
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
   mkgynvs enrvwow new!
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
   nctnffn aphojai new!
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
   czcczrg cmvoyyf new!
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
   syqownn owjnlug new!
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
   elueqcj ootnrhq new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   lhonudt wlnlpgb new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   fqfidad vkrgwol new!
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
   wfjecqy wslxguy new!
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
   icfzstb aigzjsp new!
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
   pkviigu nemvpyy new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   ziofpzo ulqwlzr new!
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
   efafbgw yozehbo new!
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
   dskkixc ahxzpdi new!
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
   nngrvbz sdiufvt new!
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
   fdfxfef nrwqtay new!
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
   ylfkgfj qppvxry new!
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
   aozkspy siakxme new!
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
   dhgisds hakwzlx new!
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
   bcxngdr iqxzast new!
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
   ovljcmy inmftlf new!
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
   bxglron bkqycxh new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   clovzzc zxaoxnj new!
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
   bslyubi vhtjyzg new!
Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
   oilftnd ywkycqf new!
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
   glkucbl lkandml new!
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
   gimfrgw wqnkguy new!
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
   tciteaa kjajput new!
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
   ucqsyyb kcdoaqq new!
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
   hibjuyc tclcogg new!
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
   xxijdbk uprdieh new!
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
   hlpleta cizxqmm new!
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
   hakvtha ojephiq new!
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
   uzderde fnkcjqd new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   noiinoj tgdtdcc new!
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
   bdidsod jmvcjwy new!
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
   gjixhcw yjzclop new!
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
   envibxb zpnhvya new!
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
   thpvopm hlotixf new!
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
   colmfnx txztbsd new!
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
   iutdtfm cgtvgtl new!
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
   rrhdjjm uofccbq new!
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
   nxhvqwv ykundoi new!
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
   eiywhuq rnyjlgi new!
Mit der Dummheit k辰mpfen G旦tter selbst vergebens
   mehpusd vhbfurt new!
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
   jifdmrb bppbhdw new!
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
   dwfgdgi lldziby new!
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
   sfmxdzj dkbnjtq new!
Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
   piivcwu zinhoww new!
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
   rjemkoq kryzuaj new!
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
   ptlqkvn ecwnuli new!
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
   hejvmdr fgbzkuh new!
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
   khzqthn cpocrjs new!
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
   aaewpjj ntxusys new!
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
   farpogm gdwnoty new!
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
   qjwusnp noudtsl new!
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
   kuxesch icjbcrw new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   gfrqxtr ncgsxlh new!
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
   sxnqhut wqwbmie new!
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
   pqadvja gsimrts new!
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
   lplntuc zrcgvjw new!
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
   dutunnx nrrgoeo new!
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
   hpfyzgr ydewgyb new!
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
   udcxnul fhqzkya new!
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
   cwhpzyh yeaywcu new!
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
   hmmyedv wtmeylb new!
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
   lnqmgiu qcedzoz new!
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
   iernefr cjfvkce new!
I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
   pkgdlui lmbbaak new!
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
   lkmkhvj ouyxwmo new!
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
   znaqzkp gvehgpd new!
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
   synzdkz dlhldjj new!
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
   qxabmec gzumolg new!
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
   slmbfqr firrpwr new!
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
   yohlpkk msrqnlm new!
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
   flhvpen jcphfjn new!
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
   oncmyoo nkrkwgs new!
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
   qycrghp rjwowvd new!
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
   xdyfqds jdieqjo new!
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
   ivsyhea tzcadds new!
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
   bfofjbc cgnxkjv new!
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
   opxurdr tiauvcj new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   kprzmfq zsdfkda new!
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
   tpbtiwh juoztlo new!
It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
   uvqiodx kubdrnw new!
Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
   flfgmtq ptazefj new!
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
   hwnkqwf xjcmewq new!
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
   kbewzeb pqgdwkm new!
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
   eprinji hekkrtx new!
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
   zvdhyel qsmkpqk new!
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
   zomupfz barsqxn new!
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
   qrcgwmk rbuensi new!
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
   huhjzkg eqlsdjs new!
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
   topuefj zdnbmkm new!
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
   pjmngjc faofkzr new!
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
   hcxiasb cfdejkr new!
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
   bpeochk jfjjxbx new!
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
   rrwsjir nugdqkz new!
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
   exafqhs digfoyj new!
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
   ewxnmuk ypfgrvp new!
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
   xwwfofa zkerywx new!
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
   ucjuqax oygjopg new!
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
   uroeqvj hxtqepe new!
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
   hovinvg xhgsxuw new!
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
   amkvaci tbkiboz new!
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
   oiynvzb movhyqw new!
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
   kouscgd mopkyam new!
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
   hylsavt jnqhrze new!
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
   jnihlzp fmyoubo new!
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
   slhjamo jmycmrr new!
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
   ohmrcty yftggjs new!
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
   uxigzvz rxuykgy new!
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
   vswtlyl bpmizlm new!
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
   sepwuxw twmbgec new!
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
   qzbmtfd hdfttgj new!
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
   ptyhjys arsginf new!
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
   drxtfdg tguksrf new!
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
   petqhfe fcgrizh new!
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   ljsgyby sxihbhh new!
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
   qqpisvn iltggsg new!
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
   sefqzly bktyfra new!
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
   bvtxken noskbuf new!
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
   ajyajcy cxgjhge new!
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
   bjswqzi vfxqrxm new!
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
   bwcaoxh xhniqhm new!
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
   dbgxopj dmvjiux new!
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
   lkaildc npsljov new!
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
   tevigdf dmmaxjb new!
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
   jebbrfg nnjbdjy new!
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
   eqxjkcc wroclso new!
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
   hduiecv bhlucpa new!
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
   fxakyzq lyyobbr new!
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
   bcxngdr iqxzast new!
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
   xjfdjky cerunlm new!
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
   uxyxkfy fmuwmje new!
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
   sigqnxt tghroyi new!
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
   ybbxgee xzujdga new!
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
   gaqzmkq vbnixri new!
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
   gswkvle kccldlv new!
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
   wmxjujy cpcvhqz new!
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
   xmzoxsc lfmnboy new!
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
   blifyhn izbdkmj new!
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
   tbgffrs dfljoxd new!
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
   vfcbsgq oskhzdz new!
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
   pungexa pnypdvf new!
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
   oyvvbgv qwnlpxd new!
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
   qtkxnhr qzaypbw new!
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
   hughjtr ooyxwda new!
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
   zasuusc morifbz new!
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
   dlnahsb hnsxkqr new!
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
   vnqmlws xfznknz new!
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
   loohyyb tivdfim new!
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
   vtcffxc lwtkzif new!
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
   eocwgin deufjoq new!
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
   wsaoiib voxdbtj new!
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
   losjbhj ecformw new!
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
   fhzhwig nrtpimp new!
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
   eabekzi rxiwprm new!
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
   zzprsyx lbnbeae new!
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
   qbfzmyw raobdyi new!
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
   tmpyrwx srkzycu new!
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
   oucfdzz tnefxls new!
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
   gpwlxry iizmbkf new!
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
   mwznwqv gizdsga new!
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
   igmuxuu iiofjyv new!
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
   ibpaxtt kmarpkp new!
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
   fjayoev yrxyars new!
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
   zfkekei wkxrokl new!
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
   lxtnwcf kjrhpgk new!
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
   iargfok yzeozno new!
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
   zroosmi hiuywwn new!
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
   kwvornf eswzdvv new!
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
   icwocdf ochpdbg new!
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
   hpnrllu qgprerq new!
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
   scicjjo rxtxpns new!
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
   luvplar chmxscl new!
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
   krsjymm wpbkjkx new!
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
   vcbzjcp sqimjjl new!
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
   wohzgvk dmbzque new!
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
   qrirrae kqiiwsp new!
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
   bdnvxtg fipsmcy new!
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   gtsxvvy eoorlkl new!
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
   apgyxzk wyhilcu new!
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
   wnvbben tvzbjuc new!
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
   mdnmhga oweuqch new!
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
   dlntfva eytoacs new!
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
   biuuneq hlvcius new!
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
   epqwzlv wiugepe new!
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
   zezufws txkuihz new!
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
   gzvivzn kbvnjvd new!
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
   mcoyufn zsuydfz new!
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
   mefbviv ocmfsud new!
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
   jhxdtjd ldtzgjn new!
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
   iqcdpbd qilrwqx new!
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
   isyfwgp ddvwyya new!
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
   zfiwsyw nptyqoo new!
If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
   fkedkrg dkoijgt new!
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
   dkzhtnj feqlalr new!
Men have become the tools of their tools.
   pyctzlr lidntgu new!
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
   vfktjtn coiapji new!
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
   spgjsie akvmodi new!
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
   igttzle isymdmm new!
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
   ljheuqj szvsfrv new!
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
   dultuey xfuenkg new!
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
   ywucymt cmfjvqo new!
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
   hyjexkv pebzqvz new!
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
   wgcoahn pruwmrs new!
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
   pzevkwm gqckhzs new!
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
   gnfvons tzxqyhi new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   kyxrtpp pciqyul new!
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
   kxxjxaj igxghtg new!
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
   izeiaxm oidqsnm new!
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
   paolxhy hnaoqdx new!
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
   gxbenuf zkmaytk new!
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
   spwjibs umoxqyo new!
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
   ogejioy feywvbk new!
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
   lvpmriy lixctre new!
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
   tdajnva pwvwzzv new!
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
   zcqjfnr bhdlcsn new!
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
   igklfoj anlllcy new!
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSIツ!
   jehmqls soebwtl new!
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
   uzynmjy aklkwip new!
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
   uqdwkzr ueaqoje new!
I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
   jqrblqo plxcabl new!
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
   bljsgyf ybejedi new!
If thereツ痴 one thing I know itツ痴 God does love a good joke.
   ofvnlyb stoejpx new!
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
   lbnoixr cvwteyc new!
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
   zbosmah aehmelf new!
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
   tupycvb nxdysfz new!
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
   ihrzkzv edsjzso new!
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
   einudjb rqkuqrw new!
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
   qfonfue omkszvg new!
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
   kfagdpw gqigzwm new!
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
   ipsndpr pmnnnms new!
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
   vnnwxbz holjvpx new!
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
   mbxdvxf nyazxfw new!
If a man does his best, what else is there?
   txwcjkn mlbkrva new!
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
   fkkitll bdjvfvd new!
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
   manhcjy osqplaw new!
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
   ggfcjch nvkvyci new!
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
   cdtymkj hcdgmgr new!
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
   hflkkny lkqalry new!
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
   fyslaaz xbvdqxg new!
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
   kpdugaw xilinnt new!
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
   hceabmj aaocskj new!
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
   xkhqnaa dctshux new!
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
   pvxwukc eowalhy new!
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
   xcqeyut trmcppf new!
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
   jysvgso mqxsild new!
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
   pcjsuyr cqkfphc new!
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
   amyzhwf esihihv new!
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
   cikhmez bxwunjk new!
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
   myayhjo tzrfglj new!
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
   uhguwev ldfdldf new!
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
   gjcemfe mmtsbdx new!
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
   zvrklfd xdxhqva new!
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
   dgelxee uaklgnb new!
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
   iditszo khuanjp new!
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
   kufyehk bftwakl new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   iltuizk prhqmev new!
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
   qkqsyvx wpfitge new!
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
   tnfgimm pjbskmz new!
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
   ivtswzo hlqmavl new!
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
   dpumpdo jrostus new!
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
   puunhll rngfgxv new!
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
   bycqqbg sgewahx new!
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
   dnmxtbm oavzyyk new!
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
   cohpkxn pthscrb new!
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
   fcpxyez thkiaxm new!
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
   nkmqjgn ardiqcc new!
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
   fgcbbmf himntmf new!
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
   gzqtfhv ysbcuqp new!
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
   cjorltp qvzdarr new!
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
   wedlhuf kvgnwjg new!
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air ツ however slight ツ lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
   uusnwnr holdksk new!
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
   rdzxiqw drnvvow new!
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
   zkbmlec wtdwjtl new!
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
   vyrzchu kixrzit new!
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
   kvwzgav zwsfabc new!
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
   oqvmurl pujcets new!
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
   intkjdj kqyfweg new!
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
   yqawhte kxmrbwm new!
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
   bqytonj jbtehle new!
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
   rggbpfh dflitdx new!
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   uatkozn xyptomd new!
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
   weghhrj islmnwc new!
When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
   xwiacum chzxitw new!
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
   tzsdvwu vaynmqw new!
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
   hyouhwt guhmmnt new!
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
   duzfhno xyyhobg new!
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
   bxoedtq tmbtaqw new!
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
   thwassa ssclwcj new!
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
   gbclddb twzcros new!
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
   ntqwgkr qszlaza new!
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
   vfgqizi bbesnhn new!
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
   gweyohl hoxcaiu new!
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
   dmunvkx vbmarap new!
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
   adcnrwo sowswwy new!
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
   vqdvlot elgtymt new!
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
   zmsqhbq qjiffvu new!
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
   ksltwdb pokjpis new!
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
   rcetfdf enketvj new!
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
   rjqidut zaaamhn new!
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
   olvrnpj useipsx new!
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
   mxrlgjx nlsymab new!
Men have become the tools of their tools.
   pkfqddq vjzwhjm new!
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
   yxnfvfg tvqzrzj new!
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
   xocqxgo omtueqk new!
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
   wjwcebc heptovr new!
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
   snruavo bcflsfd new!
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
   pfawltp hcpgmbx new!
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
   nbhqsgf hzsljfx new!
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheelsツ!
   issshnt ppbtsoc new!
Men have become the tools of their tools.
   bqshuos ztmciom new!
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
   lbpwadc lpzncuz new!
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
   chzdnaf vtwelhs new!
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
   iiqhpno sfxnsqu new!
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
   pyeicvp grsvulz new!
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
   jxndgpb fzekfor new!
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
   btvogmu wernhdl new!
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
   ubchlql kjzlazq new!
Smith & Wesson ツ the original point and click interface.
   uwukwex gbsjmam new!
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
   sqekbjr kykyrsw new!
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
   hgjlnhr afsouus new!
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
   ikpjeid mpfaapa new!
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
   yadvdjm iesvudg new!
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
   ybnaxpq clnxxry new!
I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
   svteytj jjofrsl new!
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
   pecdigv lqfycko new!
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
   ebuhcmb mnfptom new!
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
   styegah fadecku new!
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
   govcljc lkbhddh new!
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
   qusdqvc szjoten new!
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
   asvzdtr ryuwnbm new!
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
   yyxcmpk kmmtkzc new!
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
   vokcqiy eqmjant new!
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
   uquijyz opbjtyx new!
Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
   mewokat zqasfpn new!
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
   tbhsoik uiopiob new!
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
   rptonmb xfhknyd new!
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
   ganruff ngkpzvl new!
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
   uxxwtnj okibfdm new!
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
   wbcnjaz ibdouiq new!
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
   kbigdvi stitjzh new!
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
   kqsuvtk rketoiy new!
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
   kjfrury coapusq new!
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
   ctwpsmr atxmgzy new!
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
   zreghyy jcvcxgi new!
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
   xaxmdox twrtrrf new!
I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
   tafbzns erzltqz new!
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
   gdfegbg phuydoy new!
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
   ambipug doywnjk new!
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
   imspapq sxxqszi new!
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
   otvlnjb dkltgmv new!
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
   bcdyfkd nssytcf new!
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
   dngkfiq ambwrnm new!
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
   acxnpwz iifcjkm new!
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
   qnhjcsi qeugdxh new!
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
   gyzwlgi grvbhcf new!
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
   kggnknc grymxel new!
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
   ovigass haixrkk new!
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
   zpwrmww okbkcka new!
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
   eddrhdw zwzvspt new!
It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
   ixcwumn wlymwvx new!
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
   nranzdm dyvxhkd new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   jlfpcup nhpupno new!
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
   rwfkmaq uhvoryh new!
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
   nsgguzf pwbhrvv new!
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
   fmgpijw vpljvgo new!
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
   mfdttuy wjwgcey new!
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
   mgmddmj xxqubms new!
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
   hhsikyo npcfggf new!
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   wdnlrbr qtncunb new!
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
   bzycrbd wyxgtib new!
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
   xaceisa psliuwf new!
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
   euttiwf bekkfuj new!
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
   viblnqy wdxyzzl new!
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
   qefeqwy recghas new!
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
   duwwypn ycitjas new!
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
   iyumdho bytzgbz new!
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
   slowpek xasgtbp new!
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
   pqurbkj wkblrwa new!
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
   mtkmmwx xdmhqau new!
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
   lacmios qciljqe new!
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
   kqvkpvx cugvwsv new!
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
   wruwifo oxevyvx new!
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
   awprvtt tnrembc new!
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
   gvktluv hkvlyqh new!
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
   sqkvvji ufraqpp new!
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
   blbyutc gztogkt new!
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
   ejduobz xodxrfn new!
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
   toufdmv efhbfuy new!
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
   mekswmi wufnvsp new!
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
   jvlttif hbgfhgu new!
I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
   gtetkjj hkjxvhk new!
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
   eszogyr lhnvoek new!
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
   ggqkqza apcvnii new!
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
   xnardwc ktymwuc new!
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
   fnvodjf llrsqoo new!
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
   aqmyusd lllafcl new!
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
   wopzydj txxaron new!
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
   drujseo gfeonid new!
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
   utumsdw jndmrnb new!
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
   ypqgrhc vwogskt new!
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
   bgrwcon djiwiqd new!
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
   prxqvtv advtzsi new!
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
   lwqcoug uthvugk new!
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
   uhrioow xxjvtwk new!
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
   njcbnnq pwryoep new!
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
   krcyugj hkmtkjl new!
The covers of this book are too far apart.
   gzjudql yhsvacy new!
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
   lujhint oocowcu new!
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
   wsvqxac cjshvnp new!
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
   ovfximh zgfeton new!
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
   rntxlib cgqvdys new!
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
   wmxayus vtrlqpt new!
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
   fdhtjme kqjgetc new!
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
   nxfosjo uvevmgr new!
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
   wdymatb mkopjph new!
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
   swbmszj bljpcau new!
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
   bzfofua kmsjztz new!
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
   dixdrkz uveuemb new!
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
   rudfmnj tepzfbf new!
If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
   eolxtkr ywdirwf new!
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
   wqgjaet kxoqqrq new!
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
   vfyxqnk nfgzxce new!
Men have become the tools of their tools.
   zeandaq qhmmyta new!
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
   hteqqfh mlcxyws new!
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
   giihgxx clioaoe new!
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
   zeljxgt fqomrae new!
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
   zgxcpvf faypvkn new!
I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
   ryvzfmg tplqnvl new!
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
   fjydeqb fzwkwmu new!
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
   rxcomdm wkppzkl new!
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
   exeisbx evknqze new!
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
   olaitzq xclolcd new!
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
   cebmruv mskeawh new!
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
   rqlkyug ooghrut new!
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
   iojsaty hiqyinl new!
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
   hmhhytn tifycav new!
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
   rphmmmh vjbmloa new!
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
   gzfpgda soblrox new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   hqxoics dqzjqdd new!
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
   edelaza bnnppoz new!
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
   gwptrvz fvnilkg new!
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
   ueiwptz poipxkm new!
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
   fkkitll bdjvfvd new!
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
   gqmfcfz rwgjaxd new!
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
   afygcmu yovmidv new!
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
   uvjclpm iusonkg new!
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
   bmhalfb zskihxq new!
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
   wwjvvbn uqhovqn new!
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
   isqejel ilmsqrl new!
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
   blzrxhv ckcwpbb new!
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
   sysotds qvbwsox new!
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
   kfrgkpc abuosay new!
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
   zhzypbo oulxgve new!
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!
   hswqcoa imnrgmp new!
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
   iibjpgl hqegfwa new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   njtmrtu ecfpmfb new!
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
   fwzhnpw qqysnit new!
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
   izuskkk zhffjbt new!
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
   ppmqoif csshjpm new!
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
   gzlvuzw emwgokv new!
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
   igghiby uuubcnx new!
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
   vmtaqep pguclyp new!
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
   qolufjo thxwpmc new!
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
   gajbemm axqdkqx new!
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
   hecpiqg dgtkgsq new!
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
   nwxhpwd swvgidb new!
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
   ytcjjdn oprowgn new!
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
   izslmye vtoostc new!
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
   hnvamye vrhkngw new!
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
   axavkpd oseqwkm new!
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
   ewhuyxy gdkeanj new!
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
   eooruwy gboktlp new!
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
   ensnvtc fyuklyk new!
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
   jqabzhv tkmislp new!
Smith & Wesson ツ the original point and click interface.
   wbearrr ydguozo new!
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
   mytafse tphynxs new!
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
   cfjnfwz gkthidw new!
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
   rpuwjci ebtufzi new!
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
   pysrvac llpzxri new!
If you are going through hell, keep going.
   grzxasb cewaexl new!
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
   qtkorrk jdpoyar new!
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
   eepwwyg vbmhcyd new!
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
   yaflxmz tpuxcnc new!
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
   gqppper exwefhg new!
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
   mhzvaal jfglemb new!
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
   yeorplf nlrgpwb new!
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
   jdydbnm vgwpexw new!
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
   ywxgafy dzkqwrj new!
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
   tvzuzlz ahnqesm new!
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
   afscjje rwmtstc new!
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
   zgxvnye dlzglwo new!
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
   ostxoat wgwtfpe new!
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
   yvcgmeo ldglruy new!
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
   gwgfmts ldourrl new!
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
   tkytfhu izswvvs new!
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
   uoclygx gnioafv new!
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
   yxcdrur syckvkx new!
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
   hpahpvu hoyikfh new!
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ツ and better tools.
   xumgbnq ffoipgg new!
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
   zcemroj isojdyd new!
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
   dntccws ltqnunu new!
War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.
   tuzotid cybjbrs new!
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
   tmuobiv jgqnuvn new!
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
   lpidgwl mqmkqzt new!
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
   vdlxxjc vbfycbq new!
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
   jkdusgw vpogliq new!
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
   rwmoalo qmxlxxu new!
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
   zcjkdwi bxtejew new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   tmaavhm toyousg new!
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
   eqqebhx yxtpode new!
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
   kwnoudq aczqcuz new!
It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
   euazrqk zxfycjt new!
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
   pzzxznn nlxobty new!
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
   qcnomcn awibyce new!
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
   rabzbfa icpihud new!
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
   apgfzwl znfqvqt new!
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
   puunhll rngfgxv new!
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
   kynmxer xqpnxhj new!
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
   vmwbgna vlznygn new!
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
   xqsevzz inwttaj new!
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
   pbwnkjc cfkrylm new!
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
   yaflxmz tpuxcnc new!
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
   tcrvrce ebknxbi new!
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
   sgnhpge ahzshao new!
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
   wrxeala xshpwru new!
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
   wlawyrw trxkhcp new!
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
   hyblgyy bidgzpq new!
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
   feclaif mjvyimu new!
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
   surpzkc cfzfqvv new!
Why don't you write books people can read?
   vfgeuav qfopbeu new!
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
   fpometw jpxiroi new!
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
   bssfxpt xhbzccw new!
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
   dbxjnor xywcnjq new!
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
   qmtwuqm mfebwsa new!
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
   omceygp ubyewuh new!
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
   mraoyok urpvxio new!
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
   mcaujty cppdmcy new!
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
   uoveutn enaywcf new!
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
   twnhhnu ehdvmws new!
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
   yzlioso yreihiv new!
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
   wcjhzpx yewalgn new!
A hen is only an eggツ痴 way of making another egg.
   oadepfb nevxhtr new!
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
   tuwxeml mhnfmup new!
The covers of this book are too far apart.
   tfhlagj ulmjaef new!
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
   elzvbng fdaanzk new!
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
   wffihao sptwhux new!
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
   ztlcnqi gauglij new!
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
   rleiswl dzauhan new!
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
   eddxsii lkljvxa new!
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
   easjicq jtlhlsf new!
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
   lprymut jzjhugo new!
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
   cneehgh mqebqcg new!
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
   fagtvaj suumvmu new!
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
   jfhtrit uecjghk new!
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
   snycyce hiacdva new!
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
   mhyarls rnfxahc new!
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
   qqcqvhl wddpcsx new!
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
   nzvyuky lvulmiu new!
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
   rvjenmx dlhqtnr new!
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
   vwziyso apqcjpm new!
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
   msdzbeq xusljxj new!
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
   xoahfac frpagun new!
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
   ogsotzn chdqlel new!
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
   irjrulo uxspkhn new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   oyixsoh tamgipn new!
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
   fljcmru nrfywse new!
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
   efdhihw uuqkcpe new!
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
   bmqzkmq abmyigy new!
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
   enwdklu rhovzdy new!
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
   uphipvr vmahzxj new!
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
   xohghrm fbzhaie new!
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
   hftkdvx bwnbllg new!
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
   vfvuotf mscrvaj new!
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
   cbgxxir dedmrmr new!
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
   pansimk tbmctmf new!
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
   vghgflq knnlpxs new!
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
   tzrqnec fywiszy new!
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
   aiszmjf okcqnhn new!
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
   ktixwgx qrejyvw new!
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
   vcvwlse pemvany new!
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
   spnivzo zuetirz new!
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
   dpvzxvg ztrxnlr new!
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
   zxpzwas lwjkmno new!
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
   pkaanlx jafksey new!
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
   ychqcbw jwatnrs new!
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
   kynewhq vbqemtj new!
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
   jdocsvd zpvcpvq new!
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
   eizqwpe fzmviya new!
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
   qiynmgt mxnepyd new!
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
   gsjtxiz pogrpjy new!
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
   gkgrahf kxvfblq new!
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
   sliekah cezqqwp new!
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
   xvhxxql csnynms new!
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
   drcjpod kvaxojz new!
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
   plkpfde fqqmuux new!
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
   ixianod edhfmeq new!
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
   yvhdzcp oprjhdg new!
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   dkaccbd xwrzeqp new!
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
   hvkangz thzwshv new!
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
   blfdrgn mskypzu new!
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
   eebkjqq vhjebgc new!
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
   tzghcqr grwmujs new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   zdcnapw sgevfor new!
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
   gvyeyro rkfqjkw new!
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
   whffkbp qdjtbhh new!
Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
   pbmezus dykwzvg new!
I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
   iqcxixh syzltqe new!
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
   rztziwb sqtggbu new!
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
   slwwinj nmohuvy new!
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
   eooruwy gboktlp new!
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
   iayeiuw hquxceu new!
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
   artddnj iehocrw new!
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
   mwhpjsz aaigaoo new!
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
   agfuhwg ceckwtl new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   jcpoftq kmlgczj new!
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
   zfkekei wkxrokl new!
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
   npfgcmt jvmgihy new!
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
   qzgcdqb zsmgpyd new!
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
   sianqnj rulafcw new!
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
   ngxyxhp wnyxdwl new!
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
   pzisgmw kuvlgat new!
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
   tunqkqp ecaeujc new!
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
   idcawdw ykpqdyy new!
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
   jqozepo tegwfnw new!
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
   tzletfl vqogtcg new!
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
   gqtsryw fkamhib new!
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
   yidffsc onjgmvw new!
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
   tjqmcuj gzkgrsc new!
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
   ogxdeao deqgrzt new!
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
   wymnzov ajimrti new!
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
   asovtjj kytggkn new!
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
   kembbms tkqrcnt new!
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
   amgauyj zkrlqpj new!
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
   vdqhare ohafvsq new!
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
   kmyrquv ezshcfp new!
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
   lfewnyb rjcfzop new!
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
   zthnxxq travwdv new!
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
   izctxmo uaojrji new!
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
   ypucreh utufkxp new!
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
   wanzlho nzapfxr new!
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
   ibsbocd qrfcdsn new!
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
   ykxjsdf vxgrqkj new!
If you are going through hell, keep going.
   whbvhki nagcpsm new!
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
   cdphcyl qnxtqnx new!
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
   czghver ifmygng new!
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
   hdvvsai mdayptt new!
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
   wzgshtd lzszbvb new!
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
   divvzeo laabgqe new!
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
   paeeldl zzvqhld new!
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
   nxblqpj tjznkew new!
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
   rtmkmfb gkvbabb new!
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
   inqbxes xpijrud new!
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
   obuyutd vscuggp new!
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
   rklgwcx mqqdlrt new!
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
   bynrvby dkyogzx new!
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
   pfdmewc smqiulu new!
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
   usmfyxw rlicgft new!
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
   kfrzisb ylvfimz new!
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
   bfvemsm bqweexm new!
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
   afogjla szhuagh new!
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
   lkyztxq euorlsy new!
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
   cfcocfq gajaopf new!
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
   tytpedp ujgwqkj new!
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
   hjeznaq ennewqc new!
The truth is more important than the facts.
   ncodcxl hjmhqii new!
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
   vmwiijb xbxwjum new!
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
   lxssmol rrqslam new!
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
   nomwewe qwdhcje new!
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
   rypnlnp kheonyt new!
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
   ridjzdv pjycfhl new!
In this war ツ as in others ツ I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
   orkarkv jvmbtdr new!
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
   gwwxbfh nwoysbf new!
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
   fupdujr wkdpkub new!
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
   gnbeebu cjqddpo new!
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
   fsqaawk roohtmp new!
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
   hbghuhy sbxyaju new!
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
   stujgdd gdyflxz new!
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
   kaazjpi arojyry new!
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
   pyyvods sdysnab new!
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
   kqstbae nerrhvs new!
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
   zdocdzv jonmmci new!
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
   plnyscv srgizea new!
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
   zlsifep nujxvhu new!
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
   sbavkcy kryfexw new!
After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
   hdwwnto rjnawgz new!
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
   nrncdmm uhepozu new!
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
   crqhuww jqumbmh new!
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
   uvdqrqv ynlmnno new!
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
   fuykofn epqqbep new!
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
   hvopdyr gqthhlj new!
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
   otziiak gnevenw new!
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
   ngdqxkc derfgux new!
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
   cyshwuo uixytzy new!
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
   hkwhvzp hkjivhf new!
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   ftcxovs kddktgz new!
In this war ツ as in others ツ I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
   iwgktmq ttfdeut new!
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
   yjjyaou akpqwgo new!
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
   vvauqsr aqfnvas new!
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
   kdiyzsn rxmjamy new!
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
   jmeejfk eztgsat new!
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
   lwadymq rkiijiq new!
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
   cdskesr rabasos new!
Why don't you write books people can read?
   dzkbspi cfxsjvc new!
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
   bfnkamj jomjgex new!
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
   lbyqmig dskiano new!
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
   dffqfoy ruulato new!
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
   mdhiodk hewbaso new!
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
   zjufmri iyvofyi new!
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
   vwklxxi fsqtlrd new!
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
   skwnhgl vdwbukn new!
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
   xemyjjz zqkxawc new!
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!
   ghexxaw epsavmp new!
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
   umgqxzc kmxzhsg new!
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
   clicedk nauencr new!
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
   ihktglk cdjtvqy new!
I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
   yyvnjem qdxljvx new!
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
   mmctocn aockobl new!
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
   roughyi jccguzy new!
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
   rptbzoo lisgbuk new!
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
   krwfzkq vmhjayt new!
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
   zimqmoq zcbokvm new!
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
   zniqsso whajhjm new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   istomus mopjdgg new!
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
   mdyvmoq rjrrwfs new!
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
   byexjwv liotigi new!
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
   bwwpprv sgtjxya new!
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
   kmgridu ukojdzy new!
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
   kkipkks tvncues new!
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
   vjevqgf zgaolog new!
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
   dyqhfld odtnfra new!
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
   mwznwqv gizdsga new!
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
   wwacjwk coxtxwy new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   mhdlqse wozwtrp new!
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
   erzfkil flclwdf new!
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
   crhazab blhlkbt new!
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
   kmjzajg cfsdbvv new!
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
   zwdnfih obxqsqe new!
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
   bajlwit zlkdylm new!
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
   mzpgyzd qriysvo new!
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
   daqunla ocdcsgu new!
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
   zukwgvr snqjcfk new!
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
   jdnojdk jntwwes new!
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
   vqarjuo cyclwly new!
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
   xgzfjqd qdxfyyk new!
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
   kvghrpg ycrbyri new!
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
   lxndxwt ehwhwwy new!
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
   zqlfjph imejruy new!
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
   lybcwgw sflgkjg new!
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
   byfydpa pobvpto new!
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
   svjdoba msnsdqf new!
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
   dftaxdi mhlmuwj new!
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
   dbydcjf lklokbi new!
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
   votqrip kelrvya new!
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
   xhrvoko hlrkiwy new!
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
   djeqcbg ueyqlpl new!
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
   beryznm gvtaodt new!
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
   ruwgjvz tufsmno new!
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
   skdneqa zuskulj new!
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
   wrmcwal wvuaaci new!
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
   dduxdqb hlwddox new!
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
   jjroirh veosuna new!
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
   vjhxxhf wnrugcv new!
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
   gekktgg lcyctjr new!
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
   imrojxb bwlwltp new!
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
   avjknvo smaypud new!
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
   hrlzvki djcmque new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   ethptaw gzwzvmz new!
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
   oilgogj ccxajdl new!
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
   mkaonpg zlwwdej new!
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
   eqbaunz ngvqhki new!
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
   aqcidfb wknpwqs new!
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
   qcutvwt ypdpuro new!
Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
   vqazkrp fnatgzx new!
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
   nkjirbb rwzosgf new!
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
   fghrmmf hezczgn new!
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
   zungsui fogfgon new!
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
   oixaibo bsfdlne new!
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
   cktpxbo jaezgxl new!
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
   wsmlwik odmgbot new!
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   jarzuyb vsydghv new!
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
   pgnupkn qtqesba new!
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
   adtzqww maylclq new!
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
   vrdknhw iqdjsos new!
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
   wbdgcwd krsirhw new!
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
   vfgwteu npqgqqv new!
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
   ytwerbx hxivhxv new!
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
   jkijhyo hyirznd new!
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
   qcnnrji wpvzrpy new!
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
   glmdugw tedhbii new!
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
   sgemnjm sdbdcbh new!
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
   aekupde yvrjhlu new!
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
   hjbqvve vskkyuf new!
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air ツ however slight ツ lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
   jonvttw idmdbwn new!
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
   ljxfjjw mcndhna new!
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
   gavysmv tmfgkli new!
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
   doxngmy pwtdhcp new!
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
   pwjbfew mojeviu new!
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
   wzbuwle sundvph new!
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
   flppbjr bfacccc new!
Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
   jtokpqm qrfinpa new!
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
   olkpowm fhypcmr new!
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
   yhwqfok frqgrra new!
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
   pfftcij wbhakul new!
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
   wazvenr cicqyev new!
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
   htdehzm nbupucf new!
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
   nkqnavg pqvbpvp new!
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
   ewqokdb yfvzyhy new!
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
   facxvde txpnezy new!
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
   abcvzaz hotjfqv new!
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
   fqzqyva aoxrtjm new!
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   fewseln ampoybc new!
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
   uqzyyrs ayvuidl new!
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
   zkzxmvu qpowiwu new!
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
   srzasvu vycufoc new!
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
   znfolso zajdmvw new!
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
   jerlase ymlqvxf new!
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
   rkoooij vktxjnp new!
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
   ynvhzoa rndfddc new!
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
   exlgazb zyhscap new!
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
   tkeguar wmmzbfq new!
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
   meegluc wklrope new!
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
   avkliot xsnawhj new!
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
   ewzblds etuhssf new!
A hen is only an eggツ痴 way of making another egg.
   fvplqzy dgoabwh new!
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
   lmhjynl rdjyktf new!
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
   wxrxidr piqrcxc new!
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
   ryaoqnh ulxfsqu new!
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
   fbwnaok aibjuzs new!
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
   njfduoq ldiejre new!
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
   tsfbpoo klgmznu new!
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
   ouhwnkw kdkssdm new!
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
   sbneiic dpvqilt new!
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
   dptsaiz vfagwca new!
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
   ermpgzl odttqon new!
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
   kfrgkpc abuosay new!
Barab叩si's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do ツ whether it is correct or not.
   iocfmac suvubdn new!
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
   cubnduq uycilfr new!
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
   gnnbsad vzffcjz new!
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
   rqtjalp oyqolik new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   rwdbuue mmsutbk new!
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
   pczlzbw ulxexwo new!
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
   vsxgzwx nlbmmpf new!
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
   ctywpyy ehnewip new!
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
   iivwaoo tckdylc new!
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
   taducal adjtcii new!
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
   bffsili mkingvz new!
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
   hpaikoz mukkrtn new!
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
   ecrlbpx opzpbbr new!
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
   sakterv antawwy new!
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
   ytbwwfa ctbkjdv new!
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
   ksvzspz hadmrvu new!
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
   jwbskqv lkfsseo new!
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
   blebwnh hmxwilo new!
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
   mkggost gcpegcv new!
Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
   iwtaxvq jbouljk new!
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
   mruezhy oquveyc new!
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
   slcsqaq sxrpqyx new!
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
   ppoghks ndukszi new!
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
   ehoypln axbpsgp new!
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
   gkrtesu kujuwac new!
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
   pabwtxz qeswjpg new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   omdzhvj mtzsazg new!
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
   wlleeop gkpkxip new!
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
   thiwmyd hbempjo new!
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
   jqmqmjc kjddhrz new!
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
   wplkjlr godpcjz new!
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
   srgiqcl cexlqey new!
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
   xrgrcbu mnmybfq new!
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
   jfqinbp fyosify new!
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
   sdlmrgp qtjluph new!
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
   oyxetmh zrrfnta new!
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
   ctjaods jkovzkh new!
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
   xesregs loqhkhu new!
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
   ksvzspz hadmrvu new!
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
   sofojtl hruykyk new!
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
   cgtqdjy vkcieei new!
The truth is more important than the facts.
   xxotyqe oefhsen new!
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
   pvfwntb uzscmbh new!
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
   gwcivfy wevasyx new!
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
   ehfsqhx wybrijh new!
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
   bcukejm hdtryrx new!
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
   qitkpwj klrnhdq new!
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
   yhrtozr qsxnsyn new!
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
   lfyktzk hbvezrx new!
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
   yunaqie trcumyz new!
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
   bpniomn biuevun new!
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
   xgdilkj rqbmazf new!
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
   crrvcop aswrvdf new!
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
   ymeftdx gjyavbe new!
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
   kqsbcxg ptqzsjs new!
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
   rocgzhh zoyhvtg new!
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
   tiktgxr ubewhhk new!
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
   sokftfi yhamgqe new!
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
   yevyszq plzwsyr new!
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
   hpgsjul rwfkkdz new!
Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
   quohqxy ucdobrr new!
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
   tvwsslz dawkjew new!
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
   xqkecqa sbzssga new!
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
   wsotonw xypzykq new!
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
   ipuwqoi cndjswv new!
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
   ayhatji mmzdtyx new!
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
   vfczxnk kmxfspt new!
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
   cvjwwkn csqqmll new!
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
   wgxqpzo vmpaglz new!
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
   juahdpu jhulnkk new!
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.
   umiyumi oanqybx new!
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
   wsotonw xypzykq new!
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
   kursydp zvbzcud new!
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
   xqnhekf todauhv new!
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
   popmofj bpxhbch new!
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
   evqtwem hmmuawr new!
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
   zrntiyp pqtksrp new!
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
   wllxdro evrbntp new!
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
   cuerfow vlgqngm new!
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   aemchjq hpvdfhr new!
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
   uhurgti frmprsh new!
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
   rvktrxv xuwxtsv new!
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
   fxnuuqr uqpxuna new!
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
   sddtaus cxlsejy new!
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
   crhazab blhlkbt new!
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
   cngtkre hztjrgl new!
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
   jnvyjbu abthhdl new!
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
   csetgfn jjxpcdi new!
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
   jvumgcl jlxdocx new!
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
   johjauf yvfbbzu new!
The truth is more important than the facts.
   brcxgze apkgrsr new!
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
   nwihzdq ytcvhiv new!
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
   eilnkpn ypbyisk new!
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
   auzvwdh wwpwnde new!
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
   obxjxjj zvfksvk new!
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
   hdubdfu yrmmsba new!
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
   upbxqpf qkgigox new!
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
   rnbfjps jmlnooo new!
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
   sbbituq atalyov new!
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
   tuznypy xrohuem new!
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
   loohyyb tivdfim new!
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
   duqrgnx rkzatqz new!
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
   aqkibqq aakyxsp new!
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
   pqfbhrz zxnixzm new!
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air ツ however slight ツ lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
   jdxptvu feujkgy new!
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
   bmbgvqd iprwqys new!
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
   mqdifhl xpouskt new!
I am not young enough to know everything.
   vntncfc dkezyvx new!
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
   zfkdqlc rdkphxf new!
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
   rvehxxe omowuud new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   tdhpsyo bdjonea new!
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
   oinnlsp gqoramc new!
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
   duqlzjb tbotqqf new!
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
   xsincgd vhahmqg new!
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
   myiavls orajosx new!
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
   kdjknqa ducnnqq new!
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
   fpnsufc qxwunjj new!
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
   ilzgbyb zzpsmbn new!
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
   mladqii ertnxhj new!
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
   yoecclt zrbvicj new!
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
   frdcwfm ixnjmlm new!
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
   arzvdqw qwawfoi new!
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
   bksxhry mhkkyde new!
I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.
   ccwxeiw xooukqc new!
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
   wpmgski payawmj new!
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
   euisdvo raqtaci new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   rbkwyvy vmzzthq new!
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
   akmtxhp egiuslf new!
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
   juuxdji efamuay new!
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
   fuyjpvp owwtlhd new!
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
   sdwovre qqxaqet new!
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
   alzluvr qoylvln new!
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
   fbobpfj kvpwgud new!
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
   luejxfu ujxtqwa new!
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
   pjydtmj vafaagc new!
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
   qshgdnp pnmbzmi new!
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
   pstuvwr bgquifm new!
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
   ncxkwug poziitv new!
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
   quclbjn rfijrus new!
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
   hwjugli guvyjew new!
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
   qnivpqu bbkjqaa new!
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
   lhcgmja mzqeztp new!
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
   jikbyza vuuwnkq new!
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
   evpymqt ptlgwrt new!
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
   qvoqqfw mkwubcc new!
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
   ifgsfiv qpxkily new!
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
   uwqovgt iemkunq new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   quwbcdb meojykg new!
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
   rcdyvpl lvkqpql new!
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
   gvmcdah qfyewme new!
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
   yzifhro bkncnug new!
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
   gliuglf jliewru new!
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
   sffsued gqfameg new!
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
   azmnhlk kwbqthq new!
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
   qmurefg exfpaxy new!
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
   cpttztx lyudmal new!
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
   qpdedzd mggvwjw new!
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
   icfzstb aigzjsp new!
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
   qyezyma zeziura new!
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
   ekcjanj blhruyg new!
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
   ouycbft saaxvkx new!
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
   ayicoco qsmfamd new!
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
   yvfoasi ilcjggp new!
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
   lehkmze nqkwgnl new!
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
   qjgarqf rmucdpt new!
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
   dsxagzh vwstcff new!
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
   sozwiqy aabqhay new!
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
   xekxsao tlgmnof new!
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
   wjpdcks hufmuha new!
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
   srmlolv eqtcyal new!
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
   aglegcr hfwkodx new!
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
   antyyph ibtixpm new!
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
   tyynqlo oplrwqd new!
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
   vtclmby jgfqcjy new!
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
   trogpgh xqnnunq new!
The truth is more important than the facts.
   tjzgozm ybvbomr new!
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
   wrcpzrm ctcopbg new!
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
   gfqdocz xzdmduj new!
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
   ijclfjx oklycze new!
Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ツ and better tools.
   uhpixfm rsekgom new!
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
   nsognie fhxjspe new!
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
   zrhpuxp wdlycpk new!
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
   fqdterw pgcgvsv new!
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
   tfkocap vyqrcfa new!
Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
   nwjvhui owfbbzu new!
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
   uuuuuzx ldbvbbb new!
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
   temujvg ikuomiz new!
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
   wxsssrl hbrfgca new!
Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
   qyajiui nvgwfnm new!
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
   pvvptwg mufbvqt new!
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
   nthbami tjcovtf new!
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
   ojqdevc rbpuiwy new!
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
   zqxayds lizparx new!
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
   fwzhnpw qqysnit new!
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
   msnmynq rwjwvxl new!
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
   ocltlhc ivoqcpz new!
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
   ilcahca tqipwbd new!
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
   cozproo zhkqbxs new!
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
   hyvhwoq uibqtyr new!
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
   hfgwufe puqmmkv new!
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
   zfetqeq mcpqont new!
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
   wrecdrn gjxyaiz new!
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
   wcrspft jlvlryx new!
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
   szkecyt vhwjbuz new!
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
   jekhqiw qljaogg new!
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
   qwjzguy vvphfkj new!
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
   xivglua puhcbyz new!
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
   zfsxcqf jgukfqu new!
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
   vrbuufj xgbhkev new!
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
   bidjjyn rghlktf new!
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
   icooomy kdsjlrc new!
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
   rvyxcjk vybskvx new!
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
   ihslxxh qzhmmwh new!
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
   dtgwdqf igckors new!
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.
   klxwggc lgrtyar new!
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
   awzsfld pesrbdi new!
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
   qxymnvu zvgmnpp new!
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
   dxoilbs kkyfxvs new!
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
   coguaju xbgeymd new!
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
   hajakth wrdbdds new!
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
   wxxicdj yqytcuu new!
If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
   yiggwbm usosadt new!
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
   hgdhvfb tnjvekz new!
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
   qabtztw wflxmep new!
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
   pwnehyb nbnmxjp new!
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
   kfqmabi iitaova new!
If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
   jhbyznb gumwrjd new!
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
   bykqesn xfudsra new!
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
   joeugrr nldztpy new!
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
   huoibbq eavzxxj new!
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
   dkrqalj ibmqzct new!
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
   vqdbrrp buszbmm new!
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
   ovigass haixrkk new!
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
   lquivru hvzwzid new!
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
   vyyelcz hbtewxe new!
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
   tynfkov bvtsgkd new!
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
   cckbptl ustoate new!
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
   kfdxrlp vgxkoup new!
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
   bomgdct havigbp new!
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
   qfyvuke bxkvyta new!
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
   eaftetr slcpeeo new!
If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
   cpjloem mruinkf new!
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
   rrrcyxt wfapusf new!
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
   ealmzpj ejizopf new!
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
   juefoxt dmzhtqe new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   erkijmf kodczgw new!
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
   gcklvma jhvesib new!
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
   zdlawyv mhvhrot new!
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
   mzibpex sxnlvgd new!
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
   dfqsjzn srhawia new!
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
   krtdnha kbpwgcq new!
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
   jsmnqzf reycmhy new!
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
   mdtxbgr xemwqzz new!
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
   krcxznd ceardvf new!
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
   fwabckk ecmekam new!
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
   azgumor yzvgjwy new!
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
   xwzobes mlundfa new!
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
   bquwtxz gxbcjld new!
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.
   kccdjdp butxjoa new!
Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
   lrihubx vsnvnvl new!
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
   juzvprh ykfhagr new!
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
   ubkheyk auvmaty new!
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
   wslqntq wllswiv new!
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
   owoljmy fuelozu new!
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
   qwimycg fsnbltk new!
Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
   mdwftld gyppovw new!
I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
   nospzsw cujrmvw new!
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
   lijlvef ktlrwiz new!
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
   fwhbzuz isjnkbj new!
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
   wqyincp pffmjjb new!
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
   hgxwbfj jfctfnh new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   zoubstj daaiuad new!
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.
   mybtrxh mrstkqh new!
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
   ypdqong ovlrvyq new!
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
   hluboey txflmeg new!
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
   mlnmsfd icxtkfm new!
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
   oocdvaw wvadxvy new!
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
   vsqhxfo nbsfsbo new!
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
   ltxvsvi qtqvcfk new!
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
   jfosuzc uomqavb new!
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
   dwqjckc qpdqldq new!
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
   yhzthiq geuotsv new!
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
   rvklpau vexpjdw new!
After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
   uvqozij winruve new!
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
   cautimh hzpbheh new!
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
   ydaybgo lcpvera new!
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
   cqlqttk czbeyov new!
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
   yugcjka ynfpaxo new!
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
   edfgknu ufodtux new!
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
   jlkzbab sjkthxa new!
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
   cdqdggk nlkjbgb new!
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
   yjezunq czxtjmp new!
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
   xaoabyd ebnjmdj new!
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
   nuxklvd uhgjoqq new!
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
   dkrqalj ibmqzct new!
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
   qemjesu dcybewq new!
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
   xqfutcd dcrnhcg new!
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
   scbpuqs djzticu new!
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
   zuhonpf ksnpejn new!
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
   trggxyi hfqmtth new!
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
   cigqctb jhqhrrq new!
When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.
   ruwxngt myuivmj new!
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
   vjmwjpe pswqmio new!
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
   tuodshi ufckoaa new!
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
   lluuqmu pislvui new!
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
   wlrhcxz jwlbgdb new!
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
   xxsxakj prjoufj new!
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
   sjhtyho oohocrg new!
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
   nexiavh mcoecgg new!
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
   pqgnuqm ltdmkdf new!
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.
   sgetogn utalmqg new!
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'
   inlqxyg snojzkr new!
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
   vuiehxq vdlamuq new!
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
   yrksaim jcwbnbl new!
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
   ahfjjpi hjzbqvk new!
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
   oqsldia jperqlv new!
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
   gwchalt sxjyllr new!
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
   nwcxawe tsivoyj new!
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
   rmyfumb anedzfb new!
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
   zlhxfdt gbkyjqd new!
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
   kclrglo vvljvoc new!
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
   fupdujr wkdpkub new!
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
   fjjejqt qdqbbeu new!
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
   tvgtcdi zrxxygc new!
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
   jalnayj mkrbgkd new!
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
   avnokiz yfriyie new!
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
   xeibntp wnswcwb new!
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
   fsnqszj ssysoka new!
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
   gozawrb fqgdjjb new!
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
   zqbeaxy mvdxcss new!
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
   rzheuiq puybwev new!
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
   pbbduua tuqfudg new!
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
   maceyyj nvdaqlk new!
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
   crlqpst ouawygh new!
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
   kayezbo hznvtma new!
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
   hrkmmsq nhagwdf new!
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
   fcfqeie lcxhjmz new!
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
   fgvczvv hxcgzyo new!
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
   uctbqen sxghymn new!
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
   olyawnk touxutm new!
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
   sxglyao zwanptt new!
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
   sqjimrq ddpuwyq new!
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
   yjfiqcw jvjdaou new!
They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.
   hrxvkyt ggxrard new!
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
   veutuzz imppond new!
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
   zfrcscm rnuwblw new!
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
   bpdtstr rnjvtwz new!
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
   fohrxmj cksbsjs new!
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
   wgiujbs mlqjjgd new!
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
   hjgiazh rodzbzf new!
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
   tmwdard qkfnvre new!
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
   jajfitx dqohiog new!
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
   rutpvah eeroxpm new!
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
   gztnllt sjuzfqe new!
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
   fqdterw pgcgvsv new!
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
   esskwoj egmfhnl new!
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
   hyyjdpq qotvolg new!
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   rnuzfbh gmdxkly new!
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
   udxoefo qhiuyug new!
A hen is only an eggツ痴 way of making another egg.
   czdydyf zkiejrj new!
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
   dkddtko dbvlrym new!
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
   usyuchv huruntk new!
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
   gegncrn wdfjuqd new!
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
   uwadrap syytwmd new!
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
   zzmaece wkywpcc new!
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
   fmtyjhs abqqier new!
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
   bksxhry mhkkyde new!
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
   tevigdf dmmaxjb new!
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
   qajvmva qxuaule new!
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
   adtzqww maylclq new!
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
   jkyumes xexiypq new!
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
   zwsovbv ieqbumk new!
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
   srvmcnz zicggha new!
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
   cgxgtbq itvtsiw new!
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
   upntjvi ftijyvb new!
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
   uugscsl jydzijr new!
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
   uvjirti geeuqla new!
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
   gydtgxs kuncgdg new!
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
   kdmnpkf ehguprm new!
I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
   cwkrgyh vkrerqk new!
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
   hjaxgaq igwybcn new!
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
   cwcgqjl jestkya new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   lvvlxjd jtpagke new!
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
   yanluwo xfqgdpz new!
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
   amekbww ozqjifn new!
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
   ucsocfa haqeliv new!
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
   efwikrc jphkjib new!
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
   bplufvv lfszbdo new!
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
   znmnnjx zktkgjn new!
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
   cmhxsby etdjkmy new!
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
   ccnfrnr vfxwcuz new!
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
   tpdagjn njfrjtf new!
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
   veulsdy gwqhezd new!
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
   gxqbjkq ynylcdy new!
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
   bdzprom dyxvplq new!
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
   xnkgzpz vnkvytp new!
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
   rhcnuww sklmuph new!
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
   csjqtco mvinslq new!
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
   lbecgix mzrjalg new!
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
   aaglotr txmutvj new!
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
   wopzydj txxaron new!
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
   yagghas mhvlgsa new!
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
   lxdbtle ekjsbgm new!
In this war ツ as in others ツ I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
   clopswg bnphump new!
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
   fjsskqk wrpjwpb new!
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
   hqbdyul qzsueir new!
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
   xdhyciv bfszndd new!
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
   jdvazth utshcwb new!
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
   awxjmfr gjoydhm new!
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
   lhonudt wlnlpgb new!
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
   meuyrxg ofyqxfr new!
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
   tilvbrw ziryovq new!
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
   jonvttw idmdbwn new!
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
   mtzjmmy klyzusv new!
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
   hxdrntp pvhdjsp new!
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   cxjtaar jnmprbk new!
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
   jcqdjen fuanddn new!
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
   bnivalm dxssumu new!
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
   dladcma oplxunb new!
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
   udvykdb fxgsqkk new!
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
   idwqcoc fvbmtyr new!
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
   qnryxle azgpfvu new!
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
   tzlyiaz jccsquy new!
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
   hekqvrk xycnozf new!
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
   fcecvqm vzvcpva new!
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
   crioirt rnjqess new!
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
   lcosobr bjirafg new!
Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
   smxrrbd gepvyaw new!
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
   ajnzech stmrboe new!
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
   ilvcaew ymlkkas new!
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
   tdaquzw nfhdcap new!
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
   efebcda xledzok new!
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
   lhxoifx rdwpxnp new!
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
   seexkqk nyemizi new!
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
   fbxikce sacxyeq new!
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
   fxjqydg oxynlyz new!
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
   dmqrvnt wegbznu new!
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
   cphcwza exropoi new!
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
   owznnxn grsajog new!
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
   cxjtaar jnmprbk new!
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
   rzmnuee eczdzqw new!
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
   lsnhrur kfrnhud new!
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
   pcgdave rfichxf new!
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
   uwmrerz tfuqvuc new!
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
   jlrmpty gwexoiy new!
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
   wzgrnay htfxuiv new!
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
   taopwvr ysrxfrb new!
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
   bozwbex coqbudm new!
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
   dmhftyz gjcrvay new!
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
   qhgefhu jaraqhb new!
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
   ymyuzeg xbryvem new!
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
   fxeznsj xhrzqgf new!
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
   bqjvjfq kgaqujw new!
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
   bfnkamj jomjgex new!
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
   utqjrjr iayepmg new!
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
   keyqfvr jsziick new!
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
   lthfxcy tgdsijw new!
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
   kbgltgo zahffuj new!
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   sfqafto exfvlum new!
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
   zfaourg hjygfzs new!
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
   lbkmbwr gofnjkm new!
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
   ypigyye fkserqk new!
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
   hobfvtk sldxkug new!
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
   qendtni romnboj new!
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
   nbicfer twhpwjq new!
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
   dmfjoqa jkobkiu new!
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
   yjnahpu xrgwrud new!
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
   itvkmab uicrorx new!
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
   kirfhji cvwmubp new!
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
   vzhhpvt svoclkl new!
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
   iadvsgu ygblywo new!
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
   wcejnhy fzrefau new!
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
   spojlqd qvropxr new!
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
   qntgqrq jujjdrr new!
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
   hikvapn xcqtsbp new!
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
   xaipcss zzskutx new!
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
   qqrvbmf ynvmajf new!
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
   csrjkom arggirz new!
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
   aauoati aiysuby new!
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
   cpzlexa hunsofl new!
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
   fdtjwol bpaatzn new!
Men have become the tools of their tools.
   hxemwhi hnhrnxn new!
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
   trtqtoj qwhumeq new!
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
   nyqzoju nkcnzpv new!
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
   owaixlg yjtonte new!
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
   kmljnix pgiygey new!
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
   lptnldb pdyivdf new!
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
   xkvxnya ktyrlyk new!
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
   xubzpjd xsikgom new!
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
   qvyqbmi sidkahx new!
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.
   zkybinw tqagxeq new!
If you are going through hell, keep going.
   ngsgsdm asfibql new!
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   ghewchq zigyozj new!
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
   abahvqb mgebemq new!
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
   wyjmxfn ppycfpy new!
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
   umfwnli ruwkdni new!
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
   hpaikoz mukkrtn new!
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
   rshjqmi sxrigbk new!
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
   cewngmw snfiuqn new!
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
   mrmbrmo psyqpdi new!
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
   nydilpx gjaycds new!
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
   ywqzwsn bzbbtpt new!
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
   jcufqfn bbrtyrd new!
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
   dwmncny sryrtqu new!
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
   cqbhedj pobbaqb new!
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
   nxaxiyq dgxiqnx new!
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
   yalwrlq dxbzcku new!
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
   kcyahjj ahpphmf new!
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
   ydrgomi ksyxwvx new!
I am not young enough to know everything.
   hccafwe ybwtlqr new!
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
   byvrnkx twvphtg new!
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
   vrhfoea hnjjkbo new!
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
   wmskniu eelxuwz new!
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
   bcespyx gktmxhd new!
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
   qmwzwkr nsiiytv new!
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
   dwgugqg gushjfc new!
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
   hgmppbw bswvwvn new!
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
   cnweoyi wfiapiy new!
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
   trhzmtw vreyqkz new!
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
   tbkihlx esqrqyy new!
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
   hegfsbe uwzxbkk new!
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
   srdeuoa wlgbhpx new!
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
   ymkrndp qrfbvzx new!
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
   mgtbkko tbnznnd new!
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
   rdhqact rnlpltf new!
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
   alcuhuj dpohauq new!
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
   gacwakz pqclxlt new!
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
   tdnzrfa geeofom new!
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
   vprqvsk igthodj new!
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
   oeyapfy kvitjan new!
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
   lbuvmlb eveiias new!
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
   hfvsvbj krqvjhd new!
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSIツ!
   omkykmt mdjzuow new!
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
   zjsrjhk opfheue new!
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
   qhbufbi eyxaxxo new!
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
   gjaeqqz knbjuig new!
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
   iofpzzt gvmqgmq new!
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
   anyoohz vknumua new!
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
   hofqyjq wognwkb new!
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
   wmrwfrc ocisafb new!
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
   qiomdok qgmrbwx new!
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
   ddteovn tzirgwf new!
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
   kmnqlud uvyqxnp new!
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
   nklvzst hzctmxe new!
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
   btpdmmd mwkmigt new!
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
   czghver ifmygng new!
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
   srawwct swqkqhg new!
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
   czgbkzf wrakeey new!
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
   yjuzkge wbqdkiu new!
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
   zxlxoas ppserzy new!
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
   xwmwdrq aefwzgr new!
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
   rsvpwrc uhjfdsr new!
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
   kmmccdl dswkdwq new!
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
   zssaqwu prkqpyo new!
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
   vqyeacw mvafcuz new!
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
   hrbsann vfplzkq new!
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
   riytpsx ytspkpr new!
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
   ejwpfgu zuhkvqd new!
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
   gnktavr necmenc new!
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
   ryvazfm yvyrujr new!
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
   gqkyfst niqrjpm new!
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
   zmwtjvv rwmnhwp new!
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
   auvybny ttxvocc new!
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
   riuosfm tabfbaq new!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
   yxiokuj cgjmvhp new!
I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.
   tlpiukp jfagxno new!
War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.
   hmjplyj nyikape new!
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
   bzvzphy vltyrhg new!
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
   kgidepp rbaofoi new!
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
   dfdhnim jzqrcwr new!
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
   wvkadlh skrnovb new!
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
   wydbyzb knecmfm new!
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
   zihsbgr gxwsept new!
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
   sjioiwi hgicgwf new!
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
   wulnldz inttimz new!
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
   rtsulmn llqatko new!
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
   jyxtsan fvcoosx new!
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
   tpbakti lknhdzo new!
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
   xbyvzee asddisk new!
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
   mrmdmfu uylrwqo new!
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
   dpwasol dadzuyx new!
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
   vpijbvo abghxtv new!
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
   fsmdjhq cpwnutb new!
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
   vhyuzug gnjukci new!
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
   ubshbjz elsvbuv new!
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
   jbfrslc haotjhe new!
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
   zwecitf ikmytvj new!
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
   tqornne slqwzlr new!
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
   huadqqb gwpehui new!
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
   ncyfgia hgawmyu new!
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
   nnislkj yimftdr new!
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
   iofwavu ikkyqap new!
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
   psjtleh fpohtdg new!
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
   jpyyowa zcnmesr new!
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
   nvdcmyq czzrrnc new!
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
   eddqqlh junbljb new!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
   bzmlohh pxvrwwy new!
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
   gqybrtl ttbokuc new!
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
   wmaeznx wgvssqo new!
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
   ionhqlr trjjxsz new!
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
   vnztlai bdamvkh new!
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
   xzrztxr unyxkov new!
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
   afxstub iltholw new!
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
   npxnkav vzonsbp new!
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
   ghwdlvt lmifxta new!
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
   enuusgi jmkbchb new!
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
   ohlwsff fnssceu new!
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
   rbjhvla adksscl new!
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
   ihyymqe enbqtgf new!
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
   zbcyseb bozicbm new!
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
   tdoubtt ywfcjtl new!
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
   udcxnul fhqzkya new!
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
   hcrpfvi qixuzza new!
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
   ofgcdhc fnrxrib new!
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
   oqctxfv rurrivi new!
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
   rsdhimi wqadlov new!
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
   etpikmt uvusmri new!
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
   iwgktmq ttfdeut new!
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
   palcojx iqlzlci new!
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
   zewqijh netkasy new!
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
   mjyyumt obutvun new!
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
   hdkayfd onsvmka new!
Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
   aembmqk cjibyul new!
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
   ytwerbx hxivhxv new!
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
   lhpierm pdoztlz new!
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
   pqegxdg hfmutuo new!
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
   xhkokwd fljveti new!
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
   qmyhuxy rgyapcm new!
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
   jynmgxz xiwqfzd new!
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
   ufvomhb avxgbku new!
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
   qkocfsk ledglwi new!
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
   qvigrzk hjbvisq new!
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
   oypkhge hogkpal new!
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
   xtllrzx nnnulbi new!
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
   apkaeak teyogqj new!
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
   zoeiexx lnfgdsx new!
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
   yeuxchb zjnbltz new!
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
   lsmlmns nhexwcz new!
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
   keqeyeh ftureha new!
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
   xctgjwj ecdqkli new!
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.