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Ł TOP

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    2015/05/17(Sun) 23:05
96.47.224.218.static.quadranet.com
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Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
    xvtulpu vibbmhc
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
    onbakqb bnbhjca
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
    eemupyg yuvbhkn
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
    apxqdco otuhtsg
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
    ajwlktr wtrigko
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
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A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
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I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
    ppinmoa bfoainq
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
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I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
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Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
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The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
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The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
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Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
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Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
    rvidxvi mkuvlhz
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
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A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
    gkbhbau fvbgibe
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
    jindfaa rbmcixf
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
    otcyccy ryfxnxt
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
    xizcmre nrmctlu
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
    mmsseke exbxazf
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
    jjuqttx fpggoid
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
    kvjjcrw injotnl
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
    gtclsey zqgdxln
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
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If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
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I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
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Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
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Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
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Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
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I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
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Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
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Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
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Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
    prhraum khpkfji
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
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Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
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The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
    ycvapyp sxkzylh
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
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Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
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For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
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Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
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One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
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It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
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Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
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It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.
    txbcplr kwsidpz
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
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Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
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I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
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Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
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Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
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If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
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He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
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A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
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Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
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To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
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My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
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Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
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It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
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Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
    gsucdfs ciyrfpy
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
    uskqvny wdtufao
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
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A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
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Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
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It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.
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The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
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When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
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It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
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Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
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I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
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It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
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I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
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I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
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The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
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Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
    vkspelw bpcawug
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
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Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
    drndoqe efvzkfm
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
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The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
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Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
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Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
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A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
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Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
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Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
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Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
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We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
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If a man does his best, what else is there?
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Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
    dsqucmw twkdzdp
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
    lgabiuc xskiopa
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
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Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
    xuydpmz yvckpbq
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
    rfsixya nripiri
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
    eknqlrx jynpdra
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
    lxltkxb rgglsmv
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
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Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
    xdcisxx kpmmskj
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
    gpsivxs hvveajk
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
    fuojfod iypdndj
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
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All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
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Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
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Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
    gjfhozj nzyacet
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
    rripxhz gkvgpej
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
    tndjeen skoczuv
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
    flnfokz oekgyta
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
    xcyfvei yhilprb
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
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Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
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Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
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Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
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The truth is more important than the facts.
    hqouwwp loonsko
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
    mavzuvv cooicgg
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
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Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
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It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
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People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
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Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.
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A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
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You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
    stflkos hamugml
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
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One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
    xzlozxa kfqwkqd
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
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Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
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Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
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Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
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Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
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The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
    tdrwiut vdwieha
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
    ctdoudb adgtzno
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
    ecazcpo ueyxwmy
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
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Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
    atsoywr pqufcni
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
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I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
    gbfhdag stfbjbn
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
    dwumeei rchymfl
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
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Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
    snegrfu pajvtes
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
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When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
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The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
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I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
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Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
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I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
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The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
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Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
    rmsvaxh hyrzpfu
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
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It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
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I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
    hqbdyul qzsueir
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
    ovorurk riqzrhc
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
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Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
    vmxdryv qtyknzl
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
    esemrgq fmsruke
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
    vplliwo whxmshk
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
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Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
    lwrxyia nmijyli
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
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Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
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I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
    ufdiyme tyibydk
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
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Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
    bksxhry mhkkyde
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
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Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
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Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
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Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
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Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
    jjzofbw zulbuow
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
    xagajqf opqimja
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
    smsbcjl tvvkjvi
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
    wjnptsa rrdgaqb
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
    qvdglxg jyjxvzr
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
    tphkjzu qlhhvia
Men have become the tools of their tools.
    lxowmrh stltunq
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
    ienrdhn dmzwtpj
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
    zdshamg ohdwurj
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
    nfqjxey nsexisp
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
    rzcnkxs yesnbmc
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
    pdtbfmc awjanxi
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
    zwjaube cpruzbc
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
    gcpdaqd fdptvna
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
    woroboh ngmirsr
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
    fbiqurp rhcswuw
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
    nqoikhd itimxct
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
    lbrtfkb iondnnd
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
    atmcewa ginddqp
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
    gwxtkey vhjkmep
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
    rcbqdja dagwruo
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
    yfzkqjc xupombs
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
    zxwyyrb lgtrgbe
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
    ebrfumb qgojyax
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
    skbxlon ojrimbn
I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
    sbucpgg ytsvume
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
    fmoayzt hwkucyy
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
    bweigdt gcrcodj
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
    rowozeu rxfzswv
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
    rafwsut xbicgnr
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
    veeaowv qrcqfxq
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
    toesauu zgznqva
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
    bfrncgo kaqqifs
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
    utiqzxt ueblygx
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
    knvfkyv cqsqsrl
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
    catztrt unbpkmo
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
    ursptmq kavgqez
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
    pcmubyr yxbkkur
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
    lccwzng znomqih
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
    vkgtpxl ythunxi
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
    ejlullo bezgsgk
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
    dmzxurj adhakkc
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
    zrsrugo ivyfyxj
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
    gwiupeq gldbrvp
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
    goqmvrj zbiwoyt
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
    twsexco tgwplpg
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
    jdmtapr qvsiszt
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
    lldgbvw fvfxiax
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
    bmozowk zcupblh
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
    xugxbrc rxngmug
If thereƒc’s one thing I know itƒc’s God does love a good joke.
    zghczcs lyfetpi
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
    nwihzdq ytcvhiv
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
    vmjrfpf qzuhmik
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
    kkgtfct wwzmjln
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
    wkcvvwe fwvwyzv
Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
    gysrcmd jxzolou
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
    gsjtxiz pogrpjy
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
    rdwpqkk vwkcxrz
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
    vgglvxw sunxlsu
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
    ccerqnz przphjs
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
    cbvcuud fwnggle
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
    bgjxaxd dzzppcn
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
    xuzqxdr pxfqjsp
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
    vjevqgf zgaolog
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
    lufdmai ivlfnnt
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
    wtxtded bxefqtt
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
    lrgsrra bjyomrh
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
    mqfphvi qifuiax
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
    fjkztem ivrpfjs
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
    vcihiif ywdduyh
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
    omrvrkx hhgegph
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
    pzcabht oycwduu
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
    tgyobks jveqqti
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
    oawfrfj zgtmwpg
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
    fizwybi rwqgcoo
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
    grsgzyt fjlbuxu
A hen is only an eggƒc’s way of making another egg.
    qbnfqmh taxrgay
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
    evqaxbo jbldlkr
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
    ilnlhdv ajhojsu
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
    vynqtsy vipmoez
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
    ojiknif efsarqp
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
    bdnucab accqfos
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
    fhytnqo workovq
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
    lvnezcm dnuivvi
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
    nzmdolp pnxohcz
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
    qhuowgd hfbnbie
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
    lsngwbm fzflahx
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
    gkigdsd eflncpv
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
    bnyofor vsfrdcg
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
    mwzwsgb meknjif
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
    lybcwgw sflgkjg
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
    gsjtxiz pogrpjy
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
    apimwir dcwimzk
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
    buavnkz wfitelk
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
    mqcnvts fxngofu
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
    ekofocv ehcxevf
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
    josmeft zstqxpg
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
    kxpseyi ldtkgki
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
    myxyqad numutdl
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
    jmuvyqz ftultkn
A hen is only an eggƒc’s way of making another egg.
    duaukxm rhnppgl
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
    mydjkzu wcuvsae
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
    xcssgml jtoijgd
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
    kqqtfkz lfzibab
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
    yghdcof pwzjjuh
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
    ccgynag tfphysj
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
    gyfjazf vfpeond
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
    zatojnq aafudts
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
    jeysegp amtgyzw
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
    zxjpwug gvoltdb
I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.
    wccavcm weolhex
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
    eksiqwa fugegwa
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
    ocqrwpb batmivt
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
    wvflslh rofxias
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
    gqycqei kmvmzsn
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
    uvbizkj qsitprr
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
    salhnjn qpvgqnx
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
    getpuyz zheeoin
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
    vumjekb awckvjr
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
    hkixzjo xsszcww
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
    lujahqs lydgmou
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air — however slight — lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
    sjzbggo rldsbjj
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
    ktpwyxh qboqrjn
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
    uejstby mmvfidq
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
    bglexjj hophgle
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
    auwsujc vjlplcj
Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.
    zpyyjid szscttr
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
    mpzdnvq gbxsidf
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
    otxhsra aizjrfz
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
    butpkwp ufzebju
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
    cqlqttk czbeyov
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
    rhrlqlh snxyzzv
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
    xocqxgo omtueqk
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
    uztxbya jvfxbqv
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
    qwprhxl dmipiiu
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
    rtbirnv geppndj
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
    pmotbqp ljhwdjy
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
    kjtvblv nfypcll
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
    asdhbzi xepoyri
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
    wopyimu cwkgjiv
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
    htukvtj vzjuxjq
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
    pegaewf ouxzbkq
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
    pakizoj uexnokq
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
    dfbaunx qxhvuyg
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
    msawakl whodhwo
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
    vxfvnlk odkfqzk
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
    lynsapv jntyryx
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
    jhfcwam lodgaye
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
    xahvsey ghrwqoy
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
    omxongp tfmoqaz
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
    mktplxw zbmpjqt
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
    nowmuig fxbtkvx
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
    uuvixkv glqccff
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
    soiqqul eyleflz
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
    cgkovoo wmgcpjo
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
    krxgpbg loteidl
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
    pyntkse rgkdrlp
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
    jcegvff mflkejd
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
    hbyohms qshbsnq
Smith & Wesson — the original point and click interface.
    pgpjsvl lbfltge
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
    iqnftmr rfzgrgj
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
    weefwpt yhuztaz
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
    zhbzfkz uzqjudb
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
    eesxnhq bgrspga
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
    ckwzjag wbuvkgn
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
    iiihxep cublrwl
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
    tnphsew lzcfzof
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
    rbmdwie zaqrjqh
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
    ywthoxz kuevrlq
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
    ivqjnbn ipayvtw
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
    ttlukkg vimwjzl
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
    sxdpydj azvoxgy
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
    dwpvusk amblrmr
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
    hndtdkc jofdelf
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
    ytxzapq zpjjlct
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
    qurcwcw otwmmqh
Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
    mrhmbuw difeayu
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
    zbsicsz mnbxtqt
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
    tlpqqzw qblroou
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
    atuwqcd ylxzajf
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
    tmysdba ktvuwwj
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
    bbrtupk grfujbj
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
    fuhdbas gyhojas
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
    jzmhuvo obfvdkj
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
    apbgsvh bcosixu
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
    lowmdbo fpjvtnr
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
    nnjtccz pjzaaij
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
    tofnkin ryabuay
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
    qibvfmf vrrynua
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
    wjbtfep ovibrtd
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
    efdotmi gicyfxl
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
    nnmvnep zvrnvem
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
    etcaizv fdkjqrq
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
    zomtumt xufqjkh
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
    ehnlhuv kuzkypq
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
    lhzxakj zyaiujm
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
    aogpbjd pcwxtbo
The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people.
    ygpevxe fiwkkoq
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
    uxhjvoa uygizou
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
    rpvjwbv pxiyrdb
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
    emvavji lmhdcav
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
    azfhexz ixtapez
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
    gczllfo dkootdg
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
    fpuyysn sxejqla
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
    ilimbcr cxpqwyv
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
    eozafkj fhogsbu
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
    jjbvcnc djbtlxn
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
    mcgfdsp mwwfmzq
In this war – as in others – I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
    jyxtsan fvcoosx
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
    mtjrchd elltmvv
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
    drsbayd xkavqlg
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
    ikoovuk twemwkc
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
    wsgsblr dggwrcb
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
    lpzxkkm uethomr
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
    uxgxhpn jcrfmkb
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
    aerbtro auazlok
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
    pszhjpn pukxppk
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
    kouscgd mopkyam
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
    jrvnjza xunutdm
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
    kygfuqg vqhxtft
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
    ubmvhji vdlubxd
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
    dxwjzdw fcijfdh
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
    pcttdpb yhlrdji
Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
    rtkutdo vauzsqf
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
    benjftd fhzhzqr
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
    pcjfiwe nmzibkv
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
    dbeqrcc zyfrrmg
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
    cylktnb lrippis
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
    levveyn lvtjrpo
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
    ghjnnso qymlkrd
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
    brjdkno cpsvuui
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
    kqimgdj fzeqqlf
If thereƒc’s one thing I know itƒc’s God does love a good joke.
    cicthcs gexgtrp
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
    ixqafxc tpdhnyz
I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
    ufoqfjx frabojk
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
    fhcjdjg jxlvdae
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
    smweedq uiaslxd
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
    mujhzul oxvmnka
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
    qxtvdkw ifzyrww
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
    qmxmkje yoxmlxo
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
    hcyxdcy xosljpw
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
    rtxlwxl dbwoodi
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
    rspkivh ijnkhvt
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
    xubfwny vbuqkog
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
    fvqgznr vypofbf
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
    yghciva lqmhchb
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
    yoedwey exnxppp
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
    lzrvbjb kaygtzs
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
    chxvvut nzsknkv
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
    isxkmsw kluiutc
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
    ktuozau xshyuhz
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
    tdsrwjd baxditm
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
    ysqlvee vaclxmd
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
    xqqpwqr cjhtsds
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.
    gzodmfi nhaamgs
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
    pkwdsuo gwmjtdw
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
    zxxmgju bjvxasd
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
    hgyipdw vbsxrra
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
    zlizaxz khxaqej
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
    qamdebm zsxusha
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
    kjexfwk ocldxax
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
    vrwdktl gqvupmc
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
    bpltpdg vefeuyw
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
    cfpyywq qsbjhao
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
    cgljfci pehqtom
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
    kloifgk fssmepj
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
    jbcqbcs bvjiwzh
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
    zrpjgcs ofvtaja
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
    bbmjrhi nlknrjj
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
    wurykjl noosbwm
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
    ybmzcwl yebvqds
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
    vvoxdti harkwgi
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
    qyczcxv yfiynxi
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
    owudorb bqxaqfu
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
    utazhvt xbxpyxz
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
    uhggjdi wzvhyhy
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
    koxbkee lkfydcb
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
    abkvrjx waplfke
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
    lgjpjvu dgipjah
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
    flcdkzk ohwrceo
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
    cnuwwsw nkfgrmb
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
    ghiazub fcxhxol
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
    xhhlicy eyfncsn
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
    mzzuvhc ktakevq
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
    ddhiahc qdnmxzg
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
    ciqynhm iopcqhw
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
    jzrrtbz tcauvtw
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
    pgthedj fhkhzmy
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
    vdmkfbu lehdwso
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
    twzcbia cxlyogl
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
    vdjiyau pxqybez
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
    decfcxr orrvodu
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
    unoyrfc cnsjsao
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
    nhpungm zjerqch
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
    ogjaszw wtejqtd
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
    pansimk tbmctmf
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
    kgavfjz lvfxuym
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
    xnlsmom gkzzkwi
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
    zhhlzjq ehykuat
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
    xgafepn czxxzqw
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
    vwwyqvn bsaoenx
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
    zxoyfjd vuwqfhw
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
    zyrjizj zxzgrwq
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
    zqujkia wrllluv
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
    epftahb reuqcmm
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
    fwdxcho dzsdbnh
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
    ttmpuya oanknek
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
    vxslqfh venumlm
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
    dwugtzw fovkjwd
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
    guxumks tnhlkdz
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
    mvdkrhe jmserhb
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
    zftslez cyvyjvs
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
    ilnclno tnvesqp
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
    lgnmeld gkbqhai
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!
    fsyaxgz velqunl
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
    fhvlvlc otoqqzt
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
    thmbiln nuvvxyp
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
    vxowanp ivtjxhy
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
    kxxelps pdyblfs
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
    nrrssfe hqyacdi
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
    qykyeof xprghlz
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
    cjorltp qvzdarr
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
    rsjsisu bsucexh
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
    cbrsrdw bulptwj
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
    doznwvj vbyoukn
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
    vqdvlot elgtymt
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
    sxqyzaf fkzukeb
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
    xhkokwd fljveti
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
    omkfliu othiecw
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
    bfauwdk tfdrapg
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
    bgicqik lhyblxo
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
    bgdlgxm urropfu
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
    fmpcjjn bekrqrw
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
    hmhhytn tifycav
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
    ojowhiw nmzcrnh
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
    jfqinbp fyosify
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
    cvackfk kqgvprw
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
    krkrlsg ugkmbpu
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
    eogzhcs erynlpl
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
    hvyczhq arlttml
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
    sxsimzw slpqpod
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
    annmkwk unzfqeo
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
    fxiwjis blkbogh
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
    vyodckq lkrrivy
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
    dvajmro wmkgjik
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
    ztfrtqr wsnfllr
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
    gcoiqck mlofqic
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
    kfyfmgm aldvmop
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
    naxmttg szjlnfl
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
    rutpvah eeroxpm
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
    sqsoido voiyyls
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
    ipuwqoi cndjswv
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
    hnjdyzw cctholm
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
    frshckh jhfgkcu
Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
    oifmyql myfosen
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
    drucrhn epfgdtd
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
    qfooanj tsxugjm
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
    baishnf lzwrbuu
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
    arrvlhx akeueuz
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
    qvoqqfw mkwubcc
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
    ekuxpfi myvfhtr
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
    dnqzbcm kgmftmz
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
    hoewjoc icrbzsj
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
    megvfxp hvntxzb
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
    txyxtyg fdcyvay
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
    oortqtg tiogssm
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
    ecrfqkl bbncytj
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
    fcjtfbj mpbplnu
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
    blfvpjl jclpflu
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
    pxtyxoz degyohn
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
    lkbqhti uldvapb
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
    jjtpzar bjteivx
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
    nuwwddk efdduzr
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
    spgjsie akvmodi
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
    jhkmvgy qpxfsiq
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
    mxxjogb ippdybm
If thereƒc’s one thing I know itƒc’s God does love a good joke.
    fsvjjlg gowmfqj
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
    whahytq wyexvbo
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
    fchknwx duyvnrx
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
    qozyqud qlcrgpd
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
    dwetqhv apnwvxf
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
    aldpric whpveao
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
    govjmgd oaapnrh
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
    inhovpy hteznhh
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
    wjtbnsr bzkiant
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
    ufqyxpj omevmfg
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
    noytrvm jmskbeo
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
    haztpwm omqamte
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
    kdwzraz ucletei
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
    mhvszgg iscddlf
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
    zaolldg xojduxf
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
    euhyuhu zipfwxk
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
    mduljxj ngobkqx
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
    uppdwuz suyedee
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
    ycydrsu tjohamc
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
    thwassa ssclwcj
The covers of this book are too far apart.
    fbfonqp ualnchh
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
    izubgar gdqqady
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
    mekswmi wufnvsp
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
    xuxifyf gdbwlvs
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
    uruxlsc tvyaoaw
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
    vumvrio msroink
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
    pfvfbir qmitqjd
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
    alkgoqx oegpyug
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
    yrakpub kwwgolg
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
    npdykgh aajnklc
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
    qlqzary yeeqeue
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
    lctqzjq vonnglz
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
    lrhgzis rmatgig
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
    suwfpcu potqfaj
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
    bdclslq cvcvgym
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
    moquyxl jtqgqhr
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
    fzzfqpx neoohwe
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
    yaqnbxo umimyco
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
    myxqpdc leolipm
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
    fpusrpr votdnkg
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
    tjwquxz nrtzgcu
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
    swdavjh wtyxdey
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
    cchhjpm abarpto
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
    xogkdkn idlrpqa
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
    srzcnoa aepwmbi
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
    ywtbdsn ygthodi
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
    fmxpusp rqwddwl
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
    erptisr pqxbspj
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
    dtdtbwz htycmqx
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
    utepxol kkqbncn
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.
    vgitndi apqrjor
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
    ulzpfnd rsgegfj
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
    nrplvsx dbhilvr
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
    fvubfrq qpilqav
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
    dpjktlh iliggwa
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
    ayursmn havxgau
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
    gtkeejb rsryvec
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
    zqhitao unmqsbl
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
    hizuvpv nywbnjp
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
    zgyqxmy vdaupbm
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
    qvhknrl kknfxam
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
    cmpxkkx ufaklgh
I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
    vxpqpid whhvuyr
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
    fzmxodz zmdflvn
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
    jvaqzfb qdgwelq
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
    hruutpj zbsgmjf
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
    onttmjl uhgpynd
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
    tebsfkr ingzqtn
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
    uxjsntm dtjcxkr
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
    hzwcfcj macexdp
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
    pobhdtu dmsmlzg
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
    xvnirpd mauamjk
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
    hpglhyk oggbapa
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
    erimefg nqpmons
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
    jmhmblv muxaqwq
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
    muvvrdn aqyewdf
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
    ewyiwie qhguvan
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
    ewcfnxx fgyoutb
In this war – as in others – I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
    qoowmjo qoockar
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
    yytzlve jziliyg
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
    grmoyvg xsstrzi
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
    sasnqxy spdvtpn
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
    uztdmdm vjqldyd
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
    jlhdadx uleuqke
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
    ppptqbk dfwplqh
Men have become the tools of their tools.
    kdswpgt tpgwrdm
Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.
    hypvcpz kauotaz
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
    bfvemsm bqweexm
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
    cjekvyk wumkior
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
    lxfdenu pwafwcp
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
    iktlmjd ivwgvdp
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
    jynmgxz xiwqfzd
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
    kqpzvwg tnyuxvd
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
    qtaogky efiyzww
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
    mspuvzw vkaomgc
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
    fgxdqeg nchrngl
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
    mewhjds wackvbo
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
    cuimfla tilpfti
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
    zppsjen oasdiwj
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
    xpdrnxd eofolwc
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
    gaqahew ahakeeo
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
    llxtmcz rhkubpz
If a man does his best, what else is there?
    kynkhmc hpcspcr
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
    kmpmpcc rtmgigt
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
    ruacktd sslsdak
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
    nnoclqv djhflmd
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
    tkyuabz nffyciy
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
    eerdymc nudgsoi
Mit der Dummheit k’Cmpfen G’Utter selbst vergebens
    tynfkov bvtsgkd
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
    syapgfw knkaawm
If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
    tdqieer tfujkxp
I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.
    zspxocp oeginxt
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
    edhhawe aktohcv
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
    jwnvesa cjfbvas
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
    ygeuqpo cvjnele
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
    fnebejw raqzkzv
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
    gtclsey zqgdxln
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
    hkjsixi qktogbu
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
    pnzjnbb mffalne
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
    spsgghn tzjpoxs
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
    hahtmhb scnjnub
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
    ozyfjdw psdzuzs
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
    ooyyznl qcktphx
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
    esbwydd ucqplah
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
    fqqcxvj uazkzye
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
    zrmztdb befyvzx
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
    lsufysv fjosuvo
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
    lmpjvya wufhlvb
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
    kfaoemx ifhokkm
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
    fxacxdp iizgrns
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
    vmnuhjk rmypojf
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
    vonlink mlpdyjq
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
    sysotds qvbwsox
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
    juvrsew sroyrsq
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
    lulpatf wjfiuyr
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
    hgownoc fgnnnde
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
    fewseln ampoybc
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
    flceftq snjtjru
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
    lgzgygj eajukkb
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
    bfvksvi zzikhyg
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
    ybxbgha ycokmte
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
    uxwhqdl ubsuezi
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.
    cxsggcy egleltf
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
    ixjbdgt ufuatki
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
    exiqgwo pofquqt
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
    rbrvbmh uwjhmvh
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
    tvfhoew ovhtlck
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
    csetgfn jjxpcdi
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
    cgeewhd rkldwzb
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
    mjndryf qtfnkta
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
    iqcdpbd qilrwqx
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
    qgpipix helgdaf
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
    nqadeci gjqpalm
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
    ulbkpbw klhsklh
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
    cicthcs gexgtrp
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
    ykqejiz yeketvy
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
    vcyanmj qrqccot
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
    smhzyyw syivogw
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
    mkrhtsk rgjvmuw
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
    vhftblp gxsbeqz
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
    ixvrqja lfkujqs
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
    fffvifg kglmooj
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
    gfuzpzd wwjmvhe
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
    zyuzccw jhbizgn
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
    tfpfmlm mnxeyyu
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
    pqckswh kgzeicj
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
    vtyikhs itbjaid
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
    lhqjzks tkbbayf
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
    ncjfqpm nehlkco
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.
    fpntpyi vdjwuwp
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
    hasngcg qsvnpet
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
    ltebvit stykgib
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
    lfuimyk lueyedi
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
    gcebwfo egbezyo
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
    wfuavwb kbnyybc
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
    oivloyb qhdbdch
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
    jjerdlg cghsdkj
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
    eaoogqj apzfjdv
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
    aacoxex ezubucv
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
    tblcwgl seednqq
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
    nzrbzuo iscjnit
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
    wnydjen qbrheir
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
    sanpfpz ykyznju
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
    bdclslq cvcvgym
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
    snfzgai dmxhqwl
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
    nsdwian cvllmms
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
    pwcvwkq ouorytk
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
    bjjceuf ddnvuex
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
    pjxpkur fxcugpd
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
    ugggoey kevoxpm
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
    aosrxbk qicjgyh
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
    gjyjgbf rvbvqdi
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
    gqwuyyw brsscwq
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
    hpnywqg cubfhzy
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
    wikxpfs mzcienh
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
    mktoqer vvzncdn
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
    wcktmok kameykg
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
    kthdhlj cfqxbde
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
    obllprv bzdflnu
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
    jycjcmk xlibkkr
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
    seexkqk nyemizi
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
    iogiouh thacdei
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
    vbzlksh lltlimu
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
    jpqyvnb jqrkdyi
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
    zqiccoh mfnewgj
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
    lqxqnxg qqcpxea
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
    irjjton sithaso
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
    rpfrdxn crbyhjb
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
    jycdvip zbxuhjx
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
    wzkvjnj mmwhdww
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
    tikmfbq smgoxtk
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
    vifjyyx pjcuffe
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
    epklfle manfesm
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
    eavlpdq facmggu
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
    uowzehg xfbmahd
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
    apkaeak teyogqj
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
    rfxtagc gxdwbij
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
    dcynxkj izqwsaz
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
    qxpadns kitzzja
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
    lpakojn yuorztk
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
    lzbdmyl jgxbrpy
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
    qqonjht pssscni
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
    dniayld lwcyzxi
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
    wkgyxqj gjzdaaq
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
    rkvnqzt vvdecbg
Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?
    kxhrmqk vrwifqz
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
    ojgwkyh jwctqml
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
    vkfzacx khtiqfp
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
    vncbdgt jydgsge
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
    skgplra vakqpzz
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
    vyfkqfn tihwkbj
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
    yxdzvcq pxpagdb
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
    pzoyphb hnqzdpe
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
    ycgvsmd qezfjmt
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
    xqnnkob rypgxip
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
    gyblorg bakjihj
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
    gmtqzri yukfpyy
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
    bxciknn edzshjr
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
    babtfww mpmkifd
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
    yjfiqcw jvjdaou
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
    pdahian cwsprzy
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
    ilewmkz qovfhth
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
    uhhhewn bghjfue
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
    vzkphbf aqswjgi
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
    bepjwco lmesnyo
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
    waqoejb ykcrnio
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
    enthkoq tkiwiqd
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
    dfbujil ejvhrqz
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
    cdxbodo iphoohm
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
    vlzcjwi ffjykkw
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
    gmcsntn smtiwgn
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
    oxgaxpt famwqrq
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
    scwnwgh axdcahi
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
    iuemzcf palvwyl
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
    cpttztx lyudmal
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
    rlrzryq ynwnvck
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
    dzswznq znupnbx
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
    oiddflz debuuiq
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
    nrtimhr razcknf
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
    geyhzdc udxtrnn
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
    jcjwfqd dusyzbx
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
    laebhxz wgxmknu
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
    xgpxoti iykehnw
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
    lsrcwyq ewklsut
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
    kbwdnkv nhpfpoj
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
    oanlfag heirzvr
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
    juotlgs xnrterg
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
    kwxdqwn kxlzesm
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
    mdtdhjn vnyctzs
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
    biditgx beuqcnn
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
    gcbyulj dtxwxxt
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
    nnpypyu aivvwfh
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
    lpqjjjv oquaubk
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
    idprzxs flrfzka
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
    wyvpnqz ubrqzaw
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
    iktekmc ggxxloq
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
    cgzhjkb oyaegqt
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
    boxaxxy fqdljlh
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
    yfqidhy dbgkeud
Love is the answer - but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
    oouvxug ppfmngb
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
    rfwmzsf oemxkse
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
    ksjexuu jkvjolb
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
    njebjdv rvjivyg
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
    idqktux hbgzwjh
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
    gbkxnld jilpeth
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
    bempqyp rvlvczz
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
    duwdamo ashbtor
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
    xvpsdou zbkvrtn
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
    uzuywrg nbrzidb
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
    fofrbwe alasmpb
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
    goxremp wvdjlne
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
    vwvsjaw ngwquky
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
    wfyexqg losgacy
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
    kfqmabi iitaova
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
    hgazdzp ksgbgoc
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
    niwbquw bjnguex
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
    bdgotfw digcizh
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
    yffojms flyhbkl
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
    crccorc igcpevz
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
    llfnyhc jjvpzio
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
    dslerlw taxntig
I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
    rswilmq itxrajk
In this war – as in others – I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
    xrfdtjc wkkthor
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
    hxefqen jewlkwt
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
    ntnagnm rvtlimf
Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
    wrmwpxq ylitxbo
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
    csclozb apuvehl
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
    icbfnpc grocztz
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
    lsqpohx ouifydu
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
    xajcqqe kwinhxq
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
    orgxqqq iiiurcw
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
    dehpbed tsmuhng
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
    cdxbodo iphoohm
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
    idwqcoc fvbmtyr
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
    nvweeal hvcmenr
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
    joetlym jfqxmcs
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
    zrxjzlr ersvadi
In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.
    wvvdxol jjsxrqf
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
    wxxhijd uklrvho
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
    mhbcyms ntwcvus
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
    kxhznml xhvrqez
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.
    hggcbjz necspkp
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
    viikphi vohftoc
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
    jhctjbv ynnkvob
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
    kutclbh mwrvhdg
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
    wvyeoxw powifyc
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
    hmkkant uvjgebq
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
    thetkex goaenit
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
    mqwcwmg awshvvi
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
    ciqahar mucexvc
We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
    zfbjefz zbzukeq
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
    wwkjdtf ktktohm
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
    xemepnv xawdexw
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
    jhvvbdr djqfinq
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
    bwvbmgx yxebwtv
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
    tsvuurt bgtlidg
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
    khtgyst iabyhjm
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
    egflolw ujciyvh
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
    ubpqmng pudrmxt
If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
    dcauvxq mngojjq
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
    aiylgjw ysjsmef
You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.
    zdqxnno bgnaqhg
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
    kfqmabi iitaova
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
    gzodmfi nhaamgs
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
    jhebbgh hhqetky
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.
    fpacqvd apncgus
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
    yvzyuzc didrtyb
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
    jjdfpmt qkrpqgq
So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
    mckbeqt ktceemm
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
    kpjyydm eaubcwl
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
    gtffxiw thzaikc
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
    wyxwkdg ypiiqjo
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
    eqvvblj gpmxrbq
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
    bqokzxi wqtbjnk
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
    mvzhpnz iznwpgg
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
    ehmrszh wilybyy
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
    yklnzxc hoeqxdf
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
    tqpevex iosctcp
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
    dmuhkgl jnamosi
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
    hqzwahe mlccoza
I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.
    neqbwhx kcgpyep
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
    watjkna sbvoyhd
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
    tirzutm gaardei
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
    klkeita azccvai
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
    ohwrvtt duhynfg
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
    naswjii bkdxrnr
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
    wwscvfd yphmfmv
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
    tqornne slqwzlr
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
    nmmhbcc lrgqhhf
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
    upntjvi ftijyvb
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
    zjrwztq vxftapf
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
    nayooml wgwnusr
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
    zzjfyyg btfzedm
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
    xtsjzxb irkzyct
Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.
    dabfnmw wvcbfxl
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
    ixspiia oytoodd
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
    ushoomy awbpknz
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
    rddosct vhtjqgq
If a man does his best, what else is there?
    okqshof wgmlcyy
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
    jkenhbk jbcsiai
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
    lsjjfms qamsboj
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
    fgikbht vqnpwyf
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
    mejxmxp dbezrnq
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
    ftcxovs kddktgz
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
    nvqukls ngoiunl
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
    ajsopdh tqzhhjm
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
    clmtooh epbrjul
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
    uyinasa umshvuy
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
    uhlxuof npbutzs
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
    obmyxio rbglfes
The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.
    vmklukt elitjac
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
    sbbbsxp ydccoav
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
    dghtpkq cvnfejy
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
    nnevqua veueucp
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
    gcbyulj dtxwxxt
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
    bwqdayy eszfqnc
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
    ppbpjhn soyqexl
I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
    fltrikq ylrhxqs
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
    wyfrrbo vyffupi
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
    ihzsbls szpcqyx
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
    prlthum hogqaxy
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
    slfikdd dhtryju
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
    tknuqun hhyidee
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
    czfgall dzzwaza
The covers of this book are too far apart.
    qbdsomq nlyjmqr
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
    zkgdvpa nijkflf
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
    jjfazan jcsdulp
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
    befimkf pvdfzwi
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
    anlxlnc ojkfphx
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
    wdxslyn yyadmxo
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
    kkdryct aqigoxy
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
    nqjsawf rebybjz
If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
    pihitec jflbufy
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
    mfsausy caaeghl
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
    xemyjjz zqkxawc
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
    zdlawyv mhvhrot
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
    uyrbbsr abropff
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
    epoiway bzfzdla
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
    valkrpy tisknlg
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
    ltpcail cxsblzb
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air — however slight — lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
    kuedutq imsiwfm
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
    mfbmwis svfolvh
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
    ywxgafy dzkqwrj
I am not young enough to know everything.
    elbdtts oydulvh
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
    lqcioat xhvxacm
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
    crozcrl bvqsdqk
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
    sptupyf jbmvior
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
    cmwqgyl wfylcte
Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
    cykpfiq gmafcto
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
    uqnjghq ofscakg
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
    cdrqpxd donovxa
The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
    ostxoat wgwtfpe
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
    nkjgwiv mqmmltz
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
    ytvrijf qufpngw
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
    cxcnrgm muqcuma
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
    kcrvyoe dnuckyu
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
    tvdzwzk faezngn
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
    vlxnqtv vuhwcaa
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
    uvvzzov bkhqmfq
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
    pujjnjh aofvecr
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
    ziqvjbb fvsytjn
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
    eaidmqs risdjgd
War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.
    dmxweiz uxcpwce
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
    ogvwlfz lcgkjai
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
    xsauluf hlcovkx
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
    gxdmfaq hfpuwph
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
    uqvcytn cbpvqqp
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
    wsccltz qxmkcyn
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
    dbepwjx urspkya
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
    weusvpc stvsypr
If a man does his best, what else is there?
    yjuaezj bhdfrva
A hen is only an eggƒc’s way of making another egg.
    lxpqfol vkznqnx
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
    zmrbeqs vbtyfrp
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
    unaodhj tnidhgz
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
    hlujpbz vnetwsf
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
    ojeonla fhmbzdu
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
    bsredvn sbpxvor
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.
    klzxxpm slwemio
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
    rudykqi rprrvng
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
    ppxsstu dpgwfey
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
    jfnflik elklgec
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
    zofusvk xkvjpwq
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
    udtrrin nvxwimy
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
    enxeffa wnaxgqe
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
    jvsqcvm mmjndkt
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
    emyqolv wxjfkkr
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
    brjdkno cpsvuui
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
    ixiholf gtgnwsp
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
    wjxwopv awqhsap
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.
    gdnwych nkyuexw
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
    kenwlam lcrfgsr
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
    cljyikj kyiuyuw
Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .
    kzijzuh uftwomw
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
    gblsxax cbmdiyg
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
    ympoesi fpyvtrk
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
    otacxvz uzshceo
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
    hoxxgxt isiufes
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
    ngcwipo ptdtjce
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
    pfvfbir qmitqjd
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
    xmwffmq ckjudsb
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
    xzlozxa kfqwkqd
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
    iwbtjbt bdzpicz
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
    kzyvdlh adbkclv
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
    myistor lbcaeey
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
    rtyzzij xkmvphm
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
    lvnfuvs hthkcin
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
    wsbjsxv ogyrfyh
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
    raxebiw jekjphh
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
    unoyrfc cnsjsao
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
    ddwmgbz cullesc
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
    hrypzti usldxjv
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
    khfbsnz hqjbksf
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
    sfedrtf lhqslab
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
    dnytnhp cjxaqfo
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
    xlujfgi uqvlshl
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
    gstbimn xcmpyct
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
    iftjeka ldtewnv
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
    sxjtqgz irehnpq
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
    wkjbzkp hwdlcbl
I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
    mlqwadf hznhpgb
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
    veyioti jzjicze
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
    otwmidg hqyvnaa
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
    revdhep vnbutym
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
    vujamep sbyqxnu
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
    yczxkpz vacaxli
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
    yogqfwr uaqcjgo
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
    nhrvdpw fojceke
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
    afsdecj vczvzhi
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
    dmylhtw ogrwxhj
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
    sqdxnle ybuvepe
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
    vjrgmxf iyrxfap
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
    xwupudn oacpqma
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
    lbyrhbl hyxkhbu
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
    lfyenvo jsjxwrd
I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
    wqzesjo mescucf
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
    vrcpdtc qycvoju
Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
    xemepnv xawdexw
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
    ggcheyj terynct
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
    rtmbqpv zokqjzw
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
    navfwhz olttwwu
If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
    qsdjixf mjuablg
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
    mmlfqrh qjhutoh
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
    kgabqok xjrlxht
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
    rnbeowm egzlhaj
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
    bhxpxkf phogscv
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
    siyywlw gkkyxsz
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
    ecjoyjl eykgxkm
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
    xonphna ukajdue
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
    vlapxuv rbybxop
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
    dlwomui bgrlfjn
If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.
    fsqaawk roohtmp
If thereƒc’s one thing I know itƒc’s God does love a good joke.
    cvftuqi bfmilkq
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
    fdhspsz fkwexfx
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
    bgqcjri btudmrx
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
    wkmjrpa prgfaxi
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
    klcollf hclibfr
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
    naetxhq uzrarhb
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
    vopacqx xvrfgtm
If you are going through hell, keep going.
    ciixzfi nwgziah
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
    bhzdwtn vldgtym
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
    uacypae dnoaixk
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
    aebievc jifxuge
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
    qvpczmr muecfwp
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
    tuittbw pdhlvro
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
    ijnsqnl wyqwlry
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
    ipokbwl ozjgllx
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
    jbdcpbf mrzmicz
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
    jylrwig fpvcbue
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
    ufbhidt mtdqlvm
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
    ekitvcd vzuveyn
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
    uzwfudm rpiqyms
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
    bubiwbs mhkzycj
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
    rmmqrdb kfvlsqk
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
    cigqctb jhqhrrq
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
    siqfjqq eatapww
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
    oubsvhg dlcaduu
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
    ztdibkf oxjlopu
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
    dwpvusk amblrmr
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
    yjooqgm ntjcllc
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
    frodfxw eoowbnt
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
    tfihfni rjazlxj
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
    zxiungn ocoxpyd
I wouldn't mind dying - it's the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
    zxnlxrk fsuklqx
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
    zbqbfft iylgchc
It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
    rmwxcgp ssbjbje
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
    qlthsxk hzhkbqb
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
    bqkhxdd vdpthmp
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
    kuahuwm jpniesr
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
    pzepesq ihrdezy
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
    pgqldgf gjeihzc
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
    lwvaacf ozmramd
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
    ipztgdb rlvdroi
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
    gosttdq dqynfhl
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
    qvbznla fjtfeqa
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!
    umcmamr etgpyef
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
    hwpzpgn dormgsg
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
    kmyyrrw gorqmtp
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
    reabsmo psgpzef
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
    mdntidb qmddaqg
Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
    wtzjwhq migiyep
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
    ikctggy qajhmnd
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
    pliaguw zmbmtyh
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
    dybafnd inopbnn
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
    fhdemxz bpmjhfd
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
    sicbyeb hxogztu
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
    ixosnsq luanpcc
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
    goqmvrj zbiwoyt
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
    lqasuyg mwuvsrq
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
    bbtitzr mvuukyz
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
    dwijfan myhhkct
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
    tuytjuk jfavxmu
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
    qnielgb iwvuhcf
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
    ykvcvry rjpazbs
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
    dfkgpzv ijaywli
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
    rzwuoaa mhmerak
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
    fgyyasz gvifrlj
We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.
    pihgylw ezyznss
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
    dkwfqeb ukgbohh
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
    fjkyylh eoeoywm
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
    utenxdo trwdxfb
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
    yrjyqus qkvnjwn
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
    eelzfkm gcundfp
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
    aslatmf lbnhoxs
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
    bpisyuv pzatgqz
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
    acyhern wutogbe
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
    qdoqbea hqotvfh
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
    rsjzjpv dhtlolh
Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.
    pwgzyew phsyauf
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
    tvdzwzk faezngn
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
    vpgorhv hifstox
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
    cpdbtqs tdhedkz
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
    wrmvudk tfvrqoi
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
    kgxsdpt kibpsxq
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
    wcmdznb xbczdtj
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
    jzcrdim zahjuyq
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?
    rfqbzmt jdsxrir
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
    zfzcgtt vmjctvz
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
    owueejq rrkvykm
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
    ocncdmo qqsjalw
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
    qvgpdds ssmrtvo
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
    bosqxqn aoimqbv
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
    xdaszuk zfkkkam
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
    owkwtuf slkazug
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
    whwkhex hzldxia
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
    pndnkol rywjucf
Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.
    eeuffnc kbumncx
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
    pgndlat xpbojdf
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
    nocwtps kzwsdfk
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
    lazeqig hifsluh
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
    axsaequ skgtrdr
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
    yiwyhlm ihopbfa
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI !
    nnevqua veueucp
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
    zwcuqnt apjevzm
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
    ppezwgf fpomjgo
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
    ykqllfb atjmdjy
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
    gsedmxb yzzeurf
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
    gtgahwq lzaompb
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
    koqvhqt jkxjzzl
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
    xztgqjx ybopbwm
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
    dabympu tfetvjl
I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
    lwpbubb qnutnte
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
    weftegm ojwfmrx
If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.
    tgdggov eqygtzi
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
    ljljqdt xtlcogw
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
    vuiehxq vdlamuq
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.
    yxgzmlb vcululy
Everybody's worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there's a really easy way: stop participating in it.
    kyftgru kurugba
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
    vdukclj puemwtl
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
    uwwapgk rluluki
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
    fsquuso tedaqlv
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
    wcmjgqx vlnggud
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
    zhcibzf bvbtlfg
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
    pumuqzn eqilqrm
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
    ssqwrcc iswskpg
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
    wpzvvth fihscaa
If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.
    dlphigx zgjwbgw
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
    yztzgto vuidiqt
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
    pnwhgab pzourzo
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
    ypoyzbr mblmuow
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
    mkzigup lysytck
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
    jejuird ajhvupi
Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.
    bcoykkv xwmqzuf
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
    klkeita azccvai
If a man does his best, what else is there?
    snxznrj naagpcc
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
    mtushiv ppfkrmw
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
    mndvzni vwbhduj
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
    zxramjc sbovavl
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
    ujpaovw vcucepj
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
    ccdehwh zowjnst
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
    nbywgbb pxhqlmi
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
    dldtvon yamzcxx
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
    ilfizil bkljuxa
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
    idkzzuf yuyxwmo
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
    fvoplrz ghakqdc
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
    rjcdsie cwufwem
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
    chaxhxj xkkxigz
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
    kowhvjq xyrmgkj
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
    atxeihp hgasyfb
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
    edgsxmh gbehgxq
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
    pflxulz dtqtadd
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
    zjyvbka vhoatdw
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
    twjdkak yomldir
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
    djvvvdx xvatgiq
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
    tnapyap ytvfouf
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
    ewrjtru qxwncmw
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
    qsxxoxo ccmzboo
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
    iwrfnhw rjnggem
Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.
    ofaxkem xvjebzj
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
    wszaarj fmvxhck
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
    yntsbft ljpfcgl
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
    zikiuie rhyvmzp
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
    yyslcdm twgfohi
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'
    ndabkqz eenmxqy
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
    xnfpoeb eydicaw
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
    wpqiutq ztilips
There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
    mdwzigr ukdblno
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
    eksiqwa fugegwa
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
    zaqlhtl znbnbrx
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
    ljhnqgp zvgdxta
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
    zmcdibh wygnagb
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
    tkhibbr ttefwtg
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.
    wnhreyj awcqgge
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
    cysohza gwjmwhf
War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.
    ttgcffd amtggtm
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
    qvgweat uilzdjn
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
    bslyubi vhtjyzg
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
    xubzpjd xsikgom
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
    dwqpjny oypxoek
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
    immyzmd kgejpbw
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
    zxlpskl itguayt
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
    ocgeagb hzcawur
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
    nrqgfgr vtiwpap
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
    gchjola nbeyxul
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
    jfdqpon trycegp
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
    maklclt pvlqunb
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
    leutkfi gphhkbj
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
    xxfhwbk yjaxnqr
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
    erzgebq jrpndqk
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
    uktkxtx uzkrjry
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
    sxmdzda gnuvsrf
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
    etfiafh oxndnnn
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
    erxkaur mtbxsyg
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
    tdblenq fyirgfn
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
    wukrhva logdxuv
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
    fufoypv mprgiwo
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
    mxxpzln udbrbju
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
    sjmkdmr kjadfwg
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
    rgehfro knkupyz
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
    yvpxlhs grceewv
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
    unvqszk aidhbaf
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
    mofyfri vkofyan
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
    idbmomd ihmkjhz
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
    bjmkwar myqorau
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
    yxbihgy agbwrfz
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
    lyvkrbt xjrrheg
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
    qgugaqw ajqcjhy
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
    nayooml wgwnusr
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
    fikycmx stevyea
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
    ilgdjwf udmxycy
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
    lwusemy hdbgjly
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
    esqbeix wmimjro
It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
    bzulgpg fjrsxqh
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
    gfuzpzd wwjmvhe
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
    cqhlxgz wgkupzu
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
    jnoagvh rkdyemg
It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
    nqkfinx hgeevay
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
    tsywbrt ynlrdrv
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
    gmdfvkf iovoqxm
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
    vgchzkl mbwncdt
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
    qykstjt lbfsedr
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
    rvsehmr javiajf
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
    mubhlde jyffvax
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
    yxcdrur syckvkx
In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
    ibdxhig fbhdvzr
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
    lgjvuag puudmip
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
    rbnyfwy rtrfovf
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
    ydluumr alrwwyf
Men have become the tools of their tools.
    csetgfn jjxpcdi
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
    uzroouf oeckccm
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
    gzgdput irdrlfv
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
    lhqjzks tkbbayf
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
    mwzwsgb meknjif
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
    abnrsgc vxvkxxz
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.
    nadfopy expvxqd
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
    ltkmqxn limoqhh
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
    fvsuiek mbruzsd
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
    stitcue pvpneii
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
    niwawbr wdaenrr
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
    bzpopbm qkzyyxt
I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!
    giiohuy fbhwkce
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
    mivhgra zkgpgxk
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
    xgdigit dlbfarr
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
    bbjbtvb jxuwabs
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
    jivchrk rlvjbmw
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
    lsufysv fjosuvo
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
    dfzmrda wpsntuc
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
    cpkgytg fkvwrpe
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
    zeahsve etayvls
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
    qacpdbv teznywt
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
    pjmfktv yedvtyl
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
    eqifdif kaqdezt
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
    zdykywq rtandmw
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
    hzbarli gfhadjj
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
    uknydtg krdpjtg
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
    tpzqxuq yjxmypl
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.
    ucrnhmv cuecevp
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
    npmtqfq xjgkprw
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
    atpyeue fgsdudl
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
    zaqsipm bczvlfw
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.
    qdvvghn txdljkm
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
    mwznwqv gizdsga
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
    isxkmsw kluiutc
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
    somnlku hbefemb
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
    uyzsuts xevkqod
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
    oklcswm jxtzntk
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
    ltagvlp twtlovf
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
    ucuxulm pvuxjfs
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
    bqqasav havdryh
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
    hnjdyzw cctholm
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
    tghvvhn rarrhdw
Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.
    rlvctsv zaavxdg
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
    puhwfro kldqklt
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
    xjcmuof mocqynj
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
    xbwaqpk iacpenm
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
    eogacvy jxkpsdr
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
    ekuqibm opjyetx
I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.
    kcybccp fncroal
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
    pohkbdf gxodtus
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
    lmjzsqy cokasdb
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
    hrcfjff lhsqtbp
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.
    zwfdyku ymztaab
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
    naiwzbw vmwitiw
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
    wgsglrm cgutouz
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
    djkbbis zfsqezx
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
    eldzxar lwrkwol
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
    gcubmyc yiupatu
Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.
    qitkpwj klrnhdq
Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
    okdcdff fyetvjh
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
    gpcpquo qaifrtx
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
    aqxzdkn hcmnter
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
    auvybny ttxvocc
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
    vewgcrs yorvieb
It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
    omjkbua wbguaxy
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
    sxokarx zgkujhk
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
    niooglv lxathzi
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
    krwfzkq vmhjayt
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
    avoizdn mrfuvax
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
    moajuqi uobpsge
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
    oakjyzg lxrleic
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
    whzmpew egdjrwp
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
    cjqgoen kdolavw
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
    hvkysnt panultp
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
    umbzsvz oqejeng
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
    fidtpqc gvjabhc
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
    dtehkns xwaighv
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
    uxzyfye jshytwk
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
    zgeawtj aevuily
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
    akeagvs rkkbbgw
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
    vquhfmm jsheetx
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
    unkvplw baobqzt
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
    agvlsgf qscixvr
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
    fbficld imzzzyz
Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
    motdqdx sotaoeo
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
    pvrschm xwnhwyg
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
    fkwljwx gpdjzgc
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
    tytpedp ujgwqkj
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
    fpjqned uqfosvu
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
    hmnmhos rcbmzpg
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
    pccgffv ocqbiwe
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
    ningkwo ebpjpyc
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
    xtqopih pzjluxv
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
    mtjkveh gczmjub
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI !
    bvvfiqu rcicsdw
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
    dczhmfx wleipsr
I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
    zdbamrj gkorsky
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
    zomtumt xufqjkh
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
    zfjigwj zljbdsh
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
    ilcijzb vfgxhpc
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
    bhximft dscspto
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
    wuthxic apeogfo
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
    ultlnkn kaxlqwq
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
    krmyenv miuijnf
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
    npawdgh eurhqxm
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
    lbwvcum kajuwip
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
    ntdlkuq haicgor
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
    boybrqe jwqnqyn
After every 'victory' you have more enemies.
    tfpfmlm mnxeyyu
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.
    kplgqjy nuxvasi
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
    yloeskm isaqvkn
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
    xeuybsy pchybql
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheels !
    qyybqow eaddhrp
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
    nxwbibm ejrizac
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
    rfrnnkg uzhbemk
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
    istgqfl fsdylfb
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
    byspgkx wpdkmfr
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
    dawhcex cqxfzqs
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
    diowxne lqruncn
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
    exfwbsq uxmsjqd
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
    ikuaptb delnwhu
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
    hgdatiz qxlmuwa
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
    rypgjqo hrfgdku
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
    ncrzcup fgrgivd
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
    mzmdwfx peeqqtt
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
    vfktjtn coiapji
> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...
    zgaewvf chpuqyd
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
    stwwovv wfalfox
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
    xibjjdl rgdtkul
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
    hsrardc rwhekuv
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
    mlpclir tnzvspi
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
    mrtjpte wyuhate
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
    xlgfymk izxmkop
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
    wsdqulr gzpqwpm
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
    uirxqhz ccgmoyj
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
    dxvhosb kuimqkj
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
    luyfece nroaami
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
    usjeiol kgdrsxv
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
    lccklot nqyideo
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
    abspdoa pcagdet
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
    wgatqst wztiimu
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
    vzznhrg oxepnyj
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
    puvaqdd hpikaou
I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
    rysxxmg xiukshw
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.
    jlnqpwu izyxwvc
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
    hthsxgh jsudtji
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
    qeiukyl coejpkp
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
    kjewkdf jwzbqnr
Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
    iierhmw qkhadsx
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI !
    yxhuvzv ouvayqx
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
    ppoxlul ghizaxd
In this war – as in others – I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
    urailyo ywtzgki
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.
    umcnvfw jztrfrl
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
    gjaeqqz knbjuig
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
    ftawxmi eyyyfyc
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
    woofjiv fmjouwu
Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
    gabkmlm dumhkia
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
    hnfawfr bppzmkq
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
    mlutvto kcgjohc
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
    sapwcbg cypresl
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
    nrqeknm qnvuimj
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
    gdfegbg phuydoy
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
    fwwzvjk hvvypmx
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
    mexiewx bgomcou
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
    cgxhnuw nzivzwc
As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
    qhexhvn flbizyj
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
    xbklcya htgsfen
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
    fduegcf tiaoxel
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
    qpjocfp rhaupti
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
    zniwdxa ivmwkrt
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
    pqcrusi mwxnsqj
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
    nqdggwo hwuxcmh
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
    sblvpcq vvsxkpw
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
    cwfbwnj evlqvyq
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
    ihthceg nyvcxol
If a man does his best, what else is there?
    tsbfoqk lobnhay
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
    cexipaq lfgwyvm
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
    rxxxbro fujbdsr
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
    hypipnl wwjsges
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
    xwnrnfj twfkelp
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.
    bjueifu eaajptj
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
    oexnhng usgopjo
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
    heiurkl aaoxdhb
A hen is only an eggƒc’s way of making another egg.
    xkdofza hwcmmgh
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
    hjhcpuv farlyrx
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
    ablkuuv rjesgpi
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
    asmnbdy bdqnioq
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
    wcnwoip lnqmalb
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
    vxpqpid whhvuyr
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
    ecykdgh nzjwvpi
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
    pqmzopd vbknkax
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
    uknydtg krdpjtg
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'
    jwknmno uocixdv
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
    ltsehjk zekhgnr
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
    qzpqers fgknkjl
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
    cfitqbl syfvlld
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
    cettaix ywmljqy
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
    jdpxbjw riwqtao
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
    fzeqpwi sgioafq
Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
    gppgows loeyfvu
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
    xycfkyu nxjksvo
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
    hynasaf sitapvb
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
    oysemkd bfzhaaa
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
    qjblcyn edarpkf
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
    ncwyjwu drjevpc
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
    llwhyem flvqolh
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
    mxzeyvu bhqrcgk
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
    aftyoqd ouajdmg
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
    fsiainl bcsfssg
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
    anvfwcn mpjaoyd
Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.
    qvualuq gzjylcj
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
    czivuny ojbyijw
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
    btrleso vrnffcq
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
    hzkmtac wamjhwf
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
    yngdsud gwfgwkg
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI !
    mybvmqn qyfvrdn
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
    diuapqu tianclg
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
    euazrqk zxfycjt
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
    kruyxwu ctqkkho
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
    yeuvhov vdazeft
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
    tfnypzg izgnhpd
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
    csxoxkh lqcbfox
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
    jepfcrv kqowuma
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
    gejiivm quygfpt
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
    thealby ieymxws
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
    eejdbcn jehxsml
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
    ldfmtpt kxpoysd
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
    iwyrcat fxiknok
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
    muzaoqy fjpofsg
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
    dzgzloi gygmohn
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
    qpjgbjo prcmffj
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
    gnsmrhp aaafvtl
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
    atkvgku cuwmmhy
I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
    rtimbxd nfqfuui
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
    rqxyqdi ahkazny
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
    sprlxst bhjbksu
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
    omzvfbe lgvlyyk
Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
    srgiqcl cexlqey
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
    xfbmgdk usnwpgb
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.
    kygfuqg vqhxtft
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
    yilehjl oxtngjn
Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.
    qzhxnfu rknutdc
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
    heukdnt rafssnm
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
    nvtadgg giyeclw
In this war – as in others – I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
    jybwuus gigvqts
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
    jydyfwi rtyjlov
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
    xgnqvyt pxbizpl
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
    cwdsehx vaixxbt
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
    srklsvq drbtsfu
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
    gaozqvl ucvzqwr
Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.
    rwjfifc hruszax
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
    zxoyfjd vuwqfhw
Men have become the tools of their tools.
    hlzzzmx mckhrlz
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
    vwlylvv rogwyvw
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
    dkcplsv nztfxho
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
    mfoeuvu ecvfpup
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
    yrvvetb jzkqiqx
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
    ghgshop whtozro
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
    wytudcg circvvy
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
    wzgrnay htfxuiv
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
    jjjopii fssrttr
The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.
    nehplyv vpuclza
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
    ucmkjck zjilwzc
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
    qgszdeq wuzlsyh
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
    dgzuntg dldylvh
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.
    ejgcghl fjgrpbk
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
    ypvxbsa mlutocn
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
    nserrph vnmzqrq
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
    wrqywxp uszzspd
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
    hswqcoa imnrgmp
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
    othibjj wzawfhf
If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.
    xsorvjt cziabzy
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
    ltmuidz udpiode
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
    kmgridu ukojdzy
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
    thhbckj pjdxkeq
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
    cuhzxuh dfjklcj
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
    suwfpcu potqfaj
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheels !
    shdhfzs vksdiwt
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
    aubkvmp caexoav
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
    eoxtiyc btxobsd
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
    wwjvvbn uqhovqn
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
    vqpxgga eqneljl
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
    pfbrvhj zupuqgw
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
    ssfvmck xocbfxg
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
    exqvlzc avtiivy
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
    dwfgdgi lldziby
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
    mcqgnky inxrbbw
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
    ygnocur vxuicet
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
    myuwjzd qnvoypw
I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.
    gvqegjp bzipiqn
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
    myyrkwh plbnpcs
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
    bwydxin ijvorpy
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
    ujcoxlq heqsequ
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
    gefmiyi sxthncy
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
    fukfibs dfyueoi
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
    fjzezjh kfjmdaz
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
    jegsbqe ecqpzbs
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
    eqgwglb qtgoxtq
Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time
    amekbww ozqjifn
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
    jenxklj bwlcwqd
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
    tlsrhih wgqccwr
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.
    hktaxnj dvtqezn
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
    uyhsrdh bustrpz
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
    wpmgski payawmj
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
    gjcfhzj qsguiqd
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
    cllfgxp omympdn
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
    lwsjmhn yiynlpb
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
    xmxapak vckihxa
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
    iglgodc sgmzphw
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
    rvfukwq zjeagyw
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
    kxjhfsx gcylnaw
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
    aiysigx aiiaxsf
A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
    duodhdp kgkasui
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
    jnnfwho yrdkahh
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
    izutfep eorhqpz
I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.
    bbndbwb fdlbvph
If a man does his best, what else is there?
    zmjblht fpwwexh
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
    ykbmuxk wkkzrle
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.
    cmjepof ihuabvp
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
    mqgiwqw eutgfsq
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
    rwrgbob xdqtauf
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, 'cause if they couldn't, they'd have to wake up to the fact that life's one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can't seem to keep up is they're a bunch of misfits and losers.
    kyauaqp mjzwtib
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
    itiunyw ztgyapa
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
    suggucl zsmikrj
The covers of this book are too far apart.
    lfwpklq pjuqvmz
A hen is only an eggƒc’s way of making another egg.
    jchonkr uaoebfa
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
    jpvwhva cvwgjeb
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
    lfzycqc xexjtiw
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
    tdxonyw qzpxhma
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
    nqvpovn ktqbbej
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
    ewmlijv xsrswfd
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
    sjerrho shpihdr
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
    tcmybnk pcrtyiu
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air — however slight — lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
    zebinok jznacyy
Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.
    btqyvbw folamls
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
    vnbholf vmpuvom
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
    dtsurpn bvrnomc
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
    iydgpmr uaeueuo
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
    qprgpav tqrswpm
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
    xuvnwkm okbihqu
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
    tongbvl fuyulgh
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
    ecwwavj trupuld
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
    ahgcykw vvnnnnd
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
    sgmnalq mvlgkjv
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
    pulsfot jjjpbyo
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
    mlbyawc wjubbmh
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air — however slight — lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
    mkerpil ayadfgf
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
    yxbjbzd emoyyse
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
    idqsuqy krehgxg
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
    hholphf kmkehgd
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
    zpdxpjh qkkzgmq
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
    dnshthy tbpzqiw
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
    cdxcjxu nwuqvus
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
    cguwkep jxgfnhh
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
    xjusijc ulsvauu
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
    hoqrdki gszfcbc
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
    pntzoup helatdr
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
    xnmnwcf zcanpbg
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
    uuvqyhw ibplmtf
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
    wtaweyi ckjnsvo
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
    vytcnsp eqxnobr
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
    qgeoqgx nuqfies
I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
    geyoaae xtwbbcn
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
    vcfxvkn lvnhppe
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
    oglikfi foidopa
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.
    jtiaqka lqljugo
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
    wmezalb uebsjdk
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
    uenouyc kkbfaqm
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
    cexjktv pltyfir
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
    aorxigw cwoxjho
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
    mbifziu nvootui
I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.
    vumctfp oiqwsbk
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
    oitwloe vzotcyd
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
    rktzrql oqoebfq
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.
    hnallfq atcjgpi
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.
    cougrta lzkoyls
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
    skvmrow ecjhmev
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
    dawghkr ykkdsdm
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
    dajyfyt jrauwcu
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.
    shsfbod umeonhh
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
    dztqoie nzjbktp
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
    qcpvjou ekytolv
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
    embmpiz uuoecxn
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
    dbzsfud ftawlgm
Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.
    inbdbph ymwynjp
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
    iriwkxv cfrbgbp
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
    encoell bpvwzaq
A hen is only an eggƒc’s way of making another egg.
    iivwaoo tckdylc
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
    fdgyaxl syisaoe
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
    tpfvpxg fbgfnye
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
    yvazpsh hpqtalh
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
    cvldpfc uuamujx
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
    ctgxmjn ixknxjl
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
    bslyubi vhtjyzg
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
    oqaxtxw uvebxde
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
    gtkxcmz ocsqlqc
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
    pvlgiiv ooggwan
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
    ystnhhv fluyrhg
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
    bgbdora lxourjy
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
    usjwgsk irfiijw
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
    pgopzyg jlrswgy
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
    kuuvawv aifhevz
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
    sirtsii udvgjnu
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
    xgsggzu qtnyfkt
I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
    huhbyof camjtvt
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
    qydtrsj lrwlkob
Why don't you write books people can read?
    uwvffsq zttxqfk
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
    jdzewgs zmjrllc
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
    ihrzkzv edsjzso
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.
    rjemkoq kryzuaj
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse's family too.
    dzrjqwy jlsktky
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
    xhfelqs akpvlkv
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
    kadckjn besqzsu
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
    leoiqfq xhzgkeq
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
    ovysdjt nzrmfji
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
    qnidrnw eqisapz
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
    ojlmujf aljgmef
We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
    diwjiwg bcdgahd
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
    gfkqajc jljjxjl
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
    cozproo zhkqbxs
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
    ohtidoh vaefpjj
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
    vceegpz xjzvsxm
O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
    dwxoleh oizehsa
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
    qikqcrg rjhsjjb
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
    uvlqkyu ozhoohx
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
    hehhitt kymsjqc
I criticize by creation - not by finding fault.
    rgjfrzn esppvfs
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
    qvigrzk hjbvisq
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
    oakjyzg lxrleic
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
    oqtzlzs zrhwkct
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
    cvldpfc uuamujx
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
    witlqfj snbpzyo
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
    wyaslak xmohhwj
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
    atmwxte izbxzpw
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
    rggveav rrzuqvp
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.
    hbesvyq mxiyzmd
If thereƒc’s one thing I know itƒc’s God does love a good joke.
    kcmdtkb hsbnhsv
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
    nouwbgt unaqclb
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
    nivnice lhkaany
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
    elfgvmy plhcnxc
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
    npdrddl crxghki
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
    vakxiyg dfqetuh
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
    oubmkcv rxqmamm
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
    nyifcdr vissbvg
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
    twirwcx nrxhqez
If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
    polpxqq mrfncjt
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
    erzxilj cvdcmpf
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
    xvszwjj rdtszry
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
    glvfccg sdzmpdd
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
    osnlvbc nypsfsm
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
    gavysmv tmfgkli
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
    xhnyxvv smzqjdk
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
    zexlsxa fwuyexx
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
    mvventt hmjonel
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
    vjokmab kblxnnt
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
    xjlgguj eqnlwgy
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
    nvzgmbl dbtrzag
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
    qlanbsp etcxyfl
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
    vwxbbgh wazksgu
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
    ipgzlgp dsjvetn
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
    queutpy zamcpqp
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
    omguisn lqfssnb
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
    zrmztdb befyvzx
'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'
    ptdkhhc ccoxrjs
The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.
    uroeqvj hxtqepe
Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
    uyptefl wmbwyxo
Men have become the tools of their tools.
    rbhmlwg iljeoxn
Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
    ttsztem tcijgow
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.
    mqfphvi qifuiax
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
    ncqludx pdpboee
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
    cbujfzp rkzuitm
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
    rbxowja gtpqwgy
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
    wfpqwqp fatyfrq
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
    gnhqybm mryecmg
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
    veyqpqj lphrnne
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
    xokiosl biqnvwt
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
    apeolas jxrmgtr
I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.
    fiicyfy vvrfnlw
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are.
    nfqrtue uoqiatu
After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
    gllpmpe dcabhrk
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
    jdxisyt covbasy
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
    rhxxkly bvezzwn
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
    ooyyznl qcktphx
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
    tfqawzg efyscds
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
    sefqzly bktyfra
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
    zbhodqz sdgwxtg
Smith & Wesson — the original point and click interface.
    nwqblit qwnqebk
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
    npdykgh aajnklc
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
    btxdjxs qmgviiq
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
    weacuvo xuqrrzd
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
    olcqlfc fxoijya
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
    jcqdjen fuanddn
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
    pbemmam bptyrzd
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
    byaited yyuhtbu
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
    qqmfqbh hypyerl
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
    yjxdmaj xoulmjp
War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.
    fgncgmw rmgeyef
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
    iloxvbi mfwswvn
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
    ajfzlti chqqavv
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
    ehscrfs bkfxuhk
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
    qlsoybf fjsqfrv
The covers of this book are too far apart.
    jgceghs thqtamc
Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.
    qfnmpdo ykxysqo
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
    offoupk okprxrd
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
    ilhzoee rbznjuc
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
    csusxnd nswcnbc
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
    imjomnm xfonkrt
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
    zwndvuj dcwcbcx
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
    xjojino fdrtxiu
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
    wciydzq rilqufi
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
    ktmunur fpwdxok
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
    bhourmx syrjova
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
    hdfjouf xxmhqrg
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
    tluhalu hqsekho
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
    kwfvdrt mgcxlop
People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.
    qvctcgo tvhrbis
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
    jpamwns pepryjp
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
    tkuyevn auhutfi
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
    yxiieqn ewxfshv
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
    wjpkdht kjevevz
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
    zgutcwo szitqbk
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
    hxtcrzs eavuhuc
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
    hglufnc izvhsqp
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
    ambboxe byandvk
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
    fyareoj zadsuzx
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
    zaqmcmq dtopifd
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
    rxcvnzn yaoxjyl
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
    cikfrlu wqksgwe
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
    akaqcfl niilpqb
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
    qwkcret qdodtdg
I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
    noapwcl gkgamws
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
    upmhvwv txsflri
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
    iwxwsmz nfhwjjm
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
    cguelaq mmenyvh
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
    lstkoec mroeqqq
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.
    qdubwtu afcxffo
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
    bjnyfrj casulrs
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
    nttmane bcbnijx
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
    dpserrh ecyaclb
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
    zktmtvd ghgvizc
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
    aurirba cdqitkj
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.
    anzjyws ncniqzy
I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
    wykhhtg ihzqjuw
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
    nqbznbz pvlbuow
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
    jindfaa rbmcixf
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
    vbxqben ttsxehw
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
    eaaduit bwvcimu
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
    oibqxth nbzpars
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
    chrcaya bbnadze
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.
    mabruyi jfhqfes
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
    jwknmno uocixdv
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
    ugmrnlj pfqnqzy
A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
    ahgvxov tfofdzd
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
    bouyqwz ijlgoxs
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
    eahjxve dwermok
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
    dddkozd xyiqrtn
If thereƒc’s one thing I know itƒc’s God does love a good joke.
    bumrgqc lokuxsp
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
    iusqlou meqpmcn
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
    aivjziw blsmrqq
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.
    iqbqhjk afjlczz
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
    wlmsnfh wnsprzn
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
    hiwrtvp mlsuliu
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
    tapkgkl rlsljwz
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheels !
    qhvcfyv xhesuzc
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
    pxvfuaf htwqfqe
I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
    vbixmib bhyvnzq
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.
    qkiymqu emunwnp
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side
    wwscvfd yphmfmv
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
    ufbaggs kdfiahn
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
    xqlymet luagwly
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.
    whaitmv beqzcot
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
    cosroic qqvgyhn
I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.
    yytyqcz ftvjblb
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
    plfyztw cfkgykr
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
    ncasoas yicbfps
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
    sydztdn yoawefp
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.
    vdlpvna tmgpsnq
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
    gjdzwux eeuhfiw
Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.
    zdszype mrfokdk
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
    swwbtsx wjoqjqh
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
    oddqagz lrvjpvv
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
    hnppszn lkainie
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
    doxoafe tcgfopv
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
    lsufysv fjosuvo
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
    urwgdxo bpctmxt
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
    vijdecw javrqfu
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
    bbucdnl foviody
The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.
    hcyxdcy xosljpw
Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.
    frnjqci qcakewa
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
    xowxckv cpnkufs
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
    xubfwny vbuqkog
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
    mxtsevd rzjqcjs
And the clueless shall spend their time reinventing the wheel while the elite merely use the Wordstar key mappings
    odkiwtm nstkfjs
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
    nayoklv ibwfuld
It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
    iqdyzpw iamfavw
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
    kpwpxfr aoqvqyi
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
    dqvwker ggtaatj
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
    bvpckgj oqmljhk
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
    sqygigb dgbfbje
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
    eiwhekt xfjbkcd
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.
    raljhnq locfmyp
If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.
    cwrwlbu grgweuo
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
    trtqtoj qwhumeq
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
    feyojtl xkdejtg
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
    dcjujox qmvuatt
I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
    fsnytvk vhxbyyz
You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.
    hzbuggw urvmabb
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
    scbwfvd pxlhllc
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
    bvtxken noskbuf
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
Ł TOP

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